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夢実あくび 獄畜17 ～美女の恥肉塊～ Caribbeancom 013016-086

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013016; it's been 1 year, 3LOGY!

I just added this listing on Poshmark: NEW RWN Black Zip Up Jacket Size 3X. #poshmark #fashion #shopping #shopmycloset

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Campsite with @luthieski! 🌲👭☀☁ #MtPulag #rangerstation #nature #camping #wanderer #wanderlust #013016 (at Mt. Pulag Ranger Station, Babalak, Bashoy, Benguet)

013016

I do not know how to feel. Clearly I am overwhelmed and he might be overwhelmed as well. It is a lot to take in all at once in such a short amount of time. I would not be surprised if i read him wrong. My judgement can be a bit off, but he seemed really genuine and ideal. Why is it that the perfect ones for you and on the same path in life as you, are the ones who forget that you can grow together? Like I have always wanted a relationship where we can help each other find ourselves and grow and motive each other. Granted everything took me off guard because I was seriously not looking for anything but my feelings hit me in the face really hard. My heart knows what it wants and my brain is confused. He is confusing, how can you feel me but not feel me at the same time? When I confessed how I felt about him he said that the feelings were mutual. No eye contact was also really throwing me off. But I also felt a lot with that kiss and i know he is dealing with a lot on his plate. I am very understanding which i know gets me in trouble and always lands me in the hurt zone. I wanna believe he is different and part of me wants to wait but at the same time what if he saying all this just so he does not hurt my feelings? Do not say “the feeling is mutual” and then the next day say you are “not feeling” me. That is unintentionally leading someone one. But knowing him he probably is not even meaning to. See the thing is he is so simple minded and not in a bad sense but in the sense of he can be a little naive but at the same time he seems older than he really is. I know he means well, he is genuinely a good person and means well and likes to please everyone. His intentions are pure hearted i do not even have to second guess it at all. That is it! he is a people pleaser, but because of his past and hurt he wont allow himself to be pleased. does this make sense? Generally I do not like a chase and I am not a very patient person, but there is something about him that is giving me a thrill for the chase and giving me patience. I have been in a couple of relationships and I can honestly say, i have never fallen this fast or hard in such a short amount of time before. This feeling is hard and overwhelming. In fact this is all so overwhelming it almost feels exaggerated in a way. I have never wanted to intertwine my hand with someone else so badly to the point of taking a leap and doing it. I have never wanted to kiss someone so badly to the point of “fuck it i’m just gonna go for it”. I am blinded, but at the same time i do not want to push him away with my eagerness. I want to hold on to him more than anyone else right now. Wow these feelings are crazy, I feel starstruck and confused over him. I am used to just going up to a guy and being straight up, but with him I get butterflies and my outgoing personality hides and I get nervous and start to overthink literally everything. I thought our mid day date went well and it was awkward when the concierge thought we were dating but neither of us denied it, and I do not know why I feel like it was the evening get together that ruined it for me and he just does not want to tell me. But the no eye contact was really throwing me off because the eyes show the truth. Maybe he was just nervous? He also found the game I was playing to be all too enticing and I almost convinced him but of course he felt it was not right plus he did need to go back and get his car, so I left it at that. Also, I am very grateful that he explained a lot to me especially about not being able to give 100 to a relationship at the moment because life, and that it would not be fair to me and that he does not wanna play me. I just wow i need to just stop being so emotional right now. I’m stressing myself out and overthinking everything.

—Feeling—Lost, Giddy, Emotional, Confused, Happy, Nervous, and in too deep in likes with him to even comprehend anything what so ever—I hate it—

The kiss and the holding of the hands on the ride home, it was all enticing. I would assume if anything made him uncomfortable he would have said right? The taste of his cigarette still on his lips, the smell of my perfume and his cigarettes in the air it was all so cliché, stereotypical and perfect and i loved everything about it.

The truth is I need to just focus on school and my career and just not think about it too much. Everything is out in the open now, he said the feeling was mutual and that is all i should care about and continue to get to know him right? Damn, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, it is depressing but nice at the same time, you feel me? All in all he is a great catch and I am just gonna take it day by day with him and see where it leads us and if things fall into place. 

P.S. He opened the car door for me prior to the kiss. It was enchanting and oh so endearing.