I'm adding Ben Glenroy from Only Murders In The Building to my muse list.

Hi! Hope you’re doing well. I’m super curious about your opinion - what did you think of the SU finale?

I’m doing pretty well! Thanks for asking :)

My opinion of the finale isn’t so much that it was good or bad, but that it was that it was unflinchingly on brand and achieved its goal. If that makes sense.

The interesting thing about SU is that the show constantly builds itself a nest made of deep lore potential and tangled plot line possibilities that any other show would pursue to the fullest angst potential, but time and time again the only egg that actually ends up hatching in it is carefully orchestrated metaphor about mental health and social acceptance.

There’s plenty of shows (ie all of them) that feature unhealthy mentalities and attitudes—it’s basically how you create a character in the first place, is by combining flaws and shooing them out to cause chaos—which is why SU is unique in its goals and execution. At the end of the day SU isn’t really trying to tell us a story, they’re trying to educate us in how to be healthier and happier people and using a fun story to get there.

To say that the finale was somewhat shallow and pulled its punches would be like saying that medicine doesn’t have the taste you would expect of candy. To be disappointed that the problems of a cataclysmic situation were all diffused by the power of hugs and unconditional friendship would be to misunderstand the purpose and aim of the genre.

The core purpose of Steven Universe Future wasn’t to entrance us with an epic story, but to set up an inevitable feeling crisis in Steven’s faltering mental health. In most story arcs the looming danger is external, but the manifestation of festering unaddressed trauma was never going to be a normal feeling story problem to “fight”.

Addressing past trauma head-on is rarely if ever the point of a story, if it’s brought up at all it’s usually just treated as a new part of a character’s personality to give extra broody flavor to their story. Trauma itself is an abstract and nebulous concept that makes us uncomfortable to look at directly, especially when it’s in someone we love or, heaven forbid ourselves, since there’s no silver bullet or one punch fix. The fact that SU took it on as the focus of an entire season/small series is admirable since they didn’t have many if any real established examples they could lean on to help build their story.

If the finale feels somewhat lacking in closure, sending us off with a cheery “well, that’s certainly not solved, but at least it’s out in the open where it can be helped instead of hidden” then that’s because it’s an accurate representation of what mental health struggles actually look like in real life. You don’t get cured of depression or trauma like you do the flu or even a broken bone, it’s a part of you that you learn to manage and live with and respect. Steven is likely going to have those struggles his entire (probably unnaturally long) life, and his “success” at the end of the finale isn’t getting rid of or solving them, but having those he cares about become aware of them and commit to supporting him even when they feel unsure.

Because the true key to good mental health is having an emotional support network in your life. Doctors, therapists, family and friends who you can lean on when you’re having trouble standing, who can help you remember why sticking around is worth it, who help you have moments where you maybe feel just a little bit like someone might understand what’s going on in your messed up mental landscape.

That’s what is really important in the long term. The real danger is in trying to hide your struggles away like Steven tried all season, therefore the real triumph was in everyone coming together for his sake in the last episode to reassure him that it’s worth it to continue on through uncertainty because he will always have the support he needs to try and fail and succeed over and over.

So the fact that SU was able to accomplish communicating such a valuable and nuanced message that most shows would only glancingly dare to consider portraying? And in a positive and hopeful way with an uplifting ending instead of a lazy gritty one? Absolutely fantastic. A round of applause from me. Especially since I wasn’t sure how exactly they were going to solve what felt like such a helpless and catastrophic situation they’d set up.

But that just builds the point right? Because in real life we feel just as helpless and hopeless in that kind of situation, so seeing it perhaps not solved but certainly diffused by something that seems so simple and realistic actually builds the hope it can give viewers who find themselves identifying with either Steven or his friends and family.

SUF set out to teach us that mental health is a battle that can be fought, and they did it. So yeah I’d say that all things considered, looking at the target they were aiming for, the finale was an excellent sucess.

Delpad Prompt 2: Holiday, Part 1

Della: Okay kids, we're about to head out. Launchpad you got our bags?

Launchpad: Yup. though this ones' kind of heavy (Dewey falls out of the bag, having not really zipped it that well) Oh hey Dewey you coming with us?

Della: No he's not.

Dewey: But why. What's more romantic than the result of your last relationship huh huh?

Della: Sweetie I know you want to come but we need some time to ourselves. I haven't really had ANY since I got back. I tried to put it all on you.

Donald: And as much I don't want your mom to go either she NEEDS IT. She needs time to herself that isn't terrifying isolation.. isolation... no no you had melon your fine.

Louie: We'll get Uncle Donald therapy while your gone.

Della: (Nods) We're just going to a small tropical island for two days. We'll be fine.

Huey: We know it's just.. last time one of our loved ones went on vacation they ended up on the moon and then stranded for months

Donald: Months months... melon where's melon?! (Dewey slaps him) Thank you. (Dewey slaps him again)

Dewey: That's for not naming me Turbo!

Huey: Let it go Dewey.

Dewey: Never!

Della: boys please i've taken every precaution. We should have cell reception, and if you don't hear from me in 24 hours, Launchpad has been chipped and I have an emergency radio in my hollowed out tooth. I'm NEVER loosing you boys again. Never. (hugs them tight.. for about half an hour)

Scrooge: (walks in) I just came to say goodbye, make sure the percautions are over.. .and .. (joins in group hug, which donald and launchpad have joined int he interim. )

Della: Okay we really gotta go or we'll loose our reservation. I love you all. Stay safe.

(The family waves them off0

Donald: She'll be back this time right?

Scrooge: you can count on it... I guarantee it

(The rental plane, a small seaplane)

Della: Okay... we're fine.. it's fine i'm just.. heading off.. without my family. I"m .. okay. My therapist said I need this. (Sighs) I'm sorry i'm babbling

Launchpad: it's okay I do that all the time. But are you you know okay? We can turn back. We can always use this plane to make loops over the mansion

Della: Oh we're certainly making loops in this I just.. I haven't left the kids behind since I got back. I put up my best front back there but.. I worry about never coming back again.

Launchpad: Look you can't worry about that. Eventually their going to grow up and leave. Dewey to become a sucessful talk show host/ indiania jones, Louie to buy Japan and Huey to write a sucessful book series.

Della: you REALLY know those kids don't you

Launchpad: I'm a good listener. My point is, you can't focus on what your missing you just have to focus on what's ahead. The boys will be fine and if their not NOTHING will stop you from getting back to them. It didn't before, it won't this time.

Della: (Smooches his cheek before turning her attention back to the controls) When did you get so smart?

Launchpad: About the time I got around to asking you out finally.

Della:... Sweet too. We should be landing soon. You know as much as i'm worried.. Donald is right.. I need this.. just some Della time... but you know not alone so my reflection dosen't murder me in my sleep. YOU DON'T GET ME DENISE.

Launchpad: DOn't worry i'll break all our mirrors.

Della:... (Blushes) Your really sweet you know that?

Launchpad: I know you say it often enough.

(One landing and a boring check in we're skipping over later. )

Della: (Collapses on the bed) OH god that's refreshing... my bed usually has a kid or a brother in it these days (Does snow angels)

Launchpad: Should I stay in the tub?

Della: No no no I just want to.. enjoy this. (Smiles happily)

Launchpad: Okay i'm just going to watch the tv.

(Turns on the tv, and flips through it eventually stopping on)

Launchpad: OH boy I didn't know they were airing this again. (Sings along) Daring duck of mystery, champion of right, leaps out of the shadows darkwing of the nighttttt. Somewhere some villian schemes but his number's up. Three two one darkwing duck. When there's.

Della: (Cracks eyes open) Wait wait.. don't you know this guy?

Launchpad: yeah. He's one of my best friends along with Dewey and Donald.

Della: But he's fictional.. but I saw him. I even met him. He got stuck on our roof for a good hour.

Launchpad: Oh he grew up watching the show but then I convinced him to become him for real after we stopped darkings actor from kiling a bunch of people.. then he died. (Puts hat over heart) I still miss ya jim.

Della: Wait THAT'S the jim who's name you keep saying at night? I had no idea.

Launchpad: Yeah he just.. didn't want to give up the role> They were making a movie, Scrooge was.

Della: But he refuses to watch those. I had to tie him down just to get him to join us for movie night.

Launchpad: Yeahhhhh there's a reason it didn't get finished.. and that reason is my hero, darkwing's actor jim starling, sorta decided to get rid of Drake.. or wanted me to. it took talking with him to realize he wasn't a bad guy and I tried talking jim out of it but well. he kinda snapped, threatned the set including Dewey and Scrooge and had to be stopped.

Della: He threatanted my babY?!

Launchpad: (Gets up and sits down on the bed) not on purpose I just.. I think something in him broke? I dunno.. but then I ALMOST had him.. I just.. like the last pickle in the jar just out of reach. But instead he died trying to save me instead. He pushed Drake out of the way but .. he could've taken it. He just.. wanted to be darkwing and if i'd just TALKED to him I could've convinced him he was only hurting people.

Della: Oh sweetie (hugs him tight) it's not your fault. Okay? You tried but he was too far gone. It's not your fault okay? He died saving you... but he went out of his WAY to not because it was you, but because he didn't want the other guy to do it. But the fact you feel so bad about it... it proves what a great guy you are.

Launchpad: Awwwwwwww (Smooches her)

Della:(Smooches back) Now come on let's go get something to eat, then maybe enjoy this resort a little huh? Get your mind off this

Launchpad: yeah.. get my mind off this... you always know what to do. (Smiles and takes her hand as they head out

END OF PART 1.

rant feb 2022

There are days where I just want to end my life but theres always that bit of hope that I know I can make it out alive. After watching mai pham’s video made me realize. After going thru my traumatic event I remember vividly I had a 1% chance at life again. I got the help I needed. Thankful for that one therapist who helped me and made me comfortable at ranting about it. She was the only one that helped me. She changed my life. I was so depressed I dont even remember two years of y life. after I met her my life began to change. I had more hope to stay alive. I was living off that small bit of hope and I am thankful. I wouldnt be here without her. I wish she knew how much she meant to me. I think her name is Mariena or something like that. she was the only one that made me feel comfortable. I wish I can talk to her. I just want to thank her for saving my life. She was so empathic towards to me. I just want her to know how much she changed my life. I was so numb before I talked to her. She woke me up. I will never forget about that session with her. She taught me so much I cant even show much she cared about me. I am so much better. I remember so vividly how bad I was feeling. I wanted to die so badly. thank god i was holding on to that little hope I had. I am so strong for getting help. I wouldnt be here today. Im glad Im alive. Im so thankful. so so thankful. One day I will heal my trauma. i just hate facing it still. After 4 years I still havent had sex. or feel comfortable. I was robbed. I just want to dedicate my life to me only. I want to get to know myself more. In the future I want to help young girls or just 1 person. I just want to tell myself that it does get better even though it doesnt feel like it. I know how it feels to have no one and that one can relate. I am here for you. Ur feelings are valid. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I blamed myself for years. thinking it was my fault. If i just speak up or would of been sober. He took advantage of me. I was raped. He got me so high I couldnt even move my body. i just froze i didnt know what to do. he scarred me for years. I thougt this would never happen to me. I waited 19 years and they ruined it for me. I promise myself to have sex when im ready.I know its suppose to feel good. I will experience that one day. I owe myself all my time.  I just know im at a better place than them. What sick person rapes a girl. I will never understand why he did it to me. He hurt me so much. I have such high standards. I am interested in no one. I know i’ll feel free. I dont care about money cars friends I just want to feel free. No pain from this trauma. One day Ill heal and my body will change. I’m holding in so much trauama. I just want to release it but I dont know how. these couples of months i have been not myself. Not confident, hate taking pictures idk whats wrong. I lost all my friends this new year has taught me so much already. January I put myself first. I want to continue doing that. Heal my childhood trauma. Im 24 but I still feel 16. I want to feel like a kid again. I was so happy. I didnt care about social media boys i only cared about myself. I will do everything  in my power to take care of myself. my spirutal awakening is crazy. angel numbers everywhere. Vivid dreams. new views new thoughts. I can sense people. Its not black and white. I can see right through the bullshit. I am intiuative. I just know I was born for sucess. the universe just throws obstacles at u. And sees how u react and sees if u can handle. I just know everything will fall in place. 

4/16/2021

I should focus on what I'm greatful for. And take a moment to fully be happy with myself for who I am trying to be right now in this moment. Communication is so important, as well as honest. I have learned to be honest with myself, and that is a super hard lesson to teach someone, if they need to grow as a person.

Its up to us, right here, right now, to decide, where we want to be in 5 years. If you have irrational thoughts, like I can't do that, or it'll never change, spiritually, you have a demon attatched to you. And when I say that psychologically, I want to first give you a hug because you are hurting or have been very hurt. And I feel that. I'm so sorry you have felt so hurt and misunderstood. No one should ever be told that what they think or say doesn't matter. Everyone deserves respect and to be treated as an equal. Speaking what we feel is so important. And magically, its important to say what you mean and mean what you say.

I don't have it figured out, but what I do know is I can't help those that don't want to be helped. All that I can do to help someone stop hurting is give them love. If they betray me, by lying to me and using my emotions to manipulate me, I have to realise that I don't deserve to be treated like that, and it so kills me: The only thing I can do for that person is not enable them.

Enabling is a term that means that you give. It means that you give too much. When a child burns their hand because you told them that the oven is hot, and they didn't listen to you, that is called wisdom. Knowledge is me passing along my wisdom that I have learned that the oven is hot. But when someone treats you poorly, coping mechanisms to deal with abuse can happen. These are things that we do, that aren't nessisarily good for us, but they are lies or escuses that we make because at that time, we cannot do anything for ourselves. We cannot take the belt out of the hand that is hurting us. But hurting isn't the only way to grow and learn lessons. Granted, life lessons can take a lot of encouragement and take a great support system.

A support system is a person, or hopefully group of people that you can count on, to pick you up from the hospital when you get out. It is the person that cares about you that will drive all over town to find you, someone who cares about how you feel. They care about how your day is going. Family make great support systems, but when we show love to others, it must be, "Fairly take and fairly give."

Life is built on a balance. If you realize it or not, people can depend on you better if you are honest with yourself. Being honest with myself is very very hard. I want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to get along. It is possible. It is. I know because in different species cohabilitation is possible. But look deeper. I BEG YOU.

If geckos can show eachother obvious comfort, and unconditional love, if cats can cry over watching thier friend die, if dogs can feel when your sad guys. Its just a language barrier.

If we are honest with ourselves, we find out who we are. We can take the first steps towards feeling better and will feel better easily.

The first step is to have a support system. If you have people around you that just accept that its all bad luck, PLEASE watch what you say! If you or someone you know has strong magical energy, what we send out really really is heard by the universe, or gods, or God, or Buddah, etc. What you send out comes back.

But you feel so hopeless right?

Humor me, and prove something to yourself. Please make a wants and needs list. Take a peice of paper, draw a line down the center of it, and on one side, write down what you need. Start at the very basics. Food, water, shelter, support system. These are the basics. These are things you need. These are things that in school, and it is also assumed that parents teach these things to their kids but not everyone has these tools and these will help. I'm not blaming anyone. I'm not accusing anyone.

Remember, I come in peace.

If you need to figure out how to get these steps, I reccomend having a support system, people who you can look up to, that set good examples for you, that have done it before. Surround yourself with sucessful people, or people you look up to.

And grab another peice of paper because we are about to evaluate your support system. Signs of a good support system, are: Someone who will listen to you tell them all of the things that your going through and help you vent, and organize ideas. Its great that someone might be able to listen to you, and not judge you. Its a great feeling. When someone listens to your problems, you're not alone anymore. You feel better. Its one step closer to feeling happy. Support systems LISTEN. They don't change the topic to about them, in that moment, it is all about you.

I am a good listener. I will always be someone they can tell their day to. I will always be there to listen to them, offer encouragement if asked, and offer personal advise if asked, or just tell them what I would do if I was in their shoes. I don't have all the answers! I am not a professional therapist. But in the case that you don't have the money to go talk to someone, there will always be people in your life who will listen. Sometimes, start the conversation out if you need to vent like this, "Hey, I'm kind of going through something right now, and Its hard for me, but I need someone to talk to. Can I talk to you?"

A good support system will listen.

But the first thing I learned is, you have to try. You have to start somewhere, to start feeling better because your family loves and cares about you, as do your friends. You bring people joy.

It is possible to misspeak to maim (severly injure and destroy), but this is called bad karma, and bad karma is hurting others to make yourself feel better. Doing that is dangerous because there are things in this world that make things come back to a person. If you're in pain, talk to someone. Or write it down. And if it doesn't happen right away, put trust in the universe, or trust in your Gods and Goddesses, or trust in Jesus, or Buddah, or count on enlightenment. But realise that the divine try to give us messages, and bring people and situations into our lives that shake our world. It is possible for everyone to grow and change, but a family doesn't give up on eachother. I don't give up on people.

And just like people have feelings, so do animals. DONT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE that the spaniards did, when they traveled across the world to another person's home and overtook the entire culture and did unspeakable things to the people there, all in the name of God and Christianity.

I respect those who live by the book and preach its words, I just don't like the idea that I'm no closer to god than the pope. That is politics. As human beings we are all created equal, we are all unique though. Some of us have mental disorders. Some of us have dealt with heart break. Some have suffered deep abuse and extreme unfairness. Everyone is different and experiences things at different times and learns different lessons in life. And that is okay. I don't expect everyone, even myself, to know all of life's answers, after a single lifetime.

There is a belief from my own self that I believe, that when our spirit leaves our body.

I have been to many places. I have learned difficult lessons. I understand what it feels like. I can share and sense that feeling of extreame pain in someone else because I was raised to constantly care for my mom. Technically speaking, I read people's feelings very well. I can tell when people are tired, or somethings off, and I live by my intuition, vs logic. I'm have been trying to fit into someone else's mold my entire life. I have had tools taught to me to help me get better at what I do, and I am unbelievably hard on myself to the point that I was taking on all the worlds problems, and putting myself last, getting ready and putting makeup on to impress others, and try to inspire others, but on the inside my soul heart is broken. I miss a friend deeply, a family member, someone who I can't explain why I like because there are too many reasons that make my heart happy when he is around. I have seen him go out of his way to help others, open doors for people, and he has seen so much pain and heart break, that I just want to hug him and tell him it'll all be okay. But he has a very big presence, and I look up to him. He doesn't realize it, but he has very many good qualities about himself.