#Guys. Guys help. He so badass what do I doooo
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POV: Me when I see the cutest, sweetest guy ever at a party
(I have no balls both figuratively and literally, someone help me)
#Moots you have NO IDEA how much I want to rant about him GUYS GUYS#He’s so fucking badass too he can pick locks and shit whereas I’m over here trying to be slick and hot but basically just following him#Around like a sad puppy. He’s badassly stomping through this catholic ass church and kicking butt and I’m over here just letting him even#Tho I’m Catholic sort of. Bc. Cute guy. Smart man. Handsome dude. He put his head on my shoulder and held my hand#And I was internally screaming#Guys help me I have NEVER in my life been so down bad for a real life man#I literally don’t know any other response to it then chivalry and helping him out#Guys. Guys help. He so badass what do I doooo
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👀 But may we get some some of those Ver/Cath Mulan AU hcs?
👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌
ALRIGHT, HEADCANON TIME.
Mundus has invaded territory with his demon army
Sparda, the general and king, is all “w tf have you just done u lil bitch???”
Eva stays in the palace to make sure everything is going ok
A man of age from every family has to fight by his side to protect the kingdom
Daniyal is hurt ever since the last war and can’t fight properly but his son isn’t of age yet so he must go
Catheryn is just “no u fuckin don’t???”
She knows he will die in battle and that CAN NOT happen??? He has a teenager son and a baby girl to raise?? Her parents must stay alive, wtf
So, once they fall asleep, she steals her father’s armor and her mom’s sword and just gets on top of a horse and is like “bye fuckers”
Her ancestors are just like “this bitch”
They send this fire fox spirit to bring her back
Maawiya, however, is just “hum no she has potential imma help her out”
Sparda assigns Vergil as Captain and tells him to train potential new soldiers
Dante is jelly, but oh well, okay i guess?? asshole
Catheryn and Dante end up having…a little brawl before Vergil comes out and finds them almost clawing each other’s face off
Dante just “he started”
Catheryn has to hold herself to don’t kick him in the stomach
“What’s your name??” “Uuuuuh” “My brother asked you a question” “your brother? oh yes i noticed the similarity. you both look like someone spit in your fucking food”
She ends up saying her name is Hideo because ‘splendid man’ sounds good and she is out of ideas
Vergil is Tired ™ and dismisses them but promises Hideo/Cathy he will keep an eye on ‘him’
Next day comes and Cathy runs to the training camp with this huge ass sword and everyone is all “um buddy just how much does that weight??” “i dunno man, like, 3 full grown men?” “WHAT”
Dante rolls his eyes once his brother starts talking like a captain and telling them to behave
“Ohhh, tough guy” “Brother, thank you for volunteering” “COME ON”
Everyone tries to climb the damn tree trunk, everyone falls (Cathy goes a lil further than everyone but falls on her butt)
“It’s gonna be a looong day…”
LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS INTENSIFIES
During hand to hand combat training Cathy kicks Vergil’s ass
“wow ok stay still my beating heart”
As training progresses, Dante and Catheryn actually tolerate each other
One night Catheryn hears Sparda’s counselor, Agares, who’s a major asshole sometimes, telling Vergil the tropes aren’t ready
Maawiyaand Cathy just “no u fucking dont we worked HARD for this”
“i hold him, you punch him” “not necessary, but i appreciate it”
Genuine smile from the Captain?? wow??? WOW?
“You liiiike him” “shut up maawiya” “you doooo” “ok fine he’s cute, judge me” “uh uh tO YOUR TENT young lady”
Sneaky fox writes a message for Agares saying Sparda needs them as backup because fuck Agares and his notes
Marching sucks, it really does
The whole ally army is found defeated together with a village
Dante and Vergil are absolutely livid and trying to swallow down the pain as they set their father’s helmet near a cliff together with his sword
Basically Mundus’ army soon appears before them
“oh shit we’re fucked”
Catheryn, the super extra soldier: welp guess im gonna blow up a mountain lol
“also imma save the hot ass captain while this all goes to shit”
“oh fuck i got hurt”
“aaaand now they know im a woman. great.”
Vergil refuses to kill her because “wtf she may be a woman but she was the best soldier i’ve ever seen??? no, she’s still coming with us. stop yelling Agares u bitch”
Mundus basically tries to kidnap Eva and take over the palace after popping out of the snow like a daisy together with a few allies
Catheryn watches as the strong alpha males try to take the thickass, hugeass doors down with a statue….smfh
“there’s…pilars here we can climb”
“oh”
Eva is basically doing the equivalent of double middle fingers at Mundus for killing her mf husband
Badass brother duo ft. tall lady burst open the fucking doors behind Eva and Mundus
“why hello king of assholes”
Catheryn basically pulls Vergil back after Dante gets Eva tf outta there because “oh no this asshole is mine”
they…basically blow up the fuckin palace’s wall and part of the ceiling, smh
Eva: u fucking destroyed everything
Eva: but u also killed that fucker and saved us all so u cool
Catheryn just “neat can i go home now”
Dante basically hugs her good bye and whispers something about Vergil
Meanwhile the captain is just “uuuuh you fight good. see ya.”
Dante and Eva, probably: u fight good??? that woman just fucking saved us. go marry her.
Back at Cathy’s home, probs:
Lukah: she brought a sword, could’ve brought a gf…bf…smth
Vergil: um is this the meyumi residence??
Lukah: well fuck me
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