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maraudersandlily20 · 6 years

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So, Talk

It was a bad day. A day when Sirius was angry at everyone for no apparent reason. It had started at breakfast. He had received a letter from a name that Remus didn’t recognize. He had watched him open it, soaking in the words quickly before his eyes turned dark. And it went downhill fast after that. It started with him snapping at Peter for dropping some butter on the table. Then he glared at Lily who was talking about a date she was planning a date with James in the corridor. But when he yelled at Marlene for asking what was wrong with him, Remus knew it was time to step in.

He sat down beside Marlene to give her a quick hug. Sirius’s harsh words had really cut into her and her eyes were watering. She reassured him that she was fine. He sighed in frustration before getting to his feet and following his boyfriend up to their dorm.

He found Sirius on the floor. It was a strange habit that Remus had noticed him do when he was upset. Sirius was staring up at the ceiling, quiet, eyebrows furrowed in thought. After thinking for a moment, Remus moved and sat beside him, studying him. Sirius said nothing. He knew Remus was in there, beside him, but he felt like he had nothing to say.

“So… are you going to talk about it?”

Sirius looked over at him. The anger and hurt in his eyes was evident, but he still said nothing.

“Come on, Black. You’ve been angry all day, at everyone. You were quick with Peter this morning, you’ve barely looked at James or Lily all day and when you did, it was to glare at them, and then that whole conversation with Marlene.” Sirius sighed, shutting his eyes against Remus’ words. “So, what is it?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Too bad. You have to. This can’t continue for one more day. Whatever it is, you have to talk about it. So, talk.”

The silence was thick between them, but Sirius knew that his boyfriend was right. He did need to talk about it. Badly. But he wasn’t sure how to find the words. He did the only think he could think of, he just talked.

“My uncle was the only one who cared about me. Even from childhood. He would visit every few months, taking me and Regulus out to get sweets or to the cinema, or whatever it was the day. My mother hated him. They were blood siblings of course, and his unwavering support of me always angered her. He was always the one that kept in touch, always wrote me letters, gave me quite a bit of gold in my bank account. He even told me he wrote me as the sole inheritor of his fortune.” Remus could hear how his throat was tightening, as if he was fighting back tears. “He uh… he was getting sicker, the past couple of times he had written me. I know he was trying to hide it, but his time was running out. He died, two weeks ago. And no one told me about it. My other uncle, Cygnus, wrote me this morning. They didn’t even… invite me to the funeral. It was on Friday. 4 days ago.”

“Sirius,” Remus whispered, his heart breaking for the boy he loved.

“No, it’s fine. I expected it. Alphard loved me more than most of my relatives, but there was always a part of me that resented him. He told me he couldn’t take me in, that he had to maintain his respect from the family. He still wrote me, but it took me a while to write him back. I was grateful that he didn’t grow to resent me for being petty. But I was angry. Always angry. About everything. He never let that get in his way, no matter how upset with him I was.”

Remus knew a little about Sirius being cut off from his family. He knew that it had happened after a family dinner and that after, Sirius had run away and found solace with the Potters. It was the basics of the story, but it was all Sirius had been willing to share. Not even James knew, and he had been the one to answer the door.

Alphard had been the last link to the Black family that Sirius had. He had remained in contact with him for the two years that Sirius had been exiled and labelled as a blood traitor. And now he was gone and Siris had no one. Remus knew that this must be an incredibly hard truth to face, that the family he had identified with for years no longer wanted him and that he would never get them back. Everything that Sirius Black had to do with the Black name was dust in the wind. It must hurt.

“Sirius. What happened when you left your family? That night, when you went to the Potters. You don’t talk about it. Maybe it’s time you do?”

Sirius swallowed. He shifted his body until his head rested in Remus’ lap. His boyfriend began carding his fingers through his hair and it visibly relaxed him. After a few moments, he spoke. “It was a Sunday dinner. Usual and awkward. My mother and I had gotten into a huge fight just hours before. About Andromeda.”

“Andromeda?”

“My cousin. She married Theodore Tonks, or Ted as he liked to be called, and he was a muggleborn. She was disowned, obviously, but she was the sweetest woman I had ever known. I loved her. And I told my mother so. It infuriated her. She went off, saying that I had no respect for the family name, that I was a disgrace to everything we stood for. I called her a miserable old hag, said that I hated her. And we went in for dinner. Half way through the meal, Regulus asked a simple question, about Andromeda’s mother. I’m not sure why he did, how could he have known that we had argued about that. I saw the look in her eyes. She threw dishes at me, yelling and screaming and cursing me. I tried to fend her off, even jumped in front of Regulus to protect him. My father finally grabbed hold of her to stop her, but she was screaming about how I wasn’t her son, I wasn’t a Black, and she never wanted to see me again.”

Sirius opened his eyes and looked up at Remus. Remus said nothing, but gave him a reassuring smile. With the support and love practically radiating off of his boyfriend, he continued.

“So I left. I did what she asked. I packed up all of the clothes I could and while no one paid attention that night, I slipped out the front door. I headed to uncle Alphard’s first. He let me in, fed me dinner, and told me I couldn’t stay. I was angry and sad, but hungry. I had walked for hours to get to his house. He let me floo to a house of a friend of his near the Potters. They weren’t expecting me, of course. But they opened the door anyway.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was cold for April. Sirius wrapped his arms around himself, trying to ward off the chill in the air. His suitcase rolled along behind him without him pulling it. He was disheartened after his interaction with his uncle, hearing his rejection of letting Sirius stay with him echo in his head. He was tired and sad but couldn’t muster the energy to cry anymore until he reached the Potters.

That is where he was going. He knew if there was any place in the world that would accept him, even as a blood traitor, it was the Potter household. He reached the house, exhausted from the distance, and came to the front door. Taking a deep breath, he wrapped a few times. The noises from the house were warm and friendly. He could hear the music from under the door and the rambunctious laughter from the three people inside. The music from the record stopped after they realized someone was at the door. He heard James walk toward the door and threw it open.

Sirius wondered what James saw. His best friend standing, long faced and disheartened with a backpack and a suitcase with him. He imagined that he had a sizeable bruise on hi face from a plate his mother had thrown rather suddenly. And his eyes were red rimmed, from the crying. James’ eyes widened at the sight.

“Sirius?”

He couldn’t help but sniff. He felt pathetic and looked it as well. His best friend immediately grabbed hold of his shoulders, worried that Sirius might fall over. “What happened, mate? What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course.” James moved out of the way and ushered his best friend inside the house. He set his luggage down and then turned suddenly and grabbed James in a tight hug. He could feel the surprise from James, but his best mate didn’t let his surprise at the gesture stop him from reciprocating. Sirius and James had never been the comforting type of friends, so moments like this were rare. James held Sirius tightly, feeling his friend start to shake.

“Are you alright?”

Sirius shook his head against his shoulder, trying to steady himself. “My family… they… they…” But he couldn’t finish. James simply nodded, rubbing a soothing hand along Sirius’ back. The Potter parents came into the front foyer and saw their son and his best friend holding tight to one another.

“Sirius? What are you doing here?” Euphemia asked, watching as Sirius pulled away, tears streaking down his face.

“I’m sorry for intruding, Mrs. Potter. It’s just… well… my family kicked me out. For good this time. I was hoping I could stay the night until I found something more permanent.”

The Potters all looked shocked at the admittance. They were painfully aware of Sirius’ negative relationship with his family, but they never expected them to disown him. Euphemia and Fleamont shared a look, sympathy and heartache in their eyes. Euphemia looked to her son and watched him place a reassuring hand on Sirius’ neck, with a tight smile on his face. And she knew what she had to do. “Of course you can stay, Sirius. But not just for tonight. We have plenty of space in this large old house, there is enough room for you to move in.”

Sirius’ eyes bulged. “M-Move in? Are you sure, Mrs. Potter? I wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience.”

“Stuff and nonsense, Sirius Black. You are practically one of our family anyway, might as well make it official and have you come live with us. I don’t think you’ll be too much of a bother, considering how loud it already is in this house.”

“You mean it? I can stay?”

“Of course Sirius. We wouldn’t want it any other way.” Sirius couldn’t contain himself and threw himself onto her in a huge hug. She laughed happily, wrapping in the loving arms of a mother. Sirius heard James and Fleamont high five, and knew that this is what it felt like to be home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remus studied Sirius’ face as he remembered the night he moved in with the Potters. Neither he or James had ever spoken about it in detail, so it was a shock to hear how hard Sirius had taken being disowned. He was grateful, more than ever, for the Potters and their unconditional love for James’ rabble of friends. The fact that they opened their home to Sirius made Remus love them all the more.

Sirius took in a deep breath before looking up at Remus. “It’s funny. Thinking about the Potters makes the grief hurt a little less. I didn’t think that would happen.”

“It’s because you remember the family that DOES love you, and how being accepted by them made your life easier. It’s nice to have good memories alongside the bad ones, and the Potters gave you that. You got pretty lucky, when you met James all those years ago.”

“You’re right. I lucked out in a lot of ways on that first train ride. I met James, who I would one day move in with and become a part of his family. I met Lily, even though she was friends with a complete loser at the time, and now she cares more about me than any other woman I have ever known. I met Peter, that wanker of a man, and he always makes me laugh. And all of that is well and good, but...” Sirius got up, onto his knees and turned to face his boyfriend. “But even if I had never met them, even if I had been sorted into Slytherin or whatever the hell else, I honestly don’t know if I would have made it without you.”

Remus’ eyes widened at the confession. He knew he loved Sirius, more than anything. And he hoped Sirius felt the same. But neither of them were overtly romantic in their interactions, so this confession caught him by surprise. He wondered if Sirius was going to actually say the words.

Sirius cleared his throat. “I know you and I don’t usually… say stuff like this. But I’ve lost a lot of things in my life, Remus Lupin, and I swear to god, if I have to lose you too, it will absolutely ruin me. So… I just want you to know that I love you. It terrifies me. And I may never say it again after this, but I love you. And you are all I ever want.”

The smile that Remus gives him is one of adoration and simplicity and pure happiness. He reaches forward and cups Sirius’ face in his hands. “I love you too, you daft idiot.” And Sirius kisses him. After a few moments, Remus pulls back. “But I hope you know that you have to apologize to everyone you were mean to today.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Whatever you say, Moons.” He was kissing him again, then, pushing him back until Remus was on the ground and Sirius was on top of him, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. The blush that warmed the tall boys skin spread to his entire body, and for some inexplicable reason, Remus forgot what they were talking about.

This story is for @religious-pizza-roll. For no particular reason other than I love her and she always reads my stories and the fact that she exists makes my life happy. Kenz, you are the pizza roll of my heart.

I’m also hoping if I post this early, I might actually write some new stuff later today. If you have any prompts or ideas or anything you want to read, please send them to me! Get my creative juices flowing!!

#hi kiddos #day 14 of fanfiction #so much fanfiction #here's a whole bunch of #wolfstar #for you cute kids.#send me prompts #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #love you people #my writing #happy reading

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