Today I spent the whole day outside. I had brunch with one of my besties, then crashed at my sister's for a quick noon break, then spent the whole afternoon onto the evening with my two other besties, then met with my siblings and their kids for dinner. But all of that fun and good times doesn't compare to 5 mins on the phone with homeboy 🥺🥺💔. I love my friends with my whole heart, I adore my brother and my niece and nephews, I'd give a kidney for them but sübhanallah, the love Allah puts in your heart for your spouse >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Allahuma barik 🥹🥹

This is advice for the previous asker. 

As I was reading your post I felt like it was me who is speaking. Currently I’m in Japan and work culture here is toxic sometimes with some people being either cold or mean. I got my job just six months ago but I literally burnt out from the first month and thought about quitting my job every single day despite liking my job working with kids. What worked for me is a combination of being both assertive and dismissive whenever a situation happens . Depending on the situation, you either need to instantly fireback at them. And at times you literally just need to ignore their existence. You get to decide if something is worth speaking over. Plus when you realize some people don’t get it, in that case probably just ignoring could work because you can only say so much without it getting over their head. 

I know it is hard. For me it was specially hard because growing up all my life I have been extremely nice and gentle, so being assertive isn’t in my nature. I literally had to google “how to deal with mean people in an Islamic way” lol 😂 but what worked for me is that I spoke to myself every single morning as I get ready in front of the mirror and at night at times and tell myself I am strong and I am assertive and that I will stand up for myself. Not only thqt but that I’ll be a pretty badass at it if someone even tries. I had to hype myself up on so many days now that I genuinely got it and I haven’t had problems since as I am instantly firing back at them and without feeling guilty about it too. 

Also literally every morning I would make dhikr and say “ La hawla wala quwata ila billah” - there is no power nor strength except by Allah the Lofty, the Great".  The key is to say it while you are very present , focused and trusting of Allah. And be consistent. Also, always make duaa. This has worked immensely whenever I struggled with anything I just make duaa every single day relentlessly and then subhanAllah Allah always makes a way out. 

Always remind yourself that Allah has created you and honored and dignified you immensely , you are so precious and so high in the eye of Allah . Make sure you carry yourself with that sense of pride and dignity that Allah has bestowed upon you and always choose you first. The more you speak up for yourself , the stronger you will become specially mentally and for future situations. This world sometimes is cruel but always detach and remember you are not responsible for people’s behavior or emotions and that whatever is going on is their issue. Constantly make dhikr while at work to gain endurance for the day. You got it ! 

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Assalam u alaikum

I don't know why all of my excitement for Ramadan suddenly faded. Alhamdulillah I am grateful that Allah has allowed me to witness this beautiful month but I'm feeling so unenergetic and unenthusiastic

I'm worried about whether I've done something wrong, and that's why I'm just not getting that starry eyed feel..

I don't want Ramadan to pass and then feel like I wasted all my time

Any advice?

Jazak Allah khair!!

و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته 🤍

Tbh such a genuine precious question, I appreciate you for keeping it real.

I just wanna start off by saying that what you feel is completely normal, it's only human and it does not make you a bad Muslim my dear.

There is so much " peer-pressure " around Ramadan SubhanAllah sometimes people turn it into a competition, especially on social media, but we tend to forget that Ramadan is between the Slave and her or his Lord. Fasting is for Allah swt only, praying, duaas, qiyam, reading the Quran, sadaqat, etc.. everything should be private and personal, just between you and Allah swt. And Allah swt KNOWS That we are not all the same, He swt the All-knowing does know that to each their circumstances, to each their endurance or level of strength, and Allah swt does not burden a soul beyond what it can handle. So, He will not judge us or compare us to anyone else. Alhamdulillah for such a merciful Creator and such an accomodating religion.

With that being said, you didn't necessarily do anything, it could be your hormones for example, it could be your circumstances, school or work or family issues la qaddar Allah, stress, anxiety, anything can interfere with our mood or make us not feel " it ". But just to make sure, you can start with a werd of istighfar daily where you say AstaghfiruAllah x 100 and in shaa Allah this gloomy cloud over your mood will slowly be lifted.

Also, you do sound like you need a companion, a sister in Islam who will help you, motivate you, pick you up when you feel down, share stories with you, boost your energy, etc. Having a supportive system is very important in our religion sübhanallah, but if you don't already have one, you can find sisters here on tumblr, this blog is also open for you 🤍

I would also recommend that you don't push yourself too hard, but most importantly, be kind to yourself, do not let shaytan convince you that you are not good enough and guilt-trip you. Whenever you get these ideas, do istighfar, say aāudhu billahi mina shaytan rageem and get up, do wudhu and perform one act of worship, no matter how small, even if you just send prayers upon Propher Muhammad ﷺ or read one page of the Qur'an. Last but not least, if you are the type of people who like schedules and visual tables or visual boards, you can fix a schedule of the acts of worship you can perform throughout the day/night of Ramadan, and maybe reward yourself whenever you accomplish something? That could really help.

I pray that Allah swt will grant you the sweetness of His worship and fill your heart with joy and excitement again, ameen 🤍

My sisters and I are making duaas for you.

- A.Z. 🍃

28.5.2023

A living nightmare .. i saw people crying, i listened people praying, i felt hands on my shoulders, many told me to pull my self together for her and many told me to stop crying while all i needed then was a hug to put my peices back together .. but I don't remember any of these .. not even a face of a one! All i can remember was: the

Shock, numbness, sadness, despair, loneliness, depression, anxiety, crying, headaches, weakness, aches, pains, yearning, worry, frustration, detachment, void. otherworldly greif.

Little does anyone knows he was in my heart as much as a son i never gave birth to, the apple of my eye you were .. it was your duaa and genuine love that enlightened my darkest days. It was that Little " حشتيني يا لود يا قمر " the only thing i needed to hear when i first stepped into your home yesterday .. i smelled you in every corner of the house .. I saw you smiling and playing in a dream i wished it could last alittle longer habebi ... them all acted as a soothing cream for my burnt heart🤍🕊️

I don't belive in i love you till death, i am carrying you in my heart here and there, now and then.

Till we meet again habebi Moaaz 🤍

there's this guy that i genuinely cannot get over. i've made so many duaas asking Allah to make me forget him and i just can't let him go. so few months ago i told a close friend about him hoping she could tell me if he feels the same way but it has been months and no word has come out. it's so futile. i just hate that i'm so attached to him for no reason. it's like he's my soul mate or something. i really don't know what else i'm supposed to do. he's living in my heart and mind rent free.

The fact that you know you need to get over him is great! Trust me, any attachment to a man that hasn't yet come to speak to your parents is dangerous. It seems like it's especially difficult for you considering you've been waiting for months. You can do better sis 👏🏼

One thing I always tell people is if you hoped this was going somewhere but it didn't, and you're struggling to get over them, imagine that your future spouse is right in front of you. remind yourself that they're alive, walking around and trying out life just like you. make duaa for them instead, and ask Allah to allow you to meet soon. don't mention a specific name, because if we get hung up on people, that attachment often turns to obsession, and then it'll be even more difficult to get them out of your head. you don't want to reach that point! if your future spouse turns out to be someone different, you'll always look back on this crush and feel embarrassed and ashamed. so tell your heart it's taken!

i read here a few years ago that many pray for a husband like Muhammad عليه الصلاة والسلام but few intend to be a wife like Khadijah. that thought is super productive because it focuses our attention on being the best spouse, and trusting that Allah will bless us with someone perfect for us in the future inshaAllah.

may Allah make it easy for you and anyone else struggling with the same dilemma! ❤

Tips for Improving Memory

1. Refrain from sinning- “Certainly, forgetting the Qur’an comes from sins. (Ibn Taymiyyah’s Fatawah. V.13, P.423)”

2. Memorize early at dawn- right after Fajr would be the best time. Not only are there numerous benefits for reciting Quran after Fajr but it is also the time during which what you memorize is likely to stick with you

3. Use your eyes- your mind remembers more of what it sees than what it hears. Look at what you are trying to memorize repeatedly so you are able to visualize it in your head

4. Exercise- no need to bring out heavy working out gear, even a simple 15-30 minute walk/jog will work. Exercise stimulates the growth of new blood cells and reduces inflammation in the brain

5. Get enough sleep- this is so crucial!!!!! sleep is vital for the human body to function. Get at least 7-9 hours of sleep everyday. Make it a habit to sleep early and wake up early

6. Drink plenty of water- a dehydrated brain is an unfocused brain. Try at least 6 cups of water each day and aim up to 12 cups. Add slices of lemons for extra benefit- you’ll see the difference right away (especially those who are falling asleep in class)

7. Control stress- if you get stressed easily try doing something that relieves the tension: get a massage, go biking, cook, write, draw, read, lie down, whatever takes your stress away

8. Genuine duaa- if you really want something, and you really ask for it, sincerely, then consider it yours (unless it’s harmful for you, Allah SWT knows best). Keep in mind who you are asking in front of and what He SWT is capable of; ask Him SWT using His best names

9. Four rakaat prayer- the specific four rakaat prayer is mentioned in a hadith, which is classified as weak. However, many stories have concluded the method works, which is not to validate or invalidate the hadith. The hadith is narrated by Ibn Abbas and found in Tirmidhi.

" Ibn Jawzi has considered this narration to be fabricated.  However, Ibn Jawzi is known amongst the Muhaditheen to be very stern in classifying narrations.  Other Muhaditheen have disagreed with him in this narration.

Allama al-Sakhaawi in al-Qawl al-Badee says, “In reality there is no ‘illah (deficiency) in this narration except that is narrated by Ibn Juraij from Ataa ibn Abi Rabah through ‘Ananah’.”

Sheikh Muhammad Awwama commenting on this writes, “This ‘illah does not affect the narration since Ibn Hajr has written in Tahzheeb al-Tahzheeb toward the end of the biography of Ibn Juraij that Ibn Juriaj has said, “Whenever I say Ataa has said, it means I have heard it from him, even though I may not have said that I have heard it from him.””

Allama Sakhaawii further states, ‘More than one person has told me that they have tried this practice and found it to be correct. And all knowledge is with Allah Ta’ala.’

(al-Qawl al-Badee’ p.452)"

The information on this prayer and the method can be found here . 

10. Tahajjud- Imam Shafi’i said, “The dua made at tahajjud is like an arrow which does not miss its target.”

And Allah SWT Knows best.

Umrah package from dubai

Umrah Booking Open for October, November & December 2018

I needed to share my Umrah encounter from my visit to Mecca and Medina in Oct. 2018. I'm 35, and am Pakistani-American and my better half and I went from the USA. I would like to share a portion of the points of interest that I had inquiries regarding and trust this will help other people with some coordinations later on. I additionally want to educate others about specific things from my experience. Give me a chance to begin by saying my Umrah was exceptionally satisfying, fulfilling, and passionate. We are exceptionally upbeat we went as it was a generally speaking awesome experience.

My better half and I voyaged by means of Saudia Airlines b/c they were less expensive than Emirates. The experience was normal, nourishment was all in or all out. The pleasant thing was the bigger restroom on the correct side of the plane which gives you more space than a standard cramped plane latrine. We intended to go Medina first so we associated from Jeddah. I couldn't have cared less much for the Jeddah air terminal, it needs enhancement. Utilize the impede slow down in the bathroom for a western style latrine. We landed in Medina and that air terminal was basically dazzling. We got our packs and I paid 90 Saudi Riyals (SR) for a maneuver to the Madinah Hilton by the Haram. There was a plain auto that was putting forth the ride for 50 SR, however I felt more happy with taking a genuine taxi. He requested 100 SR at first and came down to 90 SR. The Madinah Hilton is even more a 4 star inn than a 5 star. Rooms were perfect, yet dated. The breakfast buffet was sublime, however swarmed. Our lodging was only a short stroll to the Haram in Medina, or, in other words. You should be close, as it makes the experience substantially less demanding.

Best Deal with Madina Hotels

I discovered that barely anybody acknowledges charge card in Mecca or Medina (simply the inns generally). So make certain to take money. I figure I probably utilized 800 SR money over our 6 evenings in Saudi. I would recommend taking no less than 150 SR with you before you touch base in Saudi. I found the FX office close to my lodging offered a superior rate than my bank back at home in the US. Likewise, there aren't any semi-formal eateries in the territories adjacent the Haram in Mecca or Medina that we found. It's either quick take-away nourishment (KFC, Hardees, a few Pakistani spots) or lodging buffets; there is no in the middle of in the prompt regions that we saw (so hope to eat modest drive-thru food, or costly inn buffets).

Hotel Salihiya Madinah

More than 6 evenings/7 days we probably had 15 individuals come to me inside/around the Haram in both Mecca and Medina, disclosing to me how they are additionally from Pakistan, they lost their wallet, and would value my assistance with some cash. The initial 2 times, I gave them 5 SR. At that point I understood this continued occurring again and again and over. It appeared to be difficult to trust that this numerous individuals were losing their wallets and all approaching me for cash. It appears these individuals knew we are from somewhere else and are playing on your blame by approaching you for cash in the Mosque, making it troublesome for you to state no. We made a few inquiries and discovered that these individuals are misleading you. I messaged my dad (who has been to Saudi a few times for Umrah, Hajj, and for business), and he revealed to me a similar thing. They are making up stories and approaching you for cash. Try not to give them cash as they are being untrustworthy, even while remaining in such a religious place. It's a disgrace.

Umrah Tour Packages

In Medina, in the event that you need to ask in Riazul Jannah, it's best to go between 1am-3am. Numerous individuals will simply stay there and never move. They would prefer not to offer their kindred siblings the opportunity to ask there. Try not to be that way. I must be forceful to discover a spot, I supplicated 2 rakats, said a duaa, and offered my spot to another person. I feel that it's all the more compensating to give someone else that chance to ask there, instead of to stay there for 30 minutes. On the off chance that you need to shop in the business sectors, the costs get less expensive as you move more distant far from the Haram. Every one of the shops are offering similar things generally, so walk 2-3 roads away for a superior arrangement.

I paid 150 SR to a Pakistani cabbie to go for Ziyarat for my better half and I. He took us to Masjid Quba, Masjid Qiblatain, and Mount Uhud and could disclose every one to us in Urdu. Mount Uhud has a little bazaar with exceptionally shabby merchandise. There are a lot of drivers in the city, simply converse with them.

All India Hajj Umrah Tours

We took a VIP Saptco transport to Mecca. Each ticket cost us 110 SR for a restricted ticket which I booked ahead of time on the web. In the event that you arrive 10-15 minutes before the transport leaves, you will be fine. The transports are pleasant inside and clean. The seats are open and they offer you a little tidbit box with water, juice, wafers, and a couple of different things. They even serve you tea. There is a little restroom on board and it has running water. Be that as it may, the water tends to run out and the weight is low. Try not to rely on that. The stop for the Meeqat is around 20 minutes into the adventure. This is the best place to utilize the bathroom if essential. The voyage took us 5 hours.

Subsequent to landing in Mecca, I arranged and paid a cabbie 30 SR to drive me to my inn, the Conrad Makkah. The inn was shocking inside and out, a genuine 5 star. The rooms were astounding, exceptionally open, and clean. The breakfast was scrumptious. The administration was over the best. I can't say enough in regards to this inn. It's near the Haram. I paid additional for a halfway Kaaba see, however you essentially simply get the opportunity to see the entryway, not the Kaaba. Spare your cash and simply get a room without the view.

Best Hotels in Worldwide

We began our Umrah around 4pm. Amid the Umrah, the tawaaf, and all non-petition times, the people are combined. The main occasions I isolated from my significant other was for supplication, and we chose a gathering spot soon after petition each time. Amid our Umrah, we needed to stop for Maghrib and Isha, which broadened the whole procedure for us. I would propose doing Umrah soon after Fajr or after Isha if conceivable so you don't have to stop for customary petitions in the middle. It will enable you to center around simply the Umrah, and will be less tiring. We finished the Umrah around 9:30pm and I found a hairstyling parlor adjacent to shave my set out toward 10 SR. May Allah acknowledge my Umrah and duaas, Ameen.

I found a Pakistani cab driver the following day to take us for Ziyarat for 100 SR. He took us to Arafat, Mina, the mountains from a separation, and demonstrated us around the regions for Hajj. He completed a decent activity disclosing it to us in Urdu and I masterminded him to take us to Jeddah air terminal for 200 SR the following day.

Special Offers On Hotels

I likewise need to remark on how we were treated by the nearby Saudis. Inside the lodging, the administration was astounding as you would expect in an inn. In any case, outside in the city, we were dealt with inconsiderately by police, armed force officers, inside the Haram, and so forth. They transparently made oppressive remarks about Pakistanis and Americans to my face. I was stunned and disheartened. What's more, no, we never said anything negative towards anybody. My dad had cautioned me about this, yet I didn't expect it so transparently. I have made a trip to more than 25 nations, yet I have never felt this unwelcome anyplace. My better half and I both felt awkward. I addressed companions who have done Umrah after I got back, and they shared precisely the same about how they were dealt with. There were simply such a large number of examples amid our multi week there for me to overlook; it happened over and over. It's heartbreaking the manner in which they are treating individual Muslims who have originated from everywhere throughout the world to ask in the Holy Mosques. I simply kept my mouth close and overlooked it each time so it didn't destroy our excursion. I know the connections we had are not agent of ALL Saudis, but rather that is all I need to pass by so I don't have a positive perspective of them after our outing. I don't intend to insult anybody with my remarks, however I feel that individuals ought to know about this general state of mind and I need to impart my experience to other people.

I trust this helps other people who have questions, and helps direct you with your Umrah. Umrah can without much of a stretch be set up for your own, no compelling reason to get a bundle and over pay for it. On the off chance that you have any inquiries, don't hesitate to post or message me and I will do my best to react. A debt of gratitude is in order for perusing.

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Ya Allah,

Thank you for answering my duaa and presenting me with exactly the opportunity that I wanted. Now I need to have trust in you that I will be able to navigate this new place with professionalism and strength, and that I will be able to learn and adapt to my new circumstances. I need to have trust in you that when you take away a good thing you are planning on giving me something better. Ya Allah, forgive me for all the times that I've ever wronged Dr Tahir or anyone who I interacted with at High Point. Thank you for the good times and the bad, and for putting me where I needed to be. Thank you for the humility and the responsibility. Thank you for putting people in my life who genuinely cared about me. I pray that by taking my new job and leaving High Point that I don't cause too much trouble on them and that a new person will be the perfect fit. I pray that it opens an opportunity for Dr Tahir as well. I pray that no one is sad or angry , and that we will maintain a good relationship. I pray that when I get to my new job I will have the same respectful and uplifting relationtionships with my new coworkers, and that there will be only positivity between us. All of this I pray for in your Name, ya Allah.

Assalamu alaykum

[I don’t know if you post or reply anymore but I’m just gonna do it]

Lately I haven’t been on deen. I haven’t been praying properly or reading my Quran like it should be read. So I started feeling paranoid. Allah put this fear in me and I felt like someone was watching me all the time. I spoke to my mum about this last night and she told me she felt the same almost 20 years ago and that she also wasn’t praying or reading the Quran. So before I went to bed last night, I read surah al fatihah, ayat ul kursi, and the last three surahs three times. I made a dua asking for forgiveness and mercy for me and my family.

Subhanallah something amazing happened. I felt like a saw a fraction of Allah’s power and greatness. It suddenly brought me to tears. I realised I was less than nothing compared to Allah and I hated that it took me 15 years to realise that.

My problem is that I have tried to be a good Muslim before and I have. For two days. Then I went back to my old ways. Last night felt like what I saw was genuine and real rather than what I’ve been doing the past few years. So how can I keep myself from tempting myself to do things that are against the deen? I genuinely want to change and become a better Muslim. But how can I do that with all of the distractions in this world? Any tips or advice?

و عليكم السلام و رحمة اللّٰه و بركاته 🍃

First of all, please accept my apology for the delay, I was traveling and didn't have a stable network..

Secondly, let us appreciate this ask and your story for a moment, Allahuma barik, I love these inspiring stories that can always prove to anyone in need that Allah swt is always there, only one prayer away, one duaa away, no matter how far or astray we think of ourselves to be, Allah swt is always near! You see, when you felt that there is something wrong or scary around you, you knew exactly what to do, you immediately turned to Allah swt because that's our fitrah, that's how we are built and programmed, He swt designed us that way, Alhamdullillah. And immediately He swt answered and provided for you safety, security, protection, and calmness. Allah swt doesn't need much from us, He is always waiting for us to call upon Him, so please do not forget that, even if one happens to sometimes forget that strong bond we have with Allah swt, it never disappears or stops existing.

Now here is the thing, one of the devil's favorite things to do is to try and distract the believers the moment they find their way back to Allah swt -He said, “For leaving me to stray I will lie in ambush for them on Your Straight Path. [7:16] - Shaytan has promised Allah swt that he will try and make sure to distract the believers when they're walking on Allah's straight path, when they are finding their way back or making their steps toward Allah swt. It has been also known that the stronger your faith or your desire to walk toward Allah swt, the harder Shaytan will try and distract you. And that will not make the believer weak or ' a bad Muslim ' , that's just how things are, that's the system, that's the test. All we have to do is try to stay firm and try to fight off the distractions, try to keep our eyes on the goal, that is getting closer to Allah swt and pleasing Him swt.

And remember, we are human beings, we are supposed to slip, we are supposed to make mistakes, we are supposed to sin, but the challenge is not to dispair, not to lose hope in Allah's mercy and to keep going back and keep asking for forgiveness every single time. Remember that Allah swt said that Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said "By the One in Whose Hand my soul is! If you do not commit sins, Allah would replace you with a people who would commit sins and seek forgiveness from Allah; and Allah will certainly forgive them."

And He ﷺ also said “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent.”

So do not let the human tendency we have toward sinning discourage you or make you lose hope, and do not let Shaytan get into your head and let you believe that you are a bad Muslim or that you don't deserve Allah swt's mercy and forgiveness.

I know the world is very distracting and very destructive, especially if you live in the western world, may Allah swt help our brothers and sisters living in non-Muslim countries and strengthen their faith, and keep their hearts firm on the deen ya rab! But you are going to go with babysteps because the most beloved deeds to Allah swt are the smallest but the most permanent, the ones we don't quit them.. I say build a routine where you prioritize your daily five prayers, and if you can insert a few sunnah prayers like the sunnah of Fajr or Dhuha prayer that would be amazing! Make sure you stick to morning and evening adhkar because they are your way to remember Allah swt abundantly in your day, and through them He swt will protect you from all evil, all distractions, and help you stay focused. To remind yourself to do you can use apps, there are great Islam related apps that you can have on your phone either for deen in general or for duaas and adhkar, some apps offer to set a reminder on your phone and alarm you at the right time to read your adhkar, to pray, to read your daily Quran, etc..

Also, whatever it is that is causing you distraction ( for e.g. social media, series, movies, music) you can limit your consumption of that, you can uninstall certain apps or lock them, only use them a limited time in your day, I have recently replied to an ask about that you can also check in and In shaa Allah it will be beneficial for you.

The most important thing is that you don't despair, you don't guilt-trap yourself and you keep your hope in Allah swt's mercy because He swt said " قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

Say, `O My servants who have committed excesses against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allâh. Surely, Allâh forgives all sins. Verily, He is the Great Protector, the Ever Merciful.'

Allahu al mustaān 🤍

- A. Z. 🍃

Salam alaykum sister(s),

First : thank you for setting up this safe place. may Allah reward you for it.

I would like to ask you for advice on how to not become too attached when getting to know someone as a potential spouse.

When I was younger, I was good at keeping a distance. I dealt with the whole "getting to know step" in a businesslike manner and a very detached attitude. But years went by and somehow it never worked out and I remained unmarried. I thought maybe it was because I was too detached and relaxed about the process, not caring so much.

So I decided to be more approchable and a little less guarded. But as you can guess, disaster struck as I got deeply attached to someone who was not serious about it. It wasn't a relationship but a very long winded "getting to know" in which I thought he was getting ready to take the next step but it turned out he was just keeping me around because he felt lonely. And I kept it up because I was attached to him. It's over now alhamdulillah.

Now, I've been introduced to someone else and I'm scared I'll get attached. I'm hoping and praying this person is genuine and will be serious about this.

It was easier to remain emotionally detached when I was younger : If it didn't work out, I'd still have years left but it's getting later and later to start a family ( maybe I'm your age or older than you). Now, in spite of a healthy relationship with God, supportive family and friends : I do feel very lonely and tired with all this. This loneliness makes vulnerable. And I'm scared I'll get my hopes up and get attached and get hurt again.

How do I remain genuine, warm, approchable but avoid attachement?

Please make dua for me to get married. I don't want to complain and I want to trust God... I just don't want to make the same mistakes again.

Wa alaykum assalamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu dear,

I hope you are at much better place now since you sent this ask, and apologies for the late reply as I was a bit busy outside of tumblr, but kheir in shaa Allah.

I think what you are describing applies to your life approach in general and not necessarily when it comes to potential spouses and marriage, because we all have different attachment styles, and often they get affected by our mental health, our experiences and our traumas.. so it makes total sense that you've become more wary and reserved after your heart got broken the last time. That's a natural defense mechanism.

My idea though is that if you can change your perspective on the " meeting/ getting to know someone " process, it could help. Instead of focusing on how much attachement you should let out toward the guy, I recommend you get more attached to Allah swt because that's the only attachment that won't let you hurt and broken at the end. If you use every atom of love and care that you have in your heart to love Allah swt, the planner, the Creator, the provider, and trust that He swt will give you the right guy for you at the right time for you, then you will find it easy to act around the potential spouse. Allah swt won't let you down, He will make ways for you to be comfortable or uncomfortable if the guy is not your naseeb or rizq. Do not spend your energy worrying about how to act around the guy and how to present yourself during the " getting to know them" period, rather focus your energy on making duaa that Allah swt guide you and ease your affairs. The closer you are to Allah swt the more you will be filled with peace and confidence, which will be radiating in your manners and your interactions with people around you.

And do not forget to make the duaa of Musa (as):

رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنْزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ

`My Lord! I stand in need of whatever good You may bestow on me.'

May Allah swt bless your journey and fill your heart with patience and contentment my dear, ameen.

May Allah swt grant the girls of this ummah the pious husband that would fear Allah swt and take good care of them, ameen.

- A. Z. 🍃

Assalamu alaikum sister,

I just need some advice so the thing i was talking to a guy he's so nice and respectful and is working on his deen and says that i inspire him to be a better person,we both somehow like eachother but I'm scared that what if this *talking thing* is only gonna hurt me in future i don't wanna be involved in anything haram and he's from another country so according to me there's no future for us but i genuinely do care about him and so does he , what should I do ??

Wa alaykum assalamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu my dear 🤍

Tbh I didn't know what to say.. or more like I knew exactly what to say I just didn't know how to say it. You know sometimes I genuinely think of this issue. I wonder when it will in shaa Allah my time and my own daughter would reach this age, how would I deal with this? Will I let her make her own mistakes or will I tell her off from the start before she even puts herself in a tricky situation like this. But anyways, I just wanted to share my genuine feelings with you. I am going to ask you something tho. I want you to objectively read this ask now that it's published, and consider yourself as an outsider, what would YOU tell this girl? 👀

With that being cleared outta the way. I have two ideas for you. Let's start with the first one: Making friends (or texting/ chatting) with someone of the different sex who is a non-mahram especially WITHOUT A GIVEN CLEAR CONTEXT (for example, you don't study together, you don't work together) is not permissible in Islam. And this is not my opinion, this is a common rule that all mashayikh and scholars agree upon, it's from the basics. However, the culture, the background, and our upbringing sometimes advertises different virtues and ideas than our religion. But the day of judgement, when we will be standing before our Lord, we will stand alone, not with our friends and acquaintances. Do you get me?

But my dear Allah swt did not make things impermissible for us for no reason, but rather to protect us from hurt and pain that we wouldn't handle. Allah swt is saving us from the heartbreak. Especially that girls get emotionally attached too easily too soon too hard, sometimes. So prohibiting us from free mixing or from chatting to non-mahrams is for our own sake and safety. That's as far as the general rule.

Now, more precisely, about your case: I personally see that there is no point since you said you and this guy have no future together. So what's the point? You care about him? Okay that's good, it shows you're a kind person. You can translate your care for him into making duaa for him from afar. You don't have to put yourself in the wrong, just because you care. And also, by focusing on this guy (which I personally see as a waste of your precious time and energy) you are distracting yourself from things that could be really beneficial for you. Listen my dear, I am considering you as a little sister, and I really don't mean to lecture or patronize you I promise. I am just frustrated that the amazing precious girls of this ummah don't know their real worth and keep putting themselves in the wrong situations. Habibty, you are a gem, you are a brilliant creature that Allah swt has created for a great purpose and that your parents - hopefully - have invested in you so much energy, and love, to raise a smart beautiful strong kind spirit that is yourself. I hope you treat and carry yourself accordingly. Don't waste your time on pointless situations with no future. That's not what life is about. P.s. I am only allowing myself to give my personal opinion because you asked. I do apologize again if I am crossing any lines. I hope you accept my advice with a chest wide-open.

And always remember, when you give up things for the sake of Allah swt, you will be rewarded with something that's a million times better.

May Allah swt guide you to do the right thing and give you strength and patience to accept and adjust. Ameen.

I trust you will know the right thing to do in shaa Allah.

Stay safe my dear.

- A. Z. 🍃

firstttttt of allllllllll i’ve missed you ever so much حبيبتي 🤍🤍🤍 however, i would like to let you know that even in my silence you’re in my du’as, even in my absence you’re in my heart & even in my struggles you’re in my prayers. wallah, reading your posts lately have struck a chord in me; seeing the pain hidden in your words hurts me in ways i can’t explain. but, you are a survivor. in survival mode, we do things we regret, we do things reluctantly, but we do them because we are trying to survive. so, be kind to yourself when you do these things because you’re trying to survive in a world was designed to break us. لا تحزن ان الله معنا [9:40]. do not despair He is with us. He will build you back up piece by piece. your pain isn’t going unheard, your cries aren’t unseen & your heart wrenching isn’t going unnoticed. He is All-Hearing and All-Seeing. remember that you always have someone to turn to in the moments you feel utterly alone. i will do all that i can to support you by His will🤍🤍🤍

I have read somewhere that people carry a bit of their names in them, and that to some extent, the meaning of their name is reflected in some of their personality traits. And you, my beautiful @shufah are a case in point. Allahuma barik.

Sübhanallah, I am blessed enough that Allah swt gifted me with incredibly amazing people in my life that continuously and infinitely shower me with their love and support, I know they care about me and that they love me, Alhamdulillah for that, but you, oh it is so different with you. You are the embodiment of healing, la quwata illa billah! I could have a thousand conversations with wonderful people in my life but no words could sooth my pain like yours. You are a balm to my heart's deepest wounds. And the unique thing is, you have a way to get to me, sübhanallah, I don't know if I am able to explain it, but usually when I am in my low moments, my walls are up, even if I am having a conversation about what's bothering me I be putting distance between me and the other person, no matter how close I am to them, to protect myself maybe or to seem like I am handling my situation, like I have got it together, I be hiding behind the layers of sarcasm or the standard lectures of faith, and whatnot.. and I would anticipate what they would tell me so that I am ready for how to react, yk? But with you my guard go down in a heartbeat because I know in my heart that I don't need to protect myself because that's how safe you make me feel. You make me feel so safe in as much as that my brain allows my heart to cry, not the ugly resentful tears heavy in pain but rather pure warm genuine tears from being overwhelmed with your purity and gentless, just by reading or listening to your words. And I have yet to experience that with someone else. Fa jazaki Allahu kulla Khayr 🤍

I know we haven't had a good conversation in a while, but you are in my duaas, in my heart and on my mind just as much. Alhamdulillah that He swt brought you in my life this year, for He knew I needed you to be able to bear my trials. I could only hope that I would one day pay back even a slight amount of what you've been doing for me. Your words are the stars that brighten my sky on my darkest days and still give me hope in this mayhem. May Allah swt reward you in the most pleasing ways my beautiful sister, may Allah swt put your heart at peace and dissolve all your worries. May Allah swt increase the love of His people towards you and love you immensely, my soft-hearted angel 🤍

I love you so so much for the sake of Allah swt.

Fi Aman Allah 🤍🤍