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willowcrowned · 3 years

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Does Feemor fuck?

We know Rael fucks. We know Xanatos fucks. We know Ventress fucks. Obi-Wan has definitely wanted to fuck but whether he ever followed through is up to the viewer. Anakin, tragically for the universe, absolutely fucks. Ahsoka and Qui-Gon are up in the air, it can go either way. Komari... has probably fucked but I don't want to think about it. Dooku, again, don't really want to think about it but probably not.

For most of the lineage, we either have a direct answer (Anakin and Xanatos have kids, Ventress and Rael have relationships implied to be sexual to whatever point the rating can get away with), or evidence that the viewer can use for one conclusion or another (Ahsoka, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan), or are so messy as people that it's easier to not think about it (Dooku, Komari, the vast majority don't want to think about Yoda like that), etc.

But I can't get a lock on Feemor. This is, granted, in large part because there's very little canon, but all I can think is "he seems like a 'it's easier to be a Jedi without sex' type" with a side of "very vanilla but agrees to getting pegged if his partner wants it" maybe???

okay my first instinct was to say that there’s no way he fucks, because we tend to imagine him as the Jedi equivalent of an untoasted slice of white bread, but I think we have to admit to the truth: everyone in the disaster lineage has fucked or will fuck at some point in their lives, which means Feemor, who may have managed to avoid being infected with their crazy but certainly didn’t avoid exposure, fucks as well. Probably in the most vanilla, with-the-lights-off, missionary way possible, but he does fuck.

#sometimes I take half a step back while I’m typing #and realize what it is I’m saying #this is my LIFE #this is what I DO #I say stupid shit on the internet about space men #what am I fucking doing #anyways #asks #disaster lineage #phoenixyfriend #feemor gard

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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The Feemor AU

Feemor gets caught in a groundhog day loop centered around Qui-Gon’s death in TPM.

Given that he’s completely uninvolved in the mess with Naboo, it takes a while for him to figure out what the hell is going on and how he can fix it. This fic would feature heavy involvement form Jocasta Nu and [rolls dice] Eeth Koth.

#star wars #Feemor Gard #Qui Gon Jinn #time travel #time loops #Phoenix Talks

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shiftynightshade · 3 years

Text

Username Guide try to kill me, I dare you: Obi-Wan Brain Parasites DNI: Xanatos Illegally Alive: Feemor Renesmee/Consecotaleophobia: Quinlan Merry: Reeft Pippin: Garen Lumos: Luminara *Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: Bant War Crimes 'R' Us: Nield Platinum Bitch: Siri Pacifism IS MY KINK: Satine

Chapter Text

Centaxday 17th 38 BBY

03:00

[try to kill me, I dare you is online]

Renesmee: EYO WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU OBES

try to kill me, I dare you: Oh you know, getting stabbed by a ‘fellow’ bounty hunter :)

Merry: I-

Illegally Alive: OBI-WAN PLS

Renesmee: IFE QFIRH

Pippin: obi-wan [b]lease

Pacifism IS MY KINK: Ben.

Pacifism IS MY KINK: Why are you like this

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: PLEASE TELL ME YOUR’E IN MEDICAL

try to kill me, I dare you: I am actually

[try to kill me, I dare you has sent an image]

Obi-Wan had evidently taken the picture himself with one arm stretched out to hold the comm while the other was posed in a peace sign. There was a small slice through the already existing slit in his left eyebrow. Bruises were already blooming on his cheek along with a black eye. Dried blood was smeared across his bottom lip under a scabbed over cut.

War Crimes 'R' Us: Obi-Wan

War Crimes 'R' Us: Why

War Crimes 'R' Us: Were

War Crimes 'R' Us: You

War Crimes 'R' Us: Stabbed

try to kill me, I dare you: got into a fistfight with an obnoxious Duros with an equally obnoxious hat.

Platinum Bitch: better yet, did you win?

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: SIRI

Platinum Bitch: What? It’s a legitimate question.

try to kill me, I dare you: I’ll be fucked if I knew

try to kill me, I dare you: the little bitch ran off after he stabbed me

War Crimes 'R' Us: oof

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: sigh

Illegally Alive: ANYWAYS

Illegally Alive: you need any transport?

try to kill me, I dare you: Nah I’m good, still gonna be stuck here for a few weeks

Pacifism IS MY KINK: Please try to get some sleep Ben

try to kill me, I dare you: No promises :p

[try to kill me, I dare you is now offline]

Renesmee: that was wild

[Lumos is now online]

Lumos: Everyone.

Lumos: Go.

Lumos: To.

Lumos: Bed.

Lumos: Now.

Renesmee: Yes maam

Platinum Bitch: fine

War Crimes ‘R’ Us: apologies Luminara

Pacifism IS MY KINK: Of course Luminara

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: Sorry Lumi!

Merry: jokes on you it’s daytime where I am atm

Pippin: going to bed rn!

Illegally Alive: sorry for bothering you Padawan Unduli

Lumos: Good

[9 Users are now offline]

Zhellday 19th 38 BBY

14:00

[Renesmee has changed their user to: Consecotaleophobia]

Consecotaleophobia: obi you’re a kriffing bitch

try to kill me, I dare you: Talk shit get hit quin

Consecotaleophobia: >:O

Illegally Alive: I-

Illegally Alive: CONTEXT PLEASE

Consecotaleophobia: obi stabbed my hand with a fork :(

try to kill me, I dare you: You act like adding a frowny face is going to get you any pity

Illegally Alive: okay I’ll bite

Illegally Alive: Obi, why did you stab padawan vos with a fork?

try to kill me, I dare you: Quin was being an absolute whore of a Kiffar and kept messing with my report >:\

Consecotaleophobia: :p

Illegally Alive: …..

Illegally Alive: fair enough

[Illegally Alive is now offline]

Consecotaleophobia: OI

try to kill me, I dare you: lmao, sucks to suck

Primeday 22nd 38 BBY

17:45

try to kill me, I dare you: So what did we learn today?

Brain Parasites DNI: You have both a severely crippled self-esteem and a god complex….?

try to kill me, I dare you: W̵͕̤̳̎̿r̴̮̰̖̈́ǫ̴̪͆n̴̤̔̀͠g̴͉͛̒ ̶̬̿͌a̸͓͔̲̒̽̚ń̴̛̤̈́s̶͓͓̓̌͜w̷̹̜̟̓e̶̜̰͌͑̊r̶̫̂̽͠ ̴̦̝̊>̵͙͋͘͜:̶̫̋̇͝)̸̛͓̝͋

Illegally Alive: WOW DON’T LIKE THAT

Brain Parasites DNI: YOU DON’T LIKE A LOT OF THINGS

Illegally Alive: AND YET, IM STILL DOING BETTER THAN YOU

Brain Parasites DNI: OI KRIFF OFF IM PERFECT

try to kill me, I dare you: XAN YOU KIDNAPPED AND SOLD ME INTO SLAVERY WHEN I WAS 12

Brain Parasites DNI: OK THAT WASN’T ONE OF MY FINEST MOMENTS

try to kill me, I dare you: NO SHIT SHERLOCK

Illegally Alive: WHY CANT WE HAVE A NORMAL FAMILY

try to kill me, I dare you: SOMEONE FELL TO THE DARKSIDE

Brain Parasites DNI: THAT WASN’T BY MY FREE WILL

Brain Parasites DNI: BRAIN WORMS FROM THE SITH WARS ARE KRIFFING BITCHES

Pippin: WHY ARE WE ALL SHOUTING!?

try to kill me, I dare you: I DON’T KNOW

try to kill me, I dare you: COMEDIC EFFECT I PRESUME

Pippin: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

Illegally Alive: AAAAAAAAAAAA

Brain Parasites DNI: AAAAAAAAA

try to kill me, I dare you: Ā̸͉̤Å̷̩̤͘A̵̢̳̞͋͐A̵̢͑́͠Ã̶̺̱̳A̸̳̠͎̾͋͝Á̸̲̱̩Ā̴̢͓̒̎Ä̵̡͓̞́͝A̸͋͜A̶̦̐̅A̷̛̫͈̘Ā̵̮̰̊̓Ǎ̸̢̘͉͝

Illegally Alive: Okay, we good now?

try to kill me, I dare you: Yup

Brain Parasites DNI: I think so

Illegally Alive: cool

[Three users are now offline]

Pacifism IS MY KINK: Pardon my explicit language

Pacifism IS MY KINK: But what the fuck

Platinum Bitch: oh yeah i forgot that you didnt get any context

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: So for some context, Xanatos was training to become a Jedi shadow with Feemor

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: I don’t know the specifics of the mission but long story short Xan's brain got snatched by a preserved parasite from the Sith Wars that wasn't detectable and it turned him to the dark side.

Pacifism IS MY KINK: That sounds... like a convoluted ya novel

Consecotaleophobia: ikr!?

Centaxday 1st 38 BBY

Consecotaleophobia: god id dead and everything is worthless

Platinum Bitch: LMAO GET DUNKED ON

Pippin: WHEEZE

War Crimes ‘R’ Us: do we want to know?

Consecotaleophobia: N O

Merry: Obi-Wan and Siri thoroughly humiliated Quin in front of a bunch of initiate Shadow's

Consecotaleophobia: REEFT I TRUSTED YOU RAISIN HEAD

Merry: RAISIN HEAD!?

Pippin: PRETTY SURE AT LEAST HALF OF THE RECRUITS HAVE CRUSHES ON OBES AND SIRI NOW LMAO

Consecotaleophobia: OH KRIFF OFF

[*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly* is now Online]

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: OK I WANT TO KNOW

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: WHY IS THE CAFETERIA ON FIRE

[Lumos is now Online]

Lumos: Oh that would be my fault

Lumos: I would say I'm sorry, but I'm really not.

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: .....

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: Lumi

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: WHY

Lumos: >:)

*Brandishes Medical Saw Menacingly*: Sigh

#obi wan #star wars #xanatos du crion #feemor gard #luminara unduli #quinlan vos #bant eerin #reeft #garen muln #siri tachi #nield #satine kryze

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stardust2flame · 3 years

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Feemor AU - Age Ramblings

I will not write a mega fic continuation of The Feemor AU, the one shot intro is plenty (...for now) but when I do get to it, there's some facts I find pretty mind blowing (not sure why it's so mind blowing, but here we are)

Qui-Gon Jin = 60 years old at Battle of Naboo

Obi-Wan Kenobi = 25 years old at BoN

Xanatos died in 44BBY at the age of 25, Obi-Wan was 13. That's a 12 year age gap between padawans, which tbh seems like it'd be pretty average, if you were getting padawans, graduating them, couple years off, getting another one.

What this means for Feemor?

Well, in my interpretation, he had a master before Qui-Gon for a couple of years before they died, and Qui-Gon took him on afterwards and finished the job. So there could have been less training time on Qui-Gon's end, so maybe less of an age gap between Feemor and Xanatos. Let's call it 8 years.

At the Battle of Naboo? Feemor is forty-five years old. And not just any forty-five year old, he's an adult! A responsible adult who attends therapy appointments and takes mental health days and has 'call for help' as one of his first 5 steps to solve a weird problem!

My god. No wonder he got shuffled out of the Disaster Lineage. He's just too grown up.

#The Feemor AU #Feemor Gard #Feemor #Star Wars #fandom stuff #fandom #a grown ass adult #they exist #the rarest of all creatures in Star Wars

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rwoh · 3 years

Conversation

Nora: I can never let anyone know anything about the future ever.

Feemor Gard, Jedi knight:

Nora: Everything I know is yours.

#the enemies to QPL dynamic I deserve #null space

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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For the character thingy: Feemor (Aka: Qui Gon’s first padawan) and if u don’t know who he’s bc he’s not very popular then: Qui Gon

Send Me a Character

First impression Oh, Qui-Gon's first padawan! He must be pretty impressive given the rest of his lineage, and maybe a little weird.

Impression now He's like. The Jedi embodiment of a sweatervest. I love him conceptually. Good on him for getting out of the tirefire of what happened to the lineage after Qui-Gon died.

Favorite moment I haven't actually read a single thing from canon that features him. I shall assume he lurked in various background reading up on the history of plain scones or something.

Idea for a story Feemor gets caught in a groundhog day loop centered around Qui-Gon's death in TPM. Given that he's completely uninvolved in the mess with Naboo, it takes a while for him to figure out what the hell is going on and how he can fix it. This fic would feature heavy involvement form Jocasta Nu and [rolls dice] Eeth Koth.

Unpopular opinion I feel like there aren't enough opinions on this man for anything to be popular or not, but let's go with "he wasn't that offended by Qui-Gon disowning him because he was already an adult when they met and the man was more of a college advisor than a parent, and also he could see how much the Xanatos thing fucked him up, so he just sent some ‘feel better’ flowers and figured he'd swing back around to say hi once Qui-Gon calmed down a bit."

Favorite relationship The theoretical relationship that Feemor could have with Ahsoka, his lineage grand-niece, is something I want to imagine. Please consider that Anakin and Obi-Wan are busy and Plo is off-planet so they ask Feemor to look after her for a few days. Mostly he just helps her with her homework and IDK teaches her some basic weaving. I feel like he might be the kind of guy with a small loom. She isn’t in any hurry to spend more time with him, because she’s a teenage girl who has way too much energy and would prefer to be sparring, but he’s weirdly nice and he was really patient in explaining things so that was good. She kind of views him as an older Obi-Wan with worse hair and fewer bad habits.

Favorite headcanon He's so unassuming that he survived Order 66 on the basis of being too boring to notice.

#Feemor Gard #Feemor #Phoenix Answers Memes

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