FIMMF?? AND THE NAIL ART??!

Another day another dollar

What a week I tell ya. Monday kids are off school up we get up for me to clean the pub I work in and me little soldiers come with me.. Spend three hours deep cleaning and then home for a serious housework cause I tell ya my gaff on a Monday morning is always at its worse I think I must be lazier of a weekend and then Monday morning I look around like wtf 😫😭😫😭😫 go work and then have to come back and tackle it like a modern day cunting Cinderella funny thing is Aswell I have two step sisters but it’s alright they ain’t ugly 😂😂 also have a stepmother but it’s alright she ain’t that wicked. Got no fucking glass slippers and I spose I do have my Prince Charming but he’s more Christian grey then fucking prince darling.. Me and kids do some baking and just have a nice afternoon. They I run round like a loon because the other half is working away in the morning in Cornwall so out first valentines together won’t actually be together. So I jump in the bath, shave the pussy not that it’s hairy but you know satin fresh is the way foward valentines deserves more then day old cunt stubble if you get my drift 😏 throw on some dinner little bit of make up cause I look like me father after a heavy night I’m all crazy hair and fuckin mole eyes.. I swear the Irish within me comes out when I’m hanging I look like a little old Irish man who’s had a few too many whiskys and he's lost his fuckin potatoes and his pot of gold.. Go to throw on something sexy ya know make the old effort and me being the cunt I am still carrying this extra half a stone but in reality between you and me I think it’s more like a stone ( fucking cunty life) every bit of fuckin sauce I got is wacked on and I resemble them cunting potatoes the little old Irish man lost. Want to take a knife and chop half me body off but I’ve never been one to self harm so I slip a little black lace negligee thing on still look like fuckin potato in my eyes but at least potatoes draped in lace rather the potatoes trying to fuckin escape like a fuckin refugee in a freezer Lorry. Look around think I need something else. Ahahhaa 💡 man other day in pub gave me roses will rip them little cunts up n sprinkle em all over the joint give it that little hoe life feeling.. Kids are like “ mummmmmmmmm” have to wrap myself in a dressing gown cause I don’t want them knowing there mothers a whore hoping for cupids arrow right in her sweet spot when they finally wander off to that lovely land of slumber.. Try settle them for bed stroke a few heads sing there favourite songs I look into there beautiful little eyes and think damn you been drinking my Dr Pepper because them eyes don’t tell me sleep is coming at any point this fucking February. Kisses cuddles creep back down the stairs and hope for the best realise fml I have no wine because I don't really drink at home, personal life rule having a brother who's an alcoholic ( recovering yay 😊) but you know what I do have fruit salad catcuss jacks and lemonade, Fuck it he’ll think it’s rosé on site 😂😂😂😂 he arrives laden with smiles and presents I got you tubes top twenty love songs playing on the background like some fucking cunt and I think to myself shit son shoulda just threw on a tracky and ordered the cunt a pizza after he asks me if I’ve run him a bath 😤 but it’s ok the presents were very thoughtful and so me so he’s quickly off the hit list and back in the good books, after a lovely two hours a little bicker starts I don’t even know why we’re both to headstrong and God love him I think he likes on occasion a little yes woman.. Well honey boo boo child please You got more chance of me shitting in my own mouth then being a yes girl 🙌🏻 go to bed no fucking cupids arrow for me both huffing waiting for the other to make it up but were selfish cunts and it don’t happen. 5.30 am alarm goes off I’m woken with a hard penis in my side and an I love you and being the cock hungry little shit I am I’m them legs are in the air getting wished a belated Valentine’s Day 😂😂😂😂 That morning I have to cash up at work because there on an anniversary break, well people have you ever dropped a till with 300+ quid innit all over a 6 by 6 office with more shit innit then a fuckin pound shop when bearing in mind 150 of that fucking money is in change.. I’m playing £300 pick up with pennies whilst me kids are running round the gaff high on the Diet Coke I gave em to keep quiet and I don’t give my kids Coke unless it’s a special occasion and me being the cunt I am thought I need them happy and amused I declare this Tuesday morning a special occasion, half hour in ones rolling Bladeing round the place and ones calling my name like a parrot on speed. Text the mother come and save me. She’s hanging out her arsehole fml. I’ll be there in an hour how dare she be so selfish and have a life 😂😂😂🔫 service is resumed at work mother arrives take the kids out get my purse and my mothers raped by the little delights. There happy and smiling and laden with new toys... home more mother duties more house duties and then I spend my Valentine's Day on the sofa in a tracksuit eating chocolate cornflake cakes and contemplating life and adding more crap for the kids in one of my million shopping app baskets 😬 Wednesday follows through myself and the mother unite again and treat ourselves and the children to a chicken George 😍😍😍 and then some how I find myself in tesco Carpark with a jet wash in the rain cleaning her fucking motor whilst her and the little darlings are sat in the car dry and warm pissing emselves and making videos of me #Bastards...work that night someone asks how my valentines went explain he works away most of the time " oh that must be hard" yea I miss him but seriously as a woman when a man is home he fucks up the routine of life ya know.. Housework is done less, chores are done less and because there off they wanna spend time with you and as I've said before I'm not in the shitting in unison stage yet so he's giving it all the whole I love you baby I love you being home and I'm like yea baby I love you too but right now I got the shakes I need to shit and you are in my orbit, GET OUTTTTTT 😂😂😂 I need time my friend time you know this bald pussy you like so much she doesn't get bald on her own ya know I need to have a bath a timely bath, beautify myself and when your here I'm rushing one has to be careful or next thing Ill know the razors slipped and I've lost a fuckin lip in narm mate, narm being the bath and me being the wounded little soilder, I'm telling this tale of my sweet life and there laughing away and I'm like I'm not trying to be funny I love him I love his company but I ain't a glue stick I actually enjoy my own company so when he's fucked off to work for a few days yea it's sad and long distance can be hard but hey at least I can shit in peace. Shave me cunt, wash up in time and walk round in a tracksuit with me hair piled up in leave in conditioner and clean me ear holes without a fuckin audience if you get me drift 😏 so at work last night someone bought me a drink and I thought obviously I’ll say yes, but decided to have a double vodka and that’s where shit creek started, one turned into about ten. And I’m working away, feeling fine me and Micheal ( a fabulous gay man) are winning at life, doing the quiz and I tell ya that man is a little box of knowledge and obviously I’m not too bad 😏 but he is a wise old owl, were also guessing a few answers and literally shitting our fuckin knickers in joy when we find out we are infact correct ! Anyway turns out were joint first and the other team got the closest answer on the deciding question, so we came second, but hey the fuck Ho we got bought a drink from the gracious winners so one cannot complain, fast foward a few hours the pub is empty we sat there waffling shit, Michaels pouring extra vodka in my glass and putting on my tab the fucker 😂😂 finally realise we need to go home. Get outside side hits me think ohh I’m a little tipsy, home and sleep… Well fuck my arse sideways when I opened my eyes this morning to my fuckin boyfriend calling me at 7.43, 7 fucking 43 bitch please, The diva had a sleepover with her nanny and the boys stayed with there dad last night and there all back at lunchtime I ain’t due in work till ten so why the fuck do you call me.. Anyway we get through the morning pleasantries. Say goodbye for now I soilder on with getting ready to work, pretty much trying to polish a shit. Well it ain’t fuckin working Isit son so off I go looking like death. I swear on my fucking life the minute the air hit me it was like a fucking sledge hammer of karma #NotOnASchoolNight 😩, take a un leisurely stroll to work and rush for a shit, go in the disabled and I swear to god it was like a man dressed as a vodka bottle had climbed into my stomach and died and I just shat out his fucking remains, the absolute pungent smell of my arse mixed with my hangover made me come to the quick conclusion that I did infact need to be fucking sick! Well I cant be fucking sick here I cant shove my face where my arsehole just emptied wether or not the chain has flushed I just cannot face plant my own arse, so I run to the ladies shove my fingers down my throat and proceed to chuck up all them lovely double vodkas. Now listen here carefully I do my motherfucking pelvic floor I do not piss when I sneeze laugh or cough, but at that point I thought fuck I need a piss whilst now not being able to stop the sick coming out of me and had the glorious moment of not being able to stop myself letting abit of wee out 😫😫😫 it was science everything was coming out and I just couldn’t hold it in, it’s ok it’s ok. Thou shall not judge it was only a splash but I say there on the floor contemplating life thinking I’ve just shat for England in there, I’m now chucking in here and I’ve let some piss out its Thursday morning you cunt you’ve got to clean the pub get ya kids back go home bake cakes n shit, entertain the tribe do housework keep everyone happy n that get ya arse back to work later as your working tonight. And fuck 29 years of age on a Thursday morning and a few double vodkas got me in this state every fucking orrifice screaming fuck you In my ear holes. Got on with my job painfully went home with my darlings and my daughter decided to do my make up I so kindly accepted this glorious task because I thought ohhhhh shut eye for ten mins 👍🏻 #Winning Forgetting said child has an issue with over used bronzer, safe to say today it was me looking like mr T.. Do dinner have dinner with my little darlings. Mother arrives to watch them for me and off I go to work. I get in someone demands I have a drink but seriously the actual thought of drinking alcohol is just too soon for me I remember myself pissing shitting n puking only ten foot away 8 hours before n think naaaaa mate.. Mother calls the wee one has been sick I run home he’s ok bless him, chesty cough and made him sick because of the flem, he’s now sleeping away so off I go back to work U know by this point I tell ya I been on my feet all day. I hurt deep, even my calfs hurt I feel fuckin 75 I tell ya, back to work for a few hours, playing the dutiful bar maid, and come 9.45 call comes again he wants his mummy and obviously. My children come before anything else so goodbye work and home I go. Sorted the boy, bless his little cottons. Had a lovely convo with my big boy who is wildly intelligent and clued up its scary. Discussing his birthday and the £600 list he has wrote me 😩🔫 seriously I think this boy thinks I work at the palace and not the local watering hole. But hey ho I’ve made a rod for me own back with that one. I do spoil my kids 🙌🏻 hands are held up. I try to get everything on the list I try to make sure they have everything. I do not always succeed and then I beat myself and feel like a shit mother and then I give em everything they want then there little brats and I beat myself up and feel like a shit mother 🙄 Fucking circle of life I tell ya.. Tomo night myself and the mr are meant to be staying in a hotel and going for dinner to celebrate Valentine's Day and re connect after he's been away for four days. So 11.15 I get in the bath at some point between 11.15 and 11.18 my hot water decided to stop flowing and rather the no N back down stairs because I don't think I'll drag myself back up I think fuck it I'll wing it.. Getting in a foot high like warm tub at gone 11.00 trying to shave me gash legs n pits n wash the fuckin main is painful.. Climb into bed and lay here contemplating my impending day. Work at 10 I know on the walk there with a bag of the kids stuff one in her heels because she's god damn obsessed and one glued to a phone the little one will decided his legs don't work like they used to before and walkings for losers so I'll be carrying him. I'll clean there pub. There dad as per will be late to collect them. I'll then go home do all the housework too make life easier for me when I get back and have that painful moment of deciding what to wear and you know potato life is gonna rear its ugly head again and I'll be there contemplating giving me self liposuction using and old McDonalds straw and a Hoover 🤔 then I've gotta send out a beg sorry for someone to drop me in mk because we'll meet eachover there as he's driving back from Cornwall.. But I know when I get in that hotel he can take his time because Julia Roberts in pretty woman is reincarnating my friend as this little bastard and I'm gonna be in that bath head phones in singing some tunes resembling a cat getting skewered and thinking about what I can eat when we go out and won't be thinking for any longer then half a second " what's low fat to eat" and get ready there, dress the potatoes, greet him with an energetic smile and hopefully a beautified version of myself so I sense my day. But fuck it right, fuck itttttt... Life knackering, life a chore, but life is amazing especially when your stood admiring the world thinking me feet hurt, me toenails ain't painted I can't find me over night bag, the kids are going to there dads so I need to remember not to check up every half hour, I'm skint I'm fat and I've just come on my fuckin period the day before a fuckin hotel trip (note to self hunt down them tablets that stop you bleeding n pray for he best luv) But then I think I have three amazingly beautiful children who amaze me daily and make me so proud to be there mother, a man who loves me, my brother is living a dry life, my mums as beautiful and wild as ever, me fathers are alive and well, I've got a full belly a roof over me head and I'm breathing ! So you can't really fucking moan can ya!! #HaveAllINeed #weeklife #halfterm #work