listen HAHA i get IT universe, what a FUNNY joke
i asked to be revered and adored as I deserve and u sent me a poorly socialized guy that saw my POLITENESS and GENUINE GOODNESS as signs that I LIKED HIM ROMANTICALLY, and after i rejected him, he still KEPT AT IT bcus apparently he must have thought i changed my mind WHEN I KEPT ACTING EXACTLY THE SAME???? BCUS I AM NOT A MEAN PERSON????
and YOU the universe must be having a laugh like "ooohhh didnt u cry and beg for someone to love and care for you?? didnt you weep openly after not feeling cherished??? here's someone that Wants you, because he's the only one who does!!!" like FUCK OFF!!!! FUCK OFF!!!!
I know I AM WEIRD and OFF PUTTING, but even I DESERVE BETTER!!!!!! I FUCKING DO!!!!!
So why won't this guy be NORMAL around ME!!! IS THIS MY KARMIC PUNISHMENT FOR LOVING TOO MUCH??? IM SORRY I EVER DARED TO BE GAY AND YEARNED, YEARNED A LOT, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE HOUNDED LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
I PROMISE THAT MY FEARS OF BEING THIS GUY BUT FOR SOMEONE ELSE JUST MULTIPLIED EVEN MORE, I WILL NEVER EXPRESS MY AFFECTION EVER AGAIN FOR SOMEONE THAT CLEARLY DOESN'T WANT IT, I KNOW I KNOW NO ONE WANTS ME BUT WHY MUST I BE PUNISHED LIKE THIS
i hate it!!! I hate conflict and being mean!!! I don't know how to tell this guy
"HEY MAN YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND BUT I TRULY WISH YOU TREATED ME MORE LIKE A STRANGER I CAN'T KEEP HAVING AWKWARD SMALL TALK WITH YOU WERE YOU OBVIOUSLY KEEP TRYING TO AMUSE ME, I CAN'T HANDLE THAT PRESSURE, ALSO YOU CLEARLY WANT MY ARTISTIC VALIDATION AND I GIVE IT TO YOU BECAUSE I AM NOT A MEAN PERSON, BUT STOP. ENOUGH!!! ENOUGH!!! THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU BUT YOU'RE ANNOYING!!!!!!!!"
Sobbing crying screaming I GET IT UNIVERSE, THIS IS A HILARIOUS JOKE BUT I WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS "LOVE" YOU'VE SENT ME I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT
DAMN ME TO ETERNAL ISOLATION IF YOU WANT BUT I AM NOT!!!!!! APPRECIATING!!!! THIS GUY'S ATTENTION!!!!!!!! I PREFER TO KEEP WEEPING AND SOBBING WHEN I FEEL NOT LOVED DURING MY DARK TIMES!!!!!!! BUT I AM TIRED!!!!!
Fuck FUCK ALSO I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT, HE JUST SENT ME A MESSAGE SAYING "M'lady" I AM GOING TO MAUL HIM TO PIECES STOP MISGENDERING ME MAN!!! IM GONNA FUCKING SNAP!!! FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!!!
AND U KNOW WHAT PISSES ME OFF THE MOST??????????
that this is my own damn fault!!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ASSERT MY BOUNDARIES!!!!
i know i should BUT I AM SCARED OKAY!!!! I HATE CONFLICT i absolutely DO the Fawn trauma response every SINGLE day of my LIFE and u want me to REJECT A MAN TWICE??? TWICE????
I ALREADY DID IT ONCE WHY CANT THAT SUFFICE!!!!! FUCK!!!!!
Huffs huffs puffs sobs
anyway this rant was sponsored by me staying at home to work only to get messaged by him asking if i was coming today to the office
Only for me to go "haha no :3"
and then him going "oh but i wanted to show u my art :( in person. are u coming tomorrow then?"
And then me replying "No i will go until monday :)"
BCUS FUCK!!!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE I AM AT HOME and AT PEACE, I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT
And then of course he went "oh then until monday m'lady :)" LIKE CMON CMON CMON U DIDNT HAVE TO ADD THE M LADY THERE, BUT U DID BCUS OF COURSE YOU WOULD
Bcus the UNIVERSE HATES ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM NOT A LADY GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVEN LESS YOUR LADY!!!!!!!
FREE ME FROM THIS PUNISHMENT I PROMISE TO NEVER LOVE AGAIN AND BECOME EVEN MORE WEIRD AND OFF PUTTING SO I CAN DIE IN ISOLATION, BUT NEVER IN HETEROSEXUALITY
Wheeze sob huff huff wheeze
Ok
Ok
Now that i have calmed down.
Rationally. This FEELS like a karmic punishment. But THE UNIVERSE IS NEUTRAL AND UNFEELING AND INDIFFERENT AND i know this. Because i am rational and the universe has nothing against me.
This is just bad funny ironic luck! We do not allow victim complexes here! But even then you're right and it is your fault! if you knew how to SET boundaries this wouldn't be happening
So WORK ON THAT, we truly cannot continue being HOSTAGES to ONE (1) ANNOYING GUY IN THE OFFICE
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