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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

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Heavenly Boss S2 E1: Hearing Homilies

“In the glorious expanse of the seven heavens, there exists infinite amounts of incredible phenomena. The third sphere of Heaven where those who love God and humanity dwell. The twelve wise men in the fourth. The warriors in the fifth sphere and the righteous in the sixth. The golden ladder in the seventh for those who devoted themselves to prayer. But in the higher spheres of the Fixed Stars, you may see Mary and other saints. The highest sphere of all is the Empyrean, where angels dance in circles of light around the Light which is God Himself. Divine white roses flourish with life and positivity. Although Seraphim sing around God’s throne, seeing the Empyrean and its angelic guardians is just as spectacular. One the sabbath day, on the 7th day of the seventh month, our corner of reality is treated to an incredible sight. For it is said that Jesus Christ Himself will appear from a shining beam of light, bringing together souls from all corners of Heaven together. A divine sermon takes place in the sky, where Jesus and the Holy Spirit Dove will give each of us a divine message from God about our futures. This advice will give us much to think about in our long prosperous lives. Anyone can attend…” Yeshua’s Gist.”

Azrael, the Angel of Death, narrated the scene, a Bible in front of him. The images showed the Virgin Mary and the saints talking to various angels and souls. It showed Jesus with long brown hair and a white face and him wearing a worn white robe with a dove over his head. The sun, the moon, and all the planets aligned and formed the seven heavens, while the stars and angels brightened the higher spheres. Azrael curled up his hand and the images faded. An open Bible hovered in front of him, surrounded by gold magic.

“Well, at least it’ll be fun for the outgoing folk,” he mentioned.

He tucked in little Quartet Enoch, the swan princess who giggled. Quartet had white feathery hair and a dark face with green eyes. She wore a blue dress with halos on it. Her mother, Flora, had long black feathers; she was an avian nature angel.

Quartet’s room was white with blue trim on the ceiling. She had a princess bed with a gold sparkling canopy, and a gold crown design on the headboard. An overhead mobile showed an angel playing a trumpet, a star, a harp, and a flower.

“Daddy, can we go see it someday?” she asked, eyes wide in wonder.

“Of course,” said Azrael. “I promise. When the day comes, nothing will be able to keep me and your mom from seeing it with you. Goodnight, my angel.”

“Goodnight,” called Quartet with a yawn. The Bible followed Azrael as he closed the door. Quartet wiggled in her bed and giggled with excitement.

0 0 0

Many years later, a teen Quartet woke up, excited. On her calendar, she had drawn a Christian Cross and the smiling faces of her and her father and mother. She put on her green dress with black skulls on it, her gold crown, white jacket, and white boots. She greeted some golden singing roses that were in pots along the hall.

“Hey, Mom! Hey, Dad!” she called. The kitchen was empty. A halo flickered above her head.

“Mom?”

She looked on the balcony. Black onyx pillars held several dome-shaped gazebos in a garden below. There was a tricking of a gold fountain with a statue of a raised sword with water gushing from the tip. No one save for a groundskeeper elf was present there.

“Dad?”

Quartet walked all throughout the palace, her hand on a golden rail decorated with eye designs.

She finally spotted them out front in the courtyard. They were speaking in hushed tones.

They turned to her. “Oh, hello ‘Tet,” said Flora, brushing a flower from her black feathery hair. Her dress was various shades of green and made of feathers. Her angel wings were folded back, and a halo hovered above her head.

“Are you ready to go?” asked Azrael.

“Yes!” said Quartet.

“Go change into this,” said Flora. She showed Quartet a beautiful golden dress with diamonds on the front shaped like a Christian Cross between two white angel wings. There was also a pair of white high heels and gemstones to attach to her wings.

“Huh,” said Quartet. “I didn’t know it was that fancy. Still very nice.”

Quartet snapped her fingers and lifted herself magically into the air. In a flash of light, the fancy dress moved toward her and was on her. Her original clothes were back in Flora’s arms.

“Better,” said Flora.

Quartet lowered to the ground and smiled, but then spotted her dad walking away.

“Dad, where are you going?”

Azrael turned to her with a somber expression. “To attend to my usual duties.”

A bloody scythe appeared in his hand and his dark wings stretched outward as thunder crashed in the background for effect.

“But I thought you were coming with us?”

Flora sighed. “There has been…a slight change in plans.”

“Let me know how it goes,” said Azrael before vanishing into the darkness.

Quartet gasped. “The ceremony isn’t canceled, is it?”

“No,” said Flora. She waved her hand and a portal appeared. Both of them stepped through it and it closed behind them. They stood before a large gold palace with Hebrew letters engraved into the ornate double doors.

“Mom, what’s going on?” Quartet asked.

Flora gave her a look. “I should’ve told you this sooner but…”

“But what?”

“You know that you visit your father for the weekend once every month, right?”

Quartet’s eyes went wide. ‘Sugar honey iced tea!’ she thought. ‘I completely forgot!’ She slowly nodded.

“Well, it’s that time again.”

The double doors opened and there stood a tall, elegant swan angel. His eyes glowed dark green and his black feathery hair was in a tight bun. He wore a white suit with a high collar trimmed with gold with his sigil on his suit. Two swan heads looped around his neck. A red necktie was in the middle of his suit, and he also had a red cape behind him. Hovering above him was a halo with a red carnelian crystal in the center. His face was feathery white, and he had a hooked beak-like nose.

He revealed a small smile. “Hello, Quartet. It’s great to see you again.”

Among other rooms in the palace were other angelic members of the Shem HaMeporash. Some were humanoid but manly angels who had features of lions, lambs, doves, swans, eagles, and other heavenly animals.

Quartet awkwardly waved back. “Hello father.”

“I see Azrael has let you slack off again,” Menadel muttered to Quartet as he strode forward. He briefly looked at Flora. “You know, Flora…if your daughter ever wants to fulfil her role better and spend more time with me…”

“That is, if you’re not preoccupied with the angelic council and half a dozen other things,” Flora remarked coldly. “I’ve said it before…Quartet stays with me and Azrael the most. He’s married to me.”

“Which is a big mistake,” he seethed. “Falling for the angel of death who’s so unlike yourself.”

“He loves me for who I am. He didn’t hesitate to care for Quartet.”

“You were supposed to raise her during the time I was gone,” said Menadel. “I wanted to be there with you and her. But my duties to answer mortals’ prayers and monitor the inferior race of the Goetia demons was paramount.”

“And you called yourself a breadwinner husband,” Flora scoffed. “Just because we’re rich doesn’t mean you can go off and put more things on all our plates! I’m surprised you’re not on duty right now!”

“I wouldn’t miss this ceremony for the world,” he said. “And neither should you and Quartet. You were supposed to remain my faithful wife. If you were a mortal and cheated on me like you did…well, just be glad you aren’t one.”

“How low of you to suddenly degrade the very beings you try to help,” Flora narrowed her eyes. “Mortals were made in His image too, not just us angels.”

“Sinful mortals are like sinful demons…just as bad and more often than not, they become demons themselves. Hence why we need Quartet to be diligent with ensuring that no threats…”

“The only threat I perceive is your overbearing, straight and narrow attitude,” Flora spat. “She’s still a young teen!”

Quartet hid her face in her hands briefly as she watched the argument. Quartet knew whenever she was with her dad, she witnessed his detachment from her and his preoccupation with rules. She hated when her parents didn’t get along.

Hence when he said to Quartet, “I hope you’ve been practicing for the ceremony. There’s much to do.”

“Sorry, Quartet,” said Flora. “But you’ll be spending the weekend and ceremony with Menadel. I’ll meet you at the ceremony later.”

Quartet glared at her mother, who gave her an apologetic look.

Flora vanished through a portal, leaving Quartet alone.

Half an hour later in the ornate living room, Quartet’s back hurt as she stood rehearsing her lines for the ceremony. Being a princess, if she decided to attend, which she was, Menadel reminded her of her important role to inspire her people. Quartet enjoyed singing and praising to her Lord…but eight times in a row was getting tiresome.

“He is Elohim, our benevolent, all-knowing Creator. Jesus the Christ is His extension, the savior of the human race and of Earth. Archangel Michael, He Who Is Like God, is His angel general and supreme protector, sword of flame the bane of all evil. Before there was only darkness, but God brought light and life. For all who are lost…for mortals lost in sin and for the denizens of Heaven seeking answers, you can always go to Him. Obey, pray, and serve each day…for He knows all of us best. His light is brighter than a thousand suns, the whole of this universe created by Him. Jesus devotes his life to Viv…”

Menadel raised his eyebrow. Quartet cleared her throat.

“Um, I mean to give, all He has to help rich and poor alike…”

“More passion. More faith,” Menadel pressed.

“Father, I’ve done this so many times now…” Quartet groaned. She flopped on a couch made of velvety red satin.

“It must be perfect, if you are to attend,” he said. “Heaven counts greatly on the influence of the Shem HaMeporash family. The ceremony starts in a few hours.”

‘Still cares about status over his own daughter,’ Quartet thought. She never thought she would have to recite a speech.

“Can I take a break?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said. “After you finish your closing lines.”

Quartet sighed and continued.

“Don’t forget your choir song and pyrotechnic display afterwards,” Menadel reminded her.

After she finished, Quartet raced to her room upstairs. This room was vaster and more spacious than her other mansion room…not as homey. White pillars supported a large, curved balcony that was all her own. A gold chandelier with teal glowing crystals hung on the high ceiling. The ceiling itself was painted with Adam reaching out to God. (A replica of a famous mortal work of art). White marble swan statues were everywhere around the room and throughout the mansion, with Menadel’s symbol on them. Her bed was queen-sized, no signs of her familiar nature posters. But there were some posters of Jesus, clouds, and the Ten Commandments…almost like her father set up this room for her (he did.) When she was younger, Menadel was comforting in subtle ways, like when he sang the Lord’s prayer to her as a lullaby. Or the times when he said he was proud of her after teaching her some magic and flying. But Quartet figured that Menadel only saw her as a valued potential member of the Shem HaMeporash…not who she was deeper down. The weekends she spent with him were a tedious nuisance.

Azrael may have been gloomy and distant, but he had a softer, understanding side that seemed to be absent in her real father. Azrael also didn’t emphasis the religious aspects all that much. He mostly let Flora nurture her but was there for Quartet as much as he could.

At least, Quartet hoped Azrael was trying.

Quartet picked up her blue backpack with stars on it and slung it over her shoulders.

She then picked up a Bible on her dresser and flipped open the pages. There was no way she’d be dragged along to the ceremony by Menadel. She could already see Menadel parading her around just to make Azrael and other misunderstood angels uneasy. She looked much more like her avian mother and father than she did to the humanoid Azrael. Azrael was an archangel, similar to Samuel…important, but not always liked.

Quartet looked at her scroll of paper that read “Change Is Holy…the Benefits of a more Inclusive Christianity.” She absentmindedly opened a small portal and tossed the wrapped-up scroll through.

Then she concentrated.

“Take me to see my savior,” she said, visualizing Jesus in her mind. Then her mind got distracted.

The Bible glowed golden, and a white spinning cross appeared under Quartet. Tendrils of white spun and danced around her. Quartet’s eyes briefly glowed white, and she walked through the portal. The portal closed behind her.

0 0 0

At E.L.F. headquarters, a calendar hung on the wall. On one square, Docile had written, “Samuel?” with a drawing of a dark moon and a whip and a sad face. Others read “Jesus ceremony,” “Calm Sunday,” “Choir Practice,” “Good Friday For Coffee,” “Eww, Horses,” “All Complaints Day,” “Three Wing’s Day,” “Cash Wednesday!”, “Lent Rent Pay Day,” “All Sols Day,” and “Symphony.” In several squares, Docile had written “Have Them Talk.” That was circled in red on the current date. The calendar had a picture of Docile and his friend Veronica together at the beach.

Docile wasn’t having much luck in getting “them to talk,” a.k.a. Tirred and Timmid. They were still sour after their breakup at Camael’s Corner in the Chasity Halo.

Tirred and Timmid were sitting on separate couches, arms crossed.

“Now guys,” Docile said nervously. “You know that both of you still have to work with me to save lives…”

The elves glared at each other.

“I brought you two here for a reason. We need to solve this dilemma so we can move forward. Let’s take turns telling each other’s sides of the story,” Docile said. “Who would like to go…?”

“I will,” Tirred grumbled.

“You didn’t even let our boss finish!” Timmid piped up.

“Who cares? I’d like to apologize and get it over with.”

“You’re gonna need to do more than apologize for spreading that nasty rumor about Docile!” she said.

“It’s true though, isn’t it? You let yourself be punished by Samael?”

“Yes, but there was no other choice,” Docile said. “His Bible is what allows us to get into the human world. The only reason why I haven’t fired you is that I’m giving you one more chance to prove yourself.”

“How so?”

“By not spreading any more rumors. By being nicer to your ex-girlfriend and co-workers. By…going on one more mission with us.”

Tirred smirked. “You’re always gonna keep me, aren’t you? You need me as a healer and fighter.”

“Well, I…I could always replace you!” Docile mentioned.

Tirred growled. “Replace me?! With whom?”

Purring came from the doorway.

Tirred fumed when Sunna skipped into the room. She wore white pants, a sky -blue blouse and little blue gems on her long brown braids. Her eyes were round and sky blue, her furry brown cat face lit up.

“Wha…no, not…not her! Are you joking?”

“Uh…” Docile looked over to Timmid who gave a thumbs up.

“No, mister!” Docile spat. “I’m not! It’s time for some tough love. Sunna’s a fantastic healer…her purrs are enough!”

“She’s a ditzy hippie and high on catnip,” Tirred scoffed.

“Go…back to your desk!”

“Urgh!” Tirred yelled as he stomped off.

Sunna swayed with a mystic air as she sang,

“All souls come from the land of love

The land of love, the land of love,

All around us and above

All souls come from the land of love”

“Before time, a realm sublime

God made us all divine

Sent us down to explore

To create and love and do it more”

“Make friends, make amends

Our journey never ends

We do what we will

And we’re all loved still

All loved still, all loved still”

“Success to enjoy, errors to solve

God is change, we all evolve

We are harmony, we are one

All shall return when our lives are done”

“All souls come from the land of love

The land of love, the land of love,

All around us and above

All souls come from the land of love!”

Sunna sat happily at her desk as the three elves sat with open stunned mouths.

“She’s getting worse,” called Tirred, making a crazy “coo-coo” sign.

“You know, sir,” said Timmid. “Adding someone new might be the right thing to do. It’s not good for business with customers that depend on us saving lives for them to have a…”

She raised her voice, “…selfish, inconsiderate bratty sadist in our office!”

Tirred seethed. “That does it!”

Timmid and Tirred stomped toward each other, Docile getting ready to separate them.

“Oh look, you have a visitor!” Sunna called to Docile, pointing to the doorway. The elves paused.

Walking through a golden portal was none other than Quartet. She froze as the portal closed behind her.

The elves turned to look in silence.

“Um…hello,” Quartet said nervously. “I don’t think this is where the ceremony is.”

“Are you…Menadel’s daughter?” Docile asked.

Quartet stepped back. “Please don’t mention to him that I’m here! Sorry to bother you guys, I gotta go.”

She looked at her Bible pages, waved her hand again and another portal appeared. Her eyes turned white and gold energy swirled all around her. The elves stepped back and covered their eyes. Sunna looked on in curiosity.

‘Please let it be right this time,’ she thought.

“Wait,” Docile called, arm outstretched, “Maybe we should call…”

Quartet vanished and the portal closed.

“…Azrael…he’s not gonna like this,” Docile finished.

Docile grabbed Sunna’s fish-shaped rotary phone.

“Hello…Lord Azrael? Your adopted daughter just took a Bible and teleported to heaven’s knows where. We’ll find her as soon as we can, but we’ll need some help. Okay, bye.”

Seconds later, the office door opened by itself. There stood Lord Azrael, scythe and all. He was not happy.

“How did this happen?” he asked as he ducked under the short doorway. “She was supposed to stay at Menadel’s.”

“She just appeared in our office holding a Bible out of nowhere,” said Timmid. “Said she was going to a ceremony.”

“Hold that thought,” said Lord Azrael. He vanished into black flames and headed to the ceremony. Minutes later, he teleported right back, looking concerned.

“She’s not there,” he said. “She’s not back at the mansion either. Where could she have gone?!”

Sunna padded over and sniffed the air. “N.Y.”

“Huh?” asked Tirred.

Everyone looked at her.

“What?” she asked. “I have a good nose.”

“N.Y. Wait…New York?!” Azrael suddenly cried. “That’s in the mortal world! She could be in danger!”

“What are we waiting for then?” asked Docile. “Let’s go find her!”

“Disguises first,” mentioned Azrael. He chanted something and waved his hand. Teal light enveloped everyone in the room, and they floated into the air. After several flashes of light, they appeared standing on the ground in their new human disguises.

Azrael appeared as a tall man with thick long black hair, a black goatee, sullen eyes and wearing a fancy all-black suit. He wore a skull ring on one of his pale fingers.

“Hello, Grimm Reaper,” Docile remarked as he stared at his form. He wore his usual uniform but now had white skin and short black hair and blue eyes. Tirred had white skin, thin black hair and darker eyes. Timmid had slightly messy white hair and blue eyes. Sunna, now an African American woman, admired her beautiful dreadlocks and brown cat-like eyes.

Azrael opened a portal and the group walked through. The portal closed behind them.

“Whoa,” the disguised elves said as they stared at the high towering skyscraper buildings around them. The Statue of Liberty stood radiant in the distance as people went on boat tours. The usual crowds of people were heading off toward Times Square for work, music, and shopping. Cars honked and yellow taxis maneuvered through the busy streets. Several gift shops were selling “Big Apple” and “I Love New Yok” shirts.

“The city that never sleeps,” Docile said. “Entertainment, everyone always moving and moving. Not so much different from Heaven.”

Timmid flinched at several thugs smoking and spitting in nearby alleyways. “Except for all the bad stuff.”

“And the misspelled signs,” Tirred grumbled, observing the “Welcome to New Yok!” signs everywhere.

“Sunna, sniff,” Docile said with a smile, marching forward.

Sunna intently sniffed a bag of catnip she had brought with her. She opened it and poured bits of it onto her tongue. Her eyes darted and her smile was one of bliss. A purr rumbled in her throat. The other E.L.F. members gave her sideways looks.

“Not that smelling!” Docile glared.

“Oh, right,” she said, pocketing the bag. “I still can’t smell anything in this city.”

“Can’t you do anything right?” Tirred spat.

“Can’t you be anything other than a nuisance?” she retorted. Timmid snickered.

“The next person I hear arguing will get a reduction in pay,” Docile warned. “Let’s go.”

The group walked by hot dog stands and men playing guitars on the ground. They visited “Rockiseller Center” where a beautiful Christmas tree was on display. Many people were laughing and ice skating around in circles. Holiday music played from the speakers.

“Christmas in July?” Timmid wondered. “I’ll take it.”

Timmid looked around and spotted a guy selling art. “Oh cool!” she said.

“Get some art over here!” called the bearded man. There were pastel oil paintings of dolphins and sunsets. There were keychains of the Statue of Liberty, Oscar award statues, palm trees, and a cartoon smiling glasses-wearing Vivziepop with blond hair and pink highlights in it.

Tirred rolled his eyes. “We’re on a mission, remember? That stuff is rubbish.”

“No, Tirred! I’m buying these!” she said in excitement. She handed the man some dollar bills and took several art and keychains with her.

“I’m a star at the Oscars,” she sang, pretending to use the Oscar keychain as a microphone.

Tirred rolled his eyes again and mentioned ahead of him. “Thanks to you, we just lost the group.”

“You’re no fun,” she said. “Let’s go find them.”

0 0 0

“Hey guys!” Docile called. “Check out this crazy costume!”

Azrael and Sunna snickered at Docile’s outfit. He wore a black jacket, a fake red pointed tail and fake stripped horns on his head. His mask over his face was an imp face painted red and white with fake sharp yellow teeth.

“This outta scare the pants off of any thugs around!”

A nearby woman screamed in happiness.

“Oh my gosh, everyone! Look! It’s New Yok’s Star, Blitzo!”

Docile glared. “What the buck is a Blitz…oh.”

In his costume, Docile glanced up at a billboard. An ad was displayed, showing a menacing imp with a pistol and an open-mouthed grin. Flames were in the background and the imp was riding on a brown horse. The title read in black, “HORSING AROUND: HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER! ™”

Docile was soon surrounded by a large crowd, lifting him up. “Help!” he cried as fans screamed and cheered around him.

“I’ll handle this,” Azrael grumbled.

“No killing!” Docile cried to him.

Crew members and guards held the crowd back as a white van pulled up. A director with black hair and a black beard was eating a granola bar.

“Blitz!” the director called, flanked by towering agents. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you! You were supposed to be on set five minutes ago!”

Docile took one look at the director’s upside-down pentagram necklace and flinched. “No way! I’m not going with you!”

“Very funny,” he said. “Now get in the car.”

“No, put me down!” he cried as one of the muscular agents picked him up. One of his fake horns fell off and several fans fought over it. A boy tore off his shirt and his chest read “I LUV HB!”

“I’m Blitz’s…agent,” Azrael mentioned. “And I demand you…”

Azrael was also picked up and both were tossed into the back.

“Sunna! Find Quartet!” Docile called. Sunna nodded and leaped over the crowd.

Docile leaped forward, but the doors closed in front of him.

Before long, they were both dragged into the studio. Makeup artists began working on Docile.

“Let’s get him ready! He’s on in five!” called the producer.

“Five what? I can’t be on a sitcom!” Docile cried to no avail.

Docile was soon ready and standing next to Azrael.

“Alright, you’re on in 10…9…”

The producer vanished through the curtains.

“Why am I doing this? I can’t be on stage!”

“Just blend in so we can find Quartet,” said Azrael, pushing him gently forward. “Good luck.”

“And action!” called the director as the lights came on. Guitar theme music played, and the red curtains opened.

Docile was on a stage that looked horrible. It appeared to look like a desert with cactus plants and fake dead bodies near his feet. There was an animatronic brown horse off to the side with one eye missing.

An actor with a demon mask was pretending to groan in pain. “Oh…Blitzo you horrible scum imp…you have any last mocking words?”

Docile froze on the spot. Sweating.

“Say something,” whispered Azrael as a teleprompter appeared.

Docile then read his lines half-heartedly. “Oh yeah, uh…no, the ‘o’ is silent you…fucking…asshole.”

After a moment, the audience laughed as screens overhead displayed “LAUGH” in green. Azrael laughed under his breath.

Docile improvised. “B-but don’t worry…God will take you where you need to be, away from your suffering so you can repent for your sins!”

After an awkward pause, the screens prompted the audience to laugh again, so they did.

Soon enough after half an hour, the audience began to get bored with the show.

“Oh, Kniffty,” said Docile, holding up a one-eyed black cat animatronic and reciting his lines. “You’ve done it again! You’ve cleaned up every mouse in this here Hell hotel! Very nifty of you to do so!”

The audience laughed half-heartedly. The cat animatronic let out a meow. “It’s nice to meet you! I’ve always wanted to make new friends!”

“Me too, kitty!” Docile said with a smile. “In fact, it is time I give you a new home. Find someone to take good care of you!”

“We could take care of her,” said an actor dressed like a tall red man with antlers. He was followed by people dressed in black. “I always can provide a smile for those in need!”

Docile stared at the kitty animatronic…and a flashback came to him.

0 0 0

Back in Heaven, he was at a “HeavenCat Adoption Center.” There were kitty condos and fenced in yards for them to play in. Docile stared at a humanoid black cat girl with angel wings that looked like the animatronic. She only had one eye. Her furry siblings smiled at him from inside a box.

“They’re all so cute. And so…content. But…lonely.”

“Maybe you could adopt this one here,” said a fat cheetah lady, pointing to another open-window condo. “Long-lived, lanky and very low maintenance.”

Docile peered into the adjacent condo and spotted a hairless pink cat with bent whiskers and a fish bone in its mouth.

“Uh, no thanks,” Docile said. “Someone more family friendly?”

“No problem.” said the cheetah lady. “We have a nice selection of other felines.”

“Who’s that?” Docile asked, pointing to another condo.

“Oh her?” asked the cheetah. “That’s Sunna. What a crazy little thing.”

Sunna was bouncing up and down and playing with a live mouse, much to the distaste of the quiet cats.

“Serious hyperactive qualities. I hate to say it, but once she turns eighteen next month, she’ll be off on her own,” the cheetah mentioned. “We have food stamps and shelters though, so hopefully it won’t be too bad. Menial work is just as important, so…as long as she behaves, she won’t go homeless…”

Docile freaked out at the word “homeless.” He adopted her on the spot.

0 0 0

“No, no, no, no,” he said, back in the present. “You can’t have her. She’s my kitty and I love her!”

“The audience went “AWWW” as the signs flashed the message.

“Alright, Blitzo,” said an actress with a cigarette in her mouth. “Let’s finish up this show so Hell can get more ratings and sinners…”

She grabbed the animatronic but Docile held on tight.

“Let go of her!” he cried. He cradled the cat in his arms. He tossed off his mask, tail, horns, and costume, leaving his regular clothes on. The audience gasped as his human disguise fell away as well.

“Ahh!” a kid in the audience cried. “It’s a booger elf!”

Docile narrowed his eyes. “Really?”

The animatronic cat scampered out of his arms.

“Wait, come back!” he cried.

The crew and producers tried to grab him, but Docile sent them back with light blasts from his scepter. Azrael shoved more people aside and grabbed hold of Docile. “Let’s go find our daughters.”

The animatronic cat laughed evilly and with a paw swipe, cut one of the wires near the curtain. The prompting screens changed from “LAUGH” TO “AWW” to “FUCK,” in red.

To Docile’s horror, everyone in the audience stripped off their clothes and pounced on anyone nearby. Moans and groans and the sticky scents of semen and sweat filled the space.

It was pure chaos!

“I think I’m gonna barf,” Docile groaned as Azrael carried him outside the door into the blissful fresh air.

Docile jumped out of Azrael’s arms and hurled onto the pavement. He accidentally slammed the end of his scepter down onto the street.

The studio building erupted in a set of flames and explosions.

Docile and Azrael stared at the burning building in disbelief. After making the sign of the cross over their chests, Docile and Azrael hurried on.

0 0 0

Quartet looked around at the vast city she now found herself in.

“Where am I?”

“Hello!” called a man dressed like a duck. “Great costume!”

“Uh…thanks?” Quartet blinked, before brushing herself off and following the crowd of people.

“Excuse me?” she asked, several people who ignored her and walked on by. “Can anyone tell me where to find Jesus?”

“In Heaven, sinner,” replied a gruff old man who bumped into her on purpose. “The unworthy have no hope of seeing him.”

Quartet asked around some more. “Where can I find Jesus?”

“In your heart, of course,” said a blonde woman wearing a Christian Cross necklace and a red shirt.

“Where can I find Jesus?”

“He will come on the final days of Earth,” said an elderly woman. “He’ll save us all…I hope. Just be patient.”

“Where can I find Jesus?”

“Jesus? He ain’t real, bitch,” said a black guy. “Get your religious propaganda out of my space!”

“Where…can I…find…Jesus…” asked a tired Quartet.

“He’s over at this church of Latter-Day Saints,” said a red-haired man. “They do sermons every morning.” He handed her a church pamphlet.

“Thank you!” Octavia called. She raced over toward the church building and sat on a bench. A child next to her gave her a weird look.

“Don’t stare at the creepy bird lady,” said the child’s mother, pulling her child closer to her.

The sermon and lecture went on and on…but still no sign of Jesus.

Thoughts raced through Quartet’s mind as the pastor talked and talked.

“What kind of sermon is this? No music, no standing and clapping. No loud and proud ‘Praise Jesus!’ and harp playing like in Heaven! This is church, not a high school lecture! You humans are so boring.”

“Ugh, talking about funds for the church again? Don’t you people realize there are hundreds of starving and homeless humans out there? You have plenty of money…use it!”

“I already know my Bible verses and history. You don’t need to repeat the same thing three times.”

“Enough with the talks about Hell! Positivity is what makes people want to get closer to God. God is perfect and good; thus He should not be feared! No, don’t you dare teach children under five about Hell…heck teens can get traumatized by that shit.”

“Whoa…did I just swear in my head? Without it being censored? I guess it only gets censored in Heaven.”

“Politics again. Abortion is bad? No gays here? Modern up, Christianity…Jesus accepts everyone!”

“You keep saying ‘Jesus will come!’ Well, where is He? I’ve been sitting on my feathery bum for hours…”

Quartet covered her mouth as everyone glared at her. She had accidentally said her last thought aloud.

She spoke nervously. “Heh, heh. May the Lord be with you, amen.”

Quartet scurried out of the church, groaning in frustration.

She continued walking until she spotted Altar-P, a Christian-themed clothing store. There was a beautiful art print of a swan resting in a golden fountain. A cross stood in the background on a hill as golden rays of the sun lit up the whole area.

Quartet admired the art and took a selfie. She posted on Gracebook, Heaven’s version of Facebook:

“Found this amazing art print in the window of Altar-P. Whoever made this masterpiece rocks! #earththings.”

The locations on her phone were Earth, Chasity Halo, Patience Halo, Humility Halo, Kindness/Loyalty Halo, Charity Halo, Temperance Halo, and Diligence Halo.

About half an hour after Quartet left, Sunna spotted the swan art print. She happily took a selfie and posted her picture on Gracebook:

“What a beautiful piece of art! You never know what you’ll find in the mortal world! #earththings.”

Sunna scrolled through the posts on her phone. Her username was “Sunlightpurring777.” Her “friends” were Veronica, Portal99, and Cool Cat. When she saw an identical post from Quartet, she gasped. She looked at Quartet’s profile. “Tet,” “Happy,” “Lover of Life” were her profile descriptions with angel emojis. She had 77 followers and followed 256 profiles.

Sunna noticed Quartet posing in front of a mansion that looked like a castle with towers. She headed over to it, but Quartet wasn’t there.

She traveled all over “New Yok,” looking at Quartet’s posts, trying to figure out where she was. She read Quartet’s posts and traveled to the various places.

“So, this is the Statue of Liberty! Wonder why it’s so green? #earththings.”

“It’s Christmas in July! Saw some beautiful lights and Christmas trees on display. Went ice-skating today, tried to do a spin…gotta see if I can magically heal my bruised knees. #funearththings.”

Sunna thought she saw Quartet ice-skating. She carefully went onto the ice but let out a cat-like yowl as she stumbled and waved her arms. “Whaaaa!” She slid on the ice on her belly…seeing the figure as just a teen girl with a wig and large glasses.

Sunna laughed nervously and got up on shaking legs. She had forgotten that she briefly didn’t have her supportive cat claws anymore.

Another post from Quartet:

“Why is New Yok called the Big Apple? I don’t see any apples around…save for that rotten one that guy is holding over there. #grossearththings.”

Sunna hissed at a hobo-man who had tried to snatch her catnip.

“What a weirdo,” several people muttered at Sunna.

Sunna spotted a Bastet figure on display at another store. She was tempted to buy it…until she spotted a smiling Jesus figure with sunglasses near it. Knowing she could only honor one, she decided to skip it. She tossed several coins and dollar bills into a homeless man’s cup. He promptly used the money to buy cheap beer.

Quartet’s next post:

“The people who destroyed the Twin Towers are probably sulking around as demons in Hell. Nice memorial wall, though. #sadearththings.”

A picture of a tired Quartet sitting on a bench:

“This city could use a proper clean-up and noise cancellation. Lots of crime, too. This world NEEDS Jesus, y’all! #whyearththings.”

Several dogs on leash barked loudly at Sunna, causing her to jump in fear. “Ahh! Stay away!” she hissed.

“Scaredy cat! Or should I say, scaredy bitch!” several men laughed as Sunna darted away from the growling dogs, her hairs on end.

Sunna was panting in exhaustion by the time the sun had set. Under an indigo sky was a golden church with a water fountain in front of it. The fountain had a spinning globe in the center, supported by two statue hands. She raced toward the church and turned a corner. Sunna arrived at a curved flight of stairs.

Sunna glanced at Quartet’s final post:

“Apparently, Jesus is supposed to make an appearance at this gold church, where he will come down and do His speech. Don’t want to use my Bible and accidentally travel to somewhere else unknown again. As a resident of Heaven, He should be able to see me.”

Sunna looked at the church in the background of Quartet’s picture…and it was the same one!

Just then, Sunna spotted a figure at the top of the stairs in a prayer position. The moonlight highlighted a familiar figure with feathery hair!

Quartet!

Sunna sighed with relief and transformed back into her normal cat form.

“Hey,” said Sunna, walking up the stairs.

Quartet turned around, tears in her eyes. “Hey. How did you find me?”

Quartet stood up as Sunna walked over.

“Your Gracebook,” Sunna replied with a smile. She held up her phone and scrolled through the church pictures. “Nice pics by the way.”

“Oh, thanks,” Quartet sniffled.

“Are you okay?” Sunna asked.

Quartet sat on the ledge as Sunna did the same. Quartet’s Bible and bag were next to her. “I can’t believe I was so stupid! I’ve been wandering all over New Yok City to find Jesus! I thought that I could find a spot where it’d be easier for Him to travel down to Earth. Now I’ve probably missed that fancy ceremony! And all I have now is this…smog-filled busy city!”

“Well, it’s not that bad,” Sunna replied. “It may not be like Heaven, but it’s unique in its own light. I mean,” Sunna shrugged, “It was kind of fun exploring around outside of home for the first time.”

“Yeah…you’re right,” said Quartet. “Oh, my dad’s gonna kill me!”

“Um…which one?” Sunna asked.

“Menadel for sure,” Quartet grumbled. “I’ll probably have to repent for my sins and stay grounded for a century! And…”

Quartet sniffed again.

“What?”

“My other dad…Azrael…he’s so busy with work like Menadel, he doesn’t even care! I’ve waited for years to go to this ceremony, but now I won’t get to go with dad and mom.”

Sunna put a comforting paw on her shoulder. “Let me tell you something. Azrael may be busy a lot, but he is very worried about you. He’s here.”

“Here?”

“Looking for you right now,” Sunna mentioned. “Your mom probably is wondering where you are as well.”

“Urgh, now I feel so bad,” Quartet sighed.

“We all make mistakes, it’s okay,” said Sunna. “Azrael, Flora…and yes even Menadel…they may not always get it right when it comes to parenting. But I assure you…all of them are trying.”

“Y-you sure?”

“I know it,” Sunna said. “Divorce…meeting Heaven’s rules and expectations…not always easy at all. But love always wins in the end. You know my song?”

Quartet shook her head.

Sunna’s eyes lit up and she sang a slower softer version of her previous song:

“All souls come from the land of love

The land of love, the land of love,

All around us and above,

All souls come from the land of love.”

Quartet’s eyes lit up as she heard the glorious sound of a choir from inside the church. The vocals supported the rest of Sunna’s song. Quartet leaned in for a hug and was further comforted by Sunna’s purrs. Her eyes closed.

“When you feel like the world breaks

Know that God forgives all mistakes

There is always love around you

Your soul family has found you

Let the loving universe guide you

to the truth that’s always inside you

The souls and stars are your friends

In a sea of love that never ends

That never ends.”

The girls hugged for a while, then separated.

“Thank you, Sunna, that was beautiful,” Quartet sniffed. Sunna felt like a comforting sister.

Sunna held out a paw and Quartet took it. “You ready to go?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s get you home,” smiled Sunna.

Both of them opened the portal together, appearing in Central Park.

Docile gasped in happiness. “Sunna!”

Sunna and Quartet walked through, hand in hand before it closed behind them.

“Oh Dad!” Sunna raced over and hugged Docile. “Thank goodness you’re alright.”

From the shadows, a gang member pointed a gun at the turned heads of Sunna and Docile…

Slash!

Azrael waved his scythe in an uppercut motion. With a scream, the gangster’s body tore in two and the two halves landed in a gory thud onto the grass.

He turned around, making his bloody scythe vanish.

“Quartet!” Azrael exclaimed.

Quartet lowered her head. “Hey, dad.”

Azrael pulled her into a hug. “Your mother and I were so worried about you!”

“I’m so sorry,” said Quartet.

“Why did you run away from Menadel’s? You know he was counting on you to be at the ceremony. And you know I haven’t taught you spells like that yet.”

“I didn’t want to go with him! I wanted to go with you and mom! I tried traveling to the ceremony but…heh…it didn’t seem to work out…”

“Yeshua’s Gist! Oh, Quartet I’m so sorry…I thought that you going with Menadel was the right thing to do…since…he’s your real dad…”

Quartet hugged him again. “You’re my real dad! I’m just glad you’re here!”

They stood and hugged, tears in their eyes.

Just then, under the moonlight, a man dressed like Jesus was surrounded by a crowd. He had a guitar in his hands and was singing “New Yok.” A bold “I’m J#1!” tag was on his chest along with a red apple sticker. A band sign read “Jesus and the Three Kings”, with a drummer, a keyboardist and a bassist playing beside him with crowns on their heads.

Several fireworks shot into the sky.

“If I can make it there, I’m gonna make it anywhere, it’s up to you! New Yok! New Yok!” he sang.

The crowd clapped and sang and danced along. Soon, Quartet and Azrael found themselves dancing to the music.

“It’s Jesus!” Quartet smiled in amazement at the guitar-playing saint. “It’s a miracle! I can’t believe He had time to come down to Earth for a visit!”

Azrael chuckled with a bit of an eye roll. “Still want to ask him about your future?”

“You know what? I’m happy knowing about the now,” Quartet said, staring into her dad’s eyes with love.

Sunna and Docile smiled happy tears and danced as well. Docile did a mental count and froze.

“Hey, where are T and T?”

0 0 0

Meanwhile in an alley, Tirred tapped his foot impatiently in front of the portal. Timmid was dragging a heavy bag full of CDs, art, Oscar statues, medals, trophies, and the like.

“Art is heavy,” she grunted.

“March, miss!” Tirred spat.

His eyes then went wide as he spotted a shadow figure point a gun at an oblivious Timmid. It appeared to be a gang member. From his scepter, Tirred fired a bolt of light at the figure and the figure dropped dead. More angry footsteps were approaching. Timmid looked around. “What was that Tirred?”

Tirred grabbed Timmid and carried her through the portal. She cried for her merchandise, but the portal closed.

0 0 0

Menadel tapped his foot impatiently. His eyes widened as Jesus gave out future advice to the last person.

“It’s an honor to see you again, sir,” Menadel said. “Perhaps you could grant me your wonderous wisdom?”

Jesus chuckled softly. “Sorry Menadel, but that’s all the time I have. I only get to the people that I feel called to.”

“B-but I’m the most prominent well-respected member of the Shem HaMeporash!”

“There were lots of children who needed my advice more. Even I can’t read everyone!” Jesus responded.

“Please, sir, I am worthy to be read!”

Jesus paused. “Say…it’s a shame your daughter couldn’t be here. I heard she had a great speech planned. Something about “a more inclusive modern Christianity?”

“Um…that’s the wrong script…”

“Is it? Because I think she sent me a draft earlier today.” He held up Quartet’s scroll. “I, for one, am super impressed! She’s truly a tremendous force…born under a great celestial alignment like Octavia from Hell. Here’s hoping she can make Heaven an even better place for all. Anyway, have a good day, Menadel!”

“Wait, sir…!”

He vanished.

Menadel stood in disbelief. He growled and seethed. “Noooooooo!”

#heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss #2phazbinhotel

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

Text

Heavenly Boss: Pilot (updated)

Heaven was a marvelous paradise that sat proudly atop fluffy clouds of blue, orange, pink and white. It was located on a white planet surrounded by a large glowing halo like a planetary ring. It was located above Earth and Hell. The denizens of Heaven included God, His Archangels (Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, etc.), Adina, Metatron, Jesus Christ, Mary, and many others. Lucifer used to live there until he was banished for disobeying God. The royal Seraphim Sisters, Sera and Emily, were in charge of Adam and his Exorcists, just under the Speaker of God. Although Heaven seemed like perfection, the elite angels were ignorant to the suffering demons in Hell. To them, the demons were diseased foreigners who didn’t deserve to go to Heaven. Humans weren’t much better…they had to meet near impossible standards of the Seven Virtues to go to Heaven. The majority of humanity was flawed in their eyes, only destined for doom, death, and destruction. In addition, white straight Christian men always got front row seats in terms of privilege.

Heaven and Hell each had different hierarchies parallel to each other, plus seven districts or levels, corresponding to the sins and virtues.

The seven Archdemons ruled the Seven Rings of Hell.

Lucifer, the fallen angel king of Hell, ruled the first Ring of Pride, the location of I.M.P. Headquarters, and the Hazbin Hotel. It was the only place where sinners could dwell. The sky was crimson red.

Satan, a red goat-like muscular bodybuilder, ruled the second Ring of Wrath. It was a desert under an orange sky where Millie and lots of rough and tough country imps lived.

Beelzebub, a party animal female with a fox/canine-like appearance ruled the third Gluttony Ring. Under a honey-colored sky, it was a place of parties, feasts, honey, and hellhounds.

Mammon, a giant green greedy jester, ruled the fourth Ring of Greed. Under a money-green sky, it wasthe location of the Loo-Loo Land theme park and many mafia crime-ridden hideouts.

Asmodeus a.k.a. ”Ozzie” ruled the fifth Ring of Lust. Three-headed Asmodeus provided sex products, shows and services to the denizens. It was a popular place for incubi and succubi to strip, dance and demonstrate their sexual prowess at clubs. The sky was dark blue and raining.

Leviathan, the sea serpent, ruled the sixth Ring of Envy. It wasthe location of underwater Mal-antis (Hell Alantis) and where the von Eldritch family may have come from. Under an indigo sky, suburban marine-demons lived in luxury.

Belphegor, a female drug addict, ruled the seventh Ring of Sloth. Under a pink sky, the denizens were often goats with candles on their heads, hooked on drugs and medicine. The St. Ann’s hospital was located there.

In contrast, the seven Archangels ruled the Seven Halos of Heaven. The skies corresponded to the colors of the Archangels. They were called the Virtues in contrast to the Archdemon Sins. Lordships were the counterparts of the Overlords.

The Humility Halo was the lowest, largest, and most populated Halo in Heaven, opposite of the Pride Ring. It was the Halo where a majority of the saints/former good humans lived in Holy City. In opposition to Sinners in Hell, the saints/former humans were often called “Winners.” The Born-Again Council of Lordships was Heaven’s equivalent of the Overlords and spirits were the currency instead of souls. Since human souls first had to go through purification and judgement for full admittance to Heaven, the Halo was closest to Earth and Hell. The sky was a light blue color, opposite of the red sky color in Hell’s Pride Ring. The Humility Halo had different sections called the Nine Spheres as opposed to Hell’s Nine Circles. The Heavenly Virtue ruler of this Halo was Archangel Michael, rival brother of the Sin king Lucifer, representing the Sun. In a separate section of Heaven, the Exorcists trained for their annual killing of demons. Former humans could traverse the Halos only with permission from the rulers. Like the Sinners, the Winners were immortal. Winners needed special permission to go to the other Halos. Archangel Metatron frequently worked with Michael to counter any outside threats imposed by the Ars Goetia, succubi, sinners, and other demon types. The Shem HaMephorash often kept watch on the Ars Goetia.

The Charity Halo, the second lowest Halo, was ruled by the messenger Archangel Gabriel. The sky was white, symbolizing purity as well as Gabriel’s luminary, the Moon. Gabriel was one of the more popular archangels and could travel to any Halo and any world with ease. He was the inventor of many communication technologies. Unlike Mammon, Gabriel displayed all the virtue traits and was very generous. His Woo-Hoo Land theme park was unique and had crystal structures and a water park added to it. Letting out his justice side, Gabriel had strong police forces and the city was clean, safe and one of the best in Heaven. Gabriel, like Mammon, was incredibly popular and powerful. Many denizens loved musicals and often entertained people with songs and hymns. Gabriel’s Truth-Telling-Trumpet Toys ™ remained a popular item throughout the Halos. Gabriel was often seen surrounded by elite angels blowing trumpets and carrying white lilies on branches. He is destined to blow his main trumpet on Judgement Day. This Halo was a popular luxurious vacation spot, and many royal angels went there.

The Chasity Halo was the third lowest Halo, opposite of the Lust Ring. The sky was light pink in color and the Heavenly Virtue was Archangel Camael, the stern but loving ruler of the Powers, representing the planet Mars. Camael was the opposite to Asmodeus on the Tree of Life. Denizens in this realm were forbidden to practice unmarried and casual sex, and to only be in married relationships to procreate. The sky was always sunny and bright. Camael oversaw a group of cherubs and angels sent to Earth to counter the effects of Asmodeus’ succubus demons tempting humans to sin on Earth.

The Diligence Halo was the fourth lowest Halo, opposite of the Sloth Ring. The sky was light green, and the Heavenly Virtue ruler was Archangel Raphael, representing the planet Mercury. Being a busy healer, Raphael kept a close eye to ensure that plague demons and drugs weren’t distributed to mortals on Earth. He oversaw the hospitals and medicines in Heaven. Raphael was the opposite of Belphegor in the Tree of Life. Hard-working beaver angels, bee angels and other beings lived there, focusing on good health in all aspects.

The Patience Halo was the fifth lowest Halo, ruled by Archangel Uriel, the Seraphim genderless angel of wisdom. It was the opposite of the Wrath Ring. The sky was light red. Uriel was stern, studious, meditative, and created the education systems. Uriel was revered as a guru figure, like Satan was revered in Hell. The Halo was full of peace, nature and tranquility as opposed to the orange sky, fiery violent culture in Wrath.

The Temperance Halo was ruled by Archangel Jophiel, representing the planet Venus. It was the opposite of the Gluttony Ring. The sky was yellow and the denizens there had no big parties or heaps of food. Many denizens were heavencats, heavenhounds, sea creatures and the like. Everything was done in balance and moderation. Sisters Haniel and Jophiel worked to spread love, beauty, creativity, and joy to the Halos.

The Kindness Halo was the highest Halo, opposite of the Envy Ring and ruled by the Archangel of mercy, Zadkiel. The sky was light purple, and the city was up in the clouds. Zadkiel’s violet flame had the power to redeem Sinners.

Other locations included the Empyrean where God’s throne was, the Panangelium building (opposite of the Pandemonium building), Cherub Towne, Holy City in the Humility Halo, Yeshua City, Elysian-Elysium, Summer-town, Deva City, Generosity in Charity, Aaru, Abstinence in Chasity, Seraph Central, among many others.

Currency: spirits (opposed to souls).

Divisions: Spheres (opposed to Circles).

Rulers: Virtues (opposed to Sins)

Former humans: Winners (opposed to Sinners)

Districts: Halos (opposed to Rings)

Powerful figures: Lordships (opposed to Overlords.)

Phone apps/Technology: Chastinder (Chasity), Gracebook (Facebook), Uriel Meditations, Gabriel-Messenger, Good News Channel, Metatronics (Metatron), MichaelSecurity, YHWH +, Prime Nine, Rap-heal-Care (Rapheal), JophiArt (Jophiel)

Radios: “Michael’s Music,” “Station 777,” “Heavenly Tunes,” “God’s Covenant Choir” “Evangelical Harmonies,” “Patience’s #1 Church Hits.”

Food and drink: Holy Spirit, Holy Water, Cloud Nine Wine (100 CE), Pharoh Platter, Angel Hair Pasta, Angel Food Cake, Elysian Elixir, Ambrosia Delight, Ichthys Elixir, Eden Extract, Holy Cow, Lotus Juice, Green Sensu Beans, Apple Pie of Life, Garden of Eden Salad, Iced Holy Water, Jesus Bread and Wine, Crystal Concoction (Atlantis)

Heaven consisted of the ethereal alien-like Heavenborn angels and the animal-like Winners (mortal souls gone to Heaven, opposite of Sinners). Both the Heavenborn and Hellborn were of higher class than the former humans. Like in Hell, everyone could transform into higher forms at will. God, Michael, and Lucifer alike had inner circles of officials. Heaven had archangels but no Overlords, instead consisting of the Born-Again Council of Lordship Winners. Territory was shared but Winners most often resided in Holy City in the Halo of Humility. They were free to have children, pursue jobs and be themselves within limits. They could even transverse Halos with permission. The Exorcist weapons could kill demons but not angels unless they were supercharged. Like Hell, Heaven also had mythological creatures that resided. Cherubs, little angels that looked like bees, deer, and sheep, helped save human lives and blessed them with love. They resided in the cloudy Cherub Towne.

Holy City was the main capital of Heaven like Pentagram City in Hell. The Pride Ring was divided into nine Circles and the Humility Halo was divided into nine Spheres. Shining buildings of gold, silver, marble, and other materials glinted in the sunlight. At night, the sky was filled with brilliant bright stars and the glowing teal blue Christian Cross hovering over Holy City. The Exorcists, brainwashed angels fitted with body-fitting vulture-like suits, would be busy training in a lower part of Heaven, separate from the rest of society like the military. The denizens of Heaven were both humanoid and had animal-like traits. They were often sheep, dogs, cats, doves, swans, and other sacred animals (much like the bi-pedal individuals in Zoophobia). The lesser human/animal denizens had physical features of gems, harps, trumpets, wheels, chalices, and other holy instruments. They could take on many-eyed Biblical angelic forms, forms that were ethereal and not human-like at all.

0 0 0

Not too far away from Cherub Towne in the second sphere lay a beautiful area within the clouds of Heaven. A floating white sign read “Welcome to Elf City: est. 1981.” The sky was blue and the buildings and streets immaculate. The elves were considered to be of a lower class, acting in service roles like the cherubs. Do-gooders (humans who died and went to Heaven) were slightly above them, while the Heaven-Born Angels were considered the upper class.

Elves of various colors and sizes were chatting among themselves, while others walked around with their families. Many of them were hard at work: wrapping presents for Christmas, saving food to give to the homeless, cleaning a nearby park, and caring for the ill. Some of them liked to volunteer just for something to do. Some elves went around saving people’s lives, spreading love, or healing their wounds.

The most well-known miracle bestowing company was located in a tall white office building surrounded by a golden halo of clouds. The building was decorated with golden wing structures arching off to the sides. The double doors had harp designs on them. Posted on a door were the words “E.L.F. Headquarters” and on a taped piece of paper, “Meeting in progress” was scribbled on it.

On a white board was a line graph and a bar graph, the line slowly moving downwards from a blue happy face with a halo to a red sad face. “Docile loves you, by Docile” was written off to the side. A white Christian Cross was drawn in the center of the wooden table surrounded by black leather chairs.

Up front, a black, white, and dark teal colored elf paced back and forth. He had large pointed dark teal ears that jutted off between the sides and top of his bald head. He had large eyes of light blue irises, white pupils, and blue sclera. The left portion of his face was black, and the right side of his face was dark teal. He wore a long white business suit with light blue buttons and purple circles on the sleeves with little white crosses in the centers. White boots with blue outlines covered his feet while white fingerless gloves covered his hands. A white heart-shaped mark lay on his forehead like a birthmark. A little green pin attached to his undershirt had a happy face on it. A white halo with little spikes on it hovered over his head. He also had white feathery wings folded behind him.

The elf was Docile, a serious asexual individual.

Docile looked toward his audience of two elves and a humanoid cat sitting in chairs around the table.

“All right, now I know business has been…a bit stressful lately. We’ve had to keep up demands and during the rush, not everyone can be saved.” He pointed toward the graph. “It seems that more and more people aren’t counting on miracles from angels and God to help themselves feel better. I don’t know how our company will fare if this keeps sloping down. Now it’s no one’s fault, okay? I just think that some of us could…benefit from improving their attitude…like Tirred.”

Tirred raised his eyebrows. The elf had a dark teal face, dark blue eyes, and black hair framing his face on the sides. Black freckles were present under his eyes. He also had white wings and a white spiked halo that hovered above his head. He wore a light blue bow tie and a white business suit similar to Docile’s. Tirred was often grumpy and well…tired, but he took his job as a healer seriously.

Docile continued. “Now does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?”

The woman elf, Timmid had short white hair with a black flower spot on it and displayed a row of sharp white teeth. She wore white gloves and a white blouse over a long white skirt. Her eyelashes extended past her face. Like the others, she had a dark teal face, pointed elf ears, dark blue eyes, white wings, and a white wiry halo over her head. Timmid was often timid and was the negotiator between humans and elves. Tirred and Timmid were an on-again-off-again couple and were from the Halo of Patience in Heaven.

Timmid thought for a moment and spoke softly, “What…about…a billboard?”

“That’s a thought, Timmid, but there are advertisements everywhere in Heaven,” Docile mentioned. Then his eyes brightened, and he waved his hands. “Oh. How about a car wash?”

Timmid spoke up. “Um, this is Heaven, sir. Cars are already clean here.”

“Good point,” Docile said. “Any other ideas?”

“We can’t just stick to what we’ve been doing before?” Tirred asked with a yawn, adjusting his large bow tie. “Why not just prove those people wrong?”

“So helpful, Tirred, really glad you’re in the room right now,” Docile spoke fast, rolling his eyes. “Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?”

Docile turned on the TV and a series of clips showed up on screen: Docile bandaging an angel’s wings, Tirred helping a man walk, Sunna, the cat purring at a crying girl, Timmid saving someone using CPR.

Docile held a bowl of popcorn for everyone to eat. Sunna, the brown furred, black striped cat, wore a white sun dress with a sun on it. She wore a gold cross necklace around her neck. Her mane of hair was lion-like, almost like a hipster’s hairdo. She was purring contently while sniffing the last leaf of catnip she brought. Her eyes were sky blue and large. A nearby poster showed Docile and his bald elf sister Holly Wata with an award for being the best performers in a choir. A banner read “The Holy Elf Duo” above them.

“Ah, those were the good times,” Docile smiled.

Timmid ate a piece of popcorn on the table, lost in thought.

Timmid sighed. “Yes indeed,” she said to Docile. “But Tirred seems upset about some of your mistakes.”

“Don’t need any reminding, sir,” Tirred grumbled to his boss, “considering you blew most of our salaries to help a rival pharmaceutical company with their advertisement, one that you additionally paid to have us hold their hands and sing for three whole weeks on a channel, everybody watches!”

“Hey, uh excuse me?” Docile looked back, insulted. He stood up. “What’s so “obnoxious” about generosity and a super fun song, alright? It’s a fun distraction when an advertisement’s spitting lies.” He walked across the room.

“People love musicals, sir,” added Timmid with a small smile.

“Exactly, Timmid,” Docile smiled, “and we’re basically doing a musical.” Docile did jazz hands before turning to Tirred. “Are you gonna criticize my musical theater dreams like my dad did?”

“Sir…” Tirred began, but Docile cut him off.

“Because all I see right now is my dad and his angry eyes glaring at me, criticizing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.” He turned his head away.

Timmid leaned in toward Tirred. “Please don’t make him angry, Tirred,” she begged.

“I’m just stating how it is,” Tirred replied, arms folded.

“I thought I knew you,” Timmid said, making a face at him. “No need to be a grumpy pants, dear.” Tirred rolled his eyes in response.

Docile turned back to Tirred, tears in his eyes. “I can’t believe you, Tirred. And after I made you Employee of the Month.” He held up a picture of Tirred with a large grin of sharp teeth.

Tirred threw up his hands. “Okay, sir! I’m sorry, but a commercial jingle and a cheesy song are not comparable to musical theater. Nobody actually likes the jingles.”

“But…I liked it!” Timmid popped up.

Tirred turned to her, arms crossed. “Yeah, sure, take his side, why don’t you?”

0 0 0

In a commercial, Docile spoke in front of purple curtains. “Hi, I’m Docile, the “e” is silent and I’m the founder of E.L.F.” On an icon, Docile leaned against the L in the logo, with figures of Timmid and Tirred posing on either side with their hands in prayer. The E.L.F. logo appeared over his hand. Docile continued, “Are you a ray of light that got yourself sent to Heaven?” The picture showed Docile dressed in a superhero outfit with a red cape. “Or are you a conflicted convict who just happened to have your life cut short by someone else?” The next picture showed Docile dressed in a red devil costume choosing whether or not to quit smoking and drugs.

A nearby sign read the angel’s name that hired E.L.F. A winged angel carrying a lamb baby with a male lion’s head spoke with a 333 News billboard in the background, “After defending myself against my psycho brother and preaching about God, you could imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the coronavirus killed me. I really wish I could help my sick grieving sister and advise my family to kick my brother out.”

Docile continued, standing in a church with Timmid and Tirred in white robes nearby.

“Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company’s special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by blessing anyone who may have helped you out when you were alive!” Docile happily climbed up a flight of golden stairs.

Then the jingle began:

“When your loved one has to die

Does it hurt to say goodbye?

Do you wish they were alive?

So you could watch them thrive?”

“Through the grief and deceased

We can bring you peace

When you feel alone

Know they’re safe at home”

“When you want somebody blessed

And you don’t wanna get all stressed

Call the Efficient Lifesaving Fellows!”

“Whether First Aid or CPR

We’ll make sure you all go far

Efficient Lifesaving Fellows!”

“We do our job so fine

‘Cause we come straight from Cloud Nine!”

“When you’re consumed by grief

We help you find relief

Miracles beyond your belief!”

“We’ll save your husband or your wife

We’ll even help extend your life

The Efficient Lifesaving Fellows!”

“Pets and children live for freeee!”

At the bottom it read: “This company is not to be confused with C.H.E.R.U.B. in the canon parallel Heaven dimension next door. Although nobody really knows too much about E.L.F., it was founded way before C.H.E.R.U.B. in question. Mary had some little lambs and overstayed her welcome.”

Various clips showed E.L.F. saving people: lifting a boulder from a human, comforting a crying human after a car accident, passing out Bibles and food to the homeless, giving money to a school in Africa, humans, and angels dancing in a circle…

A brown-haired woman stole a guy’s wallet and kicked him in the groin. She ran off and then got shot by police. Yet she only went unconscious. The doctors took her to the emergency room while the elves waited. A doctor walked in on the elves in the waiting room.

“She’s in stable condition, but she’ll need rest and an arrest warrant. Now what kind of insurance do you freaks have?”

“God’s chosen don’t need insurance,” Tirred stated coldly. Docile glared at him.

The elves and the woman were promptly kicked out of the hospital and sent back to Heaven.

0 0 0

Back at the office, Tirred spoke up, hands in front of him. “I’d like to go on record and say that incident was Sunna’s fault. Dispatch is supposed to give the right info on the client. It’s a very simple process.”

“I’m sorry, Tirred, I did the best I could,” Sunna said, unfazed.

Tirred fumed. “ ‘Sorry’ doesn’t cover it…do your job!”

“Hey, now we don’t blame screw-ups on Sunna, okay?” Docile said. “She didn’t do anything wrong.” Sunna happily walked over and embraced Docile in a tight hug, Docile straining to break free.

“Are you kidding me, sir? She’s awful!”

0 0 0

Sunna thought back to the time when she was a receptionist at a desk. The old rotary phone rang, sounding like cats meowing. She picked up the fish-shaped phone.

“Thank you for calling E.L.F. How may we bless you?” Sunna asked, smiling.

Timmid was on the other end, concern in her voice. “There’s a customer ranting about Satan. He wants to commit suicide…”

“Tell him that suicide will not make things better.”

“He wants to rant and curse you; it will be the end of our company for sure!”

Then Tirred added in a harsh voice next to Timmid: “She’s right. We’re all doomed if we don’t enforce harsh discipline on that scum of a…”

“Just got a call on the other line, apologies, worry warts.” Sunna trilled, hanging up the phone. She read her Fancy Feast Feline magazine.

0 0 0

Another memory came back to Sunna, which took place at her house.

“Happy Adoption Anniversary, Sunny,” said Docile. “I got a little something for you.” He showed her a gift in his hands.

Sunna smiled. “Is it a cure for Covid?”

“I…uh…”

“Then I want it!” she exclaimed happily, tearing open the gift and dropping it on the floor. A flock of white butterflies flew around the room and landed all over her.

“I’m sorry, it was butterflies!” Docile looked on in concern. But Sunna happily batted and played with them, her mouth open in a grin. “God bless you…”

0 0 0

There was one other time when Sunna watched Princess Coercia singing/screaming “Inside of Every Angel is a Sinner.” She was in her full Angel form, with black feathery wings and a black spiked halo. Tirred walked over, holding a piece of paper in his hands that read “Moxie 4 U.” His black eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Excuse me um, did you just fax me an ad for weight loss and muscle growth?”

“Yes,” Sunna replied.

“Is it because I’m so handsome already? Better than many of the wimps around here?”

“Come on,” Sunna teased. “Just the opposite.”

0 0 0

Later, Sunna rummaged around, looking for something in the kitchen.

“Who left this tuna salad in the fridge?”

“Wasn’t me,” said Timmid. “It was there from yesterday.”

“Is this yours, Tirred?”

No answer.

“Well, I’m taking it because I have the best feeling right now.”

She closed the door and gulped down the food.

“Now why would you get hyper on a workday?” Timmid asked, nearby.

“I’m happy from this morning, Timmy Tim,” she giggled.

“Don’t call me that,” Timmid said. “I’m not a guy.”

Tirred walked inside. “Isn’t that my lunch? You stole it, you crazy cat!”

“I’m so sorry!” Sunna said, then brightened. “You know what? I’ll just go get you another one before work! Time to enjoy my tenth life!”

Sunna raced outside with a “Wheeee!” and helped an elderly elf cross the street.

0 0 0

“Docile!” Sunna called in the office, “Your privileged authoritarian’s on the phone! Says it’s urgent and wants to talk to you. Sounds a little DTP-y.” (Down to Punish)

“Oh Lord that was one time!” Docile yelled, splashing water on himself in front of Tirred. “We wouldn’t have access to the living world if I hadn’t let myself get punished by that privileged jerk face.”

“You what?” Tirred asked, concerned.

“I stole a Bible after getting whipped for the sins I did. Figured I had nothing else to lose.”

“Docile!” Sunna cried.

“I heard you already!” Docile yelled before stomping into his office to play with bobble heads of himself, Timmid and Tirred.

“So… what can I do you for, Samael?” Docile asked nervously on his cell phone in his office. Inside his office were circus posters and advertisements for church gatherings and “Docile in Choir of Light: one time only!”

The Angel of Divine Retribution lounged in his palace on a golden sofa. He was dressed in a royal red robe, had white skin and golden short hair. His eyes were golden. On the walls were pictures of him wielding a flaming sword and casting demons into fiery lakes below. Several medals of Honor were attached to his clothing. His wings were fiery colors, starting with red orange at the top going to a white-blue at the feathery tips.

Samael was a companion to Azrael, the dark-haired Angel of Death. Samael and Adina were generals to the Exterminators/Exorcists who killed demons once every year in Hell. The founders of the Exorcists were God and the merciless Zoophobia angel Adina. Both Samael and Adina loved to punish demons, the former using physical torture and the latter using their deepest psychological fears.

“There’s a politician who’s causing lots of trouble on Earth for a few of my associates. He wants to convince people that the coronavirus isn’t dangerous.”

“Isn’t it?” Docile asked.

“Well, it is, and more people die when no extra precautions are taken. And it gets crowded here.” Samael sighed, his hand on his chin.

“Well, that makes sense.”

“You know what happens when I’m stressed, Docy?”

“Oh lord no…” Docile began, flinched away from his phone.

Samael’s hair and wings ignited the more he talked.

“When I’m stressed, I become angry. And when I become angry, I have to whip your back and **** strike your **** with a flaming sword, cast you into a windy dessert, freeze you into ice in the lowest level, make you swim in the lake of fire for 1 million ******hours, hang you on a wooden cross for sins you didn’t commit and leave you begging for His mercy ******* like an imperfect mortal!”

Docile hung up the phone, with a look of fear, broke it in half and tossed the pieces to Sunna. “Here play with these.”

Sunna patted the pieces with her paws in fascination.

“And you know after you put them in your mouth?”

“Yeah?” she asked, eating them.

“Vomit it off a bridge.”

“Ew, no!”

0 0 0

Back at the meeting, Docile continued, “Look, the point is, Sunna is a valued member of our family, and we don’t get rid of families.”

“We aren’t a family, sir,” Tirred pointed out. “You are the boss. We are the employees. You treat her like she’s some hyperactive teenager. She’s more like a catnip addicted spoiled woman you let man the phones.”

Sunna hissed at him.

“That is offensive,” Docile said. “Without spoiled people, I wouldn’t have half the joy and laughter I do in this life.” Docile opened the blinds and saw an angel dressed in a golden suit getting his picture taken by a crowd of people. Docile waved at a lovely white-haired, teal-faced elf woman wearing a white dress with little white feathery wings on them before closing the blinds.

Tirred crossed his arms and did air quotes with his fingers. “While we’re on the subject of ‘family,’ can you stop finding Timmid and me outside of work?”

“Come on, it’s not that big a deal,” Timmid said.

Tirred’s eyes grew wide. “Excuse me…what?!”

0 0 0

Tirred remembered cooking at their house.

“Hey Timmie, could you grab me some lemons?” he called.

“Sure, sweetie,” Timmid said, grabbing a few lemons and heading to the table.

Docile suddenly appeared from the ceiling, landing gracefully in front of the woman elf. “When life gives you lemons…”

He squashed a lemon, letting the juice fall into a glass. “…the best aide is lemonade.”

Timmid giggled, her smile matching her short white hair.

“What’s so funny, Timmie?” Tirred asked his girlfriend.

“The impressive wordplay,” Docile said, serving angel’s food cake on the table. (Devil’s food cake wasn’t allowed.)

“What the…where did you even come from?!” Tirred asked Docile in shock.

0 0 0

In their bedroom in their luxury sapphire-walled apartment (a sign above read, “Need a heaven-cat?”) Tirred was woken up by Docile praying for good luck for him.

“What’re you dreaming about?” he asked.

Tirred moaned, “I was dreaming of me lording over my coworkers and...I’d like to get back to that.”

0 0 0

Timmid and Tirred remembered the song they sang, while Timmid played on an angelic guitar shaped like a swan:

“Of all the perfect elves,

It’s with him, I’m myself

Oh Timmid.”

They noticed Docile glancing off to the side and Timmid told him, “Film us already!”

“Are you bucking serious?” Tirred roared in anger.

0 0 0

Back in the present, Tirred seethed. “Just. Stop. Doing that.”

“I don’t see what the issue is,” Docile said. “Just love good classic romance, future holy matrimony…and the honeymoon bonus scenes. Timmid wanted me to, anyway.”

Sunna rolled her eyes, while Tirred fumed.

“Sir, what you say and how you act is totally inappropriate!” Tirred stood up.

“Calm down, Tir,” Timmid said, pulling him back down. “You’re gonna have another panic attack.”

“I am calm!” Tirred yelled before Timmid rubbed his black head. “Shh there, there,” she said, while Tirred whimpered.

Docile spoke again. “Look I don’t judge what you do outside of working hours, so don’t judge me.”

Veins popped out of Tirred’s eyes. “Oh, I do judge you, sir. Quite a lot, actually.”

He crossed his arms while Timmid gasped in fear.

“Tir, he’s our boss!”

“No, it’s fine, Timmid,” Docile mentioned. “Your boyfriend is just…how do I say this without being offensive…bossy.”

“Does overly criticizing me make you feel better about your sad single life?” Tirred asked.

“Not really, but it’s still fun,” Docile admitted.

Sunna added to Tirred, “Even though you can be a grump sometimes, I still appreciate your company.”

“P-Please don’t call him a grump, pussy cat!” Timmid protested. “You know I don’t like him when he gets mad…”

“Do not criticize my assistant that way,” Docile said. “She’s sensitive.”

“Yes I am,” meowed Sunna.

“You guys are all freaking weird!”

Everyone turned to look. A pale spirit of a brown-haired teen girl floated nearby, wearing a prisoner uniform.

“Oh, uh…thank you, kid,” said Docile. “It’s something for you to witness this.”

“Ugh, this company’s such a mess,” Tirred exclaimed. “All that paperwork is bad enough without you guys being a pain in my…”

“Alright, let’s get back to talking about our friendship!” Docile said out of nowhere.

“Nobody was talking about that,” Sunna mentioned.

“Which is why I’m trying to get that ball rolling, so, I think we’re off to a great start, right?”

The spirit pointed her finger at Docile, “It was heaven being able to rest after being shot by police for mugging a guy, but now…I miss my family. I want life!”

“You,” she said pointing to Docile, “I don’t know who you are, but you look like one of Santa’s helpers, if Santa were God. No offence.”

Docile held in laughter. “None taken, miss.”

The spirit added to Tirred, “I see you’re a handsome fellow. If I were to feel comfortable, I’d look you in the eye and ask, ‘How in the world did I get here?’ so…how in the world did I get here?”

“You died,” he deadpanned. The spirit looked taken aback.

“That’s my boyfriend you’re talking to,” Timmid said, apologetic.

“Oh? He’s your boyfriend?” the spirit chuckled. “I figured him for an athlete, but I didn’t know he’d get even luckier.”

Timmid giggled in response.

And you.” The spirit pointed at Sunna.

“Yeah, what about me?” Sunna asked.

“You’re just purrfect. I was never a dog person.”

Sunna purred.

“Wow you really are an amazing ray of sunshine,” Docile said.

Tirred rolled his eyes. “Such a flirt trying to make herself innocent.”

Sunna spoke up. “Hey guys, I just got a text from our client, says she’s the right one to bless after all.”

“Who?” Docile asked.

“Her.”

“Me?” asked the spirit.

“Yep.”

“They wanted us to help an actual convict?” Docile asked.

“That’s what they’re saying.”

Docile frowned. “Well Satan in a heater, I guess there is a Devil.”

He pointed a golden rod at her, and she was transported to her other family members in Heaven.

Docile spoke about E.L.F.: “You know folks, with this company, I really wanted to prove that we’re capable of doing the same things anyone else can, like blessing people. So, from us here at the Efficient Lifesaving Fellows group, we promise to settle your unfinished business, or your money is…given to charity and you’re never getting it back and you can write us a bad review, but we’ll be oblivious to it because it’s Heaven and business is business no matter where you are.”

Everyone wrapped Docile in a hug, while he rolled his eyes. Then he said, “Even though the kid was a convict, she’s still a just a human...or was. It’s important that we’ve handled this going forward, respectfully.” Everyone smiled in the hug.

Back on Earth, Docile dropped a heartfelt message from the convict Ellie for the surviving family members to read. It was about how guilty she felt after stealing some money…she had been trying to feed a nearby homeless family she knew well. They wanted her back, but they were finally able to see her body and get a sense of closure. The family members looked up to see the elves looking down at them.

“You’re welcome!” Docile called with a wave before the portal closed.

#2phazbinhotel #heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss

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kathyprior4200 · 1 year

Text

Meet the 2P characters of HH/HB

Property of Helluva Scribe/Kathy Prior 42

Reverse Locations:

Haven Hotel (Opposite Hazbin Hotel)

Holy Halo City (Opposite Pentagram City)

E.L.F. Headquarters (Opposite I.M.P. Headquarters)

Humility Halo (opposite Pride Ring)

Charity Halo (opposite Greed Ring)

Chasity Halo (opposite Lust Ring)

Kindness Halo (opposite Envy Ring)

Temperance Halo (opposite Gluttony Ring)

Patience Halo (opposite Wrath Ring)

Diligence Halo (Opposite Sloth Ring)

Woo-Hoo Land (opposite Loo-Loo Land)

Currency: souls (Hell) spirits (Heaven)

Haven Hotel:

2P Charlie Magne/Charlie Morningstar – Coercea Eveningstar (has a crush on Adam the Exorcist, teal suit, black hair, sharp fangs, violent, evil, prideful)

2P Angel Dust – Devil Grit (dark fur, hates sex, straight)

2P Alastor – Stalaro (blue and white, cowardly, sad, loves dubstep and sex, Techno Angel, loves sweets and tea)

2P Vaggie – Phalla (loves men and hates to fight)

2P Niffty – Klutzy (lazy, rude, gluttonous, lesbian, water/ice powers)

2P Husk – Core (white cat, friendly)

2P Valentino – Valentine

2P Vox – Nil

2P Velvet - Ashen

Lucius and Lilian – Coercea’s angel parents, counterparts of Lucifer and Lilith

2P Travis – Sivart

2P Egg Bois – Hatchlings

2P Baxter – Baker (the artist/animal lover, uses science for good)

2p Crymini – Joymaxi the Heavencat popstar

2P Mimzy (miserable and flimsy) – Jueva (joyful/strong)

2P Sir Pentious – Bold Egull (bald eagle angel) (originally Anguis/snake)

2P Cherri Bomb – Berri Blossom

2P Razzle and Dazzle – Pub and Chub (Coercea’s rocker cherub lackeys, creepy babies)

2P Katie Killjoy – Catie Carejoy

2P Tom Trench – Ron Wrench

2P Helsa von Eldritch – Seraphia (fiery angel princess bird)

2P Seviathan von Eldritch – Enochsera (fiery prince)

2P Rosie – Violeta

2P Roo – Moo (cow, instead of and kangaroo trash-loving, hungry, Australian demon) likes vegetables and being proper

2P Molly – Holly

2P Fat Nuggets – Thin Tenders (Devil Grit’s boar)

2P Adam and Lute – (Eva and Harp white anti-exorcists)

Heavenly Boss: (in order of appearance)

2P Blitzo – Docile

2P Moxxie – Tirred

2P Millie – Timmid

2P Loona – Sunna

2P Eddie – Ellie

0 0 0

“Savior Family”

Mrs. Mayberry (good alternate universe)

2P Jarold – James

2P Ralphie – Ralph

2P Martha – Mary

0 0 0

“Woo-Hoo Land”

2P Octavia – Quartet

2P Robo Fizz – Bio Rizz

2P Wally Wackford – Sully Serious

2P Fizzaroli – Rizzafoli

2P Queef - Feeuq

Additional characters: Azrael, Samael, Flora, Veronica (good Verosika) and Lord Menadel

0 0 0

“Autumn Intact”

2P Verosika - Veronica

Kiva Perdera

Kiva Perdera’s cherubs

2P Vortex – Portal

0 0 0

“D.I.A.B.L.O.”

2P Lyle Lipton – Kyle Kipton

2P Loopty Goopty – Straight Nate

2P Cletus (C.H.E.R.U.B.) – Erebos (D.I.A.B.L.O)

2P Collin (C.H.E.R.U.B.) – Devvin (D.I.A.B.L.O)

2P Keenie (C.H.E.R.U.B.) – Dammna (D.I.A.B.L.O)

2P Deerie – Doe-Doe

0 0 0

“Sowing Sun Festival”

2P Striker – Soother

2P Joe – Max

2P Lin – Min

2P Sallie May – Polly Pax (deaf, expert in sign language)

Lord Menadel

2P Billie May, Willie May, Tillie May, and Killie May (Millie’s siblings) – Polly Pax, Molly Pax, Holly Pax, Jolly Pax, Dolly Pax ( “Tolly” Timmid’s siblings)

0 0 0

“Lying Inductees”

2P Agent One (D.H.O.R.K.S.) – Agent Negative One (C.H.A.R.M.E.R.S.)

2P Agent Two (D.H.O.R.K.S.) – Agent Negative Two (C.H.A.R.M.E.R.S)

0 0 0

“Uri’s”

2P Asmodeus/Ozzie – Archangel Uriel-Uri

0 0 0

Future/other characters:

2P Barbie Wire – Holly Dove

2P Cash Buckzo/Blitzo’s Father – Deferent

2P Tilla/Blitzo’s Mother – Allie

2P Joe and Lin – Max and Min

2P Andrealphus – Damabiah (65th duck-like angel of the 72 angels, opposite of Andrealphus, representing sun and summer)

2P Crimson Knolastname - Turquoise

2P “Rosa” Knolastname/Moxxie’s Mother – Teal

2P Chaz Turman – Zach (letters mixed)

Additional characters: Azrael, Samael, Flora, Veronica (good Verosika), Jesus Christ, Mother Mary, Archangel Michael, Archangel Raphael, Archangel Gabriel, Archangel Uriel, Archangel Jophiel, Archangel Zadkiel, Archangel Metatron, Archangel Sandalphon, Archangel Chamuel, Adam, Eve, Cain, Abel, Lord Menadel etc.

#2phazbinhotel #2phelluvaboss

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

Text

Heavenly Boss S2 E4: Happy Carolers

The sky was a vibrant green in The Halo of Diligence. Businessmen and women with angel wings flew from building to building, always busy. Beaver angels were repairing buildings and worker bees were giving out divine nectar to the denizens. There were hospitals everywhere and the sheep workers were prudent to ensure all the needs of their clients were met. One hospital made of white marble was called “Goode To Shews,” and was run by angel sheep and cherubs. Diligence was busy like New York City but without the crime, congestion, and stress. The majority of denizens seemed happy, productive and alert. Advertisements showed a smiling angel with a caduceus wearing a doctor’s white coat against a green background: “RaphaelCares: 911 is a flash of white light away!”

“Hello,” said a female voice to a beaver doctor wearing a hospital gown. Their figures were briefly shadowed as they talked in one of the hospital rooms. “Have you seen my brother anywhere?”

“No, I haven’t,” the beaver replied, stepping into the light. He wore a white doctor’s coat with a green cross logo with a halo on top of it. His nametag read “Doctor Woodchuck.” A white halo was over his head, and he had small angel wings behind him. He held a wooden clipboard and took notes with a wooden pencil. He had brown fur on his face and body, two long buckteeth, and a beaver tail. One monocle was over his eye.

“I haven’t seen him in so long, I miss him.”

“Well, I hope you find him soon,” said Doctor Woodchuck. “He might be in another Halo. Also, I appreciate you coming in for your regular appointments. It’s always great to see you.”

“I’ll keep looking. Thank you,” said the tall female figure. They waved goodbye and the female darted off into the distance.

0 0 0

Back in the Humility Halo, Docile strolled into the office, bright and clean and ready to work.

“Who’s the new client?” Docile asked.

Tirred and Timmid stared at a tall new angel with long white hair with a red streak in it. He had white wings, a gray face, and wore a black shirt and white pants. His belly revealed red lava inside him. He had a dark blue necklace that looked like part of a yin-yang symbol. His eyes glowed blue.

“Apologies for the strange appearance. I used to be a choir teacher back on Earth,” he said. “We were all going on a field trip to see a volcano. After taking a selfie with the kids, one of the kids climbed over the rusted railing. I managed to rescue him, but…the railing broke apart and I fell into the volcano in the process. Another teacher tried to help me in vain…his name is Timmy. Timmy is a big no-drugs advocate and a fellow Christian. Though I do know some Christians who do drugs on the side…not pretty. Anyway, I arrived here in Heaven and now I guess I’m immune to lava, ironically.”

Docile smiled. “You’re not afraid of volcanos anymore?”

“Goodness yes, I’m still scared of them!” he exclaimed. “But yes, if I have to go into lava, I can. I’ve gotten so many requests to create lava cannons and brimstone bombs to use against the demons, but going to Hell is the last thing I want to do. I’m a singer, not a fighter!”

“Interesting,” said Docile. “I’ll be glad to help on this mission.”

“Say, Docile,” Timmid mentioned, “Don’t you think we should do the mission this time, just me and Tirred? There’s been news about an elf working around in Diligence and Earth.”

Docile raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“…and she seems to be looking for you. Seems desperate to find you.”

Timmid mentioned to the elf’s Gracebook profile on Docile’s blue laptop with a golden apple logo. An ad was off to the side that showed two smiling angels for “Chastinder: find your perfect spouse without sin and drama: sign up today!” “Adonai Ad-Block, blocks all irrelevant ads 99% of the time! (Save for Evangelical 1% “Spread the Good News! Accept Jesus as your savior here and now and stay in Heaven! Support us and you won’t have to worry about Hell or Earth! Afterlife’s good!”)

The profile showed: “Holly Wata. Currently looking for work! Previous experience in a choir (performer). Experience: Singing, Advocate against sex and drugs, Performing, Pastor Apprenticeship, Bible study, Religion study.”

“I…um…think she’s fine on her own,” Docile added nervously.

“Are you two related?” Tirred asked.

“Yeah, you said you had a sister, right?” Timmid asked.

“Haven’t seen her in a while,” Docile said with a shrug.

“Why don’t you go see her? Take some time off,” Timmid suggested.

Docile stepped back. “I don’t think I should, I have a client to help, and we need the cashflow. The client needs help to let his living family members know he’s okay...”

“We’ll take care of that!” Timmid beamed. “Right, Tirred?”

Tirred shrugged, unenthused about going back to Earth. “Sure, I guess.”

“Go see your sister,” Timmid encouraged her boss. “We’ll take it from here.”

Docile sighed as Timmid and Tirred went off with the client out of the room. Sunna was fast asleep on a chair, with catnip sprinkled on the table.

After talking with the client, Timmid presented a bulletin board to Tirred who rolled his eyes. It showed various places on Earth, different church locations, maps, and the like.

“This is a bit much, Timmid,” he said.

“This is our first mission on our own, so we need to be prepared. Don’t forget our human disguises.”

“Right,” Tirred grumbled. “Wouldn’t want someone like you being fawned over by a bunch of camp kids while I’m left in the dust.”

Timmid raised her eyebrows. “Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Nothing…”

“Let me remind you, Tir, that we are still not fully back together. And we are going caroling, not camping. So be on your best behavior, or you’ll see both our butts being fired.”

“Fine,” Tirred crossed his arms and smoothed out his angel wings. “Let’s get it over with. But no distractions this time! Being around mortals makes me gag.”

“You don’t hear God or Jesus saying that,” Timmid glared. “Now let’s go, we have a lot of work to do.”

No one noticed Docile reading a Bible passage in his office…and him accidentally falling through a portal to a wintery scene on Earth below…

0 0 0

With the help of a crystal from Camael, the two elves found themselves in a winter wonderland somewhere on Earth. The city lights and lamps glowed in the snowy night and a bridge led the way to a forest with some cabins. Families in cabins and houses were happily chatting with hot chocolate in mugs while kids built snowmen in front yards.

Tirred had his human disguise with short black hair, white skin and a heavy green jacket and black long pants. Timmid wore a red jacket, a Santa hat and a purple jacket, pantyhose, and a white dress underneath. Her curly hair was white, matching her disguised white skin.

Tirred snickered. “If you took that jacket off, you’d look like a washed-out bride. ‘Tammy!’”

“Shut up, ‘Tiren’,” she retorted with his fake name. “We have to focus. Where would we find a singing group where the client and the teacher would be?”

Tirred shrugged. “How about that one?”

Tirred pointed to a nearby sign that read “LuvDaLawd Choir Performance Tonight!”

Tirred beamed. “Convenient, isn’t it? Let’s go!”

“Wait!” said Timmid. “Shouldn’t we just ask around so we know where the performance is? Or at least take some time to enjoy the view?”

“We can enjoy the view after our mission is done,” Tirred said. “You said we needed to focus...and I just pointed out the fastest way there.”

Timmid sighed. “Fine, we’ll do it your way.” As she followed him, she pleaded, “Can we at least stop by the bakery for some angel food cake…?”

“Timmid!”

“Right, heh, heh, sorry.”

The disguised elves wandered through the snowy streets, eying toys displayed in store windows and candy cane decorations by the trees.

“Look, there it is!” said Timmid. Up ahead was a tall church building with spires jutting the cloudy night sky. A “LuvDaLawd” sign was placed near the double doors. Stained glass windows in the building showed Jesus, angels, a shepherd, a white dove, and other beautiful art. They headed inside and spotted a children’s choir. They were dressed in white, holding candles and singing “Glory to the Newborn King.” Timmid and Tirred happily and respectfully watched on brown wooden benches with groups of parents.

After several more songs, the children bowed, and the parents politely clapped.

“Docile would love this,” Timmid smiled.

“Yeah, I guess,” Tirred said, standing up. “But aren’t we supposed to be looking for his sister or whatever?”

“Yeah, and also find anyone connected to our client to comfort, like that teacher he told us about.”

“That’s a lot for one mission. We don’t even know what he looks like.”

“Could it be that one?” Timmid asked.

They spotted a man with wild white hair and glasses. “Excuse me, sir,” Timmid asked, walking up to him. “Do you happen to know anyone by the name of…erm…”

“Huh?” the man asked puzzled.

Tirred turned to the puzzled Timmid and hissed. “I can’t believe you don’t know our client’s name!”

“Shouldn’t you have asked him that?” Timmid asked.

“I thought he would tell us!” Tirred scowled. “Now he’s just gonna be known as the aquatic demon sinner counselor client…”

“Uh, I think you mean the seraphim angel saint teacher client,” Timmid chided. “Seriously, for someone who hates demons, your mind sure goes a lot to them. Plus, your names are a mouth full.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“I’m surprised that you don’t take field trips to Hell.”

“I’d only do it to bash their brains out,” Tirred barred his teeth.

“Unpopular opinion, I’d think Heaven would be a lot better without the Exorcists and all this violence, going against ‘thou shalt not kill…’”

“Again, we kill them for good reason. I’ve had these petty arguments with you before and I’m sick of it. Now stop being such a whiny wallflower wimp and help me talk to the…”

“…teacher?”

Tirred and Timmid paused as the man stared at them wide-eyed, blowing out a puff of marijuana smoke from a pipe. He fiddled with his bow tie on his suit. Some of the other teachers were glaring at him.

The man then coughed out loud and chuckled nervously. “Well, it seems you lovebirds have a lot to talk about…but I think I’d better get going. Lots of drugs…erm…hugs to give out, ya know!”

He fiddled with his glasses and scurried away.

Timmid’s face brightened. “Wait, sir, what’s your name?!”

The man didn’t answer and vanished.

“Weird Waldo is his name,” a blond lady teacher mentioned. “Pissog” was scribbled over her name tag and a nearby kid snickered with a marker in his hand. The lady continued. “At least that’s his nickname. He loves Jesus like the rest of us, but thanks to his family, he’s been addicted to pot for a while. Surprised he didn’t get caught. One teacher was secretly gay and when we found out, he got kicked out. I heard one of the kids had an unusually close relationship with one of the pasters here…don’t know much else since the paster’s still here and the kid is not.”

Tirred and Timmid glanced uneasily at one of the well-dressed men leading a sermon in the background.

“I just remembered the teacher’s name,” Timmid brightened and looked at Tirred. “Jimmy! Do you know if he’s around?”

The lady shrugged. “Haven’t had anyone named Jimmy here.”

Timmid looked downcast. “Great, now we’ll have to look at another caroling camp.”

Tirred got straight to the point. “You have any teachers fall from a cliff on field trips recently?”

The lady looked teary-eyed. “Oh yes, last week when that one guy rescued that kid, but fell off the canyons in the process. I was with another class nearby when it happened. Another teacher was the hero’s good friend…Timmy was his name, I believe.”

“Where is he?”

“Try the courtyard. He often helps with protests there.”

“Oh, thank you!” Timmid said. The lady smiled and strolled away. The two elves walked through the church, their footsteps echoing.

Tirred smirked. “You thought his name was Jimmy? Who’s stupid now?”

Timmid elbowed him. “Shut it!”

They arrived at the courtyard, but no one was there.

“What a bust,” grumbled Tirred. “Now what do we do?”

“The only thing left to do in a time like this,” Timmid sighed and then winked.

0 0 0

Much to Tirred’s protest, they found themselves building snowmen, drinking hot chocolate, and signing carols off-key for several days. Timmid giggled as Tirred “volunteered” to teach the kids various notes during choir practice.

“Now this is an awesome mission!” Timmid laughed as she fired snowball after snowball to Tirred’s face.

“Don’t make me call Docile,” he shivered, shaking off the snow. “He’s not gonna be happy about this. In fact, I’m going off to protest against sin on the street.”

“Have it your way,” Timmid said. “I’ll just stay here and earn more favor from these churchgoers.”

Tirred wandered off, trying not to slip on the icy sidewalk. He slipped anyway and crashed right into…

“What the? Sir?!”

Docile had walked right into him and both fell in a heap in the snow. Tirred and Docile transformed back into their elf selves.

“What are you doing here?!” Tirred asked.

“Fell through a hole after praying that I wouldn’t have to see her again…”

“Who?” Tirred asked.

“The one who’s searching for me…who’s super annoying, even though I still love her.”

“What have you been doing all this time?”

“Working at a nearby soup kitchen and trying to stay warm,” Docile replied. “And looking for a Bible to get back.”

“Well, Timmid and I are still trying to find the teacher.”

“We better hurry, it’s freezing out here.”

Timmid raced over to catch up, also turning back into her elf form. “There you are, Tirred. Just got done with the final choir performance. They all loved me when I joined in, it’s a shame you weren’t there to complain about it. Oh, hello Docile!”

“You got here fast,” Tirred said. “How did you know where I was?”

“I could hear your grumpy thoughts from far away.”

“I know we’re angels but stop reading people’s minds!” Tirred barked. “I was on my way to the ‘LuvDaLawd’ protest.”

“You don’t have to look far, because there it is,” said Docile, pointing.

Up ahead, they saw a bunch of people holding up signs that read, “Just say no to drugs!” “Lust is the greatest sin!” “Let Jesus Save You!” “The Devil Does Drugs…God Stays Pure.” “No Pork!” “There are plenty of vices in Hell!” “Read This Sign! I Can’t Think of Anything To Say, But If You Are Reading This, It’s Never Too Late to Help Me With Your Donation. $”

Docile then spotted two people at the front of the crowd. One was the teacher, Timmy, who had tried to rescue the angel client. He was dressed in long blue jeans, a white sweater with a gold cross on it and had black short sleek hair. He was holding up a sign in his hands that read “LuvDaLawd, Prove Your Goodness to God!”

Then Docile spotted the tall woman next to him, and his eyes widened. She had white skin, light blue eyes, long blonde hair in ponytails and was wearing a watch with a pink Camael crystal in it. She wore a long dress with teal and blue stripes on it, and white furry tall boots. In the street, she was burning a pile of heroin and drugs, while also tossing in adult novels, which were being handed to her by the teacher. The crowd cheered as the so-called banned books crumbled and fizzled in the flames.

Docile gasped…there was no mistaking the white family mark on her forehead that also matched the one on Docile.

“HOLLY!” Docile called.

The woman turned around and smiled in surprise. “DOCILE?!”

“That’s your sister, isn’t it?” Tirred asked.

“Yep,” Docile sighed.

“Oh, my twin brother!” Holly Wata raced toward him with a hug. Docile flinched. “It’s been too long! I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Haven’t seen you since spotting you at Camael’s Corner briefly. I searched much of Diligence but then figured you were near E.L.F. You weren’t there, but by then, it was time for me to head to Earth.”

“Earth?” Docile asked, stepping back. “How are you allowed to go to Earth?”

Holly brushed her blonde hair back. “You know how in Hell, succubi and incubi can travel to Earth thanks to magical crystals from Asmodeus? How Asmodeus allows them to come up to Earth to spread drugs, lust, and other sins in an attempt to bring more humans to Hell? Yeah, we angels do not like the thought of those filthy beings taking over Earth and especially not Heaven. So, Camael, archangel of the Chasity Halo formed a group of angels of many species, including elves and cherubs to help counter that spread. Thanks to these Camaelean crystals, we come up here to spread the Good News, and warn humans about the dangers of drugs and sex. Timmy is a human that works for me.”

“I helped fund the abstinence classes for schools,” Timmy smiled. “Still seems to work…mostly…”

Docile groaned out loud. “Holly, I’ve told you before. I know you have good intentions of wanting to make the world a better place. But your methods seem a little extreme.”

“You really think being passive about these issues will stop the demons from influencing mortal’s minds?” Holly asked, folding her arms. “No one is doing anything to stop them and that is why I must continue the mission. As a matter of fact…”

She stepped closer. “I’m surprised you didn’t join me much earlier.” Docile gulped.

Timmid seethed. “Hey, lady! That’s my boss. He’s been very busy coming to Earth as well to…”

“Save humans from early death and demons?” Holly asked. “Yes, I know about that. But the thing is…heading to Earth to do such dirty work? That’s usually for the cherubs and it is very risky without human disguises.”

“I use mine all the time…” Docile began.

“You may try and save all the humans you can, but with demons still leading people to suicide and possession and so many vices, the cycle will never end. The only way to truly slow down the madness is to shine the light of righteousness at the source. Once more humans are aware of the sins and the demons and choose to stop, the demons won’t have any leverage. More humans will be protected by the Lord’s grace…at least the worthy ones…and those demons will leave Earth alone…especially after Judgment Day is over with.”

“That’s not for another eternity,” Timmid mentioned.

“No! It could happen at any time!” Holly remarked. “Jesus needs to know that many people can be redeemed, the more the better. We angels are here to help speed up the process.”

“I like your thinking!” Tirred exclaimed, but then added, “Still, it would be much better to fight the demons outright. Maybe send the Exorcists to Earth as well as Hell?”

There was an intense silence. Even the protestors stopped in the snow in confusion. “Look at their stupid alien elf costumes,” one of them muttered. “They’re green Vulcans!”

“HEAVEN’S NO!” cried Holly and Docile at the same time. “You know how bloodthirsty those things are?!”

Docile and Holly looked at each other. “Jinx!” Holly laughed as Docile rolled his eyes. She laughed more before turning serious again.

“Why don’t you go back to singing with Camael and leave mortals out of things,” Docile scoffed, folding his arms.

Holly raised an eyebrow. “Please, Docile, I need your help. You have great choir and performance skills like me, but you’re also a great leader. I know you don’t like any pressure, like when Dad wanted you to be an Exorcist, but I promise, this will be different. No violence, no sadness, none of that. You will empower the humans with your words and gradually eliminate sin one day at a time. I am lucky to be able to have this decent work, and I’ll be even luckier to have you by my side. I don’t want you gone for so long again.”

“So, what do you think?” she asked. “Are you ready to make a difference in the world?”

Docile lowered his head, feeling guilty about upsetting his sister. He looked at his employees. Holly was his family, but at the same time, Docile had found a new family. There was a strange feeling inside that told him that ruthless violence or dogmatic propaganda were not real solutions against the demonic threats. Not that he wanted to befriend any demons…but perhaps…demons could be redeemed in their own way? Why hadn’t God stopped them already? With a snap of His fingers, the demons could just disappear. But why allow them to exist…why allow sin to grip the minds of mortals and immortals alike? And was sin completely bad…or perhaps it could be modified to better fit the needs of all the parties?

Docile gazed at the loud demanding protest ahead of him and saw that it was just adding fuel to the fire, literally. Flames rose as more books and adult sex toys were added to the burning pile. A kid screamed and cried as a red-devil teddy bear was snatched away from him by Timmy. The toy was tossed into the inferno, plastic eyes melting. A gay lesbian couple sobbed in the background as a framed picture of them was tossed into the fire, too.

Docile thought about what his mother had said when he was little, his mother who had very different beliefs than many denizens of Heaven: “Sometimes the ugliest meanest monster needs the most love. And sometimes the brightest angel can be a master of deception.” Docile could almost see his mother’s face in the flames.

“I think…” Docile began, gathering courage. “I think you need to stop.”

Holly raised her eyebrow. “What?”

“This…this is all wrong. Instead of just reminding people to follow Jesus and be good, your crew is policing and punishing people for undesirable behavior. You really think berating people for being gay or unmarried or liking porn in private will change anything?”

“Those sins must be eliminated,” Holly said. “No marriage equals no happy families for kids. Look at all the women in careers and more children being neglected. Society will crumble.”

“And unhappy marriages or forced marriages mean broken families and dead kids,” Docile countered. “You’re eliminating natural love.”

“God’s love is the only love that matters. I’m also steering people away from unconventional and toxic sex,” she said. “More porn leads to more abuse and death. And this makes demons all the more powerful.”

“I hate porn as much as you do, but sex is a natural instinct,” Docile said, fist raised. “Teens need to be taught how to do it safely and children already know about it. You can’t try to avoid something that will happen to most everyone.”

“People cannot control their primal instincts. The only proper way is with a married couple for procreation. The demons latch onto everything else.”

“So, I guess humanity needs to die out since no one can do sex right.”

“You have no morals, brother.”

“And you have no compassion for mortals. You claim to want to save them, but you don’t know how complex they are. You don’t even warn people of gun dangers!”

“You don’t understand mortals, either. Perhaps it’s time for you to learn that saving mortals is not all fun and games. And we still need guns for protection.”

“So criminals can keep shooting children? Why aren’t we burning guns in your pile?!”

Holly was at a loss for words. “Um…I-I guess so we can shoot those who would dare burn the Bible?”

“You sound like Dad in a bad mood,” Docile shook his head. “There’s a good reason why I decided to not see you all this time.”

Holly gasped. “You…you deliberately wanted to stay away from me?!”

In a flash of light, Holly Wata turned into her true elf form: dark teal green skin, pointy elf ears, blue/teal eyes, bald like Docile, white angel wings on her back and a halo over her head. Black scar lines decorated her arms. Tears fell from her eyes. “W-why can’t we just get along and spend time like when we were kids? I can’t believe you!”

“You don’t believe me anymore? Well, believe this!” Docile cried, pulling out his staff. A jet of holy water shot out from his staff, dowsing the fire. The protestors started to boo.

“And I’ll tell everyone at Camael’s Corner that your blonde hair was just a wig!”

“No, it was real hair from a magic potion! It was…just temporary.”

“I will have to stop you,” Docile mentioned.

Holly tried to slap the staff from her brother’s hands. “No, I will not let you sabotage my job!”

Tirred growled. “I like your work but keep your hands off my boss!”

“Actually,” Tirred continued, “I think it’s time to tell Timmy that the person he tried to save is happy and safe in Heaven.”

“Oh, thank Jesus,” Timmy sighed with relief.

“Timmid, could you go with Timmy and tell our client’s family that he’s okay?”

“Yes, sir,” Timmid smiled.

“Hey, I’m the sir here!” Docile glared at Tirred.

“I just wanna get this mission done.”

Timmid grabbed onto Timmy and teleported away.

Holly pulled out her staff and shot a sphere of light that spread around the area. The crowd walked safely away as if nothing were happening. The elves ripped their jackets off, revealing their usual work clothes. Docile and Tirred clashed staffs with Holly, who was more than a match for both of them. Holly flipped into the air, sending blasts of light at the duo. Tirred and Docile dodged the attacks, moving toward her on either side. She jumped onto both of their staffs before ascending into the air. She twirled around, sending the blasts of light from Docile’s staff back at them.

Docile dodged the blasts again.

Before long, Timmid and Timmy returned in a flash of light. “We’re back,” she said. “Timmy managed to find the family and I blessed them.”

“Good work, Timmid,” Tirred began before he was knocked into the air by Holly. Timmid caught him.

“Enough of this, Holly!” Docile brushed off his work suit. “I don’t want to fight you!”

Holly looked at Timmy and he lifted up his sign again. This time it said, “Last chance, Docile.”

Docile seethed and shook his head. He walked over to Timmy. “Please do something else with your life. You don’t have to tell other people what to think.”

Holly clicked her tongue sadly. “Have it your way, brother. I’ll just send you back home so I can get back to work.”

She let out angelic vocals that caused many humans to smile and sway in delight. Light glowed around her in the air and a golden beam light appeared from her staff.

“Watch out, sir!” Tirred yelled, pushing Docile aside. The light flew from her staff, heading right to where Docile was before…

The beam hit Timmy as if it were in slow motion. Timmy gasped as his body turned into a brilliant golden light, his physical features disappearing. He then faded as his soul traveled to Heaven, the now blank sign remaining behind on the ground. The elves stood breathlessly still.

“Yeshua’s Holy Backside!” Holly swore in anger and sobs. “Thanks a lot, Docile! Now I need a new job! I can’t believe I just…”

Docile help up his hands. “It was just an accident! I know we haven’t always gotten along, but I won’t let you get banished to Hell!”

“You’d better not!”

“On the bright side, the teachers are now back together in a peaceful world. But now it means we’ll have to come back and give Timmy’s family comfort,” said Timmid.

Tirred groaned. “Can we save that for tomorrow?”

“As far as anyone else knows,” Timmid began, “Timmy was walking in the woods and got eaten by a bear. I’ll relay the news tomorrow.”

“You should’ve stuck with me,” Holly pleaded to Docile. “You just left with no call, no note…please let me help you…let’s catch up, amend things…”

“Just because I’m your brother doesn’t mean I want to help you in your toxic propaganda,” Docile said coldly. “Not to mention cozying up to cynical, choir-crazed Camael. If you keep bothering me like this…then, I never wanna see you, ever!”

More somber silence.

Holly created a light circular portal back to Diligence in Heaven with her crystal, a deep glare at Docile. “The next time you wanna ruin my plans, Docile…don’t!” Holly disappeared as the portal closed.

Docile sighed and Tirred and Timmid lowered their heads.

“That was pretty harsh, sir,” Tirred mentioned.

“It had to be done,” Docile said. “Thank you guys for the help.”

“How are we going to get back without a Bible?” Tirred asked.

His question was answered as Holly tossed a Bible onto his head from above, through a light portal.

“Ow!” he spat.

“Let’s go,” said Docile. He recited a passage, and they were soon out of the snow and back in their clean E.L.F. office. Sunna was fast asleep on the table. She soon woke up. “Hello, everyone, did I miss anything? Why are you guys covered in snow?”

The elves shook off the remaining snow on their heads. “Don’t ask,” said Docile. He manifested a white mug of hot chocolate with his staff (which read “2ND BEST BOSS 2 GOD”) and took a sip.

#heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss #2phazbinhotel

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

Text

Heavenly Boss S2 E3: Eastern Energy

Flashes of silver shone in the Heavenly light and under the golden-red sky of the Patience Halo. Soother flew like the wind as he practiced fighting maneuvers with his two angelic katana blades. Thankfully, he didn’t have to worry about the heaviness of his Exorcist suit, for he was merely dressed in a more loose-fitting black suit with an angelic silver “A” on it, standing for Adam, the leader. Adam’s influence had spread to both Heaven realms, not to mention the poisonous propaganda of Adam’s ally angel Adina.

No one really knew how exactly Menadel and Soother met. Unlike Striker, Soother didn’t really hate the elite per se, but he did desire that his race gain more recognition for their hard work and service behind the scenes of everyday heavenly life. The Shem HaMephorash angels and the Ars Goetia demons had been going back and forth between peaceful negotiations and ominous contentions for hundreds of years. There were not many Ars Goetia demons left in 2P Hell according to rumor and as far as anyone knew, there was no mention of any Shem HaMephorash angels in the main Heaven realm. Soother certainly did not want to kill anyone, let alone attack the fellow elves of E.L.F. However, with rumors of the main Stolas not adhering completely to his duties and the 2P Stolas causing havoc, Menadel figured the next best thing would be to solve the problem, permanently.

Perhaps Menadel was impressed by Soother’s agility and strength and unique ability to lull denizens to sleep with his hypnotic eyes. Whatever the case, Soother had failed in his original mission to kill the 2P Stolas…and nearly caused the canon demons to become aware of the existence of their parallel counterparts.

But Soother would soon find out to his relief that something different had occurred.

Conjuring up other angelic weapons like spears, pistols, swords and holy daggers, Soother slashed through the air at moving holograms of demons, which were magically projected in the air via magenta crystals situated from below. They were one of many crystal inventions from Camael, besides the extra ability to travel to Earth. Soother felt more comfortable practicing by himself, rather than being berated by the predominant saints and non-human angel members of the Exorcists. He felt sorrow for the former humans who had been coerced by Adam and the elite to blindly kill their former brethren. Even more abominable was Adam’s groupie gang of angel Exorcist girls who relished in blood slaughter and his arrogant affections. Even still…Soother had grown up with the belief that all demons were evil and that the Exorcists were heroic veterans who played their role in keeping Heaven safe and Hell from formulating ideas of chaos and rebellion.

“Still,” he thought, “It feels wrong to go against ‘thou shall not kill.’ Even Jesus himself does not approve of all this slaughter. He’s the one who gives us second chances after all. But alas, there is elite corruption in every world, I suppose.” The way that Soother’s mind and body had transformed into a brutal killing machine after putting on the mask still troubled him. He performed more moves with his katana blades before sheathing them.

Later, Soother stretched as he took a heavenly elevator to the next Halo. He glanced up at the schedule for “Elevator 777.”

There was “Humility Halo” in a sky-blue background (opposite of red Pride), with the icon of Michael next to it, protector of humanity and rival of Lucifer who represented Pride and the sinners.

“Patience Halo” was in a light red background with the icon of Archangel Uriel. Uriel was the meditative archangel of wisdom and represented the divine light of God. Studious Uriel was the opposite of the loud, fiery and Wrathful Satan.

“Temperance Halo” was a yellow color with the Archangel Jophiel icon next to it.

“Charity Halo” was in white with the icon of Archangel Gabriel. Gabriel represented love, generosity, protection, and justice, giving instead of being Greedy like Mammon. No criminals in that Halo.

“Chasity Halo” was in light pink with the icon of Archangel Camael. Camael valued purity, order in relationships, abstinence, and obedience, the opposite of lustful demon Asmodeus.

“Kindness Halo” was on a light purple background with the icon of Archangel Zadkiel. Zadkiel represented “Chesed” or “kindness” in the sephirot, opposite of the envious Leviathan.

“Diligence Halo” was a light green (opposite of Sloth pink), with the icon of Archangel Raphael, the healer. Raphael worked to eliminate drugs and diseases on Earth and in Heaven. He was the opposite of Belphegor, the drug addict. Soother got on the large heavenly elevator and off he went.

Later that day, as the sun set in the white Charity Halo sky, Soother set aside time for the beings in Heaven he did respect (Besides God). In a white celestial temple, Soother prayed respectfully to the five main Archangels who were represented by magnificent marble statues in the four corners of the sacred space. Thankfully the temple was empty, so Soother could go inside and do his ritual at his own pace. Smooth white cobblestone, gold torches in a circle, a skylight on the ceiling to let in light, natural openings around the Greek-style pillars to display the sky…Soother felt right at home.

There was Archangel Michael, the mighty protector and slayer of evil, with his battle armor and flaming sword in hand. He represented South and Fire, and the energies of the Sun. Blue sapphires decorated the handle of the marble sword.

There was Archangel Gabriel, the messenger angel who told Mary about Jesus’ birth. His messages nurturing and always changing, he represented West and Water and the energies of the Moon. The white lily in his hand was decorated with pearls.

There was Archangel Raphael, the healer with emerald robes, who could heal physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wounds. He represented East and Air, and the energies of Mercury. He held a marble caduceus, the snake decorated with emeralds.

There was Archangel Uriel, the genderless Seraphim angel of wisdom and guidance in all areas of life. They represented North and Earth, with the energies of Saturn. The Uriel statue was decorated with rubies, with Uriel seated in a meditative lotus pose, their head a ball of fire with an eye of gold. A book and a flame were in their stone hands.

Finally, there was Metatron, a fusion of all four angels, and one who represented the Word and power of God Himself. The Ether element, all planets and all the directions were associated with him. A smaller statue of Sandalphon was attached to it, Sandalphon holding a lyre. Metatron held the Book of Life and a Merkabah shaped symbol in his hands.

A square fire pit was in the center of the temple. Soother lit it and violet flames flickered to life, dancing with passion amid the angel states and the light of God shining from a circular hole in the star-painted dome. The Metatron statue was directly in the center of the space, in front of Soother.

Soother began the Hindu-style offerings, murmuring prayers in Latin, Sanskrit and Enochian. Incense sticks of frankincense and myrrh added to the sacred, calming atmosphere. He spoke as if others were with him.

“Honor to Fire and the South! We bow down to the heroic Micheal, protector of humanity and ‘One Who Is Like God.’ May our enemies and fears surrender to your sword of divine fire.”

“Honor to Water and the West! We bow down to the nurturing Gabriel, God’s messenger who is ‘Strong Like God.’ Help us keep our faith strong and pure as you blow your trumpet.”

“Honor to Air and the East! We bow down to the empathetic Raphael, ‘God Heals,’ the divine healer, and bestower of wellbeing. Thank you for your miracles and devotion for the health of all.”

“Honor to Earth and the North! We bow down to the wise Uriel, ‘God’s Light.’ Illuminate us with your wisdom and guide us to our true path of righteousness.”

“Honor to the Holy Spirit and all Energy! We bow down to Metatron, ‘God’s Scribe’ and Enoch in divine form. One who has every name in God’s Book of Life. Show us mercy and help cleanse our misdeeds for the Day of Judgment. Help us remember that we are God and God is with us for eternity. Hail Sandalphon, Archangel of Music, Elijah in divine form.”

“Om…Ave Dios. Depart in peace and I thank you for your presence.”

After his prayers and mantras, he added his offerings to the fire: herbs, fruit, pieces of vegetables, seeds, and petals of flowers. He folded his hands together and briefly closed his eyes, imagining the archangels comforting him.

After Soother finished his ritual and used holy water to drown the flames, he felt a presence behind him.

“Let’s have a discussion, Soother.”

It was his boss, Menadel of the Shem HaMephorash angels. He wore a robe of white which ended in a grayish tone at the bottom. The Hebrew symbol, representing one of the seventy-two names of God was on the front of his robe in small black print. His hair was long and black, his face swan-like and white. He had brilliant white wings that sometimes displayed eyes. He wore his usual cape of two intertwining swan heads together and a gold necklace with his sigil on it. A halo over his head showed a crimson crystal in the center. In his powerful angelic form, he could turn into a giant monstrous swan being.

Soother slowly stood up and followed the angel to his office. Although Menadel was not mean, he did have a stern side. Soother often felt nervous in the presence of someone so devoted to work. He worried that he would be chided for failing his previous mission of killing the alternate Ars Goetia. They soon stood in Menadel’s spacious office. There was an ornate desk with a computer on it and tall arched windows that showed the darkening sky. Red Christian crosses were on display on white banners hanging from the walls like flags from the Crusades. Another sign showed black figures of gay men and gay women in sexual positions; below that was a figure of a horned person with genitals from both sexes about to sacrifice a baby on a pentagram. “Stand for your One True God,” the slogan said. “If you see something, say something!”

Soother glanced around nervously, wishing he was back at the temple. His only comfort in the room was a painting of Jesus with light around his head, arms open in welcome.

After a brief silence, Menadel cleared his throat and turned toward the elf.

“I have some promising news, Soother. It turns out that 2P Stolas and many other demons have weakened due to the already bleak conditions of their dysphoric Lovecraftian Hell. And fortunately for me…”

Soother waited.

“…I have just heard news that Prince Stolas in main Hell was injured by an angelic weapon…from an imp demon, no less. It was his karma for cheating with an imp and neglecting his astronomy duties. Without having to engage in arguments or keep an eye on my counterpart rival for a while, I can now return to more...intimate matters.”

“Such as?”

Menadel sighed. “Trying to undo the divorce…um, the unease between me and my former wife, Flora. I know I wasn’t there for my daughter, Quartet and wanted Flora to be a traditional passive wife, and I put my career before my family…”

“Right…”

“But perhaps, I can help Quartet become a worthy heir to the Shem HaMephorash. It’ll help with her confidence and expand her reputation.” He spoke in a murmur. “It’s sort of a win-win for me. She can succeed and the seventy-two angels gain a supporter, or she fails, and I can get her inheritance, despite already being rich. She has extra money from Lord Azrael.”

“Sir,” Soother began. “Doesn’t that make you as bad and greedy as…”

“The demons? Like Stolas’ ex-wife and her brother? No. I’m not trying to kill anyone. I’m only trying to keep Heaven and its structures in order as best as I can. But I cannot do it alone. Which brings me to…”

He turned around to face Soother. “You. Do be careful this time around with your next mission.”

“What mission is that, sir?”

“First of all, keep up with your Exorcist training, you never know when either Heaven may be threatened by sinners. And your new mission is this: root out any denizens who may be demons or who may be supporting demons. Lord Adam wants any traces of Hell or demon support out of the Heaven worlds. The former humans must not regress to sin, so they will always need constant reminders from Lord Adam, our Heavenly community and from God.”

Soother raised a brow. “You mean propaganda?”

“Well…”

Soother looked suspicious. “And wasn’t Adam a former human who sinned?”

Menadel leaned close to Soother’s face and hissed. “Do not let him hear his secret! Adam forsook his humanity long ago. Only a handful know and the many who do know often find themselves at the points of his spears or falling toward brimstone. As far as we’re concerned, it is a false rumor; Adam is the perfect holy candidate to eradicate the evil sinners and keep Heaven safe from them. Adam wants revenge against Lilith and Lucifer for playing a part in his banishment, so he kills sinners to remind them of their mistake of leaving him and Eden. (How ironic that the father of man allows the death of his own race while the mother of man allows the demonization of them). The exterminations do Hell a favor by allowing the Overlords and currency and resources to continue thriving without the excess population. Even Lucifer agreed to it in exchange for his safety and rulership.”

“And this relates to me how?” Soother pondered.

“It’s a warning to anyone who thinks the sinners below deserve any pity or sympathy. And to anyone who thinks the Ars Goetia are more trustworthy than our own order. You are to remind others that sin will not be tolerated…that our world can be a paradise that will thrive and triumph over Hell and Earth.”

Soother groaned. “Have you been watching too many of ‘Adam’s Awesome Extreme Acoustic air guitar shows again? Like that horrific episode, ‘Why Heavenborn Are Better Than Saints, Why Sinners And Demons Should Perish, And Why Adam Is #1’? AND WHY IS THAT EVEN AN EPSIODE?!”

Menadel chuckled nervously. “…maybe. Surprisingly enough, I have a little spare time now and again.”

“I swear the merchandise that a**h**e now gets…” Soother grumbled.

“Language,” chided Menadel. He picked up a glowing red apple with Adam’s monstrous Exorcist face on it. “The ‘Adam’s Apple™’ works wonders during my late midnight shifts…”

Soother rolled his eyes.

Menadel chuckled, then got back to business. “Anyway, Soother, help me keep the population calm, eliminate hints of satanic threats and keep the saints in both Heavens oblivious to their tortured former family members down in Hell…”

Sweat beaded on Soother’s face, and he gulped…

Menadel chuckled nervously. “Sorry Soother…Adam’s orders.”

“Let me guess, I’ll go to Hell if I don’t.”

Menadel shrugged. “I’ll just make sure you’re put on duty to clean and consecrate every chalice and temple in existence in the Heavens…yeah, there’s a lot.”

Soother shrugged.

“…and see how your horse would do in a race against the fiery Seraphim steeds…”

Knowing his horse’s fear of fire, Soother held up his hands. “Okay, I’ll do it, sir! Just, d-don’t send me down, please!”

Menadel smiled softly. “I knew I could count on you. You will be rewarded greatly for helping me feel at ease on my temporary ‘vacation.’”

0 0 0

Before long, Menadel, Flora, Azrael and Damabiah sat at a fancy café called “Charity Café – Pour For The Poor!” Indeed, for every coffee that was bought, donations were made to the poor (who weren’t really that poor considering it was Heaven).

Of course, there was an awkward silence between Flora and her ex. A part of her was happy to see he was doing well. But then she remembered that he neglected his duties as a father. Menadel was determined to make things right…even if he was still mad that Flora had left him for another angel…an angel of death, no less.

“Flora,” Menadel began, sipping his cup of coffee, pinky up.

“Menadel,” Flora returned the gesture.

Azrael looked uncomfortable as well. He kept glancing at the swan angel, wondering why he had to be here.

“Are you sure that you guys getting back together will be best for our daughter?” Azrael asked.

“If only to save our reputation,” Menadel replied. “Divorce is still frowned upon by many denizens in Heaven. We just got the softer hit because we’re rich.”

“It’s a little late for that,” mentioned Flora, folding her arms and glaring. Her dress glittered with green grass made of light, with colorful flowers dotting it. “Seventeen years late. You’ve always prioritized money and work over Quartet’s wellbeing.”

“You know that the Shem HaMephorash have to follow strict rules,” Menadel replied, sipping more coffee. “We serve the greater good and only for God.”

Flora scoffed. “Maybe you should’ve thought of that before deciding to have a kid with me!”

The pale-faced Azrael sighed, wearing his usual dark suit, with a skull pin, black wings folded behind him. His tired eyes were sunken behind his long black hair. “Can we just get this agreement over with? I personally am not a fan of Menadel getting more days with Quartet. And who is with you, anyway, Menadel?”

Flora turned to look at Damabiah, another angel of the Shem HaMephorash. Damabiah was pale skinned with long periwinkle hair and sky-blue eyes. Her light blue dress shimmered and rippled like a fountain. Damabiah was the “Fountain of God’s wisdom,” an angel of nature and water. Her white wings were folded behind her, and a teal-white halo hovered over her head.

“Pleasure to meet you all,” Damabiah said. “I am a colleague of Menadel, angel of summertime and a dove-hybrid. And the anthesis of Andrealphus. That icy cunning peacock gets on my nerves, for real. I don’t even know why he has ice powers anyway.” Many of the Shem HaMephorash angels were divine bird-hominoids and beings opposite of the demonic creatures. “Yes, I can turn into a dove and shower mortals with wisdom…provided they are polite and not in you know where.” She moved her finger across a gold pin on her dress with her angelic sigil on it and Hebrew writing.

“So, what wisdom do you have for us?” Flora asked, turning back to the topic, speaking in sarcasm. “Perhaps we should call in an angel of marriage and turn back time.”

Damabiah cleared her throat, dismissing the comment. “Well, as Flora’s first husband, I think it would be fair for Menadel to be able to spend more time with his daughter to make up for lost time…”

Azrael began to protest, but Damabiah held up a finger.

“…however, I think that Quartet should make the final decision. She is almost seventeen and soon to learn how to master magic and become an heir. At the very least, Menadel and Azrael should both be allowed to train her.”

“But our magic and views are as different as light and death, literally,” Azrael mentioned.

‘Which is precisely why Quartet should master both,” Damabiah replied. “In order to defeat potential darkness, she must have a feeling for the darkness to some degree. Besides, a bubbly princess who wears emo clothes all day does seem a bit odd.” Menadel nodded while Azrael glowered.

Menadel spoke up with a sly grin. “I propose that I either get half the time with Quartet…or…I get a fraction of the family inheritance.”

“You weren’t even around half the time!” Flora spat. “Plus, you’re rich enough already!”

“Do you know how hard it is to be a divine veteran for God? To work almost twenty-four hours to ensure Heaven’s safety and order? Relying God’s messages and translating them is hard enough.”

“Who do you think you are, an Exorcist?” Flora rolled her eyes.

“Better. I am part of a divine group that has been forgotten in the main Heaven. I think I deserve some recognition for my hard work after all these years. Can’t I at least have one chance to…be a better husband? We still have eternity do we not?”

Damabiah seemed to buy into it, because she said, “I think Menadel’s got a point.”

“Of course you would, you’re his sister,” Flora remarked. “Now go back to your little business family and stay out of our business!”

Menadel sighed, taking another sip of coffee. “Well, I guess I could leave you guys alone. But then again, rumors still spread. If someone very important, say an Exorcist general were to find out about you cheating on me…” He tsked. “I don’t see any good in that.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t think about spreading rumors about me earlier,” Flora glared.

“Got too busy and didn’t have the idea,” Menadel shrugged.

“God’s loyal servant can’t let go of the past,” Azrael barked, rolling his eyes. The air around him dimmed. “Say all the crap you want…you are not taking my wife away from me…or my daughter.”

“She is my daughter as well; you’d do well to remember that.” Menadel’s eyes briefly flashed.

“If you let that pompous guitar-strumming ass near my family just for your status…” Azrael began, teeth bared.

Menadel chuckled. “What? You’ll kill me? I’m immortal and you’ll just get punished. I heard Samael…”

“Cannot punish another angel,” Azrael finished. “The deal is off, Menadel.”

Menadel glared. “Maybe not an angel, but perhaps…”

He glanced over toward the window, speaking in telepathy… “…any group of deviant elves trying to challenge things.”

A pair of hypnotic dark blue eyes glowed on a pointed eared shadow figure. The figure flew to the side, got on a winged horse and was soon out of sight.

0 0 0

Docile, and his E.L.F. crew were talking and walking with a group of saints, some of them carrying protest signs. They were among those in Heaven who didn’t fully agree with the annual Extermination...and some were outright appalled by the idea, despite it going on for hundreds of years. They held signs that read, “Adam the A**h**e!” and “Redeem Our Sinner Families!” “Vote For Eve!” “Support Your Real God and the Archangels!” “Heaven Rights For Ex-Humans!”

Of course, Adam’s groups and many of the elite angels in both worlds were the predominant force in the Heavens. With the Overlords in Hell either struggling to try and defeat the Exorcists, or agreeing to their agendas for their own gains, true redemption seemed almost impossible. To make matters worse, the group of Heaven’s equivalents to the Overlords, the Born-Again Council, was not available for discussions.

“I wish God could fix this division between us,” sighed Docile. “Why couldn’t God love humans and angels equally? Punishment isn’t gonna help the people of Earth learn from their mistakes.”

“I agree,” said Sunna, licking her paw. “That Adam angel gives me the creeps. That demonic grin and his promiscuous arrogant behavior…I’m surprised that is even allowed in our world! Adam’s trying to create a tyrannical rule over all the worlds. This madness must end.”

“Not to mention our fellow elves are all but ignored, even behind the C.H.E.R.U.B.S.,” Timmid added, holding up a sign that read, “Justice For Animal Angels, Too!”

Tirred help up a sign that read, “I’m with those who fight in vain.”

Docile glared at his employee. “Don’t tell me you actually support him?”

“Adam?” Tirred scoffed. “I may hate demons and want them all dead, but even I find Adam f*cking annoying.”

“Language,” Sunna hissed.

“P*ss off, pussycat,” Tirred retorted. “Ironic that all these people are worshipping Adam as an idol and not God Himself.”

Rival protestors held banners with red Christian crosses on them. Many signs read, “Save the best for the native Heaven-born!” “Adam is our new Savior!” “Destroy Deviants and Demons!” “Obey Your One True God.” “Cleanse every world in the Lord’s name!”

Docile sighed. “Who knew Heaven would grow to be as messed up as Earth and Hell.”

They protested some more before the E.L.F. crew headed home. Sadly the “conservative” group were ahead of the “liberals” by seven points. The former, nicknamed the “Adamgelicals” had persuaded the higher-ups that no meeting was necessary to debate the Exorcist’s brutal methods against sinners…as far as they knew, anyone going against God deserved death in all its forms, the more painful the better. The latter, a lesser-known faction of Heaven (at least in the 2P one) had nicknamed themselves, “Jesus’ Love-Workers,” to which many Heaven-denizens cruelly dismissed them as being “New-Age hippies trying to save the damned.”

“Jesus would want to give all sinners a second chance, just like the princess in Hell,” many would say. Many of the members were former humans.

“Tell us where Jesus is and then we’ll talk. And the chance of Hell’s princess redeeming sinners is…well, like Hell freezing over!” The rival group laughed, mostly consisting of the Heaven-born. “Or like Heaven getting rained on! Hahaha!”

A sheep cherub spoke up. “It rains sometimes in other Halos. And in Dante’s ninth circle of Hell…”

A lion roared. “Shut it, Ewe, you’re on the Right side here!”

A sad look. “Whatever you say, Leo. I’m Ewe, just another sheep cherub in a world full of sheep.” Ewe flew off, hanging up fliers of Cletus, Collin, and Keenie: “Banished/Missing, if found, please head to Earth/Hell for immediate rescue.”

E.L.F. were glad to break free of the clamoring crowd. The sun was setting in the Humility Halo, turning the sky an indigo color. Polished marble buildings, churches with gemstones embedded in the structure and various shops briefly shone in the fading sunset light. The streetlights looked like golden suns as E.L.F. passed underneath them, heading to their houses. Docile and Sunna lived together, while Tirred and Timmid now resided in separate rooms.

The peaceful protests almost never turned violent, but harsh words were still spoken. “It’s Lucifer’s fault,” Tirred grumbled to the others. “If he had just followed God’s orders, he wouldn’t have made Eve get in trouble…”

“He was in love with her,” Timmid countered. “And God was strict with His children, what else would you expect love-struck gods to do?”

“I’d argue it was Adam’s fault,” said Sunna. “As the first man, he should’ve known better. If he had been respectful to Lilith, she wouldn’t have left Eden and Eve wouldn’t have eaten the forbidden fruit and God wouldn’t have decided that all flawed humans should go to Hell…”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Tirred groaned. “Coulda, woulda, shoulda. “The only thing I care about is Adam and those demons being burned to ash.”

“Perhaps we could go to the Heaven Ambassadry and request another meeting?” Timmid asked.

There were many Heaven Ambassadry buildings in the realms, including one in the main Hell. Like the one in Hell, the adjacent fence was golden, and the points were shaped like Exorcist spears and eyes were also part of the design. The golden doors had handles shaped like round suns. The arched windows showed Christan crosses, halos, and eyes. There were also nearby towers that looked like church steeples. There were gold frames near the roof and light shone around it. Angels could have meetings there to talk about the exterminations and various events…and the princess of Hell was planning to meet with some of the angels. Protection magic surrounded the buildings, keeping them indestructible and protected from any demonic criminals. Inside all the buildings were portals to allow angels to easily travel between the worlds.

“Not a chance,” Tirred sulked. “They won’t listen to guys like us.”

Soother wanted more than ever to join the E.L.F. crew, to find some way to help the elves get more recognition. But Menadel’s orders conflicted with his thoughts. Half the time, he convinced himself that Menadel and Adam and God and the rulers of Heaven knew what they were doing. That the exterminations were for the greater good…after all, God allowed it to happen.

If only an influential individual like Docile could be persuaded to a better point of view…his own. Last time, there was a misunderstanding, but this time, things would be different. Docile would have to listen to him, and then E.L.F. would have to follow. No more orders from Menadel, no more conflicts, mission accomplished.

As dark Asian ninja music played in the background, Soother waited in the shadows as he watched Docile go. “I’m sorry it has to be like this…” His face twitched and his narrowed eyes glowed as he put on his Exorcist mask.

Before long, E.L.F. were back in their respective homes. They were modest and well-kept places, with elaborate paintings in their living rooms and spacious beds. Sunna purred as she curled up on her large round bed, her teal blanket decorated with suns, paw prints, and Christian crosses. Timmid slept in her own bed, her room was neat and decorated with lots of flowers, animal posters, and some candles. Tirred’s room had an unusual display of angelic weapons, ancient artifacts, and a poster of a winking shirtless Samael (sometimes used for target practice.)

Docile’s room had awards on display from his days in choir and Bible study sessions. He had pictures of him with a smiling Sunna after she had gotten adopted, and the certificate was signed. Docile posed with the E.L.F. crew, everyone smiling except for Tirred. There were more pictures on the wall of Docile and Rizzafolli donating to charity and one with Docile, his sister and their parents. His blankets were midnight blue with gold sequins on them like stars. Docile slept soundly as the moon rose in the sky.

From outside the building, a ninja figure held out a knife and muttered a spell. The knife briefly became a silver key that unlocked the door. The shadow of the figure slowly moved up the steps, the stairs creaking under black boots. Ever so quietly, the figure stopped in front of Docile’s bedroom door. The door was pushed open, and the figure crept closer to Docile’s sleeping form. A hand reached near Docile’s face…

In his sleep, Docile briefly knocked the figure back with his face. The intruder stumbled and lifted himself up.

“Hello, Tirred,” Docile mumbled. “Can I marry you?”

The figure tried again…

…but got hit in the face with a punch from the sleeping Docile.

“You’re not Jesus. You’re Cletus…stop stealing my spotlight and my empire wine!”

The figure grabbed Docile’s arms, pinning him down. Docile slowly opened his eyes, half-asleep. “Dad? Why are you being so dominant…”

Frustrated, the figure slapped Docile across the face and removed his hood. Docile’s eyes widened, fully awake, as he saw who it really was.

“Soother? What are…”

Soother hummed and the circular teal lines in his dark blue sclera eyes moved inward and out. Docile’s eyes fluttered and he soon sank back into sleep. Docile was carried over Soother’s shoulder as he made his way down the stairs. Sunna’s pointed ears twitched and she jolted awake. She stretched and jumped down from the bed, scurrying on all fours out of her bedroom. She had made it outside just in time to see Docile’s limp form hang over Soother’s shoulders and vanish around the corner.

“Docile?” Sunna called. “Where are you?”

She yawned and raced ahead, but Soother was already gone. Growing concerned, Sunna wasted no time. She dashed back into her house and called Tirred and Timmid’s cellphones. When they didn’t answer, she grabbed a secret round light from inside a cabinet and aimed it out the open window.

Gradually, Timmid and Tirred woke up to find a light flashing in the night sky. They emerged from their bedrooms.

“What the heaven is that?” Tirred asked.

“An angel bat,” Timmid replied, drowsy. Sure enough, the light showed a bat-shape with feathery white angel wings.

“Some prankster doing stupid things,” moaned Tirred. “Go back to sleep.”

Sunna growled. “No, that’s not the one.” She fiddled with the light and flicked it again.

“Wait, wait, look,” said Timmid before Tirred turned back around. “The image has changed.”

The image was now pink with a skeletal black horse as the logo. “Spindlehorse” was written below it.

Tirred shrugged. “Again, this prank is a great insult because it doesn’t show me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to dream about kicking demon butt.”

“You really can be a jerk sometimes,” Timmid spat.

“No, no, no!” Sunna muttered. “Come, on, come on, come on!”

Finally, Sunna got the image she was looking for.

“Urgh!” Tirred groaned. “Will those people stop with the light flashing Batman prank?”

“Uh…Tirred…”

“What?!”

“That’s our symbol.”

“Spindlehorse didn’t make us, unfortunately,” Tirred growled. “Now get lost before I…”

Timmid pulled Tirred hard on the arm toward the window. “Look, you demon-hating bastard!”

Tirred blinked twice at what he saw. Sure enough, there was the E.L.F. logo symbol in the sky before them. The figures showed Tirred holding a sword, Timmid holding a scepter, and Docile holding a heart with a glowing cross inside with “Efficient Lifesaving Fellows” underneath. Docile had the Batman signal idea in place should their cellphones not work in an emergency.

“It’s an emergency!” Timmid cried. “Someone’s in trouble!”

“I’m not a superhero,” Tirred grumbled. “You go do it.”

“You’re coming with me! That signal is coming from Docile and Sunna’s house. Hurry!”

Tirred groaned but followed Timmid as they got dressed and ran several blocks to the house.

Sunna was already waiting out front.

“What’s going on, Sunna?” Tirred asked.

“It’s Docile! Someone broke into the house and took him!”

“What?!” Tirred bellowed. “Why would anyone be stupid enough to do that? And how did they even get in?”

“We have to find him, fast,” Sunna said. “Tirred, go back home and gather some weapons.”

“You know we can’t kill anyone in Heaven. Only higher angels can erase souls.”

“No, but temporary pain can still work,” said Sunna. “And I know how much you like using your weapons.”

“Ditto,” he said with a nod.

“Timmid,” said Sunna. “Try contacting Quartet or anyone else who knows Docile. Perhaps we can get a lead. I’ll try to sniff them out. Meet back at the Heaven Ambassadry building.”

“Which one?” Timmid asked. “Unlike Hell, there’s more than one in Heaven.”

“The one that looks most like the one in the main Hell,” said Sunna.

“They all look the same,” said Timmid.

“Just pick one!” barked Tirred.

“Sunna had the idea,” said Timmid. “Which one is it?”

“The one closest to the catnip store.”

“Of course it’d be that one,” Tirred rolled his eyes.

The three E.L.F. members spread out. Timmid called Quartet on her cellphone.

“Hello?” Quartet asked.

“Quartet, this is Timmid.”

“Oh, you are Sunna’s friend, yes?”

“Yes.”

“I just woke up to gaze at the stars for a bit. You’re lucky I’m awake and I know you. What’s up?”

“I think something has happened to Docile.”

“Docile?”

“Yes, my boss at E.L.F.”

“What happened?”

“Some thief broke into his house and took him. He may have been drugged or something.”

“There are no drugs in Heaven,” Quartet explained. “Maybe he got knocked out.”

“I need your help. Do you think you could get your father to help you rescue him?”

“Dad is asleep from a long important meeting. I don’t think he’s in the mood.”

“What was the meeting about?”

“He said it involved some elite angels and they were talking about my parents and their divorce. Well, my original dad.”

“Does that have anything to do with Docile?”

“Don’t know.”

Timmid held her head sadly, certain that Docile would never be found…

“But dad did mention an unusual thing there,” said Quartet. “He saw Menadel briefly talk with a figure outside. Some shadow with glowing blue eyes.”

“Blue eyes?”

“Blue-green eyes, very big. And the figure may have been riding a horse.”

“A flaming horse?”

“No, a winged Pegasus.”

“Is there anyone in Heaven who rides a winged horse?”

“I’m sure there’s many. Is there anyone you know in particular that rides them all the time?”

Timmid’s eyes widened as she put the pieces together.

“Soother…” she breathed.

“Good night, Timmid and good luck,” said Quartet. Timmid hung up and raced back to a heavenly building where Tirred and Sunna also arrived.

“Any clues?” Tirred asked.

“Nope,” said Sunna, brushing back her long brown braids. “My nose is tired from all the catnip.” She briefly sucked on the last bit of a green leaf.

“Hippie,” Tirred muttered.

Timmid panted. “I…I think it was Soother.”

“Soother? That nice elf with the hypnotic eyes and white winged horse back in the Patience Halo?” asked Sunna in surprise.

“Yes.”

Tirred narrowed his eyes. “I knew that shady sneak was up to no good. He’s so upset at us running his mission that he wants to hold our boss for ransom!” He sharpened his holy dagger.

“Let’s calm down,” said Sunna. “Perhaps there is more to it. Let’s head to the Patience Halo and find out where he lives. See how he likes us breaking into his house!”

“Which could very well be a trap,” Tirred pointed out.

“We have no choice,” said Timmid. “We have to find him.” They headed into their white E.L.F. van and drove down the road through a portal to the Patience Halo.

As Soother flew across the sky on his winged horse, Hypnoheart, four elves dressed in white monk-like robes began to sing Soother’s theme song, while playing Indian sitars and various Asian instruments.

“He’s flying over the puffy clouds

Not many say his name out loud

Look into his eyes and you’ll fall asleep

From Halo to Halo, his work runs deep”

“He’s Soother, he’s Soother

Getting stuff done, he’s number one, he’s Soother

Trying to being the elf to his side

To close Heaven’s moral divide

Despite his charm, he’s a mystery

Troubled with an unknown history”

“Side-changing

Elf-exchanging

Plan arranging

Soother!”

“He’s sweet and gentle and thin and kind

But be wary of what’s in his mind

He loves the Lord with all his heart

But authorities turn his life apart

He’s Soother! Soother!”

After they were done and noticed Soother, Soother said with a smile, “Thank you so much,” and tossed them a bag of gold coins. The elves cheered and headed off. Before long, Soother and the horse had reached a secret area in a large garden, where there was a small white house with a red Japanese-style roof design on top.

The E.L.F. crew arrived at the Route 777 gas station, where the four elves in white robes holding their instruments hummed Soother’s theme song on a bench. Tirred climbed out and got the gas while Timmid wandered around. Sunna waved to a Charlie’s Angels motorcycle gang, consisting of muscular elves and vehicles decorated with Christian crosses that could fly into the sky.

“Hello there,” Timmid called, spotting the quartet of musicians. “Have you guys seen Soother? He’s a ninja elf who rides a white horse?”

“Yes,” one of them said. “A friendly enigmatic fellow. He lives in the Goodman suburbs, in a small house near the gardens and temples. Very guru aesthetic, can’t miss it.”

“Thank you kindly,” Timmid smiled. “Hey, Tirred, we got another lead!” After they got gas, Sunna drove the van again down the road.

0 0 0

Docile slowly opened his eyes. He found his hands and feet tied with glowing white rope. He was leaning against the wall and saw Soother about to make a phone call. He looked around at Soother’s small, modest place. There were yoga mats off to the side, an array of blue candles on shelves, various Asian-style art and of course, a display of angelic weapons on the walls: scimitars, katanas, nun chucks, swords, pistols, and the like. The display would be enough for the agents of D.H.O.R.K.S. to fawn over. Strangely enough, soft meditation angelic music played in the background from a small set of speakers near Soother’s feet.

“Nice statue,” Docile remarked after seeing a small gold figure of Soother seated in a lotus pose on a shelf. Soother turned around. “Oh, you’re up.”

“Don’t put me back to sleep,” Docile’s eyes narrowed. “What do you want from me?”

“Nothing much. I’m still a little bit upset that you and your crew sabotaged my mission last time. But good news is that Menadel has other plans…for his family and for you.”

“Why me?”

Soother stepped closer. “The two of us could work well together.”

Docile frowned. “I already told you last time, I don’t want to join you in killing demons.”

“You don’t have to. I just think that you and E.L.F. could benefit from working with authorities to keep Heaven in order.”

“You don’t like the authorities,” Docile mentioned. “Especially Adam.”

Soother sighed. “I don’t have a choice. Menadel ordered me to find more people to support the seventy-two angels and most of them conform to the idea that Heaven must have perfect denizens. To uphold traditional Christian values that have stood the test of time.”

Docile strained against his binds. “You’re starting to sound like my fanatical sister. Our religion has been warped by mankind for centuries and now even divine beings are falling for the trap. Heaven is supposed to help and redeem all humans, not just the ‘good’ ones.”

Soother shrugged. “I’m just saying that if we have to wait until we can get Adam and the other elite out, then we should do so. There can be no support of demons or even any mention of sinners in our world. My duty is to the Lord, and thus to Adam and all the tenets.”

“There is no ‘we,’” Docile seethed. “And I know you don’t believe that.”

“Don’t I?” Soother put an angelic knife close to Docile’s neck.

Docile grinned. “If you really want me that bad, then E.L.F. must have some influence here. Our job is to not just save people on Earth, but to reunite families and souls from all worlds. And if that includes Hell, so be it. NO ONE deserves to be separated from family, sinner or not!” Docile choked up, “I know that because it happened to me!”

“Save your sob story,” Soother waved a dismissive hand. “Menadel said that I had to take care of deviant individuals like you.”

“You are one, yourself.”

“Shut it!”

“Look,” said Docile. “I have my own business that does its own thing. I wish you and other people would stop shoving your Evangelical beliefs down everyone’s throat and forcing people to convert! You know that will never work in the long run!”

A pause from Soother. “It’s the Adamgelical faith.”

“F**k that noise!”

“LANGUAGE!” Soother bellowed, striking Docile hard in the face. Docile growled and tried to kick Soother, but Soother moved out of the way. Soother pulled hard on Docile’s pointed elf ears. “You’d best be on good behavior,” he muttered darkly. “Menadel is on his way. And with you in our possession, your crew will follow our orders. There will be no more saving unworthy Earth folk or speaking out against the exterminations.”

“I’d rather be dammed,” Docile spat. “Like those cherubs that were banished.”

“You may change your mind,” Soother warned. He paced around and lifted his cellphone to his ear.

“Menadel, sir, this is Soother. Yes, I have him. His crew should be here any minute.”

Soother revealed an unnatural evil grin that gave Docile the shivers. Docile prayed that his crew would rescue him before Menadel arrived. He knew that fighting one of the Shem HaMephorash was next to impossible.

Just when Soother was about to deliver another insulting blow to Docile’s face…

“Leave our boss alone!” roared a fierce feline voice. The door was kicked down and there stood Tirred, Timmid, and Sunna. Tirred pulled out his pistol, Timmid held her white glowing short sword and Sunna brandished her sharp claws. Timmid threw a dagger, which landed at Docile’s feet. With mental telekinesis and effort, Docile managed to slice off the ropes binding his hands and feet.

“Thank you, Jesus,” Docile smiled, grateful tears in his eyes.

Soother put on his Exorcist mask, his body twitching as he held two glowing curved blades in his hands. “Welcome to my tranquil temple,” he said. “It’s quite rude to barge in without removing your shoes.”

“And it’s quite rude to steal our boss from under our noses,” Timmid spat.

Soother shrugged. “Just follow me and Menadel’s orders and Heaven will be a peaceful place for the greater good.”

“Never,” hissed Sunna, her brown striped fur standing on end.

“I wouldn’t support Adam, even if it means brimstone,” Tirred began. “Now be a good little elf and hand over our boss.”

Soother whistled and his steed Hypnoheart came flying in, neighing, and crashing through the roof. The elves barely managed to avoid his large hooves that crashed onto the floor. Several eyes blinked at Docile on the horse’s white feathery wings.

“N-nice horsey,” Docile sputtered, taking steps back in fear.

The horse grabbed Docile’s work suit in his mouth and carried him into the air. They flew over a peaceful garden with fountains, flowers, koi ponds and meditation spots.

“HEEEELLLLP!” Docile cried in terror. “I hate horses and heights!”

“Says an angel who can fly,” Soother scoffed.

“I’m coming, sir!” Sunna called, springing up from all fours and flying after the horse. Tirred and Timmid both began to fight the Exorcist-dressed Soother.

Sunna flew after Docile as the horse swerved out of Sunna’s reach several times. She avoided getting hit with his hooves before she flipped down and grabbed hold of one of his wings. The wings beat fast, almost knocking her off. Docile reached a hand to Sunna and she reached her paw to him. They could almost reach each other, but it wasn’t enough.

“Punch him in the mouth!” Sunna called.

“But I’ll fall!”

“You have wings for Viv’s sakes!” Sunna cried. “I’ll catch you!”

Docile gulped and nodded. He landed a fist to the horse’s chin and the stunned equine dropped him. Docile briefly stumbled as he fell, but Sunna dove forward and caught him. They looked at each other and grinned. “Let’s move this horse to another pasture,” she said to Docile, winking. “How about someplace hot?” They flew off together with Hypnoheart following close behind.

They flew over the city and toward a sky race where flaming stallions were pulling chariots with alien-looking angels inside.

“Excuse me, coming through!” Sunna called as she held the terrified Docile’s hand. They dodged hooves, flaming wheels with eyes on them and the protests from the racers as they hurried along the track. Just as Sunna suspected and what Soother had been afraid of, Hypnoheart whined back in fear at the sight of the flames on the horses.

“Look at that scaredy horse!” one of the red bully seraphim stallions whinnied at Hypnoheart. His name was Pyro. “He has no flames at all! No eyes like us! I bet he can’t even fly seven miles with those wimpy wings!”

An orange female one named Sera joined in. “Too afraid of getting hot, snow-horse?”

A light blue-white one snorted. Azul. “I bet your master sings you lullabies to sleep!” The horses laughed.

Hypnoheart neighed and flew away in fear and embarrassment back to Soother.

Sunna and Docile high-fived before flying back to Soother’s place. They arrived just in time to watch Soother spin around and knock Tirred and Timmid back with his twin bladed weapons. Tirred fired angelic bullets, but Soother’s Exorcist suit absorbed most of the blows. Soother rushed forward and slammed Timmid against the wall.

“Timmid!” Docile cried. “Don’t look into his…”

Wide-eyed Timmid started swaying and soon slumped to the ground after being influenced by Soother’s hypnotic stare.

“…eyes,” Docile groaned. Soother turned toward him, surprised. Timmid was not entirely asleep, but she felt like her whole body had gone numb.

“Welcome back,” Soother drawled. “I see you’ve escaped my horse.”

Docile smirked as he saw Hypnoheart shaking outside behind a tree. “I guess he’s scared of me now since I led him to his jock bullies.”

“My idea!” Sunna piped up.

“Hypnoheart got burned by those horses when he was a foal,” Soother said with a glare. “Took years of holy water and healing to get him back on his hooves.”

“How awful,” Timmid said with a frown. “If you truly care about your horse, you’ll take care of him and let us go instead.”

“Um…no,” Soother grinned again, slapping her in the face. She fell to the floor but stood up again. “Menadel should be here any…”

Whack!

Soother found himself being wacked on the head with a sword by Tirred from behind.

“That’s my ex-girlfriend, creep!” Tirred yelled and landed punches to Soother’s chest and neck. “Only I get to insult her!”

Soother then grabbed hold of Tirred’s arms, making him drop the sword. “You really are a snively selfish brat.” Tirred strained to free his arms in vain against Soother’s Exorcist-powered strength. Sunna leaped at Soother, but Soother moved to the side as she slammed into the wall.

“If you ever wanted to be an Exorcist,” Soother told Tirred, “Here’s a reason to decline!” He lifted the wrathful elf and tossed him through the room. He yelled and crashed into screen dividers with designs of cherry blossoms on them. “I’m not okay!” he groaned. Sunna leaped and scratched Soother’s arms, but Soother picked her up by the scruff of her neck and tossed her outside. To her dismay, she flew and landed smack into a round outdoor fountain of water. She yowled and hissed as she sat up and shivered, soaking wet.

“Enjoy your bath, kitty cat!” Soother called out, mockingly.

“Enough, Soother!” Docile growled. Soother towered over him. “Well partner, looks like it’s just you and me now.”

Docile scowled at Soother, soon finding himself cornered against a wall. Docile grew nervous as Soother inched closer.

“Let’s try this persuasion thing again,” Soother said. “This time, I’m not offering you an Exorcist position, nor any chance to become powerful for our species. In fact, you don’t have to work with any Archangels or royalty if you don’t want to.”

“I only work for myself,” Docile deadpanned. “No one else. Especially not with Exorcist jerks who think that eliminating humans who’ve made mistakes is going to create a better world.”

“If only you could grasp the bigger picture,” Soother mused, eyes glowing from under his mask. “I’m giving you a chance to collaborate with me, to ensure Heaven is a safe, peaceful paradise for all.”

“I refuse to join you until the Exorcists are disbanded,” Docile replied.

“What if Menadel decides to send you and your crew to Hell?” Soother asked, knife under Docile’s throat.

Docile’s eyes glowed menacingly, a strange courage and frustration gathering within him. “Go for it, punk. As long as I have my friends with me, I’ll do anything to help and honor the innocent victims killed by our own people.”

Soother stepped back, surprised. He had run out of ideas. “Well, if you won’t corporate, I bet Menadel will find some way to…”

“Yeah sure,” Docile smirked. “Go back to your daddy master and let him make your needs met.”

“He’s not my father!”

“Who is it?”

“None of your business!” Soother then paused and stared at Docile again. His eyes narrowed and his malicious sharp grin grew. “What about your daddy? Still not a good enough son for him? Not the Exorcist warrior or son of God he wanted you to be? The Shem HaMephorash has records of people.”

“I don’t care about that crap anymore,” Docile seethed. “I’ve forged my own path. I have everyone I could possibly need.”

“Do you, now?” Soother’s face darkened. “Perhaps there is one person missing from your perfect little life. What was their name again? Someone who went far far away? Was it…Allita?”

Docile froze in a panic, sweat beading down his forehead.

0 0 0

Meanwhile, Menadel and his sister Damabiah lounged in their golden palace. The palace was in the middle of a stunning green garden, and golden fountains sprayed golden water into basins of various sizes. The golden liquid could give healing and knowledge to those who drank it. (They were, of course, constructed by Damabiah.

Using yellow magic, Damabiah manifested two lumps of sugar and dropped them into her cup of hot tea. She stirred it with a gold spoon and smiled. Her brother sat across from her, also sipping tea. They sat at a brown round table with emeralds embedded onto the sides.

“So, about that meeting earlier,” Damabiah said. “How did you think it went?”

Menadel sighed. “I honestly expected it to be better. Flora wants nothing to do with me and Azrael would be happy to decorate my gravestone.”

“You’re immortal.”

“You know what I mean. And technically, God can kill any one of us at any time. But it seems like God has forgotten He needs the Shem HaMephorash. We are aspects of His divine name and yet the angels of death and violence seems to be all the rage these days.”

Damabiah blinked, pushing back her periwinkle hair. “I thought you wanted violence against demons.”

“Well yes, but…” he had a reminiscent look. “I do miss the old days when there was less work to be done and we could help God create the cosmos without having to babysit humans or watch demons.”

“To be fair, the Archangels and cherubs do much of those interactions, helping humanity as a whole,” she mentioned.

“And us? We may as well be like the Empyrean Guard who patrols God’s abode and spies on other worlds.”

“Would you…prefer to do something else?” asked Damabiah.

“Besides helping Quartet become heir and getting rich…not much I guess…”

Damabiah smirked. “My own brother, patron of careers, not even sure what to do about his own. Just hiring an elf to kidnap another elf.”

“Well, perhaps you have a better idea of how we can convince that elf to support our campaign.”

Damabiah stood up and pulled out a treasured business card from a shelf. It had Menadel’s sigil on the front and his profile description on the back. She smiled at him. “Perhaps a new idea that you won’t like.”

Menadel glared. His sister put a hand on his shoulder and showed him his card. She read, “Menadel, ‘the Honorable God,’ Angel of work and jobs. He can help with finding and keeping jobs and setting goals.”

Damabiah continued. “I bet you didn’t see the second description of yourself.”

“Second description?” he asked, bewildered.

His sister read, “Helps reunite estranged family members. Brings an end to gossip and slander.”

Menadel stared blankly.

Damabiah shook her head and snickered. “You got so wrapped up in work that you forgotten what your own powers are?”

“So what? How is this important?”

“Think about it!” Damabiah beamed. “You’re used to arguing with Prince Stolas and you seem obsessed with wanting to kill him.”

“He’s neglectful and annoying!” Menadel roared. “And his relationships and sexual stuff is just gross.”

“Yeah, the sibling/romantic relationship between Stella and Andrealphus is revolting. But never mind all that. You watch over him for a reason, right?” she asked.

“Yeah…”

“How about instead of trying to end him, why not…show some mercy and help him?”

“Helping demons? Are you out of your mind?! Heaven isn’t exactly demon friendly.”

Damabiah held up her hands. “I’m not saying you have to befriend him. But maybe you could use your ‘new’ abilities to help settle things down. You could help Stolas make amends with his family and maybe even his ex-wife. With no more gossip about Stolas being divorced and involved with Blitzo, he won’t potentially get killed. With his family settled down, he will be able to continue his duties of reading the stars. Plus, this will reduce the chances of war.”

“And nothing is in it for me?”

“Oh, there’s plenty in it for you. The first step is to call off Soother’s mission to convert Docile.”

“Why would…”

She cut him off. “We don’t need Docile. We already have plenty of support for Adam and the elite already. And yes, I know people’s names… ‘Fountain of Knowledge,’ after all.”

“Why, again?”

“Biding our time to gain the advantage works the best,” she said. “With no worries about Stolas, you’ll have time to finally make amends with your own family. To not be so weighed down by work. And I’ll talk to Azrael to see about giving you some money as a reward. If you can prove to them that you’re serious about Quartet’s wellbeing, then perhaps we’ll be able to work things out.”

“Yes,” Menadel smiled. “And still find ways to cleanse any sinners and deviants in Heaven, right?”

Damabiah frowned. “Leave that to the Exorcists. You need a break from all the Adam propaganda politics.”

Menadel sighed, seeming to realize just how tired he really was. “Yes, you’re right. You always have a way of grounding me when I get my head too stuck in the clouds.”

A yellow cloud appeared and hovered near Menadel’s face. He gasped and sneezed. Damabiah giggled.

“Can you at least agree not to prank me with your magic tricks?” Menadel said, folding his arms.

“No promises on that one,” she said, holding up a golden rotary phone to his ear. “Now go call Soother.”

0 0 0

Docile breathed heavily, tears forming in his eyes.

Soother leaned down. “She was your mother, wasn’t she? Menadel told me all about her. She was sent to Hell for avidly supporting sinners and demons.”

“W-what?” Docile asked. He had no idea how long he had repressed those long- lost memories. When he had separated from his sister and lost contact with his best friend…when he had seen his mother being dragged away after she and a tag-team had tried to burn Exorcist weapons in holy flames. He had forgotten about reading that obituary section in the newspaper, the same spot where there was a list of criminals who had been banished. His father, Yesha Cantus, out of fear, had tried to mold him into the ideal son ever since.

“I can help you get her back,” Soother mused into his ear.

Docile stared into Soother’s eyes. With his comrades numbed by Soother on the ground, he already felt like giving up. “Why?”

“To bring justice to you and to me. You said you wanted to help families reunite. Now I will do the same for you.”

Docile sobbed, feeling helpless. “Okay, okay fine! You can make me support Adam and Menadel and whoever else you want. I’ll even stop protesting against the Exorcists! Just bring her back, please!” He was begging on his hands and knees, influenced by both Soother’s stare and his own deep emotions.

“Then it’s settled,” Soother whispered, his face in shadow. “Time to take a nice, good sleep…”

Holy, Holy, Holy!

Soother stood up, surprised at the sound of his angelic ringtone. He heard his cellphone ring and picked it up to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Soother, this is Menadel.”

“Hello, sir, are you coming?”

“I’m afraid there’s been a change of plans. I want you to let Docile and E.L.F. go. No more negotiating with them.”

Soother raised an eyebrow. “Wait what? You said you’d be here by now. And I have him hook, line, and sinker.”

“It’s better if we let Docile decide what to do on his own. We already have enough supporters for Adam and the Exorcists anyway. I’ll give you some much needed time off, some money…”

Soother glared.

“…and a fire-proof spell for your horse if you let E.L.F. go.”

Soother groaned. “It’s always one thing after another with angelic royalty. E.L.F. will just keep challenging the system. Can’t you make up your mind?”

“My mind is made up. Let him go and come back to me.”

“Yes, sir,” Soother sighed as he hung up.

Soother stood up, Exorcist mask still on. “I think I can still get all of you to confirm to my beliefs anyway.”

Docile’s spirit lifted as his crew slowly stood up and joined him. “Guess what, Soother,” Docile smiled weakly. “It doesn’t matter what you throw at us. I have my companions with me.” He looked at Sunna, Tirred and Timmid who gave him warm encouraging looks. He stood up taller. “As a matter of fact, I don’t need your help or the Archangels or anyone. Perhaps in a new mission, we’ll find a way to bring my mother back on our own.”

Soother let out a distorted maniacal Exorcist laugh. “You fool! I have no interest in going down to Hell to bring her back.”

“You were trying to trick me into obeying you!” Docile cried.

Soother nodded. “It’s impossible! The only way for a person to return to Heaven is if they are redeemed from their sins! And I don’t see redemption happening any time soon!” He threw a dagger into the head of a stuffed red demon training dummy on the far side of the room.

Soother continued. “The Exorcists will continue their divine duties of destruction, whether you like it or not. And if you interfere again…you can kiss your business goodbye!”

Docile fumed, sobbed and shook. He breathed heavily; his teeth bared.

“Docile?” Sunna began, with a concerned look. Docile slowly rose off the ground, white wings flapping. A few drops of golden blood dripped from a cut on his forehead.

“In fact,” Soother continued, with a crazed expression. “I’d just let the whole thing go. She’s probably forgotten about you by now!”

Docile clenched his fists and his angelic scepter formed from light into his hands. His wings beat furiously, and angry teal eyes briefly dotted his white feathered wings.

“Sir!” Tirred cried. “He’s getting under your skin as a last-ditch attempt to get you in trouble!”

Docile slowly aimed his scepter at Soother’s head.

“Don’t kill him, sir!” Timmid yelled over the noise of angelic magic breaking apart the room, cracking the walls, ceiling, and floor. “If you kill him or harm him severely, you’ll be banished, too!”

Docile strained, fingers clenched as golden light formed from the black sphere at the top of his staff. The light and electricity grew brighter as he aimed.

“Have fun being alone, Docile!” Soother screeched.

“DOCILE, NO!” Timmid, Tirred, and Sunna screamed.

Docile roared and a blast of electrifying light shot out from the scepter and hit Soother in the face. The elf flew backwards and crashed into the wall. The golden statue of the Buddha Soother fell onto the elf’s head with a crash. Docile stomped over to the barely conscious Soother and ripped the Exorcist mask off his face. He threw it on the ground and jabbed at it ferociously with a nearby angelic spear. The mask cracked and split into pieces under Docile’s feet. With a final act, Docile aimed his scepter again and disintegrated the mask completely with a beam of light.

Tirred, Timmid, and Sunna stared silently at Docile, shaking and whimpering. Soother’s eyes fluttered open. “What…have you…done?”

Docile spit on the ground. “A**h**e,” he swore at Soother before turning around and walking out of the room. Sunna covered her mouth with her paws.

“Do I even need to tell you, ‘Language?!’” Timmid sighed at her boss.

“No, no, not again!” Soother sobbed at the damage. “What have I done? Docile…wait!” Docile had already left.

E.L.F. stared back at Soother’s crumbled house.

“I hope you have insurance,” Sunna said quietly.

Docile didn’t say a word. Tattered and tired, he somberly flew back toward his house and his employees followed.

#heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss #2phazbinhotel

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

Text

Heavenly Boss S2 E2: Angelic Is and Christian Ts

Timmid happily strolled into the E.L.F. meeting room, her white dress flowing, her white hair neatly pulled into a ponytail. Tirred sat bored as usual, while Sunna was busy grooming her paw. Docile had just finished writing on the whiteboard: “Mother Mary’s New Interview, Coming Next Tuesday!” and “10 Reasons Why E.L.F. Beats C.H.E.R.U.B.” and “Why Does Heaven Have Alcoholic Beverages?” and “Why Can’t I Find Anything Else To Draw On Here…If Anyone Mentions Horses Having Sex, I’ll Write Them Up!”

“Hello, Timmid!” chirped Sunna. “What are you so excited about?”

“I just saw my old childhood friend today!” she trilled. “He talked about giving money to charity and how important it is to abstain from unhealthy sex. Also, he seems to have a great distaste for sharks.”

“Interesting,” said Sunna. “I’ve certainly never heard of him.”

“Is he a loan shark?” Tirred muttered, half-curious.

“No, he’s a care-bear,” Timmid mentioned. Tirred rolled his eyes.

Just then Docile’s cellphone rang. “Just a second everyone,” said the head elf, standing up. “I think I’ve got a new client.” He wandered back to his office.

“Thank you for calling Efficient Lifesaving Fellows, saving souls of all ages, this is Docile, how may we bless you?”

A female voice spoke on the other end. “There will be no reason for your crew to go down to Earth this time.”

“Why not?” Docile asked, confused.

“I’d like for you guys to come to my estate to talk business. There is something important that I’m sure will be worth your time.”

“Cool,” said Docile. “Who are you and what’s the address?”

“Transportation has already been taken care of,” said the voice. “And you’ll find out who I am soon enough.”

Soon there was a knock on the front door of the E.L.F. building. Docile led the way downstairs and his crew followed. They found a brown bi-pedal angel bear with white wings and a halo. He was dressed as a butler. Another brown bear wore overalls and a sunhat. The other bear sat on a seat, holding the reins of a golden carriage. Two giant white doves sat in the front on the street, waiting to take off. The seats inside were covered with red curtains decorated with eagle designs.

“At least it’s not horses,” Docile mentioned as he climbed into the coach followed by Tirred, Timmid, and Sunna. They put on their seatbelts and with a “Yah!” from the bear driver, the doves took off into the light blue sky. The carriage soon flew through a portal and the sky turned white. They were in the Halo of Charity. Tirred and Timmid still avoided eye contact.

“Hey Tirred,” Docile mentioned to his subordinate. “Aren’t you from here?”

“I grew up in Patience, like Timmid,” mentioned Tirred and pointed. “I live just over there.” They flew over a glorious landscape filled with trees, rivers, and clean pristine buildings. Down below, people were having fun at the Woo-Hoo Land amusement park. The crystal structures and water slides glimmered in the sunlight. There was no pollution and no violence in sight. Several other angels patrolled the area, standing guard like divine police. A sign read: “Welcome to Generosity Town: enjoy your stay! No Criminals Allowed!” The carriage continued until it lowered to a stop. “Whoa!” called the bear pilot and they stopped. Tirred got out and the others followed.

“Whoa!” Timmid exclaimed in amazement. “Is that…”

“Yes, my home,” said Tirred.

They stood on the grounds of a marvelous mansion. The walls were made of marble painted red and several rubies decorated the window frames. The roofs were styled like those of German houses and there were two black eagle statues flanking the double gold doors. The lawn was green and there was a fountain of water in the center of the area. The roof over the front door was held by two white Greek columns. The whole area was immaculate.

Just then, two slender elves came out from inside. The man had short black hair like Tirred’s, navy blue sclera eyes with teal pupils, black freckles, and dark teal skin. His pointed ears extended past his black round hat on his head. He wore a navy-blue suit and green tie and a police badge on his chest. He also wore nice dark pants and shoes.

“Hello Tirred,” said the man. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.”

Tirred slowly made his way forward, straightening his teal bow tie.

“Hello, father,” Tirred replied. “Everyone, this is my father, Turquoise. And this is my…”

“Ex-girlfriend,” Timmid muttered.

“Nice to meet you,” Turquoise said, shaking Timmid’s hand. Timmid shyly stepped back.

“I heard you guys are all in a business to help humans,” said Turquoise. “I hope you are being careful out there. You know humans can get pretty nasty.”

“Well, I personally love those guys,” Docile added, stepping forward. “Look past their flaws and you’ll see saints in progress.”

Turquoise raised his eyebrows. “You must be Docile. With the silent ‘e,’ right?” They shook hands.

“Yes, that’s me,” he said. “And my assistant Sunna.” She waved in the background.

“And this over here is my wife, Blau,” Turquoise mentioned.

Tirred glanced at his mother with an apprehensive look. She was tall and slim, wearing a blue German dress and black heeled shoes. Her hair was black, straight, and long, her elf ears sticking out. She had the same eye color, skin color and black freckles as her family.

“Helping humans on the job,” Blau said out loud, her face blank. “I’m surprised my son is still not an Exorcist yet.”

There was an awkward silence. Timmid got the answer as to why Tirred was quiet about his family.

“Mother,” Tirred began. “I’ve been trying for years. They said I’m too short.”

“Your boss was an Exorcist,” she mentioned.

“Yeah,” Docile added. “But it got to be too much.”

“So, you quit.” Her eyes narrowed.

Docile shrugged nervously. “Y-yeah. But I started my own business to help humans get to Heaven. I’d say that’s good enough for me.”

‘Well, you do you,” she shrugged. “I only care about what my son does.”

Turquoise chuckled nervously, glancing at his wife. “You know, how about we all come inside for some dinner? My bear assistants have something special planned for tonight.”

Two bears wearing uniforms stood guard by the door, holding angelic spears. Their wings were folded behind them. Tirred looked at a nearby poster hanging from the wall in the shadows inside the manor: “Go beyond human sin…count yourself lucky to be here.” It showed etheric angels with glowing eyes and alien-white faces.

“You doing okay, Tirred?” Sunna asked, walking beside him.

Tirred folded his arms. “I’m fine,” he said.

“You don’t look very…”

“I already said I’m fine!” he seethed. “Perhaps you should’ve stayed behind!”

“No way,” Sunna glared. “I never leave my friends behind. At least…the good ones.”

Tirred rolled his eyes, glaring at Timmid who stared at him.

“What’re you looking at?” he asked, making her flinch. “I’m still not talking to you.”

“F-fine,” she said, eyes downcast. “I’d say even my cowardly family is braver and more honorable than you, but…”

Tirred seethed in annoyance as he stomped toward the door.

Docile strolled in and took off his shoes before heading inside. The others did the same. The bears came in last and closed the double doors.

0 0 0

The mansion interior was large and light. There were several large windows that let in sunlight. The wallpaper was red and decorated with designs of angelic eagles, wings outstretched and eyes on them. A cross of spears was under the eagles.

Blau strolled over to a bar, where a glass cabinet with glass bottles glowed white. She took a bottle of Heaven’s Light 33 and poured some for Docile. She also added several ice cubes to his drink. She walked over to the elf and gave it to him. Docile bowed in thanks as he sat on a black leather chair in the living room. Blau walked back to the bar and poured a tall glass for herself. A fireplace emitted white flames in the living room, the black grate decorated with eagle designs.

“So Docile,” Turquoise said. “Is it true that you used to be an Exorcist?”

“Yes,” said Docile. “I was also part of God’s choir for a while, but my father Yesha Cantus encouraged me to join the ranks.”

Turquoise smiled. “That’s very impressive. It’s great to have someone in Heaven with experience and courage.” He sat down across from Docile, and they drank their drinks. Timmid and Tirred sat on opposite ends of a couch. Sunna was curled up on a nearby rug.

Docile added, “Of course it wasn’t easy. Being an elf in comparison to the other heaven-borns can be a bit of a struggle. Even compared to the formerly human saints, it’s like you’re in the background.”

“Tell me about it,” Blau said with a sigh. “This family has been the head of Charity’s divine protective force for many years. Our money is generously donated to several programs: one to help the Exorcists and two, to help fund schools for the saints.”

“What do those schools do?” Docile asked.

Blau smiled as she sat on a stool. “They explain the many amazing roles that saints and the heaven-born alike can fulfil. There are some roles, for example, God’s council, that the heaven-born are more suited for. But the former mortals can go around and teach angels and new arrivals what it’s like in both worlds. And of course, the Exorcists is a position not for the faint of heart. Heaven-born and former humans alike can apply.”

Timmid’s eyes went wide. “Wait a minute. I thought only female angels could serve under Adam.”

“There are a lot of females in the army, but with so many sinners in Hell, angels from every class…and either realm of Heaven…are encouraged to apply. Even elves.”

Tirred gulped.

Timmid spoke up. “D-doesn’t that mean that…the former humans who came to Heaven…are killing the former humans now in Hell?”

“Yep,” Blau said casually as she took another sip of her drink. “Man against man…conflict has always been in their nature.”

“And…you see nothing wrong with that?” Timmid asked. Docile also looked concerned.

“That’s just the way it works up here,” Blau explained. “There are lots of requirements for humans to be admitted into paradise and very few make it. But hey, some like Adam get incredible privileges.”

“But their families in Hell…” Timmid began.

“Are not their families anymore,” Blau finished. “Saints and sinners don’t mix, after all. Besides…” She drank again. “There is so much to do up here anyway. Drinks to enjoy, charities to fund, sinners to judge…”

“Right,” Tirred began as he stared at the various angelic weapons on display on the walls around the rooms. There was a tense silence before a knock on the door was heard.

“I’ll get it,” called Timmid. She stood up and walked to the door. She opened it.

“Hello, old friend!” smiled Zach the bear.

“Oh Zach!” she beamed. “You got here just in time. Come in!”

Zach stepped inside, briefly stretching his wings. He was a lavender-colored bear with white angel wings and a gold halo over his head. He wore blue overalls, a white shirt with a red heart on it and carried a flute in his pocket.

Tirred rolled his eyes. “Great, the care-bear is back.”

Zach walked up to Tirred and smiled. “How’s my grumpy little elf buddy?” he teased, playfully pulling at Tirred’s cheeks. Tirred swiped the bear paws away. “I’m not your buddy!”

“Oh, sure you are! Remember you, me and Timmid, how we used to shoot arrows together at camp?”

Timmid smiled. “Archery class was one of my favorites.”

“I always beat you,” Tirred mentioned.

“Yeah, but Zach beat you at everything else,” she giggled. “Your canoe flipped over, and your s’mores got burned to a crisp.”

Tirred scowled. “Don’t remind me! Plus, his size gave him a huge advantage!”

“How about a celebratory bear-hug for our reunion!” smiled Zach. Zach squeezed a smiling Timmid and an annoyed Tirred before dropping them.

“Welcome back, Zach,” Turquoise smiled. “It’s great to see you again. And I always appreciate you promoting our family business.”

Zach smiled. “Just doing what I do best.”

“Tirred in the judicial force,” Docile smiled. “Imagine that. Next time I’ll call your parents to arrest you if you get in trouble.” He laughed playfully, much to Tirred’s annoyance. He saw a framed picture of Turquoise shaking hands with an angel with a flaming head and a sword by his side. Another one was a family picture of a baby Tirred standing next to his parents. His father’s hand was on his shoulder while his mother stood off to the side.

Just then, a maid elf came into the room. “Dinner is served.”

0 0 0

They all sat down at a long dining room table, where an array of German meals were placed in front of them: sauerbraten roast beef stew, bratwurst, reibekuchen fried potatoes, and kirschtorte sponge cake with liquor, chocolate and cherries. Tirred stared at his food, not hungry. Timmid picked at her potatoes. Sunna and Docile enjoyed their food, while Blau drank some more. A vase of red, orange, and yellow flowers was at the center of the table.

“This is kinda awkward,” Docile mentioned.

“I suppose you want to know why you’re here,” Turquoise said.

“Yes,” Docile said. “We save people on Earth, right? We bless them and give them chances to come here. We don’t normally do contracts for locals so if you want to do business with us…”

“We don’t want to do business with E.L.F.,” said Turquoise. “We’re here to do business with our son.”

“Me?” Tirred asked.

“Yes,” added Blau. “I summoned E.L.F. to make sure you’d show up. Because…Zach over here will be helping us out.”

“Why him? He’s annoying and cheery!” Tirred narrowed his eyes.

“Ever since you left, your mother and I had to pick up the slack. Not only do we fund charities, but we also have to help out the former humans here who’ve…lost their way,” Turquoise explained. “I think Zach’s loving presence will help encourage some of the saints to change their ways and remain marvelous obedient citizens.”

“But he can’t even handle a spear!” Tirred protested.

“That’s why we have you,” Blau deadpanned. “To make sure nothing goes wrong.”

Tirred stared at his plate again.

“But why waste our time over it?” Docile asked.

“And what does this have to do with Tirred?” Timmid asked.

“Tomorrow, there will be a special ceremony,” Turquoise said. “Zach and Tirred will head to Samael’s stadium to help pass judgment to troublesome folk. No punishment or anything, just to give some feedback. Then all of you will be free to go once it is over. I’m hoping that Tirred will finally get a chance to be an Exorcist if he succeeds. To become a steadfast, unwavering warrior, one must not falter in the faces of wrongdoers. Sometimes killing is necessary for the greater good.”

“Thou shall not kill except when God wants us to,” Tirred rolled his eyes with a scoff. His father glared at him.

“So… it’s jury duty?” Sunna asked, as she finished her meal.

“Sort of,” said Turquoise. “No need for him to stress out. No pressure at all!”

Docile wondered. “Maybe he wouldn’t be stressed out if he didn’t have to constantly wield weapons and be with a person that’s too nice for him.”

“Thank you, sir,” Tirred said to Docile.

“You’re welcome, son,” said Turquoise. “I’m glad to know you’re up for the responsibility.”

“I was talking to Docile,” Tirred said. His father glared at him.

“Look, son, being able to do what is necessary to keep our world in order, along with weapon use is essential experience for being an Exorcist. It’s what you wanted for years, right?”

Tirred nodded, sullenly. The desire was engrained in him so deep, that he constantly forced himself to believe it.

“Then, there you go,” his father said with a smile. “I know tensions have been high tonight, so I think you all should get some rest. The servants will show you to your rooms, they’re all prepared. Docile and the rest of E.L.F. will stay here, tomorrow.”

Timmid was about to protest, but Sunna encouraged her to move forward.

The group headed out of the dining room and up the stairs.

Docile wondered out loud as they reached the top of the stairs, “Why does your dad want us to stay here?”

Tirred sighed. “It’s my dad. He doesn’t want strangers around when family business goes on.”

“But you’ve been with us long enough,” Docile said.

“Yes,” Timmid said. “As much of a jerk as you are, we always stick together. Who says we can’t hang back to make sure it goes alright?”

“I suppose you can try,” Tirred began.

“You can do it,” Sunna encouraged. “Get plenty of rest.”

Tirred gave Timmid a soft look as if he wanted to talk to her more. But she just turned her head away.

E.L.F. went to their separate rooms.

0 0 0

The next day, Tirred and Zach got up early and headed with Blau and Turquoise to the stadium. Tirred and Zach were dressed in their best black suits for the occasion. The stadium was silver and shaped like a golden moon. They walked through the doors and came to a wide arena.

As soon as they entered, Tirred had a strange feeling of dread. Zach, meanwhile, was fascinated by the room and the crowd.

“So many kind people here,” Zach exclaimed. “I can’t wait for the ceremony. Aren’t you excited, buddy?”

Tirred tried to keep his teeth from chattering. Zach didn’t know what really went on in these walls, but Tirred always remembered.

There were angels sitting on comfortable benches in a semi-circle. Within the walls were torch decorations on either side: golden angels playing trumpets and white flames dancing in the trumpet openings. On the white marble floor was a design of justice scales made from real gold that decorated the floor. Sitting at a podium were council members that looked like white etheric aliens with glowing white halos on top of their heads. Several archangels were seated to the left, including the blonde haired and pale faced Michael.

Samael himself was seated at the highest seat, a spear in his hand, hair blonde. He was God’s harshest judge and thrived on giving out various punishments. He stood proudly in his red suit, badges glinting in the firelight. He glanced at Tirred and winked. Tirred felt like he was going to vomit.

Tirred felt a hand tug his ear, hard. Out of the corner of his eye, he felt someone by him. A whisper from his mother into his ear, made him freeze. There was a stench of alcohol that reached his nostrils.

“Don’t mess this up, Tirred. You should’ve stayed with this family in the beginning. One step out of line, you’ll be begging for the Lord’s mercy. Understand?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Tirred nodded with a whimper and his mother let go of his ear. Turquoise kept walking along, oblivious. The elves took their places behind Samael in a row of seats. Sunlight shone through a decorative hole in the ceiling.

The courtroom grew quiet. Several Exorcist angels stood guard; their faces hidden by horned black LED masks with hideous demonic grins.

“Is everyone ready?” Michael asked.

“Yes, sir,” one of the angels said. Another angel began to magically write down the proceedings with a feathered quill on a scroll, hovering in the air.

“Welcome one and all, heavenly hosts,” Michael began. “Today is another fine day to welcome our new citizens and arrivals who are about to enter our world. Today’s jury consists of the leader, Lord Samael, me, Archangel Michael…” He listed more names and ended, “…and finally, our esteemed elf family members of the court, Turquoise Sirname, Blau Sirname, their son Tirred Sirname, and new recruit Zach Trueman.”

Zach beamed as the elves looked sullen.

“Successful completion of this session will enable Tirred Sirname to begin his Exorcist training in a week’s time after filling out the necessary forms.”

Tirred stood stunned, his dream coming true at last. His father patted him on the back and his mother smiled at him.

“Two groups will arrive,” said Michael. “The ones from the left portal will be new arrivals from Earth.” He pointed toward a green swirling portal. “Those who pass the qualifications will transform into their animal angelic forms and ascend the golden stairs to our world in triumph.” He waved his hand and a golden staircase appeared, leading up to the hole in the ceiling. “The other gold portal over there,” he pointed, “will consist of current saints and Heaven-born arriving in need of correction and assistance. God’s word will be the final call. The newly departed will be the first to arrive.”

“Let this session commence,” Samael called, banging his staff on the floor.

0 0 0

Timmid, Sunna, and Docile soon woke up to find that Tirred had already left. They were about to go outside, when a bear in a suit and hat blocked their way.

“No leaving until the ceremony is over,” he said in a gruff voice.

“Why?” Timmid asked.

“Non-family members not invited.”

“But Zach’s not part of his family,” Docile said.

“I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.” The bear waved a paw, mentioning for them to scram. They wandered back to their rooms.

“Is it just me, or am I getting a bad feeling about Tirred?” Timmid asked.

“You worried that he’ll mess up as usual?” Sunna asked.

“No, not that.” She sighed, fingering her hair. “Well, sort of. I know that I broke up with him and don’t really want to see him again. But…I just have this feeling he may be in danger.”

Docile shrugged. “I don’t see how going to a courtroom could be dangerous. There are many of them that help with greeting new souls to Heaven and giving people a chance to correct their wrongs here.”

“But didn’t you hear Turquoise last night?” Timmid asked. “They are going to Samael’s courtroom specifically.”

Docile’s face fell. “Samael? He’s usually only there for bad punishments. You know, for angels that disobey the rules and don’t want to repent.”

Timmid stuttered. “W-what kinds of punishments are we talking about?”

“Probably the whips and chains ones that I’ve been through,” Docile said. "And reciting the Bible a hundred times. There are no penances that get worse than that…”

0 0 0

The new souls soon arrived in single file through the green portal.

“Ronny Mash,” Michael called. The spirit of a brown-haired man glided forward.

“Welcome to modern purgatory,” Samael said. “Let’s check your profile.”

A list of the man’s actions and qualities appeared behind him, on a transparent wall of slithering silver energy.

“Let’s see…born in New York, died half an hour ago, had a wife Layla Lee, two nice children…”

He then was asked questions.

“Have you displayed the virtues of kindness, charity, loyalty to your spouse, faith in God and selfless service?”

“I have,” Ronny said.

Scenes flashed on the energy screen of all the good things he did in life. The archangels nodded in approval.

“Now for your sins…,” said Samael.

Ronny’s bad deeds appeared on screen, and he turned away in embarrassment.

“Well, it looks like you had a one-night stand with a guy while drunk, skipped church for a year, did the usual swearing words…”

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Remember,” Michael said. “You have a chance to repent.”

After reciting from the Bible, Ronny stepped into a circle of white flames. A red “P” was on his forehead.

“These flames will purify you of your sins,” Michael says. “If the ‘P’ vanishes, that means God has accepted you.” The other angels took careful notes. “Angel groups, you may begin your discussions.”

Tirred and his family then met with another group of angels and talked amongst themselves.

“Ronny may have cheated on his wife, but he was drunk and not in his right mind,” said an angel.

“Did he confess his actions to his wife?”

“Yes, he did, and apologized.”

“Took a while, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Why did he skip church?”

“It was just an accident.”

“But he kissed a man…”

“Again…not in his normal state of mind…”

“Love is love. There are plenty of gays here.”

“Gays who have to hide their actions.”

“Why wouldn’t there be gays here? Hell’s population is literally 95% non-binary.”

“So, it makes sense that Heaven’s population should be straight, traditional, opposite and plain boring!”

“At least schools here are perfect.”

“If you follow all the rules and wear neat uniforms 24/7. There really doesn’t need to be North-Korea level worship of God and Jesus all the time.”

“Would you rather be in Hell and face school-shooters every day? Jeez, I thought Earth was bad enough nowadays, those poor souls...”

“Can we all get back to the topic, please?!”

Tirred’s family, as usual, called out the group’s final decision. “We think he’s innocent.”

“Let’s see the verdict,” said Samael.

The room grew tense and quiet in anticipation. Tirred gulped as the soul stood in the circle of white flames. After a few moments, the red “P” vanished, and the flames cleared.

Samael banged his staff. “He is granted entry.”

The room clapped and Ronny sighed in relief. His soul floated up and after being engulfed in rainbow light, he hovered in his new angelic form. The crowd gasped in amazement as Ronny became a sentient flying lion with wings and a halo.

“Choose your eternal name,” said Michael.

“My new name…is Leo Lionel Lionheart!” called the soul and everyone cheered.

Angels escorted him up the golden steps through the portal in the roof. Tirred sighed in relief.

The next soul was a blonde woman who had died from suicide.

“Kelly Mainford,” Samael said. “Let’s see your profile.”

Images from her life appeared on screen as the angels took notes. She had donated to charities, done well in school, and gotten married.

“Let’s see the sins,” Samael said. “Hmm…no attending church, being unfaithful to your husband…”

Kelly grew fearful. “I had to leave him. He was being very violent with me.”

“Using drugs…being a prostitute, oh my, you know, G-O-D…”

“My husband stole all my money, so I had to make more!”

Samael narrowed his eyes. “Not to mention being violent toward others, almost killing a man…”

“He was trying to take my children away!”

“Enough. Step into the circle.”

Kelly did so and a “P” appeared on her forehead. After a few tense minutes, the “P” was still there. The flames began to grow hot around her, hurting her. The crowd murmured and gasped.

Samael had a glint in his red eyes. “I’m sorry, Kelly, but it looks like you won’t get to go up to Heaven today.”

“W-What do you mean?! This is madness!”

“Take her away.”

She pleaded. “No! Stop, you can’t do this!” Exorcists grabbed hold of both her arms, unfazed that she was a spirit. They dragged her through the silver energy wall, the “P” vanishing. Kelly saw she was out in space, staring at stars and the eye of God above. Then she looked down…at a large portal with a red sky below it. Sulfur and brimstone reached her nostrils.

“Stop, please! Don’t take me from my family! I’m innocent!” Tears flowed down her face.

“Watch your back next time you see us,” one of the Exorcists said with a low cackle. “Feel free to choose a name worthy of your sins.”

She screamed in a panic and struggled against the Exorcist’s grips in vain. They shoved her backward and she screamed as she fell. Gravity rapidly pulled her down and her body morphed and contorted in the darkness. She had soon turned into her demon form…a gray she-wolf, before she landed in a heap on the Hell streets of Pentagram City. The Exorcists laughed malevolently and stepped back into the divine courtroom.

0 0 0

Docile froze and gasped in realization. “…unless you’re talking about banishment to Hell.”

Sunna and Timmid gasped. “What does that mean?”

“It means that Tirred will either have the chance to become an Exorcist or…experience something bad we don’t want to know about.” Docile said.

“We have to save him,” Timmid declared, panic in her eyes. “I sensed something off about his parents. No wonder he’s been such a bully! Only I’m allowed to mess with him!”

“But how will we get past the guards?” Sunna asked.

“Hey!” bellowed one of the bears, reaching for Sunna, “Get back to your roo…”

The bear was pushed backward by a kick from Timmid. The bear flew backwards and hit the wall with a painful grunt. Sunna and Docile stared at Timmid in disbelief.

“T-that’s how,” Timmid said, determined.

More stomping was coming closer to them.

“Let’s go,” Docile called. They got into position and fought the other bears. Sunna dodged their swipes and scratched their big feet with her claws, sliding underneath them. Docile grabbed a spear from the wall and twirled it at another bear goon. Timmid did flips in the air as she kicked the back of a bear’s head.

“Don’t kill them!” Docile warned. “Just knock them out!”

“Will do,” Sunna said, as she hissed at another growling bear. She grabbed a bottle of Heaven’s Light 33, smashing it against the bear’s head. The goon crumpled to the ground as the glass shattered. Docile kicked open the front door and the others followed. They raced across the grounds until reaching Zach’s purple car. The license plate read “TDDYBR,” and the car was clean inside. There were heart, rainbow and star bumper stickers on the back and front of the car.

Docile sat in the front, Timmid to the side and Sunna in the back. They put on their seatbelts. Docile finagled with the radio stations, pressing a button. The stations read, “MICHAEL’S MUSIC,” “STATION 777,” “HEAVENLY TUNES,” “GOD’S COVANENT CHOIR,” “GOSPEL SONGS” “EVANGELICAL HARMONIES.” Finally Docile found the perfect station: “PATIENCE’S #1 CHURCH HITS.”

The crew soon raced down the highways to the stadium. They soon reached the building. They got out of the car, racing past more bear guards, and dodging several Exorcists. Docile led the way into the building, running down the halls.

0 0 0

This time, the other portal wavered, and a Heaven-born angel stepped through, flanked by towering Exorcists. The angel was a small white female sheep wearing a green dress. She cowered as she was pushed forward, her white wings fluttering.

“Honey Baa,” Michael began. “Heaven-born. Friend of the worker bees and a fellow cherub. She’s been faithful, obedient, and compassionate for years…until now.”

The crowd murmured as Samael read her crimes.

“After Exorcist General Sir Adam patrolled Cherub Towne, Honey Baa took it upon herself to punch, kick, and swear at him along the path.”

The angels murmured again.

“Honey Baa, what say you?”

“I say, I’m not guilty.”

Samael shook his head. “Repent now and you’ll be forgiven. Why did you attack Adam like that? You know violence is strictly forbidden.”

Honey Baa wailed and pointed into the stands. “Adam is a selfish arrogant prick! No one else seems to care what he’s doing, but I saw him with my own eyes. He pushed my colleagues around and lifted up my dress from behind!”

Lute and Adam snickered from their golden thrones. Adam’s eyes and sharp teeth glowed yellow from the darkness as he spoke. “Lord Samael, she’s delusional! I did no such act.”

“I know what you did!” Honey Baa spat. “You also choked my best friend Maria the other day.”

“She’s a former human,” Adam said. “And she was trying to enter God’s palace to request contacting her husband from…down there. Former humans still come from sin, so I had to teach her a lesson. Cherubs should know their place. And elves, too.” He looked in disdain at Tirred, who seethed, eyes wide.

“And to think I used to admire you and your fighting against sinners,” Tirred thought in disbelief. “But even I don’t treat women and sinners like you do.”

“Everyone knows that only the Heaven-born can even get a small glimpse of God’s abode,” Lute added, sharpening her curved sword.

“I think she should get on her knees and apologize for spitting in my face,” Adam said with a smug. Samael nodded in agreement. “Go ahead, Honey Baa...”

But the trembling defiant Honey Baa crossed her arms. “After Adam assaulted me like that? F*ck no!”

More murmurs.

Samael cleared his throat. “Well, Honey Baa, for disrespecting Adam, you have sealed your fate…”

“No!”

Everyone turned to Zach.

“Excuse me?” Samael barked, turning around. “Zach, how rude of you to interrupt this judgment!”

Zach stood up. “No! Listen to her! She just explained to you that Adam assaulted her. She was just defending herself! Are you really gonna send her to Hell over that?”

Samael seethed. “Violence and swearing are not permitted here. And any act against Adam is an act against God.”

Zach stood his ground. “I don’t believe that God would want someone so prideful and heartless to represent Him. Jesus would definitely be appalled.”

“You know nothing of Jesus,” Samael said. “You’re just a bloke of a bear lucky enough to be part of your esteemed elf group. Now cease your behavior or join her!”

“Zach,” Turquoise said, sadly. “There is nothing you can…”

Zach brushed Turquoise aside. “I will not let you take her away! This is injustice!”

“I hereby sentence Zach to fire and brimstone…!” Samael began.

Just then, the double doors burst open and in barged E.L.F.

“Objection, Your Honor!” Docile yelled, pointing his angelic spear forward. The other E.L.F. members posed in fighting positions.

Samael growled as the crowd whispered and stared at the elves. “Oh, what now?!”

“Tirred!” Timmid called, racing to him.

“What are you guys doing here?” Tirred asked.

“Rescuing you,” Timmid said. She gasped. “Zach!”

Zach ran over to Honey Baa in the center of the chamber, knocking the Exorcists back with his meaty paws. He narrowly avoided a spear. “Fly away from here, Honey Baa, I’ll hold them off!” Zach yelled.

“What is that bumbling bear doing?” Tirred wondered aloud.

Zach punched the two Exorcists some more. He watched as Honey Baa flew back through the portal in the ceiling.

“That little b*tch!” Adam scoffed. He mentioned to more Exorcists. “Seize those filthy elves!”

The angels tried to calm everyone down. “Order! Order!” Michael barked to the fighters who ignored him. Tirred stood up to join his crew, but Blau gripped his arm. “Don’t you dare, Tir. Remember your family comes first.”

Tirred watched as Exorcists closed in on Docile, Timmid, Sunna and Zach. They could defeat them, but would they be able to escape the courtroom before more showed up?

Timmid was about to punch an Exorcist when another Exorcist tossed Zach to the side like a limp doll. The bear stood up but was soon pinned down by dark clawed hands. They dragged him forward to Blau and Turquoise, awaiting instructions.

Turquoise stared in silence. Blau stared at the bear in disgust. “Our family prides itself on honoring Lord Adam and Heaven’s protectors. Zach, your immature and reckless actions today have demonstrated your disloyalty. You let a criminal and angel-turned sinner escape. And there is only one place for the unfaithful.”

Blau glared at her husband, and he fearfully nodded.

Zach sobbed, then stared long and hard into their eyes.

“I’d rather go to Hell than serve the likes of you, anymore. Blau, I saw you mistreat my friend. I should’ve known something was up with you. I love Heaven too, but I refuse to honor a general who only knows the opposite of what God stands for. His violence ruthless acts make Hell’s demons tame in comparison.”

“Well then,” Blau said with a sneer. “It looks like you’ve been demoted from care-bear to scare-bear.”

Timmid screamed in protest as Zach was dragged away toward the silver energy wall.

“Goodbye, Zach,” Blau said dismissively.

“Zach!” Timmid cried. She, too, was held in place by an Exorcist.

The portal opened, revealing dark space and the portal to Hell below. From behind the “X” of the Exorcist’s speaks blocking the way, Tirred saw the pleading face of his annoying, but caring former friend.

“Timmid! Tirred! Tir, please help me!”

The bear’s brown eyes begged for help, his paw outstretched, wings beating frantically. Tirred gasped, frozen to the spot in despair.

“Tirred, please!”

He was dragged further and further away.

“Zach, I…” Tirred began.

In the background, Tirred saw the Exorcists carelessly toss the screaming bear down into the portal. His wings burned to ash as he fell. A tear fell down Tirred’s cheek. Up in the stands, Zach’s parents sobbed into each other’s hairy lavender arms.

Docile froze too, memories racing back to him. He saw the desperate dark teal face of his mother Allita in the courtroom. Docile was a little elf, his father, Yesha Cantus, somberly holding him back with his arm. Allita’s long blonde hair flowed in the breeze, as the portal in the silver transparent energy wall was opened. She wore a long blue dress with black sashes on it, the opposite of Blitzo’s imp mother, Tilla.

“Sins: protesting for the rights of demons and sinners to stay alive in Hell. Disobeying officials in church. Claiming that elves are as legitimate as the canon cherubs and angels. Supporting gays, rebels, heretics, and addicts.”

Samael banged his staff onto the floor in judgment.

“Mommy!” little Docile cried.

Allita raced toward her husband and son. She hugged them both, and they each cried. She gave Docile and extra-long hug before she was grabbed from behind by two Exorcists. She struggled and removed her necklace from her neck with one hand. She strained and reached forward, dropping the necklace into Docile’s small hands. It was a teal circle with a smiley face on it.

“Mommy!” Docile cried as his mother was moved further away. He last saw her pleading face before she vanished through the energy wall.

0 0 0

Tirred stood in shock after racing forward to the center of the room. “What have I done?” He had failed to save his friend…and he failed to show him the love he deserved. Zach had been nothing but kind (and annoying) to him, and now it was too late to save him.

“Tir,” said his father, coming behind him. He showed him an Exorcist spear in his palms that glinted in the light. “Now is your chance to begin your training and go back to your seat. I’m sorry about what happened to your friend. But you must finish your judgments and accept all outcomes. Can you do that for me?”

Tirred stared long and hard at the spear. This was his moment., his dream come to life. Had he known his family would help him become an Exorcist, he would’ve returned long ago. But he never found real forgiveness from them. But now…he would be forgiven by his family. He would finally make them proud. Tirred would prove to Heaven that he was a worthy warrior, even though he was an elf.

He glanced to see Docile, Timmid, and Sunna about to be escorted out of the courtroom by the alien angels. Timmid gave him a sad, heart-breaking look. He was about to lose her for good.

“Tirred,” Blau said, hand on his shoulder. “I talked to the Exorcists and they will help make you taller and stronger. Take the spear and do your duty. You will see many more faces of sinners you will punish. You may as well get used to it. You know I only want what’s best for you. You’ve wanted this for years. Leave E.L.F. Make up for lost time and expand our business again.”

“Hurry, Tirred, so the session can resume,” said his father.

“Best for me?” Tirred wondered.

He saw his friends again, almost to the door. Tirred glanced up at Adam’s face, his formal idol. In the angel’s eyes was the look of a bully excited to test a punching bag.

“Do it, Tir,” Turquoise urged.

Tirred looked at his parents, breathing out years of repressed fear and pain.

“Or best for them?”

After what he witnessed, after he had watched his friend’s banishment, he knew that could’ve easily been him. Or Timmid. He now realized just how self-centered and bloodthirsty the Exorcists were…and how cruel and ignorant he had been to E.L.F. And his family business depending on him becoming…a sinner-killing monster.

He had a new family, a true family…and he wasn’t leaving them behind.

Tirred stepped back. “No.”

“What was that?” Turquoise asked, eyebrow raised.

“No. I’m sorry, sir, but I-I’ll have to decline your offer.”

“You wouldn’t…” Blau glared.

Tirred turned around and faced Michael. “Lord Michael, let E.L.F. go. Let me go with them. I won’t bother anyone else again. You too, Samael.”

“Address me properly, boy,” Samael spat.

“Sorry, your Mishonor, sir. Can I choose how you’ll punish me next?”

Samael’s eye twitched as a couple angels snickered.

Michael seemed to consider this. He waved his hand and the angels let go of E.L.F.

Tirred smiled in apology at Docile, who smiled warmly.

“It’s okay, Tirred. Let’s go home.”

“Docile…”

Abruptly, Tirred was grabbed from behind and pulled through the energy wall.

“Tirred!” Docile yelled with a gasp.

Timmid screamed and Sunna hissed at more Exorcists. Tirred struggled against the grip and soon found himself staring at outer space. His captor flew forward with him. Then Tirred yelled in fear as a red sky appeared below his feet. He was hanging by his collar above the portal to Hell…but he wasn’t held by an Exorcist.

Tirred felt a hand slap hard across his face, another hand gripping his collar. “You are more of a disgrace than I thought! If you won’t continue our legacy, then there is no more use for you!”

“Mother, stop!” Tirred choked.

Tirred shook in despair as his mother’s eyes bore into his soul, her fingers tearing into his wings. Tears filled his eyes. Sparks from the portal licked his shoes. One of his black shoes fell off and descended into the fiery depths. His mother’s fingers slowly loosened their grip…

Blau was then forcefully pulled back by her long black hair. She fell backward and rolled onto the narrow ground near the energy wall. Tirred struggled to pick himself up onto the small stone ledge. Timmid flew over and grabbed his hand. Tirred smiled in thanks as she rescued him.

“Not our son, you b*tch!” His father’s voice. “Are you insane?!”

Turquoise wrestled his wife on the narrow stone pathway, no longer fearing her outbursts.

“Get off!” she yelled. “He’s gonna ruin everything!”

“Get out of here, Tir!” called his father, looking at him. “Don’t cause any more trouble, you hear me?!”

“Y-yes sir!”

Tirred nodded and raced back through the wall with Timmid. The Exorcists carried Tirred’s parents back through the energy wall.

Michael stood up. “This court is temporarily adjourned. We will meet back after lunch. All members of E.L.F. may leave in peace. Now. And Turquoise and Blau may leave to their home at once. Do not barge in and bother this court again.”

Samael protested but Michael cut him off. “The decision is final.” He took Samael’s staff and banged it like a gavel.

The elves left through the open doors, escorted out by the alien angels. Tirred turned and saw his mother’s vengeful face fade into the background.

0 0 0

Back at E.L.F. headquarters, the bears and carriage had taken them back.

Timmid and Tirred hugged each other and sobbed in front of the building.

“I’m so sorry, Timmid.”

“That’s okay, Tir. Next time, just tell me if your mother’s a psychopath. I can handle it.”

Docile and Sunna joined the hug. “I’m glad everything ended up okay,” Sunna said.

“So can we…uh…get back together?” Tirred asked.

“Don’t push it,” Timmid warned. “Your parents may be jerks, but you still have to make up for it.”

Tirred planted a small kiss to her cheek and revealed a small smile. “How about that? For saving my life?”

Timmid blushed. “Well…I guess that’s a start.”

0 0 0

Meanwhile back at the mansion, Blau threw a dagger at the family portrait, and it landed into Tirred’s forehead. Turquoise sat helplessly in a chair with an Exorcist guard behind him, with a worried expression.

#heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss #2phazbinhotel

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

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Heavenly Boss S1 E8: King Pin

Sunna the Heaven-cat sat in the back of a clean flying taxi, the seats white and well-kept. She wore a beautiful long teal dress with a white Christian Cross in the center. Her long brown hair was pulled back in a braided ponytail, and she had several sapphires in her hair. Her necklace consisted of small white light orbs like glowing pearls against her furry light brown skin.

Sunna’s cellphone rang and “Docile” appeared on the screen.

“Hi Dad,” she beamed. “I’m off to the party in Chasity! There’ll be heaven-cats and elves there. Oh, I’m super excited!”

“Are you meeting Portal?” Docile asked.

“Yes,” Sunna blushed, remembering Portal inviting her to the party during autumn break.

“Be careful around him,” said Docile. “Remember what happened last time.”

“I will,” said Sunna, soon hanging up.

The taxi flew through a portal and the sky changed from sky blue to the light pink of Chasity. They flew through the sky and landed on a well-maintained street. Signs around the city read, “Good things come in moderation!” Other signs read “No sex”, “No excessive alcohol”, “No excessive food.” In all the restaurants, everyone got equal portions of what they needed, and the rest went to charity. Classical music and meditation music played throughout the streets and the lights were never too bright. Marble and gold statues of angels holding scales and swords stood over glistening gardens and pristine parks. Fountains held golden water which poured from one stone cup to another before settling down at the bottom. White doves and black doves flew around the denizens of heaven, who happily shared their bread and treats. Ying-Yang symbols dotted several shops. Of course, there were also many signs and advertisements promoting good marriages, abstinence, and safe sex.

No loud parties, no big celebrations. Only a sense of peace and calmness.

“Want me to drop you off here?” asked the female driver as the taxi lowered and slowed to a stop.

“Yes, please,” said Sunna. She got out of the taxi and saw a dazzling sight. She saw the large ruby-colored restaurant in front of her where elves and heaven-cats wore formal clothing; dresses and tuxedos studded with gems. They quietly talked and danced inside. No one stuffed their faces nor ate big portions…there was a politeness and serenity about the place. Even though it was in the Chasity Halo, the culture reminded her of Temperance. “Camael’s Concert at Camael’s Corner” shone in gold letters on a banner over the door. Classical music flowed through the restaurant, delighting the guests.

Sunna wondered where the party music was. But she decided that classical music was great, too.

“Sunna,” called Portal. The muscular white feline walked over, dressed in a light gray tuxedo and a blue tie.

“Portal!” Sunna smiled.

“Glad you could make it!” Portal smiled.

“Yeah, thanks for inviting me,” Sunna added.

“You’re welcome.”

Portal led Sunna into the restaurant. The top of it was a large dark red dome with glowing heart designs that matched the sky. The double doors were made of rose quartz and the handles looked like curved in white angel wings.

“Dinner for two,” he said. The waitress, a white cat with black stripes wearing a black dress smiled and said, “Right this way.”

She led them to a table with a white cloth where a golden rose in a small vase was placed in the center. They were near the dance floor, where heaven-cats were waltzing with each other. Portal and Sunna sat down, taking in the tranquil atmosphere. The serious angel Cassiel was playing the piano on a stage, to the delight of the guests. There was also the golden cross stage where Camael and Holly Wata had performed.

“Hey everyone, meet my new friend,” Portal called. Other heaven-cats meowed in greeting to Sunna, while a few rolled their eyes. One looked at Sunna in disapproval of her dress that revealed her legs. Near a magenta lava lamp, against a wall of golden ambrosia was the pink sigil of Camael.

The striped cat waitress came over to their table.

“Can I get you anything to drink?”

“One glass of Holy Spirit on the rocks, please,” Portal replied.

“Cloud Nine wine for me,” Sunna said.

“Okay then, they’ll be right over,” said the waitress, “But remember, everyone only gets one drink per serving.” She smiled and left.

Sunna shrugged. “I don’t get it. Heaven has endless feasts of food, yet we can’t even have another glass here? I mean, what if we spill it?”

“It encourages moderation and enjoyment of what you have,” Portal responded. “Especially when it comes to relationships. Unlike Earth, Heaven takes careful consideration of everyone’s needs. Just be glad the alcohol we have doesn’t affect us angels.”

“It still tastes good, at least.”

Sunna glanced at her menu: “Holy Trinity Dinners! One appetizer, one meal and one dessert…only 333 spirits!”

Sunna sighed. “Everything is getting so expensive nowadays.”

“Tell me about it,” Portal replied. “But at least we’re not in Earth or in Hell; their prices are outrageous!”

“Say,” said Sunna as the waitress placed their drinks in front of them, “You still working for Verosika? I mean, Veronica? Uh…”

“You mean Kiva Perdera? Yes,” Portal replied.

“Wait a minute! Didn’t you guys get arrested on Earth? And didn’t Kiva get banished to Earth? How did she get back into Heaven?”

“Must have been her fame,” said Portal. “She still has many fans in Heaven and they eventually overruled Deere’s decision to banish her. Or…”

Portal twiddled his furry thumbs, “I may have also created a portal and got her back in. Following orders to make sure there’s no conflict.”

“Following whose orders?” Sunna implied.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to our special celebration tonight,” said a voice. “Live at Camael’s Corner.” An angelic figure strolled onto the dance floor while several angels with glowing lotus flowers over their heads played a nearby grand piano and a violin.

“Him, of course,” said Portal.

“Wait…since when did you also work for…” Sunna began.

“Are you ready to celebrate with the King Pin of Chasity?” said the voice.

Applause followed.

“Let us begin.”

The spotlight revealed the angel of Chasity, Camael himself. He wore his usual pink suit, dark pink top hat, and often carried a hidden sword just in case. His hair was short and brown, his skin white. He played a love song on his golden lyre and the audience was entranced by magic visions of peace, love, and harmony.

Portal clapped and Sunna was genuinely pleased.

“Hello, Portal,” called Camael, who came over in the blink of an eye. The two of them shook hands.

“It’s great to see you again,” said Portal. “How’s Holly?”

“Holly, Kiva, and Veronica? Still doing their work. Kiva is doing her performances and Holly is mostly on her missions to stop the spread of sin on Earth. Veronica is keeping to herself lately. Frankly, I think Holly would be better suited for the next mission…Kiva went a little overboard last time.”

Camael paused. “Oh, is this the kitten you were talking about?”

“Yeah,” said Portal. “Sunna this is Camael, the boss of my so-called boss, Kiva.”

“So…you’re alright with being with lower-status beings like cherubs and elves and cats?” Sunna asked nervously.

Camael shrugged. “We need as much help as we can get. If those guys can do their part for the Lord, I’m all for it.”

“Yeah, sure,” said Sunna, suddenly feeling self-conscious at all the elite cats around her.

“Anyway, hope you have a nice night,” Camael said. “See you guys around.”

Camael left into the shadows as Cassiel mentored a group of angels about various dimensions.

For the next half-hour, Sunna was attempting to use the right forks and spoons for her meal. Portal helped her with choosing the correct utensils for her Golden Honey Soup, Ichthys eggs, lobster bisque with gold flecks, heavenly salad, and traditional angel food cake for dessert. She enjoyed the food and resisted the urge to lap out of her bowl.

One of the elite cats raised her eyebrows at Sunna’s hippie demeanor, while another cat wore a bracelet that read “The cat’s meow.” Another cat wore a suit with “I am purrfect” on it and another wore a “divine lives” shirt.

After Sunna finished her meal and after an awkward waltzing with Portal, she got a phone call.

Sunna answered. “Hey Dad.”

“I’m on my way to your party.”

“Why?”

“Just to see that everything’s alright. I still don’t trust that Portal guy.”

“Dad, he’s fine and very nice. Give him a chance.”

“No promises.”

Soon enough, Docile had arrived in a fancier version of his E.L.F. getup.

“Enjoying your date?” he asked, arms folded.

Sunna blushed. “It…wasn’t really a date. We just talked about work and stuff.”

“Hello, Docile,” said Camael, appearing behind him. “You were just here the other day, yes? How’s E.L.F.?”

Docile smiled nervously. “It’s going great, sir. Some wild mishaps here and there, but otherwise alright.”

“Just be sure to stay out of trouble,” Camael said. “I’d listen to your sister if I were you…she has a pretty good idea about an ideal world in Heaven and Earth.”

“Right,” said Docile with a sigh and roll of his eyes. He turned to Sunna. “You ready to go?”

“Actually, how about a fun little contest?” asked Camael. “You still fresh with your vocals right?”

“Been a while since choir, but I’m up for it,” Docile said.

“Whoever can sing the greatest hymn about God, wins,” said Camael. “Cassiel will judge.”

“Bring it on,” said Docile.

Sunna drowned out the devotional droning and the ritual riffraff until, to her disappointment…

“Better luck next time,” said Camael to Docile before leaving. Docile groaned. “I was so close.” He turned to Sunna. “I’m ready to go home.”

“Me too,” said Sunna. “This party is getting boring for me.”

The elite cats stared at Sunna with judging eyes as she and Docile headed out the door.

They arrived back at their house in Humility, Docile and Sunna heading to their own rooms. The walls were emerald and sapphire with pictures of the E.L.F. crew.

“I love you, Sunny,” said Docile.

“I love you too, dad,” Sunna replied. “You know I’ll always be there for you.”

“Be where?”

Sunna laughed. “Everywhere, with you whenever you need me.”

“Spoken like a true E.L.F. member. Hey, don’t forget to help open the office in the morning.”

Sunna sighed. “Almost forgot about that.”

Both went to their respective rooms for a good night’s sleep.

#heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss #2phazbinhotel

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

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Heavenly Boss S1 E7: Camael's Corner

Anniversary Plans

The sky was a brilliant teal blue and fluffy white clouds seemed to glow in the rays of the sun. Down below was a city in the clouds; heart-shaped buildings made of gold, silver, and glass. A nearby white sign with an eye on the upper center and a light blue Christian Cross read, “Welcome to Elf City: Second Sphere,” referring to one of the nine sectors of the Halo of Humility (similar to the nine circles of the vast Pride Ring in Hell). Standing out from the crowd of structures was the gleaming white E.L.F. office building, large concrete wings jutting off to the sides of it.

Sitting at her desk, Sunna lounged with an “Elf Gossip” magazine in her hand. It showed the two pop star sisters, Veronica and Kiva posing on the front cover. It read, “Two Opposing Views, Two Singing Sensations.” Sunna had heard that Veronica, Docile’s childhood friend, was much nicer than Kiva.

Sunna finished her bottle of Holy Water and placed it next to an open page in the Bible. The pink sigil of Camael lit up on the page. A portal soon opened into the room, outlined in pink flames. On the other side in a city, Docile was comforting a human.

“It’s okay, Jonny. Rest assured your father is here with us in Heaven. He will patiently wait for you, and he is proud of you.”

Docile gave the sobbing Jonny a hug before stepping back through. Tirred waved his staff in front of the man’s face, and he turned away as if he never saw them in the first place.

“Whoa, that was a lot of grievers today,” Docile sighed in exhaustion.

“I’ll say,” Timmid yawned as she carried funeral flowers in her hand as she slouched inside the office. “I’m not sure which is more draining, mortal funerals or religious lectures!”

“Well, you better stay tired,” Tirred added with a sigh of his own as he stepped through, “Because I’m going to bed.”

“Don’t you dare fall asleep in my office, Tirred,” Docile said. “Besides, I’m taking us out to dinner tonight. Let’s hit up the new diner down the street.”

“Wait,” Timmid suddenly called. Tirred turned around.

“We’ve been dating for a year now,” she said, facing the others. “I know it’s been rough at times, but I think we’re making some progress.” She grinned. “So, to celebrate, I’m taking Tirred to Camael’s Corner in the Chasity Halo!”

“Camael’s Corner?!” Tirred gasped, wide eyed in disbelief. “No way! That place is always booked!”

“Well, I’ve been planning it for a while,” Timmid responded, fluffing her white hair. “Made a reservation.”

“Wow, I can’t believe it…” Tirred said, surprised. “How you managed to book us a spot in such an exquisite place. Thank you…”

Timmid and Tirred embraced and kissed, while Docile smiled in admiration.

“I’d love to come too and help you celebrate your holy matrimony,” Docile pleasantly offered.

“Oh, please do,” Timmid added before Tirred mentioned, “I’m sorry, but the reservation is just for us.”

“Oh…okay, I understand,” Docile said. He suddenly felt left out. “I wish I had someone to go with me…”

“Aw cheer up, Docile,” Timmid said. “I’m sure next time we can get something arranged for you. You don’t need to feel alone; we’ve got your back. And perhaps someday, you might meet someone very special too.”

“Sure, it’s not like your lack of interest in anything intimate has anything to do with…”

“Don’t listen to him!” Timmid said to her boss, glaring at Tirred. Docile’s eyes darted off to the side.

Timmid hugged Docile before they separated. “You can spend time with us beforehand, we don’t mind. Right Tirred?”

Tirred rolled his eyes.

“Okay then, see you love-bugs later,” Docile said as he made his way out the door.

Tirred grinned mischievously at Timmid after he left. “Why don’t we head on home and…wash our sweat off.” He smirked as he gently rubbed the top middle area over her breasts.

Timmid turned red in the face and grinned. “Not here,” she hissed before she was led away by Tirred.

0 0 0

Later, the gang soon reached an area with white pillars and high domed ceilings with mural paintings on them. Some paintings showed cherubs flying around robed men who were riding on chariots. The classic “Finger of God” painting was framed on one wall. Light fixtures above were in the shape of golden halos, the lights illuminating the pristine white tile floors. One section of the floor was decorated with a large blue Christian Cross, another with the Star of David.

“Chariot 777 departing for Chasity in five minutes,” said a voice from a loudspeaker.

The chariots, in fact, appeared more like flying metal trains. The front of the trains were built in the shape of S shaped golden horses, the body consisting of train windows and doors. Two pairs of large gold metallic wings allowed the vehicle to fly in the air. The wheels were golden and lit up in flames and eyes whenever they spun. Angels and elves hurried along down escalators and elevators to the trains.

An itinerary on the screen showed the various levels of Heaven. It read “Chariot 777: Schedule.”

“Chasity” was labeled in pink with “Direct,” a downward arrow and “Boarding” beside it. “Humility” was labeled in teal blue, with “Direct” and an upward arrow next to it. “Kindness” was in lavender, “Diligence” was in light green, “Temperance” was in gold, “Charity” was in white, and “Patience” was in light red, with “On Time” labeled next to them. (The colors also matched the sky colors in each Halo.)

Docile followed Timmid and Tirred as they sat together on a bench to wait. Tirred wore a black tux with a teal blue bowtie. Timmid had her white hair slicked back and wore a long white sparkly dress. Docile wore a more standard white tux. He got out his cell phone and pressed a call icon with him and a smiling Sunna on it. “SunnyGirl” was the label.

“Sunna here, I can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message that’s the cat’s meow!”

The voicemail beeped and Docile left his message.

“Hey Sunny, just wanted to let you know I won’t be back home until late. I have something important to do.”

He hung up and followed the couple down an escalator to one of the chariot trains. Docile was not sure why he wanted to follow them, when he wasn’t formally invited. Perhaps he wanted to keep them safe…and to see what this “dating” thing looked like.

Surely it was worth a try, right?

They all got into the train.

“The doors are closing.”

Buttons on the side wall displayed the Halo levels:

Humility

Charity

Chasity

Diligence

Kindness

Temperance

Patience

With a mechanical sounding neigh, the wheels began to spin with flames and the horse-like train sped from the tunnel and out into the open air. The flapping wings kept it airborne. They traveled downward within hovering clear crystal tubes between glowing portals in the sky, the sky colors changing from sky blue to white to pink. The train zipped through another tunnel down a track before skidding to a stop.

“Exit here for Chasity Halo.”

The doors opened and the angels filed out. Docile followed Tirred and Timmid from the terminal. Tirred and Timmid walked by a large slow-spinning pink crystal heart structure in the middle of the station. Even if he wasn’t invited, at least he’d get to see his employees off safely.

They all walked out into the outside world.

0 0 0

The Chasity Halo

The Third Halo of Chasity was a grand sight. The sky was a pleasing light pink, and the clouds were puffy white and shaped like hearts. The streets and buildings were immaculate, and angels wandered around in modest clothing. They wore long Victorian-style dresses in pastel colors, fancy suits, or regular modern clothes with several layers to cover up their arms, legs, and shoulders. Bi-pedal winged doves, sheep, and human-like angels with skin of every color, chatted amicably as church bells rang out their solemnizing symphonies. White flowers, songs and wedding decorations were as common as birthday parties in this realm.

Neon signs advertised churches, food, and shopping malls. Rule signs read: “No oral, no anal, no BDSM, no harm! Get married and stay sexually safe!” Another sign read, “Condoms and Contraceptives.” A billboard demanded, “NO sex on the Sabbat days and NO premarital sex.” More posters showed happy angels in wedding attire. Another sign on a bus warned, “Sex is a gift of God; use it wisely.” Some angels wore restraints and belts over their penises and vaginas in public.

More signs in bold letters one with a white flower on it:

“Abstinence: the positive choice to not engage in sexual activity until after marriage. Shows self-dignity and respect for God’s gift of sexuality. Do YOU have what it takes?”

A sign with hearts and entwined rings: “Stay true to your marriage partner; happiness will follow.”

A neon sign read: “Unitive love + marriage + procreative sex = happy families, you do the math!”

A commercial on a screen flared. “Beware: sex outside marriage leads to lust and destruction! Just because STDs won’t kill you in the afterlife doesn’t mean you’ll be spared!”

“Welp, this is why I’m asexual,” Docile gulped as he looked around nervously at the signs.

He glanced around where angel children were being taught a sexual education class. They wore school uniforms and were separated by gender: bio male, bio female, male-to-female, female-to-male, intersex, robotic, and crystal.

“And this is how Christian mortals teach their children about abstinence. We’ve altered it a bit to accommodate the different angel species here,” said a teacher with a flaming eye for a head and wearing a white robe.

“Mortals and their illusionary genders,” said a crystal wheel-shaped angel, shaking their head at a kid angel with a harp head.

Before long, Docile arrived at a spectacular looming building. It was shaped like a large ruby cathedral but functioned as a dinner theater. “Camael’s Corner” lit up in bold gold letters at the front of the structure. A golden cross was at the top prominent sphere of the building, along with a Star of David, the Islamic crescent moon symbol, and a Buddhist symbol also in gold. The windows were different colors of red, blue, green, and yellow stained glass; the holes shaped like large doves. The entrance was a large gold archway with a stone cherub angel at the top for the design. The two old-fashioned lantern lights on either side changed colors every ten seconds.

A long line of angels and elves waited to get in along a rope with poles. Docile caught up with Tirred and Timmid. Tirred and Timmid walked up to the bouncer elf, a thin man with dark teal skin, a long black mustache, pointed ears and a black tux with a bowtie. A metal sphere attached to the wall briefly used a laser light to shine on the heads of the visitors. It beeped and briefly turned green, but when it turned red, the specific person would be sent away. After making a “right this way” gesture to two swans, he gazed at the elves. The laser security light beeped green after landing on Timmid’s forehead. But when it came to Tirred, it flared an angry red. As they moved forward, the bouncer yanked Tirred back by the ear.

“Hey!” he spat.

The bouncer, Neter, let go. His eyes narrowed. “I’ve heard of you before.”

“So?” Tirred scoffed. “Me and my girlfriend have a reservation.”

“So, this club is for those of pure hearts and thoughts only.”

“Are you saying I’m not pure?!”

“Well judging on how you took part in almost putting Earth into chaos, there’s no good reason why someone like you should be allowed to come in. The cognitive camera proved it.”

“I was bucking brainwashed!” Tirred fired back. “And your mind-reading devices are both invasive and a load of bull-spit!”

“Rules are rules,” he stated in an Enochian accent. “In order to provide the best experience for our customers at this exclusive joint, and to help promote closeness to the Lord, impure intentions are left at the door.”

“But anyone can have dirty thoughts at any time,” Tirred argued, crossing his arms. “Even in Heaven. How can you expect not only our behaviors, but our minds to be perfect 100% of the time?!”

“I don’t expect it. God does. End of story.”

The bouncer mentioned to a nearby sign that read, “Treat others the way you want to be treated…but ensue your thoughts are superior to those of the weak.”

Timmid stared in concern and suspicion. Like the other sign she saw several weeks ago: “Surround yourself with people who will lift you up…But ditch your friends you cannot use,” it sounded like the second part was added onto the much older, genuine rule. And the strange orange Muppet-like face of the icon that was supposedly God that was also on the sign…Timmid sensed fakeness in that as well. She knew God didn’t look silly like that.

“Not if they don’t make any sense! You just made that up!” Tirred fumed.

Neter growled and a white-hot aura slowly rose from him. “I’m gonna have to ask you to leave, Tirred. Timmid, you may head on in.”

“Hold the throne,” Docile pushed the other elves aside, much to their surprise. He marched up to the bouncer. “I thought this club was for couples only.”

“Anyone pure of thought and action who has a reservation may enter,” the bouncer said. The camera beeped green on Docile’s head… “…And that means you too if you wish, for a fee. Just don’t get any ideas.”

“I’m not leaving!” Tirred seethed, getting ready to fight. But before Tirred was about to be punched into the street, Docile intervened.

“It’s okay, guys,” he said. “How about I take Timmid in and we’ll get Tirred something to go?”

Docile reached into his pocket and paid an extra fee, as he did not make a reservation.

“Seriously, sir?” Tirred growled as Timmid brightened.

“Oh, thank you, Docile!” she smiled. She put a hand on Tirred’s shoulder. “It’ll only be for a few moments, Tir. I’ll be back soon, and we can do something together afterwards.”

“It was your idea in the first place,” Tirred explained, “And now you’re willing to change your mind just like that?”

“Well…I wanted to visit this place for a while now…it was expensive, too. Please, Tir, it’ll only be for a little bit.”

“Fine!”

“That’s the spirit, Tirred!” Docile whooped, not noticing his cell phone falling from his pocket. “Let’s go, Timmid.”

Tirred picked up the cell phone as Docile and Timmid entered the building. Tirred stared at the glaring bouncer blocking his way, slightly nervous.

“I have more questions for an ass like you…but I’ll shave them for later.” Tirred twirled the bouncer’s mustache roughly with a finger.

Whack!

A hard punch from the bouncer sent Tirred flying into a nearby dumpster. He lifted the lid and got out, falling onto the ground.

“You pucking frude!” he stuttered nonsensically. He sighed and leaned against a brick wall, staring at the glaringly bright golden sky. He then looked down at Docile’s phone.

Why was it that his boss got everything he wanted? A lead position, admiration from Timmid, special powers and now Docile had taken his place with Timmid. He was getting fed up with being second. The phone had not switched to the lock screen yet, so Tirred pressed a call icon. He was going to call Docile to let him know he found his phone.

But as he scrolled through the contact lists, he got an even better idea. His finger hovered over an icon of Samael, labeled, “Venom Alpha-PleaseDon’tHurtMeAgain.”

A mischievous grin spread across Tirred’s face.

0 0 0

Meanwhile in his golden splendid palace, Samael hummed happily as he watched TV on a red snakeskin leather couch in the living room. He popped “Heavenly Hal-Os” cereal into his mouth, wings folded behind him. “Heaven-G” network was labeled on the TV. He scrolled through God-flix, YHWH +, Prime Nine, and Divine Times. The show that appeared was a comedic re-telling of the Heaven-Hell War between Lucifer and Michael and the fallen angels. “Inferno Paradise” was the title in bold fiery orange against white. A mighty red dragon was breathing fire at a spinning crystal wheel and a golden chariot robotic figure.

“For Heaven’s and Hell’s sake, just kiss already!” the commentator joked as the blonde pale-faced Michael and Lucifer glared at each other and leaned into each other’s faces. Samael snickered out loud.

“Looks like paradise got lost for Lucifer,” the commentator announced as Lucifer fell in anger, “But then again, Lucifer claims it’s better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. Had a little too much Cloud Nine Wine, huh, Lucy?”

Samael barked into laughter. “Never gets old! If only I could have some beers with you, old friend,” he mentioned.

The commentator continued. “Hmm…what if Lucifer was the one who ate the apple? Would he gain the knowledge of good and evil…or is he the knowledge itself? Would the effects blow his mind, or would it just be an ordinary apple? I’m surprised that Adam made it through without choking, he must’ve had a big Adam’s apple!”

Just then, the skull-speaker shaped rotary phone rang. The rings sounded like the screaming of a thousand souls. In red smoke above it, the label read, “Docy is calling.”

Samael eagerly reached for the phone. “Hello? Docy?”

“Um…Lord Samael, yes?”

“Who is this? You don’t sound like my long distant servant.”

“You’re only talking to the second-in-command of the most well-known, influential blessing company in Heaven, my Lord!” Tirred bragged.

“Only second-in-command? How disappointing.”

Tirred seethed on the other end.

Samael pondered. “So, if you’re here, where is Docile? How did you get this number anyway?”

“Docile entrusted me with his phone when he decided to go out to dinner with my girlfriend!” Tirred randomly fibbed.

“Ooh, a stealer, eh?” Samael grinned. “You must’ve pissed your gf off for her to go that route! Hahaha!”

“It’s not like…um…” Tirred began. But a sharp-toothed grin appeared. “I mean, yes, Docile’s been getting into a lot of trouble, lately.”

“Hmm…as I suspected,” Samael mentioned.

“Yes. It was his idea in the first place to have us go up to Earth. And for us to not fully stick to our reviving and blessing. He decided to help three dimwitted sheep from the other Heaven and travel to Earth! We even saw demons there too! Put us all in danger!”

“Indeed,” Samael chuckled. “It was pretty entertaining seeing you all zombie-like under Kiva’s control. As an Archangel, I can see events on Earth.”

Tirred fumed but sighed. “Look, sir, Docile…secretly loves it when you punish him.”

Samael looked taken aback. “He does?”

“Of course! Why do you think he keeps getting himself into trouble? Because he knows that he’ll always sin, and therefore comes back to you.” He hid a snicker. “You know what they say…suffering brings one closer to the divine.”

Samael’s eyes glowed red with passion. “Bloody bells! He really must’ve been a good actor when he did all that wailing and crying. I’m not sure whether to tone things down or turn them up a notch.”

“Whatever you think works, sir. Just don’t kill him, of course.”

“Of course not. Life can get boring and lonesome without your incredibly passive leader. Hohohohoho!”

“Anyway,” Tirred interrupted, walking down the street, “Can you make it to Chasity? If you can help get me into Camael’s Corner, you’ll get to see Docile again.”

“I can make it there in twenty,” Samael said, waving his fingers and making an elegant red suit appear over his bare chest. His hair was short and blonde, glowing like it was on fire. “Or better yet…”

A red portal appeared behind Tirred and then closed. Tirred bumped into someone behind him and looked up to see Samael’s crazed face looking down at him…

“…NOW!”

Tirred jumped back in fear, almost dropping the phone. He caught it. “O-okay, sir, see you soon,” he hung up before staring at the towering Archangel in front of him.

“I get to see Docile…” Samael mentioned, walking silently toward Tirred like a night creature. “You keep my number a secret, makes sure the Bible stays in Docile’s and my hands, and…”

Samael snuck behind him, a clawed hand inches from his pointed ears. “…you experience a night of…passionate punishments for your actions…”

Tirred blushed despite himself, and his eyes grew dilated at Samael’s hungry ones. “Thy will be done, Lord Samael.”

Soon enough, the two of them reached Camael’s Corner. The bouncer spotted Tirred.

“You again? Beat it, punk…”

Samael cleared his throat. “Ahem…do we have a problem?”

The camera beeped red on Samael’s forehead, but one glowing glare from Samael’s eyes made the camera spark and deactivate. The bouncer trembled at the sight of the Archangel.

“Oh…uh…my apologies, Lord Samael. P-please come in…”

Tirred smiled in triumph at the glaring bouncer as he and Samael walked hand in hand inside.

“Oh my!” Samael exclaimed as he and Tirred looked around. “This place is absolutely hideous!”

Calming red, pink, and white lights filled the vast space as angels sat down at round, white-clothed tables to eat. Pink lotus lights turned small sections of the wall pink, while magenta lights brightened the place further. Small dove wings on either side of a triangle with a heart in the middle were the small symbols that made up the wallpaper. Bookshelves and books were off to the side where more angels sat and waited. An older angel with a blue book head was reading another blue book that looked just like his face.

“So…this must be what they call ‘Facebook,’” he remarked.

The light fixtures were shaped like halos and cherub angels flew around, serving clams, cheese, o d’oeuvres, and fish eggs on platters. Posing on raised platforms were angels in exquisite costumes from many different time periods. One wore a dress from the Middle Ages, another wore a 20th century suit, and a few others wore Egyptian, Greek, and Roman garb. There were also angels dressed as warriors.

A symphony orchestra played violins, a grand piano, trumpets, lyres, a portative organ, sistrums, and several harps near a stage, the angels in various shapes and sizes.

By the golden stage shaped like a cross, were white-clothed tables spread out. Tirred and Samael sat at one, in blue chairs decorated with designs of flames on the back. A blue candle in a fancy holder was at the center of the table.

“Ah,” Samael said, looking over at Timmid and Docile sitting together. “There they are!”

Docile and Timmid glanced over and gasped.

“Tirred?!” Docile exclaimed. “How did you get in? And what’s he doing here?” Docile flinched back.

“Just making sure you elves aren’t getting into more trouble than you already have,” Samael mentioned. “Tirred here was generous enough to invite me over for the fun!” Tirred grinned at Docile’s shocked look. It felt good to be sitting in the presence of one of his long-time role models.

Samael examined a golden knife in his hands, making Cardinal, the elf waiter, uneasy.

“C-can I, erm, get you two off…”

The elf promptly vanished to the outside world and another squat elf hurried to take his place.

“Off with something to drink or eat?”

Tirred and Samael raised their eyebrows. Docile looked over at Timmid. “Well, this is unexpected.”

They looked at the various options on the menu: “Luscious Lobster,” “Jesus Bread and Wine”, “100 CE Cloud Nine Wine (Non-alcoholic)”, “Iced Holy Water”, “Garden of Eden Salad,” “Sun-Infused Oranges,” “Pharaoh’s Platter,” “YHWH Yam,” “Lotus Juice,” “Holy Cow,” “Green Sensu Beans,” “Apple Pie of Life,” “Summer Cornucopia,” “Boar Head with Fried Snails and Duck,” “Angel Hair Pasta,” “Angel Food Cake…”

“These all cost a lot of spirits,” Timmid whispered to Docile, who also looked in concern. She watched as another angel ordered the “Crystal Concoction,” a blue and light purple sparkly Atlantis drink that temporarily made one knowledgeable, spiritual, and inventive. “It’s no wonder many celebrities come here to eat.”

Meanwhile, Azrael and Flora were talking to each other at another table.

“I hope our Quartet is doing alright,” Azrael said with a hint of worry. “Are you sure it was a good idea?”

“She’s grown up now,” Flora reassured. “It’s about time we let her visit Menadel and talk things over. They’re probably chatting right now.”

“But she hasn’t even seen him since…”

“I know. But I think he still cares deeply for us…and for her. He didn’t really have a choice.”

“And now he’s suddenly allowed to stop working and see her?” Azrael narrowed his eyes.

“Pretty much,” replied Flora. “Don’t get mad, but I talked to him for a while when he was on break. He’s watched Quartet grow up every night from his enchanted orb. Besides, when I saw him recently…I heard he’s prepared to press matters forward more than before.”

Azrael did not like the sound of that. Although both were busy beings, there was something he couldn’t quite put his feathers on about Menadel.

But if it made her happy…

Flora put her hand into his and squeezed it in comfort. “She’ll be fine. If any argument breaks out, we have some extra wine at the house.”

“You trust your ex-husband too much.”

“He’s still a part of me…or was a part of my life at least.”

Docile was just about to ask Tirred what the heaven was going on, when the lights dimmed, and a voice spoke out to greet the audience.

0 0 0

Camael

“Ladies and gentlemen! I see some holy faces around here today!”

Coming from behind the curtains was a female elf with long blonde-white hair with a teal face and blue eyes. She wore a dazzling pink dress with a shimmer of rubies decorating the bottom part of her dress. Her heels were made of silver diamonds and her halo glowed white. She was Holly Wata, Docile’s sister.

Docile groaned and rolled his eyes, hiding his face behind a menu. “Oh no, not her.”

“Welcome, welcome, welcome to Camael’s Corner, Chasity Halo’s number one place for marriages, vows, and a wide array of pure clean performances! Staged every week for all you disciples of the Father!”

She walked down the golden cross stage, with Camael’s sigil at in the center. His sigil had the Mars signs on it.

“The gem joint of Camael himself! C’mon, give him some love!”

She held her hands in a heart shape as the audience clapped and cheered.

“Did she just say…Camael?” Timmid asked.

Tirred rolled his eyes, “Oh no! Not him!” Timmid shuddered in fear and Docile, too, looked slightly concerned.

Holly Wata continued.

“I am Holly Wata, formerly a member of the choir of elf siblings. We have a great line-up for you here today: Veronica and Kiva!”

By the bar where Sully Serious was handing out drinks, Veronica happily took a martini from him, while Kiva posed for pictures while glaring at Veronica. The drinks up on the shelves were behind a pink heart-shaped glass barrier.

“The I Doers!”

Several elves dressed up in wedding costumes smiled at each other and posed.

“The Purifiers and the Virginal Vestas!”

Several lady angels wearing nun robes juggled fireballs in their hands.

Holly Wata took several deep breaths and gulps of water before continuing. “But as everyone’s warming up, did any of you hear about the profits and the complimentary reviews that happened recently at Woo-Hoo Land?”

The audience cheered.

“Oh yeah! I’m sure you all are unanimous angel advocates regarding that topic! I’ll tell you what: I’d sure love to shake the hand of my good brother and his group of employees. He even brought Azrael and his princess along. Our numbers and funds rose that day thanks to them. Surely everyone here has heard of E.L.F. and Docile, right?”

Crickets chirping.

“Who’s that non-canon OC?” asked a drunk elf.

Holly Wata glared. “Docile, my brother, you drunken oblivious brother-sucker! Get the heaven out of here!”

The elf vanished outside to the back of the line. After looking around, he promptly texted his friend: “Lasted 10 minutes longer in there that time!”

Holly Wata continued. “Those elves saved more human lives and got us more attention than that one festival in Woo-Hoo World! There’s no place to make your dreams come true than that Disney inspired park. Hahahaha!”

“I don’t know what you mean,” said a random patron. “The one in hell sounds much more exciting!”

Holly Wata spoke into the microphone, “Okay, keep that guy far away from me!”

She turned back to the audience.

“So, without wasting any more time, our little opening act is a fresh one. Coming at us from a little elf from the Patience Halo, give it up for Timmid…with one very strange name indeed.”

The audience clapped as Timmid got up onto the stage with her white swan-shaped guitar. She blew Tirred a kiss and he smiled.

“H-hello everyone,” she began as feedback emitted from the microphone. “Oh!” She cleared her throat. “Hi, thank you for letting me be here. It’s an honor to play. This song is for my boyfriend Tirred, a surprise for our first anniversary. I love you Tirred.”

She strummed the strings and began to sing.

“I love you��

“More than the bishop loves the church”

“More than the dove loves the Holy Spirit”

“More than Mica loves his El”

“Yeah, you make me blessed to live in Heaven”

“Our love is a sweet story times…seven?”

“And you’re more complex and confusing than that guy named Devin…”

“Hey!” Tirred and Devin the random elf yelled from nearby.

“Our love is a tight glove…you emit divine godly…”

Timmid coughed loudly as pink smoke with hearts in them spread over the stage. “Spit, spit! I can’t see anything!”

The smoke cleared and Tirred sat with his arms folded, eyes bored.

Timmid waved her hand. “O-Oh I’m sorry! I did horrible, didn’t I? Here, let me start over…”

Tirred whispered something to Devin, who grew intrigued.

“I hope we never grow apart at the start…” she began. Timmid looked over and saw Devin whisper something to another angel. Devin had been talking to Tirred and whispers floated and buzzed around the room.

“W-what’s going on?” Timmid asked.

“Samael sleeps with an elf?!” Sully Serious asked, pointing in disbelief as more people gasped. The messages spread like wildfire.

“Wait…Docile gets turned on…by suffering and sex?!”

“That can’t be right. He’s one of the greatest healers in Heaven!”

“He and his gang are nothing but common troublemakers,” chided an elderly owl. “Makes sense they’d grovel to royalty and do anything for that extra dollar.”

“I knew they were never non-profit!” exclaimed another angel.

Spotlights shone onto Samael and Docile, both flinching from embarrassment.

Kiva walked on stage and witnessed Docile cowering under the spotlight. “I always knew you were a sinning fool,” the cherub sneered.

“How the buck did you escape from Earth?!” Docile asked between tears when he saw her.

“I have my ways.” She did a sway of her hips as fans took pictures and surrounded her. Veronica looked at Docile with pity and sadness but was carried away by an adoring crowd. Holly Wata glared at Kiva.

“Maybe Tirred should be the new leader,” said a young kid after hearing his parents continue the rumor they heard.

Tirred sat with a smug, pleased look on his face.

“What is the meaning of this?” Samael glared at Tirred.

“Um…” Tirred began, backing up, clearly not expecting the attention to be thrust back onto himself. “Just wanted to update you on how…naughty my boss has been…”

Timmid dropped her guitar and raced over toward Docile, whose eyes already teared up. She gave him a comforting hug. “It’s alright, sir…”

“Never in a million suns have I ever felt pleasure from being punished by that arrogant creep!” He sobbed in pain and embarrassment. “I had to get that specific Bible from him because it was one of the few that had the spell to access Earth. Without it…our b-business…”

Timmid leaned in some more, staring at Docile with empathetic eyes. “You’re doing all you can to keep E.L.F. going; it may have been unconventional, but you had no choice. It’ll be okay.”

Timmid then stood up and saw her boyfriend.

“Wha---you did this?” Tears filled her eyes. “You spread the rumors? Why?!”

“Why not?” Tirred asked. “He always gets in the way of our time together. All he talks about is God and missions and how much he loves hot coffee! We never get any real work done like the Exorcists do. While we go around playing doctor, hundreds of sinners roam around plotting to bring down all that is good!”

Several angels muttered amongst themselves at their tables.

“Docile was put in charge for a reason, Tirred,” Timmid stated, now angry with hands on her hips. “He’s done nothing but benefit E.L.F. and our Heaven. What could you possibly have against him? Or any authority figure for that matter? You cannot always get what you want!”

“But both of us should! It’s Heaven for goodness sake!”

“Why’d you join E.L.F. in the first place then?” Timmid tilted her head.

“Because I fell in love with you,” Tirred admitted. “I needed to survive and get an actual job and not recklessly spend all the money I had and go broke. And I did want to help mortals and angels, too. But now we need to take things a step further. We have to show the worlds how capable we elves actually are!”

“We do that just fine already! There’s no need to hurt your colleagues in the process!” Timmid spat.

“Ditch your friends you cannot use,” Tirred muttered.

Timmid crossed her arms and huffed. “How bucking stupid are you to believe that God would actually relay those pseudo-messages to all of us?”

Tirred could not answer that.

Just then…

“Who dares spread discordance in my lounge of love?” asked an ethereal voice from behind them.

“Camael’s Corner is not the place for sorrows below and above,” Holly Wata added, as she got on stage with the winged figure.

A hand from the tall figure revealed a leather Bible with a golden cross on it. “What else do you expect from the proprietors of this city?” sang the figure.

Holly Wata’s eyes glowed teal in the dimmed light as she sang, spreading out her arms. “Your angel host, Camael, the embodiment of Cha-a-a-a-sity!”

Camael stepped into the light, wearing a dark pink and red suit, his skin a pale white. His face was white as well, appearing to be immersed within harmless light pink flames. An elegant pink halo with a crystal in the center hovered above his head, just under a small dark pink top hat, and his wings were large and almost translucent. Embedded in his wings were golden eyes and on the collar of his suit were a few red gems, glinting like hardened lava. His hair appeared short and dark brown, and his yellow eyes gave off an alien glow. His pants were black, and his shoes were dark and shiny. In his right hand was a Bible and in his left hand was a golden scepter with a shining light pink heart at the top. Strangely enough, golden wedding rings with diamonds served as his earrings. A few dove feathers branched off from his hat and collar.

The music began and Timmid and Tirred looked at them nervously.

“In the House of Cha-a-a-a-sity!” harmonized Holly Wata. “We don’t accept situations that aren’t pretty!”

“Love, marriage and the baby carriage…it’s the ideal, dear…we gotta help make it real here,” Camael added, gracefully flying from pole to pole as angelic dragons breathed fireworks from their mouths. His sigil glowed pink on the ground. “To ease the fear, immoral sex and hate have no place here.”

Camael smiled at Azrael and Flora holding hands. “A relationship built on trust and love, not carnality. Now that’s the spirit of cha-a-a-asity!”

“Show devotion…it’s our notion!” Kiva added with a smug look at Docile who shrank back under the light. The backup singers repeated “Notion, notion!” Fans took pictures of her as she swooped and danced on stage. She pointed gleefully at Docile and his crew, her black dress and heels shining. “Apparently, Docile couldn’t handle duty and commotion!” (“Commotion! Commotion!”) A gullible fool, running a business that’s uncool. And his workers argue and fight; now that’s just cruel!”

“Please don’t say bad things about my brother,” Holly Wata began, but Kiva cut him off.

“Like that jester imp, you’re a means to a greater end,” reminded Kiva as Holly Wata looked uneasy. “Don’t pretend,” harmonized Kiva’s cherub backup singers who spun around and surrounded Holly Wata. She flinched from Kiva as she put a firm hand on her shoulder. “Remember who you defend. The one whose time you must wisely spend.”

“For your fame and freedom, you helped seal the deal,” Camael added in a low whisper. “Now’s the time to embrace your glamor and appeal!”

Holly Wata looked apologetically at a confused Docile before turning to Camael and dancing with him once more.

“And you, Samael,” Camael called in song. “Are you not well, brother? Why are you so concerned with temptations from Hell?”

Samael looked nervous and out of place.

“Wanting to punish evil is one thing…but to give into desires with a private fling? What did you do? Is it true, is it true?”

Samael, red in the face, refused to answer.

“He will keep an eye on youuuu,” Camael warned the archangel. “Do not initiate your departure from Heaven’s bluuuue.”

The two of them danced as more fireworks shot out from trumpet-shaped dispensers. They sang their duet.

“Issues of divorce are not part of our course!”

“Loyalty and faith make us giddy…”

“Purity and love remain in this city…”

“Cleansing the gritty, embracing all that’s good and pretty…”

“Be who you are meant to be…”

“In the House of Cha-a-a-a-a-s…”

Wham!

Tirred wacked Holly Wata in the head with the swan guitar.

“Hey!” Camael protested.

Tirred smiled and handed Timmid her guitar. “I think you were trying to sing something for me, Timmi,” he said. Both elves were on stage.

Timmid brushed away tears and took the guitar. She let out shaking breaths then gave Tirred an unsuspecting hard glare. “I think I was.”

But instead of finishing her love song, she strummed the strings rapidly, stress emanating from her body.

“I hate this!” she yelled abruptly, making Tirred and the audience gasp in surprise and unease. Camael tended to Holly Wata, waking her up with a wave of his hand.

“Why are things the way they are? Love ain’t always pretty…it can leave many a scar…I hope I don’t ruin this guitar!”

She leaned angrily into Tirred’s face, dodging his angry hand swipes at the guitar. Timmid sang loud and off-key. Some audience members covered their ears.

“You take things for granted, it’s like you’re always disenchanted…”

“Always stuck in your pride, chasing the greener side…”

“Shut up!” yelled Tirred in song, fists clenched. “That’s not true…”

“All these years, I’ve supported you. I’m surprised Heaven hasn’t deported you! What satisfaction can you possibly gain…from seeing your inferiors in pain?”

“Oh, I think it’s starting to rain…” Tirred added as thunder shook the building and lightning flashed outside.

“We’re not even married yet…have you no regret?!”

“Some things, I have to forget…”

Tirred briefly lowered his head.

“Forget? What can you get?”

Tirred continued. “Those at the top survive. How else can we thrive? You make me feel alive. Oh Timmid, please…stay. Stay with me today. I’ll take all my errors and pain away.”

“Making the same mistakes again and again. Will it ever end? Can you really prove…that you’re my friend?”

Angry tears started to spill from Tirred’s eyes. “You’ve missed the chance for us to ascend…Don’t try to pretend…that you accept all these norms.”

They both sang a discordant duet on stage, glaring at each other as a platform they were on rose into the air.

“Our thoughts are the ominous flashes of storms…”

“What if we were not meant to last forever? A separation instead of us together? Time flies, time flies, your words are lies, are lies, are lies!”

“There’s only one thing that we know will be truuueee…”

A long dreadful pause.

“I’ll miss you,” they finished softly.

They sat on the small podium, backs against the pole, legs dangling down. They loosely held hands and turned away from each other as tears streaked down their dark teal faces. The lights around them were a dim sad blue.

“I’ll miss you…”

The crowd muttered and booed lowly as the two elves jumped from the podium and walked wordlessly toward Docile. When they did notice each other, anger returned. Docile stood still in shock. Several audience members hugged each other tightly at their tables as if afraid their partners would leave them.

Camael took another look at the fuming Tirred, Timmid and the concerned Docile and Samael.

Kiva with her hands on her hips grinned smugly at E.L.F. beside Camael and Holly Wata on stage. The look in her eyes sent a clear sinister message: “I’ll help decide who gets to be in paradise…and who will lose everything they love!”

Camael glared at them while Holly Wata sadly shook her head. Camael responded, “What an absolutely pitiful display. It sickens me. Get out!”

All of them vanished to the outside of the club.

0 0 0

Outside Camael’s Corner, Timmid and Tirred stood, arms folded, hardly facing each other. They stood, downcast as rain fell from the dark pink night sky.

“Timmid, I’m sor…”

Timmid held up a hand. “I’ve heard enough, I’ve seen enough. If punishing wrongdoers, upstaging your boss, and indulging in selfish greed is all you care about, then I want nothing to do with you!”

“But you’re the only one I care about! You…”

“No! You don’t understand half of what goes on around you. You’re too focused on yourself and half the time, you don’t give a flying feather about what I have to say.”

“Your words are nonsense!” Tirred scoffed but paused when Timmid gave him a look.

“I love and care for you more than you’ll ever know,” Tirred begged. He stepped forward, but Timmid pushed him away.

“You keep apologizing but as far as I’m concerned, you don’t truly make any effort to learn from your mistakes. You know what they say here in Chasity…” She emphasized: “…be faithful to the ones you love!”

“Who cares about this spit-hole of a place?! We’re from Patience, remember? Just…be patient with me, please…”

“I’ve been patient with you for a long time, Tirred.” She wiped stray tears away and her voice cracked. “I just think…we need a break from each other.”

“A break? How long?”

“However long it takes.”

“Ten seconds, okay then,” he joked bluntly.

“Just leave me alone for a while, okay! You ruined our…my special night!”

“Your special night?!” Tirred breathed. “It was gonna be our special night. But you decided to play along with Docile and everyone else because you’re too scared.”

“Scared of what?” she asked.

“Everything! You can’t truly stand up for me or yourself to save your life. You just want to be subservient to every rule you come across. Questioning things is not enough…you have to go out and take action!”

“I certainly am not scared by my former selfish, blood-thirsty, pompous brute boyfriend! And at least I don’t actively get myself into trouble by being mean and a careless rebel like some people I know!”

“You’re an utter wimp! Just look at your name!”

Both elves growled at each other, wings extended, halos throbbing with anger.

“Former, selfish…”

“Former?!” Tirred’s eyes widened, veins popping out. “Don’t you dare break up with me, snitch!”

“I just did, you no-good, booger-faced, wannabe sinner!”

“Aaargh! Take that back, baby b*itch!”

“Right back at ya, arrogant a**hole! Take this!”

“No swearing allowed!” Docile bellowed as Tirred and Timmid began a short fight.

Docile gently took Timmid’s arm and pushed Tirred away from her. “Come on, Tim. Let’s get out of here.”

Timmid took some deep breaths and sobbed. She let herself be led by Docile down the street as rain poured down from the clouds.

“Goodbye, Tirred,” she spoke somberly, briefly looking back with sad eyes. “I’ll…not talk to you at work…”

“Last chance, Tirred…you’re almost fired!” Docile called, also briefly looking back.

Tirred reached out a hand to Timmid, but the damage was done. He was now single, heart-broken, and alone.

Just before Samael left, he glanced over to the side at Tirred, eyes flaming. “Talking about your leader behind his back for attention…that’s low even for elves like you,” he remarked. Every word stung Tirred’s heart. “Now I’ll have to smother those nasty rumors you spread before I lose my reputation. Although I’m a punisher, if they suspect I was involved with common elves…”

Samael spoke again, “Just so you know, Docile’s motivation, skill and kindness is what makes him a qualified leader at your little company. He’s passive enough to not cross any serious lines. I’ll admit, I was hoping for some torturing fun from someone new…”

He snapped his fingers and a glowing red portal appeared.

“But now that I think about it…not even I would want to punish some worthless, lying bigot like you!”

On his knees in the rain, Tirred held his head in his hands as Samael vanished and the portal closed.

0 0 0

Docile glumly made his way back to his emerald and sapphire walled house. He flicked on the light and walked inside. On the wall were pictures of Docile, Tirred, Timmid and Sunna smiling at the office. Pictures of doves, trumpets, and crystals were scattered around. An unusual feature about the pictures was the fact that Docile had scribbled himself out of them in black pen. Perhaps it was a leftover insecurity brought by his father.

Docile walked over to Sunna’s white bedroom door, which had drawings of cat prints, mice and flowers taped onto it. Docile took a note from the door that read:

“Hi dad, I’m at a party with Portal, be back soon!”

“Oh no,” Docile thought. “She doesn’t know what Portal tried to do to us…”

Concerned with his daughter’s safety and feeling defeated, Docile slumped onto a nearby couch. Docile picked up his phone and tapped the Christian Cross blue unlock icon. On his phone were apps for a Heaven Instagram, a TV app, 3 unread texts and emails, MichaelSecurity, Metatron-ics, Gabriel-To-Go, Raphael-Care, Uriel-Meditation, KNDNES, a Camael heart logo and a fancy sword icon for Michael.

Docile tapped onto the photo icon and began to scroll. The first picture showed Docile tending to his lashes on his back. He swiped to the left and it showed Docile, Tirred and Timmid drinking bubble tea. The third picture showed Timmid beaming and Tirred with a blank expression as a smiling Docile held out two E.L.F. labels in his hands. It was the day that Timmid and Tirred had joined E.L.F.

The fourth picture showed Sunna in a blue sweater happily hugging Docile tightly as he held an adoption certificate in his hands. In the fifth picture, Docile was in a black tuxedo posing with Veronica who wore a sparkly gray dress with hearts on it. This was back when they were good friends together, before her sister Kiva got carried away by fame, and before Veronica became famous.

Docile berated himself for not staying connected with Veronica more often. Sure, she was busy living in the limelight, but unlike Kiva, she showed appreciation for Docile as he was. He believed at first that Kiva would be good to work with, since she knew Veronica so well. It wasn’t long before time and distance separated them.

The sixth picture seemed like it was from a different time period altogether. It showed a teenage Docile with braces on his sharp white teeth posing with his sister Holly Wata who was in fact, an elf with a dark teal face and the same white heart-shaped birthmark on his forehead that Docile had but with thick long white hair. She had his arm around Docile and wore a white shirt with a gold “G” on it and a white outstretched hand, referencing Gabriel. Docile wore a white shirt that read “Gabriel” on it in gold. Interestingly, Docile’s black mark on the side of his face was gone.

The seventh picture showed Docile and Holly Wata in choir robes holding plastic candles as happy little kids. Back then, Docile and Holly Wata sang in choir together and he also performed at Woo-Hoo Land with Rizzafolli the cyborg. After a terrible tragedy involving knocked over candles at a church, both elves were healed but Docile was left with a black burn scar on his face. Holly Wata was lucky. After Holly Wata outshined Docile and wanted to be closer to Camael, she decided to help him with his work, even going to Earth on occasion to spread the Good News with the help of pink magic Camael-Crystals. Before long, Holly Wata became a sensation. Although she tried seeing Docile as much as possible, Docile wanted to avoid her and her preaching.

Docile’s eyes went wide as he swiped to the eighth picture. There he was as a kid, next to his dark, teal-faced twin sister Holly Wata. Both were smiling as they held a card that read a misspelled “Happy Berth Moma.” Standing behind him was an elf with a kind dark teal face and long white hair that had gray and dark streaks in a few spots. It was Docile’s mother, Allita. Docile wore her necklace every day to bring him comfort. They all had the same white mark on their foreheads. Docile glanced over to an old newspaper clipping in a dark corner of the wall that showed a section under “Obituaries and Executions.” Next to a date was a black and white picture of Docile’s mother, her halo broken. Red devil horns were drawn around her head in red pencil.

Tears spilled from Docile’s eyes, and he sobbed into a pillow on the couch.

#heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss #2phazbinhotel

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

Text

Heavenly Boss S1 E6: Lying Inductees

The two agents stood and stared in disbelief as the portal closed and the blue light vanished, a blue compass symbol blinking away.

“So, what now?” asked Agent Two.

“What now?!” Agent One beamed with his hands out. “We finally got the evidence we needed to be taken seriously!”

With a swoop of his hand, he cleared a space in front of him. Among the ruined bloodstained pipes, he typed rapidly on a keyboard. Four camera screens lit up after static appeared. The first one showed Blitzo and Moxxie fighting the agents, the second one displayed Millie fighting with her ax. The third showed Loona fighting a guy with a curved sword and the fourth showed in red, Stolas appearing in his demon form, the agents cowering.

Under the flickering rectangular ceiling light, the two agents smiled and put on their sunglasses at the same time.

Agent One paused the screens, showing the faces of a smiling Blitzo, Moxxie in the background, Millie with an ax, Loona with teeth barred and a regal Stolas in battle. The screens faded as “no signal” appeared on them in green.

“Nobody in corporate is ignoring this,” said Agent One before letting out a dark evil laugh.

Agent One typed in a series of passwords and found the emails of several corporate members. After sending the videos, they proceeded to upload said videos to YouTube, with the title, “WOW! Camera Footage of Real Demons Attacking Our HQ! #D.H.O.R.K.S-4-Life.”

They smiled and looked at each other again. Now that their camera feeds had been sent out, they figured their lives would change for the better.

Then they looked around the debris-filled room, littered with the bodies of their fallen agent comrades. Agent Two had a bloody lip and Agent One was battered in the face. They frowned.

“So...do you think we should call those demon scum back to help clean up this mess?” asked Agent Two.

“Certainly not!” Agent One cried. “Didn’t you see that terrifying owl demon? He was this close to killing us on the spot! Besides, they won’t be coming back.”

Agent Two grinned a bit. “Indeed, not! And those demons won’t be coming back for good once the military and government hunt them down!”

“In Hell?”

“First on Earth, if any more show up,” Agent Two replied, brushing off her shirt. She began to lift up debris and move it around. Agent One swept up dirt and glass shards on the floor, trying not to gag at the stench of the fresh corpses.

Agent Two continued. “Then perhaps we’ll develop technology advanced enough to travel to their world. Perhaps we’ll be able to deflect their dark magic using powerful ray devices. Hmm…do you think we could eventually give tours of the afterlife dimensions?”

Agent One almost tripped over a fallen pipe with a gasp. His eyes were wide under his shades. “Nonsense, Two! It’ll be very hard to fight off hordes of demons in the first place! Not to mention the angels will probably take care of them.”

“So there are angels as well…” she mused.

“Of course. Didn’t you hear the reports? ‘Yellow Sheep Cherub Saves My Life After A Boulder Fell On Me.’ ‘Got Drunk On Holy Spirit Water; Angels Comfort Me.’ ‘Saved From Wild Animals, Hope That Sheep Survived.’ ‘God Is Real; His Angels Hold The Secret to Immortality!’”

“That last article was the most interesting,” remarked Agent Two. “It makes sense; if the cherubs can keep healing and blessing people, humanity can live long lives and not have to worry about a bad afterlife.”

“Until now, that is,” Agent One mentioned. “That’s what they wanted us to think before. But now that we know that demons and Hell exist, this changes everything! More than likely, it was Heaven’s way to keep people brainwashed to hide the truth about the sufferings and exterminations the sinners have to go through! If humans were to know about all that…”

“…Then they’d think it was unfair. They’d question their life choices more, be less stupid and berate the elite angels for hiding the truth and separating their family members into the ‘desirable’ and ‘deviant’ categories.”

“Heh. Even in the afterlife, social class and elitism still exist.”

“I’d love to know more.”

“Me too, Two, but right now, we gotta get this place cleaned up. Our monitors and cameras cost hundreds of dollars, ya know!”

Agent Two sighed. “Great. Now we’re broke.”

Agent One winked. “Not broke. Woke!”

With a roll of her eyes, Agent Two got to work. They both strained and cleared away all the debris on the floor before burning it outside. Afterwards, they stared in disgust and despair at the bloodstained walls, hallways, floors and ceilings. Standing in the dilapidated hallway, a lone light cover hung haphazardly from the ceiling as sparks flew from a flickering fluorescent light. The industrial gray hallway looked more grimy and uninviting than ever. Flies began to buzz around the bodies, flesh turning blue and black near the lower areas.

“Now, whose gonna get rid of the bodies?” asked Agent One.

After a pause, they both pointed at each other and yelled, “Not Me!”

“Why should I have to do it?” asked Agent Two.

“Because I’m number One!”

“First is the worst, second is the best! That means you gotta do it,” she sang.

Agent One folded his arms. “No way. Ladies first!”

“Man up and do it, One!” she barked.

“You’re a strong lady. Surely you can handle the job.”

“How uncouth for a gentleman to think that!”

They both pondered in thought, pacing back and forth until…

“Let’s settle this with good ol’ Rock Paper Scissors!” said Agent Two.

“Best 2 out of three.”

“No. Just one round.”

“You’re no fun.”

They held out their hands in fists and faced each other. “Ready?” asked Agent One. Agent Two nodded. “You’re so on.”

They both chanted, “Rock, Paper, Scissors…” as Agent Two said “Shoot!” a moment later.

“Hey, no fair!” said Agent One. “I had Rock, you had Scissors; you can’t just switch to Paper!”

Agent Two smirked. “You were supposed to do yours at the fourth ‘Shoot’ instead of at ‘Scissors!’”

“How was I supposed to know that?! Rematch, now!”

“And say ‘Shoot’ this time, One!”

“Urgh. Fine.”

They both did Rock Paper Scissors again. Agent One won the first round and Agent Two won the second round. It was a tie between them.

“This is ridiculous,” sighed Agent Two. “Can’t we just do it together?”

“Not without finishing the last round. Besides, I don’t wanna get sick.”

“We’ll get sick for sure if we just leave those bodies there. Or don’t move somewhere else!”

“Where else can we go? This is the only D.H.O.R.K.S. (Demon Hunting Organization of Rad Kooky Suckers) station around here.”

“It’s not a station anymore,” said Agent Two. “More like a gravesite.”

“Oh? You scared of ghosts now? Wanna switch careers and be a ghost buster? Who you gonna call, hmm?” asked Agent One.

Agent Two smirked. “Your mom, like that demon said.”

“My mom’s dead!” Agent One cried, running his hands through his short brown hair. “Stop mentioning that!”

“Okay, sorry, sorry,” said Agent Two, holding up her hands. “Maybe it would’ve been safer to focus on ghosts instead of demons.” Agent One took some deep breaths and sniffed.

“Yeah, and update our passwords, too,” Agent One remarked as they headed back into the dimmed green room with the array of cameras. “I mean, why not make the password “1337” or “A.A.H.W.” or something. Who came up with “11111” for the keypad anyway?”

Agent Two gave him a look and raised an eyebrow. “Uh, you did. It’s all in the number, One.”

“Oh damn it, you’re right!” he scowled.

“Hmpth. At least my password of six 6s for the outside door was cool! Because demons.”

Agent One rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

The two of them made it into the room and stared at the screens replaying Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie and Loona on their various killing missions on Earth.

“At least we still have some evidence,�� Agent Two mentioned as the screens blinked on and off.

“Yes,” agreed Agent One. He narrowed his eyes, facing his comrade. “Now…to finish this, once and for all!”

Agent Two narrowed her eyes in return. “You don’t have to tell me twice!”

They held out their fists, getting ready to begin their final Rock Paper Scissors match…

Just then, they heard a rumbling noise and what sounded like a cat screech from outside. Agent One turned and lifted away the blinds from a barred window. There was a dark figure moving outside in the alley.

“Great Scott!” Agent One gasped. “I think the police found us!”

“You’re kidding,” Agent Two replied, scratching her short light-colored hair. “How could they have found us?!”

“Maybe because we burned the debris outside,” said Agent One, “…when you could’ve burned the bodies as well.” He gave her a stern look.

“Why would I disrespect their families?” she asked. “Surely they’d want to see what happened to their brave agent loved ones.”

“We’re supposed to remain covert from everyone.”

“Sure, and we have a public YouTube account for that exact purpose!” Agent Two shot back in sarcasm.

Agent One shook his head in frustration. “Once they find all the bodies and our location, we’ll be arrested for sure!”

Agent Two turned her attention to the cameras and smiled. “Not if we can prove that it was the demons who killed all our comrades!”

“Seriously, Two? Everyone still thinks were crazy kooks! No one will believe us yet, least of all the police.”

Agent Two waved a hand and made a “psh,” sound. “Relax, One. Once we show them the evidence, we’ll get off scot free in no time!”

She stood, confident with her hands on her hips…just as a low groaning sound was heard…

“Get down!” called Agent One, leaping onto her and rolling her out of the way. Agent Two yelped in response. With a loud, ear-shattering crash, the monitors and screens collapsed to the ground, right where the agents stood moments before. The room filled with dust, sparks and the foul metallic odor of machinery. The screens were now broken and detached from the wall, leaving nothing but exposed wires and dark gaps in the wall. A posture of a stern green haired lady agent called Snake from Zoophobia hung on another wall, staring at them as if she knew they had made fools of themselves. Another poster showed a suited agent with glasses eating green and brown wheat cereal, holding an invisible spoon in his hand as the caption read, “There is no spoon. Seeing isn’t always believing.”

Agent Two gasped as Agent One crouched over her, using his body as a shield. They stared at each other for a long tense moment, briefly lifting up their sunglasses to stare into each other’s eyes.

Then Agent One asked, “You were saying about the evidence?”

Agent Two groaned loudly in frustration, hoisting herself up. “Come on, One. Let’s give ourselves up. Or flee. Or for starters, see what the commotion is about.”

“Don’t forget your weapons.”

“Roger that.”

They brushed themselves off, grabbed their stun guns and headed out of the building.

“You’ll still have to dispose of the bodies,” Agent Two whispered to him.

Agent One sighed. “We don’t even have proper protective equipment for that.”

“Yes, we do. It’s in the storage closet.”

“And where is that?”

“That pile of rubble over there.”

Agent One stared in disbelief at the charred remains of the cleaning supplies. “God, why?!”

0 0 0

It was still dark out when the agents wandered outside. There were several open dumpsters and a rolled over trash can from the previous battle. Agent One heard a cat meowing and chasing after a rat. The cat purred as he chomped down onto the rat and pained squeaks were heard.

Agent One gulped. “This ain’t a good idea. Youse think we’ll get mugged or robbed?”

“Quit bein’ such a wimp,” Agent Two whispered. “We do stuff like this all the time. Why you scared now?”

“That owl demon may be watching us.”

“He’s gone now,” she hissed. “We can’t let one setback deter us from searching for other supernatural paraphernalia.”

“Youse saying there are worse demons out there?”

“Hopefully not on Earth, but I’m also talking about other spirits.”

“Do you think…I could communicate with my mom?” Agent One asked hopefully.

“Nu-nuh,” she shook her head. “Remember that last time we tried to use that Ouija board during our Haunted High School party?”

“Yes…”

“Absolutely nothing happened that night. It was pretty boring.”

“Oh.”

“…but I always felt like something was watching us for several days afterward. Could explain why we had such bad luck after burning the board…”

“Why were we so stupid?”

“Don’t ask me. Ask yourself.”

“Hey, shut up.”

“You shut up.”

“Shhh!” Agent One shushed her. “Remember, we can’t be seen!”

His foot caught onto a turned-over, garbage can. With a “whoa!” he stumbled and face planted onto the littered ground with a loud crash, his feet in the air.

He groaned and picked himself up as Agent Two held in a snicker.

“Excuse me, number one, but you’re currently being the loudest.”

“I said shush up, Two!” Agent One seethed, brushing away garbage from his hair and clothing. He straightened his logo on his suit, a white D over a red triangle. “Go scout our surroundings. I have a feeling we’re getting close.”

Agent Two chuckled again before scaling a nearby wall with rungs on it. She made it up to the rooftops under a full moon, stalking through the night like a black cat super villain. At last, after a few jumps, she peered over the edge. Taking out a near transparent drone device, she pressed a button and the device beeped. After a moment, the device beeped again, with the words “Portal Sighted,” on the small screen.

“Agent One,” she spoke through a walkie-talkie. “I found a portal up ahead. At 1:00.”

“I did, too. 13:00,” he replied.

‘What does that mean again?”

“It’s military time for 1:00.”

“AM or PM? And is the portal ahead or behind you? Wait what time is it, anyway?” she asked.

“Just…follow my lead,” Agent One sighed.

Agent Two jumped gracefully from the roof, landing on her feet near Agent One.

Just then, the agents heard voices coming from a nearby corner up ahead. They crept closer to the sound, guns drawn. They saw dark shadows dance on the wall…shadows that did not appear human-like at all.

Agent One held in a gasp. “It’s the horned demon-scum!” he breathed.

“They’re back already?” asked Agent Two.

“They’ll be sorry they messed with us.”

They listened to the voices ahead.

“I’m telling you sir, there’s a dangerous cult on the loose. Heard rumors that they hunt down creatures that aren’t human. Why’re we here anyway?”

“Because a messenger told one of our own that they were on the loose again. And by ‘they,’ I mean the crude assassins.”

“It’s always them, isn’t it? No wonder the cherubs got so stressed out. I’ve never cared much of mortals and especially not those creatures from down below. Our superiors grow more suspicious of us each day. If we don’t come back with something to prove…”

“We will this time. We have to. Our lives and the lives of humans depend on it…”

“Wait, sir, I heard something…”

Just then, Agent One and Agent Two appeared into the light.

“Freeze, demon scum!”

The figures appeared as well, aiming glowing staffs.

“Freeze, satanic cultists!”

The four individuals took several looks at each other, taken aback. The agents stared at what appeared to be creatures wearing white clothing. Both had dark teal faces (the taller one had part of his face black), pointed ears and eyes in shades of dark blue with white pupils. The shorter one had black hair and wore a white suit with a teal bow tie. He wore matching pants and white boots with teal at the tops. The taller elf barred his unusually sharp white teeth.

“Who are you humans?” he asked, his voice having a slight echo to it.

“We’re agents, thank you very much,” said Agent One. “And who are you demons?”

The smaller elf scowled. “How rude of you to say.”

The two elves, Tirred and Docile spread out their white feathery wings, white glowing spiked halos appearing over their heads.

The two agents stared in amazement. Agent Two gasped. “Wha…hold on…you’re angels?!”

“Obviously,” Docile shrugged. “Are you that dangerous Satanic cult we’ve been warned about?”

“Goodness no!” Agent One cried. “We’re D.H.O.R.K.S.”

Tirred snickered as Agent One explained, “We’re a secret organization that hunts down paranormal activity, specifically demons. We don’t work for any demon.”

“Good!” said Tirred. “Now please move along. We have some fugitives to catch.”

The elves walked forward but stopped when Agent Two grinned and aimed her gun.

“Hold up…you’re angels, yes? Hmm…perhaps you could help us convince more people that angels and demons are real. And you could let us study you…that is…if you want to live!” The agents grinned evilly.

The elves stood unfazed. “Look lady,” said Docile, “We’re on a very serious mission and we can’t afford to stay with some random kooky organization of occultic nerds…”

“What did you just say?!” bellowed Agent One in anger.

“I appreciate you trying to protect Earth…”

“And those cherubs do to!” added Agent Two.

Docile lowered his head. “They fell to Hell.”

“Oh dear.”

“Anyway, we have no business in collaborating with you…” Docile began.

Thud.

A dart from one of the agent’s guns hit Tirred on the neck.

“Ha!” cried Agent Two. “You guys aren’t going anywhere!”

Without taking his eyes off of the agents, Docile held the stumbling, mumbling Tirred with one arm. As Tirred’s eyes fluttered closed, Docile muttered a chant. Tirred’s body lit up blue, and his neck steamed up, the dart melting away like wax. The wound closed up and the light faded. Tirred opened his eyes and shook his head as he stood back up. Agent One fired another dart, but Docile caught it expertly with one hand. He crushed it in his fist, letting the pieces fall to the ground.

“Oh, a smart guy, huh?” asked Agent One. “Too bad we got you cornered.”

But the elves weren’t cornered at all. From behind them, several portals opened up. One led to the Heaven the elves came from, one showed the familiar crimson red sky of Hell and another led to a place with a much darker sky. Docile turned to see his colleagues Timmid the elf and Sunna the brown heavencat waving from the heavenly side of the portal.

The agents gasped too. “No way! Heaven and Hell do exist after all!”

“Wait a second,” Docile said, his face a look of concern. “I thought you humans only believed in angels.”

“Not anymore we won’t!” said Agent One. “We believed in demons for a while now. Demons won’t last long once everyone knows!”

“I mean, I’m all for humans learning to not become sinners and gradually learning about the existence of demons. Heaven is elite and full of lying hypocrites after all…” Docile began.

Agent Two chuckled. “Oh, it won’t be gradual! We just sent footage of the demon scum attacking our headquarters to the government!”

Docile stared in pure shock. Glowing eyes appeared on his wings and his teeth shone in the night. “YOU FUCKING WHAT?! You just potentially endangered the living world and the afterlife worlds! I’d have an urge to cleanse your filthy souls with a holy dick in your dumbasses…”

Tirred stared agape, as did the agents.

Docile turned toward Timmid and Sunna as the agents inched closer.

“Shit, close them!” Docile called.

A fearful Timmid chanted a psalm from the Bible in her hands. All the portals shrank until they became nothing. Docile briefly got shocked by a blast from Agent Two. “Wait! No!” cried Sunna, reaching out a paw, but the portal had already closed.

Docile and Tirred leaned back against the wall. The agents had their guns drawn. Now the elves were truly cornered. Flashes of blue lighting hit the elves, shocking them.

“Surrender angel clowns, and we won’t hurt you anymore,” said Agent One.

“Back off you tuxedo-wearing freaks,” Tirred spat. Both of them winced at the pain and tried not to go under.

“That was pretty badass,” said Agent One.

“Super badass!” Agent Two replied with a pose.

As the agents were about to aim their guns again, the elves disappeared in a flash of light.

“Hey, where’d they go?” asked Agent Two as they looked around.

In a flash, the two elves teleported behind them.

“What the…” Agent One began before he was knocked against the wall with a swing of Docile’s staff. Agent Two whirled around to punch Tirred, but she missed as he ducked. Tirred knocked the gun out of her hands and landed several karate kicks. Agent Two wheezed in pain before she was knocked to the ground as well. The two agents crawled backwards in terror and pain until their backs met the wall. The shadows of the elves passed over their faces as they crept closer.

“You mortals made a careless mistake, abruptly introducing demons to mankind,” stated Docile. His staff glowed purple and angelic choir music began to play from it. The melody and harmonized chants floated around, caressing the agents’ ears. It was so beautiful and ethereal that the agents were suddenly fine with letting themselves be embraced by sleep. They felt strangely safe in the presence of these angel strangers.

“M-Mother, is that you?” breathed Agent One, his head lowered, eyelids drooping.

“Before we erase your memories, how about you tell us where your hideout is and how this whole mess came about,” said Docile.

Tirred grinned evilly. “And since you love demons so much, you’ll tell us where we can find I.M.P.”

The agents’ worlds faded into black.

0 0 0

Back at the E.L.F. office, Timmid buried her face in her hands. “No! No, no, no! We were so close.”

Sunna stood with concern on her face, vastly different from her usual sunny outlook. Instead of her usual white dress with a sun on it, she wore blue pants and a white short sleeve shirt with a black cross on it.

“D-did you hear that? Our boss just swore out loud! Plus, he used innuendos and euphemisms. He never does that! That means it’s serious.”

“Oh no, he’ll be banished from Heaven for sure!” cried Timmid.

“Technically he only did it on Earth, but…”

“What’re we gonna do?” Timmid wailed.

“Open it again,” Sunna deadpanned.

“I-I’m too sacred. Since Docile isn’t here, I don’t open it unless…”

“Open the bucking portal, now!” Sunna yelled, picking up Timmid by her shirt. She then let go. From a clean emergency backpack, Timmid collected a few bottles of holy healing water and took out a large sword with the sides sharp like a chainsaw. It was teal blue with a white cross in the center. On the hilt, she pressed a curved Christian fish button and the weapon lit up in white flames.

“Nice,” Sunna smiled, who had transformed into her African American human form.

Timmid felt more courageous as she stepped out of the portal…

…into the quiet empty night. Sunna followed.

“They aren’t here!” she exclaimed in distraught.

Sunna sniffed the air and ground. “Smells like they went this way. Come on, let’s catch those horrible twins!”

They raced off into the night and easily found the remains of the D.H.O.R.K.S. building. They climbed over rubble and debris, carefully avoiding exposed wire and pipes along the way.

0 0 0

Agent Two’s eyes slowly fluttered open. She looked around and saw that she was in a dim room…the same room where they had interrogated the imps. She looked down with a gasp. She was tied to a chair with rope, while Agent One was tied to another chair behind her.

A figure leaned in and shone a light onto Agent Two. “Finally awake huh? Little mortal?” It was the grinning face of Tirred, wearing Agent Two’s sunglasses. Docile stood on the other side, wearing Agent One’s sunglasses. Agent One slowly woke up as well.

“My, my, how the tables have turned,” mused Docile, as he adjusted his sunglasses, his wings folded behind him.

“Agent Two? Where are you?” he slurred.

“Behind you.”

“Touching my butt?”

“No, I’m tied up.”

Agent One looked down and strained against the ropes. “Dammit, I am too!”

“No, you’re One,” deadpanned Agent Two.

Agent One looked around. “W-where are the bodies?”

Docile mentioned to a still-working camera that showed the elves carrying the agents through the rubble. They were shown tying the agents up before moving off to the side. Docile and Tirred held hands, lowering their heads in prayer at the litter of bodies. Light shone from their forms and staffs, making the screen shake. Through another portal, a looming angel with a pale gaunt face, sunken black eyes and long black hair appeared on the scene: Azrael. All the corpses were lifted into the air, the wounds healed before they all vanished into the air. Azrael gazed darkly into the camera before vanishing in shadow. After much of the building was repaired by more magic, Docile collapsed in exhaustion, Tirred watching over him. Several hours had passed.

Docile smashed the screen with a fist.

“Aw man, that was entertaining evidence!” cried Agent One.

“I thought angels could bring back the dead,” said Agent Two.

“No one can, not even the cherubs,” Tirred mentioned.

“Well technically, if a human dies, ourselves or the cherubs could revive them from death provided it occurs a couple minutes or less after they die,” Docile pondered. “Doesn’t explain why sinners can revive themselves in Hell…”

“Getting off topic again, sir. Interrogation, remember?”

“Right.”

Docile cleared his throat. “Those bodies you saw have been magically transferred to a nearby gravesite, each under separate sheets. The families of the fallen will be notified of their deceased loved ones telepathically by Gabriel before dawn. It will be assumed that your organization, which will now be revealed, led to the kooks challenging each other to death in combat and that there was an argument over the existence of demons. Until humanity is ready to admit their faults and have more courage, they cannot know of demons’ existence.”

“Ha!” barked Agent One. “It’s already too late!”

“Even so…” said Tirred. “Your agents are now in Hell.”

The two agents shuddered.

“Now we never kill unless the threat is too great,” stated Docile. “And we could easily erase your memories right now. However…we have some questions for you kooks.”

“Stop saying that!” barked Agent Two.

“Quiet,” hissed Tirred, shining the light in her face, making her flinch.

“Tell us, agents,” said Docile. “Who do you work for? The Illuminati?”

“It’s more like the SCP Organization mixed with A.A.H.W. mixed with Men in Black mixed with the Matrix, mixed with…”

“Direct answer, please!”

“It’s D.H.O.R.K.S.!” said Agent Two as Agent One burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny!” Tirred yelled. “How did you humans get all this technology in the first place?” The elves shone the light back and forth over the agents.

“Also, why are you hunting demons?” asked Docile.

“When did you show up here?” asked Tirred.

“Alright, I’m gonna stop you right there,” said Agent One as the elves moved the light back in place. “First of all, we just woke up from a very peaceful dream…”

“And a very nasty shock,” added Agent Two.

“…and I’m still feeling woozy, so I’m gonna request you to fetch us some coffee before we get into this.”

“It’d better not be iced,” growled Docile. “That stuff sucks.”

Agent Two added, “I’ll have a pumpkin spiced latte with four ounces of gluten-free soy milk, make sure it looks nice and orange and smells like pumpkin, only use organic ingredients in the process…and I ain’t white but I can enjoy pumpkin spiced lattes any time I want. Be sure they don’t use my real name and spell my number wrong on the cup, not like “To,” or “Too,” I hate that. Might as well throw watermelons into the faces of racists and watch them gleefully eat it off like hungry entitled monkeys…”

“Enough!” Tirred screamed as both agents doubled down in laughter. “I’m not giving you idiots coffee!”

“Need I remind you that you are at our mercy now,” Docile said coldly. “Tell us when you last saw I.M.P.”

“Who?”

“The assassin demons you caught on your cameras!”

“Those demons ransacked our headquarters then left to Hell after a scary owl demon king transported them there!” called Agent One.

“An owl demon…from the first Hell,” pondered Docile. “Must’ve been Stolas of the Ars Goetia. Be thankful it wasn’t the other Stolas; you would’ve been bird food.”

“You don’t even know who we are,” said Agent Two.

“Who are you?” asked Tirred.

“Your worst nightmare!”

The agents cackled again.

“We can easily look into your heads if we have to,” Tirred warned.

“Oh, are you sure you want to peer into our thoughts, angels?” asked Agent One with a smirk. “They might be very dirty.”

“I learned my brief swearing from Samael,” Docile deadpanned. “I can handle a little dirt.”

“Did Sammy get kinky and torture you, too?” asked Agent Two before Docile grew red in the face in embarrassment.

“It was a horrible experience!”

“I bet he secretly liked it. Even angels get kinky too,” mocked Agent One.

“Shut up, you ungrateful sickos!” Tirred snapped, patting a fuming Docile on the shoulder. “We’re not getting kinky with you humans!”

“It’ll be a rainy day in Heaven before that ever happens!” scowled Docile.

“Well, we’ve been studying how similar angels and demons really are,” said Agent One. “Why not try it out for ourselves?” Tirred and Docile flinched back in disgust.

“Don’t let them get to you, sir,” said Tirred to Docile, pulling him to the side. “They’re just trying to mess with us.”

Tirred looked over at a separate room with controls. Then he looked at Docile with a smirk. “So, the humans want to play games, huh?” he spoke in a low voice.

“Uh, I don’t like what you’re thinking, Tirred…” he whispered.

“If we can’t get answers out of them, we’ll just try another way.”

Tirred led Docile out of the room, closed the door and then arrived at the control room. Tirred grinned and pushed his fist onto the glowing green “Truth Bomb” button.

“A taste of their own medicine!” Tirred beamed with a chuckle. Docile looked on in worry.

0 0 0

“Oh man, what do we do now?” sighed Agent Two.

“Keep trying to escape, I guess,” Agent One replied, struggling to no avail.

“I’m sure someone will try and rescue us,” said Agent Two. “I bet corporate is on their way right now. Or maybe the angels will feel sorry for us and let us go. I hope so.”

As the green fumes entered the room, Agent One spat, “You and your idealistic nature. You never listen to my ideas. All it is with you is, ‘One, you’re no fun.’ ‘You’re a serious one, One, let me be in charge.’ How unprofessional and pathetic.”

“Pathetic?” Agent Two asked. “You’re the one who threw that tantrum when those demons insulted your mother! Without me around, you would’ve given into your impulses long ago.”

She glanced down. “Crap! They’re filling the room with the truth bomb!”

“Urgh! I knew we never should’ve trusted those angels. The supernatural can never be trusted!”

“Then why hunt for demons in the first place?”

“Because they distracted me from being with my mother. On a mission, you and I fought with a few dark spirits that had chased us after we burned that Ouija board. And what happened next? She died before I had a chance to say goodbye.” Agent One bawled in tears. “I wanted to dedicate my life to the government, to be in a position where my nerdiness and desire to save others could come in handy. But mostly I just wanted the money! It would’ve helped me a lot to expand on my Dorks and Dweebs card game!”

“I’m so sorry, but it serves you right for burning it.”

“It was your idea. Why are you fascinated by demons anyway?”

“Because men like you ain’t good enough. I wanted some excitement! Oh sorry…”

“Excitement?” Agent One asked. “You mean you were attracted to me like I briefly was to you?”

Agent Two said, “I was before I discovered I like women and science better. Just the thought of me dominating a succubus makes me feel…”

She sighed happily before reeling back in disgust. “What? Ew! Why’d I say that?!”

“I can’t believe you!” cried Agent One. “Maybe that demonic owl possession got to you too much.”

“I thought I was gonna die! But briefly when it was inside me, it kinda felt…good…when I was out of my head…Oh no, forget what I said!”

“Oh Two, I’ve said so many lies to you!” cried Agent One as they both bawled.

Tirred chuckled as he ate popcorn from a bowl and drank a soda. “This is gonna be a good night!”

“God dammit, Two, this is all your fault!” shouted Agent One.

“How is this my fault?!” Agent Two asked in anger.

The two agents then experienced hallucinations.

Agent Two

Agent Two awoke to the sound of an overhead humming fan. The world morphed in front of her, changing from a dimly lit room into a larger room with a wooden floor and coverings with red square outlines on them. Black and red punching bags hung on chains and a nearby gong with the organization logo on it reflected light off a wall. The dojo room had several people in white karate uniforms practicing with each other. One of them chopped a pile of blocks in half with his hand. She glanced down and noticed that she had a white uniform on as well, only the belt was rainbow colored instead of black.

“Agent One? Are you in here?” she called. She peered out through a window and saw that they were hovering in space. A shooting star whizzed by, and a flying glittery star cat meowed with sparkles in its eyes. Red roofed Japanese temples hovered in the background.

Very soon, traditional music began to play and the attendees in the room stood at attention in rows.

“What is this music?” she asked. “Is this a prank, because I swear to Amaterasu it is…”

“It is no prank, Two,” said a voice with a low accent used by a stereotypical spy.

Walking through the space was none other than Agent One, dressed in a golden uniform with a black belt around his waist. The other attendees put their hands together and lowered their heads as Agent One passed them.

“One? What’re you doing here? And why do you sound like that?”

“Because you’re as high as a rocket!”

Agent One then lowered his head and bowed. Agent Two did the same.

“Shall we begin?” he asked. Agent Two nodded.

The attendees stepped back and made a large circle for the agents. The agents circled around with tension, judging the other’s moves. Before she could blink, Agent One was in front of her, sending out a kick that almost made her fall to the ground. She recovered and did several kicks and punches of her own. After getting Agent One in the side, he maneuvered backwards to dodge her offensive kicks.

Agent Two then groaned as a hard fist landed onto her abdomen. She seethed and continued to press forward.

“You’re losing focus,” Agent One remarked. “It’s affecting your technique.” The attendees stared at her with judging eyes.

“I never lose focus,” she retorted with several arm thrusts. She held up an arm in front of her face as his fist made an impact. It sent her jaw throbbing.

“How could this be?” she sang.

“What is this pain?

I’ve never tried ecstasy, THC or cocaine

It’s a bad trip, A wastashi no!

Of course someone like you would show!

I speak in honesty

Please do not judge me”

“I will not,” Agent One harmonized as he spun a pole weapon in the air.

“Not trying to divulge too deep

In this strange sleep

But first of all…

Kuso kurae!”

“What?” Agent One growled, advancing forward.

“This is just typical, well two can play at this game,” she sang, as both their pole weapons clashed.

“Why must you try and dominate everything?” asked Agent Two. “Am I just second best?”

“Because your life is all a test,” replied Agent One in song.

“Why does it seem like a recurring thing that you alienate with your toxic routine?” Agent Two asked.

“Constant work in the company, that’s the way it all goes,” he replied.

“But your true reasons, nobody knows,” she said.

For a while, they realized that they were equally matched. For every offensive attack one of them did, the other easily did defense. Eventually, the attendees chorused in song and a spotlight shone on the two agents from above. A large Yin-Yang symbol appeared below them, Agent One on the black and Agent Two on the white.

“Why must you feel ashamed and blue, Two?” sang Agent One.

“I’m scared of rejection, I can’t fathom,” replied Agent Two.

“Why must you imagine that pretty lady in front of you?”

Agent Two found herself on top of a dark-skinned lady with bat wings that appeared. “It gives me an erection and orgasm…hey!” The woman vanished.

“I’ve been a kook, it’s true,” Agent One said as they stood back-to-back, weapons in hand.

“You’ve been a kook, it’s true,” Agent Two harmonized, head lifted slightly.

“Don’t hide your feelings inside, embrace your abilities with pride,” said Agent One. “And know that I won’t always win.”

“That you won’t always win,” she harmonized.

“Through any kind of weather, we’ll always be together,” harmonized Agent Two and Agent One as they faced each other, practicing at ease with smiles of a colleague friendship.

“Yin and Yang, Moon and Sun

Separate but whole, Two become One.

Once we’re back as ourselves once more

I’ll be a better partner than I was before”

“So long as we don’t step out of line

Or get killed by the divine,

Everything will become

Fiiinneee!”

Agent Two felt better as a gong sounded three times and her world turned black.

0 0 0

Agent One

Agent One’s world swirled in a dizzying array of psychedelic colors. The walls appeared to breathe and soon faded into rainbow swirls. As he blinked his eyes, demonic sigils and voodoo symbols flashed in and out in bold colors. The sounds of wind and the faint rumblings of machinery were heard.

Just when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, black spots danced before him, and a ringing sound briefly chimed uncomfortably in his ears. After his world turned dark, he thought he was awake.

But at the same time, he was somewhere else. Somewhere else that appeared familiar.

Glancing down, he saw he was wearing a tan-brown suit that looked like a ghostbusters costume. It had plastic ray guns and tools in the belt around his waist. His arms and legs were covered, and he wore clunky boots as well. His sunglasses were missing, replaced by cheap-looking red goggles.

Surrounding him were metal industrial walls, a high darkened ceiling with flickering tubes of light overhead. Propaganda signs read in bold letters, “Do Your Job!” “Eyes Forward. Don’t Ask Questions.” “Be The Best At What You Do.” “You Belong To The State, Not Vice-Versa.” “Unity With Purpose, Join Today!”

“What is this place?” he asked. His voice was swallowed by the darkness ahead. He felt himself being sucked forward into another room. The windows overlooked a city at night.

Sitting behind a towering black desk was a large man in a black suit with a bald head. Sunglasses covered his face and the name tag on his desk read William Fisk.

“King Pin, sir?” Agent One exclaimed.

“You should know that I always speak first. I must ask you, how long have you been working for corporate?”

“Several years, sir.”

Several other agents appeared beside him. They glanced at his garb and rolled their eyes. Agent Two appeared with her head lowered, strangely in a regular suit.

“You and Two would have held great positions in this company…had you taken your duties seriously.”

“But we have, sir,” said Agent One. “We filed all 1,337 of your papers detailing Project G7-29. Your past experiences dealing with spices, drugs and home movies will never reach prying eyes.”

“Yet…” King Pin said, clearing his throat. “My boss says you and Two have been parading around town, babbling out conspiracy theories about demons. Any reasonable person would focus on keeping this company in the green instead of obsessing over fantasy creatures.”

“They’re real!” pleaded Agent Two. “We can prove it.”

“All you have proved is that you two are incompetent, superstitious, unprofessional, and downright eccentric.”

“Kooks! Kooks!” chanted the other agents, laughing and pointing at them.

“But sir!” protested Agent Two. “If we can prove the existence of demons, it’ll change everything! We could get the supernatural on our side and who knows how strong we could get. Science infused with demonic magic could have incredible potential. Worlds could be conquered, and the mysteries of the afterlife will be revealed.”

King Pin scoffed. “I doubt that. Tell you what…you won’t be fired. You’ll just be demoted. Until I see results, get out of my sight!”

Agent One yelled as he fell through the dark, the laughter from the agents ponding in his ears. Agent Two then fell down with him, but her face morphed into the same monstrous grin she had when she was possessed by Stolas. Her black nude body was covered with bloodied gray feathers. She leaned seductively on a floating white D.H.O.R.K.S. sign, staring into his soul. She cracked her neck.

“Are you ready to be dorks, demon hunter? ‘Cause you’re in for a wild ride!”

Agent Two let out a scary laugh as her figure morphed into a demonic shadow with several red eyes.

Agent One heard a woman’s voice call out his name…his real name.

“Mother?”

A white woman with short brown hair wearing a blue dress reached out to him. “Help me, son!”

The shadow demon morphed into a virus as a bunch of 19s flashed in the background. She coughed up blood as the demon virus imbedded black tendrils into her.

“Mother!” Agent One cried, firing his weapon at the virus to no avail. The virus morphed into a laughing red demon with a pitchfork, knocking Agent One back. Crestfallen, he briefly stared at the lifeless face of his mother, before she faded into black ash.

“No, no, no!”

His bulky costume turned back into his suit, and he soon found himself entangled by wires. The wires slithered like snakes, wrapping around his legs and arms.

“Get off me!”

He tried desperately to escape, to scream, to struggle, but the silver strands held him down. Some wrapped around his neck, pinning him against a green wall with a spotlight overhead. An invisible crowd laughed at him from below…and walking into view were the four grinning members of I.M.P.

“How’s that for demon scum, kook?!” chuckled Blitzo as he aimed his flintlock pistol at the helpless gaping agent.

A shattering blast flooded through him, and the world went black.

0 0 0

The agents woke up and became more alert as the last of the fumes cleared away.

“Do you remember what you said to me after my first day with the company?” Agent Two asked Agent One.

“Not really.”

“I remember. You told me I did a good job. And that you were proud to work with me. I felt like you wanted to say something more judgmental, but…you said that because I needed it.” Agent Two turned her head to look at Agent One. “And it helped.”

Agent One stared downcast. “Look, I’m hard on you sometimes because I know what you’re capable of, Two. You shoot and sneak around well. You’re an expert at computers. And I’m too dazed to think of much else.”

“Thank you, One.”

Just then, Timmid arrived into the room.

“Hello?” she called. “I’m looking for someone named Docile.”

“That would be me,” Docile called, stepping into the room with Tirred.

“There you are! I thought you were tied up by the agents,” said Timmid.

“Long story short, those agents are a bunch of dorks,” Docile remarked, shaking his head.

Sunna followed Timmid into the room and waved.

“Sunny?!” cried Docile, hands on his head. “It’s dangerous here!”

“Let’s get out of here before more sinners show up!” Sunna called, now back in heavencat form.

“Oh no, the gangs all here again,” groaned Agent One.

“Anyone who wants to keep the agents tied up, say ‘aye!’” called Tirred.

Everyone except Sunna and the agents said “aye!”

“No, please let us go,” cried Agent Two. “We’ll do anything!”

“Excellent! Let’s erase your memories of your deeds to start,” said Docile, stepping toward them.

“Or maybe we could possess them and make them amend their sins,” Sunna suggested.

“Like that wouldn’t be totally suspicious to the humans,” Timmid muttered.

“Can angels possess humans and demons?” asked Agent One.

“I guess anyone can possess anything,” Agent Two responded.

Just then, there was a flash of light from outside.

“What the heaven was that?” Docile asked.

“Oh no, it’s the police I bet,” said Agent Two in concern. “Ready to surrender, One?”

“Not really.”

The walls were suddenly blasted apart by a sudden array of gunfire. The angels dodged the blows and knocked over the walls with a wave of their staffs.

They soon found themselves surrounded by robotic figures holding automatic rifles and other advanced weaponry. The cyborgs appeared to be wearing all white clothing plus white sunglasses over their eyes. Their skin was ashen gray.

“D.H.O.R.K.S. location discovered,” announced one of the robots. “Surrender now, enemy agents.”

“Who the heaven are they?” Docile asked.

Agent One gulped. “We forgot to tell you that corporate has another company not as much on the fringe.”

Just then, two regular people stepped forward. One was a man with dark skin, dark blonde sleeked-back hair and white sunglasses over his face. He wore a dark pink suit with a white necktie and black undershirt. The logo pinned on his suit was a black C over an upward pointing blue triangle. His comrade was a white-skinned woman with white sunglasses, curly short black hair and a lavender colored suit with the same logo. Agent Negative One and Agent Negative Two.

“At last, D.H.O.R.K.S., we finally found you. As agents of C.H.A.R.M.E.R.S.,” called Agent Negative One, “On behalf of corporate, we nearby order you all to stand down. Members of D.H.O.R.K.S. are arrested for plotting conspiracies, doing dark unethical drug experimentation, and distilling fear of demons among the populace.”

“But demons are real, I’m telling you!” cried Agent Two.

“You always were a good-for-nothing lunatic,” scoffed Agent Negative Two to Agent Two. “Lost in your own head and believing in nonsense instead of doing actual government work with real purpose. Plus, I remember you were so fat in school.”

Agent Two looked hurt. “Brat.”

“Not to mention putting the lives of your fellow agents in danger and using tacky old medieval weapons in your trainings,” chided Agent Negative One.

“The Edo Period was badass, and you know it!” fired Agent Two.

“Dammit, you’re right,” Agent One said with a small smile.

“Those guys bullied us a lot in school,” Agent One mentioned to E.L.F. with a scowl. “Those preps always liked to pick on the ‘weird’ kids.”

“Enough talk, dorks!” bellowed Agent Negative One. “You’re coming with us.”

“And so are you, cosplaying freaks!” added Agent Negative Two to the angels.

“But we’re angels,” said Sunna, spreading out her wings.

“Angels, demons and spirits must perish before humanity,” said Agent Negative One in a monotone voice. “The truth will remain hidden for the greater good until it no longer exists.”

“Or they’ll do the bidding of our race forever,” added Agent Negative Two. “It is the only way humans will know peace and be able to spread their influence across the galaxies.”

Docile and the others glowered at the random cold agents. He turned to Agents One and Two. “Just this once.” He waved his staff and the rope fell off of them. The two agents grinned, stood up and took out their guns.

“All-right, angelic teamwork!” Agent Two whooped. “Let’s kick some robotic ass!”

“Foreign enemies of all earthly beings (and human enemies of corporate), prepare to meet your doom!” droned Agent Negative One.

“We’re not humanity’s enemy!” called Timmid to no avail. The battle soon began.

As the shots from gunfire rang out, Agent Two did graceful leaps into the air, knocking down several robots. Agent One fired a stun gun, shocking robots before they could do any damage.

“Perish, dorks!” called Agent Negative One, before he narrowly dodged a blast from Docile’s staff. Sunna raced around the rubble and dirt, swiping her paws at the robots and hissing in newfound fury.

Meanwhile, Timmid was screaming and crying as she waved her flaming white chainsaw sword.

“Why am I doing this?!” she cried as she sliced several robots in half all at once.

“Tir, cover me!” called Docile, as the two elves shot blue blasts at the surrounding robots.

“Yes, sir!” Tirred replied.

A robot was about to take Agent Two down from behind, but a blast from Agent One’s gun knocked the robot back.

“Some charmers they are,” Agent One scoffed.

Taking out a sword, Agent Two sliced another robot agent and reflected back bullets with rapid twirls. Soon, she was jumping and flipping in the air as she avoided blasts from Agent Negative Two’s stun gun. After knocking the gun from her hand, Agent Two faced her foe in rapid hand to hand combat. Agent One and his counterpart fired rounds at each other. Agent One managed to graze his foe’s shoulder, and he seethed in anger.

“You need a blessed tipped rifle?” Docile asked Timmid. He was drinking water from a flask.

“No thanks,” she called.

“How about some holy water?” Docile pulled out a small bottle from his pocket.

“Sure!”

Timmid took the bottle from Docile and gulped down the water. Her wounds were healed, and her energy was restored.

“Thanks, Docile,” she called, tossing the empty bottle aside.

“No problem. All this fighting makes me thirsty.” Then he glared at the robotic agents and growled with a strange grin. His right eye briefly had a white X glowing over it. “Thirsty for the cleaving of your sinful souls!” He rushed at the enemy, kicking and striking at any he came across.

Just then, after the majority of the robots had fallen, more of them arrived in a marching formation from a nearby landing helicopter with the C.H.A.R.M.E.R.S. logo on it. Docile was shocked out of his more vicious leftover Exorcist mode as a bullet fired from Agent Negative One grazed his arm.

“Oh, come on!” groaned Agent One, before the tired crew was surrounded once more.

“Ha! You criminals aren’t going anywhere now!” called Agent Negative Two in triumph. The two D.H.O.R.K.S. agents raised their hands in surrender after their weapons were kicked away.

Before she gave the order to take down the agents and E.L.F., a rustle of wind blew around them. The ground slowly started to shake, and a portal appeared in the darkness.

“Who dares threaten my fellow citizens?” rose a dark voice.

“Who said that?!” ordered Agent Negative One.

A fierce gust of wind blew back the robots and the counterpart agents. An angelic sigil glowing crimson appeared on the ground underneath the portal. Several robots blinked to life; their eyes teal in the dark. From their empty mouths emitted the gut-wrenching sounds of strained breathing and dying moans. Their fake flesh faces almost looked human, despite their zombie-like appearances. Dim golden wings covered with eyes and mouths appeared from the portal hole, showing a four headed creature: one head an eagle, one head an ox, one head a man and the other head a lion. The side with the man’s face let out a screeching roar at the enemy agents, causing them to whimper out loud.

The cherub creature morphed again.

With awe and terror, Agent One, Agent Two and E.L.F. stared into the vast form of the angel before them…

…Black long span feathery wings with glowing stern red eyes. A monstrous ghostly face with sunken black eyes that appeared to glow and stand out like black holes. Stringy long black hair blowing in the wind. Faces screaming and contorting in pain covering the visitor’s towering body like an abomination. The deadly glint of a scythe in the being’s hand. A horrible stench of death surrounding all sides…

The C.H.A.R.M.E.R.S. agents screamed and ran for their lives, fleeing in a helicopter.

The darkness cleared and in a swoop of a shadow, there appeared…

“Azrael?” blinked Docile in surprise. “Wha…hold on, how did you know we needed help?”

“I have my ways,” he replied. “I sensed a carnage of death on Earth thanks to Gabriel’s somber message. Now can you elves explain how in the world you got caught by humans?”

“Actually,” Docile began, “It was kinda the other way around.”

“Doesn’t matter. If you get in trouble, I get in trouble and then Samael would be involved too. We don’t want that. You little elves really need to be more careful down here!”

“So not, ‘up there?’” Timmid asked.

“Okay, sir,” said Docile. “We’re sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Good. Fortunately, most people do not believe the word of demons by those kooks over there. But now that they know, it’d be best to erase their memories of this trauma.”

“But…they already sent camera footage as evidence to the government,” Docile sighed sadly.

Azrael looked worried. “Oh dear. Even erasing their memories won’t do them good at this point. Humans knowing about demons so abruptly…could change everything.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell them,” Docile muttered, mentioning to the agents.

Azrael cleared his throat. “Now, let us be off. We shall discuss the matter further with Gabriel and the Principalities.”

Azrael waved his hand and a portal back to the E.L.F. office appeared.

“Thank the lord,” sighed Timmid in relief. Tirred was covered in blood and metal. “Good riddance humans,” he spat as he stepped through. Docile and Sunna followed.

The Angel of Death was the last to step through. Before vanishing, he glared at the cowering Agent One and Agent Two with a sharp scythe in his thin hand.

“You have a meeting with your fallen colleagues…and with ME very soon in this century.”

His words promised death and the agents bawled into each other’s arms in a terrified huddle.

Soon, Docile, Tirred, Timmid and Sunna were back in Heaven. The portal closed, leaving the agents stunned once again in the night air.

“So, what now?” asked Agent Two.

“What now?! We now have even more evidence we need to be taken seriously!” exclaimed Agent One. “Plus, we just dodged a bullet…twice!”

The agents smiled and put on their sunglasses again.

“But One, we have no video feeds of the angels.”

Agent One spotted something glinting on the ground and picked it up. It was a small cracked empty bottle of Holy Spirit water that Timmid had left behind during the fight. Almost invisible to the eye was “E.L.F.” written in cursive near the bottom of it. He wrapped his hands around the bottle, a dark glint in his eyes.

“Doesn’t matter,” said Agent One with a dark chuckle. “Just wait until corporate finds out about the existence of not only demons…but alternate universes! Hahahahahahaha!”

#heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss #2phazbinhotel

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

Text

Heavenly Boss S1 E5: Sowing Sun Festival

Several pained groans and cries came from the bedazzling palace of Samael. The exterior walls were a blinding white, a stark contrast to the ebony black of Azrael’s palace below. Stained glass windows showed depictions of the blonde-haired muscular angel tossing demons into a fiery pit.

Tears came to the eyes of the teal elf sitting prostrate on the floor, chains binding his hands together. Red lashes cris-crossed his bare back, and sweat beaded his bald head.

“Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…”

Docile prayed out loud as another stinging lash struck against his back. He cried out in fatigued pain but kept the prayer going. “…thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven…”

Standing above him holding a deadly black whip was Samael, his pale chest bare, dark pants covering his legs. His hair was short and blonde, his eyes burning like hot coals. White feathery wings that sometimes shifted to black were folded behind his back. He was the harsh judge and venom of God, nicknamed “Satan” by Docile and several others. Like the Exorcists, Samael enjoyed administering harsh punishments and tortures. Golden wall-to wall portraits of Samael posing in uniform with angelic guns and swords gave subtle hints of his sadistic nature. A golden measuring scale stood on a nearby mahogany desk. Marble pillars, a high ceiling and a tiled floor made Docile feel small and meek.

Docile remembered calling Samael all those months ago, first in his office when they discussed Covid 19. Then in the woods on Earth when Docile had reluctantly agreed to let Samael punish him every new moon in exchange for the Bible to access Earth. Now here he was again.

Samael leaned uncomfortably close to the wincing elf. “I’m sorry for moving our little rendezvous early. I have an engagement this month on the new moon. After judging some new souls, I have to thoroughly inspect all the weapons of the Exorcists with Michael. Make sure the angelic magic still works properly.”

Samael tenderly stroked an angelic rifle on a mantle. It was dark red with glowing white Ichthys symbols on it, as well as an eye flanked by six wings, swirls and miniature crosses. A matching crossbow with white blessed-tipped arrows hung from the wall nearby. “I do appreciate the Ichthys symbol. It was used as a secret symbol for Christians when they were persecuted by the Roman Empire. Represents the Holy Trinity, multiplication of fish and loaves, etc.”

He paced around his displayed weapons proudly. Docile was only familiar with a few of them from his time as an Exorcist. He was sure that Tirred would love to get his hands on any of them. “Our armies have been using angelic weapons for centuries,” Samael continued. “They’re capable of erasing demons from existence. These weapons can even kill Overlords and demon royalty. Very expensive on Hell’s black market. Rumor has it that the Exorcists leave these weapons behind on purpose for demons to kill each other off with. Makes their job a whole lot easier, anyway. Then again, they may just be careless…” His eyes glowed. “Gotta track down those incompetent ones and show them just how capable my weapons…”

“You really wanted to punish me early for no reason?” Docile interrupted. Azrael wasn’t going to be happy as usual; he hated seeing others in pain, despite being the Angel of Death.

“Not exactly,” he replied. “As I’m busy during the new moon like I said, I punished you early and summoned you here.”

“Why do you have to do that?” Docile complained with a pained sigh.

“Well that’s what you get for stealing my Bible and going off to Earth without permission,” Samael explained, loosening the chains from the wooden post and freeing Docile. “But I’m only allowing you to do so since you want to help humanity and spread word of Jesus and our Lord. Still, make sure you don’t cause any more trouble. These Bibles are incredibly important and are not supposed to be lent out to itty bitty elves like yourself.” He pinched Docile’s cheeks and he flinched away.

“Besides, you might as well get ready for the Sowing Sun Festival.”

Docile briefly looked puzzled as he stood up on shaking legs. “Huh?”

“The Sowing Sun is a very special occasion. It celebrates the first of spring and the planting of seeds. The citizens hope for a good harvest in the coming months. Like Hell’s Harvest Moon festival, there are games and get-togethers. It is the annual duty of Azrael’s wife Flora to showcase it in the Halo of Patience. It’s celebrated by a very cheesy festival with the locals. Though I admit their cheese is pretty good.”

“Patience, huh?” Docile asked. “My employees are from there. I’ve never really been there. Heard they hate violence, are well-paid, well-fed and can stare into space for hours on end.”

Samael chuckled. “Sounds like the perfect place for a sheep like you! Wouldn’t want to exist in some harsh desert with underpaid starving farmer imps who only knew war, would we?”

“Heh. Now that’s a place where you’d fit in,” he muttered with a smirk.

“What was that?” Samael cleared his throat with a glare.

“Can’t hear me now?” Docile joked before receiving an abrupt slap to his face.

“Do you need another punishment?” he growled, white teeth unusually sharp. “I was briefly considering letting you…off the hook.” He moved a sharp gray hook into Docile’s face and chuckled. The elf stepped back, hands out, stuttering. “N-no, no, sir! One round is good enough for me to learn my lesson!”

“Good,” Samael smirked, putting it away. He waved a dismissive hand. “Get dressed. Go have fun at the festival, unleash your wild nature.”

“I suppose the festival could be fun,” Docile said. “A work-free day would be nice. Though, I really don’t want my clients to have to wait…”

“Oh, fuck your clients!” Samael chuckled with an expression of amusement.

Docile looked horrified. “No!”

0 0 0

Meanwhile, a billboard was displayed over a clean housing complex advertising “Bio Rizz, the Science Wizz! See Rizzafolli’s show at Giver’s Garden, Charity.” The building was clean white brick, with polished windows and a welcome sign.

Timmid and Tirred slept in a bed together, though not too close. Their room was a combination of light and dark. While Timmid’s side consisted of flowers, a small fountain and sky blue colors, Tirred had black wallpaper, crucifixion posters and weapons scattered around. Tirred’s phone lit up on his bedside table and a guitar solo played. Tirred tapped it and turned over. The phone played again. Tirred picked it up and sat up with a tired groan.

“What do you want, sir?” He wore black pajamas.

“Hey, sorry to wake you, Tir!” came Docile’s voice. “How would you and Tims like to go to the Patience Halo for some planting stuff this year?”

Timmid sat up in excitement, wearing a white tank top. “The Sowing Sun Festival? Hallelujah!”

Tirred sighed in annoyance. “Well Timmid likes the idea. Wait, where are you calling from?”

Docile appeared from underneath their bed (he had knocked on their door several times prior).

Tirred narrowed his eyes. “Of course.”

0 0 0

Before long, the E.L.F. members were traveling along the road in the Halo of Patience. (They had traveled from the Halo of Humility, where the former humans lived via a magic elevator.) White metallic wings kept their van aloft. Several elves with wings were meditating underneath a tree as they passed by in their sleek silver E.L.F. van.

They soon passed under a large wooden sign that read “Righteous Ranch,” under a light red sky. Driving through a curtain of clouds and sun rays, a decent white house with curved roofs came into view. Docile looked out the window and could see long rows of green fertile farmland. Corn, rice, vegetables and fresh fruit from the trees all colored the surroundings. The farm animals too, had heaven-like features including white wings, large eyes and cute appearances. Compared to the spine-covered multiple-eyed animals born in Hell, these critters appeared like animals you’d find in children’s books. The farm and the house at Righteous Ranch appeared to be on an aerial island in the vast sky. Nearby farms and a town were all on rocky islands held up by white clouds. One child accidentally walked over the edge, but magically appeared safely back on the land.

Docile parked the van. Docile wore more casual clothing; loose white pants, a black shirt and vest and tall white boots with teal trim. Tirred wore white boots with teal trim, light gray pants and a muted red long sleeve shirt with buttons. Timmid wore a simple light gray sundress with matching footwear. Sunna was dressed in a white sparkly skirt and a sky blue tank top with the Christian fish symbol on it in black. Their halos hovered over their heads and glowed.

Timmid got out and greeted two elves waving at E.L.F. They were Timmid’s parents Max and Min. Max was a slender teal elf with short black hair, a small black mustache and dark blue sclera eyes. He wore a white tank top, dark gray pants and a white belt. Intricate angelic black designs decorated one of his arms. Min had similar white hair to Timmid but grayer in color, teal skin, pointed ears and dark blue sclera eyes. She wore a black shirt, a blue scarf and long tan colored pants. She also wore white gloves. Both of them had halos above their heads and folded white wings.

“Mamma! Daddy!”

Timmid embraced her father and mother.

“It’s so wonderful to see you, Tolly Timmid!” said her father happily.

“Just call me Timmid.”

“You’ll always be Tolly to us!” said Min.

Tirred rolled his eyes and snickered. “Tolly? That’s your real name?”

Timmid gave him a glare. “Timmid is their nickname for me because of how sacred I am. I decided to keep that one to stand out from my siblings.”

“Oh, I hope you didn’t get into any fights,” Min added, looking her daughter over. “Got any cuts? Is my precious baby hurt?”

“Ma,” Timmid protested, backing away. “I’m perfectly fine.” Her parents glanced at several of Timmid’s scars and looked concerned.

“I sure hope so. It can be a dangerous world out there!” exclaimed her father. “Heck, I remember when I used to be scared of my own shadow!”

He glanced down at his shadow that had appeared and shuddered. “I swear they have a life of their own,” he quivered with a shaking finger.

“Thanks for letting us stay here for the sowing jamboree,” Timmid said, trying to change the topic.

“It’s no problem, Tolly,” said her mother. “Just be sure to stick with whatever job you’re doing. Working several jobs at once can be stressful.”

“Some people do fine with freelancing,” Timmid replied. “My job is fine. All fine.”

She flashed a nervous grin and led Tirred over to them. “Anyway,” she said, “Have you met my boyfriend, Tirred?”

Max and Min stood with uncertainty as Tirred glared.

“Greetings, Mr. Tirred,” Max chuckled, holding out a hand. Tirred didn’t take it. “How have you been with work and stuff? You’d better not be doing anything rash with my daughter, ya hear?”

Tirred narrowed his eyes, arms crossed. “I assure you I protect her every day from those who instill constant fear.”

Min chuckled nervously while Max glared in return. “Is that a threat, sir?”

“I’m the “sir” here, guys!” Docile called.

“Oh y-yeah,” Timmid added abruptly. “Y’all haven’t met my boss Docile, and his Heavencat.”

“Hi, nice to meet you folk,” Sunna beamed. “I’m Sunna!” Docile smiled sweetly at her. “That’s my purrfect daughter.”

Docile walked over to Timmid’s parents after giving Sunna a hug. “It’s nice to finally meet the father and mother who transferred life to this gem of a sweetheart! You two raised an empathetic angel!”

Max chuckled. “That we did!”

“Are you kidding me?” Tirred asked out loud. “I’ve seen her be a warrior at least twice!”

Max folded his arms. “Tolly ain’t no warrior, boy. Never been involved with any fights. And I sure hope you haven’t exposed her to any criminal activity.”

“Of course not, sir!” said Docile, interrupting Tirred as he was about to speak. “She loves harmony, healing and the Lord as much as I do.”

Max and Docile shook hands with smiles. “So Docile, huh? That’s a fine name,” said Max.

“It reminds me of peace,” said Min lovingly, hands together.

Max smiled, “Nothing like a little tranquility to make a wise enlightened man!”

Docile smiled and bowed, “I like you people.”

“What a bunch of sensitive wimps,” Tirred mocked in disgust at Timmid’s family. “No strength and toughness at all! Timmid is just that: timid. I suggest toughening her up more so she can defend herself from, for example, the Anti-Exorcists who seek out souls of the former human saints to send down to…”

Timmid made a “cut it out” motion with her hand.

Tirred paused. “I mean…” He spoke in a high pitched voice, “Happy peace!”

Docile elbowed his co-worker hard. “Don’t be rude!”

“Self-defense is all good,” said Max, “But a person ain’t nothing if they can’t resist the temptations to anger and wrath! They must be dignified.”

“He’s right, Tirred!” Docile added. “No need to be such a grumpy pants.”

“Shut up, sir.”

“Speaking of being dignified,” added Max. “…y’all should meet our newest help. Our old farmhand went off to help a family impacted by a rare solar twister. Hey, Soother!”

0 0 0

Gliding silently through the sky was a white Pegasus, Hypnoheart, soaring through the air. The being had four white wings that shimmered like pearls. The mane and tail were almost translucent in the rays peering through the clouds. The hooves were golden and sparkly, glowing with divine energy. The coat was white and feathery with prominent gems and golden eyes here and there. The horse’s three slanted eyes glowed teal and its teeth were surprisingly sharp.

The winged horse landed on the grassy ground and let out a soft musical neigh.

Docile cringed in disgust. “Ugh, horses.”

“Howdy folk,” greeted the rider. A dark red angelic pistol was hidden at his side. Although he wore cowboy attire, it looked more like the fashionable kind designed in the city. His boots were white with teal trim and his pants were black and free of holes. He wore a white vest and a dark fancy leather jacket with cuffs. The scarf around his neck was dark green and an expensive gold watch was on his wrist. His skin was dark teal, his eyes various shades of blue and green with hypnotic circles. Pointed elf ears stuck out on either side of his new white sun hat. A halo hovered above his head of short black hair. His wings were white with black feathers in the shape of small crosses.

Soother got off the horse. “Nice to meet you all.” He walked over to Timmid. “Heard some good things about you from your folks, Timmid.” He spoke genuinely without flirtation and Timmid felt at ease in his presence. They shook hands.

“What’re you doing so far from Elf City? Stressful at work?”

“Oh you won’t believe it. I almost…never mind,” she paused. “We’re just visiting for the festival. My boss came here on behalf of Samael and Azrael. Naturally he brought us along for the ride.”

Soother smiled and noticed Docile. “Boss, huh? Oh, so you’re the elf who started his own reviving biz?”

“Yes sir,” Docile said.

“Not many elves start businesses on their own. That’s pretty impressive.”

“Thank you.”

They shook hands.

“So even that hotheaded Samael let you go down to Earth?”

“Yes…and no. I can go off and save people but…it’s at the cost of my body. I mean, not in the pleasant kind…kind of way…” Docile revealed some of the scars to Soother who raised an eyebrow.

“Just drink holy water and heal yourself.”

“The healing process takes forever and a day after our…sessions,” Docile replied with a fearful shudder.

“You know,” Max called to the group. “You should enter the Gain Games.”

Docile rushed over to Max. “I heard games! What games? I’m in!”

“Every sowing festival,” said Min, “There’s a competition to see who can plant the most seeds and be the fastest most generous good-doer in Patience!”

“I wish I could play,” Timmid pouted.

“Tolly, you know those competitors can be really tough on fragile girls like you. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I’m not a little elf anymore, Ma! I can take care of myself. How come Polly Pax still gets to compete?”

“Your sister has a lot more experience.”

“Experience with what? Singing and animal-taming?”

An elf in the background with white hair and blue overalls signed to her brother as they led a pink pig back into a pen. The elf was Polly Pax. She briefly said “Hi!” to Timmid in Enochian before continuing on her way. She could only speak the angelic language for some reason, but she could also do sign language: American, Angelic and Demonic.

Min added, “Still, you get to root for her and your brothers and you can cheer on your boss!”

“I suppose you’re right,” she said with a smile.

“Who needs to participate in stupid childish games,” scoffed Tirred.

Timmid leaned over to him. “They have a shooting and archery contest too.”

Tirred then grinned. “Never mind, I’m in!”

“Please don’t get carried away,” Max warned him. “The punishment for killing any contestant is instant banishment!”

“Heh. They’ll already witness Hell when they decide to mess with me,” Tirred grinned.

Polly Pax signed nervously in angelic. “Yes, he’ll probably cheat,” agreed Timmid, “But I’ll keep an eye on him. I can be tougher than I appear. And I know he has a sweet heart deep down. He may be entitled, but when it comes to saving the day, he does what’s right.” Then she muttered, “When he’s not possessed of course.”

“I heard that!” Tirred spat. Then he added, “Ya know, those in Heaven and Earth are still debating on the legitimacy of gender changes…” Tirred ranted coldly.

Polly Pax then signed in demonic to Timmid. “What?” Timmid asked, translating. “He’s talking down about your transgender friend? You know our family’s accepting of everyone. Though there are still plenty of ignorant extreme conservatives around, though. So, you think Tirred’s a racist, selfish…wait, don’t use that word!”

Polly Pax grinned and signed more curse words. Timmid fumed.

“Stop it, sis! Don’t insult my friend. You’ll have to recite the Bible and wash your mouth out again! Or, wash your hands at least. Could ya switch back to proper angelic or even human American? No, I don’t care that you think demonic is more fun! It’s only supposed to be used for practical missions!”

They chased each other around as Tirred rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine!” Timmid yelled to Polly Pax. “I’ll give you some new words to use!”

0 0 0

The sky glowed light red as crowds of teal-skinned elves gathered around, chatting excitedly. On the wooden stage stood the elf Sully Serious in a fancy black suit and black round hat. Nearby stood Flora in her youthful elegance. Her swan-like face was black like Quartet’s with a long dark mane of feathers going past her shoulders. A white feathery rim was around her face. She wore a signature earthy green dress studded with jade, emerald, malachite, moldavite, and various gems from meteorites. A crown of iris, tulips, lilies and other exotic flowers lay on her head. She decided to stay in her natural swan form instead of her more human-like form. Azrael stood quietly by her side like a corporeal shadow.

Sully Serious held a long golden old-fashioned microphone with an eye in the center near the speaker, with small white wings and a small golden halo around it. He cleared his throat. “Welcome, welcome one and all, to Patience Halo’s annual Sowing Sun Festival! To kick things up, we have the lady of nature herself, Flora here to user in the Gain Games!”

She took the microphone, her eyes shining teal. Her wings glowed with rainbow light. “Greetings my lovely little Patience Halo elves! I hereby welcome you all to another year of celebrating the fruits of your labor as we continue to feed the citizens of Heaven!”

Some elves cheered while a few booed. Although they were paid reasonably well and fed, they were still perhaps the lowest class in Heaven. Many were still underfed and under-paid and a rare few were cold and violent.

Flora continued. “I’m happy to kick off the start of these games that will challenge the most dedicated elves to show their skill in nurturing and what else, patience! Hahahaha. Good luck to you all!”

A gun went off and the games began.

The first event was a flying race in the sky around a statue of Metatron. Tirred knocked several elf angels off course with a snicker but another angel darted in front of him. Surprised, he then crashed with a yell into a Roman pillar surrounding the track…landing in a heap on a cloud.

The second event was truthful trumpet playing. Tirred blew hard through his horn and almost made another angel tell a dark secret. Two angels gave each other looks and grins. The two blew right into Tirred’s face, causing him to spit the swear words to Soother he had been hiding. The crowd gasped in displeasure. Another disqualification.

The third event was sowing. Everyone planted seeds into the ground and waited patiently as the stems slowly grew out of the fertile soil. It was a way to celebrate spring and bond with the plants. Docile’s plant waved at him, glowing with health. An enchanted tomato grew after an hour and Docile got to enjoy it. Soother’s plant instantly relaxed in his grip. A blooming lavender appeared and he offered the sweet flower to Timmid who blushed. Tirred stomped his foot impatiently and accidentally crushed his plant. Another plant smacked him in the face and he fell into the soil.

In tug of war, Tirred, Soother and Docile were on a team. Tirred tried to use his sharp teeth to win but he slipped and fell into a puddle of mud. A heaven hog snorted at him and squashed him into the mud with a foot, bearing teeth.

Soother and Docile had lots of fun at the Heavenly Halo toss. They tossed plastic halos right and left, trying to hit hovering golden poles. They hit at the same time, both halos spinning around the pole. They grinned competitively and tossed again. A bigger elf grinned at Tirred and wrapped him up in rope and halos. Tirred scowled as he kept missing the targets he was shooting at. Tirred screamed as a black and white shark leaped out of a puddle of golden water and crushed him.

“Mother buck…”

Sully Serious was on the stage again. “For the first year ever, we have a tie for the winner of the Sowing Sun Gain Games!”

Flora took the microphone. “The winners are…Soother…and Docile!”

Everyone cheered as Docile and Soother walked up on stage. They smiled kindred smiles.

“Hmpth,” scowled a frayed dirty Tirred in the stands next to Timmid who was clapping delightfully. “That eccentric elf seems too nice for his own good. He may have the ‘healing advantage.’ I can heal when I have to at work. Besides, I’m better at other things, like singing and handling weaponry.”

Soother pulled out a golden guitar. “I’d like to take this opportunity to sing a quick song I wrote just now about how we’re all winners.” He strummed the strings and then threw a harpoon spear right at the bulls-eye of a hanging target by a tree.

“What a bucking showoff!” Tirred seethed, arms extended in frustration.

The stage lights turned a soothing indigo blue. Soother sang a calming melody on the guitar, putting a few elves into a daze.

“Sweet teamwork

Will always work well

From down in sake o’ Hell

To the puffin’ clouds in Heaven, tell”

“Sweet teamwork

With everything we do

With every talent

We achieve and we excel, too

Every time we try, we may cry

But we push and win…let’s begin”

“We will be the best,

Perfect beings in paradise

Hurdle through every test

We won’t rest. Everybody’s nice.”

A fan girl elf rushed toward the stage with a squeal. Soother briefly picked her up and twirled her around in the air. He gave her a kiss on the head and gently placed her back on the ground. There was a chorus of “awws,” from the adoring crowd.

Docile walked over and sat next to Tirred and Timmid, licking an orange popsicle.

“Isn’t this guy great?” he grinned.

“False!” countered Tirred.

“It’s gonna be nice working with him,” Docile said.

“Working with him? What?!” exclaimed Tirred.

“Yeah, I asked him if he wants to join E.L.F.”

“You asked him…but…”

Tirred glowered with his head down.

“Tirred, I think you’ve had enough for now!” Timmid said in sudden frustration. She stood up. Docile and Tirred stared in stunned silence, still not used to her occasional moments of speaking her mind. “Let’s get you back to the house so you can think about what trouble you’ve caused.” She jabbed a finger into his chest. “All you can think about is winning, fame and you, you, you. Even you should admit that you’re easily influenced by Heaven’s current commercialism and false worship of the wealthy! Can’t you think of someone else for once in your life?”

“Sure, I think of people all the time,” he said with a smug expression. “All those pathetic weaklings and easy pushovers. You’d do well to not blindly trust anyone you see.” He glared at Soother.

“Oh so that includes you, I suppose.”

Tirred paused, elf ears folding back slightly. “No, it’s not…”

“You’re no different from anyone else, Tir. Just because you’re part of E.L.F. and are one of the best at using angelic weapons doesn’t make you special. You live in this lie that you’re superior than most of our kind. But none of us are. Face it, we’re not the elite Heaven born angels and we’re not even saints. The sooner you accept your flaws, the better things will be.”

Tirred grit his teeth, frozen speechless. At times, he was defenseless against the wise words of his friend.

“Know that I only stay with you because I keep having faith that you’ll be a considerate and better person someday.” She stared at him dead in the eyes, and his pupils shrank a bit. “Don’t make me lose that faith in you.”

Soother said to Tirred in a sing-song voice, “Tirred you’ve lost yourself. You’re a big bad elf.”

Tirred scowled at him before glumly following Timmid.

“Thank you very much. You’re so kind,” Soother said to the audience as he finished the song.

Back at the house, the Pegasus munched on golden hay by a windmill. Timmid watched as her elf siblings gathered up pots of flowers into a wooden cart. Timmid helped out before happily waving and running off.

Flora walked up to the stage again at the festival. “My dear subjects, I, Lady Flora hereby bless this sowing festival with the vibrancy of the flowers and sun!”

She waved her arms and rays of light peered through the rainbow clouds. Flowers of all colors danced around, creating dazzling shapes and patterns. The audience awed at the show. The crowd even got to see a glimpse of the Archangel Michael in all his glory when he came to visit. He had a pale white face, short sleek blonde hair, golden eyes, and wore a fancy white suit with a black necktie. He displayed his sharp glowing sword with blue flames, Excalibur, the one he used to defeat his twin brother Lucifer during the first Heaven Hell War. Later as the sun set, Azrael flipped through his Bible, waved his hand and a portal appeared in the sky. It showed a beautiful full orange moon from the past in a starry black sky. The elves watched shooting stars and the moon from Azrael’s magic. It was a spectacular sight.

Then after a feast and more planting, the dancing began. A group of orange sheep cherub triplets played lyres, trumpets and musical instruments on stage. Sunna joined in on the fun, dancing with everyone she met. Docile was having fun too, sipping on apple cider and eating heavenly fruit. Some families sprinkled holy water on themselves and their loved ones for good luck while others were more content to drink the alcoholic Holy Spirit Water and Cloud Nine Wine in secluded areas.

“Hmm, needs more cowbell,” Docile mentioned, regarding the music. Another elf walked on stage and rang a cowbell out of sync with the sheep band players. They glared at the elf who ignored them.

“Much better.”

0 0 0

Tirred sulked outside on the steps of the house, the festival sounds distant. He had messed up again, too preoccupied with proving himself and putting others down for his own sake. How could he really call himself an angel when he was nothing more than an egocentric Exorcist-envying elf? A bully. A brute. A brat.

He stood up and spotted a black and white picture of Timmid and her family on a table.

Timmid looked so happy with her family.

Millie the imp had her parents Joe and Lin and her siblings: her sister Sallie May, and her brothers Billie, Willie, Tillie and Killie. Unlike Millie’s family, who prided themselves on brute strength, Timmid’s family were all about peace and passivity. Tirred spotted Timmid with her parents Max and Min. Then all her siblings were pictured: Polly Pax, Molly Pax, Holly Pax, Jolly Pax, and Dolly Pax. Although Tolly Timmid was a scaredy-elf, she seemed to be the bravest of the bunch, despite her parents often claiming the opposite.

Maybe it was Tirred’s destiny to live a misery life alone within golden walls and sparkling spender, wishing for bluer skies to no avail. The truth was, Docile, Timmid and even Sunna were the closet people he had to friends.

He knew her family would never approve of him and his crude ways. How much longer would it be until she decided to leave him, too?

“Don’t make me lose that faith in you,” she had said.

Tirred stared at the sun in the dark amber-red sky, several stars peering down at him like small eyes. Even the universe was judging him, mocking him. He closed his eyes to make the image go away.

When he opened his eyes again, he glimpsed at a black bird flying in the sky not too far away. It wasn’t like many birds Tirred had seen. It looked like a large black owl or an eagle.

“Would be nice to have a flying companion,” he thought to himself.

He lifted himself off the ground in a graceful arc and followed the bird, not getting too close. After about seven minutes, the bird stopped in midair, holding what looked like a Bible. A glowing spinning sigil appeared in front of it. It was neon pink with crosses, triangles and Vs.

Tirred took a closer look and realized that the thing wasn’t a bird at all. It was too tall, too intelligent and too alien to be a bird. Tirred’s halo over his head throbbed with worry.

“Well that’s troubling,” he thought.

He spotted Timmid flying in her own world and abruptly pulled her close. She looked at him in surprise.

“Oh hello Tir…”

He shushed her. “I’ll apologize to you later. We have a situation.”

0 0 0

“Timmid and Tirred are missing out!” Docile giggled, finishing up his apple cider. He was glad to have listened to Samael’s advice. “Hey, Sunna, could you get me some of that Holy Spirit Wa…”

He froze when Sunna had drunk the last of it from the bottle. She licked her lips and hiccupped.

“What the buck, pussy cat?” he glared.

Sunna merely purred and slurred in a strange sing-song voice. “This is even better than my catnip!”

Docile looked around. “Somebody sober her up, please.”

Many elves ignored him.

“Oh for flying out cloud,” he slurred slightly himself. He took out his staff and waved it on himself and then on Sunna. Their eyes cleared and their posture straightened.

Docile stood, hands on his hips, looking intimidating despite being shorter than Sunna. He pointed at her.

“I’m watching you, missy.”

Sunna just rolled her eyes and continued having fun.

Docile soon peered over at a large setting orange-red sun and saw a portal in the distance. It was located past the edge of the farm island in the air. He noticed an Exorcist-like figure pass through it and out of sight. He peered closer and saw Tirred dragging a protesting Timmid in the air, their wings flapping. Tirred looked at Docile and waved a harpoon weapon to get his attention. He seemed to be mouthing words urgently and pointing repeatedly toward the portal. Through the portal, he could see a dark red sky.

Docile stood, confused. Exorcists never traveled to Hell until extermination time once a year. And missionaries only occasionally traveled down there to report back on Overlords and events to the Archangels. Tirred mentioned for him to follow several times before urging Timmid forward. Docile waved his staff and summoned a Bible into his hand.

“You know if we get caught, we’ll be banished and be stuck there forever,” Docile warned them.

“Tell that to the random exterminator,” Tirred said, eyes narrowed. “Hurry, the portal’s closing.”

0 0 0

Docile, Tirred and Timmid kept to the shadows as they followed the lone Exorcist through the thick dry air surrounded by red sky. They flew so fast that the demons below didn’t notice them pass overhead. The being wore a dark gray mask decorated with a creepy white grin and an X over the right eye. Black wings propelled the being forward like a vulture. Its sharp curved horns and talons briefly reflected the red light of the giant spinning neon pentagram in the sky.

“Why aren’t they slaughtering anybody?” Docile whispered as they followed.

“I don’t know,” Timmid said. “Looks like they’re on some kind of mission.”

“You don’t say,” Tirred scoffed sarcastically.

Docile’s hairs stood on end. “I haven’t been down to Hell since my exterminating days. Looks a lot different than how I remember it.”

The dark angel in front of them pulled out a piece of paper and gazed at a painted black sigil on it. It darted this way and that, scanning the areas for almost half an hour. After standing still for several minutes, it suddenly dove down through another portal. Docile and the others raced to catch up.

Finally, they came across a great palace with stained glass windows and an astronomy theme to it. After locating the sigil of Stolas embedded in the wall, the Exorcist swooped with determination through an open window.

Timmid shuddered and whimpered out loud in fear. “Oh no, no, no I don’t like this!”

“No backing out,” barked Tirred.

“My parents are gonna kill me!”

“Not if the other demons get to you first,” Tirred responded. Timmid shot him a glare.

“Let’s get to the bottom of this,” said Docile, eyes narrowed. “Pray we don’t get banished to this place. Come on gang.”

They flew gracefully through the window and stood in one of the halls. Their footsteps echoed from the walls and polished floor. Docile took the lead while a shaking Timmid held Tirred’s hand. By instinct, Tirred squeezed hers in comfort. There was something in her eyes that caused him to smile warmly without thought.

The elves came across a section branching out into several hallways. The shadow of the Exorcist slithered around in a random direction. Timmid pulled out a holy dagger, while Tirred reached down for his angelic pistol, black with glowing white eye symbols and crosses on it. Their leader looked around for the source. Docile made a two finger looking motion and then pointed up and down in the separate directions. Each of them had small golden horns that functioned as walkie-talkies. The elves nodded and split up, Docile taking the center hall, Tirred to the left, Timmid to the right.

Timmid admired the elegant intricate architecture of the estate. Almost every room had a starry high ceiling and wide windows to provide a clear view of the sky. One of the dimly lit bathrooms had an empty gold-trimmed old fashioned bathtub with hovering constellations floating around the room. Telescopes were in large bedrooms with king-size beds and velvet sheets. Portraits of Stolas, Stella and a younger Octavia lined the halls. Banners displayed the Ars Goetia family symbol in gold. She passed by a large circular room decorated with pink starry curtains, a hanging space mobile, a rug and a peculiar display of taxidermy figures of Hell-born creatures. Octavia’s room.

Timmid couldn’t believe that such beauty and bizarreness could exist outside of Heaven. She continued down a sunlit hallway.

Timmid then nearly screamed and jumped backward as a Venus fly trap snapped its leafy jaws at her out of nowhere. She darted around, avoiding the jaws of the other plants. Breathing heavily, she sprinted down the hallway. More than ever, she wanted to go home.

She soon heard angry female voices coming from the kitchen. She slowed to a stop and turned around in curiosity. The sounds of crashing flowerpots were heard. Ever so slowly, she peered around the corner and noticed a vast circular kitchen with a fridge, several tables and an old fashioned stove. More stained glass windows depicted stars and planets. Dark pink wallpaper was displayed. Thankfully neither of the two figures in the vast room seemed to have noticed her.

“I can’t fucking believe it!” yelled a tall white anthropomorphic swan lady wearing a small golden crown on her head and a puffy white dress. Stella. Her grey teenage owl daughter Octavia sat on a cushion by the window with a hand to her forehead in utter annoyance. She wore her usual crown and hot pink dress with light yellow stars on it.

“My husband is a goddamn embarrassment! An imp-sucking, pathetic cheating prick. Cares more about some common low-life than his own wife.”

“You done?” Octavia sulked.

“It’s been a thousand years or so since we first met. He was faithful to me then. I don’t know what he sees in that imp.”

Octavia shrugged. “He’s eccentric and childish but he’s actually not too bad.”

“Not bad?! Who knows where he’s been? It’s time for your father to step up and do things the proper Goetia way. And that also includes you, dear.”

Octavia sighed. “Here we go again…”

“You’re the next heir to the Goetia throne,” said Stella. “You’re a princess now but will eventually move up the ranks. Appearances and dignity is of upmost importance. If you were more like me and not stuck in your brooding teenage fantasies, you’d understand that.”

“At least I feel cared about in my own fucking world,” Octavia spat. “You and dad don’t give a shit.”

“Well he took you to that cheesy theme park and must’ve talked nonstop about his prick of a partner. Surely you find that annoying.”

“I do. He’s a fucking perverted weirdo. But…he’s still my dad. He’s…not bad at times. Actually makes an effort and is better than you ever were.”

Stella merely scoffed, beak in the air.

“When was the last time you cared about me, again?” Octavia asked, eyebrow raised, arms crossed. “When I was five?”

“I’ve been preparing and helping you for many years,” said Stella. “You’d never live up to your role if it wasn’t for me.”

“Tell that to your reflection you keep staring at for hours, bitch.”

“You and Stolas were always thorns in my side. If you two were more like me and followed tradition…”

“Like that’s gonna happen,” Octavia glowered at her mother. “Don’t think I’m naïve. You’ve been in conflict with him ever since you got into that arranged marriage. Stolas wanted love and fun. And what did you want? Power and prestige. Nothing else to explain! Maybe if you had a heart like my dad, we wouldn’t be in this shit!”

“Stolas has been a bad influence on you. Encouraging relationships with plebeians and other demons who could bring our family down. In a world like this, it’s the powerful versus the weak,” Stella said, briefly preening her feathers. Her eyes glowed a deadly pink among thick curved eyelashes. “I obviously choose to thrive. And you can either follow in my wings or be pushed aside.”

“Prissy bitch,” Octavia muttered.

Stella strolled over and abruptly slapped Octavia in the face. She flinched. “You’d do well to remember that, my daughter.”

Then Stella turned on her heels and stormed out of the room. Octavia flipped her the bird as she left. Octavia sulked off as Timmid moved a hand to her mouth in shock. A red faced butler imp glanced in her direction and she ran for her life.

Tirred finally caught up to the Exorcist. The creature was busy prying open double doors that were locked.

Tirred spoke lowly in Enochian to get the creature’s attention. It slowly turned its head at Tirred, mask glitching at times, making the elf gulp.

“What are you doing?” Tirred asked in the angelic language. “You’re not supposed to be in Hell yet.”

The Exorcist spoke in a distorted mechanical voice, also in Enochian. “It’s not of your concern.”

“As a citizen of Heaven, I can say that it is.” He glanced down at a familiar looking weapon at the Exorcist’s side; an angelic rifle.

“You aren’t supposed to be here, either,” said the Exorcist. “And I’m afraid I cannot let you proceed any further. I have orders to follow.”

The Exorcist abruptly shoved Tirred back against the wall, muttering something in a strained voice. Tirred kicked and tried to claw at it, but he was pinned down. His trumpet talkie was just out of reach. Light shone from growing cracks in the floor underneath Tirred. Tirred cried out for help, but his mouth was soon covered by a hand. The hole grew larger under Tirred’s slender feet.

“Time to go back home,” the Exorcist spoke. “Be grateful that you’re not a demon.”

By sheer luck, Timmid had arrived and promptly used her staff to whack the Exorcist in the back of the head. The being stumbled as the dark mask fell to the floor. Tirred and Timmid then stared at the revealed angel behind the mask.

They gasped.

“Soother?” Timmid asked in surprise.

Sure enough, the teal-faced elf was there, holding back tears. “I’m sorry, my friends. You weren’t supposed to witness this. But it must be done.”

He briefly strained, as if the Exorcist suit were weighing him down.

Tirred scowled. “What are you planning? Mister! You are aware that the weapon you’re holding can kill…”

“…demon royalty,” Soother finished.

“Yes. That.”

“That’s the point.”

“This is not like you, Soother,” Timmid spoke with worry. “You don’t have to do this.”

A strange evil grin of sharp white teeth appeared on Soother’s face. His eyes flashed and swirled with ocean-colored glowing hypnotic circles. “Oh I totally do.”

Before Tirred and Timmid could make a move, Soother wacked them to the ground with his feathery black wings. Both elves tried to fight back, but Soother’s Exorcist outfit increased his durability, and instilled a strange mixture of compliance and bloodlust in him. Soother put his mask back over his face and his demeanor turned more predatory. The room turned darker and the designs on the mask seemed to illuminate.

“The righteous shall always eliminate the malicious. Anyone standing in the way of His plan shall face the wrathful consequences.”

“Enough of your preachy bull-spit,” Tirred glowered.

“Speak for yourself, hypocrite,” Timmid replied to him, blocking a talon attack with her arms.

Then Timmid gasped in realization as she dodged Soother’s attacks in midair. “Sinners are forced to die every year by saint’s hands! To reduce Hell’s population so Heaven can win the future war! Saints compelled to obey. Man against man. I knew something was up!”

“Now’s not the time for your random theories!” Tirred called as Soother landed a hard punch to his gut. Tirred wheezed before a foot swiped under his legs, sending him onto the floor. Timmid started to dash away, but a talon hand quickly pulled her back. He slammed her abruptly into the wall and she slid down with a yelp to the floor. Soother moved to Tirred and held his face in place with strong hands. Tirred squirmed in protest, but Soother pinned him with his body weight. His dark blue eyes swirled in hypnotizing bands of green, navy blue and glowing light. A melodious sound emitted from Soother’s throat, almost like a hum to a song. Tirred felt his body becoming heavy like led.

“Aren’t you tired from all that fighting, Tirred? You need a good respite from your stress. Don’t worry, I’ve got things under control.”

A yawn already escaped Tirred’s mouth and his eyes started to flutter.

Soother turned his head to see Timmid reaching for his rifle from behind. Soother smacked Tirred hard in the face, sending him rolling onto the floor. Timmid shut her eyes when he grabbed her, but his soothing voice compelled her to open them. She reached out a shaking hand to Tirred before going limp into sleep. A portal appeared from the floor, leading back to Timmid’s house. Soother gently dropped her still form through the hole, where she slowly landed safely onto the green grass below.

“Timmid!” Tirred cried out weakly.

The portal closed, Soother catching his breath. A silver Shem necklace with Hebrew symbols and a star-like shape was around his neck, increasing his power and enabling the portal creations. It glowed, than the light faded.

Soother grabbed Tirred by his hair and shoved him into a nearby closet. “Until I recover enough energy to make a portal for you, you stay put.”

The door slammed shut and locked.

Fighting fatigue, Tirred searched for his pistol in the darkness. Thankfully he still had it. He aimed and fired at the door, bursting the lock. He burst through the door and saw that the bedroom double doors had already been opened.

0 0 0

In his master bedroom, Stolas was gazing with passion at a body pillow of Blitzo on the bed. He ran a finger down his face and embraced the pillow in a hug.

“Oh my darling Blitzy…thank you for all the fun we had before the Harvest Festival. You were so daring and mighty during those games. Though I will admit that cowboy imp was pretty hot. But not as much as you of course.” He giggled a childish giggle, his four red eyes slanted in happiness. He picked the body pillow up and swooped it in a circular dance.

“Hmm, this moment calls for some music.” His gray feathery chest was bare, his tail fanning upwards. He magically summoned an old mp3 player toward him.

“I wonder what songs Via had on here. Let’s see. How to use this again…” He swiped his dark finger across the screen. “Ah-ha! Here’s her favorite!”

He put the ear plugs into his ears (if he had any) and “My Life Is Burning Down Around Me” by Fuck You Dad played.

Stolas flinched at first but found himself enjoying it. His eyes glowed red. “Ready to get naughty, my little imp?” He placed a ball gag around his neck. “Can’t wait to see you in person again!”

Stolas danced around with the body pillow, lost in his own world and passion. He sighed in delight.

The prince didn’t notice a shadowy figure with an LED grin slowly creep into the room. A glint of metal appeared and an angelic rifle was aimed at the back of his head. A soft click was heard as dark hands aimed and steadied…

Click.

The Exorcist froze. A glowing teal wall materialized silently in between Stolas and the Exorcist, muting the outside conversation and distorting the view.

“Uh, excuse me? The buck?”

The dark head slowly turned to see a stern Docile vanishing his magic staff and aiming an angelic pistol at him.

“Docile,” the Exorcist whispered darkly. “I thought you were still at the ceremony.”

“Well when you co-workers let you know that something fishy is up, then you should probably trust their instincts. Now calmly step away from the owl.”

Stolas sang along to the music off-key, occasionally preening his feathers.

The Exorcist faced the elf.

“Stay out of my way.”

“First tell me why you’re trying to kill him.”

“I was ordered to do so. Stolas has been a menace and annoyance to those in Heaven.”

“Sure he can be…eccentric enough,” Docile raised in eyebrow. “But he didn’t do anything wrong to you. He can’t even access Heaven.”

“Not to me. To the others. He’s been harder to control during the rituals that the living use to ask for advice. And not only that, he’s enslaving the demons of Hell just like many other Goetia officials. The one who endowed me with this mission said they want the job done for the betterment of their life and the lives of others. Who knows how much evil Stolas will commit?”

Docile looked in disgust and confusion at a moaning Stolas, thrusting his cock repeatedly on the bed near the body pillow. He certainly did not look anything like a cruel heartless leader. Just the opposite in fact. But then again, that may have been a façade.

Docile raised an eyebrow. “Are you serious? You do realize that could potentially start another Heaven-Hell War once they find out a member of royalty has been taken from them.”

“Well no one would suspect the work of a lowly cherub…or an imp…or even an elf to do the deed, would they?”

An elf?

The Exorcist slowly removed his mask. Docile stepped back, stunned. “Soother?”

The elf strained and briefly shed another tear. “I know you’re surprised, too. You and your co-workers weren’t supposed to see this.”

“I can’t let you kill him!” Docile said. “There has to be another way.”

“My master has negotiated with Stolas long enough. For decades at least. Now is the time to show them what happens when they step out of line.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so.”

“Docile, c’mon,” said Soother. He stepped forward and paced around Docile, making him nervous. “You know the two of us are superior than most of our kind. And you are so above prostrating before a hotheaded Archangel only to sneak bottomside to Earth to save lives…for what? To briefly please your Saint clients who care more about their own wealth and status than who you are? Why struggle to run a business that’s rigged against you when you could be…”

“Slaying Overlords and Archangels?” Docile glowered.

“No. Working with the Archangels,” Soother mentioned. “Or the Shem royalty.”

Docile paused, confliction dashing in his eyes.

“Think about it,” Soother explained. “You could collaborate with me and you wouldn’t have to worry about being the lowest of the low anymore. Saints and cherubs alike would begin to respect you more, and possibly our kind as well. Your expertise in battle, healing and efficiency would get noticed by important figures.”

Docile’s eyes shined. “Even…Jesus and our Lord?”

Soother shook his head. “They’re always too busy with their own tasks. Keeping an eye on humanity is hard work so He put snobby figures in charge of Heaven in His absence. The Holy Trinity usually cannot be disturbed. Though I wouldn’t say it was impossible.”

Docile pouted in disappointment before being conflicted again.

Docile could easily join him…but at what cost? His co-workers would get left behind. And though the Archangels did good things, they were very elitist too.

Docile himself never cared for demons, but he never wished further harm or prejudice on them. Helping Soother kill off those that higher-ups deemed unworthy wasn’t what he wanted at all. Bad memories of him killing demons as an Exorcist rushed back to him. He suddenly mourned for all the Sinners that had been lost to the annual cleansings. To face death and damnation for just existing in a flawed afterlife…it somehow made Docile’s blood boil. Ever since he got fired for making a mistake, he vowed not to harm anyone else again.

Not if he could help it.

Soother leaned closer. “We could be the most revered beings in all of Heaven, Docile.”

“That does sound very tempting,” Docile gulped. He yawned. “Okay, I’m in!”

Soother grinned evilly before a click was heard from behind him. Tirred stood with his pistol in hand behind him.

“Took ya long enough, Tir!” Docile grinned. He had faked being tired. “You should’ve seen your face, Soother.”

The fight soon began. Soother and Docile landed a series of punches and kicks. Soother yanked hard on one of Docile’s pointed ears and he cried out. Docile landed fists onto Soother, who used his arm to block the punches. Soother moved his head to the right to dodge a bullet fired from Tirred’s pistol. Soother grabbed onto Docile’s hands as both elves struggled to push the other back. Soother grunted and soon shoved Docile backwards into Tirred. They tumbled to the floor. Tirred reached for the angelic rifle, but Soother yanked it off the ground. He soon aimed it at them.

“This is your last chance to surrender. Or you can pray to the Lord to try and save you. Spoiler, He won’t.”

“In your dreams, you despicable heathen!” Docile yelled, tripping Soother with his foot. Soother was then cornered as Tirred soon fired a warning shot by his head. Both Tirred and Docile aimed their pistols at Soother, who flinched in fear.

“Please don’t hurt me.” He then grinned forcefully. “If you kill me, you’ll be dammed to Hell.”

He turned to Docile as the elves paused.

“How embarrassing, boss-man. You’re wasting a lot of potential on a no-good, brooding…”

“Are you gonna finish that sentence?” Tirred asked with a scowl. “Brother?”

Docile didn’t know if Tirred actually referred to Soother as a lost brother or whether it was a form of greeting. More likely, it was the latter.

“Brat,” Soother scowled. The remaining energy from his necklace glowed silver. He waved his hand and another portal appeared back to Heaven.

From the other side, Stolas stood up and raised an eyebrow at the teal translucent barrier. With a head tilt, he pressed his hand against it and cracks quickly appeared. All three elves froze with frightened faces. In moments, the barrier would fall and they would be spotted and heard. Already Docile was losing energy due to all the magic use and fighting.

Docile turned to Soother. “You seemed to have forgotten something, mister.” He took out his talkie trumpet, moved closer to the portal and blew into the instrument.

Time was running out, fast. The barrier was almost broken and no magic could hold it any longer. The room was already starting to shake and glitch in various spots.

“Well folks,” Soother drawled. “Prepare yourselves to an endless nightmare of fire, brimstone and hooting.”

In a flash, a brown blur shot through the portal and leaped onto a hanging planter on a high windowsill.

“Okay, I’m here,” Sunna called. She glanced down at three leafy vegetables, but her weight caused the planters to collapse on the spot. She shrieked with a meow and darted back through the portal. Dirt and the vegetables spilled and rolled onto the floor in a big mess.

Soother fled through the portal in a different direction. The barrier shattered away, the pieces vanishing into light specks. Docile and Tirred pressed against the wall, not daring to breathe.

Stolas gasped at the sight before him.

“Ahhh! My cabbages!” He bent down and ran a hand along his prized herbs.

Thankful for the distraction and not being seen, Sunna, Tirred, and Docile leaped through the portal just before it closed. Docile looked around in the air back in Heaven, but Soother had already disappeared.

0 0 0

Later, everyone gathered at Timmid’s house. Timmid woke up in her mother’s arms outside. Min tearfully hugged her daughter as Tirred told the whole story.

“I’m so glad you’re alright!” she sobbed. But she also had anger in her eyes. “Young lady, what you did could’ve gotten you killed! Haven’t we taught you better?”

“Y-yes, it was risky,” Timmid said, stepping back and wiping away tears. “But he was slippery…and was harming my friends!”

“Excuses! Why didn’t you run away and call for help?” Min asked her. “Or if you’re so tough, defended yourself better? You’re better than that, Timmid!”

Tirred closed the luggage and marched over to Timmid’s parents. “You know, she fought back and protected me! Sure, it may have been tempting for her to run away scared. But she knew what she was doing, even if it was risky. If Soother thought we were demons and she had left me…”

He paused. “Anyway the point is, Timmid has the strength…and the kindness enough for both of us! You’re getting on her case due to her being lulled to sleep by a freak you hired? Shame on you!”

Timmid smiled lovingly at Tirred. But Tirred wasn’t done yet. He lowered his head, his ears drooping.

“And…I also wanted to apologize. To all of you regarding my behavior. I truly am a selfish bully and brat. I know I won’t be forgiven now, and I still have much to work on. But…maybe someday I can make amends and really prove myself to you guys.”

Timmid smiled, tears in her eyes. Docile “awed.” “I forgive you, my sweet friend!” said Timmid. She gave Tirred a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek. Tirred stood stunned, but a genuine smile soon lit up on his face. Timmid smiled. “I knew your good heart was in there somewhere, Tir!”

Max gave Tirred a knowing nod before following his wife back into the house.

0 0 0

Soother was lounging on a satin sheet bed at the Lookout Five Star Condo. The complex was made of marble, had seven floors and reached the clouds. The sign nearby read, “Love Where You Live.” The plain white wallpaper in the room was brand new, with a bunch of modern silver features and appliances throughout the space. The windows offered a great view of the night sky and there was a small balcony as well. The room was large and plain, with a white carpet floor, a desk, a bed and a nearby bathroom.

The elf pressed a cell phone to his ear. “Ugh. I failed to kill the target down in Hell. But don’t worry, sir. It won’t happen again.”

“I heard that Stella wanted that pompous adulterous prince dead. Now I want our Stolas gone too. He’s been harder to control in the summoning rituals by me and the missionaries. He’s been conning and enslaving many citizens down there.”

“Negotiations can only go so far,” he continued to Soother. “If your next attempt doesn’t work, tell the Exorcists to leave out more angelic weapons for shady outsider demons to use. Oh and if anyone happens to get in your way…”

Soother gulped, tears in his eyes. “K-kill them?”

“Goodness no! Just put them into a slumber for a bit.”

Soother sighed in relief. “Understood, Lord Menadel.”

There was the labor-centered Menadel, drumming his fingers on a table in his palace. He could switch between a human-like form and a white swan being. He had elegant white wings, long black hair, a pale thin bird-like face and glowing dark green eyes. He wore a fancy white suit with dark pants, a dark red necktie and a necklace with his sigil on it. Two fake swan heads draped over his shoulders in the front. A halo hovered over his head, with a small red cornelian crystal in the center. His crown was in the color and shape of fire.

“If Stolas can be eliminated, I can finally make up all that lost time with my daughter.” Menadel thought. “I can’t believe I was so content to lose myself in my job…forgetting my family even existed.”

Menadel did feel some degree of guilt for not being involved in Quartet’s early life. He was so involved in his heavenly duty that at first, he didn’t know that his wife Flora had remarried the Angel of Death and moved away when Quartet had only recently emerged from her egg. Needless to say, he had been furious at both of them, but not wanting to let the boss of everyone down, he continued with his work. He was determined to try and keep the demons under control, to help guide the fallen angels to the light and be an inspiration to mortals on occasion. His foremost duty was to serve God and preserve Heaven and the cosmos.

Like many angels, Menadel wanted the demons to be restrained by Heaven’s rules put into place. It was comparable to how powerful individuals wanted to do what they thought was best for other poor countries, while many of the citizens perceived them to be colonizers. It was all for the benefit of the dominant culture. Only this social conflict had lasted for thousands of years.

Soother hung up the phone and stared with uncertainty at an angelic pistol in his hands. “I’ll get him next time.”

The phone rang again. Soother picked it up. “Yes, sir?”

“Soother…you said you went to Hell, right?”

“Yes...”

“Forgot to ask you. Just to confirm, did you happen to avoid all the dystopian cyborg demons and spot Stolas’ palace in the sky?”

Soother frowned in confusion. “Um…his palace isn’t in the sky. And there were no cyborg demons at all. Just a bunch of psychotic imps and an upcoming rehab hotel. You said his sigil looked like this.”

Uttering an angelic spell, Soother briefly projected an image of a nearby piece of paper with the sigil on it in black ink. The paper appeared in a glowing image atop a staff next to Menadel. The same paper he had taken with him to Hell.

“It does.”

The line went silent, save for a quiet concerned gasp from the Shem angel. “You didn’t… you didn’t go to Inferno at all?! Bucking spit. If the canon characters of the Hazbin world had discovered you there…or worse, General Lord Adam of the Exorcists…”

That had also explained why it was so exerting for Soother to create the portals. It wasn’t advised for those in Heaven to enter their version of Hell. But to have accidentally entered the original Hazbin one in the parallel universe…

It was a miracle that all the worlds hadn’t been destroyed during the battle of the four afterlife companies on Earth.

“You said, ‘go to Hell,’ so that’s what I did. Wait, what’d ya mean I went to the wrong Hell?! Oh…so where I went wasn’t what mortals call the 2P Hell, then…and you really think I’m sacred of Adam, the former human…”

Menadel was not pleased. “Do not make the same mistake again, elf. And tell no soul of what occurred, lest they find you out and banish you on the spot. Lord Adam may enjoy pleasing himself with all his female Exorcists, but he’d take the time to fry you to a crisp if word of this got out! I’m willing to take some risks, but not ones that could involve parallel interdimensional chaos!”

“Understood, sir.”

“I know that like the imps, you and your kind would do anything for money and extra food. I don’t care who you have to go through. Even if what you do troubles Azrael, just get the job done.”

Similar to how the Goetia demons were often at odds with the Overlords, the Shem royalty didn’t always get along with the Archangels and the other angels of the hierarchy.

Soother hung up the phone again, his worrisome and enigmatic eyes glowing blue in the darkness of the room. “I’ll get him next time. If there’s ever a next time…”

#2phazbinhotel #heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

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Heavenly Boss S1 E4: D.I.A.B.L.O.

Oh, hello. Docile here, welcome back to Heaven! I know things were a bit wild and confusing last time. Let me try and explain a bit.

Apparently the first Heaven’s blessing company C.H.E.R.U.B. had been under the guidance of one of my previous bosses, Kiva. I don’t know why anyone would approve of her, other than she’s famous for her singing in both Heavens. Instead of spreading faith and love, she wanted more fame and a chance to create her own world on Earth. She briefly used the cherubs’ powers to revive certain people on Earth and kill off others deemed “unworthy” in God’s eyes. There is a good reason why no one should bring back the dead. Even C.H.E.R.U.B. and my company E.L.F. know that would only cause overpopulation, war, and an alteration of history. It broke my heart when we had to reverse the damage Kiva had done. In the process, we freed C.H.E.R.U.B. from Kiva’s influence, Tirred from her influence and sent the dead back to the other side. We also had to erase the memories of the event from the mortals for obvious reasons. Thankfully, Deerie just straight up banished Kiva and her group…I heard they got arrested on Earth, but I have a feeling they may come back.

Tirred’s been experiencing a few struggles with getting over the event. He had given into his desire for more status and like many angels in Heaven, he tends to see demons as “lesser than.” He’s being monitored under supervision for a bit just in case, but I think he can fix up his attitude…mostly.

Recently, I got an update on how C.H.E.R.U.B. is doing. They had failed to save the life of a greedy inventor and were banished to Earth. I have a bad feeling that they’ll get corrupted in Hell and return for revenge against their I.M.P. rivals. I’m all for keeping I.M.P. in line to try and stop their horrible mass murders, but fighting fire with fire usually doesn’t end well. Although I think that indigo sheep, Collin, has the purest heart of the three.

So far, we’ve been doing business in Heaven as usual: record keeping on human life, plus spreading God’s words of good faith (and trying to leave out the bad messages of “ditch your loser friends who you can’t use.”) There’s a difference between leading cooperatively and leading selfishly. True leadership requires lifting others up as well as yourself. I guess our Heavenly Father doesn’t trust anyone else due to Lucifer trying to take His throne all those centuries ago. Paperwork is always tedious but it must be done. I know our business tithers between legal and illegal, but we’ll deal with any consequences that may arise. My job is my passion, and my employees are like my family.

Right now, my team and I are discussing some ways to meet and collaborate with C.H.E.R.U.B. I think they need some guidance on properly interacting with humans. Plus, I think Sunna and I are tempted to give those cute cherubs some hugs. Truthfully, I hope we can get to them before they “sink further down,” if you catch my drift. Ideally, C.H.E.R.U.B. could stay on Earth and continue protecting humanity. Or we could provide them with sanctuary in our Heaven. The first option seems more likely due to both Deerie’s rules and interdimensional complications. It’s very rare for an individual to travel to the parallel universes…and Earth is in the middle of all the Heavens and Hells!

But hey, surely it’s worth a try, right?

Sunna was peacefully sleeping on one of the chairs around the smooth table at E.L.F. headquarters. The elves were seated in their spots with Docile at the head of the table.

“Alright guys,” he said. “This is a very important mission. With Lord Gabriel’s help, I’ve pinpointed C.H.E.R.U.B.’s location to be in a forest near a lake, not too far from that inventor’s old mansion.” He pointed to certain spots on a holographic map in front of them. “It appears they briefly stayed in a church for sanctuary last December and are now trying to stay low. Gabriel said they had been helping other humans in secret but haven’t gotten rid of their desires for acknowledgement, praise and material gains.”

“Hold up,” said Tirred with his usual yawn. “I thought that C.H.E.R.U.B. never asks for any fees.”

“That is true, but I’m talking about what they seek. The three cherubs were raised in a culture that values perfection, reward, and the pursuit of happiness…”

Tirred coughed, “Americans,” which earned him a glare from his boss.

Docile continued, “Even Heaven’s citizens have flaws of their own. Selfishness exists in everyone, no matter how altruistic they try to be. C.H.E.R.U.B. knows that if they spread love, they can also feel good about themselves. But they always expect something in return for their work. Money, praise, God’s grace, whatever it is. The point is, they never help others just for the sake of doing so.”

“That actually makes sense,” Timmid added, brushing back her short white hair. “I wonder if they were so quick to collaborate with us because they just wanted us to promote their company.”

“Which is what we’re randomly doing instead of, you know…worrying about ourselves in our reality!" Tirred added, waving his hands for emphasis. “We shouldn’t have to care about some other cheesy company.”

Sunna happily mumbled “cheese” in her sleep.

“You have a good point Tirred, but this is different,” Docile elaborated. “C.H.E.R.U.B. may be from another realm, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try to help them out. Remember that we help humans and angels alike when we can.”

“We can’t help everybody,” Tirred said. “Especially those humans and demons who…”

“We’re not talking about them,” Docile added, holding up a hand. “There’s no need to be a downer when I’m trying to spread light onto a dire situation here, okay?”

Tirred crossed his arms. “I’m helping you see the reality of things. The other angelic orders won’t approve of this. Especially since traveling to the parallel realms is forbidden!”

“And the reality is that we will continue on with this mission because it’s the right thing to do,” Docile argued, standing his ground. “It is our job to help those in need, no matter how bizarre the situation may be. So for your sake, I suggest you keep yourself in line.”

Tirred grumbled and backed away slightly. Docile sighed and straightened up.

“Plus, we aren’t traveling to the other Heaven. We’re going to Earth. That’s where C.H.E.R.U.B. is.” He glanced over at the large leather-bound Bible that allowed them to travel to Earth. He didn’t know how much longer Azrael and Samuel would allow him to keep it, but hopefully a bit longer.

“Won’t we need disguises again?” Timmid asked. “Or Sunna?”

“I think we’ll be alright with going in our true forms,” said Docile. “But remember to lay low and stick together. After all, C.H.E.R.U.B. will be in their regular forms…might as well meet angel to angel.”

“Okay,” said Timmid.

There was a knock on the door, which startled Sunna awake. “Guys, do you hear that?”

“That was the door,” called Timmid.

Sunna walked over and opened it. “Hello,” she said as two men entered. One was short and fat, the other was tall and thin.

“Are those…supervillains?” asked Timmid.

“More like superheroes!” called the thin man. He had an elegant white mustache and white-gray skin. He wore a white top hat with a purple brim and old-time glasses with purple lens. His suit was white with a large purple cross in the center, the arrow pointing up. His boots were purple, and his cape was light blue.

The squat man beside him wore a white suit with thin blue lines on it with a beige collar. He wore a white bowler hat with a blue trim and white rimmed glasses with teal lens. His mustache was black, and his skin was white-gray. Both men had halos and white wings.

“I’m Straight Nate!” greeted the thin man. “Craftsman of all things straight and narrow! This is my partner, Kyle Kipton!”

“Nice to meet you both!” Docile said, shaking their hands. “How’d you get into Heaven?”

Nate explained. “I wasn’t always a young man. Kyle and I ran Kyle-Nate Tools, a local shop for farmers. Earlier today, we were giving food, eggs, and farming equipment to the poor. We could’ve saved so many. We both got involved in our job and felt so much younger than before. It was marvelous! Turns out that Lyle Lipton’s anti-aging machine in his factory was sending out rays that made us younger and younger by the day. Our customers soon grew suspicious when we suddenly appeared as children. Both of us were almost handed over to the police. We raced toward Lyle’s place, hoping to get back to our normal ages. But before we could reach him, the mob had cornered us with torches and pitchforks. We refused to give them what they wanted and they…killed me. It was a miracle that Lyle’s machine secrets didn’t get out. Everyone believed the mobsters to be crazy. Thanks to some angel magic, no one else sought to be young again.”

“I died shortly after Nate,” said Kyle. “Almost thought about taking my life, but Covid 19 did that for me.”

“Sorry,” said Sunna.

“Brother bucking Covid ruins everything!” Docile spat.

“Wait,” Tirred asked. “If you turned into children, why do you look so…”

“Wise?” Kyle finished with a shrug. “Who knows? Age doesn’t matter for saints up here. We stay the same age as when we died on Earth like the sinners do in Hell.”

“Well, that story was a load of rubbish,” Tirred scoffed.

“Don’t be rude,” Sunna chided.

“It’s alright,” Nate said. “Kyle and I are trying to figure out what do to next now that we’re in Heaven. I wonder if there are any farms around that could use our help.”

“I’ve never heard of farms in the sky before,” Kyle said.

“Well Heaven has a whole society like Hell does, so schools, farms, houses, pretty much anything from all time periods exist here,” said Docile.

“Have you heard of the Canadians?” asked Sunna. “They are anti-cannibals, against eating meat in all forms. A bunch of French-speaking vegetarian cultured folk. A bit eccentric. They make the best maple syrup and host the best air hockey games. You know, literally in the air…”

Nate rolled his eyes. “People are so quick to judge these days.”

On a nearby television screen, a commercial showed a dark teal skinned elf wearing a black outfit and a black hat, twirling a cane. “Are you looking for work to make solemn stories and formal films? Well call me at Sully Sirius’ Serious Idea Studios, where you can create art and get rich! The one who makes the best creation will receive two free tickets for Woo-Hoo Land! But still…I have standards for heaven’s sake!” A brief clip showed Sully selling holy water bottles at the theme park.

“Wierdo,” muttered Kyle.

“Well, I wish you two the best of luck up here,” said Docile. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“Anytime,” said Nate. Nate and Kyle waved goodbye before exiting out the door.

Docile turned to a winged cherub deer.

“You think we’ll succeed in our mission?”

“Yeah, oh yes, yes, yes!” Doe-Doe trilled genuinely, typing notes on an iPad while wearing yellow overalls. “Go beyond the rules and you do you! Yeah!”

0 0 0

Docile, Tirred and Timmid stood outside in front of their headquarters building, the heavenly sky shining down above them. The white building and the golden wing designs attached to it shone brightly in the light. Tirred briefly glanced enviously beyond a wrought iron golden gate toward the direction of the silver Holy City surrounded by glowing halos. Timmid took a deep breath and flipped through the Bible until coming across a passage to create a portal to Earth. After she chanted and drew a teal blue sigil with chalk, a gap opened up. A fearful Timmid led the way through, while Docile and Tirred followed.

The trio arrived at the vast meadow surrounded by forest trees and the shining lake. The sun shone brightly in the sky while a few white clouds dotted the horizon. Several birds chirped on nearby hanging branches, while brown squirrels and rabbits hopped along the grassy plain.

Docile sniffed the air deeply and sighed. “Nature truly is a wonderful thing. There’s something so genuine about Earth that makes it so…vast and beautiful.”

Tirred rolled his eyes. “Heaven will always be the superior place. It has marvelous light, gold, angels and the Almighty of course.”

“But the living world is unique in its own way. It’s the birthplace of all the saints and sinners. They make up the majority of the afterlife. Without this place, Heaven and Hell alike wouldn’t function the way they do now. No technology, no flare, no diversity. Our current worlds today are what some mortals call a ‘melting pot.’ Different ingredients tossed together into one societal dish.”

“Blast, boss! Enough with your metaphorical mumbo-jumbo,” Tirred sighed, briefly tugging his pointed ears in frustration. “Do you even realize what could happen if we meet with other beings too long? Reality itself…”

He imitated an explosion.

Timmid laughed a bit. “Who’s spewing mumbo-jumbo now?” She playfully elbowed Tirred. “Relax, Tir. Docile knows what he’s doing. It’s risky but it’s for the greater good.”

“Greater good, my ass,” he muttered.

“If you wanna get your good ass kicked, then be my guest,” Timmid wiggled her eyebrows playfully as Tirred turned red in the face.

Docile summoned his golden staff and slowly moved it in the air in front of him. The staff tip briefly glowed when he aimed it at a lower part of the hill. He spotted something small and white flying in the same direction. Docile mentioned for his coworkers to follow. They headed down the hill until they arrived at a white park bench. There were some passersby walking their dogs or chatting on their cell phones. Several women pushed strollers around, while a child tossed breadcrumbs for the ducks. The paths were lined with streetlamps and red rose bushes.

Just then, Docile spotted a flying boy and two-winged sheep sitting close together on a bench. No one seemed to pay them any mind.

“Bingo!” Docile grinned.

The periwinkle sheep Collin sat and examined the park. The yellow sheep Keenie straightened up her yellow dress and red bow. Cletus sat in the middle in his reddish overalls, looking bored. Several white feathers fell off their wings and their halos flickered.

“I don’t understand,” Cletus said dejectedly. “We’ve done all we can to make amends. We’ve saved people, gave them advice, and lived among the humans. Why can’t we go back?”

Collin sniffed as tears started to trickle down his face. “Why can’t Deerie let us back? We were doing so well in Heaven. Our clients and the humans were always grateful for the work we did.”

Keenie stamped one of her hooves. “It’s so not fair! Deerie didn’t even give us a chance. She just sent us here to suffer and rubbed it in our faces!”

“If only that filthy imp leader didn’t blind me during the battle,” Cletus scowled. “Killing Lyle was just an accident. I was this close to eliminating them on the spot!”

“Killing is a bad thing,” Collin mentioned, straightening up. “Our job is never to kill, but to save and spread love!”

“Like I said before Collin, you still joined us in shooting at our rivals,” said Cletus. “Eliminating the threat is sometimes necessary.”

“We also have Exorcists for a reason,” Keenie added. “To eliminate all those shitty sinners and keep both Earth and Heaven safe from them. Those Hell table scraps are just as bad as them, if not worse!”

“W-w-whatever happened to ‘thou shalt not kill?’ ’Love thy neighbor?’” Collin asked, flying up and staring hard at his companions.

The cherubs hovered in the air.

“Those demons aren’t our neighbors,” Cletus told Collin.

“I know that, but still, we could’ve at least taken the fight outside the opera theater! Oh, and maybe saved that singer, too.”

“When the imps were in the way, right there?” Keenie asked. “We had to watch over Lyle, too.”

“We had to save his life at any cost,” Cletus said, leaning in.

“B-b-but we didn’t, didn’t we?” Collin finished. “We all played a part in our fate and now in a few days, we’ll be down below facing our worst nightmares!”

Collin broke down into hysterical sobs, as Keenie wrapped him in a hug. “Oh Collin…”

The cherubs flew off toward the open meadow, leaving the park behind and looking around.

Just then, E.L.F. made their entrance in front of them, floating down gracefully on white wings in their own beams of sparkly light. Docile was in the center, Tirred to his right, Timmid to his left. Spiked white halos hung over their heads. C.H.E.R.U.B. stared quizzically at them.

Keenie glared. “Go away, demons! We’re tired of seeing you in your silly costumes!”

“You here to m-m-mock us some more?” Collin asked in anger.

“We come in peace…” Docile began, but didn’t finish. Cletus let out a combination of mournful cries and yells to the sky, causing the nearby humans to glare at them and scatter away.

“You won’t get away with this, I.M.P.! You’ll pay for what you did to us and the humans you slaughtered!”

Cletus finished his cries when a sudden force knocked everyone backwards. They straightened themselves up in the air. The ground broke apart and a column of red, orange, and yellow flames shot up from the opening.

E.L.F. and C.H.E.R.U.B. looked in wide-eyed terror at three small shadowy figures hovering forward through the flames. Three shadows with glowing yellow eyes.

“You seek revenge and are thirsty for blood?” came a low choir of voices.

The flames vanished, revealing a demonic trio. A pointed tail, sharp yellow teeth, a clawed hand holding a black Satanic book...

“We can help satiate your desires…”

The leader appeared, looking like a twisted version of Cletus. He had teal fluffy hair and pale white skin, his teeth sharp and yellow. His eyes were large and yellow with white sclera. He was chubby like Cletus but instead of angelic wings, he had small black bat wings with long red veins within the flaps. He wore a dark blue undershirt, a black shirt collar and teal-colored overalls, plus brown boots. Two reddish orange horns curved down to meet his chin. He put away his black Satanic book.

The corrupted Collin counterpart took the appearance of a bulky anthropomorphic yellow ram. His furry hooves were tan colored with sickly yellowish tips. He wore a wine-colored red suit with a black bow tie under his thick neck. His undershirt was orange with an upside down black cross in the center. Sheathed under a black belt was a gun, a dagger, and a few other weapons. His teeth, eyes and face were all a dull yellow, although a few black dots rested under his left eye. Ogre-like ears stuck out around his head of thick black wool. Protruding in curves from his head were two thick, crimson-colored ram horns with little lines running down the surface. Little black wings held him in the air.

The last diablo was a blue anthropomorphic ram and Keenie’s dark counterpart. Her hooves were purple with dark green tips. Her dress was dark blue with a green bow around it. Her dress moved from blue to various shades of green and teal, becoming lighter at the ends. The hem of her dress was torn and gave the appearance of blue flames as part of the design. Black gloves covered her hands like an executioner’s. She grinned with yellow sharp teeth against a dark blue face. Her eyes had dark orange pupils, teal irises and white sclera. Her wild hair was a lighter shade of blue, moving like flames in the wind. Like her companions, she had black bat wings and curved red-orange ram horns. All the diablos could also grow pointed tails and retract them.

The leader sneered. “Surely you’ve heard of us. You saw our commercial, didn’t you?”

“What commercial?” Docile asked.

0 0 0

A large Leviathan monster opened its mouth wide, revealing sharp teeth, a long slimy tongue, and a dark throat. The camera zoomed into the darkness before a red light appeared at the end of the tunnel. A bleak world with a red sky was revealed. A futuristic city in the distance was tall, black, and metal: Sin City. The ground was black as was the grass. There was a pandemonium capital building not too far away along with a variety of shops set in a dystopian world: Tiamat’s Treasure Things, Kali’s Corner, Xenomorph Labs.

No Hazbin Hotel or I.M.P headquarters to be found.

A sign read “Diablo Den” and pointed down. The camera moved to show an underground tunnel with torches on either side. An entire subculture of demons lived down within the sewers and damp tunnels. Metal waterproof houses were situated under fluorescent lights on the ceiling. The leader popped up on the screen.

“Salutations! I’m Erebos! Welcome to Hell! Guess you must have done something evil to get here, and evil people deserve to give enemies special cruses!”

The jingle began, with organs playing.

“Does it make you want to yell?” asked Devvin, the yellow ram as a man was shown getting a promotion over a man dressed in rags.

“When an enemy ends up well?” asked Dammna the blue ram female as a rapist was pardoned from his crime.

“Do you frown from ear to ear?” sang Erebos as a man shot at several anti-LGBTQ protestors.

“When your rivals don’t shed a tear?” they all sang as a bully in a baseball cap laughed as a kid cowered in a corner.

“Locked up in a rut?” sang Devvin with a pose.

“A foe seeking your gut?” Dammna sang and posed.

“We can make them cold and dead!” sang Erebos.

“Even give you their head!” They all did villain poses.

“Cause here at D.I.A.B.L.O.!” they sang as“DIABLO” appeared in bloody letters surrounded by pitchforks and the trademark icon.

“We’re the masters of destruction from down below!” sang Devvin as Cletus shot fireballs at a barbed wire fence, allowing prisoners of war to escape. Devvin led the way as Dammna waved a flag with a pentagram and “B.U.R.E.H.C” on it.

“Cause here at D.I.A.B.L.O.!” they sang as the logo appeared again.

“Just name your price and we’re good to go!” sang Dammna as Erebos gave a greedy grin at a human handing him a bag of gold.

“Spreading sickness, chaos and hate!” Devvin sang as he and Dammna gave each other a high five with their hooves.

“History altered and fate!” sang Dammna as atomic bombs went off in reverse as clocks ran backwards and forwards.

“We do the dirty work for you!” sang Cletus asDevvin concocted a deadly virus and dropped it on coughing humans.

“And stirring up world wars, too!” added Devvin as Dammna whispered something in a soldier’s ear, resulting in two armies fighting on the field.

“So sit right back…” sang Erebos before they all sang in discord, “…and let us curse a soul for you!”

“Oh, we are the D.I.A.B.L.O.!”

“How the primal chaos shall flow!”

0 0 0

C.H.E.R.U.B. and E.L.F. just stood there, stunned.

Just then, Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie entered through a portal onto the grass. Moxxie was trying not to fall, while Millie safely put away Stolas’ grimoire in a small black backpack.

“Alright gang,” called Blitzo. “Apparently someone wants us to kill that ginger-ass tour guide we saw last time. Looks like he’s at Lyle’s old house jacking off and snatching Lyle’s old possessions.”

Millie tried not to throw up. “This world is even crazier than ours!” Then she pulled out a dark sword and brightened. “Let’s keep on killin’ then!”

“Sir, please don’t tell Lyle any of this,” Moxxie pleaded. “You know he’ll get mad if we fail this mission.”

“Oh I already sent him a text,” Blitzo grinned, holding up his phone. The text read “Off 2 kill tour intruder. Might want 2 sell ur stuff.” Moxxie face-palmed.

“I’m already tired and we haven’t even made it there yet,” Moxxie complained.

“Come on Mox, get your sweet imp ass moving,” Blitzo said. “We’ll be at his house before you can say…”

The three imps came to the clearing and froze in their tracks.

“Holy shit,” Blitzo breathed.

At that very moment, all twelve creatures divided in the four separate groups locked eyes with each other, some on the ground, and some in the air. The sky darkened to an abnormal shade of indigo; the ground suddenly warm to the touch. The air itself shifted from stale, to hot, to cold and back again. A strange energy crackled through the air, like any moment the earth would collapse underneath them. A stag with bloodstained antlers reared up his hind legs and raced across the forest as lightning flashed in the sky.

From inside the mansion, the tour guide and several people gazed out the window in awe through a telescope. The smiling man had the ginger bang over his eyes and wore a green suit and cap with dollar signs on it. He spoke too casually to the group as they took pictures on their phones.

“And now you’ll spot several groups of tacky super-powered cosplayers about to begin an apocalyptic battle! The feuds between famous people and ordinary folk is a sight to behold!”

0 0 0

“Who. The Fuck. Are They?!” Blitzo cried out, his voice echoing.

“Oh no!” groaned Moxxie, pointing ahead. “Those are the…”

“Imps!” Collin cried out, all three cherubs glaring at their rivals.

“Cherubs!” Moxxie finished.

“Diablos?!” Tirred asked.

“Elves!” sneered Devvin.

The intense stare-downs could have turned the universe upside down…which for a few moments, it did.

After several minutes of grueling silence, the first one to speak again was none other than Blitzo.

“Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on here?!”

Cletus crossed his arms. “I’ll tell you what’s going on! Because of you three monsters,” he pointed at the imps, “We’ve been banished to Earth and are this close to meeting our doom down in your filthy world!”

Blitzo just grinned smugly. “Welcome to Hell, baby. We hope you enjoy your stay.”

Cletus turned red in anger. “Shut up! We may have been banished from Heaven all thanks to you, but there is no way we’re going to end up like you!”

Erebos grinned and moved slowly toward the cherubs. “You sure about that?”

He spoke in a bone-chilling whisper that made even Cletus forget his wrath for a moment. “It’s clear that you’ll never be allowed to return to Heaven. Why wish for something you can’t obtain anymore? The only thing you can do now…” he mentioned in the direction of the imps, “…is take back what you’ve lost.”

Cletus glared at him. “I don’t need filthy demons to tell me what to do!”

“Of course you don’t,” Erebos mentioned. “Your company was just trying to do the right thing. Why should you let those monsters stand in your way again?”

“Stop!” called Docile. He flew gracefully in Cletus’ direction. “Don’t listen to that demon.”

“You’re one too!” Cletus seethed, flinching back.

“No, I’m an angel just like you,” Docile said. “That devil is trying to divert you away from your true path. Your company may have been banished, but you can still redeem yourselves and prove the other angels wrong! You’re already great at spreading positivity to those in need!”

“Ha!” Millie called. “Just like how you cherubs failed to save the life of that old man.”

“It was an accident, you emo slutty freak!” Keenie spat.

“The past is then,” Docile continued to Cletus. “This is now. You still have time to prove your innocence. I believe there is goodness in almost everyone.”

Collin flew up to the elf with wide shining eyes. “Y-y-you do?”

Docile wrapped an arm around Collin. “I know it. It’s there, even when all hope seems lost.”

Erebos snickered to Cletus. “You really gonna believe an inverted version of yourself and his subservient goblin fuck toys?”

The cherubs and elves gasped.

“That is so inappropriate!” Timmid called.

“Kiss your ass, sissy,” Dammna taunted as Timmid flinched away.

“Might wanna watch your words, blue bitch,” Millie growled to Dammna. “Just because we’re fellow demons, doesn’t mean I’ll let you pick on others like that.”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” Dammna asked with a sneer. “Sing a murder jingle?”

“My coworkers and I did, actually!”

“I thought your song was very catchy!” Devvin praised.

“Thank you!” beamed Millie. “Now get lost, wannabes!”

But D.I.A.B.L.O. was far from done. Erebos spoke to Cletus. “Anyway…that deer cherub who kicked you out…she knew that you would fall. God doesn’t tolerate mistakes…thus those in Heaven now see you as just that, mistakes. How does it make you feel?”

“Shut it, demon crap!” Keenie shrilled. She flew toward Erebos but Devvin held her back. She freed herself from his grip. Dammna flew beside Collin, who whimpered as she licked her lips.

“Face it…the other cherubs wanted you three kicked out. Because you founded an illegal company that prided itself on saving human lives. You were getting famous for…not following the rules. Jealousy arose.”

“How do you know all this?” Cletus asked.

“We have our ways,” said Erebos. “Angels and demons going to Earth is mostly illegal…you know, changing of history, trauma and all.”

He flew into Cletus’ face and the Cletus flinched back in disgust. Erebos made his way around Collin and Keenie as he talked. “You could’ve been good passive little sheep and stayed in Heaven. But you didn’t.” He ran a hand through Collin’s white wooly hair. “Because you wanted something more. Paradise wasn’t enough for you.”

He grinned sinisterly at Keenie. “You were tired of being looked down upon by the more favorable members of your kind. Always searching for a way so that your…”

He peered underneath her yellow dress, “…divine talents could be brought to light.”

Keenie gave him a hard kick to the face, sending him back a bit. He scoffed in pain and rubbed his eye before straightening up and heading back toward Cletus. “And for a while, they did. But look where you are now. Fallen. Forgotten. Forced away from your home.”

“He’s using you guys!” Tirred warned Cletus. “You can still protect humanity and earn God’s grace once again!”

“No matter what you try to do, you’ll never be able to return. Becoming demons is your destiny!” Devvin said with a dark chuckle.

“Listen to the elf angels,” Collin pleaded to his boss. “The demons are full of sin, but you know we can choose to not stoop down to their level. We can be better cherubs, improve our relations with humans.”

“Right after we get rid of all those stinking demons!” Keenie scoffed, hands on her hips. “If we want C.H.E.R.U.B. to survive…”

“Then I.M.P. must pay, right?” Dammna asked, finishing her sentence. Keenie found herself nodding, mouth agape.

“Hey, we can hear you!” Moxxie yelled, drawing out his gun. He shot it upwards, but the bullet was blocked by Tirred’s golden staff. The bullet rebounded away. Moxxie stared at Tirred in disgust. “Man, you’re hard to look at.” Tirred just observed him coldly.

“Forget about I.M.P.!” Timmid called to the cherubs. “Focus on redeeming yourselves. It’s the only way you can return home.”

“Help other people for its own sake,” Docile advised. “You don’t need praise or rewards to keep doing the right thing.”

“He’s right, Cletus,” Collin added. “Help humans move away from sin…and we will as well.”

“Ha!” barked Dammna. “Sin and flaws are present in everyone, even in little angels. It’s as natural as sex, eating, drinking and breathing. No one can resist the natural temptations…”

Blitzo grinned. “I’d like to see you try and take us out,” he told Cletus. “Afraid we’ll make you a laughingstock again?” Cletus fumed.

“I hope the Exorcists erase you from existence!” Keenie shrilled.

Devvin appeared beside Keenie. “Why call on them, when you can plan your revenge yourself?”

“Not gonna happen!” she yelled. Just after she said that, her halo flickered again. A small crack appeared on Cletus’ halo. Bits of feathers drifted from Colin’s wings.

“This is not good,” Timmid whispered.

Erebos grinned. “Only a matter of time now, cherubs! It’s time to begin your journey toward justice!”

Back and forth, overlapping words, advice, taunts, and threats pounded against Cletus. He felt like his head was being crushed by two opposing hands. Cletus grimaced, looking back and forth and around. He squinted and closed his eyes, curling into a ball.

“The accident wasn’t your fault, boss!”

“Help bring back C.H.E.R.U.B. to its former glory!”

“You’re nothing but a crying baby and a failure. No wonder Heaven doesn’t want you guys.”

“Thy company come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven…”

“Your demonic destiny is here!”

“Give into sin!”

“Spread the love for here and above!”

“ENOUGH!”

Cletus spread out his arms and legs. The force sent many of the individuals back, but they quickly recovered. Lightning flashed in the sky as the battle began.

Although Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie couldn’t fly like everyone else, they made up for it by their array of weapons. Blitzo fired his tan flintlock pistol, the bullets rising in the air. One bullet hit Dammna’s hoof, and she hissed in pain. Another grazed Timmid’s shoulder and she cried out.

Docile waved his hand and three golden crossbows appeared in the cherubs’ hands.

“It’s temporary,” he warned.

Wasting no time, Collin, Keenie and Cletus fired sparkly golden arrows from their weapons at the two demonic groups. Cletus and Blitzo fired rounds at each other, both of them expertly dodging the other’s attacks. Erebos laughed as Docile landed punches at him, which he kept blocking.

“Just as planned,” he grinned. “What a joy it is to see C.H.E.R.U.B. and I.M.P. duke it out.” The cherubs’ faces grew more vicious as they chased after the imps.

“Stop fighting, C.H.E.R.U.B.!” Tirred called in concern, but her words fell on ignorant ears.

Erebos landed a punch to Docile’s face, and he quickly retaliated via a well-aimed uppercut. “You won’t get away with this,” Docile spat. “I don’t want to fight any of you guys, but it appears I have no choice.”

Timmid screamed as Devvin suddenly caught her in a headlock.

“Ha! Surrender or she’s a goner!” called Devvin. Timmid struggled in vain against his grip. Docile glared as he aimed his staff at him, debating what to do next.

Zing!

An arrow from Collin’s crossbow hit Devvin in the side, sending him screaming and flying off in the distance. He flew back in anger, but Timmid had already recovered. The cherubs’ golden crossbows vanished; the group now defenseless. Moxxie, Dammna, and Millie seized the opportunity to charge in, surrounding the cherubs. Timmid, Docile and Tirred blocked the path of the demons, holding them off with their golden staffs.

“I can’t hold them much longer,” groaned a strained Tirred to the cherubs. “Flee while you still can!”

“We’re not leaving you behind,” Collin said, determined.

Cletus tried to flee, but Dammna grabbed hold of him and tossed him right back with a chuckle.

Erebos arrived and smacked Tirred’s golden staff from his hands…he punched at the diablo’s chest in response. Docile landed several kicks to Moxxie, sending him stumbling to the ground.

“Moxxie!” Millie cried.

“I’m okay!”

Millie took out a black dagger and tossed it toward Timmid. She caught it and tossed it away. Cletus continued to dodge the bullets from Moxxie and Blitzo’s weapons. Keenie charged at full speed toward Millie’s head from behind her. She was just about to land a hard blow when…

A large hand grabbed her by the hair…Erebos and tossed her hard toward the ground.

Crash!

“Y-y-you monster!” Collin cried.

Keenie growled as she stood up on shaking legs, wiping the dirt from her dress. With a swoop, she lifted herself up in the air before Blitzo could shoot at her. She finally rejoined Collin and Cletus…but the E.L.F. members were almost drained from the battle. The cherubs and elves stood battered and back-to-back against the surrounding demons.

Lightning flashed as several pairs of the angelic and demonic warriors went head to head. Millie was slashing her sword from underneath Timmid and Keenie, who were punching Dammna and pulling her long blue hair. Keenie slapped Dammna across the face while Timmid yelped as she dodged Millie’s weapon from below. Timmid summoned an angelic harpoon and clashed with Millie. They moved in a dance, metal against metal. The point of the harpoon barely missed Millie’s head. Millie leaped onto the harpoon and raced on it with her sword in her mouth. Timmid’s eyes were wide with surprise. She flipped over Timmid, grabbed her sword, and swung it in an arch, knocking Timmid down. The angelic harpoon clattered softly onto the grass. Docile made it vanish with a wave of his hand.

Moxxie fired his gun and hit Devvin several times. He hissed as black blood ran from parts of his legs. “Get the sheep, you idiot!”

“I fight my own battles,” Moxxie retorted, as he dodged Collin’s punches and blasted Devvin’s revolver out of his hand with a well-aimed shot.

Collin and Tirred shared a look, then both swooped on either side of Devvin. With two hard punches to his face, Devvin plummeted to the ground. He glared at them from below as he slowly stood up and shook his head. Tirred tossed Collin out of range of Moxxie’s bullets before he got hit himself. He gasped in pain before landing on the ground to recover. He winced and glared at Devvin. Moxxie rushed at him, but Tirred shoved him back with a force from his golden staff.

Docile, Erebos, Blitzo and Cletus were going head to head as lightning lit up the sky around them.

“Take this, you fucker!” Cletus yelled as he grabbed a nearby rock and threw it toward Blitzo. The rock exploded from Blitzo’s bullet. Another bullet hit one of Cletus’ wing tips, making him stumble in the air. Docile straightened the cherub with one hand as he twirled his staff against Erebos in the other. Erebos flapped his bat wings menacingly. The ground shook below as more cracks appeared. I.M.P. moved to higher ground, gazing at the red lava below in the ground. It created a demonic red glow near the ground. Black blood poured from the demons’ wounds just as gold blood flowed from the angels’.

Timmid stood up and flapped her white wings, glanced around in terror. “We have to stop fighting!” she screamed over the yells and the noises of war. “We’re going to destroy the Earth!”

Timmid suddenly screamed as Dammna smacked her on the head from behind. She plummeted to the ground, with Keenie catching the dazed angel and carrying her to a safe spot.

With ear-shattering yells, Cletus and Erebos rammed into each other, as did Blitzo and Docile. The leaders pushed against each other with all their might, as forces from their attacks shook the area. The demons’ horns grew longer and eyes appeared on the angels’ wings. Cletus and Docile glowed blue and white while Erebos and Blitzo glowed red and black. Docile’s harpoon spear pressed against Blitzo’s flintlock pistol. They all seethed and gave each other deadly glares.

Before long, the cracks and forces would spread to the rest of Earth. Heaven and Hell would collapse, the Earth being the final battleground and resting place…

The explosions knocked everyone back, sending all the creatures crashing to the ground. The forest had been burned down to timbers and steam was rising from the lake. Lyle’s mansion had been blasted apart to smithereens…yet the soot covered crowd still took pictures as the tour guide spewed his ever optimistic commentary. His hat was lopsided and he kicked broken glass away.

“One of the Lipton family heirlooms is this golden money bag statue which was gifted to Lyle in the early 1970s. And it’s still standing…”

The tour guide glanced down to see the statue littering the ground in pieces. “…or it was. I call dibs!”

The battle had been an intense stalemate. And all seemed lost as the ground prepared to swallow everyone in the lava and magma.

The dark clouds swirled in a spiral vortex before slowly parting. Sunlight shone from a circular patch of blue sky. The shaking and the yelling stopped. The cracks in the earth fused together and the world slowly got brighter like it did before. The Archangel Michael arrived from the opening, along with the cherub Deerie by his side.

Blitzo helped up his colleagues. “I think we can call this mission a successful failure.”

Millie supported Moxxie. “What about our target?”

“Forget about him,” Blitzo said. “And forget about those cherubs too. They’re done for.”

The imps looked over at the barely stirring cherubs on the ground.

“Well, looks like we won again,” Moxxie said. “Though we really need to tone down all this fighting.”

“Yeah, I’m tired and could really use an iced coffee right now,” Blitzo said. He took out his green “mare-juanna” horse figure and kissed it. “I knew this lucky charm would come in handy. Let’s go gang!”

The imps grinned and high-fived before disappearing through the portal to Hell.

Michael hovered in the air in all his glory, supported by broad white feathery wings. He had pale skin, blushes on his cheeks, and short blonde hair like his fallen brother Lucifer. A sword made of flames was tucked protectively near his belt. A glowing spiked white halo hung over his head with a crystal in the center. He wore a white suit and tailcoat, while several medals and badges shown from the front of his outfit.

He bore a stern expression on his face as the other groups slowly recovered.

“Four interdimensional companies fighting in the one world to cause the most damage to mortal lives. I’m ashamed at all of you. You were lucky that no more humans got hurt.” Michael briefly glared at the cherubs and diablos.

The cherubs and elves bowed their heads in apology, while the diablos looked on.

“I ask that all of you head back to your worlds immediately. If I ever catch you fighting here again, I’ll erase every one of you from existence. Are we clear?”

“Yes sir,” chimed the six angels.

“Lord Michael,” said Cletus, lifting his head. “The demonic imps have already left. And those diablos are the ones who started all this!”

“Please Lord Michael,” said Docile. “My company came here on behalf of the importance of C.H.E.R.U.B.’s protection. I humbly ask that you reconsider their previous errors and allow them a chance to…”

A rumbling sound was heard and cracks appeared in the ground again. Two gaping holes appeared in the ground. One of them shot fire into the air.

“There’s our cue,” said Devvin to his companions.

Dammna grinned and pointed toward the cherubs. More cracks were forming underneath them, soon creating another hole. Erebos and his gang flew into the cherubs’ faces. “Have fun in the inferno!” cackled Erebos and his crew before they flew into the column of flames and down below. The ground closed over the portal and the flames disappeared.

Deerie laughed nervously at the frightened cherubs. “Yeah, no sorry guys. I’m afraid your test on Earth has come to an end and…well, yeah there’s only one place to go now.”

“Noooo!” the cherubs cried, huddling together.

To the horror of the cherubs and the elves, the fallen trio was starting to change in appearance. Their white wings turned stiff and black, the last of their feathers falling to the ground. Small leathery bat wings grew in their places. Their white halos cracked and fell to pieces in front of them. Keenie frantically tried to piece hers back together. Collin gasped as he held the pieces in his hooves. The halo pieces stopped glowing, fading to a stony dark gray. Keenie buried her pale face in her hooves…hooves that were now morphing into sharp claws. She screamed out loud as she clawed at her face.

“Lord Michael, do something!” begged Docile. But the archangel stood solemnly in the air, shaking his head.

The cherubs’ teeth soon grew sharp and white, cutting into their tongues and making them bleed. Their outfits changed from cheery pastel colors to bold fiery reds, oranges, pinks and yellows. Cletus clutched his head in pain as two small, pointed horns protruded from his ginger head. The other cherubs also cried out, clutching at their newly formed horns stained with blood.

The ground collapsed underneath them, giving way to a deep hole with a reddish light and a portal to Hell between the rock walls. Lucifer’s curious grinning face appeared in the opening.

The cherubs felt themselves being pulled back by a powerful force toward the portal.

“No, no, no, no!” Cletus cried. “This can’t be happening!”

Keenie shouted out prayers to God, begging for his forgiveness. Collin wailed and bawled as he hung onto the grass for dear life.

Docile, Tirred and Timmid raced toward the cherubs.

“There’s no point in rescuing them,” Deerie said, flying in front of them. “Unless you troublemakers want to join them.”

Docile promptly punched the doe in the face before making his way toward the struggling trio.

They each placed their right hand on the cherubs’ foreheads as light shone from their teal hands. Tirred placed his hand on Collin, Timmid’s hand was on Keenie and Docile had his hand on Cletus.

Docile chanted in the Enochian angelic language and said: “I bless each of you with a chance to find the light. No matter where you are, it is hope you’ll never lose sight. You will find one person or more, who’ll help you along the way. And after discovering your true righteousness, you’ll return home someday. By the will of the Lord, so may it be.”

E.L.F. removed their hands and the light faded.

“Bye!” Deerie happily waved toward the cherubs before vanishing through the heavenly portal.

Timmid grabbed Keenie’s hands and pulled with all her might. Keenie’s face turned beige/orange, her yellow dress now dull yellow in color torn in the appearance of wildfire. The helm of her dress was red and spiked, her horns now black and curved like those of Charlie’s goat bodyguards. She had black bat wings and a pointed tail. Her woolly hair was wild and black, and her eyes had red irises and golden sclera.

Keenie sneered at Timmid, only seeing the red face of Millie laughing at her.

“Get away, you disgusting demon!”

Her voice sounded like her own but more distorted.

“I’m not…” Timmid began but Keenie slapped her in the face before falling with a scream into the portal below.

“Keenie!” cried Collin, briefly staring down at her disappearing form. “I don’t wanna die! I don’t wanna die!”

Cletus had curved horns and black wings as well, though his face took on more of a red tone with blushes. His overalls were red with a mouth where the overall pocket was. His yellow undershirt was torn. His hair was white, and he had a similar appearance to the imps. His pointed tail was short and red. His eyes had red irises and golden sclera.

He looked at Docile, only seeing Blitzo’s face. He revealed his new grin of sharp white teeth and glowing red eyes. “This isn’t over, I.M.P.!”

Timmid and Tirred pulled with all their might, but Cletus was soon sucked in as well.

Collin glanced at the elves with bloody tears running down his face. His eyes had golden sclera and pink irises, sometimes glowing red. He had long curved goat horns, a pointed tail and black bat wings. His sheep face was almost a tan-red shade, and his woolly hair was black. His outfit had changed into a black suit with a red bow tie, similar to the one Moxxie wore.

The three elves pulled, Tirred being supported by Docile and Timmid behind him, but Collin stayed in the same spot, his hooves dangling over the chasm.

“Sir!” called Tirred, as the elves were dragged inches closer toward the gap, even as they dug their feet in. “We’re being sucked in!”

“L-let go,” Collin whimpered.

“What?!” asked Tirred.

“You can’t let yourself fall!” Docile cried, tears welling up in his eyes. “We were supposed to save you guys…to help give you another chance…” The elves were almost at the edge.

Collin and the elves stared at each other in the eyes.

Collin took a deep breath as he thought of his friends.

“I-I-I’m sorry…”

With one last wide-eyed look, Collin let go of Tirred’s hands and vanished into the darkness. The elves weren’t getting pulled in anymore, rather they were pushed back a bit. The portal to Hell closed, and the ground in front of the elves sealed back together like nothing had happened.

“Why?” Docile asked Michael, turning around.

“C.H.E.R.U.B. set themselves up for their fate. They gave into their anger and were more focused on defeating their rivals instead of properly interacting with the humans. They still disobeyed the rules thus were sent to Earth to test their faiths. Alas, they gave into their selfish desires for revenge and pursuit of glory. One can now only hope that they'll redeem themselves in Hell…if they even survive that long. As for you three, remember my words of warning.”

Michael rose back into Heaven and vanished.

The three somber elf angels slowly rose up into the air and went through another heavenly portal back to their world. Back in paradise, Docile had never felt more alone. He gazed out at the colorful clouds through a window.

Docile didn’t even look at his coworkers. “Welp, the cherubs wanted to redeem themselves and continue their company, and we couldn’t save them. We failed. Thanks to those freaking diablos, they’re down in Hell now, so it’s a shame. All they wanted was to spread love and joy to the living world. And now, they’re separated from Heaven…potentially forever.”

Tirred grumbled. “Don’t say I told you so, but…I told you so.”

Timmid gave her boss a small hug as the three silently gazed at the clouds and sunlight.

From behind the elves, Sully Sirius did a small grin. He whispered, “Now this would make for a spectacular tragic film, don’t you think?”

Docile glumly turned his head all the way around, while his body stayed in place. “Please leave.” Sully looked at him and screamed in fright.

#heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss #2phazbinhotel

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

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Heavenly Boss S1 E3: Autumn Intact

Part One: Kiva

A silver-colored van was held aloft by a pair of large white feathery wings attached to the sides. The surface was in pristine condition, shining in the sunlight. The license plates on the front and back read “E.L.F. – 777.” In the driver’s seat sat a thoughtful Docile, leader of E.L.F. The elf angel wore his usual work outfit: a long white coat with round teal buttons down the front and a pin attached to his undershirt. He had white pants and boots with blue trim around the ends. One part of his face was black, the other was mostly a dark teal green. He had a white birthmark on his forehead and pointed teal green ears extending out on either side of his bald head. His pupils were white with teal irises and dark blue sclera. His wings were folded behind him, and a white spiked halo hovered above his head. On the radio, a calming country song about God played as the elf hummed along.

“I love this song!” he said.

Sitting next to him in shotgun was the ever-smiling Sunna, the brown Heaven-cat. She had pointed ears and long hipster-style brown hair that framed her furry brown face. She wore her usual white sundress with a golden sun symbol on it. Decorating her brown furry body were several black stripes. Her sky-blue eyes shined as she peered out at the passing clouds around her. The windows were down to let in the clean, crisp air.

In the backseats wearing seatbelts were their two elf colleagues, Tirred and Timmid. Tirred, grumpy as ever, covered his ears and grimaced in disgust at the music. He had black hair that stuck out slightly on either side of his teal green face. His young white-haired girlfriend Timmid was curled into a ball, fearful of heights and almost everything else. Ironically, she was an angel with white wings and a halo like her colleagues. Both elves wore their white and teal work outfits.

Sunna waved out the window as they flew by a family of bi-pedal humanoid swans who played harps on a cloud. Even the three kids were playing miniature lyres and flapping their wings in excitement. Holy City was bustling with music, cars, and people with animal-like traits. Several signs read, “Saintz,” “Cloud Nine,” “Paradise,” “7th Heaven” and “Elysium Gymnasium!” Doves, swans, and sheep danced together on a hovering golden platform while small curly-haired cupids played instruments in the clouds. Several angels took pictures and selfies with their cell phones. A large group of children chased each other in the air while they played the popular “Gabriel’s Truth-Telling Trumpet Toys ™. Now only seven spirits.”

“Those things don’t even work,” Tirred mentioned as Sunna played Docile’s trumpet he had gotten at Woo-Hoo Land.

“Probably not,” she said, looking back behind her at him. “But I heard that people are still more likely to tell the truth, even if it’s unintentional.”

“Herd mentality,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “People will believe anything, the mindless sheep they are.”

A group of flying sheep angels “baa-ed” and gave him angry glares as E.L.F. drove by at a leisurely pace.

“What?” he spat at them. “I’m just being honest!”

“Told ya,” Sunna grinned, blowing the trumpet closer to his face. Tirred pushed the trumpet away as Sunna giggled.

A nearby marching band of uniformed bi-pedal lions and eagles played trumpets on a path as they strolled around a golden Greek temple. Inside the temple, Metatron was busy organizing records at a fancy desk in a closed off portion of the vast room. A few Seraphim with six fiery red wings circled a golden empty throne inside, chanting “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty! The whole Earth is full of His glory!” Their chants were amplified to the outside world via magic megaphones.

“I always hated those annoying fiery things,” Tirred remarked with a roll of his eyes. “They never stop!”

On the outskirts of Heaven, a few dark Exorcists were flying and sparing with angelic spears as part of their training. They had long black feathery necks, talon hands and feet, plus curved horns with small lines along them. They also had white and black spiked halos of their own above their heads, with a small crystal in the center surrounded by a cross. Timmid shivered as she spotted the Xs over their right eyes and their LED grins. The vulture-like demon exterminators had a smaller base and not as many numbers as the first Heaven next door, but that did not make them any less skilled or threatening.

“Those things give me the creeps,” Timmid whimpered. “I don’t understand why we have to have them in the Heavens.”

“Well, they do live on the outskirts for a reason,” Tirred explained. “They have their own military society and even families there. Children are trained from birth to cleanse demons and protect Heaven. The more elite fighters guard the Empyrean, God’s abode. Some angels can become Exorcists but only after many tests and trials.”

“Thou shall not kill,” Timmid recited, forgetting her fear. “Thou shall love thy neighbor and not covert his goods. Why is it then, that Exorcists, mortals, and demons to the extreme extent…aren’t seen as our neighbors?”

There was a silence, save for the country music.

“Did you even listen to your lectures in school?” Tirred asked. “Demons are destined to suffer and be separated from their purified family members. Without the Archangels, Overlords, Saints and royalty, Heaven and Hell societies would crumble. Whether we like it or not, we all have our roles to play.”

“Sure, like you play your role so perfectly at E.L.F.” Sunna added to Tirred in sarcasm. She mimicked Tirred in a low voice: “‘I shall use my healing powers to discipline you mortals!’ ‘Kill all demons and imperfections!’ ‘I’m so tired, I hate this place. No one else but me deserves to fu…’”

“Do you guys mind?!” Docile glared back at them. “I’m trying to listen here.”

“Look out!” cried Timmid as a shocked Docile narrowly missed a white Pegasus flying to the side of the van. Docile swerved around it, and rapidly spun the wheel, dodging other flying vehicles. They dove under a large white flying truck that read “Fizzipop’s Soda,” on the sides in bold pink letters. The sky highway was flanked by streetlamps on clouds, the poles made of gold. As they plummeted down, Tirred put his hand on Timmid’s shoulder, trying to comfort her. She looked at him, taking deep breaths and forcing a small smile. The van narrowly dodged a flying horse’s hooves in the air.

“Horses,” Docile snorted in disgust.

Docile maneuvered the van over toward E.L.F. headquarters. It was a large white pristine office building in Elf City, decorated with large golden wings jutting off to the sides. The double doors were decorated with harps. A nearby sign read “Welcome to Elf City, established 1981: Second Sphere.”

“Whoa!” Docile called, lowering the van, and pressing onto the brakes. The van landed and skidded to a stop on the street.

“Holy spit!” Docile cried as they stilled.

The parking spot usually reserved for E.L.F. in front of the building had been taken by a large chariot.

But it was no ordinary chariot…it was a breathtaking vehicle of energy and moving symbols. The wheels were golden and glowing, with small eyes along the rims. Spheres of light seemed to glow between the spokes. A griffin with shimmering tan fur stood at the head of the chariot, squawking from his eagle head, and resting from its flight. A small white sheep with wings served as the driver.

Four women got out, two on each side of the golden chariot. One had the head of a lioness and was dressed in red. The second wore white and had the head of a white bull. The third wore a purple robe and had the head of an eagle. The last woman wore green and had silky blonde hair and a white face with red blushes on it. All four women had silk scarves with peacock eyes draped over their shoulders. The license plate below read “SERVE-4-LIFE.”

“Oh, you serve for life, do ya?” Docile asked in curiosity. He stepped out of the van. “Why don’t you do me a huge favor and let me have my parking spot back!”

Docile was silenced when another figure stepped out of the chariot. The four women made way for the last female.

“Is that…Beatrice?” Sunna asked, referring to the poet Dante’s lover and symbol of his ascension to Heaven and God.

But it wasn’t her. Instead, the woman who got out looked like a regular angel. She wore a black and white dress and white high heels. Her hair was long and pinkish blonde, her face white with blushes. She wore a pair of blue heart-shaped sunglasses.

“Holy Heavens! Kiva?!” Docile gasped.

“Docile,” she greeted, stretching her pink-white feathery wings. She had pronounced an extra “e” in his name, much to his annoyance.

Kiva Perdera was a famous popstar in Heaven. Her love songs could make mortals and angels alike swoon with feelings of universal love.

“I should’ve known you’d be here,” he said. “Who wouldn’t be able to sense your divine presence in both paradises?”

There was a mix of admiration and resentment in his tone.

“And how have you been, Docile?” She flipped her hair back. “Still stuck in choir practice and performances trying to make a living?” She sipped Jeshua-Juice from a vial.

“Only on occasion.” He smoothed his shirt and coat with pride. “I’ve moved on to form my own blessing company, E.L.F. Which reminds me…please clear off from my spot.”

Kiva grinned, her sharp white teeth matching her pale face. “This spot has my name on it, now,” she said, pointing to “Kiva” in blue paint on the ground. The blue “E.L.F.” was crossed out. “I’m doing some judging and assistant work for one of the more infinitely successful companies in Heaven…”

“No way,” Sunna breathed from inside the van.

“…I’ve come from the other Heaven to visit, and they invited me to perform some duties for a week for autumn break.”

“A week?!” Docile asked in shock. “You’re here for a week?”

“Yes indeed.” She removed her sunglasses, revealing green irises, white pupils, and dark blue sclera eyes.

“What’s the matter, Docile?” she mocked. “Are you sacred that I’m gonna judge you again after what happened all those years ago?”

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. “My former part-time job was decent enough. Bio Rizz had better jokes and songs…and I was fine with leaving the choir. My sister understood my new passion for saving lives.”

Kiva smirked and leaned slightly toward him. “Saving lives? How about reaping them?” She then spoke in a low angelic voice as eyes appeared on her wings. “Or your failure to properly do so?”

Docile’s eyes went wide, his body went stiff. One eye twitched. A surge of memories flashed through his mind.

0 0 0

“Docile,” scolded his elf father. “Are you forsaking your Biblical studies for your trivial theater thoughts again?”

“Dad,” said Docile, holding up a flyer for a show at Woo-Hoo Land. “I’ve been wanting to star in my show for years. I could act and play music, too.”

“If you had more talent, then yes. But you know that our status doesn’t allow us to pursue whatever we want.”

“But it’s Heaven!”

“Heaven with rules just like Earth and Hell,” he continued. “Your destiny is to serve God and this realm…put your personal interests aside for the greater good.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. After all, that imp Blitzo’s father wanted him to give up his musical theater dreams in order for him and his sister to survive and kill other demons. Of course, I don’t want such a fate for you.”

Docile stared in curiosity. “How did you…”

“How do I know all that? Heaven has spies who risk their lives to ensure that we can keep a better eye on demons and their lives.”

The young Docile’s face lit up. “Couldn’t I be a spy that gets to go to Hell? So, I can get information like this to share with citizens?”

“No son. Only a select few can do that duty.”

“If that imp wants to pursue musical theater and circus performances, then I don’t see anything wrong with that. That means I can do it, too!”

“It’s not a real career,” said his father. “You and your sister need to make some decent money and do real work for the community. Serving the higher ups is what imps, hellhounds, elves, heavenhounds, and heavencats have done for centuries.”

“You mean I can’t pursue my own hobbies on the side when I want to? That doesn’t make sense!” The young Docile had angry tears in his eyes.

“You’ll understand when you’re older,” his father said.

Over time, Docile went to school and took class after class. He became proficient in choir and sang in several performances. But singing the same hymns every time soon got boring. Cleaning palaces, constructing stained glass windows, assisting divine doctors… He went through one menial job after another. He couldn’t even use magic and work with the guardian angels. The saints and higher angels got to do whatever they wanted and there he was, stuck with mundane tasks. Even the lower-class cherubs often bossed the elves around.

“Goblin dork,” mocked a small flying brown deer wearing a business dress.

“Which of the Seven Halos are you from?” asked a bee cherub.

“The first Halo of Humility,” Docile replied. “Where Holy City is.”

“Wrong! You’re from Halo Zero, where the losers are!”

The cherubs laughed and flew off toward their cloudy town, leaving a sad Docile behind.

Several of the stained-glass windows depicted seven Archangels. The joyful Jophiel, Archangel of Beauty, had beautiful long red hair and wore a rainbow colored dress. She was surrounded by yellow flowers in the background. The lovely but stern Camael, Archangel of Love, stood wearing white and held a red rose against a pink background of hearts. The mighty Michael, Archangel of Strength, stood out as a muscular blonde man holding a flaming sword and wearing gauntlets. His background was blue. Then there was the Archangel of Healing, Raphael, who wore a green robe and held a rod and herbs in his hands. His skin was brown and his hair was long and dark. The background was forest green. Uriel, the Archangel of Wisdom stood elegantly against a flaming red background, wearing white. There was Gabriel the Archangel Messenger, with his wings spread out and standing serene against white clouds. Finally, there was Zadkiel, the Archangel of Mercy, who stood against a purple background.

After a while, Docile’s father suggested…or rather forcefully encouraged…that he try an alternative career. “You don’t want to be defenseless if you encounter an Anti-Exorcist, do you?” he asked. Docile gulped.

One December 31st, a being with white bat wings, horns and a bare chest flew up to a dog angel. The being held a book about demons in its clawed hands and the dog listened in a trance. A glowing black pitchfork struck the dog angel, and he cried out. At once, he plummeted out of the air, his wings burning off as he fell to Hell. His horrified family sobbed nearby.

The young Docile gulped as he walked toward a dark stone building that read “Exorcist Fort 33 – Realm 2P.”

By a stroke of luck, Docile was able to get in. He studied and trained day and night. There was Kiva, judging his every move. She wrote on a clipboard and stared with scrutinizing eyes as Docile practiced his flying. He grew used to using harpoon spears, holy daggers, swords, and shields.

“Cleanse as many demons as you can,” Kiva instructed, “but stray away from higher power demons.”

“The population of both Hells are overpopulated,” she said. “Thus reducing their numbers annually is crucial.” She gave Docile a black feathery Exorcist suit and mask, enchanted to fit his form. His wings and halo turned black.

“These suits were invented to help us blend into the population…and also to inspire fear in demons.”

“Do not talk to anyone. Do not enter into any buildings in Hell…or else you’ll be cornered. Stay with at least two other Exorcists on missions at all times…for Heaven’s sake, Docile, never drop your holy weapons!”

“Sorry! I’ll get it,” he called, flying down to retrieve his spear. The older Exorcists shook their heads.

“And most of all…” said Kiva, “Show no mercy to any demon…no matter how innocent they may look.”

On Dec 31st, Docile and the Exorcists flew through a portal into 2P Hell. Docile did his job well, slaying demons with his harpoon with no mercy. He glided over the black grassy ground, the sky sanguine. His heart ached every time he dealt a blow, but he told himself it was for the greater good.

Just then, he spotted a furry animal on a sidewalk. Tossing aside his weapon, he picked up the creature and carried it to safety. The animal was a fluffy white furred cat with a scrunched up brownish face like a cross between a Persian and a Siamese cat. He stared at Docile with light blue eyes.

Docile’s eyes shined as he removed his mask. “Aww, how cute! What’s your name?”

“I’m Nugget,” said the cat in a shaky child-like voice. “I fell from Earth, and I got lost here in Hell.”

Docile gasped. “It’s okay. I’ll take you back to Heaven.”

“Do you think you could help me find my family, first?”

“Of course.”

“I think they went this way.”

Nugget led him to an abandoned movie theater that read “Zoophobia: The Lost Characters” at the top. On a nearby wall, a deer head hung over a plaque that read “Hell Here” in bold letters.

Docile went inside as Nugget posed in front of him. “Here they are!”

A black cat, Pixel arrived with a whitish mouth. Then a thinner tan cat with triangular ears stood close by: Muppet.

The three cats cuddled and purred against Docile as he pet them. Docile closed his eyes in bliss before feeling a sharp bite on his shoulder. Then another one on his chest.

“Hey, what’s going…”

He opened his eyes and gasped out loud. The three furry faces now had red glowing eyes and large smiles of bloody sharp teeth. They had increased in size as well. The cat demons meowed gleefully as they tore at his clothing, wings, and skin with their sharp claws. He struggled against them, but they held him down.

“We’re having angel soul tonight, gang!” Nugget cackled.

Through his darkened haze, Docile could hear laughing, then hisses and yells. He heard the cats fleeing and felt himself being carried by someone with strong arms. By the time he woke up, he was in a military hospital in Heaven, staring at Kiva’s stern face.

He smiled lovingly at her. “Kiva, you saved my life! How can I repay you?”

“Getting distracted and fooled by other demons,” she tutted. “Putting other Exorcist’s lives at risk. Almost bringing a demon into Heaven. Here,” she said, handing him a pink slip. “You’re fired!”

Three high ranking cherub angels hovered in front of Docile as he walked in shame along the street. “We can help you, little guy,” the leader said in a kind voice. They emerged from the light. Docile’s eyes went wide. It was the angelic versions of Nugget, Pixel and Muppet.

Nugget held out a generous paw. “Can you tell us your name?”

Docile took one look at their familiar feline faces and screamed as he scurried away.

The cats looked at each other in confusion.

Docile heard the taunts and jeers of other angels around him. “Does anyone love you, Docile?”

“No!”

Docile was back in the present, shaken. His crew looked at him in concern as Kiva awaited his response.

He stuttered at Kiva. “Yeah well…uh I may have failed, but…at least I’m actually doing something with my life instead of singing love songs all the time!”

“You’re jealous because I’m still famous,” she said, moving her slender fingers through her tresses of hair. “I’ve heard your company is struggling to make ends meet. The chain company I work for now…It’ll likely outshine yours in a few months.”

“I don’t think so,” he argued, getting into her face. “As long as my employees and I are together, we’ll keep doing our job!” He stood; arms folded.

Timmid had never seen the normally calm and carefree Docile so agitated. Even Sunna had a worried look on her face.

“Now move your chariot or I’m gonna…”

A low hissing sound made him freeze. Towering above him was a giant white bi-pedal cat wearing a dark white suit. The cat’s left eye had a scar over it and was milky white. One of his ears was torn.

“You’ll what?” he asked, his eyes blue, his sharp teeth visible.

“I’ll…uh…” Docile stuttered. “I’ll call GOP.”

Kiva, Docile and the large cat burst into laughter.

“Anyway,” said Kiva. “Meet my new bodyguard, Portal. Unlike you, he actually does his job well.”

Portal and Kiva led the way as the four robed women followed. The chariot locked itself and was surrounded by a barrier of white flames.

“God bless and God speed, elf man,” she called.

Docile stomped his foot. “That holier than thou, pompous little bit…”

“You know Kiva Perdera?!” Sunna asked as she stepped out of the van.

“Huh? Oh yeah, she was my supervisor and…former crush.”

“Was that before or after your training?” Timmid asked, poking her head through an open window.

“You were a former Exorcist?!” Tirred asked in envy and disbelief.

“Okay, why are you all acting like that’s such a shock?” Docile asked in annoyance.

“It’s Kiva Perdera?” Sunna replied. “An experienced traveler celebrity…with you?”

“She must be sick in the head,” Tirred added. “Perhaps trying to show mercy to the little ones in her spare time.”

Docile narrowed his eyes. “You guys are making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be,” Docile said. “I don’t spy into your personal lives.”

The three overlapped, “You do that all the time, sir!”

“Drop it, guys,” Docile demanded. “Timmid, find a new parking spot for the van.”

“I’m scared to drive,” she said in hesitation.

“Then lift up the van and fly it! Sunna, Tirred, come with me.”

0 0 0

Sunna led the way as the three E.L.F. members stepped out of an elevator. The walls were white and free of cracks. The brown cat was unusually nervous and she started licking her furry arm repeatedly.

“Oh, my fur’s not clean enough,” she muttered between licks.

“Oh you look perfect Sunny,” said Docile.

Sunna kept licking her fur until she bumped into a strong arm. She looked up, stunned. Portal was standing tall and proud…and he gazed down at her.

“Say something, Sunny,” Docile whispered in encouragement. But all that came out from Sunna was a high combination of a meow and a squeak: “meoweek!” Her face blushed.

Docile walked up and cleared his throat. “Hello, sir. Where’s your employer?”

“She’s in her office,” he said. “There wasn’t room on the second floor, so they made room here on this one.” He mentioned to a pair of double doors right across from the E.L.F. office. The room was converted into an organized recording studio with microphones, headsets, switches, and of course, a thick Bible on a center table. Painted on the door windows was a large orange “K” and a large orange “P” that stood for Kiva Perdera (and Kathy Prior). The room number above read “42”.

“Oh, come on!” Docile cried.

“Sorry, man,” Portal said as he walked away. Docile muttered some fancy angelic words under his breath…his tone sounded high and echo-like, similar in structure to the lower sounding demonic language.

“Are you casting a spell?” Tirred asked.

“No, I’m cursing,” Docile said.

“Sir,” added Tirred. “Maybe I should head on in and give her and her gang a piece of mind. I like “pop genre” music better than country but nothing’s better than the dark subtle portions of rock or metal or even ambient. Her status to me is…”

“Tirred, shush it,” Docile said, tuning him out.

“All righty then,” Tirred said, heading for the door.

Portal then moved in front of the door.

“Hey, I was going in there,” Tirred mentioned, holding up a finger.

“Office is closed,” he said in a gruff voice. Docile and Tirred looked at each other. Portal sighed. “What did you expect? You think I was gonna let you imps…erm, elves waltz on in, allow those angels to mess with you and have one of you make a stupid bet with them? I don’t think so.”

“Wow, he really does do his job well,” Sunna breathed.

Docile was about to say something else, but Portal waved a large paw dismissively. “Scram.”

Docile gave one last glare and opened the door to the E.L.F. office. Timmid ran down the hall to catch up with them. “I’m here!” she called. She glanced at the poker-faced Portal and smiled nervously, holding up her hands. “Nice kitty,” she said as she followed Docile and the others into the room.

The four of them crashed onto a nearby couch, with an old-fashioned brown TV in front of them. Docile held his head in his hands. “I can’t believe this. Kiva and her cherubs could shut down our company if she found a reason to. We don’t even know what company she works for.”

“What are we gonna do?” Sunna asked. “We can’t just sit here.”

“Which is exactly what we’re doing,” Docile said. “Unless you all have any better ideas?”

The others were silent.

“Can we watch Spirit?” Sunna asked. “Or Cats the musical?”

“That Spirit movie was boring,” Docile complained. “And that iced coffee my older colleague gave me this morning…unsatisfying. You know I always like my coffee hot.”

Sunna picked up a TV remote. “Let’s see what’s on. Maybe it’ll cheer us up.”

Sunna pressed a button and a series of commercials flashed onto the screen. One commercial stood out from the others. It featured three singing angelic cherubs from the parallel canon Heaven. The three of them posed in the clouds by a rising sun. The sky had white clouds below, making way for more orange clouds and rays of sunlight. In the center of the screen stood a bluish crystalline structure that looked like a rising sun. The structure had fifteen-pointed triangle spokes on the top, each increasing in size toward the center.

The leader cherub was a winged boy with a white halo, a white face, short orange hair in a bob at the top and large silvery eyes. He wore a pair of orange overalls, a yellow undershirt, and small white boots. He was flanked by two flying smiling sheep on either side of him. The sheep to his left had a dark face, bushy eyebrows, light eyes, and thick curly white woolly hair on his head. He wore a white bow tie, a teal shirt, and blueish overalls with four buttons on it. He also had white wings, cloven hooves, and a white halo. Finally, the sheep to the right was a female, with a light-yellow face and pink irises. Her hair was woolly and yellow, her eyes had thick eyelashes. She wore a matching yellow dress with a red bow with ribbons on it near her neck. The bottom trim of her dress was also red in a flowery shape. Her hooves and legs were light yellow as were her wings. Her white halo hovered above her head. The sheep used a Bible to travel to Earth via a created portal in the sky.

Cherub Towne was shown as an orange, white and blue pastel city in the sky. Golden gates surrounded it and a crystalline sun shaped structure that appeared was actually a Throne angel.

The leader boy appeared on the screen.

“Well, howdy! I’m Cletus! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did something good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessings!”

The jingle began.

The clip showed a man falling to his death without a parachute. “Owie!” appeared in a bubble over the man.

Collin sang, “Does it make you want to cry…”

Keenie added, “When a loved one has to die?” as another human got run over by a speeding train. “Oh No!” appeared in a censoring through bubble.

“Does it hurt you through and through…” sang Cletus as a man was shown accidentally shooting himself in the face. “Oopsie!” was in another bubble over his face.

“When you face is turning blue?” They all sang as a man struggled to breathe in a noose.

“Luckily for you…” sang Collin the indigo sheep.

“There’s something we can do…” sang Keenie the yellow sheep.

The leader cherub smiled against the sunrise clouds.

“We can help keep them alive…”

They all posed and sang:

“So you can watch them thrive!”

The three cherubs flew together side to side as their logo “C.H.E.R.U.B.” appeared in bold golden letters on the screen.

“Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B.,

We’ll save your honey bun from dying violently,

The next series of clips showed the sheep saving people from muggers, natural disasters, and various accidents. Cletus rescued a woman from a pack of animals while Keenie shoved a frightened Collin toward them, as he held a wooden plank with a nail in it.

“Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B.,

No, we never even ask a fee,”

The next clip showed a human handing dollar bills to the leader boy, who held out a dismissive hand.

“Because good people spread the love,”

The next clip showed the two sheep cherubs hugging each other as pink hearts spread out in all directions.

“And we’re here for all above,”

The next clip showed a spinning earth with more hearts in every direction.

“We do the paperwork for you,”

The exhausted Collin wrote down at his desk surrounded by piles of paper around him. A nearby sign was a message from God to use people to get to the top.

“And the heavy lifting, too,”

The yellow female cherub lifted a heavy boulder from a crushed woman. The woman gave a weak smile and thumbs up.

A man in a car crash with a torn up chest and battered skin weakly smiled as the sheep cherubs appeared around him.

“So sit right back and let us bless a soul for you,”

The leader cherub smiled and flew close to the screen. He joined his two companions who lifted their heads up and harmonized. The golden C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appeared above their heads.

“Oh we, are the C.H.E.R.U.B.!”

(“Cherishing Human Existence, Releasing Unlimited Blessings.”)

Docile switched the TV off.

“You’re not gonna angrily blow up the TV with a gun are you?” Timmid asked in surprise.

“Of course not!” Docile called. “Who would do something crazy like that?!”

Timmid shrugged.

“Wow,” Docile breathed, sitting still. “That was…”

He turned around, beaming. “…the greatest commercial I’ve ever seen!”

Timmid blinked in surprise. “The jingle wasn’t great and those sheep look suspicious…”

Docile put an arm around his employee. “Come on, Timmid, the jingle was like a musical. And the amazing things the cherubs can do. Protecting humans and spreading love! And who knows what else!"

“We literally do the same thing,” she said.

Docile let go. “True but we mostly heal people, comfort the grief-stricken and restore things to normal. We’re far less…cheery and sheep-y…”

“Baa!” Sunna belted out loud, followed by high giggles. Tirred rolled his eyes.

Timmid sat up. “I have an idea. What if we all traveled to the other Heaven and asked C.H.E.R.U.B. to help us? We could join forces against Kiva’s new company and E.L.F. will continue on. Kiva may even leave us alone.”

Tirred scratched his head. “Are you sure? You know how hard it is for OCs and denizens of this realm to travel to the other realm.”

“It’s a piece of cake for the canon characters to travel here,” Docile mentioned. “It shouldn’t be that hard for us.”

“Well…” Sunna said, trying to be encouraging. “I only heard it takes several days to travel from Heaven to Hell and vice versa.”

Docile smiled and held up a finger. “Not if portals are used along with light speed. That’s how it’s always done every year.”

“We can’t just travel to and fro on a whim,” Tirred reminded them. “The bodyguard is still there.”

“Well, if you see him, just try and reason with him. Tell him that we’d like to combine our skills and hopefully E.L.F. can be heard about in the other Heaven, too. That’ll prove to Kiva just how capable I…I mean we, can be.”

“Whatever you say, sir.”

There was a knock at the door.

Docile got up to answer it. He flinched back when he saw Portal.

“Kiva’s ready to see you,” he said. “No crazy bets.”

“So much for that plan,” Docile mumbled to himself as he followed Portal. Portal opened the door to the recording studio. The four women had left, and Kiva was surrounded by a gang of slender singer cherubs. These cherubs appeared as whitish bi-pedal sheep, bees, and deer, wearing modern-day light-colored clothing. A woman sheep had light pink fur, a light pink face and wore a matching dress with flowers on it. Another male sheep wore purple overalls, a dark face and shining golden eyes. All the cherubs had white halos and wings. The cherubs were smaller than Kiva and hovered beside her, staring at Docile.

“How can I help you, Docile?” she asked, adding the “e.” “Come here to admit defeat and try again?”

“Quite the opposite, actually,” he said. “I’m traveling to meet with another company, which will totally outshine whatever yours is. They have excellent singers and a fantastic commercial. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to expand the best and only company in Heaven, E.L.F.!”

“How interesting,” said the pink singer. “What is your companion company?”

“Like I’d tell you.”

Kiva smirked. “This company you seek…it wouldn’t happen to be C.H.E.R.U.B., would it?”

Docile froze in his tracks…which was enough of an answer for her.

“Oh, so it is,” she said as Docile turned around.

“So maybe it is,” he added. “I’m gonna collaborate with them and your company will be blown out of the water!”

Kiva and the cherubs laughed. “Hahahaha!” Kiva grinned in superiority. “I work for C.H.E.R.U.B., little elf!”

“W-what?!”

Kiva lifted up a pocket of her dress that revealed the tiny logo. “I’m one of their assistants who spreads the word of their activities. Actually, more fun than being an Exorcist coach. Guess my fame here was able to reach the other realm.”

“I…I don’t believe this…”

“Forget about trying to join forces with C.H.E.R.U.B. Collin, Keenie and Cletus are too busy to be concerned about a bunch of struggling…non-canon elves!”

Kiva and her crew laughed again. Docile’s face turned red and he seethed.

Docile then glared in determination, sharp teeth showing, pointing his finger. “Listen here, snitch. My company was formed before yours! We were beginning to save lives while I.M.P. was just getting started! E.L.F. will continue to exist with or without your help. While your sheep sing Kumbaya on lyres, we’re out helping both humans and angels!”

Kiva leaned in toward Docile. “Big words from a little elf who formed a mediocre rip-off crew based on C.H.E.R.U.B! I’d like to see you get approved, or even noticed by the well-known figures in Heaven…or Hell! You’re utterly forgettable!”

“Oh yeah? Well, how about I propose something you will never forget! I challenge you to a…challenge! Gosh darn it, I said that twice.”

“Oh. What’s the game then, Docile?” She drew out the “e.”

“Every year, you airheaded muses go topside for easy entertainment when autumn break is a great date for positive fate and staying up late! So I bet…you cher-boobs can’t amore as many people as we can vivifica by the end of the day.” Docile briefly placed two hands over his heart to show love and then slowly raised his hands around his head to emphasis reviving. He grinned and held up a determined finger.

Kiva and her gang laughed yet again. Docile gave a determined glare.

They stopped. “Oh, you’re serious?” Kiva asked, leaning in close. “Game on, snitch.”

Docile walked out of the room to find Tirred and Portal talking. Tirred handed Portal a large handful of dollar bills.

“Forget about bribing, Tirred,” Docile said. “Kiva’s not gonna let us collaborate with C.H.E.R.U.B. on our terms like I’d hoped.”

Tirred just stayed silent.

“Let’s go, gang,” said Docile, “We’re going up.”

“To the next floor?” asked Timmid.

“No. Up to Earth.”

“Don’t you mean going down to Earth?” Tirred asked. “Because Heaven is higher and superior to…”

“Shut up Tirred!” Docile and Sunna barked.

0 0 0

E.L.F. went outside as Sunna carried the Bible in her arms. Docile posted several flyers that read “Autumn Break Rescues: 50% Off!”

“Now we wait,” Docile said.

“But sir,” mentioned a worried Timmid. “There is no way that enough clients will arrive to read a few ordinary, black and white flyers!”

Docile grinned as a line of cherubs, native angels and saints alike grew outside.

“Now, who’s first?” Docile asked as he walked over toward the clients.

Part Two: At The Beach

The beach in the human world was alive with humans from everywhere. Men, women, and children happily walked around, relaxed under umbrellas, or had snacks. Several surf boards stood up in the sand by a decorated teal wall with a wavy orange design taking up the center. The crowd was positioned between a wooden dock and a makeshift stage. Two women wearing sunglasses got comfortably close and kissed each other in the shade. A muscular dark-skinned man talked with a red-haired woman while a blonde guy wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap shook a bottle of pills into his mouth. Above the beach lay a small row of shops. One sign read “Pawn Paradise.” One sign read “Hotel” in red letters while another sign read “Sea Cream” with a teal ice cream cone structure next to it. Another sign read “Piccolo Pizza” and another read “Dagon Juice” and had a green fish with a sailor’s cap on it.

In the shadows under the dock, the E.L.F. crew emerged from algae covered rocks.

“Alright, you ready, guys?” Docile asked. The others nodded.

“Then let’s go…”

“Wait,” Sunna held up a paw. “Shouldn’t we all be in human disguises?”

“What now?” Tirred asked.

“You know, to blend in so we don’t get caught?”

“You’re just bringing it up now, Sunny?” Docile asked.

“I got distracted by…” Sunna’s cat eyes landed on a large white cat-like man pacing by the stage. Portal. “…stuff.”

Docile gave her a brief wink. “Right. But be sure to get some work done first. We’re all gonna have to work together if we stand a fighting chance. Got the list, Sunny?”

“Got it,” she said, sniffing a scroll of paper and examining the names on it.

“Look around for anyone who might need saving or love or comfort,” Docile said.

“Do you think C.H.E.R.U.B. needs to take on human forms every time they go to Earth? Or do they have the privilege of being adored by everyone they meet?”

Docile faced Tirred with wide eyes and a strained grin. “Not helping, Tirred.”

Sunna held up a picture of a group of four humans. It was I.M.P. in their human forms. Blitzo had light brown skin, red eyes, a slender tall body, and short wavy black hair. He also had his black birthmark on his forehead. His look radiated a child-like smugness. Moxxie was a short, red-eyed man with white skin, a lanky body, and his signature white hair. A grumpy look was present on his face. The beaming Millie was African American, with wild black hair, dark brown skin, red eyes, makeup, and thick eyelashes. Finally, the aloof Loona had pale skin, red eyes, a partially shaved head, bars in her ears and a mane of long gray hair. They all wore the same work outfits.

“This should work,” Sunna said. “If it did for them, it can do for us.”

The four members stepped forward, their bodies enveloped by swirling magical blue light. The light faded away and there they stood in their human disguises. Docile was slender and white with gray eyes and short black hair…he even had a birthmark on his forehead. Tirred was short with white skin, black hair, a thicker body, and serious black eyes. Timmid was little and blonde, with pale skin and green eyes. Last of all was Sunna, a well-formed African American woman with brown eyes and brown braided strands of thick hair. All of them wore their same outfits. They stared at themselves and their hands in amazement.

“Meow,” catcalled a nearby human man who crept up to Sunna. With a roll of her eyes, she landed an uppercut to his chin, and he collapsed.

“Alright kitty, kitty,” called Docile to Sunna, “Lead the way!”

Sunna spotted a muscular man with a bare chest sweating in the sun. After he collapsed from heat exhaustion, Sunna raced over and carried him toward a shady spot. Timmid summoned a bottle of water from thin air and lifted it to his lips. The man groaned and stared at them with relief in his eyes. Once he was back to normal, he thanked them and went off to get some ice cream.

The other blonde man with sunglasses was staggering in the sand, unaware of anything going on. Docile rushed over while Sunna held him steady. Using his golden rod-shaped angelic staff, Docile pressed the sphere against the man’s back. The drugs vanished from his system and the man stood up. Sunna grinned and handed him a magazine titled, “How to Cure Your Depression and Be Closer to God.” After they left, the man rolled his eyes and tore the magazine in half. “Religious salespeople,” he muttered.

Several lifeguards pulled an African American to shore, her leg was bleeding heavily from a shark bite. Tirred waved his hand over the wound, and it closed on its own. As the others around them gasped in shock at what he did, Docile waved his staff and their eyes went blank. The humans all went back to their activities, not even noticing the disguised elves anymore.

Timmid gave a white woman CPR and then pulled her child from the riptides. Sunna helped rescue a man from a mugger in an alleyway. Docile showed a crying child a picture of three fluffy cats. Tirred helped an elderly man up the stairs. Finally, Docile confronted a drug addict and told him about how dangerous it was for him to keep doing drugs. The man didn’t listen, but when Docile told him what could happen to his family, the man pondered his words, begged for forgiveness, and suddenly collapsed from a heart attack. Thankfully with Docile’s healing magic, the man recovered before death could claim him.

“I hereby bless you with determination and a chance to go to Heaven if you are willing to redeem yourself.”

The man gazed at Docile, rubbed his eyes and carelessly walked away.

Although many people wouldn’t listen to the elves, a majority of the time, the elves were very persuasive in steering people away from sin.

Docile smiled in approval as the gang reunited. “Nine rescues in the bag, guys! Well done! I’d like to see that pompous princess score that many…”

“All right fall breakers!” called a familiar voice. A large crowd had gathered around the stage. It was Kiva in her human form. She had long blonde hair, white skin, and ocean green eyes. She wore a short emerald, green wavy dress that exposed her right shoulder and wore matching heels.

“Are you all ready to have some fun and make some divinely good choices?!”

The crowd cheered and a fanboy yelled “Kiva!” Her name was written in blue on his bare chest.

Several teal spotlights shone on her and hearts flashed on the two screens on either side of the stage. “Confess, Docile,” was shown in white letters on the screens…Docile seethed in anger.

Kiva began her love song, the crowd hooked onto every word. She sung like a siren on land, luring the humans to promises of enlightenment and bliss.

“All aboard

Pack your bags

Sun’s out

Take a vacay, babe

Take it straight to Bonetown

V-time, free time, love to share

Romance, fun dance, global care

Massages and che-rubs on your back

You are more than what you may lack

Pack your bags

Sun’s out

Take a vacay, babe

Take it straight to Bonetown

Ice cream, sunscreen, volleyball to play

Kindness, pure bliss, seizing the day

Back to my place, it’s Cloud Nine

No need to stress when everything is fine

Pack your bags

Sun’s out

Take a vacay, babe

Take it straight to Bonetown.”

Before long, the humans were laughing and hugging each other. Some gave each other kisses and said nice things. Many of them made out as well. Kiva’s cherub angels were in human form as well, with varied skin tones and genders. Most of them wore high-quality clothing, shirts with pockets for the men and silky sun dresses for the women. A lion cherub was disguised as a white man with long blonde hair. He walked up to another man and smiled warmly. The human cried with joy and rushed into his arms for a hug. Another cherub appeared as a black man, soon surrounded by adoring human women. The cherubs’ eyes were a mixture of teal and gold.

“God dammit!” cried Docile. “Kiva has started her godish mating call! Now she’s gonna win all those love lunatics! We gotta pick things up, guys! He on the list, Sunny?”

He mentioned to a blonde man wearing boxer shorts, smoking a cigarette.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I guess.” Sunna stared at Portal who was guarding the stage. He appeared as a muscular blonde, white man wearing his suit. He had a necklace with a pendant in the shape of a cat.

“Good!”

The man looked at Docile. “Whoa, what are you…a leprechaun?” asked the blonde man with a strained laugh as he pushed down his sunglasses.

“Oh yeah, pretty lame, huh?” Docile asked in annoyance. He waved his staff and the man’s mind went blank. He fell on his knees. The smoke cleared from his lungs. Docile tossed the man’s cigarette away.

“And you sure as spit won’t tell anyone.” Docile turned back. “All right, next one, Sunny, come on.”

He looked around and saw Sunny slowly making her way toward Portal.

“Oh. Be careful and good luck!” he called with a wave.

Sunna made her way through the crowd, avoiding a French-kissing couple and a herd of dancers. A male white cherub appeared by her and gave her a wink. Sunna rolled her eyes and shoved him away.

One of the fanboys squealed and ran toward Kiva with his arms out. Portal grabbed hold of him and dragged him away.

Kiva turned to one of the cherubs on stage. “Invite them in.”

The cherub walked off the stage with a Bible in his hand. He drew a Christian Cross and a pink sigil of the name Vivienne in front of him. He chanted in the angelic language.

When Portal dismissed the boy, he looked at Sunna and smiled.

“Hello.”

“H-Hi,” Sunna said nervously.

“Say, you’re that cat working for my boss’s troublesome previous intern.”

“Yeah,” said Sunna, “Sorry if that’s weird.”

“It’s cool,” he said. “The past is the past. I’m paid and I do my job…all that matters.”

“Yeah,” Sunna laughed nervously. A high squeak escaped her lips. “I’m Sunna!”

Portal rolled his eyes and gave her a small smile. “I’m Portal.”

“That’s hot,” Sunna said with a grin. Then her face turned red and flustered. “I mean like literally you know because portals, you know, they give off heat. Probably.” She pointed both fingers in a snap, trying to act cool.

Portal chuckled. “My friends call me Tal.”

“Nice, very nice.”

Docile appeared not too far away. “Are you gonna ask him on a date?” Docile whispered to her. Sunna waved her hand in annoyance at him. “Shush!” she hissed under her breath.

“I think I know a great place you two could meet,” Docile said. He glanced over at two people randomly carrying a third person on a mattress across the sand.

“No, no, no!” Sunna said as Docile held in laughter. Portal just looked on.

Sunna turned to Docile and whispered. “Why are you embarrassing me?”

“I just want what’s best for you,” he said.

“I can do things on my own,” she replied.

“Sure, like your job, but this is a new area for you, and I thought…”

Sunna moved a hand over her face in frustration. “Just please, let me do this on my own.”

Docile turned to Portal. “I adopted my little pussycat when she was eighteen!”

Sunna growled in annoyance.

“If you want, I have pictures of her even younger!”

Sunna’s face turned red. “Please, just leave me alone for five minutes, at least! Why are you behaving like this?”

“Because I adopted you and I want to help keep you safe. My protectiveness should mean something.”

Sunna hissed, “Well right now it doesn’t!”

“Well, if you want to go back working for the rest of your life, have at it. Don’t forget your earlier years when you needed me most.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore! I didn’t need you then, Docile! And I don’t need you now. You’re not my real dad!”

Docile turned his back toward her, hiding a hurt look on his face. Sunna also had a hurt expression as well, seconds after she had said her words.

“Uh…” Portal began, scratching his head at the awkward situation. He turned to Sunna. “You were…asking me out?”

“No, no I wasn’t!” Sunna nervously stuttered out loud. “It was just my dad’s…um adoptive dad’s crazy idea. I’m not interested in you in that way, but I love you…as a person…ya know…uh…”

“Okay?” he asked. “If you ever want to give me a call, go for it. My friend throws the best feline parties back in Heaven…”

Tears of embarrassment spilled from Sunna’s brown eyes. “Party, new friends, lots of fun! Gotta go back to work, nice mating you…uh meeting you! Bye!”

“Sunny, wait!” called a concerned Docile. But the disguised cat had dashed off into the twilight.

0 0 0

The sky had turned from a brilliant blue to a sunset orange. Purple and indigo colors appeared in the sky with each passing minute. Timmid was finishing healing another person when she spotted a figure in the distance near the stage. It looked like one of Kiva’s minions, looking from side to side.

“What are those sneaky cherubs up to now?” she asked herself.

“Hey, Timmid,” called Tirred who arrived beside her.

“Hey Tirred, haven’t seen you in a while. You see that cherub over there?”

Timmid mentioned to the white human woman in a teal dress moving sideways by the stage.

“Yes. I think we should go get some information out of her,” Tirred said. “I don’t know about you, but Kiva seems pretty suspicious.”

“Agreed. Let’s go.”

Just before the two elves reached her, the frightened cherub dashed up some steps and vanished. Kiva’s show had ended for the moment. The two elves reached backstage and hid among the red curtains on either side. Timmid peered through and saw the cherubs strolling around and putting away instruments. The front of the stage was curtained off, obscuring the stage from the beachgoers.

Just then, Tirred stepped forward into Kiva’s line of sight. Her gang of cherubs all turned their heads.

“Tirred, wait!” called Timmid, following him before she could stop herself.

Tirred summoned an angelic spear into his hand and pointed it at Kiva with a glare. His eyes darted from side to side, his body shaking. The spear was the one he often practiced with in his spare time.

“This ends now, Kiva!” he said. “You can admit that you’ve won the contest…but leave E.L.F. alone…or else.”

Kiva looked at both of them, moving a slender finger toward her chin.

“You’re outnumbered dear,” Kiva smiled. “Best if you surrender now.”

“No, don’t surrender, Tirred!” Timmid urged, getting into a fighting stance. “We can work something out once Docile gets back.”

Several pairs of eyes glowed eerily on Kiva’s white wings in the dim light. Kiva smirked. “Oh, I wasn’t talking to him.”

Timmid stepped back as Tirred gave her a strange apologetic smile. Suddenly it seemed like getting to Kiva was too easy.

She had to warn Docile and Sunna.

She sprinted back toward the curtains and opened them. The blonde-haired beefy Portal suddenly towered in front of her, mouth partially open. He extended his meaty white hands. Timmid leaped out of the way and slid under him, but he yanked her back by grabbing one of her arms. Timmid yelped in shock and fear. He soon had her in his grip, one of his hands over her mouth. Timmid felt a sharp pinch to her neck and was overcome by black.

Timmid groggily woke up, the world coming back into focus. She looked around, then down…and found herself tied to a pole. Rope was wrapped around her waist and her hands were tied behind her. She struggled against the bonds.

“Excellent work, Tirred,” Kiva praised nearby. “They should arrive any minute now.”

They?

The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Timmid watched as Tirred handed his spear to one of Kiva’s cherubs. The cherub placed the spear on a small black stand in the center of the space. After a flash of magic, the spear hovered in the air on its own. Energy reflected from the spear’s sharp tip, opening a swirling hole in the glowing pink symbol in the air.

Timmid gasped as she stared down at her now clawed green fingers. Tirred had changed back to an elf as well. Back at the beach, Docile stared at his elf reflection in the water.

Sunna walked past him, still in human form.

“That’s what happens when you don’t practice using your disguise for a while. It wears off after several hours.”

Docile face-palmed and scowled before lowering his hand. He sat on a rock, tired from saving so many people…and upset at the current events.

Sunna froze. The dark woman took a deep breath and forced herself to turn around. Something urged her to help set things right.

Several minutes of silence ticked by. The only sounds heard were the motions of the waves, the cawing of gulls and distant chatter.

If Sunna had been in her cat form, her ears would’ve twitched.

“Docile,” she said tentatively as she crept toward him. “I…I’m sorry about before, you know…”

Docile didn’t move.

Sunna moved closer and wiped a few sad tears away. “About what I said…I really didn’t mean it…”

“Didn’t you?” he solemnly asked.

Sunna sighed. “Look, we all have our bad moments. I know you were trying to help me make a good impression. But you were just embarrassing me in front of him! I’m not a little kitty anymore.”

“But you are still my daughter…or adoptive daughter. You have your duties to fulfill, and I have mine.”

“Life isn’t just about work and serving a higher power,” Sunna mentioned, inching closer to him on the large rock. “I’ll admit, I do it almost every day but other times I love lazing around. Life’s a chance to explore and try new things. To really live and do things you enjoy.”

“Not to the point of selfishness,” Docile said. “Pride is the root of all the sins, you know.”

“Is it really selfish to want to fall in love? To seek pleasure for its own sake and to follow your dreams because you want to?”

Docile turned to look at her. “Not everyone gets a chance to live their dreams, Sunna. Not even in Heaven. I’ve worked hard, served many people, yet I’m still just cloud fluff in society’s eyes. Elves and imps, the lowest of the low. Eventually you learn to be grateful with what you have and be…docile in life.”

Sunna raised a thick eyebrow. “Where’s that hidden adventurous Docile I know and love? The Docile who isn’t always docile? The one quick as lightning, who’s willing to take risks to protect those he loves and his wondrous goals?”

“I’m not a reckless imp,” he replied.

“You don’t have to be. You just have to be yourself and find that perfect balance.”

“Easier said than done.”

Sunna put a comforting hand on his back, sniffing. “I’m so sorry.”

After a moment, he said, “I’m sorry, too. You really have grown up a lot and…I’m very proud of you.” Docile wrapped her in a tight hug, gently rocking her. “Hey. Where’s that sunny Sunna I know and love?”

Sunna let out a few hysterical sobs. “She’s right here, dad.”

They embraced for a while and then let go.

Sunna stood up and sniffed the air. “There’s something wrong.”

“Want another hug?”

“No, I can feel something in the air. I haven’t seen Tirred or Timmid around for a while. We’re supposed to meet back up here.”

“Could they be lost?” Docile asked.

“Or worse…”

Both of them glanced over at the stage in the distance. Several cherubs stood guard around it, including Portal.

“Kiva,” Docile breathed in anger.

Without hesitation, the elf sprinted off across the sand. “Wait!” Sunna called, racing after him. “It could very well be a trap!”

“I know. Go call the human police,” Docile said. “I’m not leaving my employees behind no matter what!”

Sunna smiled, though concern was present in her eyes. “You got this, dad!”

“Hey woodland pets!” Docile called in a mocking tone.

Docile summoned an angelic spear and knocked aside a few disguised cherubs with a wide swipe. One of them landed a punch, but he dodged out of the way. A few more rushed at him, but he leapt into the air, using his wings to steady himself. Docile spun around and landed several kicks to the cherub’s faces. They were knocked to the ground, but easily got up. Docile landed onto the wooden stage floor and burst through the curtains. There he spotted Timmid tied up. With another skilled swipe, the ropes fell off her. Timmid managed to get her hands free. All too quickly, the other cherubs closed in, one of them knocking away Docile’s spear. That spear was picked up by Kiva and added next to Tirred’s hovering weapon. The portal grew wider.

Docile and Timmid were quickly pinned down by more disguised cherubs from behind. They struggled as they faced Kiva.

“Not so noble now are we, Docile?” She pronounced the “e.”

“Smooth coming from you. Why go so low and capture my employees?”

Kiva glanced over. “Care to explain, Tirred?”

Docile gasped as Tirred stepped forward, a darkened look on his face.

“Explain what?”

Kiva grinned. “Tirred helped lure you elves over here so we could further our plan.”

“What plan?”

“To make C.H.E.R.U.B. the one and only reviving company in Heaven. If you were to win, that would make us look bad. But if we win, which we will…we don’t want guys like you to cause any trouble.”

Docile smirked. “You sound as though you’re scared of us. What, we’re too ‘low class’ for you?”

“It’s just a way to keep you in line, to not have too many humans flocking to you and losing their way.”

“Why would they lose their way when we do exactly the same things as C.H.E.R.U.B.?”

“C.H.E.R.U.B. does what you do, only better. And as far as we know, you haven’t made an effort to keep demons in line.”

Docile scowled. “My Exorcist days are over. Killing or judging demons is not my concern. If you had just let us collaborate with C.H.E.R.U.B. as friends, we wouldn’t be in the mess you so dearly made!”

“And if you hadn’t made your silly bet against us, you wouldn’t be here, humiliated, in the first place.”

Docile turned toward Tirred. “Don’t expect your paycheck for months, traitor,” he growled.

Tirred grit his teeth and turned toward Kiva. He clutched his head several times and strained. “We…we had an agreement. I brought you my employees, they surrendered, you win. I gave Portal my money and resumes. Now let us free so we can do our…new jobs.”

“New jobs?” Docile asked, eyebrow raised.

Tirred’s eyes glazed over, and he went slack again. “Not for you,” Tirred said. “I meant for Timmid and I.”

Timmid stared at Tirred in disbelief and curiosity as he walked over to her. “You know how E.L.F. struggles in comparison to so many in Heaven. Sure, saving lives is important, but what if we could make a difference in an alternative way? To cleanse the evil scum that threatens the lives of humans and the Heavenly Order?”

“By mercilessly killing demons every year? Tirred, demons may be evil but it’s up to them to reflect on their sins…in the hopes that they may end up better than before. You say that angels are greater than humans, but demons…they were innocent humans once, too.”

“Oh, so now you go for the side of evil?!” Tirred and Kiva both yelled at the same time.

Tirred added, “It’s just tradition, Timmid. What difference would it make for us to change things up a bit…together? We could train and be our own bosses. And C.H.E.R.U.B. could pick up where we left off.”

Timmid stared back in thought. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. “She’s using you, Tirred. All of them are. I heard you guys talking when I was waking up. She spied on us and knew that you would be tempted to take up the offer. You help hold E.L.F. together…”

A faraway look came into his eyes, then vanished. Timmid noticed a faint teal glow in his orbs she hadn’t noticed before.

“I know you’re in there, Tirred. Think of all the fond memories we had. Do you realize how important you are to us?” she asked.

“Or were?” Docile asked. Tirred had been tricked and now he appeared to be in some kind of daze. Although part of it was his own fault. Docile knew of the elaborate mind control spell: the Adina curse. A spell created by a ruthless angel, capable of hypnotizing an entire God-serving army at the extreme. It was barely noticeable to anyone, save for those with trained eyes.

Thankfully, Tirred was under a weaker temporary version of it, but it was still bad news.

Timmid ignored Docile.

“Well, our old life is behind us, Timmid. For our sakes and for Kiva’s, let’s surrender to C.H.E.R.U.B. and do what she says.”

He held out a hand to her…and she promptly spit into his face. He flinched and shook his head.

“I’ll never join you, Tirred. Especially when you’re not yourself.”

“Well then,” he turned on his heel. “Enjoy your time in the streets begging for clients and money.”

She scoffed and gathered her courage. “Enjoy your time being single.”

“Oooooooh,” remarked a chubby male cherub before Tirred shoved him aside.

Kiva glanced over at the portal, which hummed with energy. She clapped her hands. “Excellent, they’re here!”

Docile gasped softly as the three C.H.E.R.U.B. members flew through the portal. Music box tunes mixed with angelic choirs played in the background as they arrived. The three members briefly flew into the air out from the stage and did aerial tricks.

“Look, it’s C.H.E.R.U.B.!” one of the humans called, pointing upwards. The humans at the beach cheered in the sunset as the C.H.E.R.U.B. members happily waved and blew kisses. One of them, Collin, gave a nearby child a brief hug.

The three of them flew back toward Kiva.

“Welcome good sirs and ma’am!” she said to them, arms out.

Cletus, the leader in overalls, stared in surprise at the restrained Docile and Timmid.

“What is the meaning of this? Release those leprechauns immediately!”

“Oh, for buck’s sake!” Docile cried.

“Trust me,” said Kiva. “It’s better to have them restrained here until they can fully commit to us. I don’t want their rival company to slow us from our progress.”

“Why can’t they be friends with us? I’m sure they have a lot to offer.”

“Precisely my point!” Docile called before getting hit in the back by his captor.

“With all due respect,” said Kiva. “You three do your job very well. You’ve saved so many people on Earth and your message of love and peace knows no bounds. But I suggest you wait until they become new C.H.E.R.U.B.…interns.”

“No way,” Docile breathed, knowing that the one thing worse than losing his company was being mind-controlled by another.

“We don’t want those elves lonely and forgotten. They saw your commercial and were dying to meet you three.”

“Dying’s never good,” Cletus remarked. “’Survive, revive, thrive,’ that’s our motto.”

“Wait,” said Collin, “I thought it was ‘Good people spread the love.’”

“I’m pretty sure it was ‘You live, we give!’” added Keenie with a twirl of her yellow dress.

“Did any of you listen in the last meeting?” Cletus said. “We gotta stick to one motto. Changing too much doesn’t help with the branding…”

Kiva cleared her throat. “Time is of the essence, dear friends. It is time to show E.L.F. just how much we’re capable of. Starting with the humans and I.M.P.”

“The humans are all fine,” Keenie said. “Though way too many of them die…and many of them are so mean and so unsophisticated.”

Yes,” said Collin, “Those freaks who write and draw and drool over all of us in the most obscene ways.”

All three C.H.E.R.U.B. members turned and glared at the camera before looking back and smiling again.

“Reviving all of the humans we can…and eliminating the unfaithful…” Kiva added. “And keeping all eyes on those devilish imps in Hell.”

“We’ve tried once before,” said Collin sadly, munching on a sugared doughnut he brought with him. “Making friends with them, singing them songs about new hope. They’ve grown up in such dire conditions with not a lot of opportunities. All they know how to do is kill.”

“Perhaps all they need is some love, some music, and a chance to ‘relive the afterlife again!’” declared Keenie.

Cletus elbowed her. “I like singing too, but this ain’t Disney. You know how angry and jealous those imps are of us. And I’m pretty sure that elf over there is giving us the stink eye.”

He pointed down at Timmid.

“Besides, that motto sucks. Too repetitive.”

“It is not!”

“It most certainly is.”

“No way!”

“Shut the front door!” Collin called abruptly. One of the cherubs shut a lone door that was part of a set of props. “Thank you,” said Collin in relief. “I couldn’t stand to look at that robotic clown poster.”

“Enough!” called an impatient Kiva. She took a breath. “Please, please, my friends…we have work to do. You don’t want those demonic creatures to spoil your hard work by killing off more mortals, do you?”

The sheep mumbled in agreement.

Kiva straightened up. “Then let your transformation begin.”

The three sheep looked at each other in concern but complied with their advisor’s words. The curtains opened up on both sides, leaving a clear path to the outside. They flew into the air, held hands and then spun in a circle. Kiva held an open Bible in her hands and chanted a spell in the angelic language. The spell had the word YHWH and VVNN-MDRN in it. The sheep spun faster until they became a speeding white circular blur. A glowing white circle appeared against what was left of the setting sun over the ocean.

The gang led the elves on the beach. The sky had a blinding brightness to it…many of the humans gasped and covered their eyes. Some of the people were pointing at the scene and screaming. Everyone except Kiva was surprised, even Tirred almost broke out of his trance with a worried look. Portal and the cherubs stared with worried looks.

One long white angel wing looped in a downward arc against the now golden sky. Then another wing did the same thing. Soon there were six large wings, two pointing down, two wings extended to the sides and two more crossed over slightly above the first two. The wings burst into white flames and glowing yellow eyes slowly appeared on each of them. Golden moving bands slowly materialized around the wings, forming large rings with more eyes on them. Appearing in the white sphere of energy inside everything was a much larger golden eye that almost seemed transparent.

The divine creature pulsed with powerful energy as rays of light shone from the large eye in every direction. Some of the humans ran for their lives while others prostrated onto their knees on the spot.

Docile nodded to Timmid and the two of them whirled around, freeing themselves while the cherubs were distracted. They landed several nimble kicks and punches, knocking them out. The elves took to the sky on their wings. Timmid gasped as an entranced Tirred was lifted into the air by vine-like light from the hybrid monstrosity. As he hovered in the air, the left side of his face slowly morphed into the black skin of an Exorcist.

For one of the first times in her life, Timmid brushed aside her fear. She knocked out another cherub and snatched up a long holy dagger and a bottle of holy water from his belt. Her white hair fluttered in the breeze as she flew toward Tirred over the dark ocean with objects in hand. Tirred was pulled closer to the scrutinizing eye, which began to invade his very soul. Timmid’s feet landed on one of the spinning wheels and she raced on, her stretched wings supporting her.

Squelch, squelch, went her feet as she stepped onto the eyes with a look of disgust on her face. She dragged her dagger along behind her, creating a screeching noise and sending off a shower of blood and sparks. The force of the larger wings tried to send her back, but Timmid held on with all her might.

She finally reached Tirred, who tried to shove her away. She reached for his hand and forcefully grabbed his wrist. She tried to pull him out of the golden light bonds, but he wouldn’t budge. The golden wheel was tipping dangerously. She slashed her knife forward, cutting the bands loose and freeing her companion. When Tirred almost knocked her down, she slashed lightly at his neck and muttered an apology. He growled out in pain but didn’t protest further.

Timmid hoped the holy water would reverse his curse soon.

Just when she was about to open the small bottle, the wheel tilted again, causing her to lose her items and almost fall. Tirred was pushed away by the wind, and he sailed back to the beach. He landed haphazardly in Docile’s arms.

“Urgh, I hate that woman,” he growled. “Judgement will come to the unfaithful.”

“Tirred,” Docile said in a rare show of passive-aggressiveness, “Please screw yourself on a sword.”

And with that, Docile promptly knocked him out.

Back at the battle, Timmid held onto the spinning ring with both hands. The circular fire of the eye below her flared like a miniature sun, her feet dangling. The more she spun around, the more she almost fell. She screamed for her life, calling on God to rescue her.

More rays of light shot from the large eye toward the beach. In a cemetery, a bunch of recently dead criminals suddenly rose back to life. They stood confused at first, but the gang of men grinned and began to chase after frightened women nearby. More people rose from the dead, some of them spreading their racism toward others. A loving child with a deadly disease raced back toward his parents.

Kiva recited from the Genesis: “…And God said unto them: 'Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth.’”

“Why are you doing this?!” Docile cried. “You’re allowing the Earth to be overpopulated!”

“You save lives too. Don’t we not have the same goals?”

“Not to defy the cycles of life! Both C.H.E.R.U.B. and E.L.F. cannot raise the dead!”

It was then that Docile realized: macabre as they were, I.M.P. must exist for a reason…a manifestation of destruction to clash with creation.

“This is chaos! Without death there is no life!”

“And life is never complete when there are demons and sin to lead one astray,” Kiva replied.

Kiva smiled. “C.H.E.R.U.B. will soon give people a second chance at human life…to prove that they are worthy in His eyes. All the rest will go to Hell upon death, as is tradition.”

“But why have second chances when the majority of people go to Hell anyway? There’s no justice, even of the vengeful kind. It creates an unfair system!”

“Exactly. A system that may be unfair to some, but it works. It has worked for thousands of years. The worthy get in, the dammed eventually die again. There is nothing in this world that can change that.”

“You’re wrong,” Docile glowered. “Just you wait. Even some demons have good inside them.”

Kiva brushed off his comment. She muttered in a low voice, “Search for I.M.P.”

Before the remaining disguised cherubs could take off, Docile tripped them and promptly knocked them out.

“I don’t need to be an Exorcist to eliminate threats like you,” Docile spat. “Especially when you play God and decide who’s worthy or not for yourself! You know only the Lord can do that!”

“Is that so? See for yourself,” said Kiva, mentioning to the angel monster. “That divine cherub hybrid sees everything…no one can defeat it head on. And it appears that your employee won’t last much longer.”

Docile’s face fell. He knew there was no way he could reach Timmid in time. With the potential loss of two members, he would be reduced to a lost cause. The cherubs slowly got up, preparing to surround him again.

He held up his hands in defeat, eyes closed. “Just…let us live, we’ll do what you want, Kiva I give…”

Docile almost surrendered right then and there.

But upon opening his eyes, he spotted something long and glinting not too far away. The two hovering spears stood inches over the stand, light from the tips supporting the portal.

A last determined look crossed his face. He picked up Tirred in his arms and flapped his wings.

“…you my regards!”

Portal blocked the path to the spears but Docile raised his arms, tossing the unconscious Tirred into the air. Tirred landed against Portal’s white face, briefly making him stumble. In the split second that Portal was distracted, Docile charged and rammed his head against him as hard as he could. Portal stumbled backward, bumping into the podium. He, Tirred and the stand crashed to the floor, taking the spears with them.

“Docile…” thought Timmid.

Timmid closed her eyes and her spear magically appeared by Docile’s feet. He pushed himself up and grabbed the weapon.

The other two spears slowly made their way back into position…

Whack!

With a well-aimed swipe, Docile’s spear cut through the other ones like sticks. The broken spears clattered to the ground, the light fading from their tips.

Timmid cried a river of tears, unable to hold any longer. Her hands slipped from the ring and she began to fall with a yell.

The creature suddenly vanished in a shower of white light, and Timmid plummeted into the ocean. She bobbled her head and reached the surface with several gasping breaths of relief. She looked up and saw the three C.H.E.R.U.B. members defusing. The sheep shook their heads before hugging each other.

“Man that was horrible!” exclaimed Keenie.

“It felt like my wool was on fire,” Collin added.

“Kiva always was a female dog,” Cletus added. “We gotta make sure this event doesn’t get out!”

They all glanced down at Timmid with wide cute eyes. “We’re sorry!” they all sang.

Timmid just glared suspiciously.

The three members flew back through a portal.

“This isn’t over!” Kiva called, summoning another portal. But for some reason, she and her gang couldn’t get through.

Deerie, a deer cherub floated toward Kiva from the colorful opening. She summoned glasses and a clipboard.

“Yeah, no, sorry dear, but you cannot re-enter Heaven now. Nor see C.H.E.R.U.B. ever again.”

“What?!” she screeched.

“Since you’ve been messing with the affairs of humans, and seeing as how you failed in your mission to bring down I.M.P…yeah, no, sorry. And reviving humans is a big no no.”

She happily waved with a “Bye!” and went through the portal.

“No!” Kiva cried, extending a hand as the portals closed and the sigil disappeared.

Kiva seethed as her human disguised cherubs surrounded her. The gang walked to the beach. Docile grabbed another bottle of holy water and poured it down the still Tirred’s throat. He muttered a prayer and felt the last of the mind numbing magic dissipate away. Tirred’s wounds healed up and the Exorcist features faded to reveal his normal face. He was free of the spell.

Tirred’s eyes fluttered open and he groaned. “D-Docile?”

Timmid raced over, dripping wet and hugged him.

“What happened?” Tirred asked.

“You were being conned into working for Kiva and being a total ass,” Docile deadpanned.

“I’m truly sorry. I let my desires led me astray…”

“It’s okay,” Docile said. “I gotta have a talk with my former boss. And get us some new spears.”

The elves walked onto the beach and met Kiva and her cherubs. Sunna came skipping back.

Kiva smirked when she saw Docile. “That was handled rather…obvious, don’t you think?”

“I’ll say,” said Timmid. She and Docile raised their summoned golden staffs into the air, mind-wiping the surrounding humans. The formerly frightened and concerned people went about their day without a care in the world. With a gut-wrenching feeling and tears, Docile sent the revived maniacs back to their graves, restoring the balance of life.

Timmid continued. “Would be a shame if anyone found out you guys unlocked a secret evil form of C.H.E.R.U.B., along with helping to push a sinister agenda that could ignite a rebellion in Hell and a soon to be World War Three. Oh right, you just got banished!”

“Oh Jesus! You and your crazy conspiracy theories,” Tirred sputtered to her. He turned to the cherubs. “You guys will be screwed, screwed, screwed!”

“Yeah,” Kiva began. “Well you three will at least be in trouble for going against a canon organization and not wearing your disguises the whole time!”

“Snitch, a human called me a leprechaun. I am not a bucking leprechaun,” Docile added. He stepped closer. “You know, we could keep your little Viv cartoon agenda on the down low if you allow us to keep our company…and my parking spot!”

Kiva scoffed. “Fine.”

“Yes!” Docile cheered. “We won! In your face, psychotic b-witch!”

“Come on gang, let’s get out of here,” Kiva said with a sneer. “Tal!”

“Guess I gotta bounce,” said Portal to Sunna. “Feel free to give me a call sometime."

Sunna blushed and said, “Will do.”

“Stop on by for my friend’s feline parties. Let’s get you living the life!”

Portal walked away and followed Kiva up the stairs and onto the street. Kiva and her gang were quickly surrounded by police on horseback and drawn guns.

“Alright disciples,” said Kiva, “Get ready to atone for a lot of your sins.”

Her gang groaned in defeat as they raised their hands in surrender.

A portal was created in the air. Timmid carried Tirred through, while Sunna followed Docile. The portal closed and they were back in Heaven.

“Hallelujah!” Docile cheered as they parked their silver van in their rightful spot in front of E.L.F. headquarters. Off in the distance, the four women drove the chariot through another portal to the parallel Heaven.

“That was an unpleasant curse,” Tirred said. “I didn’t even realize I said those mean things to you.”

“It’s still partially your fault,” Timmid reminded him. “You still secretly wanted to be an Exorcist and get a taste of power. Sin can get anyone, even angels it seems.” Tirred hung his head.

“Yep,” Docile agreed. They got out of the van and headed back to the office. They met in the hallway. Docile smirked. “In fact, you can prove your loyalty to our company by scrubbing down the rooms from top to bottom.”

Sunna came back from a closet and handed Tirred a mop and a bucket.

“Seriously?”

“What goes around comes around,” Sunna mentioned with a grin.

“We cannot afford a lot of things right now…including losing someone so hardworking,” said Docile. “I know things can be a bit rough between us, but Timmid still has faith in you. We always have.”

Tirred gave them a small genuine smile.

“Don’t focus on what could be,” Timmid said, giving him a hug. “Focus on what is…right now.”

Tirred hugged her back, breaking into silent sobs.

“Are you…crying?” Docile asked.

“No sir!” he growled, letting go of Timmid. “You guys are still a bunch of airheaded wimps.”

“Now that’s the old Tirred we love!” Sunna said, back to her sunny personality.

“Alright Tirred, get to work,” Docile ordered. “Timmid, Sunna, let’s have some angel food cake to celebrate. You know devil’s food cake is forbidden.”

Sunna licked her lips. “Sounds yummy!”

Tirred grumbled as he cleaned.

#2phazbinhotel #heavenlyboss #2phelluvaboss

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kathyprior4200 · 6 months

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Heavenly Boss S1 E2: Woo-Hoo Land

Part One: Quartet

Azrael “Angel of God” was the Archangel of Death, and like God’s Accuser Samael and other angels of death, he oversaw the annual exterminations that occurred every year in Hell. (Adina was the founder of the Exorcists). Samael was buff, bold, blonde, and fiery in appearance but not Azrael. In his true form, he appeared as a gaunt skeletal man with multiple arms, glowing eyes, and a dozen black feathery wings (Sometimes covered with eyes) extending from his back. In his everyday form, he had thick long black hair sometimes cut short, dark eyes like black holes, and a pale ghostly face. He wore a black well-ironed uniform, a dark hood and carried a sharp reaper scythe wherever he went. When he was younger, he dreaded doing his destined profession, but over time, he grew used to taking life, though he often appeared somber. He kept a special book where he recorded births and deaths of individuals, a rather tedious task.

Contrary to the ruthless Samael and the cold-hearted Adina, Azrael despised the thought of killing Sinners for enjoyment. Death was, after all, a loss of life, no matter if the person had sinned or not. He especially cringed at the various torture methods employed by Samael and Adina. Comparing Samael’s burning, eye-gorging methods to Adina instilling visions of a Sinner’s greatest fears, he didn’t know which was worse. He only allowed the Exorcists because 1. It was tradition and God’s order and 2. The Sinners’ deaths would be more merciful with the angelic weapons as it was claimed. (But when Azrael discovered that the essences of Sinners became part of Hell’s infrastructure, he was horrified but could do nothing about it.) And so, Azrael faithfully and somberly carried out his duties to reap souls and help escort them to the afterlife, providing his victims with as much solace as possible. For those who had sinned, the reaping of their souls was more painful. God would inform Azrael of when it would be time to take a soul…thus Azrael was quite busy.

Azrael also lived in a palace like Samael and other Archangels. However, while Samael’s place was full of fiery torches, golden walls and weapons, Azrael’s palace was…well, deathlike. The palace was made of onyx and frequently decorated with bones of animals, demons, angels, and humans alike. Strangely enough, Azrael’s palace lay underneath Samael’s crimson palace on the outskirts of Heaven. Both men were keepers of the Bible and several books that allowed passage to the other realms. In Samael’s basement, there was a trapdoor portal that led down into Azrael’s attic. Both men needed permission from the other to go into their respective homes.

Azrael’s palace, concealed within dark clouds, had an underground feel to it. In some areas, the walls were made of black stone, with iron torches emitting teal blue fire that felt icy cold. It had several bedrooms, a living room, a dining room, and a vast high-ceilinged kitchen. The chandeliers were decorated with human skulls over the dark polished dining room table that was shaped like a coffin. A bookcase held several books about human anatomy, diseases, funeral rites, necromancy, undertaking, biology, and a few on astronomy. A few of the rooms had large windows to let in light and show a stunning view of the sky outside.

Azrael had a lovely wife Flora (Stella’s opposite) and a bubbly nature-loving swan daughter: Quartet Enoch (Octavia’s opposite) who was born in April. Well, he was actually her adoptive father. Her real father, Menadel was one of the 72 angels and previous husband of Flora. Menadel was the opposite of the Ars Goetia demon Stolas. Preoccupied with nature and God, the part white swan workaholic Menadel didn’t concern himself with raising her, so the nature angel Flora did it instead. Azrael and Flora fell in love, and he became her adoptive father.

0 0 0

Before she was seventeen, Quartet was a young child.

“Mommy! Daddy!”

The child voice of their daughter rang from the other room. Sleeping in the master bedroom were Azrael and Flora. Flora was an avian angel of nature, with long black feathers, a crown, and green dresses decorated with flowers and gems. Flora had fallen in love with Azrael, and he soon took her away into his dark domain along with a baby Quartet. (Flora’s mother wasn’t too pleased).

“Tet is calling us, Azrael,” mumbled Flora next to him.

“You get up,” Azrael grumbled. “I have work early this morning.”

Just then, Quartet came bustling into the room with a big grin on her face. She had white hair, a black feathery face, green eyes, and a dark green dress with black flowers on it.

She floated onto the bed with her small black wings as her parents sat up. “I had a dream! A really good dream!”

Azrael yawned. “You’re telling us now at three in the morning?”

“It’s alright,” Flora said, her black hair and eyes matching her daughter’s.

Quartet spread her arms. “I was dancing with you all over the palace. We were singing songs about sunshine and life! And everyone could be alive again…”

Azrael scoffed. “Some thoughts from the daughter of death.”

Flora glared at her husband then smiled down at her. “I think that dream sounds marvelous, my special little Seadrop. But I think it’s time to go to sleep.”

“Can you sing me a lullaby?” Quartet asked. “I promise I’ll go right to sleep. Please?”

Flora looked earnestly at her husband who sighed. “Fine.”

Azrael stood up and carried his daughter back into her room. The room had black walls which were decorated with cut up colorful flowers. She had a canopy over her bed like a princess and snake stuffed animals littered the floor. On a dresser was a figure of Jesus on a wooden cross.

“It may not seem like it now, but…I won’t always be here for you,” Azrael said as he sat on the bed with her in his lap. “Life isn’t just fun and games. You must remember, no matter what happens to me, I’ll never be far away.” Quartet’s face fell as she pondered his words.

Azrael flipped through a Bible, past a spell page used to travel to Earth. He waved his hand and a portal appeared below them. He sang in a calm tone.

“It always seems foreboding in the depths.”

The two of them fell through the portal and into a vast ocean. They were surrounded by swaying seaweed, goldfish and a rocky bottom.

Rahab, an underwater fallen angel, sat on the sea floor, all chained up. He had flowing blue hair that circled his head in a tangled mess. Some areas of his skin were covered with barnacles and spines, almost like he was part of the ocean itself. Similar to Tiamat and Leviathan, he was seen as a water dragon of chaos. But Quartet only saw a longing for peace and freedom when she gazed into his fathomless eyes.

Azrael turned her away from him and continued his song.

“Mystery with each step”

“How silence grows under the sea”

“As bottomless as can be.”

He carried his adoptive daughter, walking underwater, both of them breathing normally.

As Azrael took steps, the flora and animals around him shriveled up and died.

“I used to think that I was brave.”

“That my duty was all said and done.”

“And now all my stories have been told”

“Except for one”

He looked down at his daughter with love and uncertainty in his eyes as they rose to the sea surface.

A giant tidal wave swept up and crashed onto a nearby town.

“As the waves start to arise, I hope it comes as no surprise”

“That even on that day”

He hugged her, trying to get her to sleep.

“Everything will be okay.”

Overhead, lightning flashed across the sky. The ground shook and broke apart while volcanos spewed lava and ash that coated all of Earth.

“And when the Heavens crash aground”

“And you hear the trumpets sound”

“You will make it through”

“And I’ll be here for you.”

Quartet yawned and fell asleep in her father’s arms.

Angels blew trumpets as they flew over armies clashing below. A leopard with 666 on it was slain with a splash on a shore. Flames and dark magic were tearing two worlds apart, one in white clouds, the other in brimstone. Dark angels holding spears fought off monstrous humanoids, demons, dragons, and hellhounds. Lucifer and Michael were squaring off, wielding powerful flaming swords. Lilith was yelling at a ruthless angel in white who was tormenting demons around her. A bunch of other angels stood in the clouds, ready to fire arrows at any demon they saw. Humans screamed and ran for cover nearby.

And a horned blond princess stood before a man in a throne, her body ignited on fire. Flames encircled her and swirled protectively around several demons. She appeared to be trying to take demons with her, while the portals to the crumbling worlds tried to suck its inhabitants back through.

Charlie’s hair briefly turned white with pink highlights in it. She let out a high-pitched musical scream and the world filled with an intensely bright light.

Azrael continued, his words growing louder in harmony:

“And when creation turns to dust”

“We will all do what we must”

“Upon my last day”

“You will still be okay.”

The portal closed as Azrael draped a skull blanket over a sleeping Quartet. He looked back at her one last time before closing the door.

0 0 0

Many years later…

Quartet at age 17 rose out of bed and happily put in her earbuds. A happy pop song called “My Life Is Shining All Around Me” played as she hummed along. Her room had black walls and a few skulls here and there but that was where the similarities between her and her father ended.

Cut-out colorful flowers and musical posters hung around her room. Her bed and rug were bright grass green. Some of the posters showed a variety of animals in a forest with “All life matters” on it. There were books of nature, weather, herbs, geography, geology and even the study of snow.

Quartet was the opposite of a stark, gloomy goth teenager. To her adoptive father’s surprise, she was more like a Barbie or a Disney princess at times. She would often spend her time writing and listening to cheerful songs, possibly to make things less depressing. Azrael loved his daughter but found her cheerfulness to be out of his comfort zone.

The swan princess strolled down a hallway, dodging, and maneuvering around venomous snakes that were pets of Azrael. She wore dark pants, heels, and a green shirt with black skulls on it. (There were a few traits she had adopted as she lived with Azrael.)

“Morning Mom! Morning Dad!” she called cheerfully as she walked into the kitchen.

“Are you daydreaming about Samael again?” Flora asked Azrael in suspicion.

“Of course not,” he replied. “He’s a pompous hot-headed brass-hole that needs to really chill out.”

“Then why are you writing down ‘He’s a fire to my life, a dangerous savior of strife,’ on the paper?”

A blushing Azrael glanced at the “Oh Samael” song lyrics surrounded by heart doodles and crumbled it up. “Just a little thought, heh, heh, nothing more. Though he’s been pestering my favorite elf friend, bribing him to hand over a Bible and be punished every month. If he weren’t so sadistic, he could very well be…I-I’ll just stop talking…”

He paused under Flora’s cold glare. Flora rolled her eyes, gave Quartet a hug, and gave an elf butler some blueberries before she left the room.

Quartet sat down and got ready to have some cereal. “Charity Crunch” was on the cereal box. She drank from a mug.

“What are you listening to?” Azrael asked casually.

“’My World Is Shining Around Me’ by Love You Dad. It’s a band,” Quartet replied.

“How charming!”

Azrael opened a fridge, took out a piece of steak and tossed it to a nearby giant snake covered with eyes on its scales in an adjacent area. The snake chewed and gobbled up its meal.

Quartet brightened as she came up with an idea. “You know what we haven’t done in a long, long time?” She went over to her father with a smile. “We haven’t been to one of my favorite places in all of Heaven! Why don’t we go to Woo-Hoo Land?”

“You’re not five anymore,” Azrael remarked, a monotone look on his pale face. He straightened his dark hair and adjusted his pointed black crown on his head.

“I was always so happy when we went to Woo-Hoo Land! What do you say we go there again? Just the two of us?”

“I don’t suppose reaping myself would make things better?” Azrael muttered.

“That’s the spirit!” Quartet said, bypassing his comment. “Anything but staying in this house. Now go call some more people to come with us.”

“More people?”

“Of course,” said Quartet. “Two people isn’t as much fun. Three and four make a party!”

Azrael walked over to a rotary phone with skull shaped speakers carried by the elf butler.

“You do realize I have a lot of work to do,” he said.

“You can always go back to it!” Quartet mentioned.

“I’m only doing this for you,” he said with a sigh as he rotated the dial.

At the E.L.F. office, Tirred was casually throwing darts at a picture of Sunna.

There was a loud knock on his door.

“What?” Tirred yelled.

“Docile wants to see us,” Timmid said with a flinch.

In Docile’s office, Docile was talking to Azrael on his cell phone. A white mug was in front of him with the words “#2 Boss, God is #1” on it.

“Azrael, sir, it’s been a while.”

“Indeed. Has Samael been troubling you again?”

“Yep.”

“Do me a favor and don’t subject yourself to his punishments. He might need the Bible for his work, but I do as well, and I can handle him.”

“Oh. Uh, I’ll get it to you as soon as I can…”

“But I’m not here to talk about that. I’m taking my daughter to Woo-Hoo Land, and I was hoping you noble elves would accompany us.”

“That does sound fun, but we’re guardian angels, not bodyguards.”

“Close enough. I’ll pay you.”

“With what?”

“Money.”

“We never ask for fees,” Docile said.

Azrael sighed, rolling his eyes. “You’ll get to play Save the Soul, and I’ll give you a free Gabriel’s Trumpet toy.”

“Done!” Docile affirmed, hanging up. He produced a megaphone. “T and T, get in here! We’re going to Woo-Hoo Land!”

“Woo-Hoo Land?” Tirred asked, eyebrow raised.

“Woo-Hoo Land?” Timmid asked fearfully, bumping into the door.

“Woo-Hoo Land!” Docile confirmed.

“Wake me up when it’s over!” Sunna called from another room.

Part Two: Woo-Hoo Land

Docile drove the group (minus Sunna) down a golden highway in a blue van. The exit sign to the right read “Halo of Charity, Exit 33.”

After getting past toll booths and security, they made it to the amusement park. The van pulled into a crowded parking lot. The van door had an E.L.F. decal in bright blue on it. Tirred wore a white suit and sunglasses. He got out and pulled open the van door. Azrael’s dark silhouette appeared with red eyes before he hopped out with a look of annoyance on his face. Quartet’s green eyes glowed in the darkness before she cheerfully hopped out as well.

“Whoa!” Quartet exclaimed in admiration.

The amusement park was unlike anything she had seen before. Back when she was little, it was mostly a small theme park with blueberry mascots like Archangel Michael’s Woo-Hoo World. But not wanting to come across as someone to plagiarize ideas, the legendary Archangel Gabriel talked with Michael about the situation. He then decided to rebuild it and create a stunning place of his own vision. Under the white sky of the Charity Halo, the amusement park and added water park attraction sparkled in a crystalline glow with indestructible crystal structures. Many denizens claimed it even surpassed Michael’s theme park. Many people loved to go there because they would often get free things. Everyone, including the rich would go in and a part of their payments would go to charity (both to the Charity Halo and charities in need.)

A white sign read in bold gold letters, “Gabriel’s Woo-Hoo Land.” In the background were roller coasters, a Ferris Wheel, water slides, swimming pools, food stands, fun houses, and plenty of games. A vendor sold balloons that looked like white lilies. There were even some Winner former humans who had arrived to enjoy the attractions.

“Gabriel certainly made some great improvements,” remarked an impressed Azrael. An elf handed Quartet a white lily balloon and she happily took it. She also got a white baseball cap with a gold “G” on it. They all got their tickets and headed inside.

“Remember,” said Docile. “I’m here to have fun, but eventually I’ll need to go back to work. Humans aren’t going to save themselves, you know.”

Azrael stayed silent.

“Not like you’d understand, anyway,” Docile continued.

Azrael turned to him, pointing with an accusing finger. “If you try to embarrass me in this park, I swear…”

“Swearing’s not allowed,” Docile added.

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“I am literally getting hyper!” said Quartet, clapping her hands. “I haven’t been here in forever!”

“Well, have at it, flower lady,” Tirred said with a roll of his eyes. He fumbled in his bag. “I have several things you might like. Sunna’s catnip. Sunshine D, endorphins.” He briefly held needles with golden liquid in them.

“No thanks,” she said. “If anything, you need those more than me.”

Tirred yawned and scoffed. “Not likely.” He tossed the needles aside and they landed on a cardboard target of Lucifer.

“Nice shot,” called a kid as an elf baby crawled dangerously close to the needles. A cotton candy booth was nearby.

On a wall were posters that read, “Woo-Hoo World in Holy City, partnering with this park!” “Bio Rizz show at 7PM!” “Woo-Hoo Land is still better.”

“Oh no!” Timmid whimpered, pointing ahead. “It’s Little Sprite!”

She pointed a shaking finger at an animatronic of a white sheep with big eyes near a booth that read “Lilith’s Army Attacks!”. The sheep burst into a repeated song: “Good people spread the love! Praise the Holy Lord above!”

“That thing always was annoying,” Tirred said in agreement. “And too cute to be true.” He made a face of disgust and suspicion.

“Well, I think it’s wonderful,” said Docile from nearby.

“Of course you would,” Tirred said. If only his boss could see things from his perspective. Maybe if he could punish some sinners, take his place, see the adoration for him in his eyes…

“Have…have you been here before?” Timmid asked softly, interrupting his thoughts.

“No need to waste my time at a kid’s place,” Tirred replied, crossing his arms. Then he grinned. “Did you hear about the mascots here?”

Timmid’s eyes grew wide. “M-mascots?”

Just then, a giant golden trumpet popped up in front of them.

“Hallelujah helloooo!”

“Ahh!” Timmid screamed, cowering behind Tirred.

“I’m Woo-Hoo!” greeted the smiling elf from inside the trumpet costume. “Welcome to Woo-Hoo Land! If you get hurt, free compensation and care!”

Quartet and Azrael stood by a carousel with moving white unicorns and horses with wings.

“Look, Daddy! It’s Woo-Hoo!” said Quartet, pointing.

“I have a question,” Azrael asked.

“Ask away, my lord,” said Woo-Hoo with a bow.

“Since this theme park is brand new, do you think Michael will try to copy it?”

The elf smirked. “I’d like to see him try. His theme park may have been updated with rides made out of gold and gemstones, but they don’t have the big water park like we do here. No need to brag but we are in the Halo right next to Michael’s, close to the saints. And thanks to Gabriel, nearly everyone knows about this place. I think Michael is secretly jealous sometimes.”

“Quite a lot of healthy confidence there,” Azrael said.

“Yes,” said Quartet. She pulled her adoptive dad along, “Now let’s go check out the rides!”

0 0 0

Tirred and Timmid headed down a pathway while a sweating Tirred stopped to catch his breath. “You really dislike this place, huh?”

“I h-hate this place!” Timmid exclaimed in fear. “My parents would bring me and my siblings here. My siblings made me go on all the scary rides just to emphasize how scary this world can be! Don’t even mention the upside-down roller coaster.”

“Ah the classic ‘Loop-De-Loop,’” Tirred mentioned with a grin. “Let’s try that one first!”

“You are such a jerk!”

“You are such a wuss.”

An elf wearing tight clothing and a white hat pushed a wheelbarrow full of toys into a nearby toy shop. A nearby sign on a brick wall showed a Bio Rizz doll and the words, “New! Rizzy Buddy! He laughs, he sings, he prays! Tell your parents to buy me! Over 100 lovable phrases! Posable! Only 48% asbestos.”

The two elves approached a window where dove plushies and trumpet shaped novelty cups with Gs on them were sold for twenty-five cents.

“How do these people manage to sell so much food?” Timmid wondered as customers got to relax with heaps of heavenly hamburgers and hot dogs.

Tirred mentioned, “Yeah, this place seems excessively generous. I mean, giving people ten novelty cups they won’t even use?”

Docile came over, fumbling with cups and wearing a lily hat. He dropped several cups.

“I can’t hold these much longer! Vendors keep giving more!”

Timmid giggled.

After straightening himself up, Docile played a tune from a toy trumpet. Tirred stood still and spoke in a monotone voice. “My name is Tirred, I’m your employee and your horn has no truth power on me whatsoever.”

Docile looked at it in disappointment. “Very funny.”

He set the cups down on the ground. “Why don’t you two go and have some fun? I gotta go watch Azrael.”

He glanced at Quartet who held a white balloon in her hand.

Tirred picked up Timmid and raced onward.

“Where are we going?” she asked in fear.

“To the scariest ride of course!” He smirked again as Timmid yelled “Nooo!” in protest. They went on the Loop-De-Loop roller coaster that spun them upside down as the trumpet mascot posed by a rules sign. A shaken Timmid was later comforted by a pink winged horse at a petting zoo after the ride.

Timmid then glanced over at the water park and grinned. “Your turn to follow my lead.” They manifested their golden staffs and waved them over their bodies. Tirred was soon in black swim trunks with skulls on them, while Timmid wore a white one-piece bathing suit. Tirred couldn’t help but stare a while at her beautiful figure, breasts, and curves.

“Let’s go, goo-goo eyes,” she pulled him along, Tirred blushing despite himself.

Tirred grinned as he and Timmid raced over to the water slides. They screamed in delight as they raced each other down teal blue slides riding on blue body surf boards. One water slide ride had a seat where the person was dropped randomly down a steep white slide. Several couples cruised on love boats shaped like crescent moons. Several kids yelled in delight as they were jetted out a see-through waterslide in the air before zooming into another one on the other side. Being angels, they didn’t have to worry about heights. One sign read, “Please keep your arms and wings folded at all times!”

“I dare you to try this one!” Tirred said to Timmid, mentioning to the drop-down ride. Timmid only grinned. “You go first. You lose if you scream.”

“You know I always win courage contests. I never scream.”

“Prove it.”

Sure enough, Tirred took his place in the black wet seat, stood and waited.

After a few minutes, he sighed. “Is this thing broken? This means that you are the wuss elf and I win. Killing demons is nothing compared to…AHHH!”

Tirred screamed as he was suddenly dropped down the white water slide, speeding down until landing safely at the bottom. He spat water from his mouth and shook his head of hair as Timmid posed over him with a smug look. “I win, you lose, now you get a big fat booze.”

Tirred then laughed, coughing up water. “Booze? There’s none here. Though I wouldn’t mind one.” He shook water off his white wings as two pink sheep-like ladies watched with heart antennae on their heads and thick pink hair.

“Come on, let’s get dried off,” Timmid said as they stepped onto the concrete. “Where are the towels?”

“Don’t need ‘em,” Tirred replied. He waved his staff again and they appeared again, dry, in their regular clothes.

“Sure is great to be immortal in paradise,” Tirred grinned.

“Technically only God, the elite angels and the Winners are truly immortal,” Timmid mentioned.

“Oh, shut up!”

0 0 0

Quartet happily carried her balloon in her hand, munching on pink cotton candy while Azrael slouched on in boredom. Quartet noticed some of the swimming pools had water of different colors and smells: red for strawberry, orange water for oranges, lemon yellow pools, green, blue, purple, pink, and rainbow. Of course, the water didn’t taste good, as one little angel kid found out. Nearby hot tubs had divine holy water that provided healing properties and other ones could make you laugh or feel sleepy. One hot tub was actually cold. There was even an “Earth Hot Tub” on display with regular water. A nearby sign added, “Earth Hot Tub, Boring Isn’t It? Well, Have Fun Anyway.” A large wall of water flashed advertisements at the swimmers, each image tailoring to the customer’s likes.

Quartet and Azrael walked by a stand that read “Angel Cakes: Eternal Bliss” with popcorn and a sausage on a fork. Docile snuck around like a secret agent with his golden staff. He appeared on a teal-green tent roof of an “Ice Cream Crystals” stand. Docile slid with his staff and almost knocked over cups at a “Holy Grail Drinks” stand. A nearby blaster game was titled “Save The Soul” and showed a moon and cardboard demons with xs over their eyes surrounding a human.

Five giggling elves with cameras peered out from an alleyway at Azrael, itching to take selfies with him. Docile slid along the floor, then glared at the elves, causing them to scatter away. There was a game where one could toss balls into halos and a ring toss.

Meanwhile, Tirred and Timmid walked along a line of booths, one read “Muppet” and one read “Knock a Bottle.” Timmid suddenly flinched and pulled Tirred toward another vendor. An elf wearing a yellow hat and a red shirt spotted them.

“Hello, hello!” he called. “Step right up and win a thing!”

Timmid’s eyes shone in happiness as she gasped and pointed upwards. “Oh, look Tirred! A thing!”

The “thing” was a purple stuffed animal wearing pink overalls with elf ears. It had a yellow beak, and a cross on it and a tag with “Thing?” on it.

Tirred looked at her with a small smile. “Oh, you like that thing?”

“Yes, I guess. Please win me that thing.”

“My pleasure.”

He walked up to the vendor, took out some money and handed it to the carnie. “Okay! One game, please!”

The carnie smiled and handed Tirred a trumpet shaped blaster. It was one of the few older games in the park. Tirred pulled the trigger and the cork projectile missed the cardboard blueberries in praying positions.

“Nice try, little man,” said the carnie.

“I’ll try again,” he said.

Tirred tried again and missed. “The Hell’s name is wrong with this thing?” He tried again and again and missed each time.

“Let me try!” Timmid said, taking the blaster from Tirred. She fired it and the cork hit a blueberry. Timmid clapped her hands. “Nice shot, miss,” said the carnie. He handed her the plushie.

0 0 0

Meanwhile, Quartet pulled Azrael close with a gasp, letting go of her balloon.

“Look, Daddy! There’s the Bio Rizz show!”

Quartet mentioned to a large circus tent with promotional signs of Bio Rizz on either side. She thought back to when she was a young child, and Bio Rizz allowed her to go on stage and sing for the crowd. He even gave her a lollipop at the end.

Docile and Quartet said at the same time, “I love that smart jester!”

Meanwhile, Azrael flinched as he was surrounded by elf fans taking pictures of him. One of them stroked his wings.

“Docile, I need my bodyguard please!”

Docile rushed over. “Break it up guys! He’s busy!” The elves groaned in disappointment before wandering off.

Quartet led her father to the stands where they sat and watched the show.

0 0 0

Two spotlights merged into one on the stage and the robotic Bio Rizz flapped open the curtains. He wore a jester outfit, and his ears were covered with stripped cloth and little bells hung from the ends. A happy face and sad face pin were by his shoulders along with a string of lights as a necklace. His pants were striped, and he wore gloves. His shirt had small purple hearts near the bottom and his eyes glowed blue.

Six lit up arrow signs pointed to him and read: “Bio Rizz,” “Property of Gabriel,” “Look at him go!” “Yes! Love 2 c it!” “Wow!” “He.”

Bio Rizz held up a sign with “Woo-Hoo” on it. He also briefly held out a blue and silver contract signed by Gabriel: “This is a statement regarding the unfair accusations that my theme park “Woo-Hoo Land” is trying to surpass my brother Michael’s park, “Woo-Hoo World” and copy Hell’s “Loo-Loo Land,” which ripped off Hell’s “Lu-Lu World.” This is false. These allegations are baseless and untrue. Michael and I have already discussed the matter and he has agreed to let me have this theme park and for me let him have his. He may have had the first one, but has he made it truly original? I don’t think so. We are all friends here. Signed Gabriel.”

“Hey… elflings!” Bio Rizz trilled in a robotic voice. He looked at a notecard in his hands. “It’s me, the Biological Rizz! Bio Fizz or Rizzafolli, either name works! Hailed from Gabriel’s place to bring you a wonderful show celebrating Woo-Hoo Land and life! Hit it!”

Rows of spotlights lit up and he began to sing. The curtains opened and a singing elf choir holding candles appeared on stage. Real life animals covered with eyes played instruments: a dove played a trumpet, a lion played a guitar and a bull played a bass instrument. An eagle laughed as he played the drums. The lit-up sign above read “Rizzafolli and Friends.”

“Woo-Hoo Land! Woo-Hoo Land!

Everybody sing along with the Woo-Hoo band!

Every boy, every girl, every woman, every man loves Woo-Hoo Land!”

When the show ended, with Bio Rizz/Rizzafolli and Docile posing together with fireworks on stage, Quartet clapped joyfully. Bio Rizz/Rizzafolli tried not to look nervous.

Behind Azrael, an elf armed with a camera rose from beneath the seats. Docile glared at him and he ducked under the seat.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Azrael said with a sigh, turning to leave.

“Dad, wait!” Quartet called, her face falling as she hurried after him.

“It’s so great seeing you again, Docile,” said Bio Rizz/Rizzafolli, smiling. “I missed you and your sister when you performed here. Your jokes were amazing.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Docile said. “You haven’t changed a bit…literally. I found my calling at E.L.F. but I’ll have to come back and visit.”

“Please do,” Bio Rizz/Rizzafolli said. “I love entertaining kids, but I never forget the completely biological friends I’ve made.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” asked Docile.

“According to my records, I was born a stillborn elf in Heaven. My parents prayed to Gabriel to bring me to life. He brought me back, but I had problems with my limbs and voice and my mind wasn’t the same. With Heaven demanding perfection, Gabriel decided to update me in his lab, fixing my limbs and brain with wires and cybernetic parts. I grew up relatively normal. I was later given a divine anti-aging serum, keeping me in my prime. Thanks to him, I now have a unique status as an A.I./cyborg in Heaven, who can live a decent life. Gabriel is brilliant with communication technology, travel, and so many things. My parents thought I could do well at the circus, so I embraced my new role. If Heaven can be accepting of robots and different species and even those with disabilities, why can’t they accept Sinners? Why keep the Winners out of the loop?”

Docile pondered long and hard, his face darkening. “I guess Heaven is more similar to the racist, discriminatory human population than many want to admit. I have yet to see humanity embrace people of different genders and races let alone abilities, species, and robots.”

“Wait…your friend is a robot?” asked Quartet.

Docile shrugged. “Long time ago when I was younger. It was before E.L.F. and choir and really making any friends. It’s hard to socialize when your father has high expectations of you.”

“Tell me about it.”

The two of them went their separate ways.

0 0 0

“Dad, what’s wrong?” asked Quartet in a more secluded area five minutes later. They sat next to each other on a bench, looking at the blinking lights on the rides. The sun had begun to set, turning the sky a golden yellow.

They sat in several moments of silence. A stray tear escaped from Azrael’s eyes.

“It’s just…” he began. “I feel like I haven’t been the best father. I guess it makes sense; I’m not your real father.”

Quartet stared downcast. “No offence, but some part of that is true. You’re always so gloomy and your head is stuck in your job most of the time. I’d say that Mom puts more effort into spending time with me. And yes, I have some qualities from my real father, even though I’ve never met him. I sometimes wish he hadn’t abandoned me.”

“I know.”

“Is there anything you’re afraid of?”

After a long silence, Azrael sighed, wrapping a black feathery wing around his daughter. “I’m scared of losing you. It’s been my biggest fear since you were little. Are you gonna go off somewhere else and leave me behind? A place less death-like?”

“Eventually for a little bit,” she said, tears in her eyes. “But I’d never dream of leaving you behind entirely. You’re my dad and I love you so much. And I do understand that both of us are very different. I suppose what I’m saying is…don’t let the deaths of others get you down. You need to enjoy the good things in the present moment. I’ll always be your daughter no matter what.”

Azrael sighed. “You’re right, Seadrop. You’re so right. Being an angel of death makes it hard sometimes to appreciate the life in front of me. I promise…I will never abandon you. I…do need some advice though.”

“Thankfully, I can help you get started.” Quartet said. “In fact, I’ve had lots of fun here, but I suppose you want some peace and quiet.”

“A darker place would be more appealing,” Azrael smiled. He picked her up like she was a kid again and Quartet smiled. “Let’s go home.”

Later, Bio Rizz/Rizzafolli happily rode the pink horse through the park as everyone cheered.

Docile, Timmid, and Tirred talked about the adventures they shared as the sun set. Azrael carried a happy Quartet out of the park.

“Can we go to ‘Animals Inc.?’” asked Quartet. “They sell pet food and anti-taxidermy flyers there.”

“Sure, I guess.”

“You’re alright sometimes, dad.”

“Thank you, Tet. Thank you.”

Timmid flinched as she saw a white cat rubbing against her legs. She then leaned down and smiled, petting the animal. “Hello there, Feeuq. Valentine treating you well?” The cat meowed in affirmation.

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