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notorious-fiction · 6 years

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The Christmas Prince (A Whoever You Want to Read With One-Shot)

You two had made a deal.

Shook hands and all, very solemn looks on your faces, promising one another a very simple thing.

No gift exchanging on Christmas day.

(You'd just been laid off your job and it sucked balls, and he knew money was a bit short on your end and also knew you would never, in a gazillion years accept any money from him, so he started to come up with a bunch of lame ass excuses to make you feel a bit better.)

("It's cliché", he had snorted when you touched the subject "Exchanging Christmas gifts. Ugh. It was meaningful before but now it's just another "especial" date that lost it's core value to boost capitalism. I mean, you can be a crappy boyfriend all year round as long as you buy your girl an extra glittery Hallmark card and a Tiffany Bracelet, right?")

("Right." You had agreed, although not really, because as much as you found sexy as fuck when he used pretty words - core value, damn - you still flipping loved Christmas and looked forward to it all year long.)

So no gift exchanging it was.

You'd spend Christmas day with you family and he would spend it with his - you knew how rare it was for him to take some time to see them - but the day before, the 24th, you had him all to your own.

Just "a casual dinner, the two of us" (his words, not yours) with some "classic Christmas movies, deal with it, loser" (your words, not his) at your place.

Going out was a real pain nowadays, with the whole paps, fangirls, Snapchatters, etc thing, so to save yourself from the stress (how come he never failed to look like a Goddamn model on those candids whilst you looked like you were about to sneeze? Ugh.), staying in it was.

In, with no gifts.

Or at least you thought so, because mid afternoon on December 24th your iPhone seemed to gain a life of its own, all your social media accounts on a frenzy of notifications as, oh well, your famous as fuck of a boyfriend was spotted loading a box the size of a small poney into his car.

("She is so lucky!!!!!!")

("What did he get herrrrrrr i'd be happy just with his dick on box and by the size of it its prob that lol")

("Ugh i hope its a bomb")

(Insert other very sweet comments here.)

You controlled the urge to text him (going against your über curious personality with all the strenghth your posessed), instead focusing on the fact that you were...

Fucked.

Because whilst your boyfriend was on the posession of a very big, flashy box (what you had no idea what was inside, Christ, what the hell was inside of it?!), you were in the posession of...

"How The Grinch Stole Christmas", "Elf" and "The Polar Express".

(All masterpieces, in your humble opinion.)

And the phone of the thai take out two blocks from your place.

(Best pad thai and sticky rice ever.)

(Plus it gave tons of free sriracha packets! Yay for free stuff!)

But seriously, what the fuck were you supposed to give to a human being who seemed to have absolutely everything?!

It'd be stupid to give him clothes - he got those for free -, you had no idea what his shoesize was (did that make you a horrible girlfriend? oops) and anything else you could think of was undoubtely lame.

What if you made him something?

Okay so you didn't know how to draw or paint or knit or rhyme or write a song or do anything that required a minimum artistic vein slash handicraft talent but you could...

Try?

Throwing your body on the couch, your laptop literally on your lap, you sat on your ultimate comfy position - which he had lovingly nicknamed "Cirque Du Soleil's contortionist catching up on reality TV on it's free time" or "how you don't have a back problem is beyond me" (when he said that last one he totally reminded you of your mom) -, typing on the words that were responsible for many delayed papers at Uni and scurries off the house whilst almost tripping on your shoes as you were late as fuck.

Pinterest dot com.

(A blessing and a curse to womankind, honestly.)

D. I. Y.

(Do it yourself.)

(Although you actually never did.)

Scrolling down the screen - DIY baking soda shampoo! DIY mosaic tile birdbath using recycled DVD's! DIY Glittery Bath Bombs! - you noticed that all of them seemed to involve stuff everyone apparently had at home except you like glue guns or spray paint or Scrabble tile holders (...seriously) so after five minutes of Pinterest searching, you sighed in defeat.

(Hard effort wasn't your forte, you had to admit.)

Even friendship bracelets are a hard task to accomplish when you have the skills of a three year old toddler and if you actually purchased a glue gun you could already picture yourself glueing nothing but your own fingers and spending Christmas Day at the ER.

But you did have glitter glue, and that wasn't so dangerous was it?

You also had an old, slightly crumpled piece of cardboard and a "DIY Easy Glittery Hallmark card tutorial!" (snort) at your screen, so you decided to give it a go.

If it came out okay you'd be able to give him as an ironic gift?

("Oh hey, I know you gave me a super awesome/expensive/fancy/cool/thoughtful - insert whatever the hell could be inside that massive box here Christ the curiosity was killing you - but ha-ha-ha remember that snark you made about glittery Hallmark cards?! Instead of giving money to the greedy capitalist men I made one myself, how about that?! Aren't I the Best Girlfriend Ever?!?!?!")

And if it came out like crap you could, y'know, throw it in the bin...

...So of course it came out like crap.

Because you somehow managed to put more glitter glue on the tip of your fingers than on the goddamn cardboard, more glitter glue on your clothes as you absentmindedly rubbed your hands on it as you tried to think of what the hell you could do to save your "Merry Christmas" masterpiece.

(Trash.) (That was how you could save it, your dignity, your boyfriend's poor eyes and your dignity.)

(By throwing your masterpiece on the garbish.)

(Fuck ironic gifts.)

Of course that instead of coming up with another idea after the Glittery-DIY-Hallmark-Card fiasco, your procrastinator side spoke louder, and click after click after click you found yourself going deeper and deeper of that pit called Pinterest, until you blazed on a section you'd never dared to venture on before.

The recipe session.

There were gooey chocolate chip bars, chocolate fudge brownies, kale and artichokes dip, quinoa fried "rice" (...why would someone all it fried "rice" if it had no rice in it only quinoa, you wondered...) and everything made your mouth water and stomach growl and you deeply wished there was someone who could make it for you.

Everything sounded too tempting (and too hard and with too many fancy ingredients and kitchen appliances you'd never even heard of) until you found...

"Easy adaptable chocolate chip cookies with ingredients everyone has at home!!!!! Can be made vegan gluten/lactose/nut/anythying free paleo atkins insert random diet you'd never heard of before here"

Well...

Following a recipe wouldn't be that hard... Would it?

Especially when you could sub eggs for oil if you didn't have any or oil for mashed banana or mashed banana for applesauce or applesauce for honey or honey for agave which were all obviously so much alike, right?

Throwing everything you had into a single bowl - did you mention it was a single bowl recipe? Seriously, it could not get any better, your dishes-washing-hater-side thought - you frowned as you compared your final result to the one on the screen.

Pinterest's batter: gooey but firm, looked so good you wouldn't mind spooning it raw directly into your mouth.

Your batter: two year old's diarrhea, you wouldn't want to spoon it raw directly into your mouth not even if they paid you.

You somehow managed to put little (balls, on Pinterest, blobs, sounded more accurate to your situation) blobs of the batter onto the baking sheet and onto the oven, too busy freaking out slash trying to understand what the hell you did wrong (ooh two american cups of flour? what were american cups? weren't your cups american? why america has to control everything for god's sake?!) to notice the door being unlocked, only realising you had company when you heard an amused chuckle behind you.

Turning around so quick you almost broke your neck - fouet filled with sticky disgusting batter held in hand in a threatingly way - you found him staring, all long legs and perfect hair and mocking grin and...

Empty hands?

Where the hell was the box the size of a toddler he was seen loading into his car?!

Goddamit, internet!

(And why did you feel a lil' bit disappointed I mean...)

(...you had him, hadn't you?)

(Best Christmas Gift Ever, am I right.)

"Hi."

"Hi. Were you..." A cute little frown appeared between his brows, pearly white teeth still on show as he asked "Baking?"

Getting a bit defensive - why did he have to sound so confused/terrified? - you dropped the fouet on the sink, replying "Yes, why?"

"Oh, for nothing! I mean, it smells..."

(Awful.)

"Pretty good."

(Damn, he was a liar.)

Leaning to check the oven temperature just one more time - I mean, better safe than sorry, you couldn't push your luck (any further) - you ignored your boyfriend's stare (a cute little smirk on his lips because well, he thought it was cute how you hadn't noticed the chocolate batter on your chin or how you wore an apron thrice your size), asking maybe a little too cheery "So, how's your Christmas eve going so far?"

( "...Loading too many big ass boxes onto your car?", you rhymed mentally.)

"Well, not too good I mean, I only got to see my lovely lady today." He replied with a charming smile, expecting for you to giggle - alright, fine, he knew you weren't one to giggle, or at least give him love eyes.

You squinted skeptically.

...Okay.

"Empty handed, I see."

"Yeah, kinda glad we decided to skip on that Christmas madness. Had to help a mate out with picking up a complete set of one of those fancy Le Creuset cooking things. Said his girlfriend would love it." He added with a scoff, rolling his eyes "I told him that if I gave you anything kitchen related you'd throw it in my head, but seeing you're apparently into cooking now..." He paused, pursing his lips "Should I write it down as a suggestion for your birthday?"

Her mind went black.

Kitchen appliances.

His mate was giving his girlfriend freakin' casseroles and frying pans.

(Oh poor girl.)

(Poor, poor girl.)

(The disappointment when she opened that huge heavy box.)

(Damn.)

And you had been freaking out the entire day thinking he'd gotten you something big and awesome and you'd look like the awful ungrateful girlfriend.

Man, that ugly glittery card would look like heaven next yo, y'know... Nothing.

"If you ever give me a damn casserole pan I shall rip off your little buddy of you, cut it into tiny little pieces, cook them in the freakin' thing and serve you for dinner." You stated, and he replying, giving you a kiss on the forehead "Aw, see? I know you so well."

God, you were glad he didn't get you anything.

Because being with him was the best gift you could've ever asked for.

(Insert vomiting and cringing here.)

(Fuck you never thought you would be THIS gross and disgusting and loving about any human being in your life after your miserable string of awful break-ups.)

(Yet there you were, with your very own prince charming.)

(Yup, that was it, you guys would be watching The Christmas Prince on Netflix.)

You showed your appreciation by getting on the tips of your toes and pecking him on the lips, the little wrinkle of confusion between his forehead making you want to kiss him even more.

(How was possible for someone to be so cute slash sexy at the same damn time?)

(Seriously.)

(Ugh.)

But then, maybe you'd been too distracted by his pouty pink lips - no chapstick or anything, you wondered how the hell he managed to get them always so soft and puffy and kissable - to check the oven...

And the whole room started to smell a bit smokey.

And look a bit smokey.

"Fuck, my Pinterest cookies!" You squealed, startling him.

You were sort of thankful your fire alarm wasn't working so well, because if the firemen showed up because you almost burned your kitchen down, your landlord would have (even more) reasons to hate you.

"It looks... Edible." Your boyfiend said matter of fact, poking one of your cookies at the tray with the tip of his fingers with brows furrowed.

They looked like baby alien fetus.

(Edible, in some outer galaxy cultures, probably.)

"Want to try them?" You knew by the raise of his eyebrow that it was a challenge, a thing you rarely passed.

Daringly, you got one - dropping it back to the tray because damn they were hot -, trying it again after a few seconds of you two staring at each other with "Who Shall Quit First" eyes.

Was he going to make you eat them first?

By the fake tight ass smile he was giving you, he was...

So with the biggest grin you could muster, you squeaked "Merry Christmas baby! I made these for you! Hope you like them!"

(Or at least don't get food poisoning and die! Please don't get food poisoning and die! I kinda really really really really really like you!)

(And if you die because of me slash my cookies your fans will murder me!)

With a small gulp, he picked one of the alien fetus cookies, shaking it off so they wouldn't be "too hot and burn his tongue" for about three minutes.

You kinda knew he was trying to make as many tiny pieces of it fall out so he'd eat as less of a cookie as possible, but you didn't call him out on it because oh well, he was at least going to eat a teeny bit of them.

And in the end, after a bit of fake awing "Oh, tastes so good babe" and maybe spitting on a napkin when you turned around to throw the dirty dishes on the sink, he did eat your alien fetus cookies.

What made him the best boyfriend slash Christmas present ever.

And after drinking maybe a bit too much wine and watching The Christmas Prince, he drunkenly vowed to never ever give you anything cooking related - as the cookies now rested in peace in your trashcan, on top of your ugly ass glittery card -, and that vow would be proved to be a gift that kept on giving.

(I mean, it would give stomach aches and calls to the fire fighters and be a total waste of ingredients, so you were cool with that.)

(And even if he never gave you anything at all, he dealt with your craziness, your PMSing, you overreacting whenever you let your - very expensive - makeup fall onto the floor, never watched Game of Thrones episodes without you and always let you eat the biggest last slice of cheesecake.)

And if that wasn't much of a proof of real, true love, you had no idea of what the hell it could be.

And that was the greatest gift of all.

(Cue to cringing due to cheesyness again.)

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MERRY CHRISTMAS U GUYSSSSSSSSS!

Hope y’all have a fantastic one and find all you wanted under the tree! ooh and if you liked it pls don’t forget to click on that like button (i’ve been watching too many youtube vids send help)

lots lots of love

Gabe

ps: i’d like to dedicate this to my favorite humans on earth victoria, nina and lari, who are still my friends even after i’ve been through probably 30 different mental breakdowns this year, love you guise so muchhhhhhhh thanks for always encouraging me to write!!! oh and if you haven’t read my stories based on them you can find them all here

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ralphmorgan-blog1 · 6 years

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I Went Vegan And Here’s How Much I Was Judged Betches

At the start of the summer, I decided to go vegan. Before you come at me (plz chill) I know there are a billion articles about how it ruins my health, destroys the environment, and exists only as trendy holier-than-thou diet (thinking of you, Gwyneth Paltrow!)

People loveeeee to hate on vegans. Sure, we have a rep for being pretty judgmental hypocrites (like Phoebe from Friends and her love for her fur coat in that one episode—but tbh in the spirit of journalistic integrity, she was vegetarian, not vegan, but still). And I was one of those haters. I used to think veganism was a fad diet that wasn’t even that healthy. Also, how do you even get enough protein? Tofu, a chalky white sagging blob I’d seen at my dining hall’s salad bar, didn’t seem a particularly appealing alternative.

So what changed? Well, I moved to California and was brainwashed started learning more about veganism. One of my best friends at college is vegan, so I learned more about it this year by eating with her. Obviously, we went to the most extra vegan restaurants in LA, but that was the first thing that convinced me: I actually liked the vegan food.

Judging by my super healthy diet of vodka and brownies, by the end of the school year I felt like crap. I needed a lifestyle change, and this summer was the perfect opportunity for that. I would be cooking all of my own food for the first time while living in a dump old frat house on the Row at Stanford.

My family was concerned by this idea—well, actually, I didn’t tell them initially because I knew they’d freak out, but had I informed them of my plans before, these are the questions they would’ve asked:

What will you eat for breakfast? Ummm….seaweed and hummus? Some nuts? Kale chips? Tofu? Realistically a really weird assortment of food, but also, like, who even eats breakfast? I’m in college. Coffee counts.

What do you eat at restaurants? Since one of my best friends is already vegan and since California is the Mecca of vegan restaurants, it isn’t hard to find restaurants that served, like, salads and tofu.

Can you still drink? JK, my fam wouldn’t have asked me that, but for all the concerned alcoholics out there, vodka is vegan. In fact, all liquor is, though some wines and beers are processed with animal products. Yet another reason shots reign supreme.

Week 1

It’s 11pm and I’d just arrived at “The House,” aka the trap fraternity house where I’d be living this summer. Even though it’s no longer a frat house, it still feels like a frat house. The state of the house may seem irrelevant to my diet, but the kitchen is a disaster. It’s a place where we’d all made blackout quesadillas at 2am during the school year, so using the same pans crusted with our drunk food seems rather unappetizing.

After moving all of my stuff up three flights of stairs alone (chivalry is dead), I head to Whole Foods to scour their vegan options. This being California, they have loads of options. I buy what would become the starting lineup for my summer diet: eggplant and tofu from the salad bar, a few pre-made salads, kale chips, seaweed, pickles, hummus, and vegan jerky. I feel so healthy.

A few vegan days pass. Do I feel any magical results? No. I do not feel less tired, as some people have promised. I do feel healthier though. Like those vegan models that I follow on Instagram, with my Bragg’s Nutritious Yeast (vaguely cheesy powder?) and zucchini noodles (these taste like zucchini, not pasta, don’t let others convince you otherwise).

That Friday my friends and I go to San Francisco. It all fun and games until everyone decides they want to go to IHOP for some drunk 3am pancakes. I then realize I can’t have any because they aren’t f*cking vegan. I eat some kale chips instead to soak up all the extra vodka in my stomach. The next morning I want to kill myself. Kale chips aren’t a good drunk food. My hangover is deadly. Who would’ve f*cking thought?

Weeks 2 & 3

The glow of being healthy is fading. First of all, I’m worried I’m anemic because I’m tired, like, all the time. Literally, allll the time. All I want to do is sleep. I went from being fine on six hours of sleep to wanting to sleep 12 hours. What college student sleeps for 12 hours? HOW IS THIS OK.

Also I really, really, really want something sweet. I’m craving chocolate like mad. So I buy some Hu Chocolate from Whole Foods and happily eat an entire hazelnut-butter dark chocolate bar. It’s vegan, so ha!

Realistically, there isn’t much more to say about these weeks. They pass in a sort of foggy blur of vegetable eating. I don’t go out because of my summer courses. This is shaping up to be the best summer ever, wow!

I questioned stopping. But that would be giving up, now, and I’m no quitter.

Week 4

This weekend, I drive down to LA with my vegan best friend, and naturally, she brings me to all of her favorite vegan restaurants. The Green Temple for the best tofu sauce (literally I want to drink the sauce). Café Gratitude has absurd buffalo cauliflower and honestly it’s expensive ($11 for a side of cauliflower? What is the profit margin here?). By Chloe (there are multiple in New York too!) has the best vegan kale Caesar salad I’ve ever tried in my life. It has shitake bacon and almond parmesan and literally, this is why I became vegan. Also, there’s a little sign that says how much waste you’ve prevented by eating vegan food inside By Chloe, which just made me feel like a really great person.

The next day I get a migraine and lie in bed for the entire day. Soooo fun. Exactly what I drove six hours for! We go to Whole Foods that night though, to find dinner stuff, and I’m delighted by their eccentric chip selection (jicama chips. WTF?) and extremely elaborate salad bar selection. They also have about five types of vegan mac and cheese, which is like, absurd.

We head to the Farmer’s Market in Hollywood the next morning. Everyone makes fun of me because I buy a jar of pickled brussels sprouts and a tin of soy shitake mushrooms to eat for breakfast. Yes, I get that’s a really weird breakfast. But seriously, anyone who knows me by now should realize that I thrive on eating really strange foods. And pickled (well, technically fermented but stick with me) foods are good for your gut health. It’s why so many people are obsessed with drinking apple cider vinegar!

We drive home, stopping at the Ostrich Farm on the way through Santa Barbara. This trip has taught me:

LA has the best vegan restaurants. New York may have By Chloe and Candle 79, but LA just has sooooo many more options.

I actually can drive for seven hours without killing someone. Genuinely a miracle!

Ostriches are vaguely cute.

There is nothing to do in LA besides workout, eat food, and sit in traffic (while occasionally visiting ostriches).

Week 5

I feel less tired, so maybe my body was just adjusting. Or maybe I am anemic and should start taking iron supplements. My doctor keeps bugging me to do bloodwork and I keep putting it off because I’d have to fast before getting it done and that’s so annoying. Yes, I am a responsible adult, thanks for asking.

I make the mistake of telling my mom that I decided to go vegan, and receive a whole lecture about how it’s a horrible idea. You will ruin your health and become anemic and are you getting enough protein and don’t you know about living life in moderation?

I give her a speech about animal rights and the environment (yes, this is a little late to the game, but I started following all these vegan Instas because I needed more motivation), and the environmental benefits of veganism. It really tugs at the heartstrings. But photos of cute little pigs with the caption “is eating bacon really worth it?” kind of make me want to cry.

Now that my mom hates my vegan diet, I’m even more motivated to continue. I’m massively stressed studying for my summer course midterms, but at least I’m stress-eating seaweed and hummus instead of cookies. After I finish midterms we go out that weekend to celebrate one of my friend’s birthdays. Personally, I blame my later behavior on the restaurant for lacking vegan options. A plain salad is not an ideal pre-drinking meal, tbh, and my lack of memory for the rest of the night can be entirely explained by my meager dinner of iceberg lettuce in conjunction with the seven shots of ginger vodka I had later.

Weeks 6 & 7

These two weeks are also a blur. My family comes to visit the first weekend and are genuinely incensed that I refuse to eat meat. We all go out to dinner to some non-vegan place where the only thing I can eat is a kale Caesar salad without dressing (because of the fricking anchovies). So I basically eat a bag of dry kale for dinner. Yummmmm. But I can’t back out on being vegan now. That would mean my mom was right. Again. I abandon my family after dinner to run to Whole Foods to buy a late night snack of eggplant and hummus (why am I so weird?!).

The next day, my mom treats me to dinner at Nobu, which opened in Palo Alto at the start of the school year. I’d been dying to go the entire year, but it’s not exactly a place you go with your friends when you’re in college on a budget. My mom orders sashimi for the entire table and I eat a piece of tuna.

YES, I BREAK MY VEGAN DIET. NO ONE IS PERFECT K?!

Seriously though, the tuna is fine. High-quality fish, but ultimately not even that tasty. Honestly, one thing I’ve realized is that food tastes good because of the sauces and spices on it, not because of the base. It could be cauliflower or steak, chicken or tofu, all that really matters is the sauce. (Okay, clearly I’m not a steak connoisseur. Red meat has always grossed me out and I know theoretically a good steak doesn’t need any sauce. This is why I’m a mostly successful vegan, and my brother will never be a vegan. He thinks vegans are wussies and real men eat wagyu beef.)

My family leaves, and I’m getting bored of eating the same 10 foods every day. So I start exploring some of the other weird vegan foods that Whole Foods sell. Vegan cheese dip, for example, is disgusting. It’s a mix of pureed potatoes and cashews, and it does NOT taste like cheese and now I feel nauseous. I also buy chocolate covered chickpeas a few times, which sound gross but taste like chocolate covered pretzels. They are as addictive AF so consider yourself warned. Banana brittle (pureed dehydrated bananas with coconut flakes) is also incredibly addictive. As is chocolate mousse made with silken tofu and cacao powder.

If I sound like a raving lunatic who has lost all concept of what good food actually tastes like, it is quite possible that veganism has addled my brains.

Week 8

I spend the entire week studying for my finals. Woohoo. All I want is to go home and sleep. The fatigue never entirely left, so maybe I really am anemic. But I honestly feel much healthier. My body is more toned, my hair is thicker, and my complexion is brighter. Most importantly, I don’t feel gross every time I eat. It’s nice to finish a meal and not regret eating junk, but instead feel happy knowing that I’ve put healthy nutrients into my body.

Even though I’ve been eating less protein, I feel more muscular too. Until I have to move all my crap and I realize I still lack basic upper body strength. Veganism forced me to abandon my mini fridge since I don’t have enough strength to carry it down three flights of stairs (if anyone wants a mini fridge HMU. I warn you though, the freezer has about an inch of congealed apple vodka on the bottom because my idiot friend put a bottle of vodka in it sans lid). I fly back home to New York and eat a bag of coconut chips for dinner because the airplane has no vegan food.

Week 9 – ???

Now that I’m home and no longer cooking for myself, I guess I could stop being vegan. Despite the fatigue, I really have enjoyed it. It forced me to cut the unhealthy junk out of my life but still allowed me to treat myself by eating things like chocolate covered bananas or vegan brownies. Moderation!

I did finally get some bloodwork done and it does turn out my iron levels are dangerously low (oops?), I can always start taking a supplement to fix that and start drinking blackstrap molasses because apparently, that has 20% of your daily iron per serving. Yum. Besides that, I really do feel much healthier. I feel fit again, instead of constantly stressed about what I’m eating. My hair and skin both feel amazing.

It’s honestly not hard to find food to eat, either. I just eat the vegetables my mom makes for dinner and heat up some tofu for protein. Now I’m campaigning for my dad to join me since his cholesterol is through the roof and I know he’d benefit from less butter and red meat. (I’m really trying to not become one of those preachy vegans that try to indoctrinate everyone though, don’t worry.)

If you’re still not convinced

a) I don’t care b) it’s fine, you can join my family, who are still convinced that I went to school in California and became “some sort of new-agey hippie.”

Realistically, will I stay vegan forever? I have no clue considering it’s been only 10 weeks and forever is, like, a really long time, but I have no concrete plans to stop anytime soon. Unless I actually do become anemic from an iron deficiency. Then my mom might start force-feeding me red meat again…

Images: Giphy

Original Article : HERE ; This post was curated & posted using : RealSpecific

=> *********************************************** Originally Published Here: I Went Vegan And Here’s How Much I Was Judged Betches ************************************ =>

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fk-off-m8 · 7 years

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Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly

"Wesley's Theory" (feat. George Clinton & Thundercat) When the four corners of this cocoon collide You’ll slip through the cracks hoping that you’ll survive Gather your wind, take a deep look inside Are you really who they idolize? To pimp a butterfly [Hook:] At first, I did love you But now I just wanna fuck Late night thinkin' of you Until I got my nut Tossed and turned, lesson learned You was my first girlfriend Bridges burned, all across the board Destroyed, but what for? When I get signed, homie I'mma act a fool Hit the dance floor, strobe lights in the room Snatch your little secretary bitch for the homies Blue eyed devil with a fat ass monkey I'mma buy a brand new Caddy on fours Trunk the hood up, two times, deuce four Platinum on everything, platinum on wedding ring Married to the game, made a bad bitch yours When I get signed homie I'mma buy a strap Straight from the CIA, set it on my lap Take a few M-16s to the hood Pass 'em all out on the block, what's good? I'mma put the Compton swap meet by the White House Republican, run up, get socked out Hit the press with a Cuban link on my neck Uneducated but I got a million dollar check, like that [Pre-Hook x2:] We should never gave, we should never gave Niggas money go back home, money go back home [Hook] [Dr. Dre:] Yo what's up? It's Dre Remember the first time you came out to the house? You said you wanted a spot like mine But remember, anybody can get it The hard part is keeping it, motherfucker What you want you? A house or a car? Forty acres and a mule, a piano, a guitar? Anything, see, my name is Uncle Sam on your dollar Motherfucker you can live at the mall I know your kind (That's why I'm kind) Don't have receipts (Oh man, that's fine) Pay me later, wear those gators Cliche and say, fuck your haters I can see the borrow in you I can see the dollar in you Little white lies with a snow white collar in you But it's whatever though because I'm still followin' you Because you make me feel forever baby, count it all together baby Then hit the register and make me feel better baby Your horoscope is a gemini, two sides So you better cop everything two times Two coupes, two chains, two c-notes Too much and enough both we know Christmas, tell 'em what's on your wish list Get it all, you deserve it Kendrick And when you get the White House, do you But remember, you ain't pass economics in school And everything you buy, taxes will deny I'll Wesley Snipe your ass before thirty-five [George Clinton (Kendrick Lamar):] Lookin' down is quite a drop (It's quite a drop, drop) Lookin' good when you're on top (When you're on top you got it) A lot of metaphors, leavin' miracles metaphysically in a state of euphoria Look both ways before you cross my mind [Pre-Hook] Tax man comin' Tax man comin' Tax man comin' Tax man comin' Tax man comin' "For Free? (Interlude)" Fuck you, motherfucker, you a ho-ass nigga I don't know why you trying to go big, nigga you ain't shit Walking around like you God's gift to Earth, nigga you ain't shit You ain't even buy me no outfit for the fourth I need that Brazilian, wavy, twenty eight inch, you playin' I shouldn't be fuckin' with you anyway, I need a baller ass, boss ass nigga You'se a off brand ass nigga, everybody know it, your homies know it, everybody fuckin' know Fuck you nigga, don't call me no more You won't know, you gonna lose on a good bitch My other nigga is on, you off What the fuck is really going on? This dick ain't free You lookin' at me like it ain't a receipt Like I never made end's meet, eatin' your leftovers and raw meat This dick ain't free Livin' in captivity raised my cap salary Celery, tellin' me green is all I need Evidently all I seen was spam and raw sardines This dick ain't free, I mean, baby You really think we could make a baby named Mercedes without a Mercedes Benz and twenty four inch rims, five percent tint, and air conditioning vents Hell fuckin' naw, this dick ain't free I need forty acres and a mule Not a forty ounce and a pitbull Bullshit, matador, matador, had the door knockin', let 'em in, who's that? Genital's best friend, this dick ain't free Pity the fool that made the pretty in you prosper Titty juice and pussy lips kept me obnoxious, kept me up watchin' Pornos and poverty, apology? No Watch you volunteer it it while people less fortunate, like myself Every dog has it's day, now doggy style shall help This dick ain't free Matter fact it need interest, matter fact it's nine inches Matter fact see our friendship based on business Pension, more pension, you're pinchin', my consensus Been relentless, fuck forgiveness, fuck your feelings Fuck your sources, all distortion, if you fuck it's more abortion More divorce courts and portion My check with less endorsement left me dormant Dusted, doomed, disgusted, forced with Fuck you think is bullshit, porcelain pipes pressure, bust 'em twice Choice is deaf, a state of decapitated the horseman Oh America, you bad bitch, I the picked cotton that made you rich Now my dick ain't free I'mma get my Uncle Sam to fuck you up You ain't no king "King Kunta" I got a bone to pick I don't want you monkey mouth motherfuckers sittin' in my throne again (Aye aye nigga what's happenin' nigga, K Dot back in the hood nigga) I'm mad (He mad), but I ain't stressin' True friends, one question Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him (King Kunta) Kunta Black man taking no losses Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him When you got the yams (What's the yams?) The yam is the power that be You can smell it when I'm walking down the street (Oh yes we can, oh yes we can) I can dig rapping, but a rapper with a ghost writer What the fuck happened? (Oh no) I swore I wouldn't tell But most of you share bars like you got the bottom bunk in a two man cell (A two man cell) Something's in the water (Something's in the water) And if I got a brown nose for some gold then I'd rather be a bum than a motherfuckin' baller Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him (King Kunta) Kunta Black man taking no losses Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him When you got the yams (What's the yams?) The yam brought it out of Richard Pryor Manipulated Bill Clinton with desires 24/7, 365 days times two I was contemplatin' gettin' on stage Just to go back to the hood see my enemies and say... Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him (King Kunta) Kunta Black man taking no losses Bitch where you when I was walkin'? Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him You goat mouth mammy fucker I was gonna kill a couple rappers but they did it to themselves Everybody's suicidal they don't even need my help This shit is elementary, I'll probably go to jail If I shoot at your identity and bounce to the left Stuck a flag in my city, everybody's screamin' "Compton" I should probably run for Mayor when I'm done, to be honest And I put that on my Mama and my baby boo too Twenty million walkin' out the court buildin' woo woo Ah yeah fuck the judge I made it past 25 and there I was A little nappy headed nigga with the world behind him Life ain't shit but a fat vagina Screamin' "Annie are you ok? Annie are you ok?" Limo tinted with the gold plates Straight from the bottom, this the belly of the beast From a peasant to a prince to a motherfucking king Bitch where was you when I was walkin'- [POP] (By the time you hear the next pop, the funk shall be within you) [POP] Now I run the game got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him (King Kunta) Kunta Black man taking no losses Bitch where was you when I was walkin' Now I run the game got the whole world talkin' (King Kunta) Everybody wanna cut the legs off him (Funk, funk, funk, funk, funk, funk) We want the funk We want the funk (Now if I give you the funk, you gon' take it) We want the funk (Now if I give you the funk, you gon' take it) We want the funk (Now if I give you the funk, you gon' take it) We want the funk (Do you want the funk?) We want the funk (Do you want the funk?) We want the funk (Now if I give you the funk, you gon' take it) We want the funk I remember you was conflicted, misusing your influence "Institutionalized" (feat. Bilal, Anna Wise & Snoop Dogg) What money got to do with it When I don't know the full definition of a rap image? I'm trapped inside the ghetto and I ain't proud to admit it Institutionalized, I keep runnin' back for a visit Hol' up Get it back I said I'm trapped inside the ghetto and I ain't proud to admit it Institutionalized, I could still kill me a nigga, so what? [Anna Wise:] If I was the president I'd pay my mama's rent Free my homies and them Bulletproof my Chevy doors Lay in the White House and get high, Lord Who ever thought? Master take the chains off me Life can be like a box of chocolate Quid pro quo, somethin' for somethin', that's the obvious Oh shit, flow's so sick, don't you swallow it Bitin' my style, you're salmonella poison positive I can just alleviate the rap industry politics Milk the game up, never lactose intolerant The last remainder of real shit, you know the obvious Me scholarship? No, streets put me through colleges Be all you can be, true, but the problem is A dream's only a dream if work don't follow it Remind me of the homies that used to know me, now follow this I'll tell you my hypothesis, I'm probably just way too loyal K Dizzle would do it for you, my niggas think I'm a god Truthfully all of 'em spoiled, usually you're never charged But somethin' came over you once I took you to the fuckin' BET Awards You lookin' at artists like the harvests So many Rollies around you and you want all of them Somebody told me you thinkin' 'bout snatchin' jewelry I should've listened what my grandmama said to me [Hook - Bilal:] Shit don't change until you get up and wash your ass nigga Shit don't change until you get up and wash your ass Shit don't change until you get up and wash your ass nigga Oh now, slow down [Snoop Dogg:] And once upon a time in a city so divine Called West Side Compton, there stood a little nigga He was 5 foot something, God bless the kid Took his homie to the show and this is what they said What I'm s'posed to do when I'm lookin' at walkin' licks? The convicts talk 'bout matchin', money and foreign whips The private jets and passports, presidential glass floor Gold bottles, gold models, sniffin' up the ass for Instagram flicks, suck a dick, fuck is this? One more suck away from wavin' flashy wrist My defense mechanism tell me to get him, quickly because he got it It's the recession, then why the fuck he in King of Diamonds? No more livin' poor, meet my .44 When I see 'em, put the per diem on the floor Now Kendrick, know they're your co-workers But it's gon' take a lot for this pistol go cold turkey Now I can watch his watch on the TV and be okay But see I'm on the clock once that watch landin' in LA Remember steal from the rich and givin' it back to the poor? Well that's me at these awards I guess my grandmama was warnin' a boy She said... [Hook] [Snoop Dogg:] And once upon a time in a city so divine Called West Side Compton, there stood a little nigga He was 5 foot something, dazed and confused Talented but still under the neighborhood ruse You can take your boy out the hood but you can't take the hood out the homie Took his show money, stashed it in the mozey wozey Hollywood's nervous Fuck you, goodnight, thank you much for your service

"These Walls" (feat. Bilal, Anna Wise & Thundercat) I remember you was conflicted, misusing your influence Sometimes, I did the same If these walls could talk [x6] [Anna Wise:] Sex, she just want to close her eyes and sway If you, if you, if you exercise your right to work it out Its true, its true, its true, shout out to the birthday girls say hey Say hey, everyone deserves a night to play And shes plays only when you tell her no [Hook - Bilal:] If these walls could talk I can feel your reign when it cries gold lives inside of you If these walls could talk I love it when I’m in it, I love it when I’m in it If these walls could talk they’d tell me to swim good No boat I float better than he would No life jacket I’m not the guard in Nazareth But your flood can be misunderstood Wall telling me they full of pain, resentment Need someone to live in them just to relieve tension Me? I’m just a tenant My lord said these walls vacant more than a minute These walls are vulnerable, exclamation Interior pink, color coordinated I interrogated every nook and cranny I mean its still amazing before they couldn’t stand me These walls want to cry tears These walls happier when I’m here These walls never could hold up Everytime I come around demolition might crush [Hook] If these walls could talk they’d tell me to go deep Yelling at me continuously I can see Your defense mechanism is my decision Knock these walls down that’s my religion Walls feeling like they ready to close in I suffocate then catch my second wind I resonate in these walls I don’t know how long I can wait in these walls I’ve been on these streets too long looking at you from the outside in They sing the same old song about how they walls are always the cleanest I beg to differ, I must’ve missed them I’m not involved I’d rather diss them I’d rather call all you put your wall up Cause when I come around demolition gon’ crush [Hook] If your walls could talk they’d tell you it’s too late Your destiny accepted your fate Burn accessories and stash them where they are Take the recipe, the bible and god Wall telling you that commissary is low Race wars happening no calling CO No calling your mother to save you Homies say to you, you're reputable, not acceptable Your behavior is Sammy Da Bull like a killer that turned snitch Walls is telling me you a bitch You pray for appeals hoping the warden could afford them That sentence so important Walls telling you to listen to "Sing About Me" Retaliation is strong you even dream about me Killed my homeboy and God spared your life Dumb criminal got indicted the same night So when you play this song rewind the first verse About me abusing my power so you can hurt About me and her in the shower whenever she horny About me and her in the after hours of the morning About her baby daddy currently serving life And how she think about you until we meet up at night About the only girl that cared about you when you asked her And how she fucking on a famous rapper Walls could talk I remember you was conflicted Misusing your influence Sometimes I did the same Abusing my power full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screaming in a hotel room

"Alright" Alls my life I has to fight, nigga Alls my life I... Hard times like yah Bad trips like "God!" Nazareth, I'm fucked up Homie you fucked up But if God got us then we gon' be alright [Hook - Pharrell Williams:] Nigga, we gon' be alright Nigga, we gon' be alright We gon' be alright Do you hear me, do you feel me? We gon' be alright Nigga, we gon' be alright Huh? We gon' be alright Nigga, we gon' be alright Do you hear me, do you feel me? We gon' be alright Uh, and when I wake up I recognize you're lookin' at me for the pay cut Behind my side we lookin' at you from the face down What mac-11 even boom with the bass down Schemin'! And let me tell you bout my life Painkillers only put me in the twilight Where pretty pussy and Benjamin is the highlight Now tell my mama I love her but this what I like Lord knows, 20 of 'em in my Chevy Tell 'em all to come and get me, reapin' everything I sow So my karma coming heavy No preliminary hearings on my record I'm a motherfucking gangster in silence for the record Tell the world I know it's too late Boys and girls I think I've gone cray Drown inside my vices all day Won't you please believe when I say [Pre-hook:] When you know, we been hurt, been down before, nigga When our pride was low, lookin' at the world like, "where do we go, nigga?" And we hate Popo, wanna kill us dead in the street for sure, nigga I'm at the preacher's door My knees gettin' weak and my gun might blow but we gon' be alright [Hook] What you want, you a house you a car 40 acres and a mule, a piano a guitar Anything, see my name is Lucy, I'm your dog Motherfucker you can live at the mall I can see the evil, I can tell it I know it's illegal I don't think about it, I deposit every other zero Thinkin' of my partner put the candy, paint it on the regal Diggin' in my pocket ain't a profit, big enough to feed you Everyday my logic, get another dollar just to keep you In the presence of your chico... ah! I don't talk about it, be about it, everyday I see cool If I got it then you know you got it, Heaven, I can reach you Pet dog, pet dog, pet dog, my dog that's all Pick back and chat I shut the back for y'all I rap, I'm black, on track so rest assured My rights, my wrongs I write till I'm right with God [Pre-hook] [Hook] I keep my head up high I cross my heart and hope to die Lovin' me is complicated Too afraid, a lot of changes I'm alright and you're a favorite Dark nights in my prayers I remembered you was conflicted Misusing your influence, sometimes I did the same Abusing my power full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screamin' in the hotel room I didn't wanna self destruct, the evils of Lucy was all around me So I went runnin' for answers

"For Sale? (Interlude)" What's wrong nigga? I thought you was keeping it gangsta? I thought this what you wanted? They say if you scared go to church But remember He knows the bible too [Hook:] My baby when I get you get you get you get you Ima go head to ride with you Smoking lokin' poking the deja till I'm idle with you Cause I (want you) Now baby when I'm riding here I'm riding dirty Registration is out of service Smoking lokin' drinking the potion you can see me swerving Cause I (want you) I want you more than you know I remember you took me to the mall last week baby You looked me in my eyes about 4 5 times Till I was hypnotized then you clarified That I (want you) You said Sherane ain't got nothing on Lucy I said you crazy Roses are red violets are blue but me and you both pushing up daisies if I (want you) [Hook] You said to me You said your name was Lucy I said where's Ricardo? I said oh no, not the show Than you spit a little rap to me like this When I turned 26 I was like oh shit You said this to me I remember what you said too you said My name is Lucy Kendrick You introduced me Kendrick Usually I don’t do this But I see you and me Kendrick Lucy Give you no worries Lucy got million stories About these rappers I came after when they was boring Lucy gone fill your pockets Lucy gone move your mama out of Compton Inside the gi-gantic mansion like I promised Lucy just want your trust and loyalty Avoiding me? It's not so easy I'm at these functions accordingly Kendrick, Lucy don't slack a minute Lucy work harder Lucy gone call you even when Lucy know you love your Father I'm Lucy I loosely heard prayers on your first album truly Lucy don't mind cause at the end of the day you'll pursue me Lucy go get it, Lucy not timid, Lucy up front Lucy got paper work on top of paper work I want you to know that Lucy got you All your life I watched you And now you all grown up then sign this contract if that’s possible [Hook] I remembered you was conflicted Misusing your influence, sometimes I did the same Abusing my power full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screamin' in the hotel room I didn't wanna self destruct The evils of Lucy was all around me So I went runnin' for answers Until I came home

"Momma" Oh shit! Oh, I need that I need that sloppy That sloppy Like a Chevy in quicksand That sloppy This feelin' is unmatched This feelin' is brought to you by adrenaline and good rap Black (Pendleton) ball cap (West, west, west) We don't share the same synonym fall back (West, west, west) Been in it before internet had new acts Mimicking radio's nemesis may be wack My innocence limited the experience lacked Ten of us with no tentative tactic that cracked The mind of a literate writer but I did it in fact You admitted it once I submitted it wrapped in plastic Remember scribblin' scratchin' dilligent sentences backwards Visiting freestyle cyphers for your reaction Now I can live in a stadium, pack it the fastest Gamblin' Benjamin benefits, sittin' in traffic Spinnin' women in cartwheels, linen fabric on fashion Winnin' in every decision Kendrick is master and mastered it Isn't it lovely how menace has turned attraction? Pivotin' rappers, finish your fraction while writing blue magic Thank God for rap, I would say it got me a plaque But what's better than that? The fact it brought me back home [Hook:] We been waitin' for you Waitin' for you Waitin' for you Waitin' for you I know everything, I know myself I know morality, spirituality, good and bad health I know fatality might haunt you I know everything, I know Compton I know street shit, I know shit that's conscious, I know everything I know lawyers, advertisement and sponsors I know wisdom, I know bad religion, I know good karma I know everything, I know history I know the universe works mentally I know the perks of bullshit isn't meant for me I know everything, I know cars, clothes, hoes and money I know loyalty, I know respect, I know those that's Ornery I know everything, the highs to lows to groupies and junkies I know if I'm generous at heart, I don't need recognition The way I'm rewarded, well, that's God's decision I know you know that lines from Compton School District Just give it to the kids, don’t gossip about how it was distributed I know how people work, I know the price of life I know how much it’s worth, I know what I know and I know it well Not to ever forget until I realized I didn’t know shit The day I came home [Hook] I met a little boy that resembled my features Nappy afro, gap in his smile Hand me down sneakers bounced through the crowd Runnin' home and the man and woman that crossed him Sun beamin' on his beady beads exhausted Tossin' footballs with his ashy black ankles Breakin' new laws mama passed on home trainin' He looked at me and said Kendrick you do know my language You just forgot because of what public schools had painted Oh I forgot don't kill my vibe, that's right you're famous I used to watch on Channel 5, TV was takin' But never mind you're here right now don't you mistake it It's just a new trip, take a glimpse at your family's ancestor Make a new list, of everything you thought was progress And that was bullshit, I mean your life is full of turmoil You spoiled by fantasies of who you are I feel bad for you I can attempt to enlighten you without frightenin' you If you resist, I'll back off go catch a flight or two But if you pick, destiny over rest in peace Than be an advocate go tell your homies especially To come back home This is a world premiere This is a world premiere This is a world premiere I been lookin for you my whole life, an appetite For the feeling I can barely describe, where you reside? Is it in a woman, is it in money, or mankind? Tell me something got me losing my mind, AH! You make me wanna jump (Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump (Let's talk about love)) (Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump (Let's talk about love)) I been lookin for you my whole life, an appetite For the feeling I can barely describe, where you reside? Is it in a woman, is it in money, or mankind? Tell me something think I'm losing my mind, AH! I say where you at, from the front to the back I'm lookin' for you I react, only when you react Ah, I thought I found you, back in the ghetto When I was seventeen with the .38 special Maybe you're in a dollar bill, maybe you're not real Maybe only the wealthy get to know how you feel Maybe I'm paranoid, ha, maybe I don't need you anyway Don't lie to me I'm suicidal anyway I can be your advocate I can preach for you if you tell me what the matter is

"Hood Politics" K dot, pick up the phone, nigga. Every time I call, it's going to voice mail. Don't tell me they got you on some weirdo rap shit, nigga. No socks and skinny jeans and shit. Call me on Shaniqua's phone [Hook:] I been A-1 since day one, you niggas boo boo Your home boy, your block that you're from, boo boo Lil hoes you went to school with, boo boo Baby mama and your new bitch, boo boo We was in the hood, 14 with the deuce deuce 14 years later going hard, like we used to on the dead homies On the dead homies I don't give a fuck about no politics in rap, my nigga My lil homie Stunna Deuce ain't never comin' back, my nigga So you better go hard every time you jump on wax, my nigga Fuck what they talkin' bout, your shit is where its at, my nigga Came in this game, you stuck your fangs in this game You wore no chain in this game your hood, your name in this game Now you double up, time to bubble up the bread and huddle up Stickin' to the scripts, now here if them benjamin's go cuddle up Skip, hop, trip, drop, flip, flop with the white tube sock It goes "Sherm Sticks, burn this" Thats what the product smells like when the chemicals mix 50 nigga salute, out the Compton zoo, with the extras El Cos, Monte Carlos, Road Kings and dressers Rip Ridaz, P-Funkers, Mexicans, they fuck with you Asians, they fuck with you, nobody can fuck with you [Hook] Hopped out the caddy, just got my dick sucked The little homies called, they said, "The enemies done cliqued up" Oh yeah? Puto want to squabble with mi barrio? Oh, yeah? Tell 'em they can run it for the cardio Oh, yeah? Everythin' is everythin', it's scandalous Slow motion for the ambulance, the project filled with cameras The LAPD gamblin', scramblin', football numbers slanderin' Niggas name on paper, you snitched all summer The streets don’t fail me now, they tell me it's a new gang in town From Compton to Congress, it’s set trippin’ all around Ain’t nothin' new but a flow of new DemoCrips and ReBloodlicans Red state versus a blue state, which one you governin’? They give us guns and drugs, call us thugs Make it they promise to fuck with you No condom they fuck with you, Obama say, "What it do?" [Hook] Everybody want to talk about who this and who that Who the realest and who wack, who white or who black Critics want to mention that they miss when hip hop was rappin’ Motherfucker if you did, then Killer Mike'd be platinum Y’all priorities are fucked up, put energy in wrong shit Hennessy and Crown Vic, my memory been gone since Don’t ask about no camera back at award shows No, don’t ask about my bitch, no, don’t ask about my foes 'Less you askin' me about power, yeah, I got a lot of it I’m the only nigga next to Snoop that can push the button Had the Coast on standby “K. Dot, what up? I heard they opened up Pandora’s box” I box ‘em all in, by a landslide Nah homie we too sensitive, it spill out to the streets I make the call and get the coast involved then history repeats But I resolved inside that private hall while sitting down with Jay He said "it's funny how one verse could fuck up the game" I remember you was conflicted Misusing your influence Sometimes I did the same Abusing my power full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screaming in a hotel room I didn't want to self-destruct The evils of Lucy was all around me So I went running for answers Until I came home But that didn't stop survivors guilt Going back and forth Trying to convince my self the stripes I earned Or maybe how A-1 my foundation was But while my loved ones was fighting A continuous war back in the city I was entering a new one

"Complexion (A Zulu Love)" (feat. Rapsody) [Hook:] Complexion (two-step) Complexion don't mean a thing (it's a Zulu love) Complexion (two-step) It all feels the same (it's a Zulu love) Dark as the midnight hour or bright as the mornin' sun Give a fuck about your complexion, I know what the Germans done Sneak (dissin’) Sneak me through the back window, I’m a good field nigga I made a flower for you outta cotton just to chill with you You know I'd go the distance, you know I'm ten toes down Even if master listenin', cover your ears, he 'bout to mention [Hook] Dark as the midnight hour, I'm bright as the mornin' Sun Brown skinned, but your blue eyes tell me your mama can't run Sneak (dissin') Sneak me through the back window, I’m a good field nigga I made a flower for you outta cotton just to chill with you You know I'd go the distance, you know I'm ten toes down Even if master's listenin', I got the world's attention So I'mma say somethin' that's vital and critical for survival Of mankind, if he lyin', color should never rival Beauty is what you make it, I used to be so mistaken By different shades of faces Then wit told me, "You're womanless, woman love the creation" It all came from God then you was my confirmation I came to where you reside And looked around to see more sights for sore eyes Let the Willie Lynch theory reverse a million times with... [Hook] You like it, I love it You like it, I love it [Rapsody:] Let me talk my Stu Scott, ‘scuse me on my 2pac Keep your head up, when did you stop? Love and die Color of your skin, color of your eyes That’s the real blues, baby, like you met Jay’s baby You blew me away, you think more beauty in blue green and grey All my Solomon up north, 12 years a slave 12 years of age, thinkin’ my shade too dark I love myself, I no longer need Cupid And forcin’ my dark side like a young George Lucas Light don’t mean you smart, bein’ dark don’t make you stupid And frame of mind for them bustas, ain’t talkin’ “Woohah!” Need a paradox for the pair of dots they tutored Like two ties, L-L, you lose two times If you don’t see you beautiful in your complexion It ain’t complex to put it in context Find the air beneath the kite, that’s the context Yeah, baby, I’m conscious, ain’t no contest If you like it, I love it, all your earth tones been blessed Ain’t no stress, jigga boos wanna be I ain’t talkin’ Jay, I ain’t talkin’ Bey I’m talkin’ days we got school watchin’ movie screens And spike yourself esteem The new James Bond gon’ be black as me Black as brown, hazelnut, cinnamon, black tea And it’s all beautiful to me Call your brothers magnificent, call all the sisters queens We all on the same team, blues and pirus, no colors ain’t a thing Barefoot babies with no cares Teenage gun toters that don’t play fair, should I get out the car? I don’t see Compton, I see something much worse The land of the landmines, the hell that’s on earth

"The Blacker The Berry" Everything black, I don't want black I want everything black, I ain't need black Some white some black, I ain't mean black I want everything black [x2] Six in the mornin', fire in the street Burn, baby burn, that's all I wanna see And sometimes I get off watchin' you die in vain It's such a shame they may call me crazy They may say I suffer from schizophrenia or somethin' But homie you made me Black don't crack my nigga I'm the biggest hypocrite of 2015 Once I finish this, witnesses will convey just what I mean Been feeling this way since I was 16, came to my senses You never liked us anyway, fuck your friendship, I meant it I'm African-American, I'm African I'm black as the moon, heritage of a small village Pardon my residence Came from the bottom of mankind My hair is nappy, my dick is big, my nose is round and wide You hate me don't you? You hate my people, your plan is to terminate my culture You're fuckin' evil I want you to recognize that I'm a proud monkey You vandalize my perception but can't take style from me And this is more than confession I mean I might press the button just so you know my discretion I'm guardin' my feelins, I know that you feel it You sabotage my community, makin' a killin' You made me a killer, emancipation of a real nigga [Pre-Hook:] The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice The blacker the berry, the bigger I shoot [Hook:] I said they treat me like a slave, cah' me black Woi, we feel a whole heap of pain, cah' we black And man a say they put me in a chain, cah' we black Imagine now, big gold chain full of rocks How you no see the whip, left scars pon' me back But now we have a big whip, parked pon' the block All them say we doomed from the start, cah' we black Remember this, every race start from the black, just remember that I'm the biggest hypocrite of 2015 Once I finish this, witnesses will convey just what I mean I mean, it's evident that I'm irrelevant to society That's what you're telling me, penitentiary would only hire me Curse me till I'm dead Church me with your fake prophesyzing that I'mma be just another slave in my head Institutionalize manipulation and lies Reciprocation of freedom only live in your eyes You hate me don't you? I know you hate me just as much as you hate yourself Jealous of my wisdom and cards I dealt Watchin' me as I pull up, fill up my tank, then peel out Muscle cars like pull ups, show you what these big wheels 'bout, ah Black and successful, this black man meant to be special CAT scans on my radar bitch, how can I help you? How can I tell you I'm making a killin'? You made me a killer, emancipation of a real nigga [Pre-Hook] [Hook] I'm the biggest hypocrite of 2015 When I finish this if you listenin' sure you will agree This plot is bigger than me, it's generational hatred It's genocism, it's grimy, little justification I'm African-American, I'm African I'm black as the heart of a fuckin' Aryan I'm black as the name of Tyrone and Darius Excuse my French but fuck you — no, fuck y'all That's as blunt as it gets, I know you hate me, don't you? You hate my people, I can tell cause it's threats when I see you I can tell cause your ways deceitful Know I can tell because you're in love with the Desert Eagle Thinkin' maliciously, he get a chain then you gone bleed him It's funny how Zulu and Xhosa might go to war Two tribal armies that want to build and destroy Remind me of these Compton Crip gangs that live next door Beefin' with Piru's, only death settle the score So don't matter how much I say I like to preach with the Panthers Or tell Georgia State "Marcus Garvey got all the answers" Or try to celebrate February like it's my B-Day Or eat watermelon, chicken, and Kool-Aid on weekdays Or jump high enough to get Michael Jordan endorsements Or watch BET cause urban support is important So why did I weep when Trayvon Martin was in the street? When gang banging make me kill a nigga blacker than me? Hypocrite!

"You Ain't Gotta Lie (Momma Said)" Study long, study wrong, nigga Hey, y'all close that front door, ya'll let flies in this motherfucker Close that door! My OG up in this motherfucker right now My pops man with the bottle in his hand, actin' a fool Hey, hey, babe check it out, Imma tell you what my mama had said, she like: I could spot you a mile away I could see your insecurities written all on your face So predictable your words, I know what you gonna say Who you foolin'? Oh, you assuming you can just come and hang With the homies but your level of realness ain't the same Circus acts only attract those that entertain Small talk, we know that it's all talk We live in the Laugh Factory every time they mention your name [Bridge:] Askin', "where the hoes at?" to impress me Askin', "where the moneybags?" to impress me Say you got to burn your stash to impress me It's all in your head, homie Askin' "where the plug at?" to impress me Askin' "where the juug at?" to impress me Askin' "where it's at?" only upsets me You sound like the feds, homie [Hook x2:] You ain't gotta lie to kick it, my nigga You ain't gotta lie, you ain't gotta lie You ain't gotta lie to kick it, my nigga You ain't gotta try so hard And the world don't respect you and the culture don't accept you But you think it's all love And the girls gon' neglect you once your parody is done Reputation can't protect you if you never had one Jealousy (complex), emotional (complex) Self-pity (complex), under oath (complex) The loudest one in the room, nigga, that's a complex Let me put it back in proper context [Hook x2] [Bridge] What do you got to offer? Tell me before you we off ya, put you deep in the coffin Been allergic to talkin', been aversion to bullshit Instead of dreamin' the auction, tell me just who your boss is Niggas be fugazie, bitches be fugazie This is for fugazie niggas and bitches who make habitual line babies, bless them little hearts You can never persuade me You can never relate me to him, to her, or that to them Or you, the truth you love to bend In the back, in the bed, on the floor, that's your ho On the couch, in the mouth, I'll be out, really though So loud, rich niggas got low money And loud, broke niggas got no money The irony behind it is so funny And I seen it all this past year Pass on some advice we feel: [Hook]

"i" Is this mic on? (Hey, move this way, this way) Hey, Hey! Hey! Turn the mic up, c'mon, c'mon Is the mic on or not? I want the mic We're bringing up nobody, nobody... Nobody but the number one rapper in the world He done traveled all over the world He came back just to give you some game All of the little boys and girls, come up here (One two, one two, what's happening, fool?) Come right here, this is for you, come on up Kendrick Lamar, make some noise, brother I done been through a whole lot Trial, tribulation, but I know God The Devil wanna put me in a bow tie Pray that the holy water don't go dry As I look around me So many motherfuckers wanna down me But an enemigo never drown me In front of a dirty double-mirror they found me And (I love myself) When you lookin' at me, tell me what do you see? (I love myself) Ahh, I put a bullet in the back of the back of the head of the police (I love myself) Illuminated by the hand of God, boy don't seem shy (I love myself) One day at a time, uhh They wanna say it's a war outside, bomb in the street Gun in the hood, mob of police Rock on the corner with a line for the fiend And a bottle full of lean and a model on the scheme uh These days of frustration keep y'all on tuck and rotation (Come to the front) I duck these cold faces, post up fi-fie-fo-fum basis Dreams of reality's peace Blow steam in the face of the beast Sky could fall down, wind could cry now Look at me motherfucker I smile And (I love myself) When you lookin' at me, tell me what do you see? (I love myself) Ahh, I put a bullet in the back of the back of the head of the police (I love myself) Illuminated by the hand of God, boy don't seem shy (I love myself) One day at a time, uhh (Crazy) (What you gon' do?) Lift up your head and keep moving, (Keep moving) turn the mic up (Haunt you) Peace to fashion police, I wear my heart On my sleeve, let the runway start You know the miserable do love company What do you want from me and my scars? Everybody lack confidence, everybody lack confidence How many times my potential was anonymous? How many times the city making me promises? So I promise this, nigga And (I love myself) When you lookin' at me, tell me what do you see? (I love myself) Ahh, I put a bullet in the back of the back of the head of the police (I love myself) Illuminated by the hand of God, boy don't seem shy (I love myself) One day at a time, uhh Huh (Walk my bare feet) huh (Walk my bare feet) Huh (Down, down valley deep) huh (Down, down valley deep) (I love myself) huh (Fi-fie-fo-fum) huh (fi-fie-fo-fum) (I love myself) huh (My heart undone) one, two, three And (I love myself) When you lookin' at me, tell me what do you see? (I love myself) Ahh, I put a bullet in the back of the back of the head of the police (I love myself) Illuminated by the hand of God, boy don't seem shy (I love myself) One day at a time, uhh I went to war last night With an automatic weapon, don't nobody call a medic I'm a do it till I get it right I went to war last night (Night, night, night, night, night) I've been dealing with depression ever since an adolescent Duckin' every other blessin', I can never see the message I could never take the lead, I could never bob and weave From a negative and letting them annihilate me And it's evident I'm moving at a meteor speed Finna run into a building, lay my body... (Offstage Argument) Not on my time, Not while I'm up here Not on my time, kill the music Not on my time We could save that shit for the streets We could save that shit, this for the kids bro 2015, niggas tired of playin' victim dog Niggas ain't trying to play vic- TuTu, how many niggas we done lost? Yan-Yan, how many we done lost? No for real, answer the question, how many niggas we done lost bro? This, this year alone Exactly. So we ain't got time to waste time my nigga Niggas gotta make time bro The judge make time, you know that, the judge make time right? The judge make time so it ain't shit It shouldn't be shit for us to come out here and appreciate the little bit of life we got left, dawg On the dead homies. Charlie P, you know that bro You know that It's mando. Right, it's mando And I say this because I love you niggas man I love all my niggas bro Exac- enough said, enough said We gon' get back to the show and move on, because that shit petty my nigga Mic check, mic check, mic check, mic check, mic check We gon' do some acapella shit before we get back to- All my niggas listen Listen to this: I promised Dave I'd never use the phrase "fuck nigga" He said, "Think about what you saying: 'Fuck niggas' No better than Samuel on Django No better than a white man with slave boats" Sound like I needed some soul searching My Pops gave me some game in real person Retraced my steps on what they never taught me Did my homework fast before government caught me So I'm a dedicate this one verse to Oprah On how the infamous, sensitive N-word control us So many artists gave her an explanation to hold us Well, this is my explanation straight from Ethiopia N-E-G-U-S definition: royalty; King royalty - wait listen N-E-G-U-S description: Black emperor, King, ruler, now let me finish The history books overlook the word and hide it America tried to make it to a house divided The homies don't recognize we been using it wrong So I'm a break it down and put my game in a song N-E-G-U-S, say it with me Or say no more. Black stars can come and get me Take it from Oprah Winfrey, tell her she right on time Kendrick Lamar, by far, realest Negus alive

"Mortal Man" The ghost of Mandela, hope my flows they propel it Let these words be your earth and moon you consume every message As I lead this army make room for mistakes and depression And with that being said my nigga, let me ask this question: When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan (one two, one two) When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? The ghost of Mandela, hope my flows they propel it Let these words be your earth and moon you consume every message As I lead this army make room for mistakes and depression And with that being said my nigga, let me ask this question: When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? Want you look to your left and right, ask you friends When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? Do you believe in me? Are you deceiving me? Could I let you down easily, is your heart where it need to be? Is your smile on permanent? Is your vow on lifetime? Would you know where the sermon is if I died in this next line? If I'm tried in a court of law, if the industry cut me off If the government want me dead, plant cocaine in my car Would you judge me a drug kid or see me as K. Lamar Or question my character and degrade me on every blog Want you to love me like Nelson, want you to hug me like Nelson I freed you from being a slave in your mind, you're very welcome You tell me my song is more than a song, it's surely a blessing But a prophet ain't a prophet til they ask you this question: When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? Want you look to your left and right, make sure you ask you friends When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? The ghost of Mandela, hope my flows they propel it Let these words be your earth and moon you consume every message As I lead this army make room for mistakes and depression And if you riding with me Do you believe in me? How much you believe in her? You think she gon' stick around if them 25 years occur? You think he can hold you down when you down behind bars hurt? You think y'all on common ground if you promise to be the first? Can you be immortalised without your life being expired? Even though you share the same blood is it worth the time? Like who got your best interest? Like how much are you dependent? How clutch are the people that say they love you and who pretending? How tough is your skin when they turn you in, do you show forgiveness? What brush do you bend when dusting your shoulders from being offended What kind of den did they put you in when the lions start hissing What kind of bridge did they burn, revenge or your mind when it's mentioned? You wanna love like Nelson, you wanna be like Nelson You wanna walk in in his shoes but you peace-making seldom You wanna be remembered that delivered the message That considered the blessing of everyone, this your lesson for everyone, say When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? Want you look to your left and right, make sure you ask you friends When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? The ghost of Mandela, hope my flows they propel it Let these words be your earth and moon you consume every message As I lead this army make room for mistakes and depression And if you riding with me I been wrote off before, I got abandonment issues I hold grudges like bad judges, don't let me resent you That's not Nelson-like, want you to love me like Nelson I went to Robben's Island analysing, that's where his cell is So I could find clarity, like how much you cherish me Is this relationship a fake or real as the heavens be? See I got to question it all, family, friends, fans, cats, dogs Trees, plants, grass, how the wind blow Murphy's Law, generation X, will I ever be your ex? Floss off a baby step, mobbed by the mouth a bit Pause, put me under stress Crawled under rocks, ducking y'all, it's respect But then tomorrow, put my back against the wall How many leaders you said you needed then left ‘em for dead? Is it Moses, is it Huey Newton or Detroit Red? Is it Martin Luther, JFK, shooter you assassin Is it Jackie, is it Jesse, oh I know, it's Michael Jackson, oh When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? That nigga gave us Billie Jean, you say he touched those kids? When shit hit the fan, is you still a fan? The ghost of Mandela, hope my flows they propel it Let my word be your earth and moon you consume every message As I lead this army make room for mistakes and depression And if you riding with me nigga, let me ask this question nigga [Kendrick Lamar:] "I remember you was conflicted Misusing your influence Sometimes I did the same Abusing my power, full of resentment Resentment that turned into a deep depression Found myself screaming in the hotel room I didn't wanna self destruct The evils of Lucy was all around me So I went running for answers Until I came home But that didn't stop survivor's guilt Going back and forth trying to convince myself the stripes I earned Or maybe how A-1 my foundation was But while my loved ones was fighting the continuous war back in the city, I was entering a new one A war that was based on apartheid and discrimination Made me wanna go back to the city and tell the homies what I learned The word was respect Just because you wore a different gang colour than mines Doesn't mean I can't respect you as a black man Forgetting all the pain and hurt we caused each other in these streets If I respect you, we unify and stop the enemy from killing us But I don't know, I'm no mortal man, maybe I'm just another nigga" Shit and that's all I wrote I was gonna call another nigga but, it ain't really a poem, I just felt like it's something you probably could relate to. Other than that, now that I finally got a chance to holla at you, I always wanted to ask you about a certain situa-, about a metaphor actually, you spoke on the ground. What you mean ‘bout that, what the ground represent? [2Pac:] The ground is gonna open up and swallow the evil. That's how I see it, my word is bond. I see and the ground is the symbol for the poor people, the poor people is gonna open up this whole world and swallow up the rich people. Cause the rich people gonna be so fat, they gonna be so appetising, you know what I'm saying, wealthy, appetising. The poor gonna be so poor and hungry, you know what I'm saying it's gonna be like… there might be some cannibalism out this mutha, they might eat the rich [Kendrick Lamar:] Aight so let me ask you this then, do you see yourself as somebody that's rich or somebody that made the best of their own opportunities? [2Pac:] I see myself as a natural born hustler, a true hustler in every sense of the word. I took nothin', I took the opportunities, I worked at the most menial and degrading job and built myself up so I could get it to where I owned it. I went from having somebody manage me to me hiring the person that works my management company. I changed everything I realised my destiny in a matter of five years you know what I'm saying I made myself a millionaire. I made millions for a lot of people now it's time to make millions for myself, you know what I'm saying. I made millions for the record companies, I made millions for these movie companies, now I make millions for us [Kendrick Lamar:] And through your different avenues of success, how would you say you managed to keep a level of sanity? [2Pac:] By my faith in God, by my faith in the game, and by my faith in all good things come to those that stay true. You know what I'm saying, and it was happening to me for a reason, you know what I'm saying, I was noticing, I was punching the right buttons and it was happening. So it's no problem, you know I mean it's a problem but I'm not finna let them know. I'm finna go straight through [Kendrick Lamar:] Would you consider yourself a fighter at heart or somebody that only reacts when they back is against the wall? [2Pac:] I like to think that at every opportunity I've ever been threatened with resistance it's been met with resistance. And not only me but it goes down my family tree. You know what I'm saying, it's in my veins to fight back [Kendrick Lamar:] Aight well, how long you think it take before niggas be like, we fighting a war, I'm fighting a war I can't win and I wanna lay it all down [2Pac:] In this country a black man only have like 5 years we can exhibit maximum strength, and that's right now while you a teenager, while you still strong or while you still wanna lift weights, while you still wanna shoot back. Cause once you turn 30 it's like they take the heart and soul out of a man, out of a black man in this country. And you don't wanna fight no more. And if you don't believe me you can look around, you don't see no loud mouth 30-year old muthafuckas [Kendrick Lamar:] That's crazy, because me being one of your offspring of the legacy you left behind I can truly tell you that there's nothing but turmoil goin' on so I wanted to ask you what you think is the future for me and my generation today? [2Pac:] Shit, I think that niggas is tired-a grabbin' shit out the stores and next time it's a riot there's gonna be bloodshed for real. I don't think America can know that. I think American think we was just playing and it's gonna be some more playing but it ain't gonna be no playing. It's gonna be murder, you know what I'm saying, it's gonna be like Nat Turner, 1831, up in this muthafucka. You know what I'm saying, it's gonna happen [Kendrick Lamar:] That's crazy man. In my opinion, only hope that we kinda have left is music and vibrations, lotta people don't understand how important it is. Sometimes I be like, get behind a mic and I don't know what type of energy I'mma push out, or where it comes from. Trip me out sometimes [2Pac:] Because the spirits, we ain't really rappin', we just letting our dead homies tell stories for us [Kendrick Lamar:] Damn I wanted to read one last thing to you. It's actually something a good friend had wrote describing my world. It says: "The caterpillar is a prisoner to the streets that conceived it Its only job is to eat or consume everything around it, in order to protect itself from this mad city While consuming its environment the caterpillar begins to notice ways to survive One thing it noticed is how much the world shuns him, but praises the butterfly The butterfly represents the talent, the thoughtfulness, and the beauty within the caterpillar But having a harsh outlook on life the caterpillar sees the butterfly as weak and figures out a way to pimp it to his own benefits Already surrounded by this mad city the caterpillar goes to work on the cocoon which institutionalizes him He can no longer see past his own thoughts He's trapped When trapped inside these walls certain ideas start to take roots, such as going home, and bringing back new concepts to this mad city The result? Wings begin to emerge, breaking the cycle of feeling stagnant Finally free, the butterfly sheds light on situations that the caterpillar never considered, ending the eternal struggle Although the butterfly and caterpillar are completely different, they are one and the same." What's your perspective on that? Pac, Pac, Pac

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