things you said when you were proud @ hwi!!

life was not easy for someone like seo hwiyoung, though, if he were being honest, that was entirely his own fault. yes, perhaps life had been cruel to him from the start, but the choices he made after being granted the freedom of being alone were his and his alone. time and time again he made terrible choices, chased after the things that gave him a fleeting high before inevitably crashing down once the moment slipped from between the flimsy grasp of his fingers. it seemed no matter what he did he was always bored, always broke, and always feeling the crushing weight of loneliness. yes, life was not easy for someone like seo hwiyoung, but somewhere along the way he’d found a tiny spark.

it came in the form of kim yeonmi, a demon dressed in designer with a laugh that used to sound like nails on a chalk board but had somehow evolved into something he enjoyed hearing. in time, she’d transformed from the thorn in his side to his precious rose, something he truly could no longer imagine living without. though, he was unable to put a name to their relationship, nor was he ever truly able to read her intentions with him, but he suspected it was the same on her end as well. they didn’t ever fully operate on truths, after all, his past still a mystery to her, and besides what she’d let slip or what he picked up on during their frequent outings, he still knew little about her too. for now, it seemed right, their secrets but a small wall between them. she’d become one of the few things he looked forward to every morning he woke up to a miserable grey sky, a good morning text or a casual teasing insult the first thing he rolled over to send before dragging himself out of bed to face the world. it was impossible to know if she felt the same and hwiyoung was terrified to ask. if his illusion were shattered he was unsure what he’d do with himself.

when did it come to this? when had she gone from the annoying girl he only spent time with to pester her and use her for her endless amounts of money to someone he genuinely couldn’t get enough of? the thought is on the forefront of his mind as he frowns, fingers hesitating over the keyboard of his phone as he debates his options. he could continue being a coward and hide behind a mask or he could finally face the nerves that curled in his stomach every time he thought of her lately. a few more moments pass before he finally makes his choice, fingers slowly tapping against the screen as compared to his usual rapid pace. before he can change his mind he hits send.

[ to: yeonmi ❀ ] hey. need to ask u something. can u meet me at our usual mcdonalds?

he throws his phone to the side, laughing at his own despair as he places his head in his hand with a dramatic sigh. how pathetic he’d be if she didn’t respond. of course, there were many other places he could have invited her to, but he thought it’d be most suitable for them to meet at the place they’d frequented most when they first met due to hwiyoung’s own lack of funds. he was still poor even now, but he had no real plans of digging into chicken nuggets today, but he’d buy her some in a heartbeat if she asked. fuck. there really was no turning back now. it’s then that his phone pings and he picks it up immediately, pulling it towards himself so quickly it nearly falls from his hand and onto the floor but he manages to save it at the last second. the message was from yeonmi and it surprised him to see it was a yes. he didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he let out a sigh of relief, flopping back onto his bed with a stupid grin before he remembers what exactly he’d just gotten himself into. now the nerves were beginning to settle in, his stomach curling as he pushed himself up to begin prepping himself for their meeting. he took slightly more time than usual, making sure to use the cologne she’d bought for him after complaining his usual choice smelt weird and styling his hair in a way he remembered she complimented once before. strange for someone like hwiyoung who often didn’t care what others thought about his appearance to take so much time to look pleasant for a girl who once drove him crazy. he’d chalk it up to the gloomy sky driving him crazy, but he wasn’t so stupid he didn’t know what it really was.

his trip to their designated meeting place was one spent with too much fretting and an incredible amount of laughable thoughts of terrible outcomes playing out within his mind. in one, he somehow ended up dead after a series of misfortunate events all beginning with a dropped nugget. to be fair, he’d snorted out loud at that one, but the barrage of worrisome daydreams still had him a bit on edge. really, the worst she could do was laugh in his face or think it was all a joke to begin with, but he couldn’t help but expect the worse anyway. he’d never felt so strongly about someone to begin with, nor had he ever had the courage to admit to his more personal thoughts. had he ever been fully honest with anyone? he couldn’t remember, but he assumed if he had, it’d been about the most simple things rather than anything below the surface level. though, he’d certainly opened up to yeonmi about things he never thought he would and spent more time with her doing the most mundane things that would typically bore him to tears than he had with anyone else. in fact, if it had been anyone else, he’d probably have purposely caused trouble just to have a good time. at one time, he’d have done the same with yeonmi too, but even just sitting around watching television had become enjoyable with her rambling on about her social life. when did the things he found so boring become so interesting just because she was there? he’d have to think about it at another time, the screeching of the subway’s brakes bring him back to the real world and once again, his stomach is set alight with the fluttering of thousands of butterfly wings. his nervousness grows worse with every step that brings him closer to their mcdonalds, but the moment his eyes land on her his mind goes blank. a few more steps and he can make out her smile and her wave and he gulps but slips into his usual demeanor nonetheless, offering her a small grin in return as he comes to a halt right in front of her.

“thanks for coming. i wasn’t planning on getting anything to eat but if you want something i’ll buy.” he winks, just to be an ass, and juts his thumb towards the mcdonalds just behind him. she accepts, and they settle inside a booth in the small restaurant, taking turns tossing fries at each other when hwiyoung decides it’s in his best interest to initiate a small food fight at the table. the small space felt suffocating, but at least they’d picked a spot in the farthest corner of the restaurant allowing him to entirely drown out the crowd near the front.

“so what did you want to ask?”

he’s pulled from his thoughts and nearly chokes on his soda at the sight of her smile and suddenly the realization of why he’d even invited her out in the first place hits him like a brick wall. for once, he found himself at a loss for words. he frowns first before his eyes avert to the table, his free hand clenching into a fist at his side as if he’s prepping himself for a fight. in his mind, it was, a fight with himself. another moment of hesitation and then he looks up, setting his soda down as he places both hands gently on his own thighs, catching her gaze from across the table. 

“so,” he wants to slap himself so badly to get the gears in his head whirring again, but instead he just lets out an awkward laugh, one hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck sheepishly. he hated this feeling of helplessness, but it was much different than anything he’d experienced before. in a way, it excited him. “we spend a lot of time together and— well, i’ve been thinking. what if we dated? i mean, i think we should go on a date. like a real date. what do you think?” during his speech he’d been unable to maintain eye contact, and he finally chooses to look up just in time to see her face go from perplexed to her eyes widening so much he thought for a moment they’d pop right out of her skull. luckily, she did not lose her eyeballs, but he for a second wondered if he’d lose his ability to hear from the screech she emitted. he’d have thought it was one of distaste had it not been for her giant smile and the way she was excitedly throwing her hands around and while he’d been expecting plenty of things, this reaction certainly was not one of them. 

“yes! i was wondering when you’d ask, idiot.”

hwiyoung can’t help but feed off her excitement, but her confirmation definitely helped in the lifting of his mood, his face breaking out into a wide smile as he joins her cheering. he laughs loudly, relieved he hadn’t been way off the mark with his observations of their relationship, but deep inside he wondered if she were only agreeing for the fun of it all. he doesn’t dwell on it for too long, too caught up in their odd impromptu celebration in the far corner of mcdonalds that had now acquired the prying eyes of the other customers. not that they cared. as usual, they’d found themselves in their own little world. he'd finally faced up to his own cowardice and he couldn't help but feel a bit proud. maybe life wasn't so hard, after all. 

“do you wanna count this as the first date then? i did pay for your nuggets, after all.”

he’s met with a handful of fries hitting his face. he laughs loudly in response. 

“i’ll take that as a no, then.”