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c-taylor-wanna-be-a-glader · 5 years

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2018 Review!!

Rules: Answer the questions about your 2018, and then tag friends.

Tagged by @newtmasbookverse Love you, Tyra! 😘💙💖💙 Also, sorry this took me so long!

Top 5 movies you watched:

Maze Runner: The Death Cure - Which has become my favorite movie of all time! The feels, man...

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials - I'm ashamed to say I'd never watched it until this year. Because when I first watched TMR in 2014, I was actually pretty unimpressed??(don't hate me, I was stupid)

Captain America: Civil War - I hadn't really been into Marvel for a couple years, but watching this brought it all back!

Passengers - I honestly don't understand how this doesn't get good reviews?? It's one of the best love stories I've ever seen!

The Greatest Showman - A beautiful, incredible movie, with the best soundtrack ever!

Top 5 shows you watched:

Teen wolf - O. M. Freaking. G. MY FAVORITE!!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S - AAAHHHH! I love these guys sooo much!

Parks and Recreation - Incredibly cast, incredibly written, absolutely hilarious!

Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Andy Samberg is comedy goals!

Dawson's Creek - I love this show, despite the fact that Dawson and Joey are almost as bad as Ross and Rachel. Also, Pacey is terribly under-appreciated.

Top five songs you listened to:

Chances, The Backstreet Boys

Don't Go Breaking My Heart, The Backstreet Boys

Whatever It Takes, Imagine Dragons

A Million Dreams, The Greatest Showman

Flares, The Script

Top five books you read:

The Maze Runner

The Scorch Trials

The Death Cure

The Fever Code (I know, I know, a lot of TMR! Honestly what did you expect?)

Besides fanfiction, I think that's all the new books I read this year???

Five good things that happened to you:

I finally got a smartphone! My old phone was not only not smart, but it had *gasp* buttons!

I was reintroduced to the TMR fandom. Never thought I could love it this much!

I started making my fan edits, and realized my passion for graphic design.

I decided to get a Tumblr account. And I'm sooooo glad I did, I love you guys!

I'm sure there's more, but tbh... it hasn't been my day, my week, my month, or even my year. (lol F.R.I.E.N.D.S humor)

@159potterhead @newtieparker @funkenniffler @alice-is-in-wonderland @gladerscake @newtmasbookverse @what-the-heck @rustic-space-fiddle @races-erster @mrs-mitch-rapp93 @thatsmebeingworthless

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jess-oh · 7 years

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Reflection

i have to work on my graphic design hw rn...i think i’m still trying to get the hang of it. im getting more used to working on homework throughout the week instead of saving it all for the weekend and while i did make good progress, i failed to work in order of when i have class. i’ve just been working in order of the classes im most worried about like physics and ITM. but i don’t want to succeed in those classes at the cost of another class.

i....went to northwestern today and studied with everyone and while it was really fun and it was nice for me to get to know everyone...i feel as if im not really being myself. and maybe it’s this fear of needing to fit into this community because these are the people that im going to need to rely on at the end of the day spiritually. i dont want to force myself to be like them and i couldnt help but think about how they’re viewing me and how quiet i was being and how im usually way more talkative than that. but whenever i tried to be open or talk, people wouldnt really pay that much attention to me and that...was pretty discouraging. it made me feel like i wasnt worth their time or attention. and i know that i’ve been guilty of being to “me” minded recently but....it still stung. because it was a few people. there were other people that they would rather talk to. funnier people, more entertaining. easier. and i guess it’s always been like that. but im starting to feel like i dont have my niche again. i dont have close friends that i can trust with my everything. they’re busy. i’m busy. we’re not always there for each other and i know that it is a lot to ask but it does make me really sad to not have that stability. i was surprised during service this morning though. i walked in first and usually, i constantly look back and try to have someone else go in front of me so that im not sitting alone. but today, i came because i knew i wanted to come for God and so I went in first and sat to the right and didn’t expect them to follow. So when I opened my eyes and they were there...I was pretty surprised.

but...i do really crave a community where i can just feel so free to be me and be accepted for that. i love philosophy and i want to talk to joey more about that. im actually so glad that daniel is doing better and adjusting well. i do care. i just wish that they cared for me too. because i dont feel that right now. and maybe it’s just my own fears holding me back. im afraid that i’ll be judged and rejected for being me and i dont want that. but i also dont want to put on a facade and pretend to be someone im not. i think i would be a lot unhappier if i did that long term than to just be hurt badly once but move on. God, I decided to commit to Lakeview. But here is where the struggle begins. I can see P. Josh’s efforts in making Lakeview a better community. I wanted to talk more today during the discussion but I also didn’t want to be the only one talking because far too often, I’m stuck in that situation. And people strongly dislike me and I’m excluded because I don’t understand their fears. But I do think that I would rather be hated for being me than to be surface level liked by being someone that I’m not. I do want to be true to myself and I do think that I’ve started losing sight of who that is. It’s a process but these journal entries really do help. My last few entries have been pretty short because I’ve just been so overwhelmed with so many different things that I could not put it into words.

But here they are now. I love to pray. I love to sing and worship and cry out to the Lord and really lay everything down for Him. I love to give praise and thanks. and lately, i’ve been super passionate about the mission field and remembering the good work that we did there. And no, i’m not super close to my team. but i did really love it. i did. and yes, we made mistakes. and yes, it wasn’t always all fun and games. i messed up. but at the end of the day, we all wanted to be there and genuinely cared for the kids. and that’s what mattered. and i saw that. and i just really crave for that kind of community here too.

it would be SO much easier to just go home and be with my friends at Sa-Rang. but i know that God didn’t call me to be there. He called me to be here. And yeah, it’s freaking hard. But I’m here for a reason. I really believe that.

#reflection

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