#Kai Keda ramblings
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I don’t think we talk enough about how absolutely heartbreakingly tragic Kikyo and Inuyasha’s story is.
And by “we” I mean “my select social circle that is full of people who watched Inuyasha when we were younger and enjoyed the hell out of it then but only think of it randomly in passing now”.
Anyways, I know we love to point out how horribly toxic Kikyo is during the course of the main events of the story, as well as how “omfg Inuyasha just get OVER HER already!” was echoed around our walls a lot but the more I think about it, the more I’m like… well actually… what happened to them was kinda… well…
It was pretty fucked up.
Keep in mind this is all from the memory of a bitch with bipolar and possibly some extra neurodivergencies that remain undiagnosed who hasn’t watched the show proper since like… middle school… which was 2006-2008. And then rewatching their favorite episodes of The Final Act in High School which was around 2009-2012
So if you haven’t figured it out yet:
I am rambling wildly with no “authority” on the storytelling of Inuyasha - Everything here is just general musing that I came to think about because of an unlikely source that WILL surprise you
All that being said;
Inuyasha and Kikyo were in a somewhat Romeo and Juliet thing. They certainly couldn’t be together romantically, for multiple reasons, but Inuyasha’s status as a HALF demon granted him a foot in the door to be “redeemed”. And he and Kikyo fell and love. Their plan was for Inuyasha to become fully human so that he could be fully accepted and marry Kikyo.
Only, Naraku’s a bitch ass motherfucker
He made Kikyo and Inuyasha BOTH feel as though they were betrayed by each other and the betrayal was one SO INTENSE that Kikyo was killed (supposedly at the hands of Inuyasha) and Inuyasha had his call out pinned to his home page like Luther’s thesis
That’s so fucked
Imagine a betrayal THAT intense
Imagine feeling like the other had ZERO justification for their actions
Imagine feeling completely justified in your own
Imagine finding out none of it was true
Long after the time of redemption or apologies or just fixing things in general
There was NOTHING they could have done to fix that
This isn’t a “Oh if only they talked to each other!” thing because the nature of Naraku’s tricks were LITERALLY DEADLY
Like
That is so fucked
That is so tragic
I love it
Oh, also, the thing that got me thinking about this was a stray comment from a writer for Lego Monkie Kid on twitter saying “it’s safe to say [Macaque] THINKS that’s what happened!” about the Lady Bone Demon’s story of Wukong killing Macaque and how I randomly thought “Wouldn’t it be tragic af if it turned out that Lady Bone Demon not only gave Macaque false memories of his fallout with Wukong, but that she gave Wukong some mixed up memories as well and that neither one had actually betrayed the other anD OH MY GOD”
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Hard Questions
Summary: Sandy tries his best to answer some questions.
This is a commission I did for @kai-keda using their OC Kumi from the fic What Makes It Complicated. Go check it out!
-_-
It was one of those rainy days.
Where the sky was dark grey and rain came down, nice and gentle, and all you wanted was tea, a blanket, and good company. Luckily, Sandy had all three.
Until the last opened her mouth.
"I wonder why Pigsy and Tang don't like me.”
“I think it’s the pranks,” Sandy said without a pause over his tea-making, even though a comfortable silence had been broken by the question. The answer had come automatically. In the list of reasons why his best friend and his partner didn’t like Kumi, the pranks had to be one of the top reasons. Pigsy was a no-nonsense guy who was clearly one of her favorite targets and that thing she had pulled with Xiaotian and Red Son and the fake love letter last week was enough to put her on anyone’s shit list if she hadn’t been on Tang’s list already because of that whole drunk rambling thing. (Sandy still hadn’t heard an update about the boys or a possible relationship, maybe he should check on that…)
Kumi hummed, handing him the teacups. “No, I get the feeling it’s more than that.”
“Maybe,” Sandy acquitted.
There were reasons more than the pranking, after all. He turned and she was right there, looking brightly up at him. He didn’t jump and waste good tea, thankfully. “Do you know why?” Kumi asked, without any pause.
Sandy offered a question right back. “Why do you care?”
He wasn’t really sure why Kumi cared so much about Pigsy and Tang. Her main interest lied in Sun Wukong and maybe Qi Xiaotian, the latter mostly because of his relationship to the former, so for her to be invested in the two that rarely interacted with the Monkey King was worth wondering. In lieu of a verbal response, she shrugged.
“Well…” Sandy set down the tray on the floor and Kumi followed, naturally arranging herself to the lotus position. Mo hopped into his lap and he started petting him “Then maybe it’s best that it doesn’t get to you. I don’t let what people think about me get to me.” Unless they hurt others to do it.
“But I wanna know!” Kumi whined, sounding just as childish as Wukong claimed her to be. “Wouldn’t you want to know if you were me?” Sandy shrugged. Once again, unless the person who was talking behind his back was hurting others to try and get to him. She leaned forward, bottom lip sticking out. “C’mon, Sandy… is the becoming human thing?”
She wasn’t going to let this go, was she?
“I think, for them, part of it is that, in different ways,” Sandy admitted, giving in since it seemed Kumi wouldn’t be satisfied unless she was given an answer that wasn’t ‘Because you keep tricking them.’ And it was true. Pigsy was nervous about the whole hearts thing and Tang was even more nervous about it. Pigsy didn’t want any of his family to get hurt in Kumi’s goal to become human and Tang was a proud man who feared becoming a target.
“What makes you think that?”
Sandy thought, trying to think of the best way to word this. He didn’t want to offend Kumi. Yes, he felt like her goal to become human was unneeded, but Kumi did seem to be a good person, even with her tricks and the seven tails that showed her heart-eating history. Plus there was Pigsy and Tang if word of this conversation got back to them. He would rather die than accidentally offend Pigsy and to upset Tang, his friend’s husband, would have the same goal.
“There was that thing you said to Tang when you got drunk that one time.” Sandy started. “He was already a bit nervous around you and I don’t think a request to eat his heart when he died helped.” Although it wasn’t fair to make assumptions like Tang did.
Kumi looked away with a pout, sipping her tea. “He shouldn’t make assumptions. Then he wouldn’t have been nervous when I said it.”
Sandy nodded because she did have a point, speaking what he was thinking. Even if he disagreed with the idea that Tang wouldn’t have been nervous when she had described how his heart looked and then proceeded to ask for it when he was dead. Anyone would be nervous about the idea of someone digging up their body and removing an organ. “I agree.” She held out her teacup and he obeyed the silent request, pouring more tea in.
The next question was easy to answer. “What about Pigsy?”
Sandy felt a smile form, unbidden. “He wants to protect those he loves.” Sandy had received that form of love many times, back when he and Pigsy had run around together, finding and getting into trouble. Usually, that trouble required fighting to get out of it and he had relished in the violence if it meant he forgot how alone-
None of that. It was in the past. It had happened and it had passed. Sandy had accepted it had happened and was working on moving past it.
“Why does he feel the need to protect around me?” Kumi asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. Her frown had grown deeper. Sadder. Sandy mentally swore as his mind scrambled. He didn’t mean to make her sad with this question and answer back and forth. It seems his gentleness had backfired.
Although he wouldn’t be surprised if that question had been building up for a while. Pigsy wasn’t exactly subtle about his self-appointed bodyguard duty whenever someone was going to be alone with Kumi. It was even more clear whenever that someone was Tang or Xiaotian. Kumi might not have the most experience in relationships, but even that would be clear.
But Pigsy was a good man to everyone.
Sandy cleared his throat, turning Kumi’s gaze back to him. “I know Pigsy,” he said. “And I know that, if it comes down to it, even if you do play pranks and get him riled up a lot, he would protect you too.” He took a sip of his tea. “Tang would too, if it was ever needed.”
He glanced at his meditation buddy and watched a small smile form.
“Any other questions?”
Kumi shook her head. “No. Thank you.”
She took a sip of her tea, ending the conversation.
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Love unrequited and secret tears at your heart. You want so badly to tell them that you love them, that you’ll always love them, and that they’ll always have someone in you that they can turn to when they are in danger but you worry that they won’t believe you.
You worry that they’ll hear your promises of undying loyalty and care and take it to mean that you want an exchange, a deal, that you want something from them.
But you don’t.
You don’t want anything from them.
You don’t want them to give you gifts or kisses or fulfillment.
You don’t want anything.
Actually, I lied.
You want two things.
You want them to be happy and you want them to know that you want them to be happy.
The part of unrequited secret love that is so painful is not the unrequited part. It’s okay if they don’t love you back. You will still do everything in your power to make them happy.
It’s the secret part.
The part where you worry that any conversations and plans and promises you give to them will now be mistranslated. Where instead of hearing genuine selfless love, they hear guilt on a silver platter served up to force them into things they do not want.
You worry that when you tell them “It’s okay if you do not love me because I will still love you and my love is not transactional.” they will read that as manipulation. Or worse,
They will be too good and kind to turn you down and they will suffer through cuddling and kisses and all other things expected of romance despite wanting none of it.
And as you hold them close and gently rub their back, intending to be a comfort, they are more anxious than if you had never met.
That’s what you fear.
“Love is selfless”.
I used to think that that couldn’t be true.
I am a hopeless romantic.
“He was the air I breathed.”
“I only felt alive when she was near.”
“I had no purpose or meaning before them.”
“Xe listened to me and xe was the only one to ever do it.”
I thought these things were signs of love.
I thought gifts and promises were the returning of favors and that those favors back and forth were what love was.
To me, love was no more than a series of compromises and some disappointments
How blind had I been.
Love is selfless.
Not in that you feel love when someone is selfless towards you.
But that you are in love when yourself no longer matters.
When you are not laying down your life out of obligation but rather because you know that you would suffer hours of sleepless nights worrying about the one you love.
You don’t worry about what they think of you, you worry about if they are happy.
All you want is for them to be happy.
Not because them being happy brings you joy, but because the thought of anything else brings you pain.
I am in love
For the first time in my life, I am in love and for the first time in my life
I know what that means
#Kai Keda rambling#it’s kinda poetic I guess#yeah f it I’m calling this poetry#it’s my feelings laid out raw and it has a sense of rhythm
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Mei’s “Red flames are cool! Wanna see some GREEN ones?” line to Red Son in Season 1 do be kinda hittin’ different now
#lego monkie kid spoilers#monkie kid season 3#lmk season 3 spoilers#lmk season 3#Monkie kid season 3 spoilers#Lego monkie kid season 3 spoilers#Kai keda rambles
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Me: Haha - this idea is really silly!
Friend: Yeah it is! Even funnier when you think of it like this!
Me: Lol imagine someone actually making a fic with that stuff but making it all serious and everything!
Friend: Haha that would be ridiculous!
Me:
#I’m pretty sure this is a universal experience right?#right?#writing#fanfiction#meme#idk how to tag this send help#Kai’s being dumb#Kai keda ramble
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Allowing anyone younger than sixteen having full, unrestricted free reign on the internet was a mistake.
Give them their own spaces where they can be safe but not completely babied.
PLEASE
I’m sick of trying to have conversations with people only to find out they were fifteen and feeling like such a fool for talking to them the way I did.
I’m not talking about being inappropriate in a sexual sense.
I’m talking about how, news flash, when a twenty-five year old is talking to a fourteen year old, they ARE MOST CERTAINLY bringing their language and style of speech down to their level. It’s not babying, it’s respecting them for the level they’re at and talking to them in that same sense.
As a substitute teacher, I have found it helpful to visualize that I am in a high school classroom talking to a student. I’ve done that before. I’ve talked to high schoolers about a fandom or two we share. It happens.
It’s different from talking to people I’ve met at a bar.
And I think that same visual would help teenagers on here when they’re talking to people they know are adults.
#internet safety#Kai keda rants#Kai keda ramble m#uuuuuggggh#these kids are gonna get hurt and it’s because no one’s doing anything#to keep them in their circle or even make a circle for them that’s appealing#I hate it here
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Lego Monkie Kid's MK is the successor of Sun Wukong who is the character that Dragon Ball's Son Goku has a direct connection to.
Dragon Ball's Ox King has a direct connection to the Journey to the West (and by extension - Lego Monkie Kid) character of Demon Bull King. With Dragon Ball's Chichi being the child of Ox King, that gives her a direct connection to the Lego Monkie Kid character of Red Son (also known as the Journey to the West character of Red Boy aka the child of Demon Bull King)
Therefore, by use of the transitive property, we can conclude that GoChi (the romantic relationship of Dragon Ball's Goku and Chichi) is the same as Spicynoodles (the romantic relationship of Lego Monkie Kid's Red Son and MK).
In this essay I will -
#lego monkie kid#dragon ball#kai keda ramble#kai keda analysis#let's go ahead and use that tag even though this is 100% a shitpost#spicynoodleshipping#gochi#i don't make the rules I just twist them up for my own biased purposes
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Yeeeeaaaa I don’t…
I don’t regret ghosting twitter
These are both me
Simultaneously
#Kai keda rambles#don’t even bother trying to explain it to me#I’m just gonna pop some anxiety medicine to help get some sleep and pray my heart doesn’t vibrate out of my chest
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AIGHT I CAVED AND WATCHED SEASON 3 WITH SUBTITLES BECAUSE STRUGGLE BUS
AHHHHHHHH
I am now free to chill on this website again.
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When we gonna be honest with ourselves and admit that “A Monster In Paris” is a meh movie overall but the songs are incredible?
I’d rather just listen to the soundtrack than watch the whole movie. It’s a perfectly fine film and I really like its more unique concept and setting but the story and animation are just… okay.
Take out the fact that the songs are amazing and it’s just… eh
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Okay wow - I really am experiencing this ‘comfort -object/person-‘ in full force and it’s actually kind of scary to me.
I’ve had the year from hell and I haven’t made it a secret online so if you want to know you can ask but I’m not gonna go into details here. Just know that it’s a lot.
I’m 26 years old and when I started hearing people say ‘this is my comfort character’ I was really confused. Intrigued, but confused. And then a month or so following my birthday from hell that I had to experience this year I made the discovery that I suddenly HAD one of those.
I’m in the process of writing a script for a big analysis video breaking down what I’ve experienced and what I’ve discovered through this massive revelation but the basic gist is:
“Comfort Objects/People are not just things you really really like. They are something that you would absolutely normally attach yourself to that your mind takes to an extreme level. Typically this happens due to some distress of some sort.”
Red Son is my comfort character at the moment. He has never been my FAVORITE character - not even in just the show as that is Monkey King who holds that honor - but he is most certainly a ‘Comfort Character’.
And when the analysis video comes out, you’ll all understand why it made perfect sense for my brain to do that.
By a similar token, Spicynoodles (MK/Red Son) is my comfort ship. Even though before things went to shit this year, I was into Wasabi/Dragonfruit (Mei/Red Son) and Spicynoodles seemed kinda weird to me.
Come to find out this is most likely related to a lot of traits from my fiancé and I are present in spicynoodles.
And just now I’ve figured out that LEGO Monkie Kid, as a whole, is my comfort show.
How did I figure it out?
Because I just got finished reading a post that was a totally valid and understandable critique of the show - specifically the English version of the show - and I got upset.
I didn’t get ‘angry’ as there was no one to be angry at, but it was a unique feeling. It was a twisting and tightening feeling in my stomach that included feeling my heart pour water out of itself and into my chest. I was upset. I was tempted to dismiss the feeling as being the same as being angry, started to try and think of arguments against the post, but then I stopped and thought it over.
I wasn’t angry. I was upset. I was upset at having a flaw in something I love be pointed out to me. But I’ve had that happen before. I’ve been the one to point out flaws in things I love. I have an analysis channel, you’d think I could take a small critique that doesn’t actually change anything about the show as a whole.
That’s when I realized that this feeling was specific and different. So I tried to think of the last time I felt it.
It was when my fiancé told me something that Sean Schemmel said at a panel recently. Some vague thing he was excited about for season three about Wukong’s character arc. And it scared me cause it made me think of where the show could possibly be taking his character arc based on that comment and how it would make sense for them to do that but how much I vehemently disagree with the concept and how if that were to happen I would literally cry.
I wouldn’t cry because of being angry. I would cry because of being upset. Upset that my comfort show is not staying the same or growing how I want it to.
And now here I am. The realization that my brain has taken this ADHD-tendency-having-BiPolar-self hyperfixation thing over the top making me laugh nervously at the mention of ‘comfort character’ or ‘comfort ship’ or ‘comfort show’.
And the realization of how close I came to becoming hostile in a discussion I didn’t even need to be in and that warranted no hostility because of it.
And the thing that scares me the most about all this
Is that I’ve already done that and burned quite a few bridges in the fandom.
I’m not entirely sure where to go from here.
I just hope my therapist will take this seriously and can help me understand it more.
Hyperfixating and loving something a whole lot? I’m cool with that.
This Comfort-whatever shit that clouds my judgement with unnecessary emotions and makes me feel genuine dread at a threat made in jest to keep it away from me? I don’t like it.
I don’t like having a Comfort-Character
I don’t like having a Comfort-Ship
I don’t like having a Comfort-Show
The genuine comfort and joy they bring me that fits their name be damned.
#Kai keda ramble#comfort character#comfort ship#comfort show#fandom#Kairi Yajuu analysis#Kai keda analysis#this is a character a ship and a show that give me a unique feeling of comfort#from each of them#I did not ask for this to happen#and I don’t like that it happened#cause it makes it impossible to think straight#anyways if you’ve read this far you might care to know that I started planning#what makes it complicated a bit before everything went to hell#but then everything went to hell and now it’s a super important story for me to tell#fanfic or otherwise
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I…. I wanna talk about Xiaobo and Peter (my Spicynoodle twins)
They just make me happy
Even their angst moment are sweet and simple
I need sweet and simple right now
I’m gonna go back in on the Xiaobo and Peter brainrot
I’m probably gonna start fleshing out more stuff for when they’re forty (Peter being mentally/physically 22 and Xiaobo being mentally/physically 16) cause Xiaobo’s character goes beyond “the cute little baby”.
He has his own baggage and stuff.
Only issue with that and the main reason I haven’t talked much about that is cause it would require figuring out all the other characters. Red Son and MK would still be around cause in this universe they’re immortal, but the others are like… the canon is much more dubious on that. I’d actually have to sit down and think really hard on how I’d want it to be for the twins’ timeline.
At least I know what Macaque’s up to.
Can’t believe he’s the only other character I know the status of by that point in this timeline.
Lmao
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Epiphany:
I project the things that I can’t control and that I have (at least mostly) accepted within myself onto MK.
I project the things that I can control and that I hate about myself onto Red Son.
There.
I cracked the code.
Go read my spicynoodles fics if you wanna understand me better lol
#Kai Keda writing#Kai keda rambles#projection#tis what being an artist is all about#and that one personality thingie that said I’m 4w3 or whatever#that thing was scary accurate
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I need to think of something sassy to say that can’t possibly be taken seriously nor be interpreted as me being angry when someone asks me “Are you feeling like a boy or like a girl today?” when I am literally feeling like something in-between that is neither of those things and that I have no name for.
For a bit I would say “I’m feeling non-binary” because it was the only thing I could think of that fit that description even though I knew that wasn’t right cause I’m always non-binary cause genderfluid does not fit in the binary and non-binary is not some mystical third gender.
I also have a history of delusions so saying something like “I’m a magical three headed dragon today” wouldn’t work.
Someone give me words I’m too old to know words and my Queer Dictionary that I bought is not helping for once.
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Ahah…ahah…ahah… just finished another one-shot about my spicynoodles twins. In like an hour and half. Just now. It’s 2 am and I have to work tomorrow. Noodle Gods help me.
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