#MY BROTHER. FUCK OFF WITH THAT XP IN THE CENTRE
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i looooooooooove bethesda games so much i love slamming in 48392842904320 custom preference values and mod tweaks that really should just be part of the accessibility in-game menu but instead you have to sift through 50 million reddit forums and deal with mod load order and reloading and pressing f12 or whatever and googoo gaga penis laser beam explode
#sy.txt#yeah no my ass is not dealing with inconsistent vertical and horizontal camera speeds as well as film grain#let alone 30fps menus compared to 60fps gameplay#or the fact that things don't even show icons for what the hell they are especially when you loot them. brother you expect me to remember#what in the fuck a maelstrom is? fuck no#brother i ain't dealing with the tiniest hassle of pressing b twice to go out of my equipment back to my person screen back to the game#MY BROTHER. FUCK OFF WITH THAT XP IN THE CENTRE#sometimes i'd like to think i'm pretty flexible in terms of things but then i remember i have to do 10 million tweaks for#the smallest inconsequential bullshit on anything for my own comfort or whatever and then i'm like. ah. ok#me prior 2023: sensory issues? me? noooooooo. never. i don't think so at least#me also my entire life: ^
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Negative Gamers
First off, don't get me wrong - since I started playing video games, I've met some bloody fabulous people. Key shout out to the three Maori dudes with deep voices that implied heavyset figures, who immediately restored my faith in the general population of Fortnite players.
Also, special shout out to TobyJamesApps. One day, I will meet you in a game again, and you will be the one humiliated.
But that's not even where this, and I'll admit, anti-gamer prejudice comes from. See, a few years back when I was 18, I dated a guy who was a hardcore gamer. This was around the time CoD Black Ops came out, I think (I can't and don't really feel like keeping track of that particular franchise). Obviously, being a fan of first-person shooters, Alex was all over that shit like hot potatoes.
I'm a fairly curious person. If I see people enjoying something, I'll give it a go myself, especially if I'm invited to do so. Being thar my only gaming experience at this point was SingStar and Sega, I was uncertain about the controller setup, and voiced my concerns of not knowing how to play.
"Don't worry," Alex told me, "We'll be right here to help you."
His older brother and other friend nodded along each time he said this. They all said multiple times that they'd help me learn. So eventually, I caved.
An Xbox controller was put in my hands. Alex picked a character for me and gave me the weapons he figured I would use best. He didn't explain anything about the weapons and their features, just chose everything for me. He didn't even tell me how he did it. Then handed me the controller and said "press this button".
Then, the nightmare truly began.
Remember how I said I had no gaming experience beyond Sega? Yeah. I think he totally forgot that. I went straight into the player versus player match with the others, all of them against me, and they just started talking casually. No cares in the world. Me?
"Which screen is mine? Wait... you're all moving and that one isn't,, okay that's me.Sohis one moves me, right? Ah okay yeah I see. What does this one-- okay now I'm seeing feet? Oh, that's the camera. Okay so how do I shoot? Which? No that's aimin-- oh, there it is--"
I didn't get much further because that was when Alex's brother, Andrew, found me and killed me the first time. At my indignant cry of protest, he shrugged it off and said "You wanted to play!"
I figured out how to run, thank god, and found a decent hiding spot next while I figured out the controls. Problem is, the guys could see my map, which told them where I was, and they were able to find me using that info.
I never figured out how to even reload or switch guns. After actually hitting Alex on the shoulder to get his attention, I got my first piece of information from him - how to crouch. By the end of the match, I had racked up a grand total of 48 deaths and 0 kills - and all the boys had killed me several times each.
Afterwards, when I voiced my irritation to Alex, he promised to be better next time. Stupidly, I believed him. When "next time" happened, the only thing I learned was how to read the end of game score board - which told me that between themselves, the boys had focused almost entirely on killing me because I was an easy target.
This cycle went on for longer than it should have, me trying to share my boyfriend's interests only to be gunned down by him and his brother and friends, who often laughed about my "hissy fits" when I "didn't get my way". Being the type of person I am, I soon ended the relationship (turns out he was a poisonous guy anyway, he has since become next-level stalker trying to get me back).
"But that's CoD players!" was the phrase uttered by every Skyrim fanatic I encountered when that game came out. That's all good - I have my prejudice but when I meet individuals then they are treated as individuals. Meaning, I have prejudice against you until one of us says "hello". Then, it's a clean slate.
I mean, hey. I'm female. I'm used to being judged before I've even been met. But I'm used to seeing that prejudice carry over when I meet people.
Anyway, getting off track. So a bit after Skyrim dropped, so did my sister's first kid. Her partner was a security guard at the time, and father of the child. In those first nightmarish weeks of being a young parent, my sister enlisted my help since Matt was too busy with work. Upon arriving at their place most Monday afternoons, I discovered that "Work" apparently also included Skyrim.
I saw this go on for a few weeks. If Matt wasn't at work or asleep, he was on his game. I myself told him when I was napping to "put the fucking game down and go look after your son". I had always thought Matt, like Alex, was a fairly decent guy. I was dead wrong, it seems. But my sister was happy to stay with him because it meant two working adults bringing money into the household, and in this day and age and on her wages she could barely afford to support herself let alone a kid.
The clincher came when GTA Vice dropped. Matt had been nagging my sister about getting it on preorder, and she had said no so many times. They couldn't afford it. I was out shopping with them the day it dropped, and halfway through the shopping, Matt disappeared. He returned again when we were at the register, and my sister mustn't have seen at the time, but I watched him trying to discreetly tuck a yellow shopping bag into the bottom basket of the pram. Only two stores at that shopping centre had yellow bags - JB HiFi, and GameTraders.
When they put the shopping through, the card for the joint account was declined. My sister was confused, since there should have been an extra hundred dollars in there, but she couldn't go through the transaction history. She had left her card at home, and Matt's card also declined since his Xbox membership has gone through and he'd bought a bunch of downloadable content for gaming the day before. I paid the shopping since I had money and they needed it (Sister's face when I handed over $300+ cash). As I folded up the pram and put it back in the boot when we got to the car, I pulled the GameTraders bag out, held it up so my sister could also see, and asked what Matt wanted me to do with his new GTA Vice and chat headset.
Bitchy move, yes. But gaming is not an occupation, nor should it ever take precedence over shit like food and your own kids.
I've had various run-ins with gamers since then, most of which have been negative. I will say that I have met some people who aren't anywhere near as bad as the stereotype I've been led to believe. Some gamers are genuinely good people who treat it as a hobby, an addition to their lives, and not the main focus.
It was after a lot of pushing from one of my friends that I eventually went out and spent $250 on a pre-owned Xbox One. While I was looking at the various pre-owned games that I could get in a bundle with the console, Destiny 1 popped up. After I explained that I'd like to get that to learn the controls on and get used to gaming, he said to me:
"You'll have me there to guide you and help you learn."
Naturally, I believed him. He'd proven to be a trustworthy friend so far. But that phrase was almost exactly what Alex had said to me years ago when I was indecisive about playing with him.
Nevertheless, I eventually saved up and got the console, game, and an Xbox Live membership (what do you mean it costs money?). I set the game up, and since he was asleep at the time, stumbled my way through the first two missions. Then I asked if he wanted to join me, but got no answer. I assumed he was working, so I stumbled my way through the next four missions alone, slowly figuring out the game mechanics as I went. I held off doing one of the strikes for almost a week, waiting for this friend to become available. How was I to know that there was a faction rally for D2? Moreover, why should I expect my friend to fulfil his promise when he wanted to focus on participating in said faction rally?
I got through the strike alone, thank you very much. It was hellish, but I made it. And I proudly stated that I got through it alone to my friend, who seemed to ignore my comment. I mean, okay maybe it was a bit boastful, but considering how new I am to gaming in general, I thought defeating one of the major bosses was something that deserves a congrats. Oh well.
I played through the rest of the game, before he finally decided to join me for the final three missions - which, I might add, he completely dominated in. Also, did you know you can kill your teammates in D1 by ramming them into a rock with your speeder? I didn't. That was something he showed me. That was really when it began to resonate with me how similar all of this was to Alex.
We finished the main campaign. I wanted to complain about how he basically robbed me of majority of kills and I missed out on a bunch of XP because of it, but felt like by doing that then it's just sound like me bitching even more. So I shut my mouth and told myself to be grateful he actually fucking joined me in-game.
When we finished the campaign, he told me "If you get Destiny 2 then I'll definitely play with you."
So far, I've had it for a week. I've finished the campaign (on my own), maxed out my levels, and soon I'll be able to do the hardcore stuff like leviathan rid and Nightfall strikes. I joined his clan and have been maxing my clan XP limits within a day. I've improved overall in my ability. But he's too focused on levelling his characters on PC, and apparently doesn't want to come back to Xbox to join the friend he promised to help.
Fucking... At this point, I'm tempted to leave his clan right before Curse of Osiris drops. He's struggling to find clan mates as it is - maybe ditching him to find some group that'll actually fucking help me is the best option?
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