Was scrolling thru my snap stories today and gender has been so odd for me. I’ve always been really attracted to the butch/femme stuff but I lost soooo much social approval when I presented butch/masc that it became so terrible for my self esteem and I can’t figure out if I really did enjoy being more masculine or not because it’s so clouded by the self hatred I experienced at that time. But I was also occasionally quite feminine during my teen years and I remember enjoying that because I felt closer to being attractive but also I felt like I was not myself at all. trying to untangle gender identity and self esteem has been soooo difficult for me over the years.