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twitchesandstitches · 3 years

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(Commission for @alt-hammer of a fantasy AU where Jade, a talented alchemist, has greated a boob expansion potion and refines it, gradually getting more enormously buxom as she and Dave get closer together.

This is set in, broadly, the same continuity as the godess terezi commission; some liberties were taken so, where there are differences, assume them to take place in their own micro continuities.)

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The town was an old one, near a vast forest that lay in the shadow of a temple consecrated to one of the old gods: the teal dragon goddess of mentality, rumored by some to be incarnate in the modern age. The era of magic and gods, though, was long behind them, and simply reverse engineering even a tiny shred of its power was a game-changer, especially for such a minor town.

Jade Harley, alchemist and adventurer, thought she had just about worked it out.

Okay, she thought, peering at a list of ingredients. Body expansion and modification. It used to be so much more common, in the old days. Did I figure it out?

I think I did.

She poured over the ingredient list, checking things off, and she was so busy in her work that she heard the bell over the door go ‘ding’.

“Yo-hoy, Jade?” Came the voice of Dave Strider, her best friend, with big quotation marks around the ‘friend’ bit. She smiled and stood up. Jade was a tall woman… a very tall woman, even bigger than some trolls, which was unusual for a human. She had a curvy frame, packed with power, and lately she had been thinking: not curvy enough.

And then, she’d heard stories about the old days. Ancients who had transformed their bodies in impossible ways, with nothing but their knowledge of magic. And she’d thought; if they did it, why not me?

Dave was waiting there. He was not a particularly tall man, or broad; he had the sort of wiry, vaguely feminine look that was quite popular these days, and paired well against Jade’s more voluptuous frame. She just looked big, especially next to him. Nevertheless, when he stood up, it was with a real sense of genuine strength and power that belied his seemingly frail look.

“You sure you wanna do this whole… thing?”

Jade indicated her chest. It was pretty ample, and again, especially for a human. But Jade had thought about records from the old days, that described people changing themselves to be… bigger. More buxom. And she had thought; if they’d done it, why not her? What was the missing keys to that kind of power?

Besides thousands of years of magical knowledge and infrastructure, she admitted. But they’d been learning, and she thought she might have rediscovered the key.

Jade wanted bigger boobs. She wanted really big boobs. It was a pretty silly thing to want, she would be the first to admit, but when she thought of herself, of the shape that Jade Harley ought to have, it was with boobs so big that they’d have to reshape the doorways when she left the house; pathway-clearing plows of a bustline, big and bouncy boobs so massive you could sit on them.

Or even bigger than that!

The default assumption that most men would have, in helping such a task, would be ‘yes please!’. Dave was surprisingly ambivalent; she had no doubt he’d be pleased by the results, but the actual experimenting was going to be an issue.

He worried a lot. About her in particular.

“I'm sure!” Jade put her hands on her hips. “I just… oh, I’ve been spending years on this, and I’m so close! I can practically taste it!”

“Right, right, cool. Passion project, I get that.” Dave patted her on the shoulder, the gesture completely reflective. He probably didn’t realize how intimate it felt.

Probably? Jade pondered that, for a while.

“Well, I got a map.” Dave laid it on a table; now they were free to plan, since no one came in after these hours. On the map was a chart of the most magically potent parts of the forest outside the town, where the most magically powerful ingredients… and monsters… were likely to be found. “I think these are the places we should start looking.”

“Right!”

For hours, they planned it out. The kinds of things they would need to hunt up, of course. The gear they would need to harvest things effectively, and explore the forest.

And the monsters they were likely to face, the mindless beasts generated by raw magical energies and attacking anything they perceived as intruders. Dave faltered a bit at the thought; not in fear, but he was looking at Jade as if thinking too hard about her getting struck by some beast’s claws.

He swallowed. “You sure you wanna do this? For… to get bigger boobs?”

Jade grinned. When you put it like that, the whole thing sounded silly, and she really didn’t mind that at all.

“Absolutely!” She insisted.

------

After that, Dave came in regularly, when he could.

At least once a week, in his official capacity as a courier. As much as possible when he was off work, or just playing schemes to pretend to be doing things on the clock, goofing off at her work place and racking up paid hours when deliveries slowed instead of doing paperwork. She was pretty sure that he definitely was not allowed to do that; his boss, Mister Slick, was a stickler for the letter of the rules for everyone if not himself, and he in turn answered to the chief courier, the Mendicant.

Jade had to consider that. She didn’t know the chief courier personally, but everyone knew of her; she was married to the mayor, who was something of a gremlin with a chip on his shoulder but a pretty relaxed attitude. The chief courier was a lot more strict, and probably wouldn’t approve of Dave doing that, so of course Jade kept the whole thing secret.

Dave had been scouting out the places they were going to hunt down; slaying a few monsters, scrounging up what he could for Jade to examine. It all worked out for her; monster flesh and bone, fungi and moss and roots all growing in places absolutely drenched in magic… it served her purposes perfectly.

She made her potions; not testing them on herself yet, though Jade tended towards the belief that a TRUE alchemist used themselves as a test subject before anyone else, but that was for a product proven to have the effect she wanted. Until then, she’d taken to quietly giving the uncertain batches to the cattle that grazed just outside her home, pouring it into their food when no one was looking. The cows, she was pleased to see, wound up moving unsteadily with obscenely massive udders so stuffed that they were propped up by them, and the consistency in it satisfied her.

Putting in magically charged milk, she determined, seemed to help. She imagined herself with such massive, swinging breasts and trilled with delight.

And they would need to go to magical places to find ingredients to make into potions; plants, fungi and the parts of monsters, all rich with magical energies. Alchemy was, as she explained it to Dave, the art of melting down magically potent substances and infusing them with arcane ‘aspects’ to effectively make liquid, drinkable spells. The trick was finding things powerful enough to infuse the solution, and for that…

Well, to the old forest, they’d both go.

-------

The days came and went. Experiments went by. Batches, failed and otherwise, were tested; the cows grew bigger and bigger, so much so that Zahhak dairy farming family found something of a glut of their product, and Jade jotted down their boasting or complaints under a list of things to bear in mind for the future batches.

Dave came and went. When he could reasonably swing it, playing off his ingredient hunts for Jade as part of his job; she paid him, at least, which generally satisfied Mister Slick, according to Dave. Jade did see the chief courier, glistening in the sun like a polished ivory statue, studying her shop as if looking for signs of slacking off, and she quietly told Dave the next time she saw him (complete with him bringing several baskets of mushrooms, roots and the occasional monster part) that they would have to probably save this for his free time.

So, in the end, they went together.

Deeper into the forest, where anyone had ever gone. Under the shadow of the ancient temple of the dragon goddess, where its primordial magic seeped into the trees, turning them and the crawling moss into living, teal crystals…

And where the monsters dwelled.

-------

And one day, they came back from there. Both of them bloodied, battered; panting with exhaustion and still trembling; with terror, at least for Jade, tinged with exhilaration. “That was amazing!” Jade said as they stumbled into her shop, her chest heaving and her travel robes hanging over her front like a mobile tent.

Dave put his sword down and flopped down onto a cot Jade kept around, in case he wanted to take a nap whenever he dropped by. “I warned ya, Jade. I warned you about the imps.”

Jade sat down on a chair, and it creaked under her considerable weight. She was simply too thick for most furniture; the legs were bending ominously, as she rocked back giggling to herself in a mix of post-adventure shock and genuine excitement. “The way they came out of nowhere! And the way you just cut them! Swoosh! Slash! That was so cool!”

“Am a little bit concerned with how easy you’re dealing with this.” Dave sat up. “You blasting them was pretty cool…”

Jade turned around. There was a lot of bouncing, possibly on purpose, and green spirals of magical energy swished around her. She’d cast so much magical energy that it was leaking out of, rising out with relatively small gestures, and it make her tingle all over; crackling like her blood was lightning and a sun beating in her chest-

She grabbed Dave and spun him right around, off his seat, and he squealed as she pulled him close to her in a tight not-quite-hug. She was too caught up in the exhilaration to realize it. “Let’s do that again!”

“Ye?” Dave said, lying on the floor now, red-faced and apparently losing the will to move on his own.

Jade was too full of vigor and excitement to stop now. She took one of the bundles of ingredients, plants and fungi and the harvested monster parts they’d been able to secure, and took them up to her work station.

Dave had time to recover, sitting up and recentering himself and not thinking constantly about the feeling of Jade’s body against his own (at least that’s what he would insist, later) as Jade took the things the ingredients they had found and prepared them for distilling. She chopped with knives, she crushed with a motorized pestle, and repeated this until she had a number of small chunks and fine dust. She placed that into a large flask she placed under a burner, but the flames she produced from it were a bright green.

It didn’t burn the chopped and crushed plants, meat and mushrooms. Instead it softened them, until they started dripping through a grate at the bottom of the flash. That became a fluid, propelled onwards through a series of tubes. There, other solutions and mystical fluids were dribbled into it; things to add in mystical formulas and spell-aspects, amplifying other aspects of the potion… negating the flavors and aspects of the substances they originally had been, purifying it into something completely divorced from its origins.

It eventually flowed, much thicker now, into a beaker. Jade poured a hint of something that looked a lot like milk, her magic flowing into it, supercharging it. A bit of milk to give it the right aspect for what she wanted. And a little bit of amplification, mixing with the raw power of the other ingredients...

And under the heat of the magical flame, which burned away solid matter and left behind only magical essence made fluid, Jade waited for it to finish.

She grew quiet, and intense. Dave, recovered by now, had long since learned to pick up on her moods and he knew she was getting very excited.

“I thought you didn’t use spells,” Dave said, to break the silence. “What was with all that… fwoosh?” He wiggled his hands, in the manner of the green fire he remembered Jade shooting all over the place.

“Fwoosh?” Jade said, absently.

“You were shooting attack spells and stuff.”

“Oh! I mean. I know how to do that kind of magic. Not so much in my job, but I know about the theory of magic in general. I couldn’t do alchemy right if I didn’t.”

“And the fire stuff?”

Jade giggled. “I always did wanna put that into practice!”

“Wait, you mean you’ve never fought until today?”

Jade, a woman who had turned a small part of the forest into a crater and probably infuriated the local spirits, looked bashful. “Did it show?!”

“...No. Not really.”

“Huh. Good to hear!” Jade suddenly shut off the flame, stirring it a few times; despite the constant heat, there was no sign that it was particularly hot. “This batch is done!”

Dave stood up. “You sure? I’d thought there’d be… more sparkles.”

“I might put something like that in a consumer batch; people expect sparkles, you know. But this is the testing phase!” Jade examined the potion, studying it. Her magical senses, and eye for detail, picked out things Dave couldn’t possibly have made out. Apparently satisfied, she put it up to her lips and started to tilt it up.

“Whoa!” Dave staggered forward, his stoic exterior cracking just this bit. “Is that safe?! Shouldn’t you test it on, i dunno, the cows?!” He gestured towards a herd visible right through the window, where the shop brushed up against a pasture (as the Zahhaks, as one of the older families, had the authority to simply build their homes into grassy places for the cattle to feed). A cow looked right through the window, hindquarters lifted right off the ground by an obscenely stuffed udder.

Jade lowered the flask, just for a moment. She briefly gave the cow a solemn look, her eyes wide and impatience seething from her; she looked at the cow with an expression all but screamed, to Dave: I want that.

She made a ‘tsk’ing noise, wiggling a finger scoldingly at Dave. “Oh, I’m sick of letting them have all the good stuff! I want that for me!” She grinned, wildly, and Dave knew that there was nothing he could do, short of slapping it out of her hand, to stop her, and he thought that it would be wrong to do that.

“If you’re sure…” Dave said, clearly dubious.

“I’ve never been MORE sure.”

And Jade tilted the potion up, and drained it in a single, powerful swig.

Dave winced, but didn’t argue.

She smiled, though, as her stomach briefly glowed green, the potion taking effect. “It’s nice that you worry, though.” She patted his hand, still upraised in protest, and impulsively, she kissed it.

His hand felt so warm against her lips; a heat flashed there, against her teeth and tongue, and down her neck. It lingered there in her chest, mixing with the magical energies and transformative vibes now swirling inside her. It felt so fine; a gentle euphoria rose inside her, and she couldn’t help but smile through an intense blush.

Green light swirled around her, and especially over her chest. On her breasts, swirling around them and outlining them, supercharging them with magical energies speaking of more and BIGGER, but brightest of all was her heart.

Dave felt the magic flowing from her, before any changes actually happened, and he took a step back; a little awed at what he felt flowing inside her, and maybe stunned by the kiss.

Later, he contemplated how and why he sensed anything. He wasn’t trained in magic; he knew the martial applications, the tricks to make yourself stronger and faster with the spiritual energy inside a person, or the energy around you, but he didn’t know how to use magic itself. Jade’s work was a mystery to him, and he was quietly impressed with people who did know how to bend magic more directly. The actual mechanics of how it was supposed to work was all a bit beyond him.

Nonetheless he felt it, right then. Right there.

Maybe, he theorized later, he’d learned to sense magical energy somewhere, in all the training to harness it. Flex a muscle hard enough, you learned to get a feel for when it was straining. A similar principle could apply, right?

In any case, he stumbled back, more and more, as Jade started to get bigger.

He was far from the only one to notice it, though; there were many people who’d worked out how to manipulate magic all over the town, or those who benefitted from thep precious and rare remaining bits of lore from older days. And some who were something else altogether.

Even people who didn’t live in town felt Jade growing: the professional spellcasters, the priestly high classes, and the hedge-mages learning it all on their own. Even those completely untutored, but sensitive to magic all the same, felt it. And those who knew their stuff felt it happen in intimate detail, like Miss Roxy Lalonde, probably the best student of magical theory in town, and she perked up at the sudden flare from Jade’s shop.

Karkat Vantas, living outside town in the old and long-abandoned manor, felt something even as he slept. His fiance, Terezi Pyrope, sat up and silently eased him back to sleep as she looked up. Her eyes were blind and felt very old, just like the ancient statues in the very temple Jade had walked in the shadows of. There were murals there… that looked just like Terezi Pyrope; as if those ancient sculptors had modeled them after her.

She tilted her head up, head craning and focusing right at the precise location of Jade.

She grinned. “Interesting~!” She said aloud, already making up her mind to pay Jade a visit as soon as she could.

People, intrigued or afraid or obnoxiously curious, gravitated towards Jade’s shop. The market outside her place broke up, the people in it drifting over to see what was going on. So, quite apart from Dave, Jade had an audience.

And in the shop itself, there was no blast of magic. No eye-searing pyrotechnics, as might be associated with a surge of magic so strong it made the cattle outside bounce and gush away in shock, or made Jade squeal with a mixed noise of joy and shock; she staggered back, as if her limbs suddenly were sapped of their strength, or something new flooding it and pushing out the old energy to make way for something fresh, strong and wild…

She gritted her teeth. They seemed longer, sharper; she took a step forward, and her legs kept shaking. No, wait. IT took a moment for Dave to realize, but they weren’t shaking.

They were getting wider.

Jade’s thighs slowly grew, leg muscles gradually bulking up and expanding outwards, a thick and appealing sheath of fat covering them. Not growing much past the knees, making them look surprisingly small past the thighs.

Her hips swayed and wiggled; first Jade just moved in an unconscious groove, and then it was a pattern of growth, and her hips expanded outwards in a smooth swell. Several inches added themselves on, and then about an extra foot of hip growth, to both sides. Jade stumbled as her thighs grew so big their sides were mashing together, and then made an embarrassed noise as her butt suddenly surged out, so bubbly and round that it was making the hem of her skirts rise up!

Her chest was still glowing, the focal point of all this. She dipped forward as they felt very heavy, her hands instinctively cupping her breasts. They wobbled at her touch, all on their own with indifference to gravity, and swelled. Jade made a squeaking noise of surprise, and then it melted into delight; waves of pleasure flooded into her from her chest. Oh! It had felt good, growing like this with her test batches, but nothing like this!

A cup size fluxed out, and then another, pushing at the fabric of her robes. Two more swelled out, pushing her palms down to support them, and they flowed out over her hands. They kept growing; bigger and bigger! The weight of them, rising with each sudden bouncy surge, was making Jade lean forwards, her breasts rising outwards. More than extra cup sizes, now, her breasts were almost doubled from what they’d been.

The magic surged and amplified her body, adding more mass, more flesh, more everything. Her breasts kept expanding, growing outwards, so heavy that she was bent nearly double, her robes straining out and pulling up from the weight. “Yyyeah!” Jade cheered, the delight coursing through her.

And the magic was slowly expended, totally absorbed and transmuted into more Jade. She breathed out as the growth slowed, a couple more inches adding on with each breath, and then it stopped altogether.

The sensation of power and pleasure alike faded from her. Dave gaped as she stood up to her full, imposing height; her breasts were huge, and Jade’s fingers gently traced their expansive outlines, the fabric stretched and almost translucent against her skin now.

Down, down her hands went, feeling her breasts. Much bigger than anticipated. She heard a distinctive sloshing noise, too, when she jiggled enough. Down, all the way past… goodness! Past her ribs, and then when she found the bottom of her breasts, they lay near her navel.

Almost two and a high feet high was each breast, she guessed. She shifted upright, and felt a very pleasurable bounce. Slung out by at least three feet, two, perhaps four!

She breathed in, hissing it out through a grin that was a little bit manic, and she said “Ohh, yes, this is definitely a success.” Now, she panted heavily. “Ooh…” She breathed in and out again, her newly expanded assets heaving with such weight she felt dragged forward. It felt like so much of her was in front of her now… it felt good. “That’s… that’s a fun sensation….”

Impulsively, Jade took Dave’s hand, her fingers squeezing gently around his palm. She smiled just a bit impishly, sharp teeth glinting behind her lips, and she felt Dave’s pulse quicken. His expression didn’t change, not one bit. Not a single muscle even twitched, and his expression was like stone. And Jade knew about stone, and a little bit about geology, and she knew enough that there was always a lot going on beneath mountains that looked all calm and steady, but on the inside?

They were exploding. And Dave could keep his face steady, but he couldn’t do much of anything about the hot blush coloring his cheeks.

Jade leaned in close and gave him a soft, brief kiss on the cheek.

Her breasts, so recently swelled by her potions, pressed against his chest. His body was thin but so firm, so strong; the ideal surface for her bustline to squsih against, and press out, the pulse of her heartbeat passing into his body. Against the plane of his chest, her own chest squashed deep, and she thought in a wild and romantic suddenness that it was like pressing her heart against his own.

She felt their breath twin, for a moment, and then his own stopped. She exhaled, gusting it against his chin, and she kissed him again in the cheek, in the same spot.

And finally Jade pulled away. Her breasts, bouncing freely in their sub-par restraint, wobbled heavily as she moved back, and it was completely on purpose.

Dave’s shades were slipping. The red glow beneath them was nearly visible. “Holy shit,” he said simply.

She realized he was staring, and she grinned, a little sheepishly and a little smugly. Pride welled up in her, at a job well done.

“Hey, I’m freaked out too, but watch the goddamn language,” a laconic voice said from the window.

Both Dave and Jade whirled around; towards the window.

Where what had to be at least a good third of the town was ogling her, and her new ‘features’.

The speaker was Dirk Strider; looking very much like a somewhat older version of Dave, a bit broader overall, his arms crossed over the window. Behind him was the Chief Courier, her porcelain-white shell glittering in the sunlight; she looked, as much as her face could be seen beneath the concealing uniforms she favored, a mix of amused and intrigued. Most people there seemed to have the same vibe.

Terezi was there too, looming over everyone else there, a big dragon-like troll with wings furled around her like a cape, and now she was grinning knowingly.

Jade instinctively covered herself, eyes wide, and she hurriedly thought: ‘What do I do!? What am I supposed to say?! Oh gosh they’re all looking at me!”

And then she thought: ‘Wait.

‘Isn’t this an opportunity?’

She stamped down the embarrassment and frustration at being watched, and declared, with a cheery tone, gesturing at herself, “So! Who might be interested in purchasing the next batch of my beauty elixirs, that’ll give you a body like this!?’

Her mortified feelings felt a bit dimmer at the glee of all the hands shooting straight up.

------

A couple weeks passed, after that.

There was a lot to do: adjust to her new body (oh, how doors were starting to be a problem! And clothes! She had to get them made special, or they’d pinch), going back with Dave to get the ingredients, preparing the next batches of potion for the rush of demand she was suddenly being met with…

Between the constant brewing, hunting down the ingredients from the most magically potent parts of the forests, needing to negotiate with the tailors, and all that, Jade had hardly any time with Dave.

That was a little sad, actually.

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But, as fortune would have it, he dropped in not long after that; he didn’t get to witness Jade testing more of her potions on herself, once she was satisfied with consistently bigger growth, and without Dave, she suspected her growth was being slowed. Warm feelings had something to do with it, she was sure.

“Dave!” Jade said, rushing over to him, nearly knocked over a couple people who were milling around her shop. Her breasts alone knocked a few people out of the way, and others quickly moved aside to get out of the way before they were bowled over.

Dave started to speak, but all the wind went right out of him as Jade lifted him clear off the ground, into a powerful and happy hug. “It’s been way too long!” Jade said happily, to some happy but muffled noises from Dave. He was pinned between her boobs, so it wasn’t surprising.

The other people in the shop awkwardly looked away, or giggled, or thought wistfully of envious thoughts for Dave’s position. Jane Crocker, a long-time friend of Jade’s, grinned at the pair, her own table slightly shifting weight from the pressure her potion-expanded breasts put on it; fully one side of it was covered by them, and she’d discreetly adjusted her coat to prevent any wardrobe malfunctions.

“Jade, help, need to breathe,” Dave managed to get out.

“Oops! Sorry!” Jade said. She dropped Dave, with a sheepish smile.

A voice cleared itself from behind her.

Jade turned around; the shop was fairly crowded now. But it had been, ever since she’d brought out her new line of potions. People had come to her all the time in any case; for potions of fertility or physical enhancement to strength and resistance, or giving big claws or aesthetic features like that; the occasional transformation for more height, or shrinking themselves a little bit. The healing potions had been quite popular, too. But her shop wasn’t built to have as many people as it did now waiting around, especially when after taking the potions they tended to hang around for a while, adjusting to their new bodies. Results still varied; some people got only a modest boost, while others grew as big as Jade had after months of careful experimenting and gradual growth (at least up to the first line of her bust enhancement potions, anyway). Jade remembered the kiss to Dave, and the warm feelings in her heart, and how much stronger the magic had felt then.

She was considering advertising them as best with mushy feelings.

The point was, Jade wasn’t very good at picking people out in the shop, since it wasn’t something she’d had to deal with until now. But now she realized that someone had come in with Jade.

Terezi Pyrope grinned; nearly twice as big as even Jade herself, looming over even the tallest people in town, she was a giantess among them, her body scaled in a way no troll normally was. A thick tail curled around her, and a great pair of wings flapped just enough to ensure that people steered clear of her. Jade found herself unconsciously ogling her; Terezi was big, enormously stacked on a scale equal to Jade herself, but somehow she felt… even bigger. The boobs were proportionately about the same as her own, but Terezi herself was so big that Jade could have used her breasts as exercise balls… or even cots!

Karkat was there, as he usually was; it was very rare to see one of them without the other. He hovered around her like an attendant, or a priest from old stories when the gods had walked the world, their clerics in tow. Jade had her own theories about that, given the sheer power radiating from Terezi…

But that was a thought for another time. Now she smiled. “You here on a professional level, or is this a friend visit?”

“A bit of both,” Terezi said. “You, uh, doing okay. You’ve been… going through some changes.”

Jade glanced down, and she felt aware of the eyes of others right on her expanded cleavage. She didn’t mind and laughed, privately cheering at all the attention on her hard work, with a great feeling of pride and confidence. “You could say that! But it was all on purpose so I don’t think it’s anything to be concerned about, you know.”

Terezi chuckled. “Yeah, I figured. See? And Karkat was all worried about it!”

Karkat scoffed. “Someone had to. And Dave wanted someone to say something!”

“Dude, noooo….” DAve said meekly.

Jade turned towards him, head tilted. “Oh? Was someone concerned?” She grinned.

“...Maybe.”

“Oh, you should just hear what he says all the time,” Karkat said loftily, with the air of someone dropping a relationship rock right into a crowded social event. “It’s mortifying.”

Jade giggled. “Oh? I hope you’re saying nice things about me!”

Dave looked about ready to melt. “I dunno what they're talking about,” he said, trying to find refuge in denial.

“It’s so sappy,” Terezi said in a stage whisper.

“Aw!” Jade kissed Dave on the cheek, right in front of everyone. He made a precious ‘Hr-RK!’ noise that made her giggle again.

Terezi giggled as Dave awkwardly shuffled away, finding a desk and trying to recover his dignity. “But, seriously. I was wanting to buy a couple of these potions, maybe.”

That was a surprise to Jade; as the thrill of teasing Dave faded, she looked up and saw just more of Terezi’s massive, vision-filling bustline. They were so big already! As big as her own! “You don’t think you’ve got enough already…?” Jade asked, cautiously.

Terezi snorted. “You can always go bigger. And that’s kinda funny, coming from someone who’s still sampling her own goods.”

“Hmph. I don’t know what THAT means.” Jade tried to cross her arms over her chest but her breasts had gotten too big for her to do so easily. And true to Terezi’s words, they were in fact bigger than they had been during the initial growth, during the public event that had gotten all this attention. They were starting to tip closer to her waistline; it wasn’t too MUCH bigger, a product of Jade carefully watering down the samples as she kept experimenting on herself, and downplayed by her heavy work robes, but it was still a fair point. At least half a foot outwards, if not too much deeper.

“Well, I dunno. Let’s give you a baseline to outdo, hrm?” Terezi grinned. “Say, how much ARE these potions?”

Jade listed a number. It was a comfortable price that wasn’t too expensive, but didn’t diminish the effort it took to get the resources to make them; she viewed peddling them as a public service, in some ways. Terezi tossed some coins her way, and Jade handed her one of the bubbling flasks.

Terezi immediately popped the cork off. “Oooh,” Karkat said, eyes wide and amazed, realizing what she meant. Terezi lolled her massive tongue out and picked up the flask with her tongue, popping it into her mouth and draining the whole elixir down her throat in a single, heavy draught. Her thick tongue probed the flask, looking for every drop.

“You might wanna get closer to Terezi,” Jade quietly told Karkat. “It, uh, helps the change.”

Karkat hugged Terezi’s thigh, his arms squeezing deep into her ample flesh. “What do you mean-” He started to say.

“Eep!” Terezi exclaimed, magic radiating from her body, tinged with that special flavor of affection; her hand drifted right towards Karkat, and Jade knew that was just the right thing. “That’s the key!’ she thought. ‘That’s how to get big!’

And perhaps just to prove her point, Terezi grew. A little bit taller, but not much; a few inches, maybe. Just as well, given she was already a giant. Her hips swelled out, packing on a few extra inches; perhaps a finger span wider on both sides, and she was already so massively curvy that there might have not been that much to grow. Her clothes creaked heavily, especially as her big butt filled out even more, a few people behind her making awed noises at the wealth of butt they must have seen pushing up from the fabric enclosure. Her tail swelled, getting a little rounder, a little bit more like an eel’s tail…

Her breasts, though, erupted. In a single fluid motion, they swelled outwards, fluxing out like a cup being filled with water. They billowed, the teardrop shape growing more pronounced; from her gut, down to her waist. Her breasts expanded, and sideways too, swelling out so much that Terezi’s broad shoulders couldn’t even be seen. Most of her formidable body shape, in fact, was obscured; just her big hips, her huge thighs, the tail and wings, and those massive boobs.

Fabric tore. Her gut forced her boobs apart as it settled down, her stomach rising through the cleavage, and her shirt started to fray under the impact.

It was the quickest growth, and a particularly dramatic one; it was over almost immediately, and Jade gawked when she just had to acknowledge the reality of Terezi’s bustiness.

“Hah!” Terezi thrust her breasts out, openly delighted. “Beat that!”

Jade huffed. “Oh, I will!”

Karkat goggled. “Okay oh wow that is BIG.

From the side, Terezi’s breasts stuck out at least several additional feet; she probably couldn’t gather them up even if she stuck her arms out and pulled as much of her boobs in as possible. And given how big she was, they were big enough to use as exercise balls, or to sleep with. And from Karkat’s size… they must have looked so massive.

Terezi was probably thinking about that. Still smiling, she picked up Karkat, ignoring his usual token protests at being manhandled, and stuffed him right into her cleavage. His head popped out, expression suddenly completely calm, and then she pushed him down, completely contained.

Her face looked so peaceful. “Ooh yeah. That’s the stuff.” She grinned at Dave and Jade, gawking at her. “Hope this gives you ideas, Jade. Buh-bye!” With that, she walked off, Karkat encased in her cleavage.

Dave watched her go. Even her back was hypnotic, butt swelling up like a pair of wagons attached to her. “Sure did a number on her,” he said weekly. “What do you think she meant by that, anyway?”

“I dunno,” Jade lied. She thought about being so big she could do that to Dave.. stuffing him so close to her…

Her shirt felt tighter. Her breasts wobbled all on their own, and suddenly surged a few sizes bigger. Dave saw the growth. “Did-did you just grow? Without taking any potion?!”

“Ooh, that’s… new!” She wasn’t really thinking about it, though. She was still watching Terezi strut off, all sexy and big.

“You’re not worried? Huh. Neat, I guess.”

She wasn’t really listening, either. Privately, Jade felt a surge of… envy, she supposed. Not that wasn’t quite it. It wasn’t that she wanted what Terezi had now.

She wanted more than what Terezi had now; it was like a competition, in some way. Terezi had outdone her, for now. But… her eyes narrowed. She wouldn’t let herself stay outdone!

She glanced up at Terezi’s mammoth body, where Karkat peacefully resting between her breasts, and she thought that maybe she DID envy Terezi having a boyfriend she could fit into her boobs. She then looked at Dave with an appraising look that made him feel strangely snuggly.

------

It had been quite some time since Chahut and Konyyl had been in town. The pair of them spent a great deal of time traveling abroad, to the other scattered townships and city-states, trading where they could and gathering things to sell back home. To be honest, and they’d had to correct others on this point (Konyyl irritably, and Chahut with a gentleness belying the terrible violence she could perform), they didn’t do the actual trading. They were hired muscle, protecting the merchants from bandits, overly strict travel policies, and sometimes shaking down someone trying to weasel out of paying on a deal.

They enjoyed their work; the traveling, and the hitting things. Still, while they’d been very well paid for what they did, staying on constant work wasn’t as appealing as the thought of going home until the next trade season rolled around.

Chahut was a very tall woman, even among trolls, who were generally bigger than humans or carapacians. Konyyl was a big woman too, and the two of them had similar thick-set body types; Konyyl with more obvious musculature, but given that Chahut was nearly twice her size, she looked bigger in every way. The two of them normally had no trouble clearing the way, with size and dark charisma and sheer force of ‘don’t mess with me’.

‘Normally’ being the keyword.

“I don’t, uh, recall everyone being this big,” Konyyl said as they walked past a crowd. She stood head and shoulders over most others, her own head somewhere around Chahut’s elbow, but that wasn’t the kind of big she was concerned about. Two carapacians, a few trolls and a human tottering behind them all went past them, diverting around them like water around a stone, and each of them had breasts as big as prize-winning pumpkins; the smallest had breasts as big as their heads, and the largest… their torsos, and some of their stomachs, couldn’t even be seen behind a wall of cleavage.

In fact, just about everyone they saw was sporting a bustline that dwarfed the pair of them. Konyyl crossed her muscular arms over her chest self-consciously. It was making her feel… small.

“Me neither,” Chahut said eventually. She sounded diffident, calm. But then… was she? Her voice had a slight tone of uncertainty. She glanced down at herself. Chahut wasn’t exactly a proud beauty, and Konyyl supposed that Chahut had never regarded her amplitude as anything except a minor facet of her physical form, but still. This was concerning.

“Something must have happened while we were gone,” Konyyl said, looking very off-balanced. “Some kind of weird magical event… maybe a weather thing, loaded up with magic?”

“A boob-storm?” Chahut’s tone dripped with amusement. “Now there’s a weird image.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Like to see you explain what’s going on here!”

Chahut turned. Their latest employer was hurrying over to them, and she noticed something else that way. “A potion that makes boobs bigger got real popular, maybe?”

“Well, maybe.”

“Look, little beefy.” Chahut pointed, and Konyyl turned. Down that way, there was a small advert board; freshly painted, from the smell. It displayed a grinning Jade Harley (a familiar figure to the both of them, though they didn’t know her closely, but everyone bought from Jade; they’d spent a lot of time at her shop, taking deliveries for a trading run), her face squeezed into a corner. The rest of it was taken up by her breasts, flooding over the entire billboard; absurdly massive, they were, extending out by at least five feet! The style of the ad was fairly cutesy, as fit her tastes in artwork, but they looked big enough to dip to her thighs, so big she could sleep on them.

ON the ad, between the art-drawn Jade, there was a bottled potion. “Want a bustline like mine? Come down to Jade’s Alchemical Esoterica for all your bust expansion needs!” the ad’s text said, in a cheery green font.

“Konyyl! Chahut!” said their employer, a human, and pointed at the ad. “Did you see!?”

“Kind of hard not to,” Konyyl quipped. Chahut nodded gravely.

“Not that! I mean… whoa, that’s a hell of an eyecatcher… but no! I mean, Jade’s shop is that way! Have you seen her yet!?”

“No?” Konyyl tilted her head. “Why?”

“I just… look, I gotta get a group together. We’ll need to find a demonstrator, and a caravan equipped to transport potion goods… gods, we’ll make so much money! But, ah!” The human fretted, trying to balance too many things at once in the mind, and thrust two large pouches heavy with coinage at them. “Here! So I don’t forget! Your pay for this trip. I gotta go, just… you might wanna drop in at Jade’s?”

And then, the human ran off, so full of excitement that there was a little bit of hopping and dancing. The two troll women watched him go. “Well,” Konyyl said. “I don’t have anything else going on. Azdaja’s got a while before he meets up with me. What about you?”

“Eh, same here. Not the bit about Azdaja,” Chahut replied, with a wry tusk-filled grin. “Let’s check it out, eh?”

The two of them followed the path to Jade’s shop. As they went, they were struck that navigating the marketplace was a more tricky affair than they remembered it being; almost every woman there was obscenely buxom, occupying at least a couple of feet in front of them with enough boobage to produce scandals in some of the more prim places they’d been. Both trolls moved very carefully to avoid bumping into someone’s breasts, and considering how much of that there was, it was very hard going.

It seemed demand for whatever Jade was selling was dropping; there weren’t that many people there, though all of them tended towards the same buxom frame. The few exceptions were doing their best to fix that; as they entered, they heard Jade’s cheery voice: “And try to drain it down in a single gulp! It won’t do any good to save some for later, it’ll transform you just the same. Be sure to drink lots of water and have plenty of food, you’re gonna be hungry!”

There was Jade, standing in her shop, her back turned to the entrance. Konyyl and Chahut were momentarily stunned. Jade looked so… thick. Even more than she used to be, even more than Konyyl! (Though at least, Konyyl reflected, Jade didn’t quite have the muscle.) A fairly slim dress as vibrantly green as her namesake jewel, clinging tightly to a body that seemed to be a waterfall of slowly expanding curves; a broad and huggable torso, an expanding waistline straining the limits of a dress, with hips so broad that it must have been hard to get through a doorway. At least a couple feet across!

Her butt, plump and round enough that a very small caparacian could have sat on it with room to kick up their legs, waggled back and forth as she spoke. Quite a lot of her big, unbelievably wide thighs must have been taken up with that butt. Konyyl felt her mouth go a bit dry, just at the sight of it. Even Chahut seemed impressed.

Though she did seem to have other things on her mind. “What’s that she’s got in front of her?” She wondered, squinting.

“Not sure,” Konyyl said. Two objects spread out in front of Jade from their angle, taking up a lot of space directly in front of her. She shrugged. “Let’s go in and get some answers.” They both stepped in, the bell atop the door ringing. A few people saw them and greeted them; at the door, sitting on a chair and off-duty, was Dave, waving to the both of them.]

“Sup,” He said pleasantly. “Try not to let her mow ya down.”

He sounded like he was talking from experience. He grinned a little saying it, so it wasn't a bad experience, either. Konyyl didn’t get a chance to ask about it; Jade had started turning around when she heard the doorbell, and the prospective potion buyer had already left with their purchase, and both Konyyl and Chahut stopped cold, mouths open and thoughts empty, when they saw Jade from the front.

The advertisement had not exaggerated, in the slightest. Completely obscuring the front of Jade’s body was the biggest… widest… roundest…

Konyyl’s brain shut down, a little bit. Jade approached. The shutting down got worse. There was just so much… bouncing. And that dress! The cleavage deep enough for her to sink into! Over four feet deep! Cut down to the belly, rounder and firmer, and it was making her look so curvy, just like a fertility icon of the Dragon Goddess…

(Distantly, Terezi had a vague feeling that someone was referring to her, or at least her true nature. She shrugged and got on with what she was doing, which was beating Karkat in a game of strategy despite not even knowing the rules.)

It had been a while since Terezi’s big transformation. Jade had taken her challenge to heart; she’d been growing periodically on her own, but she’d boosted the effects with regular intakes of potion, and spending lots of time with Dave, whenever possible, and the effects were definitely knocking the two trolls about.

Even Chahut was completely lost for words. Well, most words. She managed to get out: “...Hi, Jade?”

“WHAT THE HECK,” Konyyl demanded. She flung her beefy arms out, gesturing at Jade. “We leave for like a few months and you’re all… all… everyone is all…” She inhaled. She let it out with a cry of “Big! WHY.”

Jade swept both trolls, taller than her, into a powerful hug. The both of them, by no means frail, made squeaking noises as Jade’s surprising strength shoved the remaining air right out, or perhaps that was the full weight of her monstrously huge boobs shoving into them. From throat to Jade’s legs they spanned her body, probably weighing more than she did. It had to be her own enormous strength that prevented them from being a physical hindrance, or some kind of wacky magic?

Jade parted from them, the pair still stunned. “So!” She said, a flirty tone in her words. Dave watched, grinning expectantly. “How do I look~?”

“You look… good,” Konyyl said weakly.

“Big,” Chahut agreed, and it was so very surreal to see her look so shaken.

Jade grinned. “You guys haven’t been in town a while. I bet everyone’s looking a little bigger than they used to, eh?”

Konyyl made the connection; the advertisement, Jade’s potions, Jade’s own size… “Was it… did you do a magic thing?”

Jade pulled out a basketful of potions that could have fit into her cleavage with ease. Given that she did a little twirl before bringing it out, it was entirely possible she’d been hiding it in her cleavage for such a dramatic moment. “I might have come up with a potion that does some boob embiggening, yeah!” She grinned wickedly, dangling one in front of them. Both women stared at it, sense of intrigue naked on their expressions. “What do you think? Might you be interested?”

“I might,” Chahut said.

Konyyl tugged out her coin purse. “SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, SEDUCTRESS!”

Jade giggled and passed their purchases as Chahut and Konyyl got a couple each. “Be sure to take them when you’re with someone that you’re close to, or at least makes you feel happy. Like a friend, or something romantic.” She looked at Dave for a moment, across the shop, and absently tapped a massive breast, as if to say ‘he is responsible for this’. “It, um. Seems to help make bigger growth.”

Chahut and Konyyl glanced at him, and then Jade. Chahut made a heart-shape with her fingers. Konyyl said, “You and him…? Is that a thing?”

Jade fluished. “Well, I dunno. Um.” Her confidence, so recently ironclad and as abundant as her bustline, faltered. “It might be?”

The two women chuckled at that, with the tone of someone who had suspected it was a thing for quite a while, and left. Well, Jade thought, People were going to assume it was a thing, the way they liked to talk!

She didn’t really mind the thought, though.

It felt… official.

-------

And then, a few weeks onward, and word spread: even faster and wider than Jade’s bustline, or the average growth rate in town. Word of Jade’s marvelous bust-enhancing potions, and the increases many people had reported in their physical strength.

Caravans had already left, loaded up with bust potion, to peddle them to distant lands. Already, people who’d heard of it from travelers bearing incredibly massive breasts had come there, and left with potions and mighty busts of their own. And they’d told people, who came and told others when they got back…

And word had spread, of this town with its genius alchemist who’d captured a little bit of the past and its faculty for body modification elixirs for fun and profit.

Now, people were coming to town every day, caravans of them, traders zeroing in on the town, and not just for the potion, but for the other goods the town offered.

So, feeling rather dazed, Jade found herself being handed a big trophy, and a hearty handshake from the mayor.

A small, impish figure (so similar to the imps that lurked outside town, in fact, that Jade felt bad when her excursions required fighting them), his black shell glistening in the light like a little playing piece in the kind of games Terezi liked to play. Jade felt enormously self conscious and smiled awkwardly as what must have been a good portion of the town sat expectedly in the auditorium, listening to his speech. Or what bits they could understand; the Mayor spoke exclusively in the private language of the carapacian people, and the Chief Courier translated hurriedly, as best she could. Judging from her winces and split-second word swaps, the Mayor’s actual words were probably fairly profane and coarse at best.

“...And so, for your breakthrough in aesthetic transfigurations bringing such trade to us, we have prospered as we never have before!” The chief courier said. “Food, valuable minerals, magical substances of every kind, and livestock are flooding in, and we are doing better than we ever had!’”

“I didn’t mean to start an economic revolution,” Jade said meekly. “I just thought people would find my invention cool…”

“Well, we’re getting filthy stinking rich,’” the courier said, her expression implying this was the nice translation. “‘So all’s good! In my book! Now, go on, take your… um… yeah, I can’t translate that.” The mayor scowled at her, and waved a hand at Jade.

Jade took the award, a heavy gold thing that would look very nice on a necklace, though it’d probably sink into her cleavage. “Oh, very well… thank you so much! I’m glad to be of service!”

She bowed to the enriched crowd as they applauded, but she tried not to bow too much. Her boobs had continued to grow and grow, and her experiments had finally died down a little in efficacy; regardless of what she put in them, she was only getting a little bit of growth, and she figured she had reached the peak of what her potion could reasonably do, for the present. Her breasts had reached the biggest size she could manage for now.

But what a size it was! Most of Jade’s body mass was now in her breasts, she wasn’t any skinnier or less thick (indeed, her hips had continued to grow, so much so that doorways were too skinny for her now; four feet across, and counting, with a butt sticking three feet out and just the right shape for Dave to sit on it), but if her weight was to be counted, so much of it was in her breasts that she thought of them as the core of herself now.

She wasn’t sure of the actual weight. The scales kept busting. But they were so large that their bottoms dipped down, down, all the way past her knees! Each breast was four feet height, and over eight feet across, obscuring almost her entire body when seen from a front, a size proportionately equaled by no one. The weight of them moving, when she did, was so divine; she felt such pleasure at every bounce and wiggle, a micro-burst of euphoria whenever it surged forward and dragged her along with it.

She glanced at the crowd; she saw Terezi, looming over it, grinning and wiggling her claws at her, and Karkat on her head like an excitable crown, mirroring her friendly gesture. Near them was Chahut and Konyyl, their own breasts as big as the most abundantly fertile gourds; at least down to the naval, and she felt proud in making such big and beautiful women even larger.

Again she thought: No one is as big as me! She felt proud, and more than the award she held, her own body felt like a testament to her willingness to experiment.

She glanced at Dave. He’d helped. Not just the stuff he’d gathered; just being there for her, and the feelings he brought out in her. That was part of it, she was sure. Every time she’d started to grow really big, he’d been there, making her feel big. A feeling in her heart, expanding out and her body growing to match…

It was wonderfully, obnoxiously sappy. She had to love it.

The Mayor followed her gaze, and misunderstanding her thoughts, spoke at length. “The mayor would like to thank Mister Dave Strider for his tireless efforts in helping Miss Harley… despite it being on work hours,” The chief courier added in a stern tone. The mayor nudged her as if to say ‘get on with it!’. “Oh, right. Anyway. Please step up to the podium?”

“What?” Dave stepped over, looking surprised. “What? Oh, come on. This is all Jade!”

“I couldn’t have done it without your help,” Jade said sincerely, gazing down at him, eyes half-lidded and warm.

He flustered in the light. “Don’t be sappy, come onnnn….”

“I mean it!” She thought of a way to convince him that, yes, she really was saying it to be honest, and a wild idea came in front of her. In front of all these people, though? Part of her qualed at the thought…

But another part of her, proud and reveling in having such a massive, buxom bustline, retorted: ‘If we’re gonna be shy now, what’s even the point of having such magnificent boobs!?”

Jade thus leaned forward, her breasts clearing the floor, and encircling Dave’s whole body; he was caught up in boob-age, enwrapped and captured, and he managed a squeak of alarm as Jade tilted her body up, bouncing him even deeper into her cleavage, his whole body imprisoned and his face closer to her own-

And she moved her face to his own, and kissed him firm, softly, right on the mouth.

Lip to lip, the kiss deepened, like a promise she hadn’t realized she’d made

Dave initially didn’t respond, in his shock. And then, to her delight, he deepened the kiss on his own, sincere and honest as she knew he really was afraid to be. She didn’t think about it being in front of so many people, but later she thought: this was the best way to do it. To prove she was serious, showing it on her big moment.

The mayor, blushing, said something like “oh my!” The chief courier goggled for a moment, and she glanced at the mayor, and considered buying a few potions from Jade later, on the quiet.

“What’s going on?!” Terezi asked impatiently, her senses not able to compensate for her blindness this once.

“Dave and Jade are hooking up, I think,” Karkat said laconically on her head. “She’s doing the kinda thing to him that you like to do to me.”

“Boob sandwich?!”

“Yep.”

“Hah! I knew she’d do that!”

Chahut whistled, very much impressed. Konyyl nudged Azdaja by boob-bumping him; as it was, he’d been sitting down in front of her, his horns and height just right for her to rest her new bustline on top of his head. “This give you any ideas, eh?” She asked, grinning wildly.

“Yeah but I think you beat me to them,” He replied calmly.

The kiss kept going on, as the audience took it in. Dave and Jade, together? The overall vibe was less surprise, or shock or scandal (the town being a fairly amiable place, after all), and more ‘oh so that finally happened’. Not surprising, given the general opinion of the pair.

“All right, all right!” The chief courier said, shushing the smooching pair. “That’s enough! On your own time, you two!”

Jade allowed her breasts to settle, and down Dave went. He gracefully slid through her cleavage and back onto the floor, and awkwardly stepped away. He remembered the heat of her body, blushing intensely. He rarely showed clear emotion, or expressed himself too openly…

But now, he was smiling.

Dirk and Hal, in the crowd, both cracked their own smiles at the sight. “There ya go, little bro,” Dirk said softly.

“You owe me money now,” Hal said gleefully. “And here you bet it’d be another half-year before they hooked up!”

Dirk rolled his eyes and passed the construct some coins. “It was a safe bet. Took them this long to hook up!”

The ceremony ended soon enough, after that. People filed out, one after another, some of them pausing to congratulate Jade again. Others went to congratulate Dave.

But soon enough, the two of them were alone. Dave had some trouble marshalling his thoughts, the feeling of Jade’s warmth everywhere around him so beguiling that it was easier to just lose himself in the memory, not in the now....

He did his best, though. “Hey, Jade?” Dave asked.

Jade, thinking about the lovely feeling of Dave’s whole body in her cleavage, pinned and safe there, his heart beating into her whole-breast pulse, made a soft murmuring sound. “Mm?”

“What do you think about, eh… going on a walk or something. When things quiet down, I mean.”

She smiled sweetly. “I’d like that.” She leaned to the side and kissed him again.

It was the kind of kiss a lover gives.

#commissions #twitchy!homestuck #twitchy!dave strider #twitchy!jade harley #my writing #fics #queued

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lillaxtrigger · 5 years

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Young hope: Chapter 14

Out in the dusty wastes stood a lone diner on the side of the road. Outside were a pack of black vehicles parked out in its lot. At the outdoor tables sat various well dressed agents, eating breakfast with one another. “So, you hook up with Jimmy on the weekend or what? Bet you guys were pounding on each other all night.” one of them asks, piercing his fork through his eggs. “Naw man, too much to drink. I just went home and slept off my hangover.” “You gotta lay of the scotch, mate. It’s killing your social life.” A miserable groan escapes the officer, affirming with; “I know. It’s the tenth time I skipped out on Jimmy. Wouldn’t blame him if he just moved on with his life. I’ve been trying rehab these past few month, but it’s been doing jack shit to my…to my...”. “Jack shit to you’re what, bro?” “Hold on. Think I see something.” The agent pulls out a pair of binoculars and looks out towards the horizon. His other looks behind and wonder what his partner might be trying to view. Out in the distance, a single speck leaving behind a trail of dust crawls its way up the road. It seemed to heading towards the diners direction. “Holy shit!” the agent with binoculars exclaims. “What? What da ya see?” The agent hands his partner the binoculars and tell him to: “Take a look for yourself.” Peeking through the spectacle, he witnesses a long haired man of Asian descent dressed ridding through the roads on a motor bike. “Is that fucking Chase Young!?” “It’s motherfucking Chase Young, bitch!?” “We gotta warn the boss!” At his partners request, one of the agents hurries into the diner.

Sitting upon the counter stools, an orange haired man munches on his morning ham. On his side, a green haired woman sips on her morning cup of joe. The other, a white haired man, enjoying the rich creamy taste of his bagel Around them, countless other agents enjoy their various breakfasts, laughter and merriment ensuing throughout the humble diner. The agent outside rushes inside, stirred in a panic as he swiftly approaches the trio sat upon the counter. “Boss! Boss! You’re never gonna...” On the verge of his terrible warning, the man come down with a maddening cough. The man in the middle hands the agent his glass of milk to quell the coughing fit. Swigging down the morning drink, he soon continues with his dire message. “You’re never...gonna guess who’s coming up on the horizon. It’s Chase Young.” The happiness and joy that waved through the airs of the diner are cut down in an instant upon hearing the very name. The three sitting upon the counter are unfazed by the news, the man in the middle gazing beyond the agent that ran inside.

A smooth, yet sinister voice rings out, greeting with: “It’s been such a long time since we last met, hasn’t it Todd.” The agent looks behind him and sees the infamous man right upon his back, jumping backwards and landing on the floor as he crawls back. “Or would you prefer your other alias...Agent 344.” A faint smile forms upon the head agents lips, them greeting the villain before him with; “Hey there Chase. Mind telling me what brings you here on this fine morning? If your planning to settle the score, I’m afraid I’m a little preoccupied with breakfast at the moment.” “Another day. I come baring a piece of news. News that you in particular might be interested in.” Pulling out a tablet, the infamous malefactor scrolls through the page of a news website. “A day ago, an article came out concerning a troubling development within a quaint metropolis called Townsville, one that was ultimately solved by a group of teenagers, would you believe it. Normally I have little to no interest in the affairs of measly worms, but someone in the article fancied my eye.” Presenting the front of the device to the trio, the tablet showed a news feed featuring an article with the catching tagline: “Local high schoolers solve kidnapping crisis” The picture aside the reading featured a group of teens standing in the front of the town hall, earning the mayors congratulations. “One of them reminded me a lot of you when you first confronted me.” 3 kids within the shot draw the trios attention, Todd himself left quite astonished. A blue haired young man dressed in white, a smile planted across his face. A purple haired youth missing an arm, his depressed glare drawing away from the camera. An orange haired lass sporting overalls, a fake grin to hide her hints of worry. “Isn’t that...” the white haired man wonders. “Well, I’ll be damn.” the green haired woman goes. Upon the site of the blue boys goofy demeanor, the famous agent gives his own smirk. “Nice going kids. You’re on your way.” The tablet returning Chases person, he hears his adversary deliver his own message. “Well Chase...If you just came out all this way just to show me that...” Most of the agents within the diner compose themselves, ready for anything. “Then I’m afraid I just can’t let you leave here...not like this.”.

A bowl of banana split ice creams slams itself down upon the counter. The infamous villain stares down upon the potassium enriched dessert as Todd and the green haired girl sit aside. His rivals laughter filling his ears before the agent insists: “Come on Chase, eat up! It a party. Dig in.” Grasping the desert spoon aside the bowl, he turns his gaze over to the beatific man to his side and questioning: “Didn’t you just eat have breakfast?” “Aw, come on. Who cares? There’s always time for ice cream, right.” the famous agent remarks before chomping down on a Neapolitan ice cream sandwich. Looking through the surrounding diner, Chase partook in the view of the opposing agents around him enjoying themselves to the variety of desserts. From frozen bars, to ice cream cones. From bowls full, to ice cream cake, everyone seem to be in glee over their frozen dairy treats. With this site, the villainous man shrugs off the odd circumstance and scoops up a spoonful of the split set before him. The sweet cooling flavor of the treat relieves his senses.

“So, how have things been, Chase? Those kids of yours doing well?” “Drake and Shen Mi have been doing quite well in their training. Steadily growing these past several years.” “How old are those two now? Last I check, Drake was around 12, I think?” “Drake and Shen Mi are both 19 and 13 respectively.”. “That old, eh? Heh...Kids growing up so fast.” “What about your kids, Todd?” the green haired woman woman. “Mine, well…I-” “Do you even remember the last time you’ve seen your family?” the white haired man adds. “God, I can’t remember. It’s been years since I last visited them...maybe around 10 or so? SUPERIOR’s always got me flying around the world. Always something happening. Sure do miss them.” “You could always retire.” Chase suggests. Upon letting out a light chuckle upon the notion, the agent mentioning how: “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Chase?” Letting out a heavy sigh at the end of his laughter, Todd looks looks upon the sheen of the counter top. He’s met with his own heavy expression in the reflection of the marble as he declines with: “Nah. With all the heroes around retired to raise their own families or pursue their dreams, someones still gotta be around to protect the world. I’d love more then anything to go back home to my family…They probably hate me for leave them for so long…But...”. Lifting his gaze above the counter, he then shares his thoughts for the future. “It’s a hope of mine that with this new generation, a league of heroes may rise and take the mantle. And let me catch a break.” “Lest you forget, that with a new league of heroes, and alliance of villains shall form among them.” Chase warns. “Yep, but...I’ll just leave them with the new kids...” Withdrawing a deep breath into his lungs, Todd cuts back with: “In the mean time… What say we cheer for the success of the new generation?” With that claim, Todd presents his ice cream treat to his longtime rival in a similar manner one would toast a wine glass. Chase gives a slight smile and returns the gesture with his dessert spoon. “To the new generation.”

Within the shadow of a lone room, a single light shines down upon Roy as he prowls through a table full of documents and pictures; the laptop at the end logged onto a magical siting forum. “That bitch has to be out there somewhere. I ain’t stopping til I find her.” the purple merc growls. The door behind him opens, pouring in natural daylight from behind a dark figure. The purple merc blocks his eyes from the glow, the sunshine irritating his vision. “Roy, what are you doing in here?” a familiar voice rings out. The boys vision adjusting to the natural glow, he finds Mally awaiting in the doorway. “Oh, hey Mal. Just trying to track down the fiery cunt of a witch that took my arm’s all. How you doing?” “How am I? Roy, you haven’t left this room for several days. You haven’t been to school or your mercenary job. Plus you stink. Like actually stink. For hell almighty man, take a fucking shower!” the girl demands. “Pfft, fuck school, always waking me up in the middle of classes, keep telling them that’s how I learn shit, but they don’t listen. And my merc work can wait. Aside from the money I send to my mom, I got cash to burn for months on end. I ain’t coming outta this room, til find that magical bitch beast.” “And what’s you’re plan once ya do find her, huh? Kill her?” “Oh, I ain’t just gonna kill her. I’m just gonna collect the debt she owes for inflicting me with my newly found disability: one freshly ripped off arm. Might just attach it to where she blast mine off after I beat her to death with it. How’s that for irony!?” Roy declares. “Insanity be more like it.” the voice in his head pipes up. “I’m not insane! You’re insane dammit! You been driving me crazy ever since you wormed your way into my head!” Holy shit. This is worse then the orange haired skater feared. She could not help but stare in wide eyed disbelief as her purple brother screamed to himself. Turning back to the desk with a composing breath, Roy insisted that: “If both of you will excuse me. I got work to get back to.”

Letting out a sigh herself, Mally declares to the violet mercenary: “I guess I can’t really get you outta here, can I? Not unless I offer this!”. “Offer wha-!” A gaze back to his adopted sister had shown her in possession of Roy’s purple hood, nearly restored to its former glory, baring the only exception being the stitched up arm socket. A longing stare painted across the mercs face, he begins to slowly approach, his single arm reaching out for his treasured apparel. “You...You fixed my hoodie? Even stitched up the arm hole.” “Yep, took Tore a couple days, but he knitted and patched it up as good as new.” “Gimme Gimme Gimme!” Roy rapidly demands as he reaches for the hoodie. Mally halts his desires to reunite with his beloved hood, putting her hand over his face as he tries to nab the article of clothing. “Come on. Just let me have it, already!” “Ah ah ah! Not so fast. You want this back, you gotta do as I say.” her sister demands, pushing him away. “Oh piss off!” “Don’t you piss off me! I’m doing this for your own good. Unless you rather not see your precious hoodie again? Probably best to donate to a needy child who can use it to shield themselves from the bitter cold of the nightly air.” “Just go with the girl. It wouldn’t hurt to indulge her.” the voice urges. The purple merc lets out a loud groan as he claws his own face, admitting defeated. “Fine, you win. What do ya want me to do?” “First, you’re gonna do everyone around the block a huge favor and take a god damn shower already. After that, I’m taking you on a little trip.”

Right after cleaning himself off, Mally led the purple merc to the dwellings of Serena’s shop. Colorfully enchanted fumes rise from the alchemic bottle and beakers as the brewing witch herself sort through her assorted collection of elixirs. “So, got anything that might help us out?” her orange haired customer wonders. “Unfortunately, I don’t have anything that can aid your missing limb dilemma. However, I do hold an assortment of anxiety and stress relief potions among my wares. Care to try any of those? Both girls gazes turned towards Roy, he lets out an apathetic breath and admits: “Whatever. Got nothing to lose. Hit me.” Tossing a blue elixir towards the boy, the merc catches it in mid air and pops the top off. “Bottoms up.” he decrees before drinking the entire bottle. “Um...” Serena tries to chime in, worry drawn on her face. After he down the last drop of the mystic elixirs, Mally stands curious and asks if he’s: “Feeling anything?” A glance at the front of the bottle, the label show itself to read: “Anxiety antidote”. “Not really, just this weird burning sensation in my sto-” Suddenly, the boy drops the bottle and covers his mouth; the glass shatters to piece upon impact with the concrete floor. “Roy! What’s the matter!? Is it working?”. The boys face turning a shade of navy, a bellow of blue flames spout from his maw, illuminating the basement in a soft cerulean glow.

After that sudden fiery expulsion, Roy starts coughing up blue smoke in the aftermath as Serena puts out the leftover flares. “What the hell happened!?” Mally exclaims. “I’m...not sure. I’ve never seen something like this happen before. Then again, I’ve never seen anybody down an entire bottle, so that might explain it.” the witch concludes.

Clearing his lungs of any pollution, he takes a much needed breather and remarks with: “God damn, my throat hurts.” “Feeling any better?” Mally asks. “Hmm...” Wondering if the potion that he had just injected had any psychological effect, he test such a theory, by taking a glimpse of the spot where his left arm use to firmly sit and concludes that: “Nope. Nothing.” “Huh...Kay Serena, bring the next bottle.” “What!? Aw hell naw! You’re not making me chug another one of those things down!” Roy denies. “Don’t worry. You should be totally fine...Barring you don’t gulp down the whole thing.” Serena reinforces as she pulls out an orange potion.

After letting out an irritated groan, he takes the elixir from the witches hands. Drinking the citrus mixture by a couple gulps, his mouth smacks at the taste. “Anything?” Mally wonders. “Is this orange sod-” Before Roy’s answer could fully escape, a sudden pain inflicts the boy, his palms resting upon his temples. Out from the boys purple noggin, tree branches sprouted from the sides of his head; the sudden imbalance causes him to fall to the floor. Looking down upon the merc, she wonders if they should continue with this increasingly endangering elixir endeavor. “Mmm...Maybe one more.”

A quick saw and file of the wood later and Roy takes a seat back, rubbing the temples of his head to check if not a splinter was left. Serena presents him with one more potion to try Serena him to: “Try this one.” Staring into the purple hue of the elixir, he swipes the drink from the brewers grasp, settling with: “Fuck it. Third times the charm.” Taking in a cautious sip of the brew, he proves careful to only let a few drips of the potion down. “Well?” Mally wonders. A few moments come to pass before the next predicament unfolds itself. Roy begins to tremor furiously; the vibrations that the boy gives off shake the entire shop. “What is happening!?” Mally asks. “My precious shop!” Serena panics. The bottles and beakers set all throughout the room the begin to shake, the countless glass clacking with one another. Serena acts fast to catch any bottles that venture off the shelves and threaten to break upon the hard concrete floor. “Roy! Make this stop!” It takes not a single moment for the merc to resolve this quaking predicament. Floating above the concrete to halt the earthquake, the shop ceases to shake in conjunction. The ladies in the room share a sigh of relief once the quake had stopped in its tracks. “Glad that didn’t last long. For a second there, I thought the whole house was gonna come down on…What-what are you doing?” Mally turning to her purple brother, she finds Roy to be still vibrating among the air. “I DoN’t KnOw.” he admits, the uncontrollable shaking distorting his voice. She approaches the purple angel and with but a simple connecting touch, the house begins to tremble once more. Quickly withdrawing her grasp, she shakes off any leftover vibration and turns back to the witch. “Is this supposed to happen?” “No. All of the potions we tried seem to be rejecting him. I don’t know why. I doubt any more might work.”

“That’s it! I’m bouncing outta this goddamn brew bonanza!” the boy shakes on objections. “Wait! Wait! Roy! Roy! Listen. We’ve only just started. Ya can’t give up now.” “Why? You heard her. None of these potions will do jack shit for me.” “I know, but I got other friends I can take you to. This recovery cruise ain’t sunk yet.” “Fine. But this whole shaking shit fit better not last long.” “Oh, don’t worry. The potions effects should wear off momentarily...maybe.” “Alright, lets get going.” Hearing Serena give a fake cough, both turn towards the witch to find her presenting her awaiting palm. “Those potions weren't exactly free.” Catching a quick glance from his orange haired sister, Roy pulls out his wallet with an escaping groan.

Once the shaking had ceased, the two head over to another one of Mally’s friends, hoping a certain boney buddy of hers can help with Roy’s endeavor.

Inspecting the spot where the young man’s arms once stood, Vivian lets out a pondering; “Hmmm” “So, think you can do anything?” Mally asks them. “Damn, you were right. It is just gone. Not even a fucking stump’s left.” After her less then thorough inspection is complete, she attempts to comfort the disabled angel. “Anyway, Best not piss yourself, mate. My arm pops off all the time. It ain’t that bad.” “Doesn’t yours reattach?” Roy responds. “I’m sure yours can too. Just gotta sow the damn thing back on. Where’s you’re arm anyway?” “Disintegrated.” “Oh...Well fuck, guess that’s out the window.” “Ain’t there something you can do.” Mally wonders. “Ummm” A quick moment to wonder and an idea pops into the skeletons head. With a quick part of their socket, Vivi sticks their skeletal arm onto where Roy’s once sat, the merc irking upon the sudden attachment. Gazing towards the newly attached limb, the merc finds the arm to be uncomfortably dug into his person. “Um...”.= “There we go. Now you looking damn spiffy, son.” “Don’t you need that?” Mally worries. “It ain’t for keeps. Just letting him borrow it. He gets it on weekends, and I keep it the rest of the week. How’s that sound, big guy?” Roy stands, taking in the site of the boney limb as it moves about without his input. With the limb giving him a thumbs up, Roy concludes that: “Yeah, this isn’t gonna work.” “Why not?” Mally questions. “Yeah! Think you’re too good for my arm, asshole!?” “Well, beside the fact that it can easily shatter in my line of work, I need a limb that I can reliably control. Especially in a fight. This, ain’t gonna cut it.”. The boney limb suddenly falling out of Roy’s socket, he adds: “Also that.” “Fucking...Jeez.” Vivi quietly remarks. “Well, guess we’ll go somewhere else. Sorry for wasting your time Viv.” Mally apologizes. “Hold the fucking phone. I might have one more thing I can try. Hate to use the damn thing, but for you Mally, I’m willing to give it a shot.” “Okay, what is it?” “Just...wait there for a second. Kay?” Vivi says before rushing out of the living room.

Once Vivi absconds from the living room, Roy turns to his sister with a sudden suggestion. “I’m not sure we should stick around.” “Roy, listen. I know Vivi can act, uh...Bluntly...but they can really come through for us in a pinch. Trust me. You just gotta relax.” A sharp blade enters Mally’s line of site, coming into the living room attached to a black pole. Vivi soon enters, the scythe firmly in their grip. “Okay, lets get this shit done, bitches!” “Uh Vivi, what are you plan on doing with that scythe?” “Listen kid, I appreciate you trying to evening me out. But I’d rather have the arm I have left, thank you.” “No no no, listen. This ain’t just some regular ass scythe, see. It’s powered by the souls of the damned.” “Liking the plan so far.” Roy adds. “And I’m gonna try and use it to make ya sprout a new arm.”. “Are you sure you know how to use that?” Mally questions. “Duh, of course. I saw my grim reaper bitch use it a ton a times.” Wielding the scythe like a rifle, she aimed the tip with the blade towards the purple merc. “Now hold still while I shoot ya ass.” “Hang on! I don’t know if this is gonna hurt-”

A lime green ray sprouts out of the tip of the scythe at the merc, sending waves of nightmarish energy coursing through his very being. As this horrible process was developing, screams of pain escape Roys mouth, muffled by the sounds of screaming souls. The zapping finished, the young man falls in a smoking mess, Mally rushing to his aid. “Roy!” She lift the merc from the floor, concerning with: “You feeling okay?” “Yeah, think I’m fine.” “Feel any different?” Vivi asks. “Don’t think so. Just this weird feeling on my left sid-” An intense feeling suddenly befalls the young man, urging him to grasp the spot where his arm was; grunts of pain slipping past his teeth. Witnessing her brothers side convulse and, Mally slowly begins to back away wondering out loud: “What’s happening!?” “Guess the scythes working its magic.” Vivi guesses. The young mans grunts evolve into full blown screams as he writhes on the living room carpet, his left side violently pulsating. At long last, something erupts out from Roy’s arm spot, flying across the living room and landing behind the arm chair with a squishy plop. Nearing him once more, Mally inspects Roys left, finding no visible injuries to speak of. No blood, no guts, cuts, bruises, but alas, not even a nub to pass for a limb; the side completely clean. “Roy, a-are you alright?” she cautiously worries. “Auugh! Fuckin hell, that hurt!”

Amidst reviewing her recovering brother, the orange haired skater hears her skeletal friend attempting got nab their attention with: “What is it?” Mally asks, turning to the half skeleton, finding Vivi’s disgusted gaze to be fixated behind the chair. Leaving the purple mercs side to approach, she looks to where Vivi’s site was locked; horrified by what she had found. “What is that?” Mally questions in a contemptuous fashion. “I have...no fucking clue.” After recovering from his painful agony, Roy gets up and takes to the others side, wondering: “Ahh...What are you two going on about back he-...What in the ever loving name of hell is that horrid pile of shit?” Before the abhorrent felt trio stood a small mound of skin and flesh, laid in a pile behind the arm chair. “Did...that come out of me?” “Guess...Guess it did.” Mally stutters to answer. “The hell do you think we should do with it?” Vivi questions, poking the horrid heap of meat with the blunt end of the scythe. Upon the constant nudges, the terrifying beef mound begins to rapidly convulse; all of them stepping away and anxiously awaiting what the wayward meat might do. All of them look on with utter repugnance as the flesh before them sprouts a countless set of limbs from its sides. A jagged set of chompers rip open upon its top, a gurgling scream escaping the newly formed maw. With its newfound appendages, the terrible flesh blob scuttles out of the living room. “...That ain’t good, is it?” Mally wonders. “Nope.” Roy reinforces. “Quick, after it!” Vivi commands.

Peeking within the confines of the clean kitchen, the trio scan around for any signs of the meaty heap. Cautiously, they slowly enter the cooking area, preparing themselves for wherever their horrid hunt might pop out. Mally turns to the aid of her purple brother, hope that he might sense its presence. “Alright, Roy. Where do you think it might be?” “No clue.” “What do you mean no clue? Can’t you sense its energy or something?” “It’s a pile of undead flesh. Can’t sense its life force if it doesn’t got any. Take ya friend for example. Can tell they’re not playing with a full tank if you catch my drift.” “Hey, piss off, my tank is plenty full.” Vivi retaliate.

Mally ventures about the kitchen, wondering where the grotesque pile of inhuman matter scurried to. The sound of soft gargling coming from above, she looks atop the fridge, finding their prey burying itself with the contents of a cookie jar. “Guys. Look. I found it.” she whispers to her friends. Taking in a view of the preoccupied undead before them, Roy readies his aim, the mercs pointing finger prepared to fire. “Careful. Just need to take the shot while it’s-” “I gots this!” Vivi blurts. The sudden shout alerts everyone in the room towards Vivi’s direction, including the mound of flesh as it lift itself from the jars contents. The half skeleton bolts towards the ice box, brandishing the unholy sycthe in their hands. Their orange haired amigo jumps aside from their readying upward slash, astonished how cleanly of a cut the weapon had made to the appliance. “Did I get the little shit?” Vivi asks. Aside themselves, the disgusting abomination scuttles across the counter top. “Hit the deck!” the two hear Roy warn, aiming his finger towards their escaping target. Quickly ducking under, the duo evade the purple mercs shadowy beams. Several shot are fired in the meat monsters direction, each shot missed breaking a part of the kitchen. In it’s escape, the flesh growth could be seen scuttling out towards the hallway. Mally jumps over the counter, wielding her hockey stick in pursuit of the small horror.

In her chase, the hockey wielding hero attempts to quell the undead blobs venture, swinging her weapon about the cramped walls of the hall. None of her attempts succeed, instead shattering and breaking the picture frames decorating the hallway in her failed assault. Dammit! Just stand still already!

The orange haired lasses pursuit of the nightmarish imp leads her into the confines of a strange bedroom, taken aback by the bizarre décor laid strewn within the dwelling. Whoa, what the hell’s going on in this part of the neighborhood? Glowing sphere, weird looking statue, odd shaped necklaces around the mirror. Almost like the lass had stepped into the chamber of a mystic gypsy. Its a wonder if some of this stuff is even man made. Right in Mally’s peaking wonder, Vivi rushes inside in a maddening fluster. “Hey, hey, hey! Why the hell are ya trying snoop through my room for!?” “I-I saw that flesh thing come in here.” “Alright, lets waist this bitch, where’d it-...What-...what’s with all this weird junk?” Roy questions. Gazing towards the night stand, the merc finds a glowing crystal ball; the terrible souls within streaking through the gemstone. “Is that a mother fucking soul sphere? Where the bleeding hell did you nab one a those?” “Just get the hell outta my room! I’ll draw out the little bastard out and you flank it!” Vivi demands in a red fluster. “Aight, jeez!”

Both guest having absconded from her dwellings, Vivi slams the door shut with a nervous sigh. God, why did that damn fleshy piece of corpse shit have to crawl its way in here? The better question being where said cadaver imp might be lurking. A quick protrude through their closet shows the meat mound to not be hiding within. Ain’t there. Looking under her bed proved to be useless, as the creature was nowhere down there. Not there either. Dammit, where the hell is it hiding? Hearing the sound of scuttling steps behind them, the half skeleton turns about to find a glimpse of her hunt taking shelter behind the dresser. Gotcha now, bitch. With little hesitance or caution, Vivi slashes the scythe down upon their dresser, the wooden drawer splitting in half. They catch the undead horror show scurrying away from the broken piece of furniture and fleeing towards the back of the bed. No you don’t! A reckless swipe towards the soft mattress and the bed was sliced in two, the sentient growth crawling its way to the ceiling fan. Come on! Once more, Vivi wields the damned weapon, swinging the sharp blade overhead. The strike sends the fan crashing upon her person as the meaty monster scuttles away. God dammit!

Vivi’s two guests await to ambush the horrid mess of flesh outside the bedroom, the occasional echo of destruction reaching beyond the door. “So, you see anything in that girl or what?” the purple merc asks his orange haired sister. “Who, Vivi? Well, uh...She nice, cool, hyperactive, crazy. I like her a lot.” “A lot, huh? More then that red head your thirsty for?” “Chloe? No, I- Pfft, thirsty? What makes you think I like Chloe like that?” Mally attempts to deflect with a bombastically fake laughter. Not a single word escapes Roys tongue, his obviously knowing look being more then enough of a response. Her fake guffaw quickly dies down, and is soon replaced with a weary sigh as she wonders: “Is it that blatant?” “Oh, your thirst for red cream soda is very clear.” “I-I mean, Vivi’s really really awesome, but...I’m just holding out for Chloe. Ya know?” “Why not just have both of them? Like a...banana, strawberry and cherry fruit punch Sunday.” “A-at the same time!? I-I don’t know. I haven’t even had one girlfriend before. Not sure I could handle two at once.” Mally responds, her face red like a tomato. “Come on. How hard can it be? I mean I hookup with more then one person from time to time.” “Flings don’t count Roy. I mean like actual relationships. Have you ever actually been in one that wasn’t just a hookup?” “Um...Well...Oh, there was-...No wait, that didn’t happen...Huh...Guess not.” “Then may you ain’t the best guy to give out advice like that, are ya?” “Probably.”

Right then and there is when the bedroom door unexpectedly slices in half, the fleshy horror, scuttling past in their surprise. “Quick! Get it!” Vivi shouts.

Quick to the chase is Mally, who witnesses the hunt retreat back to the living room. Back at the scene of the crime, the hockey wielding hero spots terrifying growth upon the TV screen. Hurling her weapon towards her target, the horrid creature scurries away from the flying stick that instead impales itself in the television. Vivi is next to enter the scene, locking her site onto the living pile of flesh as it crawls behind the couch. The strawberry blonde flails their blade at the monster, slicing the sofa in pieces as she finds the mound of meat scurrying away. Roy comes in not a moment sooner, finding the abomination born from his flesh held up on the ceiling. Swiftly, the merc waist no time dispatching his hell spawn with a full blown blast of darkness, but blowing a massive hole in Vivi’s roof in the destructive process.

Vanquishing the hideous growth, the three bask in the pleasurable cloudy sky above from the broken roof. “Huh...guess that fucking happened. Maybe another might work.” Vivi wonders, aiming the scythe once more towards Roy. “No!” both of their guests blurt out. “I-I mean. No, thanks Vivi. I’m sure you’ve done all you could. We’ll just go somewhere else for help.” Mally tries to relay. “Alright, but my parents are gonna freak the fuck out when they see their house trashed like a crack junkies favorite hiding spot. Probably cost them upwards of...I don’t know, 10,000 bucks or some shit.” “Oh, We’ll be happy to cover for any damages to your home might’ve received. Right Roy?” Mally avows, looking towards her one armed brother. An irritated growl escapes the purple mercs mouth as he reluctantly takes out his wallet once more.

Upon exiting from the abode, Roy tells Mally: “Right, now if there ain’t no more torturous situations you want to parade me through today, I going back home. Wasted enough time and money as is.” “Hang on! I’m nowhere near done yet. There’s still a couple more people I wanna take you to.” “Oh come on, who else could you possibly have left to put me through the wringer?”

“Of course I’d be happy to help.” Kingsley happily offers. “Your kidding, right? Why’d you drag me to his sexy twink ass? I already said I don’t want a robot arm. It’d break the first moment I’d punch some bastards jaw clean off.” “No, but I can help in others ways. I’m not just a technician, you know.” “Just give him a shot, Roy. He has pulled off miracles for us before. Maybe he can with you.” Mally advises. “Fine. Work you’re magic, miracle worker.” “See Roy, your problem is that your obsession for revenge is purely a psychological affair. No amount of potions or magic can fix that. What you need is a good old fashioned psycho analysis.” “And you’re gonna be my psychiatrist? You even certified?” Roy questions. “Well...Not exactly. But I’ve been meaning to get into psychiatry for a while now. This could be just the dive in I need.” Turning towards his sister, the purple merc is greeted with a sincere smile, a clear sign of desiring acceptance. “Just give him a chance. You never know if might actually help.” the voice in Roys head echoes. Letting out weary groan, he surrender to the prospect of therapy. “Fine, lets just gets circus performance over with.”

Resting upon the gentle memory foam of the boy geniuses bed, Roy lets himself sink into the softness of the mattress. “This beds comfy as balls.” At the bedside, Kingsley himself sits with laptop in lap, ready to take note of whatever psychological info may sprout. “Right, so where should we start first? Childhood? Job? Mental state? Hit me.” Roy offers. “How about we not go down those revenues today. For now, lets just talk about your arm. How did losing your arm make up feel?” “Pissed. How else?” “Okay, um. In what way? Like sad angry, crazy angry, what?” “Angry angry.” “Alright, rough start. That’s fine. Um, how do you feel about, hnn...Circe?” Kingsley asks. “Probably same as you do. I mean she did shoot a hole in your chest.” “Oh, so you’re feeling really scared about her. Is that right?” “What, no. I’m talking revenge. Getting her back for what she did to you.” “Okay, but uh…Are you sure that revenge is the best option?”. “Are you saying that she shouldn’t pay for what she almost did to our friends?” Roy rebuttals. Failing to muster a response, all Kingsley could do was stare nervously at his patient. “Hmm...”.

Outside, Mally awaits for the session to end via a makeshift waiting area; a small bowl of delicious suckers rest upon a table between the seat. Sweeping the bowl of sweets in her grasp, she digs through the various flavors, hoping to uncover the one she desires. Come on. It’s gotta be in here. Pulling out a cherry sucker, the orange hair lasses face beams with joy. Yes. The tarty sweetness of the red fruit is always a taste to enjoy. Hesitating not a moment longer, she unwraps the little treat and pops the candy into her mouth. As she enjoys the succulent flavors of the sucker, a voice chimes in from her side, asking the lass: “What are you doing?” A gaze to her left gives her a view of Cayenne staring her down. “Just waiting for Roy’s to get through his therapy session.” she responds. “Therapy?” “Yeah. Kingsley helping Roy get over his lost arm.” “Huh. Didn’t think Kingsley was a therapist. Maybe he can sort my shit out when he’s done.” Cayenne wonders, taking the seat next to her guest. “Got some issues to work out?” “Some.” “Wanna talk about em?” “Nope.” Failing to bait anymore words forward, Mally instead offers the bowl of suckers to the spice queen. Cayenne glances down the dish full of tasty treats, tempting at the prospect of picking a flavor.

“How about we just go through some hypotheticals, huh? What’s you’re plan on tracking her down.” the purple mercs psychiatrist wonders. “Well, I’ve been going through police reports, sightings, forum boards, deep web searches, all the nooks and crannies I can stick my dick into non stop.” “And how long have you’ve been at this?” “Don’t know, about several days now.” “How all that working out for you?” Roy averts his gaze from him upon the question, not a single answer escaping from his mouth. An all too clear sign to the novice therapist that his patient is hesitant to admit his lack of progress. “Nothing, huh?” Again, the one armed merc fails to muster a single word, only giving his therapist a disappointed groan for a response. “Roy. That’s fine. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re not gonna find somebody in hiding in about a week.” Seeing his patient refusing to even glance in his direction, Kingsley opts to fish for one more answer. “Why don’t I ask one more question, before we wrap this up, huh? What do you plan on doing when you find Circe?” Upon the question reaching his ears, the purple merc begins to rise from the memory foam bedding. “Oh ho, that’s an easy one. First thing I’m doing once I find that mystic witch bitch is tear her arm right outta her socket in the most horribly painful fashion imaginable. I want her to feel the exact kind of pain she gave me.” Standing on the side Kingsley was sitting upon, Roy slowly begins turning his gaze towards his therapist as he continues. “Then, I’m gonna sow the arm I ripped off where mine was and slap her senseless with it til she’s nothing but a sobbing mess of tears and blood.” Slowly beginning to creep his way towards his therapist, Kingsley starts to back away from his patient in kind. “Honestly, I’d say that be what anybody wants if they’d gone through the same shit I did. But apparently that just makes me coo coo for cocoa puffs, don’t it? Now do I look like a cuckoo bird to you, Kingsley?” Met face to face with the merc sinister gaze, Kingsley struggles to come up with even the faintest of answers towards his awaiting patient. Finally, he takes a breath and lets out a request. “Can you excuse me for a moment?”

The boy genius sudden abscond from the makeshift office catch the girls awaiting outside off guard, who watch as he slams the door shut tight in his haste. “Nope.” Rising from her waiting room seat, Mally questions the frightened therapist with: “What happened? Did you find what’s wrong with him?” Drawing in another deep breath, Kingsley clasps both hands together as he prepares to admit: “Mally, I’m going to be complete transparent with you. I was not prepared for how far off Roy was at all. He needs to see an actual therapist, preferably behind a 12 inch sheet of reinforced glass.” “So...nothing then.” “I’m sorry Mally. I can’t help him.” Looking down into the carpeting of the halls, the worry that her brother might fall into the depths of his own revenge fueled madness echoes through the poor girls thoughts.

“Dude don’t need therapy.” Cayenne chimes in. A quick turn from behind, they witness the spice queen rise from her seat. “You got any ideas?” “Guys pissed about his arm getting blown off, right? Just needs help blowing off all that steam. All that’s that tension and stress’s probably driving him fucking nuts.” After a hearty bite that breaks the sweet in her mouth into tiny piece, she struts over to the bedroom door with a smile full of smug and glare full of sass. “So why don’t you two wait out here while I go make the purple jack off inside feel all better.” Cayenne closing the door behind her, both orange heads turn to one another. Wonder what she might have in store to help with Roy debilitating mentality.

Not a second later, the wall beside the bedroom door erupts in a mess of dust and wood. The clouds settling to reveal Roy, laying upon the wrecking of the opposite side. Coughing out the wall dust, he looks towards the hole in the wall with an irritated demeanor. Out from it, Cayenne walks with a taunt in waiting. “Come on, ya purple bitch. That all ya got? Or did losing your arm make ya suck at fighting even more?” Not a single moment does the merc hesitate to lunge towards the spice queen, kicking her out the bedroom window and into the luxurious backyard.

Upon landing in the middle of the garden, Cayenne witnesses her purple foe in following and dashing straight down towards her. She dodges out of the way, leaving Roy to stomp on the rose bush, the petals scattering upon impact. The merc then shoots out a ray of darkness out of his single hand, which Cayenne easily deflects. She sees Roy dashing towards her, and prepares to counter. Instinctively, he tries to punch to the left, but with no arm on that side, all that is left is for him to be smashed into the ground by Cayenne. Roy tries to quickly get back up from the blow, but his uneven balance makes him jump to the left. Getting his footing back, he sees Cayenne rushing toward him. After blocking two of her kicks with his legs, he dodges a punch coming to his right. He tries to counter, but again with no arm, he can’t. Cayenne takes the moment to punch Roy into the fountain. The garden décor shatters upon impact, the debris falling upon the boy.

Getting up from the rubble, Roy sees Cayenne slowly approaching. He takes a huge chunk of the broken fountain and chucks it in his opponents direction. Cayenne easily destroys the oncoming stone, the shattering clouding her view. From the dust, a foot plants itself firmly on her face, sending her flying across the garden, breaking a fence and a garden decoration or two. Upon getting back up, a gleeful smile is drawn upon the spice queens face. “You cheeky bitch.”

Both rush towards one another, Cayenne goes on the attack, but Roy ducks under and kicks her aside. As Cayenne skids away, she quickly fire red beams from her eyes at her opponent. Roy blocks the beams with a single hand, but is having difficulty holding it back with only one arm. Cayenne quickly pursues as Roy holds the ray back. The intensity of the beam growing stronger on approach. The merc distracted, she punches him square in the stomach. While in his range, Roy grabs Cayenne hair and delivers a hard headbutt to her face. Both fighters go reeling back from the blows, trying to regain themselves. Once stable, they witness the other smiling. “So, guessing from that smug ass grin of your, you enjoying yourself?” Cayenne asks. “Little bit, yeah.” Roy admits. “Good. Cause I ain’t holding back anymore.” “Funny, I thought this was all you had.” “Heh heh, I was gonna say the same thing.” The two of them begin to charge towards once another, ready to get serious.

Before the clash could carry on any further, Mally steps in between the approaching duo with an urging: “Stop!” Both halt their midair collision right in the nick of time, inches away from the interacting orange lass. “What the hell, kid? Why’d you stop us like that?” Cayenne complains. “Yeah, I was actually have fun for a second there.” Roy adds. Rushing out from the back door, Kingsley sprints in the scene, pleading: “She’s right. You gotta stop. Cayenne, remember what I said about getting rid of stress like this?” “This ain’t nothing like those club fights, Kingsley. It’s just a sparing match. No need to get so bent outta fucking shape.”. “Then what do you call that!?” Mally questions, presenting all the destruction they caused as counter evidence. “...Practice.”. A quick groan escaping her lips, Mally turns to her black winged brother and question. “Roy, be honest. Is all of this actually making you feel any better?” “Well...No. I mean it’s fun, but still feel like shit. Think I might just go home and lay in bed...forever.” “Wait a sec. Kingsley might’ve had a point about your whole arm thing being psychological... I think I might have one more person I wanna take ya to.” “Oh he-hell no! If it involves any more painful experimentation on my part, then you can fucking forget it sister.” “No no no. Trust me, I think you’re gonna like this.”

“Um, what about the backyard?” Kingsley wonders as the gardens burn and the broken fountain leaks. “What about the backyard? You’re fucking loaded, mate. This kinda shit right here probably cost you guys peanuts.” Roy mentions “Not unless you got a sue happy dad like mine. One time he found a fly in his soup at a restaurant and sued the whole place for literally everything. Even the employees.” “He sued the employees?” Mally wonders. “He sued “for” the employees.” “Why the hell she ain’t paying for it then? Damn bitch kicked off the whole backyard brawl.” the merc questions, an accusing finger pointed towards the spice queens direction. “You think I can pay for all this shit? Naw, man. I’m flat broke.” With next to no choice on the matter, the purple haired young man takes out his wallet once more to pay for his shenanigans.

A knock at the door upon a quaint suburban home sounds forth, Mally and Roy awaiting for the residence of the abode to answer, with a new party member joining for the occasion. “Thanks for showing us where your cousins staying Mel. Don’t think we could have found the address on our own.” “No prob. Just watch whatcha say around my aunt. She’s nice, but can be a very...temperamental woman” “In what regard?” Roy wonders. “Just watch how ya talk, kay?” The door opens, on the other side was a jolly round man, greeting them with a friendly smile. “Hey there, Melvin. These your friends?” “Yo, Uncle Hoagie. Is Hank home?” “Yep. The boy’s right inside, come on in.” The man of the house leads them within the humble abode, half full box littering some of the floor board. “Sorry about the mess. Still unpacking from the move. Just make yourselves comfortable.” His guest taking their seats, the man announces from across the living room.” “Kay, baby. Just tell em to wait in the living room. I’ll go get him.”

The father having left the scene, Roy finds it the perfect time to ask Mally: “So, why exactly did you drag me here again?” “Because, I wanna show you how you losing an arm isn’t the end of the world. And I think I might've found the guy who can finally burn through your doubts.” “Really? Cause the only thing you managed to burn through today was my bank account.” “That stuff was just spare cash to you anyway.” “I was gonna buy cool shit with it!” “What the hell did you say, boy!? I don’t care if you lost ya arm, you ain’t gonna be cursing in my house!” the mother shouts, the sudden demand making all of them jump from their seat. “Warned ya.”

Within one of the homes bedrooms, Roy enters to find the dwelling to be decorated with blue prints, devices, half built machines, and odd looking collectible cards. Not to shabby for a mechanic. Kind of a mess though. On the far end of the room was a desk with various mechanical tools and parts with a boy in a red cap sitting behind. “Heyo! You must be Roy. Mally told me all about what happened to you. Losing your arm and stuff.” the boy greets. “You Hank? Tell me, what exactly does she think you’ll do to make me feel peachy. Fight me, shock me? Poor boiling milk on my head? Come on, I’m ready for anything here. Bring it.” “Nah, nothing like that. I’m just tell ya how I felt when I was in your shoes.” “You? What makes you think I know what I’m going through?” “Oh...” The boy comes out from behind the desk, revealing himself to be sitting in a strange looking wheelchair. “I think I have some experience under my belt.” The sudden reveal catches Roy off guard, making him ask the handicapped boy: “You- You’re legs. They give out on ya?” “Well, kind of...It’s kind of a long story. Why don’t you take a seat.” A quick scan around the room proved to not have a lot of places one might rest. Whole room cluttered with half built gizmos and gadgets, there’s barely anyplace to sit. “Uh, where at?” “Um...Don’t know. Wanna borrow mine?” Hank offers. “What?” “Heh, heh. Just kidding. Just push the stuff off my bed. It’s fine. As the handicapped had requested, Roy pushes all the clutter weighing his bed to give himself a seat. Why’s he got all this junk everywhere? Think he’d give himself more room to wheel around. “Sorry about the mess. I’ve been meaning to clean up for a while. But I’ve been kinda busy. Anyway, I wanna tell you about the time I’ve discovered two of my greatest passions.”

“When I was really young, I was inspired with what my dad had built in his youth. I wanted to build stuff that was just like his, maybe even better. So I got to work. Building contraptions and gizmo with all my spare time. It’s there that I discovered my love for aviation. I wanted to build the best planes I could. I’d spend all day and night with all kinds of designs, weeks tinkering and tweaking to make sure they were the best they could be. Even test them out myself. And let me tell you, the first time I soared through the open air, the clouds in my head and the wind in my face, it was magical.

But then, at the ripe age of 8, disaster struck. Something went horribly wrong during one of my test flights. The inside of my cockpit was sparking, the controls weren’t working, the emergency eject wasn’t responding. It sent me into a whirling panic as I desperately tried to fight back for control. But before I knew it, I hit the ground. Dragging myself out from the wreckage, I’d lost all the feeling in my legs. It wasn’t until I was dragged to the hospital that I found out that I’d been left paralyzed from the waist down. I could no longer walk, run, or even stand. After that, I fell into such a horrible depression. Thinking that bound to wheelchair, I couldn’t do anything. I lost my drive...for building...for flying...and maybe...even for living. But one fateful day, when I was in the deepest pit of despair, I met a very famous man. An inventor, bound by the loss of his legs like I was. He personally showed me to his lab, presenting wonders that I would’ve never even dream of.

If he could make such ground breaking achievements without his legs, then what was stopping me. I hesitated no more. I got back in the game, my drive skyrocketing higher then ever before. I’ve made countless machines, gizmos and gadgets galore. Planes that have soared over the highest mountains and though the cloudiest skies. I don’t think I’d even be alive if it weren't for that man. He taught me one of the greatest lessons I ever heard. That in spite of body, your heart and mind, have no limit. And thanks to that, I was able to stand proud once more.”.

After listening to the boys heartfelt story of recovering depression, he realized what he said in last statement. “Wait...Stand proud?” Hank begins to snicker, the laughter escaping through his nose. “Can’t believe you caught that?” “But...Doesn’t it suck? That you can’t use you’re limbs anymore? That the burden may never go away?” “Yeah, at first it did, but I found work arounds. I built machines that can help me with everyday life. Help me get up stairs, go to the bathroom, even modified my chair to do a whole bunch of awesome stuff. Go off roading, stick to walls, launch missiles, even fly.” “Fly?” “Yeah, wanna see?” Hank asks. Throwing caution into the wind, Hank eagerly presses one of the buttons on his wheelchair. The seat takes flight, lifting him above the carpet floor and gliding him all across the room. “Pretty cool, huh! I can do this for minutes on end!” Smoke soon starts to come from the bottom of the chair and before he knew it, the boy had crashed back to the floor. The impact shaking the entire room, knocking over several machines down on the floor. “Heh, provided with fuel of course.” Helping Hank of the floor, both of them hear his mom shout: “Hank, what’d I tell you about flying indoors!?” “Sorry mom!” he apologizes. Getting back in his chair, Hank finishes with: “What I’m trying to get at is that losing my legs wasn’t the end of my world, and losing yours arm shouldn’t be the end of yours either.” Roy examines his left side, rubbing the spot where is arm used to be in contemplation.

Upon his exit from the bedroom, the purple merc is greeted with Mally and Melvin, awaiting for him in the hall. “So, feel any better?” Melvin asks. With an honest smile drawn across his face, he confirms to them that: “Yeah...I think I do.”. “So, does that mean you’re not gonna go after Circe?” Mally wonders. “Oh no. I’m still out for revenge. I’m ripping her arms off the moment I find her. But...I can let that happen in its own time. I’ll wait.” “Eh...Close enough. Least you’re feeling better” The girl throws Roy his fixed hoodie, the well earned, sentimental garment that he immediately dons. The stitching of the hood blanketing his skin makes him take in a deep breath, sighing with a sort of euphoric relief that he hasn’t felt in such a long time. “That’s the ticket.”

The wheelchair bound genius coming out of his room, Hanks wonders: “Did it work?”. “Looks like it did.” Melvin answers. “Awesome. Glad I could make your bro feel better Mally. Oh, before I forget!” Hank proclaims. Pulling out a yo yo from one of the compartments in his chair, Hank tosses the toy toward Mally. “Mally, catch.” Catching the seemingly harmless toy, the girl inspects reflective chrome finish, asking: “What’s this?” “It’s a new gadget that I made for you to test out. It’s a yoyo that can attach itself to any surface at will. With the combination of the high impact steel shell and ultra reinforced string, that gizmo should be strong enough to lift a heavy duty cargo hold.” “Awesome! What’s it called?”. “I...don’t know. I guess the grapple yoyo. I’ve rarely been good with names.” Hank admits. “Well, I guess to mark the occasion, how bout, I call it...The Royo.” Everyone simply stares at the girl as she presents the yo yo over her head. Melvin breaks the silents by chiding: “That’s even worse.”. That insult makes Mally lower the gadget, a loud groan escaping from her mouth. “Just call it the grapplyo. It’s punchy, memorable, and gets the point across. Just like my di-”. “You betta not finish that sentence!? Else I’m gonna whoop yo ass!” Hanks mom shouts, making everybody jump.

Walking from the front porch of humble dwellings, the adopted sibling turn their attention to one another, Mally asking Roy: “So, that you’re not coo coo for cocoa puffs anymore, You joining us for this dance thing that Tore’s girlfriend invited us to.”. “Nah, rather just train somewhere. Get used to this new setup of mine, ya know.” “Alright see ya.” the orange haired skater finishes before on the cusp of taking off. “Hey Mally.” Roy tells, making his sister halt in her tracks. She turns towards the merc, asking with: “Yeah?” “...Thanks.” With a warm smile, the skate jockey returns the thanks with: “No sweat.” Both of them part their separate ways, Mally blading her way through the streets as Roy takes to the skies.

As he flies away from the geniuses abode, Roy takes in a deep breath of suburban air. “So, I take it you’re back to your usual masochistically deranged self?” the voice in his head questions. “You know it, baby.” “Good, I was beginning to worry for a moment that’d you finally snap.” “Speaking of worry. I need to ask you a couple things. Starting with you’re name.” “Pardon?”. “It’s pretty clear your not just some voice in my head. Ever since I’ve been struck by that pink stone in the fortress a while back, you haven’t left my head since. And where most internal voices would drive someone to madness, you’ve only seemed to be trying to fish me out of it. What are you really?” “Guess I can’t put anything past you, can I? Very well, I supposed you at least deserve to know who I am.”

As the black winged angel flies out toward the waning sunset in the horizon, the voice that has been pestering him for so long now finally reveals herself. “My name is Hera. And I am a goddess.”

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At last, the next season of Young hope is here. Let's hope I can stay consistent for a little while.

Anyway, first chapter I think I start us off would be about Roy dealing with what happened to his arm and the ways one could cope with the suddenly finding yourself with that kind of disability. Also figured this would be the best way to introduce Hank since he acts as a sort of console for the purple merc. Probably the best way I've introduced a character yet, to be honest.

All of this was inspired by that one Kim Possible episode with the wheelchair guy.

Hank belongs to: @kururu418

#Young Hope #lillaxtrigger

2 notes · View notes

psionicsua · 6 years

Note

All of the color things for all your ocs

So there are twelve colors, and I have six ocs I actually know things about. They Each Get Two Colors.

HECTOR

Red - What makes you angry?

I would say that I get “rightfully indignant” about anything I sees as immoral, unholy, or unlawful… So, uh, everything.

Crimson - Have you ever been in war? If so, describe how it impacted you.

I have not!

Maroon - What are you most passionate about?

Definitely dishing out vigilante justice, saving humans from demons and the fae.

Imperial - Are you in any position of power or authority?

I am, as one born with an angel’s gift, I carry out God’s authority against sinners.

Ruby - Would you consider yourself impulsive or reckless?

I wouldn’t say that. I am brave, and courageous, and those who are brave may occasionally rush to do the right thing.

Chili - Do you like spicy foods?

Hell yeah!

Brick - What are some things you dislike?

Rose - Would you consider yourself a romantic person?

Maybe if I met the right person, but I’ve always been to busy to seek out romance.

Redwood - How tall are you?

About 5’9”, last I checked!

Wine - What is your opinion on alcohol? (and does it exist in your world?)

Uh, it’s, fine I guess? Everything in moderation.

TEFFAN

Orange - What are some of your comfort foods?

Well, when I feel really down, I like nothing more than a slice of warm, fresh bread and a pat of butter.

Spice - Do you like to cook? Do you cook often?

I love to cook. I didn’t much at home, although I helped a lot in the dairy. But while running the diner I was cooking every day, and I adored that life.

Tangerine - What is your favorite fruit?

I suppose pomegranates? They’re a mess to eat but I really love the taste.

Peach - Are you generally a more gentle and soft spoken person or a louder and rougher person?

Hmm, I would say soft-spoken, but firm.

Squash - Do you live in an agricultural setting? If so, are you a farmer or something of the sort? What kind of crops do you grow?

I did,yes. My family has always been part of a farming/ranching community, and we specifically herded sheep.

Amber - Do you wield any sort of superpower? If so, what is it?

Is magic a superpower?

Honey - Have you ever considered marrying someone? What is your opinion on marriage in general?

I have, yes. There is someone very special to me, that I would marry if I could. I was raised by parents who loved each other and really like the idea of family.

Sandstone - Who in your life has been the most healing for you?

I suppose it’s that special someone.

Rust - Have you thought about becoming old? Can you become old? Are you scared of being old? What do you think about elders?

I have. I was mentored by many older women, and look forward to being as wise and knowledgeable as they are.

Pumpkin - What is your favorite part of Autumn? (If that exists in your world)

My favorite part of fall is that is that it isn’t spring.

Jumpsuit - Have you ever been arrested/ in trouble with authority?

I don’t think so, as I see a corrupt mayor as someone who has ceded his authority.

Bronze - What is your favorite way to warm up when it’s cold?

I like to go to the dairy and churn butter, or these days cook a lot. Working hard and expending energy will always generate warmth.

OEHLER

Yellow - Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

A realist, for sure, but one who knows he can make things work out for him.

Dandelion - Would you consider yourself stubborn?

Ooooh yes, I love to get my way.

Marigold - What types of flowers are in your setting? Do you have a favorite?

Don’t know don’t care.

Blonde - What is your hair color? do you like it?

Fuck yes it’s beautiful and gleaming silver, just like metal.

Lemon - Are you more of a clean or dirty person?

Very clean. I was raised with standards, thanks.

Safety - What is the most traumatic experience in your life?

Fuck. Well. The first time I saw combat kinda fucked me up.

Gold - Would you consider yourself more rich or poor, in comparison to the world you live in?

Rich. Deffo rich.

Butterscotch - Is there candy in the world you live in? If so, do you have a favorite one?

Yeah, but I’m not really one for sweets. I guess if forced I like sesame candy.

Daffodil - Do you like trying new things? What is something new you’d like to try?

I like trying new techniques in robotics! There’s so much more I want to experiment with, especially in human augmentation.

Sunshine - Are you a more active or lazy person?

I would say active, I work hard because for me that’s playing hard.

MARK

Green - Was there ever a time in your life that you went through a period of growth? describe it.

Oh, yeah absolutely! After helping my friends settle some rather unsavory business, I realized my skills had to be used to help everyone, so I chose to train as a guard.

Juniper - What is the nature like in your setting?

Well it’s just beautiful, I’ve been in the town of Spellhaven for a little while now, and I’ve been lucky enough to see beautiful mountains vistas, lush forest, and some really amazing overgrown ruins!

Shamrock - Do you believe in luck? If so, are you a generally lucky person?

I think so! I’m lucky to have met each and every one of my friends, making me very lucky indeed!

Pine- If camping exists in your wold, have you gone camping? did you like it? do you go often?

We camped out a lot while I was working as a mercenary. I didn’t mind it so much, but I’m glad I’ve got a real bed and a roof over my head these days!

Green tea - Does Tea it exist in your world? If so do you like it, and which kind is your favorite?

Oh yes! I love an energizing black tea!

Fern - Would you enjoy running a flower shop?

Hmm, well, I love traveling and would hate to give up seeing the world, but if I had to really settle down somewhere that sounds pretty good to me.

Seafoam - Are there bodies of water in your setting? Describe them if you can

There aren’t! I’m sorry about that.

Mint - Does Ice cream exist in your world? If so, what is your favorite Ice cream flavor?

Yeah!! Only had it once, but I love Rocky Road!!!

Laurel - Is there a major victory you’ve achieved in your life? if so, what is it?

Oh for sure, like, I helped a friend find her ancestral home and overthrow her evil uncle, who had poisoned her grandfather in order to claim her thrown.

Emerald - If you could be immortal, would you want to be?

Goodness, yes! It would be sad to watch my friends grow old, but imagine how many people I would get to meet.

Brunswick - Are you a person who is often jealous? what makes you jealous most often?

Nope, not really!

Avocado - Are you a health nut or a fan of junkfood?

I’m neither, I like a good balance.

Army - Do you have a fighting style? If so, what is it?

Yes! I try to keep to the back lines, dealing damage from my bow and helping out whatever group I’m fighting with from a tactical standpoint.

Olive - What is your Greek personality type? (sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, or melancholic)

Phlegmatic!

KOKUMO

Blue - Are you a creative person? How do you like to be creative?

I am, I suppose. I draw well, but in terms of actually creating, I enjoy experimenting with different herbal remedies to make new potions, with unexpected ingredients.

Peacock - Are you a more flashy person, or do you like to blend in?

I would very much prefer to fade into the background of any given conversation.

Sky - What is your favorite time of the day?

The long entirety of night.

Arctic - Do you prefer warm or cool weather?

Cool, preferably cold. It’s comforting to me.

Cerulean- What is your favorite way to cool down in hot weather?

I have a mixture of coriander and mint that helps to bring down body temperature. With a pinch of sugar, it can make a refreshing drink.

Baby (blue) - Would you consider having children? If so, how many?

I really couldn’t say.

Periwinkle - Would you consider yourself to be a good parent? what do you think a good parent should be?

A good parents should be supportive, patient, intelligent, and instructive. A good parent should be attentive and aware. A good parent should treat their child with respect. A good parent should love their child.

Denim - What is your fashion style?

I wear clothing that is practical, made of sturdy fabrics, and I have a personal fondness for drapey layers. I wore the same clothes for my life, tending to wear only brown. But now that I’m given the chance, I have indulged in pleasingly luxurious fabrics in tones of blue and silver.

Navy - have you ever been on a boat/sailing? does it exist in your world? did you enjoy it?

I have, once, on a long voyage around the edge of the continent. I found it difficult to adjust to but enjoyed learning of the unique social atmosphere amongst sailors.

Ultramarine - What is your favorite aquatic creature? (if they exist)

I have heard tall tales of massive squid, living in the depths of the ocean and clashing with whales. They appeal to me.

Cobalt - Do you live in a world with freedom? Describe your opinion on the subject

I do, and it is frustrating. Left so unchecked, most people fester and rot and spread that rot to others. However, to limit personal freedom would be to stifle the rare exceptions. I’m not sure where I stand on this issue.

Teal - What makes you feel most at peace?

Talking with someone I understand, and being understood by them.

Turquoise - Are you good at communicating your feelings?

I don’t see the need to.

Lapis - What is your opinion on religion and the afterlife?

Gods are just as flawed as mortals. The afterlife is intriguing, but not somewhere I’m interested in going.

Aegean - Would you consider yourself a wise person? who do you look to for wisdom?

I am wise, and gain more wisdom as I go on through the world. I used to look to my mentor, before she passed away, and then to Aengus. I think perhaps I now look forward, to my peers, then up to any power.

OEHLER

Purple - Is there magic in your world? if so, describe how it works

Yeah, but uh, who knows.

Violet - What is your ideal date?

Fuck okay so I meet him at his work, win him over with some top tier charm, and we take a twilit stroll, drinking and talking of whatever comes to mind. Then he takes me home and pounds me into the mattress.

Lilac - How would someone win you over?

By being adorable and awkward and having a sexy accent and running an alcohol smuggling ring and being a dwarf named Finn.

Lavender - what is a smell you really like?

Wine. And metal. And oil. And smokes.

Royal - How do politics work in your world?

Oh, well, Charon is our reigning government, controlled by a demigod known as the Anima. We overtake city-states and welcome them to the empire.

Eggplant - What’s the weirdest thing you’ve eaten?

Uh, nothing weird, because again. Standards.

Amethyst- What is your aesthetic?

You know when you open up a robot and see all their gears turning together perfectly? That. And blueprints. And polished chrome.

Mauve - What makes you feel nostalgic?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmnothing. Live for the moment.

Magenta - What is your Zodiac sign?

Aries.

LUCIA

Pink - Are you currently in a relationship? if so, who is your partner?

Um, hah, uh, no definitely not.

Watermelon - what are your favorite summer activities?

Staying inside.

Bubblegum - Are you a sassy or sarcastic person?

See above.

Salmon - Do you have any health issues or physical disabilities?

Not, I don’t, actually!

Blush - Do you have a crush on anyone? If so, who is it?

I, um. I tend to crush pretty easily.. On just about everyone I meets. I also have a sustained crush on my three party members – Mina, who is so flirty and lighthearted but has a bossy protective side, that even when we butt heads, I really admire; Miles, who is so sweet and so supportive and who I love watching grow into his own person outside of Mina; and Alcaeus, who is charming and strong and who I absolutely swoon over, but who also makes me feel like I’m impressive and can help everyone out.

Cotten candy - Would you say you have a sweet tooth?

Oh, yes, I love chocolate.

Carnation - Are you comfortable with PDA?

Absolutely! I love seeing people in love, and if I had someone who loved me I wouldn’t be shy about it.

Rouge- Do you have an unpopular opinion?

Hmm… four cats are all the friends anyone could ever need?

Pastel - Do you prefer pastel, bright, neon, or dark colors?

Dark, very dark.

Coral - Do you have a strong moral code? What are some moral things that you feel strongly about?

I don’t, really. I try to do right by people as much as I can, though.

Fuchsia - Are you a generally playful or goofy person? Who or what makes you feel playful or goofy?

Uh, no. Unless I’m alone with the cat posse, because they are some goooooooooood cats and deserve a fun hangout.

HECTOR

White - Do you consider yourself a good person? What’s the best thing you’ve ever done for somebody?

Absolutely. I save people daily from the sins of this world.

Snow - Have you ever seen snow? Do you like it? What do you like to do in the snow?

I have. It’s more of an inconvenience than anything, low visibility and all that.

Frost - What do you like to wear in cold weather?

Put on something long-sleeved under my leather jacket,

Bone - When was the first time you ever witnessed death? How did it impact you?

Oh, real early after coming to the city. Saw a demon get away with killing some poor woman. It really got me started on my activism!

Cotton - What do you like to wear for pajamas?

Literally nothing.

Cream - Do you prefer Tea, Coffee, or Cocoa? (If your world has those things. If not, what sort of hot drinks do you have?)

Coffee, I need energy to get through my busy days.

Coconut - What would be your ideal vacation?

I would really like to meet my angel, so I guess visiting Heaven?

Pearl - What do you look for in a romantic partner?

I guess, they’d be creative, light-hearted, good, kind.. You know, just someone really sweet. And willing to makeout pretty much anywhere.

Parchment - Do you like to read or write?

Yeah, but I don’t really have time for it.

Lace - What would you name your child if you were to have one?

Penelope is really cute!

Porcelain - Do you consider yourself a delicate person? Do you fall apart easily?

Nope, not at all. You gotta be tough to stand by your convictions.

Salt - Would you consider yourself a mean person? What is it like to fight with you?

I can be harsh, but mean, no, I don’t think so. Fighting with me is being supported by my spells while I tank the demon.

Ghost- Are you easily scared? What scares you the most?

Nope!

Ivory - Do you play any musical instruments? If so, which ones and how well?

Yeah, I play piano, violin, flute, and harp. But my real talent is my singing voice.

Chiffon - Do you prefer a larger and cleaner environment, or a smaller and cozier one?

The cozier the better!

Alabaster - What is the most recognizable thing about you? What are people most likely to notice about you when they first meet you?

Thank goodness, in NYC no one gives white hair and white facial tattoos a second glance. Without my shades and false contacts, tho, the purely white eyes are pretty noticeable/recognizable.

Egg-nog - Do you celebrate Christmas? If so, what traditions do you have? Which are your favorite?

Nope! I’m Jewish.

Ecru - Do you have curly, wavy, or straight hair?

Straight and short!

TEFFAN

Beige - What kind of foods do you eat when you’re bored?

Honestly, just cheese.

Tan - What is your skin color? Do you like it, or do you wish you looked different?

I have naturally fair skin, which used to be a bit tanner from helping with the sheep. I wish I wasn’t quite so.. pink.

Buttermilk - Do you prefer pancakes or waffles? (if those exist in your world)

Pancakes.

Oatmeal - What is your usual breakfast?

Pancakes.

Linen - What clothes do you wear to work?

I wear my favorite dress, a simple blue one that fits like a second skin, under my white apron.

Sugar cookie - What reminds you of your childhood?

Making butter and cheeses.

Sand - Have you ever been to a beach? If so, what’s your favorite thing to do at the beach?

I haven’t, no. Don’t really see the appeal.

Hazel - What kind of folklore/myths/stories are told in your family/community?

Used to be a lot of negativity about magic, but my being a wizard changed some ideas there.

Sepia - Do you have any hobbies? If so, what are they?

Not.. really.

Buff - Would you consider yourself to be fit, fat, or skinny?

Fit, maybe a bit curvy from eating while cooking.

Latte - Do you like milk in your hot drinks?

God, yes.

MARK

Brown- Where do you call home?

Anywhere I happen to be! So that’s Spellhaven, for the next two years!

Mocha - How do you like your coffee? (If you like coffee)

Black, hot, and fresh!

Cinnamon - Which of the “Cinnamon Roll” memes fits you best? (looks like they could kill but is actually a cinnamon roll, looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you, looks like a cinnamon roll and is actually a cinnamon roll, looks like they could kill you and could actually kill you, or sinnamon roll)

Looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you, but also is actually a cinnamon roll.

Tawny - Cats or Dogs? (or any animal for that matter)

I love all animals, but I have to say dogs if you’ve really got me up against the wall!

Hickory - How smart are you? Would you consider yourself more book smart or street smart?

I would say I’m pretty smart, I have a sharp tactical mind, but I don’t think that shows up a lot in ordinary conversation.

Leather - How “badass” would you say you are?

I think I’m pretty cool, but I’ve got nothing on magic users!

Brunette - If you could change your hair color, what would you change it to?

I like what I’ve got! Green hair might look cool though.

Gingerbread - What is your favorite holiday?

Any feast day, where everyone can get together and make each other happy!

Penny - If you could make a substantial living doing anything, what would you do?

Travelling and helping people! So, being a guard is pretty good.

Chocolate - Do you like chocolate? If so, what is your favorite way to eat it?

Yeah! I love chocolate! And, uh, any way?

Chestnut - Have you ever ridden an animal? If so, which one?

Yeah, I’ve ridden horses, but I definitely prefer to walk.

Umber - Who do you call your friend? How many Friends do you have?

I suppose anyone who I can! I love to meet people, and tend to get along with them pretty well, so I’d like to think of almost everyone as a friend of mine.

Carob - What do you look for in a friend?

Anyone with a good heart!

Cedar - How old are you?

Around mid- to late-twenties.

Caramel - How much does sugar affect you?

I haven’t really noticed an effect.

Mahogany- What is your moral alignment? (Lawful good, Neutral good, Chaotic good, Lawful neutral, True neutral, Chaotic Neutral, Lawful evil, Neutral evil, Chaotic Evil)

Lawful Good!

Peanut - Do you have any allergies?

Nope!

KOKUMO

Grey/Gray - Introvert, Extrovert, or Ambivert?

I would say introverted.

Shadow - What is your biggest regret?

Ah. Well, the woman who raised me contracted an illness, and although I now know it’s incurable there was a moment where I left her, and that was a moment lost that I might have thought of something.

Silver - What do you imagine the future to be like?

I have a long journey ahead of me, but I will eventually become a god from the blood of the sea, and I will serve a true form of knowledge, one that saves this rotting world. And one that will save the souls of those who deserve it.

Graphite - Do you like to draw? If so, do you draw often? What do you like to draw?

I do. I keep constant journals, and I record everywhere I go and most people I meet. I most enjoy drawing plant life, but it has been some time since I was able to conduct a botanical survey.

Smoke - Have you ever taken any drugs?

I take drugs regularly, an herbal supplement that suppresses my estrogen production and increases testosterone.

Fog - Was there ever a period in your life when you were confused and lost? how did you get out of it?

I have had moments of confusion, yes, but I found my way. For example, after seeing how incompetent Aengus is, I found strength within myself to become what he could not.

Fossil - Do you have any older relatives other than your parents? If so, how many? Do you like them?

I do not have any relatives.

Slate - If you could erase any memory from your life, would you do it? If so, which memory would you chose?

The memory I was given of my own abandonment.

Cloud - What do you spend the majority of your time thinking about?

Other people, how to best understand them, what defines them, what matters to them, and how to use that to destroy them.

Ash - Is there something or someone from your past that you miss?

I miss Hermione.

Iron - Have you ever used a weapon? Do you own one? If so what is it?

I have weapons, but have never used one. My own skill with magic and my ingenuity is enough.

LUCIA

Black - What is the darkest thing you’ve ever done?

One time I accidentally kicked Cabbage because he was running around my feet. That was a grim day for me and the posse.

Ebony - Describe your family

Well! My dads are powerful sorcerers, who do a lot of work with the city council. I’m not quite as close to them as I’d like. My twin brother, Max, is a naturally talented sorcerer and very proud of it. I love him, but his ego can be a little annoying. Our older brother, Otto, is a warlock and a wonderful person! He doesn’t talk but we all sign to one another, and he gave me my first cat, Enigma, as a birthday gift when she was just a kitten.

Onyx - What are your nightmares most often about?

I have a lot of nightmares! They’re usually just surreal, bizarre dreamscapes that I travel through. They’re frightening and upsetting and.. I really like them.

Obsidian - Do you suffer from any mental disabilities?

I don’t think so!

Spider - What irrational fears do you have?

I’m a little afraid that one day everyone I admire will reveal that I was useless to them all along.

Charcoal - on a scale of one to ten how would you rate your survival skills?

A solid five. I can get by but not for long!

Soot - How hard do you work to achieve your goals?

Hmm, I would say I’m pretty focused! My goals are generally amorphous though.

Midnight - Are you a night or morning person?

Nighttime. I wish I could sleep all day and live life in the night.

Raven - Can you fly? If not, do you ever dream about flying?

I can’t, and have never thought of it. It sounds like an intriguing experience to me, though!

Ink - write your autobiography in one sentence

Study hard enough, and magic is at your fingertips, and at your feet as you walk the world over.

#i did it #kinda broke the rules but i DID IT #lucia #kokumo #hector #oehler #teffan #mark #yourladybrie #oc

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atlanticcanada · 6 years

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Rookie MLA to vie for leadership of N.S. Progressive Conservatives

HALIFAX -- A rookie member of the legislature is the fourth candidate and first woman to enter Nova Scotia's Progressive Conservative leadership race.

Elizabeth Smith-McCrossin announced her candidacy Tuesday during an event in Amherst.

Smith-McCrossin, who represents the riding of Cumberland North, joins fellow caucus members Tim Houston and John Lohr, along with Cape Breton Municipality Mayor Cecil Clarke, in the contest for the party's top job.

"I think it's the right time for me personally and I think it's the right time for the party to elect a woman as leader," Smith-McCrossin said in an interview.

Party officials said they checked records as far back as the 1940s and believe she is the first woman to vie for the party leadership, although current Liberal Finance Minister Karen Casey was the Tories' interim party leader from late 2009 until August 2010.

Smith-McCrossin's caucus colleague Karla MacFarlane is currently interim leader. She assumed the post after Jamie Baillie resigned two weeks ago following an allegation of inappropriate behaviour.

Like her caucus colleagues in the race, Smith-McCrossin said she was satisfied with a party investigation that ended with Baillie's departure, even though it didn't use the legislature's formal process under its harassment policy.

"The victim actually chose not to, it was really her decision," she said. "I applaud the leadership of the party -- they did what was right."

The 48-year-old is a registered nurse who operated a health care business prior to being elected to the legislature for the first time in May 2017.

Smith-McCrossin, who grew up on a dairy farm in Linden, N.S., said she believes her rookie status as a politician shouldn't disqualify her.

"I think what makes a successful politician is someone that listens to the people, someone that's collaborative, and someone that has proven leadership, which I do have based on my last 20 years of growing my businesses and my work in the community," she said.

Currently the party's health critic, Smith-McCrossin said her priorities as leader would be economic growth and tackling problems in the province's ailing health care system.

"I've been a registered nurse for 27 years ... so I bring a real knowledge with me. I definitely have some ideas on how we can get our health system on the right track."

Smith-McCrossin will be in tough against the early perceived front-runner Houston and the high-profile Clarke, who is a former Tory cabinet minister.

Details of the leadership convention are expected to be announced during the party's annual general meeting this weekend in Halifax.

from CTV News - Atlantic http://ift.tt/2BZIPps

#new brunswick #prince edward island #nova scotia #news #politics #canada #CTVAtlantic

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mastcomm · 4 years

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The Royals Are Coming to Canada, but Where Will They Live?

OTTAWA — While many Canadians have been assiduously following every twist in the plans of Prince Harry and Meghan, his wife, to take a break from royal duties, the couple may find their plan to live part time in Canada will, in the end, be greeted by a great national yawn.

Half of Canadians contacted by the Angus Reid Institute, a nonprofit polling organization, “really do not care” if the couple, known formally at least for now as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, lay down roots in Canada, according to a recent survey by the group.

And an overwhelming 73 percent of those polled said they don’t want Canada spending any money on their security.

“The whole thing is being met with a royal shrug,” said Shachi Kurl, the executive director of Angus Reid, which is based in Vancouver, British Columbia. “There’s a disconnect between the coverage of this story and the perceptions of what the reaction of people will be. It really signals to the royal family that Canada is not to be taken for granted.”

Almost nothing is actually known about the couple’s plans for Canada, but that has not limited speculation. The main question for Canadians who are eager to see them come is where will they live.

Perhaps inevitably, there are some long-shot attempts to attract the couple.

The mayor of Sussex, New Brunswick, the self-proclaimed dairy capital of New Brunswick, has played along gamely with humorous suggestions that its name alone makes the community an ideal place for Harry and Meghan.

But most speculation, particularly in the British press, has centered on three places: Vancouver; Victoria, also in British Columbia; and Toronto.

The Sun tabloid in Britain recently claimed that the couple was looking at a six-bedroom home in Vancouver listed for 35.8 million Canadian dollars. While technically in the Kitsilano neighborhood — famous as the center of the city’s counterculture in the 1960s and 70s — the house sits on rarefied Point Grey Road, which follows the shoreline, and is dominated by mansions.

Its residents include Chip Wilson, the founder of the yoga clothing maker Lululemon, whose house was assessed last year at just under 65 million dollars.

Dampening the Vancouver speculation, however, are reports in the Canadian press that the real estate agent handling the offering of the Point Grey house is unaware of any interest from Harry or Meghan.

Further fueling the Vancouver speculation has been the city’s comparative proximity to Los Angeles, Meghan’s birthplace, and her recent appearance at a charity in Vancouver’s poorest neighborhood.

Whatever national polls indicate, several Vancouver residents said they would welcome the couple as neighbors — although perhaps not for reasons people seeking a more private life would desire.

Samantha Miller, 29, who works in human resources at the University of British Columbia, said the couple could boost tourism to Vancouver and lend the city some “sparkle.”

“I feel quite bad for them for the way they have been treated,” she said. “There is excitement that they would pick Vancouver.”

The area around Victoria, the capital of British Columbia, is on the list largely because the couple are renting a house in one of its suburbs. It seems like a good prospect because the winter weather in Victoria is moderate, it has long played up its British heritage and the local newspaper, which features a coat of arms granted to the colony of Vancouver Island by Queen Victoria, voluntarily withheld publishing any articles about Harry and Meghan’s Christmas retreat there until they made the news public.

But greater Victoria has a population of 367,770, and is known mostly as a place where people retire rather than embark on a new life.

Toronto was Meghan’s home when she was known as Meghan Markle and starring in the television drama “Suits,” which was filmed in Canada’s largest city. The city is the capital of Canada’s English-language media and once she became romantically linked with Harry, the couple’s movements there were constantly tracked by cameras and reporters.

Toronto is also home to Jessica Mulroney, a close friend of Meghan’s who recently babysat her child, Archie, when she returned briefly to Britain. Ms. Mulroney, a fashion stylist who frequently appears on Canadian television, is married to Ben Mulroney, a Canadian television host and the son of Brian Mulroney, a former prime minister.

The prospect of the couple’s long-term presence in Canada has induced hand-wringing among some of the country’s constitutional scholars.

While many polls, including the recent Angus Reid survey, show a great deal of respect for Queen Elizabeth, Canadians are less enthusiastic about the institution of the monarchy and, in particular, about the idea of Prince Charles, Harry’s father, as the country’s king.

But doing anything about the role of Britain’s queen or king as Canada’s official head of state would involve amending Canada’s constitution, a process so fraught with disagreement that no political appetite exists to take it on.

While the royal coat of arms long ago disappeared from mailboxes in Canada, the country’s laws are created and enforced in the queen’s name, public servants swear an oath to her and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his cabinet are technically her advisers.

The key to public acceptance of that, several scholars have noted recently, has been that the queen has become a distant figure who lives overseas and is represented in Canada by the governor-general, an appointed figure who has since 1952 been a Canadian. Having active members of the royal family, some argued, might upset that balance.

“Canada’s version of the monarchy has been thoroughly Canadianized, and there’s really no room for the Sussexes except as private citizens,” said an editorial in The Toronto Star.

Michael D. Behiels, a professor of Canadian political history at the University of Ottawa, said that the decision over the weekend by the couple to take a complete break from royal duties and titles has made those concerns “moot.”

Resolving the issue of who should cover their security costs might be harder to work out. Their soon-to-vanish status as active members of the royal family entitles Harry and Meghan to protection by the Royal Canada Mounted Police under a United Nations treaty. The Mounties have remained silent on what will come next or what it will cost. Mr. Trudeau said recently that there have been no discussions on the matter.

But whatever the cost and wherever they live, Matthew Tam, 45, who runs the Oh Sweet Days bake shop in Vancouver, is opposed to any taxpayer help because “they’re not Canadian citizens.”

“They’re here for the long term,” he said. “I would think they should pay for their own security.”

Ian Austen reported from Ottawa and Dan Bilefsky from Vancouver, British Columbia. Winston Szeto contributed reporting from Vancouver.

from WordPress https://mastcomm.com/event/the-royals-are-coming-to-canada-but-where-will-they-live/

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clutchcustommotorcycles · 6 years

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A Basic Overview Of Finding Important Aspects Of Iso Xp Grass Fed Whey

Tips For Critical Issues For Grass Fed Organic Whey Canada

Home » General Mills vet joins grass-fed meat snacks company General Mills vet joins grass-fed meat snacks company INDEPENDENCE, VA. — Greg Jaeger has been named director of sales at Landcrafted Food, producer of 100% grass-fed beef meat snacks. In his new role, Mr. Jaeger will be tasked with growing distribution, expanding the company's retail network beyond the mid-Atlantic and leading new product development as Landcrafted expands beyond meat sticks into related protein categories. Mr. Jaeger joins Landcrafted from General Mills, where he was most recently senior sales manager of the C.P.G. convenience store channel. In his 38-year career with General Mills, he held several sales leadership roles, including senior sales development manager, account manager, business planning manager and promotion and merchandising manager. “We are excited to have Greg join the Landcrafted Food family,” said Gary Mitchell, managing partner of Landcrafted Food. “Landrafted i s about healthy, gluten- and G.M.O.-free meat snack alternatives for the consumer. But that’s only part of our mission. We also stand for sustainable cattle farming and natural, small-scale food production that supports our community of farmers here in Virginia — and across the country as we grow. Greg’s experience and values are a perfect fit for Landcrafted as we accelerate our growth.” Landcrafted Food manufactures beef sticks from cattle born and raised on sustainable family farms in and around Grayson County, Va. Containing no hormones, antibiotics, M.S.G.

For the original version including any supplementary images or video, visit https://www.foodbusinessnews.net/articles/11556-general-mills-vet-joins-grass-fed-meat-snacks-company

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Jogging? Yoga? Dance? What Would You Like To Incorporate Into Your Fitness Plan?

Most people think that improving their fitness level is an impossible goal that is too hard to reach. Getting fit doesn't necessarily have to be an impossible challenge, though! With a couple of changes to your life, it's possible to obtain your fitness goals. One smart way to get fitter is to get into the programs that offer toning, firming and flexibility. Keep an eye out for classes that are close to where you live. When developing an exercise plan, it's best to think creatively. There are many activities out there that offer a great workout and do not involve going to the gym. Doing different activities will keep you engaged and help you find the activities you like the best. To keep your knees protected, you need to start to work on strengthening your thighs. One injury common to people who participate in sports is a ligament tear behind the knee. Target both your hamstrings and your quadriceps to ensure that your knees have enough strength. There are many work outs that do this including leg lifts and curls. There are all kinds of classes you can take to keep it fresh. You do not want to fall into the same routine over and over, do something new and see what you like, or don't like for that matter. Give a yoga class a try or dancing. Or you can take a martial arts or aerobics class. If you don't like a class, you don't have to go back, and you will have burned some calories. If you want to strengthen your legs, try doing wall sits. Start by finding an empty wall that fits your body. Stand with the wall behind you about 18 inches. While bending your knees, lean back until you touch the wall with your entire back. Keep squatting down to the point where you are in a sitting position with your thighs perfectly parallel to the floor. Try to hold this position as long as possible. Using treadmills at home or at the gym is effective; however, running outdoors is even more effective. When you can, run outside. When the weather prohibits being outdoors, transition to a treadmill. Endless crunches are not a way for you to obtain a six pack. Abdominal exercises do strengthen your muscles; however, they don't burn belly fat. For washboard abs, you need to improve your diet, do a lot of cardio and many ab exercises. m. m. Whey Protein Start out slowly by getting up about fifteen minutes early, and using those minutes to walk, jump rope, some sit-ups or other exercises. This will get your day off on the right foot and can lead to more intensive workouts later. Many people are of the thought that abdominals should be worked every single day. Actually, this is unlikely to produce the desired results. Even abdominal muscles need rest. You should attempt to let your abs rest about 48 to 72 hours after you work them out. It may take a large time investment, but you can meet your goals. If your fitness level improves, your well-being, overall health and looks will also improve. Getting in good shape will significantly improve your quality of life, and you'll be able to easily accomplish difficult tasks.

A New Analysis On Vital Details For Canada

Representatives of three levels of government spoke: Georgian Bluffs Mayor Al Barfoot, Bruce-Grey-Owen Sound MPP Bill Walker and Bruce-Grey-Owen Sound MP Larry Miller, a personal friend and fishing buddy of Wardell's. Wardell was the first to make a donation toward the new club, though by then he was too ill to participate in making the trail that now bears his name, said Arnie Clark, the president of Outdoors Adventures, which started two or three years ago. The club approached the Escarpment Biosphere Conservancy, a non-profit charitable land trust with 162 nature reserve properties in Ontario, to see if there were any projects it needed done locally. The loop trail on the Springer property is the result. It's 20.2 hectares (50 acres) -- 150 wide, by 1.2 kilometres deep -- covered mainly in softwoods, with Springer's Creek running through it. It's home to many wildlife species including white-tailed deer. "They use the trail all the time," Clark said, which brought an amused laugh. The outdoors group maintains a wildlife winter feeding station on the property. Wild turkey, red fox, coyote, and a fisher frequented the station along with the deer, Clark said. Bob Barnett, executive director of the Escarpment Biosphere Conservancy, said people donate land or agree to covenants on title which protect the natural beauty of the properties, to encourage conservation. He said the idea is then to get people out into nature, which fosters health and happiness.

For the original version including any supplementary images or video, visit http://www.owensoundsuntimes.com/2018/05/06/tranquil-trail-opens-with-singing-of-o-canada

You Can Get On The Right Path With Vitamins And Minerals

Were you in great physical health as a kid? Do you remember how you ate and drank back then? Is your current diet similar in quality? It may be that without a mom to cook for you, your meals are lacking in nutrition. Use these tips to feel better by using vitamin supplements. Take vitamins to have a healthier body. You'll feel better, look better, and burn fat at higher rates. Since vitamins must be processed and absorbed by the body, you should always be aware of how vitamins and supplements will react with each other. For example, calcium makes it harder for you to absorb iron. Try to avoid dairy or a calcium supplement within half an hour of taking iron. The more balanced your diet, the more of the necessary vitamins you will consume. Try to consume seven portions of vegetables and fruits every day, and also include a minimal amount of protein. If your diet does not provide the right amount of nutrients, consider taking supplements to improve your health. A lot of us are surprised when our body begin to ache, and don't understand why. Rather than heading off to the doctor, see if vitamins and minerals will do the trick. Vitamin E and fish oil are a great way to make muscles feel better as they aid in softening them when they are taut or strained. If you're looking for a low cost way to improve your health and lifestyle, think about supplementing your regular diet with vitamins and minerals. Any vitamins will certainly add to your healthy diet to improve the way you feel and make those visits to the doctor few and far between for only a few dollars each month. Riboflavin, or Vitamin B2 is found in many dairy products, green beans, popcorn, asparagus, and bananas. Deficiencies can cause cracked lips and low hemoglobin counts. Riboflavin can help prevent cataracts, anemia, cancer, and carpal tunnel syndrome. It's not uncommon for most people want to eat foods that have the best nutrients in them, but many of those types of foods an be costly. Learn all you can about vitamins and minerals, and use the knowledge to boost your immune system and start leading a better life. Vitamin A will boost the immune system and it helps with your skin's aging process while keeping heart disease at bay. Taking too much of it, however, is toxic. The recommended dose is 2300 IUs a day. A good source of Vitamin A are carrots, dark leafy greens and squash. Supplements for minerals and vitamins are highly important these days. Because many of the foods found in supermarkets have been highly processed, much of the nutritional value has been depleted. Taking a good daily vitamin and mineral supplement can help you stay in good health. Your health is your own responsibility now that you are not living at home. You have learned some helpful information here, but make sure you continue to learn more. The more you learn, the better you can feel and the longer you can live, so keep going!

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fullblush · 6 years

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Practical Concepts For Easy Methods Of Iso Xp Whey Protein

Finding Help On Primary Issues In Grass Fed Whey Protein Canada

The whey is sourced from free-roaming, grass-fed New Zealand dairy cows and it’s processed into whey isolate, which is lower in fat and carbs than the cheaper whey concentrate. The other ingredients are cocoa, sunflower oil, maltodextrin (or tapioca), dried cream extract, medium chain triglyceride oil, natural flavors, sunflower lecithin, cinnamon, organic rice hull concentrate — that’s a natural anti-caking agent — and a remarkable blend of seven digestive enzymes (amylase, protease, lipase, cellulase, lactase, papain, and bromelain). For flavoring, there’s also some salt, stevia leaf, and monk fruit extract. The last ingredient on the list is one I’ve never seen in a whey protein before: lactobacillus acidophilus, a probiotic bacteria that’s often found in yogurt. Onnit Grass-Fed Whey Isolate Benefits & Effectiveness Onnit’s brand tends to focus on natural ingredients, and their whey is no different: it has no artificial flavors or sweeteners (so it’s Paleo-friendly if you’re comfortable with dairy) and it’s made from free-roaming dairy cows. Since most of the beneficial fats are removed, the additional health benefit may be small, but some users might be glad to know that the dairy they’re consuming comes from cows that weren’t confined to feedlots. I’m also not sure why it contains medium-chain triglyceride oil, a product that Onnit sells for its purported cognitive benefits — there’s so little fat in this product that there’s likely only small nutrition benefit. The reason it’s included could be for flavor, like the dried cream extract. The most remarkable ingredients are the seven digestive enzymes and the probiotic bacteria. The idea is that these ingredients may help improve absorption of the protein, helping you get more nutrition and muscle out from each scoop. It can also help reduce digestive discomfort if protein powders tend to cause stomach troubles, and while the product is meant to be lactose- and sugar-free, the enzyme lactase may make things better for folks who tend to have issues digesting dairy. The Mexican Chocolate flavor is great. Don’t expect a traditional chocolate flavor, though — this tastes like cocoa mixed with chai tea and it has a warming cinnamon flavor.

For the original version including any supplementary images or video, visit https://barbend.com/onnit-grass-fed-whey-isolate-review/

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Trusted Tips For Getting Fit And Staying Fit

It's important to be physically fit if you want to lead a healthy lifestyle. Sometimes, however, there can be so much conflicting information available, that it's hard to know what to do. There may be times when you feel like giving up, but do not allow that to happen. The tips offered here will help you to improve your fitness, and follow a healthier lifestyle. Lifting weights is one way that people try to become fit. However, all that's really needed to keep your body in shape are six types of exercises. These are pull ups, push ups, handstand push ups, squats, leg raises, and bridges. Don't be scared! Biking is a great way to workout, too. Biking is a cheap and fun way to get fit on your way to work. Riding a distance of 5 miles should take no more then thirty minutes on a bicycle. So if your commute to work is 5 miles or less it could be a good option for you. Plus, you will get exercise a second time as you bicycle home. Speaking generally, you'll want to pace your breathing so that you're exhaling after each weight-lifting rep you do. This allows for your body to use more of its energy and also allows for a greater intake of air after you exhale, which will give you more energy in the long run. There are all kinds of classes you can take to keep it fresh. Mixing it up a bit gives you the opportunity to discover new classes, and find more fun ways to get fit. Try taking yoga or attending a dance class. If you don't think you have the rhythm for dance, consider fitness boot camp or even kickboxing. Just try and stay active and try new things out, you never know what you might enjoy. Lift a higher amount of weight for a lower amount of reps. You can get started by concentrating on a single muscle group like the chest, abdominals or gluteals. Start with lighter weight to warm up your muscles. Try doing around 15 or so reps for the warm up. The second set should be 6 to 8 reps at a heavier weight. One the third set increase this weight by five pounds, doing the most reps you can. Take your hardest exercises head on and do them first. This is because people generally avoid exercises that are difficult for them. When you have been doing a non-favored exercise for a while, you may find it becoming a favorite. Treadmills are something many people enjoy but running outside is actually better for you. Running outside on pavement is better for you, though treadmills are good for the worst weather scenarios. Crunches alone will not give you washboard abs. Your muscles may get stronger, but nothing will really happen with respect to the fat on your stomach. If you want flat abs, you have to take care of your diet and do a lot of cardio and weight training to cut body fat. Contrasting perceptions on the idea of fitness can make the process unnecessarily complicated. However, there are some key things, that everyone agrees on, that you should and should not do. Follow the tips in this article to kick your fitness into high gear.

Some New Challenges For Finding Aspects In Canada

But in recent weeks he’s brushed off any link to the American president. “I don’t give two hoots about Donald Trump,” he recently told an Ontario radio station , listing off promises from a platform that includes cutting taxes, smaller government and doing away with carbon pricing. “I care about the people of Ontario.” Doug Ford with his brother Rob Ford, left, the late Toronto mayor who was notorious for smoking crack while in office, in November 2013. Photograph: Chris Young/AP He’s often also compared to his brother, Rob, who died of cancer in 2016 . Doug, Macfarlane said, “has always, I think, been regarded as generally more together of a person, much more articulate and probably more intelligent than his brother”. In 2013, Ford also faced allegations relating to drugs, with the Globe and Mail reporting that he sold hashish for several years in the 1980s. He has denied the claims. According to Michael McGregor at Toronto’s Ryerson University, what’s at play is not a populist upswell but rather a perfect storm. Ford won the Progressive Conservative leadership race on points, despite losing the popular vote. The race had been hastily called after the former leader, Patrick Brown, was accused of sexual misconduct . The conservatives have long dominated polls; approval ratings for Ontario’s premier, Kathleen Wynne, tumbled to the lowest in Canada as her party scrambled to address issues ranging from soaring electricity prices to a conviction related to destroying documents.

For the original version including any supplementary images or video, visit https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/apr/30/doug-ford-ontario-conservative-trump-comparison-canada

Get Healthy With These Expert Vitamin Tips

Taking a vitamin each day gives your body the nutrients it needs. It can be difficult to determine the best product with so many choices on the market. Learn how to simply the process here. To make sure your workout routine is paying off the greatest rewards, take your vitamins daily. In addition to speeding up recovery time, minerals and vitamins help the body burn fat and build muscle. You have to know how your supplements interact to ensure they're being absorbed adequately. Calcium and iron do not mix that well. Try not to have two forms of nutrients that react poorly with one another. Try scheduling supplements that have fat around mealtimes to take them with food. Vitamins A, E, and K can only be absorbed if taken with food. These fat soluble vitamins need fat to be properly absorbed. The two easy ways to get vitamin D are drinking milk and getting outside in the sun. Take a supplement if you do not prefer milk. This will help to fortify your bones. There are many times where you will ache and not understand why. Before going to the doctor, try a supplement regimen that is packed with vitamins. Fish oil and vitamin E are two supplements that soften strained muscles, easing those muscular aches and pains. Iron is an essential nutrient to build red blood cells. Red blood cells carry oxygen throughout your body. Women generally need more iron than men, which is why there are some iron supplements that are just for women. You may have an iron deficiency if you have been experiencing breathing issues or exhaustion. Many people try to eat well; however, this is difficult on a tight budget. Consuming vitamins and minerals that are healthy will make you feel a lot better. When you have gone through menopause, don't take prenatal vitamins. Whey Protein Some women take these because it helps their nails and hair look great. This is usually safe, but not wise for women that have already been through menopause since it contains more iron than they need. Many fruits and vegetables are rich with Vitamin C, but citrus fruits are abundant with it. These supplements are for those that cannot get the daily recommended amounts with just food. Vitamin C helps people prevent skin infections, gum disease, ulcers, colds and more. Studies have also shown that people dealing with Alzheimer's, dementia and ADHD can be helped with vitamin C. Unlike canned produce, fresh fruits and vegetables contain a plethora of nutrients. A mineral supplement is something that you will want to add as well. Talk to your doctor to see if you are deficient in any vitamins. This will be a problem that supplements can take care of, and it's good to know exactly what you'll need to take when you're getting started. Find out as much information as you possibly can about how supplementation will affect your personal health. Most adverts want to sell you a product, sometimes at the cost of omission. Question all information you get. Discuss your concerns with your doctor. Not everyone absorbs B12 very well, especially as you age. You may eat a lot but absorb very little. You should make sure to have your doctor test your B12 level yearly and determine if you need to have it boosted. If possible, eat veggies that are raw or steamed. The heating or cooking process minimizes the potency of vitamins in food. If you need to cook vegetables, steaming them will keep the vitamins locked in while still providing a good consistency. A veggie that has been flash-frozen will have more vitamins as long as it has not been cooked for too long. We don't always have time so that we can cook or go to the gym, but we have to keep ourselves healthy. Vitamins can be a great way to feel better. Use the information from this article to help choose the best vitamins and minerals.

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caredogstips · 7 years

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5 Components Of Small Town Life That We Cuss To God Are Real

Last week I was on a pretty well-received doubled podcast, speak about what it’s like growing up in a small town. Like most small town floors, the longer we talked, the weirder it got … and even after the recording, I realized that these areas have a lot more strange peculiarities that sound like the goddamn Twilight Zone to people who have never lived here. No, seriously.

Given Enough Time, You Will Be On The Front Page Of The Newspaper

I feel sorry for small town newspaper reporters. Every once in a great while, something appalling happens and provides them with an easy-going fragment of content for the working day. Like maybe the mayor goes busted for his third DUI and a brick of gras, or a coach gets arrested for masturbating in his gondola at a stoplight. Well, I mention “maybe, ” but both of those situations genuinely happened in the town I grew up in. The level is, we get at most three or four of those types of legends per year. The other 361 days are pure filler.

When you’re extending for content, anything becomes information. The prom queen doesn’t only oblige the figurehead page … she is the front page. The whole front page. The same stuff happens for the homecoming ruler. This is going to sound like a prank, but when I was a kid, I was on the front page of the newspaper because I noted a big mushroom. My brother became the front page for catching a big fish. My pa was on it for proliferating a huge tomato … four times .

Here’s a photo of my local newspaper. These parties are on the front sheet because they’re off-load boxes for a benevolence. It takes up half of the front page TAGEND

It’s actually harder to find someone who hasn’t been on the front page of the newspaper, than to meet people who have. When you take away the “front page” modifier and precisely talking here being in the newspaper as a whole, virtually everyone clears that schedule. Because in every small town article I’ve ever seen, there is a segment devoted to felonies. And when I enunciate “crimes, ” I represent all violations, from meth labs to jaywalking. If you get a ticket for driving 40 mph in a 30 mph zone, you’re in the next day’s paper.

I lived in Los Angeles for a couple of years back in the late 90 s, and when I told my new friends about this, they announced bullshit. I had to have one of my hometown friends forward me one of their newspapers so I didn’t look insane.

But it moves so far. Are you getting married? You’re taking up half of sheet three with your notice. You started a small business? There will be an entire article about it on page two. In the cities I currently live in, I haven’t told many beings what I do for a living because they’d consider that a kind of “celebrity” and there would be a spread on me within dates. That’s not paranoia — “theres” segments of our paper devoted to an old woman who certificates her epoch. As in, “My grandson came over today. He ate beans and hotdogs for lunch. We did some gardening. Earl set my irrigate heater, and mentioned I shouldn’t require a new one for a couple of years.”

Again , not a gag. That’s absolutely real.

If your neighbourhood school prevails a plays championship, that’s obviously going to shape the front sheet of the newspaper, but I saved that precedent because that one will be even weirder…

Sports Victories Go On The Town’s Sign Forever

Drive through the South and Midwest long enough, and you’ll start to see signalings like TAGEND

BONERTOPOLIS: Population 872 — 1996 Girls’ Jr. High Volleyball Regional Champions

The town’s name is certainly made up( though when I ultimately build my own municipality, that’s what I’m calling it ), but the rest of that information is not. If your neighbourhood plays teams — and by that, I symbolize junior high and high school — acquires any kind of championship, your town will reputation you by putting that information on the road signed. And that shit stays there eternally .

Your town becomes known for that, even if the championship was 30 years ago. My original hometown had acquired four regime championships: two in the 1970 s and two more in the 1980 s. For each year, a picture of the team was blown up to 10 hoofs wide and hung side by side on the gymnasium’s wall. Those four, massive, black-and-white photos tower over everyone while we played dodging ball in PE. Judging us. Criticizing us.

TerryJ/ iStock Except Tony. That guy was a fucking prodigy .

Remember the indicate Married … With Children ? Al Bundy was a former high school football star, and in several episodes, he’s treated like a god by some old friends who remember the big game. Everyone else kind of buns their seeings at his old “glory days” floors, but there are a handful of people who still worshipped him. Take that small-scale group and expand it to the whole township, and that’s what Midwestern and Southern small towns are like.

The discrepancies between real small-town athletics heroes and Al Bundy is that if you take advantage of that minor fame, you can make a very good living from it. I know several members of those old-fashioned units who used their mentions as advertising and started very successful occupations. When everyone in city knows your name, advertising your business is just necessary.

vm/ iStock GET that shit out of my FACE, son! This is MY house !

Remember the high school basketball hero from Parks And Recreation ? In a small town, that person isn’t sarcastic. He’s absolutely real.

You Can Gauge Someone’s Wealth By Their Truck’s Tires

I mentioned earlier that I formerly lived in Los Angeles. I actually lived in quite a few big cities before reconciling down in my current small town. One circumstance I always obtained creepy was that in a town, you can easily tell someone’s fortune by what they drive … but it’s not how you think. Obviously, if anyone owns a Porsche or Ferrari, they’re either rich or a GTA character. It exits a bit farther than that, though.

Both middle-class and rich people can render a mid-range sports car like a Mustang or a Charger. But rich people will typically have 1) the decked out form, and 2) theirs will be cleaner. Not just because they can afford to have it cleaned more often, but because they are much more likely to own a garage, so birds aren’t shitting on it all day. Obviously, all of that is a exceedingly loose the principles of the rule of thumb, but you get where I’m going with it.

ewastudio/ iStock Definitely under $40 k a year .

Yes, we do have luxury and sports cars here, but everyone normally knows, “Damn, that’s a sugared Mercedes. Oh, yeah, that’s the doctor’s car.” In a small town, especially in the Midwest and South, the majority of members of vehicles are trucks. And though “luxury” trucks do exist, you won’t find numerous here, because trucks are used for duty and practicality. So the majority of members of trafficking in human beings is Silverados, F150s, and Rams. Each with a bigass pup in the bed. At this quality, I’m pretty sure the dogs come with the trucks, whether you miss one or not.

So here’s my extent: Since all of the trucks mostly search the same, and most of them “re in the same” general rate range, the only room to tell someone’s financial status is to look at the tires. If you determine a jacked-up truck with a huge raise paraphernalium( those raise it up, various kinds of like a monster truck) and monstrous tires, you know the person makes a reasonably damn good living. Or at the least their parents do.

That’s because those bigass tires can cost a duo thousand dollars for a start. No, seriously, here’s one type of “muddin'” tire for $550 each . That’s not counting the rims. Add in a fancy fixed of those, and you can easily double that toll. That lift gear I mentioned? Tacking on another $1400. Crave a badass exhaust system? Here’s another $1500. “Theres” 18 -year-old kids in my municipality who have more coin wrapped up in tires and supplementaries than I do in my entire vehicle. But because we all dress basically the same way in this field( jeans, t-shirts, baseball hats ), the only room you’d ever know they had money is by seeing that truck.

Guidances Are … Weird

I mentioned on that bigass podcast that devoting guidances in a small town is pretty weird for people who’ve never lived in one. Since everyone knows everybody else( even if they don’t know you, they’re familiar with you ), directions often boil down to, “You know where Chad Nickelback lives, right? I’m right across the street from him.”

Even if you don’t know the exact being, you know the place by the tales associated with them TAGEND

“You know James Countryfuck, right? “

“Hmmmmm … I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, ya do. He’s got that bigass Rottweiler that killed Susan Thunderfist’s cat back in October. The big green live that had the burn back in 2010? “

“OOOOOHHHH, yeah, I know the place.”

I don’t think that’s all that outraging to people who live in metropolitans, though. I entail, we’ve identified movies with trash like that in them. What I find actually strange is the fact that we often give directions in relation to where acts USED to be. As in, “You know where the Dairy Queen used to be? It’s two obstructs down from there.”

There are two reasons for that. The first is that businesses often appear and disappear in a matter of years. Fast-food eateries tend to stick around, but local mama and papa accumulations go out of business lightning fast. Any business that persists around long enough to commit to remembrance was becoming landmark. Then when that landmark vanishes, the only practice you know to describe it is in relation to what it used to be. “Remember the old-time dildo plant that’s now a faith? My house is down that road.”

The second reason is strangely because of the 911 organization. That didn’t make its road into a lot of rural areas until the mid 1980 s. Before that, all of the many, numerous dirt and gravel roads were not distinguished or referred. If you called the police or fire department or simply sacrificed guidances to a sidekick, it was done in that same space, just to get them to the road that leads to your live . The streets in city were called, clearly, but a large part of the town’s inhabitants lived in the country.

Once the 911 method was enforced, the roads had to be named in order to give better( actual) tendencies. Otherwise, half of the emergency announces would be, “OK , now you’re gonna switch off of the freeway where Benny Farmshovel’s old-time cattle farm used to be. Then you’re gonna drive about six miles until you look the old garbage yard.” We exactly never got over that procedure of contributing directions, so we still do it.

The “Friendliness” Can Get Imposing And Outright Creepy

Let me tell you a tale about a high-school kid who got a dildo stuck in his ass.

The story starts that a person I went to high school with bought a dildo for his girlfriend. She told him she wouldn’t employment it until he did. So “hes taking” one for the team and used it. All of it. And then some. After a very extended effort to remove it himself, he realise it wasn’t going to come out without some medical assistance. So he drove himself to the emergency room, had it removed, and no one is spoke of it again.

Until four minutes later when every single person on research hospitals staff spoke of it again. And again. And again. They went home and told their marriages. Their spouses told their friends. Their acquaintances told everyone at every table. Eventually, everybody in township know exactly why it — and when I articulate “eventually, ” I intend “by sundown.”

In a small town, “youre not” anonymous. If you’ve ever sold so much as a single seam, everyone knows you as “the drug dealer.” If you’re a teenage girl who bought teenage pregnancies measure, you are now “the high school slut, ” even if you’ve exclusively had fornication formerly. It doesn’t even matter if your fib is “juicy” or not. One of your best friend went to the only proper eatery in township and had a salad. The next day, one of his teachers asked him if he was on a food. Because she knew the attendant, and somewhere in the middle of bullshit small talk, his figure came up, and the server mentioned he only ordered a salad.

But, hey, perhaps you don’t used to go that much. Perhaps you don’t have a “thing” for them to label you as. You’re not the “child molester” or “7am mowing guy.” You exactly obstruct to yourself and simply go out of the house when you were supposed to. Yeah , now you’re the most famous person in city, because nobody knows nothing about you. You’re strange. You’re “the creepy guy who never comes out of his house.”

Have you ever seen Gilmore Girls ? The path their fellow citizens of that municipality operate is route a little bit closer to actuality than parody.

It’s not just gossip, though. Since you often only have one or two grocery stores, you end up on a first-name basis with every teller. Buying nutrient becomes a social event … which may sound cheerful at first, until you’re standing in line, waiting to pay for your ice cream, and the four parties in front of you all start the talks with the girl behind the counter.

“Hi, Nancy! How are the kids? “

“Oh, they’re going huuuuuge! Jason is in football this year. And last week, you won’t feel what he did at the family reunion. You know how my uncle Barry only has one leg, right? Well, Jason was play-wrestling with him like they do, and…”

Every. Single. Customer. They still keep talking, even after they’ve paid. If you interrupt them, you’re the asshole, because they were just being friendly. You’re the impatient dickhead who can’t wait two extra hours for them to wrap up their speech. By the time you get to the front of the line, you’re not buying ice cream, you’re to purchase a bad milkshake.

Don’t get me wrong — I affection it here. It’s quiet and simple-minded. It’s tightening. But to my friends who live in large-scale metropolitans, it’s the fucking Twilight Zone . Still, I desire the look upon their faces when they have to have an emergency dildo removal while they’re call, and the teller questions them about it the next day. It’s why I live here.

John Cheese is a Sr. Editor and head of article for Cracked. Here’s his stupid Twitter .

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