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lyesera-thoughts · 5 years

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Therapy - admitting mistakes and marijuana talk

For as long as I can remember, I have only ever eaten junk. Mom worked 2-3 jobs, had to get kids to school, and dad was sleeping all the time or just didn’t help.

Breakfast consisted of BK breakfast, Debbie Snacks, Donuts, or whatever quick CHEAP thing mom could grab on the way into school.

Lunch happened to be whatever the school gave me. I honestly don’t remember much, not very fancy (we were so poor my brother and I had free lunches), but I remember a lot of Friday pizza.

Dinner was whatever mom could get on the way home, or whatever was cheapest to stock in the house. Lots of pasta, pizza, BK meals, deli meats and white bread, steak and potatoes. Not a whole lot of green.

Snacks, because always snacks, whatever we could buy in bulk. Chips, crackers, ice cream, popcorn (slathered in butter), etc.

Then it was also an escape. Dad having an absolute fit and mom was done? Grab the kids, get in the car, and go to the store where she could get cigarettes, lotto tickets (to get free from her terrible, penniless life) and candy bars for the kids.

Food has always been bad/junky and always a quick and/or escape thing I always did.

It’s made NOT eating junk food an absolute nightmare to achieve. I seem to get better (read: eat maybe a couple donuts at breakfast AND have a bag of candy in the afternoon) and swing back to the worst (read: only eat whole cakes for breakfast lunch and dinner and also have candy if I can stomach it).

I also hide it. My fiance hates that I do it and I hate how ashamed I feel when he catches me. So I hide it as much as I can.

So it’s really hard to admit that I’m slipping back to the worst.

For the last few days, I have been making it a point to behave. I mean only the breakfasts my dietitian recommended. Only chicken and salad and a yogurt based ranch dressing for lunch. Only a lean (non red meat) protein and veggie for dinner. Healthy snacks (proteins and fruits) every afternoon. Sugar snacks MAYBE once in a while (and I had mine this weekend)

It’s been hard. I had been doing weeks of eating almost exclusively sugar prior to this change, which was Thursday. So right now, I get headaches and feel generally fucking terrible not having large amounts of sugar in the morning and afternoon. Been trying to push through by just making it harder to give myself the chance to have sugar, but it’s very very hard.

I really hope I start to feel better soon. I know that it usually is said I have to be generally sugar free for about 2-3 weeks before it’s more natural, but I really need it to be a lot faster....

On an unrelated note, marijuana. So I live in a state where it is legal to own up to an ounce of bud and can consume within the privacy of my own home. Also grow it, but I’m not much of a green thumb and there’s still laws about making sure its secure and such.

Recently, my landlord adjusted the rental notice to make it a violation of our agreement if we were to grow or consume marijuana in the apartment. Fortunately or unfortunately, I’m not a smoker. I have asthma, always have. I just don’t want smoke of any kind in my lungs, I barely breath when it’s humid outside because the air is denser. Thank you, but no thank you.

But it means that in order for me to consume it, I have had to bake it, in a coconut oil infusion I made. Which makes the house reek. Until recently. We discovered melting the oil into a pot and making rice krispies doesn’t end in an apartment full of marijuana scent.

The other big problem is, while it is legal to own and consume privately, it is still very much illegal to purchase marijuana in my state. Which means, apart from “gifting” I can’t get marijuana legally. I can only obtain CBD (hemp based) products legally.

Here’s my issue. I have a condition called fibromyalgia. It’s a stupid condition where my body produces large amounts of inflammation out of food sensitivities and even my own stupid fucking emotions (thank you anxiety and depression), then turns my pain receptors up to 11 for no (currently) discernible reason.

Now, my doctors offered me some medications in which I didn’t like the side effects. I’m one of those people who does a lot of research, asks my doctors a lot of questions, and tries to take everything in as neutrally as I can. I trust my doctors. If I find something online I want to hear their opinion on that and I listen.

They’re trained professionals, go figure!

But we both concluded that we didn’t like the side effects and that I wasn’t in a place that I HAD to take it. She wanted me to lose weight anyways and, in her words, it would probably fix everything. (I’m skeptical on that, but we’ll circle back when I actually lose weight).

But it means that I can only have over the counter pills for the pain management...which I’m getting conflicting answers on. My Rheumatologist says if the pains really bad, alternate high doses of Ibuprofen and Tylenol as needed. My primary, however, doesn’t like that in the least bit. Would rather I use cold/hot packs and suck it up. To be honest, neither really help, and I resent that these are my only options.

I tried CBD for a while. A lot of people were raving about it. I even went and saw a cannabis/hemp specialist in the area. (His only job is to talk to people about these choices and how to use them in their daily lives). But topically, nothing helped and orally, I was using so much to achieve results, that I was spending at least 50% more in a month on CBD oils than it cost for an ounce of bud.

Well...I have friends...friends who have been recreational users for a long time, who have been wanting me to try with them for a while (I wasn’t joking about not doing stuff if it wasn’t legal thing).

They were thrilled at the opportunity to help me out. I really appreciate that, I’m not sure that I expressed it properly to them, but I do appreciate it. Because within a week of reaching out to them I had my very own bud of flower.

No idea the strain I had, but it was at least a hybrid, if not a majority indica strain. And it did exactly what I wanted...

I followed their directions for decarboxlation and then into coconut oil infusion (thankfully before the rental agreement change and thankfully no one asked, because the house smelled like marijuana for weeks!). Then came the baking.

Barring a rookie’s mistake dosing the very first time (we fucked up bad, a story for another time perhaps), it’s been wonderful. I’m a dummy who doesn’t use it every night, but when I use it, it’s great.

I can only describe it as making things feel normal, or right. The pain dials down. I have some pain still, but I’m a big girl who’s out of shape. It doesn’t consume my thoughts, though, which is a huge change!

Things become happier and calmer around me. I’m quicker to smile, easier to cuddle with. I want to do things and have fun and then I sleep through the WHOLE night.

It’s fantastic.

I eat such small doses (a fraction of the recommended dose), only in the evenings, that my ounce of bud wound up lasting over a year! Even with my fiance eating a dose most nights (he just liked the good feels, I’d rather he do that than anything else).

A year! For less than a month of CBD! And it did what I wanted!

I want a medical marijuana license so I can legally obtain some more, but I’m finding a few issues. The laws in my state have a very, VERY short list of things someone on the registry must have to be approved. Chronic pain is on there, but listed as debilitating chronic pain. AND that a reasonable effort has been made to treat it in other ways.

I haven’t done those. I haven’t taken other meds because I don’t want to deal with the side effects. I haven’t lost weight yet, I’m struggling with old bad habits.

But all I can think of is that it’s so unfair that I have to just deal with my pain and frustration and bad emotions and not have easier access to a drug that could, just as easily, be controlled by the government like they do tobacco and alcohol.

A drug that has given me relief and good night sleeps, and biggest side effect is that I smile more!

Just saying...

#therapy #random thoughts #mistakes #over eating #fat #weight not coming off #marijuana #medical #medical marijuana #cannabis #pain relief

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traveling-couch-potato · 5 years

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Puerto Rico Day 9

It’s finally here! HAMILTON DAY!!!! We wanted to do a whole day dedicated to the show but couldn’t fit it all in. We started off with breakfast at La Bombonera in Old San Juan for some Mallorcas (recommendation of Lin-Manuel Miranda himself...via his Twitter). So good. It’s the love child of a donut and croissant if the donut took a more dominant role. It’s sprinkled with powdered sugar and filled with a fried egg, melty swiss, and thin slices of ham.

Puerto Rico is all about those sweet/savory combos and I am here for it!

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The festival wasn’t in full swing yet so we decided to do a bit of a morning walk to the Puerta de San Juan where we entered Paseo del Morro. It’s a gorgeous path along the base of the Castillo San Felipe del Morro right along the water. You get a great view of the giant waves crashing into the rocks on one side and the towering wall structures to the right.

Leaving through the Puerta de San Juan gate!

The path was full of cats. Literally anywhere you look there’s a cat. There’s feeding stations run by the Save-a-Gato organization which is why all the cats like to gather here.

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Once we finished up the walk we had a lovely chat with another visiting girl (and fellow Hamilton-fan) before we finally regained enough energy to officially enter the grounds of the San Sebastian Street Festival. We started off near the market centers around the Plaza del Quinto Centenario. Tio Danny had a booth set up so we picked up a Maduro (Beef/Plantain Empanadilla) and walked through some of the stalls which featured a ton of local Puerto Rican artists selling everything from painted gourds to pressed flowers to sweets. I’m not much for knick knacks and jewelry but food always calls to me especially if I have no clue what it is. This meant my 2nd purchase of the day was a tiny container of Majarete. It tasted like a blended rice pudding (though it’s apparently made with rice flour) with your typically cinnamon notes but a nice underlying coconut flavor as well. It was extremely viscous so the tiny cup was the perfect size.

The first of many street food snacks courtesy of the San Sebastian Street Festival.

We continued walking until we hit a street lined with Bounty sponsored booths. Angel still hasn’t had a chance to try one of my favorite Puerto Rican foods, Bacalaito, so we had to order one and it was GIGANTIC. This one was more crunchy and flat than my previous one, almost like a fried cracker/pancake crossbreed. But of course I also needed to try something new so a few booths down I pointed at the first item I didn’t know. I ended up with a cup of Sorulittos de Maiz. Basically corn fries. They basically taste like corn meal fries (because that’s what they are). Or corn puffs that were never fully dehydrated. Like every other item here, it was served w/ a side of Mayoketchup.

Fried foods galore! So good but so bad for you (not that that matters when I’m on vacation!)

Some of the sweets I bought from one of the stalls. They have a ton of lollipops and these coconut/fruit combo bite things (that I clearly don’t know the name of).

We spent a bit more time wandering the festival browsing booths and enjoying the music before we headed out. Of course we needed dessert though so we may a quick trip to Chocobar Cortes so I could get a proper chocolate tasting. I got their Spiced Chocolate (Anise/Cinammon) and one of their Hazelnut. It’s pricey at about $2.50 a pop but it’s worth the occasional indulgence

The day portion of the festival is very family friendly w/ parades (main one was at 5pm on Thursday though you can catch smaller privately organized ones at random unscheduled times), giant head displays, and tons of music.

Tons of live music all around the entire city.

Sad we were gonna miss the parade, but a nice marcher asked us if we want a pic and of course we couldn’t say no.

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After so much food we decided to make the 2 mile trek back to our hotel by foot. On the way we passed by the San Juan capital and decided to take a look around. No line or entrance fee, just a quick security check. The center of the building is gorgeous and although the displays in the building were all in Spanish, it was a nice pitstop.

The center of the building sports this beautifully intricate high ceiling. Pictures absolutely don’t do it justice.

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Once we got back to the hotel, we got ready for our night out to the greatest show in the world: HAMILTON!!! First we had to stop by another restaurant Ricky/Florin recommended to us (along w/ the rest of the internet): Santaella. They do take reservations through Opentable and I would highly recommend it. They place can get very busy depending on your luck. The restaurant itself is gorgeous w/ antique style filament lightbulbs lining the ceilings and a lit tropical plant display window on the back wall. Their food was a bit more American/French w/ a Puerto Rican influence but at this point I was craving a taste of home and welcomed the familiar menu. It is a classier place so no tap, but still water is available at $2.50/person which is more reasonable than other high end restaurants I’ve visited.

Gorgeous restaurant interior. Definitely a slightly dressy place, perfect for a pre-show meal (though service is a bit slow so make sure you have enough time).

We started our meal w/ the Foie Gras Terrine which was served over a fruit jam (I believe guava) and a fresh mini baguette that spouted steam as soon as we snapped it in half. The terrine had a uniform creaminess offset by some roasted pinenuts. The salty and fatty flavors of the foie gras were nicely balanced by the jam too. For our mains my friend got the Veal Cheeks w/ Creole Fricasse and Root Veggie Puree and I got the Marinated Skirt Steak w/ Malanga Shoestring fries. The veal was practically spoonable and the veggie puree had an almost cheesy flavor. Otherwise it was like a very well-made beef stew. The skirt steak was quite tender for such a cheap cut of meat and the marinade was nicely caramelized which brought out a delicious charred sweetness. It was topped w/ a pickled chimichurri that gave my mouth a much needed break cause the meat portion was HUGE. Seriously a delicious meal and I can see why Ricky/Florin would give it the thumbs up

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With our bellies full and our wallets empty, we made the 10 minute walk over to the Luis A. Ferre Theater. Picked up our tickets (which I was freaking out about because the email stated you needed the original purchase card which I forgot), got in line, and got to our seats. Not the best seats since the side overlook obstructed my view slightly but I am infinitely thankful to have been in the room where it happens.

This part is less travel-bloggy and more Hamilton-fanny but this is more or less my diary so who cares. I didn’t think I’d cry too hard. I’ve seen the show 3 times, met Lin, met his family, listened to the soundtrack a million times, I’ve been there done that, but absolutely not, as soon as he walks out I start sobbing. I felt my face scrunch up and tears well up in my eyes as my hero took the stage. The entire crowd cheered and rawred for a solid 2-3 minutes. My voice was still raspy from the cold but I tried anyway. The entire cast is wonderful and I am so ecstatic about seeing them again in San Francisco next month. After the show we booked it to the stagedoor. I’m tagging this post w/ Hamilton so hopefully someone will see this LIN DOES NOT STAGEDOOR. The three Schuyler sisters did though as well as a member of the ensemble. They were all such sweet people and while I hoped to save my $10 bill for Lin to sign, I felt it was appropriate to get it autographed at the last show he’ll ever perform as Hamilton.

We met some really cool fellow Hamilton fans at the stagedoor (shoutout to my new friend Alicia!) and ended the night with a very interesting conversation with an Usher about the political climate in Puerto Rico among other serious topics. We didn’t end up leaving until past midnight. I’m so fortunate to have been in the crowd to see one of Lin’s last performances.

Tips in case any Hamilton folks finds this post: 1) There are quite a few extra seats. Due to some political stuff, the venue changed and seats were reassigned. Since the new venue is larger, that means there’s a decent number of empty seats.

2) To get the seats just show up at the theater. On our 7:30pm performance night, I met 2 women who got in that started waiting at 4pm. Though they said there were people since 6am.

3) Ticket prices range and it’s easier to get a spot if you’re a single viewer. Also don’t forget the lotto!

4) GOOD LUCK! I hope someone gets to see this and takes a chance at those day of tickets. (Seriously you have a good chance, I met ~10 people this trip that got day of tickets)

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luxus4me · 7 years

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Golf.com - Top Stories http://j.mp/2wUVXhx

Time is short. And as a golfer, you can live a better life by having the links experiences you've always dreamed about. From playing with a Tour pro to seeing Augusta with your own two eyes, unforgettable experiences abound. Sure, it might cost you a buck or two, but a lasting golf memory is practically priceless.

NO. 1: An Old Course Tee Time

Any person who's ever taken a backswing yearns to play the Old Course at St. Andrews, the birthplace of the game and the most influential 18 holes in golf. Unfortunately, tee times are limited—demand for them is not.

Cost: $$

How To Pull It Off: Your best bet is to apply directly to the St. Andrews Links Trust, either by phone (011-44-1334-466718) or e-mail ([email protected]), during a two-to-three-week window that customarily commences in late August and concludes in mid-September. Winners of this lottery are notified in October for tee times the following spring and summer. There are restrictions and requirements, so pay close attention during the application process. The payoff, if the lotto ball rolls your way, will be worth the price and the wait.

The Backup Plan: Other methods of gaining Old Course access include the Daily Ballot (enter by phone or in person, 48 hours before the day of play) and the Single Golfer walk-up (hit or miss). New for 2018 will be what's called "authorized providers," generally well-respected tour operators, such as PerryGolf, that have been licensed by the St. Andrews Links Trust and who can offer guaranteed tee times. Yes, you'll pay a stiff premium (PerryGolf's packages start at $2,895 per person, based on double occupancy), but this route guarantees your dream round—and a walk where Old Tom, Young Tom, Bobby, Jack and Tiger have all captured titles.

Bucket list dream number 1: Crossing St. Andrews's Swilcan Bridge.

Getty Images

NO. 2: A Golf Cruise Into History

Every year, June 6th commemorates the anniversary of D-Day, when more than 160,000 Allied soldiers landed along a 50-mile stretch of Normandy beach in an effort to liberate Western Europe from Nazi Germany occupation. Although fighting was heavy, the Allied forces secured a foothold for the future of Europe. If you're looking to visit the site of this remarkable event in American and world history, and in a way that appeals to golfers, you're in luck.

Cost: $$$

How To Pull It Off: Step aboard the Sea Cloud II for Kalos's Normandy Golf Cruise. A leader in small luxury golf cruises, Kalos and the Sea Cloud II impress with personalized service, comfort and shoreline access. On your journey, you'll crisscross the English Channel and play courses as diverse as England's Royal St. George's (13 times the site of the Open Championship) and Chantilly Golf Club, one of France's loveliest layouts. Between rounds, you'll make informative if sobering stops at Omaha Beach, the cliff-top battleground of Pointe du Hoc, and the American Cemetery and Memorial, in Colleville-sur-Mer. Any year is a good year to make this voyage (prices start at $9,965 per person); 2019 will be particularly special, as it marks the 75th anniversary of D-Day.

Dream passages: sailing the Sea Cloud II.

COURTESY KALOS GOLF

NO. 3: Attending The Masters

Whether you're a wide-eyed first-timer or a savvy vet, nothing in sport compares to making the pilgrimage to Augusta National. At least once in your life, you must experience the Masters in person—the drive up Magnolia Lane, the thrills at Amen Corner, and tall tales and cocktails beneath The Big Oak Tree.

Cost: $$

How To Pull It Off: An April visit to Augusta remains one of the toughest tickets in sports. (Even the waiting list to purchase badges has been closed for years.) But we have our ways. If you're among the fortunate few who ace the Masters lottery, you can wind up with as many as four tickets for a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday practice round, at $75 apiece, or tickets for Thursday-through-Sunday's main event, at $115 apiece. More realistically, you'll have to pay a broker for entry. On StubHub in mid-March, Monday tickets often sell in the range of $450–$465 apiece. Compared with Tuesday ($625 and up) and Wednesday ($1,350 and up), a Monday visit makes sense. But we recommend you shoot for Wednesday. A hump-day ticket lets you watch the pros make their final preparations in the morning, catch the par-3 tournament in the afternoon, then walk the iconic course in near solitude, without golfers or galleries.

Taking In "The Show": In a typical year, badges for the four-day tournament slate (Thursday through Sunday) go for just under $5,000 via brokers such as StubHub or TicketCity—provided you're shopping in January. If you wait until the week before the Masters, though, those prices climb to $7,000 to $8,000. A daily badge will run you from $1,500 to $2,000. For the certainty of having a ticket in hand, buying from a reputable online ticket broker is the way to go.

Your Backup Plan: If you're willing to risk a little uncertainty, you can show up in the vicinity of Augusta National on the day (or the day before) you wish to attend and attempt to purchase a ticket from scalpers, who are almost always licensed brokers. These folks set up shop near the club, typically along Washington Road. You'll want to look for someone in a folding chair with a sign that says NEED TICKETS. Late in the day, if a seller has excess inventory, tickets might be discounted by up to half. The same holds true on bad-weather days or ones with the threat of bad weather. If you're very patient and a little lucky, you might find yourself on Augusta's grounds for less than two c-notes! Amen to that.

No one throws shade at Masters ticket-holders.

AP PHOTO/CHARLIE RIEDEL

NO. 4: A Clubfitting at PXG

Many of the sport's top equipment companies and independent club-fitters offer the promise of improved performance through custom-made clubs. No one does it quite like Parsons Xtreme Golf (PXG).

Cost: $$$$

How To Pull It Off: In its brief history, the Scottsdale, Ariz.–based upstart has made significant breakthroughs—both in its equipment and its rep among the pro ranks. If you want to be treated like a rock star (or rather, a Tour pro), sign up for the PXG Xperience. The three-day, two-night package includes chauffeured transport from the airport, lodging at the Four Seasons Resort Scottsdale, a tour of the company's headquarters, an outdoor clubfitting at ultra-exclusive Scottsdale National Golf Club, a putter fitting, meals, a new golf bag, three rounds of golf with a PXG ambassador, and, of course, your sparkling new sticks. The cost is $15,000. But it's hard to put a price on your playing partners' jealous faces when they see your custom-fit arsenal.

Clubbing Up: The Ultimate PXG Xperience features much of the above—but doubled, for two people. It also includes special accommodations; private air transportation on a Bombardier Challenger 350 from anywhere in the Continental U.S.; and one-on-one hang-time with PXG's chief ambassador, its owner and founder, Bob Parsons. The damage? A cool $100,000. But hey, you only go around once.

The clubfitting at PXG is definitely an OMG experience.

Courtesy PXG

NO. 5: Playing in a Tour Pro-Am

An undeniable, one-of-a-kind thrill for any weekend golfer is to play a loop with a Tour pro. Typically, these are one-day affairs, and they're a blast—a test of your nerves in front of a gallery. You also leave armed with great stories and some top-shelf playing tips.

Cost: $$$$$

How To Pull It Off: Lots of PGA Tour Champions and LPGA Tour events offer this enviable experience, but for many people the ultimate dream is teeing off alongside the game's elite: the long and strong of the PGA Tour. Among the best of these opportunities are, for crowd size, the pro-am at the Waste Management Phoenix Open; for staggering beauty, the pro-am at SBS Tournament of Champions on Maui; and, for history (and maybe a TV cameo), the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am.

Still, our vote for the best Tour pro-am is the CareerBuilder Challenge, a tournament previously known as both the Bob Hope Desert Classic and the Humana Challenge. You get superbly groomed courses backdropped by mountains, excellent January weather in the desert communities near Palm Springs, Calif, and a chance to shine. After all, it's just you and a different Tour pro for each of three days, with a possibility of a fourth round for the select few who make the three-round cut. Included is a "welcome and pairings" party, six-to-seven days of golf, VIP access and hospitality for evening entertainment and, for luxury-suite viewing, membership to the Bob Hope Club. The price is $25,000 if you sign up before June 30 of the year preceding the January event ($29,000 for latecomers). But the good news? A bulk of the entry fee is tax deductible, as tournament proceeds go to charity. Hey, to play inside the ropes with a PGA Tour star, you're gonna shell out a few shekels. That said, the good vibes of giving—not to mention the memories—will go a long way.

You can't beat 2015 CareerBuilder Challenge champ Jason Dufner, but you can join him.

HARRY HOW/GETTY IMAGES

NO. 6: Waving Old Glory at the Ryder Cup

Not many serious golfers include France on their bucket list, but in 2018 they should. Le Golf National's Albatros course, 40 minutes south of Paris in Guyancourt, will host the Ryder Cup in late September. The annual home to the European Tour's French Open, Le Golf National administers a stern test, with two island greens among its final four holes. If you're looking to fly the Stars and Stripes and cheer on Team America to victory, voila!

Cost: $$

How To Pull It Off: Let Premier Golf, the PGA of America's exclusive distributor of official Ryder Cup packages, do the work for you. For $5,595 per person, you'll get five nights' accommodations, daily breakfast, a Thursday-through-Sunday badge to the event, round-trip transportation to the course, and a Ryder Cup welcome gift. Sightseeing excursions include the Palace of Versailles, just 20 minutes north of Le Golf National; pre– and post– Ryder Cup golf possibilities include hops to Scotland, Ireland and other top French tracks. There's nothing in all of tournament golf like the energy that surrounds the Ryder Cup. And of course, there's no city like Paris. So, hit the road, Jacques!

http://j.mp/2xAaKLu via Golf.com - Top Stories URL : http://j.mp/2wUy7SY

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