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praphit · 1 year

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Guardians Vol 3: A fatty, salty gift.

(No Spoilers)

May I be honest be with you? I’ve been thinking about letting my PMB card (Proud Marvel Bitch) expire. I know. I KNOW. Perish the thought, right??

I've been defending Marvel throughout all of the recent tough times.

While errbody out there was talkin smack, I defended you, Marvel!

When people said "Thor 4" was too goofy & had tone problems,

I said "LOOK, this dude just got his body back, his lady back, and his hammer back. Let him have some fun! Quit being a grump!"

When people said that "The Multiverse of Madness" suffered from too much CGI.

I said "LOOK, it's called THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS! It's about a fight between a Magical Doctor of Strangeness and a Super Witch! Give me ALL of the effects & colors! There can't be enough CGI! How were y'all expecting anything other than an overload of all of that?! You just want them to duke it out in one room, throwing Skittles and glitter at each other??!"

When people said that She-Hulk didn't have no business twerkin with Megan Thee Stallion.

I supported that badly CG'd booty! "If ya got it, shake it!" is what I said.

And then, "Ant-Man 3 happened....

THEN, J.Majors had his... alleged... issue...

THEN, I saw that "The Marvels" trailer... a movie that no one is asking for...

I wouldn't say that my faith in Marvel is broken, but doubt has certainly crept in.

Can these Guardians of Vol 3 restore my faith? - maybe, but it ain't gonna be easy.

They're kind of a mess right now. Rocket is playing what I call "The Secret Sadness Game".

Have you ever played that game? - I bet you have. It's when something is wrong with you; you're very sad, but you're not letting anyone know about it. It's a horrible game. Nobody wins in that game, but it's apparently popular these days, with social media making us all pretend to be happy, dignified, and pretty all of the time. So, popular that Mantis is playing that game a lil bit as well.

Drax is too simple-minded to play that game

(side note: Dave Bautista [Drax] said that Marvel dropped the ball concerning Drax's story. And I couldn't agree more. There's a lot to explore with his back story, but... I'm hoping that they'll either reboot the Guardians cartoon series or give Drax a "What If... " story. That show really likes depressing people; here's a golden opportunity.)

Groot is...

well, Groot.

And Nebula (whom I LOVE!)

is grumpier than a lot of us Marvel fans have become. To be fair she has to keep all of these bozos together while Peter aka Starlord is getting drunk and dropping F-Bombs.

He still hasn't gotten over Gamora.

I was going to be a jerk and say that he should have gotten over her by now, BUT I forgot that she’s kinda dead, but kinda not... (#ComicbookUniverseProblems)

It's hard to move on when your lover IS dead, but... still around, kinda, you know?? (If you actually don’t know, then... wow, you’ve got a lot of catching up to do)

I know (in the Christmas Special) they brought Peter the gift of Kevin Bacon to cheer him up, but maybe they should have brought him a woman. A good 80's star like he likes... maybe Heather Locklear

or Kathy Ireland. Remember her?

Not the best message though, I guess - "If you're depressed, then simply drown yourself in booze and pretty women (whom only exist to make you happy :)." But, he's kinda there anyway.

Like I said, they're a mess.

But, if one thing can bring family together it's tragedy.

Something bad happens to one of The Guardians, they sober-up the Starlord, wash his mouth out with soap, and they're off on an adventure!

Mostly a typical Guardians jam. I know some have complained about too many laughs while serious things are going on, but they kinda started all of that in the MCU. And to be fair, if you have survived as much as they have, perhaps you'd be laughing more in the face of danger as well. I loved the comedy duo of Mantis & Drax. And the... unromantic comedy duo/toxic partnership of Peter & Gamora.

And with Nebula (WHOM I LOVE!) in the middle of it all... PERFECTION.

The colorful new worlds and creatures we meet are cool. And the CGI is excellent. I don't know where those artists were when She-Hulk and MODOK were being created,

but whatever:) The action is excellent! A lot of murdering going on here for a PG-13 rating, when you stop and think about it, but I loved every non-drop of mostly non-existent blood.

The stuff that's different is the darker tones in here. There's some serious drama happening in this film. Of course we have more of Peter’s brokenhearted ass, but there are a lot of family dynamic stuff here as well. There's plenty of funny bickering between them, but it's also covering up some pain that the movie gets into.

Plus, we learn about Rocket's origin. That's when things get really dark and cruel. His past sucked. You WILL get emotional. Especially when in his story we meet our villain

THE HIGH EVOLUTIONARY.

He brings new meaning to the word "Narcissist", and you will hate him. There's a lot to hate. He's pretty much getting his Dr. Frankenstein on, using parts from animals, humanoid creatures, and robotics. His victims suffer much and he don't give a SHIT!

Bradley Cooper (Rocket) is good! I always forget that he's part of the Marvel Universe. I was kinda hoping that Rocket's origin included being Bradley Cooper, but had his brain removed and put in a raccoon. And maybe something similar with Groot

Some dark stuff, but also a lot of LOL moments. I think they maneuvered the tones well.

I do wish that we got more of my main woman Debicki!

And like many, I had hoped for more Adam Warlock, but I know time was tight in that regard.

That's prob my main complaint about the film - TIME. It's 2hrs and 30 mins ----- TOO LONG, and yet the endings for these characters seemed rushed. Like... where they end up, individually, makes sense, but it feels like we skipped some emotional steps.

This is Rocket's story, and it's full of laughs, feels, and bad ass action! I really enjoyed this movie! PMB card renewed!

Grade: B+

What made this movie extra enjoyable for me was the news that someone dies in this movie (NOT a spoiler. I already told you about all of the murder. Murder always begats more murder, kids.

Any explosion near The Guardians --- NOOOO! One of them gets shot --- NOOOOO! Any time one of them was alone --- NOOOO! Eating a delicious, fatty, salt encrusted meal---- Heart Disease, NOOOOOO! On the toilet ---- isn't that how Elvis died? or is that a myth? People die that way though.

. What an interesting way for a Marvel character to die. “We'll all remember when Mantis crapped herself to death.” :)

NOOOOOOO!

Although, anxiety-inducing, it was certainly a more exciting way to watch. It was a kind of a gift. A gift which I now leave with you.

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