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#Matthew Whittaker
evviejo · 3 months
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thirteen's era appreciation: 351/?
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vince-noir-666 · 1 month
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Paloma On GBBO :)
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billdecker · 2 years
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Doctor Who Rewatch | Praxeus
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warningsine · 3 months
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hitchell-mope · 29 days
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Hypothetical titles for season 24 of 88.
Concord. Season premiere. Part one. Andy accompanies Abigail back to her hometown in Massachusetts to confront her husband and his grandmother. First appearance of Adam DiMarco as Jansen Mordaunt and Sharon Horgan as Annabelle Mordaunt.
Just do it. Season premiere. Part two. Findlay runs afoul of Annabelle when she and Sidney go to Concord to aid Andy which results in a case of sadistic hypnotism leading to them finding out who Annabelle really is
Sisters and brothers. While the team tries to figure out what to do about Anne Boleyn, Alabaster gets an unwelcome surprise when he finds out that Devon and Lucia have a son together. First guest appearance of Ed Oxenbould as Charlie Christensen.
Hootenanny. It’s David’s birthday. And in an effort to make it perfect for him. Clyde and Tina accidentally transport half the party to the actual old west.
Wive it wealthily in Padua. In this flashback episode told through shadow puppetry and marionettes. Abigail Mordaunt’s hellish life is revealed
The family plot. After a particularly pathetic prank. Findlay locks Skipper and Zoey in the families mausoleum where they get an earful from an unexpected source. Guest starring Keke Palmer as the ghost of the young Winifred Mulligan.
Disco inferno. Boleyn ups the ante by setting fire to a roller disco in Concord just when Abigail is about to serve Jansen with divorce papers.
Don’t panic. Andy and Jacob work on calming Abigail down before divorce proceedings begin. Elsewhere. Captain Birch liaises a sting operation on Mordaunt Manor.
Divorced beheaded died. Part one. Boleyn and Jansen play mind games with Concord PD during their interrogation forcing Findlay to step in and organise a transfer to New York State.
Divorced beheaded survived. Part two. Back in the precinct. Birch and the rest of the team get ready for the inmates arrival. But Boleyn has other plans. Final appearance of Sharon Horgan as Anne Boleyn, Adam DiMarco as Jansen Mordaunt and Lucy Hale as Abigail Mordaunt.
A goodbye to strong Australian arms. Findlay’s relief at Jonah breaking up with Jack Hughes is short lived when he tells her that he’s decided to date Butterball.
The area. Midseason finale. Part one. An email meant for Findlay leads her and Drummond to Area 51 a week before Christmas. Guest starring Jake Abel as Director Michael Leonowens and Peter Capaldi as Alien X,
The perimeter. Midseason premiere. Part two. With X’s deception exposed, Director Leonowens calls upon his parents and the rest of Findlay’s team for assistance. Guest starring Brenda Strong and Jon Cryer as Melissa and Josiah Leonowens and Jodie Whitaker as the reformed Alien X
The dinner. At Drummond and Barnaby’s insistence, Findlay holds a dinner party to welcome Butterball as Jonah’s new boyfriend.
Replacement captain. Captain Birch and Jacob go on a much needed vacation with Odessa, Lucia, Alabaster and Charlie, leaving the rest of the team to contend with a potentially unstable substitute captain who has issues with how the precinct is run. Guest starring Jayma Mays as substitute Captain Cornelia Linley.
Cue cards. The team tries to make best of it when Linley introduces a step by step guide to dealing with crime. Something they have been dealing with for over twenty years. So Findlay is sure of one thing and one thing only. Linley had got to go.
Kids today. Skipper and Oswald turn to Drummond and Odessa for help Theo develops an interest in girls. Which is something they are in no way prepared for.
Mothers ruin. Part one. In her capacity as head of the Fifth Avenue council, Findlay needs to choose the next heads of the Magistrate. And one woman is determined not to have her children chosen. Guest starring Calista Flockhart as Penelope Proctor and Matthew Daddario and Alexandra Daddario as her children Porter and Portia Proctor.
Head councillors choice. Part two. The final choice for the heads of the Magistrate comes down to either the Proctor siblings or Warren Christensen and his wife Ida. Guest starring Chris Wood and Melissa Benoist.
Manufactured amnesia. King Ruben and Queen Chantelle approach Findlay with a surprising proposal to stitch the royal fsmily back together. Guest starring Dev Patel as Ruben Burton , Naomi Scott as Chantelle Burton, Chris Pratt as Emerson Davenport, Auli’i Cravalho as Aimee Davenport and Rhianne Barreto as Rani Burton.
The taking of grand central 456. Findlay has her work cut out for her when she has to contend with trousers and a possible terrorist threat to grand central station.
Moving on up. Feeling that she isn’t cut out for the Fifth Avenue Council, Zoey nominates Ethan to replace her. Something which Findlay and Sidney wholeheartedly endorse and Jacob and Deucalion wholeheartedly oppose.
A tale of two genies. Season finale. Part one. A tungsten alloy sarcophagus is fished out from the Hudson River. And the contents means tough times ahead for Drummond and Odessa.
The time travellers boyfriend. Season finale. Part two. With 48 hours to go until Odessa’s disappearance, the team works desperately to find a solution to a problem that cannot be easily solved.
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sowhatsthesituation · 29 days
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People I'd love to see on Taskmaster
Siobhan Thompson
Matt Rose
Anne Marie (for NYT)
Any of the six idiots, but especially Matthew Baynton
Jodie Whittaker
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TARDIS Team Dynamics in Doctor Who: How Many Companions Are Too Many Companions?
TARDIS Team Dynamics in #DoctorWho: How Many Companions Are Too Many Companions?
There have only been a few times in the history of Doctor Who when there was a four person crew inhabiting the TARDIS for any substantial amount of time. Sydney Newman created the basic concept, where an old man called the Doctor travels through time and space in a machine with his granddaughter, and two teachers. It was to be an educational program that entertained within the the realm of…
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panelshowsource · 1 month
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a couple of new uploads to googledrive...
new series of travel man! (currently only available for channel4 subscribers so this is a fun early release 👀 will def keep my eyes out for 1080p rips that i am allowed to share. can't wait to watch these, especially joe and alan davies!!)
it's a new series of celebrity bake off for su2c!!! added the first episode with jodie whittaker, paloma faith, munya chawawa, and spencer matthews
new dick turpin, out of order, smart tv, qi, etc
mel giedroyc: unforgivable series 4
peep show s1 in 1080p will def keep adding these seasons!
a couple of old radio shows: josie long: romance and adventure and jimmy carr's comedy cuts
some recent requests...
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black books — added to the drive!
the alternative comedy experience — added to the drive! @oxymoronish 😘
kytv — not strange at all! i have the tvrip, which i added to my drive for you, but what would be even better is the dvdrip... let me know if you really need that and i'll see about requesting it from somewhere (or if anyone reading this has it then pls drop a line)! but either way i hope what this tvrip is better than youtube :') btw here is the full radio show that preceded the tv series!
the league of gentlemen — added to the drive! also added the 2005 film and drury lane live
mark watson standup — i added flaws (2014) and i will look around for the couple of other specials he's done!
big boys — big boys is already up so i hope you got a chance to watch it! such a great season! (💞)
+ here's a little summary of what i added in early march in case you missed it!
do you all have stuff to watch? what are you watching these days? i am just nearly caught on panel shows but about to dive into unforgivable and travel man, last week i binged mary & george, i am just about to start this is going to hurt, and i'm currently downloading the new look 👀 who has time for it all!!
hope everyone's had a nice weekend :)
PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS / NON-PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS FAQ / TAGS / ASK
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legok9 · 1 year
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Mildly cursed list
Doctor Who actors' full names:
1) William Henry Hartnell
2) Patrick George Troughton
3) John Devon Roland Pertwee
4) Thomas Stewart Baker
5) Peter Malcolm Gordon Moffett
6) Colin Baker
7) Percy James Patrick Kent-Smith
8) Paul John McGann
W) John Vincent Hurt
9) Christopher Eccleston
10) David John McDonald
11) Matthew Robert Smith
12) Peter Dougan Capaldi
13) Jodie Auckland Whittaker
14) David John Tennant*
15) Mizero Ncuti Gatwa
Which name is your favorite?
*He legally changed his name!
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tkachuktkaching · 26 days
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Matthew in pest mode
Top : (Photo by Chris Tanouye/Freestyle Photography/Getty Images)
2nd (Photo by Richard A. Whittaker/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)
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evviejo · 6 months
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thirteen’s era appreciation: 311/?
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pers-books · 3 months
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Celebrity Bake Off 2024 line-up revealed: Jodie Whittaker, Danny Dyer and more
Here's your guide to all the celebrities taking part.
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By Katelyn Mensah Monday, 5th February 2024 at 8:00 am
A brand new group of celebrities will be getting ready to show off their baking skills, as The Great Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up To Cancer returns to Channel 4 this year.
Over the course of five episodes, hosts Alison Hammond and Noel Fielding will welcome 20 famous faces we all know and love to the Bake Off tent, all of whom will be vying to impress Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith with their bakes.
Within their groups, the celebrities will compete against one another in order to be crowned Star Baker at the end of their episode.
The likes of Danny Dyer, Jodie Whittaker, Mel B and Oti Mabuse are amongst the celebrities taking to the tent this year.
But who else is part of the dazzling line-up? Read on for all the celebrities taking part in this year’s Great Celebrity Bake Off.
Celebrity Bake Off 2024 line-up: Full cast list of famous contestants
Here is the full line-up of contestants for Celebrity Bake Off 2024. More information on each celeb is available further down the article.
Jodie Whittaker
Paloma Faith
Munya Chawawa
Spencer Matthews
Danny Dyer
Rhod Gilbert
Yinka Bokinni
Leigh Francis
David O’Doherty
Oti Mabuse
Gabby Logan
Suzi Ruffell
Dermot O’Leary
Greg James
Fern Brady
Mel B
The Reverend Richard Coles
Sara Cox
Joe Locke
Adam Hills
Jodie Whittaker
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Age: 41
Job: Actress
Instagram: None
X/Twitter: None
Jodie Whittaker is an English actress who many people will recognise as being the Thirteenth Doctor in Doctor Who from 2017 to 2022. After three special episodes in 2022, it was revealed that David Tennant would take over as the Doctor for the 60th anniversary special, before Ncuti Gatwa took over full-time.
Whittaker previously told RadioTimes.com at the Radio Times Covers Party that she finds it emotional being referenced in current episodes of Doctor Who.
She said: “It’s amazing. It’s so emotional as well because, for us, it was such a present thing. We were in it and we were living it in real time, and now to be part of the canon and reference points, it’s really magical.”
Other roles Whittaker is best known for is as Beth Latimer in Broadchurch, Orla O’Riordan in Time and as Tess in One Night.
The Great Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up To Cancer will be available to watch on Channel 4 later this year.
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mariacallous · 8 months
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Tech companies and privacy activists are claiming victory after an eleventh-hour concession by the British government in a long-running battle over end-to-end encryption.
The so-called “spy clause” in the UK’s Online Safety Bill, which experts argued would have made end-to-end encryption all but impossible in the country, will no longer be enforced after the government admitted the technology to securely scan encrypted messages for signs of child sexual abuse material, or CSAM, without compromising users’ privacy, doesn’t yet exist. Secure messaging services, including WhatsApp and Signal, had threatened to pull out of the UK if the bill was passed.
“It’s absolutely a victory,” says Meredith Whittaker, president of the Signal Foundation, which operates the Signal messaging service. Whittaker has been a staunch opponent of the bill, and has been meeting with activists and lobbying for the legislation to be changed. “It commits to not using broken tech or broken techniques to undermine end-to-end encryption.”
The UK government hadn’t specified the technology that platforms should use to identify CSAM being sent on encrypted services, but the most commonly-cited solution was something called client-side scanning. On services that use end-to-end encryption, only the sender and recipient of a message can see its content; even the service provider can’t access the unencrypted data.
Client-side scanning would mean examining the content of the message before it was sent—that is, on the user’s device—and comparing it to a database of CSAM held on a server somewhere else. That, according to Alan Woodward, a visiting professor in cybersecurity at the University of Surrey, amounts to “government-sanctioned spyware scanning your images and possibly your [texts].”
In December, Apple shelved its plans to build client-side scanning technology for iCloud, later saying that it couldn’t make the system work without infringing on its users’ privacy.
Opponents of the bill say that putting backdoors into people’s devices to search for CSAM images would almost certainly pave the way for wider surveillance by governments. “You make mass surveillance become almost an inevitability by putting [these tools] in their hands,” Woodward says. “There will always be some ‘exceptional circumstances’ that [security forces] think of that warrants them searching for something else.”
The UK government denies that it has changed its stance. Minister for tech and the digital economy, Paul Scully MP said in a statement: “Our position on this matter has not changed and it is wrong to suggest otherwise. Our stance on tackling child sexual abuse online remains firm, and we have always been clear that the Bill takes a measured, evidence-based approach to doing so.”
Under the bill, the regulator, Ofcom, will be able “to direct companies to either use, or make best efforts to develop or source, technology to identify and remove illegal child sexual abuse content—which we know can be developed,” Scully said.
Although the UK government has said that it now won’t force unproven technology on tech companies, and that it essentially won’t use the powers under the bill, the controversial clauses remain within the legislation, which is still likely to pass into law. “It’s not gone away, but it’s a step in the right direction,” Woodward says.
James Baker, campaign manager for the Open Rights Group, a nonprofit that has campaigned against the law’s passage, says that the continued existence of the powers within the law means encryption-breaking surveillance could still be introduced in the future. “It would be better if these powers were completely removed from the bill,” he adds.
But some are less positive about the apparent volte-face. “Nothing has changed,” says Matthew Hodgson, CEO of UK-based Element, which supplies end-to-end encrypted messaging to militaries and governments. “It’s only what’s actually written in the bill that matters. Scanning is fundamentally incompatible with end-to-end encrypted messaging apps. Scanning bypasses the encryption in order to scan, exposing your messages to attackers. So all ‘until it’s technically feasible’ means is opening the door to scanning in future rather than scanning today. It’s not a change, it’s kicking the can down the road.”
Whittaker acknowledges that “it’s not enough” that the law simply won’t be aggressively enforced. “But it’s major. We can recognize a win without claiming that this is the final victory,” she says.
The implications of the British government backing down, even partially, will reverberate far beyond the UK, Whittaker says. Security services around the world have been pushing for measures to weaken end-to-end encryption, and there is a similar battle going on in Europe over CSAM, where the European Union commissioner in charge of home affairs, Ylva Johannson, has been pushing similar, unproven technologies.
“It’s huge in terms of arresting the type of permissive international precedent that this would set,” Whittaker says. “The UK was the first jurisdiction to be pushing this kind of mass surveillance. It stops that momentum. And that’s huge for the world.”
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warningsine · 3 months
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wordsinhaled · 8 months
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A and B for the ask game!!
A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.
ok, lemme start rattling 'em off, and i will probably leave things out by accident... good omens— ineffable husbands/spouses/partners/etc etc etc in all their wonderful queer glory. and the crowley/aziraphale & muriel friendship dynamic is lovely. i hope we get to see more of it in s3 <3 doctor who— tenrose, thasmin, doctor/master [also, as an aside, the whittaker!master fanart is glorious and has me in a chokehold if i'm honest. and i recently re-found "the naming of things," aka The Thoschei Fic of All Time; must read if you have not yet read!], thirteen/rose. HONESTLY I MISS DAN & KARVANISTA, not gonna lie. i am a sucker for jack/doctor (and jack & the doctor's entire dynamic, platonic, romantic, whatever, everything they have going on) forever. i haven't seen much of the classic doctors (mostly bits of the fifth doctor), but i thought tegan & ace's cameos in nuwho were fab as well!
the sandman— dreamling of course! dream & matthew (and dream & matthew & jessamy) friendship is my favorite OF COURSE. and i love when hob & matthew are buddies also. also, gaulcienne! dream & johanna and hob & johanna (honestly just... johanna... or like... the grittier potential of johanna, at least, definitely). dream and lucien/ne. as far as dream and his siblings go, dream & death and dream & delirium are my faaaves <3
B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind. probably hob/destruction? honestly everything @softest-punk does with hobsband of the endless in general <3
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andrewmoocow · 7 months
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Steven Universe Snake Eyes chapter 5: Be Prepared (originally posted on September 25, 2023)
AN: We only have one chapter to go before the big halfway point, and I got quite a few things planned for it. We'll be getting the long-awaited rematch between Steven and Black Rutile, the beginning of the end of the Rutile Rebels, the true nature of Prince Nosiop's plans for the universe, and many more. Tensions will run high as the story reaches the second half, and the endgame will be the most epic that Alternate Future has seen yet. Now without further ado, let's get things started.
Synopsis: Black Rutile and her subordinates find themselves caught in a scheme by the insidious heir to Serpentes's throne to conquer the universe, and Black Rutile is all too eager to get in on the plan for the sake of revenge.
Cast:
Noël Wells as Black Rutile
Jason Marsden as Prince Nosiop Jormagundr
Della Saba as Aquamarine
Charlyne Yi as Eyeball, Doc, Navy, Army, Leggy
Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate
Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye
Gina Torres as Andesine
Avi Roque as Cinnabar
Awkwafina as Kyanite
Allison Janney as Pyrite
Kimberly Brooks as Dalmatian Jasper
Zehra Fazal as Zoisite
Lena Hall as Bloodstone
Jodie Whittaker as Xenotime
Barbara Dunkelman as Amber
Kristen Schaal as Howlite
Idina Menzel as Amazonite
Halsey as Tanzanite
Mia Barron as Apatite
Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald
Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope
Melissa Fahn as Demantoid
Hayley Kiyoko as Morganite
Keith David as Pyth
Cissy Jones as Princess Naja Jormagundr
Aurelio Voltaire as King Cobralan Jormagundrr
Shirley Millner as Queen Constricta Jormagundr
Zach Callison as Steven
Zach Steel as Ronaldo
Atticus Shaffer as Peedee
Matthew Moy as Lars
Julissa Aguirre as Lady Imagineer
John Mulaney as Flipso
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Prince Nosiop Jormagundr wasn't always the way he was today. When he was a young snake, Nosiop was a prince with big dreams for the future of his race. However, not everyone was willing to listen to him because he was so young, but he didn't let that deter him. One year, during the 419,982nd annual Contest of Champions, Nosiop tried once again to plead his case to his father.
"Conquering the Ood? Surely you jest, my boy!" King Cobralan objected to what his son had just said as the two slithered through the castle halls. "You know we'd be no match for their psychic abilities! It would be utterly stupid!"
"But please, Father, our lives could be so much easier with a hivemind serving us!" Nosiop stated, but his father still wouldn't listen. "In fact, tons of races and planets would be of great use to our people, like the Shamoians, the Mooninites, and the Watchdogs. Maybe we could even abduct ourselves a few Gems!"
"Enough, my son." Cobralan urged his future successor. "I can see you have big ideas, but unfortunately, they don't align with our culture. Now, I'm going to speak with the Universal Lords for a bit. You go off and have fun at the Contest with your mother and your baby sister." He then began to slither away. "I'll see you again soon."
Although Cobralan left the conversation with a smile, Nosiop wasn't as happy as his father. "He just doesn't get it!" Nosiop grumbled angrily. "We could be perfect conquerors, just the two of us ruling the universe as father and son!"
"It truly is a shame that your father wouldn't give you the time of day," Pyth said as he appeared behind Nosiop. "My father was like that too when I was your age. Unlike yours, however, he didn't live long enough to see things my way."
"Are you suggesting I kill my father?" Nosiop asked curiously, causing Pyth to laugh at the idea.
"No, my boy, I'm way past killing parents!" Pyth chuckled loudly. "What do you think I am, Uncle Claudius?!" After another round of laughter, Pyth decided to get serious as he put a hand on the young prince's shoulder. "Come with me, child. There are many things I wish to teach you."
Nosiop obediently followed the royal family's grand vizier down the hallways and into a hidden room within the castle walls. As loyal as he was to his father, the prince of the Slytherophidians often believed that Pyth was more of a dad to him because of how much they agreed with each other on certain topics, chief among them being what should the future holds for their race.
--
"Let's hear it for the Andesine Armada, the new and improved rebellion against the Crystal Gems!" Andesine cried as her new subordinates chanted her name to celebrate her and Cinnabar's victory against Rigby Starglow and Captain Gearfeet. "Today is a most momentous occasion in our time together. With Black Rutile no longer fit to lead our cabal of insurgents against the tyranny of the Crystal Gems, I have proven myself more than worthy of replacing her and instating myself as a gentle guiding hand in our grand mission." The Armada all cheered in excitement. "Under my leadership, not only shall we finally put the Crystal Gems out of their misery, but Black Rutile will soon be next!" Her new subordinates cheered again. "And furthermore, with the Diamonds temporarily out of commission, this shall be an ample opportunity for us to race back to Homeworld when no one's looking and seize power for ourselves!"
"But what if Black Rutile hears us?" Holly Blue asked nervously while looking left and right.
"Stuff and nonsense, we're behind closed doors here." Aquamarine snidely declared. "There's no way she can find us." Just then, the doors to the Andesine Armada's quarters opened behind Aquamarine, and in came Black Rutile with Nosiop and Pyth, much to the other Gems' shock as they tried silently begging her to shut up. "Of course, that is if she hasn't been brainwashed by Steven right about now."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting anything?" Black Rutile abruptly interrupted Aquamarine's bravado, sending chills down her spine as she turned to face her former master. "So, this is what you've all been doing, huh?"
"Uh, my Rutile, this isn't what it looks like!" Cinnabar awkwardly apologized to her old mentor. "Andesine and I were just playing a little game of follow the leader!"
"A likely story." Black Rutile replied while pulling out her bowie knife. "Tell me more about this Andesine Armada you've all been bragging about."
"Should you tell her, or should I?" Tanzanite asked Amazonite.
"No, I value my life too much to even talk to her right now," Amazonite replied fearfully, casting an illusion to hide herself from Black Rutile.
"Now, everyone, let's just calm down here and talk things out." Amber tried to ease the tension, but Black Rutile quickly shoved her out of the way to confront Cinnabar and Andesine.
"I'm going to assume this was all your idea, Andesine." Black Rutile said to her old friend. "After all, your name is literally in the team name!"
"No, it wasn't, it was Kyanite's idea!" Andesine tried to shift the blame onto someone else.
"Hey, I've only been here a few minutes!" Kyanite cried. "What's going on?!"
"Please forgive us, Black Rutile, but we simply believe you can no longer lead us into battle." Cinnabar firmly stated. "Your exile to Earth has turned you soft and pathetic, and you are perfectly aware of it yet never once bothered to fix it!"
"I did!" Black Rutile exclaimed. "I tried allying with a Steven from another universe where I'm the good guy, I struck a bargain with an extra-dimensional jester, and I even used the Internet to turn humanity against the Crystal Gems!"
"But that's the thing, dearie," Pyrite stated while filing her nails. "You failed at every single one of those." She added while poking Black Rutile in the chest with her nail filer. "For all your planning and thinking you're one step ahead of everybody, you fail to realize that you're just as flawed as the rest of us."
"Is that so?" Black Rutile said before turning the knife into her massive sword. "How's this for flawed?!" With a mighty swing, Cinnabar and Andesine were sliced in two and poofed, to the horror of the other Gems around them.
"Boss, no!" Bloodstone yelled in horror as she raced to scoop up Cinnabar's inactive gem while Howlite did the same to her superior's.
"Now then, anyone else care to join them?" Black Rutile smirked while menacingly pointing her sword at the surviving resistance members. Although they were more willing to speak up to their fallen superior, this ragtag band of Gems had every right to keep their mouths shut until one of them spoke up.
"All hail Black Rutile!" Eyeball chanted vigorously. "All hail Black Rutile! Come on, guys!"
"All hail Black Rutile! All hail Black Rutile!" the other members of the newly rechristened Rutile Rebels joined Eyeball in cheering for their new leader.
"Now that's more like it!" Black Rutile laughed evilly while sneering at Cinnabar and Andesine's followers mourning the loss of their leaders. "Now that I've reinstated myself as your fearless leader, allow me to introduce a new acquaintance I've made in my time here." She motioned for Nosiop to step forward. "This is Prince Nosiop of the Jormagundr royal family, and much like me, he also desires a new era for his people."
"Yes indeed, I now present to you a grand idea for the Slytherophidian race," Nosiop stated. "With all of you at my side, we can overthrow my good-for-nothing father and instill myself as not just the new ruler of his empire but as the most powerful Universal Lord there is."
"Are you crazy?!" Holly Blue yelled. "You'd be a fool to challenge a Universal Lord, especially if it's your father, Nosiop!"
"My father is yesterday's message, a clapped-out and distracted regime." Nosiop began singing to the Gem rebels. "Whose failings undoubtedly presage the need for a different dream. Yes, serpentine times are a-changing, meaning you must do so too. My vision is clear and wide-ranging and even encompasses you."
"So, prepare for the coup of the century. Prepare for the murkiest scam." Black Rutile also began singing, and far more intensely than Nosiop, as if she was using the song to air out her insecurities. "Meticulous planning and tenacity spanning centuries of denial is simply why I'll be empress! Undisputed, respected, saluted, and seen for the visionary I am! Yes, my gem and ambitions are bared. Be prepared!"
"Yeah, be prepared, we'll be prepared!" Zoisite exclaimed. "Uh, for what?"
"For the death of my father and the beginning of a new era for Serpentes!" Nosiop loudly announced.
"What do we do, make him sick?" Dalmatian Jasper asked before Pyth coiled his tail around her neck.
"No, you fool, we're going to kill him." Pyth proclaimed.
"And Steven, too." Black Rutile added sinisterly before DJ was dropped to the ground.
"Splendid idea!" Xenotime cheered. "Who needs either of them?!"
"Idiots, there will still be someone to rule!" Nosiop yelled. "Together, Black Rutile and I shall conquer the universe together using the power of the Lapidarist, who has the power to reset all Gems to their basic functions!"
"Wait, really?" Emerald asked nervously, not having a clue as to what Nosiop was talking about.
"Yes, you would all be rejuvenated on a massive scale, so to speak." Nosiop grinned with a hiss. "With her powers, I shall have myself an unstoppable army to overthrow my family and conquer all that I see! Now, who's with me?!"
Despite the dire circumstances this would place not just them but all Gemkind in by wiping everything that made them the Gems they are today, the Rutile Rebels had no choice but to agree out of fear for their lives. However, some were still nervous about how Black Rutile would play a part in this, especially after how she heartlessly poofed two of her most loyal subordinates. "All hail Black Rutile and King Nosiop! All hail Black Rutile and King Nosiop!"
"So, prepare for a glorious future!" Black Rutile announced as the Rutile Rebels chanted, 'Be prepared!'. "Be prepared for a universal golden age!"
"And like any other who'd murder their father!" Eyeball laughed before Aquamarine pulled her fusion partner aside.
"If we don't spread rumors, she'll feed us and groom us!" Aquamarine stated.
"When we've got friends in high places, we hold all the aces!" the Rutile Rebels and a few snake guards chanted harmoniously.
"So don't try and rattle my scales." Nosiop snidely added.
"Oh, imagine if anyone dared!" the chorus cried out. "BE PREPARED!"
"So prepare for the coup of the century!" Nosiop and Black Rutile sang together. "Be prepared for the murkiest scam!"
"Meticulous planning, tenacity planning!" Nosiop proclaimed.
"Centuries of denial is simply why we'll!" Black Rutile added.
"Rule supreme undisputed, respected, saluted, and seen for the visionaries we are!" the villainous duo declared. "Yes, our gems, fangs, and ambitions are bared; be prepared!"
"Yes, our gems, fangs, and ambitions are bared!" Aquamarine, Eyeball, Holly Blue, and Cat's Eye, who have all loyally followed their leader despite everything that's happened, sang together.
"Be prepared!" the newly-formed union of the Rutile Rebels and Nosiop's followers announced, sealing their alliance with a shared evil laugh.
"Pleasure to be working alongside you, partner." Black Rutile said as she and Nosiop shook hands.
"The pleasure's all mine, partner." Nosiop hissed while covertly crossing two scaly fingers behind his back, which implied he desires to stab Black Rutile in the back when she least expected it.
--
"And that's the whole story of how we got here," Ronaldo said to Peedee elsewhere in the Ouraborium. "Though I'm pretty sure I didn't need to tell you all that since you did hitch a ride with us."
"You are definitely right on that one," Peedee answered.
"So why did you do it?" Steven asked. "What would Mr. Fryman say?"
"He said I should keep an eye on him no matter what," Peedee replied firmly. "And if that means hitching a ride with you guys on a spaceship heading for an alien planet in another galaxy, then I'll do it, no problemo. Plus, it would be nice to participate in one of your big adventures, Steven."
"It's nice to have you join in, too, Peedee," Steven said to his old friend with a hand on his shoulder. "But be warned, this planet is insanely deadly. You might be forced to fight for your life in a gladiatorial death match where you might die if you aren't careful!"
"Luckily, you got your big brother to protect you!" Ronaldo exclaimed excitedly while raising his sword.
"Yeah, good luck with that." Peedee dryly remarked, recalling Ronaldo's cowardice in his fight against the Decimator.
"Yeah, ditto." The three boys heard the voice of none other than Lars say as he walked up behind them. "Hey Steven, long time no see. Sorry we had to meet again like this."
"Lars, did they capture you too?!" Steven exclaimed at the undead human before him. "Oh no, where are the Off-Colors? Are they in trouble?!"
"Don't worry, they're fine," Lars assured Steven. "They're just stuck in a cell somewhere since none of them can fight per se. They only want me since I can't really die." Before Lars can continue, he suddenly noticed Ronaldo and Peedee standing behind Steven. "Wait, Ronaldo?! How and when did you and Peedee get here?!"
"We followed Steven here!" Ronaldo answered, smiling. "I was vindicated upon learning that the snake people, I mean, Slytherophidians, were real all along, like many of my theories, and I came along to gather as much info as I could about their people so I could spread them to the humans!"
"And I came along to keep Ronaldo from accidentally killing himself," Peedee added. "So, how's your space adventures been going?"
"That's actually a funny story. The Off-Colors and I were journeying to Wasprus when we got abducted." Lars revealed to the two humans. "Once their guards noticed that I'm basically invincible after experimenting on me, they said they wanted to keep me here forever so I'll keep fighting for as long as the universe lives."
An intercom crackled to life as if the Slytherophidians heard Lars' explanation. "For our next fight, we shall be pitting the one and only Lars of the Stars against the flying dreamer Lady Imagineer!" the voice of Queen Constricta announced. "Now, Lars, be sure you're as ready as you'll ever be because Ms. Imagineer is a very tough opponent."
"Well, speak of the devil." Lars muttered in surprise as the guards moved him to the arena. "Wish me luck, guys! I'm going to need it!"
"Good luck, Lars!" Steven hollered as Lars got further away from him and the Fryman brothers.
--
"Nosiop, are you there?" Naja called for her older brother while slinking through the castle halls. "Where are you? Father is getting worried and wants to see you." Unfortunately, her big brother did not answer. "Come on, Nosey, where are you?"
"Looking for someone, my dear?" Aquamarine asked as she fluttered down and landed on the floor next to Naja. "I once felt lost, too, but then I realized I had someone right by my side this whole time."
"You're one of those Rutile Rebels, aren't you?" Naja asked Aquamarine. "What do you want with me?"
"Oh, how very astute, your grace," Aquamarine replied with a mocking curtsy. "Now then, you were looking for someone, right?"
"Yes, I'm looking for Nosiop," Naja stated. "Have you seen him?"
"I am right here, dearest Naja." Nosiop hissed as he, Pyth, and Black Rutile emerged from the shadows. "Oh, I am so sorry that my sweet baby sister was so scared her big brother wasn't there to keep her safe. Then again, you were always pretty scared but always tried hiding it by acting like the showman you want to be."
"He does raise a good point there, princess." Black Rutile snidely added before cupping Naja's face in her hand. "You ever feel like your old man and the queen have been holding you back from reaching your full potential, Naja?"
"Nosiop, what are you doing fraternizing with Black Rutile?!" Naja asked hurriedly. "You know she's an intergalactic criminal imprisoned for multiple counts of attempted genocide! Stay away from her!"
"Oh please, you threaten to destroy one planet multiple times, and everyone treats you like the bad guy." Black Rutile rolled her eyes in disgust. "Anyways, your brother isn't fraternizing with me. I'M fraternizing with HIM. As it turns out, the two of us have something in common, and we became close quite instantly."
"Perhaps you'd like to join us on our little crusade." Nosiop offered while taking his sister's hand. "Together, the two of us can rule the universe side by side as brother and sister with an unstoppable Gem army at our command, and no one will have to judge you for what you really are!"
"What are you saying?" Naja asked, growing more concerned for her big brother's mental status by the second.
"I'm saying that Mother and Father are holding us back!" Nosiop yelled in his sister's face, momentarily flicking his forked tongue at her. "I have legitimately good ideas for our people, but no one ever takes me seriously! But Black Rutile, on the other hand, truly understands my suffering, for she has encountered the same problems as I!"
"Indeed, I was made an outcast because I disagreed with the current status quo of my race." Black Rutile added, trying to look as innocent as possible with a pout and big, pleading eyes toward Naja. "I was even betrayed by my friends who started thinking little of me, but I changed that quickly."
"I know where this is going, and I refuse to take part in it!" Naja exclaimed as she tried to escape the oncoming swarm of Rutile Rebels. "Father will hear about this!"
"Well, excuse me, Princess, but I think not." Black Rutile hissed angrily. "Rubies, seize her!"
"Yes, my Rutile!" the Rubies obediently chorused as they jumped up and tackled Naja to the ground. "Princess has been secured!"
"Excellent, little Rubies." Pyth purred eagerly. "Now, please show the dear princess to her room until further notice." He gave orders with a sadistic smile. "Wouldn't want her getting in the way by telling everybody."
"You won't get away with this!" Naja yelled angrily as the Rubies dragged her away. "Steven will find out!" As Nosiop watched the Rubies carry off his sister, he turned away in shame at having to betray his sister like this. But alas, their worldviews had no choice but to clash as he still had far grander designs in mind, and she didn't play a role in them. With a heavy sigh, the visionary prince looked to his new Gem ally and his royal vizier, who looked back at him with sinister smiles.
--
Meanwhile, in the Ouraborium, Lars had been pitted against the flying dreamer Lady Imagineer in combat, but despite his moderate skill in combat, the donut boy turned undead space hero was outmatched in every way possible.
"Stay still, for Pete's sake!" Lars groaned as he tried catching up with Lady Imagineer's airborne acrobatics. "Just because I'm human doesn't mean I can't beat you!"
"But that's what makes your race so fun, Lars!" Imagineer laughed sweetly. "You have so much potential; you just need to learn not to waste it!"
"Yeah, that's my sister up there!" the reality-warping trickster Flipso cheered for Lady Imagineer while conjuring up a smartphone to record the fight with. "You're doing amazing, sweetie!" Suddenly, Solaris Noctua turned his gaze to find Flipso in the audience below where he and the other Universal Lords were seated. Flipso immediately hid himself by disguising himself as a Slytherophidian. "Gotta keep up appearances."
"Quit flying around so much!" Lars yelled as he tried using his portal powers to scream his way to Lady Imagineer, but she was far too quick on her feet for him to keep up.
"Gonna have to catch me first!" Imagineer giggled before conjuring up an illusion of Sadie that made Lars blush, distracting him long enough for the space pirate to realize he was now falling to the ground. "I can also conjure up illusions based on what I find in your mind."
"YOU SUUUUUUUUCK!" Lars screamed before he landed on the ground with a loud thud, prompting the audience to chant.
"FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM!" the Slytherophidians cheered as Lady Imagineer floated down to where Lars landed and helped him up.
"Ugh, my back." Lars groaned in pain as he shuffled away. "This is probably the second most humiliating moment in my life, right after Steven possessing my body."
"Oh, come on, Lars, at least you had fun, right?" Lady Imagineer asked with a cute smile.
"Yeah, maybe it was a little fun." Lars laughed dryly before continuing his walk of shame.
--
"Oh, my back." Lars groaned in pain as he struggled back to the quarters the Jormagundr royal family gifted him upon his arrival on Serpentes and slumped on the closest velveteen couch to sleep his troubles away. "Oh, sweet Velveteen Rabbit. Take me away on your Edwardian adventures."
"Anything the matter, Lars?" Emerald asked while walking in and stroking Lars's aching back.
"Just lost to Lady Imagineer," Lars said while turning his head to face Emerald. "What are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to comfort an 'old friend' of mine in these trying times," Emerald replied. "Seeing you so humiliated like that, while it was cathartic to see you feel how you always made me feel back in the day, it just pained me to see a worthy opponent go down like that."
"What are you saying?" Lars asked, not expecting a good answer at all.
"I'm saying is that Steven has ruined your life for long enough!" Emerald exclaimed. "First, he repeatedly robs you of your dignity, then he takes you away from your home planet where you were forced to die for him, and now you're fighting for your life on another alien planet! And you're expected to become his friend after all that?!"
"You're wrong!" Lars yelled as he bolted up, briefly yelping in pain. "Yeah, Steven and I got off on the wrong foot, but he still willingly gave up everything for the wellbeing of others, even me, and I returned the favor! Now, I'm living the dream as a badass space hero like in the old TV shows with a bizarro found family of Off-Colors!"
"That's what I hated about you, Lars, outside of the fact you stole my favorite ship and got away with it," Emerald stated while pulling out her spiked club from her gem, now pulsating with electricity as she pointed it at Lars. "You're way too human!" She swung her club at Lars, who deflected it with a kick.
"No, I'm just human enough!" Lars smirked before punching Emerald's face and knocking her down. "What's with the change in attitude? Last time I saw you, you were willing to face punishment for your crimes."
"Things have changed. Though I wanted to atone, eventually, I grew tired of Black Rutile's wailing and believed my failures were because of her." Emerald revealed. "Ditto for Demantoid, Pyrope, and Morganite as well."
"Guess old habits die hard, I suppose," Lars muttered before Emerald tried taking him by surprise with another swing of her club, but Lars dodged in the nick of time and sent her flying towards the wall with a combo of fists and feet. As Emerald lay injured against the wall, Demantoid, Pyrope, and Morganite raced to see what was happening.
"Emerald, what happened here?!" Morganite asked while helping the renowned pilot to her feet.
"Seems like I got a little shortsighted again." Emerald laughed weakly. "At least I tried to get one over on him."
"This won't be the last you'll see of us, Lars of the Stars," Demantoid said to Lars. "When next we meet, you will face the full might of the Rutile Rebels."
"And I'll be onto you like a Langdon Cobb movie." Lars replied firmly.
"Do any of you have a clue as to what he said?" Pyrope asked while the three Gems carried Emerald away, to which Demantoid and Morganite responded with hushed confusion.
--
In the Crystal Gems' room in the arena, Steven was sitting worriedly on the couch with Peedee as Ronaldo paced around the sofa, thinking about Lars's loss and how it would affect them. "Well, there goes Lars." Ronaldo declared bluntly. "Either of you got any bright ideas?"
"I'm not sure what to do now," Peedee replied. "I mean, what chance do we have now that the Diamonds have been poofed and Lars is out of commission? In fact, where are the Crystal Gems?"
"Off being forced to fight more innocent aliens," Steven added. "Speaking of which, I wonder how Black Rutile is doing."
"Attention all combatants, our next fight is a very special one!" Constricta's voice announced through the arena's PA system. "For quite possibly the biggest show yet in the Contest of Champions, we give you Steven Universe versus Black Rutile!"
"What?!" the three boys yelled while Black Rutile stormed into the room with an evil laugh.
"I see you just heard my big surprise for you, Steven!" Black Rutile announced joyfully. "As arranged by my dear friend Prince Nosiop, we shall have our long-awaited rematch, and I'll finally get the chance to destroy you once and for all!"
"No one destroys a boy like you, my Rutile," Aquamarine said while perched on Black Rutile's shoulder. "See you soon, Steven." The two Gems laughed as Black Rutile turned around and left, leaving Steven horrified at what he had just heard.
"This is not good; this is not good at all," Steven muttered nervously. "Everyone here already hates me because I don't want to kill people, so they'll no doubt be rooting for Black Rutile to destroy me! What do I do?!"
"Hey, don't fret, Steven, just believe in yourself," Ronaldo suggested. "Believe in the Ronaldo who believes in you."
"He's right," Peedee added. "Some people can't believe in themselves until someone believes in them first. Remember that no matter what, everyone back at Beach City has your back."
"Thanks, guys," Steven said with his eyes closed. "But I guess I have no other choice." He opened his eyes, revealing that one of them now had a diamond-shaped pupil.
--
And so, we finally reach the halfway point of Snake Eyes with the long-awaited rematch between Steven and Black Rutile, allowing them to finally settle the score after their numerous fights in Alternate Future. And this time, Black Rutile won't just decide to give up on Steven and let him wallow in shame, she's going in for the kill and has a lot of issues left over she'll use their upcoming fight for. How will things turn out? Find out next week.
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