I'm reminded so much of Binghe in Cixous’ 'Stigmata' (specifically ‘Love Of The Wolf’)

“For us, eating and being eaten belong to the terrible secret of love... The story of torment itself is a very beautiful one. Because loving is wanting and being able to eat up and yet to stop at the boundary." (pg 78)

"...who says or doesn’t say, but who signifies: I beg you, eat me up. Want me down to the marrow. And yet manage it so as to keep me alive... and I urge you: bite me. Sign my death with your teeth." (pg 78)

like cmon, you mean to tell me this doesn't remind you of them?

"The wolf says to the child: I’m going to eat you up. Nothing tickles the child more. That’s the mystery: why does the idea that you’re going to eat me up fill me with such pleasure and such terror? It’s to get this pleasure that you need the wolf. The wolf is the truth of love, its cruelty, its fangs, its claws, our aptitude for ferocity. Love is when you suddenly wake up as a cannibal, and not just any old cannibal, or else wake up destined for devourment." (pg 77-78)

Now while I've yet to do an in-depth analysis of Bingqiu's relationship, I have done one of Binghe and I really really love how he aligns with a concept I can't fully name. it has something to do with love as defying your nature, or the expectations set for you, or your past. Love as a choice you make, and as a conscious effort to be better.

I don't know if I'm just connecting two things I enjoy or making everything I do about the Thing I Currently Like, but I thought id put it out there anyway (cause I'm pretty sure if it doesn't apply to Bingqiu, then it applies better to another ship from danmei I've yet to read *ahem a lot of them*)

1-268

1 - How are you? Pre shit. i hate fighting with you2 - Post a picture of yourself. i will later3 - Do you ever wish you were someone else? yes4 - What is your entire name? Abby Elsie Joy Willett5 - How old are you? 216 - Age you get mistaken for: 167 - Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality: yes8 - What did you do on your last birthday? nothing9 - What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday? staying alive10 - What is your hair color? blonde11 - Have you ever dyed your hair? yes 12 - What is your eye color? blue13 - If you could change your eye color, would you? yes14 - Do you wear contacts/glasses? yes15 - Your opinion about your body and how confortable you are with it: i hate it16 - Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body? no17 - Say 8 facts about your body: 1-8 i hate it18 - Do you have any tattoos? yes 419 - Do you have any piercings? yes20 - Left or right handed? right21 - What’s your sexual orientation? Bi22 - Do you drink? no not anymore23 - Do you smoke?no24 - Do you have any pets? not anymore25 - Where do you work? i dont coz im lazy26 - Something you are working on right now: getting though this27 - Do you have any “rules” about food? no gluten28 - Where are you from? Australia29 - What would you say is your best quality? eyes30 - What do you think you’re really good at? sport31 - What do you think you’re really bad at? relationships32 - What talent do you wish you’d been born with? able to sing33 - Are you a bad person? yes34 - Are you nice to everyone? i hope so35 - Say 3 facts about your personality: um idk36 - Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? yes37 - What is your ideal bed? Why? a king size bed so i can lay this little body across it38 - Do wake up cranky? yes39 - Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? yes if i had one with me40 - What do you think about the most? you41 - Share 2 habits: sticking my tongue out while trying to do things and pinching my self42 - What you want to be when you “get older”? a mother43 - What are your career goals? anything that get money44 - What is your ideal career? army45 - Is your life anything like it was two years ago? yes and i hate it46 - Do you replay things that have happened in your head? yes47 - Have you ever had an imaginary friend? yes48 - Say 10 facts about your room: i hate the wall paper, massive bed, tv, to close to the toilet, smells like my older brother, the wall paper has ships on it, wooden floors, its small, no fan49 - Do you have any phobias? spiders and snakes50 - Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? yes51 - Are you allergic to anything? If so, what? no52 - Ever broken any bones? yes53 - Ever come close to death? yes54 - Things you like and dislike about yourself: things i like: my hair and eyes and freckles. things i hate everything else55 - A random fact about yourself: im 5ft56 - What are three things most people don’t know about you? bad temper, used to drink heaps and used to smoke57 - An unknown fact about your life: its shit58 - Share something about yourself others might think is weird: i have a chipped tooth59 - Five weird things that you like: 1. i like fireworks 2. i like fire 3 i like beaches that have rocks 4. i like cliffs 5. i like buildings60 - Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this?yes i have facebook and yes ive already added you61 - Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? yes62 - Describe yourself in one word/sentence: im small but fast63 - A quote you try to live by: “To me, Fearless is not the absense of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.” - Taylor Swift64 - A famous person you’ve been compared to: no65 - Weird things you do when you’re alone: um watch avatar: the last airbender66 - Something you do without realising: um swear67 - 5 things you want to change: 1 - 5 my body68 - Someone you’d like to be for a day and why: yes Taylor swift so i can buy my mum a house69 - Leave me a compliment: your beautiful and 69 hahahaFavourites70 - What is your favorite thing to do? sleep71 - What’s your favorite color? purple72 - What’s your favorite band/singer? taylor swift73 - What’s your favorite movie? harry potter movies74 - What are your favorite books? harry potter books75 - What is your favorite quote and why? “To me, Fearless is not the absense of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.” - taylor swiftbecause it helps me with a lot of things76 - What is your favorite word? fuck77 - What is your least favorite word? c*nt78 - What is your favorite type of food? pasta79 - You favorite ice cream? chocolate80 - What’s your favorite animal? tiger81 - Dogs or cats? both82 - Describe your favourite texture: food83 - What is your favorite flower? white rose84 - What’s your favourite scent? Vanilla And on the opposite sex? a nice smoky smell like from a fire85 - What is your favorite season? winter86 - What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die? nashville, la, paris, italy, england 87 - What are four things you can’t live without and why? phone facebook tumblr girlfriend. 88 - Which mythological creature are you most like? Why? um a unicorn89 - What’s your favorite television show? wentworth90 - Favorite place to shop at? kmart91 - Say 2 facts about your favorite things: um idkFamily, childhood and places92 - Say 4 facts about your parents:1 my mum is the best 2. i hate my dad 3. im greatful for them 4. i love them93 - Are you more like your mom or your dad? mum94 - Do you have any siblings? 295 - Say 9 facts about your family: 1. i love them. 2 i miss them and i dont have any more96 - What’s your relationship like with your family? um pre shit97 - Say 7 facts about your childhood: no thanks 98 - The best and the worst childhood memories: nan passing away99 - Say 6 facts about your home town: 1its small 2has steam boats 3has a river 4family lives there 5best food 6feels like home 100 - Are you going out of town soon? idk101 - Where would you like to live? anywhere with my girl102 - What would your dream house be like? um its hard to describe103 - Where would you go on your dream vacation? anywhere with my girl104 - Where you want to be right now? in my girls bed105 - Top three places to visit: 1my nans 2the beach 3sport games *************************************************Friends106 - Would you ever smile at a stranger? no107 - Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? boys108 - Who is someone you never tire of? my girl109 - Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? yes110 - Who is your most loyal friend? um111 - Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? yes112 - If your best friend died, what would you do? idk 113 - Something you’ve lied about. not saying114 - Have you ever felt replaced? yes all the time115 - Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s): 1 his so nice 2. i love him 3. he has the best hugs 5. biggest heart Relationships116 - The last person you hugged? my mum117 - Story of your first kiss? um i dont remember118 - Do you like kissing in public? no119 - Have you ever kissed someone older than you? yes120 - You have a preference for boys or girls? girls121 - Is the male or female body closest to perfection? female122 - 5 things that irritate you about the same sex/opposite sex. males think that there penis is the biggest123 - Do you believe in love at first sight? no124 - Do you believe in soul mates? yes125 - What is your idea of the perfect date? walk along the beach and a nice dinner 126 - Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend: the girl i have now127 - What is the first thing you noticed in someone? there smile128 - Are looks important in a relationship? no129 - What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? no idea130 - What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? doesnt bother me131 - Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? yes132 - Five guys/girls whom you find attractive: 1 taylor 2 karlie 3 cara 4 my girl 5 my girl133 - Do you have a crush on anyone? yes my girl134 - A description of the girl/boy you like: shes amazing135 - Say 1 fact about the person your like: im in love with her136 - If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? bitch bye137 - When was the last time you told someone you loved them? today138 - Do you think someone has feelings for you? no idea139 - Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? i hope so140 - Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? yes 141 - Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? yes ugh taylor why are you with joe142 - Anyone you’re giving up on? yes my dad143 - Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? yes144 - Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? yes145 - Have you ever liked one of your best friends? yes146 - Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yes147 - Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? yes148 - Is there someone you will never forget? yes149 - Say five ways to win your heart: nuggets saying the right things um flowers i guess150 - What turns you on? hmmm my girl is the only one who needs to know151 - What turns you off? smoking and drugs152 - What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? umm 153 - What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? send me flowers154 - What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? to come see me 155 - Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Have you had one written for you? ive written two songs about someone. and i have no idea 156 - What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? um go see them when im busy 157 - Are you in love? YES158 - Are you in a relationship? yes159 - If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? her smile. it brightens up my day like the sun160 - Are relationships ever worth it? yes 161 - Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? yes162 - Can you commit to one person? yes163 - Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? yes164 - Do you ever want to get married? yes165 - Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? maybe 166 - Future names of your children: Isabelle Grace Lastname 167 - Do you get jealous easily? yes168 - The last time you felt jealous, and why? um idk169 - What is your definition of cheating? kissing and hugging and flirting 170 - Have you ever been cheated on? yes171 - Do you forgive betrayal? i guess172 - Have you ever cheated on someone? yes173 - Why did your last relationship fail? coz i wasnt happy174 - Things you want to say to an ex: i dont miss you 175 - A description of the person you dislike the most: i hate you 176 - If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? no177 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 3 -4178 - How long was your longest relationship? 3 years179 - You’ll love me if… you like food180 - Share a relationship story: um no thanksMusic, movies and books181 - How often do you listen to music? everyday182 - What kind of music you like? country183 - Do you like to dance? no184 - What was the first concert/show you attended? a local rapper185 - Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes186 - Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past: angels - robbie willams my nans funeral187 - A song that’s been stuck in your head: say you wont let go 188 - Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play: taylor swift dear john189 - A book you want to read/have recently read: harry potter190 - Describe your dream library: i dont have one191 - Last movie you just watched: our kids are alright192 - Do you like watching what type of movies? harry potterSituations and crazy things193 - You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done? harry potter194 - What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for? stabbing someone 195 - If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be? harry potter196 - You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to? my girl197 - If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? my life 198 - If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why? oxygen 199 - If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? when i was born200 - You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy? my fist and IM BATMAN BITCH201 - If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like? a rollercoaster202 - What is the first curse word that comes to mind? FUCK203 - What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be… i dont remember204 - Halloween costume idea? dont do halloween 205 - How you’d spend ten thousand bucks? buying a house206 - Press ctrl+v and post: “To me, Fearless is not the absense of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.” 207 - Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with someone you love for ten years or someone you hate for a month? Explain why. someone i love for 10 years208 - 5 things within touching distance: laptop, phone, meds, apple juice, pillow209 - A drunken story: i ended up in hospital210 - What are you supposed to be doing right now? sleeping 211 - Currently wanting to see anyone? my girl212 - Why you follow me? coz im amazing213 - If you met me what would you do? kiss me214 - YOU have to leave me a random/ridiculous question: id answer it215 - YOU have to leave me a cute message: id blushOpinions and beliefs216 - Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now? half air217 - Do you believe in fate/destiny? yes218 - What you wish for on 11:11? it wont come true219 - Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm? um idk220 - Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? no221 - What is your religion, if any? nope222 - Would you go against your moral code for money? yes223 - What’s more important to you: strength of the body or strength of the mind? mind224 - How important you think education is? very225 - If you were the president, what would you do? kill trump226 - If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? to kill trump227 - Is it the thought that counts? Or is that phrase circumstantial? the thou228 - If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? see my girl and tell her i love her229 - Which movie character do you most identify with and why? harry potter coz i get a wandFeelings and Others230 - Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? procastinator231 - Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance: um no232 - Say 5 things you love unconditionally: my girl and issac233 - What motivates you in life? food234 - Something that you’re proud of: um idk 235 - Five words/phrases that make you laugh: no idea236 - Share the story of something that makes you smile: no237 - Something you always think “what if…” about: my relationship238 - What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that? no saying239 - Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life: shit 240 - Something/someone that you miss: my nan241 - Are you over your past? yes242 - What is your saddest memory? my nans funeral243 - One of the hardest moments in your life: saying goodbye to my nan244 - Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? yes245 - What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about? um idk246 - What was your most embarrassing moment? pissing my pants while drunk in my uncles garden247 - Share one of your fears/insecurities: no248 - Something you’re currently worrying about: yes249 - Have you done something you regret very much? yes250 - If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be? not saying251 - Does anyone hate you? yes252 - Do you hate anyone? yes253 - Lyrics that apply to your current situation/mood. The rest of the world was black and whiteBut we were in screaming color254 - Are you good at hiding your feelings? no255 - What’s something you hide about your personality? idk256 - How do you approach social situations? no idea257 - Are you a social or an antisocial person? um depends258 - Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert259 - Do you care if people talk badly about you? yes260 - How do you deal with criticism? not good261 - How you hope your future will be like? good262 - What’s something that scares you about the future? losing you263 - Five items you lust after: idk264 - One thing you’re excited for: you265 - Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had: being dragged under the ocean and cant swim up266 - Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? draco267 - Who is your celebrity crush? taylor swift268 - Make a confession: I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH