hi! your art is amazing <3 do you have any recommendations on how to start drawing/doing art if you've never really done it before? how did you get into/start drawing? i would love to hear your experience if youre comfortable to share! also your writing is awesome too :) have a great day!

ohh gosh bro i'm not competent enough to give recs/art tips cause i'm still new at it myself & i genuinely have no idea what i'm doing 95% of the time. i started doing art by just… diving into it, drawing more & more!

wish i had a good/deep answer but this started out as a way for me to pass the time & have fun. similar to writing, it's like a grounding exercise. i'll put on some music, get the tablet out, & just sink time into whatever my mind wants to see on the canvas (the non-complex ideas, i'm not skilled enough for those but i'm slowly getting better & braver!). oh & drawing pretty women.

wanting to draw pretty women is my villain art origin story

Hello, Can i ask Fuze x reader hc's relationship? I just love this man!! how about you? what's your fav operator in R6s?

Heh I'm a big fan of him too! I think overall my fav operator would be Doc for sure in terms of personality wise. To play I think I used to play and Frost and Kapkan a lot when I started the game but these days I've been playing a lot of Cav and Kali (not that I'm very good at either of them) I don't actually have all the operators and have been slowly been unlocking everyone with renown, I played a bit of R6S a few years ago but stopped playing and only got back into it a few months ago.

Fuze Relationship Headcanons

Okay so bare with me here, getting into a relationship with Shuhrat isn’t as hard as it seems.

Getting into a friendship- which would be most likely needed first- is the hard part

At first, he's not going to really open up, nor respond much at all. Don’t worry, he's like that with most people, just give him patience and eventually he will start to respond.

You will need to take the first step, to push that boundary of friendship into romantic. He's not going to do it.

Even though he's the quiet type, he's not the type to make things one-sided, once in a friendship and eventually a relationship he will put in the effort, just in his own way.

PDA is not something that he prefers, he’s alright with hugging and affection (much to Alexsandr’s teasing) but he instead likes to have privacy where he's free to open up

Shuhrat likes to take his time when it comes to relationship matters, if it's in the bedroom or hanging out, he likes to just sit back and enjoy the moment.

He had that very logical view of work so when it comes to relationships and civilian matters, often at times, he likes to turn it off and relax.

Sometimes you will catch him staring at you, watching you. Not in a weird way, he just likes seeing your smile, memorising the way you look and the small ticks that make you, you. The way you laugh, the way your skin hit the sun.  If he notices you have caught him he gets a little embarrassed about it and will cough looking away. 

It's pretty easy to stun him with affection in public but the second you behind closed doors he knows exactly knows what he wants, and will take the lead.

Actually quite chill in private, happy to just vibe and hang out.

Not always the one to voice it but you can see the frustration in his eyes if you watch tv programs or films with him.

Not a film snob or anything but boy howdy, he does not sit with shitty writing, if he's not enjoying something he will just want to turn it off or change it, has no patience for it. Will only keep it on if you wish to finish it buts not gonna pay much attention, he's going to focus on you. 

He makes this little squinty face whenever something either dumb or inconsistent happens in a show, it's pretty funny.

Shuhrat actually likes being embraced in private and loves to pull you into his chest and hold you there.

One time Timur found you both curled up in the library asleep after a long week. You still have the sketch he did. 

Not overly romantic but has his own way of showing he cares

Shuhrats is amazing at listening and remembering things about you, not the most material but remembers small things you want / need which makes him amazing at giving gifts

He's not going to open up much about his feelings very quickly, he won’t express how he feels until he's 100% certain but when he tells you he loves you, he means it in the strongest of terms. 

See when Goku died the second time it was such a morose and sensitive time and Chichi was due for another baby and there was just no room for negativity any more. It was sad and quiet and sweet and bittersweet and careful. She had a new beautiful baby boy and Gohan had a new baby brother.

It was a time of gentle healing. There was relief in the peace.

Because of that I'm very interested in the time when suddenly Goten was old enough that Chichi saw it fit to start beating him. It's been years and the tone of the house has been studious and sensitive, and the new baby has been such a blessing that no one has ever gotten THAT mad about anything lately. Chichi has not used the iron skillet on Gohan in this time, though there were a few times where Gohan felt it would be threatened - but mostly, he felt that he was old enough that that wasnt gonna happen anymore. He felt some sense of satisfaction at his own strength, and that the peace was earned. This house is an emotionally sensitive and intelligent one now.

But chichi is maligned and it's going to come out somehow. When Goten gets to be about 6, Chichi stops being comforted by his babyness and her patience starts to wear thin with him. It starts being ok to slap him, for some reason.

And I just imagine the SICK HORROR that Gohan would feel, in his bedroom, doing his schoolwork like a good boy, when he can hear his mother's tone go sharp in the other room, and then the unmistakable CRACK of a slap to the face. It's defintiely not her strongest, but it stings on babyfat.

The way Gohan's heart would SINK ... he would feel so sick immediately.. It's as if that behavior never left their house, and he's responding in an uncapped adverse way as if he's still young hinself - but unlike when he was young, he's lost the defensive emotional wall regarding it that would have spared him the embarrassment of tears. His defenses have disintegrated with disuse and the panic and pain and sickened SADNESS of hearing that from the other room is suddenly intolerable.

He would act but he knows that theres nothing he could say to get through to Chichi .. and he knows that he cant talk back to his mother. He has too much empathy for her at this present time, so while he DOES hurry out into the room and take Goten into his protective arms and beg their mom to not do that, to beseech how COULD she do that?, to remind her of their saddened circumstances, and to ultimately startle her by the way he's trembling and his voice in a pre-tears wounded cadence, he does not blame her like he should. He knows shes stressed.

Not much can really be done about Chichi so Gohan just tries to keep Goten close, and to specifically encourage him to leave the room with him whenever Gohan starts to sense that Chichi is operating on one nerve only. But who knows what is free to transpire when Gohan isnt around.

Chichi does try to train Goten a little bit, and gives up immediately + dissolves to tears when he goes super saiyan. I dont imagine this rejection by his mother felt good to Goten. And he does learn to fight over at Capsule Corp, but it's a completely different environment and circumstance than when Chichi cracks the wooden spoon over his head.

There is one time where Goten, as he learns about the world, wonders why there is a difference. And there's a day where he catches the spoon before it makes it to his head. As he and Chichi stare at the spoon, frozen in its trajectory, Goten doesnt know exactly what this means yet. He feels a bit shy at the defiance, and a lot of pride at having defended his organism - but then his mother mobilizes in a response of pure shock, fear, and pain. She starts to cry and it's clear she feels betrayed. It's clear he's in trouble. And Goten then is overwhelmed with the new knowledge that - oh, oh no, I'm not suppsoed to do that, I'm not suppsoed to dishonor my mother by getting in her way and going against her will, look at how upset I've made her, look at how much she doesnt love me right now! I've committed a grave defilement of our honor! I've lost her love!

So naturally he never does that again.

I've written about this before but it was only briefly + in the middle of a 6600 word post about GT Trunks, so I'll summarize to the best of my memory: Goten, as his mother's baby boy and saving grace, as her only source of happiness and salvation, as her only source of purity, and as a male who is always told how much he looks like his father (by whom she has taken pain from), feels personally responsible for his mother's emotionally state and feels BEYOND ABYSMAL whenever he feels that he has besmirched her. This is a response to a wound of early childhood and is a moodstate that is out of context in our present time, but is just as persuasive. He feels inconsolably depressed at these times because it's the feeling a baby would have when it got the sense that its mother didnt love it.

He's a happy guy otherwise and he'll go through life being so true to hinself UNTIL he's suddenly down. He's a martial artist + so in-tuned with hinself and his authenticity and his organism's natural healing resources so the effect isnt as PERVASIVE or ENDURING as it could be, but still detrimental.

He'll walk around on GT being a slag and playfully going against his mother's wishes for the priority of authenticity, but if his mother actuslly shed tears or expressed real distress that he's not making any real commitments or efforts toward marriage, then he would get down on his knees on the floor next to her chair and gently grip the arm that Chichi is using to cover her tears and he would promise her, promise her, promise her that he'll do better. As an old wound, he CAN NOT and WILL NOT end up like the father that everyone says he looks like, whose absence he has seen cause his mother irreparable misery and stress over the years. He'll be a good son and a better husband than his father ever was. He looks up a lot to Goku of course but in these moments, it's just between him and his mother, and he just wants to soothe her as he was able to do when he was a sweet baby boy and earn her love. He'll give her a good daughter-in-law and grandkids like she wants.

Goten is a wild man and he loves being himself BUT at times like this he takes a MASSIVE HIT regarding his percieved loss of purity. He knows love and pleasure and sincerity and beauty when he sees it, but at these times and in this moodstate, he feels like he deserves to die for all the pretty women's hands he has held and not honored through marriage. When in his frat years Kinto-Un temporarily rejected him on account of his shitting in one too many urinals, that triggered one of those episodes and he was AWOL for a short while.

Obviously this is clearly fucked. Chichi has made her baby boy responsible for her emotions, becasue she evidently cant moderate/regulate them on her own, when in parenting it's suppsoed to be the other way around. Though I know she loves and is loyal to her family so deeply, she has conducted herself in a manner that has colored her love as conditional and equaling to her satisfaction in her child. She is reactive and explosive and temperamental. She is emotionally immature. Why. I feel like she had a fine dad so why is she like this

Gohan knows this about her and he just sort of .. moves out about it. He takes refuge in his work. He starts his own family. He lets Goten visit as much as he wants. Gohan of course loves his mother and feels responsible for her in the way that one with a sensitive and elderly mother would, and he really does want her to be happy, but he also shuts down a lot of her behaviors and a lot of his responses to her emotions for the sake of his own wellbeing. But he also avoids the topic of her insanity and will not read any books that could explain her behavior or help him to heal, he just hyperfocuses on bugs and disassociates from himself to get by. Whatever

The only one who could ever tame ms Chichi BTW was Piccolo becasue he brought her much-needed peace and security.

Ms Chichi everyone

Extremely bullshit personal ramble under the cut

I was reading this article on Chevy Chase yesterday, and it talked a little about his time on the tv show Community, and how he once left creator Dan Harmon an angry voicemail after the latter had embarrassed him very publicly at a party. And Harmon's response was to....play the voicemail at a small gathering, which just felt really unnecessarily cruel and exploitative for a guy in charge of a successful sitcom.

"This is a pattern people have with my father" Chase's daughter says, "whenever they get hurt by him, the run to tell their friends and call up TMZ and gossip about him, make him a laughing stock, put him on blast in front of the whole world". And look, I know the guy is an ass. He's a racist, xenophobic, sexist, and every other outdated ideal rich white guys are prone to under the sun, with a huge ego. But a lot of me is still like....why this? He's just a guy, he's still human at the end of the day. You're both adults, and Harmon was clearly the one in the wrong, why didn't he just call Chase and apologize for embarrassing him in front of his family and coworkers? That doesn't seem unreasonable. I believe in accountability, and all, but kicking a man when he's down and making a huge spectacle of it for a cheap laugh is just low hanging fruit, and wraps back around to being pretty devastating and pathetic, even if he sucks as a person.

I've been bitching a lot about queer spaces lately, and I feel pretty bad about it, even if I feel a lot of the criticism is warranted. In the midst of all my bitching, I should clarify that I'm not one to sell people up the river for cis approval, or to judge people unfairly for being different than me, or any of that stuff. I'm an adult, I grew up in the 2000s and 2010s. I remember all the stupid jokes at trans women's expense and a lot of "shock humor" revolving around making a mockery of gay men's sexualities. I remember how people hated Brokeback Mountain when it first came out. I remember Matthew Shephard. I remember how simply wearing pants that fit could get a guy jumped after dark. I think about all of that stuff all the time. I'm stealth and unwilling to compromise this, but even while navigating the world as a cishet dude, I still operate as an ally to the queer struggle and liberation. I'm not an idiot and I'm not heartless, I know it's rough out here, I can still afford people a lot of grace and empathy, I'm genuinely a pretty smart and patient guy.

But lately I feel my patience is running thin. I wish it wasn't, but it is. Every time I try to open myself up in queer spaces I just end up getting manipulated or abused or backstabbed or assigned some sort of mediator role that I never asked for. And look, I'm no saint, and I know I can be pretty polarizing at times. I often struggle to find the sweet spot between amusement and comedy and just being a douche, and at the end of the day not everyone in the world is going to like me, cis or trans, gay or straight, and goddamn if there aren't people I couldn't give less of a shit about. I honestly couldn't care less about being in everyone's good graces, that's just not how being an adult in this life works.

But I digress. I'm not a damn mass murderer, I've never raped or sexually harassed or killed anyone. I'm just kind of awkward at times. For all my jokes and how much I revel in being a bad boy and giving little to no fucks about any trivial bullshit, I do have morals. I do try very hard to make sure no one feels left out or alienated or uncomfortable by my actions, and if I do it's almost never intentional. It isn't fun. Being the only black & neurotypical dude in a lot of queer spaces isn't too dissimilar from Mr. Chase's experiences on Community; if you fuck up, you're pretty much fucked. Queer spaces are too small to avoid everyone you've ever fucked up with, and you can't throw a rock in a queer space without hitting like 12 people with trauma responses that lead them to blow a lot of things out of proportion. By no fault of their own, of course, but they are still in control of their actions and that more often than not leads to me being treated like some sort of pariah rather than just being told what I did wrong and deescalating conflict in a casual way.

On a more menial and petty level, it also sucks being ignored. Seeing people's eyes glaze over and watching them reach for their phones any time I talk about my interests and passions for improving malenes or how much I like being a straight guy, cus that doesn't blend very well with people's ideas of queer identity / conflicts with their priorities. It sucks. I'm chopped liver. I wish I could pin it to white queer spaces (and they are the most egregious offenders for most of this), but I think it's just the state of nonblack queers in general and the sad reality of queer spaces being molded as a "safe space" from masculinity since like, the 70s (many trans men and masc gay men will agree with and testify to this). That's a good 80% of time I just spend being an after thought, both interpersonally and in broader political conversations. It sucks ass. I get that being stealth isn't for everyone, but I really don't see how anyone can fault me for my decision. When I'm in the cishet world, as a black dude, things aren't perfect either, but people are more likely to understand where I'm coming from and the things I have to say, at the very least, because the majority of their experiences are the same and the lack of stigma and trauma around their identities makes it a lot easier to communicate. Again, this is not a personal failing of queer spaces, but the material reality is....yeah, it's just easier for me personally to deal with cishet people. Black trans people, too, but realistically black people as a whole only make up about 13% of the population and only like, 6% of that is trans, and I'm not gonna spend all day every day weeding out people to hang out with, I'm gonna chill with whoever is cool to be around.

Idk man. Lately I've just been feeling this strong sense of "if I weren't trans, I wouldn't matter to any of these people, pretty much everything between us is conditional." Like, if people react this poorly to me as a black dude who presumably doesn't have a dick or isn't struggling with a lot of the hang ups and traumas cis black dudes have (you know, the kind of shit that lands you in jail or addicted to meth, instead of just being kind of rude and dismissive sometimes), imagine how they'd react if I actually was a cis black dude. I'd probably be torn to shreds by now. And the fact that I'm feeling this way means it's probably time for a huge change. I try really hard-- to accommodate for people, to find new friends, to learn and keep learning and always try to do better, and it all always ends the same. It's gotten to the point where some of my friends think it's all online nonsense. It's not. Being a black man really just sucks that fucking bad, and it really is just this fucking hard all the time. I mean don't get me wrong, I fucking love being black and I love being a man, but there is no reprieve, and it's idiotic to act as if all men have the same privileges that white dudes do.

I don't think I can ever fully leave queer spaces behind; I mean, I love trans women so much, romantically platonically and sexually, and black trans people in particular give me so much joy and hope in a world that feels very stacked against me a lot of the time. But I do think it's time to be more selective with my time and energy and who I interact with, cus it's very apparent to me that a lot of people don't have my best interests at heart, nor do they really know how to deal with problems beyond very surface level and biased understandings of gender and being trans.

At the end of the day, I really really love people, which is maybe why it always hits so hard when they don't always love me back.

Do you have a fic of yours where Felicity kisses Rodrigue on the forehead, and if not, can you consider this a prompt for a rainy day? For a sentence or five?

more than 5 sentences but it was a rainy day and i needed this! thank you!

"Felicity," Rodrigue said. He sat hunched forward on the edge of the bed, his fingers threaded through his hair. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're forced to be with someone like me." "What? Why would you say that?" Felicity sat down beside him on the edge of the bed, her hand hovering just above his shoulder. "Rodrigue, Lion, I--" "No, I'm reckless and stupid and if I try to stop and think things through then all I can do is worry, like I am now, and I can't stop myself. It's too difficult and I'm weak and indecisive and cowardly and you hate all of those things and it's not your fault," he added, quickly. "I just--I just wish I were good enough for you." Felicity shook her head, letting her hand rest on his shoulder and then smoothing it down his arm as she moved to the floor. Kneeling in front of him, she watched as he inhaled shakily and tried not to meet her eyes. He looked desperate, and distraught. "My love," she said softly, "my love, you are enough. You are enough because of how you care. When you act quickly it's because you know how important it is to you, and it's brave of you. It's okay to worry. It's okay that you feel like you aren't doing the best you can. I will be here. Because I love you." "Felicity, I don't think I can do it," he breathed, his gaze focussed above her. "I can barely deal with the tasks at hand as they are, and then there are snags and challenges and before I can sort out each of those, there's more to be done, and I can't ever get through them and I--I'm such a failure of a Duke." "Rodrigue," Felicity said, and she wished that she were better at showing him how she loved him, so that he never had to feel this way. "It's been just a few months. Of course it's hard. But you're doing better than you think, and you're not alone. You're not alone, Rodrigue." He sniffled, and Felicity knew that she loved him, because the sight of someone crying normally would have made her distinctly uncomfortable. Instead, Felicity just wanted to make him feel better. She reached up to wipe his cheeks. "Tomorrow we'll start with the lords in the south, and try to figure out why they aren't co-operating. Your mother and I can handle city matters if you have to ride to discuss it with them, personally. We'll take it one conflict at a time." "Felicity," Rodrigue said, and sighed. "I'm a disaster. Thank you--you don't need to show me such patience." The Goddess knew no one else was going to. Felicity smiled at him. "You have been preparing the topics you'll have to discuss with them, haven't you?" "Not as much as I should," Rodrigue confessed. "But it's better than nothing. We'll work on finding the best place to start. Together." Rodrigue nodded, his breathing ragged as he settled. "You're right. You're right--and I must try, regardless. Thank you, Felicity. I love you." Felicity smiled, and stood, still holding his cheeks. Tilting his face up, she bowed down to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. Closing his eyes, Rodrigue exhaled, quietly. He was even beautiful like this, Felicity mused. She wished that it were easier for him to see his worth. "Whenever I feel uncertain, you remind me how much I mean to you, and how much I've grown," Felicity said. "That alone is more than I ever thought I could ask of someone. You are plenty, Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius. If you could believe in yourself as much as you believe in me, then you would be the greatest Duke Fraldarius has ever seen." "I'm not sure of that," Rodrigue said, but he smiled. He lightly wrapped his hand around Felicity's wrist, stroking his thumb over her skin. "But I appreciate it. Thank you, Fia--I'm feeling a bit better about this all." "I'm glad," Felicity said. "Tomorrow, we will see what you can do."

Some ships to drop

Hysteria x Cindy

Cindy x Seviathan

Cindy x Frederick 👀

Cindy x Velvette (I remember we talked about it once

Cindy x Leviathan

Cindy x Cupid

Cindy x Pitch

Annnnd

Hysteria x Cindy x Seviathan (in which Hysteria and Seviathan constantly fight over the brain cell)

Ship bingo

Hysteria x Cindy

Look it's a bingo!!! Pastel goth & goth punk solidarity! Well, they have a lot in common despite the incredibly different power scale they operate on. Cindy is definitely...not right in the head either but at least she can recognize and enforce the importance of consent & look after Hysteria. It's a really adorable friends with benefits situation between two young women who enjoy their sexuality and don't know nor care when to shut up.

Cindy x Seviathan

You know how long I wanted to do a love story involving reincarnation and not in the traditional way?? They are adorable, can see them as the jock-cheerleader trope a tiny bit as she is bloody athletic. Her traumas, personality feel like they balance his chaotic dumbass out a little while also enabling him. A fun dynamic between literal cosmic horrors and I'm here for it

Cindy x Frederick

I think we both know what she will do if she breaks up with Seviathan, plus burning down most of his belongings- Getting with his dad is definitely not sane or safe but at least consensual and something she would definitely do. She's aware Frederick is married buuut...yeah. It definitely would be a one time thing, I don't think she would be interested after she got what she wanted: revenge and tentacle dicks.

Cindy x Velvette

I mean...it would be fun buuut Cindy is not Rozy. I feel like Velvet could potentially bring up even accidentally too much of her traumas and Cindy won't hang out with a rapist pimp without ending his life. She also chooses to not drink or do drugs in order to protect her voice; the customizing employees would freak her the fuck out. Also if she's stabbed for the fun of it, she will stab back.

Cindy x Leviathan

Cindy carries a surprising amount of envy. She has suffered so much and she doesn't feel she 'got her reward for it' . Many would say cosmic level power IS a reward but sometimes it feels more of a burden. To know, to hear, to experience so much as a bystander. I think Leviathan could very much play with her anger laced envy, for a while. Until Cindy learns he has been holding her distant relative captive. Until he learns that she's a fucking Véghváry.

Cindy x Cupid

Cindy doesn't understand why the sweet angel of love doesn't hate her. It is extremely wholesome, touching that Cupid is trying to show her how love should work, you know without the murder part. I feel like it probably will be platonic, they are adorable, Cindy needs some kindness in her life...and idk if Cupid needs her chaos in hers though😂

Cindy x Pitch.

Based mainly on @spxcemuses Pitch, but if you want to throw yours I'm ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ) Okay. Hooooly fuck. The first ever ship I've written on Tumblr and I'm not over it the slightest. The enemies to lovers, the struggle whenever exploit her fears to tear down the strongest opposing force; the pain whenever to rip the fearlings out of him for him to be free at last. Technically, he is too a cosmic horror & with my original lore about the creator of fearlings Serin'th adds an extra layer of spice. They...gone through so much, there are many layers, threads, jokes tying them together and honestly it's in my top 10 ships ever written.

Hysteria x Cindy x Seviathan

Fun, chaotic and after a while Cindy would probably lose her patience.😂 I do like the concept and the shenanigans it would cause, the pranks, the 'alliances'; I think they would have a great time. But...she needs something more serious in the long term. Someone who is strong enough emotionally for her because she is not.

Far Cry El Industrial's Reign AU Post #6

[NOTE: I wish I could have made a more refined version of this, but this is the best I'm gonna post]

You know, the relationship between the Seeds and the Tumultite Distraction Team (Silva (kind of?), Azriel, Alexander Khaos and Nadi Sinclair) is something that gets me chuckling.

Mostly because by how much an outside-context foe the Tumultite inner circle is to the Seeds. Like, really, who could have guessed that this reserved group of business owners who run a diner are kind of unhinged and scary tactical?

At first the Seeds have to deal with Silva, the leader of the Tumultites (arguably, the most important and powerful member, like Joseph), strategically disrupting each regions' operations, with a "controlled chaos" if you will. Converting her to the cause would mean an assured victory against the Resistance after all (since the Tumultites would follow her to Hell and back). Besides, they've had their first meetings by this point (John's been personally tasked by Joseph to ensure she reaches Atonement, Jacob has just begun conditioning her, and Faith just got her to do the Leap). After their first kidnappings meetings with each other, the next time an attack occurs on their regions their automatic thought is "ah she's back for more".

But nope! It's not her at all. In fact, John, Jacob and Faith's regions are getting attacked by Nadi, Alexander and Azriel respectively and simultaneously, throwing the Seeds off with the level of destruction and skill these guys are capable of/have acquired.

And where's Silva at? Well, if Alexander, Azriel or Nadi are captured by the aforementioned Seed siblings, they'll answer along the lines of "she's at an important meeting with the Barons down in the Underworld, don't worry, she'll be back in a few days."

Now, if you think about it, Jacob would probably be the most miffed about it, as he just began conditioning Silva. Now he has to deal with an entirely different person. And unlike Silva, Alexander is almost impossible for Jacob and his Chosen to catch (perks of being a Ranger in the Whitetails and witnessing how the Chosen work). In fact, the only reason Jacob managed to even meet Alexander in the first place wasn't because he finally captured him, but only because Alexander got caught in his own trap that was meant for Jacob while practicing his monologue for the older Seed. Jacob having to deal with this grinning idiot who has the audacity to call him "Jake" and/or "Jakey", somehow breaking into the Veteran's Centre whenever he pleases, eating their rations, leaving notes to let Jacob and his Chosen know it is him eating the rations (I can imagine at one point one of the Chosen, John or even Pratt try leaving a note for Alexander to stop eating the rations, only to get a reply note the next day with that crudely drawn picture of the cartoon character Goofy saying "I'll f***ing do it again"), changing the sound of the Wolf Beacons into the playlist from Shrek (it's Alexander's favourite franchise), hiding so well that Eli "I've got eyes everywhere in the Whitetails" Palmer doesn't even know where the hell he is, leading Chosen onto wild goose chases and just overall testing Jacob's reserved calm and patience. All the while Alexander happily engages in conversation whenever Jacob makes the mistake to call Alexander on the radio. And Alexander is completely genuine, not even bothered by Jacob's curt attitude, just happy he gets to talk to someone from a more decent cult.

[Context: Alexander came from an isolated cult that were severely traumatised by some events during WW2 and enslaved themselves to a pill called "Joy", with the trauma passing down to the next few generations as it got taken advantaged of by Klaus Crawford into becoming a free testing ground for many pharmaceutical companies. Once Alexander left that cult (after being subjected to trauma and a new drug called "Glee" that never makes him stop smiling/looking happy because of the mass dopamine/serotonin production/overload), he was shortly found by Silva who happily gave him a place amongst the Tumultites. By comparison, Alexander believes Eden's Gate is far tamer than Wellington ever was (at the very least Eden's Gate doesn't kill their children or pregnant women)]

I'd guess John would be mildly pissed. Considering Joseph told him "ensure Silva atones, or the gates are shut to you", John would take it personally that Silva just up and left while leaving one of her lackeys to deal with him. So now he's got to focus on this new sinner causing him problems. However, how Nadi deals with his region isn't really... destructive. In fact, she's rather merciful to John and his region than Azriel and Silva had been. Instead of destroying the "YES" sign, she secretly painted on it, depicting some coral, incomplete jellyfish, and what is clearly underwater in the ocean. Then she starts filling the gaps between the words with blank canvases, until it's no longer a "YES" sign and is actually a painting of the ocean, jellyfish, coral and a whale's tail. And while breathtakingly beautiful to anyone else who sees it, it's doubtful that would be John's immediate reaction. Instead of destroying silos, Nadi and some other Tumultites decide to steal the fertiliser in the silos and transfer it to their own silo trucks, and any bliss canisters found are then driven out of the Valley and somehow disappear at the bridge to the Henbane, never actually confirmed to have entered that region (until Silva takes the Jessop Conservatory, which is a private affair that none of the Cougars nor Resistance know of, instead becoming a lab of sorts for Kamski Neon to do his experiments, especially with Bliss). When captured for Confession, Nadi doesn't tell John anything about her life nor her fears and secrets and sins and is rather unimpressed when he demands of it while pointing a sharp utensil at her, but vocally disapproves so casually whenever John tries to reach for one of the tools/knives/torture equipment in his tool kit and makes suggestions for which type is most effective or suitable for this type of torture and how to use those instruments in a way that doesn't kill the receiver but still leaves them uncomfortable and/or in enough pain to get the receiver to probably talk, both an indication to John that Nadi is intimately knowledgeable in the arts of torture, whether she's received it or inflicted it (likely both), and a subtle (heavily implied to be the case since Nadi has seen the dead bodies casted in funeral shrouds cast in the dark) nudge from Nadi in guiding John on how to shape out of his sloppy treatment of his confessors so he doesn't go too far and accidently kill them. Even if he does follow her advice, she still doesn't break a word but does encourage him to try this less risky (though still painful) technique on others to see how quickly they'll confess to him than before, while also giving him kudos for trying to use her own technique against her. Nadi mostly leaves John's ranch alone. Unless he's over there and its dinner time, then she sneaks in and strikes a sort of deal with him. On nights he's home, he allows her to join him for dinner without drugging, kidnapping or shooting her beforehand or afterwards and she'll let him ask his questions about her life, sins and secrets (with her being free to do the same, and their conversation must stay between them otherwise deal's off) until she's finished her plate, then questions are over, and John will have to wait another night till she freely confesses again. Whenever he calls her on the radio, she's as cheerful as she is in person, and still calm all the same, often engaging in some light-hearted banter with him. Always ending with a tender, "Talk to you later, John." Because she genuinely likes talking to him, and any threat he throws doesn't faze her, and never falls for his barbs that would cause her to stoop down to his level, while being patient when he wants to have a proper discussion without the unnecessary threats and wrath.

Faith, though? God bless her soul, because she'll need it. She's not dealing with an uncatchable chatterbox troll. Nor is she dealing with a reasonably mellow cheerful artist with a sniper rifle and a scary amount of knowledge on torture. No, Faith has to deal with Azriel. The daughter of the woman that Faith would rather be dealing with, since the worst Faith got from Silva was a suspicious glance/glare, and sarcasm, but often times the woman at least gave Faith the time of day. But Azriel really puts Faith's maternal role to the test. Azriel is the unruly chaotic demon-child to Faith's disciplinary, stern yet playful adult. Azriel is exactly like a game of Russian Roulette; you never know where the bullet is, and whether or not it's real or just a blank. Or in this case, Faith doesn't know what mood to expect from Azriel, whether her emotions are genuine or not, and the mood swings between "thinking Faith is the most badass woman ever (on par with her Mamá, Silva) and someone she kind of respects" to "a decent if annoying religious bother figure that she mostly ignores" and to most commonly "the worst person she's ever met in the county". To summarise: Azriel is kind of like Faith in a way; Faith is either a sweet, free-spirited loving figure who wants the best for you or she's a vindicative and terrifying goddess of spite with powers that will give those most tethered to reality a literal mind-screw, while Azriel can either be a cheeky, playfully rebellious teenager or the literal foulmouthed goddess of chaos incarnate. Difference is that Faith is keeping by Eden's Gate rules and her violence is a) carefully constructed in an orderly fashion, and b) benefits only the Project, while Azriel's is painfully (for the Peggies and Resistance) keeping by her own questionable morals, values and beliefs that directly tie to a romanticised and simplified version of the Tumultite ideals, and her violence is a) unpredictable and frequent, and b) does not benefit her enemies (Peggies) nor allies (Resistance) in the slightest, with Silva and the Tumultites generally being spared from harm (while gaining little benefit from it depending on what Azriel's task was in the first place). Azriel's focus on the present also hinders any effort Faith can try to attempt at converting Azriel with, since Azriel's so focused on the now that she honestly could not care less worrying about the future, and therefore, the Collapse as well. And the level of chaos and destruction she causes is also the bare minimum of what she is actually capable of doing. And if this small level of destructive power is as detrimental to the Resistance as it is to Eden's Gate, then it's really best not to think about if Azriel was given free reign to do as she pleases (and the only authority Azriel respects is Silva, Grandpa Paul and Gavin Turquoise, two currently aren't in the county and the other is in the county but is only focused on being lookout for any Adam's Guard activity). Another fun comparison between the two is that Faith and Azriel are both embodiments of certain concepts (faith and chaos/tumult in this case), loved by majority of Eden's Gate and the Tumultites respectively, adored by their groups leaders (Joseph and Silva) and are hated and feared by everyone outside of their respective communities (Faith by the Resistance, Azriel also by the Resistance and majority of the Peggies, as well as Omar's Guard. Strangely the Tumultites don't feel any contempt towards Faith, and by their standards, her methods and achievements are impressive to them, with Silva often lamenting that she would have made a great Chem Baroness in the Underworld if things were different).

Plot relevant: Faith notices that Azriel's eyes are a familiar blue and that her voice has a mix of two accents; mostly Spanish (like her Mamá's) but with a subtle and familiar southern drawl. Not to mention, Azriel's gazes are as intense as Joseph's is.

Things get worse when the trio decide to switch regions regularly, with the siblings having to deal with what the other complained about.

(Nadi deals Jacob with more caution than she does with John, since John strangely enough (as she's freely admitted to him) feels far safer than Jacob and opts to take a far more militaristic approach with the eldest Seed, while with Faith, Nadi loses a bit of grip on reality often but bounces back rather quickly. Honestly tries to build a kind of 'gossip girl' dynamic with Faith. Alexander is still a chatterbox of useless information to John (Khaos tells John all about the Shrek franchise and how much John needs to just chill out, while at the same time eating the Baptist's snacks at Seed Ranch that Alexander snuck in because lets be honest, that place has the worst security) and Faith (Khaos talks to Faith about medicine and pharmaceutical properties... and Shrek), but he doesn't find them as endearing as Jacob is to him. John despises Azriel, who is a brat to him, and an absolute nightmare whose actions encourage John's worst impulses. Jacob on the other hand is increasingly weary around her, especially when, later on, she storms into the Veteran's Centre herself, leaving one-third of it on fire, numerous bodies left behind, just to only get Silva out, completely forgetting about Pratt).

And then when Silva makes a return, there's a collective sigh of relief from both the Resistance and Eden's Gate, and if captured, Silva would ask if they enjoyed the company of her companions.

Story time:

So, since HORNMOD had been ported to Dr. Robotnik's Ring Racers by haya_, I've decided to look back at a horn sound pack I've contributed to for a friend's server way back on SRB2Kart.

One of its, ahem, features was that it included long, lengthy horns that would cause the game to freeze up. At the time, I lacked the knowhow and patience to code in a fix for this even for a patchjob, so ultimately, the pack would cause the game to hitch whenever hell horns are active and someone rolls the Big 4 as I'd liked to call it.

Now, older and probably wiser, I've decided to take a crack at fixing this issue before porting my own contributions over to Ring Racers (which is just... well, using the exact same code because the HORNMOD port's code is relatively untouched lmao).

I've had many ideas such as only loading the horns if a convar was called or creating a whole new subset that is called whenever hell horns are enabled (this would've required me to steal huge swathes of HORNMOD's code to alter how it works) but I had one other idea:

There was a video of this guy optimizing his game for a low-end laptop and one of the things he did was pre-caching shaders by playing a replay of the level at 10x speed and slapping a loading bar.

I figured that since it only does it once, why not just rip the band-aid off immediately and play them all at once?

It worked but then I wanted a CVar that people can turn on and off at will to enable/disable the precaching because it does increase load times when going into a new map (cool fun fact: the hitching returns every map. I don't know if this is an engine issue or what.) so creating an IF AND statement should be easy, right?

Right?

I couldn't get it to work for the life of me. I don't know why it wasn't working, I've used the correct operator: & and everything! And yet the code would either not do anything or do the thing but refuse to respond to my whims! So what? Should I call the hook inside the convar's function? No, that's stupid, don't do that. Should I make another IF statement? No, it doesn't work that way. So what, then?

For an hour, I've struggled, staring at my code and then staring at HORNMOD's code for the longest time trying to find ANYTHING that I could use to fix this.

...it was then that I found out about "and".

So I desperately plugged it in, removing the ampersand in the process, and...

IT FUCKING WORKED.

All this time, I was losing my mind over a SIMPLE. THREE. LETTER. WORD. that I could've used this entire time but noooooo, I thought it was something else because SURELY & works as an AND statement, right??!??!

In the end, it works now. It's a patch job at best and I already have a more elegant solution in mind but I don't have the spoons for it right now. It works, that's the end of it for now.

c!wilbur, c!tommy, and a trail of cobblestone dust

So I'm thinking back to the first ever Revivebur stream, plus all the subsequent Revivebur streams, and like. Hold on. Hold on. Has c!Wilbur told anyone what he plans to do with that much cobblestone? Because i'm thinking about it and it just – it doesn't make sense.

(From here on out all names refer to dsmp characters, unless otherwise specified.)

So – let's examine the timeline, yeah? Wilbur comes back. He and Tommy tour the SMP. Wilbur says he stands with Dream, and Tommy freaks out. Wilbur says he wants stone. Quackity invites him to Las Nevadas, and he tries to join it. Las Nevadas rejects him, so he gets all petulant and commissions Fort Big. He still wants stone.

The timeline generally seems pretty solid, character-wise. We have Wilbur's idolisation of Dream, because Wilbur believes he owes him for being brought back. Him wanting to join Las Nevadas – wanting to be powerful, in control, aligned with something. Him building Fort Big? That's his inability to accept or process loss. But then, but then, in the middle of all that –

Why all the stone?

Because he was intentionally very vague about why he wanted it. The exact conversation between Tommy and Wilbur (cc!Wilbur's stream, 6/5/21, 56:39) is this:

"Do you want something to do that I think would be a good idea for you?" // "You're not good at ideas, Wil, you just upset people!" // "I have an idea that won't upset you... I've got a big plan for the future, right?... We're gonna need stone. You like digging stone, I remember that." // [Tommy expresses hatred for stone] // "We can use cobblestone." // "Wilbur, what are you doing?" // "I just need all the stone."

It's really, really vague. And it's been two months, and it still hasn't been expanded on. Wilbur says he needs it for his new operation, but there hasn't been a whisper of said operation.

And really, if he's got his own plans... why try to join Las Nevadas? Why room in with Phil? Why start Fort Big and that weird rivalry on a whim? Doesn't he have his own big plan, independent of everyone else? Shouldn't he get started? What the hell is this operation Tommy keeps mining stone for? It makes no sense!

The more I think about it, the more I'm thinking – there is no operation.

Because let's look at what we know, yeah? Wilbur is convinced no one will ever want him, not unless they can get something out of it. He's desperate to get anyone he can. And that's Dream, who resurrected him and will only keep Wilbur if he 'repays' that imagined debt. That's Quackity, who seemingly wanted him in Las Nevadas at the start. That's the several SMP citizens he went around apologising to in the first ever Revivebur stream.

That's Tommy, who outright said he hated Wilbur and wanted to leave him.

The stone conversation was only brought up after Tommy was visibly nearing the end of his patience with Wilbur. After he said multiple times that he disagreed with him, that Wilbur made him miserable, that he didn't want to help him in any way. And suddenly, Wilbur very conveniently (/s) realises he needs stone, then changes to cobblestone after Tommy refuses (Tommy's favorite block, anyone?), then emphasises how he thinks this is something Tommy will like.

And all of that – it's manufactured! All of it! He doesn't have a grand plan! He doesn't have a fucking operation! He's just desperate to keep his family around! He uses Tommy's favorite activities, emphasises how much he needs it, reiterates that he wants stone whenever Tommy's upset, because this is how he thinks he can hold on to him!

Now, do I think Wilbur's doing this maliciously? Absolutely not. Let's not get this twisted – Wilbur isn't evil. He isn't trying to hurt Tommy. He's just very, very mentally ill and extremely damaged, and terrified of losing people and facing that damage head on. And in his mind, coming up with some sudden scheme and having Tommy join it is the best way to keep him around.

Now let's see if any of this long-winded prediction is gonna come true :)