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theoncomingchaos · 2 years

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Why Nuea loves Toh

I swear this is my last essay about Nuea.

So, Toh asked a really great question in the finale about why Nuea loves him, and I wanna give my take on it, but first since all of us here saw that parallel between Nuea and Kiyoi, I think we first need to address the differences between them so we can better understand where Nuea is coming from and what he needs in a relationship.

First off, we need to look at Nuea and Kiyoi's backgrounds to understand that while yes both of them are treated like idols- they are very different. Kiyoi was left alone a lot as a child, he felt unloved and unhappy, and that’s why he wanted to go into the TV because everyone was always smiling and that was his escape from his lonely life. He desperately needs someone to love him.

Nuea is very different because he has a loving family. He has friends that support him and care about him. Kiyoi had none of that. Nuea’s problem is that the masses at school treat him like an idol which is dehumanizing. They don’t bother getting to know him, they just come up and ask for his photo or a video message or whatever else they want without caring about his feelings or bothering to get to know him at all. Even Proud didn’t seem to know him. It seems like they were just banging, not actually dating, and she was using him as an arm piece. Even their break up didn’t seem to be about losing Nuea as a person so much as losing him as an object to show off. We can tell from the way she talked about him and dismissed his feelings entirely.

The thing about Nuea is that he is a really good person- he goes out of his way to help people (Ep. 1), he's playful, hardworking (basketball), responsible (speaking at his parent's anniversary, his determination to get Toh's parents' approval, etc.) and is so fiercely loyal and loving, but most people just see: rich, popular, attractive, and athletic. I think this is actually part of why he is such an exhibitionist about his relationship with Toh. He wants people to see that this is his real life beyond their shallow images of him.

Now for why he loves Toh. Nuea said that at first he was mostly just curious which makes sense. He had this weird little guy sneaking around and taking pictures of him from afar without ever approaching him. This is interesting because we know most people don’t hesitate to just come up and ask whatever they want from Nuea. They can come get pics with him because they know he’ll say yes. But instead Toh just follows him around. This makes him different from everyone else. Knowing that Nuea feels like most people don’t actually see him, part of that curiosity and interest must have subconsciously been about whether or not Toh did see him. That thought took hold and thus, suddenly, as Nuea said, seeing Toh made his day. There was someone there watching him, seeing him, and loving him, with NO expectations, no demands, nothing. Someone loving him selflessly.

So, he started looking for him. He wanted more of that good feeling. He wanted closer. He wanted to know Toh. Nuea said he looked all over the place, and in the novel apparently it took 6 months before he found him to invite him to take photos at Lan’s party. By this time, he was already attracted- though more to the idea of Toh than anything else. But in real life, this is what attraction is like. You find them attractive or you get curious about them, then you want to know more about them and spend time together.

So, Nuea starts finding ways to spend time together. Based on his behavior with Toh, we can see that this is someone he feels totally comfortable being himself with (in comparison to his constantly cool persona with Proud), and moreover, wants to show himself to. He wants Toh to see him as he is: the pouting, playful, sexual, and deeply affectionate guy beyond the “cool” persona. He wants to know Toh as well because he’s unique and different and interesting, and makes Nuea feel so good.

Spending time together, this love grew- they are both a little needy and unhinged, they are both very sexual and playful, they find joy just being together doing whatever. In Nuea’s mind this is the person he wants to keep, the person that makes him happy and that he can shower love on. Toh is the person who sees him for who he is and isn’t after him because of his looks or money.

This is why Nuea cried when he found Toh’s collection. He thought Toh had been seeing him as he is and trusting him, but in reality, as much as Toh does know Nuea, his lack of self-confidence kept him from allowing himself to fully trust Nuea or see them as equals.

However, they communicated their feelings and worked it out. Toh knows that he can keep Nuea now and can allow himself to trust that this is real, and Nuea can have this weird little person that makes him happy and helps him feel like he can be his genuine self. We can see this commitment and equality throughout the last few episodes: meeting each other’s parents, being switches, and their shared apartment filled with their shared memories.

So, overall, the way I see it, this story encapsulates what love is for a lot of us. It's being with that person that makes you happy, that person you enjoy being with and that you can be yourself with. Love doesn't need a bigger reason than that.

#scoy #scoy the series #secret crush on you #secret crush on you the series #nueatoh #tohnuea #thai bl #I can't believe I wrote another essay about Nuea #He's just really interesting because his development is so subtle compared to like Toh and Jao

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