Shout out to my best friend who was absolutely SIMPING for the monsters in DOORS while I was fighting for my life the first time we played.

Top 5 hottest dn characters

so i woke up, saw this ask, and immediately went back to bed. but i couldn't sleep. i just kept thinking about it. this may seem like a simple, easy question, but it is NOT. this question is asking me to choose the top five hottest death note characters. the top five hottest. i cannot stress enough how hard this question is to answer. every death note character is hot. all of them. well, most of them. i don't know how i'll choose the top five, buy i will try

i'm going to start off with eliminating some characters, attractive as they may be, because they don't seem 'hot' to me. i'm excluding Near, Mello, and Matt because they are cute not hot. following that logic i'm also taking Misa out of this. i'm also taking Ryuk out of the running because he's,,, ugly (i am not a monsterfucker thank you very much). but Rem stays because she is hot (i love her i love her i love her i lo)(forget what i said about not being a monster fucker). from the taskforce i'm excluding Ide because he's not hot and i would exclude Matsuda for being too bbg but i firmly believe that he is one of the most attractive characters in death note so he's staying. Mogi is in, Aizawa is in. Sachiko and Sayu are out because they aren't hot. Soichiro is in because he's a dilf (same with Aizawa but at a lower level. he hasn't leveled up his dilfness yet). Raye is out because he's not hot but Naomi? Naomi is in. Naomi might win this. Naomi wears a leather jacket and solves crimes and is beautiful and perfect. Aiber and Wedy are both in because they're hot (i don't expect them to go that far though). I'm excluding all Yotsuba characters except Namikawa becuase he has long, luscious hair and that's hot. all of the SPK (excluding Near) is in (especially Halle. she's hot. you know, i'm almost thinking that i have a thing for women). Watari is hot in an old, rich way which brings him back around to not being hot so he's out. Beyond is in because mass-murder is hot. Light is in because mass-murder is hot. L is in because he's L.

if i've forgotten anyone then oops but whatever.

so in no particular order we have:

L

Light

Matsuda

Soichiro

Mogi

Aizawa

Naomi

Beyond

Aiber

Wedy

Halle

Gevanni

Rester

Namikawa

Rem

i've narrowed it down to 15. this is workable.

now the second round of eliminations!

Gevanni, Rester, Aiber, Namikawa, and Wedy are all out because i said so. Mogi is out because i said so. Aizawa is out because i said so. Light is out because he's a little freak and canonically handsome but also he's kinda insane (he is my fav death note character but he is not hot enough)

this leaves us with a much more manageable seven:

L

Matsuda

Soichiro

Naomi

Beyond

Halle

Rem

now i get to order them based on hot-ness. (i'm shaking this is the hardest decision i've ever had to make. if anyone asks this again they better bring a weapon because i'm not doing this without my life on the line and even then i'll prbably choose the sweet release of death over this)

Naomi

Halle

L

Rem

Matsuda

Soichiro

Beyond

kinda conflicted with some of them but i'm done with this and i'm done with you. i hate you anon. worst thing i've done all week. how dare you make me pit so many queens against eachother. this took me two hours so you better appreciate it.

Probably? I think that monsterfucking goes both ways: from the point of view of the alien you're dating, humankind is just as alien to them as their race is to you.

Though as far as the spirits' opinion about humans goes, I think they'd just think he has hella low standards.*

That being said, spirits are apparently naturally ace so perhaps this kind of physical attraction would be as weird to them as the idea of lack of physical attraction is weird to humans (speaking as a proud aroace, people really make it into a huge deal for some reason.)

Sure, romantic feelings are perfectly game - Bartimaeus did mention a pair of djinn who fell in love and, when they wound up on the opposite sides of the battlefield, one couldn't bring himself to hurt the other and was torn in two by their will and the charge placed on him - but I imagine that the idea of physical attraction would be seen as just as weird as the subject of said attraction.

Tl;dr: he'd probably be considered a monsterfucker, but while usually it's the monster aspect that's seen as weird, in the case of a spirit, both the monster and the fucker parts of the label would be frowned upon by his kin.

*I personally hesitate to say that he has low standards because I firmly believe that both Ammet and Khaba are so genuinely weird that the only beings in existence they can hang out with without the relationship crashing and burning are each other. It's a one in a million happenstance of a fuckup meeting someone fucked up in the exact same direction and their respective fuckups actually meshing well together. Talk about a match made in hell.

Yes! I’ve been thinking lately about how that would work. It’s just as weird for the dragon, for example, as it would be for the human.

Spirits being naturally ace/ace-spec is another good point; I think it’s just because they don’t reproduce at all, sexually or otherwise, they (generally) don’t have that instinct, if that makes sense? I imagine there have been spirits throughout history who weren’t asexual, but they probably either didn’t act on this or fucked other non-ace spirits.

Yeah they really are a one in a million fucked up couple, and we love that for them.

Belts Part 1

Summary: For @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash and her 2nd Negan Writing Challenge, this is for a Negan x OC x Simon prompt. OC Maria is Latina and plus-sized.  

Word Count:  6888

Warnings: Foul Language, Sexual Imagery and Language, Drinking, Daddy Kink, Negan and Simon.

Author: @genevievedarcygranger

Author’s Note: I hurt my wrist so it took me foreverrrr to grind this out. I’m super late, but here you goooo. Sorry!

Maria was driving an old but reliable blue pick-up truck covered in pollen. Her boss Negan was in the passenger seat next to her, the barbed-wire baseball bat Lucille across his lap. In the backseat, Laura and Dwight were crammed with their knees pressed into both Maria’s and Negan’s backs. Dwight was navigating, the map crinkling in his hand, held up so high that when Maria glanced in the overhanging rearview mirror at him his scarred face was hidden. Laura was napping next to him, her neck awkwardly propped on the window. In the truck bed was Skinny Joey on a mounted machine gun that was mainly for show as they only had one sleeve of bullets left for it.

Behind their truck was Simon’s jeep where he drove with Arat, David, and Gary as his passengers. They were searching for a lost community. The community had been one of the one’s under Negan’s and the Savior’s protection until they had rebelled against them. Needless to say, they lost, and to make an example of them Negan had ever man – boys over the age of 12 included – killed for their stupidity and insubordination.

The only reason the women weren’t killed was because none of the fighters had been women. That community had distinctly followed gender roles to the point that Maria thought it was idiotic. Few of the women knew how to defend themselves from the Dead-Alives or other people. They could barely handle guns, and they weren’t even allowed guns by the men. Negan recognized that the women were seemingly innocent and still useful – after all, it was only the women who did the actually farming, which is what Negan wanted from the community anyway.

Well, now they weren’t going to get their fresh produce from them anymore because the women had packed up overnight and left. Negan took this small group looking for them, scouting. These women were good at covering their tracks. Negan himself was on this voyage because he was angry that an entire community could just disappear out from under his nose. Part of him suspected that a few of his Saviors let the women go out of pity, which is why he brought along those he trusted the most – namely the loyal Arat, Simon his right-hand man, and steadfast Maria. Negan also brought along only three of his best fighters: Laura, Skinny Joey, David, and Gary. Mostly, they were there because Negan believed that they could handle the inexperienced women. Besides, Negan wanted his three top Savior women to prove a point that they were not monsters and that if these women were good enough, they could become Saviors, too, one day. Dwight, one of the newest Saviors, was brought mainly because he was familiar with the area as he lived here before the Dead became Alive again.

Maria was considered one of Negan’s most loyal Saviors because if Negan said jump, she was would do it with a backflip (if she could a backflip). As for the others, she was friends with them all – except Skinny Joey, David and Gary, who she was a little unfamiliar with. David was the only one to give her the creeps, so she avoided him when she could. He always kept some extra rope around, and Maria really didn’t like that. Maria didn’t mind Dwight, she admired his tenacity, and the way he was so eager to prove himself was almost cute.

Still, he wasn’t exactly her type as she preferred older men – much older, like Negan and Simon. She hadn’t done anything about it, though, considering herself not attractive enough and too young. It was surprising to most people that she even was a Savior considering she was one of the youngest at 23 (to her estimation) and she was not exactly the fittest. Most of the other Saviors had the same muscled physique or mean look or covered in tattoos. Meanwhile, Maria was average height, nondescript brown eyes and black hair and dark olive skin, and overweight with glasses to boot. There were no noticeable scars, and her youthfulness spoke of naivety – and she did smile at strangers. That didn’t mean Maria was weak or susceptible to manipulation.

Early on, Maria had learned how to handle herself in any situation; she kept herself alive so far, but that didn’t mean she became a dick in the process. Though she was compassionate, Maria was still a Savior because she recognized difficult situations when she saw it and knew that this mafia-style of ruling was the best way to rebuild society. Having witnessed Negan’s unusual styles of executions and punishments consisting of bashing brains and burning faces, she was still here, unshakeable like a rock.

It impressed Simon enough that he offered her Savior status and she took it without ever looking back. She didn’t let the power go to her head, and that meant she moved up the ranks quickly until she was one of the top. Negan could trust her not to usurp or disobey him, and she was competent in any task assigned. In turn, Maria lived comfortably, and didn’t once have trouble sleeping from her choices. She quite easily lied in the bed she made.

Trusted so much that Negan allowed her to drive, Maria kept an eye out for anything as she drove at a reasonable speed, slow enough to look for signs of the women but fast enough to not let anything catch up and surprise them. Despite the four-wheel drive of the truck and Maria’s carefulness, the going was a little bumpy considering how misshapen the dirt road was without proper care and management. Laura was startled awake when her forehead slammed a little too hard on the window. “Shit! What the hell, Maria? Didn’t you get your license before the world ended?”

Used to the cracks about her age by now, Maria glanced back at Laura and deliberate jerked the wheel, causing Laura to hit her head again. “Whoops. Sorry, Laura,” Maria half-heartedly apologized, and beside her Negan threw his head back and laughed, pausing in polishing Lucille.

“Stop, stop, stop,” Negan suddenly commanded Maria when he had stopped laughing. He pointed his ungloved hand at an abandoned and dilapidated house a little further off the main road. “That’s where we’ll hole up tonight. Seems like a good enough shit hole.”

Obediently, Maria tapped the break and turned the truck towards the shit hole. Even though it was the apocalypse, she used her turn signal so that Simon driving his jeep behind her would follow. Of course, he dutifully did without even radioing up with a question. Good, ol’ Simon.

Rolling up quietly to the house, Maria parked and so did Simon, cutting off their engines and lights. They all hopped out of their vehicles, weapons in hand. Gary and David took point to clear the house while the others waited outside. Skinny Joseph did a perimeter check, and told Negan the place was normal. When both Gary and David came back out they were both leading three Dead-Alives to be killed outside, that way the mess could be minimized in where they were going to stay the night. Maria stepped up with her machete and dispatched them quickly, dragging them around the house in a semicircle to act as a deterrent to both people who wanted to avoid Dead-Alives and then other Dead-Alives to mask the human scent. Gary and David went back inside with Laura and Arat, searching for any supplies. This was all routine procedure that took less than fifteen minutes.

With that finished, Negan propped his trusty Lucille up on his shoulder. “Anything good shit eating in there or are we shit outta luck?”

“There were canned vegetables,” Arat spoke up, “Corn, green beans, baked beans, kidney beans, basically any kind of beans you want.” Nodded her head in the direction of the now firmly deceased, she explained, “They were hiding there with a bite in all of them before they turned. We found 12 cans in their bags. The bags are inside.”

“One can apiece,” Negan told them all, sweeping his gaze over everyone there. “The extra three we take with us. One more day of looking and if we don’t find the fuckers, then fuck them. I wanna go home and fuck my wives.” Looking particularly at Dwight, Negan tilted his head and added with a smirk, “One new wife in particular.” Cowed, Dwight bowed his head, hiding his anger, and Maria admired his control.

Licking his lips, pleased with Dwight’s reaction, Negan continued, “Laura, since you slept in the truck like a lazy-ass instead of keeping a look out for the shitheads, I’m guessing you won’t mind staying awake tonight on guard duty in the truck.” Like Dwight, Laura ducked her head, mostly out of shame then anger. “If you need a break, wake up Skinny Joey to take a shift.”

Sweeping his eyes over them once more, Maria burned under his lingering gaze before Negan seemingly nodded to himself, satisfied. “Alright, let’s go stuff our fucking faces.”

“Wait,” Gary said, holding up a backpack that he had clutched to his chest, “we also found this.” Instead of tossing the backpack at Negan like Maria expected him to, Gary walked over to Negan showed him the backpack, holding it open for inspection.

Taking a peek, Negan smiled widely before he clapped Gary on the shoulder. “Well, shit, it’s gonna be a fucking party with all that booze in there.” Reaching in his gloved hand, Negan pulled out a bottle of tequila, the worm still clearly visible inside. “I’m not waiting to open this shit up when we’re back at the Sanctuary. We’ll have it all tonight.” He shot Laura a pointed look, “You take it easy on this shit, though.”

At the sight of the tequila bottle, there were small cheers that went up before the Saviors clambered inside. Laura remained outside on guard duty, and as Maria passed her on her way inside, Laura asked, “Hey, can you bring me a can?”

Even though earlier they had been sniping at each other, Maria shrugged, not one to hold a grudge. “Sure.” Inside, the others were crowded in the living room, both Negan and Simon on an armchair each in front of the fireplace, which lacked a fire. Pushed against a wall, Dwight and Arat shared a loveseat. Opposite of them, the couch was taken up by the other three men, so Maria was left with the floor. Unbothered, she grabbed a can of kidney beans for Laura and a can of French-cut green beans for herself, standing and waiting for the can opener to make its way around. Also, making its way around was one of the bottles of tequila, but Maria wasn’t quite as eager for that having never drank before anyway.

Awkwardly waiting for the can opener, Maria was startled when Negan suddenly told her, “I limited everyone to one can a-fucking-piece, Maria.” At Negan’s words, Simon turned to look at her, too, quirking an eyebrow, his face clearly communicating to Maria his concern. With the way the furniture was positioned, the armchairs had their backs to the rest of the room while the loveseat and couch were angled toward an TV with what used to a state of the art entertainment system. Because of this, the others were too distracted to notice, concentrating more on passing the bottle back and forth than actually eating their beans.  

“One can is for Laura, sir,” Maria explained quietly, “She’s outside keeping watch, and I thought I’d bring her dinner to her.”

Nodding in understanding, Negan sat back in his chair again, gingerly eating his black beans. “Well, fucking thanks for that Maria. You always think of everything.”

Fighting back a blush at his praise, Maria looked over at Simon who gave her a look of approval when she caught his eye. After that, Simon passed her the can opener and she opened Laura’s can first and headed back outside to her. When Maria came back, her can was already open, but her green beans seemingly untouched. Glancing up at Simon, Maria saw him packing away the can opener. “That’s nice of you Simon,” she thanked him as she lowered herself to sit on the rug in front of the fireplace.

Picking up her can, she crawled over and gently dumped the excess water out in the fireplace, kneeling before it. “It’s so warm at night this time of year, we won’t need a fire,” Maria explained herself again, looking back over her shoulder and catching Simon’s and then Negan’s eye. Both of the men nodded at her before going back to their cans, trying to pick out their food using their fingers without cutting themselves on the edges.

Shaking her head, Maria picked up the can’s lid and started bending it in half like a taco shell. “You’re gonna cut your hand doing that,” Simon told her with a warning tone.

“No, I’m not,” Maria sing-songed back, and she didn’t. Once she bent the lid to her liking, she used it as a small scoop for her green beans, avoiding her fingers from getting wet. She was still careful to use the lid as a spoon considering it was sharp, so she would tilt her head back and dump the green beans in her mouth. Starving, Maria couldn’t help the small moan of appreciation from eating. Looking up from her first bite, she caught both Simon and Negan staring at her again, weird looks over both of their facing. Quickly chewing and swallowing, she asked them, “What? I can’t fit my fingers in the can.”

Clearing his throat, Simon looked away, fingers patting down his mustache. Negan, never one to hold his tongue, guffawed, “That’s pretty damn clever.” Leaning forward, Negan snatched up his own discarded lid and started bending it, too, like Maria did.

 Following suit, Simon did the same. “How’d you think of this, Maria?”

Watching them both copy her, Maria smiled and then carefully took another bite of green beans. “I dunno, I just did.”

“Negan’s right, this was pretty damn – ouch! Damn it,” Simon cursed as he was the one that ended up cutting his hand on the lid. Negan dissolved into giggles at the irony, and Simon shot him a dirty look before he looked more closely at his injured hand. “Knowing my luck, I’m gonna need a tetanus shot for this.”

Setting down her can on the coffee table where Negan had his feet propped up, Maria leaned over his legs and expectantly held out her hand to Simon. “The metal wasn’t rusted, so you’ll be fine.” Gently grabbing, Simon’s injured hand by the wrist, she held it close to her face for inspection. “Just a superficial cut, you’ll be fine.”

Without withdrawing his hand, Simon teased her, “What are you gonna do, Doc? Kiss it better?”

 Barely managing to hid her blush, Maria lectured him, “You’re more likely to get tetanus from digging in the dirt than cutting your hand on rusted metal. Besides soil, tetanus can also be found in spit, so no, you don’t want me to kiss it, Simon.” Without letting go of his hand, Maria dragged her bag over, pulling out one of her Band-Aids and gently placing it over the cut before she released it and went back to her food.

Gratefully, Simon thanked her and then looked at his Band-Aid. “Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles?”

Negan, who had been watching the two’s exchange with growing interest, suddenly burst into fresh giggles anew and again, Simon shot him another look. Not embarrassed in the slightest, Maria defended herself, “Hey, a Band-Aid is a Band-Aid.”

“Still, why’d you have to give me one with Donatello? I always thought the blue one – Leonardo – was the best.”

“Donatello was the nerdy one,” Maria shrugged, and between bites of her green beans finished her thought, “I can relate to him.”

Still giggling, Negan joined in the conversation, “Shit, I liked the red one.”

“Yeah, you would,” Maria mumbled under her breath, earning a laugh from Simon this time.

Sitting up and planting his feet back on the floor, Negan just started to defend himself when he coughed, choking on a kidney bean. Without skipping a beat, Simon smacked his hand down on Negan’s back hard, and Negan swallowed with difficulty. “That’s what you get when you talk with your mouth full,” Simon told him smugly.

Once he recovered his breath, Negan frowned. “Between the two of you coddling like fucking mother hen’s in front of me, it’s a wonder neither of you are fucking spoon feeding my ass.”

“What, you have a daddy kink, too?” Maria flippantly asked.

Freezing in place, Simon stared at her hard before Negan broke out into another large smile. “Well, fucking hell, that to me seems to imply that you have a daddy kink, huh, Maria?”

Pausing mid-chew, Maria avoided both of the men’s eyes as she finished off the last of her green beans, clearing her throat. “I can’t believe this can wasn’t outta date.”

Knowing it to be best to let the subject drop, Negan hummed, “Yeah, these beans still tasted like shit. Where’s the fucking tequila? I need something to wash that shit down. My ass is thirsty.” Twisting around in his arm chair, he craned his neck to look behind him at the rest of the Saviors. Passed out on the couch were Skinny Joey, Gary, and David, snoring and drooling on each other in one big pile. Skinny Joey clutched the empty tequila bottle to his chest and another bottle of tequila – also empty – was at their feet. Finished with their cans of food, both Dwight and Arat quietly moved away from the men who snored louder with every drawn breath.

“Damn, fucking lightweights,” Negan sneered, more than a little pissed. He was looking forward to that tequila.

  As Arat approached, she withdrew a bottle from her bag, still half-full. “I managed to save you a bit, boss.” She swayed slightly on her feet as she passed it to him.

Tentatively wrapping a supporting arm around her, Dwight carried on the rest of the conversation. “She drank them under the table, but didn’t go nuts.”

 “What about you, Dwighty-boy? You get lit the fuck up, too?”

Shaking his head, Dwight continued, “No, I just took a few sips. I’ll just go outside and keep Laura company. We can watch over Arat.”

  “Throw her in the backseat of the truck and have Laura open the little window,” Simon ordered, “She’s slept back there before and it’s safe. Laura needs to be on the machine gun. And here,” Simon tossed the keys – the Jeep was one of the few vehicles with keys – at Dwight. “You can sleep in my Jeep but don’t puke in it.” Luckily the Jeep was an enclosed one, so Dwight would be safe, too.

Catching the keys, Dwight nodded appreciatively and headed out with Arat, helping her walk straight. Maria watched them go. Dwight was growing on her.

  Suddenly there came a particularly loud snore from the couch and Maria winced at the sound, wrinkling her nose with displeasure. She was annoyed with those three for their carelessness. It was dangerous to get stupidly drunk in an unfamiliar place.

Finishing up her green beans quickly, she looked up when she saw Negan take a hearty swig of the tequila. “That’s a damn good burn,” Negan gasped appreciatively. He licked his lips and Maria watched his tongue with her own kind of damn good burning desire. “You want to try some tequila, Simon?”

“Negan, you know I’m a gin man,” Simon declined, scooping more shoe peg corn into his mouth.

 “Don’t give me that horse shit,” Negan argued, “take a damn drink. Wet your whistle or whatever.”

 Stubbornly taking another bite of corn, Simon’s eyebrows lowered down, dark as thunderclouds over his eyes. His mustache bristled, but Negan only shook the bottle at him again, giving him a flat, unamused look.

  “Come on, Simon,” Negan began in what could be considered a pleading sort of tone for him, “It’s no fucking fun drinking alone.”

  With a sigh, Simon finally gave in a snatched the bottle from Negan’s hand. He took a sip, and coughed, gagging exaggeratedly as he stuck his tongue out.

   From where she sat watching interestedly, Maria giggled, but Negan’s voice smoothly cut over that. “Don’t give me any of that shit either. Compared to this, gin is turpentine.” Looking down at Maria who was still giggling as she finished off the last of her green beans, Negan took the bottle back from Simon and held it out to her. “What about you, Maria? Tequila?”

In comparison to Simon, Maria’s politely turned down the alcohol. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to drink.”

“Shit, between the three of us this isn’t enough to get us as sloppy drunk as those fucks.” Negan rolled his eyes. “I didn’t expect you and Simon to both be fucking wet blankets, but now I can see why you get along so damn well.”

 Ignoring that last comment, Maria explained, “Well, I’ve never drank before so I think it’ll hit me hard, and I don’t want to be buzzed or anything in case something happens.”

At that, Negan and Simon exchanged a look with each other. Then both men sat forward expectantly, and between the two men, Maria looked up innocently. “So, Laura was right out there, you didn’t even have your damn license before the world went to shit,” Negan teased her wryly.

“No,” Maria argued back, “I was almost 21 when the virus came. Almost. I’m probably 23 or so now, if I had to guess.”

  “Every college kid drinks before then, though,” Simon waved it off with one hand, the other hand thoughtfully stroking his mustache.

“Well, not this college kid. My parents would’ve killed me.” Mentioning her parents – people she hadn’t thought of in far too long – Maria fell silent, maudlin. She’d been at college when the dead started to come back to life, and that meant more than a five-hour distance between her and her parents. She was never able to make it back to them or figure out what had happened to them, either, but she could imagine. Sometimes imagining was worse, though.

Recognizing his mistake, Simon put a comforting hand on Maria’s shoulder, “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I get it. You follow the rules, and hell, it’s serving you well so far here in life.” It was meant to be a compliment, but Maria didn’t notice.

Negan looked at Simon, his look roughly translating as ‘Is that the best you can really do?’

 At a loss, Simon raised his eyebrows and darted a look between Negan and Maria in challenge. ‘Let’s see you do better,’ his look seemed to say. After all, he had a very expressive face.

 Mimicking Simon’s movements, Negan placed his ungloved hand on Maria’s other shoulder. “I always knew you were a wet fucking blanket.” Maria didn’t respond, but Simon sure did. He shot Negan an incredulous look, mustache twitching furiously. Negan made a face and tried again. “Come on, now, you’re more than old enough to drink so go ahead. Drink to forget or remember. Just take a fucking sip, babe. It’s good shit after all, no need to go to waste. Besides, I’d look fucking pathetic drinking alone with only this asshole for company.”

Cheering up slightly at Negan’s teasing, Maria shrugged both of their hands off and finally took the bottle from Negan. “How do you know you’re not already fucking pathetic?” She quipped, obviously kidding and both Negan and Simon knew it, too. Maria gave them a small smile before she looked down the neck of the bottle, perplexed. Hesitantly, she took a sniff and honestly, it reeked. Having smelled and eaten worse, though, it didn’t bother her that much. Lifting the bottle to her lips, Maria thought about how Negan and Simon had had their own lips wrapped around it. That was the final push that encouraged her, and with that she licked the lip of the bottle before she took a small sip.

Of course, Negan was right when he said it burned going down, but what Maria hadn’t been expecting was for it to be so flavorful. She thought it was going to be like drinking fire, but it was surprisingly more pleasant than that. The heat sunk to her belly and warmed her from within, and Maria appreciated it. Passing the bottle back to Negan, she smacked her lips. “It’s nice.” Thinking about how to describe the taste, she managed, “Just, a world of taste.”

With glee, Negan accepted the bottle back and took a victory sip, proud of himself for getting Maria to try it. Simon, on the other hand, wasn’t necessarily proud so much as he was aroused by Maria. When he looked over at Negan and saw that dark look that passed over his eyes, he knew Negan felt much of the same, but Maria seemed to not notice a thing. Looking back at Maria, Simon purred, “Un mundo de sabor.”

 Startled by the words, Maria quickly glanced up at him. “Um, what? I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

“Un mundo de sabor,” Simon repeated the phrase to her earnestly. “Do you really not know Spanish, Maria?” He stressed her name.

A little embarrassed, Maria flushed and took another sip before she answered Simon. “Uh, no, I don’t. I was adopted.” She shrugged once more and found herself reaching for the tequila bottle again underneath both of the men’s curious looks. Thinking about her parents for the second time that night, Maria took a noticeably bigger sip than normal, wondering if she would be a happy drunk so she could forget about her parents.

Unsure if they should linger on this conversation topic just judging by the slightly morose look on Maria’s face alone, Negan pushed his kidney beans around awkwardly. “What does ‘un mundo day sabor’ even mean?” Negan attempted to pronounced, but the pronunciation was butchered around the scoop of kidney beans he shoveled in his mouth. The faster he ate them, the less of them he could taste.

Nose wrinkling at Negan’s lack of manners, Simon translated, “A world of flavor.” Unbidden, his eyes slid over to Maria who, unaware of Simon’s implied compliment, daintily took another sip of the tequila, mulling it around in her mouth around a small noise of enjoyment. Simon’s nose unwrinkled, eyes softening. Then he cleared his throat, looking away from her, and went back to eating his can of corn nonchalantly.

Though Simon’s look may have gone unnoticed by Maria herself, Negan saw it all and knew exactly what Simon was thinking because Negan himself was thinking the very same thing. Eyes darting back and forth between the two, Negan began to form a plan in his mind. Looking back down at his mushy kidney beans, Negan said in a low sort of voice, “Well, shit, Simon. For a guy who claims to be a gin man through and fucking through, I wouldn’t expect you to say tequila is so damn flavorful when you drink that turpentine shit.”

Snorting, Simon didn’t even bother to look up at Negan’s deliberate goading. “You’re running out of insults, Negan.”

Petulant, Negan kicked his legs, crossing them and sliding them out, leaning back even further in his arm chair. Maria narrowly avoided a boot to the face, scooting closer to Simon for protection. Simon had his legs spread out wide, nearly to the point that he could hook a knee over either arm of the chair. Watching the men bicker like an old married couple, Maria continued drinking and staring at them.

 It was undeniable that both men were handsome in their own way. Whereas Negan was impossibly slim, his black jacket and slick back hair making him look smaller, Simon was burly in comparison with broad shoulders. Every bit of Simon was wide down to his very mustache – or pornstache, because that was the black caterpillar’s style. For Negan, Maria doubted that he was slim where it counted going off of his large boots and large hands, too. Negan had such pretty hands, and the way he confidently handled Lucille made Maria reminiscent of other things he could also handle. Of course, Simon’s hands were just as large and strong, leading up to thick forearms. He had thick thighs, too, and Maria snuck many glances at his crotch, guess confidently that Simon was packing something huge in his cargo pants.

That was just the superficial attraction, though. Maria would be lying if she didn’t admit to herself that both men had beguiling eyes and even more charming smiles. Also, part of her couldn’t help but wonder what their facial hair would be like if they were to kiss her anywhere. Both of them had just the perfectly strong jaws to sit on, Negan’s face especially good for that considering his adorable and large nose. She herself wanted to taste both of their mouths and other parts of them as well, but Maria also couldn’t deny that the attraction ran deeper than just good bodies and handsome faces.  

For one, they both made her laugh all the time, Negan through crude humor and Simon through being a dork. For another, she admired their loyalty, perseverance, intelligence, and most of all their decency. In their own unique way, Negan and Simon maintained their humanity despite the world going to hell in a handbasket. They were kind when it counted, but that shouldn’t be mistaken for weakness. Both men were incredibly tenacious when they set their minds to any one goal, and they didn’t allow anyone to walk all over them. Even with his wives, Negan still maintained a firm hand, and Simon walked a careful line balancing out Negan’s power as the man second in command.

 The wife thing, the head-bashing, the scare tactics, the age-difference – none of it really bothered Maria. She recognized that a lot of this was necessary in this new world in order to survive, and Maria was no little innocent herself. She had killed people before – not exactly gutted or bashed brains, but shot dead nonetheless. Regardless, she liked them anyway, but she was never going to do anything about it. She didn’t want to form attachments because people died every day. Besides, even if she did make a move, she doubted anything would ever come for it. Negan had supermodels for wives, and Simon was just aloof. For now, she would enjoy their friendship and be satisfied looking but never touching. With a sigh, she took another sip of the tequila, her eyes coming to rest on Negan’s lap.

 Her sigh very much audible, both Negan and Simon looked down at Maria. Partially amused that despite having never drank before Maria was taking to tequila like a duck to water, Negan chuckled softly and chunked his empty can at the fireplace. “You gonna save any of that shit for us, Maria? Shit, you’re throwing sips back like their shots. You lying to us about being an alcohol virgin?” Jerking his chin at the bottle, Negan tilted his head in an attempt to catch her eye and noticed where her line of sight was. At that, Negan smiled brightly, a shark smelling blood in the water. Soon it would be time to move in for the kill.

Startled by him addressing her, Maria blushed furiously at Negan’s sexual innuendos and shoved the bottle at him. “Sorry, I was just distracted; and I wasn’t lying. Never had the stuff touch my tongue before.”

Gladly accepted the considerably lighter bottle, Negan’s head tilted over the other way, his tongue gingerly held between his pearly white teeth. “Well, I’m glad I could pop your cherry, Maria.”

  Ducking her head, Maria didn’t say anything. She was a ‘virgin’ in every sense of the world. Again, the reason being partially because her parents would kill her for even thinking about sex before marriage, but also, she was largely a virgin do to never having people interested in her in that kind of way. Maria blamed it on her bitchy attitude for not taking shit, on not dumbing herself down for the sake of any boy’s ego, but mostly on her looks. No one wants to fuck a fucking fat bitch with glasses too damn smart for her own good.

  In an effort to make her feel better, Simon punched Negan in the arm, and gave him a look that clearly said ‘Be nice and behave.’ Negan only stuck out his tongue further and took a small sip of tequila. Looking down at Maria once more, Simon asked her softly, “What had you so damn distracted? What are you thinking about?”

Seeing as lying would be better than admitting her dirty thoughts, Maria went with a half-truth. “My parents,” she lied and found herself babbling to them for some reason, the alcohol she consumed no doubt loosening her tongue. “My mom told me that every person has an it-factor, you know? Something about them that’s like the first thing you notice when you meet a person. Something that just makes you go wow. Like, an it-factor is a good thing.”

  Curious, Negan asked first, “Well, hell, what’s my it-factor, then, Maria?” He used air quotes on the word with his free hand, the other one gripping the neck of the bottle.

 “Oh, your smile, no doubt. It’s beautiful.” Maria answered honestly and easily enough. She didn’t even have to think about it.

  A little surprised, Negan doubted her, “What, not my pretty Lucille here? She makes quite an impression on some. Shit, if it isn’t Lucille, I thought it’d be my damn, handsome, good looks or just me being such a badass.”

  “Like I said, an it-factor is a good thing. It always has to be positive,” Maria further continued, pleased, the reaction Negan gave her was as good as a blush. She was surprised, too, that he was so flattered by a compliment about his smile. One would think he hears it all the time. “An it-factor is always a physical thing, too, so we can hardly count your general badassery, Negan, unless you consider that to be attributed to your greaser fashion,” she laughed.  

Unbothered by her joke, Negan just laughed along with her. With an award-winning smile – his undoubtable it-factor by all means – Negan joked back, “If I were a nudist, my fat, swinging dick would definitely be my it-factor hands down. I wouldn’t even need Lucille if I could take it off and wield it around like the deadly, fucking weapon it is.”

 While Simon only rolled his eyes at Negan’s capricious behavior, Maria giggled at his play on words. Catching Simon’s eyes at the end of his exaggerated eyeroll, Maria smiled at the man playfully. “I think yours would be your mustache, Simon. And before you ask, if you shaved it, it would probably just be your physique in general. You’re very tall and broad.” Maria couldn’t tell if she was flirting, but she hoped it didn’t come off that way.

 Suffering from lack of attention, Negan guffawed, “Are you calling my man Simon here fat, Maria? He’s anything but. Go ahead and feel up his fucking arms. The only thing harder than him is Lucille,” Negan boasted proudly, bragging about Simon and Lucille. He had seen his chance and took it, planting seeds in Maria’s and Simon’s head to get the ball in motion.

  “No, no, I wasn’t calling you that by any means,” Maria rushed to clarify herself, not wanting to hurt Simon’s feelings. She sat up on her knees and placed a placating hand on Simon’s knee. Having sat up too fast, Maria’s head swam slightly, and she wobbled, her other hand coming down on Negan’s thigh to balance herself. Seemingly unaware of the precarious placement of her hands, Maria looked pleadingly up at Simon, her eyes reflecting her genuine innocence and sincerity.

 Afraid to shift lest she move her hand away, Simon just gripped the empty can tighter in his fist. “No offense taken, I know how I look.” His eyes shot over to Negan, trying to signal for help, but when he saw the shit-eating grin on Negan’s face, he knew that he would only get trouble from his friend.

  Right on cue, Negan asked Simon, “Hey, Simon? What do you think Maria’s it-factor would be?” He was outright smirking now at Simon’s predicament, restraining himself from touching Maria’s hand and spoiling the moment too soon.

 At a loss, Simon panicked and went with the first thing he could think of. “Her sense of humor.”

 Negan balked at Simon and then threw his head back in frustration. “No, you shithead, the it-factor has to be fucking physical. Like her tits or something. Weren’t you paying attention?”

Meanwhile, Maria, who had secretly been hoping for an ego-stroking compliment, just smiled, the smile itself small in comparison to her previous ones. “No, it’s fine, Negan. I’m not bothered.”

Frustrated himself, Simon lashed out at Negan, “Well what do you think is her it-factor then?”

Both Simon and Maria were expecting something crude, but Negan actually said something uncharacteristically sweet. “She has nice hair. Even though you don’t even get to shower regularly like my wives, I can tell your hair is a lot healthier.” Glancing between both Maria’s and Simon’s identical shocked expression, Negan shrugged. “Hey, it was either me say your hair or your ass. Now that’s something I’d love to get my hands on.”

“Negan,” Simon began in a low sort of voice, warning him. An obvious and unspoken thought hung in the air between the two men, but Simon wasn’t necessarily jealous, just protective of Maria’s feelings. Unrepentant, Negan took the last sip of the tequila to fill the silence. Now he was the one shrugging at Simon. Both of the men turned to Maria again, anxiously awaiting her response.

More than a little shocked at this point, Maria just blinked, unsure of herself. Lacking a coherent thought or snappy comeback, Maria couldn’t even reach for the tequila as a distraction since it was all gone now. So, she changed the subject, “You know what’s something I’ve always noticed?” Blinking at them, she continued, “Why do both of you wear like two belts?” Honestly, this was a question she had always had, but she wanted to kick herself for her cowardice and stupidity. Inwardly, she rolled her eyes, bemoaning her missed chance.

Not one to waste an opportunity, though, Negan sat forward. “What if I counter your question with another question, Maria, and ask if you’d fuck me and Simon here? I don’t think I can wait to stick my dick in a wife.”

Before she could help it, Maria’s jaw dropped to the floor. Quickly, she shut her mouth again with an audible snick of her teeth. Looking at Simon for help, his usually expressive face was tight but otherwise emotionless. He was remaining silent, passive. Forced to handle Negan herself, Maria turned back to her boss with that ever-present smile still on his face. He could have given Jack Nicholson’s Joker a run for his money. Maria sputtered a retort, obviously nervous, “Well, I asked you first.”

“I asked you second,” Negan quipped back without hesitation. “Come on, I know you want me – who the fuck wouldn’t – and it’s so interesting that you want Simon, too. We both fucking want you, why not make the most of our night? Sleep comes easy after good fucking.”

Thinking of excuses, Maria listed them, “What if something happens? What if they wake up? We don’t have any protection.” Shaking her head, she admitted, “I’m a virgin.”

Negan took the news well, but didn’t back down from his offer. Simon was like a stone – not interfering at all. “Well, you didn’t exactly tell me that I’m wrong. We’re all attracted to each other, so who cares about the rest. There’s at least six other fuckers here to handle shit, and there’s always the upstairs. Besides, me and Simon can handle your virginity. We’ll take care of it for you.”

Simon couldn’t hold his tongue any longer after that. Rephrasing Negan’s last statement, Simon interrupted with, “We’ll take care of you, Maria.”

Nodding in agreement, Negan continued, “I meant what I said earlier. I’d be more than happy to pop your cherry for you.” His sincerity was tangible as he added, “We will be careful with you and make you feel fucking magnificent, Maria.”

Taking her hand, Simon gently inquired, “So, what do you say, Maria? Be with me and Negan?” Simon’s eyes were soft, his look so gentle and almost pleading like a puppy. Negan had much of the same look on his face, except he had a small smile gently curling the corners of his mouth. The smile was not an egotistical one, but one of encouragement.

Briefly, Maria considered if the green beans and tequila were making her hallucinate. She couldn’t believe her luck. Not wanting to give up her chance now, Maria breathed, “Yes.”

"Can I request the boys with an S/O who's panicky a lot of the time and often needs calming down?"

I'm probably one of the panickiest people you'll ever meet, so writing this was comforting for me... Anyways, I hope you enjoy! This was a fun first request!!!! Rantarou Amami: - Whenever your anxiety kicks in and you get all panicky, he simply pulls you into his lap and plays with your hair. - He tells you it's gonna be okay. He says that it's always okay in the end, even if it seems hard right now. - He doesn't mind if you start crying really hard or shaking. He just continues to hold onto you as you grip onto his shirt. - Doesn't say a word, he just lightly rubs your back and strokes your hair. - He only says all that stuff mentioned earlier when you've calmed down at least a little bit. He doesn't want to be overbearing. - Once you've calmed down completely, he smiles at you, then offers to make you your favorite warm drink. - He's happy when you're happy. He loves you! Shuichi Saihara: - At first he doesn't really know what to do. - You're panicking, but why? He knows how strong you are, so why are you being negative..? - Regardless, he sits down with you and holds your hand. In his other hand, he's rubbing your back and asking you to look at him. - When you claim you can't, he says that you can, and that it's okay to tell him what's wrong. - So you do. You tell him how bad you feel, and though it makes you cry harder, it get good to let it off your chest. - And, its good for Saihara too because now he's hugging you tightly and letting you know that you're perfect and that you're always gonna be great in his eyes. - You believe him, his voice is so soothing and nice. It almost makes you smile. - He always has a way of calming you down, even if he's nervous at first. Kokichi Ouma: - Ouma loves to play with you! He likes to joke around! He's having fun with you! - But sometimes... he takes it too far. - One day, he makes you cry. You're panicking now. You're worried that your boyfriend doesn't actually love you. - When you express how you feel, he starts to cry too. He clings to you, his arms around your waist, as he proclaims his love to you and how he didn't mean it and how he was just playing. - When he sees this isn't working, he lets go of you, pushes your hair out of your face, and firmly tells you he'd never lie to you or make you feel this way again. And if anyone else did the same, he'd take care of it. Because no one hurts you. - He won't even allow you to hurt yourself. He thinks you are too lovely for that. With a smile, you believe him. And hold his hands, apologizing for making him cry as well. - "Oh, I was lying when I cried! They were fake!" - You don't believe him that time. Kiibo: - Panicking? What is panicking? Why are you doing it? Why do you look so sad?! Oh no. This isn't good. - He knows he can't just leave you there, but he is so worried and scared. He has no idea what to do. - He starts with just sitting next to you. That didn't help at all, so he reaches for your hand and holds it. He asks you to tell him what's wrong. - You explain that you don't really know. You just sometimes get this way, and you don't have much control of it because the negative thoughts just keep piling in. - He tries to understand. Really, he does. But it's so hard. Humans are supposed to be happy, seeing them sad makes Kiibo sad! Especially because you're his girlfriend... - "(S/O)! I know I am not much help in this regard... but... I know you're amazing! You're perfect and I don't want anyone else! Please, refrain from listening to anyone who tells you otherwise! You are lovely, and no one can take that away from you!" - That helped. A lot. Without even realizing it, you hug Kiibo. He's still confused, but he hugs you back. - When you whisper a thank you, he knows he helped. And he knows what to do next time. Korekiyo Shinguji: - The calmest out of everyone else when you start to panic. - Much like Amami, he pulls you close, but not into his lap. Into his arms on the bed or couch. He practically cradles you. - He let's you vent. Whether you be angry or sad. He lets you take it all out on him. He knows keeping all that inside isn't healthy, and he's more than willing to listen. - Though, sometimes venting made it... a little worse. And you'd just panic more. - To which he just holds your hands, rubbing the top of them with his thumbs, and tells you how proud he is of you to still be here and to still be so strong. He's also proud of you for opening up. - He reads to you some tales about recovery, and some with a strong moral that might be fitting for the situation you're in. - He might even take off his mask and kiss your cheek, because he knows how much you like it. - No matter what, you always fall asleep on him, happy to know that Shinguji loves you no matter what. You always feel better after he helps. Gonta Gokuhara: - No!!! No no don't cry!! - He knows it's not the gentleman thing to do but he starts crying too... - He calms down rather quickly, because he knows he has to help you no matter what. - He picks you up bridal style and takes you to a nice warm place in the woods. You cry softly the entire way there but that's okay. - As soon as he sets you down on your back, he lays next to you. He instructs you to take a deep breath. He holds your hand and does the same. He tells you it's gonna be okay. - You calm down rather quickly. You feel so safe... Gonta's presence is enough to make you feel protected. - He smiles and gives you a big kiss. He loves you so much, and he's sorry that you get this way sometimes... - You cuddle in the forest. When you wake up, butterflies are all around you. It's a calming feeling. Ryoma Hoshi: - Alright. Who hurt you. Who does he have to kill? - You say no one, and he tells you to quit being naive. If someone caused this pain upon you, he'll kill 'em. - Again, you say no one. You just get this way sometimes, and it's hard to control it. - In a way, he understands. He has a lot of his demons to deal with. But panicking isn't how he copes with it. - He sits down with you, his hands are shaky, but he hopes you don't notice. He holds your hand, stroking the top of it with his thumb. - He tells you that he still thinks your attractive when you cry. And he doesn't see anything negative inside you. There's no way he could, after all, you deal with him. He knows he's a monster... and he's grateful you're here. - You tell him he's not a monster. You're happy he's here, and that he always finds a way to calm down... - He's not crying, you're crying. - You both hug for a long time. It's nice. Kaito Momota: - Like Ryoma, he threatens to kill the fucker who hurt you. - You tell him he's gonna have to kill you then, the only one to blame for this panicked state is yourself. - That's what you say but... he can't do that. He loves you. So much. - He gets in the bed and pulls you to him. You're crying while you're cuddling, and that's okay. It's good to let it out... - He doesn't exactly know what's wrong, but you did say you just get these panic attacks at random and don't have much control over them. - He proceeds to tell you that you're worth more than all the stars in the galaxy, and you're better looking than them too. - That makes you giggle, and he pulls you into a warm kiss after he tells you how much he loves your smile. - You both fall asleep. You know it's gonna be okay.