#I'll probably edit this a few times for typos and clarification or oversights but here ya go! ^_^ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kakashihasibs · 2 years

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Is it ok to ask you gender-related questions? Because I’m kinda stuck in a phase where I’m questioning my gender a lot and idk what to do about it tbh. And you seem to have yourself figured out and you’re confident in your gender and you know who you are, and idk maybe you have some advice for someone who’s questioning. If you don’t feel comfortable answering this or giving advice, totally ok too, just ignore the ask, I don’t want to overstep any boundaries

Ur all good! I'm more than happy to talk about gender/trans stuff! ^_^ my only worry is, no matter what i say i might not be able to help you >.> bc at the end of the day only you can know these things about yourself, and the rest of us can only take you at your word.

So! I'm going to start with gender doesn't have to be a big commitment! If you say one thing today, you can say another thing tomorrow and it doesn't make either any less true in the moment you said them! Or! You just can be wrong and that's okay. There no harm committed against anyone if you end up being wrong about your gender at some point. It doesn't hurt me, a trans guy, if you say ur a trans guy and then realize ur not actually a trans guy.

Like what harm could possibly happen there that's caused by you? You took up resources? What resources? A few months of testosterone? An appointment or two with a therapist? Okay then should i be mad at the person who thought they were having a heart attack but turns out it was a panic attack instead? Should i be angry at them for causing me to wait an extra hour in the waiting room bc they guessed wrong? No that's fucking stupid.

My waiting an extra hour so someone could be taken care of isnt some terrible harm against me. Me waiting an extra month for my gender therapist appointment bc one person guesses their gender wrong isn't going to keep me from transitioning. A month or two extra wont kill me. I'm more than happy to wait if it means some else gets the care they needed in that moment. So anyway there's no harm in being wrong! Life isn't a zero-sum game.

Even if you think you might want to do something like HRT you can /try/ and stop if it ends up not for you. You can try and stop just about anything. Surgeries are harder to undo but no impossible.

I know people act like you're potentially ~mutilating~ or ~ruining~ yourself if you do anything that makes you farther from the cis ideal but that's based in cissexism and fucked up beauty standards. There are many many cis people who will have the features you might gain from HRT without ever having touched a hormone in their life. They're not "ruined" they're not "ugly" or less important or disposable or whatever fucked up wrong shit people might say.

So take the pressure off of yourself! Think about unpacking any beauty standards that might make you uncomfortable with experimenting with gender.

Early on I actually planned to never go on testosterone bc i was afraid and frankly disgusted by the idea of having body hair, but i already had dark coarse body hair. Yeah i was afraid of something i already had 🤦 bc i hadnt let go of white/western centric standards of beauty.

Also the very thing i was so worried about is what I'm happiest about now! I love having body hair 😌

You dont have to do anything you dont want to. Okay so ur a trans guy now cool! But you like ur boobs and dont want top surgery? Awesome wonderful amazing. A trans woman who likes having a dick? Excellent. Trans and too fucking lazy to do... anything? Whatever my bud it's all good bc your presentation if whatever you want to make of it.

You can start with trying on different clothes or you can jump straight to HRT (if you have a chill enough prescriber that is x_x). You can take things and leave things. Start something then stop it a day or week or 20 years later.

Bodily autonomy is bodily autonomy. That should be the basis of all of your experimenting. You want to make your body, yourself, you. Your home. Even if you question and try stuff out but decide you're cis then at least your know for sure and you're cis on purpose now 😌

Whatever you decide it must be your choice. You can go as fast or as slow as you want. Make your body yours ^_^

So tl;dr 1) take the pressure off of gender. It's not a one time commitment 2) you harm no one by being wrong 3) recognize your internalized cissexism and challenge it. 4) it's your body, life, and gender. Do with it as you will.

#I'll probably edit this a few times for typos and clarification or oversights but here ya go! ^_^#ask #anon #ben replies #trans #trans stuff #long post

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