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finsterhund · 10 months

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Thank goodness for Sly. Love my Special Sly.

Idk just this guy is such a huge comfort to me right now. I want to feel bad about hugging a stuffed animal goodnight every time I go to bed who had a 1998 retail price of 300 USD but he's just such an incredible toy.

I know he was made to be loved. That's important.

Still world building for a story inspired by him. I kinda want to come up with a new name for him for the story so I'm not just stealing the character made for the toy. But idk. Sly is just a perfect name for a conniving vicious-servant-esque slithering under the bed monster.

For my story I'm making enough design changes I think to be its own thing also. But man is his design super comfy to me.

I wish I could see a giant version of him. I've already been thinking a lot about making my own quilts. Quilted under bed monster. 🥹 Like the only thing that'd make him a better cuddler was that he was bigger. We're talking Lifesize/sleepingbag sized. Lol imagine one so big you can actually fit inside his pajamas bag tummy.

Idk so positives are Sly. I love my Special Sly. Still been unable to write or draw but with the world based on him world building documents come easily.

I wish I could do art fight. I want to get art I want to draw for friends. But grief and pain is just too much. I'm getting familial trauma and childhood pain dragged up a lot in my brain. I guess that's to be expected when I'm struggling with similar pains. I just wish I could have a relationship with my grandparents without all the baggage. Part of me fears what if they weren't good people like I remember. Because I was so small. Because there's people still around who aren't good people. But I know they were good. I can feel it. Idk. I wish I could start again have a new life be born to new parents and have a childhood that wasn't torn asunder by grief and abuse and trauma, you know? Imagine how I'd grown up if so. I'd actually have grown up for one thing. Not stuck in trauma child limbo.

Idk. Just hugging my Special Sly. Thank you Fishy for helping me get my hands on him.

Apologies as part of this Tumblr ate my gotdang post so I tried to the best of my ability to replace what was lost but it's not going to feel as complete as it should be.

I have been thinking about how wanting to create comes easily with Sly because my world for him to inhabit is simple and childish and a sort of dreamland esque thing. My magnum opus I've been working on since I was little is a gargantuan undertaking tied to my childhood and trauma and it's just so daunting to touch it. And I both want to change it and don't want to change it. It's literally grown up with me and it's become so much an untouchable thing. But with Sly I can go "hehe ho childlore HoDcore under the bed monster dimension go brrrrrrrrr"

My main fictional universe is very much if you didn't already know the result of the mythology esque "constellation creatures high fantasy" world of my earlier years mashed together with the "sci-fi post apocalyptic mutant and/or bionic dogs on what is almost certainly some form of Earth" world of my elementary school years that over the course of time I've been functionally merging the two at times conflicting concepts. And it very much is something I feel I still struggle with the balance of. Sometimes I feel it's way more obvious than others.

I've just put so much into this world that if I go in to change literally anything there's a domino/ripple/butterfly effect that happens where I've gotta extensively go and ensure there's consistency and that "nothing breaks" the established worldbuilding and planned plotlines and such in doing so. Which is pretty fucking exhausting.

But I mean that's what happens when there's over a decade of a child retreating into this fantasy world. A lot of time has passed, a lot of areas for growth and change. In real life I am stunted and didn't grow, but my world sure as hell did. Tired (and weak)

Idk if I'll ever be able to even publish book 1 (pretty much done in draft form except for when I feel compelled to overhaul shit) or book 2 (predominantly done but less than 1 and I have the same problem where I keep wanting to add and change) and I don't want to end up being a George Lucas about it and then not commit to it once I do publish and insist on changing and republishing ad nauseam forever. I'm gonna die before my life's work ever amounts to anything 😔

If you reduce it to the bare bones what has been set in stone is essentially Heart of Darkness but the boy and his dog are natives of the alien planet in question and it's at the point in history where the dark force is attempting to achieve purchase within the world rather than it already having largely taken over and deposed any and all opposition. But of course I have an unkillable Tolkien approach to the whole thing and I just have to have that encyclopedic brand of autism where I have to ensure consistency with everything from the way the world is designed to the way the damn physics works in relation to how physics works in the real universe. I was talking about this to some friends on discord and I joked about how this neuroses of mine could outcompete the entirety of Wookiepedia. Which is not exactly a healthy thing considering that Star Wars EU was the product of many people and Wookiepedia itself is the product of many people. And I'm just one immensely fucked up little boy with a special brain.

Creators, I want you to take your biggest longest worked on specialest project and I want you to seriously narrow down just how big of a world you've made for it. Is it a town? Is it a kingdom? Is it a continent? Is it a planet? Is it a galaxy? Or are you like fucking me and you've got in some capacity at least four goddamn star systems and while you do only largely focus on the one planet you feel compulsively the need to develop it as much as fucking possible and also to worldbuild stuff that you may never even get to in a similar degree with every other fucking planet? Bruh I've got a whole fucking potential universe to work with and my brain absolutely won't let me forget it even though a human brain really isn't equipped to process an entire universe. And I post none of this online because I've had people steal my shit literally since the third grade (Fuck you Jarod) and also where the fuck do I start with the posting? And once I post things god forbid I retcon it because not only do I need to alter things internally but publicly now too.

Yes, the only things I ever share at a bare minimum must be stuff I know isn't going to fucking change six thousand times over the course of the month. The only things I let other people see are the stuff where changing it would be sacrilege. Like Red Spot is always going to be a red eyed doberman with cropped ears and a docked tail and wings and a star collar. Orion is always going to be a little blue-tinted albino emperor penguin boy. And for 99% of people who know anything about my shit that's pretty much all they know, all they're ever going to know, and all I'm ever going to tell them. Because that at this point would never change. (If you knew me in school you may be aware that Red Spot has flip-flopped to some extent in turbulent mistake-ridden points of my life but shut up no he didn't. Forget that. What do you mean he had red-toned constellation coloration at one point rather than the black and rust typical doberman coloration??? Shut the fuck up I am gaslighting you. Forget. Forget. Forget. Forget.) (Also an aside but the whole finsterhund lichthund wing morphology thing only initially was a thing I decided needed to exist because of how the type of wings Red Spot had was inconsistent. I built an entire fuckton of shit that has significant thematic impact and worldbuilding lore and societal connotations and etc. etc. because little baby Andy couldn't decide between dragon or eagle wings. Just to give a small example of why this monster has taken years and years and years and it is STILL FUCKING IN DEVELOPMENT HELL CHRIST MAN WTF SOMEBODY HELP ME)

So I've burned out almost completely with my beloved world. It sucks. I don't even know how to proceed from here. An obvious answer is just to strip away everything save for the bare minimum and start over. But I don't want to abandon my fucking child. And I know I'm just likely to do it all over again even if I managed to commit. Which I wouldn't in the first place. Friends tell me "oh just focus on books 1 and 2 and work with anything else later" but you don't understand I need to make sure that I never contradict myself ever and that even the tiniest thing within books 1 and 2 remain canon compliant permanently and inscrutably. God.

I do not have this problem with my Heart of Darkness headcanons. I feel more restricted with HoD. More restrained. Because I am violently picky about something potentially being an aberration or inconsistency or ruining the canon. I can't just harass Eric or Fred every hour of the day about shit I can't infer from what's present in the game itself so I am on a leash. Which in and of itself is stressful because I do wish there was encyclopedic levels of autistic worldbuilding that was canon that I knew for a fact was what Eric and Fred and Christian intended.

How do I let loose and have fun? Well the answer it turns out is Underbed.

My whole concept of Underbed is that it's some sort of backrooms esque nightmare realm where monsters from under the bed, in the closet, etc. live. And akin to the whole backrooms concept it's not like it's a planet or universe all its own. It's like a parasitic pocket dimension to Earth. Which Earth? It doesn't matter. It's implied to be powered by childlore and childhood dreams, imagination, fear, etc. So it can bend and stretch and fluctuate and I don't have to worry about how quilted patchwork creatures are "alive" or how things can travel between the two spaces or anything. And I haven't yet felt the compulsion to over explain and set compliancy rules in regards to lore, physics, etc.

Of course I do want to do crossover stuff with HoD, but not seeing Underbed as its own distinct planet like where the Darkland is does make this easier. I only have to worry about one of the locations having its "black hole at the heart of the planet how does this dictate how things work there" lore. Underbed gets to be "idk magic quilt lol" about the whole thing. The most I've gone into more realistic concepts is that perhaps it's implied the childhood creatures may have once been flesh and blood but were cursed somehow. Maybe.

I think that acknowledging how creating to me is a tiresome burden because of the state of my brain is a good first step but I don't know where exactly to go from here. I do wish I could just not give a shit but unfortunately my entire childhood has drilled into me that there are consequences for not covering your bases at all times.

I ended up contacting the surviving daughter of the designer of the original Sly, who is also the person who wrote the little beanie babies esque story on the tags to see about officially getting her blessing to make my own story based off of my Special Sly but I'm currently waiting on a response.

I do think that what I want to make is its own distinct thing to the point that I surely have every right to do it. I mean he's not even going to fully look like the original toy design and people make stories based on their childhood toys all the time but I'm so self-conscious and paranoid about the whole thing.

#text post #long post #negative #writer problems #vague hod

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justgleekout · 1 year

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Top 5 pieces of Klaine art (apart from your own)

oh BOY! this is literally impossible. a really fun but extremely hard ask anon! help. hold up, let me pull up @suitfer's entire repertoire

I'm gonna do one artwork per artist because I want to showcase as many artists as possible! I however don’t think any of these artists are still active in the fandom but I do want to thank them for their services.

I am gonna go and put links to the artworks in this post so please give the creators some love and reblog from their original posts (when possible)!!

this might be cheating because it's basically a whole comic, but @lilienwolf on tumblr and yu-oka on devientart made this comic, "santana's guide to sexiness" and it was one of my first introductions to the fandom and I vividly remember dying because of it. here is a screencap from one of the panels but please PLEASE!!!! go follow this link to read the whole thing!!! it changed my life. it's got like 8 parts or something. it's sadly not on tumblr but every klaine fan needs to have read this.

2. it is literally Impossible for me to pick a favourite of @suitfer's artworks. but this has always been one of my favourites:

3. again, a comic. this one is NSFW! but I love it so so so much! its sweet funny aND sexy! what more could you want?? I absolutely adore @rocketssurgery aka @ishouldntwantyoubutido so please check out their blogs!

(of course this is the panel it uses as a thumbnail lmao)

4. it is so hard to pick favourites from your favourites. so again, @tacogrande has so many immaculate klaine artworks. her style is so unique and playful. her lines AH colours AAHHH. just go and reblog all of her stuff

5. this next creator sadly removed all their klaine art from their blog.. but it brought me so much joy back in the day! their little comics and drawings were always so funny and cracked me up every single time!

this one might be my favourite of their's (a link to the original post but reblogged to my blog) we know them as @unfortunateplottwist but that blog has been turned into @claymangoes

also! if you like looking at fanart, make sure you follow @klainefanartarchive!!! you can find all of your favourite artists there ♡

send me a top 5! <;33

#this was HARD.#help me god #I think I spent over an hour looking for these.#lord #I live for fanart #thanks for this ask it was so fun #but it also took seven years lmao #ask games #anon #glee #klaine #Kurt hummel #Blaine anderson #fanart #glee fanart #klaine fanart

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decaffinatedvoid · 4 years

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An excerpt from my RP character.

She stands there, unmoving as the heat of the sun beats down upon her back. Thick dark hair unusually tied up in a messy bun, strands falling down to delicately tickle the curve of her elegant neck. Solemn gray eyes tracing the words upon the stone, she had lost count how many times now, yet it remained unchanged " Hey Niknak..." Her voice quiet, soft, velvet in nature with a deep timbre that spoke of held back tears. Sneakered feet ground deeper within the broken stones of an often traveled pathway, yet today it seemed she was alone, space to say the things she couldn't the night previously. You see she had traveled to New Orleans in search of family, hopeful, wide eyed and naive to the big open world. However that hopefulness had withered when she had found the tomb. Her Uncles name emblazoned upon it.

Another shuffle of her feet, she hadn't expected her first words to him in so long, to be directed towards an imposing stone facade. But there she stood, she repeated her words, a childhood attempt to pronounce his full name had resulted in the mash up that soon stuck. He had called it adorable " Hey, Niknak.... I miss you." The gravity of those words hit harder, now that there would be no reconciliation. No strong arms to pull her within a hug, or bare knuckles rifling the hair atop of her head whenever he called her a dork. Turning her back to the stone, she lowered and crossed her legs as she settled within the dirt. Leaning back, the warmth the sun had left upon her making the cool stone bite at her as though it bore it's teeth. She sighed, tilting her head back so that she could watch the clouds " I'm glad I found you, just, wish it had been another way." She plucked grass with slim, ringed fingers, only to toss it aside making a small pile as she conversed with the dead. She smiled, one of the clouds taking shape and she rose her right hand towards it " do you see it? The rabbit?" a few beats, then a breath "... of course not, you'd have seen a dragon, or a giant monster bearing it's maw preparing to attack. Then tickled me till I pissed myself....asshole." She chuckled softly at the memory, not of pissing herself, that had been mortifying. But, laying within the long grass as a kid, her head nestled on his stomach as they watched the world go by. More often than not, having to dodge the projectiles that Robert threw their way. However a quick bark from Nicky, and Robert would run off to play in the mud, or poke the lions with sticks. Boys right?. Her hand lowered, her chipped painted nail tracing the step of the mausoleum " I wish you could tell me what happened to Mom, if she's okay, if she was.... with you when it happened." Tilting her head and drawing her eyes from the sky, to move over the other stones around them " at least I know she isn't here, I checked everywhere. Each stone, twice." She could feel the warmth on her cheeks and adjusted her form, pulling the sleeve over her hand and raising it to wipe away the tears that fell. Ah, there they were. Her arms surrounded her legs, pulling them up so that she could rest her chin upon her knees " did I do the right thing coming here? I've already met a couple of people, they're interesting. They would have fit in well at home, one guy, he has this incredible metal hand. Moves, when he moves his muscles and he even said he's able to feel?! Can you imagine that?. Cirion could use something like that, ever since Cuddles had his episode instead of that wooden thing. I'm going to see if I can find out the name of the surgeon, we might be able to get him here!." A brush of her sleeve beneath her nose, the inevitable tap leak that followed the tears " then another woman, I don't know what to make of her yet. She seemed so calculated, so together and precise when we first met. Then, last night she was crushing some guy to her chest. Another one kissing her, then the two guys kissed. Then she left, talking about marshmallows and conspiracies." She couldn't help the gentle snort of laughter, glancing back at the stone " you'd have found the whole thing hilarious, then, then I had to guide some other guy out of the place by throwing leaves and making him follow me. I have a suspicion the wine was spiked, given the guy with the hand, his name is Dr.Crane by the way. Warned me not to drink any."

She fell silent for a while, letting her spill of information sink in, to... well wherever it may go. Then finally she moved, leaning over she pulled close the backpack that she had been wearing. Undoing the zip, she began rustling through the contents till she found what she wanted "I brought something for you, can you remember Mr.Clappy?." From within the bag she brought forth a mechanical monkey sitting on a box, within its hands a pair of symbols and a key at the side to wind. Nicky had brought it as a gift for her on one of his last visits, though at the time she had turned it over within her hands with a frown. Gently pointing out the actual, live monkey that chittered from its perch in the corner of her tent. Nicky had laughed, and simply told her to turn the key. Which she had, large gray eyes and her tongue poking out as she did so. The mechanics within began to click and whir, and after a few moments the arms of the monkey twitched, then clashed the symbols together. She had giggled so loudly till Nicky had told her to hush and listen, and she did. After three clashes of the symbols, there was a crackle and hum from the small speaker at the side. Then clear as day Nicky's voice came from the small toy 'Love you, Luna Moon.' She had then dropped the toy at her side, turning to wrap her arms around him and bury her face into his neck. He always smelled of earth, like dirt and oil with a hint of something else she could never quite ascertain 'I love you too, Niknak.'

The toy was now worn, the key misshapen from the amount of times it had been turned. The fur on the monkey, patchy in parts where she had ran her fingers over it as she fell asleep at night. But everything still worked as it did, she had made sure of it keeping it oiled and somewhere safe. Setting it down upon the stone, she turned it so it was slightly off centre and more balanced in it's new home " I think it's time, he keeps you company for a while. He was getting a little tired of me anyway." One last stroke of her finger, brushing the fur flat that had been disturbed at his temple " isn't that right." Silence. Picking up the backpack, she slid her arms within the straps and settled it in place with a slight bounce of her body. Hooking her thumbs either side, she gazed down at the memorial and it's new decoration " do you mind if I come back again? Just, to tell you about everything here. I'll feel better, knowing I have someone I know to talk about it with." Silence. She nodded her head, a smile tugging softly at the corner of full lips " tough shit buddy, I'm coming whether you like it or not." Poking her tongue out for good measure, she would turn to leave as her sneakers crunched within gravel. A few steps away before she heard it, it causing her to stop dead in her tracks 'clang'. Then again 'clang'. She shook her head, the key most likely was slightly jostled on it's journey within her pack here. So she took another step, 'clang'. The key needed to be fully turned, three times for it to complete it's performance. She could feel her heart take an extra beat in her chest, she knew what would come next and it didn't disappoint " Love you, Luna moon." She tilted her head back, closing her eyes and letting the warmth of the sun capture and heat the fresh tears on her cheeks " I love you too." Then she was gone, wandering back out onto the streets of New Orleans. Perhaps today, she could text the womans friend. The one who seemed to have known Nicky well, she would like that.

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fucknoirfolklor · 4 years

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So. As a newbie to kitaro who has only watched the 2018 anime so far and plans to watch Hakaba kitaro next, do you have some insight on how they compare to each other? I think I'd get whiplash otherwise djdjjdjdjdj they seem like very... different iterations. (Also the TV tropes page says "With how corrupt Kitaro gets and how tragic things become; this isn't the easiest story to get into, especially if you are more used to the more widely known version of Kitaro" so like. I'm scared dnfbxjb X'D)

Well, comparing Hakaba Kitaro to 2018/Sawashiro Kitaro is almost sad for me because…well, I like Sawashiro-Kitaro but I also find him to be the most boring iteration of the character yet. I have a love-hate relationship with the 2018 series and recently dropped it. I might pick it back up again later because it’s not like there’s many episodes left to run, but like many of my buddies I’ve burned out of this version. He can even go as far as being out of character for any Kitaro I know. I mean, what Kitaro doesn’t like sweets? Kitaro loves chocolate and would die for it, that’s my standard. A woman making him cookies would send him over the moon with happiness.

Since you want to ask about Hakaba though, I’ll give you a rundown on what makes him different, in fact I already started. I love Hakaba Kitaro with all my heart, so do note my biases. Hakaba Kitaro is a lot like his manga counterpart when it comes to food. He’s the happiest little toad whenever somebody gives him a meal and would die for them even if they’re a corrupt politician because he loves cake more than his own rights (or in the Hakaba anime, mashed potatoes and gravy). Also yes, he does make the same facial expression when eating every single time. He revels that much when he gets to eat food. His pigheadedness is often because he’s a hungry, growing boy.

GeGeGe no Kitaro (the manga) is a different beast from the anime iterations, at least when you talk about his attitude (which changes depending on what fits the the story). Kitaro’s Night Tales is another example that’s more like Shigeru Mizuki’s original Hakaba Kitaro with a change in art style. Hakaba Kitaro is only six years old at the start of his series, which is different from any iteration of GeGeGe no Kitaro. He has powers granted to him by his ancestors, but he’s truly a little child and can’t hold his own in a fight (unless you count Takeuichi Kanko’s Hakaba Kitaro, but he’s no longer Shigeru Mizuki’s Hakaba Kitaro). A lot of his power is incidental and he’s not a fighter in the slightest. Most of the time he’s too weak from hunger to even accomplish much.

Instead of Sawashiro-Kitaro’s mere cold fish expression, Hakaba Kitaro has that and an attempt at a duping smirk (I say attempt because he uses a lot of half truths rather than outright lies). He cackles often, both in mean spirited ways and out of habit, which can lead to some goofy moments. It’s a release for Hakaba to laugh, which is something that the franchise as a whole held onto for years. Sometimes the franchise is called “Cackling Kitaro” in English, for example. This is a staple for any Kitaro, really; he giggles sadistically and likes observing the peculiarities of the human ego (or the helplessness of any yokai he’s fighting if we’re talking about GeGeGe). Hakaba doesn’t understand all there is to the world and is at first too bitter to initiate, but becomes increasingly curious and lighthearted as he ages and mingles with humans (mostly from a scheming standpoint as he is often one to flex his own ego by competing with Nezumi-Otoko, who is a more scholarly type than depicted in 2018). The Hakaba Kitaro anime is not as graphic as some of the scenes in GeGeGe no Kitaro 2018, forfeiting blood and so on, but there is suicide imagery within. Maybe not as potent as scenes with Mana early on, but make sure you’re in a good place mentally when going in because Kitaro’s attitude can be jarring if you look at it from a psychological/moral perspective rather than a spiritual (rebirth) one. Other times his attitude is refreshing because instead of acting as if he knows everything a human is going to do and condemning them for it, he watches because he doesn’t know. He gets surprised often and that’s what inspires him to observe the way he does. He gives his “victims” a way out, a choice to make, and will let them go if they keep their promises to him.A lot of Hakaba Kitaro is spiritual/political social commentary designed from 60′s Japan, so it can be either a boring watch or a fascinating one if you happen to enjoy dissecting some Buddhist ideals as well as period-typical sociological struggles. In Hakaba’s case, twisted Buddhist ideals that he doesn’t necessarily live up to (I would argue that Neko more or less became the figure for those ideals, hence her tragedy). His slice of life is not happy and he acts out often, some of which the anime reframes to become more palatable to the audience.

I don’t find Hakaba Kitaro to be scary, despite his willingness to commit darker acts that don’t discriminate; human or yokai, it’s not a good idea to try and get in this kid’s way. Nonetheless, he’s not stupid but he’s not wise either. He’s always in over his head while stubbornly acting as if he’s some master manipulator (he’s not, he’s the most unskilled liar ever), but as Nezumi-Otoko and other yokai often say, “he’s a pushover.”As the show moves on, Kitaro has a fascination with girls and women that becomes quite uncomfortable to witness. He’s very much implied to be a creep, especially around Neko. At least after that arc, unlike Sawashiro-Kitaro, he didn’t just nod his head when some woman was in danger of being taken advantage of. Umibozu took Sekiyo and announced he would make her his pet and Sawashiro-Kitaro was totally okay with it simply because he found her troublesome, enabling Nezumi-Otoko and Umibozu. Hakaba Kitaro actually did something different for the sake of the woman of Nezumi-Otoko’s interests even though he owed a debt to him and another monster. Kitaro warned her of the dangerous men that were after her and being proud of himself for it, as if he was growing as a person. Only a little though. He still has some period-typical sexism internalized, likely from his role models (Medama-Oyaji and Nezumi-Otoko).The tragedy of Hakaba Kitaro is that of his upbringing. The anime doesn’t show it off as brutally as the manga does, but Kitaro’s eye loss could be triggering to some. Also the way Medama-Oyaji herds his son by using a rope like a leash, how Kitaro licks Mizuki’s hand like an affectionate puppy despite what he did to him, etc. Kitaro is implied to have a kindhearted nature. All of this makes his corruption very hard to watch if you’re not in the mood or if you sympathize with him too much. However…I didn’t find it as hard as watching 2018 Kitaro get slapped by Neko for not trusting her enough (really cheapened his angst for me) or Neko being creepy instead with her weird crush and the double standard of how that’s played as attractive/tsundere. At least for the majority of the show’s run. I love Neko’s prowess but I don’t love when she’s watered down into a moody tsundere.Some describe Hakaba Kitaro as joyless, and they’re entitled to their opinions of course. It’s largely a thematic and prototypical work. However, I find a lot of joy in watching Kitaro do his best while also being a little shit at the same time. He’s a gremlin boy in every sense; cute, mischievous, and dangerous. He has a lot of character quirks that have been lost to time that I miss, and he’s sometimes regarded as “The Best” version of Kitaro by some of my friends (the other “best” version is 1996/Matsuoka-Kitaro). It’s my opinion that Hakaba Kitaro’s rep as difficult to get through isn’t because it is scary, it is because it’s a different genre. It’s a satirical slice of life tragic comedy with a folkloric horror aesthetic, not necessarily one that appeals to children too much. There are cultural as well as political boundaries there and little fan service to speak of. Kitaro isn’t heroic, can’t usually hold his own, and even gets whiny if he’s hit in the head a lot (he’s very ashamed and embarrassed of this).

A lot of other fans find him to be adorable (and pinchable), especially because of his buck teeth and whiny but ambitious attitude. Rather than compare him to a rat, I adore when people draw him with bunny eared hats. I’m guilty of calling him a little bastard a lot of the time but I do appreciate him as more than a trickster stereotype. He’s just as capable of being sweet and kind, because he’s superficially intelligent; but in actuality he’s more trusting and gullible than he appears.

#midnightstarhunter

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sushigirlali · 5 years

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The Politics of Dancing - Part III (Reylo Fanfic)

Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV

Summary: Ben has known Rey most of her life, but when things change between them one tumultuous night, can he convince her that they have a future? Or will secret legacies, scheming parents, and fetching suitors get in the way?

Parings: Rey + Ben Solo|Kylo Ren, Finn + Rose Tico

Continuity: Regency AU

Rating: E

A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I've been crazy busy over the last few months between my trip to Japan and work and cosplay prep for MegaCon, but hopefully this chapter will make up for it! Please let me know what you think!

Master list –> AO3 | ff.net | Tumblr

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The Politics of Dancing - Part III

By: sushigirlali

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London, December 1818

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Playing with the last of her roast beef and mash, Rey wondered how much longer her lover would be able to restrain himself from taking Poe's empty seat. More than fifteen minutes had passed since her friend had left the room, so she could only assume he wasn't coming back.

“Poe the matchmaker,” she thought affectionately, knowing he'd purposefully left the door open for Ben to make a move. “I do hope he's able to find love for himself one day, though; Poe deserves all the happiness in the world.”

"Ladies, gentlemen," See-Threepio called to the room, "we'll be serving dessert in a few minutes for those who'd like to indulge." He cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. "Tea and cakes will be available in the drawing room as well."

More than half the table pushed their chairs back at his words, preferring to finish their meals in comfort rather than style. Rey hid a smile behind her hand at Threepio's horror struck expression. He was a real stickler for the rules, so allowing guests to eat in the formal sitting room must be tantamount to treason to him.

"Are you coming, Rey?" Han said from her right.

"Oh, uh,"—Rey could see Ben rising from his seat in her periphery—"I think I'll stay for a while, thanks."

"Suit yourself," he winked, taking Maz's arm and joining his wife at the door.

"Believe me, I will," she said under her breath, acutely aware of Ben's progress around the room. She could practically feel the heat radiating off him as he came up behind her.

"Is this seat taken, my lady?" he said politely.

There were still a few people in the room with them, so she appreciated his discretion.

"As you see," Rey replied, motioning toward Poe's chair. "Did you enjoy your meal, my lord?" she asked once he was seated.

"Hard to say since I barely ate anything," Ben chuckled. "I was too busy looking at you, pretty girl."

"Don't let See-Threepio catch you saying that," she teased, blushing at the compliment. "He's very proud of the spread tonight."

"Tell that to my mother, she's the one letting people skip pudding."

"She's not." Rey nodded toward the black-haired woman who'd been fondling him earlier. She looked about Ben's age, pretty, and far too interested in their conversation for comfort. "Skipping pudding, I mean."

"So?"

"Don't you want to know why?"

"Not really," he said carelessly. "What do you think dessert will be? I hope it's something chocolate."

"Dessert? Really?" Rey narrowed her eyes. "What is this to you? Some kind of game?"

"What?" Ben regarded her warily.

"Don't play coy with me, Ben Solo! I'm trying to discuss this thing between us, whatever it is, and you're stuck on sweets! Earlier you said I was 'your woman,' but what does that even mean? Are you after an affair? Something more?" Rey meant to ask one question at a time, but now that she'd started, she couldn't seem to stop. "And what happens when you tire of me and move onto someone else—someone like that tart over there?! You obviously have a plethora of suitors. Am I supposed to just step aside and—"

"Rey," he said in sudden understanding, capturing her flailing hands in his own. "I don't want anyone else."

"You're saying that now, but what if—"

"I don't want anyone else," he reiterated. "Just you." Ben released her and reached up to caress her flushed cheek. "Come up to my room and I'll prove it to you."

"Seriously?" Rey rolled her eyes, trying not to react to his provocative dare. "You're incorrigible."

"Maybe I am hopeless," he acknowledged, "but you're definitely jealous."

"Me?! I'm no more jealous of your friends than you are of mine!" she huffed.

"On the contrary," he said mildly, tugging her forward to whisper in her ear, "I wanted to jump the table and rip Lord Dameron apart just for breathing the same air as you."

"Ben, you're making a scene," Rey said breathlessly, both loving and hating how his possessiveness made her feel. “First Finn, now Poe! Is he going to be jealous of Uncle Lando next?!”

"We should go upstairs, then, to speak in private," he said with a secret smile.

"Like we did outside?" she said skeptically.

"Exactly like that," Ben leered. "Your room or mine?"

"Ben!" Rey tried to put some distance between them as several interested parties swiveled in their direction, but he wouldn't budge.

"You've got about ten seconds to decide before I lay you down on this table."

Instantly aroused by his heated tone, Rey stammered, "You—you're not going to buffalo me into—"

"Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven…there's only one word I want to hear."

"We can't! Not in the middle of—"

"Four. Three. Two…"

"Mine!"

"Good choice," he smirked, bringing her knuckles to his lips. "Ah, here's Artoo with dessert. And it looks like the selection includes chocolate! Excellent!"

"Do you always get what you want?" she said, exasperated as Artoo immediately produced a platter for them to share. Ben's servant coughed back a laugh before moving on to serve the remainder of the table, clearly amused by her accusation.

"Not always, but as long as I get you, I'm happy." He offered her the tray with a roguish wink. "Eat up, sweetheart, you're going to need your strength."

Rey suppressed a smile at his strangely sweet statement, examining a few brightly colored cakes before deciding on a decadent dark chocolate square. Absently nibbling on her chosen treat while he inhaled the rest, Rey wondered whether the taste would still be on their tongues when they reached her bedroom later.

——————

Ben avoided his father's piercing gaze as he guided Rey up the grand staircase, attempting to keep the hand at the small of her back gentle when all he really wanted to do was rush her upstairs. The older man appeared surprised at their unexpected closeness at first, but his demeanor quickly lapsed into genuine delight.

"No need to ask if he approves," Ben mused, knowing that despite their best efforts, his father had finally put two and two together. Determined not to be waylaid by the old scoundrel, or worse, his meddling mother, Ben crossed the short distance from the top of the stairs to Rey's door, swiftly shoving it open and ushering her inside. It was a tossup as to whether Han would blow their cover or keep his trap shut long enough for them to—

"Ben, wait," Rey forestalled once they were safely cloistered inside her bedroom.

"What is it?" he queried, already backing her toward the bed.

"Maybe we shouldn't," she objected even as her arms looped around the strong column of his neck. "Our parents are right downstairs, not to mention a houseful of guests. What if we get caught?"

"I don't care," Ben said, smoothing his large hands over her hips. "But if you really don't want this, we can stop."

Rey chewed her lip. "You'd really stop if I asked you to?"

"Of course," he promised, standing absolutely still. "I'm not a monster, Rey."

"No, you're not," she said softly, trailing her hands down his firm chest before bunching them in her full skirt.

Ben choked as she seductively dragged her dress up, revealing smooth legs and satin panties. "Does this mean…?"

"Yes," she whispered, falling onto the bed.

He was on her like a shot, pulling aside her underwear and slipping a hand between her thighs. "Blazes, you're tight!" he groaned, filling her with one thick finger. "Are you sore from last night? Are you sure we can…?"

"No!" she gasped, nails biting into his forearms as he invaded her silken sheath.

"Dammit, okay," he blew out a harsh breath, "give me a second to calm down. We can just—"

Rey kissed him soundly, effectively stymieing his downward spiral as her bold tongue dualed with his. "Mmm, chocolate," she said distractedly after they parted. Then, very clearly, "No, I'm not sore and yes, we can make love."

"Thank god," he growled, kissing her fiercely. "I want you damn so much!"

"I want you too! Hurry!"

Tearing her frilly underwear the rest of the way down her slim legs, Ben left them dangling around one thin ankle before going to work on his trousers. Struggling with the small buttons, he lowered them just enough to free his raging erection. "Is this okay?" he said urgently as he settled between her splayed thighs.

"Yes! Yes! Oh, god!" she keened as he sank into her with one solid stroke. "Ben!"

"Rey!" he rumbled in answer, tunneling into her with muted fury.

Melting into his passionate embrace, Rey met him thrust for thrust. "Ah! It—it wasn't like this last time!"

"You were a virgin last time," he panted, lifting up on his knees and bringing her hips with him.

Rey tossed her head from side to side as the new position gave him greater access to her hidden depths. "And now?"

"Now you're mine," Ben vowed, massaging her tender sex in time with his wild thrusts.

"Ben, I'm—I feel like I'm—oh my—Ben!" Rey screamed as he deftly manipulated her woman's bud, quickly sending her over the edge with a few flicks of his wrist.

"Yes, that's it, my darling," he praised, "take what you need."

And then she was blacking out, feeling so fulfilled that she never wanted to leave her bed—or him—ever again…

"My dress," she murmured a few minutes later, half-heartedly reaching for the pearl buttons running up her back.

"Here, let me." Ben carefully rolled Rey onto her stomach, gratified when she allowed him to undress her without protest. "Now we're getting somewhere."

Rey sighed in relief when he undid the ties on her chemise and garters as well. "Thank the maker."

"Better?" he said knowingly, tossing the whole rig onto the floor before shucking off his clothing as well.

"Much," she smiled, admiring him as she stretched out on the damp sheets. "That was even better than last...um…" Rey hesitated as she noticed his engorged manhood. "Oh, um, didn't you…?"

Ben turned her on her side and hugged her close. "Not yet," he replied, tracing her spine.

"I'm sorry, I—"

"Shh," he hummed, kissing her worried lips. "I chose not to; you didn't do anything wrong."

"You can control…that?" Her curiosity was endearing, reminding him that there was still so much she didn't know about sex.

"Usually," he said with a worldly air, "but I couldn't hold back with you the first time."

"You couldn't?" Rey queried, idly shifting her fingers through his longish hair.

"No." Ben leaned into her touch. "I guess I wanted to prove that I could make it last this time, that I could protect you. I'm sorry I didn't take any precautions last night, and for any consequences that may arise from our coupling. It's just...I've dreamed about you for so long and I—Rey? Are you listening to me?"

"Hmm?" she purred, sidetracked by the feel of his calloused hands on her skin.

"Never mind," he chuckled, palming her small breasts. "I know how to get your attention."

——————

Moaning as Ben drew her long leg over his hip, Rey marveled at her body's capacity for pleasure; she was so eager for him that he glided into her without a hitch.

"Okay?" he checked, setting a tempo so slow that she had to bite her lip to keep from begging.

"Yes!" she gulped, clutching at him like a lifeline. "Make it last," she challenged herself. "Don't rush, don't be impatient. Make him lose control this time!"

But it was difficult given the gulf in their experience. Ben was tracking her every movement, testing her response by hurrying up, then slowing down, shifting the angle of his penetration until her eyes were watering in pure unadulterated bliss...

Then suddenly he stopped moving, jerking her back to earth. "What's wrong?"

"Huh?" Rey croaked.

"You're crying," he frowned, dark gaze set with concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she denied, blinking rapidly. "Don't stop. Please."

"Am I hurting you?" he insisted.

Rey shook her head. "No, you just make me feel...um, that is to say, I...uh..."

"Say it," he commanded softly when she trailed away.

"You—you make me crazy to be sure, but you also make me feel...wanted, treasured...loved," she admitted.

Ben touched her wet cheek. "Good."

"Good? What—oh!" Before she could ponder his meaning, Ben resumed rocking against her, shaping her bottom under his massive hands as he filled her to the hilt. "So much for making him beg…" she lamented, overcome as he played her body like a fiddle.

Sliding a warm palm over her taut stomach, Ben rubbed her rosy nipples until they were straining to be devoured. "Do you want my mouth on you?" he said deeply, full lips hovering just out of reach.

"Please," she returned eagerly, arching her back.

"I love your breasts, they're perfect," he said gruffly, swallowing first one mound and then the other. "You're perfect."

"Perfect? Her?" He was everywhere, all over her body, in her body, in her head. He owned her, and she wanted to owe him too. She wanted everything with him. "You're perfect too! Perfect for me! Ben, I—ah!" Her inner muscles clamped down as he tugged on her tips with his teeth, the intense combination of sensations bringing her to the edge once again.

"Bloody hell!" Ben yelped, and it took her a moment to realize that he was reacting to her involuntary reflex.

"Well, well," she thought, clawing her way back from the brink. "Not so in control now, are you, big man?" Excited by the prospect, Rey deliberately tightened her muscles until he was gasping at her ear.

"Rey, don't—I'll—good god!" he pleaded. "If I don't pull out in time I could make you pregnant!"

"A little bit late for that, don't you think?" she laughed, drunk on him, on sex, on love. She would be rational again in the morning.

"Rey, for the love of—ah!" Ben threw his head back as she squeezed him again. "You better be sure this is what you want, sweetheart, because if I put my baby in your belly you're never getting away from me."

"Are you asking me to stop, Lord Ren?" she teased, locking her foot around his calf to keep him in place. "Because you seem to be enjoying yourself immensely."

"Says the woman who was a virgin until yesterday," he growled, kissing her hard on the mouth. "You think you're experienced enough to take me on already, do you? Well, two can play that game, you little minx!"

Rey shrieked as he spread her buttocks and strummed the sensitive flesh between her legs. "No fair, Ben! I—ah! I want—oh, nevermind!" she said, giving into the delicious friction.

They strained together in perfect unison, giving as good as they got, driving each other insane with pleasure and completely forgetting about their little game.

"Rey? Can I—I want to—please?" Ben begged, nipping her neck like an animal in heat.

"Yes, yes, yes!" she cried, hurtling toward nirvana herself. "Ben!"

"Rey!" he shouted hoarsely, flooding her with warmth. "I love you!"

She bit down on his shoulder as his release triggered her own, muffling her screams against his pale skin and sinking into oblivion once more...

When next she lifted her head, Rey realized that Ben had left the bed. "What are you doing?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Preparing you a bath—well, more of a bed bath, given the present circumstances," he winked.

"Ben, that's not necess—"

"Yes, it is," he asserted. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, love."

Stretching experimentally, Rey grimaced at the sticky residue plastered between her thighs. "Oh. Right. Well, okay then," she said a little sheepishly, "if you insist."

"At your service, ma'am," Ben bowed, grabbing the silken cloth sitting next to the basin on her dresser and pouring some water on it.

"Thank you," she said gently, touched by his consideration as he returned to her side and slid the washcloth between her legs.

"You're welcome."

——————

Pressing a chaste kiss to his lover's forehead, Ben mulled over how irrevocably their relationship had changed in the last twenty-four hours. He loved her. He'd confessed it. But how did she feel? Rey wanted him, he knew, and didn't seem adverse to the idea of having his heirs, but the fact that she'd yet to reciprocate his sentimental declaration was making him anxious.

Never one to pussyfoot around, Ben decided to go for the direct approach. "Rey, did you...hear what I said earlier?" he started slowly. "While we were making love?"

"You mean about me getting too big for my virgin britches?" she said archly, raising her sable head from his shoulder. "Yeah, I heard that, you louse, but don't think that just because you're an amazing lover that I-I...Ben? What is it?"

"That's not what I...uh…" he stumbled. "What I'm trying to say is..."

Rey propped herself up on her elbows, still half on top of him. "That you love me?"

"You did hear," Ben exhaled.

"I thought it was a dream," she smiled.

"It wasn't," he said reassuringly. "This is real."

"For me too."

"Really?"

"I-I've been in love with you since I learned what love was," Rey said shyly.

The revelation gave him courage. "Marry me then," he said seriously, knowing that the intensity of his feelings should scare him, that he should be wary of such a large commitment to someone so young. But regardless of the outcome, Rey was worth the risk.

"Really?" she said brightly.

"Yes. I love you, you love me, and you may well be carrying my child already. Marry me. Please." He wasn't beyond begging, if it came to that.

"But what about your lifestyle?" she breathed. "You've always been the consummate bachelor and—"

"I wanted to marry you three summers ago," he interrupted, "but you were young and I felt guilty."

"No younger than any other lady of my acquaintance who's marriage minded," Rey pointed out.

"And are you? You didn't really answer me before."

"Am I what?"

"Marriage minded," he said with much more patience than he'd displayed while they were dancing.

"Yes," she replied.

"So, you'll marry me?" he said hopefully.

"Yes," she repeated with more conviction. "But Luke won't approve, you know, he's very old-fashioned."

"Unlike the rest of the family," Ben grinned, feeling lighter.

"Well, somebody's got to keep up appearances," Rey snickered, absently tracing his infamous scar.

"Do they?" He trapped her searching hand against his heart. "Is propriety important to you, then?"

"Not really," she conceded, intertwining their fingers. "But before we go any further, I have to know: is your proposal at all due to the inheritance?"

"The what?" Ben tilted his head in confusion.

"You don't know? Well, ah, it could be just a rumor, I haven't even spoken to Luke yet," Rey babbled, "but, um, Finn told me that father has changed his will and...and named me as his heir. I understand if this upsets you, but please believe that I would never have asked him to do such a thing if he had consulted me first."

Ben stared into her terrified eyes, completely baffled. "Well, of course you're Luke's heir. You're his daughter."

"But you're a true Skywalker and—"

"And so are you," he said firmly.

Rey looked puzzled. "You mean I'll be a Skywalker if we marry?"

"No, I mean family is what you make it. You're Luke's daughter, Leia and Han's niece, the love of my life, and the future of this house all rolled into one. You're birth certificate may read Rey Niima, but you're really Rey Skywalker." Ben paused. "Well, Rey Solo, if I have anything to do with—"

Rey cut him off with a passionate kiss, pinning their linked hands above his head. "Do you really mean that?" she whispered.

"Of course I do," he said sincerely. "Although, it wouldn't hurt to have a rich wife if my parents ever follow through with their threats to disinherit me."

"Oh, really?" she said slyly, nibbling on the spot where she'd bitten his shoulder earlier. "I should get something out of the bargain then."

"Hmm?" he murmured, turning his head to give her better access. Ben's toes curled as her tongue bathed a path across his heated skin. "You can have anything you want, I promise."

Rey lifted her head. "How about being nice to my friends?"

"Anything except that," he groaned, trying to pull her back.

"Do you want me to marry you or not?" Rey resisted, still pinning his arms.

"Alright," Ben said in disgust. "I'll be nice."

"I love you," she giggled, kissing him sweetly before going back to work on his neck.

Chocolate eyes nearly black with hunger, Ben basked in her warmth, in her possessive determination to leave her mark on him. He knew the feeling all too well. But before they could indulge again, there were some logistics they needed to work out. "Rey, I think we should—oh, hell!"

Following his gaze to the door, Rey let out a scream of pure horror as Luke, Leia, and Han burst into the room.

"Well, well, well," Han smirked. "What have we here?"

——————

A/N: So...this fic is gonna be four chapters now because I have a few awkward family meeting scenes I want to write XD I'm hoping to get the next chapter out much quicker than this one, but I'm super busy at the moment, so please bear with me. Getting comments asking for more chapters seriously fueled me, so thank you all!

#reylo #reylo fanfic #reylo fic #rey #kylo ren #ben solo #regency au #rated e #the politics of dancing #my fanfiction #sushigirlali

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