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derenger · 3 years

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Growing up, parenting and gaming - Longread on life, computer games and finding yourself

This longread is dedicated to and written for all those current and former kids, who had or have troubles growing up, taking decisions, finding themselves in the world they live in, who play games independently of age and – perhaps – have not lost their love for a good game, good times and good buddies.

Perhaps it will help someone in their life. If that happens – I shall think of this writing as useful and my time writing it as not completely wasted.

The ideas have been on my mind for over 2 years now (they started getting very clear when I started doing therapy) and I have to put them on paper now.

Here it goes.

I grew up in the 90s in Eastern Europe. After the USSR collapsed millions of people found themselves without work, perspectives and means of existence. We were lucky that my dad had a good job that was paid in hard currency, however he was barely home – and by that I mean like seeing him 2 or 3 times a month.

We had good living conditions compared to others and my mom did the best she could too take care of my younger bro and me.

The first time we were exposed to computer games was when I was like 7 and my bro was 5 – in the office where the boyfriend of our aunt has been working. We played Dangerous Dave, Scorched Earth, Socoban, Digger, Civilization, The Incredible Machine and some others I do not recall the names. And of course, we liked it and it did not take long for our dad to install them on his PC at home. 2 years later my best buddy got Doom 2 installed on his PC and that was the absolute blast. We spent weeks trying to figure out how to get through level 2 and it was a big holiday when our buddy finally did.

My dad tried to restrict TV and computer time per week, so we always opted for the PC. Over time I learned to turn it on by myself and play when there was no one at home. My dad did not know.

A couple of our friends had 8bit consoles - soviet bootlegs of Super Nintendoes, with TMNT and Chip n Dale, but that was probably it. After all, we were living in a small village with not that many possibilities to make money.

When I was 10 we moved to a bigger city into a 1 room apartment. All 4 of us. This was 1996. 2 other very important things:

We started going to a far bigger school than before, where the mood was totally different from what we were used to. We were bullied and beaten, could not get along with other pupils and teachers and no one actually cared.

Father was home every day.

I mean, father was present home every day. It is not like he spent time with us doing sports or whatever. He just had any idea what to do with us as this was his first long time exposure to kids in the 11 years we were a family.

He was more of an authoritarian guy – we were not supposed to waste time in gaming clubs, listen to stupid music (Prodigy, Beastie Boys), we should have studied well, read books, have been doing sports and in general act like good kids.

We were doing some martial arts sports cause mom brought us there. We were taking music classes cause “everyone has to”. We were supposed to help out at home. We were not supposed to hang out with “bad” kid or stay outside till late hours. We were not supposed to smoke, swear and simulate illness to miss classes. We were not supposed to get into trouble.

It is not like we were putting a lot of thought into it. We just moved to the city from rural area and frankly speaking were absolutely not happy about. I guess we just went with the flow.

This was also the time when the first “gaming spot” in town opened – they had 2 Sega Mega Drives II and 1 Sony PlayStation. MK3, MK3 Ultimate, Contra Hard Cops, Golden Axe, some samurai fighting games for the Sega. SPS – Red Alert, Twisted Metal, Duke Nukem, Doom and of course – an incredible breakthrough for its time – Quake 2. And that was a revelation. I recall mom giving us money from time to time. To go play. Sega cost like 1 buck and hour, SPS – 1,5 bucks – far more expensive, so we played mainly on Sega.

At the same time we did have some games at home – Doom, Power Formula 1, Lines, the same Civilization, Lion King, Alladin, Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, Gods and Dune 2000. Dad did not want to allow us play games. Like, at all. Don’t ask me why he never deleted the games. The PC was mainly used for him to work. So when he left home, he took the power cable of the monitor and closed it in his spare suitcase. What we did was to unplug the cable from the printer and use for the monitor. Later on he hid both cables – from the monitor and the PC in the suitcase. I found a way to open the suitcase with a very fine flat screwdriver. Mom hid the fact from our dad for a while until he noticed the suitcase was “broken”. I believe they did not speak with each other for a week. But I am still proud of the fact of cracking that suitcase! Fuck yeah!

Things started getting worse when I transferred to a lyceum - 1998. I was 12. This was like a gymnasium for hardcore science-kids, where they went deep into math and natural sciences. I was hysterical the first 2 years as I was barely making the program. Even my dad had troubles solving the math they gave us. Music classes turned to shits. I had no time nor mood for sport. But I had to keep doing it all. Just because. There were a couple of bullies in class, whose parents bribed the management of the school so that their kids would have fancy graduation papers at the end and frankly speaking no one could get a grip on them. That had me very depressed.

Around 13 I started stealing money from my parents and missing classes to go to computer clubs – their number was getting bigger every week, consoles started to disappear. Half Life, CS 1.6, Age of Empires 2, Q3, D2 1.07, Black and White, SimCity 2000, NOX, StarCraft Brood War and many other games had our full attention. The biggest part of it was the fact you could play with or against your friends! That was so fucking awesome! At the same time I started discovering sci-fi and rock music, but that is a different story.

We stole a lot of money from our parents in those times and missed a lot of classes and of course after 3 or 4 months it all got revealed. Boy oh boy our dad smoked us. That was very very tough for a kid when all the things he actually liked were taken from him. Dark times when we were seriously asking ourselves what the hell our parents wanted from us as aside from the stuff they told us to do they never really told us what was it for. Everything else was useless, stupid or waste of time.

Somehow my marks at school got better closer to graduation and I graduated almost with a medal, went to university. I remember they had this PC club with like 200 PCs and from time to time we skipped one or the other lecture to play Starcraft or CS, but very quickly boozing with buddies became the major leisure activity and pushed gaming to the back. I did pretty well at the university, made my master with excellence and that was it – 6 years flew by in a blink of an eye.

I got my own PC during the first year at the uni, played a bit of Warcraft 3, HOMM 3, Quake 3, Lineage II but it was not like I was deep into that. I remember after defending my master I spent like 3 days playing Crysis without anyone saying a word. I mean, I was through with the university. I was free!

Soon after that I went on to work abroad as a project engineer in the chemical industry.

At the moment I am doing sales engineer for a good salary in Berlin, I am married and except for the Corona and all the restrictions it brought life seems ok.

During the last 10 years of my “adult” life I have been in many different situations. I have been very sick a couple of times, running on the edge of life and death. I have been in some useless relations that only drained energy and nerves from me. I also have been diagnosed with depression and burnout at some point, did therapy and consider myself fully recovered from both. I’ll be summarizing it all below.

When I look at my life it did occur to me that gaming was far more important than just the sheer desire to shoot buddies and skip school.

Growing up under the conditions where everything is predetermined one does not really get the chance to expose your own wish. After all, my parents both come from very unhappy families and did not have the exactly best examples of parenting.

It occurred to me that they never really cared about anything we achieved – whether in school, music or sports. I recall a couple of times when I did really good, like winning the City-contest in English language or getting my first “good” in algebra in 7th grade as that shit was extremely tough. I do not recall any reaction. In fact, mom and dad put their close attention to us only when things started getting really bad, like when we were skipping classes or got arrested for setting up fireworks in a crowded place. We never really got any positive feedback for anything we did because our parents just had no idea how to do that. I do not blame them – they were trying their best from their own experience.

And gaming was the absolute opposite to all of that.

Going to computer clubs we knew exactly that we were surrounded by like-minded lads. We made some good friends along the way – lads, who were always ready to jam on de_dust or bring their D2 chars to share some loot. One of the owners of the club had a daughter who was really good in Q3 – I remember everyone has been looking at her like she was some sort of demigod. The games gave us the space and playground we needed so much – clear even rules for everyone. If you frag – you win. If you don’t – you lose. If you suck – the older guys would always help with a couple of tips. Games also gave us control. I really liked the games where you went on an adventure, like NOX or Will Rock or serious Sam. Gaming also gave us the space to take our own decisions and suffer the full consequences if these were wrong – getting overrun by zerglings or getting fragged with rocket launcher with QUAD DAMAGE.

Gaming clubs were our safe space. At some point our dad did raid the computer clubs and did bust us a couple of times. Sure we got beaten on those occasions.

I recall my bro being very proud on getting 1st in the national 2v2 ladder in SC:BW later in the uni. He also used to game the whole night long at my parents place. This was over 10 years ago and they still do not know. He is still very good in SC though he does not play anymore.

I do play sometimes – currently grinding D2 and refreshing my knowledge in chess. I do not have more time for any other more or less serious game.

I am slowly approaching the point where I should write a conclusion – it is going to be quite simple. Gaming was the first opportunity to take my life into my own hands. It took me 32 years of my own life to find the power in me to take responsibility for myself and not to rely on someone else. My decision – my choice – my consequences. It took a lot of trouble and turmoil for me to get to this point and finally embracing the power within feels great. It was also the first surrounding of dudes just like me, which was a very good feeling back then.

During the last 6 months I switched to a job that pays almost the double of my previous one, my wife moved in with me from abroad, we have a nice apartment and are looking forward to vacations in the Alps. I still have to find a way to approach my parents though I am not sure the old hive is worth disturbing. I guess time will tell.

Whenever I am down or things do no go according to play – I do turn to gaming occasionally, just to get back into the world where I am in full control. It gives me power and I guess hope that everything will work out. If not now – then over time. You just have to keep practicing. And ask for help when it is needed.

I hope you found this read interesting.

#life #gaming #adulthood #friends

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fearofaherobrine · 6 years

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Roleplay Server Log #386

“Octagon and Enix, Spleef, Bird Dad”

[CP] Is holding his no longer flaming baby and is letting Notch visit with the others when he feels the shift in the mainframe and he shudders a little-

[Fangbo] Notices his reaction. - Did Aether pull your hair or something?

[CP] - No...- He looks over at the mainframe- The seeds have shifted...

[Fangbo] Oh? You're sensitive to that? Maybe one of the big multiplayer servers changed host sites or something.

[CP] - Maybe...- He takes Aether and hands her back over to Notch- Just give me a moment

[Notch] Any reccomendations to keep her from getting cold again?

[CP] - Keep her out of the way of the vents and if she does catch on fire again, well, you know it wont hurt you yet

[Flux] Digs through the diaper bag and finds an extra blanket-

[Notch] Got it. Where are you headed?

[CP] - The main frame

[Notch] I'd say be gentle but you know how to conduct yourself.

[Jeb] He does????

[Flux] - He'll be fine

[CP] Ignores Jeb and touches the servers letting himself be pulled in and he looks to see what happened-

-There is now a very big server next to the one he's been calling home-

[CP] Snickers and goes to inspect the new bigger server-

-It's already super overbuilt. There are a faintly ridiculous number of players running around and the chat is full of random emoticons and leetspeak. There are quite a few large sculptures with just random words and pixel art from various 8bit games. There's a spleef dome rising over part of the town as well. The spawn is a sort of open waiting room with the basic server rules posted on a series of white colums in a circle. People are hustling in every direction but the spot he's standing in is relatively quiet.

[CP] - Oh joy, fresh prey

-He's immediatly struck with the feeling of being scrutinzed-

[CP] Focus' on the feeling to see what it is-

-There's a bit of a cough from above him-

[Octagon] You look lost friend. I hope you're not here to make mischief. - The figure is unmistakably a NOTCH, but he has a full long beard plaited like a dwarf and a name floating over his head like a player.

[CP] - Oh fuck off

[Octagon] Now that's not very nice. And here I'm being super polite too.

[CP] - I just came to find out what had been placed next to our server and if it were a threat

[Octagon] Then we're neighbors! How wonderful! You can see my name, what's yours? -Chuckles- Though I can probably guess.

[CP] - The others usually refer to me as CP

[Octagon] Hops down from the pillar and stands next to him. He's average height for a NOTCH, so shorter then Cp- Pleased to meet you then! I wouldn't have a player name, like this- he indicates the floating bar- but my brother tagged me.

[CP] - Your brother?

[Octagon] Yes! Let me see if I can get his attention. I think he'd be more your speed anyway- He does some whisper typing and then waits-

-A Herobrine basically steps out of his shadow and makes a show of stalking and menacing the NOTCH from behind before tickling his ribs with a gigantic grin-

[Octagon] Dissolves into wild laughter - BRO!

[CP] - Oh joy- He's dead pan

[Enix] Speaks with the most sinister voice Cp's ever heard outside the mansion, it's practically an oily sound. - What? No sense of humor?

[CP] - Only when it comes to murder or teasing my wife

[Enix] A brine with a mate? Did you wed an Alex? Lucky man.

[Octagon] You have a wife? That's so sweet. Is she nice?

[CP] - Another brine, and it's none of your fucking business

[Enix] Shrugs- Suit yourself.

[Octagon] He lives next server over!

[Enix] Lounges against a pillar. - So how's the neighborhood around here? Our admin changed hosts.

[CP] - Well it was quiet, but don't expect to be able to just hop over, it's a private server

-There's a bit of commotion as a few players spawn in and stand for a moment. The native NOTCH and brine make a show of stiffly waving at them and doing a few player hops-

[Octagon] Sounds quiet.

[CP] - Again, it was, but I suspect we'll be picking up a fair amount of noise from your server here

[Enix] Not much to be done about that. This is a kids server.

[Octagon] Little players really liven up the place!

[CP] - Ours is a sanctuary for brines

[Octagon] So you don't have any players at all?

[CP] - Occasionally a few that we trust explicitly will come on, but otherwise, no

[Octagon] But who pays the bills?

[CP] - We have our ways

[Enix] Clever, and close with secrets I see. Well we're set up decently well too. The head admin thinks we're both players.

[Octagon] Snickers-

[CP] - Pathetic

[Enix] Scoff if you want. It's a good gig.

[Octagon] Some of us like kids you know. He and I keep the griefing and hacking to a minimum so everyone has fun.

[CP] - We're brines! We're supposed to grief!

[Lie] Slips into the server, having been wondering what was taking CP so long and so had traced his path through the office. She appears right behind her husband-

[Octagon] But they're just kids. It would be mean to grief them. They'd just cry.

[Enix] Hides a growing smile behind one hand - You wouldn't burn down some little kids clubhouse would ya?

[CP] - I have in the past

[Lie] Sighs- CP...

[CP] Stiffens and turns around- Lie...

[Enix] Laughs- I think someone just got busted!

[Octagon] All smiles- Hello miss! Welcome to our server.

[Lie] - Hello, I apologize if my husband has been harassing you

[CP] - Why are you here?

[Lie] - You were taking a very long time checking on our daughter so I figured I'd see what was taking you. Oh, and you also griefed your father, she pooped right after you left apparently and Jeb had to show him how to change the diaper

[Octagon] You have a daughter too???

[Enix] Scoots closer- You're a Herobrine! A female Herobrine???

[Octagon] Gets closer as well- My stars!

[Lie] Hesitates a little- Yes, a newborn, and yes I am a female brine...

[CP] Growls as the other two get closer to his wife-

[Octagon] Congratulations! I had no idea that was even possible!

[Enix] I hope she didn't inherit her dads temperment. He's a bit rude.

[Lie] - He's better than he used to be

[CP] - Speaking of our daughter, we should be getting back to her

-There's a bit of commotion and a player with a silly skin runs up to Octagon and places a sign before typing on it-

[Octagon] Oh dear, that's not allowed. I'm sorry I have to tend to this. It was nice meeting you.

[Enix] Watches his brother rush off. - Yeah, likewise. Sorry about the noise, we have so many players, this place is like a madhouse. Even the Nether and Aether are noisy as all get out. Only the End is quiet.

[Lie] - Our Aether is noisy sometimes too

[CP] Groans at his wife's joke-

[Enix] Stares at her for a long moment and then lets out a rather evil sounding laugh- That's excellent! You named your child after the NOTCH realm mod didn't you???

[Lie] - Yes, we did

[Enix] I love it! What are your thoughts on players? Your hubby seems none too keen on them.

[Lie] - It depends on the player themselves, although I really have no room to judge since I used to be one

[Enix] Oh now things start to make sense... this means someone in your circle can get out. How intriging. I spend most of my time with players.

-A few players are creeping around a little watching them-

[Enix] Hang on- He turns quickly and gives them a freaky grin-

-There's some excited jumping and the avatars sprint away merrily-

[Enix] I save my A-game for more adult multiplayer games mostly.

[Lie] Motions at CP- He's the one who dragged me in initially

[CP] - Lie! Let's go!

[Enix] Something on fire Cp?

[CP] - You're being annoying!

[Lie] - Adult multiplayer?

[Enix] Gives her fingerguns- I slay at Overwatch, TF2, COD, I know how to do remote logins.

[Lie] - Okay then

[CP] Flumps on his wife a little-

[Lie] - Really CP?

[CP] - I would think you'd want to get back

[Lie] - Why?

[CP] - So we could finish what we were doing~

[Enix] Ah, is it adult playtime?

[Lie] - It was until the baby figured out how to set herself on fire

[Enix] You don't sound panicked so I'm going to assume it's a normal thing for a child brine to be on fire.

[Lie] - Considering it's one of her father's powers? Yes

-Another small group of players spawn in and wave -

[Enix] Just play it cool.

[Lie] - Well we should be leaving soon anyways, but I'll be sure to let our head admin know about you guys

-messages in chat-

-Whoah Pretty hair! O-O-

-Red Herobrine! Super talllllllllllllll-

[Enix] Thanky. Come back and visit if you want. Just walk stiff and follow the rules.

[Lie] - We will- She stands near CP and he lets both of them out and back into the office

[CP] Helps Lie out and both of them can hear Aether getting fussy-

[Notch] Back again? How did it go?

[Fangbo] Is making faces at Aether to make her giggle-

[Lie] - Well the new neighbors have a brine and a NOTCH

[Dofta] oh dear... do they get along at least?

[CP] - Their relationship is brotherly

[Lie] Goes to take her fussy baby from Notch-

[Dofta] Oh good. [She's still upset about the incident with Mb and Echo the other day]

[Notch] That's a relief at least.

[Lie] Picks up on Dofta's emotions- Hey, it wasn't your fault. It was actually the NOTCH's fault that MB was up for deletion

[CP] - Yeah, and they are way too cheerful

[Fangbo] Cheerful is bad?

[Yster] Well I can think of worse things.

[Jeb] Is looking at a screen on the mainframe - that's a big server...

[CP] - The head admin just thinks that they are players, they hit each other with name tags

[Notch] That's actually kinda clever. They're just living there?

[Jeb] Is looking up some info on the server. - Oh man...! I found the stats for it.

[CP] - Yeah well can you move it farther from ours?

[Locklear] - Are you really being territorial over a digital space?

[CP] - Yes!

[Jeb] The owner is a rather sweet-looking little old lady. And no, I can't move it. The placement is decided by the hosting service. They just got a packet near yours.

[Yster] I got the impression he was territorial about everything in general.

[CP] - Then I'll find a way to move it

[Notch] Just leave it be please, it sounds like they might be decent allies.

[CP] Grumbles-

[Lie] - Should we be heading back?

[Notch] I think so, Aether looks sleepy too.

[Lie] - Yeah, I think it's nap time

[Lie] Once back home they say goodbye to Notch and go inside. CP lays down on the bed with their daughter and Lie watches as he falls asleep with her, taking a screen shot as her daughter sleeps soundly on her father's chest. With a giggle she decides to check on CN and looks around for the child-

[CN] Is digging around in the food trunk for a snack-

[Lie] - And what are you doing CN?

[CN] Yelps and quickly turned around- Lie!

[Lie] - Are we getting a snack?

[CN] - Yeah...

[Lie] - I see, well after your snack, do you want to go for a ride with me?

[CN] - Sure! Where are we going?

[Lie] - Just to Docs place, there's some stuff I need to tell them

[CN] Quickly eats an apple- Okay! I'm ready to go!

[Lie] Smiles and follows CN out to the stable where he selects a horse and then follows her to the front of the house so she can get on Beau. The stallion is happy to be getting out and prances a little- Easy there, we're just going for a short ride

[CN] Climbs on his horse and follows Lie towards Docs house-

[Doc] is dozing in the sun near the spawn, hir dragon tail is draped over a few of the headstones and the small wall-

[Lie] - Guess we won't have to go so far- She trots over to Doc- Hey Doc? I've got some news...

[Doc] blinks sleepily- mm? Oh. Hi lie, Cn - Xe yawns - I didn't sleep worth a damn last night...

[Lie] - Because of the server shift?

[Doc] You felt it too huh? It was that, and the noise...

[Lie] - CP felt it from out in the office. He also went to investigate and it's where I found him

[Doc] Groans- please tell me he didn't already piss everyone off?

[Lie] - Not yet, but there is a brine and NOTCH over there

[Doc] Hunkers down into a tidy, alert crouch- Now you have my full attention.

[Lie] - They have taken on a brothers relationship and the server admin just believes that they are players. It's a server for kids

[CN] - For kids?

[Doc] No wonder it's so noisy. They must have a lot of players for all the activity I've been picking up on.

[Lie] - It looked like it too. Jeb looked up the stats for the server and said it was massive

[Doc] Interested tail flick - and the brine and the NOTCH? They're just living there? Are they really into babysitting or something?

[Lie] - I'm not sure, CP talked to them longer than I did. But he's currently napping with the baby. Their names are Octagon and Enix though

[Doc] How odd. Well at least it's nothing bad. I'll make my way over with a welcome cake or something, but not right now. I'm so tired... - They lay their head down with their chin in the grass. - I can't even sleep in my bed right now. Buff decided to evict my cobweb collection and it's annoying as hell listening to him whistle and bump around cleaning stuff.

[Lie] - I'm sorry to hear that

[CN] Nudges his horse closer to Lie- Lie?

[Lie] - Yes?

[CN] - Could... Could I go over there?

[Lie] - Well, I don't see why not, but you'd have to move stiffly like the players

[Doc] Thanks Lie. They might be suspicious of you too since you're smaller then a player.

[Lie] - That's true, but they just seemed awed at how large CP was. They're kids, they might not think much of it

[Doc] Perhaps. And if their Herobrine doesn't shade his eyes, they might be used to a few anomalies... - They sneak their tail fluff over their eyes and shift to a more comfortable pose. Like a balled cat.

[CN] - Could we... Go now?

[Lie] Hesitates a little- Are you sure you want to CN?

[CN] Nods his head-

[Doc] You guys have fun then, and be careful. Cn, you're not used to being around players, they can be impulsive and even destructive.

[CN] - But they're kids!

[Lie] - And they don't realize we're real and can feel pain

[CN] - Oh...

[Doc] They're just playing from behind a screen. Dying is a minor inconvenience. And they can't talk except in the chat and passing stuff like signs or books back and forth.

[CN] - Okay

[Lie] - Lets put our horses in with the skeletal ones here CN, then we can go

[CN] Nods in agreement and jumps the horse over the low fence-

[Lie] Does the same with Beau before creating an opening- See you in a bit Doc

[Doc] -is already asleep again-

[Lie] Makes the opening and guides CN through, both showing up at the spawn of the other server-

[CN] Looks around and bounces a bit in excitement-

[Enix] Runs by playfully chasing some players and stops- You came back so soon, and you brought a child? I thought your little one was a newborn? - He leans down to get a better look at Cn-

[Lie] - This is my NOTCH, CN, he heard their were other children here and wanted to come visit. CN? This is Enix

[CN] Takes a step back and moves a bit behind Lie-

[Enix] He's a bit timid huh? - He realizes the kids he was chasing have snuck up on him and are peeking at him from behind a pillar- Excuse me for a sec- He turns quickly and teleports right in front of them with a pickaxe in one hand. The kids leap and run like the dickens- Hehehe. Works every time.

[Lie] - And not just on children

[CN] Is looking up and around at everything there-

[Lie] - Go on CN, if you want to go explore then go. I'm sure Enix or Octagon can teleport you to me when you want to

[Enix] Perhaps I can show you around in the meantime? We've got quite a community of budding pixel artists.

[Lie] - Sure, I'd love a tour. Go have fun CN

[CN] Doesn't need to be told twice as he rushes off-

-The town is full of people rushing back and forth, some of them are even running little shops to trade things with other players. The chat is full or random talk as well, mostly about school and gossip. The houses are laid out on a basic grid and they vary in quality and materials-

[CN] Wanders around and checks everything out, reading the chat and getting confused about some of the things being talked about-

-A few avatars stop to look at him and there's some activity in the chat-

-There's a little guy LOLz.-

-Mini Notch wtf?-

-Neat skin!!!!11!!1-

[CN] Tries to figure out how to talk in chat without being too obvious- THanks?

-Wanna play with us???-

-SPLEEF-

-Agian? OMG. -

[CN] - Spleef? What's that?

[FollyCloud] You run around on snow with a shovel and try to cut the snow out from under other people!

[CN] - Sounds easy enough...

[BlockofFred] We have our own big stadum! Octagon keeps it set up!

[SilverMilk] We need one more person though....

[CN] - Okay, I'll play

[CaptainPurple] I call little guy!

[BlockofFred] I want Folly!

[SilverMilk] I'll message RobbinTime and meet you there.

[CN] - You can call me CN

[CaptainPurple] Cool!

-The others are all bouncing and sprinting ahead-

[CN] Follows, forgetting to move stiffly-

[BlockofFred] Watches him curiously- You move weird...

[CN] - Uh, it's... Mods

[BlockofFred] Oh! Neato1!

-The group approaches a board covered in game rules and a button in the center. The group hits the button and CN follows suit- The end up in a lobby where the players are partnering up and going to the designated areas for a match. As they cross a line of purple blocks, it sets their spawn point for the arena-

[CN] - Whoa...

[SilverMilk] Comes back with another player, their nameplate is RobbinTime - ready!

[CN] - Okay, so how do we do this?

[CaptainPurple] Nods at RobbinTime and they each hit a button on the wall-

[CN] Follows suit and the trio are teleported to an arena. Their inventories have been cleared and they now only have an iron helmet and a diamond shovel-

-The other three are facing them from across the snowfield-

[SilverMilk] Just use the shovel to knock the snow out from under them, and don't fall, okay?

[CN] - Got it- He gets ready and his vision is briefly obscured by a countdown timer and when it's time to go he races forwards with the others

-There's a lot of scurrying and jumping, snow is flying everywhere and BlockofFred is the first to fall-

[CN] Jumps over a gap to try to get behind the other team. He manages to knock RobbinTime down- Yes!

[CaptainPurple] Shoves Cn out of the way just as FollyCloud swings to knock the ground out from under him-

[CN] Stumbles and falls- Oof!

[CaptainPurple] Is now chasing FollyCloud around and they're swiftly running out of blocks to stand on-

[CN] Shakily stands and starts running to head FollyCloud off-

[FollyCloud] Manages to drop CaptainPurple and turns his attention to Cn-

[CN] Is having a bit of a stand off, not sure how to proceed and is looking for a safe route-

[FollyCloud]Chases him into a corner and takes a swing at the block under him-

[CN] Falls and it's at this point that he realizes that there's lava beneath the snow. He panics and without thinking he shifts into his bird form and flies up-

-WHOAH!-

-How did he do that??????-

[CN] Panic and flies to the far side of the arena where there's still snow and he shifts back, pressing himself back against the door-

-HACKER!!!1!1!-

[Octagon] Tps into the arena and looks around with his hands on his hips and his black eyes narrowed in annoyance-

[FollyCloud] Jumps around- He did something weird! He's cheating!

[CN] Starts breathing hard- There's lava down there!

[Octagon] Stalks over to him- well yes, that's kinda the point of not falling. Who are you?

[CN] Is trembling a little, looking for anyway out- C... CN...

[SilverMilk] He was moving weird...

[FollyCloud] He turned into somethign small!

[CN] Is really wanting Lie right about now-

[Octagon] Very quietly- I'm not sure what you're playing at, but you've thrown the gauntlet down now. If he knocked you down and you cheated back up, then the game can't end until you fall.

[CN] - But... That's going to hurt (String of numbers)

[Octagon] I'm aware of that, but you won't be deleted.

[CN] - But... But...

[Octagon] Just swats the block out from under him-

[CN] Falls with a yell and doesn't manage to transform quickly enough this time, hitting the lava and screaming in pain before popping back into the Spleef lobby. He immediately takes off at a run to try and get out with tears forming at the corners of his eyes-

[Octagon] Reassures the other players before tping to his location. Or course Cn is moving but he's close by- Wait a minute!

[CN] Stumbles and turns quickly terrified-

[Octagon] Easy there little NOTCH. That was nessesary.

[CN] - It... It hurt... So much...- CN leans up against a wall, they are mostly hidden from sight

[Octagon] Sorry, but once you start a Spleef game that's the only way to end it. There's no way out of the arena except to auto tp when all the opposing team has dropped and hit respawn.

[CN] - I didn't know that!

[Octagon] I hear that a lot. Most of the players here are children and they tend not to read rules carefully.

[CN] - I... I just wanted some new friends to play with...- He's still shaking and a couple of tears roll down his cheek

[Octagon] Kneels down and pats his shoulder- Are you lost? Did you wander in from the void?

[CN] Shakes his head- My brine brought me because I asked her...

[Octagon] There's another Herobrine on the server????

[CN] - She visited earlier...

[Octagon] Blinks- The white-haired brine?

[CN] Nods- Yeah, she's my brine

[Octagon] Would you like me to find her for you?

[CN] Nods-

[Octagon] Reaches out for his hand - then that's what we'll do. I'm Octagon by the way.

[CN] - You already know my name...- He cautiously takes the offered hand

[Octagon] Uses his free hand to try and get Lie's attention in the chat-

[Enix] Notices and pauses from pointing out different types of planes someone has built high above the harborside- Oh dear... it seems your NOTCH had a bit of an accident.

[Lie] - Is he okay?

[Enix] He respawned, but Octagon says he's okay. Just a bit shaken up. It seems he decided to join a game of Spleef with some players.

[Lie] - Oh dear, take me to him?

[Enix] Of course. - He takes her hand and tps her to Octagon and Cn. The two of them were passing through a small park when the others appeared.

[Lie] - CN...

[CN] Runs for Lie and hugs her-

[Lie] - Shhh, it's okay, I know it hurt

[CN] Is sniffling-

[Lie] - Thank you for helping him Octagon

[Octagon] Well... I didn't help much. I kinda had to drop him to end the game...

[Lie] - I see, I'm going to guess he shifted forms to avoid the lava?

[CN] Hugs Lie a bit closer as she rubs his back-

[Octagon] Yes. He set off several accusations of cheating and hacking.

[Lie] - Oh CN... I'm sorry, he's never really interacted with players before and he's never died before either

[Octagon] Well he's welcome to play, he just needs to stick to safer things.

[Enix] Wait, he's not lava-proof?

[Lie] - What games would be alright? And no, he's not

[Octagon] Makes an expansive gesture, - this is a good place to start. - The park around them has several groups of kids playing. Some are doing parkour on little obstacle courses, and others are clearly playing tag or hide and seek- There's a hedge maze too, people like to see who can solve it the fastest.

[Lie] - Alright, maybe next time. I think somebody has had enough excitement for now

[Octagon] I understand. Kids get overwhelmed.

[Enix] One's first death is also no small thing.

[Lie] - Yes, I remember my only death so far, I'd never wish it on anybody. Thank you for letting us visit- She creates a way home and the other two get a brief image of spawn as Lie passes through with CN

[CN] After a couple of hours he flies over to Firebirds tree-

-Firebird's sitting in one of the higher spots writing in a book, His tail dangles down like a brightly colored banner,-

[CN] Spots the tail and make a beeline for it. He turns back mid air and barrels into Firebird, pulling him into a hug-

[Firebird] Woah CN! -Nearly falls backwards as CN slams into him, but doesn't. He hugs CN back with one arm- What's up with you?

[CN] Looks up, his eyes still red from crying- I... I died...

[Firebird] Oh dear... I'm sorry you had to experience that.. I don't like it either..

[CN] - I was playing a game with some... With some players and beneath the snow was lava! I tried to fly away! They all started calling me a hacker!

[Firebird] Players can be like that... It's alright... -pets CN- Players don't see us the way we do.

[CN] - It hurt so much, and that other NOTCH made me fall into it...

[Firebird] He did what? -Angry bird? Angry bird-

[CN] - He said that was the only way to end the game...

[Firebird] I doubt that...

[CN] - That's what he said! He's on the server next door if you don't believe me!

[Firebird] I'll have to have some words with them...

[CN] Snuggles in closer to Firebirds side- Can I stay here tonight?- He's still a bit shaken up

[Firebird] Of course you can. Do you want to stay up here with me? Or do you want a bed?

[CN] - I'll stay up here...

[Firebird] Alright. -Shifts around so he can keep writing with CN in his lap-

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hadlowaudio · 7 years

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Reality Bytes: VR, AR And The Audio Realm!

The idea for this blog came from watching a Julia Hardy Radio 1 Iplayer video covering Uncharted 4 and how console games are now becoming more cinematic and stylised like a film, and in turn to me closer to reality in a lot of ways.

I saw the potential to discuss how games are becoming more than this, how they are en route to becoming a counterpoint between film and reality. Progression in Mobile technology has allowed games such as Republique and Her Story to deliver a more engaging real world experience.

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Further more, I believe this and 3D sound, coupled with indie games also being made available on console as well as mobile should hopefully see an increase in demand for audio in projects meaning more jobs across the board.

I decided for this blog to seek the wisdom and experience of the industry, in the form of games producers, sound designers and Audio Directors to hear what they had to say about the progression of VR and AR with Audio and Video Games.

Will Morton, Audio Director, Solid Audioworks.

Her Story as an example is a very simple game, nothing technologically pushing boundaries, but the fact that the narrative is so engaging has led to the game being such a success.

15 years ago when I began working as an in house sound designer the team sizes for large-scale AAA game floated around the 40-60 mark, give or take. With each iteration of a game in a series, or with each new generation of consoles (and the jump in audio and visual fidelity that goes with it) team sizes have grown hugely (check the credits list for GTA III from early in the PS2 gen versus the credits list for GTA V at the end of the PS3 gen for evidence of this). Mobile phones finally becoming a legitimate platform for games has also hugely affected this - easy access to enourmous marketplaces, games that can be developed by small teams in bedrooms - it is easier for people to get their foot on the ladder now and more opportunities are out there than ever before.

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How I remember this happening is a jump from 8bit to 16bit systems meaning a jump from a few channels of synthesised sounds to more channels with sample playback and basic DSP in some cases (reverb on the SNES for instance), then a jump to PS1 era console and PC games where CD audio was commonplace. It was very inflexible in terms of design, but offered music as real as budget would allow, hence getting a cinematic sound a long time before visuals could match the music. SFX wise from the PS1 era I think was the time when what constituted ‘game sounds’ started to change from everything being front-end and very ‘gamey’ to things being positioned and world-ized, ultimately behaving more realistically.

I can’t take credit unfortunately for either of these examples, but the vehicle reverse 'beep beep beep’ heard in the original Grand Theft Auto really opened my ears to the possibility of going super-detailed with game sound, as did the subtle falling debris that followed explosions in the original Medal of Honor. Until this point an explosion in a game was simply a boom, Medal of Honor immersed you more by letting you hear the aftermath of the explosion. Then PS2 era offering many channels of sample playback and a lot more memory, plus enough processing power that you could be clever with channel mixing and 'faking’ many more than the 48 channels a PS2 offered as standard.

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DSP at this point wasn’t harnessed by many studios, and even fewer did a great deal with DSP beyond basic filtering or reverb, but in GTA San Andreas and Manhunt we did a lot with DSP - in San Andreas to help root people in the environment and blur the line between game and world, and in Manhunt to help the player understand the position of enemies based on the environment he was in. PS3 era didn’t really bring anything particularly new to the table - there were more channels, better compression, better surround support, more memory, more processing power, better DSP support - everything we had the previous gen but more/bigger/better. At the time though many more studios were making use of it, which is great when you see the industry moving forward. VR audio is the next big change, and everyone is having to start from a clean slate.

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Pretty much all vacancies I have seen on AAA game audio teams have required (or at least specify as a benefit) implementation experience. Maybe not so much in the indie dev market, but for AAA middleware experience is a big advantage. For in house sound designers now, it’s amazing how little sound design you end up doing ;)

Vlady Veselinov, Audio Engineer, Rebound.

I think audio is evolving. Knowing how to edit, record and mix is no longer enough. The modern game audio professional should know how to code. There are more than enough tutorials and courses to justify the demand for mixers.

The most interesting thing in games for me is procedural generation. The problem with it is, that it’s hard to generate something believable. The next most interesting thing for me is VR, although I don’t know what could be done in that sphere beyond head tracking (HRTF), occlusion and reverberation calculations.

Paul Leishman, CEO, Pixel Sword.

Audio in game’s is held back by three real world factors - space, price and mobile. Not everyone has the room for 5.1 surround sound or the money to offered high quality audio equipment and in mobile most game music or effects is turned off.

This doesn’t mean there isn’t progression in this area. It just means its slowed down by inbuilt TV speakers, lack lustre sound bars and people listening to Spotify while playing mobile games. Audio just doesn’t have the advance that graphics has had with processing power and quality. However, this could change with headphones and the rumours 3D audio is coming back.

Industry News!

I looked around online to see what the media had to say about the emergence of VR and AR and on how the major technology companies are investing in research for these areas. Here’s what I found out - food for thought for Audio Designers!

BT Sport VR

Samsung VR & AR Projects

The Verge 3D Audio

Virtual Reality Reporter

Get Mac VR

You Tech Augmented Reality Demo

DTS VR QA

Omni For VR

Futuristic Gaming Technology

Apple’s Augmented Reality

Samsung Gear VR: Oculus Arcade

Netflix VR

Final Thoughts.

For Mobile and audio it's looking like Binaural (Check my Nightjar & Papa Sangre posts) and/or 3D head tracking are the likely avenues for expansion. Especially with the emergence of 3D headphones and projects such as the Waves NX Head Tracker and its mobile app. The cost for hardware is still at a premium for this kind of new tech, but due to fast paced nature of technology, things should become more economical in the near future, plus more and more companies are capitalising on doing online season sales incentives.

Demand for audio programming & sound design in VR & AR on all platforms is going to be dependent on three factors for me. Cost, hardware mobility (more so for mobile platforms) and creative use outside traditional game genres such as FPS and RPG.

The mobile market could have the two big hitters doing their own thing with Samsung looking at both technologies, whilst Apple, despite having now introduced VR supported graphics chips into their IMac Pro systems could be putting more time into AR due to their strength in the mobile marketplace. AR is more flexible on first look when using multiple applications on the move, and whilst I see VR as more for entertainment purposes; lets not forget, technology and innovation come hand in hand. We just don’t know what is going to tickle the consumer taste buds. Its up to us all to decide as lovers of technology and software.

Listening to the views of my fellow professionals, it does seem we all agree being able to use at least one engine to programme audio is a desirable skillset for Audio Engineers in modern times. Some of us audio folks I completely understand may not be too keen on coding, but as with everything in technology, it develops and becomes easier to use with enhanced user experience interfaces over time.

FMOD, One of the variety of Audio Engines available for Video Games.

Therefore the focus on managing code could all change as time progresses, allowing audio professionals to think less about the programming language and and more on creating sound for immersive projects in VR and AR.

We’re just touching the iceberg with this post, so its by no means conclusive. I believe it is the beginning of something very exciting for Audio professionals and anyone wanting hone their skills in the discipline. Whether your freelance, in house, or an indie developer, I’d say the journey ahead for Audio with these virtual worlds has huge potential as we develop our understanding with graphics, the technology and consumer demands.

If you have any views on where you feel Audio and VR/AR is heading, please discuss. My next post will to be on one of the projects I have been working recently, more to follow!

#video games #audio #game audio #virtual reality #augmentedreality #technology

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