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#I know some of these questions are like intakey questions but just you know play along
bowiemonroee · 5 years
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The Interview
 William Monroe has been ordered court-mandated therapy following a DWI and drug possession conviction. Here is his intake interview.
PART 1: THE BASICS
What is your full name?
What? Your cheap paper doesn’t have that information already? Christ. My name’s William Monroe but I never introduce myself as such or any variation. I go by Bowie and that’s it.
Where and when were you born?
Again, more information you should have. August 11th, 1994 in Manhattan.
Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)
My father, if you can call him that, is the CEO of Monroe Pharmaceutical. Yes, the same Monroe Pharmaceutical that charges you an exorbitant amount of money for your medications. My mother, Viviane Monroe is a socialite. Her wealth is from steel. They look like they have a perfect marriage but it’s far from it. He sleeps with his secretary and hookers and she downs Valium to keep that perky little smile up. They make it work. To be fair a divorce would not only harm their social credit but their financial standings as well. As parents, she’s better than he is. She can genuinely fake interest in our lives. He can’t be bothered. She owns her awfulness. He thinks he’s father of the year.
Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?
Ugh, my fucking sisters. The middle one, she’s following in my mother’s footsteps. She’s a “classy philanthropist”, prim and proper. The good egg, if you will. A complete angel compared to me. So selfless and kind and blah blah blah. Give me a break. She only does that stuff because it makes her feel good about herself. Where’s the selflessness in that? You can’t complete acts of kindness for the gratitude and expect to still be a good person. She also drinks her daily three bottles of wine and complains about how father never came to her dance recitals. Give me a break. And then the youngest. Her life revolves around flowing trends and making them or whatever. She’s one of those girls on instagram posting about skinny fit tea and hairy gummy bears or whatever. Companies send her thousands of dollars in products in the hopes of getting attached to some stupid picture that’ll get thousand of mindless likes. probably all the attention she needs since father never gave it to her Their lives are both shallow and purposeless.
Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.
I live with my two dogs in a Penthouse apartment near One World Trade.
What is your occupation?
I’m a filmmaker, an artist.
Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.
What is this? A dating profile? I’m 6’0, 181 pounds, black hair, green, like a hipster Steve Jobs as my sisters would say, no tattoos, minor scars from falling as a child, no distinguishing marks. I’m boring. What can I say?
To which social class do you belong?
The polite answer is upper class. The real answer is “the richer than you” class.
Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?
I’m allergic to pollen and red dye #40. Well, red dye is more of intolerance but whatever. I still eat it because I’m not a little bitch. Physical weaknesses? I had a torn rotator cuff when I was younger but I still have pain in that shoulder.
Are you right- or left-handed?
I’m always right.
What do you have in your pockets?
Money, Black Card.
Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?
I’m perfect.
PART 2: GROWING UP
How would you describe your childhood in general?
Eck, I mean, I had everything I wanted, right? I’d sound like a complete scumbag if I said “oh, my childhood was sad because my parents weren’t there and they didn’t pay attention to me and I was raised by nannies and sent to a $13,000 summer camp every year instead. Poor me.” I’m sure you’d love to hear some sob story about how all of that lead me to using drugs for fun. Yeah, fuck that whiny shit. My childhood was great.
What is your earliest memory?
I don’t know how old I was probably old enough to read at least. I was at my Nana’s house and she was watching this film Festen or The Celebration by Thomas Vinterberg. I can’t recall what it was about the film but I fell in love with filmmaking in that moment.
How much schooling have you had?
I went to the Dalton School from K through 12. Then NYU for college…which hasn’t ended yet, but whatever. Perfection takes time.
Did you enjoy school?
Elementary to 12, eh. High School got interesting when I could take more visual art classes. College was better because once those well rounding core classes were done I could get to the good film classes.
Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?
I mean, good filmmaking isn’t taught. I can’t pinpoint where I learned things. It’s just stuff you see, like, then add to your repertoire. 
While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.
Role models? Please. Role models are pointless because people will always let you down.
While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?
As kids, my sisters and I were alright I suppose. As good as siblings can be. My father and I never really got along. I guess what the feminists are calling “toxic masculinity” was an issue with him. He didn’t think the arts was a place for a male. I was meant to run a business. Wear a suit. Manage over sheep. Blah blah blah. My mother, I tried. She tried. We cohabitate. It works. The only person I’d consider myself close with is Nana.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Oh for fucks sake, I don’t know. I guess I wanted to be what all little kids want to be. A doctor. A police officer. A firefighter. Then I grew up.
As a child, what were your favorite activities?
I liked art or rather, painting on the walls and floors, reading, making models and dioramas, causing trouble, having tantrums.
As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?
I was an extrovert. Very loud and talkative. Charming from what I’ve been told. I could talk my way out of trouble and into extra cookies, etc.
As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?
Of course I was popular. Throughout school, my best friend for a lack of a better word, was Edmond Hamilton. He was a good kid. Strong and a good listener. He was the bronze to my brains. His father was a senator and his mother a pediatric surgeon. His parents weren’t home much so we through a lot of parties at his house. He had this cousin too, Anthony. He wasn’t wealthy like the rest of us. The senator’s brother, Anthony’s father, had a gambling problem and his mother, a drinking problem. As a result, he just wanted to find people he felt he ‘belonged’ with. Well, of course we’d ues that to our advantage. We could usually convince Anthony to steal stuff for us, do our dirty work. Edmond’s a big wig hedge fund manager and Anthony’s in prison. In high school, I fucked around with Rei you know, just as something to do. I outright told her that but you know, I’m not responsible for her feelings. I also fucked around with Alana Kingsley too.
When and with whom was your first kiss?
I think I was 10, give or take, and it was with…what was her name? Victoria Calloway.
Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?
Mmm, a little personal aren’t we doc? Well, if you must know, I followed in the tradition of all the male Monroe’s before. On my 16th birthday, my father got an escort and that was that. I know what you’re thinking, how problematic it is. How a child that young can’t make a choice like that, yadayadayada. Save it. I’m fine.
PART 3: BELIEFS & OPINIONS
Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?
Neither. Both are ridiculous concepts. You can’t generalize yourself in that way. Do I have a brighter outlook on some experiences, sure. Grimmer on others. I’d say I’m more cynical than anything.
What is your greatest fear?
Why bother with fear? Fear is what you have when you think you can’t do something or that you’ll fail. I don’t do either of those things.
What are your religious views?
Religion is awesome. Think about it. The very few have the power over the masses all because they claim to be a voice for some divinity. How genius is that? They can control these people under the guise of a better afterlife? Sign me up to be the leader of that. That and also look at the drama it incites. How would you not love it. 
What are your political views?
I don’t care either way but I was raised Republican.
What are your views on sex?
It’s a fun necessity.
Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?
No, absolutely not. That’s just a ploy or something that society has made up in order to get people to marry and procreate in a specific set of parameters. It’s absolute bullshit.
What do you believe makes a successful life?
Realism. Being real will lead you to success. But then again, I’m also a chronic, pathological liar. But I’m real about the characters I develop.
How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?
I’m always honest.
Do you have any biases or prejudices?
I think comics are low art. I don’t know if that counts as a bias? And I think I’m smarter than everyone so that might be one too.
Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?
I don’t put limits on myself.
Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?
Maybe my dogs but that’s about it. No one deserves my death.
PART 4: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS
In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?
I’m polite to everyone however, our definitions tend to differ I suppose. My politeness is truth centered. I’m not going to sugar coat my words to spare your feelings. That wouldn’t help you grow as a person. All these people with thin skins need me.
Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
Me, myself, and I. Should be self-explanatory.
Who is the person you respect the most, and why?
If I have to pick someone, I’d say Lars Von Trier. Excellent filmmaker.
Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.
Eck, best friends. I try not to have friends like that because again, people let you down.
Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.’
That’s a joke, right?
Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.
I love myself.
What do you look for in a potential lover?
I don’t look for potential lovers.
How close are you to your family?
I talk to my sisters at least once a week. My parents maybe once a month. About as close as oil and vinegar. We exist in the same salad dressing bottle but like never really together.
Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?
I mean, not that I know of but who’s really to say. I’d assume if I impregnated someone she’d probably try to sue me for child support or something. But as of right now, I don’t have any desire to have kids or a family for that matter. If we haven’t noticed by now, I’m selfish as fuck.
Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?
Rich probably. Or Mr. Franklin.
Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?
Rich, because it’s his job.
If you died or went missing, who would miss you?
Probably my dogs, Benedict and Constance.
Who is the person you despise the most, and why?
Declan Wentworth. That son of a bitch tried to embarrass me in front of the entire school by pulling my pants down during the student body elections. Jokes on him. Not only did I win president, which I didn’t even want because I was only running as a joke, but it made a rather good impression among the girls in our grade if you catch my drift.
Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?
I don’t argue. I state facts and people get butthurt. That’s not my issue.
Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?
I’m naturally charismatic, what do you think?
Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?
I wouldn’t say I particularly like it. I could go either way. But I do enjoy being in charge of them and making them do stuff so.
Do you care what others think of you?
Fuck no.
PART 5: LIKES & DISLIKES
What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?
Ugh, I hate this question. People always ask this when they don’t know what else to ask. As if what I like to do says a lot about who I am. Please.
What is your most treasured possession?
My Varicam, my Minolta.
What is your favorite color?
Black and I don’t care if that’s a shade.
What is your favorite food?
The Tomahawk Ribeye from Bowery Meat Company.
What, if anything, do you like to read?
Mostly things about cults or charismatic leaders.
What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?
I enjoy a good film, watching people argue, lying, etc.
Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?
All of the above and absolutely not. I’m no quitter.
How do you spend a typical Saturday night?
Typically Saturday night? There’s no such thing for me. I’m either out gallivanting the city or throwing some sort of getting together at my place. 
What makes you laugh?
People falling.
What, if anything, shocks or offends you?
The stupidity of others although I shouldn’t be surprised.
What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?
I’d go find some shit bar to sit in. Maybe cause a fight or something. Not between me and someone. Between two other people. It’d be interesting to watch.
How do you deal with stress?
Drugs.
Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?
Spontaneous.
What are your pet peeves?
Ignorance. Goody two shoes.
PART 6: SELF IMAGES & OTHER
Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?
Routine? I don’t believe in routines.
What is your greatest strength as a person?
Everything.
What is your greatest weakness?
Nothing. 
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Again, Nothing?
Are you generally introverted or extroverted?
Extroverted.
Are you generally organized or messy?
Messy is a sign of weakness. I have no weaknesses.
Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.
Just three? Fine. Filmmaking, pissing people off, talking. There’s nothing I’m bad at so that question isn’t valid.
Do you like yourself?
No. I love myself.
What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?
I’m pretty accomplished right now so I’m good. Thanks. 
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Still rich. Still causing trouble.
If you could choose, how would you want to die?
In a blaze of glory probably. Something dramatic of course.
If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.
Have a final meal at Bowery Meat, do a fuck ton of coke, set my apartment on fire.
What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?
I don’t care if people remember me after I die. 
What three words best describe your personality?
Amazing. Perfect. Talented.
What three words would others probably use to describe you?
Again, Amazing, perfect, Talented.
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