#...sorry I said that once I saw irl people I'd probably have less of an Urge to Complain but I guess I was wrong | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

transmisogyny-explained · 9 months

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I really appreciate your blog because I've been getting so much insight from it as a TME trans man who is mostly around other TME people (kinda just by happenstance, although I'm always open to trans female/transfem friends).

Anyway. You reblogged a post talking about why some trans women can seem a little prickly towards TME people, which reminded me of when I met a group of trans women IRL once at an event for trans people (most of them happened to be trans women, but all trans people were invited), and one of the women I approached and talked to most that night did seem a bit uneasy/cautious/maybe even a bit standoffish around me at first. I sort of understood at the time that "oh yeah it's probably bc I'm TME" and I've never let it get to me, ofc. I just didn't quite understand how deep that feeling towards me likely went. How much pain was attached to it.

She warmed up a good bit to me eventually, though, and we even hugged before I left. And I just thought when reading that post and a couple others you reblogged, "That woman I met that night, in her 30s, going out with her other trans female/transfem friends to have fun...she had been through a lot. She's going through a lot as I type this. She will go through much more...of course she was nervous around me. So many trans men just Don't Get It, and some don't WANT to get it...and she's suffering because of it. She and all of her friends...why would anyone want that? Especially another trans person?"

And it made me sad. It made me upset that trans women have to be on guard so much because they never know, even in space they belong in, just which TME person is going to decide they don't belong. And, just as importantly, who is going to side with that TME person to make sure she and women like her are kicked out for good...

I don't mean for this to be an "oh I'm such a good person, I would NEVER do that" type spiel. Because I'm not a good person JUST because I care about and accept trans women. It's something everyone should do by default.

I just wanted to relay this story and attach my face to it because 1). Going on anon would make this feel so much less genuine to me. Like I'm more concerned about receiving backlash from transphobes than I am about showing people I care. And I'm not.

2). I know a lot of trans women are frustrated with and scared about the lack of support from trans men. And when I remembered that story and that woman I met that night, I thought maybe if I told it and explained how I felt, that maybe I could give some kind of hope and reassurance that there are trans men who do care and do want to support their trans woman/transfem sisters/siblings.

And 3). I wanted to assure trans women making posts about their experiences with transmisogyny that their posts are reaching more than just people who also experience transmisogyny, as well as unfortunately bigots who don't believe them/don't care/perpetuate transmisogyny on purpose. I'm listening. My friends are listening. I promise we care.

I honestly don't know if this will help anyone or if this is tone deaf at all. And I'm telling you in particular because your blog is where I saw the posts, and your blog has taught me so much, and I really appreciate it. I hope it was okay to send this to you.

But yeah. Thank you for reading all this and I'm so sorry if this sounds like some random needy guy trying to win favors or praise. And no one has to believe me or say anything positive about me or what I said. I promise I don't feel like I need to be rewarded for being an ally to trans women or anything. Again, I was just wanting to tell this story to maybe prove that there are TME people who are listening. I know how stubborn and downright awful some of us can be when we're told we're being transmisogynistic. I'd imagine it's beyond frustrating.

On that note; I'm happy to see you on my dash again! Just please take care of yourself when you need to. It's okay to take breaks, or even a hiatus. Your mental health is so much more important than managing a blog. The work you do is good and important, but you deserve to have time to recover from the negativity you receive. Even if you one day have to abandon this blog for your health, you made a positive impact while you were here! I support and care about you! Thank you for being here and being you💜

I don’t think it’s tone deaf. Personally, I like hearing that my efforts haven’t been for nothing, so thanks for sharing.

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

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(1) anon again! thanks a lot for your answer. :) multi-ask incoming! i suppose i took his tone of 'and there are people who think this is real' as a pretty forward implication of it... well, not being real. this, and the explanation of the clothes. (if you find the receipts, i'd love to see them! it's very cute either way.) i suppose you are entirely right about the fact that they have pointedly never denied this outright, but i also feel like that's some classic trolling by misha? (...)

this got kind of long so i am putting the rest of your asks and my answers under the cut!

(2) like sooo many people i see in this fandom, i have never shipped rpf - and honestly, with cockles, still don't? i just watch some of their interactions and my brain goes ding-ding-ding-ding and i go - what? what is it??? and i can't figure out if i am projecting or seeing things i WANT to see. equally... they are real people and i don't want to be a creep about this. my problem with a lot that i've seen is that some gifs take interactions out of context (...)

(3) i would say probably the biggest problem i have with it is that while some things i genuinely cannot find a het/platonic explanation for, but there are a lot of gifs which have slowed down movements/cherry-picked moments/taken things out of contexts, and feels less flirty when you watch the actual full video(s). so what, out of all this, would you say is the most damning evidence that cockles is an Actual True thing, if you had to pick some select things? :)

(4) okay, last ask! sorry for rambling. on your point of waking up together - i'm not sure of the context, and i don't want to speculate too much on information that we don't have, but if they are staying at a hotel in a city abroad/elsewhere, i figure it wouldn't be too far-fetched for them to share a room with cast mates? so waking up together doesn't necessarily have Those implications? i don't know. thanks for bearing with me!

so first things first: i kind of feel like in the end, if you have seen and read everything there is to see and read when it comes to cockles, and still are not sure about any of it or are inclined to think that it’s not something more than a close friendship, then i’m probably not going to be able to ‘sway’ you. sometimes it is just a matter of difference of perspectives, and that’s fine! however, seeing as you asked this in a way that makes it clear that you are genuinely curious, i obviously will respond.

you are right that what misha said could be implying that it’s not real, but then again: he never outright denied it. neither of them have. i think that a lot of the time misha is very tongue in cheek about it. that doesn’t mean that it’s not real, though.

i understand never shipping real people, and not wanting to feel like a creep. the thing is though: this goes for about 90% of the cockles fandom, too. most of us never shipped irl people before, and we certainly don’t wanna be creeps about it. being creeps about it would be going up to jensen and misha or their loved ones and confronting them with anything cockles related. but the decent people in this corner of the fandom know not to do that, and we merely talk about it with each other online. i personally don’t feel like a creep (not saying that you are implying this btw!) for observing what they put in front of us, time and time again, which they do with the full knowledge that people do in fact ship them.

i see what you mean about some things getting taken out of context, and i’ve seen that too. i agree with you that sometimes people can read into things a bit too much. as to the slowed down gifs, for me personally the faster versions don’t take away what i see in those gifs: it’s intimate body language, whatever way i look at it.

you asked me to pick some moments or facts that make me think that they are actually together, and honestly that is very hard to do. for me, what it comes down to is that, if you take any of these things as a standalone fact, you might be able to explain it away. but when you combine all of it together - and trust me, it’s a lot. just ask my best friend who has had to listen to me talk about them for two full nights - i can’t see the picture that it paints as anything other than: they have (or at the very least have had in the past) an intimate relationship with each other.

that being said, these are the things that stand out the most for me:

the way they look at each other, but especially the way jensen looks at misha at any given time. that is the look of a man who adores the person he is looking at. the way that nobody else can make him laugh like misha, for the stupidest fucking shit. when they think about each other/talk about each other, they get this soft look on their faces that honestly is nothing like how i talk about any of my close friends. i once saw a comparison vid of jensen talking about danneel and jensen talking about misha and he had the same look on his face. the fact that jensen flirted with danneel by making her laugh on set, making kissy faces, which is something that he also did with misha. the fact that jensen gave him his ring. i literally for the life of me cannot think of a platonic reasoning for this.

the fact that they remembered and went back to a restaurant they were at 10 years ago, sat at the exact same table, and took selfies both of those times, and then posted it at a random date as a throwback to ‘10 years ago’ even though at the moment the first picture was taken, they had already known each other for a year and a half. so clearly, that night was special for them. special enough to remember the exact same table, special enough that they felt the need to go back there, and to share it with us. the background of those pictures is the same background as the picture jensen posted of him and danneel on their first holiday together. clearly both of those occasions were very important to him. important enough to post about.

something that i know might seem kinda shady and not totally trustworthy, is the fact that i’ve seen multiple people mention that they have information that they would never share online (because they don’t want to put jensen and misha in a compromising position) but the information in question confirmed it for them. obviously people could be lying or could be jumping to conclusions, without said information we can never know for sure, but i can’t help but feel like there probably is a truth to it.

and i know this is a very recent one, but: ‘mish. dee.’ the two most important people in his life, who i am sure he would have addressed as mish & dee if he could have. obviously i could mention a lot more things, but i think these are some of the things that stand out to me the most.

as for the hotel situation at cons: i honestly have no clue, but i kind of feel like they are big enough stars to have their own hotel rooms. but like i said, i do not know at all. i guess it’s possible that they have to share. who knows!

sorry this got so long lmao but i hope that it made some sense. i don’t have any receipts unfortunately because i kept deleting things i already shared with my best friend in order not to get confused sjdfhs but you’ll have to believe me that i found all of this information on tumblr. anyways feel free to drop by any time!

#cockles #cockles meta #Anonymous

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