#002 ( ❖ ) ─── dynamic ( cornelius smeenk ). | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

criticalfai1ure · 6 months

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kees!lives au :

it’s steadfastly the aftermath of the battle. cyrus holcroft is dead. cornelius smeenk is decidedly not, with much gratitude to ingvild and her ferality for drawing holcroft’s ire.

in this calm, kees find something deeply unsettling roiling in his belly — fury. hot and overwhelming and, for the first time in their lives, directed at august. kees is alive and he is fuming. every life lost, every second of torture he and ingvi had endured in august’s stead ( and would again and again ), all of it could have been avoided years ago, if only auggie had taken holcroft’s threats to heart.

the bosun lays into the captain that night. angry and mean.

death has changed ingvi and there is a stillness and calm that had not graced her before. she stands as a statue outside of the captain's quarters, godsword on her hip, smirking faintly at kees as he stalks out. “so you'll let me kill them next time, right?” she says, dryly.

kees answers quickly, still hot from his argument, “don’t.”

she reaches out, then, softening, and catches his arm "hey. we're here. we're still here. and he has to live with the memory of what happened for the rest of his life."

kees runs a hand over his face and sighs because he knows she’s right. but he’s already woken up with the ghost of the rope around his neck and, he won’t admit it yet, not fully, but he knows deep down that he wasn’t meant to make it through that encounter. “without your gods, where would we be?” fingers tug at the neck of his shirt, “i will forgive him because i -” his lips twist and he looks away from ingvi to stare up at the sails, “- but i would be lying if i said it didn’t feel good to make him hurt a little more for a little longer, and if that makes me a terrible friend, so be it.”

"oh, if you think i am not going to use dying for him as an excuse to do literally anything, you have too high an opinion of me." she steps closer, sliding her hand down to his and squeezing it. "knowing you're going to die for your captain and actually doing it are pretty different experiences. i think we have the right to be terrible."

— • —

it’s noon the next day and august is still sequestered in his cabin but kees refuses to be the one to check on him. suyu has the shift and brief orders from the captain to retain command through the night, so when kees approaches him, he dismisses the bosun's worry.

by the dinner bell, kees' guilt has begun to eat away at him ten-fold, but every time ingvi looks at him, he pretends he doesn’t notice. by midnight, when the door hasn’t even cracked and kees doesn’t want to sleep even if he could, he wanders out of his quarters to sit outside of the cabin. his guilt has been fighting his anger all day, and he finds this little acquiescence assuages some of his inner turmoil.

atsuyuki prods kees with his foot the next morning, pointedly looking at the captain's quarters, "mister smeenk, if you wouldn't mind checking on the captain this fine morning?"

kees clambers to his feet, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he glances between suyu and ingvi. the quartermaster excuses himself for the bridge with a slight bow of his head.

ingvi gives an uncertain, "how badly did you chew him out?" as they stare at the doors only for kees to shrug. “he deserved it.” but he doesn’t sound as sure as he had the night in question.

"i don't doubt it, but this is the longest i've ever seen you two not speak."

he scoffs. he's sure there's been time they've gone without speaking. then again, he's never brought a fight to his friend, so maybe not. “he’s probably just angry at the truth being laid out,” kees knows he’s lying to himself. “d’you think pax has brought up any food?”

"... i'm sure he's tried, if anything. i'll ask." after another beat she heads off to the galley.

it feels like ages when it's barely been minutes as kees' impatience overcomes him, finally drawing him to knock. after a moment of silence he knocks louder only to have august shout for him to go away. his worry shifts, then, because he’s got a sneaking suspicion he knows what he’ll find when he opens the door. when ingvi returns, he asks her to have pax bring up a strong pot of coffee to which she just gives a sharp nod and returns belowdecks.

it's been two days but the smell of alcohol has gone stale without an open window to circulate the air. guilt clashes with the anger in his chest as kees enters the room, sharply closing the door behind him to catch august’s attention.

“did you not hear me? go away,” the captain slurs. he is sat hunched over his desk, bottle of rum drained, rolling on its side with the sway of the ship.

“auggie…”

“don't - don't auggie me, kees. just -” and here his voice breaks, “just leave me be.”

rather than listen, kees crosses the room to kneel at his captain’s side, looking up at him with a sadness in his gaze. “what have you done, mijn hart,” a whisper, “forgive me my anger.”

tears spring to august's eye and he turns to hide his shame from the bosun. “i lost you, kees. i lost you both -”

“and yet we are still here. with you. you won't be rid of us so easily.”

ingvi's knock comes quicker than expected and august looks up, brow pinching with annoyance. kees watches auggie a moment longer before pushing to his feet, bidding aug to look at him and pressing a kiss to his forehead before calling out for ingvi to enter.

as the door creaks open, kees crosses to the back of the cabin, propping open the windows for the sea breeze. ingvi enters silently and eases the door shut behind her. she carries the coffee to the desk, pours it into one of the three mugs pax had provided on the tray and sets it in front of august. instead of pouring one for herself, she glances around, wordlessly setting to put things back in order.

august grimaces at the strong smell, sliding the mug further from him until kees tuts, taking a seat opposite. “drink up, mate.”

“ik ben geen k-kind.”

“and when you can admit as much without slurring, perhaps we’ll believe you.” kees crosses his arms, expectant, and after a long moment of trying to wait it out, august finally relents and sips at the coffee, grimacing again. after another moment, kees quietly asks, “is this… because of me?”

august sips the coffee again, unwilling to meet kees’ gaze and instead watching ingvi tidy up. embarrassment colours his cheeks upon realising the mess he’d made but he shakes his head. “nee. or, not because you shouted.” he pauses, eyes falling shut as he leans back in his chair. “i was wrong, i should not have allowed my feud with cyrus to bleed into our lives as much as i had – shouldn’t have underestimated his ire.” a shrug, and his words come out choked, but he looks to kees and then ingvi, now, “i nearly lost you both, we did lose you, ingvi, brief as it was. and if your gods were not with us?” a tear slides down his cheek and he does not brush it away. “i am a disgrace of a captain. a continued lapse of judgement proves as much.”

she does not need the reminder she died; she has woken every night so far with the memory of the chill, of her blood coating her skin. it is not something she will soon move past. "why do you concern yourself so with wondering what would have happened without my gods' interference?" she doesn't mean the words to be as sharp as they come out. "they were with me. they are with me." fingers brush the gold mark still shimmering high on her forehead. "disgrace or not, you are still the captain we choose to follow. if the gods can make the mistake of letting me die in the first place, you can allow yourself mistakes as well. finish your coffee."

an anger not quite as hot as when he fought cyrus bursts through him in an instant and he stands, chucking his mug at the far wall. hands fall to his desk and he sneers at both his best friend and his surrogate daughter, “why do you insist on following a man who selfishly chose a game of cat and mouse over the people he cares for most? all because he thought so highly of himself, he could have never imagined that which has come to fall?”

kees stands then, too. albeit lazily. scorn bleeding into his tone, “our blood is on your hands - i said as much the other night. is that what you’d like to hear? sober up, kapitein van de hoek. dat is een bevel, ja?”

“an order?” august scoffs. “misschien had je moeten…” but he trails off before he can finish his sentence shame flooding him as he dared allow the thought to take shape. kees pales, more than able to hazard a guess at the unspoken word.

“fuck you, august,” he spits, turning on his heel and stalking out of the cabin. the door slams behind him and august sinks back into his chair, face in his hands.

“het spijt me,” he mutters, hands then falling into his lap. shaking, penitent, he reaches for the pot of coffee, “i am not myself, ingvi. please relay to mister nakamura that he has the command until we reach england.” as, clearly, he cannot be trusted to speak to his crew.

she doesn't leave straight away, her own anger spiking at his. but it is no longer the hot, bright flash that it used to be, instead burning through her veins like lava, like ice. she stalks up to the desk and leans over it, hands braced slightly wider than her shoulders, bringing her face very close to his. voice a low snarl, "when I joined this crew, you told me I would die on this ship, same as any other man in the crew. that was an eventuality i accepted. dying hurt, and i remember every second of it, and i would do it again for you. because you, august van de hoek, saw me. you understood me in a way no one, no one else in my life ever has. that is why i follow you. failures, mistakes, and all. and i will not have you acting like it is foolishness on my part to do so." she straightens, still viciously cold. "i am your attack dog. do not muzzle me again."

august tries to play at being himself, at being sober and unflinching. but his eyes keep darting up at ingvi and he can’t steady his hand enough to pour the bitter drink into a second mug. “you have my word,” a whisper as she stalks away.

it is only a few long strides to the door, but it is enough to calm her anger. she pauses at the door. "give him time to calm down, but you have to go to him to apologize. do not wait too long. the longer you leave his heart broken, the harder it will be to mend it."

blurry gaze trains on her at mention of kees. “his… heart?” as if he doesn’t know why she would mention it. she merely gives him a long, pointed look, then leaves in search of suyu.

— • —

they’re a day from where they will make port and a full day past his words to kees. august suspects they may not have been travelling at full sail for the majority of it, but he isn’t about to question his quartermaster’s command. he has sobered, weathered the worst headache he’s ever had, and had ingvi’s parting words repeat on him ad nauseum in every space between his breath. and yet he waffles.

the bell tolls for the shift change and, for the first time since he’d secluded himself, august opens his cabin door, hands folded behind his back until he spots kees. “master smeenk, a word, if you will.”

there is a moment - a tense one - where kees considers insubordination. august can see it in the way he rolls his shoulder, tilts his head, but the crew is watching. so he obliges.

the door snaps shut behind him but he doesn’t move further into the room, arms crossed, he is closed off. august stands in front of his desk, lips twisting with all the words he’s planned on saying but seem to refuse to spill.

a long moment of silence stretches before kees pipes up with, “if that’ll be all, kapitein van de hoek?”

“kees…”

“no.”

august propels himself several steps closer, “kees, het spijt me, alsjeblieft. i never… you’re right to hate me. that wasn’t me, that was…”

kees rolls his eyes. “a drunk mind speaks a sober heart,” his reply is quiet and he turns, as if to leave.

august finishes crossing the room, reaching for kees, his hand coming to rest on his arm. “cornelius, please. ik heb je nodig, you know i do. i… i always have and always will.”

kees scoffs, but he doesn’t pull away. “you haven’t needed me in years.”

“that is wholly untrue.” and august shifts, hand moving to brush kees’ cheek. “i am sorry - for not heeding your advice years ago, for underestimating cyrus, for failing the crew and for failing you most of all. i am sorry for my words and for my shortcomings. and i am sorry cyrus dared use you as a pawn against me. het spijt me, and if you never forgive me it will be too soon. i l- hmm…”

kees meets his eye, arms falling to his side, “say it.”

“i love you, cornelius.”

“je bent een idioot, august.”

auggie laughs softly leaning down to rest his forehead against kees’, sighing deeply. “het spijt me.”

“week ik. ik houd ook van jou.”

#001 ( ❖ ) ─── general ( august van de hoek ).#002 ( ❖ ) ─── dynamic ( cornelius smeenk ).#002 ( ❖ ) ─── dynamic ( ingvild vik ).#003 ( ❖ ) ─── writing ( august van de hoek ).#credit to ingvi dialogue/actions goes to :#champagneprobllems #please forgive my use of dutch. i did have to google *some* terms bc i haven't learned past tense yet lmao. translations :#ik ben geen kind = i'm not a child #misschien had je moeten... = maybe you should have...#het spijt me = i’m sorry #alsjeblieft = please #ik heb je nodig = i need you #je bent een idioot = you are an idiot #week ik. ik houd ook van jou = i know. i love you too #turns out i just needed to spiral about my pirate captain and his bosun best friend ( and their adopted daughter ). :)

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