#Also idk if I should include the DMs in the post because they didn't want them posted in the first place so idk
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Not the same anon as before, but it's been very disturbing to see a group of white people in fandom dogpile on an artist of Korean descent who lives in Korea, especially when that artist does not speak English and is obviously struggling with expressing their views in a way that might make sense to *us*. The style the artist used, even if they didn't explain it, is a very obvious East Asian style which is very popular in Koren and Japanese cultures. I looked at the artist's blog, and even if they didn't explain it in the DMs—for whatever reason—they *have*, in a subsequent post yesterday, explained their perspective as a Korean person while making this art, and I think it's extremely unfair to exclude that part of the context while talking about this. Like...idk it just feels like you guys didn't like the answer they gave or the way they answered (again! they're not a native speaker and you need to give them more grace!) so everyone has just come to this conclusion that they're a terrible person automatically. And while you personally might not have done this, I have seen other blogs—all white people—act like a bunch of bullies about it and it's super frustrating.
This fandom does have a problem with whitewashing—gifmakers do it all the time while coloring their sets! Or they make the characters of color look super unnatural because they refuse to adjust their PSDs for their skin tones! And yet I have never seen anyone call out any of the gifmakers who've done this in the past, let alone dogpile on them to such an extreme—like y'all are doing on this Korean artist. Idk. I'm Asian too, and it's super disturbing to watch.
Hey, anon. I saw this ask last night in the jungle that is my inbox, but I wanted to wait until I was awake and aware enough to answer it (and didn’t really need to go back to sleep because of work).
The only thing I would push back on here is that it’s just a group of white people dogpiling. It was not all white people speaking. They’re just the voices that ended up on that artist’s blog and got the most attention – that includes my own. Because of that, I can see why it might be perceived that way though. And I pushed people not to interact with them or the art, because that’s how you make a difference. You don’t give something attention. The lack of engagement is a stance in and of itself. The goal was certainly never for this person to be attacked, so if that’s what you’re implying has happened, that’s a problem. And that’s on me for not being more careful.
I’ve had people who appreciated the fact that I spoke up, but there have been others, like yourself, who don’t like what’s happening, and an even wider group who thought that while there was something to be said, they’re not sure I should have said it. The response has been very multi-sided. And I do believe that you and everyone else who thinks I veered too far out of my own lane are very valid in thinking that way. I spent all of yesterday debating about whether or not I made the right decision, and I had friends both white and non-white who weren’t sure either.
It also seems there have been some gross communication failures. I’ll start off by saying that I did not see the culture post. I’m blocked by the artist (fairly), so I had a friend send me screenshots this morning. I wasn’t purposely disregarding that, and you’re right that it’s important to take into consideration.
I do think there’s never going to be agreement with this person regarding Jee’s skin tone. They have the perceptions that they have because of their experience as Korean artist living in Korea, and they see Jee as being lighter than even JLH visually and because of their cultural experiences. I do not believe that's likely to change.
I’m not saying Asian people can’t be light-skinned, but this artist is drawing a character played by two very real little girls, who are not universally perceived as light-skinned, and from our general understanding, are not Korean. Their mother is Chinese, and their father has a traditional Chinese surname which leads us to believe that he is likely Chinese as well. If this is incorrect, please correct me. And when you’re making art of real people, you can’t just use your previous perceptions of a fictional character’s identity to justify coloring them differently. And they’re using gifs to defend those perceptions. Gifs are something that you and I both know aren’t trusted references. They’re colored and altered in a variety of ways.
You’re right that gifmakers whitewash regularly. I will say that people have tried to call this out in the past, but they’ve been general posts from what I remember. Nothing about individual gifmakers. It’s been a huge problem with Eddie and with turning Athena and Karen orange. However, these general callouts don’t really get a lot of traction. And that’s extremely unfair.
I’ll be blunt and say that part of that is the fact that people tend to turn a blind eye to keep the peace, and the people in this fandom who noticed this artist’s work are the ones least likely to do so.
Another issue were the DMs, and it’s been brought to my attention by @karenandhenwillson (who I will respond to after this) and in a post by the artist, that I may have misinterpreted those completely, which is unfair of me (and anyone else who has seen the messages and come to the same conclusion). There wasn’t enough patience with someone who was a non-native English speaker, and that led to some confusion that I’m going to address when I respond to the blog I just mentioned.
The fact of the matter though is that I'm white, and I'm wading into murky waters by continuing to engage on this subject. I've turned off reblogs on my original post, and after my next response about the communication meltdown, I'm going to edit it and make another clarifying that people should read the artist's posts and my previous posts to understand their position and everything that's happened.
I don't think it's fair for me to continue to place myself in a discussion I might not have had the right to be in at all, but I'm not going to leave without publicly acknowledging the communication issue because it matters and telling people not to attack this artist. That's cowardly and not really my style.
Thank you again for this message. I really do welcome people coming to talk to me.
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A while ago, I sent a problem concerning TV Tropes to a Tumblr user called @bootsforthebootgod, and they used their TV Tropes account, Boots, to send the problem to Ask the Tropers. Unfortunately, the conversation was nuked before I could read it, so I have no idea what was said.
Boots believes that the problem is resolved, but it's not! I'm still unable to participate in forums (that also includes the Edit Banned/Suspended thread), edit or create pages, read, send, or get messages, write reviews, upload videos, or use the Wishlist, Ask the Tropers, Trope Finder, You Know that Show, the Trope Launch Pad, the Cut List, or Submit a Bug. Worse yet, I can't even change the email address I'm using on my account, so I can't create another account. Because I never had a chance to read the conversation, I have no idea why nothing was done, or if anyone even tried to do anything. I'd delete my account if I could, but that will only make my account permanently inaccessible, so I'll still not be able to use my email address for another account. The Contact Us function is useless to me as well because the only people who can respond to email messages are the mods and the staff, and they will not respond to my messages. None of this would be a problem if I had access to another email address, but I don't.
Want to know the worst part? I've had people tell all this to Boots, but Boots keeps insisting the problem is resolved. I don't know what they mean (or think they mean) when they say that, but their definition of "resolved" is clearly not the same as mine. I'm starting to suspect that they didn't even actually read the message; they probably read only "the problem has not been resolved" and automatically assumed I haven't actually tried using my account. Worse yet, Boots seems to think I want them to appeal a ban, but I don't; all I want is to know how the conversation went so I can find out what went wrong and what to do. By not telling me how the conversation went, they are only worsening my problem! Could you contact Boots on their TV Tropes account or on their Tumblr account, @bootsforthebootgod? If you have to, ping them on Tumblr and tell them to actually read this whole message, or better yet, go to their inbox (I could submit the link to you so you can go straight from there) and send them this message (preferably on mobile). You can even DM them. Have them know that this message is urgent and that they should leave not a single word of it unread. I want them to properly understand my problem and help me to solve it. Could you tell them to send you screenshots of the conversation (every single post), and then, could you post it on your blog so I can read it and know what to do?
I thought you were gonna ask me like... something about that one OFMD episode I was talking about
Cuz
wow
Look, kid, my advice to you is to Let This Go.
I don't know the user you're talking about, I've never even interacted with them (that I know/remember about)... Also that user is a minor so IDK what kind of pull you think they have???
Also I don't even have a TV Tropes account. I just like analyzing my gay pirate show once in a blue moon.
I understand you're frustrated. But maybe find a different hobby to destress with for right now.
PS: Upon further inspection, I think your problem could be resolved by simply creating another email address? Do kids not do this anymore? I had like 4 by the time I was 17 for no other reason than I came up with a new cool name...
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hello, so i am shifting accounts, woo! well, partially shifting. (if you want to reblog this post, go ahead)
long post follows below cut, so a TLDR: i am leaving because i am starting to feel uncomfortable in the cule (reason for discomfort explained below cut). i will still keep this account for reblogging destiel and creative content, but everything else will be in the new account. im not saying the account's name but it isnt too hard to find.
please tag @castinkywinky in your creative posts (edits, amvs, art, webweaves, gifs, etc.) or DM them to me. i really do not want to miss them. feel free to DM me other people's posts you find cool as well!!
--
the primary reason why i am leaving is because the environment in cule tumblr right now is starting to get hostile. idk if i should, but im just gonna talk about what i am seeing on here that has made me uncomfortable, cause i dont want to be silent:
biphobia, acephobia, people talking over neurodivergent people, people invalidating other people's triggers and being unwilling to cooperate by tagging their posts with warnings, vaguing and ganging up on mutuals (i have seen none of my mutuals partake in these, but i am not online all the time so i cant be sure what happens when i'm offline), and just people being rude and mean. definitely didn't help that a lot of the victims were poc and/or neurodivergent people.
i’ve been lucky to not have directly been involved in any of the conflict that arose, but it is really tough and upsetting to see mutuals’ names get dragged under just for having different and valid opinions on a tv show that ended in 2020. all of this while blogs who purposely started the hate and discourse are getting support, praises, and tractions, and i'm just gonna say it, its because they are very popular among the cule and have a lot of followers. i am unsure if they are unable to grasp the influence they hold or are purposely using it to bully others but idk. also the anonymity of discord channels makes things harder.
i'm not saying i'm a perfect person and i have definitely made mistakes on this account, which i am regretful of. but i am learning and growing and a lot of these people i see seem fixed in their ways. i also do understand that it is human nature that in a power struggle people will most likely stand with the bully, often without even realising that that's what they are doing. really the only option i have in this scenario is to walk away because the rest of us are powerless (i know whatever i say here wont have an impact either, considering i blocked some of the blogs too). i know i can just block and unfollow people, but that hasnt been enough for me. and frankly after spending majority of the day on my new account, my mental health feels much better. (hoping it doesnt get worse after i post this)
anyways, i still want to support everyone's creations so if you make a new amv, art, webweave, etc. feel free to add me to your tag list or DM them to me, cause honestly my prime reason for not deactivating this account is to see creative work in the cule and the fandom. cause you guys are so fucking talented. i still do have a decent following size here, so hopefully reblogging the posts here instead of my new account will bring more traction to the posts.
speaking of my new account, it will not have any destiel content. destiel content shall remain in here alongside fandom creations. but on the new account i will be posting individual character content and content of other ships, including any and all rarepairs (well, within reason). also succession, watcher, muppets, and my other special interests.
i'm not going to link my new account here, just going to say that i'm using the same email for it as the one i use for my jail account, and that the url is also linked in the description of my jail. i have followed some of my mutuals on there already. you are free to ask me for the account name, but just know if you're primarily a destiel account, i may not be following back. we can remain mutuals on this account
i will also still be doing the daily cas posts so follow me @dailycasposts. the post usually come around 10-11am EST (unless i forgot or a mutual asks to post earlier) and i will still be active on discord, so DM me if you want my discord ID. or really, just DM me here if you want to talk, since i have to log on every night to cas post anyways.
that's all i have. so take care everyone, it was fun being active on this account while it lasted. all of you made it so fun and i definitely would not have survived 2021 without this account and the mutuals and friends i have made along the way. i hope to keep in touch with most of you and last reminder to add me (this account) to your tag lists and/or DM me your creative posts !!
<33 Mx Stinkywinky
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@justbeingedgy
@weird-colombian-gurl
You asked me to elaborate on the "Ches already has a kid" theory in the notes of that one mf analysis post (which I really liked, go check it out!!), so that's why I'm making this one, cuz notes are a bit too restricting for what I want to talk about!
Though next time think twice before asking me to talk about something I'm interested in, because you never know when you're gonna wake up lovecraftian horrors!! :DDD you'll see what i mean when you press read more :))
So, I'll say it right now - this post is largely inspired by the second story highlight of this Instagram user (sorry, I don't know their name, only that their Instagram handle is dee_girl_metalfamilyfan), it's in Russian though, so keep that in mind
Alright, so I'll break this theory into two parts: the first one will be all about Ches, and the second will be about his potential child (spoiler: you might've seen her!)
Without any further ado, let's get to the Ches part:
1. The creators said that they're gonna explore Ches' character in the second season. Obviously, it doesn't mean anything on it's own, but just wait.
Dima: Let's talk about the second season a little. Of course, the seconds season will show development of the old characters, as well as new ones. That's in short. As you see, Ches looks a bit different here.
Alina: Yeah, we'll show a bit more about Ches at the ages of 18 to 20. His past. We'll reveal a bit more about his complex character, as much as it's possible.
(The source of the translation)
Also I think they also said at one point that adult Ches will get some character development too? But that's probably a given, considering that we wouldn't see his youth if it wouldn't have affected him in the present, flashbacks without any relevance to the overall story don't sound so good
2. Not sure about this one (we don't know how much in character it was) but I can't not mention it.
Alina: Actually there was this one fanfic that I really liked. I don’t remember what it was called, but it was about Ches having a daughter, which is a cool topic. It was relatively in character and truly interesting. It’s great when people focus not just on sexual relationships of the characters, but also try to look at their development. That was a really interesting one. That’s it.
(UnityCon '19)
3. This one's a pretty big one, in my opinion. So, this is what they said on ArtWave '19:
Dima: Ches also has flaws.
Alina: [to Dima] Don’t spoil stuff.
Dima: His flaw is that he's very... irresponsible, let’s say.
So, maybe, just maybe, Ches does have a child but he, you know... left them? As the Instagram highlight from the beginning say: "he might be irresponsible enough to leave his child, and he's probably irresponsible enough not to use any contraception" (rephrased, not the exact quote)
4. Alright, so, the only mention of this one I can think of right now is the aforementioned Instagram highlight. The Metalfamilyfan says:
I contacted Korg/Корж, (admin of @ metal_yama [and I believe one of the organizers of the Metal Family Meetup in Moscow]) and she asked Alina on one of the meetups: "if Ches were to be a father, what kind of father would he be?"
And she said: "The kind of that would say "kid, look at that birdie over there!" an then he would run away"
Someone's words are not the perfect source, but they did tag Metal Yama and from what I know they didn't disagree with what the author of the page said. if anyone has anything to say about this (disprove or definitely prove what I said) feel free to do so in a reblog, notes, DMs, send me an anonymous ask, or in any other way you feel comfortable with
5. Ches has literally been through the same thing, and we know how important the theme of the cycle of abuse is in Metal Family (or, in this case, the cycle of neglect? Abandonment? Idk)
You managed to hide your PREGNANCY from me! AND you've been hiding the child from me for a whole year!
YES, because you would've insisted on aborting him!
AND NOW I'M INSISTING ON PUTTING HIM UP FOR ADOPTION! OR I'LL LEAVE RIGHT NOW!
6. Here we can see Ches with a blonde girl. Nothing too special, probably just a one time hook up. He doesn't seem to be interested in her, and she seems to be annoyed with him.
But wait...
What is this?
Like, it doesn't even matter if there's actually a punk/rock/whatever band named MOM or not, I just think it's pretty weird to put it in this particular drawing of Ches and this random woman who is implied to have slept with him. It's not integral to Ches' character as, for example, Korol i Shut is. It's just... there. For some reason.
------------
Alright, now, finally let's get to the second part of the theory: who is, exactly, his child?
The short answer is, according to this theory, her:
First, let me list every single instance of her appearing in canon (and by canon I mean everything made by the creators. Even with this definition of canon it's not much, I promise):
The screenshot you can see above on the left (it's a screenshot from the second season and it appeared here), an instagram story posted by Alina (above, right), and two drawing with a lot of characters where you can spot the girl which I'm gonna call her PinkHair or PH for short, I'll mention them later
I feel like I should mention this, comparing the sources of the images and the dates when they were posted, it's safe to assume that the screenshot in the classroom has the latest and final version of her design. The red hair most likely doesn't mean anything
1. Alright. So. we've seen Dee and PinkHair in a classroom together, so they're most likely related in some way, or at least they know each other. Their exact relationship doesn't matter here, because all that matters here is that they're related story-wise
Let's look at the first image. This is the banner of the main Metal Family channel. Ches is near Heavy (they get along quite well and I'm sure Heavy aspires to be like Ches in many ways), Dee (we can see his classmates/friends near him, they're all about his age), and we can see people related to Glam on the left side of the image (including Ches!), and Vicky's - on the right side (notice how the hell sign is also there)
Now, I'm not absolutely sure about this one, but it's still kind of weird - look at the image on the right (it's from ArtWave 2021 btw) - wouldn't it make more sense to put PinkHair near Dee? Also, Curiously enough, not only is she not close to Dee on this image, but she's also standing next to Ches.
Though this whole thing could be explained by art theory (too many small things in one corner of your drawing isn't great composition wise lol sorry PH) but I still can't quite skip this point
2. Remember the "MOM" lady? Fun fact, she has the exact same pearl earring that PinkHair has on the screenshot.
3. I'll put all similarities with her supposed parents in this point:
Mother:
* She's also pretty uh.. glam? for the lack of a better word? Or feminine in a traditional sense, yeah I think that's a better way to put it. Like colors they prefer to wear for example, and jewelry. Characters like that aren't common in Metal Family
* She's gotta be a blonde. I can't imagine her being anything but blonde. If she manages to maintain that hair color as a brunette I'm just straight up assuming her character arc is gonna be killing God because these kind of people are capable of anything. I fear them with every fiber of my being.
* I can't say for sure because of the shading, but it seems like they both have gray eyes, and she also has darker skin compared to most MF characters. Though, it's likely that Mom just applied a lot of fake tan
Ches:
* We know that Ches for sure has darker skin
* AND grey eyes
* There's also some possible personality similarities but I'm not sure if you can compare a child to a parent they've never really known in this way
That's about it, I suppose, I hope there isn't that many grammar mistakes and logically unfinished parts and whatnot in this post I forgot to edit lol x)
I'm not sure how to end this post other than to remind you guys that almost all the points in this posts are inspired by the "тупая теория" highlight on the dee_girl_metalfamilyfan's Instagram page, so go check them out and subscribe, they post Dee x The Quest Girl fanart and and always credit the artists. Without them this post would be much, much shorter.
Thanks for reading this post, please feel free to let me know your thoughts on this post <3
#i tried to organize this but#yeah#also damn i hope PH's mother isn't in the same situation as Ches' :'(#at one point i misspelled parent in the context of ches as paren't and now i can't stop giggling like an idiot#these tags have completely different moods to them because I wrote them at different points in time btw#paren't#heh heh#metal family#metal family ches#metal family pinkhair#this seems like it's made up but if words end in ent or ant or something like that sometimes i automatically put an ' in without thinking
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Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.
And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.
This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...
I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.
But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.
Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.
Do I want to?
Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.
This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.
(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)
January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)
As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.
....
I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.
No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.
Work. Go online. Go to sleep.
I lived like that for five years.
I thought it was good.
Even my therapist thought I was doing well.
When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.
I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.
Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.
(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)
I might have been a Zombie during the day...
But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.
After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.
I just loved that people loved what I had to say.
Especially my AU.
It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......
Fatherhood, in particular.
What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?
....
It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)
My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.
It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.
My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.
March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....
A lot of people got scared.
Me included.
I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.
I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.
It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.
I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.
At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.
I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"
I ended up breaking down into tears.
The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.
But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.
Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.
It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.
I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.
So I did.
I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.
He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."
So I did.
April-June:
A very eventful few months.
My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.
This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.
Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.
My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.
I would have just been petrified in the city.
Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.
In may, 8th 2020:
I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.
Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.
Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.
Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.
It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.
But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.
My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.
I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.
The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.
Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.
Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.
Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:
A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.
The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....
Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)
Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.
I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.
So much so we did it again...
July-August:
I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.
The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.
This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.
Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.
Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.
It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.
The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.
So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with
Compapa headcanons,
Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,
The ship of Brainbrane.
The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"
More android Computer designs
It was an eventful summer.
In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.
She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.
September-November:
My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.
I was getting into a rut of depression again.
I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.
But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.
Well that didn't happen.
I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..
My sister had a complete mental breakdown.
She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.
A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.
It was traumatizing for me.
I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.
I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.
She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.
I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.
It was just too much for me to handle.
So much I was a nervous wreck.
I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.
But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.
It was an office job.
My dream.
It could have been.
I was fired from something I really wanted.
I was only there for three days.
I could not retain any information.
I was a mess.
My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.
I had to get out.
December:
Remember my Indiana friend?
Well the first week of December is my birthday.
My 30th to be exact.
While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)
I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.
Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.
I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...
But I needed out, I needed a friend..
And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.
My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.
It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.
I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!
I had a super fun birthday....
Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.
I owe so much to her family.
I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.
Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.
I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.
Which would have been fine....
If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.
It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.
It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.
I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?
I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.
Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.
It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.
Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.
Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.
I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)
I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.
My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.
Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.
Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.
I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.
Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.
I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.
I mean.... They can act smart about it...
But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....
Not a good look.
So once again, I'm jobless once more.
Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.
But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....
I met so many good people this year....
My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.
I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.
This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,
"I deserve better."
And actually worked for it this time.
Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.
Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.
(seriously my body is a fungus.)
But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!
So that's progress.
I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.
Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,
Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.
AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.
Anyways... Byebye 2020.
I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.
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So Jayne drew some frickin' AMAZING art and it made me realize that I haven't talked about the borle brothers on here in a while. It's not that I forgot about them, I talk about them like everyday, they're fun to talk about!
Some of the conversations I've had with my friends about The Borle Brothers are fuckin hilarious too.
My friend Charlie- WHO NAMED THEMSELVES AFTER CHARLIE BUCKET. Messaged me and was like:
"Yo Jayme, why the FUCK didn't you include Willy Wonka in the borle brothers au."
So I said:
"Man...
FUCK WILLY WONKA."
I didn't actually say that. But I thought it! Sorry, Mr. Wonka ily! ♡
But then we came up with the stupidest shit ever. And keep in mind I don't know if ANY of this is canon in the borle brothers AU these are just stupid conversations we've had.
So I said,
"You know what? You know the hell what?
Grandpa Wonka♡"
AND APPARENTLY THE GUY IS LIKE 100 YEARS OLD??? SO IT WORKS.
But we literally haven't talked about Wonka like AT ALL. WE JUST THOUGHT OF THE IDEA AND LEFT IT THERE.
So then we went on a spree about certain Christian Borle characters and if they were in there, what roles would they have? Like I said, Idk if I'm gonna do anything with the idea. We just thought it would be fun to talk about!
We started with, Mr. Bungee, because why the fuck not? The funny thing is...
We like to call him Ted Bungee. I'm sorry I really am.
And we said he's their Uncle. But like he's The Uncle at Christmas who talks way too much about his personal views.
It's like...
"Emmett, you find yourself a nice girl. Make sure she's smart and beautiful, but not too smart so she can see through your bullshit. Just smart enough to bail you out of prison when you get too many DUIs. And I know your only six, but when you're older and you get the chance? Tap that. Tap that like no man has before."
And it's SO FUCKING STUPID, because he's usually like "You can't say that to kids! Virginity? WHAT THE HELL, GORDON?" in the Yes song but he probably gives no shits when it comes to his own family.
He thinks he's giving them good advice :)
Next was Orin Scrivello? And he was also an Uncle but like the fucking scary one.
More or less like.
"SHOW ME THEM TEETH, BOYS!"
"AAAAAAAHH!!!"
And that's about it for Orin.
Oh this next one is my favorite! Prince Herbert. I think out of all the assumptions we've made? Herbert stuck with us the most, he's just such a funny addition!
He's their younger cousin, and we talk about scenarios with Herbert a LOT.
For Example-
This.
Like I know Herbert is a saint he is innocent and beautiful.
But you cannot tell me that as soon as he'd step into their vicinity his whole demeanor changes. Like he has to defend himself yo, these bitches be crazy.
Also this because me and Ellie are obsessed with him :)
But anyway, idk what I might do with these ideas. You guys should really let me know if you like them or not, I'm open to your opinions! I love to get suggestions and comments from you guys! Like, it's not just my AU! I wanna share it with you guys!
I might make another post just focusing on the three main brothers, I didn't say much about them in this. But trust me imma talk more about them if ya want!
If y'all ever wanna talk to me about the borle brothers, or even have any questions about them? My ask box and dms are open!
I love this AU and I'm never bothered if anyone wants to talk about it,
It's tight af. Love y'all!
#falsettos#something rotten#christian borle#emmett forrest#the borle brothers au#spamalot#prince herbert#little shop of horrors#orin scrivello#charlie and the chocolate factory#mr bungee#a new brain
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and she knows about it lol, it's just all shit. Could you please give me your opinion and response, idk how to heal from this. I'm finding it hard to talk to my friends abt it and i dont really have anyone. I'm doing my best to focus on me and I'm on this new journey of self love etc, I let myself down with this. Put up with more than I should have and didn't realise til it was too late, im grateful for the lesson but I'm hurting. Thank u for ur time, I love your blog and value your opinion sm
i wish i could voice this bc i want to say a lot but i will keep it short as i can! i said this before but you can’t predict how people is going to feel the next day, week, or month but those type of people wasn’t really planning to stick around anyway. I’ve read everything and from what i read, it just seem like she wasn’t really in it like she lead you on to be which doesn’t make sense to me because from what you told me, it seemed like it was going to be a relationship in the near future. also, when she’s doing all of what she’s doing, it’s all sunshine and rainbows—you don’t expect for it to end the way that it did. as well as when you express to her how you feel on the online posts respectfully (again), and she dismissed you feelings and downplayed everything completely. as if, you both didn’t have invested feelings, you wasn’t falling for each other, or seeing things long term. she said that you was more invested but she wanted you to meet her family and friends then told you all these things that you want to hear but you were more in it then she was? no. in my opinion, you did your part. you was open, communicated well/transparent, and was very aware of what was happening and look passed it. but when a person like someone—that happens, people tend to ignore the mess but enough was enough and you stop dealing with it. when you’re not in a relationship with someone, it’s only so much you can do—you talked it out multiple times but it didn’t stick so that’s just that. don’t beat yourself up over it, you will heal, you will get pass it. it’s going to take time, you’re going to feel it but it will be easier to do so if you delete everything (including the dm messages). stop checking her socials—well blocking her socials period and telling the person who was sending you her tweets to stop sending them to you. i do think she did like you but she wasn’t ready, she didn’t want the responsibility that came with your feelings or a relationship, and overall—commitment shy. she know she did u wrong which is why she got defense the way she did. so don’t let her see you sweat more then she already has. don’t stop being you because of one person! it’s fine that you can’t talk to anyone about as long as you made peace with it and moving pass it which is currently. it’s going to hurt and it’s a setback but you’ll get to the point where it’s no longer bothering you and come back from it better than you think! but thank you so much, love that you want to hear my thoughts 🥺💗
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Let's talk about something.
First off, I'm not putting this messed up, peely, gross looking tattoo up for anyone to judge (I'm not happy with it either). I'm putting this out there to help others learn from my mistakes & hopefully prevent them from going thru what I've been dealing with.
There's a tattoo expo coming to town with featured artists from out of town. I find one thru IG whose work looks clean & I like her style so I DM her about setting an appt. Shes got time this weekend yay! no waiting for the expo. -Do you see the mistakes I made already? It's so obvious to me now😓
Saturday's here, I head to the shop (for the first time) for the appointment & the moment I walk in it's like Uh, wtf? Half the shop is taped off & in the middle of a remodel (no dust or active working, just shit all moved around). I brush it off, theyre getting things ready for an expo right? They need people tattooing there, not playing pool so ya, no wonder it's a bit messy.
Next she shows me the stencil and its fuckin huge. Like I specifically said between 6-8 inches max bc it's going on my forearm & i'm not Stretch Armstrong. Shes like Oh I kept it between 8 & 10. Well ya didn't fuckin listen bc what woman has arms that long? So it's resized & idk what we were casually talking about but she def rolled her eyes at me. Look man, I'm a pretty easy going person and depending on the situation I may take a slight without saying shit. Also like low self confidence helps with that right? So anyway, at the point I should have been like Alright dude, we're not really clickin & I'm not feelin this anymore & walked TF out. I didnt. Like an idiot. I'm not gonna lie, part of it was losing put on the deposit the other part was just me telling myself it would be fine despite in my heart of hearts I knew it wasn't.
So we start. Yo, she's a Fuckin. Bitch. I wanted a theme right, this chick is supposed to be a Texas pinup, I wanted certain colors in her clothes. I asked "What colors are we thinking for her?" She actually scoffed and says "These ones" while motioning at her cups. Wow. Ok, well, fuck I don't want to ask her anything anymore so I shutup & go with it.
This shit HURTS. I'm not a pussy when it comes to pain. I have several tattoos, including fingers, toes and a whale that was particularly painful because it goes directly over my very bony shin. I've been cut, I've had a baby without drugs. Mags remind me of getting a razor cut and I find pleasure in the feeling. I can tolerate some pain and this shit sucked. Yo, at the end she switched down to a single needle and that was KILLER. I felt like I was being carved into (which, if you'd ever seen my back you'd know, I know the feeling).
Alright so finally we're finished & I roll into the next day. I'm a bit worried about the appearance and not just bc she looks like she broke her leg. It looks wet. I continue my aftercare as normal: antibac soap & aquaphor. Day 2 I'm researching infections bc it's super painful, red but mostly it's wet. I'm afraid of infection also bc this chick had the trash can right next to the station. I mean Right. Fuckin. Next to it. To the point that the trashcan lid fell onto the pad where my arm is. I want to ask her to move it but she's in such a bad mood I think it'll just make things worse & she'll be even rougher. By day 3 I've tried antibac goo & it seems to make my skin bubble where its been applied so I quickly quit using that. My arm hurts so badly at this point I cant put it down without getting shooting pains up my arm. I let it dry out so things are crusty but at least I don't find them medically disturbing. Regardless, I spend a lot of this day crying. Day 4 I'm still researching infection and come across overworked tattoos, scars & "hamburgering" My heart pretty much drops bc this is it, this is what's going on. What's even more fucked up is that I find this on forums for people learning to tattoo. Like apprentice's first few tattoos having this problem. Rookie shit, ya hear?😑
The pictures are from day 5. You can see splitting along the black lines, there's holes in the sun & near her belt. Oh and that's a thing. The hole is the sun is bc somehow a drop of green got in there so she went over it and over it and over it again with more red. Can you imagine my frustration at that point?
So look, I got this done Saturday, here it is Friday. My skin is very shiny and puckery where the peeling has come off. The scabs are thick af, I've only been moisturizing the places safe to so as of today almost everything but the cactus. Did I mention my arm still really hurts? I can't straighten it, there's pains that shoot out from the center, and why why why is my bicep sore?! I'm really worried about how the cactus is going to turn out. My skin looks bumpy between the cracks of scab. I think she used a crappy cheap green. I'm really left wondering about her experience as a tattoo artist. I'm just saying: My first tattoo was done by a scratcher in a dirty apartment bedroom. He did such a shitty job that I took the machine from him & finished it myself. Might I mention I was 16 and completely coked out of my mind? Also, I didn't hamburger myself and there was no scarring over that disaster of a tattoo (which thankfully no longer exists thanks to the aforementioned painful whale)
This whole thing has fuckin sucked. I don't want anybody else dealing with this. Let me outline some things I should have done differently so if you find yourself in the same situation you can make better decisions than I did.
1. If you're looking on IG for an artist make sure they also post healed pics not just fresh ones.
2. If you're not vibing with your artist it's ok so call it off. Look, a 60$ deposit aint shit to lose in the grand scheme of things, can you get a cover up for 60$? How about bad work or a bad experience lasered off? You can't get those deals, oh who knew? Sometimes losing money is saving it.
3. Don't get shit from travelling artists. Maybe they woke up a 3am & drove 8 hours & now they don't give a shit about anything but going home.
4. If the shop doesn't look great, walk out. Again, whats 60$ compared to your health and happiness?
This is a long post & it's not something I usually post about (lol who am I kidding? Personal tragedies are kinda my thing). It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed how she came out, I'm embarrassed I didn't speak up, I'm embarrassed I didn't just go to the person I knew could give me a good tattoo. It wasn't even about money, I didn't get a deal on this pinup mess. All I can do is move on. Thank goodness this wasn't my first piece or I may have been totally turned off from getting anymore ink. Now all I can do is continue my aftercare, hope for the best and when the time comes I'll go visit Vinny at American Tradition and get something else on the backside of my arm to distract from this mess.
Much love my inked up friends❤
Hey and if this speaks to you like you've been in this situation or are currently in it, feel free to DM me.
#tattoo#tattoo help#tattoo problems#lets talk about that#hamburgering tattoo#tattoo scar#fucked up tattoo#bad tattoo
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