#I’m doing an assignment on HLHS so my brain is thinking heart defects <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

punksarahreese · 2 years

Note

would you like to share some of your thoughts for restart? 👀👀👀

Restart my beloved <3

Sarah didn’t show up for rounds one day and Ava was mildly concerned

Because this was only about a week after her avoidant moment and Ava knew she hadn’t been in the best mindset

She went to ask Goodwin about it because it was customary when a student didn’t show to double check and apparently Sarah had called in

Ava really tried to leave it alone

Maybe Sarah was just sick

So she went about her day and let surgeries be a distraction

Until the next day Sarah wasn’t there still

Ava was completely preoccupied her whole shift

Connor was surprisingly the first to pick up on it

Mostly because he found Ava in the locker room before a pre op typing away on her phone

He was of course annoyed with her and was like “Ava you’re not seriously stalling a pre op meeting for whoever you’re texting”

Ava just shook her head because she wasn’t in the mood to argue

So she didn’t push him away when Connor peaked over her shoulder

A long winded email thread boasted Sarah’s name at the top

“You seriously don’t have her number?”

“That’s not very professional, Connor. She’s my student.”

“So why are you blowing off work to message her?”

So Ava conceded and told him her worries

And it was really that moment where Connor realized Sarah meant a lot of Ava

Not just in the way him and Sam teased her about

Like Ava clearly cared about the med student a lot to check in on her like this

And in a way he got it

Ava was still surprised when he didn’t press it anymore

Just elbowed her gently and said “she’ll come back when she’s ready. Just come do the pre-op, Avey.”

Connor calling her Avey has been on my mind all week

So she did eventually go back to her work

And Sarah responded eventually

“Sorry, Ava. Family trouble, I had to go see my mom.”

Ava didn’t really believe her

Maybe she did go back to Connecticut

But it didn’t sit right that she hadn’t told Ava and she wasn’t responding to her

It just wasn’t like her

And maybe Ava was super anxious until she saw Sarah again <3

The backstory to this tsf which I may actually write as a oneshot

Ava had been called to the NICU

A baby was born premature with hypoplastic left heart syndrome

He also had transposition of the great vessels (aorta and pulmonary artery are switched)

She was called to consult but the second she saw his heart on the echo she knew there wasn’t anything she could do

The neonatologist knew that but needed the confirmation

The mother was in surgery, complications during her emergency c-section

And the father refused to leave the surgical waiting area

Ava broke the news to him up there

“Your son has a critical heart defect. Given his weight and the state of the organ I cannot ethically recommend surgery.”

“What are you saying?”

“Unfortunately his body is not receiving enough oxygen and we can only make him comfortable. His organs will begin to shut down, we’ve already seen indications of liver failure.”

The father was silent

He stared at Ava for a while but then turned away, returning to his pacing of the hallway

She was taken aback but couldn’t help but explain again

“Sir, I’m afraid your son does not have long. If you would like to hold him…”

“No,” he said firmly, “Cassie should be the one to hold him first.”

“I don’t think-”

“I’m not leaving until she’s okay.”

So Ava went back to the NICU

She couldn’t stop herself even though she had other things to do

She knew medically this baby would not survive until his mother was out of surgery and stable enough to see him

And Ava knew far too much about grieving fathers to know she shouldn’t push him to see his son

She couldn’t bear the idea of this baby dying alone in that incubator

They had given the child painkillers, though he did not have the energy to show any indication of his pain

He wasn’t on the vent because they knew it would do nothing, his heart was not connected properly to sustain a proper rhythm or oxygenate him at all

Ava tried so hard to be careful as she picked him up from the bed, the infant fitting almost in one hand alone

He was cyanotic and cold, even as she wrapped a blanket around him and held him close she knew his body couldn’t hold any heat

And so she stood, holding the baby close because no one deserved to die without knowing a little comfort

Ava had never been one to do this, it felt like a boundary a surgeon shouldn’t cross in most moments

But this was different

He was so little and she knew every single thing that was going wrong in that moment

The clock on the wall said half an hour had passed, the infant’s breathing hoarse and barely there

He was mouth breathing and each inhale shook him

Ava knew it was time

All she could do was press a kiss to his tiny head and watch helplessly as the monitor flatlined

And Ava was shaking when she reached out to silence the tone

A nurse came in then, she had been hovering outside because she didn’t want to disturb the doctor

But Ava knew she couldn’t stay and risk bursting into tears

So she let the nurse take the baby and she left the NICU

Beelining for the elevator to the roof because she couldn’t stand being in the building

Ava found herself standing by the guard rail of the roof

And she let the tears starts

Even though she hated how helpless it made her feel

This is why she wasn’t in paediatrics

#the second one is my favourite I’ve been thinking about it all week #I’m doing an assignment on HLHS so my brain is thinking heart defects <3 #also thank u for the ask nova ily <3 #mutuals #nova tag #asks #my aus #restart #fellow!ava #med student!sarah #restart!au #ava bekker #sarah reese #connor rhodes

7 notes · View notes