#02x15: burden of proof
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#csi#csi: vegas#gsr#sara sidle#gil grissom#sara x grissom#grissom x sara#jorja fox#william petersen#💛: survivors in the night#02x15: burden of proof#1x02: honeymoon in vegas#the lab needs you#survivors in the night: a las vegas love story#next chapter will be up after the weekend#this graphic has absolutely nothing to do with it#csi graphics#my collage
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hi aj! i'm the anon who's been rewatching the early seasons 😇 i watched 04x07 yesterday (such a good one) and i found it interesting that catherine commented on grissom's 'this isn't a negotiation' line to sara, saying that it wasn't enough. at this point i figured catherine and sara are doing okay, as catherine even had a beer with sara after the hank fiasco, and encouraged grissom on the plant. the 'not enough' seemed weird to me. what are your thoughts on it? 🤗
hi, anon!
great to hear from you again!
so i have a couple of longer/more involved posts that talk in detail about the evolution of catherine and sara's dynamic that i'll use as preface to my answer here:
this one focuses primarily on catherine and sara's friction in episode 05x13 "nesting dolls" but also provides an overview on some of the personality- and life experience-based reasons why they so often butt heads throughout the early seasons of the show. it is relevant to many of the points i'll be making below.
this one specifically focuses on the events of episode 02x15 "burden of proof" and what's running through catherine's head during her conversation with grissom at his condo.
meanwhile, this one speculates on what all catherine might know about gsr and when, plus what her opinions on gsr might be, prior to the s7 relationship reveal to the team.
with those posts in mind, i've got an answer to your specific episode 04x07 "invisible evidence" question after the "keep reading," if you're interested.
__
so.
when sara first joins team graveyard in s1, there are three major grounds on which catherine objects to her:
because when grissom first brings sara on to investigate warrick's potential culpability in holly gribbs's death, catherine views her as an interloper and even possible enemy, fearing the team might be broken up and warrick fired per her recommendation. already on edge due to gribbs's death and her own feelings of guilt surrounding it—after all, maybe if she hadn't so successfully persuaded gribbs to remain on the job with her "king kong on cocaine" rally speech, the kid would still be alive—catherine is looking to offload her negative emotions onto someone/something, and sara makes for a convenient target. from their very first encounter, catherine regards her as bad news and distrusts her motivations immensely.
because, aside from not liking sara's original role with regards to the team, catherine also just plain doesn't like sara's personality. while she and sara actually do have a lot in common (e.g., they are both intelligent, strong, ambitious women working in the male-dominated field of law enforcement), they also have some very significant differences in their characters, comportments, and worldviews, to the point where, honestly, sara just kind of rubs catherine the wrong way. they are two people who just do not initially vibe, you know? pretty much everything sara does, catherine would do differently. especially in light of the fact that catherine knows nothing about sara's background (which holds the key to understanding a lot of sara's quirks and rough edges), catherine dislikes that sara is so socially awkward, brash, and, in catherine's view, entitled and immature. she feels like sara is constantly trying to claim things she hasn't actually earned, and it just gets on her nerves.
—and particularly because she also takes issue with how sara originally comes to be on the team: i.e., through grissom. catherine is of the belief (and not without good reason) that grissom hires sara because they're sleeping together. catherine is also of the belief that sara dumps grissom not long after scoring her dream job from him and then continues to "use him" and all of his lingering affection for her to enjoy special favors and perks she wouldn't otherwise have access to. not only does catherine object to this behavior from sara because catherine is a big believer in "earning one's stripes" and putting in the work in order to reap the rewards, but she also does so because grissom is her best friend, and she doesn't like seeing—again, in her opinion—sara walk all over him. she thinks their whole dynamic is "bad for business" and gets annoyed whenever she senses sara taking advantage of grissom (and him allowing her to do so).
of course, catherine gets over beef #1 in fairly short order once the dust settles from the gribbs case and sara officially joins the team.
whether or not catherine is ever aware that sara does actually recommend that warrick be terminated only for grissom to then ignore said recommendation, we don't know.
however, in any case, at the end of the day, since team graveyard more or less remains intact (with the exception of brass being transferred back to homicide), warrick keeps his job, and sara herself joins the team as a card-carrying member, catherine seems not to hold anything against sara on these grounds going forward.
within a couple of weeks of sara's permanent move to vegas, she ceases to consider sara an existential threat.
however, she does still very much think of sara as the "new kid on the block" and isn't at all as quick to forget as grissom is that sara is the most junior member of the team (and technically remains so all the way until greg finally becomes a csi level 1 in s5).
—and as the seasons go on, she also becomes somewhat more tolerant of sara's personality.
while she still doesn't fully understand why sara is the way she is and often rolls her eyes at her for being so high-strung, headstrong, socially inept, and emotional by nature, she generally becomes less annoyed with/frustrated by sara and more just bemused by her.
whereas in the early, early days, whenever sara did something particularly sara-ish, catherine's kneejerk reaction was to get pissed off about it, as time goes on, she tends to just pull a face and be like, "yikes. well, okay. moving on—"
it helps that the more she and sara work together, the more it becomes impossible for her to deny that sara is actually a highly skilled criminalist, despite (what catherine views as) her flaws.
ultimately, for catherine, sara's competence weighs more heavily on the scales of likability than her social awkwardness or occasional brattiness do.
so though she still doesn't understand sara on a fundamental level, she is increasingly less bothered by her over time, to the point where eventually she can even occasionally feel sympathetic toward her (as is the case when she learns that hank cheated on sara in episode 03x17 "crash & burn").
as someone who has also been cheated on by a philanderer partner, catherine can't help but feel sorry for the girl. she knows what it's like to realize there's "another woman"—hence why she takes sara out for drinks after their shift.
except.
no matter how much time passes or how much she and sara develop a passable working rapport with each other, the one thing that really continues to bother catherine about sara is beef #3—i.e., the grissom thing.
just on principle, catherine objects to sara's apparent willingness to use her personal relationship with grissom to her own advantage. she also continues to feel protective of grissom and gets offended on his behalf at times when she believes sara is "taking advantage" of him/his feelings for her.
while catherine can no longer deny that regardless of why grissom initially may have hired sara, sara does very much deserve her place on the team, she still gets miffed whenever she sees grissom reward sara's scrounging for cases or fail to discipline sara when such action may be warranted.
she is especially bothered when she sees sara not only seeking such special treatment from grissom but downright expecting it.
she had hoped that those behaviors might just naturally fade out once sara began dating hank in s3—and even supposed she saw some evidence that they were, as sara seemed less willing to just expect favors from grissom carte blanche during that time period (see episode 03x10 "high and low")—but the thing is, they never fully do; despite having (in catherine's view) long since dumped grissom, circa mid-s1, and even dated someone else, during s2/s3, sara still seems to feel entitled to grissom's good graces, looking to him for attractive case assignments, exceptions to overtime limits, "get out of jail free" cards when she flaunts the rules or fucks up, etc., etc.
—and the worst part of the whole thing (in catherine's view) is that grissom gratifies sara in these expectations.
he does still more often than not give sara what she wants, never mind that she (in catherine's view) dumped him years ago and has even dated another man in the interim.
from catherine's vantage, what she sees is her best friend, painfully awkward in the romance department, hung up on a girl fifteen years his junior, who keeps stringing him along while he makes a fool out of himself giving her the pretty princess treatment, even though she has no intention of ever being with him again.
protective as she is of grissom, catherine is irked.
—and particularly because she also feels as if sara's sense of entitlement is bad for the team and just generally unprofessional.
the girl needs to learn her place.
which, in s3, is still firmly at the bottom of the team graveyard corporate ladder.
she needs to wait her turn.
now.
of course, no one but grissom and sara themselves is privy to all of the complicated and intricate interpersonal drama that plays out between them during s4.
that said, catherine is highly socially astute, so i think she does pick up somewhat on ~vibes~, to the point that she realizes some kind of sea change is brewing between grissom and sara at the start of s4.
contrary to his usual modus operandi, grissom actually pulls sara off of what could be a career case in episode 04x02 "all for our country," much to sara's annoyance (which she voices directly to catherine).
plus, they just kind of seem to be avoiding each other, which is uncharacteristic of them.
so cue the events of episode 04x07 "invisible evidence."
by this point, catherine's relationship with and opinion of sara are indeed much, much better than they were three years ago, when sara first moved to vegas.
even so, catherine's hackles still go up the second sara starts appealing to grissom that she alone of everyone on team graveyard should be exempted from the "all hands on deck" call to work on warrick's case.
because grissom typically caves to sara whenever she bats her big, beautiful brown eyes at him, catherine is probably fully expecting him to grant her request and let her continue working her own homicide case.
but much to her (and everyone else's, including sara's) great shock, grissom actually puts his foot down, telling sara in no uncertain terms that they are not negotiating and that she will be working warrick's case with the rest of the team, end of story.
catherine had been surprised enough a few weeks prior when grissom had actually had the nerve to pull sara off the klinefeld case, but now she is downright impressed.
two instances of him telling sara "no" in such short succession? that's a new record.
the start of a completely new trend.
—and a trend that catherine likes.
—because for as much as she's more or less okay with sara now on a personal level, she still thinks that, professionally, sara needs to be brought down a peg or ten. gifted criminalist through sara may be, she is also still junior staff in the department and would do well to remember as much.
to see grissom remind her of that fact so unequivocally and forcefully pleases catherine immensely—not only because she thinks it might help sara to finally learn her place within the lab hierarchy but also because she believes it's a positive step for grissom.
as i talk about here,
to start off s4, sara does some complaining about grissom to catherine, and, frankly, it rubs catherine the wrong way when she does so. catherine thinks sara has gotten too accustomed to special treatment and doesn’t like things now that grissom is (rightly, from catherine’s perspective) trying to put his foot down and enforce the workplace hierarchy between them.
catherine thinks it’s good that grissom is finally treating sara like a subordinate rather than a squeeze, which is why she says the things she does to him about sara in episode 04x07 “invisible evidence” (i.e., “so i liked your tough act yesterday,” “not enough”).
essentially, sara has demonstrated an unwillingness (in catherine's view) to change the way she relates to grissom, no matter how much their circumstances might otherwise evolve. she's always going to look to him for gimmes and boons for as long as he keeps giving them to her. she has no incentive to change because the system works in her favor, even to the extent that she can "have her cake and eat it, too" (i.e., date other guys while still remaining grissom's favoritest girl and reaping all the benefits that come along with that status).
—so it's a great thing that after 3+ years, grissom finally seems to have decided he's not going to keep giving in to her anymore.
in catherine's view, this new behavior on his part is a step in the right direction, both in terms of team dynamics and in terms of grissom standing up for himself.
sara should be treated like any other member of the team (or even as the most junior member of the team, which is technically what she is).
grissom shouldn't just let her do whatever suits her.
when he gives orders, she should follow them, just like everyone else does.
it's only right.
and after so long, he really should just "get over her" anyhow; stop holding onto his infatuation with her and realize that whatever they had—and, remember, catherine believes grissom and sara had a sexual relationship in the past—is over now and has been for a long time.
he should fully move on, no longer granting her "girlfriend privileges," considering she is not his girlfriend.
—and that's the line of thinking that prompts catherine's comments to him while they're watching brass interview the suspect.
she wants to encourage grissom to stay the course and make that break.
"so i liked your tough act yesterday," she tells him. "'i hand out the assignments. this isn't a negotiation.'"
grissom—who already felt awkward about the exchange—can't help but feel even more awkward now that catherine has brought it up. he wonders if maybe he went overboard, coming down too hard on sara.
"what? too much?" he questions earnestly.
but in catherine's view, if he's going to finally get through to sara that things are going to be different between them going forward and that she can no longer expect him to shower her with the same preferential treatment he has in the past, then he's got to hold firm.
and not only hold firm but up the ante.
he's told sara "no" twice in a two-month span now, but if he really wants to establish a new normal, he's got to do so more frequently and not just under extraordinary circumstances. it's got to become a regular thing for her to hear from him—as much so as it is for nick or warrick.
maybe even more so for a while, so as to finally shake her from the notion that he will always be obliging with her.
he's got 3+ years of a bad habit to break her from, after all.
that's why catherine tells him, "not enough."
—because she believes it's in both his best interest and ultimately sara's if he comes down hard on her for a while and draws some boundaries where there have never been any before. if he can get comfortable telling her no and disciplining her when she needs to be disciplined, then their working lives will be better from here on out. the team dynamic will improve all around. what is (in catherine's view) a very necessary hierarchy will be reinforced. there will be a more natural order to things.
and, on a more personal note, grissom will finally get his dignity back.
it's not that catherine hates sara or is just being petty for pettiness's sake.
catherine at this point generally thinks sara is a good—if somewhat weird and neurotic—kid, a fine criminalist, and a useful member of the team. however, she has long held the opinion that grissom and sara's working dynamic is problematic™ (or even downright toxic) and needs fixing.
catherine had hoped that sara might eventually grow out of her tendency to lobby for favors from grissom, and particularly once sara seemed to (in her view) move on from grissom romantically, dating another guy. however, since sara never did seem to break that habit for herself, catherine can't help but cheer grissom on when she sees him taking the first baby steps toward breaking it for her.
it seems to her like a good thing.
yes, sara will be upset and might pitch a few fits in the meanwhile, but eventually if grissom is consistent and holds fast to his new resolve, then sara will acclimate to the "new normal" and will ultimately prove to be a more useful employee in the long run once she does so.
after all, grissom is her supervisor, not her sugar daddy, and the sooner she recognizes as much, the better, catherine opines.
anyway.
that's my take on those lines.
thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
in the meanwhile, enjoy your rewatch, anon!
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every CSI episode:
02x15 - Burden of Proof
#csi#csi 02x15#gil grissom#nick stokes#catherine willows#greg sanders#warrick brown#sara sidle#doc robbins#george eads#marg helgenberger#eric szmanda#william petersen#gary dourdan#jorja fox#robert david hall#my gifs#gif series: every csi episode#ece
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CSI Without Faces
02x15 - Burden of Proof
“Well, according to Sara, 94% of all arsonists are male.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Sara.”
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Hi! Thank you for answering my questions! I am curiou, what is your favorite GSR season and why?
hi, @i-collect-things!
while my favorite csi season of overall is s7, my favorite gsr season fluctuates between being s2, which has some of the fluffiest, most delicious "i am so madly in love with you" shippy scenes between them of the whole series (plus a soupçon of angst, too), and s5, which is pretty much their watershed as a couple.
s2 contains many of my top favorite gsr scenes of all time:
the chalk scene from episode 02x05 "scuba doobie-doo"
the "that's you talking" scene from episode 02x12 "you've got male"
the email scene from episode 02x12 "you've got male"
the scene where grissom orders the green plant for sara in episode 02x15 "burden of proof"
the "since i met you" scene from episode 02x16 "primum non nocere"
the arm-in-arm scene from episode 02x21 "anatomy of a lye"
the "unbound" scene from episode 02x23 "the hunger artist"
the back half of the season in particular has a very rom-commy feel in the best kind of way possible. though sara is dating hank at the time, she and grissom nevertheless seem very connected to each other. he is so superlatively charming to her, while she is so receptive to him.
of course, i also love s5 gsr because of the storyline. after the long, depressing slog of s4, s5 is where the light starts to come back into the story.
i've had that part of the gsr narrative "under the microscope" for a while because it provides the temporal setting for my fic "something in you i believe in," and in looking at it up close, what i am really struck by is how grissom and sara repair their friendship throughout the beginning of the season before tipping the scales toward romance from episode 05x13 "nesting dolls" on.
i love watching grissom start to show up more and more for sara; to just be that steady, reliable presence in her life who checks in on her and cares about how she is doing and gives her unconditional love. i love that sara becomes so honest with grissom and supports him through the team split, quietly slipping into the role of his right hand and stalwart.
and episode 05x13 "nesting dolls" is such a turning point just in and of itself.
as i've written about here,
to me, gsr’s whole vegas relationship can be divided into the “b.n.d.” and “a.n.d.” eras—i.e., “before ‘nesting dolls’” and “after ‘nesting dolls.’” the shift that occurs in their interactions once grissom learns sara’s secret is just absolutely everything...
as i’ve written about here, after realizing in s4 that he still loves sara and always will and that he regrets his decision to live without her, this episode marks the place where grissom starts to understand that he cannot continue to compartmentalize his feelings for and relationship with sara without hurting her; he has to be emotionally transparent with her or risk losing her forever.
—and that’s what episode 05x13 “nesting dolls” is all about.
everyone is saying that sara is trouble, but grissom realizes that she’s troubled, which is different. he’s never been able to stand seeing her sad, and he’s felt helpless for a long time to do anything on her behalf. he can’t afford to “play it safe” anymore; he has got figure out what’s going on in her head and in her heart, but in order to do that, he’ll have to show her what’s in his head and in his heart first.
so he goes to her apartment in this attitude of total openness. he makes it clear to her that he’s there not because he’s her supervisor and it’s his job to reprimand her after her outburst but because he cares about her deeply and personally and wants to help her however he can. his show of interest is what gets her to open up, as she finally realizes that what happens to her matters to him. the fact that he would come looking for her when everyone else told him to let her go helps her to trust him.
so she tells him her story, fearing the whole time she’s talking that once he knows what kind of home she came from and what kind of violence is “in her blood,” he’ll reject her.
but then he doesn’t reject her.
he holds her hand.
he looks at her in a way that says there is nothing about her he doesn’t love.
—and to me? that’s what opens the door for grissom and sara to eventually become intimate.
not everyone agrees on the timeline, but i personally get a lot of joy from watching the back half of s5 through the lens of grissom and sara becoming a couple sometime circa episodes 05x19 "4 x 4" and 05x20 "hollywood brass."
to me, there is a lot of delight in reading that kind of eager excitement toward them leading up to the season finale as new relationship "honeymoon" energy.
sara just seems so happy.
grissom just seems so at peace.
anyway, while i have a lot of favorite gsr moments throughout the original seasons of the show, those two seasons are the ones i find myself probably spending the most time with, albeit for somewhat different reasons.
thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
#answered#i collect things#asks: csi#**#my meta#meta: csi#meta: gsr#season two#season 5#05x13#let's talk shop#csiverse
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Hello, I have a question because you think that in the scene of the minced meat-hamburger 02x15 Sara wants to leave Las Vegas and go to the FBI but instead in s3 she sends her solo in the cases and rejects her 3x22 dinner continues with "hopes" in Las Vegas.
hi, anon!
i'm afraid i don't understand what your question is.
do you mean to ask if there is a link between sara requesting a leave of absence from the lab in episode 02x15 "burden of proof" and how grissom treats her in s3?
or are you asking why sara remains in vegas after asking for the leave of absence and then later, at the end of s3, being rejected by grissom?
or is your question something else?
if your question is the first one i've listed here, i don't think there is a link between her request and his subsequent treatment of her in s3, as that issue is one that is essentially "put to bed" by the end of the episode, when he sends her the green plant. rather, the way he treats her in s3 has to do with myriad other factors, including his jealousy over her relationship with hank peddigrew during the first half of the season and his own worsening deafness during the second half of the season. i outline his reasons for rejecting her dinner invitation here, if you're interested.
if your question is the second one i've listed here, then i think the truth is that sara remains in vegas in both instances (both after the events of episode 02x15 "burden of proof" and after the events of episode 03x22 "play with fire") essentially for the same reason: because even for as much as the lack of traction in her relationship with grissom frustrates her and at times even breaks her heart, she feels connected to him in a way she does nobody else, to the point where, at the end of the day, she would still prefer to have some of him rather than none of him.
with no other ties to anyone else in the world, he is, for better or worse, the closest thing she has to a "home."
sure, she could always find work elsewhere—though, as grissom points out to her in episode 02x15 "burden of proof," any job she would take outside of the las vegas crime lab would be a downgrade from the one she has there—but what she couldn't find would be that kind of human bond, that sense of belonging with someone.
after having been alone her whole life, she can't bring herself to walk away from the one person she's ever truly been bonded to, even if the nature of their relationship is not the way she might like it to be at present.
honestly, when she puts in the request for the leave of absence, it isn't even really that she wants to work for the fbi*; it's that she is upset by the current state of her and grissom's relationship.
* maybe at some point before she started working for the lvpd, she might have been interested in perhaps working in the federal system. but afterward, not really. she's just saying that she is because she doesn't know what else to do re: her impasse with grissom.
she moved to vegas with the expectation that they would be a couple, but after a year and a half living there and working under him, not only are they not in a romantic relationship but he is acting more aloof from her than ever.
as i talk about here,
for him, the hamburger is just hamburger, but for her, it’s more.
he’s looking at their conflict, thinking, “okay, so i’m working on an experiment involving raw hamburger, and sara comes in when i’m already mostly done with it. i don’t have time to slow down because the case is hot, so i ask her to handle the clean-up so that i can move on to the next thing, which is something that is 100% within my purview to do, as i am her supervisor, and she’s my subordinate. she gets upset about the assignment i’ve given her because it disagrees with her personal sensibilities, which—whatever. i don’t really get it, because to me science is science, but that’s her prerogative not to touch raw meat if she doesn’t want to, i guess, so i tell her she can have nick deal with the clean-up instead. to me, that’s the long and short of the matter, but to her, it must not be, because the next thing i know, she’s putting in a request for a leave of absence, accusing me of not respecting her. did the hamburger really offend her that badly? i don’t understand why she’s so upset.”
meanwhile, she’s looking at it, thinking, “i moved to las vegas believing that when i got here, grissom and i would be a couple. obviously, that’s not how things have panned out, though. since i’m a big girl, i’ve tried to deal with the disappointment—to play by grissom’s rules and respect his boundaries, holding out hope that maybe someday he’ll change his mind, yes, but not pushing him into anything or giving voice to my heartache. i get why he has trepidations, of course. i get what’s at stake for him. and that’s why i don’t lobby for more than he’s willing to give. i feel like so far i’ve been pretty good about adapting to the reality of our situation. still. that’s not to say that it doesn’t hurt when he’s callous with me—when he treats me like there was never anything between us, even though we both know that’s not true. for a year and a half now, i’ve stood by, making the best of his mood swings. some days, he treats me like i annoy the hell out of him, to the point where i wonder why he even keeps me on the team. but other days, he’s back to being prince charming, giving me all sorts of reasons to hope. honestly, the whole runaround is exhausting, and i wish he would come down one way or the other all of the time. this raw hamburger debacle is just the latest and worst in a string of slaps in the face from him. we shared that night watching over the pig carcass together last year, and i thought it was a big deal, that it meant something to both of us. but now he can’t even be assed to remember it, and he can’t be assed to even respect me as a person. i memorize and analyze and overanalyze and pore over every little exchange that passes between us. i live and die by how he treats me, weathering the bad days, living for the good. but obviously that’s not how things are for him. obviously, i’m not that important. it’s probably time for me to recognize that discrepancy. i can’t keep waiting around for him to figure things out. i’ve got to do something to clear my head and get over him once and for all.”
and that’s the big difference between them:
at this point in his development, grissom is refusing to look at the bigger picture stuff because it scares him and complicates his project of trying to pretend that his and sara’s relationship is solely professional. for him, it’s much easier just to assume their individual interactions happen in a vacuum and ignore larger patterns. he doesn’t want to acknowledge the grander implications of what’s going on between them, so he doesn’t; he compartmentalizes.
him telling catherine that sara is “emotional” is part of that compartmentalization: it’s easier for him to pretend that sara is having an irrational response to the situation than it is for him to admit that he’s the one who’s making things weird by pretending that there aren’t any personal aspects to this interaction, even though there very clearly are.
but sara not only doesn’t want to take that approach; she literally can’t.
she can’t help but think about their every interaction in terms of what it means within the larger arc of their relationship. to her, overtones and implications are everywhere. it’s all big-picture. it all counts toward the whole.
and that’s what she tells him when she confronts him in his office: that she’s not just upset about the hamburger thing; that this incident of him being dismissive of her isn’t isolated. to her, his disrespect toward her has become chronic ever since she moved to vegas. he’s been so hot and cold with her, so inconsistent, and, after a year and a half, she can’t take it anymore.
what ultimately stops her from making good on her threat to move on to the fbi is that at the end of the episode, grissom takes action to show her that he does actually care about and notice her on a personal level; by sending her the plant, he proves that their relationship isn't solely professional and never has been.
once she has that assurance, she then is willing to settle back into their typical vegas modus operandi.
it doesn't hurt matters that grissom then spends the entire tail end of s2 being incredibly sweet to her.
as for why she doesn't leave town after grissom rejects her at the end of s3—even in the absence of some grand, affirming gesture from him—it's because, at that point, i think she's resigned to her lot in life.
after three years in vegas, she is fairly certain grissom is never going to come around to having a romantic relationship with her, despite what she had hoped for for so long.
so she has a choice: she can either stay in vegas where she cannot have his love but does have her dream job and at least can be in his presence OR she can go elsewhere, where she won't have his love but also won't have her dream job or be in his presence.
and so, despite how pathetic she realizes it is, she decides to stay in vegas, because even without having a romantic relationship with grissom, she would rather just be close to him and have the job he gave her than to go back to being totally alone.
going off to work at the fbi or some other crime lab (or even leaving the profession entirely) doesn't really appeal to her because to do so would require her to walk away from the one person she has any kind of ties to at all.
so even though remaining in his presence while feeling certain that she will never have him in the way she truly wants breaks her heart, she still considers doing so the best option she has.
thankfully for her, her choice to remain in vegas and continue working with grissom does eventually pay dividends, as in s5 he finally comes around, paving the way for them to finally have the kind of relationship she has always wanted.
anyway, sorry if i have completely failed to answer your question.
if you want to send another ask clarifying what you meant, please feel welcome to!
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In an au where grissom doesnt act on his feelings towards sara at all, and where hank didnt cheat, do you think sara might be happy and stay with hank, or do you think she would be content living alone and just having work husband relationship with gil?
hi, anon!
as i talk about in this post, sara wouldn't have stayed with hank for much longer than in canon she did, even if her relationship with grissom had never taken off and hank himself had never cheated on her, because she was never going to get to a place where she was prepared to disclose her past to hank, meaning that the relationship was always, by its nature, going to remain socially/emotionally superficial and come to a point where it didn’t make sense for it to continue.
the second hank pushed for their bond to be more than just casual dating and sex—to make any kind of more formal commitment and/or play a bigger role in sara's life and/or learn more about her and/or become more emotionally intimate—she was going to do what she always does in her non-grissom relationships, which is was to cut and run. she was never going to let him in because she lacked the motivation (i.e., the emotional connection to him) to do so, and particularly given that in this scenario she'd still be very deeply in love with grissom the whole time she was with hank (same as she is in canon).
that relationship always had an expiration date on it from her end, so even if she’d never had to break up with him due to him cheating, she still would have done so the first time he tried to say the l-word to her or when he asked to meet her parents (or meet his) or invited her to move in or even just started requesting to learn more about her childhood.
at the first sign of him trying to make inroads (which is something that would naturally happen the longer they were together), she would bolt.
as for the grissom side of the equation, even though doing so honestly wouldn't be good for her, sara would indeed have hung around him indefinitely, even had he never made a real move on her, because that's just the way she's wired.
while early on, she does once threaten to walk away from him/the team once she realizes that, despite her initial expectations in moving to vegas, their romantic relationship is going nowhere and he's always going to keep her "on the line" without ever reeling her in (see episode 02x15 "burden of proof"), and though she does eventually temporarily date hank in an effort to try to "move on" from something she feels at that time is probably never going to happen with grissom, the truth is that she is always just going to keep coming back to grissom because the emotional pull to him is that strong.
he's the only person she's ever loved.
he's her longest relationship.
he's the one soul who's never given up on her.
so even though she would chide herself for not having more dignity, continuing to hold her breath for a man who never seems to be willing to take that next step with her, that's exactly what she'd ultimately do. though she might occasionally make "feints" toward moving forward in her life without him (such as by casually dating other men), in the end, she'd just keep on working at the lab, carrying on their weird "almost-but-not-quite" relationship for as long as he'd let her.
she'd always maintain a little bit of doomed hope that he might someday be brave enough to take things to the next level between them, never mind that doing so would result in her constantly getting her heart broken, being "so close and yet so far" from him, and she'd do so because, for better or worse, at the end of the day, she'd still be in love with him, even given his perpetual inaction.
but here's the thing:
she wouldn't be content with the status quo.
hanging around, always waiting for him to sweep her off her feet, would still hurt her heart.
friendship is great, but she would always be pining for more, imagining how much better their lives would be if they actually gave into their feelings and fell into each other's orbits.
both the bad days and the good would smart in their own ways.
when he treated her callously or was aloof (as in the early seasons of the show he often was), she'd despair. but even when he treated her well and showed his affection for her, it'd be a bittersweet experience, only serving to remind her of just what it was that she'd never fully have with him.
it'd do a number on her self-esteem, knowing (as per what she learns, listening to his monologue in episode 04x12 "butterflied") that though he loves her, he doesn't love her enough to want to try to be with her; feeling like there must be something inherently wrong with her, that she cannot inspire him to finally take that leap with her.
and the more time that went on and the clearer it became to her that grissom were truly set in his ways, with no intention of ever changing, the more miserable she'd be.
and particularly because in canon grissom and sara getting together is so tied to her mental health journey that if the events of episode 05x13 "nesting dolls" never happened—if she never got to a point where she was able to confide in him and have him show her unconditional love in response to her doing so—things might get pretty bad with her pretty fast, even outside of the whole issue of her self-esteem as it connects to their dynamic.
the sara of late s4/early s5 was on a collision course, where her ptsd and depression were getting so bad that she was on the verge of probably losing her job or getting herself killed on it, and the only thing that prevented those potential outcomes was essentially grissom becoming both her confidante and her romantic partner.
so if that turn of events never happened—if grissom never conquered his fears enough to break down those final social barriers between them and get to the bottom of what was really at issue for her—then i honestly think that sooner rather than later sara would have flamed out, doing something to where the choice to fire her or not was no longer his but was made for him by the administration or (god forbid) pulling some stunt where she’d end up getting seriously hurt or even killed with her recklessness.
that so, i don't think we can really say that she would be "content" in this kind of situation or that it would have been able to last forever.
the point at which grissom and sara do finally get together in canon is a kind of "make or break" point for sara overall, where she is about to hit rock bottom, and either something has to happen to prevent her from doing so OR there is going to be some kind of tragic ending/consequence once she does; grissom coming over to her apartment and then subsequently becoming her boyfriend is really the thing that pulls her out of her spiral before she hits the ground.
so without that turn of events happening, my sense is that the center could not hold with her—could not hold with them.
something bad would have happened.
it wouldn't be pretty.
thankfully, i legitimately cannot imagine a world where grissom would just stand idly by and watch the woman he loved destroy herself without trying to intervene, so this whole hypothetical is one that i feel confident saying would never happen.
grissom was always going to act on his feelings for sara at some point.
he was always going to intervene once he realized how much she was hurting.
there's no way he could have ignored her distress if it got to that kind of "do or die" point. that's just not the way he or his love for her are built. eventually that instinct to care for her would have overcome his fear.
—and especially because, in canon, grissom ultimately acts on his feelings for sara not only because she's at a "make or break" point but because he is, as well. post-episode 04x12 "butterflied," he really comes to a place where he realizes that he can never be fully happy without her. so even if she never endured any sort of crisis, he still wouldn't be able to keep himself away from her forever. he is too inevitably drawn to her.
at some point, he was always going to kiss that girl.
anyway, thanks for the questions! please feel welcome to send more any time.
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What do you think Grissom meant in the “I need you” like at the crime scene and Sara’s look / smile after he says it?
hi, anon!
well, in the literal, surface-level sense, he means that since he has a complicated pair of coincident cases before him (i.e., the aggravated assault on the taxi driver and the stabbing homicide of the teenager), he needs another criminalist to help him in the investigation, because there's too much work for just one person to do by himself. as he explains to sara, everyone else on the team is unavailable, and he has no id, no suspects, and no primary crime scene. if he's gonna get this thing solved, he will require another set of hands AND another mind at work to get everything processed and figured out.
of course, as is usually the case with gsr, there's the surface level, and then there's what lies beneath—and in this case what lies beneath is an apology of sorts.
note that when sara first walks up to grissom and starts "complaining" about how he called her away from a mandatory continuing education seminar, she is 100% putting on a show, trying to flirt with him. she's not really upset about the call-in—and is in fact excited that he chose her to spend the day with—she's just being sassy to tease him. you can tell by how she makes sure to mention that the seminar was on forensic anthropology (i.e., the same topic as grissom's 1998 forensic academy seminar, where she and grissom first met and fell in love) and also because she has that kind of cocky affect going on.
unfortunately for her, grissom is in no mood to flirt, atm.
he's stressed, so he ends up being curt with her ("well, i'm sorry, but everyone seems to have something to do today"), responding to her playfulness with a dour rundown of a long list of things going wrong with his case so far.
watch sara's face as he does so: you can see her do a sort of "oh shit. i totally played that wrong. oh shit. yeah, no, he's not interested in joking around today. okay. yikes" reaction in real time, her brow furrowing and mouth falling open as she realizes he's not sharing her same wavelength.
of course, we can't see either grissom or sara's eyes in this scene, as they're both wearing shades, so i can't say so with 100% certainty, but i'm pretty sure grissom clocks sara's little recoil as soon as it happens and recognizes that he misread her "grousing" from earlier as more serious than she meant it to be.
she's not actually arguing with him; she's there to help.
that's why he adds a coda to soften the blow of his diatribe at the end: "i need you."
as stated above, one reading of the statement is professional—he needs her to help him work the case—but the other one is personal.
over the years, grissom has always used the lab/the work to represent himself when he expresses his attraction to and yearning for sara—such as, for instance, in episode 02x15 "burden of proof" when he tells her "the lab needs [her]" or even later on in episode 05x13 "nesting dolls" when he tells ecklie "she's a great criminalist, conrad. and i need her." he always makes it about the job, because that's what safe to him; that's justifiable. however, in reality, he’s using the job as a stand-in for his own self and his feelings.
so he does the same thing here.
outwardly, he's telling her "i need your help on this case" but on a more personal note, he's expressing that he didn't mean to be harsh to her and that he does want her around—not just in a professional capacity—because, of course, he always does.
it's a sincere expression of genuine feeling, a little bit of vulnerability from him to make up for his prickliness earlier.
and that's why sara smiles—because that man is so damn charming.
she knows the professional meaning behind the words, but she also hears the personal one. yeah, it was probably largely luck of the draw that she ended up being the only team member who was even potentially available to come help him today, but that doesn't mean he wasn't secretly happy it was her.
she knows he was.
he's basically telling her as much.
in this context, "i need you" is tantamount to "i want you."
and she'll be damned if she doesn't love hearing him so say.
cue a three-day long gsr super date, replete with all kinds of romantic overtures, sweet gestures, and eye sex galore.
thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
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comprehensive addictedtostorytelling csi meta and fic archive (current as of 07.20.21): part ii
_____
here is an archive of all of the csi meta posts, replies, and fics i’ve written since i first began posting commentary on and creative work for the show in 2014.
the archive is divided by subject, and each item is listed with the date on which it was originally published.
unfortunately, tumblr only allows 100 links per post, so i’m going to have to divide the archive up to make it functional.
the other parts of the archive can be found here.
there are currently 403 meta and fic items in the archive in total.
please note that some of these items were composed while the show was still airing and have since been contradicted or made irrelevant by show canon. please also note that all of the views expressed here are my own and should not be taken as authoritative.
some of the views i express in my writings have evolved over time, so generally speaking if there are multiple posts on the same subject, whichever one is most current will be most reflective of my present stances.
items marked with the ☆ symbol are ones i frequently cite, would consider my “cornerstone posts,” and/or are personal favorites of mine.
the symbol is mostly to help me find them quickly when i need them, ngl.
i will periodically update this post in the future as i write more metas and fics.
please feel welcome to send requests any time!
note: even if i have written on a particular character, pairing, episode, season, arc, or theme before, i am always happy to revisit the same topic, go into more depth, touch on another angle, or further explain as needed.
_____
EPISODE QUESTIONS
01x03 “crate n’ burial”
“why does sara react in the way that she does to grissom touching her cheek in this episode? if she’s in love with him, shouldn’t her reaction be stronger?” (01.15.16)
01x16 “too tough to die”
gifset meta: “grissom watches sara in the doorway to the hospital room” (09.21.19)
“why does grissom call eddie willows ‘ed’ in this episode? do you think they were ever friends with each other?” (11.11.15)
01x23 “strip strangler”
“why doesn’t grissom protect sara before she goes in the supermarket?” (10.25.15)
02x04 “bully for you”
“is there gsr significance to the fact that sara takes grissom’s advice to shower with lemon juice?” (09.10.15)
02x05 “scuba doobie-doo”
“what’s going through grissom’s mind when sara touches his cheek?” (09.23.20)
“how does the chalk scene in this episode compare to the ‘gray hair’ scene from episode 06x13 ‘kiss-kiss, bye-bye’?” (11.09.15) [also pertains to episode 06x13 “kiss-kiss, bye-bye”]
02x06 “alter boys”
short answer: “can you talk about the scene where grissom touches sara’s arm as he leaves the room?” (10.09.15)
02x08 “slaves of las vegas”
“what does it mean when heather asks grissom if he wants to be her boss and he says they ‘both might learn something’?” (09.12.15)
02x15 “burden of proof”
“how does catherine find out about the tension between grissom and sara? does sara tell her about it directly?” (05.04.21)
“why isn’t grissom wary of sending sara’s plant to the lab? does he not think that people will notice?” (05.03.21)
“what does catherine mean when she asks grissom if he’s in denial?” (11.21.18)
“what is the meaning of the scene where catherine is at grissom’s apartment? what does her advice to him mean? is she telling him that he should pursue sara?” (01.27.16)
“can you deconstruct the scene between grissom and catherine at the end of the episode? what does their conversation mean?” (06.27.15)
“when catherine asks grissom if he’s in denial, is she referring to his feelings for sara?” (05.18.15)
03x01 “revenge is best served cold”
gifset meta: “grissom listens to pagliacci” (12.09.20)
03x02 “the accused is entitled”
“why is sara the only team member who seems to react knowingly when grissom mentions phillip gerard? why does she already seem to know who he is?” (10.24.15)
“why does sara roll her eyes when grissom compliments her appearance and tells her she deserves to have a life with hank peddigrew?” (10.10.15)
03x09 “blood lust”
“who is grissom on a date with before getting called in to work? could it possibly be heather?” (02.25.17)
03x15 “lady heather’s box”
“what is your interpretation of the infamous ‘you can always say stop’ scene between grissom and heather?” (01.27.21)
03x17 “crash & burn”
“does grissom remove himself from the mva case because he wants to avoid being around sara and hank peddigrew? is he jealous of their relationship at this point?” (12.17.20)
03x19 “a night at the movies”
“what do you make of grissom seemingly ogling showgirls in this episode?” (10.26.15) [also pertains to episode 01x15 “table stakes”]
03x22 “play with fire”
“does grissom reject sara because he believes she’s asking him out on a reckless whim after her near-death experience?” (10.31.20)
“why does grissom decline sara’s dinner invitation? and why is he so harsh in doing so? also, why do they never talk about this exchange again after the fact?” (05.23.19)
“why do grissom and sara act the way they do in this episode? why does sara stare at her id badge in the locker room?” (10.28.15)
03x23 “inside the box”
gifset meta: “sara reacts to grissom having her work with him at the bank” (12.08.19)
04x01 “assume nothing”
“what do you make of grissom gawking at the stripper in this episode?” (10.26.15)
04x07 “invisible evidence”
“why does sara ask grissom to pin her down, and why does he choose to do so? aren’t they both trying to ‘move on’ from each other?” (04.11.21)
“why does grissom snap at sara in this episode?” (04.11.21)
“why does no one at the lab seem to notice grissom and sara’s activities during the famous ‘pin me down’ scene?” (01.31.21)
“can you discuss grissom’s attitude toward sara in this episode?” (10.02.15)
“can you talk about the differences between the ‘tie me up’ scene from episode 01x03 ‘crate n’ burial’ and the ‘pin me down’ scene from episode 04x07 ‘invisible evidence’?” (09.16.15) [also pertains to episode 01x03 “crate n’ burial”]
04x08 “after the show”
“why does grissom take catherine’s side over sara’s in their dispute?” (06.11.21)
“what is the source of sara’s upset in this episode? is she just offended on a professional level or are things more personal where grissom is concerned?” (06.08.21)
04x12 “butterflied”
“whom does brass think grissom is talking about in his monologue: heather or sara?” (04.26.21)
“does sara ever tell grissom she overhears his confession to dr. lurie?” (03.26.21)
“what is your opinion on the originally scripted version of grissom’s monlogue?” (06.11.18) ☆
“can you deconstruct the scene where catherine and sara talk in the locker room? why does catherine seem confused and sara sad?” (11.19.15)
“does grissom discover his love for sara in this episode?” (11.19.15)
“what are your thoughts on the original version of grissom’s monologue?” (10.27.15)
04x13 “suckers”
“how can we account for grissom and sara’s behavior in this episode? don’t they seem too comfortable with each other, given the events of episode 04x12 ‘butterflied’”? (04.15.21)
04x16 “getting off”
“what is the meaning of the ‘i haven’t seen you in a while, have i?’ scene in this episode? what does grissom mean there?” (05.01.19)
short answer: “can you deconstruct the scene where grissom first asks sara to help process the female suspect?” (11.21.15)
04x19 “bad words”
gifset meta: “sara spells out ‘vixens’ with the tiles” (08.19.20)
“what is the joke when sara spells out ‘vixens’ with the letter tiles?” (02.07.18)
04x22 “no more bets”
“what is the real reason why grissom recommends nick over sara?” (04.26.16)
short answer: “why does grissom never promote sara?” (11.29.15)
05x02 “down the drain”
“what is the meaning of the ‘i’m not worried; i’m concerned’ scene?” (12.03.15)
05x03 “harvest”
“what is grissom thinking about when he’s in the church, sitting on the pew, looking up at the cross?” (04.09.16)
05x05 “swap meet”
gifset meta: “on grissom and ‘wife swapping’” (05.13.20)
“why do you think they cut the last line from the original gsr ‘you think they’re happy?’ scene?” (10.29.15)
“on episode 05x05 ‘swap meet’ and gilbert grissom’s ‘wife’” (09.15.15)
05x10 “no humans involved”
short answer: “is sara jealous when she sees sofia in grissom’s office at the end of the episode?” (09.30.15)
05x12 “snakes”
“sara basically tells grissom she’s in love with him in this episode (‘you’ve always been a little more than a boss to me’). how come he doesn’t respond?” (10.03.15)
05x13 “nesting dolls”
“why does catherine shut greg down when he wants to help sara in this episode? what is catherine and sara’s relationship dynamic in general?” (06.07.21)
“can you deconstruct the scene at the end of the episode where grissom confronts ecklie and catherine and tells them he’s not going to fire sara? also, what do you think is said between grissom and catherine once ecklie leaves the room?” (01.27.16)
“what does sara mean when she tells grissom she chooses men who are ‘emotionally unavailable’? is she referring to him?” (09.12.15)
05x14 “unbearable”
“how does sara react to seeing grissom with sofia in this episode? how would she react to finding out about grissom and sofia’s dinner date?” (10.26.19)
“why does grissom ask sofia to dinner in this episode when he refuses to go out to dinner with sara in episode 03x22 ‘play with fire’? does he have a ‘thing’ for sofia?” (10.04.15)
05x15 “king baby”
“why does grissom make the ‘i even missed your tush’ comment to catherine? is he attracted to her?” (12.22.20)
“was the ‘missed your tush’ line billy improv? also, why can grissom be so forward with catherine but not with sara?” (10.13.15)
05x16 “big middle”
“is grissom talking about sara when he answers greg’s question about ‘what gets his juices flowing’?” (04.15.21)
05x21 “committed”
gifset meta: “as a child, sara draws a harpooned whale” (08.16.19)
“is grissom jealous when greg shakes the pillow at sara in his office? also, does he ever get jealous of super dave’s crush on sara?” (03.22.16)
06x03 “bite me”
short answer: “what is the nature of grissom and sara’s conversation in the victim’s bedroom? are they mad at each other?” (10.24.15) [also pertains to episodes 06x12 “daddy’s little girl” and 06x20 “poppin’ tags”]
06x05 “gum drops”
“is the original script for this episode available anywhere? what was the original plot of the episode like before the changes?” (01.20.20)
gifset meta: “the original script for episode 06x05 ‘gum drops’” (10.03.17)
short answer: “what is the nature of the original (unaired) gsr material from this episode?” (10.27.15)
06x07 and 06x08 “a bullet runs through it” pts. i and ii
short answer: “what do you make of the deleted gsr scene from episode 06x08 ‘a bullet runs through it’ pt. ii?” (10.31.15)
06x12 “daddy’s little girl”
“what does sara mean when she says some people just aren’t meant to be together while looking right at grissom?” (10.31.15)
06x20 “poppin’ tags”
“what does grissom’s ‘mouth to mouth’ quip mean? is he flirting with sara?” (03.09.16)
06x19 “spellbound”
short answer: “do you think grissom told people about his ear surgery or does greg know about it by other means?” (10.31.15)
06x21 “rashomama”
“an ode to episode 06x21 ‘rashomama’” (08.29.14)
06x22 “time of your death”
“what is the meaning of grissom’s expression while he’s looking at sara in the final scene?” (03.31.21) [also pertains to episode 07x15 “law of gravity”]
gifset meta: “grissom mulls giving sara a ring” (08.22.19)
“what is the in-universe date for this episode? are grissom and sara already together by this point?” (08.24.18)
“what’s going on with grissom and sara’s facial expressions in the ‘beautiful woman in distress’ scene? what is the meaning of this exchange?” (02.11.16)
short answer: “what do you make of the scene where nick comes in with the bracelet and grissom is staring at sara?” (10.24.15)
06x24 “way to go”
“are grissom and sara just newly together when this episode takes place? if not, when do they become a couple?” (05.16.19)
“why does grissom claim that he and brass ‘don’t hang out’ when greg asks about their friendship, even though they often drink bourbon in brass’s office and talk through rough cases together?” (10.20.15)
07x02 “built to kill” pt. ii
“when sara says she agrees with grissom and ecklie responds ‘of course you do’ do you think that means that ecklie knows about gsr?” (09.16.15)
07x03 “toe tags”
“what is the meaning of doc’s question when he asks catherine when she last took a nap in grissom’s tub? does his asking imply that grissom and catherine are ‘involved’?” (07.30.18)
short answer: “what is the meaning of doc’s ‘when was the last time you took a nap in grissom’s tub?’ question to catherine? is he making a joke or being serious?” (11.18.15)
07x08 “happenstance”
“what is that look on grissom’s face when sara solves his crossword puzzle and tells him she won’t wait up? is he confused?” (10.29.15)
07x11 “leaving las vegas”
“does sara know beforehand that grissom is going on sabbatical? what are her feelings when he leaves?” (03.15.21)
“does grissom talk his decision to go on sabbatical through with sara before he makes it? does he even know why he wants to go in the first place?” (03.16.16)
“can you talk about the locker room scene before grissom leaves? why does he decide to go?” (09.15.15)
“is the reason why grissom’s departure is so awkward because he didn’t talk to sara about his decision to leave in advance?” (01.22.15)
07x13 “redrum”
“what happens with the cocoon in this episode?” (11.30.15) [also pertains to episode 07x14 “meet market”]
07x14 “meet market”
“does the case with jesse bring up sara’s old trauma about her family and/or influence her decision to leave vegas to patch things up with her mother come s8?” (05.27.21)
07x17 “fallen idols”
short answer: “what is the point of the shaving scene?” (11.29.15)
“does grissom grumbling about getting called into work on a saturday have gsr significance? also, who is hank the dog named after?” (11.23.15) [also pertains to episode 03x02 “the accused is entitled”]
07x18 “empty eyes”
“is the custodial worker visible in the hallway at the end of the episode natalie davis?” (12.04.19)
gifset meta: “on gsr and the invisible cleaning woman” (05.01.17)
07x20 “lab rats”
short answer: “why does sara say ‘how would i know?’ when wendy asks her if the miniature cases are keeping grissom up at night? aren’t grissom and sara living together at this point? shouldn’t she therefore know?” (11.21.15)
07x21 “ending happy”
“can you deconstruct the ‘you make me happy’ scene?” (10.20.15)
07x22 “leapin’ lizards”
short answer: “can you deconstruct the bedroom scene?” (11.29.15)
“what do you think happens after sara reads grissom’s letter? does she confront him about it?” (10.21.15)
07x23 “the good, the bad, and the dominatrix”
short answer: “how do grissom and sara feel in this episode? how do they get back on good terms afterward?” (04.16.21)
“how do grissom and sara resolve the tension between them after the events of the episode?” (09.14.20)
“what’s going on with grissom and heather in this episode? what is their dynamic in general?” (11.16.19)
“what is brass about to tell catherine when he says he knows something ‘a lot juicier’ than gossip about grissom and heather? does he know about gsr?” (03.05.18)
“what does brass know that’s ‘a lot juicier’ than gossip about grissom and heather?” (06.16.16)
08x01 “dead doll”
“what is the significance of nick finding sara rather than grissom?” (11.25.15)
“sara sidle: the damsel in distress who saves herself” (07.10.14)
08x02 “a la cart”
“in this episode, greg indicates that he already knows about gsr prior to the events of episode 07x24 ‘living doll.’ is he telling the truth? who else on the team might have known about gsr prior to the big reveal?” (06.27.16)
“can you deconstruct the car and go-kart track scenes at the end of the episode? also, what is the significance of the use of the song ‘running up that hill’ (cover) by placebo?” (12.05.15)
08x04 “the case of the cross-dressing carp”
“do you think grissom and sara discuss wanting to get married prior to the proposal or is it just a ‘spur of the moment’ type thing?” (10.30.15)
08x06 “who & what”
“how come jack malone is able to figure out that grissom and sara are a couple immediately when for years their teammates (who know them better) remain oblivious?” (05.24.21)
08x07 “goodbye & good luck”
“why is grissom so oblivious to sara’s upset before she leaves the lab and flees vegas?” (01.08.21)
“what is the last straw that causes sara to leave las vegas in this episode?” (11.20.20)
08x08 “you kill me”
“is it possible that, despite what grissom reports in-episode, sara isn’t actually in san francisco at this point?” (06.19.18)
08x12 “grissom’s divine comedy”
“why does catherine seem so surprised when she finds the photo of grissom and sara at their condo [in the deleted scene]? doesn’t she already know they are together?” (10.20.15)
09x01 “for warrick”
“how does sara know that warrick died in episode 09x01 ‘for warrick’? who calls her to give her the news? is it grissom?” (05.31.16)
“how does sara know about warrick’s death? where does she catch the ‘first flight out’ from?” (12.03.15)
09x02 “the happy place”
“what are grissom’s thoughts when he’s interrogating scott bonfilio? can he relate to what scott’s saying on a personal level?” (03.29.16)
“when grissom talks about relationships in stasis withering, is he talking about his and sara’s relationship? if so, does he really mean what he says?” (03.12.16)
“what happens between grissom and sara in this episode?” (12.01.15)
09x05 “leave out all the rest”
“are grissom and sara actually broken up in this episode? and have any csi directors or producers ever clarified if grissom and heather sleep together here?” (09.26.20)
“is heather’s ‘schism between the lovers’ monologue an analogy for grissom and sara?” (05.02.18)
“what is grissom’s ‘agenda’ for going to see heather in this episode? what is her ‘agenda’ in dealing with him? is she flirting with him?” (12.10.15) ☆
“does grissom start crying during the morgue scene?” (11.19.15)
short answer: “is this episode gsr-heavy?” (10.25.15)
“do you think grissom and sara actually break up in this episode?” (09.10.15)
09x07 “woulda, coulda, shoulda”
“does encountering natalie davis again contribute to grissom’s decision to leave vegas later in the season? also, why does grissom refer to sara as his ‘colleague’ (rather than as his ‘girlfriend’ or ‘fiancée’) in this episode?” (04.25.16)
10x04 “coup de grace”
“why does sara refer to grissom as ‘dr. grissom’ when talking to ecklie?” (11.04.20)
10x12 “long ball”
“when greg asks sara if she’s married, why does she say ‘well, now that you mention it—’ and then trail off? aren’t she and grissom married at this point?” (11.12.15)
13x10 “risky business class”
“why did the writers choose to parallel the famous ‘pin me down’ scene from episode 04x07 ‘invisible evidence’ with the scene in this episode where sara and doug are in the mock-plane cabin?” (03.15.18)
14x05 “frame by frame”
“why did the producers choose to make the last image of the episode grissom and sara’s signatures together? were they trying to imply that gsr won’t be forgotten?” (09.14.15)
“what does the signature of custody with both grissom and sara’s names on it mean?” (09.10.15)
14x10 “girls gone wild”
short answer: “can you deconstruct the scene where brass debriefs sara after the shooting and talk about their relationship in general?” (12.10.15)
14x12 “keep calm and carry on”
“why does sara react in the way she does in this episode?” (12.08.15)
15x12 “dead woods”
“some thoughts on sara’s storyline in episode 15x12 ‘dead woods’” (12.30.14)
#csi#csi cbs#gsr#gil grissom#sara sidle#sara x grissom#otp: gsr#**#my meta#meta: csi#meta: gsr#my archive#csiverse
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What do you think about the dynamic between Grissom and Sara in the new sneak peak (the one with the gloves)? Do you think it shows their growth as individual characters but also as a couple?
hi, anon!
i don't know that i think it shows growth, per se, as a) they both act exactly as one would expect them to in this situation, and, b) we've seen very similar "mild conflict" behavior from them before at times when they've been together in the past.
however, i do think that the scene contains a lot of love and that it, once again, demonstrates how very "worn-in" they are with each other, which is exactly how they should be at this point in their relationship.
more discussion after the "keep reading," if you're interested.
__
so to me, the behavior grissom and sara demonstrate in this scene isn't necessarily remarkable because it's new so much as it is remarkable because it's practiced—i.e., because it's clear that these two people love each other and have been together for a long time.
that sara, who has always been ruled by her heart and who is so incredibly loyal to anyone who's "her people," would be absolutely convinced of hodges's innocence and find it impossible to even entertain the notion that he might potentially be guilty 100% tracks. that she would be appalled at grissom for not throwing his full support behind hodges, whom she considers part of their family, also tracks. however, that she wouldn't actually be mad at grissom (even though she claimed to be) but more just frustrated with the situation and scared for hodges and in need of reassurance from grissom that everything would turn out okay also very much tracks.
that's all in keeping with characterization we've seen for sara throughout her entire time on the show.
likewise, that grissom, o he of "i never think [i know somebody]," "i tend not to believe people. people lie. the evidence doesn't lie" fame, would consider that, with one exception (i.e., his wife), no one is above suspicion, even if he'd like to believe otherwise, tracks. that he would understand that for the sake of the investigation, he has to both be and be perceived as being objective also tracks. that he would perhaps be less willing to go to bat for hodges (whom, even at the acme of their relationship, he was never personally very close to) both than sara is* and also than he would be for certain other former team members he might actually consider "family" also tracks.
* remember: he worked with hodges for six years; sara worked with hodges, on and off, for closer to twelve. moreover, she worked with hodges a lot more recently than did he. also, hero-worship notwithstanding, hodges ultimately ends up being closer with sara than with him in the end.
so, again, that's all in line with grissom's previous characterization; he behaves exactly as one would expect him to here.
grissom and sara also operate in a very familiar way in terms of how they approach their (mild) conflict on a couple level.
even before they got together, their style of conflict was never to yell in each other's faces but rather more to be kind of snarky and passive-aggressive with each other (see, for example, episodes 03x03 "let the seller beware" and 04x22 "no more bets").
in particular, sara was never shy about letting grissom know when she was pissed with him or even about communicating why she was pissed (see episode 02x15 "burden of proof").
once they did get together and were generally in a good place in their relationship, the conflict snark stayed but became more lighthearted in nature as long as the conflict itself was mild* (see episode 07x10 "loco motives"); however, the snark was also joined by some genuine communication and also was occasionally replaced by softness at times when a gentler touch was warranted (see, for example, in episode 07x06 "burn out," where sara admonishes grissom for being too hard on greg but does so in a very tender way that makes clear what behavior she'd like him to change and why).
* at times when there were actually hurt feelings, like in episode 07x23 "the good, the bad, and the dominatrix," it was a bit more biting.
of course, even on occasions when the conflict was more serious in nature, they always treated each other respectfully.
so, all of the above said, what we see from their mild conflict here fits well into these established patterns.
sara feels like hodges is part of her and grissom's team family and therefore is deserving of their immediate and wholehearted support; however, grissom is reserving judgment, at least allowing that it's possible that hodges could potentially be guilty of the crimes of which he stands accused. he's not as prepared as sara is to say that hodges absolutely couldn't be behind the fabrication—and especially not before they've had a chance to review all of the evidence.
consequently, their two views of hodges and where their obligations lie in this case are at odds, with sara believing that their main responsibility is to establish hodges's innocence and grissom that it is to discover the truth (even if that truth is that hodges is at fault).
sara is upset with grissom because she feels as if he's being disloyal to someone who is entitled to their trust.
she's also (on a more subconscious level) probably feeling a bit on edge because this whole situation smacks of many an old disagreement she and grissom had back in the day, when he, as her supervisor, used to always get on her for letting her emotions cloud her judgment (see, for example, episodes 01x10 "sex, lies, & larvae" and 01x16 "too tough to die").
of course, for as annoyed as sara is that grissom would even consider that hodges—their hodges!—could possibly be a criminal mastermind and for as much as it bothers her that grissom is (at least possibly) second-guessing her judgment, deep down, she also does realize that a) grissom has good reason to be behaving in the way that he is, and, b) that he's just being himself, which is something she really can't fault him for.
he's right that they need to look at all the evidence. he's right that they can't get ahead of themselves.
people are going to be scrutinizing their work, so they need to check all of the boxes, you know?
honestly, if hodges is innocent, then that's the best thing they can do to help him.
they need to be thorough.
—and, frankly, grissom wouldn't be grissom if that weren't the approach he were taking here.
for as much as sara wants him to validate her, she knows him well enough to recognize that he was always going to be more willing to entertain the unsavory possibilities in this case than was she.
he is a skeptic by nature, predisposed to doubt the human element.
there's only one person who has carte blanche on his trust, and that's her; everyone else, he will at least allow could potentially be guilty.
he's also not necessarily "against hodges" (even though that's what sara first accuses him of being) but rather just "for the truth" (regardless of if hodges is guilty or innocent).
that's part of his strong sense of justice—and, honestly, a trait sara loves in him, even if she's annoyed by how that trait is manifesting at the moment.
she is, after all, the same person who once told her own best friend that if he'd been suspected of killing a suspect in cold blood, she'd not hesitate to investigate the hell out of him, so, ultimately, she does understand grissom's m.o. here—she gets that their obligation is to the truth, more so than to any one person; she's aware that they have to explore every avenue.
it's just a hard thing to hear, is all.
and especially because, in this case, proving the truth is going to be exceptionally difficult—which means that even if hodges is innocent, they still might not be able to help him.
ultimately, she's frustrated with the situation more so than with grissom himself, and she recognizes as much.
—hence why she puts the gloves back.
so.
all of this discussion is to say that not only do grissom and sara behave as we'd expect them to on an individual level in this scene but their conflict also plays out as we'd expect, as well.
this ground isn't really new for them.
but that's not to suggest that this scene isn't remarkable for other reasons.
as stated above, while it's not necessarily a scene that showcases a lot of "growth," at least in the sense that their behavior here isn't markedly different than behavior we've seen from them in the past, it is one that showcases a lot of love—love which manifests in the form of knowing.
grissom knows sara well enough to understand right away what she's upset about (and even to know that, deep down, she's not actually upset with him but rather with the injustice of the whole situation).
he's not at all surprised that she would be so adamant in her defense of hodges, and he's also not at all disappointed; part of what he loves about her is how passionate she is and how deeply she invests in "her people." he knew from the get-go that she was going to be "team hodges" all the way. he would not have expected anything less.
sara also, as discussed above, knows grissom. she gets why he's so insistent on remaining objective, and beyond her kneejerk "how could you not immediately back hodges on this?" reaction, she even (secretly) appreciates that he is so measured.
it's something she can count on even when everything else is out-of-control.
ultimately, she knows that he'd be just as happy as she would be if the evidence bore out that hodges were innocent. she also knows (and deeply appreciates) that he will stop at nothing until he gets to the truth.
she has always loved how just he is, and, for all her complaints, she wouldn't actually want him to be any other way, even now.
so there's love in all of that understanding.
and there's also love in her moving the gloves back.
and there's love in him knowing why she moved the gloves back.
and there's love in the fact that even though tensions are high, they're talking through everything.
and there's love in them working together to get the truth.
they really are, as grissom says, a team.
and that's so evident in this scene.
this is what a healthy, long-term relationship looks like in action, folks. they don't have to agree about everything; they just have to respect and love each other, even in disagreement, and continue to work together, regardless.
you can really tell that they've been married for years—that they know each other and how to work together, through any kind of adversity.
it's a simple superficial thing, but i'm struck by how, throughout this whole conversation, they never stop stocking the kit, seamlessly handing items off to each other, grissom checking that they work, and sara fitting them into place. though they're having a (mild) argument, their actions speak much louder than their words—as has always been the case with gsr—and show that though outwardly they're in disagreement with each other, inwardly they're still very much in sync.
there's still that connection between them, as always.
anyway, that's my take.
ymmv.
thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
#answered#anon#asks: csi#**#my meta#meta: vegas#meta: gsr#csi vegas#gsr#let's talk shop#cv 01x02#csiverse
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As awkward as Grissom and Sara are, both of them are major flirts. And seem to be quite successful in flustering others.
Do you have gifs of them flirting, not only with each other but other people as well ?
Also, what are your thoughts on their awkwardness vs flirting?
hi, anon!
i don't really have gifs of them flirting with other people—not my bag—but i've got tons of gifs of them flirting with each other. you can find a few examples here, here, here, here, and here, and there are plenty more where those came from if you just go through my gif tag.
as for their talent for flirting despite their social awkwardness, my thoughts are after the "keep reading," if you're interested.
__
so the thing about social awkwardness is that there are lots of different types of it.
certainly, there are people for whom social awkwardness manifests as being so uncomfortable with speaking to others or habitually tongue-tied that verbally flirting would be impossible for them.
but to my mind, that’s not really the kind of social awkwardness that either grissom or sara has.
in grissom's case, guy can just be a lot to take in, particularly for people who aren't used to him: he's got oddball interests, like cockroach racing and performing recreational necropsies; talks like an encyclopedia had a baby with a shakespeare sonnet; makes blunt observations; is recklessly impolitic; has a certain intensity to him, especially when on cases; and is possessed of some highly irregular quirks (such as, for example, his habit of walking out of the room mid-sentence when he has an epiphany and his proclivity for making macabre and borderline-inappropriate puns at crime scenes), all of which qualities tend to either bewilder folks at best or rub them the wrong way at worst.
however, that's all kind of surface-level stuff.
on a deeper level, much of grissom's social awkwardness also stems from the fact that he is usually so "in his own head" that he fails to anticipate or take into account that other people's experiences may be significantly different from his own.
some of this tendency is just the product of him being a unique guy with unique perspectives*, whose whole ~deal~ is just so different from everyone else's that he doesn't even know just how different it is (i.e., "wait. you mean other people actually think x? i had no idea").
* and if you read him as being autistic and demisexual like i do, then much of this issue can be framed in terms of his neurodivergent, acespec worldview just not matching up with that of the neurotypical, allosexual majority.
of course, some of his awkwardness is also due more to the fact that his is an obsessive mind that will become devoted to a single thought process to the exclusion of all other thought processes until the task at hand is complete.
it's a kind of social myopia, where he focuses so hard on one thing—typically, solving a case—that he ignores everything else around it—typically, the human element.
he'll think things are straightforwardly one way, totally oblivious to the fact that the other person or people involved in a given situation may see things entirely differently (see, for example, in episode 02x15 "burden on proof," him not even questioning if he is justified in putting rancid blood experiments in the communal breakroom fridge because in his mind, science™ takes precedence over everything else at the lab, whereas everyone else on the team finds this behavior from him outrageous because the rank smell of the experiments contaminates their food and makes them lose their appetites, which is a breach in workplace etiquette that they believe shows disrespect to them as his coworkers).
while grissom is not at all incapable of empathy, he sometimes fails to actively practice empathy if he's hyperfocused on something else, particularly as he is so skilled at compartmentalizing that sometimes he doesn't realize that for other people, there is often a lot more "bleed over" between various experiences, especially when it comes to emotions, than what he would experience for himself.
when the show plays this tendency lighter, we get a grissom who sometimes ends up comically baffled by how other people emotionally respond to things (see, for example, in episode 07x11 "leaving las vegas," how utterly flummoxed he is when nick hugs him and expresses the belief that he's quitting his job).
however, when the show plays this tendency heavier, we get a grissom who can be blind to how other people's thought processes and even more especially their feelings might run very counter to his own, with this blindness doing real harm (even though such is never his intention), as he misses emotional cues and behaves insensitively, not understanding why people get so worked up over or invested in particular things and not responding appropriately when they do.
this issue is then further compounded by the fact that he is typically not very outwardly emotional himself, so he finds it confusing and uncomfortable when other people are so, meaning that he frequently is unsure how to respond when he's really stepped in it with someone (see, for example, his inability to say anything when sara calls him out for his hypocritical behavior toward her in episode 03x03 "let the seller beware").
this is then why so many people accuse grissom of being emotionless, a robot, "not human," etc.—because he frequently fails to recognize people's emotional responses until those responses are already dialed up to "top volume” (at which point they become impossible for even him to ignore), and then once he does recognize them, he's completely out of his depth and struggles to know how to react in the moment; he just stands there, slack-jawed, unsure of what to say.
so that's grissom's awkwardness: he's a quirky guy who many people find alienating and hard to digest just on a surface-level, but then he also frequently fumbles emotional interactions.
meanwhile, on sara's side of things, she, like grissom, certainly has her peculiarities, which can make her a lot™ for people to process: a workaholic insomniac, she has no actual hobbies or interests outside of her job; never talks about her past; never lets anyone get too close to her; excepting for a few aberrant periods, has no discernible social life; is a shameless teacher's pet but also an outspoken antiauthoritarian, equally as likely to grub for favor from the boss as she is to mouth off to the boss's boss; gets more excited about science than she does about any of the fun there is to be had in vegas; and is high-strung as all get-out.
her surface-level social awkwardness is compounded by her bluntness and "in your face" attitude; she doesn't suffer fools, so if she thinks you are or at least something you've done is stupid or out-of-line, she's going to tell you how much so, and she's not going to sugarcoat the matter. she's also stubborn af and is not going to back down from anything when she thinks she's right. she'll sometimes (especially in her younger years) say terse, sardonic, harsh things.
she has less than zero chill.
like.
negative amounts of it.
—which brings us to the more underlying source of her awkwardness: how emotionally reactive she is.
baby girl feels everything so keenly and 1000% wears her heart on her sleeve, and she doesn't really tone herself down. sure, for positive emotions, her expressiveness can be endearing—because who doesn't love her megawatt smile?—but for more negative emotions, and especially the messy, hard-to-reckon-with, "jagged little pieces" kinds, it can be a lot to swallow.
if she's angry, she's in your face, ready to go to war over it. if she's sad, she's sobbing in front of you, with you unavoidably witnessing her heartbreak. she can be shameless. stubborn. coarse. socially suicidal.
and it can be very uncomfortable for other people to deal with.
sara makes things awkward by saying the kinds of things that most people would never, ever say, whether she's confronting grissom about how his emotional aloofness hurts her (see episode 01x16 "too tough to die": "i wish i was like you, grissom. i wish i didn't feel anything") or bitching to nick about grissom pulling them off of their individual cases to help with warrick's trial prep (see episode 04x07 "invisible evidence": "you know what pisses me off?... victims aren't equal. high profile cases get priority") or brazenly challenging ecklie's authority (see episode 05x13 "nesting dolls": "the only reason why this is your lab is because grissom doesn't kiss ass"). she makes things awkward by being so openly emotional and unapologetic. she makes things awkward by not adhering to conventions or tolerating bullshit.
she foregoes a lot of the niceties about what kinds of things one can or cannot say and what kinds of emotions one can or cannot express publicly.
so that's sara's awkwardness: she's an idiosyncratic girl who most people can't make heads or tails of given how closely she guards her past, but then she also (even more so) is just a livewire, someone whose intensity can just be hard to take except for in small doses.
but here's the thing:
while grissom and sara are both undeniably socially awkward in the ways described above, they are both also undeniably intelligent, articulate people, possessed of wit, masterful with their language, who are capable of thinking on their toes and speaking well—all of which qualities serve to make them adept flirts.
sure, grissom may sometimes fail to take other people's feelings into account, and, yeah, sara sometimes goes off in incredibly embarrassing ways, but the fact that they do so has little bearing on their abilities to playfully fluster others.
flirting is an art, in many ways situational.
to be a good flirt, one needs to be able to pick up on other people's cues, to ad-lib, to read and react to the situation at hand, to engage in wordplay and make innuendos, to communicate both verbally and using body language, to make jokes, to banter, to pleasantly surprise, to delight, and to charm.
while of course there are some purely basal, physiological elements to flirting (such as angling one's hips a certain way when talking to someone in order to indicate sexual availability, smiling at the right time to show friendly interest, having an instinct for when to reach out and touch the other person's arm in order to forge a connection, etc.), in many ways, it's also a function of intelligence—not necessarily "book smarts" but a kind of think-on-one's-feet cleverness that allows for a productive back-and-forth exchange between two people.
—and grissom and sara have that ability in scads.
for as much as they both do sometimes struggle with human interactions on certain levels, they're also both highly observant and capable of attending to the people they interact with*.
* like i said above, it's not that grissom can't empathize or that he never pays attention to others, but rather that sometimes he puts those mental processes on the backburner in favor of other types of thinking. but when he's on, he's on. he can do those things very well when he actively sets his mind to it.
they're both creative and capable of carrying on a repartee.
they’re both quick studies who can analyze a situation and come up with quips on the fly.
for these reasons, they are capable of flirting with just about anybody.
but to me, the really interesting thing is that their best flirting is always with each other.
grissom can impress just about anybody if he whips out the right literary reference or makes a particularly clever double entendre, and sara can play on suggestive statements and well-placed eyebrow raises all day and all night, no matter who her partner may be, but put grissom and sara together and have them flirt with each other, and everything jumps to the next level.
of course, a lot of this difference has to do with the fact that when it comes to how they deal with each other, their hearts are really in it.
grissom can trade ribald but ultimately harmless jokes with catherine and effortlessly charm the ladies at the “hogs n’ heifers” convention in episode 05x16 “big middle” or carry on flirtatious conversations with sofia curtis or heather kessler over various cases, but it’s all very superficial for him because he’s not actually interested in going home with any of them; meanwhile, with sara, he absolutely has every interest in sweeping her off her feet, so he pulls out all the stops. he is constantly blurting out the most ridiculously romantic things to her and going out of his way to make her blush and get her to smile, almost like he can’t help himself.
the same is true on sara’s side: she’s really good at the kind of generic “talk in a higher-pitched voice,” “use your body language to project availability” coquetry that will get guys like hank peddigrew hot and bothered. she’s also equally skilled at a kind of low-stakes, all-in-good-fun, vaguely naughty teasing with the nicks, warricks, gregs, and super daves of the world. but all of that is minor league stuff compared to how clever and, frankly, aggressive she is with grissom, whom she’ll call out and rile up and fluster like a pro.
naturally, it helps matters on the flirting front that grissom and sara share a sense of humor—lots of wordplay and wryness—and also that they have a long history together and kind of private lexicon of gesture from which to draw when they engage with each other.
but at the end of the day, it really comes down to the whole “shooting your shot” thing.
whether before they’re officially in a relationship or after, they’re both in it to win it where each other are concerned, which is why they are often so shamelessly complimentary of each other and openly upbeat and outright risqué and humorously unsubtle and quick-on-their-feet and warmly affectionate and just downright cute.
they really, truly like each other, and the fact that they do shows.
anyhow.
to tie these two parts of our discussion together, the bottom line is that while grissom and sara do have some social deficits, particularly where it regards emotional interactions, they are ultimately both possessed of a lot of the social skills that are necessary to be good flirts, particularly in terms of their linguistic abilities and their talents for thinking fast. though they are both capable of flirting adroitly with just about anyone they want to if they set their minds to it, they are especially awesome at flirting with each other because they just strike that sweet spot in terms of being on the same wavelength and also having the motivation to really “perform at the top of their games.”
thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
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What do you think are some romantic things Grissom does for Sara? Canon and not canon especially now into their relationship , he is so sweet to her calling her darlin 🥰😍
hi, anon!
so i've got a post here about some romantic stuff i headcanon grissom doing for sara when they're married (mostly when they're living on their boat).
otherwise, in canon, we know that grissom
goes above and beyond the call of duty to solve cases that upset sara (see, for example, episodes 01x10 "sex, lies, & larvae" and 01x16 "too tough to die")—and, i mean, of course as a criminalist he'd always try his best to solve the cases anyway, but when he can tell that a particular case is really getting to her, he will bend heaven and earth and even sometimes go against his own professional sensibilities in order to save the day and get her peace of mind;
buys her green plants to let her know how much he loves her (see episodes 02x15 "burden of proof" and 12x18 "malice in wonderland");
writes her love letters (see episodes 07x14 "meet market" and 07x22 "leapin' lizards");
shares interesting/curious things that he finds with her, as well as beautiful things that remind him of her, because he knows that she, like him, loves to be astonished and is fascinated by the the workings of the world (see episode 07x13 "redrum" when he sends her the cocoon);
recites poetry to her and sings to her (see episode 07x22 "leapin' lizards" and reboot episode 01x04 "long pig");
calls her by all manner of endearments and is just constantly saying off-the-cuff super sweet things to her;
comforts her when she's sad and reassures her when she's upset;
gives her gifts (see episode 04x17 "xx");
is just generally a gentleman who treats her with care and respect and will do pretty much anything to make her happy (see reboot episode 01x08 "pipe cleaner"); etc.
thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
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Hello, I am a big fan of your analyses! Being francophone the translation can be approximate. I would have liked your analysis on the dynamics (relationship...) between the team members (Catherine, Warrick, Nick, Sara and Greg) with Grissom. You’ve already referred to "that Greg would be kind of Grissom and Sara’s kid, and Warrick considers Grissom "like a father, 9X01" but I have more trouble with someone like Nick. Thank you
hi, anon!
thank you for your kind words! i'm glad you enjoy my stuff.
analysis after the "keep reading," if you're interested.
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we'll just take everyone one at a time, okay?
catherine
if we use the "family" analog, catherine is essentially grissom's "work wife" (a point humorously acknowledged by the show itself in episode 04x06 "jackpot").
catherine and grissom have known each other since the mid-1980s. in addition to being the supervisor and assistant supervisor for the graveyard shift, they are also frequent field partners. they have a great deal of working history between them and also maintain a social relationship outside of their work.
other than sara, catherine is grissom's best friend, as is evidenced by the fact that they socialize outside of work (see catherine coming over to grissom's condo to drink screwdrivers with him in episode 02x15 "burden of proof"), are familiar with each other's personal lives* (see catherine's comments in episode 01x04 "pledging mr. johnson" which insinuate that grissom knew about eddie's cheating before she did), support each other in times of trouble (see catherine showing up to the hospital to wish grissom good luck before his surgery in episode 03x23 "inside the box"), have a playful rapport between them (see their back-and-forth banter in episode 03x19 "a night at the movies"), are comfortable showing vulnerability to each other (see grissom telling catherine about his father's death in episode 06x10 "still life" and catherine collapsing sobbing into grissom's arms after keppler is shot in episode 07x15 "law of gravity"), know each other incredibly well (see catherine anticipating that grissom will forget about her deadline and working around him in episode 01x20 "sounds of silence"), etc.
* of course, grissom does keep the biggest part of his personal life—i.e., that he and sara are a couple—a secret from catherine for many years, so while they are certainly socially intimate, they do also still have a degree of separation between them.
while both catherine's ex-husband eddie and some fans believe there is a romantic/sexual element to their relationship, i firmly believe that there isn't and never has been. to my mind, theirs is a truly platonic dynamic, based in mutual respect and a willingness to be frank with each other.
though they're two very different people—a socially-savvy, streetwise, politic, sexually-liberated single mother on the one hand; and an asocial, academic, impolitic, demisexual bookworm on the other—they care about each other deeply and have each other's backs.
many times over the course of the series, we see that grissom is willing to take catherine's advice, both with regards to professional matters (see, for example, how he listens to her when she tells him he needs to go home and get some rest so he can have fresh eyes during the events of episode 04x12 "butterflied") and personal ones (see, for example, when he heeds her advice to make nice with sara during the events of episode 02x15 "burden of proof"). he also literally trusts her with his life (see episode 01x23 "strip strangler").
while they do sometimes butt heads regarding certain issues and in particular grissom’s quirks do occasionally drive catherine up a wall, they also generally have a good working rapport and help balance each other out as leaders/partners. catherine alerts grissom to his social and political blind spots and reminds him to consider the human element in their cases, while grissom tempers catherine's zealousness and encourages her to maintain objectivity, even in situations where she has personal feelings about or interest in a case.
ultimately, grissom believes in catherine very strongly and recognizes her strength and leadership potential, which is why he feels comfortable leaving the team in her hands upon his retirement from the lab (see episode 09x10 "one to go"); after so many years of her being his right hand, he has total confidence in her abilities.
warrick
see here.
nick
as is the case with grissom and warrick, grissom and nick also have a very father-son relationship.
their dynamic is generally a warm one, with genuine adoration coming from both sides. while grissom loves teaching nick and pushing him to be the best criminalist he can be, nick loves learning from grissom, which is why when grissom finally leaves the lab in episode 09x10 "one to go," he calls nick the best student he ever had.
their big thing, especially early on, is that nick craves grissom's approval.
as nick himself explains in episode 01x22 "evaluation day," part of the reason he got a job at the lvpd under grissom is because he wanted to be told by someone he considered "the best" that he was the best ("you know why i took this job? honestly? i wanted to pack heat, walk under the yellow tape, be the man, but mostly because i want you to think i'm a good csi").
for this reason, much more so than with either warrick or sara, nick will bend over backwards in order to please grissom, following his orders unquestioningly—as nick remarks to sara during episode 04x07 "invisible evidence," "i don't care if you're working on the hottest case of your career: if your supervisor tells you to leave a scene to go wash his car, you do it”—and trying to model himself after him in order to win his praise.
of course, since grissom and nick are two very different people/criminalists, nick isn't always successful in trying to earn grissom's approval and/or be grissom 2.0. for as much as he wants to please and emulate grissom, it never comes naturally to him to be as emotionally aloof as grissom is from his cases; he always wears his heart on his sleeve, always gets invested, always cares too much. he can never ignore the human element in the way grissom sometimes insists that he ought to.
for these reasons, he and grissom occasionally come into conflict, particularly over the first several years of the show (see, for example, grissom chewing nick out about his involvement with kristy hopkins in episode 01x11 “i-15 murders”).
the real turning point in their relationship comes in episode 04x11 “eleven angry jurors," when nick finally asserts to grissom that he is ready to be his own man and approach criminalistics in his own way, with his feelings intact ("so what? you know, i'm always getting criticized for empathizing with the victims and their families, but that's who i am. that's how i do my job. and as far as the promotion goes, it's all good, man. i can live without it. i'm not you").
perhaps paradoxically, it is only when nick stops craving grissom's approval that he fully and completely earns it, winning grissom's respect and his recommendation for the key position promotion.
from then on, grissom is much more permissive of "nick being nick," and nick is much more confident in himself.
of course, even once they achieve this equilibrium in their mentor-mentee relationship, the "father-son" aspect of their dynamic remains intact.
nowhere is it more on display than during the events of episodes 05x24 and 05x25 "grave danger" pts. i and ii, where we see grissom agonize over nick's kidnapping as if nick were his own son and even call nick by the same affectionate nickname that nick's own biological father uses for him ("pancho").
it's clear both in these episodes and throughout the series that grissom loves nick deeply—that he has high expectations of him, is proud of him when he succeeds, cares about him on a personal level, and wants to see him grow and become the best version of himself.
nick obviously reciprocates the adoration, looking up to grissom as a role model, seeking his counsel, showing him respect, and trying to do right by him/their team/and the lab.
sara
of course, sara is grissom's actual wife—the love of his life, his best friend, his source, his motivation, his soulmate.
i've written upwards of 400 metas and analyses on grissom and sara's relationship, which to my mind is one of the richest, deepest, most complex, and beautiful dynamics in fiction.
to summarize it succinctly here would be too difficult, so instead i'll direct you to my archive and specifically to my gsr shipper's guides posts, which go over all of the ups, downs, ins, and outs of gsr in detail.
greg
like warrick and nick, greg also has a father-son relationship with grissom, albeit one of a distinct flavor.
to quote from this post,
particularly during the early seasons, grissom struggles with greg just because greg’s brain works so differently than his does.
while they both are possessed of genius-level intelligence, one of grissom’s great gifts is hyperfocus, whereas greg is very much a multitasker, who not only is able to work on many projects at once but actually needs to do so in order to be stimulated enough to finish anything.
greg needs to have music blaring and be working on some sort of elaborate but totally superfluous presentation for his data and be cooking up a prank on nick and warrick and flirting with sara at the same time he’s running five different dna tests in order to function at the top of his game, but grissom, who tends to work best when he’s locked in a room by himself, nose down in his experiment, with nobody around him and nothing to bother him, looks at that chaos and assumes that greg is distracting himself.
though he knows greg is both smart and capable, he’s always at least a little bit exasperated by his behavior and wonders if he could be more productive if he just buckled down and focused.
of course, eventually, i think grissom realizes that part of the reason why greg needs all of those distractions is because greg isn’t being challenged enough in his current role as a lab tech.
thankfully, grissom arrives at this conclusion at around the same time greg starts showing interest in transitioning into fieldwork, so he is able to address the problem not long after he really puts his finger on what it is.
greg becoming a field mouse changes his and grissom’s dynamic for the better.
while grissom still never fully understands greg’s squirrelliness, he finds that once the kid is being properly stimulated, he’s far less “all over the place” and easier to take.
being in the field gives greg an outlet for his excess energy and intellectually challenges him, which means he has less of a need to create diversions for himself outside of his work. operating outside of the lab and having to deal with unique situations and people on the fly helps him to find new capabilities within himself, and he really grows up quickly, impressing grissom in the process.
that’s not to say that grissom never rolls his eyes at greg’s antics going forward, but it is to say that he does become very proud of him in time—which is something that we see particularly surrounding the demetrius james case in s7.
though grissom is oftentimes hard on greg, it's clear that he cares for him (as he does his "other boys"), as we see in episodes like 03x23 "inside the box," where he reassures him when his hands are shaking, and 07x04 "fannysmackin'," where he visits him in the hospital and expresses pride in him for his heroic actions at the crime scene.
meanwhile, for greg's part, for as much as he does occasionally goof off, he also does, in his own way, crave grissom's approval (much like nick does) and want to do right by him/the lab. he's happy when grissom shows faith in him and when he's included on the team, shining when he's given opportunities to put his unique brand of creative forensics to the test.
anyway.
that's what i've got.
thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
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Hi Aj!! So basically I just went deep into the CSI thing thanks to the new show. I’m now on season 2 on my rewatch! First time rewatching the show since I was 13!! And I’m obviously into all things GSR! You’re basically my favorite GSR fanfic author!
So I just watched Burden of Proof and I’m kind of wondering what your thoughts are on that whole conversation Catherine has with Grissom at the end and about getting burned and all that. Seems to me like she’s implying a break up… but I’m just not sure cause the language so vague.
hi, anon!
thank you for your kind words! i'm so glad you enjoy my fic. ❤
as for your question, the tl;dr answer is that catherine believes that grissom and sara had a sexual/romantic relationship both prior to when sara moved to vegas and for sometime afterward, as well—which, honestly, is a point she could potentially be right about. however, she also erroneously believes that sara eventually dumped grissom, which is what she's referring to when she says grissom got "burned bad."
in her view, the tension between grissom and sara that both exists more generally during the early seasons of the show AND is so particularly prevalent during the events of episode 02x15 "burden of proof" specifically is part and parcel of them being exes with unresolved issues between them in the wake of a nasty breakup; in the scene in question, she's essentially counseling grissom to try and put his and sara's past behind them for the sake of the team.
if you want a more in-depth review of this scene and catherine's perspective on gsr at this point, check out this meta and this meta.
i also have a more general meta on catherine and sara's overall relationship and catherine's take on grissom and sara's history here, if you're interested.
thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
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In 2x15 Burden of Proof, that conversation at the end with Grissom and Catherine, if Catherine picks up on the GSR vibes so early in the show…why wouldn’t she be perceptive in the later seasons to connect the dots when she notices that Grissom lost weight, seems happier, and leaves work on time? Also, Cath seems to pick up that Griss got burned badly in love in the past as a reason for his hesitancy towards Sara. Is that necessary the case or Grissom is just hesitant bc of the age gap?
hi, anon!
so this post actually covers a lot of your questions in detail, if you want to check it out.
otherwise, elaboration under the "keep reading," if you're interested.
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the reason why catherine fails to pick up on gsr in the later "secret dating" seasons even though she seems at least peripherally aware of it in the early ones is twofold.
1. though catherine does have some idea that something went on between grissom and sara before sara moved to vegas and for at least a little while afterward, too, she doesn't really understand what that "something" was.
based on the limited evidence she observes (see episode 01x03 "crate n' burial") plus her preconceived notions of what might potentially draw an older man to a younger woman, she assumes that their relationship was mostly sexual—that grissom was having a midlife crisis and so hooked up with one of his students. she then further assumes that sara eventually dumped grissom after grissom got her a job at his lab (hence her comments to grissom in episode 02x15 "burden of proof" about how he got "burned bad").
per these flawed perceptions, she interprets the tension she sees between grissom and sara in s1-s4 as discomfort between two exes with unresolved issues between them. she has no idea that they ever were in love, much less that they are still. she also has no idea that their relationship never technically ended, just was sublimated, OR that grissom was the one who backed off, not sara.
between her incorrectly assuming that grissom and sara went through an actual, honest-to-god, "we're over now, dammit!" breakup and the fact that she has no idea just how deep their connection really runs, when she perceives their relationship stabilizing circa s5—from then on, they don't fight anymore and instead work together amicably—her sense is that maybe it's because enough time has elapsed that they finally have some closure and are over their "ancient history" together.
the ironic thing, of course, is that that's pretty much the exact opposite of what's in reality happening—which is that they’ve finally decided to act on the feelings they've had for each other since day #1.
2. in addition to underestimating how deep and important grissom and sara's relationship with each other is, she also overestimates how deep and important their relationships with other people are.
from her perspective, grissom and sara have a "thing" while sara is in san francisco, and then sara moves to vegas, and they carry on for a little while, but eventually sara dumps grissom, and their working relationship deteriorates as a result (hence the events of episode 02x15 "burden of proof").
around the time that grissom and sara call it quits, catherine believes that grissom "rebounds" by dating teri miller; however, that relationship doesn't really last, as miller doesn't challenge him enough and (in catherine's opinion) he's still smarting from what happened with sara.
meanwhile, more ready (as the "dumper") to pursue a new relationship, sara eventually starts dating hank peddigrew during s2 and s3.
not realizing that sara is not in fact the dumper and still has feelings for grissom the whole time she's with hank, catherine, as an outside observer, takes the longevity of sara and hank's relationship as evidence of its seriousness, assuming that since sara is with the guy for over a year, she must actually have feelings for him and so not have feelings for grissom.
circa this same time, grissom meets heather kessler, who, in catherine's opinion (see episode 07x23 "the good, the bad, and the dominatrix"), is his great match; though to the best of catherine's knowledge, grissom and heather aren't actually ever a couple in the romantic sense, she does believe that they sleep together at some point.
her understanding is that grissom remains hung up on heather well into s7.
all of this so, catherine's overall view is that while grissom and sara once had a "thing," eventually they both move on to other relationships, and, in grissom's case in particular, he finds someone who is much more of a right fit for him than sara ever was.
combining these two factors, when catherine sees signs of grissom being in a romantic relationship with someone in s7, the reason why she doesn't guess that that person is sara is because she thinks that grissom and sara had a brief and purely sexual fling that ended badly many years ago; however, they've both been over what happened for a long time now and have had relationships with other people in the meanwhile. since she doesn't consider that they are in love, she has no reason to believe that they would revisit that past relationship—and especially not when, in her opinion, grissom is likely into someone else. while i'm not sure that she necessarily believes that grissom's "mystery girlfriend" is heather, she would undoubtedly consider heather a more likely candidate than sara at this point. in her mind, after some initial "we're exes who have to work together" rockiness, grissom and sara have long since settled into an amicable professional relationship; the way she sees things, there's no evidence to suggest that there is anything between them—hence why she’s comfortable speculating about grissom’s love life to sara in episode 07x23 “the good, the bad, and the dominatrix.”
as for catherine's statement in episode 02x15 "burden of proof" about grissom having been "burned bad," i've always interpreted it to specifically apply to how she views his relationship with sara—i.e., catherine thinks that grissom dated this younger woman whom he was infatuated with, who took him for a ride but then dumped him once she grew tired of him, which, coincidentally, is exactly the fear that grissom himself expresses about potentially getting into a relationship with sara in his monologue from episode 04x12 "butterflied.”
in her view, she thinks that the friction between grissom and sara as of late is because they're still dealing with the fallout from this turn of events—that his feelings are hurt, so he's been hard on sara at work, and sara resents him being hard on her and so is issuing ultimatums about leaving the lab if he doesn't treat her better.
now.
as for whether or not there's any truth to this perception on catherine's part, in the case of grissom and sara's relationship, the answer is very much "no."
sara never dumped grissom—and, in fact, he was the one who pumped the brakes on their relationship once she moved to vegas, not the other way around.
if anyone got "burned bad," it was her.
after all, she moved to vegas with the expectation that she and grissom would be together (see episode 05x12 "snakes"), and the only reason why that outcome never transpired is because he wouldn't allow it to; because he was too afraid to act on the feelings that both of them already had.
while grissom might not like this status quo, he doesn't have anyone to blame for it but himself, and, deep down, he knows as much.
as for whether or not there may be truth to this perception on catherine's part elsewise—in terms of grissom's more general romantic history—i also think the answer is "no."
grissom may have had bad dating experiences before sara, but the thing is, he was never in love with any of his previous partners before her (see episode 07x24 "living doll"), so what he was dealing with in those situations was embarrassment and low-level regret, not actual broken-heartedness.
the heat of those relationships was never actually high enough to burn him.
so if not from his romantic history with sara or from his broader romantic history in general, then where does his hesitancy to be with sara stem from?
his fear of rejection.
as i talk about in this post,
at the end of the day, grissom worries that, though sara loves him now—though she has been in love with him for years—her love is only viable for as long as she remains at a distance from him.
so convinced is he of his own deficiencies—of the “facts” that he is too old for sara, too inexperienced in love to know how to be a good partner to her, too cowardly, too inherently misanthropic and insufficiently human, too disabled, too selfish, too incapable of reading social cues, too unable to do right by her—that he believes that if they actually try to make a life together, one where they spend serious time together without any of the barriers which stand between them in their current supervisor-subordinate dynamic and truly see each other up close beyond the relative safety and insulation of their interactions at the lab, she will come to realize that he is not what she actually wanted, and her affections for him will dim and eventually snuff out completely.
he doubts his own abilities to satisfy her as a lover, as a partner, and as a human being and fears that if he is truly vulnerable in her presence, she will find him lacking and eventually become repulsed by him, thinking him at best piteous and at worst repugnant.
and he’s worried that this drop-off will happen after the fact—that after he has sacrificed his career and reputation to be with her, and after he has gone completely deaf and come to rely on her for support, and after he has given up his usual boundaries and made it so he cannot stand to live without her—so that he doesn’t even really know himself beyond his connection to her—then she will reject him.
he is scared to death that he will sacrifice everything to be with her, and then she’ll fall out of love with him.
that’s what he talks about in his episode 04x12 “butterflied” monologue:
“all of a sudden, we get a second chance. somebody young and beautiful shows up, somebody we could care about. she offers us a new life with her, but we have a big decision to make, right? because we have to risk everything we’ve worked for in order to have her. i couldn’t do it—but you did. you risked it all, and she showed you a beautiful life, didn’t she? but then she took it away and gave it to somebody else. and you were lost. so you took her life. you killed them both, and now you have nothing.”
it's not anything sara has done to him so far.
it's not the age gap in itself.
it's the idea that he could give up everything to be with her—his job, his solitary lifestyle, his ability to exist without her, his heart—and it still might not be enough.
he could still lose out.
even though she's in love with him now, she could still eventually reject him.
that's what makes him hesitate: the fact that he cannot answer the question of how things will develop if he makes the necessary sacrifices in order to be with her.
if he knew for certain that they would live happily ever after, he'd be willing to put everything on the line, no problem.
but without having any guarantees, he's worried that if he "goes all in," he'll lose the gamble, and end up emptyhanded, without the career, the comforts, the girl, etc.; he'll be alone and miserable, unable to live with himself, in her wake.
so he holds back, torn between his overwhelming desire to be with her, on the one hand, and his overwhelming fear of losing her once he gets her, on the other. he tries to split the difference by contriving their relationship so that while they are not actually dating—and so aren't in danger of suffering any consequences for being together—they are still carrying on a romance of sorts, albeit one that takes place entirely at work and isn't consummated.
as discussed above, while he tries to pretend like this liminal existence works for them, he's not fully successful in toeing the line in the way he means to be, and sara suffers because he isn't, never knowing exactly where they stand (and not having her needs sufficiently filled, one way or the other).
anyway.
those are my takes, though ymmv.
thanks for the questions! please feel welcome to send another any time.
#answered#anon#asks: csi#**#my meta#meta: csi#meta: grissom#meta: catherine#csi#gil grissom#catherine willows#02x15#let's talk shop#csiverse
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I really don’t like how dismissive Grissom is of Sara in Burden of Proof. And the way he talks about her being emotional to Catherine. But then I look at the recent trailer and it’s the same guy who now holds her hand just because he can and my heart melts <3
hi, anon!
looking back at the grissom of the early seasons and then comparing him to the grissom of the present, i’m always struck by how far he’s come and how much he’s grown as a person/partner.
in episode 02x15 “burden of proof,” he starts out being inconsiderate of everyone on the team by putting rancid blood in the communal fridge, and he sees no problem with what he’s doing because he’s just of such a one-track mind that science takes precedence over everything for him; the human element doesn’t even register (even as the team complains to his face, seemingly not for the first time, about the rudeness of his actions).
during this period of his development, he still has a tendency to heavily compartmentalize the different aspects of his life. as heather will later explain to him in s9, “everything has its place” with him (see episode 09x05 “leave out all the rest”): his work, his social relationships, his hobbies, etc.; he partitions the different facets of his existence such that the professional and personal parts don’t overlap/impact each other.
or at least that’s what he tries to do.
—because the truth is, his best efforts notwithstanding, the “hard line” between gil grissom the night shift supervisor and gil grissom the friend has always been much softer and more permeable than he is comfortable admitting, and particularly because the people who work for him also happen to be his best friends/family, and in sara’s case, his one true love.
for as much as he tries to pretend that when they’re on the clock, he’s relating to his team members on a level that is 100% professional and has no bearing on their social dynamics outside of the lab hierarchy, such has never been the case; whatever kindness or cruelty he shows them as a boss contributes to their sense of him as a person and affects their interpersonal relationships with him. there is no true distinction between how they consider him as their employer and how they consider him as a man.
and that’s especially true with sara.
more discussion after the "keep reading," if you're interested.
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the interesting thing with sara is that before she moves to vegas, grissom’s relationship with her is solely personal; though they meet at a work-related conference, they don’t in point of fact actually work together, and so all of their interactions are social/romantic. their whole dynamic is based in the fact that they are in love with each other.
however, when sara moves to vegas, things get messy, because suddenly for the first time there is a professional component to the relationship—and grissom wants that component to be the relationship in and of itself.
even though he’s still in love with sara, he doesn’t want them to have a personal relationship anymore—not when he so fears the consequences of them doing so. he wants them to be 100% professional. just coworkers. just a supervisor and subordinate.
but there’s the rub: for as much as grissom wants to completely ignore their romantic history and pretend like suddenly he and sara are nothing more than a supervisor and subordinate, doing so is not actually feasible.
on paper, they may be just a boss and an employee, but in actuality, they are still, as ever, two star-crossed lovers, and the history that they have together hasn’t actually been erased; it’s still present, carrying with them, inflecting their every interaction.
trying to sweep everything that they are to each other under the rug doesn’t actually make it go away.
and that’s where most of the angst between them comes from in the early seasons of the show: from grissom’s stubborn insistence on treating his and sara’s relationship as if it were solely a professional one, even though it very much isn’t, and from the inevitable slippage that occurs when he’s unsuccessful in his attempts to keep everything “strictly business” between them—from the times when he allows his true feelings for her to show through, only to then confusingly try to cover them up with a show of “big boss-man” bravado; when he vacillates wildly between acting like a boyfriend to her and acting like a manager.
while he is himself very willing to at least try to buy into the “you’re just my subordinate, and i'm just your supervisor” lie he’s telling both of them—even though he’s seldom successful in actually propagating it—she isn’t.
she sees through the bullshit and always has.
she's never understood how he can pretend that the two and a half years before she moved to las vegas never happened—that their relationship was never personal.
she knows that’s not true.
even now, after a year and a half of her working for him, she knows that there’s still more to their relationship than he’s willing to admit to—that’s why he often shows her special treatment at work and why he sometimes makes gestures that can only be construed as romantic toward her and why there’s still so much palpable electricity between them.
they’re not just a boss and an employee, and they never have been; he’s deluding himself if he says otherwise.
so that brings us to the events of this episode, and the whole thing with the raw hamburger.
for him, the hamburger is just hamburger, but for her, it’s more.
he’s looking at their conflict, thinking, “okay, so i’m working on an experiment involving raw hamburger, and sara comes in when i'm already mostly done with it. i don’t have time to slow down because the case is hot, so i ask her to handle the clean-up so that i can move on to the next thing, which is something that is 100% within my purview to do, as i am her supervisor, and she’s my subordinate. she gets upset about the assignment i've given her because it disagrees with her personal sensibilities, which—whatever. i don’t really get it, because to me science is science, but that’s her prerogative not to touch raw meat if she doesn’t want to, i guess, so i tell her she can have nick deal with the clean-up instead. to me, that’s the long and short of the matter, but to her, it must not be, because the next thing i know, she’s putting in a request for a leave of absence, accusing me of not respecting her. did the hamburger really offend her that badly? i don’t understand why she’s so upset.”
meanwhile, she’s looking at it, thinking, “i moved to las vegas believing that when i got here, grissom and i would be a couple. obviously, that’s not how things have panned out, though. since i'm a big girl, i've tried to deal with the disappointment—to play by grissom’s rules and respect his boundaries, holding out hope that maybe someday he’ll change his mind, yes, but not pushing him into anything or giving voice to my heartache. i get why he has trepidations, of course. i get what’s at stake for him. and that’s why i don’t lobby for more than he’s willing to give. i feel like so far i've been pretty good about adapting to the reality of our situation. still. that's not to say that it doesn’t hurt when he’s callous with me—when he treats me like there was never anything between us, even though we both know that’s not true. for a year and a half now, i've stood by, making the best of his mood swings. some days, he treats me like i annoy the hell out of him, to the point where i wonder why he even keeps me on the team. but other days, he’s back to being prince charming, giving me all sorts of reasons to hope. honestly, the whole runaround is exhausting, and i wish he would come down one way or the other all of the time. this raw hamburger debacle is just the latest and worst in a string of slaps in the face from him. we shared that night watching over the pig carcass together last year, and i thought it was a big deal, that it meant something to both of us. but now he can’t even be assed to remember it, and he can’t be assed to even respect me as a person. i memorize and analyze and overanalyze and pore over every little exchange that passes between us. i live and die by how he treats me, weathering the bad days, living for the good. but obviously that’s not how things are for him. obviously, i'm not that important. it's probably time for me to recognize that discrepancy. i can’t keep waiting around for him to figure things out. i've got to do something to clear my head and get over him once and for all.”
and that’s the big difference between them:
at this point in his development, grissom is refusing to look at the bigger picture stuff because it scares him and complicates his project of trying to pretend that his and sara’s relationship is solely professional. for him, it’s much easier just to assume their individual interactions happen in a vacuum and ignore larger patterns. he doesn’t want to acknowledge the grander implications of what’s going on between them, so he doesn’t; he compartmentalizes.
him telling catherine that sara is “emotional” is part of that compartmentalization: it’s easier for him to pretend that sara is having an irrational response to the situation than it is for him to admit that he’s the one who’s making things weird by pretending that there aren’t any personal aspects to this interaction, even though there very clearly are.
but sara not only doesn’t want to take that approach; she literally can’t.
she can’t help but think about their every interaction in terms of what it means within the larger arc of their relationship. to her, overtones and implications are everywhere. it's all big-picture. it all counts toward the whole.
and that’s what she tells him when she confronts him in his office: that she’s not just upset about the hamburger thing; that this incident of him being dismissive of her isn’t isolated. to her, his disrespect toward her has become chronic ever since she moved to vegas. he’s been so hot and cold with her, so inconsistent, and, after a year and a half, she can’t take it anymore.
to me, it’s very telling that when sara threatens to quit, what grissom says is “the lab needs you”—because at this point, that’s all he can admit to.
what he of course means is that he needs her—and, by the look on sara’s face, she knows as much.
it’s just that he can’t bring himself to say the words.
he’s so deep in denial.
and that’s the thing that slowly changes over the years for him—not the actual nature of his and sara’s relationship, which has always, always in reality been personal, even after she started working for him, but his ability to acknowledge the truth; to finally admit to himself and to her that they’ve always been more than a supervisor and subordinate to each other; that they’ve always been in love.
he finally calls a spade a spade eventually.
it's just that it takes him a long time to get to the point where he can.
way back during the events of episode 02x15 “burden of proof,” he’s not yet to that level of self-awareness, so he acts like an ass, so much so that he very nearly loses sara for so doing. it’s only under threat of her quitting (and some coaching from catherine, who, thankfully, is much more socially aware than he is) that he manages to avoid this disastrous outcome and pull back the curtain of his own willful ignorance enough to realize that he needs to make a personal gesture or risk losing sara forever.
hence the green plant.
still.
even this particular misadventure is not enough to completely cure him of his delusions going forward; for the next two and a half seasons, he’s still in the business of trying to convince himself (despite mounting evidence to the contrary) that he can relate to sara solely in his capacity as her boss, ignoring the fact that he’s madly in love with her.
it takes a lot more near-misses and mistakes and bad turns on his part before he finally wises up—circa the end of s4 and beginning of s5—and realizes that he has to be honest about what’s been going on with him and sara the whole time.
as i talk about in this post,
when it comes to sara, grissom has always been torn between protecting his professional interests and following his heart.
as he says in episode 04x12 “butterflied,” he fears that he would have to give up everything he has worked for over the last twenty years in order to be with her—and he also fears that, once he has made such a sacrifice, she will realize his deficiencies and eventually leave him, and he will be left with nothing.
he tries to compromise between what he wants to do and what he thinks he ought to do by maintaining an “at the lab only” romance with sara, which toes the line, as far as lab policy goes, but leaves sara confused/unfulfilled and him in danger of losing her altogether, as far as it concerns their personal feelings.
over the years, there have been occasions when grissom has allowed his personal feelings to override his professional judgment when it comes to sara—we know as much, based on what ecklie says to sara about how grissom doesn’t truly document her performance and fails to appropriately discipline her for her numerous departmental infractions.
it is partially for this reason that sara feels so confused by grissom’s actions and attitude towards her: because while he tells her time and time again that he is just her boss, he sometimes acts like she is not just his employee and gives her special treatment. the way he “manages” her feels a lot like it is motivated by love rather than professional obligation.
however, these occasions typically come at no great professional cost to grissom—i.e., though he gives sara special professional consideration in these situations, he doesn’t ever endanger his own career in so doing. he is still acting “within his purview” as a supervisor when he bails her out.
take, for instance, sara’s near-dui at the end of season four.
it is unclear exactly what lab policy would have grissom do, given the situation, but one can imagine that a suspension probably should have been in order, or at least some kind of formal write-up.
however, rather than take punitive actions, grissom opts to get sara the help she needs and to do so very discreetly.
he tells her to take a vacation, makes sure she enrolls in peap sessions, and apparently keeps the whole situation on the d.l. (as we can infer from the fact that no one on team graveyard seems wise to where sara has been all summer, once the events of episode 05x01 “viva las vegas” take place).
while these actions are unusual, they are ones grissom can professionally justify taking. if the lab director finds out about them, grissom won’t get in trouble; he’ll just have to explain himself, and he’ll be able to do so, particularly as he is, technically, adhering to the letter of the law, in making sure sara sees her counselor.
and that’s what makes grissom’s actions at the end of episode 05x13 “nesting dolls” so remarkable: the fact that, this time around, he is actually putting his career on the line in order to protect sara.
not only is he directly defying ecklie, but he is also saying, point blank, “i know what lab policy says i should do in this situation, and i’m not going to do it. i’m going to handle things my own way, and if anybody has a problem with it—well, that’s too bad. sara is off-limits. we’re not negotiating here.”
grissom telling ecklie that he has already taken all the actions he intends to take in disciplining sara is basically tantamount to nick fury saying, “i recognise the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, i’ve elected to ignore it,” in the avengers.
or, alternately, “come at me, bro.”
but it even goes beyond that: grissom isn’t just prepared to shield sara; he is prepared to take the fall for her.
he tells ecklie that he is ultimately to blame for sara’s discipline problems, shouldering full responsibility for the situation—and, in so doing, he is almost daring ecklie to fire him.
while he can be fairly certain that ecklie won’t fire him (because, frankly, he is professionally irreplaceable), he’s still willing to take that risk and put his own career on the line in order to do right by the girl he loves—which is something that he has never been brave enough to do before.
in a way, his action is symbolic—a complete reversal of the decision that he makes in episode 03x22 “play with fire.” back then, he would risk nothing and refused to take a chance on sara. now, he is risking everything, and he is going to take his chance to be with her, no matter what it costs him.
it is not at all a coincidence that grissom and sara officially become “involved” at some point near the end of season five or the beginning of season six, only after the events of episode 05x13 “nesting dolls” take place.
in fact, as i understand things, they really only could be together once grissom had finally conquered his fears and decided that he cared more about showing love to sara than he did about safeguarding his career.
—and all of this rambling is to say that for as disappointing as grissom’s behavior toward sara through 98% of episode 02x15 “burden of proof” is, the good news is that it’s not the be-all, end-all with him.
he starts off unable to acknowledge his feelings for her, treating her poorly not because he doesn’t care about her but because he’s scared and making self-interested choices, but thankfully he doesn’t stay that way; that’s not the endgame for him.
in s2, he’s still at a very early stage in his development, but through subsequent seasons, he changes and grows—he learns to act in love and not in fear, to be more transparent about how he feels, to admit how much he cares for sara not even just because he doesn’t want to lose her but because that’s what’s best for her, and he prioritizes her well-being.
that's what leads him to a place where, twenty-three years after they first meet, he’s holding her hand as they walk into the lab—a place where he’s not afraid to admit that she’s the love of his life, and he’d do anything for her.
that’s character development right there.
and it’s so satisfying to watch it happen, even if at times it feels slow in coming.
thanks for the message! please feel welcome to send another any time.
#answered#anon#asks: csi#**#my meta#meta: csi#meta: grissom#csi#gil grissom#02x15#let's talk shop#csiverse
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