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sukimas · 2 years

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i don't think i've ever posted about my car (the fuckmobile 9000) here, but it's the car of all time, so you get to be subjected to my experiences with vehicles.

so, for context: i own a car from 1996 (because I don't make any money). however- and this is important- i do not own a beater car. i own a car that was, at the time, a fairly high-end vehicle.

the car i have, specifically, is a top of the line '96 nissan maxima. bought early in the january of that year. the color as stated in the owner's manual is "gold" but the department of motor vehicles has ruled it as "beige". the paint on the roof is peeling off; the cover for a small piece of one of the headlights has gone missing somewhere. the hubcaps are beginning to rust, and the paint on the windshield wiper holders has been rubbed clean away, making them clean steel that reflects the sun directly into my eyes whenever i'm driving home at sunset.

the first indication one might gain that this car was worth far more than three thousand bucks back in the day is when, before starting it up, one opens the gas tank. on the internal cover, there is a warning saying to only use premium fuel (93 octane or better) for necessary engine performance.

(it gets 87 octane because that is what i can afford and it likes it. however, as protest, the gas tank refuses to indicate the proper fuel level until i hit half empty. such is life.)

despite the car insurance being 24 dollars a month, once you actually start the vehicle it roars to life as if it's fresh off the lot. completely overkill for a consumer vehicle, it's outfitted with a v6 engine that makes the thing shake so much that it needs a special doohickey called a harmonic balancer on the crankshaft to make it stop doing that.

i discovered, incidentally, that it requires a harmonic balancer when the rubber on the original manufacturer one wore out and the car threw 6 belts before the mechanics figured out what the hell the problem was. essentially all the rubber and plastic on the vehicle has worn out from age. this is, in fact, the only engine problem i have ever had.

one interesting piece of plastic in many vehicles is a little bolt-shaped thing that indicates when the brake light should turn off; a brake light is actually a dead man's switch, in that the switch is always on when it is not receiving electronic signal, as opposed to always off. anyway, the brake light's plastic bit broke in half last summer and my car battery died repeatedly until i figured out i needed a replacement for it, which cost $3 plus $18 shipping from missouri. the dashboard odometer mechanism is also plastic-based, so it is a 1/3 chance that it increments on any trip (but the internal odometer works; strangely, despite this discrepancy, there's only a 3,000 mile mileage difference between them.)

the radio/media system fuse burnt out in 2019; interestingly, unlike in more recent cars, this is not connected to the clock, so I can still tell the time. i do miss my cassette player, though, even if i mortifyingly found out recently that half of my old cassettes are from joe biden's favorite band.

either way, you're not here to hear about my car trouble (summing in total to just under half of the vehicle's current retail price). you're here to hear about its performance. well, i'm happy to tell you that even with 87 octane, it gladly goes from zero to sixty in about 6.7 seconds, nearly the same timespan as the 2022 maxima (5.7). how do i know this? i live in a town where the lovely non-permanent residents significantly enjoy showing off the power of their cars' motors. it's similarly excellent at maintaining high speeds, keeping 80 even running up steep grades in the appalachian mountains.

now, as for miles per gallon, it's not great. it's a car from 1996, and i'm feeding it low-octane fuel so it's doing even worse than it should be, but it can still run from the WV/SWVA border to DC on 2/3 of a tank. (it takes 3/4 to get back, because of the uphill/downhill differences, but it's still easily manageable on one tank.)

now you're definitely saying "whoa, hold on man, think about the emissions on that thing!"

luckily, my car's registered back in fucking lockheed martinville, so it's gotta go through emissions checks every two years. it's passed every single one with flying colors- by better margins than my next door neighbor's brand new audi. fuck that guy for doing donuts outside at three in the morning, by the way. of course, CO2 is an issue, but electric cars cost forty grand and as previously mentioned i live in appalachia. so this guy's staying around until it turns 30 or i leave the united states, whichever comes first.

in conclusion: the fuckmobile 9000 will never die. also don't tailgate me for your own safety, this thing's got a steel body and you've got crumple zones. if you rear end me at a traffic light, you're the one who's getting totaled, not me.

(as for me you can rest assured i'm not rear-ending you, i don't want a door through the head)

anyway if you have no money and want an alternative vehicle before getting enough to go electric, consider an ancient and immortal creature from the 1990s. and maybe try downloading some mp3s on your phone to listen to on trips; you never know when your radio will spontaneously fail, after all.

#i am not by nature a car person #but my car is very stupid and very functional and i want to show her i appreciate her #here you go fuckmobile 9000 #'lockheed martinville' for those not in the know is northern virginia

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bunny-bard · 2 years

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I don't know what the Tumblr ettiquite is for this but so I don't hijack this person's post I'm including a screenshot to say I wrote a thing? Idk inspiration struck.

Before the fae even gives his cleverly worded spiel to trick you into an eternity with them, you have juice dribbling down your chin and into your palms. The taste was something like blueberry, but they burst and drip a shimmering red liquid. Too pale in color to be like blood. Too much of a glittering reflection to be anything humans eat.

"...what," the fae says gracelessly. They're still the image of poise and perfection in your eyes, but the tone of ethereal beauty is gone from their voice. They've simply never seen someone so eager they don't even get through the entirety of their pitch.

You rub your chin with the back of your forearm, staring wide-eyed at them. With a final gulp the deed is done. You've swallowed food of the fae folk, and now you belong to them.

"So uh, what happens next?" you ask.

"I'm… Why did you do that?" the fae responds, their composure breaking with each second.

"You wanted me to, right? And I don't have to go back to my old life?"

"For all you know I was tricking you into a life of servitude or torture! Make you dance until your legs break or sing until your voice is completely gone."

"Oh you don't want me to dance," you say. "Or sing, for that matter."

"You could be made into a living footstool. Or…"

The fae stops, realizing their every effort seems to be failing. And worse, pointless, as you've already eaten what was there.

"Truly, human, tell me as your new master: why throw your life away."

With a shrug you offer the simplest response. "Capitalism. It sucks, bruh. I'd much rather do anything you said for an eternity in the fae realm than work another day in customer service for minimum wage. Plus the way politics are going I barely have rights as it is, I may as well give them over to you instead of my shit government."

The fae ponders. They haven't been to the human realm in a while, not since obtaining their last servant who was set free for 80 years of loyalty. (That and a random whim of theirs.) That was during one of the biggest human wars ever, how could things possibly be worse?

They don't notice for a moment that you'd started to talk again.

"--and like, other people do have it worse than me for sure, but I just don't think I can do it anymore. At least this way it's a break from monotony."

"Uh huh," the fae responds flatly. "Well, follow me then. I will...see what you can do for me."

"Sure thing. But uh, can I not call you master? Feels a little problematic, y'know? That or too kinky for someone I just met."

They sigh deeply. It is going to be one long eternity.

#my writing #might as well make it a tag in case this ever happens again

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julialouisdreyfest · 2 years

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Garbage Man Interview

First off, for the people, in your own words, who are you, what do you play, where are you from, and what is the name of your band?

Hi there, I'm Nick Duude and I play guitar and do vocals for Garbage Man from Wisconsin and, more recently, Iowa.

You guys are a noise rock band, I think it’s safe to say- when I first saw you play Billings maybe 10 (jesus christ) years ago, you were much less abrasive, yet somehow more…. Annoying. In the best way possible. how did the evolution in the sound start? Was the iteration of the band now always the vision, 10 (jesus fucking christ) years ago?

It was! The long reigning problem is booking tours, and having last minute cancellations. Our (then) current drummer couldn't get out of some work obligations, so we said "fuck it" and busted out some trash cans. That was for one tour only, but ended up working out well for us in a pinch.

Are you still doing Bob's Angry Pins? If so, any specials you got going on, that you wanna plug? Or any other side hustles you wanna plug?

You betcha, all for bands all day! Working on getting some new sizes, as well as styles in. Our newest one is going to be reflective iridescent buttons with custom designs underneath. They look pretty neat!

If you're bothering to use your internal voice to read my word, I'll give you 10% off an order! Just mention this interview or Julia Louis Dreyfest from now until the end of August 2022.

[email protected]

Facebook.com

Insta: @BOBSANGRYPINS

I’m trying to remember, last time we played Sheboygan with you, there was like a famous punk guy from the 80s at the show… as you may recall I had a hard time recollecting much of anything from that night for various reasons… am I remembering this correctly?

There was! They are a long-time supporter of local music and have become a good friend of ours, whether it be drinking whiskey on the patio or playing their banjo before/between/after shows. They prefer to roll in the background, so I don't want to out them and their story, but I miss them and our good friend Teek, the WC owner/operator, very much post-moving to Iowa. Viva La WC; the true cultural germ ground whether folks will/did recognize or not.

I don’t think i’ve ever asked you- do you have any opinions on Making a Murderer? As someone who lived not far from Manitowoc I am assuming you are an expert in the subject.

I'm from about an hour away from where this happened, but I prefer to focus and read on other less televised terrible things that have happened in the state of WI. Some recommended highlights to experience this include:

Wisconsin Death Trip

Ed Gein

The Phoenix Ship Tragedy

Scott Walker doing anything to the state of WI

Killdozer (the band, not the Ed)

Modern-day property segregation in Milwaukee

Over/Under - yes, we all hate pitchfork, and yes, this is like… “their thing” but dammit! It’s too much fun not to play! I will give you a word/thing/idea, and you just have to say if you think it is underrated or overrated, and feel free to expound on your reasoning as much as you’d like, or not at all!

Culvers -

Under; if Craig was even more of a Republican he would have taken over the Midwest fast food game already

Halloween (the general holiday) -

Over, but I feel this is due to me being naturally old/scary-looking. Boo.

Madison, Wisconsin -

Over, but go get some super sexy fries from Mickey's Tavern while you're there.

Tennis (the sport) -

Over, I've heard it just makes peoples' elbows feel funny

Tennis (the band) -

Over, never listened to them before in my life but I can ignorantly and confidently say I feel this way about them

The EPA -

Over, I know just the right amount of emissions my car needs to be emitting, not them.

Stranger Things -

Under, I've never watched it but they appearedly have the ability to get people into music 40+ years old. Cue the Kate Bush metalcore covers please.

Aaron Rodgers, but purely based on his performance as celebrity host of Jeopardy! -

I didn't watch, but I'd hope it ends similarly to "Wheel.......Of Money!"

Cucumbers -

Under as a utility, over as a food item

The Green Bay Packer Cheese Hat -

Under, pop that fucker on + a beer and a bendy straw; you're ready for Sunday mass and noon kickoff.

Marvin Heemeyer/Killdozer -

Over, he had plenty of chances to dump his shitty land for a profit and nestle himself somewhere else before they pushed him out. He almost got the under due to targeted destruction, which is all anyone can ask for in the end.

Super Smash Brothers -

Under, the 3DS port got the short end. I went to the midnight release with a friend and we were the only ones who showed; show some respect!

Hamms -

Under, don't let the label fool you, it tastes exactly like PBR but it's -$10/30 rack cheaper.

Anime -

Under, watch Akira sometime

Rollerblades -

Over, split the wheels up and build a skateboard

Pissed Jeans -

The feeling? Under. The band? Over, but that song Scrapbooking is a shining star

You can catch Garbage Man during this year's fest at Craft Local on August 5th at 9:30pm!

SEE YOU IN THE PIT!

#garbageman #billingsmontana #jldviii #julialouisdreyfest #dreyfest #Bandcamp

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natromanxoff · 3 years

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Queen live at Forest National in Brussels, Belgium - August 24, 1984

Some parts of the Hammer To Fall promo video were filmed during this show - the camera was filming the audience reactions during TYMD, Radio Ga Ga and Hammer To Fall. On the next day 20 fans from the Dutch fan club were invited to come again to the filming of the promo video.

At the gig, the band asked the audience to return the following day for the shoot. However, most likely assuming it was all a joke, the vast majority stayed away; in fact only a dozen fans turned up. Undeterred, the shoot went ahead anyway, with the band's performance that day interspersed with footage shot the previous night.

(x)

This is the first show of The Works tour.

According to the July '89 issue of Record Collector, Queen ran through about 40 songs during rehearsals. This list of songs rehearsed that didn't end up in the setlist comes from someone who worked on the tour:

Great King Rat (longer version), Brighton Rock (full song), I'm In Love With My Car, Sweet Lady, White Man, We Will Rock You (fast), Play The Game, Need Your Loving Tonight, Put Out The Fire, Las Palabras de Amor, Life Is Real (both Freddie solo piano and Freddie/Brian acoustic duet versions)

The keyboardist for this tour (and also the '86 Magic tour) is session musician Spike Edney. He would also lend some vocals to many songs and play rhythm guitar in Hammer To Fall. He and Roger Taylor would form a band called "The Cross" in 1987 which spawned three albums, and he would return to Queen in the 21st century to play on the tours with Paul Rodgers and Adam Lambert.

Spike was recruited in a very informal way by a Queen associate. He went to Munich for their first rehearsal in early August, wound up partying for most of the first night, and missed the first day's rehearsal. It later transpired that everyone else had. He recalls, "The next day, we all managed to get to it eventually, to the first rehearsal, and all the gear was set up. The stage was huge, and I thought "Oh well, here we go then" and we got to the first song , and what I'd forgotten was that they hadn't actually played together for two years. So they said, OK, let's try one of the new songs, I think it was Radio Ga Ga, and we started playing it, and course, I knew it, I'd been studying it for weeks. You know, 1,2,3,4 and we start and we get about a minute into the song and the whole thing collapses. And they all look at each other, you know, very sheepishly, and they say, "Anyone know how it goes?" and I say "well, actually, I know. I know how it goes" and they said "Ah". And so I started showing them the chords and everything and Fred looked at me and said "You don't know the words, do you?" and "Well, yeah I do actually" so then they all came round the piano and we spent the whole day just going through songs, and I thought, "I'm gonna be all right here, this'll be OK"!"

The show started very late, as the band were still doing soundcheck when they were supposed to go on. Apparently over the previous week there were few occasions when all four band members actually showed up for rehearsal. Many songs (likely those listed above) never made the setlist, and soundcheck was an extensive cramming session, particularly for the older material that they hadn't played in years.

Roger Taylor later reflected that this European tour was one of his favourites, and many fans cite the early Works setlist as their favourite ever played by the band. Three medleys are now played, two of which have revived many old songs: Killer Queen, Seven Seas Of Rhye, Keep Yourself Alive, Liar, Stone Cold Crazy and Great King Rat. Staying Power from Hot Space returns to the set, as does Sheer Heart Attack from News Of The World. Only half of Staying Power is played, and it runs into Dragon Attack, followed by an improvisation running into a more compact version of Now I'm Here compared to previous tours.

Many people who attended shows on this tour recall Queen having a very heavy sound, especially on songs like Liar and Stone Cold Crazy. By 1984 they had gained a reputation as being one of the best live rock acts in the business.

Six songs from The Works are performed each night, and the introduction tape is from the album track "Machines". After the heavy G chords are heard on the tape twice, the band walk on stage in the darkness to play the chords the third time, which leads into the brand new "Tear It Up". This is yet another effective opening to a Queen show, something they would perfect time and time again.

I Want To Break Free is performed each night in 1984-85 as the first encore, with Freddie coming on stage sporting a pair of huge plastic breasts under a pink shirt. Part way through the song, he would remove the breasts and twirl them around for a while before finally throwing them into the audience. Some souvenir! As a result of this gag, Another One Bites The Dust has been moved from the encore to be earlier in the set.

This tour showcases an incredible lighting rig and an overall setup mimics the movie Metropolis, from which scenes were used for the promo video of Radio Ga Ga last year. The huge wheels behind the stage (modelled after the ones on The Works album cover) rotate at mostly random times - usually because they are turned manually by various crew members such as Roger's tech Chris "Crystal" Taylor whenever they have a free moment (Freddie Mercury's assistant Peter Freestone told the tale in 2021):

“Yeah, I mean Rio was… amazing. The feeling from that crowd… you know, something like 350,000 people. Oh, you can’t beat that. And when you’re flying in a helicopter over that crowd, it was stunning. But the thing is, I know this sounds really, really stupid but [laughs]… one thing I will always, always remember from that tour was, remember, in the back of the stage you had these wheels that turned every now and then, not constantly but just every now and then. That was because there was… the guy looking after Roger’s drums and me who actually turned those wheels. And there was no set cue or anything that, “Oh, it has to start on this bar, on this song.” No, it was when he wasn’t doing anything and I wasn’t doing anything, we’d say “Ok, let’s go and do it.” And we turned the wheels for a couple of minutes and then left them alone. He had then to do something for Roger and I would just sit there like I always did. And then you’d go back and you’d turn the wheels, like a hamster. We were like hamsters…”

However, a crew member who worked on the tour recalls otherwise: "I do know local crew members were used on the UK shows and certainly (a number of) European gigs. The other thing is that Radio Ga Ga had a set piece with the cogs and lighting, using low ambient lighting and strobes to emphasise mechanical motion of the cogs during the instrumental break. Would Roger Taylor be happy with no one covering him/his kit during a show? Possibly Peter Freestone is remembering production rehearsals when any spare bodies might have been asked to operate the cogs?"

During vocal improvisations on this tour, Freddie would often include bits of "Foolin' Around" and "Living On My Own" from his pending first solo album, which he had been working on during this period.

Freddie now plays a Telecaster for Crazy Little Thing Called Love. It would remain like this through the Magic tour.

The band no longer bring a gong with them on the road. Roger now does a cymbal roll at the end of Bohemian Rhapsody.

A fan recalls hearing the band running through Tear It Up whilst queuing up to enter the venue.

Freddie's voice is in superb shape for this show, but it will quickly weaken as the tour progresses. As incredible as Freddie Mercury was, he certainly did not take care of his voice at times, especially in the mid-80s. After a couple years of heavy smoking, Freddie's voice now sounds a lot deeper and raspier overall.

Before It's A Hard Life, Freddie says, "I think tonight we're gonna do songs from just about every album that we've ever made. You heard some very early stuff from the first album. Right now I think we're gonna do something very new, and we'll see what you think of it."

Freddie does a vocal exchange with the audience before Staying Power, singing "Get Down Make Love" and "Gimme Some Lovin" a few times. The band would improvise bits of the latter a couple times in 1986.

This is the only show on the entire Works tour where Roger plays regular acoustic drums on Another One Bites The Dust (before which Freddie teases the audience with a bit of Mustapha). For the rest of the tour, he'd play electronic drums. He'd also integrate the electronic drum kit into a few other songs, like at the beginning of Hammer To Fall, where one might argue that his sounds don't appropriately complement the guitar to create the intense, heavy sound.

The band sound very tight on this opening night of the tour, with the only exception being the rough transition from Stone Cold Crazy to Great King Rat. The keyboard and guitar solos are integrated together for the first few shows of the tour, during which Brian plays a few bits from Machines. Spike Edney uses his vocoder (a Roland VP-330) for the "machines" and "back to humans" lines heard throughout the tour during this spot (he would use his vocoder for the "radio" lines in Radio Ga Ga as well). After this segment, Brian then gets a few minutes to play on his own as usual.

Parts of the promo video for Hammer To Fall were filmed during this show. Claims from some (even official) sources state that Freddie invited the audience back for (what would actually be "additional") filming the following day aren't true. Here is all that Freddie had to say before the song: "This next song we're gonna use in our next video. So everybody just go mad and maybe later you'll see one of you guys inside the video one day. Oh, just go crazy, take your clothes off. It's called Hammer To Fall." After the song, he simply says, "Good night, you guys!" as that was the last song of the set.

Here is a fan's recollection: "On the night of the gig, there was a camera mounted on an arm that would swing over the front rows of the audience during a few songs. These audience shots were taken during Tie Your Mother Down, Radio Ga Ga, and Hammer To Fall itself. I guess they also had a camera up in the box at the back of the hall [as there are a few shots of both the audience and the band]. I don't remember any cameras onstage during the gig - just the one mounted on the arm."

The Dutch fan club invited only about twenty of its members to attend the video shoot the next day. They were instructed by a roadie to sit quietly on a chair and not to move or approach the band members. After a few hours, Brian came over and had a chat with them, checking to see if they were enjoying themselves and if they were hungry. He then promptly ordered them some take-out!

A minute of Tie Your Mother Down from this show was later broadcast on the Belgian TV station "RTBF" (x) (x). An audience-shot video allegedly exists as well, containing five songs.

After years of speculation, the existence of more footage from this show was proven when bits of it were included in the promo video for Let Me In Your Heart Again in 2014. About 30 seconds of Somebody To Love (largely crowd shots) were seen. There is, however, no accompanying audio. (x)

The first photo is from the autumn 1984 Queen fan club magazine. Brian is seen with a watchful eye over the proceedings. Tour manager Gerry Stickells and his wife are also in the shot.

Pics 2 through 6 were submitted by Alessio Rizzitelli, and the seventh pic was taken by Dave Matkin.

(x)

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon #queen concerts

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24hour-blues · 3 years

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all the ones you haven't answered yet? i'm sorry you're sad💙

thank you, that's very sweet. i hope you're doing alright 💛

1. when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? - more milk. i always end up putting too much.

2. do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? - yes

3. what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? - library receipts, post-its, junk mail, pencils

5. are you self-conscious of your smile? - i think it’s one of the few things i’m not self-conscious about, actually. i like my smile.

8. what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? - writing, often poetry but sometimes prose. i like creating playlists, too, and singing.

9. do you like singing/humming to yourself? - yeah, i sing to myself all the time. whatever song i have stuck in my head at the moment.

10. do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? - side, but very occasionally my stomach.

12. what’s your favorite planet? - jupiter

14. if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? - lots of pillows and blankets of all types. succulents and cacti on the windowsills. wooden utensils and dark cabinets in the kitchen. a breakfast bar with stools that don’t match. rugs with funky patterns. a big, soft couch in a bright color that you can sink into. a small balcony with fold-out chairs. rows of mugs and barely any plates. the bathroom crowded with makeup and skin products, writing on the mirror in blue marker. beds never made. a guitar in the corner of the sitting room.

15. go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! - there are more trees on earth than stars in the milky way

16. what’s your favorite pasta dish? - angel hair pasta with puttanesca sauce

18. tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. - i can’t think of anything...

19. do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? - everything. sometimes it’s big things, sometimes small. my fears and what i’m in love with. regrets. shame. hope.

20. what’s your favorite eye color? - grey

21. talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. - idk if it’s really my favorite, but my current backpack took me all through college and it’s good for storing stuff or using as an overnight bag. it’s from timberland and is a nice earthy brown with a flap over the top. lots of pockets.

22. are you a morning person? - i can be

23. what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? - make breakfast and tea. read or watch a movie that makes me rethink everything

25. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? - a school, i think?

26. what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? - i haven’t had them forever, but i wear my doc martens with everything. i used to wear plain white keds with everything.

27. what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? - winter green

28. sunrise or sunset? - sunrise

30. think of it: have you ever been truly scared? - yes

31. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. - i like soft, fluffy socks and ones with fun patterns. i love hiking socks. i don’t wear them to sleep tho.

32. tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. - i went to a waffle house at 5am with a friend and some friends of hers i’d just met on her birthday. we were all really drunk, the food took forever, and it tasted awful, but we were happy and laughing.

33. what’s your fave pastry? - probably a cinnamon roll

35. do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? - i like a good calligraphy pen and new notebooks. i don’t use them often; i feel like i don’t have anything important enough to write.

37. do you like keeping your room messy or clean? - it’s usually clean unless i’m not feeling well. sometimes i get disorganized.

38. tell us about your pet peeves! - overlapping conversations. people interrupting others. loud mouth noises, like chewing or licking. people criticizing my driving. nitpicky comments on my clothes or how i look. being talked about.

39. what color do you wear the most? - black, probably.

41. what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? - how it feels to float by helena fox

42. do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! - nope

43. who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? - i’m not sure

44. when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? - i can’t remember

45. do you trust your instincts a lot? - not really

46. tell us the worst pun you can think of. - i can’t remember it but something about pigeons and being coo-l

47. what food do you think should be banned from the universe? - bacon. i just wanna make people angry.

48. what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? - my dad told me a story once, about when i was a kid. he said that he and i were walking together near the lake in the neighborhood across from mine. i was holding his hand, and i said to him that this was the happiest time in my life because i wouldn't be the same when i grew out of being a child. i think i have the same fear now--that i'll never be that happy again.

49 do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

- i like records but i only have one. it's an album by ccr. i really like them

50. what’s an odd thing you collect?

- beer bottle caps

52. what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

- maybe those "girl..." text posts that just say stupid shit

53. have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

- watched them all but pulp fiction. i don't really remember heathers at all

55. what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

- lets not talk about that

57. go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

- not in the mood sorry

58. who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? - bri is wine mom. quincy and i are vodka aunt.

60. do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

- yes but i rarely remember favorites. i read so much and feel it then forget all the words

61. what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

- someone gave me a rock once. i get too nervous to give stupid gifts

62. do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

- orange or cranberry

63. are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

- i'm more fussy about music than books, but i do like my books organized. i like them worn in and well-read tho, not in perfect shape.

64. what color is the sky where you are right now?

- a fuzzy, light blue-grey. it's snowing

65. is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

- a few

66. what would your ideal flower crown look like?

- lots of green leaves in all different shapes and sizes. tiny white and blue flowers.

67. how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

- isolated and insignificant. safe

68. what’s winter like where you live?

- cold, grey, snowy.

69. what are your favorite board games?

- idk if i really too many board games. maybe cranium. i like puzzles more

71. what’s your favorite kind of tea?

- honey vanilla chamomile

72. are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

- yea and even then i forget.

73. what are some of your worst habits?

- i give up too easily

74. describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

- excitable. emotional. so very smart. creative as all hell. self-conscious where they shouldn't be. never runs out of words in the best way. loves to share.

75. tell us about your pets!

- my dog shiver is turning into a little old man, but he still acts like a puppy. he likes attention and whines to communicate. he'll greet you at the door and put his front paws on your thighs to say hi. follows you all around the house. loves to cuddle.

- my pigeon spirit is young and vocal. she coos for attention. when i go to sleep, she grunts every time i move to ask where i am and if i'm okay. i take showers with her and sit on the tile; she puffs up right into my side and sticks her wings out for me to splash water on her. she likes to be close to me to get neck scritches and push her head into my neck and preen every bit of me she can.

76. is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

- a lot probably

77. pink or yellow lemonade?

- limeade

78. are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

- i dunno they're cute

80. what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

- it's white wallpaper with pink roses along the top and ribbons of pink and green striped vertically. my mom chose it before i was born.

81. describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

- they sort of remind me of dark water where everything is reflected back in it--not just the sky but the trees and people walking--and they make you want to look closer because you know there's something in there, it's not just a reflection, like flat glass. but it's hidden until you dio your hand in the pictures broken.

82. are/were you good in school?

- pretty good

83. what’s some of your favorite album art?

- i don't look at albums

85. do you read comics? what are your faves?

- not really, but watchmen is one of my favorites.

86. do you like concept albums? which ones?

- dunno

88. are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

- um. idrk. i like whatever monet was doing.

91. where do you plan on traveling this year?

- maybe michigan

92. are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

- i like cheese

93. what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

- i just kind of. let it do whatever.

94. who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

- my uncle

95. what are your plans for this weekend?

- honestly have no clue

96. do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

- put them off until windows tells me it's restarting the computer in five minutes

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

- mb

98. when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

- in college with jacob, although i wouldn't really call it joking. we just walked through a state park. it was beautiful.

100. if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

- idk. i feel like i'd make the same mistakes if i went back, but the future scares me.

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theramseyloft · 5 years

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Hi! I'm looking into pigeons as a pet, and I'm interested in training them and actually playing with them. I have parrots (conures and budgies mostly) What would you recommend? And what are the biggest differences between parrots and pigeons? I know pigeons can't climb and that they need grit. Can they still eat fruit and veggies?

Parrots are incredibly physically dangerous for pigeons.

Like: Do not under any circumstance allow them to be in the same room dangerous.

Parrots can break the bones of a pigeon by accident, and the dust pigeons produce gum up the lungs of parrots.

If the parrots are human social, then getting a new smart bird that can’t be housed near your resident smart birds and needs some amount of your time every day to itself will feel, to your parrots, like you are suddenly ignoring them for no reason, and it will spark some behavioral problems that will scare the pigeon.

So I do not recommend any one with any species of psitticine add any species of columbid to their house hold, unless the columbids are going in a loft outside.

Buut, that arrangement means that they can’t be household companions, by definition.

For people trying to choose between Pigeon or some psitticine species, Or for some one who is used to caring for psitticines considering whether or not they want to try something different with out sacrificing the intelligence and bonding potential:

Pigeons and parrots are so drastically physiologically and socially different from each other that there is absolutely no cross over what so ever.

They can’t use the same type of enclosure, they can’t eat the same diet, their social structures are completely different, even their intelligence is completely different, despite both being literally on level ground with a 5 year old human child.

Parrot cages are designed around displaying a bird that stands upright and can climb.

Pigeons forage on the ground and need WAY more floor space than height.

Pigeons can’t climb, fly straight up, or even comfortably stand on a round perch. They take off at a 45 degree angle and have to spiral to get up high in a tight space.

They cannot tolerate all the toys parrots need, not only because they physically cannot manipulate them and are instinctively startled by bright oranges, reds, and yellows, but because pigeons need as clear and uncluttered a flight space as possible.

So a pigeon in a parrot cage physically cannot get off the floor, no matter how much height you give them, and is both physically trapped and severely psychologically distressed by what parrots consider vital enrichment.

If they must be caged singly, a dog crate with flat perches is ideal for a pigeon, provided that the bird is allowed frequent flight time.

Parrots need a huge variety of fruits, nuts, nectar, greens, and veggies.

Pigeons are strict seed eaters. They literally are not physically capable of digesting ANYthing else. They get 0 benefit from greens, fruit, vegitable flesh, leaves, stems, or tubers, and will starve on a full stomache if you give those to them.

Gonna repeat myself here because veterinarians that care for birds either learn based on parrots and finches or on chickens (Depending on whether they took the exotics or livestock rout). Their advice to vary the base diet of a pigeon away from seeds is given in error based off of two COMPLETELY different physiologies and WILL make recovery impossible for a malnourished bird and malnourish a healthy bird because Pigeons literally lack the physiological equipment to process anything other than embryonic plant tissue.

Pigeons cannot detect sweetness, so they literally do not even get the yummy treat benefit of fruit.

Please, DO NOT even “treat” pigeons with non-seed items.

Parrots are mechanical problem solvers and sound mimics, much like many of the corvids.

Pigeons are not physically capable of much in the way of mechanical manipulation, so they physically cannot manupulate the toys designed for parrots.

Their foraging is exclusively strolling along the ground and picking up fallen seed.

Parrot flocks are pretty much just a huge crowd of birds all commuting in the same direction. Individuals do what ever they are going to do independent of the flock as a whole.

Pigeon flocks are uniquely cooperative, tight knit family units that vote on the fly on everything they do. They are social learning pattern mappers, actively, directly instructed by their fathers once they wean on both foraging and fitting into the social dynamic of their flock.

Parrot enrichment is thus mostly mechanical and designed for individuals. Puzzles to manipulate, brightly colored fruit like things to find that are hard and pleasant to stim on by biting.

Pigeon enrichment can be forage based, nest building based, or social based, with social interaction being the most vital of the three.

Pure foraging with no social interaction involves a box filled with sand, straw, or both with some favorite seeds like safflower or parakeet seed scattered in there for them to find.

Nesting enrichment is just straw, or Q-tips with the tips cut off and a place for the bird to put them.

Unlike parrots, Pigeons can recognize themselves in mirrors and their play with their reflection is more of a human like fascination with their own appearance than yelling at or trying to court what they mistake for another bird.

Pigeons are pattern mappers that learn socially both through observation and direct instruction.

And their pattern mapping is not exclusively visual.

They pick up on auditory patterns, patterns of behavior and the cross over between the two just as easily as they pick up on visual patterns of geographical lay out.

When I describe humans as learning exactly like a human child, I mean that very literally.

Pigeons are capable of high level cognition. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releas…/2009/…/090212141143.htm

To the extent that they understand the concepts of space and time! https://www.sciencedaily.com/releas…/2017/…/171204144805.htm

They are self-aware enough to distinguish themselves from other pigeons, able to recognize themselves in photos, video, and mirrors AND differentiate between the three. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releas…/2008/…/080613145535.htm

Their brains are wired SHOCKINGLY similarly to ours: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releas…/2013/…/130717095336.htm

They categorize things and learn the equivalent of words the same way human toddlers do!

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releas…/2014/…/140402095107.htm https://www.sciencedaily.com/releas…/2015/…/150204184447.htm

They can even learn to read written language well enough to differentiate between a real word and an acronym with the same number of letters.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releas…/2016/…/160919111535.htm

They are pattern mapping social learners. Exactly like we are!

They can literally learn to understand both spoken AND written human language, and literally all it takes is talking to a pigeon as if it is a nonverbal human toddler who does not know that word yet to be able to teach them to understand object words, action words, emotion words, names, and locations.

Pigeons are pets you can literally communicate to in your native language.

The last two years of my research combining what was learned in the links listed above has proven that pigeons can not only demonstrably learn to understand spoken language, but are smart and socially conscious enough to learn to comprehend the concept of consent and to give or deny it to a basic degree of genuinely informed.

The last difference between Parrots and Pigeons is that Pigeons are fully, genuinely Domsticated, where as Parrots are only Tamed.

There is a HUGE difference between Tame and Domesticated.

A “Tamed” animal is an individual acclimated to human contact.

There is no physiological difference between a captive bred parrot and a wild caught one.

Because the larger Psitticine species can live into their 60s or 80s and take so long to reach sexual maturity, the slow passing of their generations and the relatively brief time they have been bred for the pet market means that we literally have not had the time to make any really big strides towards genuinely domesticating them.

The smaller species like Tiels and Budgies and parrotlets have made more progress in that direction because of their shorter life spans, faster maturations, and smaller, more manageable size, but they are still nowhere NEAR truly domesticated, like chickens, Pigeons, and ducks are.

“Domesticated” specifies a living thing bred specifically to be adapted to human care.

There are, by definition, drastic physiological differences between a domesticated animal and its wild ancestor: to the extent that most domestic animals are considered to have become a separate species from their wild ancestor.

For example, no matter how many different breeds of dog you start with or how many generations you allow them to breed, no dog mated to any other dog will ever throw a Wolf puppy.

The process of domestication works through the directed loss of traits.

Neotenous features develop through breeding for the animal to keep the fearless curiosity of a baby: To fail to develop the caution a wild animal would need to avoid predation or conflict. Because the human care taker will be protecting them from those, removing the need for the animal to develop them and making it easier to form a trusting bond with the human care taker.

Confinement tolerance develops through lack of available space. Most individual humans simply do not have enough territory to match the natural range of most animals we have domesticated. Those that survived the stress of confinement to reproduce in that drastically smaller territory lose the stamina they need to make the long journeys their wild ancestors needed to keep fed.

Change in the size of territory changes the fuel requirements of the animal being domesticated. And humans have a limited variety of food available compared to what the animal’s native environment provides. Between those two things, a domesticated animal’s digestive system changes slightly with each generation until it adapts to get its altered fuel needs met out of the available variety of food.

The completely domesticated animal is fearlessly trusting of humans, no longer balloons into obesity in drastically confined space compared to what the wild ancestor would maintain, and does not suffer the malnutrition their wild ancestors would on their modified diet.

Some species are more easily domesticated than others.

Stress, confinement, temperature, humidity, and dietary changes too drastically different from those natural to an animal will kill the captive population before they have a chance to breed.

Dogs were a very natural fit with early humans. We were both nomadic pack hunters with high stamina over long distances.

When we settled into stationary settlements and started growing food, it was mostly grain, which is the natural diet of chickens, pigeons, and rodents.

Rodents and birds attracted cats, and making cats welcome preserved our food stores.

Chickens keep pretty small territories, relative to other bird species, they are non-migratory opportunistic breeders, and they nest on the ground near the food source that they naturally share with us. Their naturally smaller territories meant they were not likely to wander very far from safe nesting grounds, and they bred as long as food was available. So all we had to do to domesticate them was keep food constantly available make them well protected nesting places so that they would breed more rapidly and a smaller plot of land could support a larger flock.

Pigeons ancestors, the rock dove, primarily eat grain, live in extended family groups that forage cooperatively as far outside their territory as necessary to keep fed, and return reliably to a specific family nesting site: Exactly like humans, once we started living in stationary settlements.

Once Humans settled into stationary dwellings, Rock Doves fit as comfortably with us as dogs, and their short maturation period and high reproductive pace made them EASY to adapt that very little bit more they needed to be a more perfect fit.

We have been domesticating pigeons, a species whose needs already fit comfortably with our own, since humans stopped being nomadic and started our first settlements.

We have had a long, LONG time to work with pigeons.

WAY longer than we have had with parrots;

Started on what amounts to domestication Easy Mode.

Of the two, the pigeons are absurdly easier to care for, bond with, and train than Parrots.

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starfxckersinc · 4 years

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You don't have to answer this if you don't want to but what's up with the Courtney Love controversy? Why are people accusing her of manipulation or whatever? I'm totally new to this discussion

hey darling!! no worries, I love discussing Kurt & Court bc theyre my surrogate parents and they emotionally raised me when I had a difficult relationship w my Mom and Dad, plus I’m named after Kurt and he’s part of the reason I realized my ~gender~, so needless to say I have a surplus of information on them. Plus their music fucks. anyways, this is gonna be a masterpost-

my credentials(sources I have taken my information and formed my opinion on Kurt & Court’s relationship from if u need to look into them):

-Heavier Than Heaven(Book by Charles Cross, authorized by Kurt’s estate. Charles Cross is a well known grunge/music historian and has literally devoted his life to researching and writing rockstar biographies, including several on Nirvana. One of my favorite books ever.)

- Montage Of Heck(Documentary on Kurt’s life. Produced by his daughter, Frances. I have some heavy criticisms of this film and of the interviews in it, but it does have some reflections on Kurt and Courtney’s relationship that I think are important.)

- Hit So Hard(a documentary on Hole’s drummer, Patty Schemel. Minor discussions of Kurt and Kurt and Courtney.)

- Verse Chorus Verse(Fan-made documentary series on Kurt’s life, widely regarded by Nirvana fans the most in depth play-by-play biography that exists- and it’s free on YouTube, which is lit.)

sources I don’t pull from, but many younger Nirvana fans do(the people who buy into the conspiracies generally):

Kurt and Courtney- A documentary made in the late 90’s under the guise of biography, but is actually about the conspiracy theory that Courtney killed Kurt. I saw it when I was a new fan and I literally laughed out loud from how apeshit it was.

Soaked In Bleach- ‘Biopic’ about Courtney killing Kurt. I haven’t seen it but straight men who think Courtney is ugly take it more seriously than the Bible. Very little truth ever goes into these theories, besides maybe names and dates.

Anything Hank Harrison(Courtney’s father) has to say- He wrote a book on the subject. He also gave her acid and lost custody of her when she was three years old. He’s a shit parent and I doubt he’s actually seen his daughter since the 80’s.

Anything Buzz Osborne(Kurt’s friend, singer for the Melvins, a band Kurt looked up to in Montesano) says- I think Buzz’s opinion is taken way too seriously by a lot of the fan base, I read an interview of his criticizing Montage Of Heck because Kurt ‘didn’t really have a stomach disease’ and was just lying about it to get high, and also about how he hated having to see Courtney naked, and made a good long point about how disgusting her body is. IOn top of all that(none of which really has to do with critiquing the film...?), he mocked Kurt and called him a loser for committing suicide. I don’t care what your opinion on his stomach, his wife, or his music is, that shit is callous and idiotic, but totally reflective of the 70’s and 80’s mentality regarding the mentally ill. He’s part of the legion of pretentious punk dudes who *kind of* knew Kurt, who think Courtney’s the one who ‘corrupted’ him, which brings me around to answering your question.

So, there’s this idea regarding Kurt and Courtney’s relationship, which is pretty similar to the one surrounding Sid and Nancy’s(or at least used to.) Courtney is the whiny, annoying, petulant bitch who attached herself to the first trophy she could find, and through her terrible manipulative personality kept him with her and kept him from getting better. In this mode of thinking, She’s also the person who ‘started’ him on drugs, and in a few people’s eyes, the person who ‘forced’ him to have Frances.

The reality of the situation, as I see it, as someone who’s gone to pretty decent lengths to inform themselves on the subject, is that Kurt and Courtney’s relationship was toxic: But the toxicity was mutual. This doesn’t mean they were a “problematic” couple, or that they were abusing each other, or even that either one of them was ‘evil’, it means that they fell deeply in love as young trauma survivors with substance abuse issues and huge ambitions. That’s a lot to put on any relationship and it’s a lot to talk about, so I’m gonna split this into categories of complaints that you’ll hear pretty routinely as a new Nirvana/Hole fan.

1. “She got him into drugs!”

Courtney started on heroin in the late 80’s in L.A., when she was still playing with Sugar Baby Doll(her band with Jennifer Finch and Kat Bjelland). Kurt, as said in Heavier Than Heaven, tried heroin for the first time around 1988-1989(I don’t remember exactly.) At the time, he was still living with(though I don’t believe they were still dating) Tracy Marander. Because he was destitute, he didn’t have enough money to start forming an actual habit until Nevermind started gaining speed, and by the time he and Courtney started dating(they met a couple of times and phoned a couple of times before cementing a relationship) he had been taking it for a while. That’s the thing I think people look over when it comes to Kurt- He was embarrassed about his addiction and he hated the physical side effects, but he loved heroin.

Courtney says in Montage Of Heck that she had both tried and kicked heroin by the time she met Kurt, but I think the Heavier Than Heaven description is probably more accurate: That she did heroin socially, and her addiction worsened after the two of them began living together because Kurt was(in her own words) ‘obsessed with oblivion.’ She also said in Montage Of Heck that his dream was to ‘Get to three million dollars and become a junkie.’ She’s stated several times that her drug problems came out of a need for ‘comfort’, and Kurt was into getting so fucked he couldn’t do anything else(also confirmed by his friend, Dylan Carlson, who was also into heroin and did it with him often.)

On top of that, Courtney was the one who orchestrated interventions for Kurt, went through the process of reviving him when he’d overdosed, and broke his syringes/scared off his dealers to try and keep drugs away from him as much as possible. At one point, she even made a rule that no drugs were to be done in the house- So he started renting motel rooms and doing them there. It was she who was the head of his final intervention before he went missing.

If anything, Courtney is the person who tried her hardest to keep drugs away from both of them. Considering how much people still talk about her doing heroin while pregnant(which occurred very early on before she was aware of her condition), Kurt is the person who struggled the most to stay off drugs during her pregnancy and after Frances’ birth, even going so far as to hide in the bathroom from her while she was struggling with morning sickness so she wouldn’t know he was getting high.

2. “She manipulated him into dating her/marrying her!”

Here’s the thing about Courtney; She is an enigmatic, entertaining, talented, maternal individual. Here’s the thing about Kurt; He’s a shy, quiet, non-confrontational guy with mommy issues. There’s been a lot of discussion on how Courtney was ‘obsessed’ with Kurt, and how she wouldn’t rest until she pinned him down: That’s untrue, or at least it reads less like crazy-bitch-steals-rock-god and more like cute-singer-has-crush-on-fellow-cute-singer. She was really into him, but when she met him she was still dating Billy Corgan, which deterred her from pursuing him until that relationship(basically) dissolved. When Kurt met her, he had just gotten out of a relationship with Tobi Vail, which most likely fell apart because she refused to be what Tracy Marander had been for him. She wasn’t interested in caring for him and she wasn’t interested in a full-time monogamous relationship. She was working too hard at her own career and was way too involved in the burgeoning riot grrrl movement to worry about looking after Kurt Cobain. That just wasn’t going to work for him.

Kurt was a big believer in the nuclear family model, he was very monogamous, and besides that he lacked the ability to physically take care of himself. If he wasn’t living with a partner who would clean up the house and remind him to wash his hair, it just didn’t happen. He was chronically ill, depressed, and he’d spent most of his adolescence AWOL from anyone who would actually raise him, so Tobi’s rejection deeply hurt him for a number of reasons- While Courtney, the opposite of Tobi in a few key ways, was exactly what he wanted. On top of looking like the archetypical punk girl, “I was attracted to her because she looked like Nancy Spungen,” she had a maternal streak (In Montage Of Heck, when he’s found sitting beside her while she cuts his hair, and, typical for people living with Kurt, mentions that she cleans the house because ‘nobody else fuckin does.’) Early on in their relationship, Kurt had a meltdown and begged Courtney to come to his apartment. She did, and looked after him the rest of the night, a pattern which would become common for them, and was stated by her half sister to be the ‘original strain on the relationship.’

Besides her mothering elements, Courtney was brassy and loud, and her presence allowed him to be less introverted and freer with himself. She was an ambitious young musician who shared a similar childhood to him, and had the same yearning for a safe home life that he did. She was well-read and artistic, and introduced him to the literary side of music creation, which he hadn’t explored yet. After spending a night on the phone with her, he went around telling everybody she was ‘the coolest girl in the world,’ and broke off another burgeoning relationship with Mary Lou Lord on live TV after spending the night with her. The famous quote, “Courtney Love is the best fuck in the world.” is in fact real. And yeah, he could’ve handled that one better.

The attraction was mutual, and I find it hard to believe that Kurt was ever forced into anything romantic with her based on how well she suited his tastes.

3. “She used him for his fame/money!”

As stated above, Courtney was attracted to Kurt before Nevermind was even recorded, and if she wanted to marry a famous dude right out the gate, at the time they met there were plenty of people who were way more famous than Kurt. In Heavier Than Heaven she mentions really liking their song “Dive,” and later in life she mentioned hearing “Sliver” and being impressed with Kurt’s writing abilities. Both of those songs were released a solid two years before Nevermind. She was interested in Kurt because he was cute and talented and she was savvy in the music scene, meaning that she kept up with underground bands.

Now, a point of contention between Kurt & Courtney was their different attitudes towards fame. That is entirely true. Courtney wanted to be famous, enjoyed celebrity, loved attention, and could handle touring, press, and the craziness of success. She was very charismatic, very physically strong, and let’s face it, definitely an attention whore. Kurt liked being praised, he liked being successful, and he definitely had a thing for attention- But he hated pressure, he had inferiority issues, he didn’t know how to handle his life being pried into all the time, and he wasn’t strong enough to do massive tours. Courtney just didn’t understand that, which is pretty common if someone doesn’t share your same mental illness/physical illness: Touring hurt Kurt’s stomach, it worsened his anxiety and emotional instability, it wore his body out, it didn’t agree with him. He loved playing live but couldn’t handle the mania or the travelling, meaning he didn’t mind blowing off huge tours that would bring in loads of money. Courtney, who did feel envious and intimidated regarding his success, would get angry at him for that- She didn’t want him to blow off massive paychecks and press coverage because it’s not what she would’ve done. I definitely side with Kurt on this, nothing is more frightening and frustrating than people trying to force you to do things you can’t handle health-wise. Courtney, being naturally business-oriented, was also aware of how things appeared to the public, and definitely cared about their image more than Kurt did- One of their fights revolved around her nagging him about how important the “Heart-Shaped Box” music video would be for him, and how he should look good. He reacted by stubbing out a cigarette on his forehead and saying, “Do I look fucking good enough for you now?”

So yeah, Courtney, like a lot of people in Kurt’s life, was all about furthering his career and success. A lot of people read that as her being money-hungry or manipulative, in my opinion it’s just a natural response from a person who’s spent their whole life trying to be a success and wouldn’t really get there until 1994. I think some of it was envy and I think some of it was her using him a little vicariously, neither of which are healthy but neither of which are malicious, either. She wanted to be a rockstar, she was ready to be a rockstar, she wasn’t; He thought he’d wanted to be a rockstar, he didn’t really want to, he was.

4. “She emotionally abused him!”

I hate to say this because I love Kurt so much but, as someone who’s been through a codependent relationship where they were bailing water out of a sinking boat, Kurt’s behavior throughout their marriage set off way more red flags for me than Courtney’s did. I don’t think he was actually abusive, but I do think he was a little too underdeveloped and unresolved to be married to someone. He had to grow up slower than everyone else because he missed out on having concrete mature influences, which Courtney did as well, and like I said earlier I think a lot of their problems came through a lack of adult communication skills. Both of them were really jealous people: Courtney couldn’t stand Kurt talking about Mary Lou Lord or Tobi Vail, Kurt was completely convinced that Courtney was cheating on him with Billy Corgan(even going so far as to talk to their lawyer about a divorce shortly before he died.) This was the catalyst for a lot of mind games and unnecessary drama, especially coming from Kurt.

Kurt couldn’t handle conflict. He was really passive aggressive, and would do things to purposely piss Courtney off or communicate to her that he was displeased. While she was trying to stay clean he would declare that he was going to do drugs in the apartment, when she started talking to a psychic to help her with her problems he mocked her and put her down, when she staged his final intervention his entire argument against rehab was that she was just as ‘fucked up’ as he was(she had already agreed to go into rehab, though whether he was aware of this or not I’m not sure.) He made his first suicide attempt by overdosing on Rohypnol on their wedding anniversary because she took some pills and fell asleep and he decided that meant she wasn’t interested in him anymore. I’m not arguing that that’s an irrational response to your partner getting stoned and falling asleep, especially when he’d apparently set the night up to be as romantic as possible, but the overdose put him in a coma and sent Courtney into hysterics.

Her mental health began to decline due to paranoia that he’d end up dead, and her weight dropped due to the added stress. As someone who’s been through a pretty similar situation to that and exhibited the same symptoms, I can tell you that it is never okay to use a suicide attempt to deal with a perceived injustice from your partner. By this time, Kurt was facing either getting clean or dying, and his behavior was very depressed and erratic, so there are explanations for the way he was acting and I don’t think he was trying to manipulate her with a threat. Despite my understanding of that, there is nothing more exhausting than being the caretaker of someone who is hellbent on never getting better. I can’t imagine being the caretaker of someone who won’t stop until they’re dead, and I do think at that point it would’ve been better for them to separate.

But that isn’t to say Courtney wasn’t toxic herself, I’m not trying to paint a wholly negative image of Kurt here. I’m merely trying to stand in the way of Nirvana fanboys who have no grasp on the more sickly sides of his personality, and give Court a bit of a break. Definitely, she struggled with her jealousy: As stated, she never wanted his ex girlfriends mentioned around her and would tear them apart if they were. She was ambitious and career driven, which eroded a lot of her platonic relationships/working relationships as well her marriage to Kurt. She was one of the people who was pushing him to recover in time to play Lollapalooza, and she was one of the people who pushed him into his last stunted tour before his death. She weaponized his relationship with Frances in ways that I and most people agree are gross: She told him he should be playing massive gigs to support his daughter(though their medical and legal bills were big they were hardly poverty stricken), and admitted in an interview later that she called him in rehab once to tell him he’d dropped Frances on her head(She mentioned during this that Frances was wearing a furry hood, and that he didn’t hurt her. In my opinion he was doing his best by even trying rehab again, and that he was already so worried that he was a terrible father that it was just cruel to make him feel worse.)

She has a tendency to be self-obsessed, and to put her own self interest before people she cares about, even if she regrets it later. She struggles herself with mental illness and addiction, both of which tend to give a person poor judgment regarding the people they care about.

Once again, Courtney and Kurt weren’t a healthy couple, but it wasn’t because they were evil or abusive towards one another. They cared for each other deeply, they had a very pure devotion. Underlying all this nastiness were two people who prayed together, wrote together, fantasized about a Valentine’s Day wedding, and faxed each other R-rated love letters like modern versions of James Joyce and Nora Barnacle. During one of his more successful stints in rehab, Kurt wrote Courtney love letters every night(though he did decorate them with blood, wax, and semen.)

They had some serious therapy they needed to attend, the both of them. But 90% of these demonizations of Courtney are either untrue or blown out of proportion.

#aberdeen spoken word #ik this runs on so much but i love talking abt this shit and i didnt #want to spend tomorrow editing bc i have other shit i need to do so #have a basically unedited essay on my parents fndndfn

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