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chipswithfanfics · 6 years

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❝ The Castle on the Sea ❞ Hongbin

Genre: fluff, slight angst, fantasy, wizard + studioghibli!au Pairing: Hongbin x Reader Summary: “And if you dive deep enough into the sea, you will find, among bubbles and fish, a submerged castle where a prince lives without a kingdom.” Word count: 14k this is… huge

Request: (Please mention me as @heart-baek-bleed so that I won't get lost because I want to make sure that is really me) Since you love Ghibi movies, how about a Howls Moving Castle AU with Hongbin? ~ Queennie

A/N: i'm inactive for a while, sorry, but I'm doing my best! and i'll be putting all the requests in order… so this one in particular has yielded a lot, i hope it is not very massive, because i really enjoyed writing this plot (and omg!!!!, Hongbin in this plot fit so well, jesus have mercy on me)... and: some of Reader's lines will be in italics, well, enjoy!

The City of Lanterns is always shrouded in half darkness, since the gray clouds are always covering the sky completely, be it at night or in the mornings, while the birds sing happily.

And for this reason, the lanterns float on the water, following the flow of rivers that cut the streets, which are presented and joined by small bridges. At one time or another, during the day, the sky perhaps opens a little, letting a few sunbeams pass.

But even with the gray sky, it is rare to rain. And the citizens of the City of Lanterns often believe that when the sky finally cries, it's because something incredible will happen: a miracle! Some say.

Or a terrible disaster... and a few others say, on the other hand.

But it does not matter, does it matter? Because on this day, very early in the morning, the gray clouds that completely cover the sky, are crying. Well, just the day you got so many deliveries to make.

Through the streets, cats seek shelter, and you hurry, holding a small umbrella that does not seem to solve much. Your dress is soaking wet! As you fight and grumble to try to keep the warm breads intact from the rain.

"Mr. Biggam!" You exclaim as you knock on the third door of the day, climbing the only steps that separate the small house from the almost flooded street, the lanterns just behind illuminate the gray day as they float and float.

"Well, young lady..." The gentleman who answers the door scrubs his hands. "My belly was already snoring!"

You smile kindly, kindly in part, because you do not deliver the breads.

"You still owe us the loaves of two days, Mr. Biggam." Because, well, you have a tremendous sharp tongue.

The man open his eyes, and raise the eyebrows.

"But, miss Y/n." He hesitates over lips, still rubbing his hands, his mustache stirring as he tries to find the words. "Money is difficult, and God knows that war has taken all from us..."

"And the same goes for us, sir." You nod, still keeping the loaves away from the old man's hands. "War is cold, so it requires us to be equally cold."

Well, everyone says, what an insolent girl is the daughter of the baker of merchants' alley!

"You can not let a poor lord die of hunger." He rebukes, and you go down both steps, untouched by the words, much less by the desolate expression: you are already accustomed.

"So as soon as you pay for your loaves, you'll have a full belly and a silly smile on your mouth. Mr Biggam? Have a good time."

And that's how you walk away. Because yes, you're a tremendous one of an insolent girl with a sharp tongue.

And from the nearest alley a little black kitten purrs to you as you hurry your feets. You look at the little animal, going back a few steps, but that's all, a simple street cat...

"I'm sorry, kitten, but these breads are not for you," you says when hears a tearful meow, sticking the tongue out for the little animal.

Soon, you're back in the rush through town. Knocking from door to door, of the customers from the bakery shop, which is just at the end of the fishermen's alley. Charging those who owe, and handing over the loaves to the good customers.

After all, if it is to live of goodwill, you and your parents will starve to death! As you say to yourself, to the aunt and to the mother who are always complaining about your sharp tongue and cheeky personality.

The rain thickens in the morning, when you have almost passed the great bulletin board and advertisements of the city, which is right in the center of the square, you almost passed by; because you hurry back. There is a great warning nailed right in the center of the picture, the edges woven in gold, as well as the letters; the great Royal Prom was closer to happening than you imagined!

A radiant smile takes over your face. You want and wait for this night so much: because you imagine the beautiful dress that will wear, the beautiful mask that will order from the best jeweler in the city, and the shoes, oh yes, the shoes!

So, your face is taken by a flyer that drift through the rain, completely soaked.

"Oh!" You exclaimed, pulling the wet paper from your face, now equally soaked.

What you see, written in the flying pamphlet, is nothing more than written in ill-made letters: "Frogs in your tubs? Pest of singers-mosquitoes on your plantations? Or something else... I will solve all your problems!" You recite, with eyes half closed, the letters are terrible.

"Meet me at the singing alley, in the City at the Cradle of the Sea.

The Great Blue Wizard. "

The breath blows out of your lungs, because there is an unconvincing drawing at the end of the words, of a large, rough crown, and this is what you repeat when you let the panflet take its turn in the strong wind of the rain:

"Extremely suspicious."

After all, who could entrust their bathtubs or plantations to a wizard?! And you already heard about the guy, who does not have a name, who does not have a face, actually has several of them but nobody knows for sure which one is the real one.

A man or a woman? Old or young? Where did he or she come from? Do she or he take the name Sebastian, Margo, Estephan or...?

Nobody knows.

But for you it does not matter, there are no coaching frogs in your tub, and you do not even have a plantation of aquatic tomatoes —and thanks to the skies they're scarce this summer because you hate them—what you have is a pile of breads to be delivered on a rainy morning in the City of Lanterns, an umbrella that looks like it will dismount any minute and a dream of finding your prince at the royal ball that will happen within a month.

And oh, of course, you also have the beautiful view of the sea, which plunges the horizon straight ahead into serene turquoise and navy blue colors.

But what happens, minutes after you try to continue your deliveries, is simply that your umbrella really comes undone: and as the people of the City of the Lanterns already said, a weeping sky can mean a day of disasters.

The door bell sings as you enter, the dress completely soaked as well as the remaining breads in your basket, the umbrella is completely crushed, bursting and dead.

"What are these leftovers?" Your mother asked as she placed her eyes on the basket that was placed on the counter.

"Mr. Biggam refuses to pay, Mama." You answer, walking up the stairs, the smell of sweetbreads with cranberry jelly filling your nose as your father finds himself exiting the kitchen, rubbing his hands. "Good morning, papa."

"Good morning, my dear," he replied, not having time to say much more, for you climbed the stairs with a leap worthy of the most agile cat; you get rid of the clothes with extreme rapidity, in the room the birds sing at the foot of your window, seeking shelter from the rain, and your clean clothes are warm.

You descend with the same rapidity that has risen, but there is, still, your mother with the expression in concern.

"Leave the loaves in the door of Mr. Biggam's house, my dear." She says, new loaves replacing those once soaked.

Freezing right there, you close the expression, already knowing where your sweet and innocent mother wants to reach.

"He will not pay if we continues to leave the buns at his door, mama!" The voice came out loud and well expressed from your mouth, hitting a few light slaps on your newly fitted dress to remove the dust.

The house is in a precarious state of cleanliness, there is no money to pay a maid, much less disposition and energy to clean everything with the required attention, the bakery is almost in the same deplorable state.

The money is short. He had always been.

"Money is the least concern, daughter." Your mother still insists, and then you could not be more dazed: she was about to start with this story of empathy for others again.

"Mama, but I need the money!" You twist the words, the discussion begins like this, it always begins. "The ball will soon happen!"

"And who told you that you're going to this... Thing?" But it's your father, who comes out of the kitchen again with a fresh ream of breads with jelly marmalade, who puts everything to lose on your head. "We need people up early to deliver the loaves."

"You are two tremendous stupid!" That's what you scream, opening your mouth wide, expecting your parents to listen well, extremely well when you hit your feet hard on the floor, the bell at the door tinkles and, rain out, you walk away.

"Cheeky girl!" That's what you hear, already outside, but too late, your father can not reach you.

The drops of water fell one by one from the rooftops, the last tears of rain, and you shrank from behind a few barrels, the alley was cold, but still covered enough by the rest of the roofs to keep you out of the rain that already passed.

It was foolishness, of course, since your dress was soaked again. You would quietly mutter all sorts of complaints against the projected images of your parents. Ah, yes, you would not go to the ball that you expected so much just because of the damn deliveries that in the end would not even yield enough money if your mother were still so foolish.

A selfish tear ran down your left cheek, and as you took a breath of icy air, you heard the noise echoing down the darker side of the alley. A dark stranger took the farthest walls, a dark that was not commonplace even in the city where it was always cloudy.

You get up with a spasm, but see, it's just a cat that emerge from the dark, with black fur and a sharp meow, it's the same little friend from early in the morning, the paws echo in the alley and you sigh relieved, again shrinking against the corner of the wall.

When then, you come across with this figure that came out of nowhere, the smoke engulfs the alley, running down the floors, between the parallelepipedos, and you want to get up: but can not, and there is a tall womam covered in a huge black cloak in feathers, approaching. And you are still sitting on the floor.

"Look, little girl, why are you crying?" The voice is babbling, and the cat is curling up between the feathers of the huge cloak that falls to the ground, like black mud of some swamp.

"Nothing of much interest, ma'am." You press your back against the wall; there is no fear, but there is the surprise.

And the mysterious woman approaches, lowering herself with difficulty, there is too much height for a normal human being, the hand that comes out of the dense mantle is wrinkled, flaccid. And you realize, as you see the hand approaching your forehead.

"That you learn to be who you ought to be, and that you unlearn what you should never have been."

This is a witch! And when the finger touches your forehead with a coarse, pointed nail, the waves take your body. You try to scream. It's like having your soul swallowed and crushed, cut in half, because something is taken from you, and it's something that's now in the Witch's hand in black feathers.

"Now, go child, seek what must be undone."

With a simple step, a crack, she disappears, the smoke, the rain, but not the cat. The cat is there, facing you, with a long meow and seems to smile, audaciously smiling as soon as your eyes widen. You look at your own hands, feel the wave revert in the body, what is hot becomes so cold and your throat...

God, your throat...

It's choking, no, no...

The clothes are enlarging, no, no, it's the hands! Your hands, by the Gods! Are decreasing...

You're shrinking, your clothes getting loose and... You want to scream, and nothing comes out, when you run away, the shoes are left behind, the cat releases a meow; it sounds like a muffled laugh, a laugh from one who had one last chance early in the morning.

You run and want to scream, nothing ever comes out of your throat, and with each passing in your rush, it becomes more scrubby, shorter, your dress too big on the body and your hands too small to lift it, to pull it from the path of bare feet.

God, what the bloody witch did to you?!

The doorbell tinkles with force, and into the bakery you run. "Mama!" You call but the words stay in your head only, they stay in the air, because as soon as you enter, you face your mother's huge eye .

"Who are you?!" she exclaims, as loud and audible as the breaking of your chest sounds in your heart.

She can not recognize you. She can not recognize her own daughter! And you wanna talk: this is the witchcraft of a damn witch, Mama, do not let her fool you! But it's the cold of the street what you find, "Get out of here, filthy child, you're messing everything up!" And the one who should be called your father throws you out the door.

And blam! the door closes.

The birds sing, and the lanterns continues flowing down the river. There is no more rain, but there is a huge puddle of water right on your left side, just as you can see your face perfectly, or what your twelve-year-old face should look like.

Ah yes, as they say, rainy days in the City of Lanterns can very much mean a day of complete disaster.

You did not shrink, you were a child again.

And the worst of the worst cases. You can not scream. For what the witch took from you was nothing more than your voice.

A twelve-year-old child with no voice! What cruel fate for an insolent girl...

But see, for all problems there is a solution, because the wind bring this pamphlet straight to your face, as if the fate laughs of your cruel—or not so much—acts. Pulling the paper still soaked from your face, with mild nostalgia, you again see the letters now even more crooked because of the water.

"Meet me at the singing alley, in the City at the Cradle of the Sea.

The Great Blue Wizard."

Now, you really have frogs in your tub. And so begins your adventure...

The winds coming from the north comb the hair strands, and you hold tight the hat—which silently you stole from the neighbor's clothesline, after all, you have your reasons, right? The ribbon that should have been holding the strands of hair in place is holding the dress tied with a huge, clumsy knot.

It had been all you could do through the rest of the day.

And the smell of the sea comes in through your nose as you breathe deeply, throwing a few coins into the sailor's hands.

Right in front, when you finally stop to observe, you hold your breath with your lips opening unnoticed: the view of the city of Altha—the city on the edge of the blue sea—is stupendous, there is no gray cloud in the sky, that opens in the liveliest blue, houses are innumerable, streets fill in life, merchants, children wandering with smiles, even ladies with their huge baskets. And still from the harbor, where the song of the gulls is incessant, it is already possible to see the great and exuberant figure of the royal castle, standing right in the center of the city.

It looks like a dream…

"Get out of the way, you little brat!" A man passes by in all speed, which results in a direct push to the ground...

At least it would seem like a beautiful dream if you were not in a twelve-year-old child's body, a mute child. And all you can do is stare deathly silently at the brute who had just pushed you: with the desire for him to be swallowed by a whale on a brief trip.

The singing alley is just a few streets down and, of course, you know this because it's one of the most famous spots in the city of Altha, everyone talks about it, everyone delights as they pass through the arches that delimit the alley, ears plunge into the sweet songs that echo.

The voices are human, and are human who listen—along with a few animals, who sleep enjoying the shade of the roofs—but they are not human who sing them. You've heard of where the yellowish-colored roses came from, some magical forest out there, but that's not why you crossed the sea; of the small island from where you were born to the continent.

You came looking for a wizard, the Great Blue Wizard, by whom you hope to solve your "little" problem. But, stopping in the middle of the alley, watching people passing dressed in colorful clothes, with beautiful smiles on their faces, you realize that you do not know which door you have to hit.

Great, because the damn poster did not even have an address... and what could you do?

Knock from door to door, after all, in the same way you're used to? Of course you are not yet accustomed to being kicked out, cursed and kicked, and when that's not happening, it's impossible for you to say anything for the simple reason that you no longer have any voice coming out of your mouth.

It is on the farthest street of the alley, where you can still hear the whispers of the singing roses, that you lean against the wall, with a despairing sigh. Fate seems to be conspiring against you, by heaven, what have you done to the Gods to be so furious? Plenty indeed.

"They're looking for you!" The words leaked through the alley just beside him, your body freeze, and slyly you lean over the corner of the wall, just tilting your head to peer through the alley.

It is empty and cold, extremely cold and a dense silence is made. You swallow when you realize that you are already entering the alley, damn curiosity that makes you go foward, only to hear the second burst of words echoing too loud.

"Do you have any idea how much they are offering for your head? Prince George, at least, is offering much more than you owe me. "

When you turn the first corner of the alley you face two men, and instinctively you throw yourself back against the wall; luckily they did not notice your presence. Too bad, because it seems that something extremely wrong is going on there and you're listening to everything.

"And not only him, Rhosalia is after you too."

"What I owe is already promised to be paid, Joseph." The other man, taller, and with clothes of peculiar taste, says, with a tongue snapping: as you realize when again tilt your head, fingers holding firmly to the wall.

His hair strands is blue, you notice with eyes popping in a half shock, what kind of human being would have hair strands blue like ocean water.

"That's what you always claim, Hong-" Words echoed louder and louder through the dark stinking alley.

"Do not you dare speak my name aloud." And the blue haired man growls, interrupting, placing his hand firmly on the other's shoulder.

"Then you pay me what you owe..."

And in the blink of an eye, a snap of fingers like the heavy coat, placed over the shoulders, floats, the little bag comes out of practically nothing, landing in the hand, not much bigger than the palm.

"Here," he says, as he throws the bag against the chest of the alleged Joseph, who is nothing but a ragged, bearded, wrinkly man. "But in return, keep that mouth well sewn. My name is much more precious than any other life, Joseph, keep that in mind. "

The face of the blue haired, in turn, you can not see. Since you holds your breath in shock from what you has just seen; something had just come up in his hands with a snap of his fingers.

"How much do we have here?" The smaller man laughs, completely ignoring the threatening tone in the voice of the blue-haired, opening the sack, and surely they are rhubis in there, the brightest and most red. "Oh, much more than Rhosalia would dream of paying!"

"Keep me out of her eyes and have a lot more-"

And you choke, a hiccup escapes from your throat, just as a shiver takes your whole body because the blue-haired man's eyes head very quickly straight at you.

With a step back, listening to:

"Well, I did not know you brought company, Joseph."

You run, almost tripping over your own feet. Turning the corners of the narrow alley, passing over puddles, diverting from one street cat or other, but it seems to have no end, the alleys shuffle, and when you think you're seeing the light of day, you're not... In fact, there is no end as you turn one more corner that you swear you have already passed at least a four times when; a wall comes out of the air and that's when you stick your face in.

"Who sent you?" The voice slips into the air to you.

And you could stay forever with your face pressed against the wall, but you turn around, pushing your body defensively against the stones.

Now you can see perfectly the face of the man attired with what might be worth your soul and two other souls together, he has his arms folded, with a cold twinge of hostility in his eyes.

You swallow dry, imagining that it will be this way that your life will come to an end.

"Are they that bad?" He asks through his teeth. "What are they thinking? Sending a child after me? "

In turn, you can not move, there is too much fear in your new little body—if you were with your body from a day ago, you definitely would have put a shoe in his face—then, you close your eyes tightly, hands in front of the body, as if it were possible to stop a wizard so easily.

"Now tell me..." The blue-haired man, like the high seas, is approaching, the steps echoing heavy. Your eyes close with more force, already waiting for your fate; death, because if he made a priceless bag come up from the air, just like a solid wall, then what else could he do?

"Who sent you here? Prince George, the Duke of Halminthon or... " He continues, reaching near enough, leaning against his right knee, kneeling in front of you, who is still shrinking.

But his voice pauses, his eyes widen slightly, but you're praying so hard you do not realize: I do not even know who these are! I only looking for the Blue Wizard! You want to talk, but it's useless as your defensive hands.

However, the laughter echoes, low, but audible enough, as noticeable as the air easing against your body. The wall just behind disappears as he snaps his fingers, causing your body to lose balance by stuffing your ass into a puddle, finishing soaking your already battered dress.

What is going on? Your head asks as soon you look up. Finding the radiant expression through the blue strands, saying with a big smile:

"I'm afraid I know very well where to find what you are looking for, little one." You blink quickly, not understanding what is happening, still not understanding how the wall had simply disappeared with a magic spell. "And, well," he reaches out, helping you to get up. "Call me Hongbin."

"And this is where I live!" The door creaks when it opens, and could almost fall apart, because that's what it sums up; a door in pieces, giving entrance to a house also in pieces. What am I doing? You still ask yourself the same question since you agreed to go down the singing alleyway with the blue-haired man.

Hongbin, that's his name, you repeat as you look at him one more time; he looks so suspicious, but he says he knows where the blue wizard is...

As he opens the door, taking steps in, you stop right there taking one last sip in the dry, standing in the doorway of the house in pieces you look around, is a complete silence and there is no one around.

Very suspicious.

"Kindly," Hongbin draws his attention, finally making you enter, following him. The door closes with a sharp creak just behind you. "Do not notice the state of the walls, furniture..."

Foolish request, because it is impossible not to notice, as you enters further, you may feel a slight breeze pass through the house, whistling through the dusty furniture, falling to pieces; a stab of fear still accumulates at the foot of your belly.

Extremely suspicious.

"It's not easy for me to keep the house clean before I get customers like you, little lady."

Customers? Your head exclaims, finally following him, before being completely left behind.

"You know, the number of good customers has become scarcer..." And he continues to speak, his voice muffling every now and again as he covers his nose to a cloud of dust that hangs from one corner to the other.

And you're not listening, too busy trying to not set foot on a loose wood or an open hole in the floor. When then, you bump into Hongbin's body.

"Hold on tight," he says, as his eyes turn to your face, an arrogant smile taking over his lips.

Instinctively, with a little voice telling you to listen for what the blue-hair says, you hold tight in his heavy violet coat. And by all means, you made that choice...

Are three touches of the knuckles against the ladder that barely existed. The house creaks so loudly that you are tempted to let it go to cover your ears.

"You'd better hold firm if you want to keep whole at place, little lady." Hongbin exclaims, and who are you not to listen to him?

The creaking increases until literally, everything is breaking, melting, breaking and then... A huge hole opens on the floor. The dive is quick and painless, but your eyes close by instinct.

What a beautiful way to die...

But you do not die, in place, you hear a tinkle, a mute thud and then, it's the third time on the day you've got your butt in the ground, because this time your legs can not stand it.

There is a velvet purple ceiling, and a great chandelier. Your eyes blink a total of seven times before looking around, while Hongbin disappears from sight. The house falling apart has disappeared, and in place, there remained only this perfectly ornate setting, a winding staircase that rose so high, large shelves with missing books, books that were thrown to the floor.

"I beg again, pardon for the mess," says Hongbin, who is actually making his way through a bunch of books with some difficulty. The place is huge, the wooden walls suggest that a giant could live there, and on the ceiling, when looking better, there are stars gliding, as if the night sky was within reach of anyone.

A tinkling sound, of a fish-shaped bell, is set above a large door just below the stairs. And you stand up from the floor, hands banging against the fabric, taking out the dust that should be present but not there.

"You're back so early, maeester." The voice comes to you in a whisper, softly, and looking at the, now, opened door, you almost utter a scream.

Almost…

"Oh! You brought people with you, maeester." The subject says, his eyes almost closed, mustaches cheer and his tail swing. "It seems like I was guessing, I made lots of cups of tea."

"Oh?!" A small exclamation is what comes out of your mouth, noticing the cat's eyes, incredibly something comes out of his mouth, with the strangeness that passes through your body as you notices a talking cat walking on its two hind legs while the front ones balance a huge tray with two teapots and five cups.

"We have clients, Leo, please serve her a cup of tea." Hongbin nods as the white-coated feline walks over to you with what could be a gentle smile: if it were not a cat with long whiskers and hairy ears.

"Sit down, sit down," and the voice is so low that you can hardly hear it. You sit at the nearest table in which he shows the way, placing the huge tray on the rustic wood. "We have, leaves of sin," say the animal, which would easily have the same height as you, pointing with the fluffy paw to the cup with the pink liquid. "Of amaranth with beetles of the desert..." The transparent liquid with subtle red touches does not look anything pleasant... "And mint with pineapple." And the cup with a leaf floating in the middle is the one you choose, for sure.

And as you watch the fluffy paws easily put sugar in your tea, watching it all with shining eyes, completely amazed at the talking cat named Leo, Hongbin is literally rummaging through the books on the highest shelves, balanced at the top of a ladder.

"You know my preference, Leo." He says, before his servant of low, gentle words like a spring breeze, even ask. Surprisingly, the taste of Hongbin is by the tea of reddish color.

"It's not really made from beetles," Leo says softly, seeing your expression in horror. "Desert beetles are little sweet stones, buried in the sand." And you're relieved to know.

The small leaf continues to float in your tea, as eyes are sliding from wall to wall, there are small pots of plants scattered all over the place in unusual places, and there is a huge fireplace.

"It must be here by some corner..." Hongbin mutters between his lips, throwing another book up, with no sign of concern about the mess shown a few minutes ago.

And your tea is great...

The windows are covered by long curtains, the ones Leo rushes to open, with his paws that seem to handle everything with the same skill as a human with five fingers in perfect condition.

"What our young client owes to the torment of seeking my master?" The cat asks, softly, without any pretension.

"She looks for me because I'm the best, Leo." And Hongbin replys, still higher, searching for the book, a book you can not even guess at nature, since you prefers to sit perfectly, watching everything while drinking your tea.

It's too much for a simple human to sue. And see, you haven't connected the dots yet...

Until the first curtain is open and through the window you see the full and deep blue. You watch for seconds, as Leo opens the next curtain, and imagine with yourself how beautiful the sky is until...

A fish passes.

"What do we have for dinner?" Hongbin asks, scrolling through the pages of some book, eyes half closed, completely focused.

"Roasted fish with onions, my lord," Leo responds, the second curtain opens, revealing yet another large shoal of fish swimming. You scream internally, your eyes widen and then, you realize where you are.

"Again?"

"If you gave me my hat back I could go out and buy ostrich meat at the market, my lord, since it is your favorite."

"You know damn well that it's too dangerous to get out with the hat."

"Oh, what a terrible and cruel maester I have." Leo emphasizes in a sigh, dramatically.

"I can hear you, Leo." And Hongbin smiles, glancing down at the cat that walks toward the third window, stopping to watch the fish swimming. And this is indeed what you are thinking; you are in a castle, under the sea.

"You do not have anything to fear," the smile reaches out to you, who has huge eyes facing the window, where some more fish pass, "we can see the fish but it does not mean the same to our little friends."

Swallowing, the tea is still warm in the cup, and Leo, the talking cat, stares at you for a few seconds, then comes to get the teapot and pour more tea for you.

"Not a lady of many words, right?" He asks, finishing of filling your cup again. You look at him suspiciously, anyway, how could you respond? So, you twist your lips. "What happened to the girl, my lord, some nasty cat ate her tongue?"

You choke on the tea that barely entered your mouth: you're a cat too, smarthead! the exclamation fills your head, but nothing is able to leave.

"It's nothing more than the reason she's here," Hongbin laughs loudly, rolling his eyes at the servant, then glancing at you. "Leo is not a cat, young lady, he's a Familiar..."

Your eyes might fall out of their sockets if possible, and Hongbin let out another loud laugh, the book still open and well propped on his hand. How can he hear you? You wonder, much more frightened than intrigued, because his eyes penetrate deep into your eyes.

Hongbin shrugs, with a faint arrogant smile. As if he could actually read your mind, just as he read the open book in the palm of his hand. With one step forward, in the air, he jumps off the ladder at a height that could easily match the height of four men.

Landing with extreme ease, like a feather hitting the ground.

Who is he?! You finally exclaim to yourself, finally connecting each of the points, getting up from the chair with a leap...

"The pleasure is all mine, young lady!" The voice rumbles through the corners, and Hongbin has a huge luster on his lips, which is nothing but a big smile, raising his arms, his coat floats and he bows, "here you have, the honor of meeting the Great Blue Wizard. "

And a drumbeat sounds, it's like fireworks are rising above your head; and it really has, exploding into little bright ones, close to the ceiling, as feasts are fired.

"I know you have many questions, and oh, how amazing to know the So Famous, beautiful, and Splendid Blue Wizard..." And he continues, as he raises his torso, an extreme glow taking his face, speaking too fast, while you did not even sue the fact of being mute and in the body of a child... "But we can leave the thanks for later, right? I do not like being flattered or anything-"

"Sir?" Leo cleared his throat.

"Oh heavens, Leo, not again." Hongbin's hands go straight to the face, rubbing his face. "Can't you see that you're disturbing my magical moment with the young lady?"

"Ah, yes, my lord, pardon..."

"So where did I stop?" And he nods, turning his eyes to you, who is completely static, watching the whole show unfold. "Oh! Yes…"

"But I think you're frightening her, my lord." And this is what happens, right after Hongbin turns his face with a nice straight smile to the servant; you fall hard on the floor. "I said, sir... No one likes fireworks," Leo growled, already knowing that it would be a task for him to take you to the floors above.

The tick-tack fills the bedroom, the sheets are thick, full and fluffy, there are so many pillows of so many colors, and the bed is too big, so large that it could fit a sleeper elephant. And there are large round windows, next to a large clock embedded in the wall, in place of the numbers there are suns, stars and moons; a weekly watch, because the hours are already so stressful to be in a guest room. And just below the great pendulum, there is a fireplace that crackles silently.

You wake up with a grunt, your fingers sinking and smoothing the sheets, which are so soft to the touch, but still, so strange.

"Changed the sheets, mama?" You grunt, half smile, poking your face into the pillow, which is actually innumerable. "It smells so good..." you grumble again.

"I had a dream so strange and..." you keep talking... but the point is, that you do not listen to your own voice. Your eyes open at once, just as you give your cat leap that just got a shower of ice water, because the memories of the last day hit you right in.

Meanwhile, downstairs...

"Why do I have a bad feeling, Leo?" Hongbin grunts, the blue threads are a little messy, and his eyes get lost for a few seconds, again well supported at the top of the stairs, is already the fiftieth book he takes to leaf through; about breaking a spell of dumbness.

"Because this are beyond your abilities, maester." Leo responds from below, sipping tea, eyes slightly closed in pleasure after filling his belly, mustaches lifting up so does not touch the cup.

"There!" Hongbin throws the book to the top, which lands with a crash on the floor. "Very funny, Leo, is this why I signed you and not your brother?"

"Can we not remember the mistakes of my past, in which I greatly regret it, my lord?" There is a mixture of anguish and much, but much rancor in the voice of the cat that actually; It's not a cat.

"What was his name again?" His fingers go up to his chin.

"Hakyeon, my lord."

"That's it," he waved his finger in the air, the cup, which was positioned on top of the tray, rises, floating toward him, "and being a great and incredible master, I will not put you on the street, much less hire your brother in the your place."

Leo let out a faint sigh, his fluffy paws returning to the cup. And Hongbin soon mumbled again, flipping through the next book he reached and the shelf was already almost empty. It seemed useless. He sighs heavily, throwing the fifty-first book on the huge pile that formed below.

"I am afraid to know who could help you in this service, sir." Leo's voice echoes low, and Hongbin looks over his shoulder, half already predicting what would come.

"Oh, no..." He sighs a second time.

"Rhosalia is one of the most learned sorceresses of ancient magic, my lord." And there goes the fifty-second book, thrown at Leo's feet, only because of his quick reflexes, which made him deflect.

"Was that to hit me?"

"Oh, no, Leo, I'm just testing the reflexes of my noble servant."

"Rethink about asking Rhosalia for help."

"Not in a million years will I beg for help for that evil woman, Leo." Hongbin grunts under his breath, if not for the bruised pride, that it was for the tightness in his chest.

"Oh, well, then spend these thousand years trying to unravel this mystery," he sighed, clapping his paws at each other.

"A mystery that has barely begun is not a mystery, my dear!" And he exclaims, completely refusing to give up.

When then, the thuds echo heavy through the winding ladder. You're coming down at full speed.

"And oh, well, I believe our client has awakened, my lord."

The book closes, as Hongbin open a huge smile on his face.

"Great!" He exclaims, something going through his head as the neurons re-start at full speed.

And when you place your feet on the bottom steps, you are screaming inside, Leo can not hear, no one can hear how much you want to throw everything up and declare that you are completely out of your senses.

"Calm down, little lady," but Hongbin seems to listen perfectly, or at least, can read the words stuck deep in your eyes. "Calm down, because we have so much to do."

We have?! your head exclaims.

"Well," he says, coming down the ladder of books so easily that it makes a certain shame appear on your face, all because you are a complete mess. "It is clear to me that you can not afford for my services..."

You bite the tongue, after all, had never thought of the detail that you have to pay! And Hongbin opens a beautiful smile as he approaches, a smile that completely paints your cheeks in red.

"Then you must give me a hand."

A little hand... A little-tiny help... That was what Hongbin, the blue wizard, the incredible unnamed magician, faceless, and blue-haired, bright smile and arrogant voice, said. And it had been a full week since you had listened to such words, and you just could not imagine that the help would be summed up in the most diverse works, from the most risky ones like; to sneak into burrows of hypogriffes to steal their feathers, even the simplest—or not so much—as; put all the books back on the shelves in alphabetical order.

And in a week, you were getting used to it, especially with the days you simply stayed in the castle, taking care of the cleaning, taking care of the meals, while Hongbin disappeared for God knows where.

Until, on a beautiful sunny morning, you hardly knew how you had stopped in that situation. Although, walking with a Wizard and his Familiar would never yield to the most usual situations. But there you were, in an unknown continent, in the great capital of Bersin, in which you had only heard about.

That's how your story with Hongbin really began.

"Well," and straight ahead was none other than Prince George, mortal enemy of the great capital of Altha, "it is astonishing that you has such devices in your power, sir..."

"Leo." And right in front of you, wearing a large top hat with a purple ribbon, was none other than Leo, in his true for—theoretically—with his white hair and legs just so long, wearing a nice suit.

"I've never heard of a magician named Leo," the Prince, who was not even young, scratched his beard, deeply examining Leo's static eyes, who was holding a large suitcase in his hands.

"He is new to the business, my lord." On the left, the man in a handsome but normal suit, muttered, his voice artificially coarse, running his fingers through his huge black beard: it was false, as false as the mustache that covered most of the nose, as false as the black wig.

Within a week you've had too much of Hongbin's disguises.

"I see," the Prince nodded, half-closing his eyes. "Do I know you from somewhere, sir?"

Leo, you and Hongbin swallowed at the same time and could not be sweating more colder, in perfect sync, because a single thing could happen if Prince George found out; heads would roll, yours too, for sure.

"Ah, my lord, I do a lot of business in the world." It was the best excuse he had found, and luckily it had been good enough to free them from suspicion.

No better disguise? You exclaimed without a voice, rolling your eyes at Hongbin.

"What are you talking about?" Hongbin whispered, leaning slightly, scratching his beard. "This is my best."

"For a moment, it reminded me of a dirty magician with whom I had the misfortune to do business!" George exclaimed. Making Hongbin readily put himself back in place.

"I believe he was a very blatant mage, sir," Leo commented, grinning nervously. And you swallowed hard. Hongbin bit his tongue.

"A tremendous of a cheeky! I'll be glad to have his head in the top of the flag of my castle..."

Great, Hongbin! You exclaim to yourself.

"What?!" And Hongbin grunted back, mumbling in the struggle to keep a smile.

We're going to die!

"It's all under control," he returned, with a smile that you could be sure of conveying everything, less reassurance. But all was to unfold quietly, when the Prince pulled out a fat sack, handing it to Leo.

Hongbin's eyes lit instantly, and you took a deep breath, both relief and revolt at being in such a risky state.

"I said that everything would go well," Hongbin whispered, apparently still incredulous in his own words, and when both three were headed for the door, it was heard:

"Mr. Leo?" And the three froze a few inches from the grand door. "Why do you have a tail?"

A thousand and one excuses went through Hongbin's head, and of his also, indeed, a thousand and one possibilities of getting dead passed in his head in the second seconds, because when Hongbin turned with a handsome one of a cheeky smile...

The fake beard fell.

"You!" And the scream echoed throughout the castle. "Hongbin!!" The first instinct of both three summed up simply to run: the top hat was pulled from Leo's head, returning to be a cat in a magic pass. But not even so magically, Hongbin pulled the wig and the fake mustache, catching you in the arms.

And you might be more worried about the more than a hundred guards chasing you, you might be worried about your life, but you're not, because, in the minutes that took until Hongbin did something, opening a huge door in a mirror, you shrank holding on to his neck, much more worried about the reason to why your heart was beating so fast... And no, it was not the fear of having a head rolling down your neck. And yes, maybe it was because you was suddenly pulled so hard into Hongbin's arms.

And in the morning, during a normal day, without these crazy adventures, you would pick up your basket and open the fifth door of the hallway, which led to the street of the merchants of the city of Altha, since you were now responsible for buying the freshest vegetables.

As you turned away from the path of the most hasty people, you heard: "... Blue Wizard..." a voice whispered, and inevitably your feet stopped, ears sharpened.

"Are you talking about the charlatan wizard?" The girl next to the sir laughed, against the fingers of her raised hand in front of face.

That's right, a charlatan wizard. And that's what you had to force yourself to remember, after three full weeks, it was something you had to keep in mind; in how much Hongbin was a tremendous of a filthy soul...

Yes.

Oh, but how hard it really was to believe it, in the countless new rumors you listened to. Even when in the dead of night, it was not uncommon for you to wake up with the noises echoing down below, and on your toes you would descend, step by step.

To find Hongbin returning so late in the morning, completely out of his senses, chattering like a parrot about absurd things in which you had even doubted to believe or not, and well, after so much you witnessed, it is hard not to come to believe in something.

"Are you still awake?" But his tone, as he saw you coming down the last few steps, his hand closed to his chest, made it clear that it was not one of those nights, but rather the quietest, of which Hongbin looked extremely quiet, without even giving you a whole word.

Where have you been? Yours eyes flashed, frowning.

The truth is that Hongbin was not even sure how he could hear the voice expressed through the glitter of your eyes, as if he could so easily hear the voice of your soul.

"I brought this for you, little lady." He smiled, head down. And the bags appeared over the huge sofa. You did not care about the gifts, maybe they were clothes, or ribbons for your hair, but that was not what you cared about. "Please rest." And without another word, he passed you, going up two steps in the stairs.

It was these times, when no words came out of his lips, no bright smile, not even a pompous phrase in arrogance, that you felt your chest tightening with extreme cruelty; it was so hard to believe the rumors.

"What have you been worried about, girl?" Leo asked one afternoon as you furiously sliced an enormous radish in preparation for dinner.

The castle kitchen was so large that it would be easy to get lost if it were not for Leo to guide you. And you snorted in response, looking at the cat with huge mustaches. Obviously Leo did not understand the words stuck in your head like Hongbin understood, but he could see the frown on your face that was so apparent.

"Whatever it is..." And then he quietly dictated, paws balancing the big board where a fish of red scales was perfectly sliced. "Get out of your head."

Well, how silly, you frown, putting your hands on waist, how can you not bother with...?

"Not everything is within your reach to be solved," he whispered, the board laid heavy on the sink, picking up the newly purchased carrots in the basket. "And if something is not within your reach, it's not up to you to worry."

The words sounded low, but you twist your lips, your eyes drop, and your chest tightens by inches. Hongbin worries you so much...

With eyes slightly drowning in tears you do not understand, you take the knife to continue slicing the radish.

"Since you arrived we have more happiness in the castle." And the words escaped through Leo's mustache, and your, now, not-so-small fingers stop again. "Before, it was so quiet, and my master was always gone." He sighs, slicing the carrots, and in the large pot the thick broth bubbled.

Your eyes widen slightly, not expecting to hear such kind words from Leo.

"I worried so much when it happened." And he continues to speak, as if there was no one listening to his grunts as he sliced the carrots, pouring everything into the pan. "I thought Hongbin would never recover, and it's been years."

You kept listening, slicing the radishes again, after all, everything would have to be ready soon.

"It is not easy for a young prince to be deceived like this..." But your throat choked, and the knife lost the way. A mute exclamation filled your mouth, for there was suddenly so much blood in your hand.

The bandage was neatly tied in your left hand and did not hurt any more as you hastened your steps, clutching the heavy dress, struggling to not trip over your own feet.

All that you wanted, as the music echoed along the walls beside your steps with his—or her, in that case—was to slap the face of Hongbin, who was just ahead of you, with equally hurried steps, and by the way he walked, was already used to dressing as a woman; and to take potions to become one as well.

He stopped suddenly, causing you to face his gaudy dress.

"How's my make-up?" She asked, turning to you.

Choking, you frowned: that's a bad plan!

"It's the tenth time you tell me the same thing, young lady, are you getting deaf too?"

Of course you wished you had enough height to slap him in the face. And Hongbin smiled as he saw your longing expressed in your face.

"Believe me, I'll be fine this time."

You cross your arms, still not believing that Hongbin actually took a transmuting potion: I can not believe your words, Hongbin.

And without you waiting, he opened his smile even more, his fingers going to your strands of hair, smoothing delicately; and luckily, you just blushed no more because you saw only a woman who briefly remembered the face of the blue-haired wizard.

"I promise, young lady, I will not disobey my words."

And maybe it was just one of his trickery, the play on words, to finally enter the hall, opening the doors with a crash. Of course pretending to be a young duchess from the north to seduce Prince Hyuk was a bad plan, but you can not stop him.

Then, hours later, snooping around the castle with a change of clothes under your arm, you slipped past the guards, waiting for Hongbin in the tenth corridor leading to the lake, as well as combined: idea that you also refused to accept...

But there you were, taking advantage of the silence of the night to try to forget the gentle touch of Hongbin's fingers in your hair when...

Boom!!

You jumped with the explosion, the smoke took over in a matter of seconds and through your head only one thing happened: of course that's the part of the plan that he forgot to tell me!

"Quick!" And there was the said wizard, coming out of the curtain of dust, the dress barely fitting in the body because the potion had ceased to effect. "Give me the clothes!"

You did it, throwing the change of clothes against Hongbin's face, but no time for any quarrels or grunts, you heard the shouting of the guards and, already knew how much you two would have to run.

Well, you two ran like never before this time. But it was not the first time that Hongbin disguised himself as a woman to deceive a high-ranking youth. Much less the last...

Just like it was not even the last time he got you into such trouble, it actually became natural that you were always with him; at least to make sure he would not kill himself with some stupidity.

The waves dance on the sand, as the wind smelled salty, striking against your face, as if he wiped it away and took away any worry; it is the ability of the ocean to drown the shadows in pursuit. You look at the horizon, where the sea is confused with the sky that was so blue, with few clouds gliding.

Your dress of the day is yellowish, because it resembles the spring sun: as Hongbin would say with a beautiful smile. He is walking a few steps forward, conversing with his faithful servant, who is, miraculously, wearing his beloved hat that gives him the real shape.

You sigh, holding the hat with a large red ribbon in place, the smile on your face is kind and deeply sweet. Sounds like a dream, does not it? When everything is quiet, when you can see the steps sinking in the wet sand.

"And how is our friend Howl?" As Leo grunts about things you do not know for sure what it might be.

"A wedding. Can you believe that?" Hongbin smiled back.

The small smile on Leo's face is purely a slight disgust.

"Should be thinking of yours too, my lord, you can not live forever as a bachelor."

The words cause Hongbin to bite his own tongue, the hair strands clutter with the wind, the hair is blue as the sea itself. And drawing your attention completely, you bend down to get a shell, completely oblivious to the conversation.

"I'm not a bachelor." Hongbin mumbles.

"It is not what Madame Hein Heart speaks, my lord."

The spots were orange and light brown in color across the shell, which fit into the palm of your hand. Meanwhile, further on, Hongbin was about to fight back, his tongue between his teeth, when his whole body hissed, a small alarm went off in his head.

And from the shell countless little paws came out through the crevice, you drop the shell down, watching the crab dive in the sand, listening at last, through the sea breeze:

"We have customers in Liör." Hongbin says, with a half face of surprise.

You have never heard of the city in question, not until this day, when you headed toward the fourth door of the great hallway that was just below the stairs, was the door that had a great symbol of a moon carved in the wood, was the door that you had never seen opened: not for Leo, much less for Hongbin.

But this day, still in your spring-sun dress and with Leo pulling out his top hat, fur reappearing with a snap of fingers, you finally understood why the door was never opened.

At least, partly...

The house is small, there is only a first floor, and no sign of a kitchen, so little space that you need to blink twice, making sure it is not a simple optical illusion. You were aware of the fact that Hongbin owns several stores spread out across cities, but you never imagined that there would be such a tiny one.

But still, nice, you thought as you sat, looking around, with Leo already rushing through the preparations, putting everything in place, putting the water on fire to make his customary teas.

And with his fingers running through the strands of hair, Hongbin takes one last look around to make sure everything is in place, he looks at you, especially deep in his eyes, saying quietly,

"Here my name is Estephan," in a whisper, the strands of hair turning blond with a simple touch, eyes heavy. "Understood?"

You nod, swallowing; a shiver of tension going through the body, you fear for those who are just behind the door painted in moss green, fear for what may happen as soon as Hongbin opens the door...

Because after all, you always fear for his life.

And at once, putting his hand firmly on the doorknob, the door wood groans for so long without moving, and you swallow dry for the last time when you see the door opening.

But the fear stayed there, caught in the middle of the road.

"Oh, dear Estephan!" Because the only thing that happens is a young lady jumping around to tie her arms around Hongbin's neck. Then, you understood why Hongbin never visited Liör, at least you thought you understood completely...

"Three days ago I stumbled falsely while walking with my dear mother..." And the woman, wearing expensive clothes, hair in curls, and a handkerchief that never left her left hand, said with a dramatic voice; it was only a swollen ankle!

And you watched everything, sitting not too many inches away, Jacqueline is the name of the girl who must surely possess many riches, and with yourself, you wonder how Hongbin got to know her: well, you can imagine as well the young woman throws herself at him.

"It still hurts, hurting so much." She continues to whimper, while Hongbin's hands examine her ankle; it's just a bloat! you grunt to yourself.

Leo puts the tray of teas on the table, and you pick the one of pink color without even thinking.

"Y/n, I do not think it's a good idea to take the leaf of sin one..." The cat whispers, slightly concerned by the deadly looks you give Hongbin and to the young lady. "The leaf is known to leave the nerves sensitive and..."

Hongbin's fingers approach her ankle, and in seconds, he puts his lips against her skin. You swallow all the tea at once.

"How do you feel now, Jacqueline?" He asks, genuinely believing the woman's words.

IT'S JUST A DAMN SWOLLEN ANKLE! You yell at yourself, practically exploding inside, but Hongbin can not look into your eyes at the moment, and soon goes away Jacqueline, with a huge smile on her face, waving goodbye to Hongbin who is much more interested in the fat tip he received.

"So Liör seems to have improved the clientele," he says, counting the coins.

And as soon as the words end, the bell rings again.

"Well, we can see the reason for the improvement in the clientele, my lord," says Leo, shortly before the door is opened, and what awaits on the other side is nothing but several versions of Miss Jacqueline, except with faces and names different, but all there, with their respective twisted ankles.

You hold yourself, still seated in the chair, enjoying the third cup of tea while watching with tedious and especially deadly eyes all happening just in front of the eyes and the wheezing sometimes happens through the body.

"My lady, I do not think it's a good idea to mix mulberry leaf tea..." Leo comments, but you ignore it by turning the fourth cup of tea.

"And then, use this blue-tinted vial every night..." And Hongbin is so focused, watching customer by customer, billing much more than in a full year, who does not notice when you bite your own lips, already too tired to notice that…

"Ah! Estephan! So much I missed you that I got sick!" Shouted the most reckless.

"Where are you, my dear Estephan? I felt such nostalgia on my loneliest nights. "And even more boldly they spoke.

After all, Hongbin is not just a charlatan, but a great womanizer.

"Uff..." he ran his fingers over his forehead, finally closing the door, passing the key, finally answering all the euphoric ladies, who at heart only wanted to get their hands back on the wizard, but then, with his eyes traversing the small room, unable to find who was looking, "where is Y/n, Leo?"

"Up there, my lord, she came up more than an hour ago."

The sight of the city of Liör caught your breath, night fell and the lights formed a sea drifting across the horizon, like lanterns floating, like the lanterns of your city, which should now be so many miles away.

You miss it, and when you realize the truth, how much you miss the mornings, the hot breads, and even the knock on Mr. Biggam's door, you lean back against the window.

"Young lady," the voice resounds behind you, and makes you turn suddenly. There's a mix of confusion on Hongbin's face. "Leo demands your presence down there..." He smiled at the corners of his lips, dimples becoming slightly apparent.

You pick up a few details on the face of Hongbin that you had not noticed before, with the half-light coming in through the window.

"Why are you up here?" He asks.

You grind your teeth, with sudden anger taking over the chest. Because you remember the reason for being there in the first place.

It's been four weeks, Hongbin! Your head shoots, eyes weighing with the frowning brow. You said you would solve all my problems! But here I am; dumb! While you care for crooked ankles!

Hongbin does not know how to react at first, looking deeply into your eyes as his eyes widen. He smiled at the corner of his mouth, lifting one of his fingers just in front of his face.

"The solution to all your problems is not quite what you think," he says with extreme confidence.

Of course, he is the great, incredible and infallible blue wizard!

It's not what it says on the poster! And you tread on the ground, beating. Looking at Hongbin's cynical face.

"And there's no line in the poster saying I'd solve all your problems," he countered, with so much confidence that it makes you open your lips in surprise, you definitely want to hit something on his face. "Only one of them..." And he softens his voice, seeing what goes deep in your eyes.

You go around the first floor thinking about so many things at once, especially in this, that you do not even know why you did not think of it before; to leave.

"But look," and Hongbin steps forward, raising his arms slightly, with a small crooked smile but still too bright for your taste, "I solved one!"

You to your feet, looking at you with huge eyes:

Resolved? One?

Approaching the blue-haired magician, who still has a smile on his face, now even greater as he sees your expression shift from the homicidal revolt to the anxious curiosity.

How and when? You ask, only with the voice deep in your eyes, and heavens, Hongbin realizes with a snap of how much he loves how your voice echoes in his head in this way; as if it were so natural.

Then he opens an even bigger smile.

"A house! And a job... Theoretically speaking" corrected, looking for the best words. "And that adds to two problems in one solution!"

Your eyebrows rose, with even more confusion and curiosity.

And which house? What job?

Hongbin's smile should have already said it all, you should be able to guess only by how many times you've seen that same smile.

"You are my assistant as of today, young lady."

And words do not even come out, neither of your throat, neither of your soul.

It sounds like a joke worthy of Hongbin. But it is not.

"You're welcome," he says at last, still with a smile on his face. And he expects some reaction from you, the one that does not come, instead, you close your expression, even more. "What? Didn't you like it? "

Would not that be the words, right? Because you take the first thing you find on the way, and a rough book flies through the air, straight into Hongbin's face, and just does not hit him right away because he swerves.

"This is the most peculiar way of thanking-"

I'm not a child, Hongbin! And your eyes are so furious that makes the words bitter in Hongbin's tongue; he feels anguish for the first time in so many years. Do not you dare treat me like a child like that!

"I do not see you as a child, Y/n, I never saw." And he walks a few steps. "I can see in your soul, in your manner, and I'm working to bring you to..."

And all you want is that he does not come any closer, so another book flies, the one that hits Hongbin's face in full.

I miss my home! My true body! You scream, at least that's what your eyes express as your mouth does not move, as more books fly through the air. And all you do is play around?! I thought I could trust you!

"Please understand, it's not as easy as-"

But you're just a charlatan...

"Y/n!" Hongbin exclaims, the wood shudders, but another book flies, and it flickers, still interrupting any word.

Just a womanizer! And the silence comes without any delay. Hongbin's lips linger, and your eyes are flooded, flooded without you even noticing.

Just leave me alone, Hongbin.

Hongbin stares at you, for minutes, you can see the pride parted in half on his face, the way the strands are misaligned, and the way he looks away, turning his back on you, saying,

"If that's what you want, young lady, that's what I'll do. Because, who am I but a charlatan to say to the contrary." And as if plunged into a trance, you only realize everything that escaped your lips when you hear the door closing.

It's almost like every night that Hongbin disappears before ten o'clock at night, but still, so different...

The night is especially cold in the town of Liör, especially busy at Madame Rorschiel's ladies' house, located on the farthest streets of the center, where the girls whispered excitedly, where smiles on red lips are especially thought to return gold coins.

It was so quiet in the night, there were not many visitors, and they all kept in this warm tedium, at least until the moment the front door opened, and when the bright eyes saw who it was. The chaos was done.

Hongbin did not like this mess that somehow always accompanied him when he was in Liör, because there were so many things there that he wanted to leave behind, as if a shadow hung forever in his head, in his pursuit.

Especially when he was standing there.

"How long, Master Estephan ..."

"You here?…"

It had been so long since he'd stepped foot in there, and in the midst of the bustle of girls crowding around him, Hongbin wrinkles his lips, is not there for this or that, then he pushes his way through the tumult.

"Excuse me, girls, but I'm not here to have fun." And with measured education, both in words and hands as he pulled them out of the way, Hongbin smiled awkwardly.

"Well, then, for what you came?" Asked one of the girls, the youngest. Hongbin had his own motive to be there, but the truth was that he was already deeply regretting. But it was so late, when he heard the voice, serenely sliding through the air:

"He's here to see me, girls." From the top of the stairs, her tongue sliding like a snake, there she was.

Hongbin's eyes shone, deep, a cold, melancholically hostile gleam, whispering between his lips:

"Rhosalia." This was her name, for which she answered with a slender smile.

"Shall I know what brings you here?" The tongue danced once more, fingers running through the wood as it descended the steps.

And Hongbin swallowed, with a heavy sigh. He looks deep into her green eyes, between strands of golden hair. How long have he not been doing this? How long had he not looked into her eyes without feeling his heart ignite in anger?

"I came looking for help." Feeling the touch of the icy hand close to his torso. So much sacrifice, for what? Why?

"Well," she smiles, becoming the true serpent she is. "And why does young Estephan want my help?" Hissing, she purrs.

"A spell," Hongbin looks away. "A spell placed by the Witch of the North."

Her eyes shine, intensely, tilting her head, searching Hongbin's eyes again.

"Then we'll talk about what you can pay me back, Prince Estephan..."

Late at night, there were small tears rolling down your cheeks, and you sobbed intensely as the bubbles and fish floated out your window, the bed was too big for your body, just like the pillow you clung to. The fire in the fireplace did not seem to be enough to heat you.

It's a deaf thump echoing down there that makes you jump out of bed. There is a crash of glass shattering and a faint buzz of voices mingling. You go to the bedroom door in a hurry, past the reflecting mirror to reveal your not-so-young image—something you do not notice, longer legs, less childish features—opening the door, all noises rises, and you go down the stairs with more haste still.

"My lord," Leo is whimpering. "What kind of trouble has you gotten into now?"

Hongbin is lying on the couch, eyes wandering and a more than foolish smile on his face, cheeks are flushed and you feel the anger start to burn in your chest.

"Quick, girl. Help me, Master Hongbin is under the influence of a spell... "

The tick-tack of watches fill your ears, the fire is already lit, and there is so much gold, purple and red that your eyes hurt, there are jewels studded in the corners of the ceiling, between the glass that lets the deep blue reflections come in.

And after much trouble, you and Leo succeed to throw Hongbin's body on the bed with the face sinking into the huge pillow.

"I'll be back in a second," Leo whispers, now, more breathless than ever, his paws caressing his back, "I'll bring hot tea."

And you, seeing Leo leaving the room, think of going to help him just when your hears the grumble coming from the almost unconscious blue-haired hill, still sunk on the pillow.

You come closer, to listen better.

"Stay," he says, almost inaudibly.

And between the bluish reflections of bubbles floating just above your head, you stay, sitting in the huge armchair right next to the bed where Hongbin fidgets one hour or another. He is plunged into a deep trance, which makes him smile like a fool between babbling sentences, meaningless.

And your feet are swaying, it is impossible to reach the ground. Watches are numerous on the walls and you wonder if you ask why so many, when...

"Do you hate me?" The words escape, you startle, your feet stop rocking above the floor, and your eyes go directly to Hongbin's face, still sunk against the pillow with the messy strands.

He is looking directly at you, with a painful tip in the back of his eyes.

You shake your head, hardly.

"That's good," he mutters, smiling again silly, "that's very good, Margó."

The slap directly hits the top of Hongbin's head that even complains of the pain. And you can leave the room, go away and go back to sleep, but you stay there, listening to the nonsense grunts of a magician with blue hair.

Blue hair as the sea.

Why is there a castle hidden deep in the sea, and what evil would it have to stay there? In a magician's room trapped under a spell even more foolish than himself?

You sigh. Your feet are swaying again, and Leo is taking so long. Fish swim carefree but you worry. It is impossible to take your eyes off Hongbin's blue strands, or forget Leo's words.

Without any warning, your fingers are already on Hongbin's hair, and his expression seems to ease. And then it closes, weighing with a dense shadow, Hongbin tightens the pillow, with extreme force.

"Rhosalia," and grunts between his teeth, your fingers stop, retracting. "It is my promise, Rhosalia, it is my promise that I will take revenge on this..."

And there is no more babbling word, but there is a thread of pain in his chest, as if you could feel all the pain of the blue-haired wizard who lives in a castle submerged in the sea.

The fuss of the birds singing, the chats thrown in the wind, and the smell of fresh apples are all that fills the street, while you hold your basket, the clothes tightly tightened, as well as the shoes.

You're in a hurry to get the best vegetables from the market, with a few coins in your pockets. But as soon as you see the window, crossing the second corner, still listening to the conversations in the background, you stop right there.

How can you forget the big prom? Your throat grips when your lips open in surprise, it's the most beautiful dress you've ever laid eyes on in all your life, the fabric in pink lines, the white silk and...

You do not delay in entering the store, the heart consumed by the glitter in the eyes. The price is high, but that's not what makes you twist your lips. How could a child's body fit into a dress made for a lady? You sigh heavily, apparently you will miss your long-awaited dance.

"Well, well, my young lady," you jump to a fright as you listen, and especially as you notice the gray-haired lady at your side, with a huge, ungainly smile. "Why so much sadness in the eyes? Is not it a day of happiness for a young women today? "

The lady analyzes you with her eyes, opening the expression in understanding for your depressed state.

"But look, my dear," and her wrinkled hands weave themselves through the cloth, taking the heavy dress and she almost fell back, barely balancing herself.

You help her, with as much as you can, almost falling together. And when everything seems in order, the lady is still smiling at you.

"See," she spins, the dress spins too and shines, literally shines. "Even the younger ones deserve to have fun, do not you think?"

You twist your nose, at the same time agreeing and, you do not understand anything of what she say; she seems to have one less screw.

"It's a magic dress! Wear it and he will listen to your heart. Do not want to try?"

And on the cold night. The balloons lit up the skies and the streets were deserted, everyone was in the Great Ball, and there was only this lady running, holding tight her dress, her hair caught in a bun.

The dress had done its work, there you were with your body, with your true body, but of course, without any voice. But that was not what you were worried about, not even, the voice was the least if compared to how much your heart was racing.

All because, minutes ago, you were in the great hall of the castle...

That's it. You bought the dress and escaped late in the afternoon through the back door, which led to the street of the vegetable fair. The fantastic thing was that you did not need to mislead Hongbin, but only Leo—namely, it was enough to throw the ball of wool far away. And even more fantastic was that the dress was really magical.

Partly.

For remembering; your voice is still stuck. But it does not matter so much, what you want is to be at the ball, to listen to good music and to dance and that's what you get, without great difficulties.

Music fills your ears with the most beautiful notes and you must hold your satisfied laughter in view of such a beauty of the great hall, such is the beauty of the whole ball, the jewels ornamenting the necks, the beauty of the footsteps...

It's your night away from more trouble, so you do not refuse when a handsome young man invites you to a dance, and without any word—you know—you accept with a subtle smile, being led by the gentleman to the middle of the great hall.

"What do you think of the ball?" The boy, who has a bright aura, asks subtly next to your ear.

You nod, without a word, looking into the eyes of the young man dressed in white robes, his blond hair combed back, and a beautiful smile formed between his lips.

"I am very glad to know that such a beautiful lady is enjoying my dance."

You nod again, and it turns out that the words are only processed in your head with a few seconds of delay. Then your smile kind of petrifies: it is none other than Prince Jaehwan!

And there you are, dancing with a prince. But it does not look so magical, at least, not the way you imagined it. And then, the prince realizing your lack of disposition, or more specifically; lack of speech.

"If it's not too much of an invasion." He asks, "What name should I call you?"

You freeze from head to toe, music stops and dance couples scatter to make way for new couples. Prince Jaehwan is waiting for an answer and you are almost fainting with the pressure.

"Excuse me?" The sharp and gently voice rose high over his shoulder. "Prince, this is your night but, you're scaring the young lady here."

It is not too long that you feel the hand holding yours, pulling you away from the prince and the eminent danger that made your belly still cold.

"Princes are a very difficult species to deal with, miss." But the relief lasts so little, because when you turn to know your savior's identity, what you find is a half-mask, and the eyes are bright and sharp. "But..." What you find are the black wires, which can barely disguise, lowering slightly to kiss your hand. "May I have this dance?"

What makes you scream inside your head is not the fact of having danced with Prince Jaehwan, but the fact that the second ball dance is being spent with Hongbin; in his incredibly terrible disguise.

You are so accustomed that Hongbin could drink a potion and turn into a cat, a dog, or any other creature in the world: you would still recognize him.

How?

By the glint in the eyes, this glow that you can not escape; is something you notice in silence as you follow his footsteps while his hand is holding your hand up, the other hand placed behind your back.

There is a silence, a deep silence, but not uncomfortable, because it is like being floating well above the clouds, is this the feeling that dance with Hongbin brings. There might be no music, but it would simply be in your head.

But it does not last long, in fact, it lasts almost nothing. And then Hongbin walks away, with that smile on lips that you know so well.

He holds in your hand, depositing a kiss, but before he leaves, you unconsciously hold onto the sleeve fabric.

His eyes turn to your face, seeing your lips parted, the truth is that Hongbin knows what's happening.

Then he smiled, approaching a step and a half. You could expect everything, except what happens soon after, when your eyes open, huge, when Hongbin lowers only slightly, the face so close to yours.

He leaves a subtle touch to the corner of your lips, a soft and gently kiss, saying with a sigh, "Do not fear, we'll be more likely to share a dance soon, young lady."

Your chest breaks, all at once.

And you finally realize.

The real spell in which you have been throwed.

"For now, our time is over," he sighs, letting the cold night swallow you.

Letting your chest inflamate.

The real spell is that; you are in love with the wizard with hair as blue as the sea.

That's how, with this clash of reality of finally understand what is happening in this small but daring heart, you escape the ball, feeling the magic vanish from the skin, feeling that the body will soon return to its infantile size.

Leo knocks, altogether, eight times at the door and no answer.

"Ms? We're late for breakfast... " He sighs and on the other side of the door it sounds more like a whine too low but still audible to you, who has not slept at all night.

You swing legs in the air, the dress is tossed under the bed and your pajamas are now so loose, or it's just your head again getting accustomed to the senses of such a strangely smaller body.

Digging your face deeper into the pillows, completely curled under the sheets: it seems the restlessness never goes away from the chest, not for a second.

And you're hungry, the belly hoarse, but at the same time you aren't hungry at all. You hear a ninth knock on the door, but pretend not to listen, after all, Leo is too educated to simply enter.

And believing in that, that you will starve this morning, when blam! echoes room inside.

You jump out of bed.

Like scared cat, pulling the sheets out of the way.

"M-my lord..." says Leo.

"Wake up, young lady!" And your face is made of tomatoes at the exact same hour as you puts eyes on Hongbin's face, who have a huge smile on his lips.

He walks without hesitation to your closet, opening the doors determined to keep that tone of voice that is strange to you; but only because seconds ago there was so much calmness.

"We're leaving today!"

So you really wake up—not that you've slept anything at all—really jumping out of bed this time. Hongbin understands your exclamation even without looking on your face.

"To the mountains of Swonhill!" And there's so much excitement in his voice, exclaiming loudly, maybe even the fish are listening and standing by the window to watch what it's all about. "Choose your warmer clothes, it will be cold and for sure, the nights will be longer!"

But in your head only two things occur:

The first, of course, is the relief of realizing Hongbin not even suspect about last night.

And the second, this you only realize as soon as you see Hongbin by himself tossing his clothes out of his wardrobe, is the purest desperation.

We can not go like this! I can not-

"Of course you can." And he says. "I'm giving you permission to take a vacation, assistant."

Of course you'd slap his face. But you does not. Because he opens one of those mouth-corner smiles, showing the best angle of his dimples.

"The rumors are that there we'll have clues on how to get you and your voice back, young lady."

And you stop right there, staring at him with a sigh in your throat, you can only pull the air in and nothing else.

You love him so much...

"Of course... that's where the women are going too."

And that's where you really hit a slap on Hongbin's face. And yes, you still love the wizard with blue hair like the sea on the horizon who meets the sky, because it is there that; there is a castle where a prince lives without a kingdom, a castle on the sea.

#vixx #vixx scenario #vixx fanfic #vixx fluff #vixx angst #vixx imagines #hongbin #hongbin scenarios #hongbin fanfic #hongbin fluff #hongbin angst #hongbin imagines #leo #leo scenarios #vixx hongbin #lee hongbin #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines

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mosylufanfic · 6 years

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I can't believe I only just saw you were taking requests! I absolutely love your writing. Could you please do 25. “Don’t leave me.” for killervibe? Good luck with NaNoWriMo, I'm doing it too and it's HARD! Sending you lots of good-writing vibes :)

Hey, my fellow Killervibe fan, you have the dubious distinction of getting the darkest and grittiest prompt fill that I’ll probably do all month.

I knew I wanted to write something about the nightmare hellscape dystopia that Cannibal Wells (of the Council of Wellses) came from, but when my original idea hit the ten-page mark and there was still a lot more to tell, I accepted that it would not be a NaNo prompt and filed it away to work on later. This, then, is in the same world but happened before that original idea. In spite of the way it might read in the first section, this really, really is a Killervibe story. And it wound up being 6ish pages anyway.

It being a nightmare hellscape dystopia, there are references to acts of terrible violence, one in particular that I had to draw from the episode, so take care of yourself if you need to.

Mosylu what are you doing?

In the After

By the standards of before, the motel was a craphole. One of those skeevy places that advertised rooms for 39.99 on the giant signs you could see from the freeway, free HBO and wifi, and a pool for the kids. The bedbug infestation came on the house.

By the standards of the after, it was a kingdom.

Julian Albert couldn’t see much of it from his position just inside the razor-wire fence, but he could see that some of the windows still had glass, and curtains, and the ones that didn’t were all neatly boarded up, no gaping holes. A few even had what looked like shutters, cracked open as if the occupants of the rooms behind peered out at him. The little corner of the pool-for-the-kids that he could see had been fully drained, no water sitting around creating mosquitoes and mold.

This was a prime spot, capable of sheltering up to a hundred or more people in reasonable comfort.

And its queen knew it.

Iris West lounged on the motel’s front porch in a folding chair, looking bored and faintly contemptuous. For the after, her look was downright stylish - a leather jacket, jeans without any holes, a black tank top. She even wore tiny gold earrings, almost lost in her frothing black curls.

She had her similarly-attired entourage around her - a young man with long black hair sprawling in a chair next to her, his right arm hooked around the back. A young black man stood at her shoulder, and a petite white girl stood at her other elbow, both of them looking like it would be a downright pleasure to rip his throat out.

And then there was the white-haired woman behind him, holding the knife to his throat. It radiated chill, almost as if it were made of ice, but it wasn’t melting.

Julian couldn’t work that out and didn’t bother to. He’d bargained with groups before and the trick was in the first ten minutes, in showing each other who you were and what you had of value.

“Jesse,” Iris said. “Take his weapons.”

A brief wind surrounded him, and when it abated, a pile of weapons clattered to the concrete in front of the girl. He catalogued them, his stomach twisting up. His shotgun, his sidearm, the knives from his hip and his ankle and even the needle-thin ones from his wrist. Everything.

Shit.

He’d heard there were freaks in Central City. People who’d gotten special powers from the particle accelerator explosion that had turned their world into fucking Mad Max. Looked like he’d found some of them.

“I’d better get those back,” he said, nodding at his weapons.

Iris smiled at him as if she knew what he was thinking. “So,” she said. “Frost tells me you’re requesting shelter.”

“An arrangement, yeah.”

“An arrangement,” Jesse mocked in a high, affected faux British accent like a movie Cockney. “Listen to that accent. Posh.”

Snickers all around.

He managed a tight smile of his own. He knew somebody who’d had their tongue cut out for not laughing at the right joke. He pressed on. “Not just for now. Anytime I come through.”

He’d had a stopping point in this area, but when he’d dropped in this morning, he’d found the house thoroughly sacked and the walls painted with blood.

Well. It happened.

But it did mean he needed another landing place. And this one was bigger than the two or three families that had been living in the house. They’d need more things.

“What’ll you give us?” Her eyes dipped to his meager packs. “Doesn’t look like you have much to offer.”

“Information. I’m a trader,” he said. “I travel all around the metro area. I know every warehouse and supply cache in the city limits. Whatever you want, I can get it.”

Usually this was a trump card. But Iris laughed. “Pass.”

“What?”

“We’ve got our own sources of information. We don’t need yours.”

“Do you know where the warehouses are? Who’s got the best supplies? Sitting here in your little motel on the outskirts, you can’t get more than the dregs.”

The sprawling young man drawled, “Like she said, Tea Boy, we have our ways.”

Iris gave a little nod, and Julian let out a yelp as something yanked at his hair, hard. The black boy stood next to Iris with Julian’s hat in his hand, smirking.

He handed it off to the sprawling man, who spun it around his finger once or twice. “Hmm,” he said. “Julian Albert. You’ve made the lap around the metro area on your scooter - sweet ride, by the way - no fewer than fifteen times in the past four years. You have similar trading arrangements with eight - ” His eyes flickered. “No, seven locations. But for the most part, the places you hit for supplies are places we’ve already been.”

He gave his hand a flick. The hat sailed off it and thumped Julian lightly in the chest before flopping down to lie at his feet like a dead animal.

“You see,” Iris said. “We just don’t need anything you have to give us, and we don’t need another drain on our resources. So, I think it’s time for you to go.”

Julian swallowed. “Right,” he said. “Right.” He turned his head very carefully to look into the glowing white eyes a few inches from his own. “You mind dropping that knife there, Frost, so I can get out of your hair?”

Her mouth curled up in a tiny smirk, and she dropped the knife - literally, opening her hand and letting to crash to the ground, where it shattered on impact.

“Just so you know, I don’t need a knife to hurt you,” she said, and held up her hands. They poured out mist, and he could feel the cold like he’d climbed into a deep freezer from the before. “Frostbite burns like a bitch.”

Jesus fucking Christ. He’d found all the freaks, hadn’t he?.

He leaned down to get his hat, shifting so most of his weight was on his right leg, calculating how much gas his little scooter had and whether it could get him to one of his regular spots before nightfall.

“Wait,” Frost said sharply. “Where did you get your leg?”

He stopped. Turned, careful not to limp or wince. “My what?”

She leaned down and yanked up his left pant leg, exposing the plastic foot laced into his boot and the metal pipe-like leg that ran up to just below his knee. “Your prosthetic. Where did you get it?”

“Caitlin,” Iris said, and whether it was a warning or a question or just trying to get her attention, Julian couldn’t tell.

“Maybe I always had it,” he said cagily, watching Frost - or Caitlin. Whatever her name was. “Maybe I lost my leg in the before.”

He finally pinpointed what was different - her eyes had gone from white to brown. The change shook him more than he cared to admit, even to himself.

She dropped his pant leg and straightened up. “If you had, you’d just say so. And after four years of the after, it would be a lot more beat up. That was recent. Where did you get it?”

The long-haired man abandoned his sprawling posture and sat up straight. With his right arm out in front of him, Julian could see what had been carefully hidden before - it ended just below the elbow. The stump was wrapped in crisp white gauze, and the way he handled it told Julian the loss was recent.

“Got an owie there, mate?” he asked.

The man’s eyes narrowed. “Stung a little.”

“How’d it happen?

His lips barely parted. “Harrison Wells. He chopped it off with an axe. Then he cooked it and ate it in front of me.”

“Yeah,” Julian said. He’d tangled with Wells before, in the city center. Some people survived the after, and some thrived. Harrison Wells thrived, to an unsettling degree. “Sounds like him.”

He looked around, feeling the power shift and tilt. “Well, well, well,” he murmured. “Seems like I have something you want after all.”

Cisco paced the front lobby. “No,” he said. “No, no, no, no.”

“A warehouse,” Caitlin said. “An entire warehouse of medical supplies. Almost untouched as of three months ago, he said. A whole section of specialized items, including prostheses!”

“Three months! A lot could have happened in three months. You could get there and it could be burned to the ground, or ransacked to the walls, or all the fakes could be those fancy-ass myoelectric models that all got blown out with the EMP!”

“His wasn’t,” she said. “I have to try.”

Cisco whirled. “Iris, tell her she can’t do this.”

Iris opened her mouth, but the thunder of feet on the stairs leading to the second floor brought her head up. A moment later, two toddlers careened around the corner of the staircase, followed by an older man - Iris’s father and her twin children.

“They woke up and wanted Mama,” Joe explained unnecessarily, since Dawnie and DJ were already attempting to climb their mother’s leg, demanding kisses. “You take care of that fella?”

“Sort of,” Iris said, hoisting DJ onto her hip and giving him a big kiss, then setting him down and repeating the motion with Dawnie. “That’s what we were talking about.”

“I could hear the yelling from upstairs,” Joe said dryly, and Cisco looked abashed.

Iris straightened her daughter’s poofy ponytail, put her down, and said, “Go play, babies.”

When both children had raced off into the next room and were safely away from the argument, Cisco pointed accusingly at Caitlin with his remaining hand. “She wants to go someplace with a virtual stranger on the off-chance that she might find a slightly better fake arm for me.”

“Dammit, Cisco, it’s not a fake, it’s a prosthetic, and I’m after a much better one,” Caitlin snapped. “The one you have now is barely better than a stick, and it hurts you to wear it.”

“I just have to get used to it,” he said. “Or maybe I won’t wear one. Maybe everyone will just have to get used to Stumpy here.”

Caitlin looked at Iris. “It’s not just the prosthetic, which could significantly improve Cisco’s quality of life,” she said pointedly. “We’re dangerously low on a lot of medical supplies and this is my chance to stock up.” She started ticking them off on her fingers like a Christmas list. “I desperately need more syringes and needles. Gauze, medical tape, surgical-grade thread for stitches. IV bags would be amazing. Tubing for blood transfusions. Slings and braces. Antibiotics, pain killers - ”

“You wouldn’t be low on those if you hadn’t used them up on me,” Cisco muttered.

“I’d make that choice a thousand times,” she snarled. “And we were getting low before. We would have gotten to this point whether I used them all on you or doled them out like gold or threw them in the river.”

“We could get those from our regular places.”

“Most, not all. Definitely not the prosthesis.”

“He’s still a stranger. What if he cuts your throat and leaves you for dead?”

“He’s got a point,” Joe said. “Even in the before, I’d say that to a young lady taking off with somebody she barely knows.”

Caitlin said, “I hear what you’re saying, Joe, but, you know - ” She held up her free hand and let the cold surge up her arm, center in her palm, spill out of her fingers in streamers of mist. “I can take care of myself.”

Joe nodded. “That you can.”

Iris said, “You got a look at him, Cisco, with his hat. Do you really think he’s the type?”

Cisco flopped down on the couch. He looked very pale, patches of sweat decorating his hairline. Caitlin gripped her hands behind her back to stop herself from going over and checking his forehead for fever. He’d only fought off the last of the infection from the amputation a week ago, and his energy levels were still low and liable to sputter out unexpectedly.

“I want to say yes,” he muttered. “But it felt like he’s exactly what he says - lone wolf type, goes around making his own living, touching down in a few places around Central City to trade and share news.” He looked up at Iris. “His original spot near here was 1748 Magnolia Avenue. The people who lived there? They’re gone.”

“Gone as in - ”

He looked at his hand. “He buried what was left.”

Iris closed her eyes. “I told them they should come here.”

Caitlin put her hand on Iris’s shoulder. “You can only defend what’s inside this fence, Iris. It wasn’t your fault.”

Iris nodded, eyes still closed. “He buried them?”

“Mhm. Said a few words too.”

“Well, that speaks well of him, even if he is an obnoxious jerk.”

“Jerk is pretty low on the scale of terrible these days,” Caitlin said.

Joe added, “Here’s something you haven’t thought of. If this fellow’s on the road that much, he might catch wind of Barry.”

The specter of Iris’s beloved, the father of the twins that he’d never seen or known about, seemed to hang in the center of the room. She looked at nothing for a few minutes, then nodded once.

“Okay,” she said. “Here’s what we’ll do. Jesse and Wally will transport Caitlin and Julian to this warehouse of his.”

Cisco sat up. “Iris!”

“You’ll take the long way around,” she told Caitlin. “Through the outskirts. It’ll still be a shorter trip, time-wise, than that little scooter of his, and safer if our speedsters can zip you away from trouble.”

Caitlin nodded.

“If the trip goes well, if you find he has good information, then we’ll consider the kind of trading relationship he wants.” She dusted her hands on her jeans. “I’m going out to talk to them now.” She narrowed her eyes at Cisco and Caitlin. “You two - have that fight that’s brewing, but do it away from my babies.”

Cisco shut his eyes and slumped down into the couch cushions.

When Joe and Iris had left, Caitlin sat next to him. “Are we going to fight?”

He’d put his hand over his eyes. “Fuck. I don’t have the energy to scream and yell, but I really want to.”

She gave in and touched his forehead. He muttered, “I don’t have a fever. The vibing wiped me out, that’s all.”

She dropped her hand back to her lap, digging her nails into her knee so hard she could feel it through her tough pants. He never used to get tired after vibing. Not this tired. Maybe it was the lingering effects of the infection, or maybe his vibing ability had been permanently affected by the loss of one hand.

After all, he’d lost his breaching ability entirely.

“Look,” she said. “It’s your choice about the prosthesis. If I bring one back and you use it as a paperweight for the rest of your life, then fine. That’s your call. But if you’re saying you don’t want one just because you’re afraid I’ll get hurt going to get it - ” She shook her head. “Well. No. I’m not allowing that. Make your choice again.”

He dropped his hand from his eyes and looked at her for a long moment. Then he raised his right arm, holding the gauze-wrapped stump in between them. “If this happens to you - or something worse - you know I’d lose my fucking mind, right?”

He didn’t like her touching his right arm anymore. He accepted it when she had to treat the wound site, but other than that, he hated for her to lay her hand on his bicep or touch his elbow to get his attention. He wouldn’t even wrap it around her in a hug. Left arm only.

That was why she moved around his upraised stump and settled carefully in his lap, resting her forehead against his. “Do you think I don’t know how you feel? I spent hours wrapped around you in our bed, while infection was eating you alive. Begging the antibiotics to work, begging you. ‘Don’t leave me. Please, please, don’t leave me.’” She put her hands to his face and kissed him. “Don’t leave me alone.”

His left arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her close. “So why?”

“Because this isn’t just for you. Don’t get me wrong, it’s mostly for you. But we’ve got a motel full of people and I need medical supplies.” She traced the dear shape of his face with her fingertips. “You didn’t leave me. And I’m not going to leave you. I am coming back.”

He rested his head against hers. “You can’t say that, not for sure.”

In his voice, she heard resigned acceptance. She would take it. She curled into him, laying her head on his left shoulder. “No, I know. But we never could. Not even in the before.”

FINIS

#Julian Albert #Cisco Ramon #Caitlin Snow #Killervibe #mosylufanfic lives up to her damn name #fanfiction #NaNo Prompts #post-apocalyptic AU #the flash #rinna-girl5

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whyinever-blog-blog · 4 years

Text

Monday, WEEK 16, July 13, COVID-19 ramping up in most states, Phase 2 Reopening delayed until July 17, Living in MASK MAYHEM

We have a few orders to ship today. We don’t have to water this morning since we had a big storm overnight. It’d be great if it rained every night honestly!

I have my month later checkup with Orthopedic doc. Things are fine, but particular movements slower to recover. So he recommends I get a contraption that will help hold difficult positions (that frickin hurt) because the “time holding” that position is what makes the wrist loosen up. I also have PT today. She helps me simulate things I would do at work next month and it’s REALLY helpful. Like really helpful. I think I can do my work, with modified use of my wrist. And hoping the wrist improves in the next couple of weeks too.

I ordered a box full of used books from EBay for us to read. A grab bag. 20 books for $20. It was a box of “thriller/mystery” genre books. I will pass them on after we read them!

My friend Carla posted this and I’m sharing. No one knows who wrote it so far but it’s hilarious!

😂 Dear Diary 2020 Edition,

In ❄️ January, 🔥 Australia caught on fire. I don’t even know if that fire was put out, because we straight up almost went to war with Iran 🇮🇷 . We might actually still be almost at war with them 🤔. I don’t know, because 👩 Jen Aniston and 👨🏻 Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards 🏆 show and everyone flipped the crap out 😲, but then there was this thing happening in 🦇 🇨🇳 China, then 👑 Prince Harry and Megan ✌🏼 peaced out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial 👩‍⚖️ , and then corona virus 🦠 showed up in the US ✔️“officially,” but then 🏀 Kobe died 😭and UK 🇬🇧 peaced out of the European Union.

In February, 🌽 Iowa crapped 💩 itself with the caucus results and the president was acquitted and the 👩🏼‍💼Speaker of the House took ten. Whole. years. to rip up a speech , but then The👨‍🔬 🌎WHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which confused 🤔some really important people 👔 in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty👨🏻‍⚖️, and 🇺🇸 Americans started asking if Corona beer 🍺 was safe to drink🤦🏻‍♀️, and everyone on Facebook became a doctor 👨‍⚕️ who just knew the 🤒flu like killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.

In March, stuff hit the fan👿. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust 💥, but then Italy 🇮🇹 shut its whole country down 🚷, and then COVID Not 1 through 18 officially become what everyone already realized, a 😱pandemic and then a nationwide state of emergency 🆘was declared in US 🇺🇸 , but it didn’t really change anything, so everyone was confused or thought it was still just a flu 💁🏻‍♀️, but then COVID Not 18 was like ya’ll not taking me seriously? 💡 I’m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally infected Tom Hanks👨🏻, get y’all to close all of the schools so y’all can 🙏🏼 appreciate teachers 👩‍🏫 for once (because you can’t teach them anything other than how to use a touch screen🤦🏻‍♀️ ) close down all of salons so you can’t get your 💇‍♂️ hair or your nails done💅 , everyone had to work from home and attend Zoom meetings in their underwear. The 📉 DOW took a crap 💩 on itself, and most of us still don’t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing 🤔 (I still don’t), We were then all introduced to 🐅 Tiger King and the ONE thing we can all agree on this year , 👍🏼Carol totally killed her husband⚰️ ..... whacked him! And then Netflix was like you’re welcome, and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross and were all searching for lotion now. Oh and during all this there was an earthquake with multiple after shocks.

In 🌧 April, Bernie finally busted✌🏼 himself out of the presidential race 🏃 , but then NYC 🗽became the set of The Walking Dead 💀 and we learned that no one has face masks 😷, ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE FREAKING SWIFFER WET JET LIQUID , and by now our 🦁outgrowth is showing, so there’s a shortage on 📦 box hair dye and all of our hair dressers are like , 😱 NO DONT DO IT!!! But, then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life … or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released 🎥 videos of UFOs and nobody cared, and we were like man, it’s only April….

In 💐 May, the biblical end times kicked off , historical locust swarms, we learned of murder hornets 🐝 and realized that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games🙈 however people forgot to let us know. people legit started to protest lockdown measures with 🔫 AR-15s, 🏀⚾️sports events were cancelled everywhere. But then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were 🗣protests in every city🌃 ,which was confusing to some of us because people were definitely gathering in 👫crowds of more than 🖐🏼🤚🏼10 and for sure closer than 6 foot away ⬅️➡️from each other . Those people must have forgotten about the 😖pandemic called COVID Not One Through 18. Media 📺 🗞 struggled with how to 🤬focus on two important things at once, people in general struggle to focus on more than one important thing. A dead whale 🐋 was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest 🌳 after monkeys 🐒 stole COVID 1 Through 19 from a lab 🔬 and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one is keeping track of time now) that a giant asteroid ☄️ narrowly missed the Earth🌍.

In ☀️ June, science and common sense just got thrown 🤾🏼 straight out the window and somehow 😷 wearing masks became a 🏛political thing, but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was somehow a ✝️God given right (still haven't found that part in the bible or even in the constitution). then 👨‍🔬scientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like 🙅🏽‍♂️🙅🏻‍♀️🚧DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind 💨 was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange 🛰radio signal coming from somewhere in the universe 🌌 that repeats itself every so many days 🗓 , and everyone was like 👽 DON’T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH IT‼️🚫 but then America reopened 🙌🏼from the shut down that actually wasn’t even a shut down, and so far, things have gone spectacularly .... not that great 👎🏼. All of the Karen’s came out at once, and people started tearing down 🔨 statues. Everyone is on Facebook arguing 🤼‍♀️ that masks kill because no one knows how breathing works 👃🏼, but then Florida 🏖 was like hold my beer 🍺 and let me show you how we’re number one 🥇 in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Coronavirus. Trump 👱🏻‍♂️decides now is a good time to ask the Supreme Court 🏛 to shut down ❌Obama Care because what better time to do so than in the middle of a pandemic 💁🏻‍♀️ , but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud ☁️ coming straight at us 📍from the Sahara Desert 🐫 , which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the 👻 ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud. We then 📚 learned of meth-gators 🐊 , and I'm like that is so not on my flipping 2020 Bingo card 😡 can we use it as the free space?? 🤷🏻 Then we learned that the Congo's worst ever Ebola 🚨 outbreak is over 😓, and we were all like, there was an Ebola outbreak that was the worse ever? 👀 ....... and don’t forget we just discovered FLYING SNAKES! 🐍, seriously! FLYING SNAKES!!!

——————————————-

I get home late from PT, so we have happy hour outside. We’ve figured out why we had soooo many mosquitos this past week. When they say go check your yard for water holes, standing water, etc. you have to look further than those regular things you see everyday. We discovered I had a big vase full of water on the front porch with cut shrubbery in it, which we loved and have had there since winter actually. Well guess what...a breeding ground. We dumped it. Then we discovered our driveway, where we keep the extra garden soil was totally saturated and a pool was sitting in the dirt. We dumped it. Wow what a difference. 2 days with no swarms and bites. Whew. We were about to get the sprayers out here thinking...this is the worst. We have to do something. We don’t want to do that because of expense and it kills all the good bugs and bees.

Dinner: leftover pasta casserole

Watch: Yellowstone s3 ep3

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ntrending · 5 years

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10 rules for picking the perfect campsite

New Post has been published on https://nexcraft.co/10-rules-for-picking-the-perfect-campsite/

10 rules for picking the perfect campsite

This story was originally published by Field & Stream.

There are numerous considerations to bear in mind when choosing the perfect campsite. (Nathaniel Welch/)

It’s late. Your shoulders are tired from carrying a pack, or your ass is tired from driving on rutted roads, and all you want is to find a camping spot and stay. But before you commit to the first place that suggests it could house a tent, there are a couple of questions you’ll want to ask yourself:

Am I a late sleeper? Do I want to watch the sunrise? Are there bears around? Do I want an Instagram-worthy spot without being that guy that pitched his tent on a wind-swept ledge?

The good news is, you can have beauty, comfort, and safety, but you’ll have to be willing to work for it. Next time you pull up to a campsite for the night, either in your truck or on your own two feet, think of these 10 ways to maximize your comfort and minimize the danger.

1. Plan for the sun

Area maps can help you both find an ideal location and help situate basecamp according to such factors as predominant wind direction, sunrise, sunset, and, of course, distance to the best fishing hole. (Nathaniel Welch/)

Most of us are either morning people or night owls. Depending on what you prefer, or what you want for this particular night, think about how much—or little—sun will be on your tent in the morning. If you plan to sleep until 9 a.m., choose a spot deeper in the woods where the sun won’t crest the horizon and immediately heat up your tent.

2. Anticipate storms

Bad weather is almost inevitable on any prolonged camping trip. Avoid campsites amid tall trees or in depressions where water can inundate your basecamp. (Nathaniel Welch/)

“Just as in fishing, think about seams,” says Marco Johnson, senior faculty for the National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS). Fish will choose places that are calm enough to relax but close enough to the fast water to catch food as it passes by. The same goes for avoiding bad weather at a campsite. Find a place that’s protected from the wind by a boulder, a small group of shrubs, or along the edge of trees. Then you can have the vistas over meadows and peaks for your pictures but remain protected from any sudden storms. Beware of sleeping in depressions that could fill with rainwater or under the tallest trees in the forest that will, one day, catch a bolt of lightning.

3. Avoid bugs

Situating your camp kitchen in somewhat windier locations will help you avoid insects. (Nathaniel Welch/)

Whether it’s horseflies, deer flies, mosquitoes, or white socks, most places you’re camping will likely have at least one kind of pesky biting insect. Fortunately, you can be a little proactive. If you’re in an area known for bugs, choose a campsite farthest away from mosquito-breeding standing water. You may also have to decide between being more exposed and deal with wind or in the trees, fighting the bugs. One option is to cook and eat in a windier area and leave the buggy, protected spots for when you’re in your tent.

4. Check the trees

Pitching your tent away from dead or dying trees is a must. (Nathaniel Welch/)

As important as it is to look down for the best tent spot, it’s maybe more important to look up. Widowmakers got the moniker for a reason: They kill people. When you are choosing a spot, make sure to scan not only right next to your tent, but also a large enough perimeter that if a dead lodgepole pine or some other large tree topples, it won’t smash you in your sleep.

5. Count on critters

Game trails are great for accessing high-country lakes, but make for poor campsites. (Nathaniel Welch/)

Don’t put your tent on a game trail. While a deer passing through might be nice, the grizzly or black bear following it will be less nice. Also, remember to follow standard regulations for food storage and cooking in bear country. Scan for trees suitable to hang food, and keep anything edible out of and away from your tent. Keeping a clean camp isn’t just because of bears. Many chipmunks and squirrels have become so used to people dropping food or outright feeding them that they will brazenly chew through your food bag or slip in a vehicle door left ajar.

6. Stay away from the stench

Sure, being near the outhouse in a campground can be convenient when you drink too much water before bed. But often those close spots are also the rankest. The same goes for dumpsters. Check where the bathrooms and garbage cans are when you arrive, and position yourself a far enough distance that you won’t wake up in the night with a stench in your nose that won’t go away.

7. Know your gear

There’s no excuse for gear failure. A backyard dress rehearsal set up can help you avoid heartache once you hit the woods. (Nathaniel Welch/)

This isn’t exactly a tip for choosing the right spot, but it’s critical to understand how and where to use your camping gear. “You should be comfortable in your ability to put up a shelter that’s not going anywhere,” Johnson says. In other words, it’s important to be able to trust your gear before setting up camp for the first time in the woods. Practice using it and familiarize yourself with your equipment.

8. Choose a level spot

Sometimes the most obvious camping rules are the most ignored. Level ground makes for the most comfortable campsite. (Nathaniel Welch/)

This seems like a basic one—until you don’t do it. Finding a spot that’s level and positioning yourself in the best way in the tent is the difference between a good night’s sleep and waking with a permanent headache because blood rushed to your brain all night. It’s also what keeps you from rolling on top of your tent mate, who might never want to be your tent mate again. And while you’re checking, scan for rocks and roots.

9. Look for nature’s toys

If you’re camping with kids, be sure it’s in an area in which there will be opportunity to explore. (Nathaniel Welch/)

If you’re traveling with kids, the best campsite is the one with the most opportunities for playing, climbing, and fishing. Leave normal games and activities at home and opt for a campsite with boulders or downed logs they can climb on and around. Bonus points for spots near creeks, lakes, and ponds.

10. Leave no trace

Always be certain to leave your campsite in impeccable condition. (Nathaniel Welch/)

Just because a campsite could be perfect if you rearranged the rocks, logs, and other features doesn’t mean you should. “Good campsites are found, not made,” says Johnson. If you’re in a campground, use designated fire rings and clean up after yourself. If you’re in the backcountry, look for spots that have already been used. Pay attention to fire restrictions, and if you build a campfire ring, disassemble it before you leave.

Written By By Christine Peterson/Field & Stream

#Animals

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bettythepenguin-blog · 6 years

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Use Your Influence for Good

History is in many ways a story of influence. Leadership is about influence. Everyone influences someone. Therefore, in a sense, everyone is a leader. Sociologists tell us that even the most introverted individual will influence 10,000 other people during his or her lifetime. We all influence one another in all sorts of ways – from what to have for lunch and what films to watch, to more important matters of truth and ethics.

My life has been influenced by so many people – my parents, teachers, friends and family. Just as I have been influenced by others, inevitably what I do and say will influence others for good or ill.

As the African proverb puts it, ‘If you think you’re too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent the night with a mosquito.’ The mosquito makes a difference in an annoying way, but the principle is the same. One person can stop a great injustice. One person can be a voice for truth. One person’s kindness can save a life. Each person matters.

How can you maximise your influence and use that influence for good?

Psalm 96:1-13

For the good of everyone

God chose Israel. He blessed the people of Israel in a special way. His purpose was not that they should feel proud and superior to others. Rather, it was that they should be a blessing to the whole world (Genesis 12:3). They were blessed to be a blessing. They were called to use their influence for the good of all nations.

Now, God has chosen us, the church, to be a blessing to all people. You are blessed to be a blessing.

This psalm has a multi-national focus. It proclaims the wonders and blessings of God to everyone. You are called to bless through:

Worship

It is interesting to note in passing that worship should be creative and include innovation: They sang ‘a brand-new song’ (Psalm 96:1, MSG).

Witness

‘Shout the news of his victory from sea to sea,

Take the news of his glory to the lost,

News of his wonders to one and all!...

Get out the message – God Rules!' (vv.2–3,10a, MSG).

Help us, Lord, never to become inward looking or self-indulgent. May everything we do as individuals and as a community be outward focused in order to bring blessing to the world – proclaiming your salvation day after day.

1 Corinthians 9:1-18

To spread the good news

Paul is deeply conscious of his influence as a Christian and, in particular, as an apostle. He is absolutely determined to maximise his influence for good and to ‘put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ’ (v.12b).

It appears that he sees his calling to singleness as one of the ways he can maximise his influence. He is not suggesting that there is anything wrong with marriage. It appears that the other apostles, including ‘the Lord’s brothers and Cephas [Peter]’ were all married (v.5).

Another way he seeks to maximise his influence is by having a second job; working for a living. He is very keen to point out that he does not need to do this: ‘The Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should receive their living from the gospel’ (v.14). Or as Eugene Peterson translates, ‘Those who spread the Message be supported by those who believe the Message’ (v.14, MSG). In other words, as Christians we should support financially those who spread the gospel full time.

Paul’s point is that although he had this right, he did not make use of it: ‘Our decision all along has been to put up with anything rather than to get in the way or detract from the Message of Christ’ (v.12b, MSG).

Paul is absolutely passionate about the preaching of the gospel. He does not want anything to hinder its maximum impact. Hence, he does not make use of any of his rights – his mission is paramount (v.15a). He is ‘compelled to preach’ (v.16a). He writes, ‘Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!’ (v.16b). He is simply discharging an obligation that he feels.

What he wants more than anything is that people should be able to hear the gospel ‘free of charge’ (v.18). He would rather die than be deprived of the opportunity to preach the gospel free of charge: ‘I’d rather die than give anyone ammunition to discredit me or impugn my motives’ (v.15, MSG).

This is one of the reasons why we are determined that no one should ever have to pay for doing Alpha. And, this is why we need to resist every attempt to persuade us to fundraise from guests as soon as they have finished Alpha. We do not want people to pay directly or indirectly for the privilege of hearing the gospel. Paul says, ‘I would rather die…’ (v.15b).

I remember when Billy Graham came to preach the gospel in London in 1989. It was suggested at one point that in order for the tickets not to be wasted, they should be sold for a nominal sum of £1 each. The suggestion was rejected out of hand. Billy Graham had determined that he would always preach the gospel free of charge.

Lord, help us always to follow this example of the apostle Paul and to maximise the impact and influence of the preaching of the gospel by making it available free of charge and to put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ.

Ecclesiastes 9:13-12:14

To plant good seeds

Solomon is very aware of the power of influence. This influence can be for good or evil.

One wise person can save a city (9:13–18a). On the other hand, ‘one sinner destroys much good’ (v.18b). Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot are glaring examples of this principle. One human being can use their influence for evil and cause great harm.

But, the influence does not have to be as great as these tyrants in order to have a bad effect: ‘Dead flies in perfume make it stink, and a little foolishness decomposes much wisdom’ (10:1, MSG). If even a dead fly can have a bad influence, the least influential human being can have an influence for evil or good. We can all be the fly in the ointment!

The writer has much to say about how to be a good influence, rather than a bad one:

Watch your words

Solomon reminds us that ‘words from the mouth of the wise are gracious’ (v.12a). Respond to hot-tempered words with calmness (v.4).

Avoid gossiping and bad-mouthing your leaders. Be careful what you say or even think. Don’t revile people ‘even in your thoughts’ or curse them ‘in your bedroom, because a bird of the air may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say’ (v.20).

Take risks

To maximise your influence for good you need to take risks. ‘Be generous: Invest in acts of charity. Charity yields high returns. Don’t hoard your goods; spread them around. Be a blessing to others’ (11:1–2, MSG). In other words, he says ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’. To love is to risk not being loved in return. To try is to risk failure. But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

If we are too cautious we will never achieve anything. ‘Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap’ (v.4). We could apply this principle to church planting. It will require risk and determination. We must not be daunted by seemingly insuperable obstacles. We must not be put off due to ‘wind’ and ‘clouds’.

Spread your efforts

In order to maximise influence, you might have to juggle different opportunities in your life: ‘Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed’ (v.6).

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Press ahead on all fronts and make the most of every opportunity. This is why as a church we try to sow seeds in every direction – through worship, prayer, leadership, discipleship, theological training, social transformation, evangelism, work in the prisons and with the poor and the marginalised.

Take your opportunities

Life is short, ‘… banish anxiety from your heart…’ (11:10). Your opportunities are limited: ‘Even if you live a long time, don’t take a single day for granted. Take delight in each light-filled hour... You who are young, make the most of your youth’ (vv.8a,9, MSG).

The book finishes with a conclusion to all its searching and questioning. The meaning of life ultimately rests in your relationship with God. Revere him and keep his commandments. This is the whole duty for every person (12:13b).

Lord, help me to revere you and keep your commandments. Help me to use my influence for good and not for evil. Help me to make the most of every opportunity that you have put before me.

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bloggingbeetles-blog · 6 years

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May 2018 Monthly Report

Week of April 30-May 4

On Monday, I went through a lot of safety training. This includes reading MSDSs, JSAs and Protocols for the lab. Did you know that hand lotion has an MSDS? The whole lab got together to go over what work we had coming up and exactly how we would do it as well as learned current pest-control techniques that many farmers use. Some of our goals for this summer included:making a wire-worm field-guide for Alberta, finding more effective ways of controlling wire-worm, and studying cereal leaf beetle as a crop pest. My Co-op term started off a bit rough because my security clearance didn’t go through quite on time for me to start the job, however, my lab technician and I temporarily remedied that by signing a temporary volunteer agreement form which stated that I agreed to work as a volunteer until all the paperwork got figured out and I would be reimbursed once that happened. Unfortunately for me, that meant I wouldn’t get key card access and would have to be accompanied by someone in my lab until that point. Our lab technician and scientist also mentioned a few other safety and comfort concerns such as dressing appropriately for field work and always reporting incidents or close calls (even paper cuts).

On Tuesday, we all went to get new steel-toes for field work. I ended up choosing a water resistant Helly Hanson pair thank goodness because I ended up walking through a few marshes in our fields. After that, I suggested that our technician give the other students and I a tour of the bug museum on site. Entomology wasn’t my first choice for my co-op so I had quite a bit of learning about insects to do. I learned that many “bugs” are actually beetles or insects and calling them bugs actually seems to offend some people. I’ve been chastised a few times for calling a ladybird beetle a bug and a shield bug an insect! Lightly of course.

On Wednesday, I got access to the work computer, learned that only loose pants are allowed in lab. After lunch, we packed the two work trucks for Thursday’s field routes and went on a road trip to Chin to sweepnet for Cereal Leaf Beetle. We found very little in the field of winter wheat and it was somewhat discouraging until we decided to sweep that ditches where our technician told us they overwinter. In the ditches we had better luck but still found very few.

On Thursday, the other two students started their Green Defensive Driving training, however I was unable to because my security clearance still hadn’t come through. so my technician sent me off to another Entomology lab to help them for the morning. while there, I patched pea leaf weevil cages and searched for them in soil samples. At about 10:00 am they sent me back to my lab where I did some lab dishes. My technician was impressed by how quickly I did them so who says working in a cafe with a broken dishwasher doesn't count as experience ;) Later in the day i aerated some vials by drilling holes in the caps, swept for CLB again (found a pitiful amount again) and then counted and aspirated them.

Finally, on Friday, I washed last season’s cheesecloth used to store our insect specimens and got some paperwork done with the office. We also swept for CLB again unsuccessfully.

Week of May 7-11

Monday- Set up Vernon baitball traps which are pots of vermiculite with a layer of germinating wheat seed that are installed beneath the soil surface in field that attract and trap wire-worm. Because they are installed underground, I had to use a soil corer to pull a perfect cylinder of earth out of the ground to bury them and boy oh boy was that a treat for my lazy, out-of-use, first year of university muscles. our scientist called a particular part of the soil coring “the birthing” because it was so difficult.after that, we checked the Vernon Pit-fall traps for click-beetles which are the adult form of a wire-worm. I also got one whole hour of overtime!

Tuesday- Got access to my work email, washed more cheesecloth, cut apples for Monday's live-trap click beetles which we were going to ship to B.C. then went into the field to set up more Vernon pitfall traps with non-toxic antifreeze (dead trap)

Wednesday- We had an entire field day. We collected Live from the pitfall traps with our scientist and then went to our other fields to measure and soil core them.

Thursday- In the morning, we had a safety orientation with the safety officer in which we were told about past mistakes that were avoidable. I CONTINUED WASHING CHEESECLOTH. and then we measured and installed baitballs in another three fields.

Friday- We were supposed to go out into our Wurz and Lethbridge fields to install our pitfall comparison study, however, it rained heavily and we didn’t want to risk trampling the wheat or tearing up the field so we had to stay in the lab. There wasn’t much left to do so our technician allowed us to work on our co-op homework/objectives. One of the most important objectives for me was to build a presence in the research center by doing my best work, introducing myself to others, being friendly and presenting myself as a hard-working and intelligent individual. After a while, our technician found a few tasks for me including WASHING CHEESECLOTH and editing/printing labels for Berlese funnels and soil core containers. The other students got trained on how to drive the work truck but once again, i could not drive the truck because my security clearance hadn't gone though so I hadn’t done my GDD training.

Week of May 14-18

On Monday, I washed more cheesecloth. For the first time, we had a more successful sweep for cereal leaf beetle. After we got back to the lab I helped the other lab technician in the green house with the winter wheat. The wheat had a disease so we immersed the wheat plants in a dilute hydrogen peroxide solution.

On Tuesday and Wednesday, we collected both live and antifreeze pitfall samples and collected soil cores from the fields 3 meters east and west of the pitfall traps.

On Wednesday, I was in the lab with our technician as the other students went out on a field day. I started the morning off by updating and printing more labels for the next week and going to the store for lab supplies (coolers to hold soil core samples so any arthropods within wouldn’t die in the heat, ice-packs and band-aids to replace the used ones from the first aid kit). After break my lab tech and I headed to the controlled environment building to collect samples from the Berlese funnels and replace the old soil with the previous day’s soil cores. On the way back to the station, I mentioned to my lab tech that it would be interesting to work with the cattle or sheep on the station and he said that if I kept working the way I did, he and my scientist would be happy to be a good reference or recommend me to more animal-focused labs. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy working with insects and it is really rare to get a work environment/team that works so well together and has a good dynamic but as a future vet student, it would be nice to be working with animals.

On Friday, it rained again. Because of the rain we weren’t able to set up the pitfall comparison study again. After we finished the work that needed to be done indoors, (Berlese funneling, dishes, and label prep) we were allowed to leave early for the long weekend which wads nice. I got four hours of work.

Week of May 21-25

Monday- a statutory holiday

Tuesday- I went into the field with my lab tech and another student and soil cored 3 meters north and south of the pitfall trap. After 2 weeks it was time to collect the baitballs. We dug them up and put them into 1L containers to be sent to another lab for processing.More labels.

Wednesday- Also ended up being a field day for me and another student. We ran into several problems in the field from not being able to see our traps despite them being staked and marked with neon flagging tape to walking through a bog and getting bitten by mosquitoes. The day was long and we ended up getting back to the station around 6:00pm I was slightly grumpy about getting my feet wet.

Thursday- I finally received approval to complete my GDD. A lot of the course was pretty common sense such as appropriate following distance, speed limits and hydroplaning.I finished a lot faster than my lab tech thought I would so I started preparing baitballs, Berlese funneling, and washing dishes.

Friday- I scheduled Friday off to attend a funeral. Unfortunately that meant I missed the first Friday without rain and the pitfall comparison set up.

Week of May 28-June 1

On Monday, I went out on a field day and collected soil cores and pitfall samples from three fields with another student. After that, I got some training on how to drive the truck just because it is such a large vehicle and takes up a lot of space.

Tuesday was the first day i operated the Berlese funnels without our lab tech. I was a bit nervous that i would forget a step or some supplies and screw up but to my delight, I managed to pull it off with the other student without a hitch. Perhaps I should stop doubting my own capabilities so much. But, to be fair, I did write out a checklist before I left the lab so i had a little help. After successfully Berlese funneling, I updated and printed the labels for next weeks soil core samples and Berlese funnels as well as recycled the outdated spares.

Wednesday was a day for a lot of first including how to sex cereal leaf beetle ( it’s not how you’d expect). It involves looking at a small triangular piece of their body on the ventral side of their abdomen and seeing whether it is concave or convex. IT WAS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT but now I think I have the hang of it. We also set up the cages that would hold our sexed and mating pair beetles so we would have a 50/50 ratio of males and females.

I was out in the field on Thursday. It only got up to 7 degrees Celsius and poured rain onto us. I was cold and miserable for most of the day but we definitely got our fields done faster than usual.

On Friday it rained again so we stayed inside to operate the funnels and collect mating pairs of cereal leaf beetle. Another student and I were confused because they were mating so quickly and abundantly until our lab tech walked into the 10 degree room and realized the temperature had risen to 21 degrees. So that explained their hyperactivity. Apparently the cooling system for the entire building went down. At first, our lab tech wanted us to leave the room so our body heat wouldn’t add to the problem, however we thought that maybe if we tried really hard we could get all the mating pairs we would need for the study so we pushed on until 3:00pm but still only managed to get another 132 mating pairs (66 short). Right before 4:00 the cooling system was up and running again.

June 4-current

Yesterday was a lab day for me so I operated the Berlese funnels and introduced myself to another scientist in the CEB. He was also an entomologist working with livestock pests. We also went out to complete Friday’s fields fro last week.

Today I went into the field and drove the truck for the first time. The work truck is an F-250 with an eight foot box so needless to say it’s a bit different than my Chevy impala. I was a bit nervous to drive it to the field sites for the first time but i quickly got a hang of it and parked it perfectly at the blue goose gas station. We got back to the lab early so we started sexing cereal leaf beetle and aspirating out more mating pairs. We got all the mating pairs we need for the study and I can officially say that I can confidently tell you whether or not a cereal leaf beetle is a male or a female.

What I learned: Stop underestimating yourself so much. You are a capable human being who can handle herself and should have no problem asking for help when needed. You are nervous for practically no reason whatsoever. Introduce yourself more often and try to be more social in the workplace. People enjoy conversation. If you are having a crappy day in crappy weather and situations, just get the job done as quickly as possible so you can get back in the truck, get dry, and take a sip of coffee. Hours: 202.5 regular (7.5 per day), 9.75 overtime

#beetles #work #summer job #co-op #work experience

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aexiah · 7 years

Text

I Got Kicked Out of Home

I got kicked out of home, and started living by myself.

Who out there has the same story?

Something similar? Maybe you’ve done better than what I have, or maybe I’m the lucky one?

It started out with a bad relationship…With my parents. What? Did you think I was going to say something like a spouse? No, unfortunately I’m single and clueless.

But surely though, even this is a common story that a lot of us can share, right? But you’re here, reading this, or maybe you left already because you might have the same attention span that I have. None.

My mom and I are the same. We want to be in control, in a way to make this understandable, the house wasn’t big enough for the two of us.

I hated my mom for not letting me do what I wanted. But it’s not her fault that I wouldn’t tell her what I wanted so she decided for me.

I never told her what I wanted because I knew she wouldn’t like it, so I never told her. Hm. Well it’s not all her fault. I don’t want to tell you either because even when I was a kid in middle school I knew what I wanted wouldn’t feed me.

I just wanted to do art. I wanted to make comics. I had been doing that while being in school, thank you short attention span that made me bored in class and then made me draw in the middle of class and teachers not liking it and then telling my parents about it.

It happened so often that the fear dug into me and lodged in there to a point where it forced me not to be happy.

I fall asleep while drawing a lot, whenever I want to doodle the art block kicks in, and I think it’s the fear that was preventing me from drawing. This fear where I’ll have some trouble or I’ll have no time, or I need to get something done or else it’s going to bite me in the ass.

Of course, that’s just a subconscious thing on my part, I’d need a second opinion to tell me other wise and say straight to my face that I’m crazy or stupid.

So, I left Florida where I was living with my mom at the time after we had a fight and she made me get down on my knees a swear to God to never draw again. Right after I took a shower and hadn’t put on any cloths.

For real that happened. And she wonders why I don’t want to live with her. As of now I do believe that was a good 5… uh… yeah 5 years ago.

So, then after that I lived with my dad. He and I didn’t get along either. So much so that I wished he was dead.

I still do.

You see, he re married to a shit woman who doesn’t like people like my sister. What’s wrong with my sister? She has down syndrome. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Honestly, I can’t explain to you how I feel.

I admit, not even I am too nice towards my sister. She has a tendency to grind her teeth and steals money from whoever, and you see I am younger than her, so being a kid who has others taking their things makes for a very unkind person.

I should know better? Fuck you, I was a kid. Do I know better now? Fuck you again, duh I already know better. Fuck the ones who judged me and didn’t live in my shoes to understand.

When she would grind her teeth, it lights the fire of my imagination where I could see the shards of her teeth shaving off coating her mouth, and she ends up swallowing it and choking on it and we’re the dumb fucks (me, my dad, mom, ad step mom.) who let it happen.

Every time she grinds her teeth I’d tell, then I’d yell, then I’d confront her, to STOP GRINDING YOUR TEETH. Understand this, she doesn’t do it in her sleep, miraculously, she does it CONSTANTLY AS IF SHE BREATHS while she’s wide awake.

Sometimes in the middle she would call me a bitch, and mumble things I know I wouldn’t be happy to hear.

What? Just tell her to stop grinding and tell her why she would stop? Oh my God. Shut the fuck up, again, you’re not living in my shoes.

I say it to her face 5 or more times a month. And while I’m at home 25 or more times a day from my room.

Send her to a group home? Tell that to my dad. I don’t have fucking custody over my older sister. Neither does my mom after their divorce.

Not one thing is easy about the situation where I wish I had a damn gun and point it to my dad’s head and make him listen to me for once.

So, where is this going with my step mom you might ask? She’s mean right, I already told you.

No, she never laid a finger on her. As far as I know it at least. She probably won’t as long as I’m around. But I’m not around anymore because my dad kicked me out.

Actually, the situation was more like “you’re fired but you can’t fire me cuz I quit” scenarios.

It was her tone with my sister that I couldn’t stand,

You don’t need to imagine this, you need only to feel it. Not once has this woman ever smiled because of my sister. There will never be words (in English) in front of me nor my dad to ever be said to describe how she looks at my sister. Like an eye sore. I wonder if we have slang in Vietnamese for that.

Say it to her face? Confront her and tell her to be nice to my sister for once?

She’ll just say “I’m only trying to take care of her, I’m not bullying her” And wouldn’t you know it, she’d be right. She only tells her to take a shower, brush her teeth, and change her cloths to remind her to not be a slob.

So why does it annoy me? Why is it that every day she says these things to her she would be the one in the right, and I’m in the wrong where I just tell her to sop grinding her teeth?

She’s not our mom. Typical rebellious stand point.

But then she’ll say, I’m the nice one here, not YOUR mom, she’s the one who didn’t want to take care of her.

Understand this. My sister has the right to choose which parent to go to. And she chose our stupid mother fucking dad.

My dad, KNOWS this.

So this is where we can start. Mind you though this is actually MINOR to the reason why I’m not under the same roof as them.

I have a baby half-brother. Love him to death, cute as… Fuck.

Guess who gets spoiled treatment? What, you think I blame him? No. I don’t blame him. I mentioned he’s spoiled because he has a Nanny. Who also, does not care for people like my sister.

I don’t want to get into details and the small nitpicky triggering things that made me dislike this woman, so let’s just skip to the point where she mistreats my sister. Nah, she didn’t hit her or anything.

I was trying to finish an assignment this particular day, and my sister is a night owl and she wakes up in and out through her days and nights. She was dead asleep.

The nanny kept calling out to her to come eat, which is nice of her, but since my sister was DEAD ASLEEP so she didn’t respond.

So, like the British guy said when and unconscious person is unconscious, they DON’T FUCKING WANT THE TEA.

So I got up as patient as I could be, and told her to let her sleep. I said in Vietnamese too, I may have an accent but it doesn’t mean you didn’t understand me.

She told me “I was just trying to make her eat.” Which isn’t really her responsibility, according to my dad.

While thinking “NAW YOU DON’T SAY??? AS IF I COULDN’T FIGURE THAT OUT WITH YOU SAYING IT 10 TIMES AT VOLUME 20”, I told her “Okay, but SHE’S SLEEPING.” I even had to gesture what SLEEPING meant as if she was elementary kid. Surely, she wasn’t language-barrier challenged enough to not understand that.

I went to the kitchen table to put up of the food to indicate that she doesn’t need to try to feed her right now, so I’ll just put it away in the fridge because I can see you’re not understanding this concept of one should not try to give an unconscious person TEA.

Please understand, I’m using this tea thing as reference here alright?

So I got the food off the table and I see two ordinary pieces of bread and two bologna patties with a plastic still on. I squinted my eyes at it, and thought “what the fuck??” But hey, my sister isn’t dumb, the plastic she can take off on her own.

The sandwich was sitting on a plate on top of a bowl, I looked in the bowl and saw that it was a bowl of melted frozen yogurt. (I made it and forgot to put it back in the freezer apparently, which is still kind of weird to me because I thought for sure I put it away, but honestly can’t prove it.)

One look at it and you could see that it was something not even the sleaziest crappy cook on the show from kitchen nightmares would serve.

You know what frozen yogurt melted looks like right? All the fruit mashed up floats on top of thick pink water. Well it’s usually pink.

Well, maybe the nanny is a shitty cook? That’s just the way she does it and she doesn’t think anything is wrong?

If we didn’t have the nanny in the house, I would have succumbed to the disgusting shit food my step mother made us eat. I’m saying the nanny is a good cook.

So where did I take it after this?

She got on the list. The list of people I want to disappear from my presence.

Dead? No, I don’t want her dead, I just wanted her out, and away from me, my sister and my family. Maybe with a scrape on her knee or a bad bump in the elbow where the funny bone is, or having a bunch of mosquito bites.

She’s a live-in Nanny. Fuck me, right?

She understands currently that I hate her.

Now let’s get on to the point where I get kicked out.

Two days earlier I was so busy with assignments and work that by the time I got home I didn’t eat dinner, I just dropped dead to sleep at 7 and didn’t wake up until 10 am in the morning.

I have 10 hour job so it was just another long shift… After work during that time, I tried to eat dinner, we had left-overs during that time from the night I didn’t eat, so I wanted to be polite and tried to eat what missed. While everyone else was just eating something new.

There was a hair in it. Gordon Ramsay would have vomited for hours. (it looked like pubic hair) (did I just TMI you?)

I stopped eating after the second bite because if you guessed it I pulled it from my mouth. My step mom has straight hair, and the nanny had curly hair. And if anyone out there has pubic or… you know what never mind, no references here because I can’t tell you if all pubic hair is curly or not, so I straight up thought it was the Nanny’s.

There was no petty malice here when I say this. By the next night I was offered dinner, and sarcastically I said “there’s no hair in right?” because I don’t like the nanny.

My step mom took it as insult towards her. (Because she partially cooks with the Nanny.)

When will I ever learn that Vietnamese people don’t have sense of humor? Specifically, old Vietnamese women?

I’m Vietnamese by the way. And female.

So, the final night, after a hounding day at work, my eye was getting prodded by an un reachable eyelash and my back was killing me. I think I also had a headache.

I was offered dinner once again before going to the bathroom and I said “There’s no hair in it right?” after looking at the dinner table and the nanny was sitting there. On her best behavior, I might add.

And step mom was offended.

My sister was at the dinner table and they all went and ate while I tried to fish out the eyelash. In the bathroom.

I could hear my dad because… it a small house and Vietnamese people talk rather loudly, telling my sister to, “always change her clothes, and brush and shower.”

Which I didn’t care for. The step mom in her usual tone of voice that makes you understand that she’s not fond my sister agreed with my dad.

I didn’t say anything after that because I already said she would just be all like “I’m only taking care of her I’m not bullying her, why you up in my grill??”

The Nanny also agreed, saying “yeah” at the same time as my step mom.

And my mind tripped and I yelled from the bathroom door “Just let her eat, OH MY GOD”

Because I was sick and tired of them saying this shit every day and that the nanny was crossing boundaries.

I decided not to eat after that because my headache was getting worse and the eyelash was too far in for me to reach, I walked into the kitchen to get my purse so I could lay in my room.

But then my dad and step mom confronted me about my behavior and said I was being “mean”.

To sum up sentences;

“how do you know when YOU cook you don’t have hair in your food?”

“we were only joking, I was only kidding we weren’t bullying you sister”

“YOU’RE so mean” (step mom’s limited engrish)

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

It was also those situations where in a fight, the other party tries their hardest to NOT let you talk, despite demanding answers from you. You know, you’ve had those fights before, right? You probably even started one. No? Well alright then let’s move on.

So, at this point, I was off my rocker. I got my purse and tried to leave, because the situation got petty and I could see that no matter how many times I tried to indicate... Oh right, by the way I tried to say that I wasn’t blaming them for anything I was mostly blaming the nanny. I didn’t think they were bullying my sister I just wanted them to shut the fuck up, and the Nanny to keep her shit mouth to herself. Yeah, I’m not nice. Wow, I really don’t like outsiders in my family. So anyway, I tried to leave because it got petty and it was 2 against one. Next thing you know, my dad yelled “no, we’re not done here”

And I yelled back at him because well, fights make people upset, and fuck you work was exhausting and bitches in the house all mixed into one mother fucking bowl. “NO, WE’RE DONE!“

The moment I yelled back at him, he threw a water bottle at me, and came at me.

And well, this is basically the dialogue in script form.

Me: DON’T TOUCH ME I’LL CALL THE POLICE

Dad: *pushes me* TRY IT, FUCKING TRY IT

Me: DON’T TOUCH ME

Dad: *pushes me* GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

Me: FINE, I’M LEAVING, DON’T TOUCH ME

Dad:*pushes me* GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

Me: DON’T TOUCH ME

Dad:*pushes me* GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE

Me: I’M ALREADY LEAVING, DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME.

And I get kicked out. I already said it was a you can’t fire me because I quit things.

I’m still pretty angry about it. Like as of now as I’m writing about this.

Ayyy nobody got hurt this time. How nice.

I stayed at a hotel near work afterwards. I found a place within hours but I didn’t move in until 2 days later.

I still worked the next day, because I’m a dedicated idiot who doesn’t like work but has this strong feeling that I have to.

I took on a lot onto my plate. I ended up going to school, working full time and moving at the same time. I haven’t been this tired since riding 6 airplanes in less than a week because of family business.

So yeah, there’s a lot of issues here. So many issues that maybe there no remedy for it. Or maybe I’m really the problem here huh? My unforgiving nature and stubbornness got me into this whole mess.

I consider a lot to be a mess right now, but I also think this is better. Moving out is just what I needed along time ago. Its just to bad it had to go that way. Though the only thing I regret right now is not being able to sabotage them (not my sister or brother specifically dad step mom and the nanny). Oh, how I wished to sabotage them.

Sigh.

I acted quickly, during the second day before moving in I airbnb’d in a nearby area from where I worked. It was funny because I only planned to use it for a vacation I was thinking on doing, but since the situation happened it was canceled, and yet I got a nine hour vacation at a nice cottage.

I stayed in the cottage while signing contracts to seal the deal on the new apartment which I will not recommend to anybody because it generally sucks. Got like 3 insurances and my name printed in black for people of Austin.

Hey hi how ya doin?

When I told other people about it I only ended up getting annoying reactions where; “why didn’t you get something cheaper?”

“why didn’t you get one that was furnished”

“why didn’t you just bunk with a friend”

Why this, why that…

My only thing to tell you is “I WAS IN A POSITION WHERE I DIDN’T GIVE A FUCK, THAT’S WHY.”

Being kicked out is a common story, but the emotions that go behind it, is no joke.

The apartment thing was something I was already planning, but I was planning on doing it in secret. This situation happened, so the plan went ahead of schedule, and not the way I wanted it.

It was all meant to be.

So what’s the rest of the story here? If anyone is still reading? Any questions or tips that people should know about?

When getting an apartment with the expected price that you got on the internet, assume they’ll charge you 200 or 300 more, if you have a car.

At the time with my emotions in disarray, I said yes to anything, so I ended up with a bad apartment. So if you can get yourself to be at a moderate mood, don’t get an apartment that have the stove next to a wall, and the bathroom has a closet where it’s a sliding door mirror and the mirror is there and the door can backhand smash it.

Asian brooms are the best.

Swiffer is nice.

Steal shit form your parents. If you got a bad wrap with them, take one shoe from their favorite pair and hide it. Maybe not hide it just in a place where its questionably 25 feet away.

If they got a Bluetooth car, disconnect their phone from them once you find their key.

If there’s a clean sink, put a super dirty dish in it… Ahhh, I was never this mischievous before.

Alright time to conclude this:

I recommend reading this helpful article that I read 2 years before this whole incident, and took it into consideration, then remembered it in my time of need.

http://thriftytricks.com/moving-out-for-the-first-time/

I also recommend the list pdf this person provided.

This may not be the best advice but take it into consideration and decide for yourself.

I didn’t leave just because of that night of being kicked out into the stormy heavy rain (I’m laughing right now but I’m not exaggerating, after I got kicked out it was already bad weather, and the roads were flooding. Typing this up a month later thinking back, that, even though I skidded a lot and almost crashed and died. Driving in the rain with emotion stirred can do that.) I left mostly because I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. Mentally and physically. Especially physically.

Understand this, my family and me always had bad blood. Instead of moving out, I could have just camped out at work and comeback to the house after a short while, and forget the whole thing happened.

You walk into a room where everybody was talking, then they become silent? Tells you a lot.

When something happens and they blame you for it, even if it wasn’t your fault, what does that tell you? You speak, but no one listens. Honestly, I was used to it. I could sigh over the annoyance and just wait out the grief till the next day.

It’s all very small things, so little that it’s not drastic enough to make a person move out.

But we don’t stay young forever. The chances we missed won’t stay either. I had to put up with that nonsense since I was 18, I’m 24 now and that I left a month ago.

I might not know what I’m doing, but its better I’ve ever felt in a long time.

The only issue I’m facing now is that I don’t really have a plan… I am constantly thinking, trying to keep my body afloat, I would say head, but I’m not there yet.

I’m not a guru for shit, but I do think that if you have a relationship that you KNOW can’t mend, don’t stick around. If there’s no one who appreciates you for anything that you do, and don’t even give back or apologize for what wrong they did to you (or turn it around and blame their faults on you) just leave. You don’t have to leave the house like I did, but have self-respect and live for you.

#life #kicked out #how to live alone

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