#....i Am hungee tho | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

acecombatmutual · 6 years

Text

"romani."

"gudako it is literally two am," the twink man says, pausing his 8th consecutive hour of that one love live gacha. "what do you want."

"we have a problem."

"which is?"

"mcdonalds." saber alter doesnt mince words. shes just fucking hungee, and if she doesnt get some sort of sustenance in the next hour, she will go apeshit.

"the pantry-"

"gone," gawain says it sadly. "even the reserve chips."

"who the fuck ate those??"

gudakos phone buzzes with a twitter DM. 'dont FUCKING tell him or im leaving chaldea' says merlin.

"i dunno man. but the point here is that i want to go to mcdonalds."

"so you came to me??????"

"ya." gudako says flatly. "rayshift us."

romani stares at them for a solid, like, ten seconds. he does the thing where you press your hands together and hold them to your face like youre about to say 'boi.'

"RAYSHIFTING IS FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY AND I THOUGHT WE JUST WENT OVER THIS YESTERD-"

"saber alter is about to murder everyone in here and then herself my dude." gudako gestures to the increasingly pissed salter.

romani does a little option weighing in his head. hmm.... "ok FINE but this is the last time."

and so romani rayshifts saber alter, gawain, bedivere, not mash because shes asleep soundly, and gudako to a mcdonalds in the middle of nowhere in the united states.

"hey," gudako almost falls out of the rayshift portal. "can i get a fucking uhh.." she counts the number of people in the room. "three happy meals and one (1) triple cheeseburger?"

"maam with all due respect what the fuck." the employee is hakunon kishinami actually. after they woke up from cryostasis and rani found them, they were like well humanity has collapsed essentially im going to go to micky ds and get a job.

"you heard her." saber alter says. "triple. cheese. burger."

"alright........" hakunon is actually kind of scared because they recognize salter as someone who looks like nero but evil and thats not ok. they are also is scared of gawain because what the actual fuck they just had to murder his master why is this strange person commanding him now.

about 5 (five) seconds later, the gang has their happy meals. the staff was scared out of their minds because salter threatened to release her noble phantasm on them if they didnt "give me my fucking burger you absolute useless and worthless humans."

"thanks," bedivere who has been (rightfully) silent this entire time says as he recieves his happy meal, complete with a toy.

"this place is a freakshow. i literally respect only you and gawain." gudako replies. salter is busy yelling at the staff because they forgot her pickles. also she might have excalibur morgan'd through a wall. whoops, thinks gudako, i aint paying for that.

"fucking GOD," salter finishes yelling. "i HATE humans." she takes her burger from the poor motherfucker who had to serve it to her and almost (ALMOST) bites directly into the box (shes like a goat, she can eat anything and make it into magical energy) before remembering that cardboard probably tastes like shit.

"wow." gawain has no words for the ~evil~ version of the king of knights who just fucking obliterated an ENTIRE wall of mcdonalds. "can we leave?"

"yea," gudako texts romani: 'yo dude salter just almost killed the staff PLEASE GOD rayshift me back'.

approx. 5 mins later, at 2:10 am, the knights of the round minus a few of them and plus gudako are eating their happy meals in gudakos room. some servants like sleeping in there cause gudako keeps their room super warm. and its cold at chaldea. also saber alter steals their blankets sometimes which isnt very nice.

"so what are we doing tomorrow?" gawain asks, in the middle of munching on like 4 fries at once for maximum fry consumption efficiency.

"dunno. probably playing minecraft."

"ooh my favorite," bedivere says. hes eating his chicken nuggies with his regular arm as to not mess up his silver arm (which makes no sense, why wouldnt he just not get grease on his regular arm??). "i plan to help gawain with farming."

"the best part of minecraft." gawain says.

saber alter is in the corner, silent, eating her triple cheeseburger. "yo you good?" gudako asks. they dont get a reply.

everyone eventually finishes eating. "im super tired." gudako says. "gonna bounce. i might do some ember farming tho, so dont stay up too late."

at approx. 8 am, gudako gets a text from romani that says 'FINISHED PREP TO RAYSHIFT INTO BABYLONIA MEET ME AT 9 AM!!!!!!'

"oh god fucking damn it," gudako says aloud. they literally just woke up.

"huh?" gawain asks. hes been awake probably the entire night. he likes to play minecraft super late.

"babylon." gudako replies. "euuuuruuurrhghjhhjhhjggjj......"

FIN

#long post #rip mobiles i jus wanted to put this here now #go sakura beam

13 notes · View notes