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foodfightnovelization · 9 months

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Chapter 2: Analysis and Discussion

Alright, we're back! Time to dig our teeth into Chapter 2 of the most obscure novelization of all time. The chapter starts off with Daredevil Dan climbing out of his plane and stressing how he's Dex's best friend and VERY EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, with the narration explaning that he's the Ike for a popular brand of chocolate bars. The dialogue here isn't present at all in the movie, nor is him landing his plane and shooing the crowd away. (In the movie he just walks onto the scene as the crowd dissipates on their own). I think this whole section would've helped the movie a lot as it serves as an actual introduction to Dan as opposed to him just walking onto the scene.

Dex confesses that tonight's the night- we find out he's planning to propose to his girlfriend, Sunshine Goodness and that he's scared out of his mind (You can tell by the way he says "I'm scared out of my mind") He pulls an engagement ring from his pocket and there's a cute little pun where it has four carrots on it...like carats, get it? This exchange is mostly identical to how it is in the movie, save for the narration clumsily explaining the joke about the ring's carats, likely due to how wordplay is hard to communicate through the written word. We learn that the aforementioned Sunshine Goodness is the mascot for a brand of raisins (think Sun-Maid) and Dex asks Dan to be his best man.

Dan happily agrees, and then Dex is distracted by someone calling the name of the girl who makes "his cereal turn soggy in milk". I'm going to give this book the benefit of the doubt and assume this is the supermarket equivalent of someone making you weak at the knees, but it sure sounds like the narration is telling us that Sunshine makes Dex cum in his pants. I'm probably just being crass though, the movie has a predilection for double-entendres but so far the novelization has been an entirely innocent endeavor.

Sunshine is over playing kickball with a bunch of kids, using a melon ball which they accidentally sock Dan in the back of the head with. This again is fairly similar to the actual movie, with the only difference here being that unlike the movie the melon ball doesn't explode, and Dan simply tosses it back to the kids. We also get another mention of the fact that Dex is wearing a tuxedo in this scene, which feels WEIRD because I'm so used to watching the movie where he's still in his Indiana Jones getup for the entirety of this exchange.

Sunshine asks if Dex is hungry, and suggests they get his friend Maximilius Moose to make them huge hot dogs for dinner. Dan requests a foot-long before taking the hint and leaving as not to become a third wheel on their romantic evening, and Sunshine suggests they could play stickball with Lola, one of Dex's other friends. In the movie, Sunshine wants to get Chef Boyardee to make them a "huge feast-o-mungus dinner" with Dan requesting pizza, and the game of stickball is suggested to be played with Mr Clean. However, we can assume these details were changed simply to avoid mentioning any real-world products they didn't have the rights to use in the novelization, and not a reflection of something that was actually in the movie at any point.

Their conversation and the following page is mostly the same as how it is in the movie- Sunshine asks Dex about his adventure with Fat Cat, and mentions she's capable of defending herself. The two flirt a little, with Sunshine offering Dex one of her raisins , and walk off to a candlelit table outside where they meet Maximilius Moose.

The following page isn't particularly noteworthy as it's again mostly identical to the movie. Sunshine and Dex sit down for their romantic evening together and Dex tries to propose, struggling to make himself heard over Maximilius's loud violin-playing behind them. Of note is that this scene mentions the place they're sitting is just outside a club and that the music from it can still be heard from where they're sat- this isn't at all indicated in the movie however, as the two just seem to be sat near some trees without any music to be heard (unless you count Maximilius's violin-playing, but the narration clearly differentiates between the two).

There's nothing much to say about this page either- we're getting to the good stuff though, I promise, and I wouldn't be doing this novelization justice if I didn't go through it page-by-page and catalogue the entire thing. Dex tries to propose to Sunshine only to again be interrupted, this time by Dan trying to use the jet engine from his plane to skywrite a picture of Dex on one knee proposing to her.

Dan tries to loop-de-loop in his plane to draw the engagement ring while saying his catchphrase "Dare the day and fly away!", only to fail miserably at both and crash in the distance. Sunshine runs off to check on him, leaving Dex dejected and feeling like he's missed his shot at proposing.

A short while later, Dex makes it to where Dan crashed and is worried to find Sunshine isn't there. This is a little different to how it's depicted in the movie- in the movie Dan comes to find Dex, and it's noted Sunshine went to check on him hours ago but never made it there. It's a small difference, but it's interesting, right? Dex regrets not proposing, but the supermarket is about to open and it's explained to us here that all the Ikes have to be back on their shelves and out of sight when it does (think like Toy Story) so they all have to call it a night...or day, I guess. The movie is so poorly lit it always looks like the middle of the day, but it's clear from the dialogue it's always night when we see Marketropolis, and that during the day the actual streets and buildings of the place just look like a regular supermarket. In a later part of the movie though, we see the Ikes ARE still around during the day, they're just...on their shelves, INSIDE the products seemingly? It's a little complicated, but I'm sure we'll get to it and it'll be addressed more in the corresponding chapter in the novelization.

For now, Dan tempts fate by saying it's not like this is the last time Dex is ever going to see Sunshine again (it totally is, by the way) and the chapter ends with Dex worrying that this really is the last time he's ever going to see Sunshine again (it totally is, by the way).

Stay tuned for Chapter 3, when we meet everyone's favorite character, Mr Clipboard!

#foodfight #dex dogtective #daredevil dan #lady x #mr clipboard #charlie sheen #eva longoria #wayne brady #novelization #analysis #christopher lloyd #book review

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watermelonlovershigh · 2 years

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Whatever it is, it has to have some naked skin, rolling around in that wooly black coat he wore!!!! Like.... I cant get that out of my mind 😂... I'm gonna dream of it going to sleep tonight 🥴🥴🤪🤩

Thank ya!! ❤️❤️❤️ I know you write great anything and cant wait 😊🤗

The Black Coat of Coachella

AN: Alright, but hear me out. What if i had a fluffy idea for the black coat. I know, I know, you wanted smut but I can't get this out of my head. Hope you still enjoy. :)

This story contains: so fluffy its hard to handle

{ husband!harry - softrry - no kids }

word count: 1,506

After Harry's Coachella performance, you get sleepy and cold and in the back of the car on the way to your airbnb, Harry lets you use his black, fluffy coat to cover up with as you sleep on his shoulder. Then he carries you inside once you arrive to the airbnb and gets you ready for bed.

It was well past midnight when Harry got off the Coachella stage. He was on an adrenaline high from the crazy energy he felt on stage tonight. As he makes his way towards the back of the stage, all he can think about is getting to you. He saw you showing your support in the little section dedicated to his friends and family and wants to thank you for being there, though you'd have never missed his headlining show anyways, begins you're his wife.

You're led through the crowd by one of Harry's security guards to backstage where you can reunite with Harry. It takes a few minutes because of all the pushing and shoving done by Coachella attendees but finally you make it to the back part of the outdoor stage.

When you see Harry, you don't even hesitate to run towards him and jump in his arms. He stumbles back a little bit from the forced impact but quickly straightens up and wraps his sweaty arms around your back, holding you up. "You did so, so good, Harry. I'm so proud of you." you tell your husband while planting kiss after kiss to the sides of his face.

Catching his breath from the eighty minute show he just put on, Harry replies, "Thank you, baby. So happy you were here tonight and showed your support. Definitely needed it." You ease down off his body and look up to peck a quick kiss on his lips, not wanting to show too much PDA in case of sneaky fans with cameras that could be lingering around.

Harry takes your hand and walks you towards the little building where performers get ready and come to use the toilets and such. That's where you're met with more of his crew as well as the queen herself, Shania Twain. You try and be interactive with people as Harry chats with everyone and goes around to say "thank you" to any crew members and staff. But unlike Harry who's far from tired just yet, you're getting extremely tired and sleepy.

You'd been up since six o'clock the previous morning and was running around with Harry to get things prepared for tonight, all day. No breaks in-between it felt like. Well, except for the blowjob you gave Harry during your lunch break. So your body is giving out and exhaustion is taking over.

When Harry looks back at you after discussing something with Harry Lambert, he can instantly see the sleepiness on your face. Stepping towards you, he asks softly, "Love, yah alright? Tired?"

You put a sleepy smile on your face and respond quietly so no one else hears your conversation, "Yeah a bit, but I'm alright. Take your time, babe." Harry wasn't having that and knew he needed to end the night and get you back to the airbnb for sleep. So he makes his rounds, telling everyone good night, and then finds his driver to pull the SUV up that will take you both back to your airbnb.

A few short minutes later, the vehicle drives up and you and Harry load into the backseat. For Harry it's a little more difficult because he decided to put the black coat he wore at the start of 'As It Was' on but he manages. Once seated, you cuddle into his side due to the warmth of the furry coats material. You had gotten a bit cold because the Coachella dessert gets chilly at night time.

Harry notices your body's little shivers and questions, "Are yah cold, m'love? Want my coat?"

In a quiet voice, you mumble, "Yes, please." Harry gladly removes the thick, fluffy coat and helps you drape it over your front. He wasn't cold himself, still hot from running around on stage, and has no problem letting you use it for your comfort. You are married after all. Now with his coat covering you up, you lean your head on Harry's shoulder and attempt to keep your eyes open for the ride back to your airbnb.

But unfortunately that just doesn't happen. For the forty-five minute drive it takes to get there, you allow sleep to take over and you fall asleep leaning on your husbands body. Harry embraces your presents and slings an arm over your back to hold your body upright, occasionally placing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

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The driver pulls up to the airbnb Harry's renting for your time at Coachella. Surprisingly you don't wake up when the car stops and Harry thinks then that you must really be super tired and almost feels guilty that you're this tired because of him. He carefully leans your body towards the door on your side and slips out the vehicle on the other side. Then Harry walks around to open your door, making sure to catch you before you were to fall out.

He helps you remove the already unbuckled seat belt, he unbuckled it for you right as the car stopped, and gently lift your body up and off the seat. Harry places you in his welcoming arms in a cradling position and you naturally lay your head on his familiar shoulder. He wonders if you can smell the stench of sweat on his body but doesn't linger on that thought for long.

Trying his best to keep the thousands of dollars worth coat from falling to the ground and to continue to keep you warm, Harry quietly shuts the car door and steps up to thank the driver for driving you back here. Once that's done, he makes his way to the front door where he puts in the locks code to unlock the door. Its a struggle doing so with you in his arms but once again manages.

After stepping inside your airbnb, Harry makes sure to lock the door back and then proceeds to carry you up the stairs and to the bedroom you share together. When he gets inside, he slowly sets you down on the bed. You stir a little from the loss of contact but stay sleeping. So Harry takes this opportunity to get you both ready for bed.

He firstly strips out of his itchy, rainbow sequin suit. Then he goes to take a very quick shower, double checking the bed first to make sure you're still asleep and covered by his coat.

------------------------------

Harry's shower was as speedy as he intended and soon enough he was walking out the bathroom with a towel hung around his waist and his hair dripping drops of water.

He walks over to your suit cases and grabs himself a pair of boxers and you some more comfier clothes for sleep. That's why he hadn't put you into the covers quite yet. He needed to change you first. Harry drops the damp towel that's around his slender waist and steps into his boxer briefs. Then goes over to where you peacefully lay.

Harry peels back the black coat off your body and you whine when you feel the chilliness of the bedroom hit your skin. Your husband chuckles at the cuteness you exert. Harry helps you sit up and grabs the bottom of your shirt, pulling it over your head. Luckily you weren't wearing a bra to have to be removed because it would have shown through your outfit but you did have to wear pasties to cover your nipples.

"Shhh baby, just changing yah out of these uncomfy clothes." Harry whispers when you flutter your eyes open at the movement he was putting your body through. That was all that needed to be said for you to relax back into a state of sleep and allow him to care for you.

He finishes up removing your pants as well and before slipping you into an over sized shirt he knows you like to sleep in, Harry gently peels off each nipple pasty so your boobs aren't sore when you wake up. Honestly your husband is the best husband you could have ever gotten. He's so caring that it makes you emotional thinking about it. And you're sure in the morning when he recalls all he did for you tonight, you will shed a tear.

Once you're in the over sized t-shirt, Harry lifts your body up off the bed and pulls back the heavy duvet. Then he places you back down and folds the covers over your body to ensure you're warm. After that, Harry takes the furry coat you'd been wrapped in and hangs it in the airbnb's closet because he knows Harry Lambert will have his ass if anything were to happen to it.

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Minutes later once everything is done, including removing your makeup with your makeup remover wipes, Harry slips into the duvet with you. He scoots over to your body and cuddles you to his chest. You immediately react to his body's presence and find peace in his hold. Then Harry starts to drift off to sleep as well, the adrenaline high having worn off by now.

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(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITING IS NOT EASY AND ITS FREE SO JUST DO IT)

tag list: @one-sweet-gubler // @harryscherrysugar // @japanchrry // @harryhoney-bee // @lollypopsx // @harrycanyonmoonn // @elenagilbert01 // @bohogothic // @damnasstyles // @mrsstylesthings // @peaceandloverry-inactive // @softmullet // @meetmyblondemuffins // @thegirlnextdoorssister // @stanleystyles // @haarrrys // @michellekstyles // @wherethehellhaveyoubeenharry // @stallrry // @skyangel57 // @harry-is-my-little-spoon // @the-gardener-31 // @lhharrylilpumpkin // @gublerscherry // @yousunshine-youtemptress // @clairestylessss // @kissmyaxe140 // @goldenmelonsugar-hi // @kaitieskidmore1 // @florencepughily // @alienorknight //@dancearoundthelivingroom // @swiftmendeshoran // @luv-flor7777 // @alohastyles-x // @tenaciousperfectionunknown // @sleutherclaw

let me know if you’d like to be added on my tag list in my next post by telling me HERE (let me know if i forgot to add you)

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My Masterlist Masterpost

#harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #husband!harry #husbandrry #as it was harry #harry styles coachella #harry styles coachella blurb #harry styles fan fiction #fluffy #softrry #soft!harry #harry styles comfort fic

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pop-punklouis · 3 years

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hey hope. this is probably oversharing and definitely overstepping, but i really just need to rant. this is gonna sound weird but i just started freshman year, so i'm probably one of your younger followers. but honestly i'm so stressed and anxious. i have friends and most of my teachers are good, but i'm honestly not used to the workload. everyone else seems so carefree, but honestly, i've always cared too much about grades and stuff like that. i sort of coasted through middle school, and now i'm really worried that i've reached my peak and nothing will ever come easy to me again. it all sort of hit me tonight and there's just this giant ball of dread in the pit of my stomach. i know school will get easier, but by the time i get used to it, i'll have to deal with college, and getting a job, and living on my own. really, i have no fucking clue what i'm doing, and i'm just quietly marinating in that feeling. so yea. hope you're having a good night.

oh no, hi babe!!

you’re most definitely not overstepping at all. you guys can always come to me and talk about whatever. never feel like you cant! and listen *cracks back* *takes a drag from a cigarette* as an elder 24 year old, i know high school very well. high school was….. not the best experience if i’m being perfectly honest lmao. yet, that wasn’t so much on school as it was those around me and the environment. i loved learning, actually, even though the workload was a bit heavier.

there’s always going to be these nerves when you start a new chunk of academia. middle school…. high school…. college… because it’s all so unknown and you don’t know exactly what to expect!! fun fact: i still get that way every time i start a new semester of schooling— i freak myself out about the syllabus and work load but almost always i adapt to it quite quickly and that anxiety dissolves. im saying that only to let you know that you’re not alone in feeling this dread and fear. many, many people do. but, this pressure doesn’t have to cripple you. it is different than middle school, you’re right, but i found that the way you study and prioritize that study, ultimately, defines how stressed the workload actually is on you. i had a great AP BIO teacher freshman year of high school that taught me everything i know about study strategies and organizing the time to get into coursework without feeling overwhelmed. he used to be a professor, so his way of teaching reflected that. so! i’m going to pass those tips onto you x

1) make sure to organize your workload based on class and what deadlines are due the soonest (i recommend getting a tiny planner just for course work) this allows you to see a physical embodiment of your schedule and what needs to be done without just scrambling in your brain. 2) have the recorder on your phone ready anytime your teacher is lecturing in class (this has been my absolute lifesaver), so you can go back and listen to it whenever you want and also write notes from that recording without the pressure of the clock. 3) any extended assignments such as readings or projects or essays etc. don’t have to be done all in one sitting. prioritize blocks of the reading or parts of the project/essay for certain days and only get that done on those specific days. this causes you to feel less overwhelmed about workload as you’re chipping away at it little by little instead of facing it head on. 4) if it’s written on the board or repeated twice— it’s important and will probably come up again later on a test or discussion etc. 5) read out loud as sometimes it’s better attained if you can hear the information that you’re reading. 6) flash cards!!! are your best friend!!! use them!! 7) color code certain sections of notes or information you’re studying as i’ve always found that color helps me retain what i’m studying when it comes to regurgitating it later. 8) if you find that you don’t understand parts of the coursework, find examples that relate to your experiences rather than the textbook. 9) always ask questions or even go to tutoring if you don’t feel comfortable enough with something that was taught in class— i never needed tutoring before high school and i had too much pride to go when i needed it so i flunked a few tests before i realized that my pride is dumb and it helped tremendously. and 10) most importantly, give yourself room to breath!

i know when we spiral down an anxiety rabbit hole, our mind just lays intrusive thought over intrusive thought until we’re lying in a puddle of defeat and thinking that our life is going nowhere lmao. but, you’re so young, bb. you’re just starting high school. these thoughts about college and jobs and living on your own do not have any right to cause you this much fear and existential dread right now. it’s still a ways away, and isn’t affecting you presently. i’ve learned that giving yourself grace and focusing on your present more than your past or future keeps you from having a meltdown. you can only control your present, and it’s vital that you take it one step at a time. you don’t have to try and climb all the stairs at once. face each struggle or worry as they come not as they materialize in your mind. life is all about these stepping stones that culminate into something larger, so don’t feel like you have to take on the world every day. sometimes, you can just take on a monday and let tuesday wait.

sorry for this being so long!! i hope this at least encouraged you a bit. you’re going to kill freshman year. i just know it ✨

#grey

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companionwolf · 5 years

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Enjoy your freedom from classes while you have it. (Long story, I won't tell since it makes me upset but it's possible that I wouldn't have been in these classes if something hadn't changed.) What Build a Bears that are on sale do you like? (I'm going back to my homework unless you want to hear more about my assignments on Discord. One Discussion Board post is slightly less awful. It doesn't help I don't have feedback on the first post, though, and I suspect it is longer than it needed to be.)

I have three chapters to read since our full summer terms are three weeks shorter than the regular semesters (so my classes end in August and started a week ish ago). I'm not trying to take notes at this point (but I know I should) because the Discussion Board posts don't involve summarizing the readings, but I'm struggling. The posts do need book references, though. Can I tell you more on Discord? I told myself that I can't look at any more Build a Bears until I finish my homework due tonight.

I’m sorry you had to go through some stuff and ended up in summer classes! If you’re not expecting them they can really suck.

I like the red panda a lot, and the white tiger, and the snow leopard! I can’t afford any of them rn but it’s nice to look and see. The snow leopard has a especially kind looking face.

It’s good that the discussions don’t involve summaries! But you probably should make sure you read the sections required anyway... maybe you can tempt yourself thru each paragraph by giving yourself a tiny reward? Like eating a skittle every paragraph you finish? And then another one for writing down what you think is most important.

I’m getting into the shower now bc I feel.. grimy. I hope you manage to get some of the work done; even if it’s not perfect, even just having half of it done is better then nothing!

#wolf barking #barking asks

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llybian · 7 years

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The Last One

Title: The Last One Fandom: Slayers Pairing: Xellos/Filia Word Count: 4,672

Filia's head jerked upward at the sound of a bell. Business had been slow all day and, anyway, who could blame her for nearly dozing off? The antique show in Mons had been lucrative, but exhausting. She'd gotten back home so late that she skipped dinner, only stopping to kiss an up-way-past-his-bedtime Val goodnight before collapsing onto her pillow for the kind of blackout sleep that's barely restful.

The chimes quieted as the door shut behind four cloaked figures. Funny enough, but just the sight of them was enough to shake the sleep off of her. They didn't… look like customers. At least, whatever they were looking for wasn't stocked on her shelves.

The two in the front sported sizable grey-tinged beards. The other two—one slim and the other broad—trailed a few respectful steps behind their elders. Pointed ears rose through the varying shades of blond on each head.

What could they be doing there? The only reasons she could immediately come up with were very, very bad.

One of the two older-looking dragons seemed to sense her uncertainty. He gave her a wrinkled smile. "Miss Filia Ul Copt? We are pleased—so very pleased—to have found you!"

Filia's lips began to form around an interrogative, but she was stuck between "why?" and "who?"

"Our apologies for catching you off-guard, Miss Ul Copt," the other dragon cut in. The poorly-disguised bald spot on his head shone with sweat. "My name is Ursus. I work in the services of the Earthlord's temple."

"And my name is Constans—an aide to the Supreme Elder of the Airlord's temple," the other finished.

"I see," Filia said weakly. She didn't.

"My colleague and I have been delegated by our respective temples to present you with a marvelous opportunity," Ursus explained. "We realize that your last dealings with your temple's leadership were… heated…"

"Painful," Constans supplied.

"And our appearance must bring up some complicated emotions," Ursus went on. "So I want to assure you that we mean you no harm. In fact, we hope to offer you something of great value."

Gravos walked through the storeroom door with a box-load of pottery. At some subtle eye-contact from Filia, he immediately backed out.

"…And what exactly have you come to offer me?" Filia asked.

Complicated emotions from dealings with temple leadership? That seemed like a very careful way of phrasing things. Learning that “paragons” of virtue are capable of evil after all; learning that their prominence was built on the deaths of innocents; watching them join those victims; mourning while finally accepting blood was on their hands; the people themselves and the idea of them: both dead.

"It's a bit… complicated and I'm sure you have other duties to attend to," Constans hedged. "We had hoped that you would join us for dinner to discuss things in full." He nodded at the slim man behind him. "Laurent, if you would?"

The dragon called Laurent smiled at her, as he walked up to the counter. He reached for her hand and, holding it palm up, passed her a piece of paper. "I'll look forward to getting to speak with you tonight, Miss Filia," he said.

His eye-contact was insistent and his hand was still on hers. She pulled back, mystified. In her hand was the card of a restaurant downtown with a time circled on it in black ink.

"Thank you for your time, Miss Ul Copt," Constans said, turning.

"Yes—I thank you as well," Ursus added, as though he wasn't going to miss out on a chance to rack up politeness points.

The quiet one that hadn't introduced himself merely nodded at her before the four made their way back out the door.

As soon as they were gone, Gravos stepped out into the shop. "What was that all about, boss?" he asked.

"I'm… not sure," Filia said, still looking down at the card in her hand.

Something of great value on offer? What could dragons from far-flung temples have come all this way to give to her?

"Umm… Gravos?"

"Yeah?" he asked.

"…Do you think you and Jillas could watch Val tonight for me?"

*****

Filia clasped the clammy metal of the door handle and pulled it open before a restaurant employee could scramble over to open it for her. He was forced to make due with opening the second set of doors. Filia drifted past him with a distracted "thank you." It was after seven, but she wasn't hungry. Her mind was too absorbed with anxious curiosity to nudge her appetite and draw its attention to the smell of grilled meat.

"Good evening, Madam. Welcome to The Ruby Palace. How many will be dining with you today?" said a man in the compulsorily chipper tones of someone reading off a corporate script.

"I…" Filia hesitated. "Well, I'm supposed to be meeting some people here, I guess."

The maître d' smiled. "Come this way, Madam. You're expected."

She followed his brisk walk through the crowded dining area. He held aside a velvety curtain leading off to a smaller section. Crossing the threshold felt like a dimming of the senses. It was slightly darker, slightly quieter as the heavy curtain muffled the conversation in the main room. Candlelight glimmered against the facets of jewels, silk cravats, and sleek black dresses of the select crop of diners seated at the few tables. Filia began to wish she'd gone home to change instead of coming directly from the shop.

She was shuffled off to a large table in the corner where two of the dragons from earlier—Laurent and the quiet one—were seated. There was no sign of their elders anywhere.

"Ah, the lady of the hour has arrived," Laurent said with a respectful dip of his head. "So nice to see you again, Miss Filia."

The other man stood up and made a deep bow. "I apologize for not introducing myself earlier, ma'am. My name is Beatus and I am at your service."

"Oh, well, nice to meet you," Filia said weakly. She made to reach for a chair across the table from them to sit down, but Beatus had already stepped aside and pulled out his own chair expectantly for her. She sat down next to Laurent and, after he'd pushed her chair in, Beatus took the seat on her other side.

"So, how was your day, Miss Filia?" Laurent asked, his chin cradled in both hands as he leaned his elbows on the table. "I'm sure it must be difficult to run a shop in such a busy area."

"It was fine," was all the response Filia was willing to give. She looked beyond him to the other side of the table. "Where are the other two that were with you?"

Beatus crossed his arms. "They'll be here soon—we were sent ahead to meet you."

"We couldn't leave a lady waiting," Laurent piped up.

Filia narrowed her eyes at him. "If you don't mind me asking," she said in a brass-tacks kind of tone, "what do those two want with me?"

"It would be better for them to explain themselves when they get here," Beatus answered.

"Fine then," Filia said, letting a little exasperation creep into her voice, "what about the two of you? Are you just their assistants or are you here for some other reason?"

Beatus said: "You'll see" at the same time Laurent said: "We're here for you."

Beatus glared at Laurent, who looked unabashed. "We're all here to talk to you about something very important," Beautus said, making it clear that this was the party line and nothing more should be added.

"Can I tempt the lady and gentlemen with some of our fine wines?" a black-vested waitress asked, gliding over to their table.

Filia looked past her and into the dim candlelight as Beatus ordered for the table. A creeping sense told her that whatever this "something of great value" the dragons had come to offer would not be as pleasant and friendly as they would have her think. If it truly was a good thing, then why would they need to butter her up to get her to accept?

Was that what they were doing? It certainly seemed like it. It would go a long way to explain Laurent's behavior. Of course, Filia couldn't speak to the experiences of other denominations, but at least among the servants of the Fire Dragon King it would be strange for a dragon to be so… familiar—certainly it was strange to be so unsubtle about it.

Outside light bled into the room the curtain was pulled back to accommodate two elderly men. The dragons caught her eye as they enter and smiled.

Filia took a terribly necessary swig of the wine that had just been passed to her as they approached. "There she is," Ursus said, with a fondness one might reserve for a household cat’s appearance.

"Thank you for accepting our invitation tonight," Constans said with a respectful nod of his head as the two of them took seats across from her.

"Yes, well, I wanted to at least hear what you wanted to say to me," Filia said carefully. She hoped to avoid wading through more cryptic pleasantries by keeping things direct. They were being polite, and she wanted to return this politeness, but she also wanted to communicate that no further schmoozing was necessary and that they should get to the point. She'd been schmoozed enough already. This was as good as things would get, schmooze-wise.

"Of course," Ursus said, bushy eyebrows knitting together sympathetically. "Beatus, will you speak to the kitchens? We'd be best served to keep interruptions to a minimum."

Beatus nodded, leaving a linen napkin at his place setting before rising.

Ursus gave a broad nod toward Constans, indicating Filia. The golden dragon cleared his throat.

“As you know, Miss Ul Copt,” Constans began, “the protection of this world is divided between the servants of the dragon kings into quadrants. However, with the loss of the Supreme Elder of the Fire Dragon King and his parishioners, that is no longer the case.” He tugged at his beard. “Now that a quadrant is unguarded, all of us—and the world, by extension—are vulnerable.”

“Since none of Flarelord’s servants survived, there is no one left to do his earthly work,” Ursus cut in. “No one except you, Miss Ul Copt. You are the last one.”

Filia shook her head. “You’re wrong. I renounced my position in the temple of the Fire Dragon King before…” She faltered. “…Before it all ended.”

“Well, yes, we are aware—” Constans started.

“And you had your reasons, we know,” Ursus added.

“Nevertheless, you are the last one who ever called yourself his servant.”

Both old dragons looked up for a moment as Beatus returned to the table. The man gave a respectful half-bow and returned to his seat, his task complete.

“Let me get straight to the point, Miss Ul Copt,” Constans said, eyes turning serious. “Our aim is to reinstate the Temple of the Fire Dragon King, and there can be no better leader than you to take the helm.”

Ursus saw her jaw fall open, and spoke up before she could object. “The dark acts of the past brought tragedy to your people. But if you were to take the post of the Supreme Elder, you could start again with a blank slate; usher in an era of good will and charity. Think what you could do, leading a new generation of servants of the Fire Dragon King.”

“There’s no way!” Filia yelped. Realizing that her voice had carried to the other diners, she brought it down a notch. “I’ve moved on: I have responsibilities here. And even if I wanted to, there’s no way I’m qualified to be Supreme Elder!”

“It does seem a bit unfitting,” came an unlikely bit of support from Laurent, before he added, “such a beautiful young woman being called an elder!”

“The title refers not to years of life, but to years of wisdom and experience,” Beatus commented, without making direct eye contact. “It’s spiritual. You qualify.”

Filia let out a scoff. “Even if that were true, what would be the point?” she asked, turning her palms upward. “I mean—who exactly would I be leading? You said it yourself: I’m the last one. There’s no one else to lead.”

The two older dragons made brief, covert eye contact. They both seemed to come down with simultaneous coughing fits.

“We… uh… we are looking at ways to address that in the future,” Ursus said, staring at the tablecloth.

“That’s not important right now,” Constans decided. “Your leadership is what really matters—and all we want to do is help you in any way we can in your new role.”

“Yes, of course,” Ursus agreed. “We wouldn’t just plop this responsibility down on you and wash our hands of the whole thing. Both of our temples want to offer you a deputy of your choice to provide you support in any way they can. Why,” he added, slightly hopefully, “you could even pick me!”

In the uncomfortable silence that followed, Filia could swear she saw Constans roll his eyes.

“…Or not,” Ursus said in a brittle, would-be casual way.

“While the choice would obviously be yours,” Constans pushed ahead, “we’ve taken the liberty of bringing along two of our very best. Laurent is a very prominent scholar, and Beatus is a skilled warrior. Either would be an asset to you in reinstating the temple and steering it forward.”

Beatus dipped his head forward solemnly. “It would be a pleasure to do everything in my capacity to serve you.”

“Likewise,” Laurent added, with an absence of solemnity. “I’m sure you have some reservations, but I’m confident that you and I would make a great team.”

“Some” reservations was a bit of an understatement. Filia was entirely composed of reservations. Though her iron hold on her own psyche did loosen a bit as a plate of food was wafted under her nose. The dull clatter of plates and cutlery was enough to finally remind her that she was hungry. On a more calculated note, having food in her mouth would be an excellent way to avoid the pressure of replying to any question immediately.

“Ah, but I can see the look of suspicion in your eyes already,” Ursus said with a little shake of his head. “Know that we will provide you with any assistant you desire—these two or others from within our temples—but no one will challenge your authority. You are the last connection to the Fire Dragon King’s followers, and you are the only one who has a right to lead.”

Filia chewed a bite of steak pensively. So, she was so perfectly, spiritually qualified and all that, but she was literally the only option available. She could be drooling vacantly all over the table and they’d still have to shrug and say she was better than nothing.

She swallowed. “Just because I’m literally your only option doesn’t mean I’m right for the job—or that I want it in the first place. I never held designs on such a position!”

“You were a priestess of the first holy order,” Constans said calmly. “That is the hardest working position in the entire temple. While higher ups watched over the smooth running of daily activities, you were the one setting the wheels in motion—actually accomplishing things. You know how a temple is run. You can do this.”

Filia opened her mouth to reply but nothing came out. It was… strange to hear something like that said aloud. She wouldn’t deny that there were times when she’d caught herself with that thought: when she had her hands full and the council didn’t seem to be doing much of anything besides sitting around. But deep down she liked having her hands full. And she wouldn’t dare make the decisions they had to make.

…Then again, the decisions that they’d made were the ones that set the temple on a path beyond redemption. Perhaps her not daring to make those decisions was a point in her favor.

“You have too little faith in yourself,” Laurent observed. “Your talents are badly needed.”

“And you know what’s at stake if someone isn’t there to maintain peace,” Beatus broke in. “The monster race will be all too willing to take advantage of our losses. When monsters press their advantage, it is the mortal races who suffer most. Surely you can see how the people of your homeland need you.”

She looked from Laurent to Beatus and barely suppressed a sigh. Carrot and Stick. And she was stuck between them.

*****

Filia fumbled around for a ribbon on her bureau. They always seemed to disappear and the moonlight wasn’t much help. She let out a huff, feeling stupid pawing at the darkness with one hand while holding her uncinched braid in the other. A muttered lighting spell clarified things. Her fingers knotted the bow with a soft swish and then moved to smooth out the creases in her nightgown. She was ready for bed.

Well, physically ready. Not emotionally.

Sleep on it, they'd said. After countless arguments, counter-arguments, subtly communicated misgivings, blatantly stated misgivings, and much more wine than the dining staff were used to seeing posh lushes imbibe (at least she could say with certainty that her fellow dragons weren’t trying to chip away at her natural fortitude with alcohol), they’d told her to sleep on it. The idea may seem nerve-wracking now, especially to one so naturally humble. But I’m sure with time you’ll realize how important this is and how equal you are to the challenge.

They weren’t leaving town yet. Who knew how many no’s it would take to make them leave.

Probably a lot. She'd been a priestess. She knew how seriously the clergy took their duty to guard against the influences of the demons. She still felt it at times and all she was guarding these days was her shop and home (and she hadn’t had much luck with that, to be honest).

She let a breath out slowly. “How can I convince them...” she murmured aloud, “that I’m not what they’re looking for?”

"Oh, you're exactly what they're looking for,” came a voice from behind her, “but that’s not really the point, now is it?”

Filia whipped around in her chair. She wasn't surprised by this point, no. She knew Xellos had a penchant for intruding unannounced, usually when people were having bigger problems and really didn’t need to deal with him on top of everything else. It was rude, but it was also the baseline. Appearing out of thin air was what he did, but appearing on her bed and while she wasn’t wearing a bra was a bridge too far.

“Get out,” she said, low and commanding like it would actually mean anything to him.

"There's no need to be surly," he trilled, the staff across lap barely touching the mound of pillows at the headboard. “It wasn’t my intention to bother you so late. I just heard the dragon race had sent you some prospective suitors and I wanted to see how badly that’d go.”

Filia let out a displeased noise. It was just like Xellos to have more information than he should. It was also just like Xellos to assume the worst with the information he had. Probably because it was what he liked to see. “Well, you heard wrong,” she said. “They weren’t suitors. They just had some business to discuss with me.”

“Business?” Xellos asked, tilting his head placidly to the side.

Part of Filia dearly wanted to tell him—not just as a kiss-off for all the times he’d questioned her competence as a servant of the Fire Dragon King, but because she really wanted to talk to someone about this. On the face of it, Xellos didn’t seem like a great choice of confidant, but over the years she’d found that… well, talking to him tended to both clarify confusion and confuse basic truths. To be honest, she could probably use a bit of both those things.

But then again, he was Xellos and she wasn’t about to say, “Hey! There are gaping holes in dragons’ defenses!” to him even if she didn’t want to be the one to have to fill them.

"Yes, business,” she affirmed and, because he’d left himself open, she added, “mine not yours. So if you’re here to dig for information then you’re wasting your time.”

Xellos waved a hand at her. "Oh, I don't need any information from you. I know it all already. The Ruby Palace does an excellent prime rib.”

Filia sputtered. Not that Xellos eavesdropping was anything new either and the place had been dark. “Then you know what they asked me—”

“To become the leader of the golden dragons who serve the Fire Dragon King, yes,” Xellos said, kicking out a leg.

Filia frowned. If Xellos had already heard the entire conversation and wasn’t trying to get her to spill it then she was back to not knowing why he was here and she was already sick of being jerked around. “Then if you know, don’t start making about rumors about ‘suitors’ or whatever!”

“It’s not a rumor. Both are perfectly true.” He flashed a smile at her. “But it doesn’t surprise me that it flew over your head that you were being wooed.”

He must've seen the look on her face, so he sighed and continued. “The fundamental problem your people are facing is a lack of dragons. Now, I know you grew up in the temple, but I’d hope you’d have at least some idea of what the usual method is for making more dragons.”

Filia didn't need to see the blush to know it was creeping across her cheeks. “You mean—”

"Yep," Xellos said cheerily. "They're more in the market for a mother than an elder. Golden dragons tend to be rather puritanical in their habits,” he granted, “but I’d imagine since the need is so great you’d be in for some rather frisky times ahead with your chosen spouse.”

Filia made a face. "You're disgusting!" she spat.

Xellos shrugged. “It’s not my plan, Filia.”

She glared at the floor. She knew that. What's more she knew he was right. She clucked her tongue. It was there the whole time and she hadn’t picked up on it.

"No need to look so down," came Xellos's voice. "This could be a great opportunity for you! It’s not as though you really ever have the opportunity to date.” He ignored the look she shot him. “Those two they brought along were just for starters. Agree to their terms and I daresay you’d get the pick of the litter. They just don’t know your type; should’ve asked me.”

She desperately wanted to punch that smile off his face. "You're wrong."

He actually looked like he was thinking about that. “Perhaps,” he allowed. “Upon further reflection, I think dragons have ‘broods’ not ‘litters.’ The rest I stand by.”

He was impossible. But at least he'd dimmed his grin to something a little less excrement-devouring.

"So does that mean they were lying about that whole ‘elder’ thing too?” Filia asked, exploring the extent of this betrayal with the grim fascination of a tongue prodding an abscess. “Like, they just want me for a puppet ruler so I can give them children?”

Xellos’s forehead quirked in thought. “Hard to say. They weren’t completely forthcoming with you, so the rest of their offer might not be on the level either. But then again, perhaps their… omission was more a result of typical dragon modesty and the assumption that you’d be quicker on the uptake than you turned out to be.”

Filia could feel her ire rising despite berating herself earlier for not catching on. “Are you calling me stup—”

"And dragons do like their organized hierarchies and bloodlines,” Xellos ignored her. “You’re the last of the Fire Dragon King’s followers. If they just wanted any old dragons keeping the home fires burning, then they’d have just splintered off their own forces to run the temple. But they wanted you. That certainly implies that they recognize your right.”

Filia let this information digest. "Not like it matters,” she finally said, crossing her arms. “I’m not doing it anyway.”

Xellos raised an eyebrow. “Really now? Don’t tell me you’ve never wanted to be queen. You’re far too bossy.”

"Being Supreme Elder is not like being a king or queen at all,” Filia snapped. “It’s a position of spiritual guidance and stewardship of the safety of innocents. It’s a responsibility, not a power-trip.”

Xellos rolled his shoulders and contrived to look bored. “Sounds like you still have a lot of respect for the job. You sure you don’t want it?”

Filia hesitated. “Yes.”

“You sure?”

“Yes!” Filia repeated, exasperated.

"So selfish," Xellos practically cooed. He leaned over sideways, propping his elbow on Filia’s pillows and cradling his cheek in his palm. “I guess the dragon race will have to remain a quarter weakened so that Filia can maintain the lifestyle to which she’s grown accustomed.”

Glowering, Filia strode forward to snatch the pillow out from under his arm. “Oh, come on. You’re not honestly going to sit there and pretend like you want me to take this job. You’re a monster!”

“True,” Xellos admitted, laying lopsided on the bed without the pillow to prop him up. “It’s in my best interest to persuade you not to take this venture using any method at my disposal,” he continued, making direct eye contact with her upper thigh.

An involuntary shudder went through Filia’s body and she couldn’t help but wonder about him—lying there. On her bed. What would be the best method of persuading her not to take some random golden dragon lover and become a new temple matriarch? What indeed?

She took a deliberate step backwards. “Well, you don’t need to persuade me because I’ve already made up my mind. I’m staying right where I am.”

Xellos had the gall to look wistful, despite ostensibly getting what he wanted. “Sad news for the dragons, I’m sure.”

“Too bad,” Filia said, ignoring the prickling of guilt. “I’ve already made my promises: to Val, to the other ancient dragons, and to myself. I won’t go back. This world will have to change.”

Very slowly, Xellos pulled himself up and off her bed. He dusted himself off thoughtfully. “Well, if it’s any consolation to you, it’s my personal opinion that you’re probably more dangerous right where you are.”

Filia's brows drew together. "Dangerous to who?”

Xellos did not quite smile. “Of course, the idea of you mothering an army of dragons is pretty alarming too, but I guess that’s not your idea of family. Better for everyone, really. When you think about it.”

He turned his back on her with a little wave. “Well, since you clearly don’t need my interference. I guess I’ll see you later. Bye now, Filia!”

He elongated his vowels obnoxiously as he slipped out of the physical plane.

“Don’t change your mind and hook up with any dragons behind my back!” came a bright voice from nowhere.

After she was sure he was gone, Filia slumped against the bedpost. That felt like a close one. Obnoxiously close. And now the air was left crackling with unfulfilled potential. How lucky. How frustrating. How completely typical.

But Xellos had been right. What the dragons had proposed was not her idea of family. And even if it had been, she already had a family. Granted, it was made up of an ancient dragon, a fox man, a lizard man (and annoyingly somewhere in there a monster), but it was hers. And she’d fight anyone and anything to protect it.

Dangerous? Yeah, that sounded about right.

#slayers #fanfiction #oneshot #xelfi #filia ul copt #xellos

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