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royalstorm · 3 years

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✨character study #29 — keqing and the qixing (part 2 / ?) .

as many of us may know, the liyue qixing and its members are based on the seven stars of ursa major, or the big dipper. the constellation of ursa major, in general, plays an interesting role in celestial chinese mythology. as a collective, it represents “yang”, and its ursa minor counterpart represents “yin” — or death and life respectively; a cycle of passing and rebirth. if you’ve played liyue’s archon story quest, then this should strike you as pretty symbolic — a mirror image of the events that transpired during that timeline.

with that being said, i think, in order to discuss the qixing in depth — both as a group and as individuals — it’s important to keep these themes in mind.

keqing’s star within this constellation is known as the “yuheng” in game and in chinese folklore, but its more common name is ALIOTH. the name’s meaning is often misinterpreted as “she-goat” or “the sheep’s fat tail”, but chinese linguists have discerned “BLACK HORSE” to be a more fitting meaning in chinese mythology a black horse is similar to a black sheep and represents an unorthodox, mysterious, powerful character with a great allure and strong sense of self.

though it’s not the biggest star, alioth is the BRIGHTEST STAR within the ursa major constellation and the 32nd brightest star to have ever been discovered. it is also designated as one of 57 celestial navigation stars among sailors and maritime tradesmen — a “lighthouse in the sky”, if you will. symbolically, this represents somebody who, despite not being the strongest or richest or possessive of godlike abilities, is a natural leader and guiding figure — a hope, a beacon of light in the dark. this pairs perfectly with a meaning ascribed to one of the characters in keqing’s name, which is “GATHERING LIGHT” or “GIVER OF GUIDANCE”.

contrasting this is alioth’s role in astrology. alioth is best aligned with the planet of mars. mars is ruled by aries and denotes to the planet of justice, passion, goal-setting, and ambition, as well as warfare, bloodlust, slaughter, and ... death. how ironic, that keqing and her role are associated with creation (giving life) and destruction (taking life away). please refer back to ursa major as “yang” and ursa minor as “yin” ... and also the fact that my keqing is an aries rising (i’ll link y’all to my zodiac character meta later when i’m less lazy).

i guess, you can consider this my convoluted way of saying that keqing’s role in liyue is more than just filing paperwork and talking shit about the divine. if the tianquan represents life/mortal prosperity and the yaoguang represents death/mourning, then keqing represents the bridge between those worlds — what will unite humankind with divinity.

#aka my takes on keqing being this compassionate / well meaning person in spite of her hardass exterior are WINNING #based on mythology #enjoy my ramblings #hehehehe #i have more to say abt this but i will do that . later #* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .

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royalstorm · 3 years

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better off * xiaoqing // ; xiao x keqing //

content warning : pda, negative thought patterns

Xiao's infatuation is not a slow boil. His heartbreak is.

It's a realization that had dawned on him months ago. He vowed to himself to keep it tucked away, on the backburner left to simmer. To worry about an uncertain future would be to neglect the demands of the present, is what he told himself. He had believed it. He had been pretty convincing back then.

Then, last week...November 20.

In the air that day was a hum of excitement, one that persisted in spite of his itching ears. The people amongst him, too—grinning, giggling, resonating on a frequency that he was tone deaf to.

Even the thrumming in his own chest was akin to a death march.

Her voice had been his only saving grace—the symphony stringing away con brio, above all the noise. And when he offered her his present — clumsily wrapped, barely held together with a ribbon — she graced him with a "thank you" that silenced the discontent in his mind — the darkness in his heart — if only for a moment.

But that same night, the realization Xiao had forced down all those months ago resurfaced, bubbling with a vengeance. How he wished he had just rested, instead of patrolling where he had not been needed. Maybe then, he wouldn't have had to stand testament to the tragedy he came upon on Mt. Tianheng. It was a simple tragedy, but a tragedy nevertheless.

Raining down on him, like a hailstorm, were three eagles — all skewered by a singular, steely arrow.

It was when they reached ground zero — nothing short of battered, bloody feathers at his feet — that it was he who'd taken a shot to the chest.

Memento mori.

"Remember you must die."

Remember she must die.

Flash forward to the adeptus' current state: a state of motion. Running. Practically flying. For the past thousand or so years, all he knew to do was stay still. Physically, he was and continues to be on the move. Evil never sleeps, after all.

But spiritually and emotionally, where it truly mattered, he had been complacent: to the shifting sands, to the rising tides, to the erosion of Liyue's many mountain ranges.

It's useless, he chides himself. A loud thwack! punctures the air as he descends, polearm first, from a rooftop to the cobblestone ground below. He rises from his squat form to better regard his surroundings.

To think that the esteemed Yuheng of the Liyue Qixing would willingly live somewhere ordinary...remote, even. Indeed, he's still roaming the streets of Liyue Harbor, but he would've been fooled quite easily had someone told him differently.

"I don't care to live lavish, even if it's something I am able to afford," is what she told him once, when they were discussing philosophy. "Once in a while, it does you no harm to treat yourself, but it feels ... unnecessary flaunting that which so many can’t have themselves, and—" She had chuckled here. "—Never mind. You get my point, don’t you?”

Xiao keeps that thought at the forefront of his mind as he nears the front door. Upon reaching it, he silently thanks the archons for her residence's ease of access: on the first floor and as one of the very first units of the complex.

Lifting a hand, he knocks once...twice...

The door handle on the opposite end almost immediately rattles in response.

"Xiao?"

Keqing's voice is a colorful blend of concerned and (pleasantly) surprised. She fidgets with what looked to be an empty rice bowl in her hands.

"Keqing," he acknowledges, amber eyes suddenly skittering to the ground. Ignoring the heat rising to his cheeks, he follows up with, "My apologies for the unexpected visit. I hope you don't mind."

From his periphery, Xiao can see that she's still fiddling with the bowl — shifting it, inclining it, turning it upside down and right back up. He isn't sure what it means.

"No, of course I don't mind," she reassures him. Even as his eyes avoid hers, he can tell she's being earnest. Something soft and warm to the touch permeates the fabric of his glove. Eyes darting to the side, he sees her hand clasping his — on the verge of tugging him her way.

The "come inside" catches in Keqing's breath as the adeptus simply allows himself to be ushered in. Bowl now nestled solely in her other hand, she shuts the door closed with a foot. His hand still in hers, she then leads him down the main corridor and into the kitchen, where she'd been enjoying a late night dinner.

They seat themselves in her dining room, chairs directly across one another's. He ignores the arrangement of food scattering the table in favor of examining the rest of her home. The walls are relatively bare, save for two swords displayed in their respective racks front and center. Most, if not all, of the furniture looks decent enough—nothing too gaudy or flashy, though nothing secondhand, either—but even their presence is minimal ... underwhelming for a common civilian, let alone an aristocrat.

"Sorry if you were expecting something more grand." Keqing's voice rustles him from his observations.

Xiao rekindles the will to look her in the eyes. He attempts to ignore the dark circles weighing them down. "There is no need for you to apologize. I quite like your home, actually." When she chances a dubious brow in his direction, he adds, "It seems comfortable."

Keqing exhales a breath that is half scoff, half laugh. “Great save.” She props herself up on the dinner table and begins adding contents from each dish into her bowl. Xiao watches her from his periphery, realizing that this may have been one of the first times he’d seen her eat.

“You are free to help yourself to whatever you please.”

This time, he visibly flinches — once again, roused by the Yuheng’s voice.

“I will have to politely decline.” And before she can protest, he follows up with, “Adepti do not require the same amount of nourishment needed by human beings.”

Keqing’s shoulders roll into a lazy shrug. The sound of chopsticks scraping porcelain rings in the air. “So be it. Just know that the offer is yours for the taking whenever.”

For the next few minutes, the pair sits in silence — one that is only curtailed by the occasional sound of Keqing’s chopsticks against her bowl. Silences between them have been comfortable, for the most part...perhaps not in the beginning — back when they could not yet see eye to eye, back when they found faults within each other, back when they could not acknowledge those same faults within themselves — but that tension came to pass the moment their fondness for each other began to bloom...as friends and then, eventually, as...more.

Tonight, the silence feels especially oppressive, perhaps even more so than it did when they first got acquainted with one another. And as it continues to crescendo, looming over them like gallows, Xiao can only assume that she feels similarly.

”Keqing–“

”Why have you come here tonight?”

Xiao freezes, stunned. Consider the image of a deer in the headlights — not only only the fear and the wide eyes, but the acceptance of a certain, untimely fate. In hindsight, it’s foolish for him to react so severely. Hadn’t he paid her this visit for a pressing reason?

Or perhaps he still didn’t want to accept that pressing reason himself?

He’s too quiet. He hesitates for too long. He is always too quiet and hesitating for too long. The sound of a bowl settling atop mahogany, chopsticks following suit, fills his ears. With bated breath, the adeptus feels her presence shift from the seat across his to standing right beside him.

It takes everything in him not to pivot.

“Xiao.” Keqing’s voice is firmer now...still gentle, but far more stalwart in intention. His eyes glaze over briefly, searching hers, finding in them the stubborn concern he’d grown to cherish so much.

When he still offers her no reply, she lifts a hand to his arm, fingers gently running over the exposed skin. “I know you aren’t just here for the sake of being here.” Keqing continues skimming his arm with that feather light touch, just barely cognizant of the slight bumps left in its wake. “After all, it’s a Thursday night. You know better than anyone that I like to spend these nights in solitude.” Her hand halts upon contacting his bird bone wrist.

The adeptus feels his mouth dry at the tenderness of it all, sucking in a breath once her fingertips stop at his wrist, a hair shy out of his reach. He wonders if intimacy would always feel this...strange. Exhilarating. Or was this merely her Vision’s power at work? She is an Electro user, after all...

“Please talk to me.” There’s a meek lilt in Keqing’s voice that coerces Xiao to not only look up, but to also maintain his hold on her gaze. How pathetic, the way he can stare at hell itself square in the eye but could barely muster the courage to expend even a glance her way.

“I–“ Pause. Falter. Swallowing thickly, Xiao rises from his seat. He slowly takes the hand adorning his wrist into his own — intertwining the fingers one by one, marveling at how perfectly they fit together.

Then, bowing his head and releasing a sigh, he finds the courage to speak his piece — to voice his pressing reason...

“You are better off without me.”

Xiao feels the hand in his go limp.

”What? What do you mean?” There’s an incredulity that leaks into the Yuheng’s tone that he isn’t familiar with. He doesn’t like it.

”I am not worthy of you, Keqing. What we have, it cannot be.” What vile things to say. What vile, disgusting things. The words lapping his tongue taste almost as bitter as the blood he’d once shed, so he does exactly what he did all those years ago.

He gulps it down.

”You deserve better. You deserve the world. I don’t say this with the intention of discrediting myself. But I–“ Xiao trembles in spite of himself. He feels her other hand cup the small of his back. “–I am not capable of offering you all that you deserve, or even half of that amount.”

He doesn’t quite know how he sounds at that moment, let alone how he looks, but as he feels Keqing’s arms adjust to wrap around his frame, he figures it can’t be good.

”I don’t understand you sometimes,” she whispers into the crook of his neck. “You say you don’t mean to sell yourself short, yet that’s exactly what it sounds like you are doing.” She squeezes him softly before leaning further into the embrace. “Besides, who are you to tell me what I do and do not deserve? Who is anyone to decide that? Shouldn’t that decision be mine and mine alone?”

Whenever she talks like that, Xiao finds it difficult to fathom her mortality...to grasp the idea that she would one day be nothing but ashes at his feet. Yet, as he holds her, and as she holds him, her breath, her small frame, and the bray of her human heart become all the more clear to him.

”I suppose you’re right. Forgive me. This is novel territory for someone such as myself.” The adeptus feels her form loosen as she chuckles. He rests his chin upon her shoulder. “But still, I can’t help but feel that the life you lead has far more meaning than mine.”

Xiao withdraws from their embrace, if only to get a full glimpse of her face. Noticing the hints of tears pooling at the corner of one eye, he takes a thumb and lightly brushes it away.

”But you are the protector of Liyue, handpicked by Rex Lapis himself.”

Classic Keqing. Always so quick to counter him. He begins trailing his thumb down her cheek — slowly, softly. Her eyes reflexively draw closed. “While that may be so, my time here knows no limits. I can afford to be complacent. But you–“ Xiao pauses again. At this point, his thumb is bordering the curve of her jaw and her bottom lip. “–Your time in this world is finite. As a result, you cannot afford to spend it with regrets.” Now, it’s his turn to shut his eyes. He bows his head again. “I fear that may come to pass if you continue to involve yourself with me.”

The Yuheng allows her eyes to flutter half-open. She too bows her head, if to just press her forehead to his. “You don’t know that for sure.” Lifting a hand, she rests it on top of his. She prods his thumb so that it rests on the flush red of her lip, right where it meets her skin. “Even knowing the fate of our bond, much of the future is still uncertain.”

Xiao‘s head dips lower. Their noses brush. He can feel her breath hitch. “I understand that better than most. Nothing in this world is completely certain. Even the word of our gods is something that, at times, must be taken with a grain of salt.” He almost smiles saying that. You taught me this yourself. His thumb begins gingerly grazing her bottom lip. “But wouldn’t you want to pursue that which would yield you the most certainty?” Xiao can sense his feelings going awry once more. He breathes deeply and prolongs the exhale that follows, as if to ground himself. “That includes entering a relationship with...another mortal. Someone who can provide for you. Someone who is always present. Someone...whose love will not be lost to the whims of time.” He sighs in spite of himself, consciously commanding that his voice stay as level as possible. “Is that not what you want?”

Not even a second elapses before Keqing scoffs. Whether it’s ironic or not is completely lost on the adeptus, but what he does know for sure is the feeling of his other hand being claimed by hers — of it being lifted to her face, of it cupping her cheek.

”Do you even hear yourself right now? I’m not sure whether to call you foolish or stubborn, but that doesn’t matter right now.” She releases a breath. “What matters is you knowing, with absolute certainty, that no, isn’t at all what I want.” Keqing’s face nears his even more so. Lips, parted. Eyes, half-lidded. Xiao’s thumb moves to frame the curve of her chin.

”What I want is you.” Their lips brush for a fraction of a second. Her breath is a strange comfort, hot in his mouth. “Xiao, I choose you. For better or for worse. I want to spend this lifetime with you ... and if not that, then at the very least, every second of the time we’ve been allotted with each other. Nothing can hope to alter those facts — nothing except how you decide to proceed with this information.”

He opts to respond by, at long last, closing the last bit of distance that separates them. Lips pressed against lips, body pressed against body, hands pressed against hands.

They need not talk even after they pull away from each other, the tingling in their lips and blush sweeping their cheeks speaking volumes for themselves. Moments later, they’re close again – practically insoluble as they envelope the other in their arms, as their heads settle warmly atop each other’s shoulder.

There, they stay for a while.

There, they reconcile with their comfortable silence.

#he/him pronouns bc this is reference to 'canon' xiao but i had audie in mind when i wrote this #i said i was gonna write xiaoqing so #have a refurbished fic i typed up last month #i hate how cheesy this is but whatever!!!!#pda //#xiaoqing //#* RE : GUARDIANYAKSHA / sometimes we cannot bear the thing that we crave .#* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .#* WRITING / my wit ? as sharp as keqing's sword .

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royalstorm · 3 years

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✨mini headcanon #30 — keqing and not giving a fuck .

while she doesn’t reclaim racial slurs, keqing CAN and WILL make white people jokes at any given opportunity.

no, she will not apologize to those who take offense when a power-hungry white man literally tried to destroy her home and kill off her people💜

#keqing shaking her fist at childe: RUN ME MY CHECK #anyway #i deserve to make this post in light of the most recent hate crimes #as well as the year long anti asian sentiment that has spiked due to covid #* chara. study / waiting ; seething ; blooming .

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royalstorm · 3 years

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✨mini headcanon #36 — keqing & fitness (part 1/?) .

keqing is by no means a body builder, but she has fairly impressive weightlifting numbers, given her size.

she’s a lot stronger than she looks. however, because she’s small-boned, has a naturally fast metabolism, and is, all in all, more inclined toward cardio / aerobic / endurance exercises, looking muscular / “bulking up” is almost entirely out of the question.

anyway, here are keqing’s stats!

height / weight: 5′1″ / 115 lbs

deadlift: 210 lbs (95.3 kg)

bench press: 98 lbs (44.5 kg)

squat: 160 lbs (72.6 kg)

#these r my little sister's stats ok listen she and keqing r built the same #* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .

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royalstorm · 3 years

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✨ character study #20 : this patina of slightly bruised longing .

for @soulcontracts and also laney, who will at some point be leafing through my blog

i. in the vast expanse of a black and blue battlefield, their voice cuts through:

give up?

perhaps keqing can blame it on bloodlust, the result of needless carnage stretching in all directions with only several dozen bodies still upright — a point in direction, or maybe them lashing out their hurt like the blunt end of a knife. still running. always running. never ever fucking chasing.

she clenches her teeth and leans in close to them.

not me. you.

you gave up.

you left us.

ii. the title of yuheng amounts to little when her sword is wedged into another body, when she’s faceless donning plates and plates of armor. she was raised a royal, not a soldier, but it seems fitting somehow, that this is what her life has come to.

her routine is shaken up, becoming a litany of briefings after briefings. she answers when asked questions and sits when she’s supposed to. once akin to poison in the air, the word “death” is now tossed around as if it were pocket mora.

war is becoming familiar.

in the middle of the night, she sneaks off to the marsh, footsteps feather light upon the winding staircase — the one she once ascended almost daily. the waypoint on the inn’s rooftop exudes a light that’s iridescent across the sky, yet still allows for the faint flicker of stars to shine through. she steps forward, a faint breeze fluttering the skirts of her nightgown.

“keqing?”

xiao at the other end of the roof, one hand curled around the railing, turned towards her with the skin between their brows wrinkled. she stares back. they open their mouth.

she gathers her skirts and all but runs back down those winding stairs, each step heavier than the last, something like regret catching in her throat.

iii. keqing almost dies. again.

she thinks she’d be used to it after having offered herself at an altar one too many times: a rogue harbinger, a vengeful entity, her incorrigible work habits: all worthy causes ... all which ensured the perseverance of the liyue she lived in and lived for; it’s only natural that she ultimately perish in its name, as well.

when the yaksha flashes into her room, skirting around an apology until they stare her straight in the eye, she sits still. her hands rest on her lap.

she remembers falling, falling, falling and the press of their hands at her back as they caught her mid-air. she remembers clinging to their shoulders after one heinous fight, come back to us breathed into the crook of their neck, i will striking resolute in the air. she remembers her fingers intertwined with theirs as they spun each other around in an empty ballroom. she remembers the first time they smiled at her and their awestruck eyes when she first sung for them.

she remembers her drunken pleading, come back to me, and the anger that struck hot and bright at her heart when they’d refused, even with their lips pressed against hers.

she almost forgets them raw and choked-up and broken — the “i’m sorry” at her doorstep that went unanswered.

the gaze xiao casts her way, half-hurt, half-guilt. the ghost of a kiss to her forehead, wistful, warm with “i can’t let you forget. i won’t let you forget.”

it’s easy to speak i forgive you and see the relief in their shoulders.

it’s harder not to wonder why they kept running for so long, or why it is they just now decided to start chasing instead.

iv. the reconstruction process proves long and laborious and all the more frustrating when they must balance briefings with damage control.

the climb to the jade chamber becomes customary, the thud of xiao’s boots as familiar as the amber of their eyes. and then, the climb back down, the restless nights, splitting platters of xiangling’s finger food, or overlooking an ancient city reborn.

they are a bright spot in the dim briefings, a spark of familiarity in an otherwise alien liyue. always there with a hand offered and shy attempts at a smile thrown her way.

it is new, the rush of warmth to her cheeks as they help her off a platform.

she tampers the feeling and lets go all too soon.

#y'all never shut up so ! here!!!! a gift!!!!#* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .#* WRITING / my wit ? as sharp as keqing's sword .#* RE : GUARDIANYAKSHA / sometimes we cannot bear the thing that we crave .

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royalstorm · 3 years

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✨ character study #22 — keqing's (new) vision of liyue, POST-OSIAL (part 1 / ?)

i can’t feel bothered to rewrite this in a less pretentious way, so ... you will just have to deal with this in excerpt-form, as copy and pasted from an ask i answered:

“The dream I had ... it’s almost as if it'd come out of the pages of a fantasy book. I was exploring Liyue Harbor, but ... everything was different. Everything was ... how I want it to be. My new vision of Liyue. In this new vision of mine, nobody hurt. I figure that may sound foolish coming from a skeptic such as myself, but ... it’s as if everyone was bright and beaming. Every merchant met their quota, every child and family was fed ... no longer did people loiter on the streets without shelter or money. And our adeptus allies ... they roamed free among the people — people like me. They were not isolated from the ones they’d protected for a millennia, nor were they regarded as beings beyond our humane understanding. Each of them had a new purpose. Each of them had a home. None of them had to suffer anymore. We were united by a sense of togetherness. We all coexisted ... happily.”

It would have been impossible to divulge these sentiments [to another party]. It’s as she had just verbalized: skepticism was a defining part of her character ... for her to outright condemn the Qixing’s divine, adepti predecessors and then, all of a sudden, welcome their existence with open arms — it would ruin her credibility.

The Liyuen people had already been divisive with their perspective of her. There’s still so much more she had to accomplish before this new vision of hers could be realized.

while keqing is prideful and one-track minded, it can be observed in her voice lines that she has the capacity to put her pride aside, as well as refine her goals, no matter how long-standing and convoluted they are. i think that post-osial, when the qixing are tasked with playing a bigger role in preserving liyue’s safety and prosperity, keqing not only (canonically) holds a deeper respect and admiration toward rex lapis, but she also acts on it. she becomes determined to reconcile that humankind and their divine counterparts are ultimately aiming for the same thing, be it from contrasting perspectives.

i do feel that she would still put an emphasis on humans rising as the main protectors and overseers of liyue ... but i also feel that she wouldn’t want the adepti and their allies to wind up isolated and alone and without purpose. many of her voice lines and story put forth this emphasis on people being able to find and settle on their purpose, no matter how “impossible” or “unconventional”. keqing has this firm belief that everyone belongs somewhere, that everyone’s life has an inherent value — just that people may grow too complacent to realize or act on that. the same goes for adepti, i think, once she has a better impression of rex lapis and comes to see him and his adepti allies as the groundwork for liyue they actually are, rather than condescending outsiders.

#I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL!!!!!!#long post //#* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .

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royalstorm · 3 years

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the juxtaposition of keqing’s namesake with her vision / powers really goes to say a lot about her character.

the pinyins used to compose keqing’s name are 刻晴. 刻 roughly translates to “carving / cultivating (gently) (in a steadfast manner), and 晴 roughly translates to “sunshine; clear skies). thus, the combined meaning of these characters is one who “(gently) cultivates / carves (the path to) sunshine / clear skies”.

meanwhile, electro visions are often associated with inclement weather, specifically rain, thunderstorms, and grey / bleak skies. it’s also interesting to note that, canonically, keqing rejected her vision at first. in her mind’s eye, it’s her own natural gumption that is her “power” — she is her own sun, and what she’s capable of achieving with her own two hands is what will guarantee sunny days in the foreseeable future. but in order for things to truly grow and flourish, that dreary, despairing weather is needed. flowers need the rain just as much as they need the sun; while there’s a tremendous amount that keqing can do without divine aid or aid from her predecessors, even the faintest bit of extra support goes a long way.

keqing has the conscious choice to continue indulging the "storminess” that comes with this support, and while it’s something she gradually grew to accept over time, i think that post-osial is when that acceptance will hit extra hard. it’ll be when she truly starts to embrace the thunder and the lightning and all the beauty that comes with storms. after all, one can’t hope to be the person who cultivates / carves the path to sunshine and clear skies if there is nothing in need of carving / cultivating to begin with.

additionally, and this part is moreover me wanting to be a fake deep high school teacher, but ... this contrast between sun/warmth/clear skies and rain/coldness/cloudiness reminds me of the usps’ “rain or shine” motto — that, no matter the conditions, they will serve the people as best as they can ... that they will brave whatever storms come their way to get their job done. “rain or shine” is a motto that reeks of tenacity, and well ... what do you know? one of keqing’s constellations is called “tenacious star” ... and some of her other abilities and constellations refer to this theme of “persistence” and “ambition” and “refusing surrender” (e.g. “thundering might”, “attunement”, etc.).

in other words, keqing is not a quitter. no matter how much she yearns for progress and improvements all around, she hates giving up and will continue to push for her vision even if it seems hopeless. the cost is arbitrary to her because once she’s settled on a path, she’s sticking to it. she’s carving into it unabashedly and anticipating that what meets her is nothing short of auspicious.

#* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .#long post //

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royalstorm · 3 years

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✨character study #34 — keqing and self-image (part 2 / ?) .

keqing knows she’s the shit. point blank. she is quite confident in herself and rarely doubts in her abilities or her potential. after all, she’s the type to prefer focusing on self-improvement and “amending” what she perceives to be “faults”, as opposed to wallowing in self-pity or simply leaving things as is.

this mainly applies in terms of career and the intrapersonal self, however. when it comes to interpersonal relationships outside of her duties as yuheng, especially romance, she’s ... not as self-assured in these particular areas as you would think.

simply put, i don’t think keqing really considers herself “desirable” beyond a professional level. sure, she’s cute, but ... she’s hardly worth a double take. she’s smart, but perhaps “too smart”, or maybe “too condescending”. these are traits that don’t necessarily equate to being a benefactor in any interpersonal relationship. she feels that she thrives when it comes to her career or being a leader, a pioneer, a fighter ... when she has the means of carving her own path tirelessly and unapologetically without it having an intimate impact on others.

however, that’s the extent of it. when things become more personal, keqing loses that ability to really cherish what it is she can offer someone on that one-on-one level; she feels inadequate in more tight-knit connections. part of it is just due to how proud she is as a person. relationships, whether they be platonic or romantic, revolve around compromise, and even though she’s canonically shown to be open to humbling herself, it isn’t necessarily easy for her; she would fear being seen as too unyielding or argumentative, even by more tough-skinned individuals. relationships also mandate that partners are able to rely on one another. keqing is a classic case of overly self-reliant / independent and being used to others depending on her. part of this is, again, due to the nature of her character, but also due to the simple fact that ... she isn’t used to asking for help, or having a support system to really carry her. it’s only recently in canon that she has allowed herself to draw inspiration from outside (e.g. “what would rex lapis do?”) as opposed to purely within ... but even then, it’s inspiration that is derived from her conception of a deity, instead of an actual person.

i ultimately think that it is FAR from keqing’s priority to have a romantic partner to spend the rest of her days with, or a best friend whom she could confide in for as long as she lives. she is somebody who could be perfectly content with living a solitary life, but at the same time ... i do think that her character development would be best explored if she were able to put herself out there on a more “personal” level with others. she’s ... gotta work on seeing herself as “adequate enough” to make these connections, though. somebody, please tell this bitch that she’s worth more than just what she can offer to liyue on a poltical, social, and economic basis.

#been doing a lot of writing on discord #also blame my mental illness for why i haven't been here gjsdlkgjdslkg #* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .

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royalstorm · 3 years

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comparing keqing to the sun ..... but not because she’s amiable, or particularly cheerful. she’s like the sun in the way that, its rays, while bright, are also harsh. they’re brazen, and they hurt, and they’re tempting to block out.

it’s only when it’s rainy and cold that you remember the sun is not only blinding, but it’s also warm. too warm sometimes, actually. it’s a warmth that is all-consuming and unrelenting and can only be truly appreciated once you move past the rage, the glaring pride.

it is a warmth that brings about life.

#my blog title is literally ‘lifegiver’ too HELP #audie fuck u i hate it here #intense and ambitious ppl being described as the sun is so big brain #* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .#* WRITING / my wit ? as sharp as keqing's sword .

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royalstorm · 3 years

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✨ character study #9 — keqing and love ( part 1 / ? ) .

Valentine’s Day is almost upon us, so I figured it would be fun to do a deep dive into Keqing’s history with love (or lack thereof).

In my head, Keqing has never really experienced romance.

Growing up, her parents conditioned her into becoming a proper aristocrat—a proper Liyuen lady. She was taught to be mild-mannered and accommodating and, of course, to search for a partner worthy of her hand and in inheriting the family name, generations’ worth of wealth and honor included.

And being who she is today, it’s easy to see that Keqing did not at all abide by any of that.

Marriage, in her parents’ eyes, is not a union between two people; it is an arrangement between two benefactors. It’s transactional and strategic. It’s done with the interest of both families’ financial prosperity and future outcome in mind. In other words, it’s but a means for rich people to hoard their wealth, if not increase it.

But Keqing had never been interested in being her parents’ ideal Liyuen daughter. As diligent and well-read as she was, she was also audacious. Domineering. Too proud to be a “proper aristocratic lady”. And the more her parents tried to tame her, the more she rebelled.

The breaking point was when she was around seventeen. During this time, her parents had begun accumulating suitors for her to pick and choose from. They, of course, were all sons of Liyue’s wealthiest merchants, and in the spirit of Liyue’s conservatism, they all expected her to be their perfect image of a Liyuen woman.

Hahahahaha, you can only imagine how well that went. I think I might write a few drabbles centered on Keqing curving these guys.

With all that in mind, it’s easy to see that the idea of romance is one that had been soiled for Keqing. She isn’t explicitly opposed to love, but it’s never been something she actively sought out. She reads romance novels on occasion. She’s nosy and good at keeping up with the locals and their scandals/affairs. There have even been a few times when she met someone around her age that’s caused her heart to beat a little quicker (she had her first and only kiss at fourteen with a childhood gal pal), but she’s never indulged in it.

Still, no matter how driven by pragmatism she is, her motives for such have, in reality, stemmed and will always stem from idealism. Compassion. Togetherness. In that sense, you could say that Keqing is a Romantic (TM)—just not in the traditional sense. Fitting, right? Tradition never sat well with her, anyway.

It’s hard for her to see herself in this light, though. Keqing accepts and is proud of the fact that she has a profound love for her country—that she is willing to bend and break for it—but to feel that way about another person, when she’s only ever really trusted herself. It doesn’t sit right with her.

So, when she falls in love, it’ll be without her noticing. It’ll be her seeking them out. It’ll be walking into a room they’re in, and they’re everything. It’ll be her feeling at ease, at peace—like, for once, she can rest.

There will be no fanfares, no grandiose epiphanies from the archons. The stars won’t align to spell out their names, and not one bard will sing songs of their love.

It’ll be her looking at them one day and realizing, Oh.

#woozy emoji #* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .

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royalstorm · 3 years

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keqing, the intense workaholic vs. keqing, the intense workaholic who works tirelessly — even off the clock — without expecting anything in return!!

keqing, who is rebellious and a skeptic and unconventional vs. keqing being opposed to conservatism because she can visibly see it isn’t currently serving her country well, nor will it in the long-haul!!

keqing, ever stubborn with her pride as a vice vs. keqing setting aside her pride in realizing that both she and rex lapis “were working for the good of liyue, and two people who love the same thing need not be on opposing sides”!!

keqing, a seemingly sheltered rich girl of noble birth turned self-serving, pretentious politician vs. keqing, who “keeps her luxuries to the bare minimum”, visits “dangerous, uninhabited areas to strengthen her knowledge ”, and “travels around liyue and memorizes each detail of the land to maximize its utility”!!

keqing, a character primarily driven by her own agenda and her own ideals — a character that collectivist cultures may view as selfish vs. keqing, whose agenda and ideals solely revolve around what would be good for liyue, not even herself!!

#it's all so . ironic .#keqing being driven by what she wants vs. the want she is being driven by is linked to a sense of obligation #THE WAY SHE IS A GXRLBOSS BUT NOT EVEN WITH THE /PRIMARY/ OBJECTIVE OF PROVING HERSELF #only bipoc daughter / eldest bipoc daughter syndrome!!!! at its peak!!!!!!#* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .

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royalstorm · 3 years

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✨ character study #21 — keqing & culture clash .

TL;DR: Despite being portrayed as a character motivated by self-interest and pride (which she is, don’t get me wrong), Keqing’s character is very ironic in that it also contains key characteristics present in a typical eldest Asian / only Asian daughter (self-sacrifice, overstaying commitments).

Keqing is most prominently defined by “active” personality traits: her defiance, her resilience, and her initiative. She is ambitious and a go-getter through and through — the epitome of a gxrlboss, the patron saint of going after what you want and refusing to settle for less than that.

I feel that it can be a lot more than just this, though, especially if we extrapolate this information and use to go above and beyond. Once again, Keqing is, in her heart of hearts, an independent individual who pursues her interests of her own accord ... but what exactly are these “interests”? What are her core “wants”? To dismantle what she perceives are antiquated beliefs? Partly, but dig deeper. To cultivate a strength and tenacity that humanity has lost due to complacency / an over-reliance on religious factors? Also partly, but dig even deeper. To ensure that Liyue is able to prosper in the present, the short-term future, and the long-term future as an autonomous entity? Yes. Basically, the “interests” / “wants” that exist as “layers” above this conclusive statement are just that: layers. They only reveal the details supporting what is ultimately the main point.

If we further unpack this core “want” — ensuring Liyue’s success and longevity — we are able to discern a few things:

The fine details, or “layers”, involved in this “want” are very self-driven. They were birthed from ego. They are inspired by Keqing’s ideals and, in essence, best represent the “active” personality traits she is reputed for.

The core “want” itself is less internalized. It’s more concerned with a collective “schema”, as opposed to the point above, which caters toward the ego. In other words, the very essence of what it is that Keqing wants comes from a “big picture” sort of concept ... one that goes far beyond her, one that embodies a compassion not for the self, but for Liyue as a whole, and alongside that ... sacrifice.

Keqing’s workaholic tendencies are also majorly inspired by her “core” want. Based on her canon voicelines and story tidbits (which I’ll post examples of when I’m less lazy, lmfaooooo), her reason for working constantly isn’t something hasty or something done for the sake of doing. She devotes so much of her time and energy into her work because she believes that is what will allow Liyue to become successful for generations to come ... and so, maybe you’re thinking: so what? She’s dutiful and committed and works too much ... what about it? But do you know what, or rather who, else easily embodies those traits, as well?

If you’re like me, you’re already nodding your head in understanding ... only daughter/eldest daughter syndrome.

Think about it ... the core “want” that Keqing has been striving for for all of these years isn’t even one that will immediately or directly benefit her. It takes into account too wide of a scope and too immeasurable an amount of time to factor in self-interests. The interests being reflected in this core “want” have to do with Liyue as a collective whole, even when she’s no longer alive to be a part of it. And once again, she’s committed to this ideal — made it her duty to see this through to the point where she overworks herself, doing other people’s jobs and working extra hours and going the extra mile to make ends meet. This is not something that benefits her directly, either ... nor is it healthy for her. Keqing isn’t overworking herself for herself; she is overworking for the sake of Liyue and its people and ultimately putting their priorities and needs over hers. This can be supported tremendously by her lifestyle (once again, I will post examples from canon when I’m not lazy). Keqing lives with the “barest of luxuries” at her disposal, not wishing to flaunt her wealth or her status. She went undercover as a laborer for a few months to have a better understanding of the working class. She willingly throws herself into dangerous ventures that other people do not want to undertake in a way that is humble (dressing up in very ordinary clothing, only bringing her hairpin and a sword). There’s no cry for attention or brownie points in any of these actions. It is, instead, another example of how the concept of sacrifice manifests in her character.

So ... this is basically my long-winded way of saying that Keqing is ironically a lot more subservient / “typical Asian daughter” than what can be seen on the surface. It IS very significant that she relishes in this mindset of “choosing your own path”, “defying what does not suit you”, and “being able to rely on yourself and your immediate community as opposed to being complacent” ... but ultimately, the “core” of her want and how she goes about in achieving it best mirror the self-sacrifice, stubborn dutifulness, and over-commitment found within many eldest / only Asian daughters. Even if she herself is attempting to combat conservatism, there are still key parts of Keqing tied to these long-standing, “collectivist” ideas of gender, such as prioritizing quite literally everything and everyone else before herself and engaging in activities that don’t serve her well for the sake of sacrifice.

Tfw you want to be an independent. stubborn as catgxrlboss, but a lot more of your motives reek of “Daughter Who Is Expected To Be Everyone’s Tool” syndrome than you think.

#i'm falling asleep while typing this i'm sorry maybe i'll rewrite it #* CHARA. STUDY / waiting ; seething ; blooming .

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