#GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. and for what. for WHAT !!!! this really is one of those times where i wish i could zoom out and see the big picture
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had the big cry about them tonight. mostly him. keep daring the universe to prove me wrong when i say i’ll never see him again.
#i’ve been pathetic my whole life but i do think this is a new low for me.#he’s a 23yr old man with a girlfriend who works at a truck wash. like girl get a grip#but what if he was my soulmate :( in another universe he calls me up tonight and tells me he loves me too.#GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. and for what. for WHAT !!!! this really is one of those times where i wish i could zoom out and see the big picture#and see what this all was FOR. like what was the POINT of the last 8 months. this heartbreak this frustration this anxiety. for WHAT !!!#what if i never get over you.mp3 😐 what if i never get over. what if i never get closure. what if i never get back all the wasted words#i told you. what if it never gets better. what if this lasts forever and ever. i’m TRYING but then i close my eyes and i’m right back !!!#lost in that last goodbye !!! what if time doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do !!! what if i never get over you !!!#also i’m sure this is not All about him. it’s just manifesting as abt him right now. it will also be about Leaving in the bigger sense#as well. leaving home. leaving everyone here. moving. being in an apartment again. it’s going to be like college where i’ll be back home on#the weekends but. this also feels different. more permanent. keep telling myself it’s only a year. if i still feel like this after a year#i won’t stay. i’ll come back home. give it a try and see what happens.#this is not really leaving. this is not one of those things when you leave and you can never go back. this is not that.#and to think i thought i could up and move to seattle. god i’m such a joke.
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