#I’m a diffeeent person it’s wrong. it’s probably not even me who misses them
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I’ve been. having dreams about people we used to know
#it’s been getting so bad that if it’s not about family it’s about people from rush#high school was yeeeears ago#and I’m the one who#who disappeared and stuff so like if this is some sort of guilt I don’t get it#there’s an anger there that’s not mine#I didn’t make the choice but I let it happen so#I’m just as guilty#I don’t get to miss shadows of people who probably didn’t like me as much as I thought#the bpd brain always wonders why does everyone leave me but the ration brain knows that I always do it first#always always always. and it’s wrong and it’s fucked up and I don’t get to miss people I honestly really never knew#I’m a diffeeent person it’s wrong. it’s probably not even me who misses them#if I’m lonely it’s because I chose to be. If I’m sad it’s because I chose to be and I do not deserve to feel like I was abandoned#it wasn’t my choice but I went along with it so I’m just as guilty#mental illness tag
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