#{{ ghjdhgjwhgj }} | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

frozenambiguity · 1 year

Text

dilucisms asked:

"you ..." diluc's brow is furrowed with obvious concern, but his tone is impossibly gentle as he rounds the bar counter to stare down at his little brother, and ... place a hand softly on his shoulder, complete with a reassuring squeeze. "kaeya. take better care of yourself." i love you. you're my baby brother. "that's enough for one night, don't you think ? i'll ... walk you home. you're going to fall on your face and break something and i do not want to have to explain it to jean." he's pretending to be annoyed, but anyone who knows diluc would know there's undeniable fondness in his voice. "ah ... here, take my coat. can't have you catching a cold like an idiot."

Is it not pitiful that one requires multiple alcoholic beverages to deal with the truth?

No. Scratch that.

Perhaps dealing with the truth is not the correct way to describe it. Coping with it, albeit in a toxic manner, would be a more accurate way of defining it. For one to deal with any matter, one must first come to terms with it and accept it. And Kaeya Alberich could not be farthest from acceptance. He often announces to the world how much of a wine connoisseur he is, and it is fact that he has developed a taste for everything exquisite and rich. Sometimes he wonders if having been taken by the Ragnvindrs since he was young has influenced him. It is normal for one to grow curious and invested in the trade of the family that has welcomed you in its arms; to develop one's skills to the point of becoming business savvy in the area of expertise. It is why he often finds himself trying out new beverages, from multiple nations of Teyvat. If the captain's opinion could not be relied on, he would not have been sent to Sumeru with the task of learning more about its trade and alcohol industry.

Kaeya wonders if Crepus would have been proud of the knowledge he has gathered throughout the years. Maybe he would even have the opinion that with Diluc's creative skills when it came to mixtures and concoctions and with Kaeya's delicate palate and alcohol-testing adroitness the Dawn Winery would be unstoppable. From a business point of view, what else could one want for a legacy?

Hm. The void in his heart is starting to ache. Better to detach himself from the thought.

This brings us to the next point: does Kaeya Alberich drink solely because of the taste? No. He drinks because of the way it makes him feel. In moderation, alcohol can be one's friend. It can help one become merry, can help one escape, can help one forget, even for a few moments. The disaster soon arises when moderation is not held into account.

Kaeya knows when to stop. His instincts are sharp and quick to warn him when enough is enough, even if he possesses a high tolerance. But does he want to stop? Perhaps a silent punishment is all he wishes for. And once too many drinks finally bring him the invitation to dwell in misery, he does not say no. How ironic. This is something that denies his initial reason for drinking in the first place ( forgetting, being joyous for a while ). Humans are... complex, foolish creatures. Kaeya is no exception, although he may at times veil it well.

And so, Kaeya allows alcohol to seduce him. At once, there is the audible sound of a clap. A warning for all that are present in this Ball of Self-Destruction. Silence. And a few moments after, corrosive, intrusive thoughts take their place, intertwine hands, and start their dance to the sound of the orchestra, led by Maestro Kaeya himself. How long will the ball go for tonight, one wonders... The longer, the better. He has no one to blame but himself. He deserves to wallow in agony.

When he is lucid, Kaeya escapes from his miserable reality. But when the alcohol's effects take a turn for the worse... It is then that darkness envelops him the most. It is a nice feeling, despite everything. Numbing.

But would you look at that — someone has had the audacity to bring a halt to this celebration...!? Is that... Diluc? Kaeya's gaze is hazy and unfocused. But not to the point of being incapable of remembering who the redhead is. How could he ever forget? It is impossible to. He takes a few moments to decipher his words. And when they become clear enough... A pitiful laugh.

«Home..?» The look on his face shows perplexity, brows arching as a smile becomes unwavering.

«Diluc, I... I don't know what home is. I don't know where home is». His eye abandons the redhead's stare. The grip on his fist tightens. It is now or never.

«Diluc. You». His gaze meets ruby once more. He has no idea where this sudden courage comes from, but he suspects the alcohol may have something to do with it. Words have consequences. Actions have consequences. But, you know what? Who cares? Hopefully, he will black out soon enough to the point of not remembering anything come morning.

«You used to be my home. You were the closest thing to a home that I ever had. And even that, I... I fucked it up. The more I think about it, the more I believe I am not fit for normalcy. I do not really deserve it. But that does not mean others do not». That does not mean you do not. And if associating with me has caused you so much suffering and heartbreak, then I do not want you to associate with me any longer. It is for the best, no matter how much that pains me. Pains you.

«That neat little apartment I have... Maybe you are right. Maybe that is the closest thing I have to a home now. And that is precisely why it is so empty and with mirrors nowhere to be found. So I don't have to look at myself every damn morning. Everything else? Mere mementums of the past. To keep me going on tougher days». Swiftly, he gets up, the sound of the stool dragging on the floor echoing within Angel's Share. He has made up his mind. So many times he had gotten to this despicable state so that he could get a bit of Diluc's attention, even if that came up in the form of reprimand. But he cannot do this any longer. He... He cannot do this any longer.

«You have always been gentle, Diluc. Maybe it is time to show that gentleness to the people that matter. Gain allies, make friends. Show them your true colors. They will not hesitate to be on your side when you most need them to be. As for me... Don't bother. Just...» You would have done me a favor on that cursed, rainy night. If only this foolish vision had not materialized then...

«Don't bother».

#dilucisms #【 ic | fool you once; fool you twice. 】#{{ oh look: it's me crying again bc of our interactions }}#{{ ghjdhgjwhgj }}#{{ ON MY HANDS AND KNEES; MASTER DILUC. DO NOT GIVE UP ON THIS MAN }}#{{ BONK HIM IN THE HEAD IF NEED BE }}#tw

4 notes · View notes