#..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 9 months

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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

#warm up #this isn't good #writeblr #this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3 #but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker #and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS #the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!?#..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much.#on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt #and medical debt #i will put that first little bit of cash #into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments)#i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option #but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver #oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs

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zu-is-here · 3 years

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HiZu! Sorry for not answering sooner, I feel asleep

Oh peonies are really pretty! I'd have to say that my favourite flower is lavender! A bunch of it used to grow outside my house when I was little, and I remember mother showing me that if I rubbed my fingers on it, then it would smell!

I know that not everyone likes how lavender smells, do you?

Ah! Falling apples XD whatever you do don't eat all the black ones.

You know my mum used to take me blackberry picking in thr spring and summer. Then we would make blackberry crumble! Have you been Berry picking before?

Oh! Yes it does

Yesss I hadn't have cupcakes in a long time before then. They had a really nice buttercream icing. What kinds of icing do you like Zu? My dad can't stand butter cream

Oh no 24 doesn't mean anything.

It is indeed! Do you have any games you like to play with your family?

Yeahhh it wasn't the best, but I think my dad was just stressed over high traffic.

The chocolate was saved actually! We put it in the fridge and it's saved! Even if the chocolate is in some wonky shapes now.

Me and my family always like to get the wedges and cookies! Have you tried these?

Once we ordered 2 boxes of cookies, but they only gave us one.

So dad called them and they sent us 2 more boxes of cookies! So we got 3 all together!!

The movie as Onward, have you seen this? I really enjoyed this one!

Yep that's the dog alright. Didn't even leave me one slice.

Oh no I didn't hurt myself, don't worry. It was a soft ground. I wasn't the only one who fell over anyway.

Oh well for me I just felt like everything was really funny. And I felt all giddy and like every was fun. It really brought out my very childish side. Idk what I would have been like after more drinks.

Yesss!

Yeah it was still fun! We watched Coco and I almost cried ;-;

It was supposed to be a red velvet cake, but it didn't really work, so it's more of a mild chocolate cake. My mother always says that she's not a great cake Baker, but I always love her birthday cakes!

Yeah! Thank you Zu! Good luck with your news.

[after this]

Hi again! No worries <3

Ohh a bunch of lavender! What a pleasure, I love how it smells a lot *^* Black apples are bad for sure, Dreamtale brothers approve XD Blackberry picking sounds like fun! Reminds me of chokeberry picking when your hands are stained with "blood" xp How does blackberry crumble taste?

Awww a happy cutie! <3

Buttercream icing is really good (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵) I was really surprised when I found out someone doesn't like butter or whipped cream (like Blue) (°▽°) like– man this is the best thing in every dessert! xd

Speaking of family games, I enjoyed playing Just Dance together a lot! ٩( ᐛ )و♪ Do you know this game? *^* Oh thank god the chocolate was saved! :D I don't remember trying the wedges and cookies there but OMG your bad luck turned out too be good luck! XD

Onward!! \(//∇//)\ Oh boi— I loved this movie so much I couldn't help but cry at the ending, such a great one ♡ How was it for you? *^* And Coco as well ;3; (in Russia it's called Coco's Secret btw :D)

Bringing out your very childish side is quite a nice aspect of drinking heh <3 yet not the best reason to drink xd I'm sure that cake was amazing! ☆

Thank you a lot again (〃ω〃)♡

UPD:

For real! Especially without using hands, quite a challenge XD Oh that interesting, having two tastes :0 Guess it depends on cooking indeed! Both tastes great tho <3 And for you? I've seen elderflower cordial before but I don't know/remember the taste xp Is it sour or sweet? *^*

Oh have you?? (°▽°) How was it? I remember doing this once for a roll as a surprise for my mother (when I was small) but I didn't find a mixer so I whipped the whites with just a broom and my hand literally died XD But when it comes to the can— YEAH ★ Some say the best sound is the rustle of money, but what about the sound of whipped cream pouring into your mouth?? XD

Wholesome indeed <3 Sans jokes tho pfff (≧∀≦) Bones rule heh— Oh I haven't seen The Book of Life, what is it about? *^*

Thank you again! (ówò) As you see, as soon as I say I'm free, I am everything but not free XD So yesterday and today I examined the apartment (it's very small but so cozy! <3) and negotiated interviews with three employers %) Tomorrow I'm transferring things and going to an interview! And drawing a bit of course <3 I am determined to finish Ccino's design reference, after all! :'D

How are you doing lately? ♡

#updated #ask #zu is happy

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