its no longer a want, its a fucking need.

I need a pretty fucking twink. I need to see his eyes all blown wide, damn near feral, as he's overcome with fear and pleasure. I need to make his heart skip a beat, I need to make it stall out, I need to make it flutter about and fail. I need my air in his lungs, forced down his throat between feverish kisses. I need to see him in a skimpy, disheveled hospital gown that shows me all of his pretty skin. I need to see him laid out in a hospital gown, surrounded by lines and wires, covered in gray-blue hospital blankets. I need to see him at his lowest, his weakest, his neediest and dependant. I need to fuck him in an attempt to make his feeble little heart beat stronger, faster. I need to fuck him so good I mess up his heart. I need to stick an OPA down his throat and watch him gag on it with the last bit of life force he has left. I need to kiss his cold unmoving lips as they turn blue. I need to use an ambu bag and fill his wet lungs with air. I need to kiss his cheek, his temples, the corners of his lips, his closed eyes, and promise him everything will be alright. I need to fill him with iv's and port accesses. I need to shock his poor little heart into submission. I need to feel his ribs bow beneath my hands. I need to win back his heart and make it mine. I need to rub his sternum raw in an attempt to bring those pretty eyes back to me. I need to tell him he's being so good for me. I need his cool, greying skin, against my own. I need to hold his hands in mine. I need to do it again and again and again. I need to mark, mar, bruise, break, hurt, love, worship, control, kiss, and rail him till he can't form coherent thoughts. I am so fucking desperate.