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thisisallthehattersfault · 1 year

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Wen Ning came back wrong.

He was still gentle. He was still sweet and shy. Wen Qing’s soft-spoken little brother, with his big, dark eyes. Shy and awkward around people he didn’t know. Too shy and too awkward to get to know almost anybody. Ever-eager to help, ever-willing to offer kindness to anyone willing to take it. The same as he’d always been.

But Wen Ning came back wrong.

He’d been frail and fragile when he was younger, and timid and spineless when he’d grown. He’d needed Wen Qing to protect him, helpless and weak as he was. She’d tried to bully him into standing up for himself, but mostly she’d tried to shield him from the harshness of the world. He was so naive, so idealistic, so oblivious to the darkness in other people. Her brother, always so afraid. Her brother, who did as he was told, who trusted her to make decisions for him. Her brother, who never ever talked back.

His defiance started with Wei Wuxian, but it didn’t stop with him. Wen Ning had been apologetic and guilty before, when he went against her orders. He’d at least had the shame to wait until she turned her head before he broke her rules. Since his resurrection she hasn’t been able to get him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t even pretend to listen to her. He refuses her, now, quietly but unquestionably, and no amount of arguing will convince him to stay where she can see him, where she can take care of him, where she can keep him safe. He goes where he pleases, and she cannot hold him.

Which means Wen Ning came back wrong.

He used to waste so much time with his bow, hours and hours shooting targets when he should have been helping her brew medicine. Now he spends his time testing his new and terrible strength. He tears ancient trees from the ground root and all. Shreds the training dummies Wei Wuxian builds for him into kindling, and when Wei Wuxian makes them sturdier Wen Ning hits them harder. She stands on the edge of the wards surrounding the Burial Mounds and watches Wei Wuxian layer talismans around the boulder they’re using as the target’s head, chattering about the strength of helmets and the density of the human skull, how much pressure it takes to deal lethal amounts of damage through armor. Wen Ning reaches out and, almost casual, crushes the boulder into so many chunks of debris. Wei Wuxian sputters and laughs. Her frail little brother flexes his pale, clawed, deadly fingers, looking oh so very pleased with himself.

He hunts. He patrols their settlement with a lethal kind of control in his movements, coiled-tight and waiting. He rips resentful creatures apart with his hands. Wei Wuxian asks if he’s ever killed a human before, during the war or the camps, before his death. Wen Qing wants to say of course not, because Wen Ning is her brother and her brother was not a killer, could not be. Only Wen Ning had tilted his head to the side, bird-like. Kneaded his fingers against the edge of the table like he was finding his grip on a weapon. Asked why Wei-Gongzi wanted to know, and nodded earnestly when Wei Wuxian mentioned needing a bodyguard for his trip to Lanling.

Wen Ning came back wrong.

Wen Qing can’t figure out how. Can’t describe it, exactly. No one else seems to notice or care. Their sweet a-Ning, their gentle, kind, soft-spoken a-Ning. He’s still here. He’s still right here.

But Wen Ning came back wrong.

He came back wrong.

He had to have come back wrong.

Because if he didn’t… then Wen Qing never really knew her brother at all, did she?

#mdzs #the untamed #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #wen ning #wen qionglin #wen qing #wei wuxian #I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THE WEN SIBS OKAY #Wen Qing loved him she wanted to protect him she tried to keep him safe #but god if she wasnt good at making him feel small and helpless #The greatest injustice Wen Qing did to her brother was not having him brought back #as a horrible not-dead thing #Wen Ning is also Ride Or Die To The Point Of Madness okay he gets it #he also would have torn life and death asunder if it had taken her from him #no the worst thing Wen Qing ever did to Wen Ning was her refusal to let him grow up #to see him for who he really was #because the truth is that Wen Ning was never fragile. He was never helpless.#And he would have fought back earlier if she hadn't had him under such a chokehold #would it have done any good? Who knows! Maybe it would have gotten him killed sooner.#but that's not what's important. Not really. Because he would have gone down fighting.#He went down fighting. Every time he died Wen Ning went down fighting.#It isn't fair he had to die to be allowed to fight #it isnt fair

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diabolikpersonals · 1 year

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Ruri's wedding, expectation vs reality?? >:D

When I saw the theme for @arleccine 's oc contest was "brides," I really wanted to draw Ruri getting married! I thought I'd change up her hairstyle with this scenario in mind: she's trying to imitate her mother, because her mother is known for being beautiful, but Ruri's hair can't quite cooperate so she ends up looking messy...

Anyway, the proper contest entry is under the cut. If you've never read Ruri's fic and you want to, pls be aware that this will spoil it ^^

Ruri is Christa's daughter, born centuries after Subaru. During her childhood she lives joined at the hip with her mother, and learns to remain quiet and out of the way. By the time she's old enough to visit her brothers, she doesn't speak at all, and hardly responds when spoken to. The Sakamakis, in their own ways, learn to form their own connections with her despite her unresponsiveness. Because she's so inexpressive, her brothers often end up projecting their own insecurities onto her, and taking care of her becomes a way of taking care of their own inner children.

Eventually they do figure out why she doesn't answer them: Ruri is profoundly hard of hearing. Once they find out, they get her a hearing aid, and Ruri gradually starts to come out of her shell. She's an odd kid: she's unemotional but can be clingy once she likes someone, and she has a strange, unsettling air about her. She notices during her childhood that others, excluding her brothers, seem to be scared of her despite her good intentions. She starts to wonder if there's something wrong with her. Her brothers can't help but worry about her too: this sheltered, unsociable, undoubtedly strange girl was Karl Heinz's only daughter, putting her in a vulnerable position.

At a party, she meets a girl her age named Angelica. Ruri is infatuated with her and is prepared to take any measures to make friends with her. So to impress Angelica, Ruri takes her to a part of the castle she isn't allowed to enter. There, they are unexpectedly attacked by Karl Heinz's pet slug. They are saved when Kanato and Angelica's older brother come to their rescue, but the damage is done: Angelica thinks Ruri is gross, and her older brother thinks she's dangerous. Kanato comforts her, but the encounter leaves a scar on Ruri's heart.

When Ruri grows up a bit more, she visits her brothers more often, though she's still too attached to her mother to leave her side, even as a teenager. While she's visiting, a human named Yui Komori is sent to the Sakamaki mansion, and the two meet. Yui thinks that Ruri is creepy at first, but after getting to know her a bit, decides that she's a sweet girl after all. Ruri is infatuated with Yui just like she was toward Angelica, but the trauma from that time makes it difficult for Ruri to express her feelings. She desperately doesn't want to hurt Yui or scare her away, so she represses her own feelings and instincts as much as she can. Still, she can't help but daydream. She harbors a secret desire to marry Yui in a church, surrounded by her precious family.

Despite Ruri's fears, the two of them grow very close. Yui professes that Ruri is beautiful to her; she tells Ruri that her insecurities are lying to her, and that it's a shame that she can't see how wonderful she really is. Ruri can't hold back anymore and she tells Yui that she loves her, and Yui responds that she loves her back.

The problem now is that Ruri is still the only daughter of the vampire king, Karl Heinz, and she's expected to be married off. Sure enough, the details of her marriage are arranged soon after, without her input. Even though she had only just confessed to Yui, Ruri must live with her fiance, a vampire man she has never heard of, from now on.

She doesn't find out who her fiance really is until she reaches his house. His name is Lucius, and she's met him before: he's Angelica's older brother.

Ruri is horrified to be reunited with the siblings that scarred her so badly. Their opinion of her hasn't changed: they believe that Ruri is ugly, creepy, and dangerous. This marriage was arranged without Lucius' input as well, and he hates the idea of marrying the weird little girl who hurt his sister. Because of his family's situation, rejecting the marriage isn't an option, so secretly, he crafted a plan. He would steal the heart from Ruri's body and bury it in a coffin in the ground, then he would tear out Angelica's heart and place it in Ruri's body. Nobody would know he had made the switch, and then he would be able to escape with Angelica's heart and keep her safe and happy forever.

Will Ruri be able to escape Lucius' twisted plan and make it back to Yui? Or will she succumb to her shame towards herself, and end up losing her very heart and all the love it holds...?

...

thanks for readin! (/^_^)/ here's some extra pics. how ruri usually looks, with her braids that her mom did for her, and my first attempt at ruri's "wedding dress." I wanted to make it look old and ill-fitting, like she's an immature kid dressing up in her mother's clothes. her hearing aid is missing in this outfit cuz lucius takes it, making her revert back to her old awkward self who can't understand anyone around her.

#text #art #my art #dialovers oc design contest #ruri #blood tw//#last minute entry LOL I tried to get it done sooner but.......#anyway here's the vampire lesbian in all her glory

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scarletcomet · 2 months

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guess whose therapist thinks she could benefit from inpatient treatment

#got really depressed and a bit suicidal during my session today #im not actively suicidal rn but i feel so hopeless and i just want to give up resulting in some suicidal thoughts #the thoughts of hurting myself are getting louder and more overwhelming #so im not at a point rn where i think i need inpatient but im worried about getting worse #im going to nyc this weekend and seeing 2 shows and some of my favorite broadway actors but i do not feel excited #i want to feel excited but i just dont. i should be excited. if this doesn't make me feel something #then i doubt anything will.#reminds me of late may/early june when i wasnt excited for my birthday or the taylor swift concert because i did not want to live anymore #im worried that this is a warning sign. i feel like ive made so much progress with treatment in the last 10 months #but i feel like i haven't made enough progress and i feel like ive hit a wall and there's no improvement to be made #because I've tried like everything. i feel so hopeless. ive been in treatment for almost a year.#even inpatient i doubt would help me. like ive been there and done that. i spent nearly 20 days in inpatient last summer #only benefit would be seeing my doctor sooner but that's assuming i could even get a bed in the 11 person unit she works inpatient at #what benefit would seeing my doctor even do? we've tried almost everything and im on the max dose of most my meds #idk what to do #i feel like im running out of options. the only depression treatments i havent tried are ketamine and ect #i guess my options are ketamine ect suicide or continuing feeling how i feel now but i dont know how much longer i can live like this

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whomturgled · 7 months

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:^(

#feelin like a big lonely loser tonight teehe ^__^#thought maybe i had plans but then not n everyone else i asked didnt answer or had plans w other ppl too #n i had suggested a plans with stef but she never rlly confirmed or denied but i figured not plus im kinda sick now too but #also called her just to be like hi n i miss u bc idk im SICK n i hate being sick n the way she sounded was weird AaagghGGHHHHH #n im just now realizing maybe she also ended up doing plans w other ppl #just feels like nobody likes me i GUESS which is dramatic but . aagggghhghgh #to be fair a bit of a 180 from i love u so much lemme say it 50 times last night to i call her n say ilu n shes like uhh ok haha #anD I FEEL LIKE EVERYONES GIVING ME RLLY SHORT ANSWERS N LIKE #but i dont know if i have the energy to give a lot of. energy. ?? to expect it back? but its like #an endless cycle of feel bad so less energy or want to bug less so then deserve less in return anyway so feel worse #its kinda feeling like isolation time which i havent done in a hot minute but i tried so hard to get out of it but like . for what yknow #i got to talk to some ppl some more n meet some ppl but at the end of the day i still feel alone n alien teehee #but maybe im just bejng dramatic bc sick. and rsd with the Tones and ppl having Plans With Others #like its perfectly reasonable to have forgotten or just idk had better options or maybe bc i didnt say anything sooner buT . IDK. 😔🥺#im sick n i hate being sick n i want someone to take care of me ugh #instead i just kinda sat here. played some OW. got mad at OW. ordered pizza to engage in basically food self harm LOL n watched some #of a show ive been meanjng to watch. jts neat so far. but yeah now i just feel like shit i guess #idk how to like. not be insane. or like. ask ppl for like. idk. reassurance or smthn or. share feelings. without feeling like i am.... bad #for doing so or itll end poorly or its excess or burdensome or unreasonable. bc it kkinda is unreasonable but idk not entirely ig yknow #and i really need to shower but i especially dont want to now that i ate food bc id rather die than look at myself naked but yea #YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future #whatever ive been slowly building that i just. end up giving up now.#god i wanna call stef or pidge or someone n... ig not even talk abt this bc i dont wanna be a bother but. just hear ppl. u_u #feel like i am wanted in the world slepflsjhggbjwjr #It's My Blog I'll Use It As A Diary / Thought Organizing Thing If I Want To !!!!

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smallboyonherbike · 1 year

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(posting this in my awake before my alarm moment but this is for mon 2/27 like 5:30pm EST i just can't make a poll less than a day)

#megamazing #food tw #i've done this before and sometimes i have too many cravings so #it's nice to outsource my decision #for reference ham sandwich maybe sounds boring but i have been making the same sandwich w ham mustard mayo pepper jack and pickles #for a few months now and it's replacing bagels as my favorite at home easy meal #also i tried to get my friends to go w me to the new falalfel place #that is right near my work but they refused bc it's next to a gas station 😭#it's not MY fault i'm not bougie at all!!!!!!#see also when they refused to go to panera when i suggested that for a dinner lmao #like they'll get taco bell and mcdonald's but when we're going to sit down they want it to be nicer which. yeah i get it #also all the restaurants i listed are like a 2 minute drive from work on the way home except taco bell #which is 2 minutes from my house #oh also if i make a sandwich that's my last two pieces of bread and cheese and then i gotta go to the store #forgot to add polls tag up sooner but i like these tags so this'll be followers only lol #polls

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time-teller · 6 months

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god dammit why did i have to leave this for the last possible day?

#i tried working on this essay sooner i really did but i couldn't bring myself to #and idk if it's a laziness this or not but i'm very upset with myself #if this tanks my grade im going to actually cry for real #idk if i'll be able to get this done by the end of today but i need to submit it anyways for credit #i want to sleep so bad but i can't Q_Q i have to stay up #i want to keep my A i this class so bad i need every A from now #vent #?

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dizzybevvie · 11 months

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eat shit and die

#i have to write a cv but they havent given me instructions #just a template that I cant open and a deadline for later today #I feel sick like what am i meant to do #i hte this smmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm #“what do you do outside of school” Literally nothing bc ouve told me my whole life that I had to do well in school to succeed and Ive-#done that and all of a sudden I have to hvae done other stuff too??????#whats the logic to that?#I hate this sm i feel so sick #Ive emailed my teacher tellng him i literally cant do it like i cant open it or edit it ive tried everything #but the school is literally gonna be like Oh WeLl YoU sHoUld haVe DonNe It SoOnEr #I CANT IM AUTISTIC I GET EXECUTIVE DYSFUNTCION I LITERALLY CANT DO IT #IM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR PICKING IT UP EARLY AND IM STILL UNDER STRESS AHSBDSJADJK #UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh #YOUD KNOW IM AUTISTIC IF YOU CARED ENOUGH TO REFER ME FOR A DIAGNOSIS LIKE WE ASKED???? UGH #Punching my school and and and and and and and and and #ASDJASKD #vent #beverly says stuff

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matamisin · 1 year

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my hair reaches past my knees and it drives me crazy everyday BUT it's the only thing I get complimented on so she gets to stay.. for now 🤨

#i have been on the fence for 3 years just ahahah i should cut my hair #and then i almost do but then i get a sense of but what if its my only good feature #my boyf thinks im ridiculous and tru i am HOWEVER i am also very mentally unwell and ive put my worth in my hair #its like i see it as the one thing i have a good hand in and it gets proven to me every day i go out and i have my hair down #but im trying to work on it cause one of my big fears is my hair getting caught in something and like yknow #that risk increases every day my hair inches down #and also cause i wanna actually try to give my hair personality like the length it is now ghere is no such thing as styling it #styling it for me means putting it in a bun or ponytail and thats all LMAOOO #this shit is also rlly fucking heavy man like i out it up to go gym and it literally drives me insane bc of how heavy it is 😭#its also pin straight #my tita tries to heat curl it and by the time she gets to the other side of my head the side she started on is practically straight again #i used to do bobs and pixie cuts but my parents didnt like it so after the second cut i grew it out of spite #and now ive put myself in this dilemma of like i want to cut it but i dont #just ranting cause im trying to stall getting started on my homework LMAOOOO #but i should get to it slcause the sooner i get it done the sooner i can draw 😭😭 but i dont wanna do ittttt #rant #matamisin talks #i forget what my tags are lol

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tokyoteddywolf · 1 month

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It sucks so much once you realize how entwined someone is in your life, then it just sucks more when you have to scrub away the traces it existed. That it was there, and it was good, until it wasn't anymore.

(Ignore my angry venting it's 3am I'm cranky and want chocolate.)

#vent #i feel like my hands are soaked in blood that soap cant clean #'blood is thicker than water' they say but that just makes it all the harder to scrub away once it goes bad #i loved you so much and i still do but now everything is just bitter and rotting and i hate it so much #and im just ranting to myself about how unfair it is that im doing so much better but i still miss what i had #that it wasnt your fault i didnt get help sooner- i believed so badly that i didnt deserve help.#that if i just waited long enough id rot away and be done with it all.#and i never got to say 'thank you for loving me when i couldnt love myself' at the worst time of my life.#you tried to help me. i can appreciate that #but i can be bitter that you still abandoned me. i have that right. i am going to be better and do better but you dont get to have that.#im still learning how to be a proper human. one that can learn to love herself and not distrust any form of affection.#but im going to do that on my own and when im better i hope you see it. i really hope you do.#you both still abandoned me though so fuck you both for that. im not gonna be nice about it anymore.#i didnt wanna hurt feelings even though mine were CONSTANTLY trampled over. so yeah. fuck you. that feels good to say.#fuck you for never apologizing. fuck you for abandoning me in a city i had no place else to go in. fuck you for giving me false hope.#fuck you for making promises you couldnt keep. fuck you for all the times i felt alone or excluded or just plain unwanted.#fuck you for constantly picking each other over me. fuck you for all the times i had to swallow how i felt because it was 'mean'.#fuck you for making your love conditional. fuck you for never even trying to understand how i felt. fuck you for taking years of my life.#and mostly just- fuck you for making me think i was worth it.#i felt like i had to do all the work in that friendship. starting convos and game days and INTERACTING.#the friends i have now dont do that shit. they COMMUNICATE WITH ME. Fuck you for that too by the way! not communicating!#rant over. fuck you. im gonna sleep now knowing you wont see this cuz ya BLOCKED ME.

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benevolentslut · 3 months

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#no i actually genuinely do not wsnt to fucking be alive anymore #mum comes home and immediately only sees the things i haven't done and starts screaming and sobbing about it as if the place is a sty #when all that's fucking wrong is a cat threw up in her room and i haven't loaded the dishwasher yet #and she screamed at me to fuck off when i tried to clean for her #then there's the fact i'm completely isolated and reliant on her for everything #i can't get any work to afford moving #and then just. everything else.#now she's on the phone to my sister blatantly lying about it all to paint me in the worst fucking light possible #no actually why the fuck should i put up with any of this #i have no fucki g future #everything around me right now is hell #just. why should i fucking stay alive #i dont see a reason #i haven't for fucking *years* but i've just been such a fucking coward that i've gone numb to everything instead of making an out sooner #every good thing i've had i've fucking ruined myself #i've done nothing but hurt everyone i care about i just shouldn't fucking be alive #god fucking knows everyone would.be happier

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severepink · 4 months

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Observing Adam

Where I go way too deep into something that probably isn't that deep. It's long, it's long as hell.

Okay, so you'd think with how Adam talks he's just a typical misogynist, right?

This man worships pussy. So much so, he's named a whole ass angel, one of his best, Vagina. You'd say that he objectifies them and thinks of them as being lesser, but I don't think that's the whole story. In fact, I think he might be the original simp.

All of these exorcists so far have been women. All of them. He refers to them as ladies or bitches interchangeably, he sees them as being completely capable of absolutely decimating leagues of some of the most vile beings who have ever existed, and they have, to the point it was only after thousands of years that there's been a risk to this hierarchy.

He's a self-centered, egotistical, loud-mouthed, arrogant asshole, no doubt about it, but I'm beginning to suspect something now.

If Adam and Lilith were created from the same dust, if they were created as equals, I am more than willing to bet... Lilith is also a self-centered, egotistical, arrogant asshole. But, she's likely far more intelligent, composed, and duplicitous.

Lilith was allowed to refuse Adam and leave of her own free will and garnered her own independence. A new wife was created for Adam, she was replaced. My guess, is she thought Adam wouldn't be able to live without her, to come back and find herself replaced entirely, she was enraged.

I believe both Adam and Lilith were both incredibly dominant individuals who fought over ideas, thoughts, and ultimately in the bedroom as well, if we take into account the creationist stories.

I'm willing to bet she likely manipulated Lucifer into twisting humanity against its original concept. What if Lucifer's intention truly was to just spark something within Eve, like independence and thought and creation, but it was Lilith's poison within the fruit that tainted her, then subsequently Adam, with sin.

Lilith thrived in hell, while Lucifer's dreams of creation were dashed. She didn't suffer as he did, instead the power of her voice grew with hell. Her voice grew so powerful that heaven found it to be a threat, her actions instigated the beginning of exterminations.

Charlie said that when she was a little girl, she didn't know Lucifer at all. I don't think this was because of Lucifer, he's seen here, picking her up, inviting her to share in his thoughts and dreams, showing her something wonderful. Something she could see within herself.

Charlie says that it's this moment that sparked her will to fight for her dreams. Which is strange, because at the very beginning of the story, Charlie says it was her mother's dream that was passed down to her.

Lilith took Charlie away. In this scene, Lucifer wasn't done showing Charlie his thoughts and dreams, he's still yearning to show his daughter these things at this point.

Lucifer loves his daughter. He loves Charlie so, so, so much. So why wasn't he allowed to build a relationship with his daughter for the longest time? He was waiting for the opportunity to get to know her, but with how much he adores her why didn't he do it sooner? He didn't comment on 'It took you a while-' he just said he missed her smile. They don't want to be pulled apart, again.

Now, we know Vivziepop has said that Lucifer and Lilith love each other, but Lilith 'wears the pants' in the relationship. We see all of the pictures all over the walls of a supposedly happy family. I don't think the relationship was as loving as originally portrayed and Lilith is a woman who desires control above all else. She likely tried to mitigate what influence Lucifer had over their daughter when she thought his angelic thoughts and behaviors became more than what she approved of.

Lets take it back to Adam and Lute for a moment. Again, Adam is a loud mouthed idiot, he's a jerk. The moment he realizes there are demons in heaven, he's ready to go on the attack. It's only because of Lute that he didn't end up doing something absolutely idiotic.

I gotta say, Lute and Adam's relationship is an absolutely fascinating one. He's a disrespectful dick head in how he talks, but how he acts is a different story. He allows Lute to man-handle him. He does listen to her, even if he's a whiny bitch about it.

Look at him, this is the face of a man listening, a dumb one, but a dude listening all the same. He doesn't manhandle her back, he doesn't even pull away until she lets go of his collar. Of all the shit he complained about, between being grabbed and being told what to do, his biggest complaint is that she's telling him to shush.

We know that Adam is the one who suggested the exterminations to begin with, so Sera says, and this was because of the power that Lilith was amassing. To him, Lilith is a threat. Even when he was willing to move on, to go to another wife when Lilith didn't want him or want to submit to him (fair babe, he's a bit of an idiot), she came back with an angel and proceeded to manipulate his new wife Eve. This is the supposed progenitor of man-kind, the original dick (hilariously enough), the reason civilization even exists at all. He and Eve had to fight for their lives after being tempted with the fruit. They had immortality, they had no ideas of shame, they were supposedly 'innocent' creatures before Lilith and Lucifer came along. He and Eve had to fight tooth and nail to survive after being cast from Eden. I think it shows in how willing and ready he is to take lead and do what he believes needs to be done, now out of a need for entertainment rather than a need to defend or protect. But, he still stopped to listen to Lute's advice. In the mythological story of Adam and Eve, Adam is the one who has to tell Eve that god said don't eat the fruit. Eve never heard god speak to her, so she was vulnerable to the snake's manipulations. She will now die because she ate it, and because she did not want Adam to take another wife, convinced him to eat it unknowingly. Funnily enough, Adam tried to explain to god that 'she lied to me and gave me the fruit' and in this actual mythology, Adam was punished for listening to his wife. Even without mentioning Lilith in the original mythology, Eve didn't want Adam to take another wife, so when we consider it within the context of Hazbin Hotel, it may be likely that's how it went down. Eve knew of Lilith, knew that she could be replaced, and decided that she would take Adam with her.

I believe that Adam does and did rely on the women in his life to help him with direction. I think Adam knows he can be an idiot and is willing to listen, even if he doesn't agree with what he's hearing. He did listen to Charlie in the beginning, he just didn't believe in her, like everyone else and he, out of anyone there, probably had the most reason not to. Cain and Abel were his and Eve's sons, his own child became the first murderer. Out of jealousy, the same kind of jealousy that no doubt has caused Lilith to act how she did. Adam isn't going to have empathy for sinners. His family, his legacy, were filled with the original sinners. He probably had to kill his son Cain in hell during the first exterminations. What do you think he would have had to feel, if it came to be a fact that sinners could be redeemed? That maybe his son, could've been redeemed? Or any of his progeny for that matter? How did it feel when his sons, his progeny, weren't given the same mercy as the Hellborn that Lucifer managed to keep protected through some deal with the angels or god? Not to mention that Charlie could've been his daughter. Charlie is the product of the people who completely and totally destroyed the paradise he'd been born into. She's the daughter who is protected and immune from the slaughter while all of his sons and daughters are judged and killed. I believe, even though he was a dickish prankster to Charlie, he was surprisingly patient and even somewhat amicable, willing to even ask her how her weekend was like he was just trying to get to know her.

Adam could just see all of the angels under his employ as being disposable. He doesn't have to name them, or think about them in any individual fashion. But, he knows Vaggie, recognized her instantly. Thought she was badass. Lute's the one who saw her, tore her wings off, and walked away. I'm surprised they even let her live, because this just goes against everything they're doing. They're an army and they saw one of their own showing empathy to the enemy.

Look at this dumb ass. He's being a shit-head, a dick, a bastard. But, he admires Vaggie's ability to pull Charlie, congratulates her, this dude isn't even judging her for being a lesbian. I don't think it's because he objectifies women, this dude loves women, he just does. He respects fellow vagina lovers. I don't think he respects liars in the slightest though. He's being underhanded, he's trying to be manipulative (he's not very good at it). I think he's brutally open and honest about everything and that's probably one of the reasons he's such a bastard anyways, because sometimes you just need to shut-up and he's not good at that.

I don't think he respects Sera for that either, he's more than willing to let others know what the hell he's doing, but under Sera's lead, he can't be open about it. I don't think it's his jam to act this way, it's why he sucks so bad at it and I think that's why Lilith is so antithetical to him. I also think that's why he's possibly even being manipulated.

It's kind of crazy that Adam is the only one who tries to come up with what allows someone to get into heaven. So here's his list: 1. Act Selfless: Maybe at one point he was! He had to have been, to be one of the progenitors of mankind, he would have had to work, sacrifice, and give to his wife and children for them all to survive. Eve would have had to do the same, no doubt. He may not seem selfless, due to his raunchy behavior, but he's served heaven since he's been there. He's served humanity in some kind of facet. 2. Don't Steal: Considering the only other humans are his spawn, he likely had to try and get them to not steal from one another for them all to have an equal opportunity of survival. He and Eve likely both knew they would need to work together to survive.

3. Stick it to the man: This, however, is interesting. Who is 'The Man' he speaks of? God? The only other people over him or were equal to him were women. He speaks like a rocker, and I think in this case he's using the term 'The Man' in a gender neutral way. I think he allowed some amount of Authority to Lilith when they were supposed to be seen as equals, it comes so naturally to him as a character when it comes to the other women he's been interacting with. I think she is the 'man' that he's been sticking it to- Pun somewhat intended. ((This third one may also simply be a tongue in cheek reference to when Alex Brightman played Dewey in School of Rock on Broadway! Thank you to the user who brought this to my attention!))

Adam is a bit of a hypocrite, isn't he? He likes to fuck, he's made that abundantly clear. Full of lust you could say. It was his original purpose after all, and he is judging Angel Dust for something he probably would've done himself at one point or has considered doing (maybe not the having sex with men part). Angel Dust does all of these things, Adam doesn't even deny it. He even looks nervous. He's angry, but doesn't deny that Angel has done those things. He doesn't explain it away or try to lie or move the goal posts, he's just asking what is an actually very valid question.

Why isn't Angel Dust there if he can do things equal to what Adam himself hasn't done? Serenity continues that line of thought. It isn't until Charlie is realizing no one knows what it takes to get into heaven.

Adam is more than willing to let Lute take the lead here, he's willing to give her the stage to clap back, he's giving her back-up antics. By all means, they could be pushing and fighting one another, there could easily be body language expressing something other than their general comfort around one another. They aren't fighting for a spotlight like you'd expect Adam to try and do considering his egotistical attitude.

Adam fucking sucks at keeping his mouth shut and he sucks at lying. He nearly blew the secret out of the bag once, this time, Sera is the only one who tries to stop him and to be honest? Lute looks a bit too thrilled at it. He knows he fucked up, but he doesn't think it's a big deal that anyone would know. For fucks sake, they've already condemned souls, his progeny, to suffer. What's the big deal if he kills them?

I have to re-iterate what's happening here. Charlie is proud she caused this chaos, that she caused these angels to fight amongst themselves, even if in this case it's a good thing. But, this is like history repeating itself to Adam, the reflection of his ex-wife, entering his domain, causing strife among his people, being happy about it.

And the venom he expresses when it comes to the 'liar' portion, god Alex Brightman destroyed when he got to this portion specifically. There is some vehement disgust in his tone when he says liar.

Adam isn't a good person now. But, I think he used to be a good person. By all means, Adam himself could've been the first murderer when his wife made her mistake. He, at one point in time, had to have been good enough to foster civilization itself with Eve. Both good and bad. Adam's original purpose was to be fruitful and multiply. Ordained by god (or maybe just angels) himself, divine power directed and created him to fuck. He didn't chase his ex-wife down, he was given a new one, Lilith was allowed to leave. When he left things alone, when he tried to move on, his ex-wife and a scorned angel destroyed the paradise he was in with Eve. He had to struggle and toil, he had to feel shame in his own body. He had to find out his first born son was the first murderer. His second son killed. We don't know if this is going to be canon in the story, a lot has changed, and if Adam is the first soul who reached heaven, then what did happen to Abel? Was Abel considered a sinner? Or did Cain kill Abel after Adam had passed? Either way, he had to witness his children kill, he had to watch his descendants behave in a range from saints and monsters. He's seen genocides, he's seen famine, war. Adam is desensitized to the plights of his descendants. Maybe he even saw it as a duty to cleanse the universe of their existence at one point, because they were his responsibility.

At the end of this episode, he is properly scolded by Sera and does seem ashamed of himself. He isn't huffy, he is reminded that he should be ashamed of acting that way.

I love Lute's enthusiasm, she's absolutely brutal when talking about Vaggie and with how she handled Vaggie. I think it's funny that Lute is so brutal she's even made Adam uncomfortable. It's cute that he's made uncomfortable by the excitement and all he does is tell Lute, the premier hype woman over here, to chill. She's so proud of herself too, look at her.

He fully expects these exorcist bad bitches to go in there and fuck shit up. But, you know it's hilarious that he's throwing horns? This dude, this angel. First human soul in heaven, loving rock n' roll, the devil's music, and throwing motherfucking horns. It's poetic really. I think we can probably assume where things are going.

Now, this is the first point we've seen Adam being a real piece of shit to Lute. I don't think Adam likes it when people think he's too dumb to notice something, especially something so damn obvious. This is such a drastic moment of vitriolic, uncontrolled anger directed towards Lute. Adam knows he isn't the brightest tool in the shed. He likely knows he's obtuse and misses shit. It's why he sucks at lying, he knows he's not smart. That is why I think he's afforded women opportunities to direct him without fighting back against their advice and their choices. I'm sure Lilith made it obvious how dumb she thinks Adam is. I'm wondering if this might be where their ground breaking fight might've come from. Who's to say he didn't allow Lilith to take the lead, or listen to her like he's done with Lute here and now? Perhaps to an even greater point? He listened to Eve and ate from the fruit of knowledge and he was punished for it. Being seen as so dumb he can't formulate a simple fact is a sore spot for him.

Adam is incredibly powerful. It took a bit out of him to exercise that power, probably because he's out of practice just like Lucifer said. At one point, he probably wasn't so sloppy and weak willed. He's gotten lazy. Sloth like.

I think it got real personal here. How viscerally and personally he attacked Charlie. No one but Charlie truly thought sinners could be redeemed, or that they were even worth it. Not even one of the original sinners. Maybe he never considered the possibility, maybe what happened really did make him see the world as black and white to cope with that happened to him, his wife, his children. Charlie's desire to fight this idea would destroy the foundation for all of his coping through the years. He stopped seeing them as family, even though he's grandiose about his founding role in humanity. Does that itch the guilt that may lurk under the surface?

I don't think Adam thought much of Charlie at all. I don't think he had any intention of coming to kill her in the beginning, despite seeing her, despite who her parents were. But, I think with the constant push, with how eager she was to disrupt the pre-conceived idea of order, it reminded Adam and reflected her parents so much, he was eager to kill her for revenge against them. I think this electrical interference on the mask is a direct reflection of sin. Namely, wrath, in this moment.

Now, this. THIS. Is something that made me want to write this whole fucking essay. Is Lucifer implying that he not only gave Eve the Fruit from the tree of knowledge, but FUCKED HER TOO? Homies, I'm sorry but holy shit. That is some hydrating tea. I'd be pretty pissed too, fucked over twice by women who were supposed to be literal soul mates, who you were made for, who were made for you?

I knew he would have a goatee, I could almost hear it. I gotta say, I'm a sucker for how he looks. I think he's hot. He is a bastard, but so are a lot of the hot dudes in this show. It's just a theme.

This exact series of lines prompted so many of the thoughts that I had about Adam and why he thinks or acts the way he does. At one point, Adam did have to work himself to the bone and learn to survive from scratch alongside Eve. He isn't entirely without cause to not think that he deserves some respect or recognition from his descendants.

But, that doesn't give him the right to act like god himself. It's... well... Blasphemous. Isn't it? One of the worst sins is to think yourself to be worthy of worship, as if you're a god.

This is the moment that gave me empathy for them both. You could probably see the kind of loving person Adam could have been at one point with how he looks at Lute, even as he's laying there, dying. He's not crying like a bitch, just looking at Lute softly. Lute screaming for him, screaming his name. They cared for each other deeply.

And this... and this.... and this. WHAT DEAL DID YOU MAKE, LILITH? Did you make it with Sera? Did you make it with Adam? Did you make it with Lute? Did you really just want a little 'vacay' away from the hell you helped create? Left her husband, depressed and lonely. Left her daughter without any care or guidance. Maybe Alastor was sent in her place, perhaps? Seven years since he was seen after all, but why wouldn't he show up sooner if Lilith did care? Did she make a deal with Lute and Adam? Did she let Adam smash it so she could stay in heaven? Did Lute let her stay in exchange for getting Adam out of a position of power? Or was it maybe Sera who commissioned Lilith with a deal? Either way, I'm in full belief that it wasn't Adam's idea to move the extermination day up. I think he's a patsy, a scapegoat. I think Lute may have been manipulated, potentially, into manipulating Adam into this position. Was it even really Adam who came up with the idea to do the exterminations? Or was he the one who simply decided to fight originally because he was told heaven was at risk due to Lilith's rising power? The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions. I think it could be any number of these. Either way, Lute certainly does think she had authority over Lilith. Is it Lute just having hubris? Or is Lilith truly bound, just like Alastor, Husk, and Angel Dust?

Of course, now that we know a soul can be redeemed... and we certainly know that angels can fall. I don't think this will be the last we see of Adam.

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