#( i'm sorry i try not to post vent stuff too often but i desperately need to get this off my chest ) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cripple-council · 1 year

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Just need to vent

I wish living wasn't so freaking painful

And I'm talking about general chronic pain but I'm also talking about pain from things I don't see talked about as often

Like the fact that if I knew how to get my hands on a decent free screen reader I'd use it because it just hurts to read and it hurts to see sometimes

Yes I have glasses but they're for astigmatism not my eyes randomly decided haha f you and checking out

The fact that I randomly have spots of vision where I can't see isn't fun either

And hearing why does hearing hurt

I'm HoH but I try to use any sort of thing to help and my sound sensitivity says haha screw you so I stick to captions except sometimes my eyes decided screw reading all together that hurts so I have half an idea of what's going on because I'm not looking at the screen (I'm looking at the least painful thing I can) and unless I've watched the stuff before I need to rewind CONSTANTLY so I know what's going on just suffer the pain

My eyes are hurting reading my own writing right now and I literally can't make it any easier for them I don't know what to do

Yeah yeah talk to my eye doctor but idk when my check up is and until then I'm stuck with glasses that don't help my actual problem and literally nobody to talk to because everyone says go to your eye doctor and yes I know

And I feel like I can't actually use any sort of screen reader or anything because that's just me being lazy (it's not) or it's for actually visually impaired people screw off there's no reason for you to use it you can still read when your eyes hurt

Except that's ignoring all the times my eyes have hurt so much I literally couldn't open them so I ended up hiding under a blanket until they felt better because I still have to go to school and nobody bothers to listen to me

I don't know I don't know I don't know I feel like I'm faking everything even though I desperately desperately just wanna make my little eyeballs feel better so we can function in unison again without all the pain and the effort and the strain

It helps that with seeing seeing I have a decent memory and synesthesia can actually be useful as well as the well-practiced ability to figure out where I'm going based on a very tiny sliver of sight but it still sucks and I still hate it and I still just want to talk to someone about it without feeling like I'm using resources or taking up extra space because aren't I messed up enough already how possibly could I be messed up more now???

Uggggh I'm so tired I just want to either see painlessly or don't look at everything to deal with the pain and that be okay

Sorry if this is insensitive or something I'm so tired and so done and just needed to vent thank you

Is this even a place to vent

I just realized I don't remember what blog I was posting this too

I'm so sorry if it's not

Um, I offer lavender and bees if you like bees, especially if this is the wrong blog, thank you

hey!

i’m sorry that you’re in pain and that people aren’t listening to you. and i know how frustrating it is when people keep suggesting things you already do/know about, it’s really annoying.

if you believe that a screen reader could help, you could always give it a try! but i do understand that the feeling of “being lazy” is there, i get that too (in other situations though). i don’t know much about them but i know some phones have built in ones, so you could look for that, and if you don’t have that, i hope someone here can give recommendations on free and good ones!

disability aids are there for you to use them if you need them, i completely understand feeling like you’re faking or are being lazy or that you’re taking resources or whatever mean thought your brain can produce. but please try to remember that you are allowed to use them, it’s your brain being mean, and i know that it’s hard to go against those thoughts, but i believe in you!

and remember that no one knows your body and pain better than you. if someone else tries to dismiss your pain, ignore them because they don’t know shit.

you are always welcome to vent here, i will always listen.💜

and i love lavender & bumblebees (other bees scare me haha)😌

#ask

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