CHAPTER 4 - page 11/?

original word count: 2843

revised word count: 1521

click for ch 4's full comparison document.

original:

Even Elain lifted her head to gape at me in mute horror. But I couldn’t look at her, couldn’t look at Nesta—not when they were still crouched there, still silent. I turned to my father. His eyes glistened, so I glanced to the few cabinets we had, faded too-yellow daffodils curving over the handles. Now. The beast paced in the doorway. I didn’t want to contemplate where I was going or what he would do with me. Running would be foolish until it was the right time. “The venison should hold you for two weeks,” I said to my father as I gathered my clothes to bulk up against the cold. “Start on the fresh meat, then work your way through to the jerky—you know how to make it.” “Feyre—” my father breathed, but I continued as I fastened my cloak. “I left the money from the pelts on the dresser,” I said. “It will last you for a time, if you’re careful.” I finally looked at my father again and allowed myself to memorize the lines of his face. My eyes stung, but I blinked the moisture away as I stuffed my hands into my worn gloves. “When spring comes, hunt in the grove just south of the big bend in Silverspring Creek—the rabbits make their warrens there. Ask…ask Isaac Hale to show you how to make snares. I taught him last year.”

revised:

I could smell my doom on its breath as it said, “Now.” Now. Elain gaped. My heartbeat crashed in my ears as I gathered clothes and tried to remember everything I needed to tell my family. “The venison should hold you for two weeks,” I said, pulling on an extra sweater to bulk up against the cold. “Start with the fresh meat, then work your way through the jerky—you know how to make it.” “Feyre.” My father took hold of my elbow, but I shook it off to fasten my cloak with trembling fingers. Nesta and Elain hovered a few feet away, clutching each other. “The money from the pelts is on the dresser,” I said to my father. “It will last you a long time, if you’re careful.” Once I’d secured the cloak’s last tie, I lifted my gaze. My eyes stung as I had the unexpected impulse to memorize the lines of my father’s face. I turned away, blinking hard, and stuffed my hands into worn gloves. My voice came out hoarse. “When spring comes, hunt in the grove just south of the big bend in Silverspring Creek. The rabbits make their warrens there. Ask Isaac Hale to show you how to make snares. I taught him last year.” My father nodded. The beast growled as it stalked through the broken door frame into the night. Time to go.