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genericpuff · 5 months

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Remembering My Roots - Rest in Peace, RateMyDrawings

I've talked about my old art before on here, but never really fully in-depth about the site that hosted it. I was reminded of it today while going through my FB memories and felt like I should actually write a true eulogy towards what once was.

Once upon a time, before LORE | REKINDLED, before Time Gate: [AFTERBIRTH], before I had even started drawing webcomics, I entered the world of digital art through one website - not DeviantArt, not Pixiv, but a little site called RateMyDrawings. Back in the day, it was one of the most popular browser-supported art tools, offering multiple different art tools that were, at the time, revolutionary. A flash drawing tool which could replay the progress of your drawing (but the tradeoff was that you had a limited amount of 'ink' aka recording data), a Java-supported tool that was essentially Photoshop Lite (but didn't come with the recording), and later, a more refined tool supported by HTML5 (?) that offered more 3D-like brush tools. There was also DrawChat, a live drawing flash tool where you could draw with others and chat.

And on that site, I created my first works of digital art. No drawing tablet, just a mouse and a loooot of patience. They'd host contests every now and then to win budget Wacom tablets. Sometimes I'd enter, I'd never win. I did eventually get my first drawing tablet, but by then, I'd moved on from RMD onto actual software such as GIMP and Photoshop Elements.

That site is gone now, one of the first art site deaths I'd ever experience in my teen years. I was around 12-13 when I started using this site and I adored it. When people talk about missing the 'tight-knit communities' of old, I don't think of DA, I think of RMD, my first home. Unfortunately, the site couldn't survive in the 'modern' era of the Internet, overshadowed by more advanced tools and art-sharing sites like Deviantart, Facebook, and Instagram.

But I did manage to backup some of my old art pieces before the site finally became completely shuttered in the early 2020's. For a while the site was awake but lacked any content or features, with a message from the site's creator Mick that it might come back, it might not.

It didn't. The old ratemydrawings.com URL now redirects to the inactive FB page. Any attempt to bypass that kill screen like before leads to an Error 404.

But while the site was in its comatose state - before it was shuttered permanently - I was able to access my old profile and extract some of my art pieces of old. I posted them to my FB about 3 years ago, and today they showed up in my memories.

I share a lot of art pieces from creators like Rachel Smythe in an attempt to preserve media. But I also need to remember to preserve my own. So here are a handful of the 100+ pieces I drew on RMD. Enjoy ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

Don't be confused by the '1987' part of the username, I picked that number because I was a huge Zelda weeb and 1987 was the year the first Zelda game was made. Whoof.

What's ironic is I actually didn't have the Featured Artist award last time I was actively on the site, so it clearly happened while I was inactive in its final days. The one award I wanted the most and I wasn't there to witness getting it. RIP.

Unfortunately that's all I really have in the way of high-resolution drawings as I wasn't able to preserve much else (though if I find anything more I'll definitely add it to this post!) That said, I was able to nab some screenshots of my homepage via the Wayback Machine where you can see more of the pieces I did back then:

There are so many dorky ass drawings here, some from Time Gate (because it's that freaking old!!!), some are screenshot recreations from anime that I enjoyed (a very common trend on RMD), some are collaborations. There was a point where I learned how to color with the mouse by using low opacity colors and layering them one at a time. Really upped my game there LMAO That Ocarina of Time Link drawing was the first one I ever did that made it to the front page of RMD and y'all, I was so proud, the site back then I think had 50k users total which is nothing compared to the Internet today, but achieving that was one of the greatest things ever LOL The Skyward Sword drawing that followed was one that really felt like a milestone in terms of my art evolution, I felt like I was finally creating something good. I believe I did that Skyward Sword drawing off another DA piece at the time, it was really common to do redraw challenges on RMD what with the technical limitations of the site - I suppose redrawing stuff I liked back then should have been foreshadowing LMAO

That feeling wouldn't last forever ofc once the art high wore off, but even to this day I look back on the pieces from that era fondly. It's where the mysteries of digital art finally started to 'click' in my brain, and I had still barely gotten started.

I also have a few drawings preserved that were done after I got my first drawing tablet, and you can really tell with the improvement of the lineart LOL That said, I think I was around 18-19 when I did these:

Now, one thing that I really enjoyed doing on RMD were collabs - specifically, trading collabs where users would exchange drawing files through the RMD PM system with one another to do steps of a drawing together. Often times I took the role of coloring other people's lineart pieces, which is probably where I started to really learn digital art coloring and come into my own with it.

A collab with user "lime":

Collab with user "Mikai":

A collab with user "Overik", which I specifically remember struggling with because, at the time, my computer monitor's screen was messed up resulting in the entire thing basically being a fluorescent pink:

A collab with "Mist04" that I don't remember doing lmao:

Collab with "Adzumi" (?). I'm fairly certain that's who it was, I definitely remember the process of painting this one, I had loads of fun with it:

Collab with user "ForgottenArtist", IIRC this one was more of a coloring page where they gave out the file freely for others to color, so this was my version. The forums on RMD were great for that sort of thing, people would literally just upload their drawing files for people to have fun with:

So I guess I drew this next little thing in 2021 when the site was still 'live' but not functional, I completely forgot I did this though LMAO Basically the main URL took you to that kill page I showed above, but if you knew any of the extension slugs, you could bypass that kill page and get into the rest of the site, which I was able to by using my username URL. So I got into the Java drawing tool and made this little thing in the hopes I could upload it. Of course, it didn't work, but hey, it was worth getting a screenshot, I suppose:

It's equal parts nostalgic and bittersweet to go through these drawings. Life back then feels so far away and yet I still remember it so vividly, the hours I'd spend drawing on the family PC, feeling more at home with the friends I made online than the ones I had in real life, listening to music that I still listen to to this day. It's far away now, but it still lives through me, in the work I do today. Even someone like me can go from being a complete noob drawing with a mouse to a professional making their living stabbing ink into other people while still drawing the same stories they drew as a child.

There is one piece I had to dig up outside of FB memories, fortunately it wasn't hard to find because I knew I had shared it ages ago on my FB so the search bar saved my skin. My very first digital art piece, of Sheena Fujibayashi from Tales of Symphonia, one of my favorite games of all time.

My very first digital art drawing:

Recreated in 2019:

Past me went through a lot, and they'd be doomed to go through even more still (they hadn't hit the plague yet). And yet they're going to survive, they're gonna keep getting better and better with each passing year. Thanks past me - you've done a lot of dumb shit in your life, but sticking with your craft wasn't one of them. Thank you for walking - through all the good and the bad that you've had to weather through - so that I could run for us both.

#i have other things i wanna mention about old RMD as well but they're better for another post #self post #old art #media preservation #digital art #ratemydrawings

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callioclops · 4 months

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Woah, a pinned post

Figured I may as well start using Tumblr as an actual blog rather than a promotional tool for streaming that I no longer do and letting it just sit here and occasionally reblog something funny from my friends, so I'm making a introduction post.

Hi, I'm Calliope or Callie for short. I'm an autistic trans woman and I use she/her. My primary interests include structural analysis of TV and anime, and getting way too deep into the mechanics of various video games inevitably resulting in an attempt to flawlessly optimise whatever it is I'm meant to be doing. As you can imagine this draws me to roguelikes a lot, but also fighting games, RPGs, etc.

If you fall under any of these groups kindly fuck off: Homophobes, TERFs and other transphobes, and honestly just as a general catch-all if you harbour a hatred for any group of people for no reason besides their appearance or the way they refer to themselves.

Quick pre-emptive Q&A:

Why do you have anon asks turned off? - Simple answer is that I don't want anon hate. I think if you want to be mean to someone online you can at least have the courage to stand by what you said without hiding behind a circle with sunglasses. If you want to send an ask but don't want it to be public that it's you, put "[/p]" somewhere in the ask. If you aren't being hateful I'll respect your want to be anonymous. Obviously I'll still know but that's the best I can give.

What TV shows/anime do you usually talk about? - That's very dependant on what I'm watching at any given time. I'll try to keep this up to date (no promises) with what I'm currently interested in. At the time of writing (23/12/23) the two main ones are Rick & Morty and My Hero Academia. These two specifically I have heard are a turn off for a lot of people due to the fandoms, personally I don't really interact in that space.

What posts can I expect? - Probably not that many in all honesty. I'm writing this at 11pm and it's entirely possible that I'll just forget about this for weeks on end. But if I am to post it will likely be short rants about any of the above mentioned media. Either talks about specific episodes of a show or mechanical intricacies of video games. I like to imagine that it will be educational in a way that is completely incomprehensible in an academic capacity.

Why a cyclops? - Initially, I was attempting to 'transition' my online persona at the same time as I was transitioning in real life and wanted a pun or portmanteau based on my new name. Callioclops was the only one I could think of and I stuck with it. Over time though it really grew on me, I had design ideas for an icon (Thanks to @caeruluspirit for the profile image), I really just became engrossed in cyclopes and monocular creatures in general. I think part of this fascination also stems from an irl friend who has depth perception issues and once tried to explain it to me by saying "The sky is in front of the trees." I've been thining about that every so often ever since.

So yeah, I'm going to try and be a bit more active on here. Share a piece of my autism with a wider audience. If that interests you stick around, if not then by all means keep on moving.

#intro post #really have no idea what to put here but I guess there's not exactly a wrong way to do this so

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glasslilyjar · 8 months

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✩Sunday, 17th of October, 2023

I'm going to try to stir clear of as much spiders for Master Detective Archives: Raincode. However this post is just be ranting about how genuinely frustrated I am.

I always try to keep the pros and cons of a piece of media in mind when giving my own opinion on it but the one thing that truly and utterly ruins something for me is wasted character potential and Raincode unfortunately does that. I'm on the first mystery labyrinth of chapter 0 but already a huge part of the game has been completed ruined for me.

The game takes time to introduce five entire characters with full backstorys and profiles before completely destroying all that character potential not even five minutes later. It's so upsetting. To see such interesting characters interact with the protagonist and the world around them be destroyed and left for nothing without a second thought is not only so stupid but it's disheartening especially when one of your favourites is in that group.

Once I heard that good writing is being mad at the characters or environment of a piece of media and bad writing is being mad at the writers. I'm furious with the writers in all honesty, I've spent most my life consuming media ever since I was teeny tiny and I can honestly and genuinely say that Raincodes chapter 0 is some of the most garbage writing I've ever seen. I want to continue playing but so much of this game is already ruined for me and I don't really have to heart to continue what with how poorly the game has been so far.

Just my opinion ofc, I wanted to share it because I'm frustrated with the game and this is my diary so I get to write what I want I guess. I seriously hope the rest of the game makes up for this but to be honest with how passionately I feel abihr wasted character potential i really doubt I'll be able to enjoy the game to it's fullest amount after this.

Shocker that spike chunsoft's writing is flawed, ik. Who could have seen that coming.

- ✩L

#diary entry #online diary #tired #annoyed #frustrated #wasted potential #potential #Raincode #master detective archives: rain code #aphex logan #pucci lavmin #do better #spike chunsoft

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untilteddocument · 1 year

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So I've Been Thinking About: Potion Craft - Alchemist Simulator

Welcome once again to So I've Been Thinking About, a journal series where I talk about things I find interesting or appealing about various pieces of media, often video games. This time, I'll be talking about Potion Craft: Alchemist Simulator from niceplay games, which came out very recently!

They Really Mean Craft

This is going to be pretty low-intensity, in large part because the game itself is much lighter and low-key than, say, Phoenix Point, but this is by no means a sign of any vapidity.

What really draws me to Potion Craft is its command of the sense of place. The music is unobtrusive and pleasant. The art style is of course a nice remix/facsimile of old medieval illustrations, easy to parse while retaining the feel.

It's all pretty calming, even meditative as you craft your potions, and on that front the game really does a bang-up job of giving you a satisfying sense of tactility with its system. The mortar and pestle's sounds are perfect as you grind up the various ingredients and drop them in the cauldron.

The stirring and ladling to set or correct your ingredients' path along the map feels almost perfectly weighted to your mouse movement.

Working the bellows to bring it to a boil to lock in the effect gives you a satisfying foom as the fire comes to life.

Another thing that makes the game so interesting is the granularity of making the potions. Grinding up ingredients, especially the rarer ones, often has them follow a convoluted path, sometimes even doubling back on themselves. However, you're able to grind partially, up until they hit the spot you want them to stop at. Likewise, you can finesse stirring and ladling to get to the perfect spot, or as close as you can manage. It doesn't feel finicky, at least for me, but rather like you're...an alchemist, using a steady hand and keen senses to fine-tune your brew.

Side Note

Being that they're both games centered around making potions, I feel like comparisons almost have to be drawn between this game and Potionomics, which released earlier this year, though honestly the two games couldn't be further apart given their shared premise. I don't have it, but I've watched Potionomics gameplay, at least enough to get a sense of the loop, and the distinction is this:

Potion Craft is a game where you make potions. Potionomics is a game where you run a store.

The latter game focuses more on the haggling and sales pitch, with the potions almost shoved into the background in favor of how you can make those potions appeal to your customers. The appeal lies in the emotions expressed by your character and the people she interacts with. The former, meantime, is very much about the actual creation of the potions, which each one being the answer to its own puzzle, while the haggling is pretty abstracted. Neither game is the worse for it, of course; they each follow their respective styles, and are good examples of each.

Spicing It Up

If there's one thing I feel Potion Craft is lacking (aside from an in-game Potion Seller joke; one of the achievements does deliver, though), it's a specific type of sensory feedback that would really contribute to the game's sense of place.

Smell.

Imagine if grinding up terraria root punctuated that woody rustling and the clink of stone against stone with a shot of earthy bitterness. Imagine the scents of a firebell-heavy concoction shifting from dry and papery to sharp peppery heat as you stir. Imagine the acrid cocktail that gets released when you need to turn to the stink mushrooms. There's so much the game already does to give you the sense that You Are Making Potions, and I feel like that would complete the picture in a marvelous way.

...Aside from...y'know...how impractical it is to have some kind of proprietary computer-coordinated odor profile peripheral with your digital distribution game.

Still, you could probably get enough out of lighting some incense while you play.

My Potions Can Do Anything That You Can

Like I said, kind of light, and certainly less meaty than some, but the game is a treat, and I love how it's chosen to try and draw the player in.

Oh yeah also Geralt's in the game, sort of?

#potion craft #So I've Been Thinking About

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parkerslatte · 3 years

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Life’s Too Short

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: mentions of injury

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: Spencer is shot in the neck and Y/N sits in the hospital with JJ and Alex talking about her future with him.

MASTERLIST

***

The white lights in the waiting room shone brightly as Y/N bounced her foot up and down anxiously. Even though there were many people around her, Y/N felt alone and isolated. Obviously being in the FBI had its fair share of injuries but this particular injury to a particular team member had left Y/N unable to comprehend it.

Her hands shook as the memory of the traumatic incident replayed in her mind over and over again. She could still feel the blood pouring out of Spencer's wound as she applied pressure to it. She remembered how he looked at her - dazed but afraid to die. She remembered how everything around her seemed to happen in slow motion.

"Don't die on me Spencer, you hear me? Don't die," Y/N pleaded with him, "Stay with me, okay? Stay with me Spence, please."

Her final words to Spencer before he was loaded into the ambulance were frantic and slurred together. Y/N stood there and watched as the ambulance drove away. She didn't go with him in the ambulance. Now sitting in the waiting room, she regretted that decision. She had been told that Spencer was trying to ask for her in the ambulance before he passed out. If he died, Y/N would hold the guilt of not going with him in the ambulance for the rest of her life.

Alex, who had been sat next to Y/N, placed a gentle hand on her knee causing her to jump.

"It's only me." Alex calmed her. Y/N only nodded before her foot resumed it's light tapping.

"He's going to make it, he's strong." Alex tried to comfort Y/N although Alex herself was filled with the same fear as Y/N - though not as strong.

"He needs to." Y/N's voice was barely audible but Alex heard her fine.

JJ took a seat across from Y/N and Alex, her face was filled with stress and worry - for Spencer but also for Y/N. The blonde had never seen Y/N look or act like this. Y/N would always try to give people words of encouragement whenever something bad happened. But now, seeing her sitting there looking pale and worrisome caused a wave of sympathy to wash over JJ.

Y/N zoned out as JJ and Alex fell into a conversation. She wanted to be alone, although she knew that neither of the two would allow that. All she wanted to do was wake up from this nightmare she was living and be safe and sound in the arms of Spencer - alive and well.

"Could you imagine Spence as a dad?" JJ said, bringing Y/N out of her mind space.

Y/N felt like she was frozen. Her and Spencer had discussed before the topic of kids but Y/N didn't think she was ready and the topic was dropped respectfully. But now, Y/N realised how short life was and how it can be cut even shorter in an instant.

"Y/N, are you okay?" JJ questioned, "You're crying."

Y/N looked at JJ through teary eyes. Shakily, she brought her hand up to her cheek to find it damp. She didn't even realise she was crying. Hastily she wiped away the tears and let out a long sigh. There was a long pause where no one spoke. JJ and Alex both looked at Y/N waiting to see if she would speak. They both wanted to comfort their friend.

"Spence and I were talking about kids," Y/N broke the silence with an unsteady voice, she sounded like she ould burst into tears at any second, "It was about six months back."

"What did you say?" JJ asked softly.

"I said I wasn't ready," Y/N admitted, "And I wasn't, not then. With our job and everything I didn't think that having a kid would be the best thing at the moment," Y/N explained.

"I see it all the time but today I realised how quickly a life can be taken away. I never thought I would nearly see Spencer lose his life - he's fighting for his life in there and I can't do anything about it," Y/N paused for a moment, "I now see how short a life is and how easy it can be taken away. I've been desensitised to it for a long time but once it was the man I loved in that situation - I can't act normal. I feel like I'm deteriorating and nothing can stop it until I know that Spencer is out if surgery and safe."

JJ quickly moved next yo Y/N as both she and Alex comforted her as he body began to shake with sobs. Y/N felt like everything was closing in on her. JJ shushed her as her hand was rubbing up and down Y/N's back. After a while Y/N began to calm down. Her face was red and puffy, she for sure did not look attractive in that moment.

***

Not too long after JJ left to go and work the case. Y/N was told not to continue on it and be there for Spencer - and also considering the state she was in, she wasn't fit to work anyway. She was now left with Alex and Penelope. Y/N was glad to have Penelope around since the blonde could always make a smile appear on her face. Penelope Garcia was like a guardian angel.

Speaking of angels, a doctor had come into the waiting room. Y/N immediately clocked her and shot up from her seat. Her legs were slightly wobbly due to her sitting in the same position for however long she was. But Y/N didn't care, she needed to know is Spencer was okay.

As she approached the doctor, a small smile grew on her face causing Y/N to fill with hope.

"The surgery went well and he's in recovery," It was in that moment where Y/N almost ascended to heaven. Spencer was alive. Her Spencer was alive and was okay.

"I can show you to his room if you would like." Y/N nodded, not trusting her voice to speak. She was elated. All the worry had dissolved from her body and was filled with happiness.

The doctor led her, Penelope and Alex to the room where Spencer was in recovery. Every step Y/N took, the closer she was getting to Spencer. The doctor stopped in front of the room and gestured for the three to go in.

Y/N rushed in first. Spencer was sleeping on his bed. His head was slightly tilted to the side, his lips parted and hair messy. She walked to the chair beside his bed and took a seat. He looked peaceful in his sleep, a completely contrast to the last time Y/N had saw him when he was loaded into the ambulance.

Y/N took her hand in his and laced their fingers together. She brought his hand up to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on it. Spencer was okay, all that was left was for him to wake up.

***

The next thing Y/N knee was being shook awake. She groaned and slowly opend her eyes. For a moment she forgot where she was but then remembered as soon as she saw the hospital bed. She looked up and saw Penelope, who had shaken her awake. She had a smile on her face.

"Look who's awake?" Penelope said, looking to the hospital bed.

Y/N looked over at the bed and Spencer's eyes were open and he was staring at Y/N lovingly. Even though he was still a little drowsy and spaced out, he still thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.

"Spence." Y/N spoke quietly.

"I'll give you two some privacy." Penelope said before leaving the room.

"Hey." Spencer said, his voice was raspy and sounded like how it did in the morning - Y/N loved it.

"You're okay, thank god." Y/N sighed, placing another kiss to his hand.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked, squeezing her hand slightly.

Y/N let out a small chuckle, "You literally just got shot in the neck and you ask if I'm okay."

"You're eyes are bloodshot, they're red around the outside, your cheeks are puffy and-"

"Okay, okay, you don’t need to profile that I've been crying, it's obvious - even to someone who isn't a profiler." Y/N said, standing up. She hovered over him and placed a soft kiss to his lips before sitting back down.

"What was that for?" Spencer questioned.

"Because you're alive," Y/N stated, "I thought you were going to die Spence. When you stated at me before you were taken into the ambulance, I thought that was the last time I would ever see you alive."

"Y/N, look at me," Spencer said and Y/N looked up from their joint hands to his face, "Do you feel me?" Y/N nodded, "Can you feel my pulse?" Y/N nodded again, "Am I alive?" Y/N nodded a final time, "Then there's nothing to worry about." Spencer gave Y/N's hand another squeeze.

Y/N smiled and rubbed her thumb over Spencer's knuckles. He was real. He was here. And most importantly, he was alive.

"I was doing some thinking." Y/N started.

"About what?" Spencer said, getting slightly worried.

"About us."

"What about us?" His worry increased slightly.

"I realised how short life is and how easy it is to be taken away and I thought why wait."

"Wait for what?" Spencer asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I want a family," Y/N confessed, "I want to start a family with you Spencer."

Spencer's heart felt like it could jump out of his chest. Ever since he had met Y/N, he knew that she was the one. The one he would love. The one he would cherish. And the one he knew he would grow old with. There was no other person he would want to start a family with other than Y/N.

"I thought you weren't ready?" Spencer questioned. Even though right now he was internally jumping for joy, he didn’t want Y/N to feel pressured into doing anything.

"Well I am now. Life us short, why wait?" Y/N said.

Spencer smiled. His heart felt like it had expanded three times the size it usually was. He was going to start a family with Y/N. However there was one thing he wanted to do before.

"Can you do me a favour?" Spencer asked.

"Anything."

"Can you go in my trousers pocket and grab the box that's in there?"

Y/N nodded and began to rummage through his belongings bag. She reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out a small velvet box.

Y/N was frozen. Only one piece of jewellery came in a box like this. She was stunned. She knew she wanted to start a family with Spencer, there was no other person she would want to start a family with. However, he had no idea he would propose, especially not now.

"Is this what I think it is?" Y/N asked, her voice slightly unsteady.

"Open it." Spencer said smiling.

Y/N complied to Spencer's request and opened the small box. Inside was a simple diamond ring but it was the perfect ring for Y/N. Tears began to brim Y/N's eyes as she stared at it.

Spencer reached forward, signaling to Y/N to pass him the box. She placed the box in his hand and he took the ring out and held it to her.

"Y/N, I know that this isn't exactly the circumstance that either of us wanted this to happen, but I wanted to ask you - will you marry me?" Spencer said, "I originally had a big speech planned and I memorised it and everything but I don't think that the situation matches the speech anymore."

Y/N stared at the ring in front of her and the man holding the ring before she nodded, "Yes, yes I will marry you Spencer."

Spencer smiled as Y/N leant forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, this kiss more passionate than the one she had given him when he had woken up. This kiss was filled with pure love and adoration.

Y/N pulled away, smiling bright. Spencer's eyes were filled with pure love as he looked back at Y/N.

"I love you, you know that right?" Y/N mumbled.

"Of course I do," Spencer said, "And I'm one hundred percent sure that you know I love you back - so much."

"I'm not as big of a fan of statistics as you, but that is one statistic I know for definite," Y/N replied, "But promise me one thing."

"What?"

"When we get out of here, I want to hear the full speech you had planned."

Spencer chuckled, "It may take a while, it's five pages long."

Y/N smiled, "I would expect nothing less from you Spencer Reid."

SPENCER REID TAGLIST:

@spenxerslut @averyhotchner @drayshadow

- add yourself HERE or message me to be added or removed -

#spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler

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spencers-dria · 3 years

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The First of Many

Someone To Stay Ch. 10

Spencer Reid x fem reader

Content Warnings: *Mentions of alcohol/drinking

Y/N POV:

You roll over in bed to glance at your phone to see it's 11 AM. It feels nice to sleep in with no alarm. After putting on your glasses and slippers and finally dragging yourself out of bed, you stroll into the kitchen and pour a bowl of fruity pebbles. You put a music playlist on the TV to play in the background.

It has been almost a week since your talk with Spencer. As much as it hurt you to see him broken in that way, you felt honored that he trusts you enough to share that part of his life with you. Talking about trauma is never easy. You should know.

You think over some of the things you said to him. Spencer's entire job involves profiling people and reading every tone, every bit of body language. You are sure that he most likely noticed changes in you as you spoke about coping with trauma, but you're grateful he hadn't felt the need to prod you with questions. He had become your best friend here, but you aren't sure you're quite ready to bare the darkest parts of your soul to him.

Suddenly you hear a knock at your door, not caring if a neighbor or maintenance worker sees you in your pajamas, you stroll towards the door and swing it open. You rub your eyes under your glasses to make sure you're seeing correctly. Spencer is standing in your doorway, a sheepish smile on his face.

"Y/N I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up! I just assumed since it was 11..."

You wave, brushing off his comments. "Its fine, really. I actually wasn't asleep. I was eating a late breakfast though." You suddenly become very self-conscious, and its not just because you're in your pajamas. Spencer had seen you that way on the trip. You realize as you stand in your doorway that you're wearing a tank and tight fitting PJ shorts and your bear paw slippers. Your hair is a giant mess. You have no makeup on, which you usually relied on to conceal your less than perfect skin. You never really outgrew acne, even in your twenties. You were also in your glasses. Basically, you felt like a hot mess, somewhat like Princess Anna waking up on coronation day. Even though your movie nights had been casual, you always tried to be at least somewhat put together without looking like you tried too hard.

"Umm come in" You step aside as you cross your arms over your chest, your gaze staying on your feet.

"Sorry you had to see me like this. I thought maybe it was just apartment maintenance. I can go change real quick..."

A look of genuine confusion spreads across his features. "I don't understand. See you like what?"

You gesture to your entire body. "Like...this! I'm a complete mess, Spence." You try to keep your face down to conceal the redness growing on your cheeks.

Spencer shakes his head before letting out a small chuckle. You glance up, confused as to what about this he could possibly find funny. He better not be laughing at you, seeing as you are embarrassed enough as it is.

He shakes his head, smiling. "Silly girl."

Spencer reaches down and brushes a piece of hair behind your ear. "You always look pretty."

The voice of Mama Cass singing Dream a Little Dream of Me fills the air between the two of you. There's so much tension and you don't know where it came from. Usually you're really comfortable with Spencer. But you definitely feel butterflies in your stomach as the two of you lock eyes.

You definitely can't hide the blush heating up your face now. It seems like he is just now processing what he's said and done because his eyes widen as you see his face turn red as well. He lets out a cough, breaking eye contact and staring down at his shoes as he begins to fiddle with his hands. Your gaze lingers on his hands for just a moment before you turn on your heel and head back towards the kitchen table to finish your cereal.

Spencer follows you, hesitantly, leaning against the kitchen counter. There are a few moments of silence before he finally says "I was at a coffee shop just one block over. I had something to ask you so I thought I'd just stop by."

"Like I said before, you are always welcome Spencer. So what is your question?"

"It's probably stupid. You are more than welcome to say no. I probably would if I were you."

You laugh and roll your eyes. "Wow you're really selling me on this, keep going."

"Well... the team they uh, well sometimes they go out for drinks. If I don't go along they never let me hear the end of it. I usually end up sitting b-by myself while they all head to the dance floor. I j-just thought...I thought maybe you might..."

Spencer looks up, surprised to see you smiling and nodding enthusiastically.

"I'd love to. It's been a couple weeks since I've seen everyone. And honestly I could use a few drinks myself."

A toothy grin slowly grows on his face as he bites down on his bottom lip. He does this all the time but for some reason, today, you find your eyes staring at his lips a little too long after he's done this. Wow, he has really nice lips. Like reallyyy nice lips. How had you never noticed? I wonder if he's ever kissed anyone. He's in his thirties, surely he has. But he hasn't really spoken about past relationships. Then again neither had you.

You accidentally held your gaze on him while completely losing yourself in this train of thought. You are brought back to the present by Spencer calling your name. Your eyes quickly dart up to meet his as you realize just how far down the rabbit hole you had allowed your mind to go. You shake your head quickly, pushing these thoughts far away. It's hard enough to find a really great friend who will stick around that you can trust. You had no intention of screwing that up any time soon.

"Sorry! I'm really tired. I guess I just kind of zoned out there for a second." You quickly explain before returning to eating your bowl of cereal.

"Well I guess I should get going...I'll see you tonight?" Spencer starts to head toward the door.

"Wait! Why are you leaving?"

"Oh well I just though, well...I don't know. Are you saying you want to hang out?"

"You're my best friend here Spencer, of course I want to hang out!"

Before long the two of you had the Goblet of Fire ready to go on the TV with an array of snacks strewn across the coffee table. You noticed Spencer didn't sit on the far end of the couch this time. Instead, he sat almost on the middle. You decide to sit next to him, looking at him to make sure he's okay with it. He only gives you a smile, seemingly okay with this new arrangement.

By halfway through the movie, you had somehow ended up sharing one of your large fuzzy blankets and you had scooted close enough together that your head was on his shoulder. He hadn't said anything but you were fairly certain his breathing had changed as you'd done it.

The two of you had never been very touchy so you're not sure what had brought out this side of you today. Your thoughts start to wander again. Maybe it was the compliment he'd given you earlier. Spencer had never called you pretty, but hearing him say it gave you all kinds of nerves. You hadn't really thought about Spencer in that way. It's been years since you'd had a crush on anyone. You've forgotten what that even feels like. Surely that's not what this was. The two of you were just close. It's not like he'd ever be interested. He was a literal genius, an FBI agent, not to mention he was gorgeous. He could have any woman he wanted. Why are you even thinking about this! You don't like Spencer. Geez Y/N, get it together.

After the movie ends, you sit up and look at Spencer. "Do you need time to go home and get ready or will you be ready to leave from here?"

"Oh, I think I'm ready. I can leave and come back if you like?"

"That's silly. You can just wait here while I get ready, unless you have somewhere better to be" you jokingly raise your eyebrows and shove his shoulder. He fakes like he's been hurt, causing you to giggle. Ugh, why are you giggling? You sound like a lovesick schoolgirl.

You quickly stand up and head towards your bedroom before turning around to Spencer. "You are more than welcome to and food and drinks you find, and you can look through and find something on the TV if you'd like."

You take a quick shower and throw on a robe while you fix your hair and make up. You pull out a curling rod. You had a balayage done to your hair earlier that year, so curls really did look best, making the dark to blonde even more blended. As you look through your closet, you decide to pick an outfit that will give you a bit of a confidence boost. You pull on a spaghetti strap snug fitting maroon, velvet dress. It's a little lower cut than you usually wear, but it comes almost to your knees, keeping you from feeling like you've exposed too much skin. The back dipped fairly low, with the top half of your back covered in a piece of lace. After slipping into some strappy black sandals, you look in the mirror and admire the way it accentuates your curves. You'd been blessed with more booty than chest, so luckily you don't have to worry about showing an inappropriate amount of cleavage around Spencer's coworkers. Your legs also looked even more long and slender than usual. Yep, this was the perfect outfit.

You check your makeup in the mirror once more. Dark lipstick with smoky eye shadow and long lashes. You did this for yourself. You liked being able to feel a little bit sexy every once in awhile. You weren't dressing for anyone else. That is what you keep repeating in your head, and you will keep doing that until you believe it.

You take a deep breath to calm your nerves before stepping into the living room. Spencer is lying on the couch, reading through the book from your coffee table: Edgar Allen Poe's Complete Works. He's so entranced in the book, he doesn't notice you enter the room. Once he hears the clack of your heels across the floor he finally glances up and does a double take. Eyes wide, he opens his mouth to speak but just shuts it again. You can't help but think this was the reaction you had hoped for. Why were you dressing to impress Spencer? Maybe it's because he thought you were pretty when you were at your worst. You wondered what he would think when you put on your best. Based on the growing redness spreading from his face and down his neck, it's fair to say he liked what he saw. You could have sworn you hear him whisper a "wow" under his breath.

"I feel like I'm underdressed now." He finally speaks up.

"You look fine Spencer!"

"Fine? Fine can't compare with...with this!" He gestures to all of you.

You decide to play dumb. "I don't know what you're talking about. I just threw on a dress I thought would fit in with the atmosphere" You shrug. You want to tell him he looks more than fine. That he always looks fantastic, but you decide to keep this to yourself.

"There's nothing wrong with the way you're dressed, but if it bothers you that much I can help." You step forward and look him up and down, trying to figure out the best way to do this.

"You clearly know what you're doing," he laughs. "Go ahead."

"Ok first take off the sweater vest."

Spencer removes his black velvet-like blazer in order to remove a grey, patterned sweater vest. He's left in a dark purple button down with a matching tie, black slacks, and dress shoes.

You step closer and reach out to touch his tie, hesitating for a moment.

"May I?"

He nods for you to go ahead. You remove the tie and undo the top two buttons on his shirt. You then grab his blazer and help him to slip back into it. Lastly, you move your hand up to ruffle his hair a bit. You step back to take in the whole look.

"Well?" he asks.

You roll your tongue to the side of your mouth, biting on it as you try, very poorly, to hold back a smirk. You're impressed with your finished result.

He looks...hot. NO! Stop...nope. We're not going there. He's your best friend. That's all.

He must have noticed the way you've been eyeing him and the look on your face, because he is slowly turning a deep shade of red.

"See for yourself" you say as you lead him over toward a mirror.

After looking over his new appearance, he smiles. You can tell he feels confident like this. Confident Spencer is something you wish you saw more of. You're glad you could help him to see that he can be attractive. You wish he knew that he always has been.

"Come on pretty boy" you say, imitating Derek as you lead the two of you downstairs.

Luckily the bar is well within walking distance from your apartment. When you open the door to step outside the cool night air hits your skin, causing you to shiver a bit. You immediately feel a soft warmth enveloping your arms and shoulders. You look up to see Spencer wrapping his blazer around you. If any other guy had done this, you would certainly make assumptions, but Spencer was such a kind-hearted guy, you know he's only trying to be a gentleman. You give him a quick smile of appreciation as the two of you start to make your way to the bar.

When you finally walk through the doors, you make your way to a corner booth where you see some of Spencer's team...or your friends? You suppose they've really become your friends here. After greeting Penelope, Derek, and JJ each with a hug, you and Spencer walk up to the bar together to order drinks. Spencer orders water, which doesn't surprise you, but you've already decided that he needs a little help letting loose.

"Would you let me pick out a drink for you?" you ask, giving him your sweetest puppy dog eyes before he has a chance to shoot down the offer.

He sighs as though annoyed but his smile says other wise. "Fine, but go easy on me please."

"Two rum and cokes please, and make mine a double."

The two of you make your way back over to the rest of the group with your drinks. You listen to the four of them chat about some recent cases they've worked on. The topics don't bother you much, as you've always found that line of work intriguing. Since you're mostly listening, you finish your drink fairly quickly before Penelope speaks up.

"Enough work talk! I came to dance. Who's with me?"

Finishing your final sip, you slam the glass down on the table. You stand up to join her. "I'm in!"

JJ stands as well. "Alright, lets go, ladies!"

You hand Spencer back his blazer and look to him and Derek, waiting to see if they'll join.

"I'm feeling a little sore after that take down the other day. Maybe I'll join when I'm s a few more drinks in," Derek says.

"I'm okay for now." Spencer sees your hesitation when you realize he wont be joining. "Its okay though! Go and have fun." He gives a smile to let you know that he'll be fine. "Plus I have Morgan here to talk to for now."

"That's right, pretty boy!" Derek laughs as he throws his arm around Spencer, messing with his hair.

You laugh at the two as you turn to join the girls on the dance floor. You're grateful that those two have one another. Spencer is an only child and Derek seems to act in a big brother role. You know that it's good for him.

As you make your way to JJ and Penelope, the DJ is playing Now or Never by Tritonal. You are so grateful for a place that has good taste in music. EDM is just another one of many genres you enjoy. You and the girls are belting out the words together: "I'd rather have one night, than nothing foreveeerrr!"

As the beat builds you pick up your pace on the dance floor, giggling and dancing around with your friends. The beat finally drops and you're jumping and letting loose. You haven't had this much fun in a long time. Towards the end of the song, your gaze lands on Spencer. You notice Derek has left him to flirt with a girl over by the bar. He brought you along so he wouldn't be alone, and here you had left him. You make your way over to sit next to him after ordering two shots. You sit down next to him and slide his over towards him. He catches it as he raises his eyebrows at you.

"C'mon, you're gonna dance with us! I figure it will probably help if you drink to loosen up a bit first."

Spencer stares down at the shot in front of him, clearly questioning whether or not he should go along with this.

"You don't really have to, Spence. But I thought I'd at least try. I don't want you to have to be all alone over here. And I think you might actually have fun, if you gave it a chance. Plus, I can't dance at all! So you'll be fine as long as you stick with me."

This causes him to chuckle. He looks up at you. "Thanks, Y/N. I do appreciate it. I think everyone else has just kind of given up on asking me to join. But since you care enough to try I guess it's the least I can do."

"Woo! yes! Okay...bottoms up?" You look to him as the two of you clink your shots and down them in one quick motion. He seems to struggle a bit more after, since he doesn't do this often.

You hear Dirty Sexy Money comes on and your eyes light up with excitement. "Yes! This is a great song! Come on!" You grab his hand and lead him out to the dance floor.

You can tell Spencer is a bit unsure of himself still. You grab both of his hands and start to move him around, just trying to get him to loosen him. Both of you can't help but laugh. Neither of you are actually dancing well, just goofing off and having fun. Alcohol leaves you with more confidence than usual, so you're singing the song out loud, not caring who hears. You feel your confidence building even more. The problem with drinking is, you tend to get a bit flirty. This is usually directed at the nearest person, and it's usually the worst possible person. You begin to stop caring who's watching or how you're coming across. The song makes you feel sexy and you want to have fun.

Your dancing changes from silly to sexy as the chorus begins. You've got your hands in the air as you do body rolls. Your hips are swaying with the music. You're not sure how they got there, but before you know it your hands are wrapped around Spencer's neck. He looks so attractive to you right now. Your eyes stay locked on his as you sing the words of the song. You're feeling even more bold so you turn your back to him and grab his hands to place them on your sides. You shimmy down towards the ground and back up again. You feel him tighten his grip on you. You turn around to see a wide-eyed Spencer. His face is beet red and he's sweating despite not having danced much. You know that if this was bothering him, he would have walked away. The alcohol is keeping you from caring how this will affect your friendship afterwards. All you can think about is now. His words, his actions today, HE had made you feel confident and sexy. In this moment, you wanted him to know that. You're too buzzed and too busy taking in how good he looks to notice his eyes dart down to your lips, not so differently from what you had done earlier.

The thick tension in the air between you is quickly dispensed as the song changes. As Last Friday Night comes on, you pull Spencer over to the rest of the group on the dance floor, which now included Derek. The five of you end up singing and dancing around together, but you and Spencer can't help but stealing glances when the other isn't looking. Neither of you can forget what happened earlier. The other three share knowing looks.

As the night comes to a close, the group parts ways. Spencer opens the door for you as the two of you step outside to head back to your apartment. Most of the walk is made in silence. He passes his car outside your building and walks with you all the way back to your door. After unlocking it, you turn to him to say goodnight. Once again, your eyes land on his lips, one of his many wonderful features. You find yourself wishing you could kiss him, but your logic tells you this would not be a good idea at the moment. You are aware that your judgment is clouded. So instead, you pull him in for a hug. He buries his face in your shoulder as he whispers "Goodnight Y/N" next to your ear.

You rush inside and close the door before you have a chance to do anything you regret. After getting ready for bed, you are surprised to hear a small alert from your phone. It's a little late for anyone to be texting you. It's Spencer.

Spencer📱I had fun tonight. Thanks for making me try new things. :)

Y/N📱Me too! And good because I have a feeling that was a first of many haha

You fall into your bed, crawling under the covers. It feels comfier than usual, but you know it's because of how tired you are. You take in the feeling of the slick sheets against your skin and the warmth the blankets provide. You fall asleep with a smile on your face, remembering all the events of the night.

A/N: Thanks for reading this far! Y'all are awesome! Let me know what parts you like best!

Have a wonderful week loves 💖

#Spotify

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