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holmesiswherethehartis · 4 years

Note

please write Zavier realizing hes gay for Danny if you're feeling it! this fandom had like 4 fics i need it😂

One Zavier x Danny fanfiction coming right up!! This is my first fanfic, so forgive me if it’s shaky, but I did my best. It’s long—I’ll warn you now—but hopefully that will keep you occupied!!

Part One

Warning: Contains Firestarter references and spoilers

Zavier traced his fingers along the map, following the path that he planned on taking to the city of Bern, Switzerland. He had toppled that tower in early November, and without a doubt, the Builders planned on putting up a new one. Last he’d seen of the Builders, they were still working their crimes in Bulgaria. Hopefully, they still had a week or two before any of them split off and came their way.

“You called a meeting?”

He cast a glance over his shoulder, then quickly returned to the map. “Edmund. You’re early. I was thinking we could meet up once everyone had a chance to eat. You know how Liddy gets when she’s hungry.”

Edmund whistled. “She got that from our dad. He had a temper.”

“He had a drinking problem.”

“That too. But you should have seen him when dinner wasn’t ready the minute he got home.” He walked over to him. “Anyway, what’s the meeting about?”

“I want to change our route to include going to Bern. I think we can get there before the Builders do, and maybe send some kind of warning to the clock mechanics union there.”

He was so concentrated on the map, it took him a minute to realise that the coughing sound behind him was actually Edmund laughing and trying to cover it up. He looked over his shoulder, and his suspicions were confirmed.

“What?”

Edmund shook his head. “It’s nothing. I think it’s a good plan.”

He hated it when Edmund did things like this. Ever since they were young, he had liked to hide things from Zavier. He was sort of like an older brother--but he was the kind of older brother that picked relentlessly on his siblings. Nevertheless, they got along very well. Zavier trusted Edmund more than just about anyone else. He usually told things to him before he even brought them up to Sally or Aunt Jo.

Still, he didn’t like that he was snickering at him. “What? What’s wrong with it? Did I make a mistake?”

Edmund couldn’t wipe the grin off his face. “No, not at all. I just think your sudden interest in mechanics and their unions and everything is… touching.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Zavier asked, even though part of him already knew the answer.

“I’ll let you figure it out. Use your brain for something besides staring at maps all day. By the way, I came in early because I needed to talk to you.”

Zavier raised an eyebrow. “About?”

“Mister Hart wants to know if he’s invited to this meeting. He says he’s well enough to walk.”

Danny.

Zavier doubted that he was, in fact, well enough to walk. Earlier that month, in the city of Prague, Danny had rescued him from an exploding clock tower--a situation that Zavier had gotten himself into--and he had taken the fall for it. Since then, Zavier had gone to check on him constantly, but he was rarely awake. On the occasion that he was awake, Zavier usually turned around quickly and left the room before Danny noticed, pretending that he’d walked into the wrong place. He wasn’t sure how to go about saying ‘thank you’ to the mechanic quite yet. He felt immeasurable guilt, and he was caught in a web pulling him in one thousand directions. Should he say sorry? Thank you? Sorry and thank you? He’d stopped blowing up clock towers completely, ever since Danny’s boyfriend, a very sweet clock spirit named Colton, had asked him to. But somehow, that didn’t feel like enough. What Danny had done for him was the kind of thing that couldn’t be repaid in a single lifetime.

Maybe he ought to take him back to London. The poor young man had already lost so much at Zavier’s hands. He deserved a break.

But giving him a break would mean that he would need to find a new way to figure out the secret of time. Meena had already claimed that she didn’t know it. Daphne scared him too much for him to go near her. It had to be Danny.

But Danny deserved to go home.

For some reason, the thought of him leaving made Zavier...sad. An image in his mind manifested of Danny going back to London and never thinking twice about the Prometheus. Whether or not that would happen should Danny go, Zavier was left in the dark. But he couldn’t get it out of his head. He would miss Danny. Yet, Danny probably would be better off back in London, unbothered by the thought of the Prometheus or any of the people on it. Him included.

It was as if he wanted to somehow give Danny everything, but the situation kept forcing him to take more away. Time after time, Danny saved him and gave him a second chance. One of those times--Zavier didn’t remember which one, it was somewhere in between talking with him on a bench by a fountain in Prague and seeing him as he floated in and out of consciousness in the tower--something had changed.

One of those times, he had stolen a glance at Danny for no reason.

Another time, the young mechanic had made him laugh.

Once, he’d been unable to sleep, and he’d been looking out over the sleeping city of Prague. Danny had woken up, too, and they both pretended to not notice each other. Zavier had curled back up on the floor and tried to fall asleep, but he hadn’t been able to. Maybe it was because he was so tired--but more than anything, really, he’d wanted to stay up with Danny and talk with him. Even for just five minutes.

Something inside him… wanted Danny to stay. It had nothing to do with time anymore.

Zavier wanted him to be happy. More than that, though--he wanted to be someone who made him happy.

Just like he did for him.

“He… he can come to the meeting if he wants,” Zavier replied. “If he thinks he’s stable enough to walk.”

Edmund winked. “I think he’ll be happy to see that you’re sticking up for unions like his.” Then, he left the room.

Zavier didn’t need a mirror to know his face had gone red. “What the hell--what--”

There was no use talking to the door, swinging behind his friend as he’d left.

Part Two

Just as Zavier had suspected, Danny needed help to even walk inside the meeting room. Edmund was helping him, supporting him on the back and allowing the young mechanic to drape his arm over his shoulders.

The second the two of them came inside, the entire dynamic of the room changed. No one else seemed to notice it, but Zavier felt it as surely as a change in temperature. He was no longer talking to his crew members about making a course change. He was taking a stand, of sorts. He was letting the world know that he was starting to care.

Maybe the entire world wasn’t listening. Danny was, and that was all that mattered.

He collapsed in a chair, and instantly, Zavier could see his muscles relax. Walking was still hard on him. But after a long, deep, cleansing breath, his shoulders dropped and his chest stopped heaving.

Zavier cleared his throat and tried to focus on the rest of the room. Astrid and Prema were snickering about something in the corner, faces too close to one another for it to be overheard--even by Liddy, who was sitting next to them with her arms crossed as she munched on some crackers. Edmund sat next to Danny on the other side of the table, with Ivor and Felix on his other side. Dae had neglected to show, as Zavier had suspected. Aunt Jo was still up flying the plane. Closest to him was his younger sister, Sally Holmes. She sat silently as always, her grey eyes softly on him.

He gave her a brief smile before he sat down. “Thank you for coming here on such short notice. I’d like to make a change to the route that includes stopping by the city of Bern in Switzerland. The Builders have not yet gone there to put up a new tower, as they were mostly preoccupied in Bulgaria, and before that, India. However, they are nearing the area.We know that the Builders have a ritual that they perform, and it involves sacrificing a clock mechanic.”

“Murdering,” Danny breathed. It was only just loud enough for Zavier to hear, but if he heard it, he could be rather certain that everyone else did, too. He was about as far away from Danny as possible--both physically and emotionally speaking.

Zavier cleared his throat. “Murdering might be a more appropriate term, yes.”

Edmund grinned knowingly at him. Zavier ignored him, though it was difficult as the murmur swept through the whole room. Even Sally, his own sister, seemed to find something funny.

“Anyway,” he continued, hoping that his cheeks were not as red as they felt, “it might work in our favor to stop by Bern and alert them of what’s coming. The fewer casualties, the better. There is a strong mechanics union there, and if we warn a few of them, I suspect that word will spread. In order to do that, though, we’ll need to actually stop in Bern for a day or so. We’ll need fuel anyway. Thoughts?”

Liddy raised one hand while she wiped crumbs away from her chest with her other one. “I’ve got a question.”

He hoped that it had nothing to do with his sudden desire to help the mechanics unions, but before she finished her sentence, he knew it was exactly that. “Yes?”

“Why are you suddenly protective of mechanics?”

You could have phrased that better, he thought. This time, there was no hoping that his embarrassment was hidden.

“Liddy’s got a point,” Astrid elaborated. “We ‘ave not exactly ‘elped mechanics in the past. They might not be open to us.”

“I’ll admit, this is different for us,” Zavier responded, choosing his words carefully. He glanced over at Edmund, who gave him a small nod of approval. “But after what we saw happen in Prague--”

At this, he accidentally looked at Danny.

The mechanic looked tired, and at the mention of the city’s name, his eyes fell down to all the cuts and scrapes on his arms. Then, he looked up again, and for a brief second, and his emerald gaze lingered on Zavier.

Zavier, trying and failing to not sound distracted, continued talking. “I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.”

For some reason, that made Danny smile.

And his smile made Zavier feel happy.

It made him feel like maybe, an apology wouldn’t be so hard. Maybe he could do it. Danny might even forgive him. Hell, part of him wondered if Danny was even upset. His smile looked so reassuringly genuine.

The rest of the meeting went on, and Zavier answered any questions thrown at him. It took a mere ten minutes for things to draw to a close and for his crew to leave. Edmund walked over to Danny and offered to help him stand up and walk back to the medical wing, but he politely declined. Instead, he looked over at Zavier. “Would you mind if I talked with you for a minute? Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble.”

Without thinking, Zavier smiled at him. “I wasn’t too scared.”

Edmund walked over to Zavier and patted him on the shoulder. “I’ll see you later, Z. Good luck.”

Good luck? What’s that supposed to mean, Ed? he thought. But Edmund was gone before he got the chance to continue.

So, he walked over to Danny. “You wanted to talk.”

He nodded. His green eyes looked brighter with the dark circles around them. Zavier was fairly certain his shirt was on backwards, but decided not to say anything. His hair almost looked windswept, though no one had been outside in a few days--especially not Danny.

“I’ve actually been wanting to talk to you for awhile, but you never came and saw me in the hospital,” he began.

That wasn’t true. Zavier had gone and seen him several times. Twice a day, at the beginning. It was just… he didn’t want Danny to see him. He hadn’t been ready.

“I suppose I have missed you. I did check on you--quite a bit when you were first admitted to the hospital. I just didn’t realise you had a reason to want to see me.”

Danny looked up at him. “Of course I have a reason to want to see you. The last time I was conscious and in the same place as you, we nearly died. I know I’ve been doing pretty shitty, what about you?”

Zavier sighed. Something about the way Danny said it made him want to smile-- there was a distinct sense of sarcasm--but he was also worried that he might be telling the truth. Perhaps everything had been horrible for him. “I’m sorry, Danny. We’ll do what we can for you--”

“You missed the important part.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“I asked you how you’re doing.”

I have been wanting to talk to you for days, but I’ve had no idea how to go about doing it. I feel guilty. I want to apologise to you and help you put everything behind you, if that’s what you want. But I can’t. I made a promise to free Aetas, and you’re the only way I’m going to do it. I don’t want to hurt you. But what else can I do?

Instead of saying any of that, he just cleared his throat. “I’ve healed up pretty well. Still have a bit of a limp, but even that’s not too bad anymore.” Then, he nodded to him. “Thanks for asking.”

Danny returned the nod. “Of course. Yeah, anytime.”

Neither one of them spoke after that. Maybe the silence lasted a minute, maybe it was an hour, or maybe it was only a few seconds. Danny could stop time. He could control it. It made sense that Zavier lost track of it when he was around him.

Finally, Danny looked over at him with his tired expression. There was something in his eyes--maybe mischief, maybe excitement--that both momentarily terrified and exhilarated Zavier.

“I know you wanted me to have some kind of revelation when I read Prometheus Unbound,” he began, “but I didn’t. I took something else away, it just wasn’t what you wanted.”

The book had been fascinating, but only to Zavier. Sally had read it and told him that she found it boring. Edmund hadn’t even finished it. “What was it?” he asked.

“At one point, the character Demogorgon says that all things are subject to eternal Love.”

Zavier paused, waiting for Danny to go on, but he didn’t. “What’s so captivating to you about that line?” he asked.

Danny looked over at him. “I think that it’s true.”

“And?”

He leaned in. “And I don’t think that you’re an exception. I think that you’ve loved and loved, and you’ve lost and lost. You told me about your mother. I think that it’s easier for you to pretend you’re cold and heartless, but you’re not. You love more and deeper than you’re letting on, and frankly, I think that the concept of loving others has started to terrify you. But you do. You do, and I see it.” he was getting more passionate the longer he spoke. His voice wasn’t rising, but it was growing more heated. “I think you’re trying to forget what love feels like, because you don’t want to get distracted from your work. To you, it’s so much easier to make everything about work. About Aetas and your mom. But you’re subject to love, too. And you need to start showing it, or else I am not going to work with you.”

With that, Danny stood up. He was having a hard time walking, and so Zavier stood up to help him, but the mechanic dismissed him.

“Don’t. I can get back. It’ll be good for me to walk on my own.” He stabilised himself against a wall and looked at the leader of the Prometheus. “I’m not trying to sound mad. I just think you need to get it together.”

Usually, he would have lashed out at Danny, but he was already in poor enough condition as it was. So, instead, he straightened his jacket, readjusted his collar, and looked at him. “Sorry to disappoint you, Danny, but love needs to come second, in my line of work. There are millions of people that depend on my succeeding in this mission, and I ought not to let them down by getting caught up in my own emotions. There are bigger problems out there.”

Danny shook his head. “You need my help, and I won’t help you until you break down a few of your own walls. I tried to do it for you, but obviously, it didn’t work.”

Zavier watched Danny leave. He was struggling with walking, but if he wasn’t going to accept the help from him, there was no point in offering.

So, he turned back to the map, pretending to study it. His eyes drifted immediately to Prague, and he took a deep breath.

His walls were broken. Did he really need to shout that to the world in order to get a simple answer from Danny Hart?

There were other ways to find the secret of time. Maybe, he didn’t need Danny’s help. He could improvise.

Part Three

“How was it?” Edmund asked, stepping into line with Zavier as he walked down the hall.

Zavier shrugged. “It could have gone better. Danny says that he is not inclined to work with us.”

“Anything new?”

He sighed. “He was just rambling about how I don’t show enough emotion. Things like that. I’m trying to help the mechanics unions--is there any pleasing him?”

Edmund bit his lip. “I was going to talk to you about that, actually. The whole emotions thing.”

Part of him wanted to tell Edmund to save it for a rainy day, but he decided that he was too tired to argue. “What’s your stance on it?”

“I kind of agree with Danny. But, that’s not what I was going to say.”

Zavier raised an eyebrow. “What was that, then?”

“I--can I talk to you in a more private place?” he asked. “I don’t want Liddy to hear this. She won’t drop it.”

“That bad?” he asked, lips twisting up into a half-smile.

“Oh yeah. If Astrid or Prema hear it, they’ll go nuts. This needs to be private.”

And so, the two of them stole away to a small room off to the side. It was usually used by Felix and Charlotte when they needed ro get away from everyone and share sweet conversations. There was a couch and a window, but not much else.

Edmund stayed standing while Zavier took a seat. “Zavier, this is a theory that I’ve had for awhile. It’s… regarding your taste in people.”

“I don’t… taste people.”

“Well, not yet,” Edmund replied, tongue-in-cheek.

Zavier, for the one thousandth time that day, flushed bright red. “What the bleeding hell is that supposed to--”

“Never mind!” Edmund interrupted. “Forget I said that. You’ll know what it means the day you figure out what it means.”

“Who are you, Nietzsche?” he asked. “Are you trying to philosophise something here?”

“Nietzsche didn’t talk about this stuff, Z. Also, just don’t compare me to that guy.” He took a deep breath. “Anyway, I think that you like men.”

How many people could lecture him about love and romance in a day? Zavier groaned. Edmund was starting to sound like Danny, with his talks about love and acceptance. “Is this really necessary?”

“Yes! I think you’re in denial,” he continued.

“What about me makes me seem like I fancy other men?” he asked, quickly closing off his body language. He crossed his legs and his arms, and then for good measure, leaned back.

“Well,” Edmund began. “Let’s start with the basics. Men who like women don’t dress in white button-up shirts with vests or wear their shirts tucked into their pants.”

Zavier’s face grew hotter. “Men with status do.”

“You’re a criminal. An outlaw. A vagabond labeled by the masses as a terrorist.”

“But I have style,” Zavier protested.

“You also put far too much effort into combing back your hair and sometimes even gelling it.”

“I’m sorry, are you criticising my fashion or is this going to feed into your point?” he asked, getting annoyed.

“Oh, no. It feeds in. But up until this part, it could all be written off as a strange sense of style.”

“Strange?” Zavier asked. “Is that what everyone thinks?”

“But what happened in Prague--you got visibly upset when I asked if Danny would be uncomfortable sleeping with another man. You stood up for him.”

“I just don’t like discrimination.” Then, he quickly added, “I didn’t feel like you were necessarily discriminating--”

“I wasn’t. You knew that. You got protective over Danny. Also, you took him out and sat for nearly half an hour, talking with him on a bench by a water fountain. You two were laughing. He made you laugh. You need that. I think he brings out the best in you, and he seems to really care. He took the bullet for you, so to speak, in Prague.”

Zavier uncrossed his arms and leaned forward. “Are you suggesting that I’m interested in men, or are you trying to set me up? Because it clearly won’t work. He’s in a happy, albeit illegal, relationship and I won’t allow anything to come in the way of that.”

The moment the words left his lips, he realised that he could’ve phrased it better.

Edmund smiled. “I think you care for him quite a bit. But we can leave off for today at you accepting your romantic preference in men.”

After that, he left. Zavier leaned back on the couch and looked out the window, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

There was no way he liked men. He didn’t have a romantic preference. Frankly, he didn’t believe that romance was his thing.

His mind drifted back to Danny, as it had been lately when it had nowhere else to wander.

All things are subject to love.

“That is a line from a book,” he reminded himself. “No matter what Danny and Edmund are trying to tell me.”

For some reason, though, that line had started to stick in his head, too. And he associated it with Danny, and his brief smiles, witty jokes, and selfless character.

All the things that made Zavier lose his composure and start to laugh. They were what had broken down his walls, and made them crumble like a clock tower to the floor.

It all came back to Danny. Every time.

With a start, he even realised that he’d been thinking of Danny while Edmund talked to him about being in love with other men.

Zavier didn’t fall in love. He couldn’t afford to. There was too much for him to lose, and too much that had already been lost. He didn’t want to add Danny to that list. It was a composition of broken hearts, tears, rage, and a sense of helplessness. Danny was… so much more than that.

Danny was happiness that spontaneously caught him off-guard, appearing out of nowhere and refusing to go away. He was a sense of security and belonging. He was a reason to be a better person, someone to look forward to.

That was when it hit him.

Love was happiness that spontaneously caught him off-guard, appearing out of nowhere and refusing to go away. It was a sense of security and belonging. It was a reason to be a better person, someone to look forward to.

Edmund was right. He fancied men.

Zavier was in love with Danny Hart.

Part Four

Danny collapsed on the hospital bed. The talk with Zavier had taken everything out of him, even though it had been worth it.

Colton was already inside, waiting for him. He ran over and helped him lay down in a more comfortable position. “Danny! Why didn’t you have anyone walk back with you? You should not be walking around by yourself right now. You’ll get hurt!” He paused. “I’m gonna make a great dad someday. Just listen to me.”

Danny laughed. It still hurt like hell to even breathe, and so the laughter felt like a medieval torturing method, but he couldn’t help himself. “Thanks, Colton.”

He smiled and kissed Danny on the forehead. “Really, though. I don’t want to see you walking around and getting yourself all banged up.”

“I won’t! I promise, Colton,” he replied. “I just needed to stretch my legs.”

“And?”

Danny sported a lopsided grin. “And I needed to talk to Zavier. It went alright, but he didn’t like what I had to say. I didn’t get punched, though.”

“That’s a plus. He’s getting better.”

He stretched out, and Colton sat down next to him. He leaned in closely and kissed the top of his nose, and then sat back up to allow for his boyfriend to keep talking.

“I told him about that line that made me think of you during Prometheus Unbound. The one that goes ‘all things are subject to love’,” he continued.

Colton ran a hand down Danny’s cheek. “You’re so sweet. What did he think of it? Did he have a revelation about clock spirits having emotions, too?”

He shook his head. “We’ll get there. I was actually trying to talk to him about his own emotions. I told him that I wouldn’t tell him the secret to time unless he started breaking down his own barriers. I want him to show that he cares, and stop pretending like he can’t show weakness. Weakness is what makes us human. And I want him to see that he’s human, too.”

The clock spirit smiled. “You have a lot of faith in that guy. Do you think he really does feel love? I personally thought he was a sociopath, until he stopped blowing up towers.”

Danny laughed dryly. “I think he’s got more of a heart than he lets on. And I want to see it.”

“Who would he love, though? I mean, I know he loves his family and his mission and things like that, but who would he love? Romantically? I just can’t see him in a relationship with anyone here. Maybe he’d fall in love if he ever left the Prometheus.”

Danny thought for a moment. Who would Zavier love?

He went through the options in his head. Liddy was too obnoxious, and for some reason, he felt that Zavier deserved better than a girl like her. He deserved someone who would watch out for him and protect him. Someone, he thought, who would bring out the better parts of him.

There was Daphne, but she was in a relationship of some sort with Akash. Besides, she hated him.

Meena was far too young. Zavier was twenty-two, whereas Meena Kapoor was only sixteen. Eight years apart, with one being a minor, was way too much of a gap for Danny to want to think about.

Astrid and Prema were together, too. And they both liked women, not men.

Then, a thought struck him.

What if Zavier liked men?

It was a bizarre thought, but he decided to bring it up to Colton. “If anyone, I think he’d make more sense dating a bloke.”

“You think?” Colton asked. “Edmund seems like too much of a brother figure to him. Dae hates him. Felix is old and married. Akash is together with Daphne.”

“Dae hates everyone, except you, to be fair. But… I don’t know.” He took a deep breath. “It’s not our place to decide, anyway. This is his love life. I just meant that I think he should start showing more happiness and fondness toward other people. I tried so hard and for so long to force even a laugh out of him.”

Colton stroked his hair gently. “Did you? Did you ever get him to laugh?”

Most of what had happened in Prague was blurry in his head. Bits and pieces came together until he could stitch a picture of what had gone on. A few things, though, were clear.

He had sat on a bench by a water fountain and talked to Zavier. Zavier had asked him if his scar ever hurt him, and he’d asked him the same question. Then, he had made him laugh--or maybe that was before--by making a morbid joke. That time, he hadn’t even been trying to be funny. It was just a witty comment that came to mind, so he said it. Zavier had liked it.

Edmund had asked if Danny would be comfortable sleeping with another man. Zavier had instantly stuck up for him and even given Danny an entire bed to sleep in, alone, in case he was uncomfortable. It might not have been saving him from a clock tower, but he had been so willing to give up his own comfort if it meant that Danny would sleep soundly and without trouble. Looking back on it, he almost wished that he’d invited Zavier to sleep with him.

Next to him, he would have been able to make sure the young man was alright.

One night, he had woken up and thought about escaping, but then he’d seen Zavier, sitting on the floor and staring out at the city of Prague with a sense of young innocence that had been unfamiliar to his face. More than anything, he had wanted to sit down and talk to Zavier about why he was awake so late. Danny had nightmares--maybe he did, too. He wanted to know if the two of them were as similar as he thought.

Similar, and yet strikingly different. Danny wore his heart on his sleeve, whereas Zavier kept his tucked away. Danny saw beauty in everything, and Zavier struggled to find it at all.

Zavier needed someone like Danny to keep him stable.

Colton could see where his train of thought had arrived, and he started to mess around with his hair again. “You’re worried about him.”

Danny looked up. “I think I can help him. I just really need him to open up to me.”

“How much?”

It was a hard question to answer, but Danny knew what he wanted to say. “Entirely. I want to see him admit what he’s feeling, and I want him to ask for help. I want to see that side of him that he hides away from the rest of the world, because I think I can help heal it. I want him to--”

I want him to love me.

Colton understood what was implied. “Do you think he ever would?”

“I don’t know, Colton. Frankly, I don’t care. I have you, and you’re all I could ever want.” He reached up and ran his hand through his golden hair. “I will always be yours. That won’t ever change.”

Colton leaned in and kissed him. Danny kissed back, hand still on the back of his lover’s head.

Soul meets soul on lover’s lips, he thought, pressing himself as close to Colton as he could go.

It was a refreshing feeling, and once they both pulled away, he couldn’t stop smiling as he looked at him.

“I know it wouldn’t,” Colton replied. “You have proved that to me, one hundred times over. I’m not suggesting that you should leave me.” He slowly laid down next to him and put his hands on Danny’s hips. “I don’t think either of us could actually survive not seeing each other for a week.”

“And you’ve proved that one hundred times over,” Danny joked, thinking back to all those months ago, when Colton vandalised his own tower, just so he would come back and fix it. It had been over a year, even though that feeling of seeing him for the first and second and third time was still as fresh as ever.

“But I don’t think you should push Zavier away. I think you’re right--he needs you,” Colton muttered, only loud enough for the two of them to hear. “He’s falling apart, but he’s not letting anyone see.”

“He’s got Edmund,” Danny replied. “Sally. His aunt.”

“But I think he needs you.”

The mechanic touched his forehead to the spirit’s, and they stayed in that position for nearly a minute. Finally, he gathered the words that he wanted to say and started to talk again.

“Don’t get me wrong. I loved kissing you and holding you and having you on top of me back in the tower, right after you saw someone else kiss me, but I don’t want you to get jealous again. It’s a hard feeling, and no one deserves it.”

Colton laughed. “Don’t worry. I’ll kiss you and hold you and lay on top of you any day. I don’t need to be jealous.”

“Time sped up. Almost a day.”

He smiled. “It was a good day. We were both having fun.”

“I know. But my point is, I know how you are when you get jealous. You get overwhelmed with passion. And while I love the feeling that gives me, I don’t want it to happen more. It puts other people in danger. You’re a clock spirit. We can still be in a relationship, we just can’t do that together. And I don’t want you to feel left out--”

“Danny.”

He looked over. “Yeah?”

“This is different from Harland, back in Enfield. That guy wasn’t thinking about you. I didn’t like him.”

“And you do like Zavier?” Danny asked, confused.

“I like the version of him that you talk about. He sounds really pleasant, when you describe him letting you have the whole bed to yourself and whatnot. He’s putting you first and himself last.” He paused. “I also like the fact that he stopped blowing up clock towers when I asked him to. I think he’s getting softer.”

He almost laughed. “No. He’s not getting softer. I tried to get to him--”

“I think you did.”

His laugh fell short. “Really?”

“Yes. Listen, Danny. I want you to be happy. If it’s going to take two people to make you happy, then I want you to be in a relationship with two people.”

Danny thought for a moment. Did Zavier make him happy? He had held Colton and him both as prisoners, up until recently. Now, though, they were allowed to go anywhere they wanted, and he treated them as equals.

That made him happy, in a satisfying sort of way.

Zavier had kidnapped him multiple times and threatened him. He had been cruel and cold. That, too, had changed in the past couple of weeks. Recently, he had stopped any kind of blackmail and Danny had even heard discussion of Zavier dropping him off back in London.

That side of Zavier made him happy, too.

And then there was the side of Zavier that he had seen in Prague. The side that wanted to protect him and look out for him.

That made him happy enough that he considered taking Colton up on his offer to attempt to hold a relationship with two people.

“I can’t push you away.”

“You wouldn’t have to. And I don’t think you would. He needs you, Danny. Maybe he’s not even in love with you, but the more I think about it, the more I think he is. He checked on you a lot in the days following the explosion. He cares about you in a different way than he cares about anyone else on this whole ship.”

“All things are subject to love,” he whispered. “You think he loves me?”

“I do. And really, I wouldn’t mind if you kissed him. Besides, he stopped blowing up clock towers for me. I guess I can try to share.”

Danny leaned in and kissed Colton’s cheek. “Alright. I’ll see what I can do. I think we’ve got a long road before he admits anything.”

Although inside, he knew he’d done it. He really had broken down Zavier’s walls.

#hellhart #danny x zavier #zavier x danny #danny hart #zavier holmes #tara sim #timekeeper tara sim #timekeeper #chainbreaker #firestarter #timekeeper trilogy #timekeeper series #tara sim timekeeper #colton bell #bellhart

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lunaraen · 6 years

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Can I request a fic where Ivor notices Radar overworking and babys him like he does f!Jesse and the rest of the New Order when they overwork? Because if Ivor is their father/uncle figure, then he’s gotta be Radar’s grandpa/greatuncle figure.

Some people live to breathe inflowing seas of anxiety, gasping for relief that never comes, to feel thepressure of what has been and what might be and, worst, what might never happenpushing down on them, to run on the burning coals of deadlines and expectationsand the fear of having so much to do while being surrounded by people who careso much. Radar is one of these people.

He’s also a teensy bit sleepdeprived, not that he really cares about that, and it makes him a little poeticand reflective. Probably a little too much.

Radar may as well be best friendswith his stress, because it’s something that’s been with him for nearly all ofhis life, especially recently. He might not be able to rely on his body to lastas long as he would like without food, or water, or sleep, but the stress willalways be there and will always push him to do everything and anything.

It’s a constant borne of hisanxiety, or one that conveniently arrived alongside it and decided to stayforever, and it pushes him to do things every other part of his body screams athim to not do or to push off for the sake of basic care.

(The issue here is that he knowsJesse felt the same pressures, because Radar was brought on to alleviate all ofthem and also dragged Jesse away from work to have her actually take care ofherself multiple times. It’s harder to do with himself, especially becauseJesse’s everything he is and more.

It’s easier for Radar to tellJesse she deserves a break than it is for him to think the same of himself. Hisjob was to worry for her, but worrying for himself seems to just add to hisworkload.)

Not that Radar would neglectvisible items of basic care, like showers or laundry or combing his hair,because his stress likes to scream at him about those things at odd hours ofthe day and he knows hygiene is extremely important, especially if being neatmakes it so people don’t worry about him.

And if he looks overall neatwhile maybe a little disheveled on a personal level, well, he’s a leader. Theydo that.

Radar’s fairly certain he looksthe right amount of leader busy without looking like he’s running on no sleepand little food, but it’s also a good thing that he’s fairly certain no oneelse can see him as he walks down the hall, arms full of way too muchpaperwork.

He’s also walking by a giant,gorgeous window, but it’s high enough up that he gets to see far more of theoutside world than they do him.

Like all the houses safely withinthe walls, all the colorful, winding buildings and busy roads filled withmilling, busy people. Busy people all under his protection, along with theirhomes, their jobs, their friends, their animals, and everything else they careabout.

So every one of them’s countingon him, at least a little, to not only do his best but the best they expect andmore.

If this is what Jesse saw all thetime, it explains a lot.

And makes Radar acutely aware ofhow much nicer running away on adventures with an awesome pirate girlfriendwould be than having to deal with any more of this.

For all of Jesse’saccomplishments, none make him more jealous.

Except that he’d need an awesomepirate girlfriend to do the same, or a girlfriend at all because that sort ofbreak just sounds nice in general, never mind how nice a break in generalsounds right now, and Radar finds himself counting the people walking bybecause if he doesn’t figure out how to both ground and distract himself he’sgoing to lose his mind.

While he’s counting peoplewalking by and trying to figure out how in the world he’s going to find himselfa conveniently awesome pirate friend to save him, though, he’s not paying thebest attention to what or who’s ahead of him.

This is a problem because he’sstill walking and still trying to physically balance his workload.

(Mentally balancing it hasn’tworked out near as well for him so far.)

Slamming into another walkingperson helps get his attention, and Radar can’t help but be relieved that thetowering pile of work stays in his hands even as his fingers twitch, curlingtighter around the pile as his shoulders hunch.

His glasses nearly slide off ofwhere they’d been precariously sitting at the edge of his nose, and it givesRadar one more thing to take care of as he tries to compose himself.

“Jack, I didn’t…”Radar’s apology, while well-crafted to be the right amount of nervous to showthat he really is sorry without showing just how stressed he is, falls slightlyshort as he realizes he’s never seen Jack carrying so many vials, and that thereason for that might be because it’s Ivor who’s holding the thankfully corked,glowing potions. “Oh. I-Ivor. Ivor, not… I’m sorry. I didn’t see youthere.”

Well, that could’ve ended poorly.

Radar glances past the stillswaying papers and files and down at the ground by their feet. The carpet seemsentirely untouched, in the sense that neither of them dropped anything and thatno part of it seems to be smoking or burned.

His shoulders relax, and he’ssure his smile is one of his better ones if only because of that, at leastuntil he sees Ivor’s frown as he looks back up. He’s not uneasy so much asconfused, but there’s something sharp, something critical, to Ivor’s gaze thathas Radar swallow whatever other apologies he was going to give.

“…when’s the last time youslept?”

“Oh.” Radar blinks,attempting to push his glasses back up before realizing they’re already asclose to his face as they can be without the bridge uncomfortably digging intohis nose. “Oh, um… Monday, I think.”

Ivor’s gaze goes from harboringsomething sharp underneath to being nothing but sharp, intense as his voicegets closer to an exasperated growl.

As it turns out, Radar’s made atiny error in being honest.

“It is Monday.”

Radar thinks he can understandwhy he mistook Ivor for Jack at first, beyond that Jack’s been helping outaround the temple a lot too and that Radar appreciates both of their guidance.

He and Ivor have similarexpressions when they’re concerned or suspicious, and it sparks an identicalform of guilt. That look, the one Ivor has right now, is made of the same sortof worry that’s coupled with too much cunning aimed at someone who should maybebe dead at this point.

“Already?” Somethingbeyond stress begins to shriek at Radar as Ivor’s eyes narrow. He thinks itmight be self-preservation. “I mean still? Boy, it’s been a longday.”

The smile he gives is big andsloppy and not at all genuine looking, but Radar’s also carrying a stack ofpaperwork and has an awful lot to get to.

Most people would probably excusea weak smile for that, but Ivor doesn’t seem the type.

“It’s not even noon.”Radar bites back a yelp as Ivor takes a small step closer, head held high, eyesnarrowed, and shoulders set. “Pleasetell me you haven’t somehow been awake for an entire week.”

“…no?” Oh, he’s sodead. “Does passing out for a couple of minutes count as sleep?”

Rationally, Radar knows Ivorlikes jokes, and he’s heard Ivor make a couple of his own. Rationally, however,he also knows that Ivor scowling as his posture goes rigid means he’s notamused and may mean that Radar should be a little more concerned for his ownwellbeing.

“Do you have anymeetings?”

As someone who’s been carefullyconstructing nearly every part of his existence lately, from his appearance tohis words, Radar recognizes the pause before the question as the warning thatit is.

These words aren’t cold, or evensharp, but they’re measured and unnaturally even in a way Ivor’s almost neverused with him before.

It makes them their own kind ofscary.

It’s an uncommon reminder toothat Ivor has been many people before this, long before Radar met him, and thatone of those people nearly brought the world to an end.

“Not really. I just need tofinish putting away and sending off all these papers.”

“Good. My lab.” Radardoesn’t argue, but he doesn’t immediately agree either and that seems to sitabout as well with Ivor. “Now.”

Radar’s position as the Hero inResidence of Beacontown, or overworked glorified mayor, means he probablydoesn’t have to listen. Ivor’s more of a friend and someone he deeply respects,but still someone he can ignore.

Not that he wants to push theOrder’s healer to force him on medical leave or kill him.

His stress might wail about losttime and wasted opportunities as Radar follows right beside Ivor, but thedesire to live politely tells it to shut up, sending it to instead slowly hunchRadar’s shoulders as they move onto what might be his doom.

The trip to Ivor’s lab is asswift as it can be without Radar having papers blow or slip away on him, thoughthat point seems mostly moot as Ivor sets his potions down, grabs the stackfrom Radar’s hands without warning, and places it on his own desk as soon asthey enter the room.

Radar’s protest that he stillneeds to have those filed away is killed by the internal reminder that he’dlike to walk away from this in one piece, which has seemed to join his stressin bunching his shoulders up.

“I’ll have someone move these toyour desk later. Or, if you’d rather, you can do it after you wake up.” Ivordoesn’t look up from the bubbling cauldron at the fire as he points to a cot tucked intothe corner of the room, the blanket as neatly tucked as it can be onto a cotand the pillow looking fluffy in a way that’s far too tempting.

Ivor’s lab is large, everypolished counter lined with some sort of cage, or case, or selection of glowingvials.

A few even hold odd plantsRadar’s never seen before, even though he knows he was in here a few daysago. They’re as varied in color and sizeas the number of content specimen, the cot beside and below a particularlygnarled, leafy plant that he hopes won’t strangle him as he sits down.

It’s hardly the first time Radar’sbeen here, even in a week, and still he finds it hard not to stop and stare.

The glow of potions mixessurprisingly well with the glow of the fireplace, the latter dimmed somewhat bythe slowly smoking cauldron, the inky mixture inside tinged purple and almostseeming to shine as it swirls about.

Radar’s eyelids already feelheavier and while this is his fault, he can’t help but feel a little betrayedby his own exhausted body.

Ivor seems to take the pause tomean something different.

“You may take the bed, ifyou prefer, but I have work to attend to and as I clearly can’t trust you to get the sleep you need on your own,you’ll be staying where you can rest and I can keep an eye on you.”

Radar’s grateful that Ivor takesbreaks from attempting to get the past Order members together for adventures,and even more so that he takes the breaks here and decides to still care aboutsomeone like Radar when he’s probably exhausted and wishing he was adventuringwith Harper instead. Or sleeping. They’re both experts at each.

He could never forget how amazingthis all is, or how lucky Radar himself has been.

The thing with Radar is that italmost feels like he’s been handed the world’s best set of hand-me-downs, wheresaid hand-me-downs are entirely aware of the serious overall downgrade. Jesse’sfriends are his friends, which is incredible given that many of them have beenhis idols for nearly as long as he’s been around, and while they’re allwonderfully nice and funny and understanding, he can’t help but wonder how theyfeel.

They all like Jesse getting abreak, but that doesn’t change that Radar’s hardly a good replacement forJesse. Being a leader is one thing, and he think he’s honestly doing alright,even if it means he hasn’t been eating more than the occasional snack bar orsleeping at all, but Jesse’s an even better friend.

And Radar isn’t exactly Jesse. Hehas the stress down, and the desire to help people, but doesn’t have theexperience or a wide network of friends made firsthand.

Even the friends he made whileadventuring with Jesse are still at least partly Jesse’s friends, if not moreso hers than his.

That feels ungrateful too.

He wants to prove himself, but ithardly feels like an accomplishment, to have driven himself to the brink whileLukas is out of town dealing with basic but important portal network diplomacy.It doesn’t say good things about his reliability or independence.

His awareness is also lacking,seeing as how it takes Ivor all but shoving a cold bottle into his hands forhim to realize he’s standing there.

The frosty, pitch black potion isfamiliar in a way the sparkly sludge in the cauldron isn’t, but Ivor takes careto still explain at length what getting it means as Radar uncorks it.

(The cork nearly falls to theground, but it doesn’t and by Notch that shouldn’t be an accomplishment.)

“This is not a safety net.It is a last resort that I hope you’ll never have to use again.” It’s asleeping potion, one of Ivor’s more basic, and it’s been a while since Radar’sheard Ivor talk about one so seriously. “It’s one I hope I never have toforce you to use again and one I’m sure you’ll never push yourself to having touse ever again. You may sleep here whenever you want, but you may not allowyourself to rely on this again.”

He knows plenty about potiondependencies, from the overall warning of don’tand common horror stories involving the friend of a friend of a friend’s friendwho ruined their life to actual experience with potion use and the rush theytend to give people. Even just as a guaranteed, Radar can understand the appealof being able to instantly fall asleep or even not need sleep with the use ofonly one tiny vial.

It was a struggle sometimes tonot use them to help Jesse actually rest, and Radar can also understand theconcern.

(There’s a big difference too,between Ivor spiking the hot chocolate he makes with sleeping potions afterlong days so the others will sleep well and Radar drinking a sterile, carefullycontained, pure dose of potion. The need to do it to rest not because ofnightmares but because of stress and stupidity probably also changes things abit, and no matter the reason Radar does appreciate the warning.)

“Ivor, I’ve used potionsbefore. You can trust me.” Ivor takes the smile and meant to be moreencouraging than they are words the way Radar takes cough medicine, and Ivor’sgrimaces are far more impressive.

“Frankly, I’m not sure Ido.”

Radar wishes he was good enoughto not flinch at the fair criticism, but he’s drawing in on himself before hecan even try to correct it, arms wrapped around his middle as he tries not tofeel horribly sick. There’s a moment’s pause before Ivor sighs, resting a handon Radar’s shoulder.

“That was… poorly worded.I trust you as a leader and as a competent individual, but I’m concerned foryour health. Such little sleep under such pressure isn’t healthy, and I can’timagine you’ve been doing a much better job with eating. Your body will starthurting you if you don’t eat, and if you’re injured… I don’t want to risk it.A healing potion does a dead person no good.”

Radar isn’t sure what to say tothat, so he doesn’t. His head stays low and he tries his best not to breathetoo deep or too quickly as his eyes burn.

He hates drowning in silences ofhis own making.

Ivor squeezes his shoulder gentlybefore letting go, his voice softer as he crouches to look Radar in the eye.

“You’re intelligent,compassionate, and as dependable a leader as Jesse. You’re also your own person,with your own needs.” Ivor lightly prods his chest, Radar nearly swayingat the unexpected poke. “Like the need to sleep. Or eat. Don’t do thisagain, and don’t you dare take that to mean ‘don’t let me catch you again’. Foryour sake and mine, take care of yourself, or I swear there will berepercussions.”

“I will, I promise.” Ivor huffs,but Radar raising his hands in defeat gets a smile out of him. There’s a nodthat means for his own good he’d better mean it before Ivor turns back towhatever he’s working on this time. “Good night, Ivor.”

The potion goes down quickly, icyto the taste and making the world feel a little bit lighter while his bodyfeels almost too heavy with sleep it hasn’t yet gotten to move. Still, Radarcorks the bottle and sets it down gently under the cot, because broken glassand spilled potions are never fun.

Then Radar settles himself underthe blankets as he lies down, and what happens after that is either animmediate fall to sleep or the ungraceful crashing of his head onto the pillow.

Both work fine, and the tug tofinally sleep is aided well by the soft chittering of secure creatures, thebubbling of elixirs, and the knowledge that Ivor would probably bite the headoff of anyone who’d want to force Radar awake to work more, Radar included.

#My Stuff #fanfiction #mcsm #minecraft story mode #anon

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