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helldustedstories · 17 days

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Stolas was at Ozzie's for fifteen hours when he went to his appointment to ask for an Asmodean crystal for Blitz.

The appointment was set for noon, which meant that Stolas showed up around 11:45, to make sure that he wasn't going to be late. He was still recovering from the injuries he sustained from Striker, something that resulted in slower, more deliberate movements from the prince so that he could hide just how hurt he still was. Stolas had already had to reschedule the appointment for when he got out of the hospital; he wasn't about to push it again or do anything that would jeopardize his chances at obtaining a crystal for Blitz.

He sits outside of Ozzie's office, hat in his hand, trying not to think about all of his injuries and how he's still recovering, trying not to dwell on the fact that, if he gets the crystal from Ozzie…., if he gives it to Blitz, he might lose him. But it's hard not to think about the things that are weighing so heavily on your mind, especially when you're left alone for four hours.

By the time Ozzie steps out of his office to greet him, it's 4:00.

But he doesn't say a word about it; just greets Asmodeus and heads into his office with him. When Ozzie brings up Blitz, Stolas admits that he has feelings for him, that that's why he's there: to ask Ozzie for a crystal so that Blitz can continue his business without having to rely on Stolas. He wants a clean slate for them, even though he knows it might not end up happening the way he wants, that Blitz might not care about him the same way he does.

And when Ozzie says that Fizz hates Blitz, so he can't give Stolas a crystal, Stolas accepts Ozzie at his word, and is about to be on his way when Ozzie checks the message he received (seemingly from Fizz).

Stolas could have used that moment to try to bargain, to suggest "I'll stay and help you with this if you give me the crystal I asked for," but instead, he stays with Ozzie without any hesitation. And when the lawyer arrives and gives Ozzie the bogus contract, he reads over it, to make sure that Asmodeus doesn't sign anything that would be detrimental to him.

He stays with Ozzie even as the lawyer deliberately takes his time to look over everything once more, through the night. Despite being in a great deal of pain himself. Stolas put that aside in favour of helping Asmodeus instead; he doesn't know Fizzarolli at all, except as part of the duo that taunted him and Blitz when they were in the club, and he has no idea at all that Blitz was involved. He stayed to help without a moment's hesitation because he cared, because it was the right thing to do.

For eleven hours. By the time the lawyer is almost through looking over the contract again, when Ozzie checks his watch before Fizzarolli shows back up, the time shows as 3:00.

Which means that Stolas was there for fifteen hours that day, most of which was spent trying to help Ozzie get his "business partner" back safely, without any expectation of any sort of thanks or repayment.

#ᯓ★ stolas : headcanon #✎ helldustedstories : meta; aka mal thinks too much about things #[kinda?]#[anyway I noticed this today and had to write it up]

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helldustedstories · 2 months

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Some general sort of world-building thoughts I've been having! Mostly as they relate to the Goetia and some things I have referenced with Stolas.

On magic, domains, and the Goetia specifically.

For beings that inherently possess magic, it tends toward a certain type. That's usually related to the ring they're from, but there are exceptions. With the Goetia, for example, their magic is not exactly dormant, but it's not focused on a certain domain, a certain branch until they receive their "orders," essentially, from Paimon. It's at that point that that specific type of magic comes easiest to them. Part of that is because their training will be focused on that specific type of magic, but part of it is also an inherent strengthening of the link to their domain that makes it come naturally.

So for Stolas, his area of expertise is prophecy, astronomy, and herbology. And while he is capable of doing other types of magic, healing magic, for example, it doesn't come nearly as easily, and takes a lot more effort to learn.

2. The greater a demon's power, the more it takes for substances to affect them.

For things like medication, whether that's painkillers, anesthesia, or antidepressants, the dosage needed is way more than it would be for a sinner or regular hellborn. And for the Sins, the amount it would take for them to feel the effects would easily kill most other denizens of Hell.

And while Hell royalty and above take a lot to kill or even damage, they also heal slower because of it. Angelic weapons in particular, because they're designed to be able to take down the most powerful beings, take a long time to fully heal from. And even then, it's not guaranteed that there won't be long-lasting side-effects or damage.

#✎ helldustedstories : ooc #✎ helldustedstories : meta; aka mal thinks too much about things #[shoving that in this tag]#[it kinda works?]#[anyway have some worldbuilding I've been thinking of]#[one of these days I'll go into the different colours of magics and thoughts I have on THAT]#[because I have them]#[may end up adding to this]#[but here it is for now]

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helldustedstories · 26 days

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As mentioned earlier, the anon I got, while offering "critique" of the way I write Stolas, also veered into victim-blaming territory, saying that he's 'abusive and a cheater and he ruined his family.' Most of it will be under the cut, as this got very long.

So first of all, if you don't like Stolas as a character, that's fine; that's your prerogative, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but what are you doing on my page? As I'm sure you've noticed if you've been around my blog any time at all, Stolas is my main muse here. He's very important to me as a character, and as part of my fave ship, so YEAH, there's gonna be a lot of Stolas on my blog. And if that's something that bothers you...., the unfollow / block button is right there. I very much encourage you to use it to curate your own experience.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's take this "critique" apart piece-by-piece, shall we? The thesis statement with which I was presented was, to paraphrase, that Stolas is abusive, a cheater, and that he ruined his family. Since the anon seemed focused on the fact that Stolas “is a cheater who ruined his family,” that is also the lens through which I will be basing my analysis.

Starting off with my favourite: Stolas is abusive. I'm honestly not sure we've been watching the same show, if you think that. I cannot think of a single instance in the course of the fifteen episodes we currently have where he raised a hand to someone else. Yes, he raised his voice a couple of times, in response to an argument, where both parties were heated. Is that abuse? No, because it was an argument, with emotions running high on either side. People in all kinds of relationships have arguments, which are not inherently abusive. However, we cannot ignore the history that has been presented to us in the show itself, as the text we’re examining. While victims of abuse are not exempt from becoming abusers themselves, in the case of Stolas, this is not what happened.

Let's look at the definition of verbal abuse, pulled from the wiki: "Verbal abuse can include the act of harassing, labeling, insulting, scolding, rebuking, or excessive yelling towards an individual. It can also include the use of derogatory terms, the delivery of statements intended to frighten, humiliate, denigrate, or belittle a person” (“Verbal Abuse.” Wikipedia, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbal_abuse. Accessed 12 May 2024).

While Stolas makes a snide remark to Stella, "How was I supposed to know you could spell? I've never seen you read!" that is not abuse. That is a one-off statement meant to get a rise out of her. However, something that does qualify as verbal abuse? The way that Stella talks to and about Stolas. "It's no picnic being married to a boring stiff like Stolas," "Stolas is terrible in bed! I swear to fuck, he just lays there staring at the wall, and I have to do everything! It's embarrassing! I'm glad one egg fell out of me so I could stop pretending to want to fuck his scrawny twig ass," "what a pathetic fucking man" are all examples of Stella harassing, labeling, insulting, scolding, rebuking, using excessive yelling, and derogatory terms intended to humiliate or belittle Stolas in the span of a single episode. Not only in the span of a single episode, but within the span of a single day within that episode (“Helluva Boss/The Circus.” Season 2, episode 1).

We can infer from this, and from the other times we have seen similar situations (which also included threats of physical violence, with Stella throwing Stolas' plants, items she knows he cares about and treats well, specifically to terrorize him), that this is a regular occurrence between them. Stolas doesn't usually speak up or say anything, let alone yell back. One of the few times he says anything in response to her shouting is in the second episode of the first season: Loo Loo Land. But even then, Stella is shouting, and Stolas is replying to her as calmly as he can, his voice much quieter than hers, even in the context of what can be heard as a character in the show, not only for the audience’s perspective.

An important thing to note, as well: while the instance with Stolas responding to Stella’s verbal abuse in Loo Loo Land takes place in an earlier episode, it takes place later within the chronology of the show, as almost all of the scenes in The Circus appear as a flashback. This is an important distinction because The Circus establishes a pattern of behaviour that is continued and escalated in Loo Loo Land. It is understandable for a spouse to be upset that they’d been cheated on, but the level of the reaction, the fact that it is ongoing mistreatment, makes it unacceptable.

There are many different types of abuse, and Stolas does not display any of them. He actively works to dismantle the cycle of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse he has gone through. While he does make mistakes, he tries to be as supportive of his daughter as possible, showing interest in the things she likes even if he doesn’t always understand. He shows physical affection, makes sure she knows that he loves her, that he’s going to be there for her, both when she’s a child, and later when they go to Loo Loo Land. It had been his insistence that they go to the park, but the moment he realized that Octavia wasn’t having fun, they had a heartfelt talk that was emotional, but also an actual conversation as opposed to one party hurling insults at the other.

I would go so far as to say that Stolas displays both freeze and fawn responses to these situations with Stella. We hear her say that “Stolas is terrible in bed! I swear to fuck, he just lays there staring at the wall, and I have to do everything!” which is a classic sign of dissociation, and can also be attributed to the freeze response to trauma. While both Stolas and Stella were put in a situation that they did not want to be in, the fact that Stella went through with sex while Stolas was actively dissociating makes that assault. Not only that, but she continues to laugh and joke about what happened with her friends, knowing that Stolas is within earshot of her; she deliberately uses her words to hurt him, to bring up his trauma, to belittle him. Stella is very good at choosing some of the most hurtful words she could because it’s meant to show that Stolas is unsatisfactory as a man because he cannot please her in bed, and she ‘had to do all the work.’

Let’s reverse the roles for a moment, shall we? A man says that his wife just lies there while he has to do all the work during sex, he ignores that she’s dissociating and continues regardless of her feelings. Cut and dry assault, right? But because the victim in this case is a man, it’s not seen as abuse, which is hypocritical and dangerous.

While I could continue at length about this single point, let’s move on. We’re going to be tackling both “Stolas is a cheater” and “he ruined his family” at the same time, because I think they’re very much tied to one another. Yes, he had an affair while he was married. On the surface, he is absolutely a cheater, an adulterer, whatever you want to call him. Not even he would deny that. However, this is something that also has a lot more nuance than just the surface level viewing.

Stolas is a gay man who has been trapped in a heterosexual marriage for almost twenty years. He himself states that he “tried so many years to make it comfortable for us; to have this family, but it was never enough” (HB, S2E01). And while we don’t fully know what that entailed, considering the way that Stella reacted to his infidelity with Blitz, it can be inferred that that was the first time he’d strayed. He chose to stay in a loveless marriage, with a spouse who continually insulted and belittled him, destroyed his property, and was physically abusive, all to attempt to give their daughter some semblance of a normal childhood. Stolas insulated Octavia from much of her mother’s cruelty, but it escalated to the point that he could not keep all of it from her any longer.

It’s also clear through Stella’s dialogue that it’s not necessarily the infidelity that bothers her; it’s the fact that Stolas chose to sleep with an imp, someone who is seen as lesser in Hell’s hierarchy. Every time she brings up his affair, it’s in conjunction with the fact that his affair partner is an imp, not that he betrayed her, or that she’s hurt by his actions. Stella says that she likes tormenting Stolas, that the reason she stays around the house even though she takes Via away on weekends is to remind him of what he did, specifically to try to make him feel guilty for his actions. She cares about how everything reflects on her, not how it might affect their daughter.

And Stolas is the first person to acknowledge that if he had genuinely hurt Stella, he would feel bad about that. But there was never anything between them; their marriage was arranged in order to add a ‘precautionary heir’ to the family, a duty that they fulfilled. From their conversation before the Not Divorced party, it’s clear that they had at the very least discussed divorce previously, but it came down to how it would look yet again, rather than what would be best for either of them or Octavia. Which is made clear when Stella’s first response to Stolas’ insistence that they are getting The Divorce is “what would the rest of the Goetia family think?”

Her next response is even more telling: she tries to hit Stolas, to backhand him across the face. The only reason she doesn’t make contact is that Stolas stopped her, catching her hand before she could hit him. He was ready for that blow, knew that it was coming, which means that it was not the first time she had hit him. It had happened before, and he knew there was the possibility of it happening again, especially when he finally stood up for himself instead of freezing or fawning to try to keep the peace.

The affair changed the status quo in the family; Stolas made a choice for himself instead of trying to placate Stella and do what would cause the least amount of ripples. That choice exposed what was already broken and festering; it didn’t cause the broken marriage or family. The perfect image that they presented to the outside world never really existed, and it finally became impossible to hide when Stolas actually made a decision for his own wellbeing instead of basing all of his decisions on what would be best for Octavia.

It also cannot be understated that Stella hired an assassin to torture and kill Stolas, who is still the father of her child, because he embarrassed her. There were so many other options available to her, ways she could have gotten revenge on Stolas without killing him, but she went right to assassination and torture. Which would also negatively affect her daughter, especially if she ever found that her father had been killed on her mother’s orders.

The fact that all of this is ascribed to Stolas is nothing short of victim-blaming. When someone is blamed for their own abuse, it blurs the lines between fiction and reality because that is something that happens to real people all the time, myself included. It’s especially important in this case because Stolas is a male victim of domestic violence, who are already far less likely to come forward or to be believed even if they do. Especially if they are also queer.

In conclusion, I am going to continue to sympathize with Stolas. I am going to continue to analyze him through the lens of the trauma he’s been through, and I am going to keep examining and thoughtfully, respectfully exploring his thought process as he deals with the fact that he was a victim of abuse, as he gets away from that and begins to heal.

#✎ helldustedstories : meta; aka mal thinks too much about things #ᯓ★ stolas : about #domestic violence mention tw #marital assault tw #infidelity tw #comphet tw #[ask to tag]#[i got the big ones i think]

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helldustedstories · 2 months

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Do you ever think about how "Stolitz" is the perfect ship name for Stolas and Blitz? Because I sure do.

Because it's exactly equal.

We have "Stol" from "Stolas," four letters out of six.

And then we have "litz" from Blitzø, also four letters out of six.

They SHARE the l, meeting exactly in the middle, with both names having the exact same amount of power and letters in their combined ship name of "Stolitz."

#✎ helldustedstories : ooc #✎ helldustedstories : meta; aka mal thinks too much about things #[is this reading too much into things?]#[probably. but that's what I do. ^^]

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helldustedstories · 3 months

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Okay, but I want to talk about Stolas and his relationship with touch, affection, and praise, because they're all kind of wrapped up in one another. Under a cut for length.

When he was younger, he barely saw his father. The day he received his grimoire was the first time he'd seen him all year, and Paimon didn't even tell him 'happy birthday;' he just greeted him, completely forgetting his name, and told him that it was finally time for him to 'become a true part of the Goetia family. Good for you.'

After that, he very quickly told Stolas what his duty in Hell was going to be, gave him the grimoire, and then announced that he was destined to 'sire a precautionary heir,' which meant that he was never going to have any say in how his life turned out. It was all planned for him right from the start. The picture that Paimon showed Stolas of his future wife was one where she was abusing her pets, something that was understandably upsetting on top of the news he'd just received. When Stolas starts crying in reaction, Paimon pats him on the head, the touch condescending and anything but comforting or affectionate. Stolas even flinches when he pats him, which suggests he's used to less than gentle touch, by that point.

He's used to his father not being there or being less than gentle, which sets up an expectation for other. Because if his father, who loves him (because fathers are supposed to be loving, right?) treats him that way, of course other people are going to as well, right?

And then later, when Stolas bows to Blitzo, being the polite young gentleman he is, Paimon hits him to correct him, calling him an idiot in the process. It definitely wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. Paimon's simply not around as much as he could be, but Stolas almost certainly had physical correction applied whenever he did something wrong (a rap across the knuckles with a ruler, a smack upside the head, like when he bowed to Blitzo; little things that add up).

He was also very isolated, mostly only interacting with the household servants and his tutors, none of which showed him more than cursory attention, the way one does to the son of their employer. So he grew up touch-starved, isolated, and desperate for any sort of attention or affection.

Additionally, he was frequently belittled and told that he was stupid, ugly, worthless, that he wouldn't amount to anything, which very much stuck with him and he started to internalize. He's used to just kind of ducking his head and going along with it, to minimize any attention on him, because so frequently when people are paying attention to him, it's negative.

He's more likely to expect a physical blow than any sort of gentle affection, especially when it's preceded by raised voices. Stella was more likely to throw objects than to throw hands, at least at first, but he still flinches sometimes when someone is upset with him, just out of habit. Though he's gotten pretty good at keeping any physical reaction to a minimum, as a means of self-preservation.

Stolas also got very good at deflecting and defusing situations because he had to after Via was born. He showers her with love and affection, because he doesn't want her to end up like him.

Because as much as he craves touch, affection, and praise, actually receiving them is another matter. When he's comfortable with someone, he very much wants to be touching them frequently, even if it's just something simple like the brush of his hand against theirs, because it reassures him, fills part of the hollowness that he constantly feels because he wants to be held, to be cared for.

So he channels that into caring for others: usually his plants and his daughter.

But as is a theme in his life, everything changes when Blitz shows up again. Stolas tries to joke and flirt, not really expecting anything to happen, but he'd had something to drink, and the first person he'd ever called his friend had seemed to enjoy his company when they were children, maybe that hadn't changed. Maybe he really was here to see Stolas.

The two of them sit down on the nearby chaise lounge and talk a little bit, until Blitz is the one that initiates any sort of touch between them. Stolas is immediately flustered and doesn't know what to do, going so far as to back away from Blitz. Because at this point, he's never experienced any touch that is romantic or positive in a sexual nature; he's been married to Stella for quite some time, and he disassociated whenever they had sex. So he's understandably a bit flustered because he's experiencing attraction for the first time, too.

Blitz pursues him, putting all of the attention on Stolas, which he is not used to, especially in this sort of situation, but he doesn't push him away. It's new, it's exciting, and he finds that he actually wants what Blitz seems to be offering. He has no idea how to put that into words, and he stammers over an answer when Blitz asks him what he wants him to do to him. Which is the point that Blitz bites him, tipping that needle over from "I want this but I'm uncomfortable" to "oh my god, I want this."

When Blitz pushes him back down onto the bed, he latches onto that, immediately asking Blitz if he likes to be in charge, to command. He goes right into playing that up, going from the idea of commanding to kinky in seconds, because any of the knowledge he possesses about this sort of situation came from books. Blitz tells him to stop, and he immediately does.

It's at that point that Blitz blindfolds him and ties him to the bed, which Stolas takes to mean that more touch is coming, something he says he's craved for a very long time. Blitz could have just left him there, but he didn't. He stayed and he fulfilled that desire: he gave Stolas what he'd been craving, showed him what it was like to be touched and wanted, which also served to show him what he had been missing.

Because up until that point, he thought there was something wrong with him. I've talked about it a little bit before, but my interpretation of Stolas is that he's both gay and on the ace spectrum, specifically demiromantic, which means he needs an emotional connection to feel more for someone than just appreciating them aesthetically. He hasn't necessarily come to terms with this sort of label yet, which was why his initial night with Blitz meant more to him than some casual fling would have, because he already had an emotional connection, which made the physical that much more intense.

Things with Stella got even worse, at that point. She escalated from just throwing things, to deliberately throwing or destroying the things that Stolas cared about, until she eventually hit him. He was able to block her blow so easily the one time he stood up for himself because he was expecting it, because she'd done it before.

So while he craves touch, there's also part of him that expects the worst when he actually gets it.

Which is part of the reason he leans so much into the BDSM side of things with Blitz, especially in the beginning. Because if he expects pain, if it's controlled and given out as part of the touch, part of the experience, and not just a negative, then that's fine. It's something he expects and can handle, and even find pleasurable, because it's controlled and it's not coming from a place of anger, of fear. It's actually coming from a place of trust and of care, which is an entirely new experience for him.

He can handle being touched, leans into it, because he so desperately wants and needs it.

Affection, on the other hand, is harder for him to deal with because it's so foreign. He frequently feels that he's not worth the time and attention it takes to reach some level of caring for him, even if he's desperate for it.

The same sort of thing goes for genuine praise. If someone tells him he did something well or he's good at something, his first instinct is to pick apart whatever they're complimenting, because he clearly could have done better. They're not actually complimenting him; they're trying to show him how he failed.

It's even worse when someone tells him he's pretty. He wears nice clothes and does what he can, but he's been told from a very young age that he's ugly and disgusting, which is definitely taking some time to unlearn.

But the more he spreads his wings (so to speak) and experiences more and comes to terms with the fact that his treatment wasn't okay and wasn't his fault, the more he unlearns the things he was told. It's been a long road to get to where he is, and he definitely still has days where he doesn't feel like he's worth anyone's time or attention, but he is definitely trying.

#ᯓ★ stolas : headcanon #✎ helldustedstories : meta; aka mal thinks too much about things #[really I should have called this one 'an analysis of The Circus]#[but here we are]#[this got longer than I expected oops]#long post cw

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