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jumpingjollyrancher · 1 year

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Hello, my old heart

(Endwalker spoilers for the final zone!)

They are together. It’s a constant, like the land, like the air.

Though this place has proven those things to be just as ephemeral. It’s a void that has consumed them one by one. One for the space to stand, one for the winds that fly. Another, another, another.

And then there were two.

He couldn’t even protect the twins. His gloves do little to absorb his tears, but Apollo hides his face in them regardless. Maybe it’s shame, for letting them do this, for not being strong enough anymore to save them all. Maybe it’s because he simply cannot stomach another minute of this, of looking at yet another shining, brilliant way forward bought with the sacrifices of his friends. Maybe it’s because he’s always hated crying in front of Sindri.

Sindri is always here, always beside him even when they’ve been physically apart. He doesn’t judge (not for this), but Apollo feels all the weaker for being the one to break.

Metal clinks as Sindri’s gauntleted hand touches his shoulder. “We have to-.”

“I know,” Apollo chokes out. “I know. This won’t be for nothing. We have to find her.” He swipes at his eyes, makes himself take a breath. It can’t be much further. Please, gods, let this be the end of it.

They always go together through the darkest of times and places. It will never change. Sindri the devoted, protector of the woods; a king even in name. Sindri…his greatest friend.

He should have known she would take it all.

One more roadblock. One more sacrifice.

They look at one more dark feathered girl and before Apollo can even begin to think of the next bridge, Sindri steps forward. His throat goes tight and the words that are said are Sindri’s alone.

And then he is alone with the howl of the wind in his ears. Truly, completely alone no matter the earth below his feet or the air in his lungs. Bought and bartered with their lives and yet he must keep going. He must keep going.

The wind is so loud; this graveyard so silent beneath it.

The whispers come from nowhere in old, familiar voices.

Yours is the Fourteenth Seat: the seat of Azem. You have the power to call the very stars to your side.

Ours is the power of creation. Have you forgotten? To weave something from the very energy around us. Don’t tell me you’ve fallen that far.

Desperation has gotten him through more than one terrible moment. Light aether cracked open the pieces of his soul and he held them together out of the pure desperation to not see another world lost. The god of their old world, of the laws of nature, resurrected and they fought bloody tooth and claw just to live another day.

Live, live, live.

It pounds in his chest. He’s always wanted to live, selfishly. It makes him a terrible hero. It makes him a coward. Every risk he took, it was always with the thought in the back of his mind that he would live. That his powers would always save him at the last.

And now?

Apollo tips his head back, letting the tears roll back across his temples and into his hair. The weight of a thousand thousand worlds weighs heavy. The ghosts that hang always in the corners of his eyes move forward, a grim welcoming party to his final utter end.

Oh, don’t leave me here alone.

Don’t tell me that we’ve grown for having loved for a little while.

He takes a breath. He exhales. He takes a step, and then another.

Apollo walks across a dead world, ghosts flickering in his eyes. He clings to the shards of something in his chest, the last thing in the box, flickering against the dark.

I don’t wanna be alone.

The sun climbs the back of the cliffs, eclipsed against a dead star, nearly subsumed by the dark.

Apollo breathes and he keeps taking another step. Until he finds her.

The hard, black, dead star hangs above them both. Her feathers are pitch and her skin like ash. Another ghost, another one lost in the dark. He feels like her match. Here at the end of the universe, he is as any other mortal: small, insignificant, and alone.

Apollo closes his eyes. She speaks, the little bird long lost, in a voice that almost sounds kind. “Come, let me relieve you of your burden. You have suffered enough.”

A stone that should never have been made, not after their parting, hangs above his heart. He lifts his hand to it, safely tucked away, and smiles. “I have never forsaken this world nor its people. I will not start now,” he says quietly.

His eyes open, the summer sky blazing in his face. The sun rises, gilding all in gold.

It’s as easy as breathing. The spell circle appears like daybreak over the mountains. A heartbeat and they’re there. Hades starts to scoff. Hythlodaeus starts to chuckle.

“I’m afraid we don’t have time, my friends.” Apollo walks forward to stand between them. “I simply wanted some certainty.”

“Such recklessness.” Hades crosses his arms with a sniff.

“As if you’ve never had a flair for the dramatic.” Hythlodaeus holds a hand out, their own dramatic flair for show.

Apollo takes another breath. It feels like two sets of lungs, like a ghost of himself sets his hands on his shoulders.

Hello, my old heart.

It’s been so long since I’ve given you away.

“Focus and envision,” Hades says like they’re all still in school. Light builds around the three of them, power humming through the air and rising like a song.

He takes it in, holds it, and then weaves the next verse.

With a flick of his wrist, the world explodes at their feet. Beautiful crystal blossoms break from the cold earth, racing to cover the emptiness and welcome her home.

It reaches further, sunlight breaking through the branches, warming the earth with a new dawn. It steadies the ground, brings new life to the air, and makes manifest all their dreams.

The sun rises steadily, drawing all back into its light.

And every day I add another stone to the walls I built around you to keep you safe.

It leaves him burned clean and raw. He’d collapse to the ground alongside her if it wasn’t for the hands on his arms. “Beautifully done,” Hythlodaeus says. “Your greatest composition yet, I’d say.”

Steadying him, Hades says nothing. But his touch lingers, fingers brushing at his back. They help him find his feet and then they step away.

Oh, don’t leave me here alone.

Don’t tell me that we’ve grown for having loved a little while.

Apollo looks at them and feels a piece of himself walk away to join them. They will fade back into the Sea and one day…they’ll all give it another try. He smiles at them and then weaves Hydaelyn’s last light into his own.

They reappear in beautiful flashes of light, each and every one.

Oh, oh-oh. I don’t wanna be alone.

There is a presence at his back, a weighted gaze. Apollo turns to meet mismatched eyes and the ghosts all fade away. His face scrunches, the ugliest of expressions, and then he darts across the flowers, petals flying in his wake.

I wanna find a home. And I wanna share it with you.

Sindri’s arms are already up to catch him. His momentum carries them around in a half-circle and Apollo’s heart is in pieces, it’s ready to burst. He brushes Sindri’s bangs aside, meets his beautiful, steady mismatched eyes, and then kisses him.

It’s for the end of the world. It’s a promise. It’s a welcome home.

He kisses Sindri for every day that he hasn’t and every day yet to come. For every tavern night and every fight where they’ve been too reckless or too careless for each other. Every healing spell, every heavy sword, it always meant this: be safe, be well, I love you.

Hello, my old heart. How have you been?

Someone is whistling for them and Apollo pulls away, hands still cupped around Sindri’s face. He smiles as tears fall from his eyes. He wipes away those that land on Sindri’s cheeks before his feet find the ground again. Sindri’s throat works, but he says nothing. He puts his hand to the back of Apollo’s head and then hugs him tightly for a moment.

“Now that’s a step too far!” Thanced’s voice is light, teasing.

Apollo laughs as Sindri steps back and the others move in. He hugs them, each in turn, and then returns to Sindri. He takes his hand and holds it tight. The squeeze he gets in return is grounding.

Almost home.

#ffxiv #ffxiv fic #self-indulgence and sun imagery to the EXTREME #this is quite frankly just for me and Jade #Im only posting it for easy finding with the gpose lol #anyway I love them and they're living rent free :3 #Apollo #Sindri #THE OCS NOT THE CHARACTERS but like whatever you wanna do I guess #I wrote this in a haze of like two hours on pure emotion #aka the best inspired shit ever for me #endwalker spoilers #endwalker

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