🤫

hey hey, it's me, your local kai lover here /lh /silly

could i get a kai x reader oneshot where the reader is in bed sick with a cold or something and kai has to take care of them? which, unfortunately, is easier said than done due to the reader being slightly delirious and more clingy than usual lol

(this is slightly based off of my current state rn bc *i'm* currently sick [dw, i'm okay!] and just need some comfort lol)

— 🎸

I know this is late but I took this as an emergency since, well, you're sick, but also if I waited then you might not be sick anymore and therefore not need the comfort as much...but I hope you're feeling better by the time I get this out!

So here's just a lot of love and doting from Kai 🥺

Bedrest

"Who sneezed?" Cole asked.

"Oh, me," you responded, "I think I inhaled a snowflake by accident."

Jay squinted at you suspiciously, "hmmmm if you say so."

That was just yesterday, on a mountain mission. You were well-dressed and prepared for the climb into the cold mountain caps, but you forgot to cover your mouth, believing that a scarf would be too hard to talk through, as you had a quieter voice than the other ninja.

Now here you lay, sprawled out on the couch with a blanket on your body, feet exposed, and a cold compress on your forehead. "But I thought you were supposed to let people with a fever cover themselves up to keep warm; to kill the germs?" Lloyd asked.

"No, you moron, if their temperature gets too high, it'll kill them." Cole warns him.

"Ah." He left to rummage through the kitchen for something to nibble on.

You wailed loudly and dramatically, "I'm dying Cole, and Kai's not even here to comfort me in my final hours." You had a fever and runny nose, which would be fine if it didn't cause a chain reaction. The post nasal drip caused mucus to dry out your throat, and clog up your lungs, and the coughing made your head hurt. The pain was too much for you to sleep properly and your body started to ache from it.

Zane, who could sense someone staring at the special ice cream cake he made this morning to freeze until after dinner, was passing by when he heard you. "Correction," he pokes his head into the living room, "your extreme pain is merely your immune system reacting to the bacterial infection in your lungs. It should clear up in two to three days."

"THAT DOESN'T HELP!" You yell at him, weakly chucking your pillow in his direction before coughing more. As you lay back down, you realize your mistake, "Cole...pillow..." you reach out towards it, but he doesn't make any move to fetch it for you.

"I dunno, that seems more like a you problem." He smirks, "you threw it, you get it."

"UGH." You flip over so you're facing the back of the couch. "Never MIND then."

He shook his head and grinned, leaving the room as well.

You were woken up by a hand lifting your head, "that doesn't look too comfortable for your neck." You hear a sweet voice murmur to you as a pillow is placed beneath you.

You turn over to greet your beloved. "You made it..." you cough harshly, spitting into the trashcan by the side of the coffee table, then reach out to touch him. Your hand carelessly lands under his left eye, thumb reaching under his nose to press against the right corner his lip. You listen to him chuckle as he pulls your hand into his, then kisses the top of it.

"Sorry, I was out training earlier. Cole told me to come see you when I was done. Are you not feeling well, sweetheart?" He only ever addressed you as such when he worried for you. You couldn't muster much energy, and only shook your head. He brushed hair from your forehead and kissed you there, "do you want anything to eat?"

Your stomach ached for nutrients, but your body was being picky on what to eat. Nothing sweet, nothing savory, especially nothing sour or spicy - what were you supposed to eat? "...I don't know."

"Something bland, huh? How about rice, or plain toast?"

"Rice." It wasn't dry like toast was, plus it wasn't crunchy or crumbly. Kai confirmed your choice and stood up to make your meal, but he found he couldn't quite move unless you let go of his shirt.

"(Y/N), I can't really cook you anything if you hold me here." You didn't relent. "Uh, what if I brought everything here and cooked it in front of you?"

You shook your head, "make Zane do it. It's colder and sadder without you."

His heart melted. "Oh, alright." He calls out to Zane, and explains the situation.

"I would be cautious. Currently, (Y/N) is shedding bacteria, making them contagious. Spending too much time around (Y/N) increases your risk of catching their illness." Zane informs him.

"I'm well aware." Kai smirks, "but I'm the master of fire, I'll cook those germs before they do anything to me."

Zane doesn't argue and leaves to make your rice. He seems upset over something, probably from while or before you fell asleep.

While Kai waited alongside you, he noticed you continuously toss and turn, looking for a comfortable position. The blanket would either feel too hot and you'd kick it down to your legs, or you'd get a sudden chill and bring it back up to tuck it around your neck to trap heat. Maybe the tag on the back of your shirt would irritate your skin and you'd fold it around, creating an awkward lump you just couldn't sleep on. Or you were laying too heavily on your right arm, and you'd turn over to let the blood flow to your fingers again, only to find that you were lying on your right arm because you were facing the back of the couch, where the light wasn't in your face.

By the time Zane came back; the cold compress was unfolded and placed over your entire face, save for your mouth, your shirt was in Kai's lap, your blanket was bunched up at your neck and nowhere else, and Kai's hand rested on your stomach like a heater. You were mouth breathing so hard you could be mistaken for a panting dog, and Zane figured it would be best to grab a glass of water for you.

"Oh, thank you, Zane!" Alongside the rice, he had also steamed some broccoli, and shelled some peas so you could get some proper vitamins as well. Kai took the plate from him and set it on the coffee table. "Sit up, (Y/N), food's here." He waits for you to move, but you just shake your head. "What's wrong, are you still hungry?" He's confused when you nod your head. "Can't you move?" He takes the towel off your face, and you open your mouth to speak, but you barely make a sound; voice too hoarse. "That's okay," he comes around and hoists you up under your arms, "I'll help you eat."

You were grateful to have a boyfriend like Kai, as he patiently fed you until you stopped opening your mouth for him. The warm food felt comfortable in your stomach, and the wetness of the vegetables soothed your throat enough for you to ask for Kai to cuddle with you.

"I can do that," he chuckles. He's afraid of laying on your stomach after you just ate, so he settles down beside you, allowing you to wrap your arms around each other and tangle your legs together. He tucks your head under his chin, allowing himself to engulf you in his warmth, and discarded the blanket from around your body so that he alone could dictate your temperature. He stayed awake while you nestled into him, so he could regulate his body heat while you finally got some comfortable sleep. He listened to you snore and wheeze from the sickness in your lungs and worried that you might choke up if too much junk gets in your lungs.

Fortunately, it doesn't appear to happen. Nya comes in and turns on the television for him, muting it and turning on closed captions so the noise doesn't disturb you. Kai's grateful for the distraction as you sprawl yourself out over his body, and his hands rub at your back to soothe you. For the next 5 hours, he traces patterns on your skin while watching soundless cartoons dancing across the screen.

You awaken accidentally; sneezing so hard your body jolts. You sit up weakly and blink as you look around. "Hey there, sleeping beauty," Kai grins up at you as you tower over him.

You're still dazed as the reference goes over your head. You wipe drool from the corner of your mouth as you continue looking around, processing everything. As if you didn't even wake up, you lie back down and go back to sleep.

"Oh...kay then." He pets your hair for a bit before tracing different muscles on your upper body.

By the time you wake up again, the both of you had fallen asleep, and you were shivering cold. "Kai?" You yelp when you smack the top of your head against his chin while trying to sit up, waking him up.

"Ah - huh?" He rubs his chin then looks down at you. "What's up?"

"Uhm, hungry." You're still tired, but you have enough energy to get off him.

He chuckles and sits up with you, stretching and yawning, "yeah, let's go to the kitchen and get you something." You don't make any move to get up though, and just lie down on the opposite side of the couch this time. "Oh. I'll find something for you."

He comes back with a bowl of vanilla ice cream, which you eat to soothe your throat, then you drink some water to rinse the sweet taste from your mouth.

"Ah, they're awake!" Jay announces grandly. "That was some nap, how long have you actually been awake today?"

You shrug, "too tired."

Nya pulls Jay along to the dining room for dinner, "don't bother (Y/N), they need their rest. Plus, we don't need you getting sick again."

"What? The power was out for only an hour!"

Cole snorts, coming up from behind them, "yeah, during the hottest day of the year."

"Oh yeah? Well I'm not the one who sneezed so hard that a mini earthquake happened in our room!"

"That was years ago!" The two continued squabbling like children, their antics causing you to snort.

You shivered, and Kai wrapped the blanket back around you. "I'm going to get some food, but I'll be right back, and we can keep snuggling, okay?"

You shook your head and wrapped your arms around his waist, "too cold." You muttered into his stomach.

"Aw, (Y/N), I'll only be gone long enough to grab a plate." You didn't say anything, but you didn't let go, either. He sighs and sharply overheats his body for a few seconds. "That should keep you warm enough for a while, right?"

You slowly let him go as you sunk into the toasty blanket. He came back in under a minute, as promised, and you lay your head in his lap as he sat on the couch with you. He put on a movie, this time with the sound on, and you watched it with him as he ate.

"We already saw this one a few weeks ago." You look up at him.

He nods, "I didn't want to put anything new on so if you fall asleep you don't miss it."

"Aw." You grinned and turned back to watch the movie. He finished eating and lay back down, settling down behind you and holding you tightly against him as you continued watching together.

He put in a second movie, but you were starting to get tired again. Kai noticed your breathing slow and he turned down the volume so if you really did want to sleep, you could do so without loud noises to disrupt you.

When it was finally dark out, you were completely out for the night, and when Kai sat up, you didn't even react. He scooped you up, kissing your forehead again as he brought you to your room. "This should be more comfortable than the couch." He lays you down, and goes to tuck you in, but you've managed to grip his shirt in your sleep.

You're shivering, and he feels bad for wanting to leave you to get proper rest. Sure, your bed was big enough for the both of you, but you needed the space to sprawl out as you needed. He smiled and shook his head, lifting the covers and sliding under them right next to you. Draping an arm over your stomach, he settled down for the night. He wasn't quite tired yet, after taking a nap with you earlier, so he just thought of what to do for your anniversary coming up. A whole 3 years together; he knew you inside and out, and he wanted it to be something special. He could take you out somewhere nice, or maybe he could buy you a bunch of gifts, or go to a restaurant with really good food. All three? No, that would be too expensive.

He blushed as he felt you cling to him in your sleep. You were so sweet to him. He kissed you and finally decided to fall asleep.

He hoped you would feel better tomorrow.

I'm primarily a Mephiro shipper but I know you like MephAmaiRin and I'm curious about how you feel about your OT3 in these scenarios: 9, 27, 29, 31, 36 and 45 (This is for that "Send me a ship and a number and I'll tell you" ship post) and sorry I know it was supposed to be one number but I was curious about all of these haha

I will also gladly do a mephiro too ;D don’t hold back, I’m a multi-shipper at heart. But hell yeah ot3 :D

9. Do they discuss big issues? Religion? Marriage? Children? Death?

-Religion probably not, or in the vein of what goes on in canon so it’s nbd to any of them. Marriage, Rin is pretty much well if they’re happy with whatever we’ve got going on, it’s cool (tho he’d also be thrilled for an actual wedding, if only as a reason to get all his friends/family around for a celebration bc he’s sociable like that). But it’s right up there with the “love” topic and something Rin edges around bc he knows they’re not quite ready to hear that stuff. Children never really come up bc Rin doesn’t realize it’s even an option (tho given certain demons’ shapeshifting abilities~). And again, all things human concerns so Mephisto/Amaimon don’t look at them the same way Rin does so when the topics do come up, it’s usually Rin being the odd one out with his human upbringing making something like death more of a big deal. Mephisto knows to handle heavy topics a bit more delicately in a way that Rin understands if only bc he’s used to humanity by now. (I could write like an essay on how they each approach these topics and heavy issues in general but I just realized how many questions I have to get thru yet XD).

27. Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up?

--I see Rin either adopting various strays he’s picked up and imprinted on over the years and Mephisto/Amaimon just huff and accept that they’re gonna have to share Rin’s attention with others. (Tho again, fun with shapeshifting vessels means I’d get to play with the ot3 and their horrible eldritch abominations/children and Rin being trailed by a flock of monsters he refers to as his babies lol). I tend to take that Rin’s demon heart makes him more like a demon king/satan than a typical nephilim that only live for 200 years so they definitely grow “old” together in a sense of the word lol But for splitting up, I’d say that in the end, it becomes a good-natured relationship between them and Rin throughout the ages. They might spend some centuries closer than others, and some more apart as they enjoy their various hobbies but never really “break up”.

29. How do they handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness?

--Oooh well they’re really going thru it rn in canon XD So much like that, Mephisto’s probably got a plan, Amaimon’s a one-demon battering ram, and Rin is out there in the middle of things totally clueless but ready to throw hands  lmao Minor injuries are made a big fuss of by Mephisto for himself, those giant bandaids and requests for someone to kiss his owies better while Amaimon just stares into the camera like he’s on the office and Rin sighs and complies. Sickness is just an excuse for attention and they all take advantage of it since it happens so rarely (if ever, do we even know if demons can contract an illness? Maybe a demonic one like I did for the Quarantine Au lol). Thus, Rin becomes a living space heater and provider of hot soup, Amaimon is there with the absentminded hair brushing and tea, and Mephisto is awful but he might carry them to bed or help them take a bath/order Belial to give them a bath when he’s especially lazy lmao

31. Do they finish each other’s sentences? Pick up any phrases or habits from each other? Know when the other is hiding something?

--Rin and Mephisto are kings of being teasing shitheads to each other and definitely not above poking at inside jokes or little things like finishing sentences. Amaimon picks up habits all the time, constantly watching Rin/Mephisto bc he’s curious about the things they’re interested in and why. Rin is a terrible liar and they both know when he’s hiding anything, rip to him lmao Though they might guess he’s hiding something, but not what and he surprises them all the time. Amaimon is another open book, but only bc he doesn’t see the point in lying and will be blunt about most things or clam up and not say anything when he doesn’t want to answer. Annnd Mephisto is a horrible/perennial liar and at this point it’s safer to assume he’s hiding something than not. Tho he rarely fully lies, preferring to lie with the truth or let ppl lie to themselves. Rin/Amaimon are used to picking out when he’s masking things he’d rather not talk about, tho cornering him is the tricky part.

36. What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?

--These guys are a power ot3 100% :D Rin doesn’t humanize them so much as bring out the best aspects of them, and they repay it with meeting him halfway. It’s all about getting Rin to recognize his role as Satan’s nephil/ the new godking of gehenna while also accepting the human piece of Rin and accommodating it into their lives. Their weakness is definitely that Mephisto refuses to let anyone really know his plans, and those can be unintentionally self-destructive, plus he tends to displace all his stress onto Amaimon as a convenient punching bag and Rin isn’t cool with that. They’re all incredibly stubborn too, so arguments aren’t always about changing each other’s minds, so much as letting them know what they’re going to do and doing it anyway.

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

--Annnnd last question~ This is fun lol Mephisto just wants what he always has, to have the freedom to play with his sandbox/Assiah without someone trying to take his toys away or mess with them, as long as he has that, he’s happy playing with his toys and enjoying the excitement Rin and Amaimon bring to his life. Rin mostly just wants to explore the world (I’m thinking end of the series he goes off and takes Amaimon with to see all the cool places he’s always wanted to travel to, possibly picking up new cooking techniques along the way lol). He probably sticks around as paladin and mephisto sends him on fun missions to pick up haunted dolls for his prank collection XD They live it day by day, eternity makes it less crucial to have an end goal. Tho Rin’s biggest goal is to get them to the point where they can hear him say love without it making them act weird lol Heartbreaks probably come into play when the people closest to Rin begin to die from old age, leaving Rin to come to terms with it. Mephisto/Amaimon can logic it out why he’s upset, and they’ve seen enough humans die/react to death that they understand it’s difficult for them, but they still lack the compassion/sympathy to really help him and he’d have to do the emotional brunt work.

Ooh man this ended up long lmao There’s so much more to add too T.T

Thanks for the ask~ @entitycreation

hi, i struggle a lot with the idea of defining my faith because of my personal experience with the catholic/christian based faiths. i was brought up in catholic school and i could probably tell you anything about any of it at this point, but the one constant for me was always that the god i was taught about got more complex with age which i think is bullshit because then we get into the bible was written through divine inspiration and the hypocrisy that just because the holy spirit (which is god (who is infallible)) divinely inspired people (who are infallible) that means suddenly only priests and popes can translate god's plan for you because they were Called to Serve™️ - i'm not gonna go down that rabbit hole because i'm pretty sure i'll have an aneurysm (you can't say god is the embodiment of red and so what if that includes green - i'm watching the good doctor and they made a similar reference which means it's the only thing i can think up rn).

ANYWAYS. the post that prompted this was "i wasn't getting into your heaven anyways" i think. how do you know that heaven is the right heaven? how do we know catholicism hasn't been corrupted by the demons of say capitalism and bigotry and arrogance etc and that the only way you could actually get into heaven is if you stop trying. why would their version of god want eternal life with people that only ever did the right thing so they could live forever? i think the god i could get behind would have a heaven for the sake of those that actually deserve it. give them what they think they want and oversee it even though they have to watch their creation wallow in the sin they tried to save them from (which by the standard of the god i learned about in elementary school like the god that should exist or else fuck that shit i'm out) and they would do it because it's the unselfish thing to do and as much as it hurts they couldn't bear to have anyone else be subjected to that kind of awful. and say hell ends up being heaven? say the archangels falling was an elaborate ruse to TRULY separate good people from bad people? and maybe heaven isn't really hell but it's this limbo that the bad people go to but like they have the chance to realize they were awful and like that could be how they could maybe get to heaven but they have to realize it themselves and try to redeem themselves by doing something really big with the knowledge that they could be wrong and end up going to fire and brimstone and never see their loved ones again for it but still they try because it's the right thing to do. and what if purgatory is for the worst people, maybe there's a parallel to it that people who are truly sick/were born with something in them broken are the demons that make purgatory the worst place as their punishment along with like demons or whatever idk i'm making this up on the spot. what if hell is the heaven you always hoped for, heaven is the hell you're living through, and purgatory is just unimaginable horrific with like hitler and shit getting what they SO deserve and more.

wouldn't that be like wicked cool?

i'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense i'm probably gonna go try to write a book or some shit but like idk. it felt like you might find my semi critical ramblings somewhat relatable? or that it might - not restore your faith i'm not here for that that's bullshit - heal something inside of you that's been broken by your personal experience with religion? maybe that you could die with that warm and fuzzy hope in your heart that we all should have had when we were kids..? i hope this doesn't upset you, i just. i'm a dreamer.

i was born with a heart that feels way too much and a conscience that will not let me be any other way than what i am. i've been called weird and annoying for it all my life. but i found a peace in truly rejecting religion, which i think people might forget also means buying into the fact that rejecting religion means we're doomed to the hell that religion subscribes to. i think maybe it could be rejecting the heaven and the hell that religion subscribes to and either defining it for ourselves or simply saying whatever and giving it the best you got even if your best doesn't seem all that good.

what if you were to embrace the things you've always been told make you bad to do the good you wish existed - and what if that was enough? i think that's why i get out of bed in the morning. and that maybe it's healed a part of me that's needed to believe in a world like that a long long time ago but never had the chance..

Look, this ask is so long and took me so long to figure out what it said (thank you brain), and I grew up very Protestant so I hope you don’t mind if I missed some stuff or can’t really address it. Also lmk if you want me to delete this or whatever, I just didn’t want to leave you hanging.

I do think Catholicism, and Christianity in general, have been corrupted by all those things. Probably not demons, just humans and their terrible ideas and striving for power.

I think that trying to decipher what any “true” meaning of a religion is —especially one like Christianity as an umbrella term— ends up being really confusing and complicated, and sometimes you even end up with a set of beliefs that aren’t even the religion you started out with. Trust me, I’ve tried. Some people can figure out beliefs that make sense for them, and that’s cool, but by the time I figured out a set of beliefs that made sense to me, it wasn’t even Christianity anymore except by inspiration.

I’m not sure what to make of your ideas about the afterlife setup, but I do think that the vast majority of ideas of Heaven tend to be a hell in themselves. I can’t justify the Heaven/Hell setup, and can’t say anything really about Purgatory since I don’t know enough about the most common beliefs about it, but it doesn’t sound fantastic either. Regardless, I don’t think punishment is the appropriate response to any sort of “sin,” especially from the perspective of a supposedly all-powerful, all-knowing, infinite being.

I think I’m fine with being doomed to the hells of the religions I don’t believe in. After all, that argument works with nearly every religion that has a concept of a punishment afterlife, and I’ve been fine with that since I was little, even if it was for different reasons. I’m honestly not sure about the last bit. I think I probably will die with that “fuzzy feeling,” but from a different source, most likely just love for humanity and the world.

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Afternoon Janis: Just about Janis: Won't tell anyone you didn't hit me up with the coveted Morning text, like Jimmy: No need when I'm there to do it in person Jimmy: Just use your imagination when you tell 'em how I woke you up Janis: 😏 Why bother when they so ready to do it themselves, like Janis: #yourinfluence obvs Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: Yours is that the 🐶 won't shut up 'bout you #real love 💕 Janis: Dog, yeah? Janis: Not heard that one before Jimmy: Alright, you rumbled me, my sister too Jimmy: But what the dog's saying is nicer Janis: 😂 Janis: I did forget to invite her along, to be fair Janis: Forgetfulness gotta be catching 'cos Mia totally wanted to idk Janis: wax my bikini line or something, apparently Jimmy: I know this is fake but your dirty talk needs some work, mate Jimmy: Good to know that shit does happen at sleepovers though Janis: Grow up dickhead 🙄 Janis: probably try recreate game of thrones and pour it on my head, no thanks Janis: can't make that sexy, no matter how many dragons I add to the story, soz Jimmy: Niche reference 👍 Jimmy: I rolled up to say tah for not being a dickhead anyway Jimmy: It all went to plan Janis: You're definitely that kinda nerd, don't lie Janis: Duh Janis: 🥇 Janis: I told you Jimmy: Piss off am I Jimmy: You can't pretend that you don't know how cool I am now, Joan Janis: What, 'cos you took me to the pub I suggested Janis: Okay 😏 Jimmy: 'cause I didn't make a holy show of myself as you Irish call it Jimmy: at the pub you suggested Janis: You were alright Janis: Not too unbearable, like Jimmy: I love you too, baby 😘 Janis: 🖕 Idiot Jimmy: What you doing tonight? Jimmy: We should be seen together so people don't reckon I got what I wanted and that's it Janis: Or you were that shit I've had to ghost you Jimmy: Nobody's thinking that Janis: Alright ego 😜 Janis: but I'm up for doing something, long as it's not totally shit Jimmy: Is there like a party or something going on? Jimmy: More people the better, I reckon Janis: Undoubtedly Janis: I'll ask my cousin, not everyone he knows is a total prick Janis: up for the challenge, yeah? 💪 Jimmy: Like you said 🥇 Janis: 👍 I've hit him up, let you know the where and when Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I'm on a half day so don't matter Jimmy: Time to make myself look #goals Janis: Sick Janis: weren't too dead were ya? Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: You? Janis: Good Janis: 'Course not Janis: Lazy rich bitch anyway so you know Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: tah for saying it so I don't 'ave to Janis: Please, you're so gutted Jimmy: Maybe Jimmy: You'll just have to cheer me up tonight Janis: Yeah? Janis: Easy Jimmy: Easy for you to say now, yeah Jimmy: We haven't faked it for that long before Janis: Have a little faith Janis: 'less you're planning to make it hard for me or Jimmy: It'd be more fun but we've got a deal Jimmy: So don't fuck it up & I won't Janis: Fine 🙄 Jimmy: Saving your enthusiasm? 👍 Janis: Yeah Janis: basically got 16 years worth saved up, hope you're ready Jimmy: Challenge accepted, Jillian Janis: That's the worse one yet Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: I won't use it when anyone can hear me, don't worry Jimmy: What's your name again though? Janis: You testing me Janis: watch me turn up looking like a bag of shit now Janis: enjoy, wanker Jimmy: Watch me 😍😍😍 even harder for it Jimmy: You're not gonna beat me, babe Janis: So am Jimmy: Like I said, easy to say now Jimmy: Harder to do when I'm chaining 🚬 to put you off Janis: 😒 I've handled worse Jimmy: I don't need your exes list, Judy Janis: Short list Janis: . Janis: like Jimmy: What? Jimmy: You only fake date Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Fuck off Janis: I don't date Janis: waste of time Jimmy: Can be Janis: Is Jimmy: Pete'll be gutted Jimmy: Still, if you're as good in bed for real as you are when it's fake, decent consolation Janis: I'm sure Janis: aside from he probably fancies you more than he does me Jimmy: Me too, he's been name dropping you all shift 💕 Jimmy: Wrong again, Jennifer Janis: Lies Jimmy: I didn't know who he meant for half of it Jimmy: but yeah Janis: Brilliant Janis: Good thing he's not our target demo then isn't it Jimmy: No offense, Janis Jimmy: ain't my fault he don't know you Janis: Why would he Janis: He's like year above ain't he, idk Jimmy: How would I know? Jimmy: Not the one crushing on him Janis: You do keep bringing him up Janis: if you needed a beard, like Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: What do you wanna talk about then? Janis: [Party deets] Janis: There you go, can plan your outfit now Jimmy: What time do you wanna show up? Janis: Later the better, init Janis: make a scene but also, don't have to spend too much time surrounded by idiots Jimmy: You just know you can't hack faking being my girlfriend for too long Jimmy: but 👌 Janis: Bitch I can go all night Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: You'd be stretched to do an hour Janis: Bollocks Janis: When do YOU wanna go then? Jimmy: I'd go right now if they'd have me Jimmy: Better than being stuck at the CG Janis: N'awh, you really know how to make a girl feel special, babe 😘 Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: I'll do it tonight Jimmy: Do your best to wait patiently, Jodie Janis: 🖕 Do yours to keep up Janis: can't be too late if you gotta leave 9 though, are you sure Janis: lowkey might not even start before then Jimmy: I've sorted it with Cass Jimmy: I can be out as late as we need to get this done Janis: Didn't know it was her calling the curfew not your Da Janis: but makes sense, tbh Janis: cool then Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: He don't call any shots Jimmy: But someone's gotta look after my brother & he don't worry 'bout that either Janis: I wasn't trying to be funny about it Jimmy: Decent effort then 'cause you weren't Janis: Alright Janis: sorry Jimmy: 👍 Janis: meet there? Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Let me know when Janis: k Jimmy: [Later] Jimmy: They want me to work over Jimmy: when are we going? Janis: Oh, don't worry then if it's gonna be too much hassle Jimmy: It's only a couple more hours Janis: When are you getting off now? Jimmy: 4.30 Jimmy: but I got some shit to do when I leave here Jimmy: part of Cass' bargain Janis: 👍 good girl Janis: anything i can help with or you alright Jimmy: you can get the dog out Jimmy: know you'd both love that 💕 Janis: Sure thing Janis: use the extra steps myself anyway Jimmy: Come and get my keys whenever Janis: Are the kids gonna be about Janis: they could come with, if they would Jimmy: you can ask 'em if you're feeling brave Janis: Just an idea Janis: might run off some energy lowkey exhaust the dog and them, like Jimmy: I reckon it's a good one Jimmy: They might not Janis: I'll try Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: If they're dickheads, text me Janis: Don't worry, I've got millions of cousins and shit, I know how to not get 'em killed or I wouldn't offer Jimmy: Weren't worried 'bout 'em Jimmy: Just you Janis: Oi Janis: I'm no soft-touch Jimmy: Only got your word for that, mate Janis: 😑 Janis: Proof'll be how well-trained this dog is Jimmy: You ain't got long enough for that Jimmy: I'm not fake dating you for years tah Janis: Christ no Janis: crash course, I'm that good Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: as long as you're more convincing tonight Janis: Name a time I haven't been Janis: everyone's buying it so hard Jimmy: I told you, that was lowest tier shit Jimmy: You have to pretend to like me for longer than a make out sesh Janis: I keep telling you I can, damn Janis: Can't prove it 'til we're there, can I? Jimmy: Alright, calm down Jimmy: take some pics on your walk, really milk how domestic we are Janis: Done Janis: she's very photogenic Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: you can date her for real when this is over Janis: You're giving me her in the fake breakup, yeah? Janis: Cheers Jimmy: why not? Jimmy: means you gotta give me something Jimmy: get thinking Janis: can I interest you in Grace? Janis: know what you're thinking, literally defeats the point Janis: but she just looking for a new fam Janis: bitch for a bitch Jimmy: nah tah Jimmy: One sister's enough Janis: Shit Janis: I got 3 Janis: worst luck Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: violin solo for each Janis: Grace is more like a fucking triangle solo Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: I don't reckon there's an emoji for that though 💔 Janis: 🃏 Janis: really lacking on the emoji front Janis: gutted, gonna complain Jimmy: get it done, Joanne Janis: talk to twitter whilst i'm there Janis: your account not dead now? Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I ain't checked Janis: Bummer Janis: no new nudes for me 💔 Jimmy: I'll streak through the party Jimmy: make an entrance Janis: 😂 Janis: Twat Janis: There's no pretending to be 😍 over public indecency Jimmy: try harder then, dickhead Jimmy: thought you were 🥇 Janis: I don't want everyone to reckon I'm actually derranged, like Janis: be normal, Taylor Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you know, one of us has to Jimmy: I get it, you don't reckon you won't be overcome with lust at the sight of me actually naked Jimmy: head in the game, girl Janis: 'Course Janis: who wouldn't be Janis: turning it into a casual orgy Jimmy: Mia maybe Jimmy: You're more her type Janis: Ugh don't Janis: idk what her problem really is Janis: 'cept she wants to wear my skin Jimmy: she's jealous Janis: Nah Janis: she's an only child and her daddy gives her everything so she's rolling in it Jimmy: but 'til he gives her money for surgery you're prettier than her Jimmy: & now you've got me so 🗡 Janis: Don't fuck her, yeah? Janis: It must be how she gets her power 'cos she's got no interest in actually being with you, she just has a list of like every boy in Dublin or some shit she's working through Jimmy: even if she has surgery, I have standards, I told you Janis: Good Janis: even if you're a bit of a prick, hate to see you go like that Janis: 🐍 eat you when she's done Jimmy: I'd rather my 🍆 stays attached to me Jimmy: more use than my head Janis: What's more #bae Janis: agree or disagree? 🤔 Jimmy: take it to a twitter poll Janis: I think they've got a bias rn though, after that pic Janis: say something dead brainy, babe Jimmy: too northern for that Jimmy: do it for me & say I did Janis: It's weird when you're #humble Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: gonna fuck with you when you find out that's the real me Janis: Coulda kept that in the vault, I'd never know Jimmy: Like I said, you'd find out Janis: You not planning on deleting me when this is all over then? Jimmy: Probably but there's still this thing called IRL Jimmy: Can't bin school off yet Janis: Oh, where I'm at my most social, 'course Janis: you barely knew I existed 'til now I think we'll be fine 😏 Jimmy: Don't be gutted Jimmy: I know your name now & everything Janis: Yeah was so sat there praying for the day Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what are you actually gonna wear Janis: not saying we should be THAT fake couple and co-ord but Jimmy: hadn't given it any real thought Jimmy: what's the party dress code in leprechaun land? Janis: depends who you are and who they are Janis: don't wanna be try hard Janis: probably can't show up in my gym clothes, though Jimmy: who am I & who are they, babe? Janis: you know who you are Janis: leather jackets ain't just for your baes, obviously Janis: idk who this kid is exactly but he lives in a normal neighbourhood so he's not like dead posh or anything Jimmy: there's your answer then Jimmy: easy 😍 Jimmy: only challenge is me finding the place Janis: I better hang about then after I've walked the dog Janis: probably more #goals to go together anyway Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: smoothie? Jimmy: You should eat so you don't get dead drunk again Janis: 'Scuse me Janis: I was not Jimmy: You were Jimmy: & don't bring a jacket so you can wear mine that's gotta be #goals Janis: Just mad it went unnoticed that I was in the dog walking 'gram Janis: too 💕 for them all, baby Jimmy: just don't get as pissed tonight Jimmy: you might let everyone know how you really feel Janis: You ain't my Dad Jimmy: Nah, I'm your fake boyfriend & I'd like it if you didn't out us Jimmy: that's it Janis: I'm not going to because I wasn't even drunk and I won't be tonight Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: if you're gonna chat shit, I've got work to do Janis: I don't wanna chat to you anyway if you're gonna be shady Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Shady? Am I also slim 😂 Jimmy: top lingo, Janet Janis: 😒 you are that white Jimmy: take it up with my dad Janis: When can we have our first fake fight 'cos you're asking for it today, like Jimmy: a bit soon unless you wanna do a really hot makeup makeout Janis: Who'd want that? Janis: Shame Jimmy: the fans Janis: True Janis: but you said I've gotta show I can stand you when you ain't rocking my world so Jimmy: & you've gotta show you want me too more than just a once off Janis: Don't want much, do ya? Jimmy: It ain't about what I want Janis: You know what I mean Jimmy: I know you keep saying you'll do this easy Jimmy: So stop whinging Janis: I ain't Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you liked whelan's then, yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll probably go back Janis: good Janis: i knew you would, it's alright Jimmy: seeing as you know me so well you can find me a real girl to date when this is over Janis: ha Janis: jog on Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: go on Jimmy: it'd be a laugh to see who you'd pick if nowt else Janis: not a dyke, remember? Jimmy: didn't say you had to join in with us, did I? Janis: shut up Janis: what do i know about girls Janis: not a real one, am i Jimmy: what do you reckon you are then? My dream Jimmy: Piss off Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: you're real Janis: You said it, not me Jimmy: What? Janis: 'you can find me a real girl to date' Jimmy: I meant a girl to not fake date Janis: whatever Jimmy: come on, Janis Janis: don't matter Janis: forget it Jimmy: don't wanna Janis: don't be a dick Janis: if you didn't mean it you didn't Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: So don't you be a dickhead Janis: What the fuck have I done? Jimmy: acting shady Jimmy: to use your top lingo Janis: 😑 you clearly don't know what that means Jimmy: nah I don't Jimmy: it's bollocks Jimmy: reckon you made it up just then Janis: not that deep undercover than we need our own language Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't sure I'd keep up Jimmy: proper cryptic you Irish Janis: 🖕 Janis: how's that for cryptic? Janis: gobshite Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'm not finding you a girlfriend Janis: Ruin your own life Jimmy: Alright, leave me to my own devices so I can find another girl who prefers old blokes Jimmy: on your head Janis: If it keeps you from becoming a baby daddy, aren't I doing you/the world a massive service, really, like Jimmy: if that keeps you warm, mate, tell yourself it Jimmy: I'll be shivering 'cause left out in the cold 🎻 Janis: Catch me and Pete laughing at you whilst we fuck on a huge pile of money in our mcmansion Janis: #thedream Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I've seen him concentrating when he makes a latte I don't need to think about his face when he's going at it Janis: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: get in his inbox to live that dream Janis: Can't be having my fake mans and real in the same place Janis: mixing business and pleasure always a no Jimmy: he won't say owt Jimmy: tell him you're down to cheat Janis: thanks for your permission 😂 Jimmy: don't care, do I? Jimmy: just keep it off the 'gram Janis: You might have endless faith in him but I don't Janis: everyone knows everyone's business around here 🙄 Jimmy: if you cheat I ain't lost owt Jimmy: go on Jimmy: save me a break up Janis: I don't think so Janis: I get to come out of this looking good, that was part of the deal Jimmy: We can change it easy Jimmy: & anyway who says pete ain't a trade up Janis: Nah Janis: Deal's a deal, I'm sticking to my side of it Jimmy: You've done it Jimmy: been proven those girls ain't my type Janis: If that was true we wouldn't be going tonight Janis: we ain't done here Jimmy: we ain't done for you Jimmy: but if you reckon you've got a better offer, take it Janis: Don't use this as an excuse Janis: you know I don't Jimmy: an excuse for what? Janis: For not wanting to help me out now we've sorted your side of it out Jimmy: I've said I'll do it Jimmy: like I said, not about what I want Janis: I know you don't want it alright Janis: it doesn't have to be much longer Jimmy: just don't fuck Pete Jimmy: I still have to work with him Jimmy: & I don't want the pisstake Janis: I'm not going to Janis: I've literally not spoken to him before Jimmy: then don't speak to him Janis: Um bit far, am I only allowed to order smoothies from you? Jimmy: CG isn't the only shit coffee shop around Jimmy: why come in after this? Janis: so I'm banned now, jesus Janis: fine Janis: I don't even drink coffee Jimmy: I can't ban you Jimmy: not the manager Janis: but you would if you could? Janis: well that's lovely Jimmy: so you would come in for coffee & a chat after I've fake dumped you? 👌 Janis: You're actually such a prick Janis: 1. I'M dumping YOU Janis: 2. You were actually serious that you're gonna delete me? Avoid me forever too? Very mature Jimmy: I'm gonna delete everyone Jimmy: not just you Jimmy: why do you care? like you said, didn't know each other existed before Janis: You're gonna have no friends, whole time you're here then Jimmy: hopefully Jimmy: what you're offering now, are you? Janis: no one good enough for you, yeah? Janis: not now I know Janis: don't worry Jimmy: you were the one warning me not to turn into 'em like a day ago Jimmy: didn't realise the real you was a cheerleader of leprechaun town Janis: Piss off Jimmy: that's the plan Jimmy: wear the uniform tonight though, the fans will love it Janis: It's going to take you ages you may as well try and tolerate it whilst you're here Jimmy: You don't have to outdo my dad on the fatherly advice Jimmy: not part of the deal Janis: Exactly, you're not gonna leave your brother and sister here Janis: so it's years, not months Jimmy: that's assuming any of us are gonna stay here Jimmy: he keeps jobs slightly longer than girlfriends but don't go mad, like Janis: Yeah great, hinge your masterplan on his lack of Janis: I hope it all works out for you, really Jimmy: I don't need a masterplan this is my real life not a fake dating plot Janis: Fuck you Janis: Act like it then, you live here right now, get over it Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You've lived here longer Jimmy: where's your friends? Janis: What's it matter 'bout me? Jimmy: you're dishing it out like I gotta be living my best life Jimmy: sort yours Janis: Again, this isn't about me Janis: you're not me Jimmy: & you ain't me, sweetheart Jimmy: you don't know what I want so don't tell me Janis: Don't fucking talk to me like that Jimmy: likewise Janis: Fine, be miserable Janis: like you said, why do I care Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Fuck me knowing what you want, I hope you work it out Jimmy: I have Janis: Good for you Jimmy: dead patronising you Jimmy: Love that Janis: I'm not the one throwing out sweethearts like it's the 70s Jimmy: Nah, you're just the one judging me when all you know is my name basically Jimmy: starting to see your sister's POV now Jimmy: bit of a nightmare, aren't you? Janis: Go fuck her then Jimmy: I don't want to Jimmy: but tah for the permission Janis: Literally drop dead Janis: I never once judged you and it's fucking rich you taking issue when all you do is judge everyone here all the time Jimmy: just 'cause you're a girl don't mean you can talk me like that & then tell me how to talk to you Janis: like what Janis: you talk to me like a piece of shit Jimmy: 🖕 Janis: Great Janis: Bye Jimmy: not bye, see you in a bit Jimmy: unless you're bailing Janis: you reckon i'm in the party mood Janis: really Jimmy: not what I asked Jimmy: don't matter how you really feel, does it? Janis: you're a sociopath, awesome Jimmy: no idea Jimmy: but alright fuck the party, don't bother me Janis: nah, 'course, nothing does Jimmy: nowt that's any of your business Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'll still walk the dog it isn't her fault Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: you'll still need the keys Jimmy: won't throw 'em at you not very #goals Janis: I don't care anymore Janis: who am I impressing, like you said Jimmy: when? Janis: You know Janis: I've got no friends, I'm a nightmare Janis: 🎻 Janis: the list goes on Jimmy: that's not what they're seeing Jimmy: just me 🎻 Jimmy: you've impressed everyone else Janis: Please Janis: you're so smart now Jimmy: It don't take much Janis: Exactly Janis: Jig is probably up Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: you know it's working Janis: Yeah not now I hate you Jimmy: you didn't love me before Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: call it off Janis: I'm not coming out of this like this Janis: you don't have to see me Janis: I'll make it work myself Jimmy: 👌 Janis: just tell me how you wanna sound Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: do it how you want Janis: is it wise to give me such free reign Janis: nightmare i am Jimmy: you heard me Jimmy: don't matter Janis: You reckon I shouldn't care? Jimmy: I'm saying I don't Janis: No one's judging you anyway Jimmy: feel free to change that Janis: I'm not that much of a bitch Janis: thanks Jimmy: not on the 'gram anyway Janis: Fuck you Janis: I was being nice Jimmy: 'til I told you not to fuck Pete Jimmy: If I knew that was the dealbreaker I wouldn't have said nowt Janis: No, 'til you asked me to find you a girlfriend, called me not a girl Janis: then fucking agreed with my sister Jimmy: I told you, I never said you weren't a girl Jimmy: & I weren't serious about the girlfriend thing Janis: Whatever Janis: I don't even know if that's his name so it isn't about that Jimmy: alright Janis: It ain't alright Janis: I wasn't serious either you didn't have to take it like that and make it into this thing Jimmy: I seriously don't want you to fuck my co-workers Jimmy: that's all I said Janis: I'm not going to! Janis: I don't even want to Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: don't matter now Janis: Why not Jimmy: 'cause this is finished Jimmy: we don't need to keep chatting 'bout it Janis: Why is it a problem if I'm not gonna do it Jimmy: it ain't Janis: Then stop being a dick Jimmy: You stop being a dick Janis: dickhead Jimmy: You're the dickhead Janis: Oh my God Janis: stop Jimmy: just break it off Jimmy: I've got work to do Janis: Come on Janis: you're really dedicated now you don't wanna talk to me Jimmy: why would I? Jimmy: if we aren't going to the party what is there to chat about? Janis: well we could Janis: but fine Jimmy: you don't wanna either Jimmy: you hate me now, remember? Janis: Well you never liked me apparently so can't be offended Jimmy: yeah I can Janis: It's not fair, that's bullshit Jimmy: you hating me is not the same as me not knowing you Janis: maybe i'm being slightly dramatic Jimmy: go for it Jimmy: like I said, don't matter Janis: No Janis: Shut up being annoying Janis: let's go to the party Jimmy: I don't reckon that's a good idea Janis: Why not Jimmy: not in the running for an oscar, are we? Janis: alright Janis: i'll go by myself i guess Jimmy: that's a worse idea Jimmy: get it together, Jasmine Janis: Why? Jimmy: You're a pisshead & you need me Janis: 😑 Janis: well then you have to come Janis: I'm going Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: when? Janis: Whenever you've done what you've gotta do at Home Janis: I'm already on the bus to get the keys Jimmy: I just have to get the bribes in Jimmy: come with Jimmy: we can get drinks for the party or whatever Janis: I get it, all the sugar Janis: alright Janis: just don't try to palm me off with alcopops Jimmy: piss off would I Jimmy: I don't hate you Janis: tah 😏 you do reckon I can't handle my drink though Janis: which is just untrue Jimmy: you couldn't Jimmy: that's all I've got to go off Jimmy: prove me wrong tonight if you're that mad 'bout it Janis: What did I do? Janis: because I have evidence of YOU licking MY face, thanks snapchat Jimmy: FOR snapchat Jimmy: you were being nice to me when the camera weren't on Janis: How dare I 🙄 Janis: make it sound like I was tryna jump you Jimmy: nowt like that Jimmy: you were just Jimmy: fuck knows, mate Janis: ominous Janis: maybe i won't drink Janis: fuck's sake Jimmy: challenge turned down? 👌 Janis: 😠 No Janis: you got me paranoid now though Jimmy: not trying to get in your head so I'll win or owt Jimmy: nah Janis: 😒 Jimmy: for real though that weren't how I wanted that to sound Jimmy: it was fun Jimmy: you weren't a total dickhead like usual, that's it Janis: so what you're really saying is Janis: I should make a habit of it? Janis: cool Janis: I thought you meant I was white girl wasted then I'd have to kms, obviously Jimmy: I'm saying if I were gonna hate you, I couldn't then 'cause you were alright Jimmy: calm down Janis: Awh babe Jimmy: what the fuck is white girl wasted? Janis: If Gracie or any of her mates are at this party, hopefully not, you'll get to see Janis: the girls who are screaming 'this is my song!' to every other shit song Janis: and lose their shoes and shit and end up sobbing hysterically on a poor bouncer or something Jimmy: that don't exist up north, lasses drink like lads Jimmy: I'll have to take you Jimmy: learn something, Jemima Janis: you can't say the north has a better drinking  culture than ireland Janis: that's literally all we're known for excuse you Jimmy: I reckon I just did Jimmy: am I gonna get cursed now? Janis: Think you're gonna get deported so you'll be buzzin' on that Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: they aren't gonna be at the party are they? Janis: Nah, would've seen all the annoying getting ready and pre-drinks stories by now Jimmy: thank feck as you 🍀 say Jimmy: fun as it'd be to get that angry vein going in Mia's head again Janis: Please never say that again but do 'cos I wanna hear wtf it'd sound like in your accent 😂 Janis: she's DYING for round two Jimmy: I'll whisper it in your ear later if you pretend I'm saying something #goals Janis: Deal Jimmy: Just don't piss yourself laughing I don't need everyone reckoning my chat is that bad Janis: 🎭 Janis: I'll be so into it it'll be awkward for everyone else Janis: 💪 Jimmy: yeah alright Jane fonda just try & look like you're dying for round two 😍💕 Jimmy: maybe there'll be a room we can fake fuck in Janis: What are house parties for Janis: besides easier underage drinking, obviously Jimmy: as long as Mia ain't there to listen at the door Janis: I refuse to fake an orgasm for her the cunt you'd have to actually just fuck me Jimmy: I'll just take you home if she shows up Jimmy: pretend like I'm anti-fucking in strangers houses Jimmy: like its a northern thing or summat Janis: 😂 Polite, very anti-you Janis: but it works Jimmy: there's only so much convincing fakery I could let you do before it'd just sound hot Jimmy: not part of the deal for me to be into it Janis: Yeah Janis: Only human Jimmy: 🐍 quota in these parts is full Janis: Truly Janis: Don't tell Paddy, he'll be fuming Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: better get more smokes if you're sharing Jimmy: remind me Janis: Should get my own, least pay you half Jimmy: call it my being a dickhead tax Jimmy: besides, people were into it Jimmy: new #goals Janis: You make it look good Janis: no one needs to know you get out of breath on a dog walk Jimmy: you give then you take away Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: next time tweet the first bit & leave off the second Janis: I already did that story, no caption necessary Janis: can't have you thinking I'm too nice again and going weird on me Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: Are we meant to do getting ready snaps or are you not white enough? Janis: God no Janis: 'less we're being all extra about how much we don't wanna leave bed, like Jimmy: we could Jimmy: I zip up your...dress? but you take off my shirt Jimmy: make it sexy Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 😂 Janis: this is just going to get confusing Janis: end up leaving half undressed but not in the intentional way Jimmy: no then? Janis: nah, we can Janis: means having to take less there so we can lowkey have a decent time still Jimmy: almost like you now Jimmy: 'cause that's a top plan Janis: Gimme time Janis: not a fan of almosts like go all in and hate me or you know Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: what are you wearing not heavy breathing way? Jimmy: in a* Janis: Thanks for clarifying Janis: I put a few options in my bag, I'd ask a girl but you know Janis: You'll have to do Jimmy: I am out of breath but 🚬 not burning desire Jimmy: piss off I'm better Jimmy: I'll tell you what looks hot Jimmy: 😍 not bitchy side eye Janis: #truelove Janis: #lastsalifetime #inyourlungs Janis: Good, can always get that from your sister if I'm missing it Jimmy: You're getting too decent at #s gonna have to dump you 💔 Janis: #damn Jimmy: Stop Janis: #gonnamissmewhenimgone Jimmy: #Janis please Jimmy: if you make me laugh I could keel over 🚬 remember Janis: When bae calls you a health risk 😍 Jimmy: #goals right Jimmy: love you so much its gonna kill me Janis: mhmm Janis: i told ya, just got the organ wrong Janis: no 💔 going for the lungs Jimmy: just leave my 🍆 out of it & like my head I ain't too concerned Jimmy: least I got a pair of lungs Janis: are you saying i have 🍆 envy Janis: cos that's even older than the dyke line tbh i expect better from you Jimmy: let me know when I streak through the party Janis: 😂 Janis: Will do Jimmy: don't say nowt if you don't 'cause 💔 Jimmy: it ain't my party to cry at Janis: Poor boy Janis: Just tryna seem nonchalant 'cos already meant to have seen it, duh Jimmy: try & seem 😍 like you can't get enough of it though Jimmy: tah very much Janis: Okay you want drooling Janis: got it Jimmy: if you can Janis: Don't doubt me, just your ability to bring it Janis: kinda cold Jimmy: where I'm from this is summer temps Jimmy: don't worry 'bout me, girl Janis: Then we won't have a problem Jimmy: nah Jimmy: & if anyone asks, I'm thinking 'bout you #muse Janis: I think they'll have more pressing questions Janis: like, what the fuck? Jimmy: that's how it is in 🍀 Jimmy: boring feckers Janis: 😂 Janis: maybe after you've been there and had a few Jimmy: I won't find them boring? Jimmy: or I will Janis: saying you taking your kit off would be craic and not a sign of something wrong Janis: they'll still be pretty dry Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: can I leave here yet? it's rivaling in the boredom stakes Jimmy: come back Mia, some mildly annoying shit you've done is forgiven Jimmy: nowt else Janis: Shh Janis: come meet me off bus Janis: #romance Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you sold it to me Janis: 💕 Soft Jimmy: give me the kiss of life if I look like I'm going Jimmy: 'cause you know I'll 🚬 & walk Janis: 😏 Janis: Giving the OAPs on here a show Jimmy: love our new audience 💕 Janis: always a bitchy one though, i 👀 you grandmia Jimmy: probably is her nan Jimmy: does she have a face like 🍋 Janis: Chewing wasps forreal Janis: though I think Mia just rose up from the pits of hell by herself so Jimmy: get her number for my ex Janis: 😂 Janis: so thoughtful Jimmy: her status updates have been harrowing mate Jimmy: reckon Barry's playing away 💔🎻 Janis: Oh no Janis: typical Barry move Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: near end of life crisis Janis: Stop making me laugh I'm getting looks Jimmy: payback for before when you near ended my life Jimmy: could be worse least I'm not turning you on with the mention of him Janis: War flashbacks, like Jimmy: you got it, JoJo Janis: 💔 Janis: I don't get it but you do you Janis: true love and all that, I guess Jimmy: You don't get wanting to fuck an old bloke? Jimmy: Me either Janis: 😏 OMG we get it, you're straight Janis: it's me they got the questions about, not you Jimmy: so far Jimmy: but Pete is gonna need consoling for his 💔 Janis: 🙄 don't drag me into this Janis: find yourself a girl and him a mans Jimmy: so nah to the threesome? 👌 I'll let him know Janis: You don't wanna see his cum face Jimmy: I'll look at the back of his head Janis: Alright, glad you've worked out the logistics Janis: be rude to make him stay under the pillow Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in or out? Janis: whey Janis: long as it don't count 'cos threeways don't Jimmy: 'course Janis: 👍 Jimmy: #romance Janis: you know it Janis: real test faking it to that level, no matter how thick he is Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: we've got this baby 💕 Janis: Poor Pete Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: you see me yet? Janis: Hold on, lemme try and remember what you look like Jimmy: You ain't that good at faking it, Justine Jimmy: #unforgettable Janis: You'll be huffy when you find me chatting to the wrong white boy Jimmy: Nah I'll just smack him Jimmy: #goals like Janis: 😏 Janis: There you are Jimmy: 😘